0:02

This dopey dopey podcast

0:04

is coming in your

0:07

ear With heroin

0:10

and ketamine, sobriety

0:13

and beer Dave

0:17

and that other guy,

0:19

you know, the hot one,

0:21

everybody wants to fuck Just

0:25

thought I'd throw in a visual for the

0:27

listeners Now you know, good

0:30

luck So

0:33

pull up a chair, start the car,

0:35

let's get on the road, hey

0:38

let's go The

0:41

dopey podcast is starting up,

0:44

welcome to the show

0:58

Hey hey hey, it's

1:00

time for Jopie And

1:03

I wanna sing a song for you Damn

1:07

Chris gonna show you a thing or

1:09

two You'll have some fun now with

1:11

me and all the gang Learning

1:16

from each other while we

1:18

do our thing Na

1:21

na na, forever can

1:24

die Na na na,

1:26

forever can die Dave

1:29

and Chris coming up to his music and songs And if you're not

1:32

careful, you might learn something before you

1:34

start Hey hey hey Na

1:37

na na, forever can

1:40

die Na na na, forever

1:42

can die Na

1:45

na na, forever can die

1:51

This episode of Dopey is brought to

1:53

you by our very good friends at Oro

1:55

Recovery Silver

2:00

Lake in western Los Angeles created

2:03

by the legendary Bob Forrest and

2:05

his friends Evan Jared and Bob

2:07

Oro is an amazing treatment center

2:10

their whole mission is to help

2:12

addicts and alcoholics with compassion and

2:14

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2:19

they have a staff of

2:21

people with decades of experience

2:23

in treating co-occurring mental health

2:26

disorders including SMI I know

2:29

so many people who have been there

2:31

who are so grateful for the treatment

2:33

they got at Oro and I think

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that's all that needs to be said

2:37

besides their incredible amenities fucking sound bath

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2:53

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2:55

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3:01

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3:10

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talk about their daily struggle

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if the neighbors only knew

3:24

find recovery in the Middle Ages

3:26

wherever you get your podcasts or

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at middleagesrecovery.com hello

3:47

and welcome to another episode

3:49

of dopey the podcast on

3:51

drugs addiction and dumb shit

3:53

my name is Dave and

3:56

I it's a lot to

3:58

talk about very happy to do another show.

4:01

Very grateful to be here. Grateful to

4:03

be sober, blah blah blah. Man,

4:05

so many things to talk about. I

4:08

am at my dad's house, which

4:10

without my dad is a veritable

4:13

paradise. Overlooking

4:15

vistas of 27th Street,

4:18

New Joysey, the whole thing. My dad

4:20

is still traveling in Florida and of

4:22

course we miss him in

4:24

Manhattan, but I'm very much enjoying feeling

4:27

like a big shot in the apartment. And

4:29

I want to disclose something. There's a few

4:32

things I need to make right. I

4:35

mean, Friday mornings I have

4:37

a commitment to chair an AA meeting

4:39

on the beach in in Cori Beach

4:41

where I do my meeting. And

4:44

today is Friday and I waited to

4:46

the last minute to do the show and

4:48

I forgot that it was my commitment to

4:50

do the beach meeting and I'm on the

4:52

train going to the city and I get

4:55

a text from somebody, actually my sponsor, at

4:57

the meeting and he's like, Dave, where are

4:59

you? And I'm like, fuck you? What do you mean?

5:02

Where am I? Where are you? And then I realized

5:04

it was my commitment. So that's

5:06

where I'm at. I forgot

5:08

my fucking AA commitment. That's

5:11

where I'm at. That's where we're

5:13

going to start this 458th

5:15

episode of the dopey podcast.

5:17

So amends are being made.

5:20

Donuts are being purchased for the

5:22

Sunday meeting on the beach and

5:25

hopefully I will not forget again.

5:27

I've been, it's just a lot

5:29

happening. I know I'm your sober

5:31

hero and everything and you can't

5:33

believe that even somebody as sober

5:36

and together as me couldn't possibly

5:38

make such an unspiritual mistake as

5:40

that. Just know that we're all

5:42

people and people can make mistakes

5:45

and it's spiritual progress

5:47

rather than spiritual perfection.

5:50

But am I progressing or am

5:52

I regressing? We will find

5:54

out more as we go.

5:56

More will be revealed as they say. I

5:59

have so much. to get to. But the

6:01

first thing I want to get to is

6:03

an immense to dopey legend,

6:06

dopey OD, lovely

6:08

fellow from jolly old England, James

6:11

Glennie. Mr. Glennie, I want

6:13

to apologize for shaming your dopey

6:15

con NYV vision.

6:19

He puts so much time in. He's

6:21

such a good guy. He does so

6:23

much good work for dopey, dopey nation.

6:25

He's an amazing designer and just a

6:28

stalwart person, just a good

6:30

fucking guy. So big fucking shout out

6:32

and amend to James Glennie. I just

6:34

need to make that clear. It looks

6:37

like dopey con five is the working

6:39

title for this year's dopey con. It's

6:41

either dopey con 2024 or dopey con

6:44

five or DC 24. I'm

6:47

interested in your guys' opinions. So

6:49

send an email or a voicemail

6:51

to [email protected]. It looks like we've

6:54

picked a date the first Saturday

6:56

in October. Be good

6:58

if I knew what that was. But

7:01

the first Saturday in October is going

7:03

to be October 5th is

7:05

that it looks like that's the date for

7:07

dopey con five. So get your tickets. Let's

7:09

get this thing going. It's time to start

7:11

doing dopey con, which I love.

7:14

Who will be at dopey con? Who's

7:16

to say? There's some interest already. Some

7:18

people say they want to come. But

7:21

this week we put out our first

7:24

bonus Tuesday episode with

7:26

the return of Fentanyl

7:28

J. And I got a lot of comments and

7:30

I want to read a couple of them. This

7:33

one always cracks me up. And it's

7:35

from a really tight friend of the

7:37

show, Dan Allen

7:39

Sr. And he says, J

7:42

is a menace. One of

7:44

these days, he's going to get in a

7:46

blackout. Some dopey nation member is going to

7:48

approach him to help him. And he's going

7:50

to beat the shit out of them. Bro

7:52

is committed to going to prison. He got

7:54

a chance to be free and he's totally

7:57

squandering it. Just running around trying to catch

7:59

in the song. and battery charge. He

8:01

has no appreciation for all the support

8:03

he has. There are millions of kids

8:05

out running around doing dumb shit and

8:07

nobody gives a shit about them. He

8:09

has a whole nation on his side

8:11

and he's just like, yeah, whatever, man,

8:13

I'm going to lightly brown out tonight.

8:15

And that's Dan. And listen, give Jay

8:17

a break. He's just not ready. He's

8:20

trying to get ready to be ready. John

8:22

Brown says, I'm not trying to be a

8:24

Debbie Downer, but without

8:26

prejudice and Jay's case seems like

8:29

it was dropped and the phrasing

8:31

was without prejudice. I'm

8:33

not trying to be a Debbie Downer,

8:35

but without prejudice means they can refile

8:38

at any time within the statute of

8:40

limitations. Most likely the office is backed

8:42

up and instead of missing the filing

8:44

deadline and risking getting the case dismissed

8:47

based on the right to a speedy

8:49

trial. So you withdraw the charge and

8:51

give yourself more time. So this isn't

8:53

over. Sadly, it'll hang there until they

8:55

can't refile. I said that

8:58

to, uh, I sent that to Jay and he

9:00

wrote back sheesh. And then I got

9:02

this one. Hey, Dave, just listening to today's

9:04

episode, I'm a lawyer and dismissed without prejudice

9:06

means they can always file

9:08

charges again. It's the without prejudice part

9:11

that allows them to come back after

9:13

him if they choose. It's a lot.

9:15

It's a lot of, uh, Jay Jay

9:17

messages. Here's one last one. Uh,

9:19

and this is from Craig. I

9:22

messaged Montana the news about Jay. I didn't listen

9:24

to the whole episode yet, but I got to

9:26

the part where you played my voicemail. James seemed

9:28

Jay seemed to take it to

9:31

heart for a second. Hopefully for him, he doesn't

9:33

lose decades of his life to addictions or prisons

9:35

like so many of us dopes do tell him

9:37

not to wait till he's 47. Like

9:39

I did. He doesn't have to seek out

9:42

rock bottom over and over. I feel like

9:45

he's feeling invincible after beating the Ohio

9:47

thing instead of gratitude and humility. He

9:49

comes across as cocky and resentful towards

9:52

a legal system that he sees as

9:54

corrupt. It makes no sense to me.

9:56

Youth is indeed wasted on

9:58

the young. Well, you know, I

10:01

have high hopes that he's going to get it together.

10:04

That's just my belief. But I'm

10:06

a cock-eyed optimist. I didn't

10:08

realize that Chris was using. I'm an idiot.

10:10

But I think that Jay can get it

10:12

together. We also need to celebrate

10:15

old school dope, hardcore dope, whatever

10:18

you want to call her, Sally

10:20

Long with eight gigantic years of

10:23

recovery. So congratulations Sally. Sally

10:25

is a hardcore fan of

10:27

the show and I appreciate her. She wears

10:29

dopey clothes. She comments on Instagram.

10:32

We love you, Sally Long. I

10:34

also want to give a big shout out.

10:36

I don't think these people listen, but fuck

10:38

it. The spiritual malady who has been collaborating

10:41

with us, this guy, who MU? Who

10:44

MU is our latest Instagram collaborator. He's

10:46

got good music. He's got good reels

10:49

and shit, memes. He's a

10:52

good dude and he's in recovery. So check

10:54

out who MU, check out the spiritual malady,

10:56

check out dark side of the spoon. All

10:58

of our don't drink and

11:00

go to meetings. Of course, brutal recovery.

11:02

Lowe's just celebrated six years too. So

11:05

let's hear it for Lowe's. And

11:08

also just a big shout out to Cormac. Cormac every

11:10

time. All right. I

11:13

also got dopey stories and dopey

11:15

voicemails, which makes me so happy.

11:17

I got a dopey voicemail from

11:20

Australia from Ben Prostowitz,

11:22

who just celebrated an anniversary. And

11:25

I'm sorry, I probably mispronounced your

11:27

last name, Ben. Ben is a

11:29

hardcore dope on Instagram. I always

11:32

fucking love hearing from him and

11:34

all the Australian dopes. But before

11:37

we hear Ben's dopey story, I

11:39

need to say that this episode

11:41

of dopey is also brought to

11:43

you by mountainside. We

11:47

love mountainside. Dopey wouldn't

11:49

exist without mountainside. It's crazy. I

11:52

went to Canaan, Connecticut to get better

11:54

in 2011. And

11:56

even though I didn't get better in 2011, I went there with

11:58

a broken nose

12:00

and a black eye and I

12:03

met Chris in the smoking section

12:05

and Dopey was born and mountainside

12:08

is an incredible treatment center it

12:10

has a full continuum of care

12:12

which includes detox, residential, long-term outpatient

12:16

and recovery coaching programs.

12:18

Two of the recovery

12:20

coaching people have been on Dopey,

12:22

Twan and Dina last week. It's

12:24

an amazing staff they can help

12:26

you get better they can help

12:28

you get plugged in to a

12:30

world of recovery and good times.

12:32

So check them out

12:35

at mountainside.com/ Dopey or

12:37

call at 888-833-4922 tell

12:42

them Dopey sent you. Alright

12:45

and now back to our Dopey

12:47

programming Australian Dope Ben.

12:50

I think he says the word cunt in it

12:52

so if that's offensive this is a trigger warning.

12:54

Here's Ben. Hi Dave

12:56

this is Ben from Australia he gave me a

12:58

shout out for two years on the last episode

13:00

so I thought I'd send in a voice mail.

13:04

I'll just get right into it and

13:07

start with something light from before all

13:09

the psych wards

13:11

and mental illness and existential

13:14

terror of drug

13:16

addiction and alcoholism but

13:19

yeah when I was about 14 15

13:22

we had a very strong local youth

13:27

music scene in my hometown and

13:30

this band I was in we were trying to be

13:32

Led Zeppelin and getting fucked up as

13:34

possible all the time and we had these great

13:38

little community events and we'd get

13:40

50 or 60 people

13:42

aged fucking 14 through to 18 with

13:45

a box of wine each and we'd all play

13:47

some rock and roll and have a good time and at

13:51

this particular one the

13:53

night before we'd stayed at a friend's motel

13:56

and she had mixed us

13:58

up a cocktail the

14:00

blue Caraco and all this other

14:03

filthy spirits. I had a two litre bottle full

14:05

of that stuff and I'm just necking it. And

14:07

by the time we played, I'm blackout drunk, smashed

14:10

my whole drum kit, threw it all over

14:12

the place. And I'm running

14:15

around like a maniac and I blacked

14:18

out again. And then we end up at

14:20

some after party and we're smoking bongs. And

14:23

then I blacked

14:25

out again and we're walking down the main

14:28

street. And the next thing I remember is

14:30

I just took off running, screaming, can't, and

14:33

just screaming, can't

14:36

down the main street. And

14:40

I remember that and then I blacked out again.

