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2 Spooky 2 Handle: “The Man with No Butt” w/ Lauren Lapkus

2 Spooky 2 Handle: “The Man with No Butt” w/ Lauren Lapkus

Released Friday, 20th October 2023
Good episode? Give it some love!
2 Spooky 2 Handle: “The Man with No Butt” w/ Lauren Lapkus

2 Spooky 2 Handle: “The Man with No Butt” w/ Lauren Lapkus

2 Spooky 2 Handle: “The Man with No Butt” w/ Lauren Lapkus

2 Spooky 2 Handle: “The Man with No Butt” w/ Lauren Lapkus

Friday, 20th October 2023
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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0:00

Etsy has it, everyone. Yes, it's

0:02

true. Etsy is where style seekers,

0:05

vintage hunters, long-time renters, and

0:07

new homeowners alike go to shop for style,

0:09

home decor, and gifts from independent

0:11

sellers. Shop signature jackets,

0:14

jewelry, artwork, furniture, rugs,

0:16

and more. This is your invitation

0:18

to find what your style-seeking, home-upgrading

0:20

heart desires. Find home, style,

0:23

and gifts for you for all budgets and

0:25

any occasion. Shop Etsy.com

0:27

today. Etsy has it.

0:30

Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Mornings

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0:35

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of your favorite breakfast items, including a sausage

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a delicious medium iced coffee. With

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McDonald's Mix & Match, you can't go wrong. Price

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and participation may vary, cannot be combined

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with any other offer or combo meal. Single

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item at regular price.

1:01

Too spooky to handle.

1:09

Welcome to Too Spooky

1:11

to Handle 2. Season 2,

1:15

baby. I'm

1:20

Ginger, the haunted bitch

1:22

doll from hell. You

1:24

gotta listen to season 1. I was

1:27

totally a thing. Anyways, do

1:29

you like my dollhouse?

1:32

Do you? Sit

1:34

back and relax as a bone-chilling

1:37

and fully improvised spooky

1:39

movie unfolds before

1:41

you. This is

1:44

The Man With No Butt.

1:49

We open on

1:51

a hand holding a phone. Swiping

1:54

through classic dating

1:57

app called Bimble.

1:59

And we see the thumb

2:02

swiping through and for some reason we

2:04

can tell that that thumb is

2:07

bummed out. Yeah,

2:09

that thumb is clearly bummed out

2:12

as it's a dehydrated thumb.

2:15

It is dry, it is sad because we

2:17

slowly kind of like panning out and

2:19

we see that this person's not doing

2:21

so good. They're on like a crusty

2:24

orange recliner

2:27

and they're watching old rewinds

2:30

of Ellen and

2:33

they're just like going through it, there's tissues

2:35

all around them. Pints

2:36

of eaten ice cream

2:39

and melted, they're covered in chocolate.

2:42

There's some diapers on the floor. We

2:45

don't know who they belong to because

2:47

there's no baby in the house. There's

2:49

no baby. There's no baby in the

2:51

house. And they continue swiping and swiping.

2:55

And suddenly the phone rings. Hello?

3:01

Hey, who is it?

3:03

Who's calling me? Hi,

3:06

would you be interested in

3:08

extending your auto warranty? Get

3:10

away from me, never call me

3:12

again. But sir... Hangs

3:16

up. We go back to

3:19

him looking at all

3:21

of the different profiles that have

3:24

rejected him.

3:27

I didn't know that they could do that but on

3:30

Bimball you could see who rejects

3:32

him. Yeah, and these people are bottom of the

3:34

barrel. These bitches

3:36

reject me. They don't even

3:38

know what I'm like. They never

3:40

even had one conversation. We

3:43

just did it outside, it's a rainy

3:46

night. It feels like it's like New York

3:48

so it's kind of scary and just

3:51

kind of, you know, its own vibe. And

3:53

we see him leaving a little bodega

3:55

with a bag full of potato

3:58

salad and beer. People. bumping

4:00

into him no one can even see him just

4:03

run into him yeah in front of my invisible

4:07

when suddenly from an

4:09

alley hey man

4:12

hey

4:13

man yeah you

4:15

man

4:16

me? what do you want? come

4:18

here what?

4:22

I'm coming I'm as close to the very long alley

4:24

I'm walking down hey

4:26

alley what? I got

4:29

it I can only tell you when you're with him why don't you take these ones

4:31

up and make it a little easier because

4:33

I can't okay I'm coming I live in this

4:35

trash can come in the man takes a break just

4:39

to take a sip of his drink mmm cold

4:43

piss oh yum

4:46

oh wow yum okay okay okay now

4:48

you're close enough for me to tell you what is it?

4:51

I can see you're down in your look how

4:54

could you tell? yeah my

4:57

man I know one when I

4:59

see one cause I've been one but I got someone who

5:01

can help you out I don't trust you I'm out of here

5:04

no come back oh

5:07

please come back I grabbed your ankles

5:09

come here come here come here

5:12

take this card go to

5:14

this address there's

5:16

a really great doctor who can help you out what

5:19

kind of doctor? a body

5:21

doctor okay

5:24

like you know make

5:27

your body hot really? yeah

5:30

I could be hot you

5:32

could be hot this

5:34

is a bunch of bull but be

5:36

warned don't

5:38

let your ego get in the way I used

5:40

to be hot here look at me oh

5:43

wow you were a mate I wanna jerk

5:45

off to this picture you can't

5:47

if you what? can

5:49

I have this? yeah okay I got plenty of it I

5:53

know that I'm warning you don't

5:55

let your ego get in the way don't

5:58

think that you're better than everyone even when

6:00

you're hot. I'm sure I could

6:02

never be so hot, I would think I was better than

6:04

everyone. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

6:06

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! The

6:09

laugh continues and echoes

6:12

out and echoes and echoes as

6:14

we slowly crossfade to

6:16

the crusty man entering the doctor's office.

6:21

Hello? Oh, yeah,

6:23

right this way. Oh, hi. Do you have an

6:25

appointment? I don't, I got this

6:27

card from the sky. And

6:31

he just said I should come here.

6:34

Well, I think you made a good choice. Take

6:36

a seat for just a moment and then the doctor

6:39

will be ready to see. Okay, well,

6:41

it's a nice chair. Pretty cool, huh?

6:43

I've never really sat in a chair, that's nice. Probably

6:46

shouldn't have told you that.

6:47

No, it's cool. Oh, these my next

6:50

patients. Dr.

