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eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Welcome

1:35

to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where

1:37

two lifelong friends

1:41

talk about life for a long time.

1:43

I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week

1:46

at the round table of dim lighting,

1:48

we're gonna be talking about

1:50

a little trip that

1:52

we both took, but not together, but it

1:54

was to the same place and we didn't

1:56

see each other. We almost did, but we

1:58

didn't see each other. I

2:01

actually dreamed that I saw you.

2:03

Oh really? Cause I kept thinking I was going to

2:05

see you and then I didn't accept in

2:07

a dream. And I was like, oh,

2:09

there he is. While

2:12

you were there, you dreamed it? It

2:14

might've been last night cause I just remembered it. Well,

2:17

I learned something about myself, not

2:20

seeing you had nothing

2:22

to do with that, but like this

2:24

trip taught me some things about myself. Come

2:26

do some realizations, Link. Okay.

2:30

Are you sure you want to share it? Is it the type of thing

2:32

that, does it make you look good or make

2:34

you look bad? I don't know, Link. I don't

2:36

want to think about it in that way. I will say.

2:38

You just want to be honest. This

2:40

episode of Ear Biscuits is

2:44

unexpected. It's happening in an unexpected time because

2:46

we were supposed to be doing something very

2:49

different today. Yeah. That

2:52

we're not going to be talking about because it's a

2:54

part of that show we're working on that

2:57

we talked about on the Rhett and Link channel. We

2:59

were supposed to do something crazy today but the weather

3:01

didn't cooperate. Nope. So

3:04

we did shoot something for that show. I'm glad

3:06

I didn't get worked up all weekend and be

3:08

nervous about it because it didn't happen. It's

3:11

funny because certainly the type of thing that I

3:13

should have gotten worked up about. What I learned

3:15

about myself is kind of directly related to how

3:17

I would have been processing and feeling about the

3:19

thing that we were going to do. But put

3:21

that aside for a second. We do

3:23

both have a full belly

3:26

of shrimp. Right now. We do.

3:29

Just another thing to happen. We got to

3:31

eat lunch out. And

3:34

we never do. And when you get to eat lunch out,

3:36

it's like, ooh, let's go somewhere. Let's

3:38

go somewhere real adventurous. Let's go

3:40

some cinematic. We were also in

3:42

the Universal Studios area. Bubblegump

3:45

Shrimp Company, not a sponsor

3:48

of this episode. I

3:51

was actually disappointed in the number of shrimp options

3:53

that they had. I really thought

3:55

there was going to be more shrimp options. There's at least 20

3:58

options for shrimp. I wanted you on. I wanted

4:00

fried shrimp and grilled shrimp or

4:03

like some sort of scampi and it wasn't,

4:05

you know, that wasn't an option.

4:08

You can add shrimp to any dish. You

4:11

could have been like, can I add grilled shrimp to this? You

4:14

totally should have. That was what you were thinking, you should have done

4:16

it. Well, I'll have to

4:18

keep that in mind five

4:21

years from now when I do find myself at

4:23

a bubblegum shrimp company again. I remember not- That's

4:25

about my frequency. I remember not liking it the

4:27

last time I was there but today I feel

4:29

like I made a better choice. It was good.

4:32

Well, your company was not- I was trying to

4:34

keep it a little bit

4:36

reasonable for a lunch knowing that we

4:38

were gonna slide this podcast into the

4:40

day's arrangement. You wanna be a bad

4:42

boy? Well, I always wanna be

4:45

a bad boy but if you're a bad boy

4:47

right before a podcast, it slows you down. So

4:49

I got the grilled mahi

4:52

mahi and grilled shrimp. This

4:55

is our podcast now. Just say what we just

4:57

had for lunch. Have you heard of a show

4:59

called Good Mythical Morning? The only reason

5:01

people watch that is because we talk about what we eat. It's

5:03

like the waiter came up to us today and he was like-

5:05

Everyone's gonna click on this episode. Oh, you're the food guys. That's

5:08

what he called us. Well, first he

5:10

said, you're the food guys and

5:12

then we're like, yep, and he was like,

5:15

cooks. Because somebody in

5:17

the restaurant had told him the food guys were his-

5:19

Food guys, we better make it good. And we were

5:21

like, no, we kinda just eat. It

5:24

was good. It was good.

5:26

Well, tell them what you had. All the people

5:28

like me are wondering what you had. Oh. Just

5:31

so you understand how hungry people think. They

5:33

wanna know what you had. When I say

5:35

what I have now, you say what you

5:38

had and it makes people hungry folk like

5:40

me excited. We like to

5:42

talk about food. We like to hear people talk

5:44

about food. Do you remember what I had? Yeah,

5:47

but I don't hear you say it. I'm

5:51

still hungry. I had the

5:53

grilled fish and grilled shrimp and I

5:55

wish I'd have what Link had. Yeah, I

5:57

got the, I can't remember what it's called. Oh,

5:59

I- I know what it's called. It was

6:01

stuffed shrimp. I think it's

6:03

called the I'm Stuffed Shrimp. Yep.

6:06

It was the first item on the shrimp page. It

6:08

was big shrimps. With crab stuff.

6:10

They were fried, there was a crab stuffed

6:13

on top of it, like dolloped on top

6:15

of it, and then some Monterey Jack cheese

6:17

on top of that. And

6:20

it was basically like a crab cake on

6:22

top of a shrimp, like little crab cakes

6:24

on a shrimp, it was nice. Did you

6:26

enjoy it? I enjoyed it, yeah, yeah.

6:29

You didn't touch your rice. I did, I

6:31

ate half the rice. I mean, it was just a bunch

6:33

of rice. A bunch of rice left on your plate. I

6:35

gotta eat all that rice. Almost asked to finish it off.

6:39

You could have. I had mashed potatoes. I would

6:41

have given you the rice, dude. It was okay. And

6:43

then when the guy, the guy that called us the food

6:45

guys, don't touch it. The waiter

6:48

came over. The last thing he said was,

6:53

would you like garlic bread for $7? And

6:55

it's just like everything in me was

6:58

like, yes. Would

7:00

you be a good boy? I'd be a good boy, because

7:02

I had a podcast to do, gotta be on my toes.

7:05

I had garlic

7:07

bread with my stuffed shrimp. You notice that

7:09

I also got that? And

7:12

you ate it. It was good. Ooh, that would have

7:14

been a $7 well spent. It

7:16

was so yellow. It was so yellow.

7:19

Some yellow bread. Yeah,

7:22

this mic's gonna be smelling right. We're

7:24

feeling good, we're feeling good. I'm

7:26

feeling a little stuffed. Yeah, you

7:28

are. Yeah, you

7:31

are. That was more food than you did to

7:33

be for lunch. I didn't learn anything on the

7:35

trip where we went, where we didn't see each

7:37

other this weekend, but I was

7:40

solicited and it was really awkward.

7:43

I was embarrassed. I was, yeah,

7:47

in public. Okay. Well,

7:50

do you wanna talk about the trip, or do

7:52

you just wanna talk about the solicitation? I will talk

7:54

about that. That was a bit of a teaser. I

7:56

need to get something else off

7:58

my chest. It's not really. to food, but

8:00

coming back from the trip, you

8:03

know, the doggies were boarded. Jaden Jasper,

8:05

they were boarded. Sokka

8:07

was home alone. You're gonna leave a cat at

8:10

home alone and just have somebody come by once a day

8:12

and throw a piece of meat in the door. Throw meat

8:14

in the door and then scoop crap out

8:16

of the bin and

8:18

that's it. Now he's lonely

8:20

and he's so happy to see us,

8:22

especially when we came in the front

8:25

door last night and

8:27

there were no dogs. Like,

8:30

Sokka the cat is

8:32

so happy to

8:34

see us and

8:36

he like, he receives affection. He

8:38

still bites, but he's doing it and like, oh

8:40

my God, I'm so happy to see you, I

8:43

just want to bite you. Love bites. Kind of

8:45

the thing. And then you sit down on the

8:47

couch and he's like, I

8:49

can just see him. He's looking around waiting for the

8:51

dogs to come out of nowhere. And

8:55

then he becomes convinced again and again and

8:57

again that the dogs aren't there and he'll

8:59

like jump up, sit in our lap while

9:02

we watch TV. And he doesn't

9:04

do that with the dogs. No, no, no, no, the dogs

9:07

won't let, Jade won't let him. And

9:12

I actually, you know,

9:14

went to bed, woke up this morning and

9:17

me and

9:19

Christy were waking up and I was like, I

9:22

hate to say it. It's

9:25

nice not having the dogs here. Oh

9:28

my God. I never thought I would say

9:31

that. You're the guy who worships his dog

9:33

as a religion. I do. And

9:35

so I am really in a bad spot.

9:38

You're a bad boy. I'm in a bad...

9:40

You're being the bad boy now. Because

9:43

when I got home, I really missed the dogs and

9:45

I didn't see them and I didn't get to snuggle

9:48

with them. I hope they're not listening. But

9:50

the cat was okay and then the

9:52

cat was a decent replacement. The

9:55

cat is even softer than Jade, which is the

9:57

softest dog I've ever petted. And

10:00

then I get up from the couch to

10:02

like go to bed after

10:05

watching a show and I'm like, oh, I

10:07

don't have to like take the dogs

10:09

outside and insist that

10:12

they do their business.

10:14

Oh yeah. Go potty. That

10:16

is tough. Go potty, go potty. Standing out

10:18

there. Yeah. Jasper.

10:21

Why else are we out here again? Go potty. Every

10:23

time we come out here, I'm

10:25

expecting you to do the same one

10:27

of two things. Just do it both.

10:29

And then I give you something that

10:32

you want every time you do it.

10:34

Why do we have to keep going through this? Exactly.

10:37

Every time. And Jade is so

10:39

persnickety about where she goes and oh, you

10:41

better hope it's not raining because then all

10:43

bets are off. Do you

10:45

have a spot for when it's raining? I have to go

10:47

out a totally different door. Oh yeah. Onto

10:50

grass. Oh, I got a little. Which is wetter

10:52

than the dirt. Oh, I have a fake patch

10:54

of grass that's underneath an awning. And Sean, the

10:57

only time Sean gets excited is

11:00

when he gets to go to that little patch of grass when it's

11:02

raining. He'll literally do the cartoon thing where

11:04

he starts running on the hardwood floor and he runs

11:06

at least eight steps before he starts making any forward

11:08

motion. Why don't you just

11:10

let him go on it when it's not raining? Because

11:13

it's just a solitary piece of grass and

11:15

I want him going out on the. He

11:18

loves that patch of grass. Lawn, which is also fake, but

11:20

I want him going out there with Barbara, you know. Yeah,

11:22

but you're sitting there like coaxing. Which door do I have

11:24

to go out of? How long do I have to wait?

