The soon-to-be former Representative of North Carolina, Madison Cawthorn, has done more since breakfast than you've done your entire life.

Between fussin', fightin', fornicatin' and destroying the two main methods of public transportation, he's a five-star man... caught in a world full of emasculated males who obey speeding laws and sexual consent. SAD!

Co-written by TeeJay Small. Teejay does comedy writing on Fiverr. Reach out to him on Fiverr here or read his excellent writing at Medium.

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