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Thanks for listening to my Call of

0:33

the Day podcast. You can hear my

0:36

live radio program Monday through Friday from

0:38

2 to 5 p.m. Eastern time on

0:40

SiriusXM Triumph 111. Kelly,

0:43

welcome to the program. Hi,

0:45

Dr. Lara. Thank you for taking my call today.

0:48

You're welcome. So

0:50

I'm going to go right to the point. I appreciate

0:52

all the work that you do. I've been listening for

0:55

about a year now. Straight

0:57

to the point, I got married

0:59

in 96, was married for

1:02

10 years. We had three children, and

1:04

we went through a horrific, devastating

1:06

divorce of infidelity and all that.

1:09

Why was it a terrible divorce? What happened?

1:11

Yeah. Well, the

1:14

girl he went with, he had her

1:16

move in for a kid in school.

1:18

We were still married. During

1:20

the time, it was just because it

1:22

was out of the blue. He

1:26

moved his girlfriend into your

1:28

home? He

1:30

moved the girlfriend into his apartment near

1:32

my home, where I was with the

1:34

kids. And she put her kid in

1:36

school with mine, with one

1:39

of my boys, and we

1:42

weren't even finalized or divorced. It was

1:44

really, it was devastating for me personally

1:46

because... Oh my God, yes. Yeah,

1:49

yeah, very, very bad. So

1:52

from the divorce in 2006, I

1:56

was just trying to survive with my sons.

1:58

I have three sons. They're all adults. Now.

2:01

And. Dating for me

2:03

wasn't even a question. Because

2:05

they were little still and I was

2:08

to fry to even think about. Getting.

2:11

Emotionally connected to someone again.

2:13

so I really just focused

2:16

on my boys. Good.

2:18

Fading into didn't enter. They. Needed

2:20

that. Yes, he did And I. I was

2:23

there for everything and never left the never

2:25

went anywhere. I

2:27

just wherever they needed in the

2:29

school. Constantly everything and working and

2:32

it was difficult. I'm sixty four

2:34

years now of age and my

2:36

son the road built. During.

2:39

The time period that. The. Kids

2:42

were growing up. I did meet a man

2:44

online. And at

2:46

the time. I. Saw Okay well

2:48

it's case cause he's far away and

2:50

I'll have to worry I can't leave

2:52

my kids. He lives very far and

2:55

it's just you know someone to talk

2:57

to and and at it eventually turned

2:59

into me becoming very clingy. my anxiety?

3:01

that feeling very triggered. Because.

3:06

I. Wanted. To. Have it. But

3:08

the relationship that I couldn't. Because.

3:10

He couldn't leave. I can just

3:12

move. Take my kids. In

3:15

Up. Their. Lives after everything

3:17

they'd already been through. I'm.

3:20

Fast for it. All these years, I'm still in

3:22

contact with this man. He did come to see

3:25

me. But

3:27

I am still and I'm stuck

3:29

here now even though my son's

3:31

her, don't I gotta get free.

3:35

Somehow. Sorry, I don't, How are

3:37

you on free would you mean? So

3:40

my oldest son. Went. Through

3:42

a separation. With.

3:44

his the though the woman that he had

3:46

a child was and he wound up having

3:48

to come back and live with me was

3:51

twenty twenty one and and was the first

3:53

time i was in my own place of

3:55

it excellent business work for myself and i

3:57

was starting my life or my own and

3:59

he came back He's

4:02

constantly telling me you need to go and

4:04

go live your life but I personally feel

4:07

like I can't because I

4:09

leave I feel like I'm leaving my kids and

4:11

it doesn't make any sense

4:13

to me because they're not kids. Your

4:19

husband left his kids. Yeah

4:23

and he went and got married and he

4:25

travels and does everything. That's not the point.

4:27

God you're still frothing over it. I

4:30

am. Okay and you

4:32

did the right thing and

4:34

you were noble and a good mom and

4:38

they're adults now. You

4:43

know me always taking on a new

4:45

project. Let me tell you about my

4:47

latest one. A total remodel of the

4:49

kitchen in my gym where I record

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my workout Wednesday videos. It's

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I just had my first virtual

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consultation with my cabinets to go

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6:42

25. Yes, they are. And

6:45

I'm scared to live my life now. Well, how did you

6:49

tell them to deal with their fears of

6:51

something new? How did you tell

6:53

your kids to handle that? Baby

6:56

steps. You said baby steps? Well, depending

6:59

on what it was, you know,

7:01

but I told them, you

7:06

can do this. So in other words, you did not tell them

7:08

that they should not do it because

7:11

they were scared? Never. I told them, you

7:13

know, I'm not going to do it because I'm scared. So

7:20

they're little kids and you're a big adult. You

7:25

wanted them to work out in spite of their fears,

7:29

but you don't want to do the same? I

7:32

feel like if I just go and live my life. I don't care how

7:34

you feel. I don't care how you feel. I don't care how you feel.

7:36

I don't. You

7:40

could have all kinds of bizarre feelings all

7:42

day, all night, and I don't care. We

7:45

entertain all kinds of weird shit and

7:47

think it's meaningful because it's a feeling.

7:51

Yeah, true. Most feelings are

7:55

just emotional chaos verbalized. Every

8:02

node your food tell you. The

8:07

thought. Oh. Sir

8:10

Bernard Hogan, Tell me if you

8:12

don't start living your life now

8:14

in calculating some new out yourself.

8:17

You can be stuck here. Well.