11:27

And then they won't go at the

11:30

same time. Jasper will not

11:32

go until Jade has gone and

11:34

Jade takes forever. And

11:36

then the moment that Jade finally goes, Jasper

11:39

runs over there and pees on the same spot. Every

11:42

time. Every single time. What is that? What

11:44

is he thinking? Not what is he thinking, but what does that

11:46

mean? I'm

11:49

trying to cover up. I'm covering up. Where

11:51

she just did it. Yeah, yeah, like. So

11:53

it's a dominance thing. Whatever

11:55

you're doing, I've done more of it on top

11:57

of it. So now it's me that's staying here,

11:59

not you. apparently. I

12:02

don't know. I really don't care because

12:04

at least I can rely on him

12:06

to do it instantly. Now when I take him for

12:08

a walk this morning, I didn't have to

12:10

get out of bed and take him for a walk. I did kind

12:12

of miss that. You're going to just leave him at the place? But

12:14

I didn't miss the

12:17

fact that like when I take him

12:19

on a walk, that's when Jade, she

12:21

poops like 20 steps into the walk,

12:23

she'll poop reliably. But then

12:25

I never know when Jassy's going to poop. So

12:28

Jassy's the reliable peer, Jade's the

12:30

reliable pooper, but why can't

12:33

you just poop at the same time? Like

12:35

why can't that be a thing? Just

12:37

try to poop on top of her poop. Like

12:39

he won't do that. Because I think he's not

12:41

marking anything when he's pooping. I don't think they

12:44

use the poop for marking. Even though it would

12:46

be a great mark, you can definitely see it.

12:48

And I slept all night. The dogs have been,

12:50

you know, we moved them from the bed sleeping

12:52

with us to sleeping in like their own little

12:54

kennel at the foot of the bed. But then

12:56

they'll still cry in the middle of the night

12:58

to get in the bed or to get water

13:00

or to go outside. So it's like we

13:03

slept all night without waking up. It was like

13:05

when you find when your baby finally sleeps through

13:07

the night for the first time and you wake

13:09

up and you're like, what

13:13

happened? Did we just sleep

13:15

through the night? Oh my gosh. It

13:17

was because our dogs were still being boarded. They're

13:20

home now. I got a text. Are you looking

13:22

forward to seeing them? I'm so much looking forward

13:24

to seeing them, but it was a nice little

13:26

break to not have them there. I mean, it's

13:30

a lot of responsibility taking care of dogs.

13:32

Oh gosh. It's so much.

13:34

It's worth it. But

13:37

sometimes you need a break. Sometimes

13:40

you need a break. And I'm not going to feel bad about

13:42

it. Jenna, you're

13:44

making faces at me. You

13:46

can't believe it. I'm

13:49

not going to feel bad about it. I was literally minding

13:51

my own business. Earlier I saw

13:53

you making a face. Well,

13:55

I had the initial shock face. Yes.

13:57

But then you're all of your reasoning

13:59

sounds. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. It's

14:01

a lot of work. It's

14:04

worth it, but you better

14:06

be ready for it. It can be a

14:08

lot at certain times. We'll

14:10

talk to you about where we went and

14:12

what we did and what I learned about

14:14

myself. But we want to remind you about

14:16

this wonderful piece of

14:18

literature that we have created. Well,

14:22

we present to you this piece of literature.

14:24

We did not create it. It was the

14:26

creation of Josh Scherer, the

14:29

mythical chef Josh from the Mythical

14:31

Kitchen and the Mythical Kitcheneers. It

14:34

is a recipe book, but it's more than that. It's

14:36

got incredible pictures in there for those of you who

14:38

don't like to read, but just like to look at

14:40

things. And it

14:42

also has, in addition to recipes

14:44

that we've had on the show and in

14:46

original recipes, it has a lot of funny

14:48

copy, they call it. They call

14:51

it copy when it's just words. I

14:53

learned that in my 20s. It was

14:55

new to me when somebody was like talking about

14:57

what's the copy on this? I was like, what

14:59

are they talking about? A copy. Are we making

15:01

copies of something? First time I

15:03

heard somebody say copy. Words. Words. I didn't

15:05

know that. Maybe you did. Now

15:07

you do. It has a lot of copy

15:09

in it. Oh, my God. And we've made copies

15:12

of it so that you can have your own.

15:14

This is not the only one. Good Lord.

15:17

That looks good. mythicalcookbook.com.

15:20

Get yourself that.

15:23

You will love it. Ear

15:29

Biscuits is brought to you by BetterHelp. You

15:31

know, a lot of times I think to myself, I wish

15:33

I had more time. Like, if I could just have an

15:36

extra hour in the day. Sometimes

15:39

I want to cook a meal that takes a

15:41

long time to cook. Or I want to sit

15:43

there and train one of my dogs to do

15:45

something impressive for parties. Well, that takes more than

15:47

an hour. But I guess if you had an

15:50

hour a day. Yeah, I

15:52

would just reorganize my closet.

15:54

Probably. A lot of us

15:56

spend our lives wishing we had more time. The

15:58

question is, time for what? If

16:00

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betterhelp, H-E-L-P,.com/ear. So

16:48

it just happened that we ended up in the

16:50

same place. We both, for

16:54

the holiday weekend, extended weekend,

16:57

went up to Mammoth. Mammoth

16:59

Mountain ski area, ski

17:01

and snowboarding area. And

17:04

this was an interesting trip for me. Five

17:06

hour drive from Los Angeles. I got there,

17:09

drive time? Four

17:11

hours and 40 minutes. Okay. Well,

17:15

we were with another family. I wasn't speeding, I'm just

17:17

saying it like, that's what it gave me. You

17:22

were with another family. I went with

17:24

my son and his two friends. All

17:27

three of them wanted to snowboard for the first

17:30

time. Shepherd had skied before. Yep.

17:32

But you know, he's 15, it's time to like, look

17:35

cool on the mountain. And you do that on a

17:37

board, not on skis. Who are we kidding? You gotta

17:39

have one thing that your two feet are on versus

17:41

two things that one foot is on. Yeah, it seems

17:43

more for the youth. Even

17:46

though I've gotten back into it and now

17:48

I'm just fully committed to snowboarding, which is what

17:50

I did for three days. Had a blast. Lando

17:54

is still on skis, because that's what he

17:57

learned. Well, the thing that hit me. So

18:01

I'm I'm I wanted as we talked about before a

18:03

few weeks ago Like you getting into snowboarding really tempted

18:05

me to try it, but then I was like nope.

18:08

Nope. Nope Your back's feeling

18:10

good Ruined your knees not your

18:12

back, right? So

18:15

that's why I'm skiing and I've

18:17

gotten I'm not good, but I've gotten

18:19

where I will Likely

18:22

not fall at all during the day. I

18:24

don't push it, but I'm like I can

18:26

kind of do it without falling but

18:29

I took the boys to a lesson because

18:31

you know, I Wasn't

18:33

gonna get them to do what we did in what

18:35

I think a lot of people our age did when

18:37

you learn how to ski Or snowboard you just showed

18:39

up at the mountain and no one told you anything

18:42

No one in your group knew what they were doing

18:44

you just went out to some icy mountain Right in

18:46

North Carolina and they just dropped you off and then

18:49

you came back with a really sore coccyx at the

18:51

end of the day Oh, yeah But

18:53

I was like we're gonna get you guys a lesson A

18:56

professional lesson. So when I dropped them off

18:59

I was by myself. Mm-hmm and I

19:03

Texted you because I knew you were up there

19:05

and I was like hey, I'm available to meet

19:08

after I drop them off I am by

19:10

myself. I kind of want to ski with somebody

19:13

else Which I

19:15

was trying to make clear and you text me back. Well, how

19:17

about in the afternoon? Okay

19:21

Okay. All right But

19:23

when I got out there by

19:26

myself Lonely tall man

19:28

skiing by himself while his best

19:31

friend was with another man that

19:33

he doesn't even know That

19:35

I don't even know I knew him somewhere else on the

19:37

mountain As

19:41

I'm coming down the first run I'm like I Don't

19:44

know if I want to keep doing this what? You

19:47

know how the first run you're kind of

19:50

getting your skis underneath you again Yeah, yeah,

19:52

yeah, and I just kind of thinking like

19:54

it's it had I didn't ski last year.

19:56

I skipped last year Oh, so

19:59

I think it's been two years Yeah,

20:01

and I was like, ah man, 46 feels

20:03

different than 44. I think

20:06

I'm technically in better shape, all

20:08

things considered, but ski shapes, kind of a

20:10

different thing. And I kind of start

20:12

moving around and I'm just like, this

20:14

feels dangerous. This

20:16

feels irresponsible, maybe. There are people

20:19

older than me on this mountain,

20:21

but not many. You

20:24

know what I mean? Not many. And there

20:26

are no people as tall as me. None.

20:30

I won the day. I'm the tallest guy at

20:32

Mammoth the other day. Thousands

20:35

of people in terms of

20:37

people I saw. And

20:39

I saw one tall guy, I thought it was you. But

20:42

there was one other guy. Was it me? No. I

20:48

went the other way. But as I got down to the bottom.

20:50

It's like when you see someone from high school in Walmart, oh,

20:53

I'm going on a different aisle. But

20:55

when I got down to the bottom, I was like, okay, I

20:58

think I got this. And I went up again,

21:00

I was like, okay, no, okay, okay. I think

21:02

I do like it. The first front jitters are

21:04

totally a thing. But there was a, my whole,

21:06

the future of me skiing, hinged, was in the balance

21:09

side of that first run. Oh yeah, yeah. I was

21:11

almost like, I think I'm just gonna go back to

21:13

the room. I

21:15

was like, this is about the boys. You're just the dad on

21:18

this trip. My wife was not with me.

21:20

No, man. She has-

21:22

But then you got over it. She's in North Carolina.

21:25

And so I was kind of thinking that like,

21:27

I'm the dad that's taking these boys up for

21:29

the trip. This is about their experience. And I'm

21:31

gonna kind of engineer the trip for them and

21:34

their enjoyment, make a memory for them. This

21:36

isn't about me enjoying myself. But

21:38

then I did start enjoying myself. I mean, I

21:41

was still alone. Well,

21:43

you know, well, day

21:45

two, I was like, hey, me

21:50

and my friend Alex, we're going out, the kids

21:52

aren't going out, we'll meet up

21:54

then. Second day. And

21:58

this was my first ski day. And we

22:00

said, oh, that was your first. Yeah, that's when I

22:02

was like, let's do the afternoon. And

22:05

then we'll meet up at one o'clock. Or

22:08

did I say 2.15? I

22:10

think I said 2.15. It started as one

22:12

and then it kept slipping. It was 2.15. I

22:15

told you I was available at 10 a.m. No, you didn't,

22:17

you said one. No, no. The

22:20

first text I sent to you was that I will

22:22

be available at 10 a.m. when I drop the boys

22:24

off at the lesson. Oh, I didn't read that one.

