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1:00

out if he said why mommy

1:02

and daddy the

1:04

people who left me a people

1:06

who made me at a seeming jerseys an egg

1:09

milk the

1:11

people i've been searching for my entire life

1:13

before

1:15

he disappeared us too short to even see their

1:17

faces and when i sit on a step stool

1:19

i can only get to belt buckle high so

1:22

my first year missing i remember calling the police

1:24

to try to describe them i

1:26

could remember was mommy had a lot

1:28

like cinnamon and main house and

1:30

daddy had scratchy hands i can't jesus

1:33

would be and he was a carpenter and not just

1:35

a man who was lying about being got the

1:38

police said they can help me and

1:40

they told me to stop spreading ass years about jesus

1:42

or they put a bullet in my head as

1:45

they wait for my parents to arriving a studio

1:47

i couldn't help but wonder for tp

1:49

like very tall very

1:51

short one very tall along very

1:53

short maybe one would tolerate in short

1:55

i answered one feed on a short later

1:57

one would have a very long critic and

1:59

They're coming in now. Mmm,

2:03

yes. Mmm, yes. From

2:13

earwolf presents in combination with the

2:15

Sandusky Police Department and mothers against

2:17

big chunky kidnappers of chikiny little kids.

2:21

This is a disappearance.

2:24

The left is coming.

2:35

I'm gonna go come in now. Hello.

2:39

Honey, there's gum on my shoe. My

2:41

mom? There's gum on my shoe. Dad? Let

2:44

me get it for you. Hold on. Wait. One

2:46

second. There's gum. Did you step

2:48

in gum? I believe I stepped in gum. Why would

2:51

you step in gum? One second, please. Where

2:53

did this gum come from? These

2:56

are new shoes. These are new shoes and this is gum on

2:58

them. Thank you, Dickey Donnelly. Hi.

3:03

Oh, who is this?

3:03

It's Dickey Donnelly. I'm 5'2, open

3:05

eyes, no eyelashes, juntinies, hurting feet, big

3:08

ideas, stinky ass, looking for his parents, a missing boy,

3:10

Dickey Donnelly.

3:12

Hi. My sweetheart. How are

3:14

you? Hi. Have you seen

3:16

any gum lying around? Do you know where there

3:18

was gum?

3:19

What gum do we mean? Her

3:21

father stepped in gum with

3:23

his new shoes. We just stopped by Bloomingdale's. We

3:25

were getting ourselves some gifts. You're

3:28

rich? Yes. Yeah, I guess

3:30

so.

3:32

We've had a really good last few years

3:35

financially. You've been amazing. How

3:37

are you? Have you heard of oil? Yes. We

3:40

have a lot of it. Yeah.

3:41

But what you didn't

3:43

have

3:44

was me.

3:45

Oh, oh, God. Yes, that's right. Did

3:48

you miss me? Yeah. Yes,

3:50

we did. Us? Us? Are

3:53

you asking us if we missed you? Yes. Come

3:55

on.

3:55

Yeah. We did. We

3:58

did miss you. Did you see the posters?

3:59

Big belly, little eyes, big nostrils,

4:02

gust of wind, throw open his jeans, sticky donnelly.

4:04

I did see something.

4:06

Yeah,

4:06

you mentioned you saw something at the supermarket.

4:09

Dickey Roberts, the David Spade

4:11

vehicle. Oh, yeah. I saw that. Oh,

4:13

I love David Spade. Yes. Isn't he

4:15

great? He's great.

4:16

I never learned about David Spade. The

4:19

only spades I knew were shovels where I had to dig to

4:21

find my dinner. I'm

4:22

sorry about that. But you know, sorry.

4:24

Forgive me. Oh, you're a card. You're

4:29

a real card.

4:30

How are you?

4:32

It's been a minute. So we knew.

4:36

God, when did we

4:37

see you last? What was that? I

4:41

was four years old. I fell off the upside down loop-de-loop

4:43

at Zoom, Bob Boy, Rollercoaster Park in

4:45

Ohio. Bob Boy, rollercoaster.

4:47

Now what song? Nicki

4:49

Minaj had a song that year. What

4:52

was it? High-rise jeans were all

4:55

the rage. Yes. Was it Anaconda?

4:58

I feel like it might have been Anaconda. My

5:00

dates might be off. I can't remember everything.

5:03

But I know Nicki Minaj had a song that year.

5:06

I had a song that year too. It went, where

5:09

have my parents

5:11

gone? How

5:13

did

5:15

they go? So

5:17

you stole the melody from A Christmas Hymnal. Interesting.

5:21

Listen, mommy and daddy don't want to deal with any legalities

5:23

here, so maybe change the tune.

5:25

So just

5:27

walk me through this. We were at the

5:29

amusement park. And I do remember we

5:32

were on a ride, and you fell off. Yeah,

5:34

I'm upside down loop-de-loop. So forgive

5:36

me.

