One the final episode of Season One of Double Happiness Multiplied we discuss the different avenues people take to address their grief when things don’t go the way they hoped during their multiple pregnancies.
Alexa Bigwarfe tells us how she turned to advocacy to help her heal following the passing of one of her twin daughters, just two days after her birth.
Scott Beedie gives us a dad’s perspective of the emotional struggle and turmoil he experienced when he was told one of his twin’s hearts had stopped beating t just 21-weeks’ gestation.
And, Psychologist Dr Gretta Little shares some advice on recognising when it’s time you need to get some professional help to deal with your emotions.
Joy and Sorrow
We’ve spoken about the joys and the sorrows of multiple pregnancies throughout Season One of this podcast, and it’s clear each and every person who’s been touched by multiples find their own way to face their realities, whether it’s coming to terms with carrying more than one, two, or three babies or finding out that you won’t be taking one or both of your twins’ home.
Alexa’s Story
After Alexa Bigwarfe’s twin girls were born, she was certain the medical system would fix her daughter who was extremely affected by twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, sadly Kathryn passed away just two days after she was born. Her twin sister Charis had a long journey in the NICU, which saw Alexa turn to advocacy to come to terms with the loss.
“In a nutshell, I started blogging both about my grief and about twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome,”
“I started interviewing other parents and talking with them about their stories, and what I found was that so many situations were so similar to mine,”
“Their doctors were either nonchalant about it, never mentioned it, didn’t give them all the information,’’ says Alexa.
Do your Research
During her research, Alexa found that there are a significant number of babies born prematurely between 26-and-30 weeks because of twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome, which means they’re impacted by all the issue that comes with being pre-term.
“I wanted to really make some noise about it,”
“In the year that I was looking at the research, I found out that more babies died annually from twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome than SIDS,”
“We couldn’t change our story but potentially if someone else got the information in time then they could change theirs,” Alexa says.
The Advocate
It wasn’t long before Alexa found herself acting as an advocate for mothers. She says with doctors being so busy, mums and dads carting multiples have to be their own advocates and their own source of information,” she says.
Alexa admits she never like being the negative person but now if she comes across someone who is pregnant with identical twins, whether she knows them or not, she gives them information about TTTS.
“I say to them, I don’t want to scare you but I’d rather you be scared than go through a situation like I did,”
“I tell them about TTTS, and I tell them where the best resources for information are and I tell them where to find the questions to ask their doctor,
“And I say if your doctor is unwilling, or can’t find answers to these questions, I beg you to go and find another doctor immediately,” insists Alexa.
Purpose
Alexa admits she’s not deterred by the anger from other people when she’s sharing information. She says she feels it’s her purpose to inform people and try and save others from the same heartache she experienced.
“I’d much rather someone be terrified right now and be educated, and aware, and not ignorant,”
“Unfortunately, in our situation by the time they were diagnosed they were so far along that it makes it more difficult to do things to help them,” says Alexa.
Scott’s Story
Scott Beedie was also forced to face a situation he never imagined.