22:26

I only read the one where you were like. And

22:28

then you kind of ignored that text and were just

22:30

like, okay, how about one? I

22:33

was like, okay. And then. All

22:36

right, that's the way you wanna be. I

22:38

was with a guy who's, Alex is much

22:41

more advanced than either one of us. And

22:43

he's like, we can go to

22:45

the other side of the mountain and it might be

22:47

a little windy, but that, it

22:50

could be quite an adventure. And I'm

22:52

like, okay. And

22:55

we get over there and

22:57

I get

23:00

off the lift and I'm trying to

23:02

follow him and I can't see him

23:04

through the blizzard. And

23:07

then the wind is blowing so hard that it

23:09

is blowing me over. Like I'm falling on my

23:12

ass. I can't imagine what it was like at

23:14

the top of the mountain. You

23:16

would have to like stand up and let

23:19

the wind blow your body like you

23:21

were a sailboat. Instead

23:23

of blowing you over, you had to like turn so

23:26

that it could blow you down the mountain to

23:29

your death, unless you would turn and

23:31

like follow the carved path. And like, I

23:33

get to the blue black run. It's

23:36

like, it's blue with a little bit of black

23:38

around it. I can do

23:40

that. That's like the height of my ability. But

23:44

then it had a sign that had been put

23:46

in the ground and it said, experts

23:49

only today. And

23:51

Alex had already gone past this. And

23:55

so then I'm going past it and I'm

23:57

in, I'm, I'm. I'm

24:00

gonna life for death. Is he on the board? He's on the

24:02

board too. I'm in a life or death

24:04

situation where it's like gale

24:07

force winds being pelted with

24:09

snow, sandblasted with

24:11

snow, my goggles completely

24:14

fogged up because I'm huffing and

24:16

puffing and trying to like survive.

24:19

Because you're probably 11,000 feet at that point. I

24:24

can't, yeah. I can't see anything and

24:27

we're separated and I like

24:29

have to take off my goggles and try to use the

24:31

handkerchief to like clean it off where I

24:33

can see. Oh, you had your handkerchief. And

24:35

then it, we were

24:37

probably separated for 10 minutes, maybe

24:40

longer. So

24:44

he thought I'd gone off the side of the mountain. I

24:46

finally catch up with him and I'm yelling at him. I'm

24:48

like, what have you gotten us

24:50

into? And he can barely hear me

24:52

because of the wind. And

24:55

he turns around and his response is, I'm gonna

24:58

film you. And

25:01

so then I'm like, all right,

25:03

I know what to do now. It's like, at

25:06

least I'm being filmed. If I'm gonna die, yeah,

25:08

yeah, capture it. So I go past him and

25:10

I'm like just hugging the side

25:12

of the mountain, not wanting to

25:14

turn back to the left and going over

25:16

the edge because I can't see where it is. And

25:19

the wind is, thank goodness, is pushing me

25:21

against the mountain. I'm like hanging

25:23

on like it's railing. Don't

25:25

you wish you were with us? I

25:27

wanted you to come down to my side of the mountain. I know. And

25:30

that's what I was thinking at that point. I should have been with

25:32

my booty Rhett. And then I stop

25:35

and I see Alex skiing

25:37

down to me and

25:40

I assumed he was still doing some sort of dolly shot and

25:42

I was angry. So I turned to him and

25:44

I gave an emphatic FU,

25:47

like a, you know, flipping the bird, like

25:49

the big kind where it's like, you have

25:51

to slap it with the elbow. You

25:54

have to slap your elbow, the crook of your

25:56

elbow down with your other arm. So it just

25:58

really pops up. And I like. I

26:00

just gave him the longest bird I could

26:02

give him and then I realized that Alex

26:04

was on skis and

26:08

then I realized That's

26:11

not Alex That's

26:14

just some person on skis Who

26:18

passed him while he was filming me right? He

26:21

didn't catch out on film, but I was

26:23

quite embarrassed But I couldn't speak to the

26:25

person because we thought we were both gonna

26:27

die How did that person

26:29

respond? He's kept skiing past me

26:31

confused. Maybe I'm certain I'm

26:34

certain they were confused as

26:36

was I and I

26:39

mean we survived we got back to the other side and then

26:41

the blizzard comes on the other side and We

26:44

were where I told you we were gonna meet you 15

26:47

minutes early well, and then you never showed up.

26:49

Yeah, you never showed up.

26:51

You stood me up. I

26:54

Didn't I here I am telling my

26:56

buddy Alex, you know My best friend Rhett's gonna meet

26:59

us and he's you know We've been

27:01

best friends forever and he loves to ski and

27:03

I love to snowboard and we're both here And

27:05

I just can't wait for you to meet him

27:07

and see the two of us together And

27:10

you know and he and Alex was saying things

27:12

like I've heard a lot about

27:14

this Rhett friend of yours I'm really I'm

27:16

really interested in seeing the magic in person,

27:19

you know, the two of you together on one

27:21

slope It's like sorry. I disappointed you know, I

27:23

could probably film you It's

27:25

what he was thinking. Yeah, and then you stood us

27:27

up. You never showed up and he's

27:30

like, well, is he coming? I'm like he's

27:32

coming. He's a man of his word. I Trust

27:35

him. He's a trusted friend. It's like we've been through

27:37

so much together The last thing he's gonna do is

27:39

stand me up and then he's like a few

27:42

minutes later He's like, I don't think he's coming

27:44

and I'm like no he's coming. He's coming He's

27:46

my friend and and this means a lot to

27:48

both of us and this is gonna be great

27:50

memory And then a few minutes later. He's

27:52

like he's not real is he? This

27:55

is this is all a figment of your imagination.

27:58

Yeah, I'm an imaginary friend Well,

28:01

I got a real friend whose name is Alex and

28:03

I got an imaginary friend who ditches me on the

28:06

slopes, man. Well, those

28:08

100 mile, literally 100 mile

28:11

per hour gusts that were happening at the top

28:13

of the mountain. Really? That's

28:15

what I was in?

28:18

I think they screwed up the comms

28:21

because I was, like

28:23

what would happen is I was texting you and

28:25

it would be like sent as text. You know

28:27

that's a problem because you know they're probably lying.

28:29

Yep, yep. And then it would,

28:31

two minutes later, be not delivered. Right. And

28:34

then all of a sudden a bunch of texts from you would come

28:36

in all at once, like 30 minutes

28:38

after you sent them. What's your

28:40

problem? I knew I couldn't trust you. Are

28:43

you okay? But this is what

28:45

I was experiencing at the time. I

28:48

was down there on the

28:50

somewhat sane side of the mountain.

28:55

But I don't even know how you got

28:57

to us because all the lifts at

28:59

the top, all the lifts

29:01

from our side going to the top

29:04

to the other side were closed. Started

29:06

closing? Yes. No, they had closed

29:08

two hours before I even spoke to you at all.

29:13

They closed really early. I could see all of them just

29:15

stopped. All the lifts that I could have taken to get

29:17

up, and I wasn't even thinking about that because that's like

29:19

a black diamond and stuff. I don't do that. I'm

29:22

trying to live. I'm

29:25

sitting there kind of going up and

29:27

down. I would go back and check on the boys in their

29:29

lesson to make sure that they're getting taught. They

29:34

weren't really. Y'all boys getting taught? All right.

29:36

See you later. I

29:41

am trying. I'm still thinking

29:43

about meeting you, but then all the

29:45

lift operators are saying things like, guys,

29:48

they're probably going to close soon because of the 100

29:50

mile per hour winds at the top. You

29:53

see it ripping the snow off the top of

29:55

the mountain. I was in that, man. And the

29:57

gusts where I was at were 40, 50

29:59

miles per hour. and I get on

30:01

this lift with these two women, and

30:04

we start going up, and then all of a sudden this

30:07

icy, arctic blast starts hitting

30:10

the lift, and the lift is just swinging

30:12

back and forth, and then they close

30:14

the lift that we're on. They stop

30:16

it, and they don't let anybody else

30:18

on, and I've still got to go all the way

30:20

to halfway up the mountain. And

30:23

I'm sure those women are like, why are we

30:25

on this swinging chair with a giant? Well, they

30:28

were actually great for me, which

30:31

I'll get back to the things I learned about

30:33

myself. This actually had nothing to do with it,

30:36

because I actually didn't get too freaked out about this. But

30:39

I was thinking like, I'm really cold right now.

30:42

Like, this wind is really whipped. I didn't have

30:44

anything on my face. I didn't, because I have

30:47

a beard. What, did y'all have to body heat

30:49

it? Did you have a face cover? Oh

30:51

yeah. Because you could not be up there

30:53

at the top without one, without a beard. But my

30:56

whole beard was freezing. It turned to

30:58

ice. And I'm just

31:00

sitting there with these ladies who seemed more

31:02

experienced in skiing. And

31:06

they were like, oh yeah, last time

31:08

this happened to us, we

31:10

were on the lift for 45 minutes. And another

31:12

time it happened to us, they had to come

31:14

get us with ropes. What? I'm

31:17

like, I don't want this to be my afternoon. And I knew I

31:19

shouldn't have gotten on this lift. I knew I should have just said,

31:21

I'm just gonna sit at the bottom of the mountain. Eventually

31:23

it started moving. It would move a little bit. And then the winds

31:25

would come up and blow us

31:28

all over the place. And then they would pick it up

31:30

and do it again. And then when we came over the

31:32

ridge and got to where we're kind of exposed to what's

31:34

happening at the top of the mountain. Tough. The

31:37

wind was so strong that when the lift

31:40

kind of brought you to let you off,

31:43

and I stood up and the only reason I kept

31:45

going forward is because the lift just pushed me. I

31:47

couldn't, I had no momentum because of the wind coming

31:49

at me. And then I turned

31:51

around to go back down the mountain. I turn around and

31:56

it is just white. Yeah,

31:58

I was in that too. Snow coming

32:01

down, snow being blown all around

32:04

and then the snow on the ground and

32:06

I couldn't see anything and it was just

32:08

a white, I'm like, I'm gonna go in

32:10

that direction because I've been down this path

32:12

before. Yeah. And I start going and

32:15

because I couldn't see anything, I had no

32:17

reference for how fast I was going. So

32:19

I thought I was going like a mile

32:21

per hour. I'm

32:24

gonna plow all the way down the mountain and then I like

32:26

started to turn and I realized, oh, I'm going like 10 miles

32:28

per hour. And I almost completely ate it

32:31

in the blizzard. Yeah.

32:33

But eventually I was able to slow it down and I got

32:35

a little bit lower and I got kind of beneath all that

32:37

and I got down to the bottom of the mountain. And then

32:39

at that point I was like, there's no way

32:41

that Link is going to get over here.

32:45

And I think by that time you had come and gone

32:47

and you couldn't even get back up. You had

32:49

to get picked up by Christy, right? Yeah. And

32:52

then that was day two of my day

32:55

one for you, day two for me. Day

32:57

three was absolutely beautiful and I had plans.

