Episode Transcript
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and more. This is your invitation
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1:01
Too spooky to handle.
1:09
Welcome to Too Spooky
1:11
to Handle 2. Season 2,
1:15
baby. I'm
1:20
Ginger, the haunted bitch
1:22
doll from hell. You
1:24
gotta listen to season 1. I was
1:27
totally a thing. Anyways, do
1:29
you like my dollhouse?
1:32
Do you? Sit
1:34
back and relax as a bone-chilling
1:37
and fully improvised spooky
1:39
movie unfolds before
1:41
you. This is
1:44
The Man With No Butt.
1:49
We open on
1:51
a hand holding a phone. Swiping
1:54
through classic dating
1:57
app called Bimble.
1:59
And we see the thumb
2:02
swiping through and for some reason we
2:04
can tell that that thumb is
2:07
bummed out. Yeah,
2:09
that thumb is clearly bummed out
2:12
as it's a dehydrated thumb.
2:15
It is dry, it is sad because we
2:17
slowly kind of like panning out and
2:19
we see that this person's not doing
2:21
so good. They're on like a crusty
2:24
orange recliner
2:27
and they're watching old rewinds
2:30
of Ellen and
2:33
they're just like going through it, there's tissues
2:35
all around them. Pints
2:36
of eaten ice cream
2:39
and melted, they're covered in chocolate.
2:42
There's some diapers on the floor. We
2:45
don't know who they belong to because
2:47
there's no baby in the house. There's
2:49
no baby. There's no baby in the
2:51
house. And they continue swiping and swiping.
2:55
And suddenly the phone rings. Hello?
3:01
Hey, who is it?
3:03
Who's calling me? Hi,
3:06
would you be interested in
3:08
extending your auto warranty? Get
3:10
away from me, never call me
3:12
again. But sir... Hangs
3:16
up. We go back to
3:19
him looking at all
3:21
of the different profiles that have
3:24
rejected him.
3:27
I didn't know that they could do that but on
3:30
Bimball you could see who rejects
3:32
him. Yeah, and these people are bottom of the
3:34
barrel. These bitches
3:36
reject me. They don't even
3:38
know what I'm like. They never
3:40
even had one conversation. We
3:43
just did it outside, it's a rainy
3:46
night. It feels like it's like New York
3:48
so it's kind of scary and just
3:51
kind of, you know, its own vibe. And
3:53
we see him leaving a little bodega
3:55
with a bag full of potato
3:58
salad and beer. People. bumping
4:00
into him no one can even see him just
4:03
run into him yeah in front of my invisible
4:07
when suddenly from an
4:09
alley hey man
4:12
hey
4:13
man yeah you
4:15
man
4:16
me? what do you want? come
4:18
here what?
4:22
I'm coming I'm as close to the very long alley
4:24
I'm walking down hey
4:26
alley what? I got
4:29
it I can only tell you when you're with him why don't you take these ones
4:31
up and make it a little easier because
4:33
I can't okay I'm coming I live in this
4:35
trash can come in the man takes a break just
4:39
to take a sip of his drink mmm cold
4:43
piss oh yum
4:46
oh wow yum okay okay okay now
4:48
you're close enough for me to tell you what is it?
4:51
I can see you're down in your look how
4:54
could you tell? yeah my
4:57
man I know one when I
4:59
see one cause I've been one but I got someone who
5:01
can help you out I don't trust you I'm out of here
5:04
no come back oh
5:07
please come back I grabbed your ankles
5:09
come here come here come here
5:12
take this card go to
5:14
this address there's
5:16
a really great doctor who can help you out what
5:19
kind of doctor? a body
5:21
doctor okay
5:24
like you know make
5:27
your body hot really? yeah
5:30
I could be hot you
5:32
could be hot this
5:34
is a bunch of bull but be
5:36
warned don't
5:38
let your ego get in the way I used
5:40
to be hot here look at me oh
5:43
wow you were a mate I wanna jerk
5:45
off to this picture you can't
5:47
if you what? can
5:49
I have this? yeah okay I got plenty of it I
5:53
know that I'm warning you don't
5:55
let your ego get in the way don't
5:58
think that you're better than everyone even when
6:00
you're hot. I'm sure I could
6:02
never be so hot, I would think I was better than
6:04
everyone. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
6:06
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! The
6:09
laugh continues and echoes
6:12
out and echoes and echoes as
6:14
we slowly crossfade to
6:16
the crusty man entering the doctor's office.
6:21
Hello? Oh, yeah,
6:23
right this way. Oh, hi. Do you have an
6:25
appointment? I don't, I got this
6:27
card from the sky. And
6:31
he just said I should come here.
6:34
Well, I think you made a good choice. Take
6:36
a seat for just a moment and then the doctor
6:39
will be ready to see. Okay, well,
6:41
it's a nice chair. Pretty cool, huh?
6:43
I've never really sat in a chair, that's nice. Probably
6:46
shouldn't have told you that.
6:47
No, it's cool. Oh, these my next
6:50
patients. Dr.
6:52
Svenston,
6:54
we have a new patient for
6:56
you, sir. Present
6:58
them to me. Okay, so we have to
7:00
do this kind of like
7:01
fun. I'm gonna, okay, get on
7:03
this, get on this dolly. I'm gonna
7:05
wheel you in. To his frankincense? Yeah,
7:08
exactly, kind of like that. It's just
7:10
his kink, I guess. So
7:12
I have to participate in this guy's kink? I haven't met
7:14
him yet. Don't worry about, you
7:17
don't consent? You already consent? I consent, I
7:19
consent, I'll do whatever. Get on this dolly,
7:21
get on this dolly. I gotta put you in
7:24
a funny straight jacket. Oh, no. Don't
7:26
worry, it's funny though, it's funny. Well, I really think,
7:28
no one has like screets all over him. Just
7:31
screets all over him. Yes, of course,
7:33
that's why it's funny. Get in, get in. Okay,
7:35
okay, okay, let me wheel you in.
7:37
Week, week, week, week, week, Dr. Svenston.
7:41
Hello, and welcome to my
7:43
office. Whoa!
7:44
Do not be shocked at my-
7:47
The lightning. Do
7:49
not be shocked at my lightning, nor
7:52
my facial appearance. The
7:54
combination was jarring. You
7:56
see, I could never be beautiful. So
7:59
I make- my life's dedication
8:01
to making others beautiful. You can't
8:03
shave that tooth down at all? It's
8:06
really long. No. Everyone
8:08
has tried. Every
8:11
time a dentist or orthodontist
8:13
has tried their best, I have cracked their
8:16
tools. Oh, wow. There's
8:19
diamond-encrusted, titanium-surrounded,
8:24
you name it, they've tried
8:26
it. Wow. So I gave up on
8:28
my looks
8:30
so I can make my patients beautiful.