5:38

Forgive your mother. We assumed that

5:40

you had died. So we kind

5:42

of just kept on trucking along. And

5:45

we really didn't look into it.

5:48

Because I remember that week

5:50

I had to go to the doctor.

5:51

You had to go to the doctor. And

5:53

I had to get that mole removed. It was a mole.

5:56

And it could have been anything. It could have been anything. It could have been anything.

5:58

And we had to be careful. Yeah.

5:59

One thing I won't tolerate is

6:02

my wife dying. Sweetheart,

6:04

you're too kind. I won't tolerate it. I'll

6:07

march right up to death's door and I'll say, close

6:10

it. My

6:13

wife will not be dying around me. What about

6:15

your dicky dying? You thought it was

6:17

dead

6:17

and you didn't even have a body and you forgot

6:19

all the bellies? Oh honey, listen,

6:22

listen. We were very

6:23

excited. I remember my pregnancy

6:26

with you. Actually, I don't. I

6:28

was very heavily medicated. We were

6:30

so excited to have you. We always wanted

6:32

to have a child and we did.

6:35

As much as we loved you as our

6:38

child, I mean, I gotta say,

6:39

parenthood is work, honey.

6:42

Have you seen the show? Have you seen the

6:44

show parenthood? I've never

6:45

seen a TV show. I grew up

6:47

in the woods with the other kidnap kids who escaped from Trenton.

6:49

You guys don't want to see me hear about it.

6:51

They don't have TV? No, we live

6:53

in coconut trees. Coconut trees? Have you never

6:55

seen America's Got Talent? No. Oh my God.

6:58

You never? You're missing out. Nick Cannon,

7:01

Terry Crews,

7:03

one of them hosts something.

7:06

Maybe together. Maybe together?

7:08

Maybe separately. I think that they're the same

7:10

person, to be honest with you. Honey, come on. No

7:12

one's really on the same page with me with that one. Listen,

7:16

what did you say your name was again? I

7:18

don't want to be fine with you. Your

7:20

hands, big heart, sat

7:22

on

7:23

empty promise.

7:26

Nicky, don't believe.

7:29

You used to say it faster. I

7:31

was impressed when you said it faster. Yeah, that took a long

7:33

time before you got out

7:34

of your mouth. Um, well,

7:36

so what do you want? I

7:37

stepped in gum. I

7:40

know, it's very absurd. Brand new luba tunes.

7:43

Nicky, sweetheart, can you do me a favor and get

7:45

your father a what-do-you-want-a-what wipe?

7:48

I need a wet wipe. I need a toothpick. You

7:50

make sure the toothpick is sturdy. I do not want it to break

7:52

in the grooves of the luba tunes. And

7:55

I need alcohol, rubbing alcohol

7:58

at least 91%. Okay. I

8:00

need a little WD-40. Make

8:02

sure the can has a straw.

8:05

And some peanut butter as well because that

8:07

really does get the gum out of things.

8:09

If you could do that real quick, sweetheart. Will you say it

8:11

again? What you just

8:13

called me? Sweetheart? Oh,

8:15

I'm glad you like that.

8:25

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No, no, no,

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no, no. I'm not feeling left in before I try to go by. Just because I'm eating way more is a mission.

8:58

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for you guys for so long. Us? Oh, that's sweet.

9:06

I've been at posters. I,

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I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

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9:33

Us? Oh,

9:35

that sweet. I've been at posters. I wanna at posters.

9:38

Oh, George, hi. Is the Malibu property selling

9:40

or no? No.

9:42

Okay.

9:43

We're moving to Malibu?

9:45

Okay, fantastic. Okay, bye, George.

9:47

Is it selling? It is. It

9:50

just sold today. When you sell a house, it's like losing

9:52

a child. It really is. But you know

9:54

what? You get over it. I know. I

9:57

loved that house so much. I mean, we are 25 million richer. I won't

9:59

say that. It was a really good turnover, but the

10:01

connection that I felt to that house... Um,

10:04

excuse me, do you want... You're gonna get

10:06

me to cry. It's just... Don't you get

10:08

me to cry? I don't think I've ever loved anything more than that kitchen to

10:10

be honest. You get me to cry. I'm gonna cry too. I'm

10:13

crying too. The two of us are crying. I'm sorry, Dickey.

10:16

Uh-oh. So what were you saying? I

10:18

was saying the day I went missing you thought I was dead, but there

10:20

was no body

10:20

explanation. Well,

10:23

bodies... The bodies appear. The bodies appear.

10:26

They... We just didn't look. You

10:28

didn't look? No. What

10:30

I assumed was that when you fell from the roller

10:32

coaster, you fell into the tide pool

10:34

and were eaten by an alligator. Because there was a pool

10:36

under the roller coaster. There was.