33:00

I got all my gear on and everything. And then we

33:02

were at the door and they were like, where's

33:04

your suit? I

33:07

was like, oh crap. I forgot to

33:09

put on my special suit. Weeks

33:12

earlier, out in

33:14

the desert at Joshua Tree, I

33:17

went in a thrift store and hanging outside, they

33:19

had this like bright

33:22

red snow suit. And

33:26

it was vintage. It had like

33:28

a fur collar and

33:30

it had a patch on the sleeve

33:33

that said like, Chicagoland

33:36

Snowmobilers Association. And

33:39

this is out in Joshua Tree. And I was

33:41

like, well, I gotta buy this and take it. Alex

33:44

was there then, he was like, you gotta buy this and

33:46

take it skiing when we go skiing. I was like, all

33:48

right, 40 bucks, I bought this thing.

33:51

And it was like a vintage bright red

33:54

suit that I forgot to wear. So

33:56

then I Didn't wear it

33:58

on the last day, which was absolutely beautiful. The whether

34:00

say they're the whole day. But

34:03

then that night, it snowed. Two.

34:06

Feet. So. The next morning. I'm

34:09

like oh now I get what I'm a put

34:11

on my soup from a red suit nama go

34:13

outside, I'm a shovel the snow and I'm a

34:15

good as outta here and that's a lot of

34:18

work. I worked up so much of a sweat.

34:20

That. Had to come back him take. Strip

34:23

our neck. It. And

34:25

towel was put on. Totally new clothes

34:27

and input on my red suit get.

34:31

So. then we get we put like. I

34:34

have like an all Will drives as he

34:36

the I'd put saints on but light. We

34:38

put scenes on Alex's car and them were

34:41

like leaving the gather. And

34:43

dumb. Once. We got

34:45

out to like the main road to

34:47

leave town. He pulled over

34:49

on the side of the road because it's like

34:51

okay, so I see here. I

34:54

in we needed to take a saint back off. He

34:56

didn't need him anymore to go down the mountain at

34:58

this point. And. So

35:00

we go down there. I.

35:03

I. I pull over on the side of

35:06

the are behind him. he starts taking the chains

35:08

off the front left and I'm like well you

35:10

know I can help So like I get out.

35:13

And. I. Go over to the

35:15

right side and I. I start taking

35:17

the chains off the front of his tires.

35:19

The. Right front tire and as I'm down

35:21

there he comes around have a sense know

35:23

I were both working on this tire. And

35:27

then. I. Hear some

35:29

I walk up behind us. Somebody.

35:31

Had pulled up behind us and he said i'm. Hey

35:34

guys, And. I turn on a

35:36

stand up and is just a normal guy like

35:38

in and I don't know. Some. sort

35:41

of as easy pull over behind us

35:43

and I his lights are you you

35:45

put non the taser, you taken a

35:47

moss and I said we're taking them

35:49

off and he's like. How

35:53

much do you charge for that?

35:55

and I was like oh I

35:57

don't know, it's. The

36:00

doing that doing and my own ten

36:02

hours I is it. Is. It

36:04

the red. He was like oh

36:06

yes is the red you to like

36:08

Oh. You like ski

36:10

patrol on look like same patrol on

36:12

the side of the road like our

36:15

I apparently look. very official and there

36:17

was a badge on your arm. Citizens

36:19

here is a yellow will upsides that

36:21

So yeah that that was my as

36:23

solicitors story. Of built it up

36:25

a little bit. Bus to see are

36:27

you take another appointment. was put in

36:29

a month didn't did nothing Nothing nothing

36:31

for you, nothing research. And

36:34

I was like well as a price for everything. And by

36:36

then he was. Are you walk in off. But

36:39

he he legitimately thought I was gonna do a for

36:41

because I do think there are people that do. Did

36:43

he want him off? He wanted

36:45

a mile off as easy part right

36:47

and walk upright citizen for thirty like

36:49

are still in use my car. Does

36:52

not except. Snow

36:55

chains are really are a says his

36:58

arsenal Saw it's only so I have

37:00

no socks with me here. Here's his

37:02

mercy. Of.

37:06

Fruit Six C B Zola Room

37:08

and they're. So. You're on

37:10

a snowboard. Here,

37:12

just. Just just was

37:14

hell of a more expansive little helpers I

37:16

know makes my head liberal. Smog is as

37:18

soon as it is so big I was

37:20

a the technology is not up to snuff

37:22

with the world layering in the things in

37:24

the materials but he hears me. Here's me

37:27

working on the wheel the I would think

37:29

you would find a death. I look of

37:31

this I think you were charging. Yeah.

37:34

Thirty. Bucks per. we'll. I

37:37

will say. says.

37:39

He talked about that last day that was so

37:41

beautiful and I and I called you. And.

37:45

Talk to you the day before or maybe the

37:48

mates. I thought you some point was talking about

37:50

the storm that was coming in. Which. Was

37:52

news to you which relates back to

37:54

something I'm going to talk about in

37:57

a second, right? But. it does

37:59

i was like ugh I'm driving home on Sunday

38:01

because I don't want to get snowed in. I

38:03

was also staying at a location that was up

38:06

the mountain and had one way in, one way out.

38:08

And like you had to like, I was like, I

38:11

kind of want to sleep in my own bed. Well, you

38:13

were kind of, you know, I was, we were

38:15

all hanging out in the living room and you called. So I'm

38:17

on the phone with you and like everybody's hearing like my side

38:19

of the conversation. And like, I mean,

38:21

it was, you were giving me an earful about the

38:23

weather and about the snowstorm and about all this stuff.

38:26

And then they get off, I get off the phone

38:28

and Chris is like, is red okay? And

38:30

I'm like, well, I don't know if we're okay now. So

38:33

you tell me your side of the story. Well, well,

38:35

let me tell you about that. I'm going to get back to

38:37

that because that's in the context of what I learned about myself.

38:40

But the second day, that was a beautiful

38:42

day. Yeah. And

38:44

this is the day that I was skiing with

38:47

Shepherd and his two friends. And

38:49

they sort of one by one dropped out,

38:51

you know, as you do on your second day of snowboarding, when

38:54

you're kind of, yeah, a little bit beat up.

38:58

But it was a beautiful day. And the snow

39:00

storm that was supposed to come in at like

39:02

two o'clock, moved to four o'clock, moved to six

39:04

o'clock. And then it didn't happen until that night.

39:08

But they had basically been, like

39:11

every time I opened my phone and looked at the

39:13

traffic or looked at the weather, I would get these

39:15

like alerts. Yeah, like severe

39:17

winter storm roads may be impassable. I was like,

39:19

I don't want to get stuck up here. We

39:21

got something. We got a shoot on Tuesday. But

39:25

at 9.50 a.m., when

39:27

I'd already been out there a little bit, I texted you, snow

39:30

coming later than predicted should be nice all

39:32

day. We're still driving home, but you'll likely

39:35

be fine because I had told you that you had built

39:37

it up that I was going to get trapped. And yeah,

39:40

you scared me, man. And then I

39:43

said, I'm going to share my location in

39:45

case we happen to end up in the same places,

39:48

like on the mountain. Yeah. Share

39:51

yours when you get a

39:53

chance. Well, apparently you didn't get a

39:55

chance all day because you

39:57

didn't respond to nary one of these texts.

40:00

Not one. What,

40:04

what, I shared my location. No you didn't. You

40:07

didn't, I shared my location with

40:09

you. Which by the way, we should be

40:11

sharing our location with each other, like that should be a

40:13

setting. Don't we, but if one of us shares our location

40:16

with the other one, does the other one really need to

40:18

share it back? No, yes. Not

40:20

really. We should, you should be on Find

40:22

My Friends. As many times as

40:24

we need to know where each other are at for

40:26

different reasons, you should be, we

40:28

should be on Find My Friends. But I will

40:30

say while you're talking, I would also like you to

40:32

share your locations with me as well. There

40:35

you go. Yeah, I'm a, I'm a good backup. Well why don't

40:37

we just put it online? I'll share

40:39

my location with everybody. Yeah, share it

40:41

with everyone. But the

40:43

thing I'm, the thing I'm taking issue with

40:45

is the complete ignoring of my text on

40:48

the second day. I was, here's what, I

40:50

wasn't saying we have to get together. My point

40:53

was I'm skiing all over the mountain on this

40:55

beautiful day. It's a beautiful day. If we happen

40:57

to be in the same place at the same

40:59

time, maybe we can meet up and take a

41:01

run together. That was the thought. Well,

41:04

so what happened, what happened on day two? Remember,

41:06

did you forget your phone? Remember day one when

41:08

you stood me up? I

41:10

didn't stand you up. That's just dessert, man. I

41:12

texted you and said, oh now he

41:14

wants to meet up. Now

41:17

he wants, he wants a little bit

41:19

of the Leixky. So

41:21

you, you purposely did not respond

41:23

to a text. You looked at my

41:25

text and made a conscious

41:27

decision to not even text back. No.

41:31

I shared my location immediately

41:35

for the rest of the day. Well, you did

41:37

it wrong because it didn't go up. It says share

41:39

location and then it brings

41:41

up a pop-up and it says share indefinitely or

41:43

share for the rest of the day. Yeah

41:46

I did. I shared for the rest of the

41:48

day. I did the rest of the day. I almost did permanently.

41:50

I was concerned about if it would drain my battery to

41:52

share with you constantly. No?

41:56

Your phone is not sharing Your

41:58

location. The with me and

42:01

using extra battery powered less. it's. It's.

42:03

Giving me access to the location information

42:05

that is has been okay. Okay, Well.

42:08

I did fly a knife attacks back would

42:10

have images a little yeah well I i

42:12

ok anything know but sums up know but

42:14

nothing. Not only there's nothing there's nothing there

42:17

are Let me look at my phone is

42:19

all one sided. not living with you my

42:21

phone let me let me look at his.

42:27

Side of taught me so many people since

42:29

I've talked to. The. Ram

42:32

rather. Felix.

42:37

Or. Snow. Coming later. The verdict

42:39

is should be nice all day. We're still driving

42:41

home, but you're likely be fine. After

42:45

we and then read locations shared you

42:47

shared amongst your location in case we

42:49

have an end up in the same

42:51

place. Share yours when you get

42:54

a chance. so then. Look.

42:56

As if. You. Didn't do

42:58

it is still waiting. Oh. There. It

43:00

is you didn't send it is litter it

43:02

really do it. Right now is literally a

43:04

loaded gun. Know what I'm saying births you

43:06

don't want him about a number that just

43:08

isn't. As I said. ah. Well

43:11

I'm. I'm. Here So. Here

43:15

I am. I was

43:17

like I have here's my list I just

43:19

about I might wanna see. Here's my thing

43:21

that I'm sorry limit as. We

43:25

are some by heart disease. Was

43:27

both of us army or so? Here's

43:30

what happened. It is where I choose

43:32

to keep my phone. Is

43:34

really hard to get to of which pocket

43:37

is. It was like an inner party and

43:39

then I had my head but my wired

43:41

headphones which have this like big module attached

43:43

to him for his. Silence

43:45

violates silent seen or something because you're

43:47

wired headphones, sir? Yes sir, not lose

43:49

in the Southern. The wires long and

43:51

there's a little module on some seven.