8:34
I've seen your work. Well,
8:36
I saw a picture of it and it was really
8:40
hard. Did you get a chance to jack off to
8:42
it? I haven't gotten to go home yet. I came straight.
8:45
What restraint? I know. I
8:47
couldn't have been on the street because I am gross, but
8:50
I just didn't think of it actually. Worry
8:52
not, my child. Do you
8:54
like your funny straight jacket? It's
8:57
hilarious, but I am kind of stuck.
9:00
Let me loosen it. Oh.
9:03
I've used my old-timey
9:06
computer to give you an idea
9:08
of what I can do for you. Wow, it's all
9:10
green. Hold on, let me crank it.
9:13
It really seems like it's a lawnmower. It
9:23
is with a del bottle
9:25
one attached. I
9:28
can make you beautiful. Well,
9:31
I don't know. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm pretty
9:33
disgusting. I
9:35
did notice. You did? I
9:38
did. It's nice to have somebody be honest. You and
9:40
the guy in the alley, they're the first people to
9:42
really say, my what? Your thumbs are so
9:45
dehydrated. Oh yeah, they hurt
9:47
when I touch stuff. It squeaks
9:49
on paper. Your skin
9:52
is just wet and dry and
9:54
oily. It's every combination, but yet
9:56
combination products don't work for me. Interesting.
10:00
Well, no longer will you need to worry. But
10:02
what about how my eye is hanging out of the socket?
10:04
You're kind of just being polite, saying my thumbs
10:07
are dry, my eye is hanging out, my
10:09
nose is two different sizes on each
10:11
side. My tongue is
10:14
black as the day is long.
10:16
You have one cheekbone and then you have
10:18
a packet of bubble gum on the
10:20
other side. My hair is patchy
10:23
and falling out and my back is
10:25
also covered in patchy hair. You
10:28
have a nipple that's winding around
10:30
your neck like a scarf. You could tell it was a nipple.
10:32
Yes! You've done this work for
10:34
a while. I see. I have. You
10:37
are very ugly. I'm disgusting. I
10:40
can make you beautiful. I'd love
10:42
to see you try. I can give you muslin
10:44
plans. What? I could give you just
10:47
a fucking haircut. Okay, that'd be good. I
10:50
could change the musculature
10:52
of your cheeks, give you a defiant job.
10:54
Wow, yeah. Let's do it. How
10:57
much? What do I have to do? It'll cost you. I
10:59
figure. I don't
11:02
have much money. My job is really weird.
11:05
I don't make much doing it. I sell
11:07
Cabbage Patch dolls on Ebay. No,
11:10
no. It's not money I'm interested
11:13
in. Okay, good. Sex?
11:17
Lights off.
11:17
No words. Wow, put
11:20
it. Ow,
11:22
ew,
11:22
ow, you piece of shit. Ow! It's
11:24
a nut. It's a nut. Ow! It's
11:27
a knife. My penis is a knife. Can you fix that?
11:30
I can fix that. I don't want your money. I
11:32
don't want sex. Okay.
11:35
What I want is the ability
11:38
to make you a more perfect human. Well,
11:40
good. A human that
11:43
will never poop again. That
11:45
seems fine. That can't
11:47
possibly have any bad consequences. That's
11:50
the way I see the world. Okay. People
11:53
call me crazy. Demented. Sick.
11:56
No. But if I'm going to make you perfect,
11:58
I need... authority to take
12:01
away your... So you don't
12:03
want me to pay you anything or do
12:05
any acts to you? You just want to
12:08
take my butt away so I don't poo
12:10
anymore so you have the peace of mind knowing
12:12
I'm not going to poo. Yes. One
12:15
more person that never fills
12:17
this world with poop. That's what I want.
12:20
A perfect world with no poop. I'll do it, I'll do it. Whatever
12:22
it takes. We cut to like a
12:24
very intense montage
12:27
where we see the
12:29
mask going on our dude's face,
12:32
getting all drowsy and going to sleep
12:35
and we see our doctor just having
12:37
a blast cutting away,
12:40
slicing and dicing, blood is going
12:42
everywhere. These tools are
12:44
insane, they're like steam powered
12:47
tools that are helping suck out fat
12:50
and blood. There's
12:52
maniacal Dutch angles on
12:54
the doctor's face who's just having
12:56
a blast.
13:00
The nurse comes in and dabs his
13:02
forehead and looks
13:05
and then faints at what she's seen.
13:10
And we see the body slowly transforming,
13:12
we see the crusty man slowly
13:14
becoming more muscly and we see all
13:17
of it getting better and better and we see
13:19
even a haircut happening.
13:29
Etsy has it everyone. Yes, it's
13:32
true. Etsy is where style seekers,
13:34
vintage hunters, longtime renters, and
13:36
new homeowners alike go to shop for style,
13:39
home decor, and gifts from independent
13:41
sellers. Shop signature jackets,
13:43
jewelry, artwork, furniture, rugs,
13:45
and more. This is your invitation
13:48
to find what your style-seeking, home-upgrading
13:50
heart desires. Find home, style,
13:52
and gifts for you for all budgets and
13:54
any occasion. Shop Etsy.com today. Etsy
13:57
has it.
13:59
Oh, watch your step. Wow,
14:02
your attic is so dark. Dark?
14:04
Heh, I know, right? It's the perfect
14:06
place to stream horror movies. FLEEEEEEAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
14:10
What
14:10
movie is that? I haven't pressed
14:12
play yet. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
14:14
AT&T Fiber with All5 covers your whole
14:17
house, even your really, really creepy attic
14:19
turned home theater. Jimmy, what have
14:21
I told you about scaring our guests? Get
14:23
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14:24
Fiber with All5 and live like a gillionaire.
14:27
Limited availability, covers may require extenders at additional
14:29
charge.
14:35
We finally fade out, and
14:38
we look and there is a very
14:40
big hunky man sitting
14:42
in the chair with a bunch of wrapping
14:45
around his head. Doctor,
14:47
should I undo the wrapping?
14:51
Yes, nurse.
14:52
Sir, are you ready to
14:54
see the new you?