14:42

And then I come to, it's about three o'clock

14:44

in the morning and I'm probably

14:47

eight kilometres from home and I'm

14:49

walking and I've been running for the fuck

14:51

knows how long. And I'm

14:54

walking past the dairy, the

14:57

dairy factory where they bottle all

14:59

the milk and I see this

15:02

forklift across the way. And

15:06

I think that'd be an easier way to

15:08

get home than walking. So I walk up

15:10

to the chain link fence and I just

15:12

climb over it. There's

15:14

a aluminium staircase on the other side

15:16

and I just stroll down this staircase

15:18

like Fred Astaire and I'm walking towards

15:21

this forklift. The lights are

15:23

shining down on it and I get

15:25

up to it and the keys in it. So I just

15:27

get in this forklift and

15:29

start driving it around the factory. I

15:32

rammed into a few conveyor belts and things

15:34

like this and then I decided to go

15:37

home. So I get

15:39

to the car park and it

15:41

just looks like a perfect spot for donuts. And

15:44

I just started ripping up donuts in

15:46

this forklift. I don't know

15:48

for how long, but the next thing I know,

15:50

there's cop lights everywhere and three

15:52

cop cars come slamming up through the garden

15:54

and six cops get out with their battens

15:57

and they yell and get out of the

15:59

vehicle. this and I

16:01

just surrendered and they

16:03

take me back to the fish tank and I'm sitting

16:06

in this Perspex box and

16:09

I think I'm pretty funny and and

16:12

yeah I don't know a few hours later my parents

16:14

come up and they like take me

16:16

home and they sign all these things I don't know I

16:18

can't remember how much I blew over but it was a

16:20

lot but it was it was before

16:23

I was able to get my learners

16:25

license so it never affected any of that

16:28

and yeah I

16:30

got off pretty fucking easy really I

16:33

had to visit a policeman maybe twice

16:35

at the PCYC and I sat there

16:37

and told him yeah I've lost trust

16:39

with my parents and it's

16:41

a lot of trouble you know and I won't do it

16:43

again but

16:45

yeah I don't

16:47

know that I

16:50

think that story is pretty funny given all

16:52

the forklift certified memes getting around these days

16:54

and stuff a lot

16:57

of people thought it was pretty funny at the time even

17:00

my dad thinks it's funny when he fucking remembers

17:02

it these days so I don't

17:05

know but yeah to me it's just it was

17:07

just a sign of what was to come and

17:11

I'm very grateful to be sober these

17:13

days and to

17:16

be just

17:18

trying to do right by the

17:20

world and yeah

17:22

toodles for Chris stay

17:25

strong Davy nation it's

17:27

always good to hear an Australian voice

17:30

on the dopey show so big shout

17:32

out to Ben and all the Aussie

17:34

dopes out there all the aluminum baton

17:37

loving Australian dopes

17:40

out there including Dave

17:42

masculinity and who knows

17:45

when we'll hear from David again on the

17:48

dopey show but shout out to all the

17:50

Australian dopes all the Kiwi dope and a

17:52

hearty shout out to the Canadian dopes lest

17:55

we forget the Canadians so

17:57

we have a really exciting show today Annie

18:00

Letterman, you know podcast

18:02

fucking giant Comedian

18:05

just High-impact

18:10

media player is on the show today I

18:12

traveled to Los Angeles basically to interview her

18:14

and we got a lot of other shit

18:16

while we were there but Annie Invited

18:19

me and Amelia to her studio in Venice

18:21

and we shot it and they were Annie

18:24

and Todd were super generous But we

18:26

will get to Annie in a bit

18:29

First I need to say that

18:31

this episode of dopey is brought

18:33

to you by better help What's

18:36

the first thing you do if you had an

18:38

extra hour in your day? Would

18:40

you go for a run take a nap eat

18:43

ice cream listen to dopey read a

18:45

book watch TV a lot

18:47

of us? Spend our lives wishing we

18:50

had more time the question is what

18:52

for if time was unlimited How

18:56

would you spend it if I could

18:58

save time in a bottle? What

19:00

would you do? The

19:02

best way to find this out or

19:05

a great way to find this out

19:07

is therapy if you are Interested

19:10

in starting therapy. I say give

19:12

better help a try. It's entirely

19:14

online It's designed to be

19:17

convenient flexible and suited to your schedule

19:19

You just fill out a brief questionnaire

19:21

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19:23

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no additional charge learn to

19:29

make time for what makes you

19:31

happy with better help visit better

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help Com slash dopey

19:35

podcast today and you get 10% off

19:38

your first month. That's better hlp.com

19:43

Dopey podcast. I actually am

19:45

starting therapy again So

19:47

I will I will let you know how that goes. I

19:50

just want to say thank you to all the

19:52

dopes out there Who have sent in?

19:56

Emails and voicemails last week. There was

19:58

an overwhelming cavalcade

20:00

if that's the word. There was a

20:03

great amount of emails and

20:05

voicemails and it turns

20:07

out the show is way easier

20:09

to make when I hear from

20:11

you guys. You know what I'm

20:14

saying? So if you have anything

20:16

you want to say send it

20:18

to dopeypodcast.gmail.com. Whether it be email

20:20

or voicemail just keep it dopey

20:23

and you know stay involved. That

20:25

is the fucking best. And I

20:27

got an email, another email about

20:30

last week and it said,

20:32

hey Dave

20:35

you asked for people who shot up methadone.

20:38

I had a friend whose mom would get take homes

20:40

and then she would split it with him and he

20:42

was kind enough to share it with me. Every

20:45

Friday I would get off work, pick him

20:47

up, we do a shot of

20:49

the thick pink liquid with 22 gauge

20:52

needles and then I'd go pick my

20:54

son up from the babysitter, go home

20:56

and my friend and I would shoot

20:58

up methadone all weekend and drink four

21:00

locos. Good times.

21:02

I don't remember it though. I'm

21:04

pretty sure the condition of my

21:06

teeth worsened much quicker because of

21:08

all the methadone. Thanks for all

21:11

you do. Stay strong Dopey Nation

21:13

and Toodles for Chris and that is from Tara.

21:16

And is

21:19

the teeth decay definitely methadone related

21:21

is a question. I need to

21:23

get to the fucking dentist man.

21:26

I need to get to the

21:28

fucking dentist, preferably one

21:30

with nitrous. Here's another email, dear

21:32

Dave I'm a late 30 something

21:34

year old woman living in Los

21:36

Angeles and was looking for a

21:38

podcast to highlight the misery I

21:40

was living while an active addiction.

21:42

I came across Dopey and

21:45

connected with you immediately. I've

21:47

listened every day on the

21:49

101 traffic back and

21:51

forth for my shitty job. I started

21:53

with the most recent episode and learned

21:56

right away you had lost your podcast

21:58

partner Chris. I immediately stopped and

22:00

went back in the deck to episode one.

22:02

As I get deeper into the episodes, my

22:05

heart is breaking, knowing that at some point,

22:07

Chris will say toodles for the last time.

22:11

I didn't start listening to Dopey because I was looking

22:13

to get help with getting clean. I've been an addict

22:15

for a long time. I hated my life and blamed

22:17

everyone else for it. I

22:20

have a hard time opening up to

22:22

people, especially about my addiction. I pushed

22:24

everyone away, and they eventually stopped reaching

22:26

out. I sort of gave up and

22:28

accepted the fact that I ruined my

22:30

life and my looks and would die

22:33

alone because of drugs and alcohol. Because

22:36

I used alone, I convinced myself that nobody

22:38

but my dealer had a clue that was

22:40

going on. I was fooling everyone, my family,

22:43

work friends, etc. Haha, guess what? I was

22:45

fooling no one. I quit the shit on

22:47

Christmas Day, and it may be a little

22:49

too early to do a victory dance, but

22:52

I've been up and down this pogo stick

22:54

many times before, and the hard part for

22:56

me at least is over. I

22:58

am already making strides reconnecting with my loved

23:01

ones. I saved my ass from getting fired,

23:03

and maybe even saved my life to be

23:05

honest. I hope and pray that I

23:07

have stepped off the merry-go-round for good this time.

23:10

One day at a time, right? Dave, I

23:12

appreciate the sacrifice you and Chris made

23:14

by putting all your personal embarrassing details

23:16

out there for the whole world to

23:18

hear for shits and giggles. I

23:20

also appreciate the reality check reminder

23:22

you and Chris gave me regarding what

23:25

will happen to us when we continue to dance with the

23:27

devil. I wanted to say thanks

23:29

because if I had not come across Dopey,

23:32

I may not have taken that good hard

23:34

look at myself in the mirror. I

23:36

may not have decided to take

23:39

the necessary steps to get clean and to

23:41

start picking up the pieces of what's left

23:43

of me and my life. Your

23:45

podcast makes me feel like I'm not going through

23:47

this all alone. I think there are a lot

23:50

of people out there like me going through this

23:52

with no one to talk to. If

23:54

anyone actually takes the time to read this, I

23:57

don't know why she would say that. Thank

23:59

you. Really helping people Dave

24:01

So please keep it going. Stay

24:04

strong! Dopey nation yours truly from

24:06

a fellow Tarzana treatment Center junkie

24:08

alumni. Sparkles. And

24:11

Sparkles just celebrated. Sixty

24:14

Days. So fucking sparkle

24:17

I say this. Man

24:20

it's just fucked me up a

24:23

little bit. But what? For

24:25

whatever reason, Maybe. It's

24:27

humility. Maybe it's sadness. Maybe

24:29

it's trauma. I know now

24:31

for whatever reason, It's. Always

24:34

hard to hear emails like

24:36

that, especially about. The.

24:38

Beginning and the fact that our

24:40

show makes an impact. And

24:42

you know it's it's It's beautiful to

24:44

hear that are show makes an impact.

24:47

It's beautiful to hear that you feel

24:49

less alone. I like to hear that

24:51

people think it's funny. I like to

24:54

hear people. Think. It's fun.

24:56

Ah, there's so many ways to not be

24:58

alone in your addiction. And that's really the

25:00

name of the game. And if Dopey is

25:02

helping you not be alone, than I'm really,

25:05

really happy to hear that there's Dopey Zooms.

25:07

Fucking. Dopey Zoom Twenty six meetings

25:10

a week. It's posted on Instagram.

25:12

There's Dopey Nation on Facebook, There's

25:14

Dopey Podcast group on Facebook. There's

25:17

a little fellowship called alcoholics Anonymous

25:19

which I think is free and

25:22

probably infinite meetings every second, on

25:24

the home and in the town

25:26

near you. See the local drunks

25:29

of your community or narcotics Anonymous

25:31

are smart recovery or whatever. They're

25:33

so many fucking people out there

25:36

who are struggling find them. Find

25:38

your folks. But. At the

25:40

Dopes are the best folks. Our community

25:43

is the best community so join Patriot

25:45

on to every Wednesday we do a

25:47

fuckin' meeting and the meetings are getting

25:49

better. I. have to say and

25:51

next week at our wednesday meeting will

25:53

be dina who was on the show

25:56

last week so if you're looking to

25:58

connect with some serious or and

26:01

some serious dopes join patreon at

26:03

patreon.com/dopey podcast if you love the

26:06

show it's very very helpful when

26:08

you join and I

26:10

you know it's it's it's very

26:12

humbling you know it's humbling to

26:14

get nice messages like that and

26:16

I appreciate it send in an

26:18

email and a voicemail or both

26:20

or whatever to dopey [email protected] and

26:23

one more time congratulations and thank

26:25

you to sparkle keep

26:28

going you can totally do it if any

26:30

of us can do it there's no reason you can't do it. And

26:33

here is formally

26:36

of trash Tuesday's currently

26:38

of Annie Wood on the road

26:40

this woman was so generous with

26:43

me and Amelia so kind so

26:45

funny so fun we sat in

26:47

her studio so it'll

26:49

be like the probably the

26:51

best looking video version of

26:53

dopey it's Annie Letterman here

26:56

we go but before we get

26:58

to the great Annie Letterman I

27:00

need to say that this episode

27:03

of dopey is also brought to

27:05

you by the incredible people at

27:08

Discover Recovery. Discover Recovery is probably

27:10

the greatest treatment center in the

27:12

Pacific Northwest a location

27:15

and geographic region that is historically

27:17

underserved you can't find more junkies

27:19

than you can in the Pacific

27:21

Northwest but you can find recovery

27:23

at Discover Recovery it was created

27:26

by our friend Chris Paulson their

27:28

staff is top-notch their amenities are

27:30

luxurious but most importantly they live

27:32

to help addicts they live and

27:35

work to serve their community and

27:37

they do an incredible job if

27:39

you want to get well and

27:42

you're willing to go to the

27:44

Pacific Northwest go to discover recovery.com

27:46

and as Chris Paulson always says

27:49

check the reviews they don't fucking

27:51

play at Discover Recovery all they

27:53

care about is you getting better

27:56

so check them out at discoverrecovery.com.

27:58

Alright and without further ado Here's

28:00

podcast giant comedy giant

28:04

long time desired

28:06

guest of the show. Paulina

28:08

Pacheco hunted her down. Fucking

28:11

Claire wouldn't shut up about it. Howie

28:13

in love with her. Here she is.

28:16

Her name is Annie Letterman and she's

28:18

finally on Dopey. We

28:24

are in fucking Venice, California with

28:27

Annie Letterman. What's up? We

28:29

know some of you druggies probably are outside my

28:31

fucking, probably on the corner. I've been trying to

28:33

get stepping over you and I'm taking my dog

28:35

to the coffee shop. All right.

28:37

So you're stepping over drugged out potential

28:40

Dopey fans on the way to coffee.

28:42

Yeah. When do you take your sunglasses

28:44

off? On and off throughout.

28:47

It's kind of a, it's kind of the thing you

28:49

got iced coffee. I got iced coffee spilled into my

28:51

crotch. I have an old Taco Bell

28:53

drink. So I've been writing

28:56

you for probably four years. Yeah.

28:58

And I've been avoiding you for what? Four,

29:00

four and a half years. And one

29:02

of our people tracked you

29:04

down. Yeah. Gave you a, Irvine. Yeah.

29:06

I think it was a Brea. Samaria

29:09

gave you a Dopey hat. Yeah. I own a

29:11

Dopey hat. Sent me a picture of you with

29:13

the Dopey hat. I said one day and then

29:15

I wrote you and I said, I've been writing

29:17

you and you're like, yeah, I'll do it one

29:19

day. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's cool. Whatever, whatever.

29:21

Ignored me, ignored me, ignored me. And then I

29:23

wrote you, listen, Annie. If you want to

29:25

just tell me fuck off, fuck off. And

29:28

if, but if not, why don't you just do the show

29:30

and then the phone rings and it says, Abigail

29:32

Letterman. My mom. Yes. My mom's the name. Yep.

29:35

And I pick up the phone and she's like,

29:37

you're going to need to fucking fuck off now. That's

29:39

what I was getting. But I was kidding. Well, here we are. No,

29:42

because I just, and I have,

29:44

I'm spread a little thin. So

29:46

people take it personally, but it's, you know, you

29:48

do one podcast, right? For now. So

29:50

I do too. And then I'm doing standup every night.

29:53

So all I do is talk and

29:55

then it's, so it's just, it's very hard. And

29:57

then I'm on the road. So I'm traveling to I've

29:59

been listening. to you a lot and I've

30:01

noticed a serious transformation. Cool. A serious

30:03

transformation. From one to one. I don't

30:05

know. From the past to the present.

30:07

You used to be cool and now

30:09

you're a bitch. No, you used to

30:11

be more insecure and

30:14

now you're owning your power.

30:16

Cool. Have you noticed this?

30:18

I think, yeah, no, I've done a

30:20

lot of drugs, you know, a lot of hallucinogens

30:22

that I've got. No, no, no, I've

30:24

done a lot of work on myself for sure. Let's start with that. Yeah.