6:52

Svenston,

6:54

we have a new patient for

6:56

you, sir. Present

6:58

them to me. Okay, so we have to

7:00

do this kind of like

7:01

fun. I'm gonna, okay, get on

7:03

this, get on this dolly. I'm gonna

7:05

wheel you in. To his frankincense? Yeah,

7:08

exactly, kind of like that. It's just

7:10

his kink, I guess. So

7:12

I have to participate in this guy's kink? I haven't met

7:14

him yet. Don't worry about, you

7:17

don't consent? You already consent? I consent, I

7:19

consent, I'll do whatever. Get on this dolly,

7:21

get on this dolly. I gotta put you in

7:24

a funny straight jacket. Oh, no. Don't

7:26

worry, it's funny though, it's funny. Well, I really think,

7:28

no one has like screets all over him. Just

7:31

screets all over him. Yes, of course,

7:33

that's why it's funny. Get in, get in. Okay,

7:35

okay, okay, let me wheel you in.

7:37

Week, week, week, week, week, Dr. Svenston.

7:41

Hello, and welcome to my

7:43

office. Whoa!

7:44

Do not be shocked at my-

7:47

The lightning. Do

7:49

not be shocked at my lightning, nor

7:52

my facial appearance. The

7:54

combination was jarring. You

7:56

see, I could never be beautiful. So

7:59

I make- my life's dedication

8:01

to making others beautiful. You can't

8:03

shave that tooth down at all? It's

8:06

really long. No. Everyone

8:08

has tried. Every

8:11

time a dentist or orthodontist

8:13

has tried their best, I have cracked their

8:16

tools. Oh, wow. There's

8:19

diamond-encrusted, titanium-surrounded,

8:24

you name it, they've tried

8:26

it. Wow. So I gave up on

8:28

my looks

8:30

so I can make my patients beautiful.

8:34

I've seen your work. Well,

8:36

I saw a picture of it and it was really

8:40

hard. Did you get a chance to jack off to

8:42

it? I haven't gotten to go home yet. I came straight.

8:45

What restraint? I know. I

8:47

couldn't have been on the street because I am gross, but

8:50

I just didn't think of it actually. Worry

8:52

not, my child. Do you

8:54

like your funny straight jacket? It's

8:57

hilarious, but I am kind of stuck.

9:00

Let me loosen it. Oh.

9:03

I've used my old-timey

9:06

computer to give you an idea

9:08

of what I can do for you. Wow, it's all

9:10

green. Hold on, let me crank it.

9:13

It really seems like it's a lawnmower. It

9:23

is with a del bottle

9:25

one attached. I

9:28

can make you beautiful. Well,

9:31

I don't know. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm pretty

9:33

disgusting. I

9:35

did notice. You did? I

9:38

did. It's nice to have somebody be honest. You and

9:40

the guy in the alley, they're the first people to

9:42

really say, my what? Your thumbs are so

9:45

dehydrated. Oh yeah, they hurt

9:47

when I touch stuff. It squeaks

9:49

on paper. Your skin

9:52

is just wet and dry and

9:54

oily. It's every combination, but yet

9:56

combination products don't work for me. Interesting.

10:00

Well, no longer will you need to worry. But

10:02

what about how my eye is hanging out of the socket?

10:04

You're kind of just being polite, saying my thumbs

10:07

are dry, my eye is hanging out, my

10:09

nose is two different sizes on each

10:11

side. My tongue is

10:14

black as the day is long.

10:16

You have one cheekbone and then you have

10:18

a packet of bubble gum on the

10:20

other side. My hair is patchy

10:23

and falling out and my back is

10:25

also covered in patchy hair. You

10:28

have a nipple that's winding around

10:30

your neck like a scarf. You could tell it was a nipple.

10:32

Yes! You've done this work for

10:34

a while. I see. I have. You

10:37

are very ugly. I'm disgusting. I

10:40

can make you beautiful. I'd love

10:42

to see you try. I can give you muslin

10:44

plans. What? I could give you just

10:47

a fucking haircut. Okay, that'd be good. I

10:50

could change the musculature

10:52

of your cheeks, give you a defiant job.

10:54

Wow, yeah. Let's do it. How

10:57

much? What do I have to do? It'll cost you. I

10:59

figure. I don't

11:02

have much money. My job is really weird.

11:05

I don't make much doing it. I sell

11:07

Cabbage Patch dolls on Ebay. No,

11:10

no. It's not money I'm interested

11:13

in. Okay, good. Sex?

11:17

Lights off.

11:17

No words. Wow, put

11:20

it. Ow,

11:22

ew,

11:22

ow, you piece of shit. Ow! It's

11:24

a nut. It's a nut. Ow! It's

11:27

a knife. My penis is a knife. Can you fix that?

11:30

I can fix that. I don't want your money. I

11:32

don't want sex. Okay.

11:35

What I want is the ability

11:38

to make you a more perfect human. Well,

11:40

good. A human that

11:43

will never poop again. That

11:45

seems fine. That can't

11:47

possibly have any bad consequences. That's

11:50

the way I see the world. Okay. People

11:53

call me crazy. Demented. Sick.

11:56

No. But if I'm going to make you perfect,

11:58

I need... authority to take

12:01

away your... So you don't

12:03

want me to pay you anything or do

12:05

any acts to you? You just want to

12:08

take my butt away so I don't poo

12:10

anymore so you have the peace of mind knowing

12:12

I'm not going to poo. Yes. One

12:15

more person that never fills

12:17

this world with poop. That's what I want.

12:20

A perfect world with no poop. I'll do it, I'll do it. Whatever

12:22

it takes. We cut to like a

12:24

very intense montage

12:27

where we see the

12:29

mask going on our dude's face,

12:32

getting all drowsy and going to sleep

12:35

and we see our doctor just having

12:37

a blast cutting away,

12:40

slicing and dicing, blood is going

12:42

everywhere. These tools are

12:44

insane, they're like steam powered

12:47

tools that are helping suck out fat

12:50

and blood. There's

12:52

maniacal Dutch angles on

12:54

the doctor's face who's just having

12:56

a blast.

13:00

The nurse comes in and dabs his

13:02

forehead and looks

13:05

and then faints at what she's seen.

13:10

And we see the body slowly transforming,

13:12

we see the crusty man slowly

13:14

becoming more muscly and we see all

13:17

of it getting better and better and we see

13:19

even a haircut happening.

13:29

Etsy has it everyone. Yes, it's

13:32

true. Etsy is where style seekers,

13:34

vintage hunters, longtime renters, and

13:36

new homeowners alike go to shop for style,

13:39

home decor, and gifts from independent

13:41

sellers. Shop signature jackets,

13:43

jewelry, artwork, furniture, rugs,

13:45

and more. This is your invitation

13:48

to find what your style-seeking, home-upgrading

13:50

heart desires. Find home, style,

13:52

and gifts for you for all budgets and

13:54

any occasion. Shop Etsy.com today. Etsy

13:57

has it.

13:59

Oh, watch your step. Wow,

14:02

your attic is so dark. Dark?