14:56
Yeah, yeah, just, just,
14:58
just show me whatever it is. Okay.
15:01
It's gotta be better than what it was before. Unwrap,
15:04
unwrap. Go quicker. Unwrap.
15:07
Go quicker. I see my top
15:10
of my hair. Unwrap, unwrap.
15:13
A little more hair. You can just spin it. 1, 2, 3.
15:21
Oh, okay, alright. Ready?
15:24
Oh, he's
15:26
puking
15:26
all over. He's
15:29
puking everywhere. Oh my god.
15:31
No way, I can't see. He's puking everywhere. Let me find
15:34
the mirror. Oh, here you go. Here's the
15:36
mirror. There's no mirror. There's just this hot guy who's
15:38
mirroring my action. Keep
15:41
going. Who is he? Move your
15:43
hand. He's really good at that. Move the other
15:45
hand. He's doing exactly what I'm doing. This
15:47
is stupid. Make him stop. Make
15:50
him stop. Don't you see? Doctor. That's
15:52
you. What? That
15:55
is you. I look...
15:59
like a... Douchebag. You're
16:02
welcome. Yeah. Now
16:04
that you're a douchebag, you can give yourself a new
16:06
name. Yeah. What do
16:08
you want to be called, crusty man?
16:10
I can finally have a name. My
16:13
name is...
16:15
My name is...
16:16
Jaden. Wow! What
16:19
a douchey name! That's a
16:21
disgusting name. That's crazy.
16:23
Well, no, I mean, to anybody who's named that, I think it's fine. Oh,
16:26
okay. Yeah, like
16:28
if your name is already that, then you're listening
16:30
to what we're saying. Then we love that name! Then we love
16:32
that name! That's a great name!
16:35
But if you are about to have a kid, then you
16:37
would name him Jaden, like, don't do it. Don't
16:41
do it! I
16:43
look amazing. I can get any girl I want.
16:46
Nurse, kiss me! Okay. Oh my
16:48
God! Well,
16:50
I've never been kissed like that before!
16:53
Oh my God! I've never been kissed at
16:55
all. That was amazing. Yeah, that
16:57
felt awesome. I could tell you, you have to go
17:00
for the mouth when you kiss. Okay, because I thought
17:02
something seemed wrong. Yeah,
17:05
women don't like being kissed on them. The
17:08
belly button, I mean. Women
17:10
don't like their belly button getting kissed. Well,
17:12
I guess not as a first kiss. We will work
17:14
up that, nurse. We cut to a montage
17:17
of Jaden being a ladies man. Something
17:20
like staying alive is plain as
17:23
we see Jaden just turning heads
17:25
all around New York City. We see
17:27
him walk by like an exercise biking
17:29
class and all the ladies pee
17:32
and they crash their stationary
17:35
bikes into each other. We
17:38
see him just crossing the street
17:40
through traffic and all of
17:42
a sudden he's so hot, people are
17:45
peeling the metal roof off
17:47
of their car so they can get a better
17:50
look at Jaden. Wow, sunglasses
17:53
down! We
17:55
see Jaden walk by like
17:58
a television news station. where like
18:01
they have like the glass pane there and
18:04
people are They're stopping
18:06
mid report to jump out of the window and
18:08
talk to Jaden
18:13
We've
18:16
got to a nightclub where Jaden is just
18:18
getting people are purchasing drinks for
18:21
him There's a line of women with a bouncer
18:23
waiting to talk to Jaden. I'm getting
18:26
wasted I don't
18:29
need another tequila. I'm good.
18:31
Come on. Let's buy you nice You
18:35
guys are great. Why don't we just go
18:37
sit in that booth over there? Yeah Talk
18:41
a little bit. Let's get to know each other Okay,
18:45
we both used to be Pilgrims,
18:48
but you've turned us into flaps. Yeah,
18:51
we were a program. Yeah Hey,
18:54
what's the power of Jaden? What can I say? We
18:58
don't believe in God at all. Good.
19:01
Yeah, what do you guys want to do
19:03
tonight? You want to get crazy? Yeah
19:06
We want to do all the nasty stuff with
19:08
you. What's like one thing
19:10
cuz I don't really know Well
19:13
first like we're gonna start by giving you
19:15
fellatio I'll
19:18
work on your balls and Samantha
19:20
will work on the fast Yeah
19:25
I'll go downtown Working
19:28
all the way into your your spa.
19:31
What's the spa? Some people call
19:33
it a tank, but I call it a spa. Vah
19:36
That is just you thing or is that
19:39
like a thing? I just need to learn It's
19:42
a thing you need to learn Yeah,
19:46
it's like the boss between the
19:48
vase and Vah-vah
19:52
and licking and licking
19:54
until I get to your
19:58
tiny butt hole Oh no,
20:00
no, no, stop, stop, stop! We love
20:02
a butthole. That's the
20:04
one thing that we can't have sex without.
20:07
Yeah,
20:07
we gotta have a butthole. Uh, uh, uh,
20:10
uh, well just don't look back there, okay? What?
20:14
Just don't
20:14
look back there, okay? Wow. You want
20:17
us to be blindfolded while we do
20:19
this to you? Yeah, and here's my butthole. Here,
20:22
it's right here. Wow. I'm blindfolded
20:24
now. Okay. And ooh, it
20:27
feels like...
20:29
It might feel like jello, but it's not. It
20:31
feels like a jello shot, but it's not a jello shot. It
20:34
smells like lemon limes. No, it's not. It
20:36
might well smell like that. I put pledge in
20:38
it. Oh, wow, you
20:41
can do that? Samantha, we gotta put
20:43
pledge in our butthole. No, hey, we're not
20:45
dirty buttholes. They are so dirty and dirty. We've
20:48
never put lemon pledge in our buttholes. Yeah,
20:50
you could, this is a floor you could lick. Wow. It's
20:53
clean. Wait a second. What?
20:56
They said they need a butthole. Oh
20:58
my God, I hate it. I hate the butthole. Do
21:01
it right now, real quick.
21:02
Lady, you're pretty hot, but
21:04
if you're not gonna let it suck, your butthole is over.
21:07
Get out of here, you idiots. I don't want anything to do
21:09
with your quick rasses anyway. Go back to hanging
21:11
your chairs on the wall. And
21:15
we cut to other girls running off,
21:17
and Jaden suddenly feels weird for
21:20
the first time in a long time. Jaden
21:23
is fully blacking out, and
21:26
then cut to Jaden waking up in
21:28
his apartment with his hot body,
21:31
but still
21:32
alone. Wow, God, where's all
21:34
the girls?