30:27

I want to know about the shamanic world.

30:29

I want to know about fucking what hallucinogens

30:32

you're doing. When is the last time you

30:34

did one? It's in my shaman. What

30:36

is that? He shakes it over me when

30:38

I'm on ayahuasca. What's his name? I can't tell you

30:40

his name. He told me

30:42

he's an international drug dealer. Okay.

30:46

But he can't. Drug smuggler. He's

30:48

moving ayahuasca and ibogaine and stuff? Yeah,

30:51

he's, you know, he's around. No, but I

30:53

am, but he's great and he's

30:55

a nice, wonderful man. The

30:59

last time I did ayahuasca was in New

31:02

York on the 19th and 20th. Of

31:07

January. 18th and 19th of January. Yeah.

31:10

See that really annoyed me, by the way. Why? Because

31:12

I had spoken to you like two weeks before trying

31:15

to get a date and you didn't mention you were going to be

31:17

in New York. Because I was on, I was like, I

31:19

can't do the dopey podcast on drugs. Well, that could.

31:21

Well, you're like a retreat. And then I just did

31:23

one show. And also you want to know

31:25

why you're lucky? I was very sick too. I was very sick

31:28

and I just got over my sickness. I had

31:30

like bronchitis or something. Where was

31:32

the ceremony? In Manhattan? It

31:34

was like upstate somewhere. Millbrook? That's

31:37

a psychedelic haven. I actually don't know where it was. It

31:39

was at these rich people's house. And the one woman didn't want me there.

31:41

It was pretty funny. And you did ayahuasca?

31:43

Yeah, I did ayahuasca in San Pedro. When

31:45

was the first time you did ayahuasca? And

31:50

what was the plan? Well,

31:52

I was performing at the comedy store. And

31:57

on like a Wednesday in the main

31:59

room. and I had gone on a date.

32:01

I was like, I was like hanging out with a

32:03

guy who like just didn't really like me. It was

32:06

like one of those and I was like, wow

32:09

I don't even know if I like this guy but I better get

32:12

him to like me, get obsessed

32:14

with him and give everything, have my whole life be

32:16

about whether this guy likes me or not. So I

32:19

had gone like on a date with him to meet

32:21

his friends. He wanted me to meet his

32:23

friends but also didn't want

32:25

to be like serious. It was, I

32:28

was being mind-fucked and I did a set on on

32:30

at the comedy store and I was in a bad

32:33

mood. I was pissed. I got

32:35

off stage and then in the corner where people

32:37

bring guests that like employees and comics bring their

32:39

guests where they sit, there was this this

32:41

man and woman and the man was like kind of glowing. He

32:43

was like we I don't know. I was

32:45

like what the hell is this and I high-fived him and he

32:47

was very nice and then later one of the guys that

32:50

worked at the comedy store was like my

32:52

friend loves you. He's been to the comedy store a couple

32:54

times and you're always his favorite comedian and I

32:56

went this is when I was still a self-esteem. I was like oh he's

32:59

probably just trying to fuck me and he goes he's gay don't worry about

33:01

it and I was like oh I have

33:03

a real fan and then I was like well who

33:05

is he? They're like oh he's in from out of

33:07

the country. He's a breathwork instructor. I was like I

33:09

love breath work. He's like actually. He's a

33:12

shaman. Yeah they're like he's a shaman so

33:14

and we're doing ceremony

33:16

and someone just dropped out and you can come do it if

33:18

you want because I kind of thought maybe I wanted to do

33:20

it. I was scared to do it because I'm trying to

33:22

think of where I was. I think I been doing

33:24

like quit drinking in 2009 January 28 2009 and then

33:26

and then I was like

33:32

full sober for four years then I started

33:35

smoking weed again then I was

33:42

like doing mushrooms and stuff like that

33:44

but then it was it was like I really

33:46

wanted to do I kept hearing about it. Was

33:49

it ceremonial mushroom use or fun mushroom use? I

33:52

mean I don't think there is actually fun

33:54

mushroom use. I think there is. I think

33:56

I've never gotten the dosage correct and I'm

33:58

always in a weird Sweaty,

34:00

needing to shit, uncomfortable. Two grams

34:02

is the right dosage. To

34:04

go out? I mean, I think that's

34:06

a good time dosage. But like you're hanging out and

34:08

like, Yeah. Joshua Tree. Yeah, well,

34:10

I'm sure she's, what's your dosage, Amelia?

34:13

What are you on now, Amelia? It's been a minute.

34:16

When's the last time you took, and Amelia's never been on

34:18

the show, and she's worked on the show forever. It's so

34:20

cute, and you're very cute, and you look like someone, and I

34:22

can't, do you look like a celebrity? Do

34:24

I? I don't know. You do, I'm gonna know

34:26

who it is. I'll tell you when I place it. I'm curious.

34:30

When's the last time you did mushrooms? I have mushrooms in

34:32

my fridge right now for like years that I haven't

34:35

done. Yeah. In a minute. What do

34:37

you think the right dosages? I mean, it

34:39

depends on the person. It depends on the set and setting.

34:41

For you? To

34:43

be honest with mushrooms, for some reason, like it

34:45

just compulses me to not measure it. Just grab

34:48

a handful. Oh, I like that, that's cool. I

34:50

had mushroom tea in my fridge for fucking years. I

34:52

haven't done mushrooms in a million

34:54

years. Right. But. You

34:57

have fond memories. I have fond memories of mushrooms.

35:00

I think the tea is actually the last time I had fond.

35:02

And it was in Washington, D.C. when I was like 18 years

35:04

old. I might

35:06

just be forgetting having fond of mushrooms, but I just,

35:09

I think mushrooms, I'm always like, this is too intense, this

35:11

is too intense. And then I can look back on things

35:13

and see where things looked more beautiful. Some

35:16

are beautiful. But I was talking to someone the other day

35:18

about how I don't fuck with mushrooms anymore. And he

35:20

was like, mushrooms force you to do shadow work. Talk

35:24

about shadow, what does shadow work? Like,

35:26

dots business? Like, what does shadow

35:28

work? I think shadow work

35:30

is like when you're, you find that your darkest parts of yourself

35:32

and then you learn to accept them and your

35:35

different parts of stuff. But I don't, I mean, ayahuasca

35:37

takes you to like really hard places, but

35:40

I don't know

35:42

why I don't. I always wanted to take

35:44

ayahuasca. Yeah. When I got sober. Do you

35:46

feel like that's relapse? If

35:49

I, I mean, not for me. I mean, I never took

35:51

it. If I took it, would it be a relapse? Yeah.

35:54

Probably. Yeah. My wife, when

35:56

I first got sober, my wife was like, Oh, your wife's still very

35:58

sick. We never got married. We're still together.

36:00

We're engaged and it's like the idea of a wedding. We

36:03

got engaged like four years ago But we also have

36:05

two kids. Yeah, so it's like yeah It's kind of

36:07

just built in because I was gonna ask if you

36:09

guys have a vibe but you have a way we

36:11

have a very Very good working vibe. Yeah, it's like

36:13

the greatest working vibe I've ever had You're

36:16

straight. No. No, she's very

36:18

complex. Are you all the things? I'm all the thing.

36:20

Oh, that's fine Cute.

36:22

I'm like, do we have a vibe maybe? Todd

36:25

Todd thinks I can hook up with girls now doesn't know

36:27

is that the next the next thing Todd

36:30

doesn't realize like how Good.

36:33

Lesbos are like he doesn't know like you

36:35

don't let your girl over the lesbo. Well,

36:37

I've never be honest I call them sorry.

36:39

I've had opportunities and I've never Been

36:43

able to have like a threesome with your wife not

36:45

with my wife My wife would never do it, but

36:47

in the past I had opportunities and I never did

36:50

them So I have a little bit of regret I

36:52

think it's like Todd like having like internalized

36:54

sexism where he thinks like it would just

36:56

be like some song would just be fun

36:58

Yeah, I'm like as a losing game. Yeah,

37:01

like girls fit better game than guys I

37:03

think so are you on the cusp of

37:05

doing maybe a ceremony and then inviting

37:10

Woman yeah, no,

37:12

I honestly I'm yeah

37:16

Like I'm yeah, I'm the youngest old

37:19

you can be I'm gonna

37:21

be 50 in June Yeah, you look young.

37:23

That's nice, but I don't feel like I look young. Do

37:25

you feel? Well Yes,

37:29

I feel like 20. Yeah, we're

37:31

like tall babies. I feel like 17 15. Maybe I don't know

37:35

I want to hear why you wanted to

37:37

do the ayahuasca ceremony. Okay? What was I

37:39

mean? I was like basically like like

37:41

I was so I mean I

37:43

guess like the term that would make sense is I

37:45

was like I was very anxiously attached So

37:48

I had I had a friend that told me Actually

37:51

dance intermend you know have you ever interviewed him

37:53

who Dan St. Germain he's always a relapse and

37:55

he's a he's a funny comic that I know I don't

37:57

know I'm sorry. He lives in New York my

37:59

friend Dan said that he was like he made a good

38:01

observation he goes you always date someone that's like

38:04

your dad and someone that's like your mom and then

38:06

someone's like your dad so my dad was very when

38:08

I was a kid was extremely verbally abusive very

38:11

mean very like would

38:13

call me like a selfish con and she like I was

38:15

like he would call you a selfish con yes he

38:17

would come home from work so stressed out

38:19

and just fucking rage and you

38:21

always I heard you always craved his attention yeah

38:24

but then but but then he was also the

38:26

best and then he when I

38:28

turned 15 he retired and so we and

38:30

that's when I stopped being a juvenile delinquent really like I

38:33

really just needed some attention and my mom was like

38:35

very distant very hard to get like she was there

38:38

but she would be like looking off and not

38:40

paying attention and I could never quite get her and

38:43

I always say like the gifts that I've been given

38:45

are I'm good at art and I'm funny my dad's

38:47

funny and my mom's good at art my mom

38:49

did not really encourage my heart like she'd like

38:52

meh when I would do it and

38:54

then my dad laughed and we had a great time so

38:56

it was like that was the thing I pursued so your

38:58

dad encouraged you yeah so when

39:01

did you decide that you wanted to do an ayahuasca ceremony okay

39:03

so I want to get this out of the way we'll get

39:05

to it and we're gonna dive deep into

39:09

the trauma but so okay so I was

39:12

just in this fucking this spiral of like so

39:14

I was like so the last guy was like

39:17

my mom you know so he was just like

39:19

there but not available I didn't even know if

39:21

I liked him it was just annoying I was

39:23

just very anxiously attached and I was so I

39:25

was just feeling really like lonely I was feeling

39:27

really unloved I was feeling like nobody ever chooses

39:30

me and I was just having these feelings I

39:32

was then also you know performing on stage in

39:34

front of audiences and having like it so it

39:36

was just I was in like a weird thing

39:39

and then when when it came to me it felt like

39:41

it came to me like when that guy was sitting in

39:43

the audience and he ended up being a shaman and then

39:45

there was someone had dropped out so that was a Wednesday

39:47

and then on by Thursday

39:49

I had canceled on my weekend spots I bought

39:51

a bucket and I was driving to San Diego to go

39:54

do this the bucket is for vomiting the

39:56

bucket is for vomiting and what's the ceremony

39:58

like what's ayahuasca like Okay, so for me,

40:00

the first one was like, it was just like

40:03

a bunch of like, there might have been like

40:05

20 people. And

40:07

I knew two people that were there. I knew one of the

40:09

couples that was there because they worked at the comedy store. And

40:12

was it Mark Maron? It wasn't, can you imagine? I

40:14

don't think Mark would do Ayahuasca. Oh my

40:17

God. But have you interviewed him?

40:20

Yeah. He loves talking about

40:22

sobriety. He

40:25

thinks I'm more annoying than you think I am. Oh, I

40:27

can't wait to talk to him about you. But he had

40:29

me on his show. Which was nice of him. Yeah. So

40:31

it's like one of those things. I know his show was

40:33

like pretty epic. You should have me on Annie Wood. Well,

40:36

we're just gonna put, it is Annie Wood. Alright,

40:39

this is now an Annie Wood episode. Okay,

40:42

so I get

40:44

there, I drive up there, I bring like a sleeping bag in a

40:46

bucket. And it's like, it was a

40:48

yoga studio. So we're like all kind of in this carpeted

40:51

room. I guess it wasn't yoga. So there

40:53

was carpet, but there was like this big room and we're all kind

40:56

of like in this circle. And

40:58

I think we

41:00

did breath work the first night. What kind of

41:02

breath work are you into? I

41:04

like all the different kinds. I was actually thinking about that

41:07

because I've had my shaman do breath work with

41:09

me. I've gone and done like retreats on breath

41:11

work where you learn all different, like warm moments being

41:13

trained in different types. But

41:15

the ones that I do classes

41:18

in LA of are, I don't know what it's called,

41:20

but it's like when you go like, you

41:22

go like stomach, chest out. Is

41:24

that Kundalini breath work? It's not Kundalini. There's

41:27

a lot of weird shows. Kundalini is wild.

41:31

But yeah, I've done a bunch of different ones, but I was

41:33

just talking about this the other day. I

41:35

had one breath work instructor who

41:37

was a badass, like hot lesbian chick,

41:39

but she was also used to be a

41:42

personal trainer. I think she still is, but so

41:45

she, when she does breath work, she'll be like, breathe,

41:47

breathe. And they're like, oh shit, it's

41:49

like really intense. And then my other girl in town, Sophia,

41:51

is like, she's got this really

41:53

beautiful voice and she sings like angelically at the

41:55

end. So I like doing all different ones. I

41:57

think it's really cool. So you do it a lot. I love breath work.

42:00

Yeah, I don't I could do it more.

42:02

See I'm getting trained I'm in this weird

42:04

moment where I'm getting trained to be a

42:06

guide and I'm supposed to facilitate breath work

42:09

And I don't think I had to be a guide of

42:11

breath work a guide of this cool weird program.

42:13

He things it's called peoplehood It's

42:16

the lady that started soul cycle started

42:18

this thing called peoplehood and somehow because

42:21

she's having her daughter's bat mitzvah at

42:23

cats's I've like become friends with her

42:25

and now I'm getting trained to be a peoplehood guide,

42:27

but I feel like an imposter 100%

42:30

well, I shouldn't even say it on the

42:32

show because it's like I'm in training over there It's

42:35

fun to be in training now. Don't you want to learn everything?