43:54

All this a market has everything or

43:56

science. As hard I'm like okay, somebody

43:58

is is to me. The

44:00

i can see reds said some but

44:02

share my location. On. My watch

44:04

and then on my all got to

44:06

know like pulling out my phone and

44:08

I had dropped. My.

44:10

Goggles. My brand new goggles you'll

44:12

also authored off the list. And

44:15

then I had to go down and hope they were still there.

44:17

And then within think and as they were still there. Like

44:20

I don't want to lose my phone on the lived

44:22

and I'm sitting here. You

44:25

know, and once I get things how like

44:27

I'm I don't like to undo it doesn't

44:29

It's so hard to get things like I

44:31

mean I thought you might a the phone

44:33

buzzes but you know what? I did agree.

44:35

A guy able I decide to add a

44:37

sacrifice, my comfort, my time, my security of

44:39

my phone and idea, eyebrow wrangled et al.

44:41

Oh gosh, I finally got it out. Shallow

44:43

thinking? okay. Sir. I share my look

44:45

I see now and Macys or better that you

44:47

did think to the to share it immediately you

44:49

thought that you shared but you've got ready to

44:51

share it in the news. Didn't. Hit

44:53

than on it or monsieur on our. Message.

44:56

Is already been sent over. Thanks.

45:02

Again says. You're in Burbank. You.

45:06

Are right now I'm in a permanently share

45:08

my location with you and Janna. Yes,

45:10

So so certain. But that means I

45:12

don't need to respond to any tax

45:14

ever. right? Because

45:16

I I love this find yeah you to

45:19

sign that you really need me I did

45:21

you hear them by Share my location where

45:23

you indefinitely Amazon Bourbon. For.

45:26

Know if you know if you really

45:28

mean over device. Or

45:30

gate which is the thing that I regret

45:32

saying the most in my spirits of deconstruction

45:35

episode. Now sanity out to the God the

45:37

God knows where to buy me. I've shared

45:39

my location with gods. And

45:42

and read and Jenna. I'm

45:46

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45:49

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void where prohibited. Yeah,

48:11

I'm sorry about that. You know, I was, I was, would

48:17

have been great. It would have been great. Would have been great.

48:19

But you know what, now we can save it for next time.

48:21

But you were so worked up about wanting to go home that

48:25

I was a little concerned about skiing with

48:27

you anyway. So let's get back to that.

48:29

I know this has to be what you

48:31

learned about yourself. Well, I already, I

48:34

already knew that I had, that I

48:37

care about these types of things and

48:39

have anxieties about these types of things.

48:41

But I found

48:43

something that brought it all

48:45

home that I'm gonna share with you.

48:47

So, okay. I am responsible

48:50

for these three boys for

48:52

the weekend, right? Jesse's out of town. I'm

48:55

in charge of this trip. I'm like on

48:59

a text thread with the other parents. Oh,

49:01

yeah. That's a level right there. I'm

49:03

taking pictures and sending them to the text thread. Like

49:05

this is where your children are. This is what we're

49:08

doing. We're having fun, having fun. I

49:10

have copies of their insurance cards. I have

49:12

like permission things that say like, I'm

49:15

the guardian just in case. And

49:18

I'm typically not responsible for people's

49:20

children in this way. But

49:23

regardless, Right. I

49:26

think a lot about things like, let me

49:28

just, the way that my mind works and

49:31

was working, leading up to getting there

49:33

was that, okay. I'm like, all right. I've

49:37

got these list ticket vouchers

49:40

and the lesson vouchers and it's all

49:42

under one thing. But

49:46

the credit card that I have with me is

49:48

not the credit card that was used to

49:51

make the purchase. And that might be a

49:53

problem. I'm not gonna, like,

49:55

what am I gonna do? And

50:00

then I'm like, when we get there, we're gonna go,

50:02

we're gonna rent the equipment, and then maybe I'll have

50:04

time to get back to the thing, and then I

50:06

can get the lift tickets so we have them before

50:08

we go that morning. And then that didn't happen, so

50:10

I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna have to go in

50:12

the morning. So I'm like, I gotta get up at

50:14

this time, I'm gonna do this, and then I'm gonna

50:17

eat breakfast. I'm thinking about all these things, and I'm

50:19

anxious about it, right? These are called

50:21

dad logistics. But

50:23

I go a step further, and I'm not

50:25

just trying to figure it out, I have

50:27

anxiety related to it. Yeah. And

50:30

then, like I said, every time I'm bringing

50:32

up my phone and look at directions

50:34

or whatever, it's like winter storm warning, roads

50:36

impass, these three roads impassable, two feet of

50:39

snow between Sunday night and Monday,

50:41

and I'm like, I don't wanna be driving through the

50:43

snow. So then I see that on Friday, and I

50:45

tell the boys, I'm like, guys, the

50:48

plan is we ski on Sunday, and then

50:50

I drive you home, because

50:53

I don't wanna get stuck up here. And I'm also thinking

50:55

like, there's a parking

50:57

garage under this hotel, but

51:00

there's limited parking. Most of the parking

51:02

is outside of the hotel, and

51:04

those people are gonna get all this snow on

51:07

their cars, and then I'm here, this guy, the

51:09

front desk is talking to this woman, and he's like, yeah,

51:12

if you wait until Monday, you

51:14

might have a tough time getting out of here, but we've

51:16

got people who can help shovel you out. And I'm like,

51:18

I don't wanna have to worry about this. And

51:20

we got this video we're shooting on Tuesday, and I,

51:23

so I'm thinking all that. So

51:26

I'm thinking about when is my window of time in which I

51:28

can get my car from the outside

51:30

and drive it into the inside.

51:33

So I'm thinking about 20 different

51:35

things, right? And in my brain, just the

51:37

way that it's always worked, this

51:40

is just normal to me. But

51:42

I've been in therapy for, I don't know, how many years now, five,

51:44

six, I don't know. And

51:46

one of the things that it does is it

51:49

helps you, you actually stop and you think about

51:51

what you're thinking. Like you recognize the thoughts that

51:53

you're having and recognize that you're not your thoughts,

51:55

and you can actually step back. And

51:57

so, my

51:59

therapist, and my wonderful wife have

52:02

been, you know, reminding

52:06

me about the times in which I, my anxiety

52:08

kind of comes out. Cause you already know that

52:10

when it comes to travel, yeah,

52:13

getting to the airport on time is a

52:16

bit, it's a big thing for

52:18

me. And I have, I start, I actually

52:20

start thinking about the trip multiple days ahead

52:22

of time and like leaving at the right

52:24

time, but, and I don't

52:27

know if it's gotten worse as I've gotten

52:29

older or if I've just become

52:31

more aware of it. And

52:33

then the other thing that happens is I

52:39

think about all the stuff that we have to do, right? And

52:42

the way, my anxiety has always transferred

52:46

directly into action, right? So

52:48

I don't like, I don't withdraw

52:50

from it. I move, I, it's like,

52:54

we gotta be ready for this thing. You need to be writing

52:56

this thing. You need to be thinking about this thing. You need

52:58

to be coming up ideas for this thing. And

53:00

so I had to make a list in my head or sometimes like a list

53:02

on my phone. And the way that

53:04

I relieve my anxiety is by doing the

53:06

thing. Yeah. And so if

53:09

I sit down and write for a long time or

53:12

I ideate something, you'll feel better.

53:14

Then my anxiety goes away cause you're like, oh, you took some time. And

53:16

so that's why I do a

53:19

lot of things because I'm actually treating

53:21

my anxiety by doing

53:23

the thing that I'm anxious about. Finding a

53:25

way to be prepared. And that's one of the reasons I

53:27

just do shit

53:30

all the time. Okay. So

53:32

there's a good, there's a good, there's a benefit

53:34

from it. Right. I'm very driven,

53:37

but it's actually to kind of like quell

53:39

anxiety about certain things. Yeah, like when

53:42

you called me the day

53:44

before and you're like walking through all of that logistics

53:46

of like, I think I'm gonna get out of here

53:48

the night before. It dawned on me at a certain

53:50

point that you were, I think you were

53:52

telling me, it's like, I think you might need to think

53:54

about getting out of here too. And

53:57

I'm like, so then, I

54:00

was just like, man, I don't know, I don't know. And

54:02

then when I got off the phone, they were like, is

54:04

everything all right? And I'm like, yeah, and then you know

54:06

what I did? I went and took a nap. Well,

54:09

see- I did the exact opposite. And then

54:11

I also went to sleep, and

54:13

the next day I was like, you know

54:15

what, it'll all. But this is an

54:17

interesting thing because you

54:20

have anxiety too. Yeah,

54:22

you made me real anxious. No, no, no, no. But

54:25

you- Oh, I have anxiety. Anxiety is in

54:27

a completely different realm.

54:30

When I called you, you were like

54:32

eating something. I don't know when you were eating

54:35

nuts or something on the phone. It was carrots

54:37

with lebnay. It was something that was like- It

54:39

was something that kept snapping. I knew you were

54:41

eating something hard. You should dip a carrot in

54:44

lebnay. Like, you know what that is? It's like

54:46

a Greek yogurt. It's like

54:48

a Middle Eastern yogurt. It's like a Middle Eastern yogurt.

54:50

And so I'm- I'm sitting here

54:52

just cracking the shit out of this stuff. I'm

54:54

telling you this. And you're freaking out. And I'm

54:56

like, chomp, chomp, chomp. But the funny thing is,

54:58

is like, this was news to you. Like your

55:01

whole group, which it blew my mind,

55:03

especially Christy, because Christy is anxious about

55:06

similar things to me. It

55:08

blew my mind. She's got no one in

55:10

your group had

55:12

gotten the information about this winter weather, this

55:15

severe storm that they kept telling us about.

55:17

It was news to you. And so, like

55:19

I got on the phone with him. I

55:21

was like, it's funny. I

55:23

know that he's got anxiety, but

55:27

he has no anxiety about this type

55:29

of thing. I

55:32

didn't until you called me. No, but you

55:34

don't. Because you don't have- You're not anxious

55:36

when we travel. I'm anxious.

55:38

You're not anxious. You have anxiety about different

55:40

things. It's just funny how people's brains work.

55:43

When we woke up and there was two

55:45

feet of snow on the ground, I

55:47

did experience anxiety at that point, which is why I

55:49

went outside and shoveled my ass off to the point

55:51

where I had to change clothes again. And

55:54

then our friends,

55:56

they're still super chill. This is not

55:59

a big deal. deal to them, we'll put

56:01

chains on the car, everything will be fine. And I've

56:03

already told the story, everything was fine. But

56:05

I started to get very testy

56:08

when we were trying to pack and get the

56:10

snow out and like put the chains on. I'm

56:12

like, should we have chains? They're putting on chains.

56:15

And so it hit me very

56:17

late. And then everything you

56:20

were saying was echoing in my head. It's like, man, we're going

56:22

to be trapped up here. We're not going to be

56:24

able to make that video tomorrow. And then about

56:26

this time I'm standing outside and we've loaded almost everything

56:29

in the car. I'm like, thank God, we

56:31

can get on the road. Like the sooner we can

56:33

get on the road, the better I'll feel some relief.