21:36
Oh, my apartment's so gross. It's like how a gross
21:39
guy lives here. I gotta change
21:41
this place.
21:42
I think it's time for a makeover montage.
21:44
Makeover!
21:49
We get to him wandering
21:52
all around awesome New York
21:55
furniture stores, meeting and greeting,
21:58
and everybody's like, Take
22:00
whatever you want for free. You're so hot You
22:03
come to my fan at your store. You're gonna love
22:05
it in there Here take
22:07
these columns and take
22:10
these couches Wow column.
22:12
It's amazing. I want to make a whole front to
22:14
my apartment. It's gonna be so cool We
22:17
see him throw an old furniture
22:19
out the window Just that chair is kind
22:21
of all he had and then a bunch
22:24
of movers bringing in the coolest
22:26
stuff some arcade
22:28
video game Hey Movers
22:32
though while you're here. Oh,
22:35
can you get this toilet out of here? I
22:37
don't need this. So What
22:39
are you talking about boys? I just
22:42
if I look at it, it makes me feel
22:44
I just don't want it Sure,
22:46
everyone. I feel pretty sorry for
22:48
the idiot who can't poop no more, huh? Oh
22:52
Yeah, me too. Would that be terrible? That
22:54
would suck I love a good poop
22:56
in the morning and one before bed.
22:58
Can you get the fuck out of my place? What?
23:00
No, we guys hypothetically speaking. We know you
23:02
can tell poop. Get out. With a body
23:04
like that You gotta be able to poop,
23:06
right? I couldn't imagine if a body
23:09
like that couldn't have the sweet release of
23:11
poop leaving you think the You
23:14
imagine not being able to feel that ultimate
23:16
joy They say
23:18
it's one third of an orgasm Yep,
23:22
they say that They
23:24
also say mental health wise a poop
23:27
is a very natural Meditative
23:29
thing that everyone deserves to have at least
23:31
once a day. Yeah. Yeah,
23:34
I feel pretty sorry for a moron who gave up
23:36
that Did I say get the fuck out
23:38
yet? And
23:42
I'm not gonna pay you everyone
23:44
does everything for free because of how I look
23:47
That's fine. That's fine. Have
23:49
a nice time you alone sexy person
23:53
And we cut to a slightly morose
23:55
tone as we see hot
23:58
Jaden's alone and looking at the mirror It's
24:01
marveling over his body, marveling
24:04
over how perfect his face is, how perfect
24:06
his hair is. And then he stops.
24:10
Then he starts looking down and he turns
24:12
around to spin and look at his
24:14
backside in the mirror. Oh, it's
24:16
like my back goes straight into my knees.
24:21
It's like there's really no ass. Not
24:24
even a crack. It's
24:27
just a straight line. There's
24:30
a knock at the door. Hello?
24:33
Who's out there? Oh, excuse me. I'm
24:36
your new neighbor. I just moved in. Oh,
24:39
opening door. You sound hot. Oh, thank
24:42
you. Oh, sorry. My boobs
24:44
got in the way. They're so big. Oh, wow. They fell out of your
24:46
top. You got to get a bigger top. Oh,
24:49
do you think so? It looks good.
24:51
It's just... We think
24:54
that the top is just a rubber band. It's
24:56
just not really a big enough top, just from what
24:58
I know about tops. Oh, okay.
25:00
I'm sorry. I'm new here. I'm new
25:02
to New York City and I'm just kind of
25:04
lonely.
25:04
Oh, you want
25:06
to hang out? I'm a little lonely
25:08
too. Really? I've lived here for 50 years,
25:11
but... Fifty years? Wow,
25:14
I could have sworn you were 23.
25:16
I mean, in my mind, it's been
25:18
like 50, but yeah. Yeah, I'm 23. You're
25:21
an old soul. Yeah. That's nice.
25:24
Yeah, your tits are really hanging out. Yeah,
25:26
they are. My rubber band just broke. I mean, my
25:28
shirt... I mean, my shirt just broke. Do
25:31
you need a shirt? I've got some. A shirt. Here.
25:34
Come on in. I don't feel like going back to my apartment. No,
25:36
come on inside. Here's a street to wear. Wow,
25:39
this is such a cool place. Is that a soda
25:41
vending machine? Yeah, kick it. Anything comes
25:43
out. Anything? Anything I imagined?
25:46
Yeah, imagine something and then kick it. You
25:48
who? It did. Enjoy
25:51
the drink. Hope I got it. It
25:53
talks to you. Yeah, it's kind of my best friend. I
25:56
shouldn't have said that. You're so lonely. Yeah,
25:58
I am. But hey. I'm pretty
26:01
perfect, you know. A lot
26:03
of people are really into who I am
26:05
and what I'm like. Cool. Mostly
26:07
because of my looks and
26:09
how my brain is. Okay,
26:12
that's better. Yeah, so you want
26:14
to do stuff together? I would
26:16
love to. I've never really been
26:19
to the city except once to visit my great
26:21
aunt. But now I'm here, so you
26:23
want to show me around New York? Yeah. And
26:26
we cut to a really romantic montage
26:28
of just like something great like Burt
26:31
Bacharach is playing. And we
26:33
see the two really getting along. Everywhere
26:35
they go, we see that this lady
26:38
continues to put things on her tits
26:40
that are not shirts. Oh,
26:42
here's a branch. That's back and a
26:44
stick. Oh,
26:47
shoot it, bro. They're walking on the Brooklyn
26:49
Bridge and it's so cute. They're laughing and really
26:51
getting to know each other as people. And
26:53
my parents, they never even knew about
26:55
that. Wow! It's
26:57
so fun keeping a secret like that from
26:59
your parents. We cut to them,
27:02
it's a terrace on the green.
27:05
And now she has a sandal
27:08
on, a single sandal covering her
27:10
tits. And they're just holding
27:12
hands, kind of tickling each
27:14
other's moms. Hey, I
27:16
gotta say, I
27:19
wanted to just see if you think I'm amazing.
27:21
Just, you know, I'm curious if
27:23
you think I'm amazing yet. Yeah,
27:26
I've been having an amazing day and it's all
27:28
because of you. I'm really good looking and
27:30
I'm really just,
27:32
yeah, I'm like really hot. So I'm wondering if maybe
27:34
that's rubbing off on you and you're starting to think
27:37
that I'm the best person you ever met.