8:21

They're reading on, just waiting on your sons

8:23

and. Serving and serving as

8:25

well as unlikely? yes, of course. But at

8:27

and they they don't need you to do

8:29

that, They need to go out on their

8:32

own and figure their own stuff out the

8:34

way you. Need to figure year does out. And

8:38

just get on a plane and just go

8:40

see. This person is is seen as I

8:42

don't believe in chasing man. I believe it's

8:44

their job. So.

8:48

I don't care about this guy either, but you

8:50

need to be available for something that's available. But.

8:53

No, you don't drink. unwrap everything. To

8:55

go chase him. Dude. The.

8:58

Three. New.

9:02

Series. Of series series or movie

9:04

which is wonderful you should watch

9:06

and will have you crying. I

9:08

think George Clooney in. Somebody.

9:11

Made of We do have it. It wasn't. Two.

9:13

Percent is good. If it's called a

9:16

man and a woman. They. Bows

9:18

and Woman. I think were

9:20

widowed. I'm. Not sure about

9:22

that by say they were both widowed. And

9:24

they both had one a boy and

9:27

want a girl and they both. Clooney.

9:29

Had the girl she had to boy and

9:31

they had the menace. Of course they weren't

9:33

raising them, they had done in a school.

9:38

I think it was a boarding school. Anyway, they go visit

9:40

and beat each other. They'll

9:43

her husband died in combat. And.

9:45

All she can envision is the bombs

9:48

going off and him finally being blown

9:50

to smithereens. So she's. Really?

9:52

Ceiling Tremendous amount of and I'll use

9:55

the word guilt. and

9:57

having an attraction having sex getting

9:59

and involved, invested in any other man.

10:02

Okay? So that's basically the premise.

10:05

So they get close and then she pulls away and they

10:07

get close and she pulls away the usual neurotic stuff. Okay?

10:10

The part of the movie that I want

10:12

you to know is

10:15

she gets on a train

10:17

to go entirely across most

10:19

of Europe. And

10:24

she's on this train just looking like,

10:28

okay? And he's

10:30

devastated that she left. And

10:33

part of the movie is they show

10:36

like a Google I view of

10:38

the train. It's in a cartoon

10:40

form, you know, on a map just

10:42

going across Europe. He

10:44

gets in his car and

10:47

chases the train all

10:49

across Europe. I don't know how he did it in one tank

10:51

of gas but we'll leave that for now. She

10:55

gets off the train and whatever God

10:57

forsaken city she decides to stop in

10:59

and he's standing there. And

11:03

somehow then it broke

11:06

her fears and her

11:08

guilt because she

11:11

was so overwhelmed by

11:13

his willingness to put himself

11:16

that out, to sacrifice that much, to

11:18

be that vulnerable. Whatever it was, it

11:20

released her into his arms

11:23

emotionally as well as physically.

11:27

That's the way it works the best. If

11:31

this man wants you to come get you. He

11:36

came the first three times

11:38

and then he left. I'm not talking

11:41

about a visit. I'm not

11:43

talking about a visit. Right,

11:46

me either. I don't want that. No,

11:48

if he wants to court

11:50

you, he'll have to relocate

11:54

and court you without

11:56

expectation. Yeah. Yeah.

11:58

If he's not going to do that. forget him

12:00

and get on

12:02

with going for dance lessons,

12:05

going to church, going on

12:07

hiking things and meeting people,

12:10

whatever. That's

12:12

right. Thank you. That's what

12:14

I needed to hear. This

12:20

guy wanted a relationship. He would have moved. Ten

12:24

years is too long. It's been too long. Yeah.

12:28

You're right. And

12:32

you've been hanging on to that as your little

12:35

security blanket. I'm

12:38

taking it away from you. I've

12:41

been using the kids as a security blanket too.

12:43

Yes. Too long. Thank you.

12:45

Thank you for being the one to say that,

12:47

so I didn't have to beat up on you.

12:50

No, it's true. I know. I'm pretty

12:53

self-aware in that way. That's what I call it. Good. Good.

13:01

Good. No excuses. Just going to do

13:03

it? No. Life is

13:05

short. I

13:08

mean, I remember being 50. Everything

13:10

from 50 to 77 is a blur. Where

13:13

did that go? Wow.

13:18

Yeah. Everybody's just

13:20

going to have to fend for themselves now. Yes.

13:23

And it'll be good for them. Help

13:26

turn them into men and it'll be good

13:28

for you. Set you

13:30

free, babe. Yeah. Yeah.

13:36

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, Dr.

13:38

Laura. I believe you. First

13:41

thing you're going to do is get a new hairdo. That's

13:44

right. I was just thinking that today. I was like,

13:47

cuz. I'm going to get a train. First thing is

13:49

a new hairdo. Just sit there

13:51

and go. Look at the shape of my face. What

13:54

would be cool? And do

13:56

it. Take a step.

13:58

Move forward. New

14:00

hairdos do it. Call me back

14:02

anytime. Yes, indeed. I'm

14:08

getting a new hairdo this week too. I went through

14:10

some older pictures and I went, Yeah, I really

14:12

like to. I thought I like to work and it was easy for

14:14

me to do. Either

14:20

that or you hire somebody to come every morning and do your hair. No.

14:25

I go do the right thing. Please

14:29

join the growing number of listeners who

14:31

have signed up for the Dr. Laura

14:33

family. It's free, you get priority access

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personally design and handcraft myself. You also get our newsletter, The Daily

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family. booking

14:55

our family beach vacation a breeze. And it

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felt a little like... ["Ave Maria"]

15:02

["Ave Maria"] ["Ave

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Maria"] ["Ave Maria"] Time

15:08

to go. Oh! ["Ave Maria"]

15:12

Okay, kids. Back in the room. You

15:15

gotta come on, guys. Good

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