42:37

I that's what I'm doing I do it because I want to

42:40

feel important and they really want me to do it and nobody

42:42

wants me to do anything It's fun to like hold space

42:44

for people to Well, how am

42:46

I am I holding space for them? Yeah Yeah,

42:49

yeah, isn't that what the job Yeah,

42:53

but it's I don't know. I just

42:55

want to focus on dopey and dopey would so

42:57

but dopey would Can

43:00

only get better the more things you learn right? They

43:02

want it to be dopey hood peoplehood and Here

43:05

it's dopey wood. I love it. See you're

43:07

just I'm just wooden it out Now after

43:09

the breath work you do the fucking after

43:12

breath work They offer you a cup

43:14

like there's like they're singing and

43:16

there's tobacco Yeah,

43:19

there's like a bunch of shit going on. There's

43:21

that thing being shake shake shook in your head

43:23

and And Stuff

43:26

being spit on you really? Yeah, what are they

43:28

spinning on you aqua florida?

43:30

I don't know flower water Okay,

43:32

who's spitting at the shaman? Yeah. Wow,

43:34

and then there's like a he always has like an

43:36

apprentice with him and then You

43:40

go around like set your intentions and then they

43:42

offer you the cup you come up and it tastes

43:44

like shit. I Literally,

43:47

it's like shit you drink it for

43:49

me. I didn't feel anything the first cup I

43:51

was like really nervous. It wasn't gonna work for me or something and

43:55

And then is it supposed to hit you right

43:57

away though? Oh, it takes a little bit and you My

44:02

shaman is a painter too

44:04

and he made these really cool. They're

44:07

cards with different

44:09

gods on them, great gods on them. And

44:12

so you pull a card and then

44:14

that's meaningful. And

44:16

you go around and he kind of explains it to you and stuff.

44:18

So you've drank in the cup and then you're going around

44:20

and by the last person

44:22

you're pretty much like ocean. What does

44:24

it feel like? Like

44:28

for me a woman comes to me, Mother

44:30

Ayahuasca, and I just ask her questions. And

44:32

sometimes she's actually coming to me and I

44:34

see her and sometimes it's just that I

44:36

feel the presence of someone and I kind

44:38

of like I'm on my side. I think

44:40

they say your right side is your feminine,

44:43

your left side is your, wait no, your right side

44:45

is your masculine and then your left side

44:47

is your feminine. So I always

44:49

think like daddy, my daddy. So I was like on

44:52

my dad's side, you know, and I was like, I was

44:54

curled up and I was like, you know,

44:56

why do I feel so lonely? Why

44:58

do I feel so unloved? And

45:01

she just went, oh, because of your dad. And

45:03

I was like, oh, and.

45:06

Mother Ayahuasca. Yeah. I

45:08

was like, oh, obviously it's my dad. And then I felt like I was like,

45:10

um, like

45:12

a bunch of doors and that they all like flung

45:14

open and then there was like light could go through

45:16

at that moment when the truth came out. And

45:19

then I was thinking about what it was about my dad and it

45:21

was about how my dad, so my dad was

45:23

older when he had me, which by the way, if I have

45:25

kids, I will be older than my dad was when he had me,

45:28

but I thought he was very old. He

45:30

was 41 when he had me, but nobody else had

45:32

old dads at that point in my life.

45:35

So I was like my, and he had heart disease

45:37

and stuff and he had to get like surgeries and

45:39

stuff. So as a kid, I thought my dad was

45:41

like old and dying all the time. So I was always

45:43

afraid of my dad dying. Always. Is

45:46

he alive? Yeah. He's 82

45:48

and fucking killing it. He's in the Virgin Islands right now. But

45:50

yeah, no, he's doing great. I just

45:53

was like, so I didn't feel like

45:55

I could like relax because I was like, my

45:57

dad's going to die. He's old. answer

46:00

me when I called up to him when I was a kid, I

46:02

would just run upstairs thinking he had died and stuff. So I never

46:04

was like, and I realized that I had that throughout

46:06

my life. Like I was always afraid things were gonna go. So

46:09

I would be like worried about like keeping them without

46:11

like enjoying them in the present or even, and that's

46:13

where I kind of realized with my

46:16

relationships, I didn't even know if I liked these people. And

46:18

I was like, but I wanted them to tell me like, hey,

46:20

do you want this to like last for a long time

46:22

or not? Like I wanted all these future answers, but I didn't

46:24

even know if I liked them or if I wanted a

46:26

future. You just wanted to make sure that somebody would

46:28

care about you. Yeah, I just wanted something like I was

46:31

trying, what I felt like was I was grabbing water. I kept

46:33

trying to like grab water and I was like, I don't want

46:35

to lose it. I was so frustrated. I was like, ah. And

46:37

then I realized that and then I felt, and then I

46:40

had to face that my dad was gonna die.

46:42

And then, so I basically

46:44

was at his funeral, eulogizing him and

46:46

I was like crying. It was a trick. And

46:49

I was just crying so hard. And this is like where you

46:51

start throwing up and stuff usually it's like when you have like this

46:53

big epiphany of like what you needed to release. So

46:56

I let him die because I was like, he is gonna die. It's like

46:58

I'm trying to make it like he's never gonna die and

47:00

I'm making him basically, he may as well be fucking dead

47:02

the way I'm treating it. And

47:04

so I eulogized him. I

47:07

just kind of like honored him and how amazing

47:09

it's been. And then I

47:11

was like crying so hard, I went like this. And then my

47:13

hand got really heavy and it was like my dad's hand was

47:15

inside my hand. And then it was like, he was me. And

47:17

I was like, oh, he'll never leave me because he

47:20

is me, I love each other. That's very beautiful. Yeah, so that

47:22

was very helpful. You have an amazing ability to recall it

47:24

all too. Yeah, and it's been wild

47:26

things each, I mean, each time has been a

47:28

new. How many times? I've

47:31

done it like, you

47:34

do it twice in a weekend. So

47:37

if I'm counting it that way, I've done it probably like

47:39

12 times. Amazing, and when you were a

47:41

kid or when you were like a younger adult, did

47:43

you do a lot of acid psychedelics? I did, I

47:45

did a lot of, yeah, I did a lot of drugs when

47:47

I was a kid. But I did do acid when I was

47:49

14, I did acid quite a bit. Was

47:51

there any similarity in experience? I

47:54

didn't have a spiritual experience

47:56

but I had a visual experience, like things

47:58

looked cool. And I was. You know,

48:00

I also had I had a pretty

48:03

bad trip not like horrible trip But I was in the

48:05

Virgin Islands when I was 16 and my

48:07

friend Nick de Jardin who I'm still friends with my love

48:09

love Love he grew up there in st Croix and

48:11

I was visiting him and he had he

48:14

was like, oh I've acid in my freezer and I was

48:16

like Oh, let's do acid one of the

48:18

exports of Huge exports

48:20

in st. Croix is cruisin rum, which

48:22

is rum with molasses in it So

48:25

they had these huge towers of molasses of

48:27

molten molasses and we decided to drop acid

48:29

on top of towers Which is like you're just

48:32

only a 16 year old with something this

48:34

fucking stupid fantastically

48:42

So we're like climbing down and I'm like the acid

48:44

starting to hit and We

48:46

walk under the faucet and I

48:48

am convinced that molten molasses has

48:50

been It's fallen into my ear.

48:52

No if it had fallen my hair might I would be burned

48:54

to my scalp I mean it would have my skull

48:56

would have been so it didn't it didn't but

48:58

I was sure of it And everyone's like it's not I'm like

49:01

it is and we're driving around It's like I was

49:03

just losing my mind It was just and then we

49:06

go back to my friend's house and his dad had

49:08

had like stolen cable So we

49:10

could watch whatever was on HBO and HBO

49:12

was just playing on a loop Girl

49:16

interrupted and I remember watching it being like she's not

49:19

crazy and then I was like Crazy

49:22

I'm like relating to her and then

49:25

yeah, it was just it was what kind of

49:27

what's the first time you got high I Got

49:30

high with my friends when I was For

49:33

I mean I smoked weed when I was 13,

49:35

but I didn't get high. I didn't like smoke

49:37

enough I probably didn't inhale like the first

49:39

ayahuasca cop. You're like, yeah But

49:44

then I remember getting like really high I was

49:46

like I was like 13 or 14 and I remember

49:50

like Cotton mouse and

49:52

being like what the fuck is this

49:55

and like not sure if I was imagining it Did

49:58

you love weed? When I

50:00

was a kid, I liked getting fucked up. I

50:03

didn't really matter what. You loved drinking. I

50:05

loved drinking. Yeah, I liked to drink. And I also

50:07

stole, like, I found pills. Like, when I found pills, oh

50:09

my God. My parents had so many

50:11

pills in our house. I couldn't believe that I

50:14

was, like, going through the cupboards. Like, holy

50:16

shit, I would just, anything that said don't

50:18

drink on, I stole and drank

50:20

on. And this is before the internet. I mean, I'm so

50:22

lucky I'm alive. I was fucking mixing shit. I was

50:24

taking shit. I took my dad's heart pills. Like, I

50:27

was taking so much shit. What were, like, the good

50:29

pills your parents had? I don't even

50:31

remember. We had a lot of, like, hydrocodone and stuff like

50:33

that and pain pills, which I would, you could never, if

50:36

I fuck myself up, I do anything

50:38

in my power to not take pain pills. I

50:41

hate being constipated. I hate pain pills. They're not.

50:43

You don't like opiates. I'm so lucky. That

50:46

you don't like opiates. I'm blessed. I'm blessed. That

50:48

it didn't get you. I loved opiates so much. Yeah.

50:51

I really did. Take your shoes off. I'm

50:54

gonna be comfortable. Tell us the truth. No, I had

50:56

a few. No, he's excited. He got excited. I

50:58

wanted to get comfortable. You look very comfortable. Yeah,

51:01

I know. I want you to be comfortable. I mean, yeah,

51:03

I feel pretty comfortable. You can put your foot

51:05

on the pillow if you want. All right. We

51:07

have a penis pillow, too. Oh, wow. That's what's

51:09

happening. That's my fuba pillow. We're from Fubang. So,

51:12

let's, your story, like,

51:14

has a lot of horrible stuff in it. Yeah.

51:17

I've heard it a bunch of times. Did you listen to my

51:19

Maran? I did. Today. On the drive to

51:22

meet Amelia. Are you okay? Yeah, I mean,

51:24

I feel for you. My, my abusive view

51:26

feels better now, right? My

51:28

abusive view feels better now. You abusing me? Yeah. You

51:31

didn't abuse me. Or do you really want to

51:33

under- I was like, honestly, it's so funny. Well, just because

51:35

I wish you knew, okay. This

51:37

is maybe too embarrassing to admit. Just admit it. Okay,

51:40

wait. So, okay. So, the day before

51:42

I text you, I'm like, don't count. That was a great

51:44

moment. I was feeling so high vibe. I was like,

51:48

I was like, I'm about to blow up. My career's blowing up. Oh my

51:50

God, I'm about to be famous. Like, I was like- Why? I

51:52

just have been doing a lot of work. I've just been doing

51:54

a lot of work. And I'm shedding a lot of things that

51:57

have been holding me back in my life. And I was just

51:59

getting so excited about- about being able to

52:01

focus on my jokes. And I just was starting

52:03

to see my special. Things were just coming together

52:05

and I was seeing billboards and I was just

52:07

having this really high vibe where

52:10

I was like, oh, I just see all

52:12

of my goals. I see

52:14

everything manifesting and I already

52:16

felt like I had it. And I was

52:19

like, oh. I'm like, but this loser is coming

52:21

to my house to record a horrible podcast. And

52:23

the next day I'm flying to Denver and

52:26

I'm in the last row of first class and the guy that

52:28

is in the first row of coach keeps

52:30

looking at me, recognizes me. And I'm like, it's

52:33

annoying to fuck out of me. Okay, I'm like,

52:36

oh. And I mean, it was

52:38

12 hours before that I'm like, billboard bitches, get

52:40

ready. That's what it looks like. I was like,

52:42

it's on, bitch. And

52:45

then I was thinking about a podcast

52:47

I had done, recorded the day before. And I

52:49

was like, I talked too much about my past. I

52:51

wasn't talking about my field. I was just starting to

52:53

ruminate thoughts and starting to get really like that.

52:55

And then I was like, fucking guy wants to come

52:57

to my house. That's weird if it

52:59

comes to my house, which it is actually not weird

53:01

if you come to my house. But I just- It is a little

53:03

weird. I was taking a nap on the

53:05

plane like this, like, and then my mouth always like

53:08

is a game. Like I look like I need to be unplugged.

53:10

My parents need to make a decision. I'm like,

53:12

I'm like vegetable out. And I felt

53:15

like, like the flash of like an iPhone taking

53:17

a picture of me. And I was like, is that fucking guy? I

53:19

was just, I just felt like exposed. You

53:21

were on display. Yes. And

53:23

then, and then that's- Then I popped into your head. So

53:26

then I was like, I was like, I think it's inappropriate for

53:28

you to ask to come to my house. I'm like, I need

53:30

bound for you. No, that's not what happened. What happened was you

53:32

wrote me, I think

53:34

it was out of nowhere. Cause you don't write- Cause I was on

53:36

the plane. You don't write me very often. Right. And

53:38

out of nowhere you were like, where are we doing this?

53:41

Cause it came into my head. And I said, I don't

53:43

know. And then I

53:45

wrote ha ha ha and you wrote,

53:47

I'm serious. No, because you're like, here's the

53:49

thing. He came to LA to interview me. It's just so nice.

53:52

And instead of me being like, oh, this is so nice

53:54

and flattering. He's a fucking weirdo. He's gonna

53:56

kill me. Yeah, he's gonna fucking kill me. I'm sorry.