27:40
I mean, you are really hot and you mention it almost
27:42
every other cent. Because I'm really handsome. I know. Yeah.
27:46
Yeah, I know. I know. So
27:49
I'm saying I
27:49
just was curious if you thought about that
27:51
at all and were thinking you wanted to say it too.
27:53
I am really enjoying our time together
27:56
and I, yes, you're hot. Oh.
27:58
You like that? That feels good. We
28:00
cut to them strolling home. They're
28:02
coming up to The the
28:05
stairs of the Jayden's apartment
28:07
and it seems like everything's going great.
28:09
They're about to maybe kiss
28:15
But suddenly
28:16
What's
28:21
your deal I Said I was really
28:24
hot. I know I did I said it a bunch
28:26
because you kept asking me and I do
28:28
think you're hot and I really think we connected
28:30
But I just think it's moving off too
28:32
fast and I couldn't possibly bed
28:35
you
28:36
Yet, okay suddenly
28:39
as Jayden is trying to cover up his
28:41
stomach begins to inflate almost
28:43
like blowing up like a kernel
28:45
of popcorn Wait
28:55
What's your name?
29:04
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That's it. Shit, it's in his teeth.
30:09
Daiden blacks out again. He
30:11
wakes up in the morning disoriented
30:14
in his own place. Oh. He
30:16
goes to the mirror and he sees
30:19
that his stomach has blown up once again.
30:22
Ew, what's it doing? He's like,
30:24
you're going like a lava. He's,
30:26
he's terrified. Lost
30:29
a bit of his hotness. He's wondering if he can cover
30:31
his sort of like ballooned stomach.
30:33
This looks weird. I look like I'm pregnant.
30:36
What's going on? Oh, oh,
30:39
oh, oh, oh. He, he notices like
30:41
stuff moving in and out,
30:43
like pushing through. What's
30:46
going on? What is in there? I
30:49
got to take a shit. Come help. He
30:54
goes to brush his teeth in the bathroom.
30:57
And as he's brushing his
31:01
teeth, he hears an unsettling
31:03
sound from inside his mouth. He
31:10
opens his mouth to look inside,
31:12
seeing his. What is that?
31:18
He notices a little poop with evil
31:21
eyes at the back of his mouth. Ew. Ew.
31:28
Get out of there. He throws
31:30
it up in the sink. Shocked,
31:33
humiliated, disgusted. He washes it down
31:35
the sink very quickly. OK,
31:38
that was disgusting, but nobody knows that happened,
31:40
so I'm still hot. We
31:43
cut to Jaden walking around New York,
31:45
trying to return to his normal life of hotness.
31:48
But he's wearing like a big like oversized cloak.
31:50
I'm just like a hot guy going around town,
31:54
and I think I'm going to do normal stuff. Man,
31:57
excuse me, young man. What? Huh?
31:59
You. You are gorgeous! Oh thanks, yeah
32:02
people- God damn it, you are hot! Well of course
32:04
I am. Yeah, I am Jaden. Damn! Jesus
32:07
fucking Christ! What do you want to
32:09
do about it? I represent models.
32:11
Yes, that's what I've been hoping would happen. Sexy,
32:14
sexy underwear models with juicy
32:17
butts. Oh wow, what about
32:19
nice pecs? No!
32:22
Okay, what about- Butts are in, baby!
32:24
What about a huge schlong? Boring!
32:28
I think dicks are boring. Alright,
32:30
fair enough. I just, yeah, I can't
32:32
show my butt right now. Oh damn
32:34
it! Could you pat it, maybe? I don't know, I don't
32:37
want to admit this to you, but um...
32:40
I don't really have a butt. Damn
32:42
it, boy! Why don't you go to
32:44
a doctor and get yourself a nice juicy fake
32:46
ass? That's a great idea. Yeah!
32:49
Go for it and then you'll be a part of my Calvin Klein campaign!
32:51
Okay, what's your name so I can find you later? I
32:54
am Mr. Mercado. Okay.
32:58
I'm gonna go back to this doctor I met and he'll be able
33:00
to fix this. Okay! And then
33:02
just look for me! I'll
33:04
just scream your name? Yep. Okay.
33:08
Alright, uh, okay, back to the doctor. You're
33:10
okay. Hi, do you have an- oh my,
33:12
it's you! Yeah, I have two
33:15
questions. Okay. One,
33:18
my stomach made this poo come out of my mouth. Yeah,
33:21
that's what happens when you don't have a bow anymore.
33:24
Okay, I guess if it's normal that's okay. And
33:27
two, is the doctor here because I really
33:30
need an ass to get work? Um,
33:33
he is here but he's working on someone
33:35
right now. I'm gonna go in and talk to him.
33:37
Wait, what? No, you can't go back! Farting
33:39
it!
33:40
What? I tried to
33:42
stop! What
33:44
is it? I need
33:46
an ass, okay? I don't care if I
33:48
can't shit but I need an ass. I am working right now!
33:50
You're fucking right now? I'm
33:53
working right now! What, you,
33:55
you got to do this- I really thought you said fucking. I'm
33:58
giving this woman her dream. body
34:00
but I'm a slang lover titties okay
34:03
that looks disgusting look I don't
34:05
feel so good I have this thing rolling
34:08
rolling around in my stomach and it seems to have
34:10
a life of its own sure yeah I
34:12
got approached on
34:13
the street to do a modeling job and the
34:15
guy said he needed me to have a big ass and I had met
34:17
the perfect woman the woman of my dreams is showing you know I'm
34:19
sex with me because what I
34:22
only talk about how hot I am you
34:23
gotta help me doc I
34:26
know this would happen I
34:29
can do this
34:30
but it is cost you okay okay
34:32
what I can't pee anymore what is it what's
34:34
your thing
34:35
I could give you a butt okay
34:37
but I'll have to take away your
34:40
awesome rocking penis it
34:42
seems fine this guy I just met
34:45
told me penises are out he doesn't
34:47
care about my penis is I just saw out
34:49
okay I don't need it that you believe people
34:51
would like Oh big dick right
34:54
I know and I thought even just five minutes ago that
34:56
I liked it but I don't
34:58
care you don't see any situation where you would
35:00
want to use it for like a romantic interest
35:03
or anything well like what would I
35:06
like what would I do you don't have anyone you're
35:08
romantically interested I do have
35:10
this girl okay well not to
35:12
get all therapists you with you I
35:16
met this girl on she's amazing I don't know her name
35:18
because I didn't listen I get I
35:20
don't think she'd just be a problem honestly
35:22
okay women are like all understanding
35:25
and stuff right you know yeah I mean she
35:27
just what she didn't want even have sex she thought
35:29
it was too soon so maybe we'll never even do
35:31
it I don't know yeah
35:33
like soon as I chop off this lady's teeth
35:36
I can squeeze you in okay yeah
35:38
I'll wait can I just watch and I kind of
35:41
know how much time it's gonna take and if I sit out there always
35:43
be wondering actually you can help what
35:46
yeah I have no formal training that's fine
35:49
damn you that beaker of acid yeah
35:52
this yes okay yeah here
35:54
kind of pour around the pigs that's what you
35:56
do wait what you did to
35:58
me Yeah, I just burned
36:01
it off. Ugh, but
36:02
wait, but there's nothing wrong with
36:04
her. She's beautiful the way she was. What are you doing?