14:04

Heh, I know, right? It's the perfect

14:06

place to stream horror movies. FLEEEEEEAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

14:10

What

14:10

movie is that? I haven't pressed

14:12

play yet. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

14:14

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14:17

house, even your really, really creepy attic

14:19

turned home theater. Jimmy, what have

14:21

I told you about scaring our guests? Get

14:23

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14:24

Fiber with All5 and live like a gillionaire.

14:27

Limited availability, covers may require extenders at additional

14:29

charge.

14:35

We finally fade out, and

14:38

we look and there is a very

14:40

big hunky man sitting

14:42

in the chair with a bunch of wrapping

14:45

around his head. Doctor,

14:47

should I undo the wrapping?

14:51

Yes, nurse.

14:52

Sir, are you ready to

14:54

see the new you?

14:56

Yeah, yeah, just, just,

14:58

just show me whatever it is. Okay.

15:01

It's gotta be better than what it was before. Unwrap,

15:04

unwrap. Go quicker. Unwrap.

15:07

Go quicker. I see my top

15:10

of my hair. Unwrap, unwrap.

15:13

A little more hair. You can just spin it. 1, 2, 3.

15:21

Oh, okay, alright. Ready?

15:24

Oh, he's

15:26

puking

15:26

all over. He's

15:29

puking everywhere. Oh my god.

15:31

No way, I can't see. He's puking everywhere. Let me find

15:34

the mirror. Oh, here you go. Here's the

15:36

mirror. There's no mirror. There's just this hot guy who's

15:38

mirroring my action. Keep

15:41

going. Who is he? Move your

15:43

hand. He's really good at that. Move the other

15:45

hand. He's doing exactly what I'm doing. This

15:47

is stupid. Make him stop. Make

15:50

him stop. Don't you see? Doctor. That's

15:52

you. What? That

15:55

is you. I look...

15:59

like a... Douchebag. You're

16:02

welcome. Yeah. Now

16:04

that you're a douchebag, you can give yourself a new

16:06

name. Yeah. What do

16:08

you want to be called, crusty man?

16:10

I can finally have a name. My

16:13

name is...

16:15

My name is...

16:16

Jaden. Wow! What

16:19

a douchey name! That's a

16:21

disgusting name. That's crazy.

16:23

Well, no, I mean, to anybody who's named that, I think it's fine. Oh,

16:26

okay. Yeah, like

16:28

if your name is already that, then you're listening

16:30

to what we're saying. Then we love that name! Then we love

16:32

that name! That's a great name!

16:35

But if you are about to have a kid, then you

16:37

would name him Jaden, like, don't do it. Don't

16:41

do it! I

16:43

look amazing. I can get any girl I want.

16:46

Nurse, kiss me! Okay. Oh my

16:48

God! Well,

16:50

I've never been kissed like that before!

16:53

Oh my God! I've never been kissed at

16:55

all. That was amazing. Yeah, that

16:57

felt awesome. I could tell you, you have to go

17:00

for the mouth when you kiss. Okay, because I thought

17:02

something seemed wrong. Yeah,

17:05

women don't like being kissed on them. The

17:08

belly button, I mean. Women

17:10

don't like their belly button getting kissed. Well,

17:12

I guess not as a first kiss. We will work

17:14

up that, nurse. We cut to a montage

17:17

of Jaden being a ladies man. Something

17:20

like staying alive is plain as

17:23

we see Jaden just turning heads

17:25

all around New York City. We see

17:27

him walk by like an exercise biking

17:29

class and all the ladies pee

17:32

and they crash their stationary

17:35

bikes into each other. We

17:38

see him just crossing the street

17:40

through traffic and all of

17:42

a sudden he's so hot, people are

17:45

peeling the metal roof off

17:47

of their car so they can get a better

17:50

look at Jaden. Wow, sunglasses

17:53

down! We

17:55

see Jaden walk by like

17:58

a television news station. where like

18:01

they have like the glass pane there and

18:04

people are They're stopping

18:06

mid report to jump out of the window and

18:08

talk to Jaden

18:13

We've

18:16

got to a nightclub where Jaden is just

18:18

getting people are purchasing drinks for

18:21

him There's a line of women with a bouncer

18:23

waiting to talk to Jaden. I'm getting

18:26

wasted I don't

18:29

need another tequila. I'm good.

18:31

Come on. Let's buy you nice You

18:35

guys are great. Why don't we just go

18:37

sit in that booth over there? Yeah Talk

18:41

a little bit. Let's get to know each other Okay,

18:45

we both used to be Pilgrims,

18:48

but you've turned us into flaps. Yeah,

18:51

we were a program. Yeah Hey,

18:54

what's the power of Jaden? What can I say? We

18:58

don't believe in God at all. Good.

19:01

Yeah, what do you guys want to do

19:03

tonight? You want to get crazy? Yeah

19:06

We want to do all the nasty stuff with

19:08

you. What's like one thing

19:10

cuz I don't really know Well

19:13

first like we're gonna start by giving you

19:15

fellatio I'll

19:18

work on your balls and Samantha

19:20

will work on the fast Yeah

19:25

I'll go downtown Working

19:28

all the way into your your spa.

19:31

What's the spa? Some people call

19:33

it a tank, but I call it a spa. Vah

19:36

That is just you thing or is that

19:39

like a thing? I just need to learn It's

19:42

a thing you need to learn Yeah,

19:46

it's like the boss between the

19:48

vase and Vah-vah

19:52

and licking and licking

19:54

until I get to your

19:58

tiny butt hole Oh no,

20:00

no, no, stop, stop, stop! We love

20:02

a butthole. That's the

20:04

one thing that we can't have sex without.

20:07

Yeah,

20:07

we gotta have a butthole. Uh, uh, uh,

20:10

uh, well just don't look back there, okay? What?

20:14

Just don't

20:14

look back there, okay? Wow. You want

20:17

us to be blindfolded while we do

20:19

this to you? Yeah, and here's my butthole. Here,

20:22

it's right here. Wow. I'm blindfolded

20:24

now. Okay. And ooh, it

20:27

feels like...

20:29

It might feel like jello, but it's not. It

20:31

feels like a jello shot, but it's not a jello shot. It

20:34

smells like lemon limes. No, it's not. It

20:36

might well smell like that. I put pledge in

20:38

it. Oh, wow, you

20:41

can do that? Samantha, we gotta put

20:43

pledge in our butthole. No, hey, we're not

20:45

dirty buttholes. They are so dirty and dirty. We've

20:48

never put lemon pledge in our buttholes. Yeah,

20:50

you could, this is a floor you could lick. Wow. It's

20:53

clean. Wait a second. What?

20:56

They said they need a butthole. Oh

20:58

my God, I hate it. I hate the butthole. Do

21:01

it right now, real quick.