53:58

I haven't listened to your show. you're the thing you just

54:00

showed me. You liked it. Sizzle My

54:28

parents are. My parents basically so the

54:30

take from Quakers and that I need to kill

54:32

is that there's God and light and good in

54:34

everyone and you should find the light in everyone

54:37

which is as a concept a

54:39

very beautiful nice idea but really how

54:41

it manifested for my family was me

54:45

being put in very dangerous situations where everyone

54:47

else was going this is a dangerous person and

54:49

my parents going like sleep over or whatever

54:51

do you know what I mean? My parents were like we see

54:53

the good. So for me it

54:55

was like really and then so I have that where

54:58

I'm constantly like justifying other people's behavior going like oh

55:01

I'm sure it's just like maybe I did

55:03

something or whatever and always like so

55:05

then always being like willing to take the hit

55:07

and to like excuse the behavior rather than setting

55:09

up a boundary and maybe just not fucking with

55:11

certain people just only writing for people that write

55:14

for me like that's a pretty easy route

55:16

if you just go but it's hard

55:18

to figure out who's who you didn't know me and

55:20

I think you did something that made sense and then

55:22

you were like how about if we

55:24

do it at the comedy store yeah and I

55:26

was like great I don't know anybody at the

55:28

comedy store and you're like this fucking guy but

55:30

then it was okay so in my like

55:32

most annoyed which is not your fault in

55:35

my most annoyed I'm going okay so

55:38

he wants to the podcast doesn't have

55:41

wants me to book find the

55:43

place because I am having okay so I am having

55:45

another thing that I'm working on in my life where

55:47

I'm feeling like a lot of like too

55:50

much responsibility too much booking too much of

55:52

calling venues too much of like of

55:55

you're the star you're not supposed to be doing

55:57

all this like work venues yeah I'm doing so

55:59

much venue stuff and I realize

56:02

so much of that type of stuff, like

56:04

having to book basically two podcasts, my

56:06

live show, all these things, having

56:09

to have that responsibility all the time, I

56:12

had to tell my mom this, because every time they come

56:14

to one of my shows, they ask me where to park

56:16

and I go, when you ask me a venue question, you're

56:18

taking from my performance part. And that's a

56:20

boundary I have to set up with people, like people

56:22

are gonna take whatever they can get, because it's

56:24

easier, I do know people at the comedy store. And

56:27

then sometimes I'm like, oh, it'll just be easier for me to do that.

56:29

And then it's like my day is over and I didn't write a

56:31

joke or work or anything, not about you, but with

56:33

the other things. So that's what I was feeling, so

56:35

then that was like. Do you just know if he'd

56:37

give me the finger? No, I promise I didn't. Are you sure?

56:39

No, no, no, no, no. Okay. I don't really

56:41

think you did anything wrong at all. And in that

56:44

moment it just popped up because I was thinking

56:46

about things where I was feeling overextended. And

56:48

then, so when I get off the plane, that guy

56:50

that was looking at me, taps

56:54

around the shoulder, I'm on the phone, taps around the shoulder,

56:56

and he goes, look, and it's a picture of me and

56:58

him sitting on an airplane like

57:01

two years ago together. Not you or Gabe sleeping. But

57:03

he might've also, I mean, I don't want to

57:05

give a shit. Maybe he was gonna DM that to maybe like look

57:07

or something. So then he does that and

57:09

then I go, oh, cool, thanks man, you know, I'm on the

57:12

phone, right? And then that

57:14

could have been it. But instead

57:16

I started to feel bad. I went, oh, I'm being

57:18

too cold to this person, even though I'm tired, I

57:21

have to get ready for my shows. I'm

57:23

not having a day where I wanna chat with people. I

57:26

then go, I seek him out on

57:28

the shuttle to go to the back

57:30

of the plane. So he jokes to make amends. So I can make amends

57:32

to him. When you really didn't have to. I didn't have

57:34

to talk to him. No, you were on the phone. He

57:36

shouldn't be fucked with you anyway. I'm busy and it's like,

57:38

I already had inappropriately talked to him because I remembered who he was

57:40

when we were on the shuttle, oh boy. So. You

57:43

remembered him. Yeah, because. What was his

57:45

deal? He had a

57:48

service dog. Okay, we

57:50

were sitting in the first. Yes, I

57:52

do, but really, it was

57:54

just, I made a mistake with my opening

57:56

line. I sat down and I

57:58

went. That's

58:00

a fake service dog thing, right? And he

58:03

went, no, and then proceeded to

58:05

tell me over and over again his PTS story because

58:07

once you trigger someone's PTSD, they just tell it over

58:09

and over and over again. And then

58:11

I'm trapped in this situation that I created

58:13

where I want to be this support to

58:16

this stranger, but I'm also, again, on my

58:18

way to go perform somewhere. You're becoming

58:20

his service dog by proxy. I'm becoming

58:22

his, and it's not if he's done nothing

58:24

wrong. It's literally all my mouth and me

58:26

getting myself into this. It's perfect though. And

58:29

then... We should do a sitcom. And

58:32

that's the first scene where you want to fuck with

58:34

somebody, make fun of their dog, and then go on

58:36

with your day. But then he wants to take your

58:38

time. Well, I just want to find out you get

58:40

a fake service dog thing so I can bring my

58:42

dog on. And then anybody was like, it's not

58:44

fake. This is the one person in the world that wasn't faking his

58:46

service dog. But I'm sure you do shit like

58:48

that all the time. Yes. And

58:51

then what happens is I had to set a boundary

58:53

with myself to stop inviting plain people to shows because

58:55

plain people, heckle. Plain people think

58:57

they know you. They think they have an extra thing.

58:59

I can no longer get free tickets to people. I've

59:02

just now started not letting people have free meet and

59:04

greet anymore because I like

59:09

my meet and greets. I like meeting my fans

59:11

and I like hearing their stories and stuff and

59:13

what's resonated with them and stuff. But it's

59:15

like, they're a little dark, the stories. And I have two

59:17

shows. So it's like I do an hour of a show.

59:20

And then I have basically an hour of a meet and greet where

59:22

people are like... I wanted to make shirts

59:24

that were like, show me on the teddy bear where you

59:26

were touched. And then I would sign

59:28

wherever they were telling me they got molested. I would

59:30

sign that part. And it's fine. Like I... Like,

59:33

chosen ones. But

59:36

when I realized like people weren't buying merch and

59:38

they were like coming, taking pictures, timing their stories,

59:40

I was like, this is like there's not an

59:43

appropriate exchange. Well you're on your ascent

59:45

and you're in maybe phase two of Annie

59:47

Letterman World Domination. And for phase two to

59:49

go off, you need to shed that shit.

59:51

Why should there be people from planes doing

59:53

free meet and greets at all? But

59:56

also it's like just, you could just buy... I have these posters

59:58

of Danny DeVito drawing I drew that I'm really proud of. that

1:00:00

I love and it's my artwork and I sell

1:00:02

posters for $15 like you get them signed

1:00:05

it's like if you can't afford that poster then we

1:00:07

I don't have time to take picture with you. People

1:00:09

are giving away dopey patreon codes and

1:00:11

coming to fucking dopey zooms not

1:00:13

watching not listening to the show.

1:00:16

Who are these people? I know. We work so hard. I

1:00:18

know it's just there has to be it's just an inappropriate

1:00:20

exchange is what it is it's not it has to

1:00:22

be an exchange right there has to be an appropriate

1:00:24

exchange or it's fucking weird or I'm just giving

1:00:26

you my energy in my life. So how did

1:00:28

we wind up here though? So then

1:00:31

then I realized

1:00:34

that the day before I

1:00:36

went I'm about to be super famous and

1:00:39

then the next day I was shown

1:00:41

all of the parts of myself that I'm a that

1:00:43

are blocking me from being super famous or

1:00:45

I'm afraid of being overexposed saying too much on a

1:00:47

podcast having too many

1:00:49

listeners having too many people wanting

1:00:52

to take pictures of me and stuff and

1:00:54

it was just like it was so cool when I

1:00:56

realized that when I was like oh that was just

1:00:58

me my subconscious showing me exactly what was keeping me

1:01:00

from those goals of having a larger reach being able

1:01:03

to share my comedy with more people. Your

1:01:05

text to me that said district the

1:01:07

text was like don't come to

1:01:10

my house you're weirdo I'm not comfortable with

1:01:12

anything he was like trying to like name drop he's

1:01:14

like sending me videos of comments. I just figured

1:01:16

that I just figured that it would be like

1:01:18

vouching. Yeah no it was no everything you did

1:01:20

was good. I figured like it would be vouching

1:01:22

and I also said I'll find another spot I

1:01:24

don't want to fuck this up I bought a

1:01:26

plane ticket I don't know I think we I

1:01:28

think we are we're very similar

1:01:31

in a way because I

1:01:33

do the same thing. We're ex-addic that are acting

1:01:35

we're kind of annoying people. Do

1:01:37

you feel like you're annoying? I feel a little

1:01:39

annoying. I'm really annoying. You're the most annoying person I've

1:01:41

ever met. No I'm just kidding it's not

1:01:43

true it's not true it's not true. No but no

1:01:45

but I think but

1:01:48

don't you think like so much of

1:01:50

like sobriety of all of these

1:01:52

things that we do are like it is a boundary

1:01:54

thing it's a boundary with yourself it's not knowing when

1:01:56

to stop it's not knowing like all these things so

1:01:59

it's like obviously we're gonna well

1:02:01

if they read true to them my favorite

1:02:03

thing though was your text that said please

1:02:05

disregard everything I just text and then I

1:02:08

was like she's as fucked up as I

1:02:10

am I was just like this is the

1:02:12

greatest and it was like you know they're

1:02:14

like when you're like activated don't text people

1:02:16

they're like when you're activated don't send an

1:02:19

email don't text I'm always like nah I'm

1:02:21

gonna fucking slap and I'm slapping text messages

1:02:23

like in AA they call that restraint

1:02:25

of pen and tongue and

1:02:28

that's a sober principle to have restraint of

1:02:30

pen and tongue because you should go through

1:02:32

it and you go oh that was what

1:02:34

I shouldn't have fucking said that now what

1:02:36

your AA jargon no no no my favorite

1:02:38

bok remember at the beginning they're like and

1:02:41

those bok sometimes we bok we bok yes you

1:02:44

don't like AA anymore I never

1:02:47

liked AA but

1:02:49

you know what I found out about AA that that a

1:02:51

lot of people don't like it Whitney goes to me once

1:02:53

she goes yeah nobody likes a bitch she's

1:02:55

like of course at the point and I was like oh

1:02:58

it never occurred to me the thing I heard is you

1:03:00

go until you like it oh you

1:03:03

and like did you like go how long do I have

1:03:05

to go and the lady said you go until you like

1:03:07

it until you I kind of like it no no I

1:03:09

like aspects of it no there were aspects of it that I

1:03:11

really liked and I never like to really talk too much about

1:03:13

not liking it because I know that it's it's just

1:03:15

such a it's

1:03:18

like a very powerful tool and I always

1:03:20

recommend people if people ask me if

1:03:22

they want to get sober and ask my advice I would say go do your 90 and

1:03:24

90. Did it remind you of Quaker stuff at

1:03:27

all? What

1:03:29

is Quaker stuff like? Quaker is you

1:03:31

sit and well there's two there's programmed and unprogrammed

1:03:33

I was unprogrammed Quaker which is like the hippie

1:03:35

shit and and

1:03:38

you just go you sit in silence and it's they're

1:03:40

facing benches so it's like benches that are all facing

1:03:43

each other and the meeting house that I

1:03:45

grew up in Green Street Friends School meeting was

1:03:47

really cool it was also my elementary school

1:03:49

but it was just this

1:03:51

old creaky building and with these

1:03:53

creaky benches so like

1:03:56

I needed that because I have ADD so just sit in

1:03:59

silence was it was actually It was actually insane. It was actual

1:04:01

torture. But the creek made you feel okay. But the creek was

1:04:03

good and they would have a fire going and the fire popping

1:04:05

would be amazing. And

1:04:07

then I would wear a watch

1:04:09

that beeped. I had like a

1:04:11

Timex waterproof because I was a swim team

1:04:13

kid and it would beep and I would set

1:04:15

it. But you couldn't hear it if it was under me so

1:04:17

I'd be like waiting for it to go off and then I

1:04:19

would like sit on it and I had a

1:04:22

shirt that had a telephone on

1:04:24

it that had like an

1:04:26

actual like telephone cord thing. Yeah.

1:04:29

Like I had like things I do. But

1:04:32

then if you feel moved to speak, so you sit in silence

1:04:34

and then if you feel moved to speak you stand up and

1:04:36

speak and it was supposed to in the back of the day

1:04:38

was like God speaking. The spirit moving in. Well people say whatever

1:04:40

you know they want. And you know I stood up. What

1:04:43

did you say? Every fucking time. My

1:04:45

twin brother told me that the one he

1:04:47

remembers is me. He was like you would just stand up and say he

1:04:49

was like really kind of like. I

1:04:54

know I remember standing up and being like I

1:04:56

was basically trying to get like. Laughs. I

1:04:59

was trying to be like wow. This

1:05:01

kid something. But I remember saying it would be

1:05:04

like this kid is something about like the kids in Somalia.

1:05:07

You know like. Right. Right.

1:05:10

Right. But then I remember talking

1:05:12

about this in Baker meeting and this is still a

1:05:14

thing that I'm always like did everyone have these thoughts

1:05:16

in their little. But I used to

1:05:18

always kind of like trip on the idea of

1:05:21

like when I was in kindergarten

1:05:23

and like one of my earliest memories is just like laying in

1:05:25

bed and being like how am I me.

1:05:27

Did I get to be me where I'm

1:05:29

looking out of these eyes and my mom

1:05:31

is my mom my dad's my dad. Like

1:05:34

if I was born my neighbor my dad

1:05:36

would be named Bill. It's such an

1:05:38

interesting thought. And I would be like it's just like

1:05:40

I couldn't. And now like kind

1:05:42

of with the work that I'm doing I'm like oh

1:05:45

I guess I like this is the body I

1:05:47

chose. That your soul saw about this vessel. I

1:05:49

feel like I

1:05:51

like this vessel. Now my

1:05:54

daughter is on the swim team and

1:05:56

when I heard you talking about what

1:05:59

happened. Yeah, the

1:06:01

whole story from swim team to

1:06:03

everything. Yeah, it gave me

1:06:05

pause You know what I mean? It freaked me out

1:06:07

a little bit because I like she's on the same

1:06:09

team She's a good kid. I'll let her say 14.

1:06:12

It's like the bad stuff is coming. Maybe

1:06:14

you have to come No, but here's the thing.

1:06:16

Sometimes I feel like we think our kids are

1:06:18

gonna be bad I don't have kids but

1:06:21

you know what I mean because we were bad.

1:06:23

Yeah, but it might skip a fucking generation I

1:06:25

was very very sweet until I was older teen.