36:06
Look, I'm giving her what she
36:08
wants. Like I'm going to give you what
36:10
you want. Well, maybe she doesn't know what she
36:12
wants. She's... she was... I can see
36:15
her right now. You haven't even done any of the work yet. She's
36:17
a gorgeous woman.
36:18
Right. But she wasn't happy.
36:21
Like you. I don't
36:23
get it. Don't think about it! Okay!
36:25
You're beautiful, Jayden. I will make you more beautiful.
36:28
True. Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah. We
36:30
cut to another montage of surgery.
36:33
Jayden going under. The doctor
36:35
just going nutsawing. Like
36:38
a tree saw. A tree saw with the nerves.
36:41
They have to take a break in the middle of sawing
36:44
and smoke a cigarette. They're literally smoking
36:46
a cigarette and ashing it into Jayden's
36:49
open wound. And
36:52
then we see some very
36:54
fast beer sowing up of
36:56
a... of a... of a...
36:59
cut. Or, you know, stitches. Ten
37:01
stitches. And then through... through Jayden's
37:04
eyes they slowly kind of open up
37:06
and look around. Ugh!
37:09
Is it done?
37:11
It's perfect. I can feel that
37:13
my lower half is raised. I
37:16
have a nice ass, don't I? It's
37:18
a fucking shelf, baby.
37:20
It is. It's such a hot,
37:22
fat ass. You like such a nice
37:24
height.
37:24
All right, I gotta get out of here.
37:27
Mr. Mercado!
37:30
Mr. Mercado! Jayden
37:32
is screaming on the street. Still wearing like
37:34
a hospital gown. Just screaming
37:36
on the streets of New York. Mr. Mercado!
37:39
Hey, Mickey! Oh! Mickey,
37:41
I hear somebody yelling his name out the window.
37:44
Mr. Mercado! Yes!
37:45
Who's that? I'm here! Hey,
37:48
it's me, Jayden.
37:48
Remember we met? Check this out.
37:50
Come right in, young boy.
37:53
Oh, wow, what a cool studio. You've
37:55
got all these hot models in here. Yes,
37:58
butts are in, and look at all these hot. I want
38:00
you to meet these hot young men with fat juicy
38:02
poopers. Oh, this
38:04
is Dylan. Hi, I'm Dylan
38:08
D e e l I n Dylan
38:12
look at my ass This is
38:14
Trev or Trev
38:17
or Well, you look great. Oh
38:20
my ass Mike
38:23
L. I can swing a baseball bat with
38:26
my ass. Oh, that's crazy Go
38:28
ahead get in the pic get in there. Well, I
38:30
fit right in You
38:33
have a nice ass. What's your
38:35
name? Jay Dan Jay Dan
38:38
Welcome to Calvin Klein
38:41
and we see the pictures take away the
38:43
music pumping when the money just
38:45
falls from the ceiling after the shoot Yeah,
38:48
we just gather however much we want.
38:50
I want a lot Yeah, my man
38:53
scooping up the cash or taking pictures
38:55
We see sort of like flashes and flashes
38:57
and flashes and then we see like
39:00
those pictures popping up in Times Square and
39:04
on Billboards everywhere.
39:06
Well, I'm famous. I wonder if that
39:08
girl has noticed my billboards And
39:11
then we see Jayden just walking around almost
39:14
looking for the girl Wondering
39:16
where he'll find her.
39:18
Hey, excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Have you seen
39:20
a woman with a shoe on her tips?
39:22
Oh, yeah, I want to know if I see a little in a shoe
39:24
on it. It was. Oh, let's see here
39:27
I just run this humble newspaper, Dan.
39:29
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yes Why
39:32
did I take so long to remember that? That's
39:34
incredibly rememberable Yeah,
39:40
I've been here just for like 30 seconds
39:42
hey
39:44
Hey,
39:45
it's you it is me. But
39:47
look I have a coat on now and
39:49
what's your name? What
39:51
I never got your name. Oh, you never did.
39:54
I just got to be in love with you
39:56
My name is Mary weather
39:58
Mary weather We just meri
40:01
weather weather. Meri weather weather.
40:03
Wow. And as they're having
40:05
a romantic connection unfortunately, once
40:08
again, Jaden's stomach
40:10
burbles. This time with liquid.
40:13
Oh no. Wait, look at my throat. Wait,
40:15
what? I don't
40:17
see anything in there. Something's in
40:19
there. Are you okay? What
40:22
is that? Is that
40:24
a little bee? It's
40:26
a bee. It's a pee
40:29
guy. It's a little pee guy.
40:31
Oh my god, is that a mother's morsel?
40:33
Oh no, it's a poo guy. What
40:36
the fuck is going on? I don't know, they're evil.
40:38
You gotta stop on me. Wait,
40:40
what? We're in this together
40:42
now. Just because you know any name
40:44
now? Wait, what? Okay. And
40:46
then they rush back to the apartment and
40:49
it's like Jaden is falling
40:51
ill. His stomach is
40:53
bubbling. Lay
40:54
down. I'll take care of you. I'll take care
40:56
of you. Oh my goodness. I just don't
40:59
feel good. It's okay. It's okay. We'll
41:01
get you a nice wet rag and put it on your head. There's
41:04
your own spooky face. There you go.
41:06
And then as Meriwether starts to
41:08
care for Jaden, we can see the
41:11
pee filling in his eyeballs. His eyeballs are
41:13
getting there. Oh my god.