21:02

Lady, you're pretty hot, but

21:04

if you're not gonna let it suck, your butthole is over.

21:07

Get out of here, you idiots. I don't want anything to do

21:09

with your quick rasses anyway. Go back to hanging

21:11

your chairs on the wall. And

21:15

we cut to other girls running off,

21:17

and Jaden suddenly feels weird for

21:20

the first time in a long time. Jaden

21:23

is fully blacking out, and

21:26

then cut to Jaden waking up in

21:28

his apartment with his hot body,

21:31

but still

21:32

alone. Wow, God, where's all

21:34

the girls?

21:36

Oh, my apartment's so gross. It's like how a gross

21:39

guy lives here. I gotta change

21:41

this place.

21:42

I think it's time for a makeover montage.

21:44

Makeover!

21:49

We get to him wandering

21:52

all around awesome New York

21:55

furniture stores, meeting and greeting,

21:58

and everybody's like, Take

22:00

whatever you want for free. You're so hot You

22:03

come to my fan at your store. You're gonna love

22:05

it in there Here take

22:07

these columns and take

22:10

these couches Wow column.

22:12

It's amazing. I want to make a whole front to

22:14

my apartment. It's gonna be so cool We

22:17

see him throw an old furniture

22:19

out the window Just that chair is kind

22:21

of all he had and then a bunch

22:24

of movers bringing in the coolest

22:26

stuff some arcade

22:28

video game Hey Movers

22:32

though while you're here. Oh,

22:35

can you get this toilet out of here? I

22:37

don't need this. So What

22:39

are you talking about boys? I just

22:42

if I look at it, it makes me feel

22:44

I just don't want it Sure,

22:46

everyone. I feel pretty sorry for

22:48

the idiot who can't poop no more, huh? Oh

22:52

Yeah, me too. Would that be terrible? That

22:54

would suck I love a good poop

22:56

in the morning and one before bed.

22:58

Can you get the fuck out of my place? What?

23:00

No, we guys hypothetically speaking. We know you

23:02

can tell poop. Get out. With a body

23:04

like that You gotta be able to poop,

23:06

right? I couldn't imagine if a body

23:09

like that couldn't have the sweet release of

23:11

poop leaving you think the You

23:14

imagine not being able to feel that ultimate

23:16

joy They say

23:18

it's one third of an orgasm Yep,

23:22

they say that They

23:24

also say mental health wise a poop

23:27

is a very natural Meditative

23:29

thing that everyone deserves to have at least

23:31

once a day. Yeah. Yeah,

23:34

I feel pretty sorry for a moron who gave up

23:36

that Did I say get the fuck out

23:38

yet? And

23:42

I'm not gonna pay you everyone

23:44

does everything for free because of how I look

23:47

That's fine. That's fine. Have

23:49

a nice time you alone sexy person

23:53

And we cut to a slightly morose

23:55

tone as we see hot

23:58

Jaden's alone and looking at the mirror It's

24:01

marveling over his body, marveling

24:04

over how perfect his face is, how perfect

24:06

his hair is. And then he stops.

24:10

Then he starts looking down and he turns

24:12

around to spin and look at his

24:14

backside in the mirror. Oh, it's

24:16

like my back goes straight into my knees.

24:21

It's like there's really no ass. Not

24:24

even a crack. It's

24:27

just a straight line. There's

24:30

a knock at the door. Hello?

24:33

Who's out there? Oh, excuse me. I'm

24:36

your new neighbor. I just moved in. Oh,

24:39

opening door. You sound hot. Oh, thank

24:42

you. Oh, sorry. My boobs

24:44

got in the way. They're so big. Oh, wow. They fell out of your

24:46

top. You got to get a bigger top. Oh,

24:49

do you think so? It looks good.

24:51

It's just... We think

24:54

that the top is just a rubber band. It's

24:56

just not really a big enough top, just from what

24:58

I know about tops. Oh, okay.

25:00

I'm sorry. I'm new here. I'm new

25:02

to New York City and I'm just kind of

25:04

lonely.

25:04

Oh, you want

25:06

to hang out? I'm a little lonely

25:08

too. Really? I've lived here for 50 years,

25:11

but... Fifty years? Wow,

25:14

I could have sworn you were 23.

25:16

I mean, in my mind, it's been

25:18

like 50, but yeah. Yeah, I'm 23. You're

25:21

an old soul. Yeah. That's nice.

25:24

Yeah, your tits are really hanging out. Yeah,

25:26

they are. My rubber band just broke. I mean, my

25:28

shirt... I mean, my shirt just broke. Do

25:31

you need a shirt? I've got some. A shirt. Here.

25:34

Come on in. I don't feel like going back to my apartment. No,

25:36

come on inside. Here's a street to wear. Wow,

25:39

this is such a cool place. Is that a soda

25:41

vending machine? Yeah, kick it. Anything comes

25:43

out. Anything? Anything I imagined?

25:46

Yeah, imagine something and then kick it. You

25:48

who? It did. Enjoy

25:51

the drink. Hope I got it. It

25:53

talks to you. Yeah, it's kind of my best friend. I

25:56

shouldn't have said that. You're so lonely. Yeah,

25:58

I am. But hey. I'm pretty

26:01

perfect, you know. A lot

26:03

of people are really into who I am

26:05

and what I'm like. Cool. Mostly

26:07

because of my looks and

26:09

how my brain is. Okay,

26:12

that's better. Yeah, so you want

26:14

to do stuff together? I would

26:16

love to. I've never really been

26:19

to the city except once to visit my great

26:21

aunt. But now I'm here, so you

26:23

want to show me around New York? Yeah. And

26:26

we cut to a really romantic montage

26:28

of just like something great like Burt

26:31

Bacharach is playing. And we

26:33

see the two really getting along. Everywhere

26:35

they go, we see that this lady

26:38

continues to put things on her tits

26:40

that are not shirts. Oh,

26:42

here's a branch. That's back and a

26:44

stick. Oh,

26:47

shoot it, bro. They're walking on the Brooklyn

26:49

Bridge and it's so cute. They're laughing and really

26:51

getting to know each other as people. And

26:53

my parents, they never even knew about

26:55

that. Wow! It's

26:57

so fun keeping a secret like that from

26:59

your parents. We cut to them,

27:02

it's a terrace on the green.

27:05

And now she has a sandal

27:08

on, a single sandal covering her

27:10

tits. And they're just holding

27:12

hands, kind of tickling each

27:14

other's moms. Hey, I

27:16

gotta say, I

27:19

wanted to just see if you think I'm amazing.

27:21

Just, you know, I'm curious if

27:23

you think I'm amazing yet. Yeah,

27:26

I've been having an amazing day and it's all

27:28

because of you. I'm really good looking and

27:30

I'm really just,

27:32

yeah, I'm like really hot. So I'm wondering if maybe

27:34

that's rubbing off on you and you're starting to think

27:37

that I'm the best person you ever met.