1:06:28

I was like good. I was like her I

1:06:30

was manipulative. I made sure everybody thought I was

1:06:32

doing like the right stuff Yeah, but I wasn't

1:06:34

on the swim team like I wasn't

1:06:36

exerting myself. Yeah, did you think that the

1:06:38

exertion was good for you? I

1:06:41

don't even know how we became swimmers but

1:06:43

I I think really what it came down

1:06:45

to was swimming for me was we

1:06:47

started when I was like around seven and I

1:06:51

had a coach Joe Jackson this guy

1:06:53

who was just so awesome And I

1:06:55

think I just was starved for attention

1:06:57

father figure and he was just really

1:06:59

like you really believed in me and he

1:07:01

really pushed me and and

1:07:04

I think I Showed so I

1:07:06

ended up like I I got an award

1:07:08

like a most improved award And

1:07:11

that was like I just needed I was always

1:07:13

looking for and what I realized as an adult

1:07:15

now like very recently The thing that

1:07:17

I always need to tell myself that I didn't get

1:07:19

when I was a kid was just like you're doing

1:07:21

really good Keep going. I just didn't have that encouragement.

1:07:24

Yeah, just encouragement like this is great. I didn't have

1:07:26

any encouragement at all You know, it's so weird, right? Well,

1:07:28

it is but I wound up becoming a horrible

1:07:30

heroin addict, but I wasn't you're gonna I

1:07:33

wasn't molested and you had this horrible thing happen

1:07:35

to you yet You know But

1:07:38

that's the fucked up thing is that my

1:07:40

wife is sure that I was molested Because

1:07:42

my father had a very very good

1:07:45

friend at his school Who

1:07:47

is a principal and later in

1:07:49

my life I wound up staying He

1:07:52

had a studio apartment in Brooklyn Heights with the

1:07:54

loft bed and he was like I go He

1:07:56

went to Thailand every year Every

1:07:58

year. He's like you can stay at my house

1:08:01

so I went up in the loft bed and I

1:08:03

find a pamphlet on the side and it was a

1:08:06

magazine hand-drawn how to pop

1:08:08

a boy's cherry. Horrible.

1:08:10

Then I went on his computer just

1:08:13

tie dicks on his computer.

1:08:15

Yeah. Horrible. But you weren't as tight.

1:08:17

No, I was certainly not as tight.

1:08:19

But they say a huge

1:08:21

percentage of opiate addicts were molested. Yeah. And

1:08:24

like my wife is, and I don't, I

1:08:26

think I would remember. I'm ready to do

1:08:28

hypnotherapy. Yeah. Have you ever done hypnotherapy? I

1:08:30

do hypnotherapy a lot. Regression stuff? I

1:08:33

don't do the regression. Actually, I had a thing today

1:08:35

where we did Future that was

1:08:37

fucking awesome. You go into the future? It's

1:08:41

good. What? The future looks good. What

1:08:43

did you see? I have this

1:08:45

movie that I'm writing with with my

1:08:47

friend Bonnie McFarland and it was like our premiere.

1:08:50

Rich Voss was at Dopecon. Oh, I love

1:08:52

Rich. He didn't love Dopecon. He

1:08:55

probably did like it, but did he not

1:08:57

do well? He was not there

1:09:01

for the event. He was there for the

1:09:03

money. It was very clear. He wanted the

1:09:05

money. How's the money? Not good. Are you

1:09:07

kidding me? He was horrible. It

1:09:10

was horrible, but Bonnie is super funny. Rich

1:09:12

is funny too. I think I annoy him.

1:09:15

Well. Exactly. Now I

1:09:17

want to talk about... Rich and I have a lot in common.

1:09:19

We love Bonnie McFarland and we find him very annoying. Fucked

1:09:22

up. I don't know how I set myself up for these things.

1:09:24

Do you think your alcoholism was

1:09:27

affected by that trauma? I think 100%. I

1:09:29

think that I was like... When

1:09:32

I started drinking, I

1:09:35

had like memories. I actually don't. I

1:09:38

have no interest in uncovering these memories

1:09:40

really. I think I

1:09:42

would be able to process it without actually knowing

1:09:44

the whole thing because I've done a little bit

1:09:47

of work on it. What I

1:09:49

realized is I can change the timeline of it.

1:09:52

I do have memories of my mom worked

1:09:54

for this organization and one of the women

1:09:56

that was... Great

1:10:00

Panthers. Yeah, Great Panthers for elderly rights and stuff. And so

1:10:02

one of the women that she worked with had a husband,

1:10:04

Jack, who had this hearing aid and this beard, and he

1:10:06

would come over and he loved to tickle me. I was

1:10:08

his favorite kid. And it was

1:10:10

like, you want attention, so you're like, oh, I'm the favorite,

1:10:13

but I didn't like it too. It was like

1:10:15

the... Well, some old stranger tickling

1:10:17

you is... Yeah, but you're like, oh,

1:10:19

it's cool. I'm someone's favorite, I guess. And

1:10:22

then I have the memory of him chasing me into the room. But it's funny,

1:10:24

it's like when I quit drinking

1:10:26

and I would go out to a club or

1:10:28

something, because I was doing comedy right away. And

1:10:30

so I remember going out, I would

1:10:33

do shows with Donnell Rollins in New York, and we went

1:10:35

out and there were some comedians and stuff. And

1:10:37

I was kind of getting hit on by this one guy.

1:10:39

And I remember feeling the same way. It's that same feeling

1:10:41

of like, I guess it's cool I'm getting attention,

1:10:43

but I don't like this attention. And

1:10:46

I wanted to drink, so I was drinking... I

1:10:50

had a cranberry and I was just drinking my

1:10:52

cranberry juice. I had a virgin Cape

1:10:55

Cod or whatever. And I was like, oh, this is

1:10:57

what I used to do. And

1:10:59

I never had that uncomfortable thing, I would just get drunk. I would just

1:11:01

interrupt it. I didn't want to have to reject people

1:11:04

or set up a boundary. So it

1:11:07

does seem related. The

1:11:09

way I felt by that guy, that sort

1:11:11

of attention. Yeah, it's like everybody

1:11:13

wants to know why somebody's a drug addict

1:11:15

or an alcoholic, and they want

1:11:17

to know what the thing is. Do you think it

1:11:20

was that? Well, I liked

1:11:22

to black out and I was kind of like

1:11:24

I was... It was like a

1:11:26

smoke break for myself. I really

1:11:28

hated myself and it was weird because I also loved myself. I

1:11:30

also knew I was good and stuff, but I just had this

1:11:32

shame. And

1:11:34

actually my last ayahuasca ceremony when I was

1:11:36

in New York, that's what I

1:11:39

really tapped into was like, oh, I have so

1:11:41

much shame in my chest. And

1:11:43

she kind of shook it out of me. But

1:11:47

because I was let down by every

1:11:49

adult in my life later

1:11:51

on with the other stuff I haven't even talked about

1:11:54

yet, but every adult let me down. It felt

1:11:56

safer for me to blame myself than to blame

1:11:58

the outside world. I was like, oh, man. much

1:12:00

has been my fault because to like admit that

1:12:02

every fucking person that was supposed to protect me

1:12:04

didn't protect me Was like it

1:12:06

was like too scary Well, it's

1:12:08

very it's like a total lonely place

1:12:11

and to be a child who's not

1:12:13

protected is a terrifying thing Like

1:12:15

my little daughter has horrible boundaries. She

1:12:17

runs up and hugs strangers. Yeah fucking

1:12:19

bus stop Yeah, and I don't know

1:12:22

what to do about it. Really like

1:12:24

she craves attention From

1:12:26

strangers physically. What do you

1:12:28

do about that? Yeah,

1:12:31

girl school all girls school maybe

1:12:34

and and how much of the horrible things

1:12:36

that happened to you Like were the fact

1:12:38

that your parents like were like

1:12:40

tossed everybody there's light in everybody like

1:12:42

the thing with the dreaded guy Yeah,

1:12:45

my teacher my high school teacher. Yeah,

1:12:47

no, it was um, it was weird

1:12:49

and it's funny because I think

1:12:51

I always craved discipline because it

1:12:53

showed me that like my somebody

1:12:56

cared, right but Of

1:12:58

course as a kid I'm gonna like be like I

1:13:00

want freedom out this on that and they just were like we

1:13:03

want you to like us So like here, you know your

1:13:05

folks. Yeah, so like okay do

1:13:07

whatever you want and it's just Yeah,

1:13:09

I just ended up. So they sent me to a school

1:13:12

that was like no boundaries You didn't call you

1:13:14

call your teacher brother first names, which is

1:13:16

a sign Quaker

1:13:18

most of know the Quaker school you do but the Quaker

1:13:20

school actually was awesome and I actually recommend Quaker schools It

1:13:23

is a sweet way to bring your kids up, but you

1:13:25

at home have to be like have boundaries But

1:13:28

no my my high school was first It

1:13:30

was like for our kids and juvenile delinquents

1:13:32

and kids with learning disabilities and bad kid

1:13:34

It was like a mix of the fringe I think

1:13:36

nine out of ten don't be guests go to a

1:13:38

school like that That school is a child molester school

1:13:41

and I am like all I do

1:13:43

in my life is go Do

1:13:45

I want to just like lean towards light enough

1:13:47

happiness or do I want to do a Netflix

1:13:49

documentary taking down this school? My

1:13:51

friend my best friend who he actually looked like when my best

1:13:54

friend's growing up my next-door neighbor Matt He

1:13:56

I was talking about the phone the other day. He was saying that

1:13:58

his his girlfriend friend

1:14:01

was like, oh, I'm going to send my daughter

1:14:03

to the school. It's such a good school. And

1:14:06

I was like, tell them. He's like, I didn't

1:14:08

tell. I go, tell her, tell her not to

1:14:10

go there. But where he's

1:14:13

like, don't go. It's like, don't go. Well,

1:14:15

I'm telling him to say, cause I don't know this person. I'm not going to

1:14:17

call them. I don't know them. But it's to

1:14:19

me, it's like, if they've changed,

1:14:21

that's great. But there's a long

1:14:23

history and lineage of them completely

1:14:25

diddling the students. And

1:14:27

I get like emails from someone that's like,

1:14:30

Hey, I'm a private investigator hired by the school bubble.

1:14:32

It's like, I'm not working with the school. I ain't

1:14:34

with the school. How

1:14:37

often are people who suffered molestation coming to

1:14:39

you and being like, Annie, you helped me

1:14:41

so much. A lot of times, like

1:14:43

after the Marron interview, I got like a lot

1:14:46

to the point where it was like, I was

1:14:48

so, at that time I was very, very raw.

1:14:50

And that was like during, it was,

1:14:52

it was just a very, I was just very raw. I

1:14:54

was in a relationship at the time that was like in

1:14:58

a lot of ways, very toxic, but other ways it really

1:15:00

exposed a lot of stuff that I had been keeping in

1:15:02

my cell.

1:15:04

I just didn't realize, I just thought everyone had gotten

1:15:06

jerked off on by their teacher. Like I just thought

1:15:08

that was like an experience. Everyone had, I thought everyone

1:15:11

had something fucked up. Like everyone had been running for

1:15:13

their life in Jersey city when they were 15 from

1:15:15

the six foot eight drag queen. I just thought

1:15:17

like, doesn't everyone have these crazy stories? And

1:15:20

I also kind of like wore them as badges of honors. Like, isn't

1:15:22

that so funny? I had this crazy life. Like you didn't take

1:15:24

your teacher to court. That's so weird. And then

1:15:26

I had this boyfriend that was like the way the

1:15:28

things that happened to you were like absolutely unacceptable and

1:15:31

not normal. And I was like, oh, and that

1:15:33

and then I was very wrong. I was very

1:15:35

mad at my parents and

1:15:37

I was just really raw. And then I did Marron's podcast.

1:15:39

So it was like very, I was like really

1:15:41

in it. I now don't, I

1:15:44

don't, I don't feel activated like that. And I

1:15:46

found out so many more things about the school.

1:15:48

There's so many more teachers, like teachers getting busted

1:15:50

with like kiddie porn. I mean, how does the

1:15:52

dude wind up jerking off on you though? He

1:15:54

was an art teacher and he wanted to draw me

1:15:56

nude. And he posed

1:15:58

you and then They sat on me and

1:16:00

then jerked off. But then he got

1:16:03

naked. He was like, I have to get naked. It

1:16:05

was, I was just horrible. I just froze. And

1:16:07

your drinking was like exploded in that

1:16:09

period. Yeah. Well, they, the way they

1:16:11

got me to come to their house, it was two teachers with dreads. One

1:16:15

was my English teacher and then

1:16:17

one was my art teacher. They were married and

1:16:19

then they would buy it. They'd be like, she'd be like, Oh,

1:16:22

I'm going to tutor you. And basically

1:16:24

she would write my papers for my mom wrote my papers

1:16:26

for me. I am actually a really good writer, but I

1:16:29

suffered from nobody going, good job,

1:16:31

keep going. So I

1:16:33

would get like,

1:16:35

I was a perfectionist. I was like really wanted to be perfect.

1:16:37

Could have been the old being called a

1:16:39

selfish kind of the kid or whatever. Like whatever, like things

1:16:42

that happened under seven. Being called

1:16:44

a selfish kind of a kid. Like I don't know whatever,

1:16:46

but it was just like, you know, so

1:16:48

much of what we deal with on our daily basis

1:16:50

as adults is just shit that happened when we were

1:16:52

under seven. It's just things that like just things

1:16:54

that get into our neural pathways that

1:16:56

are just like so nonsense-y. But one

1:16:59

of those things was just like really low self worth

1:17:01

and really feeling like it was like, I knew I

1:17:04

was good, but then there

1:17:06

was just this part of it that was like, what, or

1:17:08

am I really bad? You know? And

1:17:11

so with writing, it was like, I, I like had

1:17:14

like artistic poetic tendencies and stuff, but I just

1:17:16

never could really do the follow through because I

1:17:18

would lose faith in myself and in

1:17:20

my writing and stuff. And so my mom just kind of would

1:17:23

write this stuff for us because it would just go by.

1:17:25

My parents would do that stuff for me too. Yeah, it

1:17:27

was bad. Yeah. And I

1:17:29

got no encouragement. Yeah. I don't think

1:17:31

I remember, I don't remember any encouragement like my whole

1:17:33

life. How many siblings did you have? I had an

1:17:35

older sister. Yeah. I think they just are like, let's just

1:17:37

get shit done. I don't think she got any encouragement

1:17:40

either, but my sister looks at our life

1:17:42

like it was perfect. Yeah. My

1:17:45

brothers were like that too. And my sister fucking hated me. She

1:17:47

still hates me though. Yeah. Really?