41:15
Your eyes are getting so full of pee. What's
41:17
going on? You're weirder. I
41:20
don't know. I can't because it's gone. Wait,
41:23
what? I got a butt because everyone
41:25
said butts are in or one guy did. Did
41:27
it all come out of your butt? It won't because you
41:29
didn't give me the whole butt. Look, I
41:32
either
41:32
I got to start crying fast
41:35
and hard or I don't
41:37
know. You got to help me because these little guys
41:39
are going to attack my whole body and kill me.
41:42
Jaden,
41:43
I know all too well what you're going through.
41:45
What do you mean?
41:47
Yeah. Let me lift up my skirt
41:50
and show you. What? It's
41:52
like a face of a guy.
41:56
Hey, hey. That's right.
41:58
That's
42:00
right. I wanted to look
42:02
hot and have a hot body But
42:05
then the doctor's like I'll do it, but now you
42:07
have to have the face of a guy on your whole
42:10
Under area. I'm Murphy. What is
42:13
a mother put your skirt down? Murphy's
42:17
shush. Can we watch dirty rock later? Yes,
42:19
we will it a little bit stop That's
42:21
why I was afraid that what did you look like before
42:23
do you have a picture? Yeah, I do Be
42:26
sure you can handle it. Yeah, I'll show
42:28
you mine if you show me yours I
42:30
have I have a picture and then I have a news article.
42:33
Oh, wow Wow,
42:37
you are disgusting and something
42:39
about it makes me feel so safe I I'm
42:51
sorry. I'm sorry. I did not expect it. Hey,
42:54
I complimented you. I didn't you looked good actually
42:56
like you look here But I liked it. I'm
42:58
sorry. I scared you so much. I looked like before
43:01
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
43:03
for you, too I'm sorry. I was just not
43:05
ready for that. I was that's what I looked like
43:07
before What do you like this version better
43:10
where I pee out of my mouth? Actually
43:13
out of my mouth. I don't I don't
43:15
think so Do you
43:18
think my version was better instead of
43:20
having a face of a guy
43:22
named Murphy everywhere? I know do
43:24
think it
43:24
was better before Yeah,
43:26
I think we should go To
43:29
my doctor who very well might be the same doctor
43:31
you had is he kind of funny and
43:33
like he's hilarious buddy Like
43:36
hair do his hair is hilarious.
43:38
He makes you get wheeled in on
43:40
a dolly Yes, that must be
43:43
him
43:43
gotta be the same guy
43:45
did a guy in the alley tell you go
43:47
see you yeah
43:48
Can
43:51
I pee out of your pee out can I pee
43:53
yes, I'm sorry I have to go pee let me see you that's
43:55
like you a lot of serious, okay
43:59
in the mouth falls off. Awwww,
44:01
I'm such a Liz Lemon! Awwww! She's
44:04
no straighty rock. She just dropped it all
44:06
out. Yeah, it's all one big drop. Awwww!
44:11
Sometimes he's like, holds it, you know? Oh,
44:13
I thought he'd hold it in. Yeah,
44:15
that's good. Are you going to introduce him to your other face?
44:18
Yeah. What? Oh,
44:20
God. I've been really accepting so far, just for the
44:22
record. Murphy! Okay.
44:25
Murphy, is... is she awake?
44:28
Hello, Ditties! Ma'am, this is Doubtfire
44:30
Butt? Yeah, this is Doubtfire Butt. It's
44:33
whether or not I'm pooping! Okay,
44:35
that's funny. I... this is very funny. I
44:38
actually kind of think I want to keep this. Okay, can you
44:40
at least escort me, will I get my stuff put back how it was?
44:43
Yes, of course. Of course. We
44:45
smash cut to the doctor's office,
44:47
and he's having a consult with both of them. What
44:50
are you talking about? I want my nipple around
44:52
my neck. I want my eye hanging out.
44:55
I want my everything
44:57
back to how we... But you'll be ugly! I don't
44:59
care. I too want to go back
45:02
to normal. And I want Murphy and
45:04
Mrs. Doubtfire to have bodies
45:07
and live their own lives. That's scary. But
45:09
you'll be... you'll be ugly again!
45:12
And nothing is more important than being beautiful!
45:15
Okay, why do you think that? Because you're
45:17
actually... You haven't been any move. You haven't helped
45:19
any move. Oh, I'm not. I am so hot. You
45:23
said you were gross. Yeah, you said you were gross. Wait,
45:25
do you think I'm gross? Yeah, wait, what? But
45:28
I thought, like, I thought I was like Adam Driver. Okay,
45:30
no, he's just like a good looking guy. Yeah, he's just...
45:33
Is he? What? Okay,
45:35
his personality does a lot. Does it?
45:39
Does it? Yeah! Why are you taking him
45:41
down? I'm just saying, like, I
45:44
thought that was like that kind of hot, like, whoa, with
45:46
a butter face, you know?
45:48
No! No? No, sorry.
45:50
Fuck! It's okay. I'm
45:53
just kind of discussing and you fuck people
45:55
up. And, like, you... I just wasted
45:58
so many months of my life being hot.
45:59
just now where
46:01
nothing worked out for me and I was shitting
46:03
on my mouth and pissing on my mouth and I
46:05
still am I don't want
46:07
it like this
46:08
I'm learning something
46:10
about myself
46:12
that perhaps
46:13
my search for beauty has
46:16
proven my inner ugliness
46:18
Wow Wow
46:20
that was really deep Wow
46:23
oh hello oh
46:25
she wants to talk sorry
46:28
just stand up every time she wants to say something yeah
46:30
yeah sorry let me get up and
46:32
raise my dress what is a
46:34
million a thing is just outfire you
46:37
literally look like Heidi Klum and then you lift your
46:39
dress up your butthole
46:41
is maybe he's goddamn kids too
46:44
that's
46:44
not even your life why would
46:46
you say that that's your
46:48
kid you're not the kid we got to
46:50
surgery and the
46:53
doctor is doing you're unthinkable
46:55
by taking them ugly again he's um
46:59
you as he's doing it he's wiping away
47:01
tears realizing that this
47:03
is this is a real life lesson
47:06
for him and we cut to post surgery
47:08
Oh
47:11
Jaden are you near
47:13
I am Mary weather
47:15
weather are you there hey where's
47:17
the nurse can
47:18
she zippity-doo dollies bandages
47:21
excuse me yes let me see if
47:23
it is to die Sam I
47:25
went and to you know what
47:28
to do
47:34
I'm laughing wait but it's just
47:36
barf
47:36
and I barf
47:39
too you get
47:40
barf II when you get dizzy yeah
47:42
you do yeah all the time what do
47:44
you look like let me focus my eye focus
47:47
them whoa
47:49
just like your old picture yeah and
47:52
you're just like your old picture but I'm ready
47:54
for it this time
47:55
and it's me Murphy whoa I'm
47:57
a person
47:59
Wow, you're really short.