56:35

Especially when we get down the mountain. So you got

56:37

a little anxious too. And then they're like, let's get

56:39

a photo first. And we

56:41

got a photo of the adults and they

56:43

were like, let's let the, their

56:46

youngest daughter take the photo. Oh

56:48

God. And I'm

56:50

thinking, all right, just

56:52

take the damn photo. And then she's like,

56:54

she's like being artistic with it. She's like,

56:56

turn it. She's like doing this, like, she's

56:59

turning it sideways and getting photos of

57:01

us. And she's like giving

57:03

us direction, like make a

57:06

face, work the camera, you know, she's like,

57:08

and then, um, it was like, well, can

57:10

we get one that's just vertical? It's what,

57:12

you know, her dad's saying. So then she's

57:14

also getting just the perfectly vertical picture. And

57:17

then after a while, I just. Yelled

57:20

at her. It

57:24

wasn't a great ending. Did you give her the bird? And

57:28

then it wasn't her. I was like, I

57:30

don't know what I said, but I think it was something to

57:33

the effect of. Can

57:35

we just take the photo or can we

57:37

just get on the road? It was just like, I had

57:40

just, you transferred it to

57:42

me, man. I was in this zen place.

57:44

It was like, like, Hey, Lincoln's

57:46

really happy. You're lucky he

57:48

can get along with other families. And here now

57:50

here I am, but you got on with the

57:52

young one, but you don't typically get anxious about

57:55

that kind of stuff. If my observation is that

57:57

you, not to that point about like, Oh.

58:00

the weather might turn bad or we

58:02

might be late to the airport because

58:04

the schedule's too tight. You

58:06

tend to be like, that kinda just

58:08

rolls around. My coping mechanism is to

58:10

ignore it because there's, especially when there's

58:12

other people around who are gonna get

58:15

worked up about it. Like, Christy, she

58:18

likes to plan and

58:20

she thinks through worst case scenarios and

58:22

she's like, she's at the ready. You're

58:25

a lot like that. So I have

58:27

a good friend and I have

58:29

a wonderful spouse and they both

58:33

experienced me leaning on them heavily. So I

58:35

appreciate it. And that way

58:38

I can reserve my anxiety actively for other

58:40

things. But in a very passive way,

58:42

I'm just like, ah, la, la, la, la, la, la,

58:44

la, la, la, la, la, la. Not hearing it, not

58:47

thinking about it, taking another nap.

58:50

But see, that's a skill because I wouldn't

58:53

be able to, if

58:55

I could take naps, which we know I can't,

58:57

I wouldn't be able to, I can't, I

59:01

cannot relax until I have everything figured

59:03

out. If I was in charge, if

59:05

I had put myself in charge of

59:07

two of my son's friends, I would

59:09

probably have been stressed out. Well, so

59:11

I was thinking about this a lot

59:13

this weekend and I've been

59:16

thinking about my anxiety quite a bit and trying to

59:18

like write about it and figure

59:20

out like, okay, I really need

59:22

to understand what it is that's

59:25

happening and something

59:27

that's very helpful is

59:30

having some kind of mantra that you

59:33

say to yourself. Okay. Right? It is,

59:35

and my therapist kind of gave me

59:37

that, I've heard

59:39

it from multiple people, but he was like, it

59:43

could be helpful to have something that you kind of

59:46

return to and kind of ground yourself. Obviously breathing exercises,

59:48

I've been doing more breathing exercises like in the moment

59:50

where I feel like, oh, you're getting anxious about something,

59:52

let's do some box breathing or whatever, that's

59:54

very helpful. But

59:57

I found this comedian.

1:00:00

He has this little stand-up bit about his

1:00:03

travel anxiety and I sent

1:00:06

this to Jesse because it was like I've

1:00:09

never felt somebody read my mail more

1:00:11

specifically than this guy did almost to

1:00:13

the point that I'm like I

1:00:16

didn't think anyone thought like this but just listen

1:00:18

to this. So, this

1:00:20

guy, his name is

1:00:24

Zoltan. Kazis? K-A-S-Z-A-S.

1:00:26

Okay. And, okay, so

1:00:29

I'm going to... I

1:00:31

haven't heard of Zoltan. So, I'm

1:00:33

going to... I've heard of a Zoltan but not him. I

1:00:35

thought it was a movie. Okay, so

1:00:37

I'll play this right here. I

1:00:40

found out in therapy that I have anxiety. I didn't

1:00:42

know that. I thought I was just being polite all

1:00:44

these years. You guys ever

1:00:46

confused politeness with anxious? That's what I've been doing my

1:00:48

entire life. I had no idea until I was in

1:00:50

therapy and she was like give me a public setting.

1:00:52

And I was like, all right, like when I'm on

1:00:55

a plane and we're deboarding, I count the rows. And

1:00:57

in my head, I'm like, all right, when that lady gets up, I'm going to get up. I got my

1:01:00

bag over there. Don't forget that bag's over there.

1:01:02

All my wife's bag is over there. Don't forget that.

1:01:04

And at that point, my wife would be like, is

1:01:06

everything okay? Are you all right right now? And I'm

1:01:08

like, shut up. Are you ready? You need to be ready.

1:01:11

She's like, what is happening right now? And I'm like, it's our turn.

1:01:13

There's no time. We got to go. And

1:01:17

I do that because I don't want to take half an extra

1:01:20

second getting my bag down because maybe someone behind me will punch

1:01:22

me in the back of their head. Because that's how I feel.

1:01:24

When I'm deboarding a flight and there's someone in front of me

1:01:26

and they're like, is my bag there or there? I'm

1:01:30

behind him going, I think we get to kill

1:01:32

him. I

1:01:34

think we get to end this dude right now. And

1:01:38

I don't want to be a victim in a scenario that

1:01:40

I've created. And for

1:01:42

all these years, I thought that was me being polite to

1:01:44

my fellow man by getting out of the way. Uh-uh, that's

1:01:46

anxiety. I mean,

1:01:49

someone yelled at me when I was four when they should have

1:01:51

hugged me. And somehow 30 years

1:01:53

later that manifested into, I can't be

1:01:55

in anyone's way. It's

1:02:01

a high-pressure situation. But

1:02:03

you think all of that. I

1:02:05

sent that to Jessie and she

1:02:07

was like, OMG. Like, this is

1:02:09

us traveling. Like, this

1:02:12

exact scenario is the way I think about

1:02:14

deboarding. I'm like, I count the rows, and

1:02:16

I'm like, this person's going a little bit

1:02:18

slow. Oh, that guy's got his shit together.

1:02:20

Okay, and here comes my turn. This bag,

1:02:22

I stand up. I got it. I'm ready.

1:02:25

I'm looking at Jessie. I'm like, get your

1:02:27

shit together. And she might have her headphones

1:02:29

are still not together. Our

1:02:32

turn's coming up. This

1:02:35

is my world. And

1:02:38

of course, it seems

1:02:41

obvious that that is anxiety. But

1:02:44

to me, I was like, I'm just trying to be

1:02:46

an efficient member of this group of people on this

1:02:48

plane. Because if every single

1:02:50

person were to do what I'm doing, we

1:02:53

would all get off. But no, it

1:02:55

really is related to not wanting

1:02:57

to be the problem, not wanting to be

1:02:59

the thing that creates an issue for anybody.

1:03:02

Which I would have said

1:03:04

is because I'm polite, but it's because I'm

1:03:07

anxious. So

1:03:10

what is your – I thought you – do you

1:03:12

have a mantra? Do you have something that you're going

1:03:15

to say? I'm working on it. I'm developing it. Well,

1:03:17

it's only going to be a couple words, right? Well,

1:03:21

it's not a dissertation. I mean, it could be

1:03:23

like a couple sentences. It could be a couple

1:03:25

of sentences. Because I was trying to

1:03:27

figure out what is it that – what

1:03:29

you got so far? Well, that's for

1:03:31

me, man. Oh, man. Bounce it off.

1:03:33

No, no, that's for me. But

1:03:36

what about, I'm

1:03:38

going to be a bad boy and a good

1:03:40

boy because I'm just a boy. Okay. You

1:03:43

know what? Maybe I'll consider adding that. But

1:03:46

what I found is that – You

1:03:48

don't want any suggestions. Well, I mean,

1:03:52

I'll tell you off the podcast what

1:03:54

– Oh,

1:03:56

you want – your mantra is for you, man. Yeah,

1:04:00

so and I haven't landed yet, but

1:04:03

what I did maybe text it to me

1:04:05

what I did yesterday And I'll maybe reply

1:04:07

so because I got home on Sunday night

1:04:09

and then I had yesterday, which was a

1:04:11

holiday Right,

1:04:13

but the way I think about holidays is I get

1:04:16

to work when no one else is working

1:04:18

I've always thought of holidays in that

1:04:20

way like i'm like, okay. This is

1:04:22

a day while i'll actually get stuff done

1:04:25

because Work days i've got

1:04:27

to do other things like i've got to schedule i've

1:04:29

got to do this I got to do that You

1:04:32

got to record this and you got to but if

1:04:34

you actually want to get things done Like you want

1:04:36

to write things you want to come up with ideas?

1:04:39

You do that on holidays. I've never thought

1:04:41

that that was weird at all. Yeah, that's

1:04:43

not it doesn't yeah And then it's not

1:04:45

great for me. It i've had to come

1:04:47

to grips about this For

1:04:50

you with you because i've been like I've

1:04:53

been very good like my coping mechanism

1:04:55

is escape So like a

1:04:57

weekend or oh an extra day where I'm

1:05:00

not expected to do anything. Well, then i'm

1:05:02

not that's gonna be great And

1:05:04

then i'm like getting texts from you about

1:05:07

all the shit that you're thinking about i'm

1:05:09

like damn I didn't think about anything. I

1:05:12

mean i've i've talked about this in therapy about

1:05:14

how it's like Man, he

1:05:16

just I feel bad because he's

1:05:18

he's so much more productive than I

1:05:20

am You know and

1:05:22

now you're like man. I you feel bad because

1:05:25

You're not as unproductive as me I

1:05:28

actually think I I thought we had a good system

1:05:31

You do the work on our day off and

1:05:33

then I but I learned not to feel guilty

1:05:35

for not doing it System so I

1:05:37

don't we've got we've got a lot done.