1:17:49

Yeah. I was like,

1:17:51

I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous that you got to go to rehab. I went to

1:17:54

rehab several times. Was that ever fun? Yeah, it was always fun.

1:17:56

Yeah, you met friends. It was always fun. I

1:18:00

know, you did your whole career. You

1:18:02

hook up at rehab, you do drugs

1:18:04

at rehab. Heaven. It

1:18:06

is really, it's also like a fun place. Nothing else

1:18:08

matters. But I didn't realize you could check

1:18:10

yourself in. I was always like, thought I would get

1:18:12

sent. I was like, someone's gonna send me to rehab

1:18:14

eventually. Well, I crashed my finger. My

1:18:17

big, like my, what should have been my rock

1:18:19

bottom, then of course I fucking drank through. I was like,

1:18:22

I can drink through this rock bottom. Was,

1:18:24

I was living in Santa Fe,

1:18:26

New Mexico. I went to college, at the College of Santa Fe. RIP

1:18:29

went out of business two times. And

1:18:32

then the barracks burned to the ground. But I,

1:18:35

so I moved to Santa Fe. I didn't drink for the

1:18:38

first year. So after this stuff happened, and I ended

1:18:40

up taking that teacher to court when

1:18:42

I was 16. And

1:18:44

it was actually just very horrific, the

1:18:46

whole thing. Less the event

1:18:50

and more the aftermath and the sort of

1:18:52

betrayal of your whole life being told to tell the truth,

1:18:54

to tell the truth, especially growing up quicker, you tell the

1:18:56

truth, you do the right thing, you help people. And

1:18:59

doing that against all odds, standing

1:19:02

up against this predator, standing up

1:19:04

into the school, having zero support. Everyone

1:19:07

mad at me, people spitting on my car door handle, the

1:19:09

teacher's treating me weird. Who was spitting on your car door handle?

1:19:11

The other students. They liked, he was buying his weed and

1:19:13

alcohol and stuff. So they all thought he was cool. He was

1:19:15

like the hero. And

1:19:17

then other teachers, like wanting me

1:19:19

to be quiet. He comes on you, the other kids

1:19:21

spit on your, because- That's

1:19:24

a lot of liquids. That's horrible. A

1:19:26

lot of stickies. A lot of sticky liquids. I need

1:19:29

to keep going. Yeah,

1:19:32

but as an adult, I really

1:19:35

honor that person. I was like, that was fucking

1:19:37

badass. That was so cool that I did that.

1:19:39

And I did it with so little support. I really

1:19:41

just did it because of my own internal beliefs

1:19:45

of stopping something

1:19:47

from happening to someone else. Now where

1:19:50

I'm at, it's like, I have to always balance that

1:19:52

where it's like, I don't want to be hypervigilant. I

1:19:55

don't want to like live in the PTSD of

1:19:57

that event. And I don't, it's not my responsibility

1:19:59

to always be. like protecting

1:20:01

and doing that because that is like not

1:20:04

you can't do that all time I don't want to do

1:20:06

that you can't do it a lot but

1:20:09

it's like when I said to you when we

1:20:11

first sat down like in the Maron show you

1:20:13

were like I can't even say I'm pretty and

1:20:16

now I heard you want to show the other

1:20:18

day you're like I'm a fucking rock star it's

1:20:20

like this is real so lucky transformation good karma

1:20:23

you should tell on bad guys it makes you look so

1:20:25

much younger than 40 when you're 40

1:20:28

now did you do a lot of other drugs

1:20:31

I did let's see you didn't like

1:20:33

opiates did you like coke you like

1:20:35

psychedelics coke um I

1:20:38

okay so I have like fun members of doing coke

1:20:40

in college because it was like the cool kids did

1:20:42

coke and it was like the cool older kids I

1:20:44

like I knew I was like initiated into the crew

1:20:46

when I was doing coke with them but

1:20:48

it was never it's just

1:20:51

I'm so hyper I'm

1:20:53

so hyper I didn't

1:20:55

ever need it your brain is a mile a minute

1:20:57

yeah I don't need coke but weed

1:21:00

was like interesting cuz weed is

1:21:02

I think a lot of my

1:21:04

my self-worth step is all tied

1:21:06

into like procrastination into not being

1:21:08

able to finish my papers into my

1:21:10

mom doing my work for me like all of these things so

1:21:13

weed for me was like is

1:21:15

just like another thing blocking

1:21:17

my ability to get yeah

1:21:21

I love when people can use it to

1:21:23

be more creative I have never been one

1:21:25

of those people I love when people view

1:21:27

it as a medicine God bless you shalom

1:21:30

Aslama Lecombe does not work for me it made

1:21:33

me more creative and it worked as a

1:21:35

medicine for me but it also worked as

1:21:37

the greatest procrastination tool in the world with

1:21:39

all those things I couldn't do a fucking

1:21:41

thing and I because I'm like so cracky

1:21:43

about everything I'm always like I'm

1:21:46

never like oh let's have a couple pops I'm always

1:21:48

like let's get the highest I would be like let's

1:21:50

get the highest I've ever been I've heard you say

1:21:52

that and I was exactly the same way

1:21:54

yeah we've ever gotten it's like a profound

1:21:56

moment Yes,

1:22:00

but you've built a lot of your

1:22:02

empire smoking weed. You can't say it hasn't done

1:22:04

good. I Mean I

1:22:06

guess you've been on and off and you're of an empire Yeah,

1:22:10

but I don't think I I don't think we I

1:22:12

don't think we'd been helpful. We would

1:22:14

keep me very low It's a lot of very low vibe for

1:22:16

me and It's

1:22:19

I made a deal with myself. That's so I'm

1:22:22

so happy I did it because I made it so crazy. I

1:22:24

made it so wild. Do you know what it is? No, I

1:22:27

said I will smoke weed again when I make a hundred

1:22:29

million dollars. That's right. I'm with you My friend goes

1:22:31

why don't you make why don't you just say like

1:22:33

10 million? I was like, I just had

1:22:35

to make it So like

1:22:37

I just had to make it serious My

1:22:40

old thing was that I would be able I think

1:22:42

it was I'd be able to do heroin again when

1:22:44

I was 60 or I Had 60 million dollars. Yeah,

1:22:46

but I don't want to do heroin again No, I

1:22:48

don't want to but I would love to smoke weed

1:22:50

with you when I have a hundred million. Yeah I'm

1:22:53

with you. No, we're beyond like we'll be on a

1:22:55

jet. We'll be happening. Yeah, we're going somewhere

1:22:57

I'll be less annoying to you then Maybe

1:23:00

not. I yeah, no money

1:23:02

would make you listen. What what about

1:23:04

me makes you so annoyed I

1:23:07

don't think you're annoying. I'm kidding, but if you're persistent,

1:23:09

it's very nice. It's all very flattering Why are you

1:23:11

really wanted me to aren't you crazy

1:23:13

persistent? Yes,

1:23:15

aren't you always hustling always building

1:23:17

the brand? Yes, always touring always

1:23:20

doing shows next next next. This

1:23:22

is even like you're like fucking

1:23:24

I'll do a stupid show Fucking

1:23:27

dumb dopey show. No. No, I like I I The

1:23:31

person that came to me with your hat.

1:23:33

I'll either sold me. I'll leave a check. Oh, she definitely

1:23:35

sold me on the show It wasn't like I didn't want to

1:23:37

do it It's like it's hard for me like

1:23:39

because I hate I don't like letting people down too so

1:23:41

it's like it's just been very hard for

1:23:44

me to explain to people like how burnt out I am like

1:23:46

I mean it has been like It

1:23:48

has just been really hard And it's like

1:23:50

and I hate because I love like meaning if I love

1:23:52

doing shows and stuff and I like have not been able

1:23:55

To do shit for three years. I haven't been able to

1:23:57

fucking thing. I've been like tied And

1:24:00

now I can do it again and I'm so fucking excited.

1:24:02

And I heard you've been doing Ozempic

1:24:04

or generic Ozempic. I do generic Ozempic.

1:24:06

How is it? Oh, it's great.

1:24:08

I'm thinking about it. It's great. Yeah. I

1:24:11

actually really like it. Why? Tell me all about it. or

1:24:14

whatever and I'm like, no, I'm like trying to like be- Who says

1:24:16

you need to stop talking about it? I mean random people that don't-

1:24:18

Like people who write you? But also it's like the

1:24:20

thing is, it's like, I'm not stealing

1:24:22

it from diabetic people. I wish

1:24:25

I was. That would, it would feel more powerful.

1:24:28

Like if you're taking it from someone's like the hand that

1:24:30

they still have. What

1:24:32

do you mean? Like your diabics get their limbs

1:24:34

cut off. Oh yeah, that would be empowering Ozempic.

1:24:36

I'd be like, oh my God, I actually stole this

1:24:38

from someone that needs it. No, but the

1:24:41

generic stuff is like very easy to get. It's really

1:24:43

cheap. It's like, it's totally like affordable,

1:24:45

easy to find. But

1:24:47

I really like it. And what I think was going on

1:24:49

with, I wasn't

1:24:51

like incredibly overweight or anything, but

1:24:53

I was- No. I looked, the

1:24:56

problem is I looked good at every weight. So it's hard to lose

1:24:58

weight if you look at it every weight. But I

1:25:00

was technically

1:25:03

on this scale overweight. I didn't

1:25:05

hold it well. Was it like, I'm doing

1:25:08

all this stuff on TV and I'm on

1:25:10

all these videos and I'm like- I had

1:25:12

my special I want to do all these

1:25:14

things. It was just like, I froze my eggs over

1:25:18

a year, a little over a year ago. And

1:25:20

I just could not lose weight afterwards. And

1:25:22

I think it was actually more my energy

1:25:24

being zapped and being not aligned and doing

1:25:26

things that I wanted and being an unhealthy

1:25:29

relationship. So you're like, if I lose weight, I'll

1:25:31

have more energy. My friend just started it and

1:25:33

she said, it's stolen all of her energy. I

1:25:35

think a lot of people have a bad reaction

1:25:37

to it. And I think those people should listen

1:25:39

to their bodies. And it's kind of like with

1:25:41

weed, where it's like some people weed really helps

1:25:43

and is a stimulant and help and whatever for

1:25:45

them. It's a depressant for

1:25:48

me. And for me, ozempic helps me. It

1:25:51

calmed my mind where I talk myself out

1:25:53

of things, like going to the gym and

1:25:55

things like that. Now I

1:25:57

haven't worked on ozempic. No,

1:26:00

no, no, no, no, no. But it is kind of fucking

1:26:02

amazing. I don't do this shit. But it will make you floppy.

1:26:04

You feel floppy? Yeah, but I'm usually very strong. But

1:26:08

I am doing that. It's just I had a chest problem. Randy,

1:26:10

come here. Come here, people. I'm

1:26:13

not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm

1:26:16

not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not

1:26:18

sure. I'm not sure. I'm

1:26:20

not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm

1:26:23

not sure. It

1:26:30

does. Dr. Drew says no. And

1:26:32

he's got an interview. You got to call him. It's helping

1:26:34

me with it. Literally is helping me with my ADD. I don't know what

1:26:36

it is. Look, the dog likes me. Oh, I know. He's

1:26:39

so cute. Nobody likes me. It's nice. He

1:26:42

likes a cracky friend. What was I going to

1:26:44

say? Hey, you have to

1:26:46

ask Dr. Drew about Ozempic. Former

1:26:49

Dopey intern, Claire, former Dopey

1:26:51

associate producer, Claire wants to

1:26:53

know, have you ever boofed

1:26:55

any substances? Cattamine. You

1:26:58

boofed cattamine. What was the, tell me when? I can tell

1:27:01

you when because it's going to be dark. Why

1:27:03

dark? Because it wasn't that long ago. But

1:27:06

I got a little, but no, no, no, no, no. It

1:27:09

was last year. But I

1:27:11

was, and I also have like, I

1:27:14

believe in cattamine as a medicine. Yeah.

1:27:17

Like big time, big time, big time, big time. So

1:27:19

does Emilia. Like 100%. As

1:27:21

a party drug, I think it is really,

1:27:23

really, really bad and toxic. Why? Because,

1:27:26

okay, for me, it just hit

1:27:28

that addictive. Were you doing a lot

1:27:30

of cattamine? I was. When?

1:27:32

Last year. Okay. This

1:27:35

is, I'm uncovering something here. So I was,

1:27:37

it's making me even itch my nose. It's

1:27:40

so funny because my mother-in-law was like, I think, because my

1:27:42

twin brother is Tourette's and I was like, oh, I used to have like

1:27:44

little ticks. And she goes, I think you haven't usually like this. And

1:27:47

I go, did you notice it last year? Because

1:27:49

if you notice it last year, it was because I

1:27:51

was. This pre-boofing, you were constantly putting up your nose.

1:27:54

Well, my nose was clogged. I was like, how was it? I just

1:27:56

wanted to try it. Not good. You

1:27:58

didn't like it up to the butt. It's not. But

1:28:00

you are insane if you're boofing something. If

1:28:02

you're boofing something, it's not good. Everybody says

1:28:05

boofing meth is way better than any

1:28:07

other way. I just think boofing, it was like

1:28:09

a funny, like I wanted to try it. I was trying to get

1:28:11

Josh harder to do it with me once. He was like, I'm not

1:28:13

boofing it, but Josh is such like a, I don't know if you

1:28:16

know him, he's such a stunt guy. So

1:28:18

I'm like, I feel stunk, I was doing it in like

1:28:20

a stunker way. I was like, I want to boof this, see

1:28:22

what it's like. And then I didn't even really tell people

1:28:24

about it because I actually felt shameful after I did it. I

1:28:26

went, ew. So who did you tell? Is

1:28:30

this the first time? I don't think I told Todd. This

1:28:32

is a boofing exclusive? I don't usually keep things from

1:28:34

Todd, but boofing was a little embarrassing. I've never boofed anything.

1:28:36

I didn't even understand how it could work.

1:28:39

And then I was wondering if the asshole

1:28:41

becomes the third nostril and somehow sucks

1:28:44

it up. Or do you have

1:28:46

water, powder? No water. And like,

1:28:48

I never really understood the, I was trying.