27:40

I mean, you are really hot and you mention it almost

27:42

every other cent. Because I'm really handsome. I know. Yeah.

27:46

Yeah, I know. I know. So

27:49

I'm saying I

27:49

just was curious if you thought about that

27:51

at all and were thinking you wanted to say it too.

27:53

I am really enjoying our time together

27:56

and I, yes, you're hot. Oh.

27:58

You like that? That feels good. We

28:00

cut to them strolling home. They're

28:02

coming up to The the

28:05

stairs of the Jayden's apartment

28:07

and it seems like everything's going great.

28:09

They're about to maybe kiss

28:15

But suddenly

28:16

What's

28:21

your deal I Said I was really

28:24

hot. I know I did I said it a bunch

28:26

because you kept asking me and I do

28:28

think you're hot and I really think we connected

28:30

But I just think it's moving off too

28:32

fast and I couldn't possibly bed

28:35

you

28:36

Yet, okay suddenly

28:39

as Jayden is trying to cover up his

28:41

stomach begins to inflate almost

28:43

like blowing up like a kernel

28:45

of popcorn Wait

28:55

What's your name?

29:04

Etsy has it everyone. Yes, it's

29:06

true Etsy is where style seekers

29:09

vintage hunters longtime renters and

29:11

new homeowners alike go to shop for style

29:13

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29:16

sellers are you looking for signature

29:18

jackets hand-woven linens and personalized

29:20

jewelry for your wardrobe? Etsy has

29:22

it or maybe some stunning artwork pillows

29:25

and rooks for your home Etsy has it How

29:27

about gifts for any occasion like handmade

29:30

throw blankets mugs totes and rings?

29:32

Yep Etsy has it There's so

29:34

much to discover and we can't wait for you

29:37

to find what your style seeking home upgrading

29:39

gift-giving heart desires Whatever

29:41

it is You're looking for whether it's serve

29:43

wear and table linens for entertaining or

29:46

a handbag and a perfect jacket to make sure

29:48

you're looking Like your best self at any given

29:50

moment. This is your invitation to

29:52

find it because Etsy has it

29:55

Find home style and gifts for you

29:57

for all budgets and any occasion Etsy

29:59

That's it. Shit, it's in his teeth.

30:09

Daiden blacks out again. He

30:11

wakes up in the morning disoriented

30:14

in his own place. Oh. He

30:16

goes to the mirror and he sees

30:19

that his stomach has blown up once again.

30:22

Ew, what's it doing? He's like,

30:24

you're going like a lava. He's,

30:26

he's terrified. Lost

30:29

a bit of his hotness. He's wondering if he can cover

30:31

his sort of like ballooned stomach.

30:33

This looks weird. I look like I'm pregnant.

30:36

What's going on? Oh, oh,

30:39

oh, oh, oh. He, he notices like

30:41

stuff moving in and out,

30:43

like pushing through. What's

30:46

going on? What is in there? I

30:49

got to take a shit. Come help. He

30:54

goes to brush his teeth in the bathroom.

30:57

And as he's brushing his

31:01

teeth, he hears an unsettling

31:03

sound from inside his mouth. He

31:10

opens his mouth to look inside,

31:12

seeing his. What is that?

31:18

He notices a little poop with evil

31:21

eyes at the back of his mouth. Ew. Ew.

31:28

Get out of there. He throws

31:30

it up in the sink. Shocked,

31:33

humiliated, disgusted. He washes it down

31:35

the sink very quickly. OK,

31:38

that was disgusting, but nobody knows that happened,

31:40

so I'm still hot. We

31:43

cut to Jaden walking around New York,

31:45

trying to return to his normal life of hotness.

31:48

But he's wearing like a big like oversized cloak.

31:50

I'm just like a hot guy going around town,

31:54

and I think I'm going to do normal stuff. Man,

31:57

excuse me, young man. What? Huh?

31:59

You. You are gorgeous! Oh thanks, yeah

32:02

people- God damn it, you are hot! Well of course

32:04

I am. Yeah, I am Jaden. Damn! Jesus

32:07

fucking Christ! What do you want to

32:09

do about it? I represent models.

32:11

Yes, that's what I've been hoping would happen. Sexy,

32:14

sexy underwear models with juicy

32:17

butts. Oh wow, what about

32:19

nice pecs? No!

32:22

Okay, what about- Butts are in, baby!

32:24

What about a huge schlong? Boring!

32:28

I think dicks are boring. Alright,

32:30

fair enough. I just, yeah, I can't

32:32

show my butt right now. Oh damn

32:34

it! Could you pat it, maybe? I don't know, I don't

32:37

want to admit this to you, but um...

32:40

I don't really have a butt. Damn

32:42

it, boy! Why don't you go to

32:44

a doctor and get yourself a nice juicy fake

32:46

ass? That's a great idea. Yeah!

32:49

Go for it and then you'll be a part of my Calvin Klein campaign!

32:51

Okay, what's your name so I can find you later? I

32:54

am Mr. Mercado. Okay.

32:58

I'm gonna go back to this doctor I met and he'll be able

33:00

to fix this. Okay! And then

33:02

just look for me! I'll

33:04

just scream your name? Yep. Okay.

33:08

Alright, uh, okay, back to the doctor. You're

33:10

okay. Hi, do you have an- oh my,

33:12

it's you! Yeah, I have two

33:15

questions. Okay. One,

33:18

my stomach made this poo come out of my mouth. Yeah,

33:21

that's what happens when you don't have a bow anymore.

33:24

Okay, I guess if it's normal that's okay. And

33:27

two, is the doctor here because I really

33:30

need an ass to get work? Um,

33:33

he is here but he's working on someone

33:35

right now. I'm gonna go in and talk to him.

33:37

Wait, what? No, you can't go back! Farting

33:39

it!

33:40

What? I tried to

33:42

stop! What

33:44

is it? I need

33:46

an ass, okay? I don't care if I

33:48

can't shit but I need an ass. I am working right now!