1:05:39

I don't think anything is broken here. Actually

1:05:42

I think you're totally good, man. Well, so this

1:05:44

is what I did yesterday. No, I think this

1:05:46

is good for you I I

1:05:49

sit down to begin Some

1:05:51

of it was just like okay There's all these like little

1:05:54

I got to get back to all these people on all

1:05:56

this shit and i'm gonna i'm gonna do that Yep, I'm

1:05:58

gonna get that out of the way because it's easy And it'll make

1:06:00

you feel better is what you're realizing. Yeah,

1:06:02

and I'm gonna get my my my

1:06:05

ridiculous I'm cuz I'm not organized

1:06:07

like I I'm I I'm

1:06:09

a typical My

1:06:11

mind works like a typical creative

1:06:13

person in which it's not organized and

1:06:15

systematic from a creative standpoint. It's like

1:06:21

Just kind of like it's kind of a forceful

1:06:24

Thing that I'm kind of just hoping something will happen when

1:06:26

I go into a creative mode But

1:06:29

I'll get some of the stuff out of the way

1:06:31

like the systematic stuff of getting you know The inbox

1:06:33

cleaned up or whatever. Did you go to the creative

1:06:35

house to do this? No, I was at home Okay,

1:06:37

you know cuz it was just shepherd at home. Oh,

1:06:39

yeah, and He's

1:06:41

like, you know, you're gonna sleep until the afternoon. He's a 15 year old

1:06:45

so I Do

1:06:49

that and then I've got like there's a number of things

1:06:51

like some of the stuff we talked about today at lunch

1:06:54

These creative problems that we're trying to solve related

1:06:56

to the show right now, right? Yeah And

1:07:00

I'm just like these these problems are gonna

1:07:02

they're gonna start stacking up on us And

1:07:04

then we're gonna be making last-minute decisions and

1:07:06

I hate that. Yeah, I hate just having

1:07:09

just an idea that fills the gap I

1:07:11

want to actually be intentional and like this

1:07:13

toss this thing around and really land it

1:07:15

like this is the best idea, right? So

1:07:19

I'm like we got to start we got to do that. We got to start doing that

1:07:23

So I sat down and I'm like trying

1:07:25

to come up with a couple of things and

1:07:27

I'm like, hi I don't have

1:07:29

anything I was like this, you know,

1:07:31

I'm digging in the well I just don't I'm

1:07:33

just tired from snowboarding. Whatever the excuse was. It

1:07:36

was just like sometimes you don't have anything And

1:07:40

so first of all, I've been doing this like all throughout the weekend

1:07:42

I was trying to do the like, okay If you feel the anxiety

1:07:44

kind of come up you do You know

1:07:46

say some comforting words to yourself you do

1:07:48

some breathing exercises and it was really working

1:07:50

Kind of like level things out

1:07:52

if for no other reason than it's simply

1:07:56

You don't get lost in the anxiety.

1:07:58

You're like, oh, I'm being anxious It's not

1:08:00

that I'm doing something productive. It's not that

1:08:02

I'm having a productive series of thoughts. I'm

1:08:04

just being anxious and there's like

1:08:06

a pre-existing anxiety that then is trying to

1:08:09

find something logical to latch onto to then

1:08:11

try to solve a problem. But

1:08:13

instead of letting that cycle continue, the moment

1:08:16

the anxiety comes just being like, no, we're going to like

1:08:18

think about this thing. We're not going to think about the

1:08:20

thing that the anxiety is trying to get you to think

1:08:22

about. We're going to think about the anxiety.

1:08:24

We're going to address it. Very helpful

1:08:26

exercise. Helpful stuff, but like very helpful.

1:08:31

But then I had this thought as I was

1:08:33

sitting there and not being able to really give

1:08:35

anything to you creatively. I was like, what

1:08:38

if when I feel like this, I mean,

1:08:40

after all, it is a holiday. What

1:08:44

if I'm like, when you don't

1:08:46

have anything to give, give to yourself.

1:08:48

When you don't have anything to

1:08:51

give the world creatively, which has

1:08:53

defined your existence, okay? Give

1:08:56

to yourself. Or

1:08:59

give to yourself. So

1:09:01

what I did is I

1:09:04

watched two movies. I did a double

1:09:06

feature just for myself because Shepherd went

1:09:08

to a friend's house. No, you didn't. And

1:09:11

I made myself chicken parmesan.

1:09:13

Oh, there you go. And

1:09:17

in between, in between the

1:09:19

double feature. All right. I made myself

1:09:22

chicken parmesan. It was great. There

1:09:24

you go. I got something I'm going to eat tonight again.

1:09:27

And so it was funny because I was like, and of

1:09:29

course, there's a part of my brain that's just like,

1:09:31

yeah, but you kind of like, this is kind of

1:09:33

work because you're watching movies and you get ideas and

1:09:35

you, yeah. Like literally the

1:09:37

little devil on my shoulder was like, but you're

1:09:40

still working a little bit because you're watching a

1:09:42

comedy movie for a reason,

1:09:44

you know, because

1:09:46

you're comparing notes. Yeah.

1:09:50

But. And you did have notes. Oh

1:09:52

yeah. I have notes on everything. But so,

1:09:55

but I did this and

1:09:58

we've got these. aura

1:10:00

rings right that like measure

1:10:02

your HRV

1:10:04

and your your your a

1:10:08

lot of different things but your readiness score

1:10:10

in Part is determined by

1:10:12

your resting heart rate at night And

1:10:15

also your HRV your heart rate variability Which is

1:10:17

a good indicator of stress and mine has always

1:10:19

been as we talked about very

1:10:21

very low like my HRV has been

1:10:23

so low Historically that I'm

1:10:25

like this according to the

1:10:27

doctors this would you would be about dead

1:10:30

now I think it's either Maybe

1:10:32

it's not completely accurate and they say that a

1:10:35

lot of people have low HRV and it's not

1:10:37

really that big of a deal you're really trying

1:10:39

to measure your relative HRV

1:10:41

as it relates to your baseline averages and

1:10:43

then you can tell if you're gonna be

1:10:45

less stressed or your whatever but All

1:10:49

I did yesterday was when I decided to not

1:10:53

That I didn't have anything to give I gave

1:10:55

myself two movies and chicken parmesan. Yeah, and Just

1:10:58

kind of like relax had a relaxing night Looked

1:11:02

at some social media before I went to bed, which

1:11:04

is something I try not to do But I was

1:11:07

like and I and found that video. Oh and

1:11:10

laughed at yourself and then I go to

1:11:12

bed and I measure my You

1:11:15

know, it's automatically measures when you wake up and

1:11:18

my HRV was double What

1:11:22

it has been double it

1:11:24

doubled it was pretty low to begin with but

1:11:26

it doubled it was the highest it's ever registered That

1:11:29

that meant you had more lows

1:11:31

like your heart rate went lower

1:11:33

more often than staying high It

1:11:35

varied by going lower don't read

1:11:38

don't try to read too much into

1:11:40

what HRV means but just strictly

1:11:43

speaking The more variability

1:11:45

there is in your heart rate the disc

1:11:47

not how your heart rate varies Over

1:11:50

the course, but how your heart rate The

1:11:53

variability between beats of your heart is

1:11:55

an indicator how variable that is is

1:11:58

an indication of your stress response So

1:12:00

I don't know exactly why that's the case.

1:12:03

I'm not a doctor. I'm just telling you,

1:12:05

if you basically have zero variability, there's low

1:12:07

reactivity, it means you're not really equipped to

1:12:09

deal with stress. And so mine is typically

1:12:11

really, really low. It can't really

1:12:14

go down very much. Now I can

1:12:16

do breathing exercises and measure that with the phone and it

1:12:18

will kind of bring it up, but then at night it's

1:12:20

always pretty low. It was double.

1:12:23

And then my resting heart rate was

1:12:25

like five beats per minute lower

1:12:28

than normal. Higher than it's

1:12:30

ever been. Sounds

1:12:32

like you need more chicken parm. But

1:12:34

it was, I mean, that's crazy.

1:12:36

It's your free heart. And

1:12:39

I'm wondering is like, is this an anomaly?

1:12:41

Is there an error in the measuring or

1:12:43

something like that? Let's take off tomorrow and

1:12:46

find out. Or is it, and to me

1:12:48

it's not so much about taking off or

1:12:50

whatever, because the thing I

1:12:53

realized is that I actually, I find

1:12:56

joy in doing creative things. But when I'm

1:12:58

doing the creative thing to treat

1:13:02

the anxiety, that's

1:13:04

a very different exercise than doing the creative

1:13:07

thing because there's joy in the

1:13:09

creative thing. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah,

1:13:12

yeah. So like watching a movie that

1:13:14

you enjoy and thinking and giving us

1:13:17

ideas about our series

1:13:21

or putting it in the context, that

1:13:25

can be positive. It's not, it's not, it's

1:13:27

not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not right. But

1:13:29

that's also not, it's just a thought. You're

1:13:32

watching somebody do art that's similar to the thing

1:13:34

that you do and it helps you figure out

1:13:37

how to not copy, you know, how to do

1:13:39

something different, whatever is all kinds of reasons. But

1:13:42

I'm also enjoying the process. I mean, it's

1:13:44

not really watching movies. It's not

1:13:46

work for anyone except my movie critic, I

1:13:48

guess, but it's like, it's not really work.

1:13:52

But to me, what I would, what I

1:13:54

would have done literally every day

1:13:56

of my life until yesterday is. watching

1:14:01

two movies and what not making myself meals I make

1:14:03

myself meals all the time but watching

1:14:05

two movies back to back I

1:14:07

would have been like you're such a loser

1:14:10

such a loser like

1:14:13

just like yeah doing it up

1:14:15

doing nothing like that that

1:14:17

was approximately four

1:14:20

hours you could have

1:14:22

been doing anything that made more sense

1:14:24

than that and I'm

1:14:26

not saying is that that's not the dial I don't have

1:14:28

an active dialogue like that but

1:14:31

it's just like I don't enjoy vacation I mean I

1:14:33

do enjoy vacation but I don't enjoy the same time

1:14:35

because it feels like this

1:14:38

is too much time not working the world's

1:14:40

continuing to spend things are happening other people

1:14:42

are getting ahead of you guys like yeah

1:14:44

that's how my brains work but

1:14:46

when it's like no this

1:14:49

is an investment in your in your own

1:14:51

well-being which yes will make you you know

1:14:55

more capable or whatever but that's not the

1:14:57

reason it's a I'm just saying ironically it

1:14:59

actually is the best thing for being

1:15:03

a creative person is being nice to yourself

1:15:06

so you can give it yeah and give

1:15:08

yourself permission to check out

1:15:11

and yeah so

1:15:14

if you it's probably okay

1:15:16

to use that justification you know this will

1:15:18

actually make me better when I re-engage in

1:15:20

what it is I'm trying to do

1:15:23

or have to do yeah as long

1:15:25

as I'm actually giving myself permission yeah

1:15:28

so you can give yourself that permission well

1:15:30

I'm saying I did it I think it's a for me

1:15:32

it's like this is like a this is a new this

1:15:36

is pretty revolutionary for me I think it

1:15:38

probably sounds like obvious to most people who

1:15:41

are listening but to

1:15:43

me it was like well I didn't

1:15:45

it wasn't obvious if your actions were

1:15:47

obvious to me but I

1:15:49

didn't realize how much of it like it's not

1:15:51

for me to say and I couldn't know how

1:15:54

much of it was a

1:15:56

coping mechanism for stress and how much of it

1:15:58

was well I mean I

1:16:00

mean, if I came

1:16:02

back after a weekend and

1:16:05

was like, and told you that

1:16:07

I had written a couple

1:16:09

of songs, then

1:16:12

I would expect you to look at me funny. Because

1:16:14

that's just not something that I do, right? It's like

1:16:18

I don't express myself by writing songs. So if

1:16:20

I wrote a song, it would be like, well,

1:16:22

I made up my mind that's something that I

1:16:25

wanted to do or that

1:16:27

I needed to do. It was like I made

1:16:29

it a task. That's not an outlet for me.