1:28:50

Your hand, turkey basting, syringes. Yeah, it's like

1:28:53

a little, like one of those little like

1:28:55

medicine syringes for kids or whatever. That's what

1:28:57

you used. I haven't boofed,

1:28:59

no. You haven't boofed. You're looking so like.

1:29:01

Amelia loves you. She's amazing.

1:29:03

I also love ketamine. She loves you

1:29:05

and ketamine. I love ketamine so much. I think

1:29:07

it's such a good, I

1:29:09

liked it as a party drug for a little

1:29:12

while. Like obviously in high school was like the

1:29:14

fucking shit. I remember on New Year's

1:29:16

2000, my friends and

1:29:18

I were 16 and we were, he had

1:29:20

a sister that was 23, this like hot bitch

1:29:22

sister. And she had all these cool hot friends.

1:29:24

And they had this house in Maniunk.

1:29:26

And we went to this like crazy like adult party.

1:29:29

And I drove like my parents 1993 Camry. And

1:29:33

we get there and we're like

1:29:35

doing a bunch of drugs and we think

1:29:37

it's coke. I take like a big, and

1:29:39

then I'm like fucking K-hole. I'm like, oh

1:29:42

my God, like holy shit. I think everyone probably

1:29:44

has that story. And we're

1:29:46

like so drunk and so fucked up. And then

1:29:48

a guy comes in

1:29:51

off the street that is not invited to the party and

1:29:54

gets in a fight with one of the

1:29:56

guys. And then I think someone, there's a

1:29:58

racial slur said. And then a

1:30:00

window kicked in. This is Philly, there's always

1:30:02

a real place. Total mayhem. And then a window's

1:30:05

kicked in, and then everyone's kicked out. Now we were

1:30:07

gonna sleep over, because we're the children. And

1:30:09

then I think because cops were coming, they're like, no children,

1:30:11

you gotta get the fuck out of here now. So I'm

1:30:13

like barely coming out of a K hole. And I'm like

1:30:15

to my friend, John, like you're gonna drive, right? And he's like,

1:30:18

I'm not driving, I'm fucked up. So I'm like, oh my God, so I remember

1:30:20

I had to drive home. Give me K hole. Well,

1:30:22

I mean, I'm a little bit out of it, but I'm like, what

1:30:25

if all the drugs would be on me? What's

1:30:27

the worst one to be on while you're driving? But

1:30:30

I was just really, and I've been drinking, and I just

1:30:32

remember like people beeping to go

1:30:34

through the red light. So you like

1:30:37

medically prescribed ketamine? What

1:30:39

I liked, okay, what I liked about party ketamine,

1:30:41

I think, was that it felt like I could

1:30:43

do a drug that wasn't that big a deal.

1:30:46

So Lucy, Lucy. It just didn't feel like a lot. It

1:30:50

just, you don't feel that, to me, I didn't feel

1:30:52

that messed up, and it doesn't last that long, and

1:30:54

you're still able to communicate with people, depending, you know,

1:30:56

you were able to do not that much. And

1:30:58

so for me, it felt like, okay,

1:31:02

so I think a lot of my addiction

1:31:04

is, what

1:31:06

used to be like repressed shame, repressed

1:31:09

guilt, you know, all of this stuff, but

1:31:11

also a lot of it is my

1:31:14

dad and I love to be bad, and

1:31:17

we do it with food. My dad will look

1:31:19

at me when I'm visiting, and he'll go, do you want to

1:31:21

go to the grocery store and get something B-A-D? And we'll

1:31:24

like go get cake, Your

1:31:26

special time together. Exactly, it's like this like, doing

1:31:29

something gluttonous that's bad, right? Together

1:31:31

though. So yes, it's like a

1:31:33

loving, exactly. So I think when I

1:31:36

found ketamine again, at later times in

1:31:38

my life, it didn't feel

1:31:40

like bad doing it. I didn't

1:31:42

feel like, oh, I'm a bad person, this is a bad

1:31:44

drug, this is like whatever, because it just wasn't that, it

1:31:48

just didn't get me that fucked up. So it was

1:31:50

fine. So I could be around a bunch of people drinking,

1:31:52

and I could still like, I could hang out longer, and

1:31:54

weed actually felt way more dangerous, because

1:31:56

weed would just, I would just get, it

1:31:59

would ruin my life. But then I started

1:32:01

like having the baggies of ketamine around and

1:32:03

then it was like oh I have

1:32:06

like I want to work on my set for tonight. Oh

1:32:09

Instead I'll do ketamine And

1:32:11

I wasn't the way I was

1:32:13

doing it didn't feel like I was learning like

1:32:15

when I do ketamine medically It's like I

1:32:18

like learn a lot. I don't feel depressed the

1:32:20

way I was doing was making me depressed. It was making

1:32:22

me tired I was too much. How'd you

1:32:24

stop? I just stopped. I had a

1:32:26

I had a moment. I was on an airplane. I just

1:32:29

realized that I their

1:32:31

sacrifices I need to make for My

1:32:34

goals and the things that I want to do I feel like

1:32:36

I'm on this planet to make the laugh make you feel good

1:32:38

and that I'm I'm dimming

1:32:40

my light when I do these things and so

1:32:42

I was on an airplane I had a little

1:32:44

baggie of ketamine because doing it on the airplane is actually

1:32:46

kind of you're like very relaxing But

1:32:50

I went and I have my little bag and I had like a little

1:32:52

ceremony for myself and that you know I did most of it and then

1:32:54

when there's a little lesson I went I Like

1:32:57

had a little thing. I said like to my spirit guide

1:32:59

those like I am I

1:33:01

am sacrificing this For

1:33:03

my special for my jokes my future For

1:33:07

anyone for you know Like just all the things that

1:33:09

I want for building you know building this thing for

1:33:11

my light or whatever and then I just dumped Out

1:33:13

in the toilet and that was it. That

1:33:15

was the last time good equating things I can probably put

1:33:17

the shit on this something that was the last

1:33:20

time you free-wheeled But I do

1:33:22

think the medical stuff I do actually think is incredible and

1:33:24

it will like it will Completely

1:33:27

like redirect your neural pathways. It's very

1:33:29

good for people that are like getting

1:33:31

on antidepressants Or it takes so long for

1:33:33

the antidepressant to work. I hear it's

1:33:35

amazing for PTSD It's really good for

1:33:37

suicide and if you have like a guide with you and

1:33:40

someone you're talking to it can really be so cool I

1:33:42

only did ketamine by choice once

1:33:45

and I was young and I was like at a

1:33:47

club and somebody Somebody was trying to

1:33:49

get me to like buy a pound of wheat.

1:33:51

I think I was in a limo He's like

1:33:53

try this he had a huge fucking mound of

1:33:56

ketamine. I sniffed it and I like fell out

1:33:58

of the limo Yeah, but then later Someone

1:34:00

had started replacing the heroin

1:34:02

with ketamine. Yeah, and I

1:34:04

would find myself like sleepwalking

1:34:07

I found myself falling off the couch into forward

1:34:09

rolls like I'm not usually very limber But the

1:34:11

real crazy thing was that I just want to

1:34:13

tell you the story cuz I think it's funny

1:34:16

I go to bed and

1:34:18

I wake up outside of my

1:34:20

apartment Closing the door in my underwear

1:34:22

because I slept walked out of the

1:34:25

apartment And the door woke

1:34:27

me the staff of the fucking lock clicking woke

1:34:29

me up you were outside. Yeah But

1:34:34

I had no clothes oh that I had to call

1:34:36

my dad I always couldn't find my pants I

1:34:38

would be in like there was one night One

1:34:41

of my last nights of drinking was in New York. I

1:34:44

had moved to New York. So I was drinking in Santa Fe

1:34:46

I crashed my scooter. This is this was what this was my

1:34:48

like should have been my your bottom Should

1:34:50

have been I was fucking wasted. This

1:34:52

was a work time at rehab I

1:34:55

was It was like my

1:34:57

how many years have been in Santa Fe maybe like seven

1:34:59

or eight years. I've been in Santa Fe seven years and

1:35:02

I Had

1:35:04

a motor scooter and I'll

1:35:06

go around I was like beep at people flash people

1:35:08

like I was like crazy Santa Fe bitch

1:35:10

and One

1:35:13

day I was so wasted and I went I

1:35:15

was like was my friend's 30th birthday I was

1:35:17

gonna give him a shot for his birthday. That's

1:35:20

so embarrassing. That's a present for some That's

1:35:23

amazing. That's nice. Oh, yeah, I wish

1:35:26

I made him but I made him buy me drinks on

1:35:28

it I was like, it's your birthday. Buy me shots. I was

1:35:30

fucked up and then we're gonna go to my friend Daniel's house

1:35:32

and But

1:35:34

I always say like saved me I may have gotten

1:35:36

wounds all over my body But it saved me from

1:35:38

the wounds that reappear all the time from my friend

1:35:40

Albert It would have definitely given me herpes all over my

1:35:42

face and body That

1:35:45

was a huge fear you had to Getting

1:35:47

a CD herpes. Did I say

1:35:49

that you I've heard you say I'm somewhere that you

1:35:52

were always afraid I did I did because I

1:35:54

was so like I would black out and hook up

1:35:56

with people and I just like I Can't

1:35:59

believe I never did Harpies is like crazy. I got shingles.

1:36:01

That was the only herpes I ever got. And

1:36:03

chicken pox. Shingles is such an old lady,

1:36:06

old Jewish lady. I couldn't believe it. I was 19 when I got it. I

1:36:08

was like, what am I? I thought it was a good, may as

1:36:10

well be a good one. I got the shingles.

1:36:12

My grandma always had shingles. And

1:36:15

then once you get them, you're always susceptible. They're

1:36:17

harpies. They're typical harpies. So what

1:36:19

happened? You woke up? So I was

1:36:21

driving to my friend's house and I peeled

1:36:23

out on

1:36:25

gravel and I woke up with my chin

1:36:28

completely split open, cuts all over my face.

1:36:30

I had road rash all over my tits,

1:36:32

like down to my nipple. Oh my God.

1:36:34

Cuts all over like my front of my arms. And

1:36:38

yeah, I just crashed. And I

1:36:40

couldn't remember anything. And

1:36:42

I woke up and my friend, I was living at my friend's house

1:36:44

and he was at his girlfriend's house. So I called and I was

1:36:46

like, hey, you got to like take me to the

1:36:49

hospital. And they like sewed me

1:36:51

up. I was still so wasted. And

1:36:54

I called, but I guess I called my parents the next day

1:36:56

and they're like, you called us last night. So I guess I

1:36:59

called them after I crashed. I had been like, I'm

1:37:02

fucked up. I need to go to rehab. And

1:37:05

my mom said, you don't need rehab for drinking. You

1:37:07

need rehab for life. Because they were trying to get

1:37:09

me to do the landmark forum. Did

1:37:12

you ever do that? I did do it. How was

1:37:14

that? I had a friend who

1:37:16

sweared by that, swore by it. I did it. And

1:37:18

then I had

1:37:20

like something happen in the program that made me

1:37:23

not interested in continuing. Well,

1:37:26

they, I don't want to get a defamation

1:37:29

suit or anything, but it was pretty bad. Was

1:37:31

it along the lines of other things that had happened to you?

1:37:34

But it didn't happen to me. It's horrible. I

1:37:36

know. I'm in a weird place where it's like, I'm

1:37:38

always like, I want to

1:37:40

like, I am, but not anymore.

1:37:42

But I was a magnet. I think, but I think, I

1:37:44

think it was like, these are like lessons that I had

1:37:46

to learn in my life to level me up to where

1:37:48

I am spiritually. Because I do think like, I

1:37:51

just think I learned so many things so

1:37:54

young and I feel really like very proud

1:37:56

of how I have navigated through life. And I don't

1:37:58

believe you. I'm very proud of myself. you when I

1:38:00

say you're a magnet. No, no, no. Because also like, no, I

1:38:02

don't think you are either, but I do think that I like,

1:38:05

I do think that it was like, these are like

1:38:07

lessons that I, that's why you didn't want us to

1:38:09

come today. Exactly.

1:38:12

I think that's good. But I told you, I'm

1:38:14

like, in my beginning stages of like strong boundaries, and

1:38:17

you're one of my testing.

1:38:19

So manifesting the next phase

1:38:21

of Annie Letterman world domination,

1:38:23

what does it look like?

1:38:27

What is the type, what do I

1:38:29

do? What are you gonna do? What are my plans?

1:38:31

Yeah, what are your plans? I have, I have this horror

1:38:33

movie I'm working on. I also have this sort of

1:38:35

like cute brother sister rom com

1:38:37

that I have that I started with Dan Powell,

1:38:40

like, 10, seven years

1:38:42

ago, and now we're revisiting it. But I,

1:38:44

it's so funny, like, I have this like

1:38:46

big time guy who's like doing all this

1:38:48

he's Amy's trimmers producer. And we

1:38:50

had this deal that we were working on that was like

1:38:52

with one of these studios years ago, and I didn't know

1:38:55

how to like work with people. People at that point, and

1:38:57

I didn't know how to like, assert my

1:38:59

voice. And now I totally can. So

1:39:01

it's like, it's good timing. But he kept hitting me up

1:39:03

and being like, when are we going to do this again?

1:39:05

And I was like, didn't know how to explain to him,

1:39:07

like, I'm so zapped. It's like seems impossible. But

1:39:10

now that my that I'm, I'm streamlining

1:39:12

all of my, my things, I'm

1:39:15

like, I have so much time now. I'm like, so excited. So

1:39:17

you'd want to be like a movie star? Sure. I

1:39:20

want to read a book. I want to finish these movies.

1:39:23

The fucking horror movie I have written is so funny. I'm going to

1:39:25

be in a horror movie, but I'm not gonna talk about it.

1:39:27

What's the horror movie? Well,

1:39:29

can you give us any any, I mean, it

1:39:31

was announced already. And then I thought I wasn't going to be in

1:39:34

it. So then I got all salty. But then I am going to

1:39:36

be in it again. But it hasn't been shot yet. So then I

1:39:38

don't talk about it. But it's Terrifier three. What about this

1:39:40

thing that you're working the idea that you're gonna write? Okay, the

1:39:42

movie I can't I mean, I'm not gonna tell you what

1:39:44

it's about. But it's so fucking funny. And it's so good.

1:39:47

And it's gonna be like a comedy horror.

1:39:50

What about ecstasy? You seem like somebody

1:39:52

that really like ecstasy. I did you

1:39:54

ecstasy. Last

1:39:57

Tuesday. No, no, no, no, no. The