33:50

You're fucking right now? I'm

33:53

working right now! What, you,

33:55

you got to do this- I really thought you said fucking. I'm

33:58

giving this woman her dream. body

34:00

but I'm a slang lover titties okay

34:03

that looks disgusting look I don't

34:05

feel so good I have this thing rolling

34:08

rolling around in my stomach and it seems to have

34:10

a life of its own sure yeah I

34:12

got approached on

34:13

the street to do a modeling job and the

34:15

guy said he needed me to have a big ass and I had met

34:17

the perfect woman the woman of my dreams is showing you know I'm

34:19

sex with me because what I

34:22

only talk about how hot I am you

34:23

gotta help me doc I

34:26

know this would happen I

34:29

can do this

34:30

but it is cost you okay okay

34:32

what I can't pee anymore what is it what's

34:34

your thing

34:35

I could give you a butt okay

34:37

but I'll have to take away your

34:40

awesome rocking penis it

34:42

seems fine this guy I just met

34:45

told me penises are out he doesn't

34:47

care about my penis is I just saw out

34:49

okay I don't need it that you believe people

34:51

would like Oh big dick right

34:54

I know and I thought even just five minutes ago that

34:56

I liked it but I don't

34:58

care you don't see any situation where you would

35:00

want to use it for like a romantic interest

35:03

or anything well like what would I

35:06

like what would I do you don't have anyone you're

35:08

romantically interested I do have

35:10

this girl okay well not to

35:12

get all therapists you with you I

35:16

met this girl on she's amazing I don't know her name

35:18

because I didn't listen I get I

35:20

don't think she'd just be a problem honestly

35:22

okay women are like all understanding

35:25

and stuff right you know yeah I mean she

35:27

just what she didn't want even have sex she thought

35:29

it was too soon so maybe we'll never even do

35:31

it I don't know yeah

35:33

like soon as I chop off this lady's teeth

35:36

I can squeeze you in okay yeah

35:38

I'll wait can I just watch and I kind of

35:41

know how much time it's gonna take and if I sit out there always

35:43

be wondering actually you can help what

35:46

yeah I have no formal training that's fine

35:49

damn you that beaker of acid yeah

35:52

this yes okay yeah here

35:54

kind of pour around the pigs that's what you

35:56

do wait what you did to

35:58

me Yeah, I just burned

36:01

it off. Ugh, but

36:02

wait, but there's nothing wrong with

36:04

her. She's beautiful the way she was. What are you doing?

36:06

Look, I'm giving her what she

36:08

wants. Like I'm going to give you what

36:10

you want. Well, maybe she doesn't know what she

36:12

wants. She's... she was... I can see

36:15

her right now. You haven't even done any of the work yet. She's

36:17

a gorgeous woman.

36:18

Right. But she wasn't happy.

36:21

Like you. I don't

36:23

get it. Don't think about it! Okay!

36:25

You're beautiful, Jayden. I will make you more beautiful.

36:28

True. Alright, yeah, yeah, yeah. We

36:30

cut to another montage of surgery.

36:33

Jayden going under. The doctor

36:35

just going nutsawing. Like

36:38

a tree saw. A tree saw with the nerves.

36:41

They have to take a break in the middle of sawing

36:44

and smoke a cigarette. They're literally smoking

36:46

a cigarette and ashing it into Jayden's

36:49

open wound. And

36:52

then we see some very

36:54

fast beer sowing up of

36:56

a... of a... of a...

36:59

cut. Or, you know, stitches. Ten

37:01

stitches. And then through... through Jayden's

37:04

eyes they slowly kind of open up

37:06

and look around. Ugh!

37:09

Is it done?

37:11

It's perfect. I can feel that

37:13

my lower half is raised. I

37:16

have a nice ass, don't I? It's

37:18

a fucking shelf, baby.

37:20

It is. It's such a hot,

37:22

fat ass. You like such a nice

37:24

height.

37:24

All right, I gotta get out of here.

37:27

Mr. Mercado!

37:30

Mr. Mercado! Jayden

37:32

is screaming on the street. Still wearing like

37:34

a hospital gown. Just screaming

37:36

on the streets of New York. Mr. Mercado!

37:39

Hey, Mickey! Oh! Mickey,

37:41

I hear somebody yelling his name out the window.

37:44

Mr. Mercado! Yes!

37:45

Who's that? I'm here! Hey,

37:48

it's me, Jayden.

37:48

Remember we met? Check this out.

37:50

Come right in, young boy.

37:53

Oh, wow, what a cool studio. You've

37:55

got all these hot models in here. Yes,

37:58

butts are in, and look at all these hot. I want

38:00

you to meet these hot young men with fat juicy

38:02

poopers. Oh, this

38:04

is Dylan. Hi, I'm Dylan

38:08

D e e l I n Dylan

38:12

look at my ass This is

38:14

Trev or Trev

38:17

or Well, you look great. Oh

38:20

my ass Mike

38:23

L. I can swing a baseball bat with

38:26

my ass. Oh, that's crazy Go

38:28

ahead get in the pic get in there. Well, I

38:30

fit right in You

38:33

have a nice ass. What's your

38:35

name? Jay Dan Jay Dan

38:38

Welcome to Calvin Klein

38:41

and we see the pictures take away the

38:43

music pumping when the money just

38:45

falls from the ceiling after the shoot Yeah,

38:48

we just gather however much we want.

38:50

I want a lot Yeah, my man

38:53

scooping up the cash or taking pictures

38:55

We see sort of like flashes and flashes

38:57

and flashes and then we see like

39:00

those pictures popping up in Times Square and

39:04

on Billboards everywhere.

39:06

Well, I'm famous. I wonder if that

39:08

girl has noticed my billboards And

39:11

then we see Jayden just walking around almost

39:14

looking for the girl Wondering

39:16

where he'll find her.

39:18

Hey, excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Have you seen

39:20

a woman with a shoe on her tips?

39:22

Oh, yeah, I want to know if I see a little in a shoe

39:24

on it. It was. Oh, let's see here

39:27

I just run this humble newspaper, Dan.

39:29

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yes Why

39:32

did I take so long to remember that? That's

39:34

incredibly rememberable Yeah,

39:40

I've been here just for like 30 seconds

39:42

hey

39:44

Hey,

39:45

it's you it is me. But

39:47

look I have a coat on now and

39:49

what's your name? What

39:51

I never got your name. Oh, you never did.

39:54

I just got to be in love with you

39:56

My name is Mary weather

39:58

Mary weather We just meri

40:01

weather weather. Meri weather weather.

40:03

Wow. And as they're having

40:05

a romantic connection unfortunately, once

40:08

again, Jaden's stomach

40:10

burbles. This time with liquid.

40:13

Oh no. Wait, look at my throat. Wait,

40:15

what? I don't

40:17

see anything in there. Something's in

40:19

there. Are you okay? What

40:22

is that? Is that

40:24

a little bee? It's

40:26

a bee. It's a pee

40:29

guy. It's a little pee guy.

40:31

Oh my god, is that a mother's morsel?

40:33

Oh no, it's a poo guy. What

40:36

the fuck is going on? I don't know, they're evil.

40:38

You gotta stop on me. Wait,

40:40

what? We're in this together

40:42

now. Just because you know any name

40:44

now? Wait, what? Okay. And

40:46

then they rush back to the apartment and

40:49

it's like Jaden is falling

40:51

ill. His stomach is

40:53

bubbling. Lay

40:54

down. I'll take care of you. I'll take care

40:56

of you. Oh my goodness. I just don't

40:59

feel good. It's okay. It's okay. We'll

41:01

get you a nice wet rag and put it on your head. There's

41:04

your own spooky face. There you go.