1:16:34

But for you, I would be like,

1:16:36

man, we're different in that way because relaxing

1:16:40

for me is doing nothing. Relaxing

1:16:42

for you was like doing

1:16:45

something creative, like writing a song

1:16:47

that's not necessary for anybody to hear or

1:16:49

anything, like you told me. Right?

1:16:52

And so I would chalk up a lot of – even

1:16:56

when you would work on our

1:16:58

work, well, it's

1:17:00

like he likes to write,

1:17:02

so – and writing is

1:17:04

more – the way that Rhett

1:17:07

likes to write is more of a

1:17:09

solitary experience. So sometimes

1:17:12

we don't have time for that, so he'll do it

1:17:14

on the weekends. But I'm

1:17:16

not concerned about it for him because

1:17:18

I think it's a creative

1:17:20

outlet. It's something that he really enjoys doing.

1:17:23

But it's nice to hear that

1:17:26

you're seeing that, like, okay, there

1:17:28

could be a dark motive that

1:17:30

could be coping. And

1:17:33

so that's what's complicated, I

1:17:35

think, is that things

1:17:37

that can be an outlet for you because

1:17:40

it is also your job can – you

1:17:42

could do it as a coping mechanism. And

1:17:45

it's – that's kind of dangerous, right,

1:17:47

because it could kind of spoil this thing that

1:17:49

is precious. Like,

1:17:52

creative time is

1:17:54

precious. But if

1:17:56

you find yourself doing it just to make yourself feel better

1:17:59

– That

1:18:01

might spoil it a little bit, right?

1:18:05

Yeah, like writing a script versus writing a

1:18:07

song. A song that you're not writing it

1:18:09

thinking about anybody hearing it. Now

1:18:12

somebody may hear it, but that's not what you're thinking

1:18:14

when you're writing it. That's what you told me. Right?

1:18:16

Right. But when you write,

1:18:19

if you write a script for something

1:18:21

we're doing, or like you start working

1:18:23

or noting an outline for this series,

1:18:27

you could be doing that because you love it, or you could be

1:18:29

doing that so you make yourself feel better. How

1:18:32

do you tell the difference? Isn't that a

1:18:34

challenge? Well, it

1:18:39

is complicated because we

1:18:43

sign ourselves up for so many things.

1:18:45

Right? And first of all, I don't

1:18:48

think this will ever be any different

1:18:50

than this. It's just like, I

1:18:53

feel most at home when we have signed ourselves

1:18:55

up for something that is like, I don't know

1:18:58

if we're gonna pull this off. I kind of

1:19:00

feel like everything we've ever

1:19:02

done is kind of

1:19:04

like, I don't know. Stretching. I

1:19:06

don't know if we can pull this off. Like,

1:19:10

we will be stretched creatively to pull this off.

1:19:13

You find yourself most at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:19:15

I don't know if we can write a novel. I

1:19:19

don't know if we can make this show. I don't know whatever

1:19:21

the thing is. I

1:19:24

feel like if I was like, I'm only

1:19:26

gonna do things that

1:19:28

I can do, which I, to me, because I

1:19:31

know that's not what you're saying, like, I

1:19:34

like the challenge. But

1:19:38

if I become anxious about,

1:19:44

like, if there's anxiety that is just

1:19:46

existing, because I do think it's sort

1:19:48

of like a pre-existing thing based on

1:19:50

like, brain chemistry or whatever. And

1:19:53

then you're like, well, what is it

1:19:55

I'm anxious about? The first candidate. candidates

1:20:00

in line will be the shit that we've

1:20:02

signed ourselves up for. For

1:20:04

me, that's how it works. This is like, you get

1:20:06

anxious and then what's the first, okay, here's something you,

1:20:09

I'm something you could be anxious about. Nine

1:20:11

times out of ten, that's going to be something related to

1:20:13

what we do because we always sign ourselves

1:20:15

up for something. And

1:20:19

so I have to be careful that I

1:20:21

think to me it's just kind of divorcing the two things.

1:20:24

So it'd be like, I

1:20:26

do want to work on this, but,

1:20:31

and I do like to kind of like start to

1:20:33

try to do something creative and then see if I've

1:20:35

got anything. A lot of times I don't.

1:20:39

I think for me it's, if I've got

1:20:41

something, then it becomes fun. But

1:20:44

don't have anything, then it becomes this

1:20:46

like, oh man, you

1:20:48

don't have anything. You're

1:20:50

not talented enough. Kind

1:20:53

of a hack, whatever. And

1:20:59

you're just kind of a little bit lazy

1:21:01

or whatever the narrative will become. I

1:21:06

think for me it would be like, it's not anxiety

1:21:10

inducing to work on stuff,

1:21:13

but it's just like, if it's not happening,

1:21:15

if it's not happening naturally, if there's no

1:21:17

flow, if it's not something that I'm enjoying,

1:21:21

then it's like, okay, well, what can you do right

1:21:23

now that will be

1:21:25

enjoyable? It might not be just

1:21:27

like do things for yourself. It might be

1:21:29

do things for other people. It might be like, I mean,

1:21:32

that was one of the things this weekend with

1:21:35

Shepherd, I was like, you know, I

1:21:38

want to make choices that

1:21:41

make this weekend memorable for

1:21:43

him and his friends.

1:21:45

It really is what I'm not up there for.

1:21:48

I would not be doing that for my own

1:21:51

enjoyment, like lugging around three 15 year olds. I

1:21:55

had a great time,

1:21:57

but it was mostly because I kind of committed to. I'm

1:22:00

doing it for them and yeah in their experience

1:22:03

so to me it's just about like knowing where

1:22:05

the energy is going and what the purpose of

1:22:07

it is and Recognizing

1:22:09

when I'm beginning to do

1:22:11

something simply to treat the

1:22:14

anxiety in

1:22:16

a combination of like giving myself something

1:22:18

to do and say when I feel it

1:22:20

happening and recognizing when The

1:22:24

trap that I might fall into like I just think that

1:22:26

those are It's

1:22:28

not like I solved it But

1:22:30

it was a breakthrough Just

1:22:33

because I've kind of existed in that Kind

1:22:37

of anxious soup basically

1:22:41

That's good. This is you know This

1:22:44

is this is good. This is why I'm good at what

1:22:46

I do is the thing that I would

1:22:49

tell myself I feel like no, I'm

1:22:51

not good at these things because I'm

1:22:53

anxious Those

1:22:55

two those things are separate Yeah,

1:22:59

you might be more prolific but you

1:23:01

might be a little Unhappy

1:23:06

at times Yeah,

1:23:08

it might make you a little more it might make you feel

1:23:11

a little more miserable than a little more joyful Yeah,

1:23:14

and it's weird because it doesn't like

1:23:16

I don't get Like

1:23:19

I don't have a I don't have depression depression is

1:23:21

not something I've dealt with. I'm not saying I don't

1:23:23

have sadness at times But

1:23:26

like it usually is just sort

1:23:28

of like tenseness Yeah,

1:23:31

and well anxiety and depression two different things

1:23:33

I know but yeah But I'm saying that

1:23:35

like I'm grateful that it doesn't go into

1:23:37

that like and go into depression Right,

1:23:40

but it just goes into this like it goes it

1:23:42

does go to a kind of a toxic place But

1:23:47

it is it makes it a little bit

1:23:49

more complicated to Navigate

1:23:51

because like you're saying it's like well That's I mean

1:23:53

you doing the thing that I want to do that

1:23:55

is my job right to treat my anxiety You're seeing

1:23:58

results though. Well, let's just see what

1:24:00

Let's see what happens tonight. Because it might

1:24:02

be that all of a sudden it

1:24:05

goes back to where it was and I'm like, oh,

1:24:07

it was an anomaly. And you actually had made no

1:24:09

progress. But no, I believe I did. I mean, this

1:24:11

thing has been accurate for years. We're

1:24:13

working hard to sign ourselves up. We've signed

1:24:16

ourselves up for a lot less. We're

1:24:18

as focused as we've ever been. I

1:24:21

think we're setting ourselves up for success. So

1:24:24

I think now's a good time for you

1:24:26

to have a little more space. There's a

1:24:29

lot less in the number of

1:24:31

initiatives. There's a

1:24:34

lot in, especially one

1:24:36

initiative right now, but it's a different

1:24:39

thing. It's like, yeah, it's

1:24:41

90% fun. Oh yeah,

1:24:44

right. And we've worked

1:24:46

it out that way. I

1:24:50

like that. You can skip therapy this

1:24:52

week too now. I did because I was

1:24:54

on a drive-in. Well, you just made up

1:24:56

for it. But I've got

1:24:58

a lot to tell my therapist about. He's

1:25:01

going to be so proud. That's

1:25:05

not why you're telling your therapist. You're

1:25:07

not trying to make your therapist proud. Yeah,

1:25:10

but if you do. Okay.

1:25:16

Let's see, I have a wreck for us to

1:25:18

wrap things up. This has

1:25:20

been on my wreck list for a while. It

1:25:24

is completely unrelated to anything we've been talking about,

1:25:26

but I do highly recommend it. It

1:25:28

is a documentary called

1:25:31

Lakota Nation versus the United

1:25:33

States. And

1:25:35

I watched it on the plane a

1:25:39

few trips ago. Okay. And

1:25:42

it is the story of

1:25:44

the Lakota Nation, the tribe,

1:25:47

and the history of treaties between the

1:25:49

United States and

1:25:52

Native American tribes. what

1:26:00

you can imagine the constant exploitation

1:26:03

and backtracking and

1:26:06

all the shit that the United States has done. So

1:26:09

it's a feel good film. It's

1:26:12

a hard watch but it's, you

1:26:16

know, I think that it's as

1:26:19

people who live on this land, okay,

1:26:22

and you

1:26:25

know, sort of reaping the benefits of

1:26:27

the decisions that people made in the past

1:26:30

to exploit people. It's,

1:26:33

you know, it's not, it isn't completely

1:26:36

like, oh, it's all new information, but

1:26:38

some of the stuff like the

1:26:40

history of the land, you know,

1:26:43

like where Mount Rushmore is, like

1:26:47

the nature of what that actually is and what

1:26:49

it represents. I

1:26:52

highly recommend it. It's one of those things that just like

1:26:54

come into grips a little bit with the nature of our

1:26:57

nation. Lakota Nation versus

1:26:59

the United States. All right, y'all.

1:27:01

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