48:02
You only give you like one foot tall
48:05
Whoa, look at
48:06
how tall this is down fire Okay,
48:11
could have balance you know that
48:13
a little doctor
48:14
dude looks like a lady
48:17
Okay, I'll give you that one. You need some
48:20
life experience. You gotta watch it
48:22
I had a I'm I've
48:24
learned the error of my ways I'm
48:27
closing this evil doctor
48:29
e office No
48:33
longer do this picking people's
48:35
life filling their bodies with evil
48:38
poo and pee. Why don't you just do
48:40
good surgeries? Yeah No,
48:44
that's stupid Going
48:51
to do what I've always wanted
48:53
to do yeah I'm
48:56
going to open a pizza joint.
48:59
Okay. Can we work there?
49:01
Oh, wait, what are you saying? No,
49:05
no idea I do do I just I wanted
49:07
to talk about like when in the future when you want to like do
49:09
something like We're both we both of us do it. Like let's
49:12
just talk about it. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay,
49:14
I'll work at the pizza place I'd like
49:16
to work there too But
49:18
you want to force you to do anything. No, you're not. I always
49:20
buy joy here. Oh, I want to flip
49:22
the pie
49:23
Mercy
49:25
what are you gonna do? I'm gonna sweep the floors
49:27
with my tiny tiny body Wow,
49:40
I should probably tell you my real name now
49:42
that I'm not eating no more,
49:44
right? What's your real name?
49:46
gray Bremen I'm
49:49
sorry. Why is it? Gray
49:52
Bremen day one more
49:54
time slower gray Brie
49:57
men gray Brie
50:00
It's almost like Gabriel, but
50:02
then it takes a hard pivot right off the top
50:05
and then it kind of becomes another name mixed
50:08
with that. And that's just the first name.
50:10
And my last name is...Barmanin. Barmanin.
50:13
Graybree-men. Barmanin.
50:15
Graybree-men. Barmanin.
50:17
Wow, it rolls off the tongue.
50:22
Imagine this. Merryweather
50:25
Barmanin. I don't know. Oh, actually that gives me
50:27
an idea. What?
50:31
I'm gonna get down on one knee. Oh, be careful. It
50:33
looks like it will explode. Ow! Oh
50:35
no, you snapped on me. You snapped on me. You snapped
50:38
on me. Oh, sorry. You snapped on me. Forget
50:40
it. Forget it. Forget
50:43
it. Wait, what were you gonna do on the knee? I don't even want to talk
50:45
about it. What were you gonna do on the knee? No, that was so
50:47
weird. I messed it up. God damn it. I'm
50:49
not gonna do it. What were you gonna do? No,
50:51
it's stupid. No, it's not. I bet. because
50:55
it was so embarrassing. Are you? And
50:58
we come out and cut to the pizza shop and
51:00
we see that the whole team is making
51:03
pizza and we slowly, slowly
51:05
zoom in on a Gray Bremen's
51:08
dehydrated, disgusting hands.
51:11
But this time, there's a wedding ring
51:14
on this crusty, crusty
51:16
hand, fade to black. Yeah!
51:18
Oh, it's really
51:21
good. That
51:23
was amazing. You know,
51:25
we learned the lessons. Sweet, spooky
51:27
little dud. Sweet and spooky.
51:30
Yeah. Sweet and spooky. Sweet
51:32
and spooky, kind of a story about the evils of vanity. Yes.
51:35
There we go. What people will
51:37
do to not
51:39
be ugly. Yeah, I
51:41
would eat ugly, really. You just
51:43
need to know yourself and accept yourself
51:45
and... Oh my God. And we
51:47
all have self-doubt. There we go. Wow. We
51:51
had a moral. We had a moral. We had a moral.
51:53
We had a moral. We had a moral. That
51:56
was so fun. That was really funny. That was so fucking
51:58
fun. Thank you so much for being... a part of her stupid
52:01
little improvised movie. I love it. That
52:03
was the man with no butt. Wow.
52:05
Wow. I'm Monogapian. I'm
52:07
Betsy Sedaro. I'm Lauren Labkis. And
52:10
remind us, Lauren, where can we come listen
52:12
to you find you, watch you. If you can find me
52:14
on Instagram at Lauren Labkis, I have
52:16
podcasts called 3dom and
52:18
Newcomers, which are both very different
52:20
and very fun.
52:21
And that's it.
52:23
You know, I do shows
52:24
around the world, mostly LA. Wow.
52:27
You can see them on my Instagram and find where they are going
52:29
to be and come watch a live
52:31
stream. Yes. I'm not going to
52:33
give it away, but there's a new season of newcomers
52:36
happening. There is. We can't give
52:38
it away. It's about Batman. Nicole Byer and
52:40
I watched it. We've never seen. We're watching all of Batman
52:42
right now. Like including Batman Forever and
52:44
stuff. I love that movie. I'm excited.
52:47
Batman and Robin. Have you gotten there yet? We
52:49
have. I won't share my opinion. I'm
52:51
going to listen. But yeah, you can check it out. Gotta
52:53
listen. Coming out soon. Bye.
52:56
Thanks for having me. We love you, Lauren. I
52:58
love you guys.
52:59
Thanks for listening to Two Spooky Two Handdoll.
53:01
The man with
53:07
no butt was submitted
53:10
by Tyler Riegel. Thanks
53:12
for
53:12
listening to
53:15
Two Spooky Two Handdoll.
54:06
Thanks for listening everybody. If you made
54:08
it all the way to the end, you're a beautiful person.
54:11
If you're not hearing this voice, go
54:13
to hell. Earwolf Presents is produced
54:15
by Earwolf, Amelia Chappello,
54:18
and Cody Fisher. And of course, podcast
54:20
daddy Colin Anderson himself. The
54:23
Earwolf Presents series is hosted by the one
54:25
and only myself, Jockeys Neal, and
54:27
our theme music was engineered and sung
54:30
by the amazing Jordan Duffy. Special
54:33
thanks and shout outs to Jeff Gross and Aaron
54:35
Nestor. And for more information on Earwolf
54:37
Presents, visit Earwolf.com
54:39
and follow us at Earwolf on
54:42
all social platforms.
54:53
Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's.
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