41:06

And then as Meriwether starts to

41:08

care for Jaden, we can see the

41:11

pee filling in his eyeballs. His eyeballs are

41:13

getting there. Oh my god.

41:15

Your eyes are getting so full of pee. What's

41:17

going on? You're weirder. I

41:20

don't know. I can't because it's gone. Wait,

41:23

what? I got a butt because everyone

41:25

said butts are in or one guy did. Did

41:27

it all come out of your butt? It won't because you

41:29

didn't give me the whole butt. Look, I

41:32

either

41:32

I got to start crying fast

41:35

and hard or I don't

41:37

know. You got to help me because these little guys

41:39

are going to attack my whole body and kill me.

41:42

Jaden,

41:43

I know all too well what you're going through.

41:45

What do you mean?

41:47

Yeah. Let me lift up my skirt

41:50

and show you. What? It's

41:52

like a face of a guy.

41:56

Hey, hey. That's right.

41:58

That's

42:00

right. I wanted to look

42:02

hot and have a hot body But

42:05

then the doctor's like I'll do it, but now you

42:07

have to have the face of a guy on your whole

42:10

Under area. I'm Murphy. What is

42:13

a mother put your skirt down? Murphy's

42:17

shush. Can we watch dirty rock later? Yes,

42:19

we will it a little bit stop That's

42:21

why I was afraid that what did you look like before

42:23

do you have a picture? Yeah, I do Be

42:26

sure you can handle it. Yeah, I'll show

42:28

you mine if you show me yours I

42:30

have I have a picture and then I have a news article.

42:33

Oh, wow Wow,

42:37

you are disgusting and something

42:39

about it makes me feel so safe I I'm

42:51

sorry. I'm sorry. I did not expect it. Hey,

42:54

I complimented you. I didn't you looked good actually

42:56

like you look here But I liked it. I'm

42:58

sorry. I scared you so much. I looked like before

43:01

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry

43:03

for you, too I'm sorry. I was just not

43:05

ready for that. I was that's what I looked like

43:07

before What do you like this version better

43:10

where I pee out of my mouth? Actually

43:13

out of my mouth. I don't I don't

43:15

think so Do you

43:18

think my version was better instead of

43:20

having a face of a guy

43:22

named Murphy everywhere? I know do

43:24

think it

43:24

was better before Yeah,

43:26

I think we should go To

43:29

my doctor who very well might be the same doctor

43:31

you had is he kind of funny and

43:33

like he's hilarious buddy Like

43:36

hair do his hair is hilarious.

43:38

He makes you get wheeled in on

43:40

a dolly Yes, that must be

43:43

him

43:43

gotta be the same guy

43:45

did a guy in the alley tell you go

43:47

see you yeah

43:48

Can

43:51

I pee out of your pee out can I pee

43:53

yes, I'm sorry I have to go pee let me see you that's

43:55

like you a lot of serious, okay

43:59

in the mouth falls off. Awwww,

44:01

I'm such a Liz Lemon! Awwww! She's

44:04

no straighty rock. She just dropped it all

44:06

out. Yeah, it's all one big drop. Awwww!

44:11

Sometimes he's like, holds it, you know? Oh,

44:13

I thought he'd hold it in. Yeah,

44:15

that's good. Are you going to introduce him to your other face?

44:18

Yeah. What? Oh,

44:20

God. I've been really accepting so far, just for the

44:22

record. Murphy! Okay.

44:25

Murphy, is... is she awake?

44:28

Hello, Ditties! Ma'am, this is Doubtfire

44:30

Butt? Yeah, this is Doubtfire Butt. It's

44:33

whether or not I'm pooping! Okay,

44:35

that's funny. I... this is very funny. I

44:38

actually kind of think I want to keep this. Okay, can you

44:40

at least escort me, will I get my stuff put back how it was?

44:43

Yes, of course. Of course. We

44:45

smash cut to the doctor's office,

44:47

and he's having a consult with both of them. What

44:50

are you talking about? I want my nipple around

44:52

my neck. I want my eye hanging out.

44:55

I want my everything

44:57

back to how we... But you'll be ugly! I don't

44:59

care. I too want to go back

45:02

to normal. And I want Murphy and

45:04

Mrs. Doubtfire to have bodies

45:07

and live their own lives. That's scary. But

45:09

you'll be... you'll be ugly again!

45:12

And nothing is more important than being beautiful!

45:15

Okay, why do you think that? Because you're

45:17

actually... You haven't been any move. You haven't helped

45:19

any move. Oh, I'm not. I am so hot. You

45:23

said you were gross. Yeah, you said you were gross. Wait,

45:25

do you think I'm gross? Yeah, wait, what? But

45:28

I thought, like, I thought I was like Adam Driver. Okay,

45:30

no, he's just like a good looking guy. Yeah, he's just...

45:33

Is he? What? Okay,

45:35

his personality does a lot. Does it?

45:39

Does it? Yeah! Why are you taking him

45:41

down? I'm just saying, like, I

45:44

thought that was like that kind of hot, like, whoa, with

45:46

a butter face, you know?

45:48

No! No? No, sorry.

45:50

Fuck! It's okay. I'm

45:53

just kind of discussing and you fuck people

45:55

up. And, like, you... I just wasted

45:58

so many months of my life being hot.

45:59

just now where

46:01

nothing worked out for me and I was shitting

46:03

on my mouth and pissing on my mouth and I

46:05

still am I don't want

46:07

it like this

46:08

I'm learning something

46:10

about myself

46:12

that perhaps

46:13

my search for beauty has

46:16

proven my inner ugliness

46:18

Wow Wow

46:20

that was really deep Wow

46:23

oh hello oh

46:25

she wants to talk sorry

46:28

just stand up every time she wants to say something yeah

46:30

yeah sorry let me get up and

46:32

raise my dress what is a

46:34

million a thing is just outfire you

46:37

literally look like Heidi Klum and then you lift your

46:39

dress up your butthole

46:41

is maybe he's goddamn kids too

46:44

that's

46:44

not even your life why would

46:46

you say that that's your

46:48

kid you're not the kid we got to

46:50

surgery and the

46:53

doctor is doing you're unthinkable

46:55

by taking them ugly again he's um

46:59

you as he's doing it he's wiping away

47:01

tears realizing that this

47:03

is this is a real life lesson

47:06

for him and we cut to post surgery

47:08

Oh

47:11

Jaden are you near

47:13

I am Mary weather

47:15

weather are you there hey where's

47:17

the nurse can

47:18

she zippity-doo dollies bandages

47:21

excuse me yes let me see if

47:23

it is to die Sam I

47:25

went and to you know what

47:28

to do

47:34

I'm laughing wait but it's just

47:36

barf

47:36

and I barf

47:39

too you get

47:40

barf II when you get dizzy yeah

47:42

you do yeah all the time what do

47:44

you look like let me focus my eye focus

47:47

them whoa

47:49

just like your old picture yeah and

47:52

you're just like your old picture but I'm ready

47:54

for it this time

47:55

and it's me Murphy whoa I'm

47:57

a person

47:59

Wow, you're really short.

48:02

You only give you like one foot tall

48:05

Whoa, look at

48:06

how tall this is down fire Okay,

48:11

could have balance you know that

48:13

a little doctor

48:14

dude looks like a lady

48:17

Okay, I'll give you that one. You need some

48:20

life experience. You gotta watch it

48:22

I had a I'm I've

48:24

learned the error of my ways I'm

48:27

closing this evil doctor

48:29

e office No

48:33

longer do this picking people's

48:35

life filling their bodies with evil

48:38

poo and pee. Why don't you just do

48:40

good surgeries? Yeah No,

48:44

that's stupid Going

48:51

to do what I've always wanted

48:53

to do yeah I'm

48:56

going to open a pizza joint.

48:59

Okay. Can we work there?

49:01

Oh, wait, what are you saying? No,

49:05

no idea I do do I just I wanted

49:07

to talk about like when in the future when you want to like do

49:09

something like We're both we both of us do it. Like let's

49:12

just talk about it. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay,

49:14

I'll work at the pizza place I'd like

49:16

to work there too But

49:18

you want to force you to do anything. No, you're not. I always

49:20

buy joy here. Oh, I want to flip

49:22

the pie

49:23

Mercy

49:25

what are you gonna do? I'm gonna sweep the floors

49:27

with my tiny tiny body Wow,

49:40

I should probably tell you my real name now

49:42

that I'm not eating no more,

49:44

right? What's your real name?

49:46

gray Bremen I'm

49:49

sorry. Why is it? Gray

49:52

Bremen day one more

49:54

time slower gray Brie

49:57

men gray Brie

50:00

It's almost like Gabriel, but

50:02

then it takes a hard pivot right off the top

50:05

and then it kind of becomes another name mixed

50:08

with that. And that's just the first name.

50:10

And my last name is...Barmanin. Barmanin.

50:13

Graybree-men. Barmanin.

50:15

Graybree-men. Barmanin.

50:17

Wow, it rolls off the tongue.

50:22

Imagine this. Merryweather

50:25

Barmanin. I don't know. Oh, actually that gives me

50:27

an idea. What?

50:31

I'm gonna get down on one knee. Oh, be careful. It

50:33

looks like it will explode. Ow! Oh

50:35

no, you snapped on me. You snapped on me. You snapped

50:38

on me. Oh, sorry. You snapped on me. Forget

50:40

it. Forget it. Forget

50:43

it. Wait, what were you gonna do on the knee? I don't even want to talk

50:45

about it. What were you gonna do on the knee? No, that was so

50:47

weird. I messed it up. God damn it. I'm

50:49

not gonna do it. What were you gonna do? No,

50:51

it's stupid. No, it's not. I bet. because

50:55

it was so embarrassing. Are you? And

50:58

we come out and cut to the pizza shop and

51:00

we see that the whole team is making

51:03

pizza and we slowly, slowly

51:05

zoom in on a Gray Bremen's

51:08

dehydrated, disgusting hands.

51:11

But this time, there's a wedding ring

51:14

on this crusty, crusty

51:16

hand, fade to black. Yeah!

51:18

Oh, it's really

51:21

good. That

51:23

was amazing. You know,

51:25

we learned the lessons. Sweet, spooky

51:27

little dud. Sweet and spooky.

51:30

Yeah. Sweet and spooky. Sweet

51:32

and spooky, kind of a story about the evils of vanity. Yes.

51:35

There we go. What people will

51:37

do to not

51:39

be ugly. Yeah, I

51:41

would eat ugly, really. You just

51:43

need to know yourself and accept yourself

51:45

and... Oh my God. And we

51:47

all have self-doubt. There we go. Wow. We

51:51

had a moral. We had a moral. We had a moral.

51:53

We had a moral. We had a moral. That

51:56

was so fun. That was really funny. That was so fucking

51:58

fun. Thank you so much for being... a part of her stupid

52:01

little improvised movie. I love it. That

52:03

was the man with no butt. Wow.

52:05

Wow. I'm Monogapian. I'm

52:07

Betsy Sedaro. I'm Lauren Labkis. And

52:10

remind us, Lauren, where can we come listen

52:12

to you find you, watch you. If you can find me

52:14

on Instagram at Lauren Labkis, I have

52:16

podcasts called 3dom and

52:18

Newcomers, which are both very different

52:20

and very fun.

52:21

And that's it.

52:23

You know, I do shows

52:24

around the world, mostly LA. Wow.

52:27

You can see them on my Instagram and find where they are going

52:29

to be and come watch a live

52:31

stream. Yes. I'm not going to

52:33

give it away, but there's a new season of newcomers

52:36

happening. There is. We can't give

52:38

it away. It's about Batman. Nicole Byer and

52:40

I watched it. We've never seen. We're watching all of Batman

52:42

right now. Like including Batman Forever and

52:44

stuff. I love that movie. I'm excited.

52:47

Batman and Robin. Have you gotten there yet? We

52:49

have. I won't share my opinion. I'm

52:51

going to listen. But yeah, you can check it out. Gotta

52:53

listen. Coming out soon. Bye.

52:56

Thanks for having me. We love you, Lauren. I

52:58

love you guys.

52:59

Thanks for listening to Two Spooky Two Handdoll.

53:01

The man with

53:07

no butt was submitted

53:10

by Tyler Riegel. Thanks

53:12

for

53:12

listening to

53:15

Two Spooky Two Handdoll.

54:06

Thanks for listening everybody. If you made

54:08

it all the way to the end, you're a beautiful person.

54:11

If you're not hearing this voice, go

54:13

to hell. Earwolf Presents is produced

54:15

by Earwolf, Amelia Chappello,

54:18

and Cody Fisher. And of course, podcast

54:20

daddy Colin Anderson himself. The

54:23

Earwolf Presents series is hosted by the one

54:25

and only myself, Jockeys Neal, and

54:27

our theme music was engineered and sung

54:30

by the amazing Jordan Duffy. Special

54:33

thanks and shout outs to Jeff Gross and Aaron

54:35

Nestor. And for more information on Earwolf

54:37

Presents, visit Earwolf.com

54:39

and follow us at Earwolf on

54:42

all social platforms.

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