10:39

Oh, I fell on the hard part. It was jungle themed. Jungle

10:41

themed. There was water around the top. Hey, you

10:43

know something about that. You were living in the jungle. Yes,

10:46

after I was kidnapped, I escaped the helicopter of the

10:48

kidnapper and I... You had a helicopter? Wow, it was a big operation.

10:50

Oh, I'm gonna have a helicopter so bad. I know,

10:53

we've actually been in the market for a helicopter. You know what

10:55

kind it was? Was it the MG40? I don't know. I

10:58

think it was a blue 4200. A blue 4200? That is

11:00

a nice

11:00

one. What a guy. Maybe you can get in touch with

11:02

him. We did. He's the one who led me to you.

11:06

me

11:06

your name. That's why we couldn't book that trip to Tahiti. That's

11:08

exactly what it was. That's where my wallet was. And

11:10

that was before TAP. Ugh, jeez. I'm excited

11:12

because it seems like we're gonna

11:14

have a fun family dynamic now.

11:15

We go to Tahini, we

11:17

live in Malibu.

11:19

Oh, sweetheart, you're

11:21

gonna have a good time. I've

11:25

never had food. You've never had food?

11:27

Not really. Mostly dirt and the hair that comes on the outside

11:29

of a coconut because two weeks to break

11:30

it open. I don't

11:32

know if they're rich in calories. That's

11:34

nice.

11:34

Very nice. I guess this is

11:36

the time to tell you Dickie. I think I'm gonna give you a good start. I think I'm gonna

11:38

have a good start. I'm gonna give you a good start. I don't know what you're

11:40

gonna do. I'm gonna give you a good start. I'm gonna give you a

11:42

good start. I'm gonna give you a good start. I'm gonna give you a good start.

11:45

But it's not for you. I'm

11:47

rich in love. That's nice. Very

11:49

nice. I guess this is the

11:51

time to tell you Dickie.

11:54

Why did we choose that name?

11:55

I don't know. Was that a family name?

11:57

You know what it was? I was scratching my balls.

11:59

And we were thinking of a name and I was like, Dickey,

12:03

come on. And I laughed and I laughed

12:05

and

12:05

anyway, it stuck. I guess

12:07

this is the time to tell you that you do have

12:10

siblings. I do,

12:12

you had more squirted out babies after I got

12:14

disappeared?

12:15

Well, yes, they were surrogate,

12:19

but we have our other

12:22

son, Geronimo.

12:23

Geronimo. A brother! He's

12:26

doing well.

12:27

He's lovely. God, he's so

12:29

beautiful. We love him so much. My little brother,

12:31

how old is he? I'm 12,

12:33

he must be...

12:35

He is six months

12:37

old, actually. Six months old, yes. Oh, he's so

12:39

fresh. Yeah, I know we've been trying to rebuild our family

12:41

for a long time. So just me and Geronimo

12:44

then? No. No, you also have

12:46

a sister named... Anguilla.

12:49

Anguilla. Yes. Anguilla.

12:51

I was Googling places when we came

12:54

up with her name. She's five months old.

12:57

Oh, because they had different...

12:58

Different what?

13:00

I don't...

13:02

Different what?

13:04

Different... We had many women

13:06

pregnant with our children. Okay, I see, so that's

13:08

how come we... We have many surrogates on

13:11

payroll, yes. Payroll. Is there

13:13

an issue with that?

13:14

No, I'm just trying to learn. Are you going to judge the

13:16

way that we have our family? It

13:17

feels like she's judging, honey. I don't

13:19

feel like being pregnant. No,

13:21

I just didn't learn... I hated the first time and I didn't

13:24

want to do it again. Yes. I

13:26

hated being pregnant with my mom.

13:28

I mean, does anyone love being pregnant?

13:30

My God, I couldn't smoke, I couldn't drink, I

13:32

couldn't fuck. Exactly.

13:34

Wait, well, okay, question for you, because

13:36

I'm trying to have a lot of loose ends here. I looked out

13:38

of the roller coaster because I was much too chickeny,

13:40

and Trent Jumphie said I looked malnourished, and he looked like

13:42

I was from Staples or Home

13:44

Office Depot or something, because my torso

13:47

was like a post-it note, and my legs. Get to

13:49

the point. I was very skinny. Was I

13:51

premature?

13:52

You were right on time, honestly. Yeah.

13:55

I didn't feed you much. Oh. We

13:58

didn't want you to be a fat baby. Right. babies

14:00

gross me out. Rich people cannot

14:02

be fat.

14:04

Am I rich? Well, we

14:06

are. We are rich. We are rich. Can I be part

14:08

of it? Can you be part of

14:10

it? Listen, if we're going to do

14:13

this, I mean if we're going

14:14

to reconnect, I just want to

14:16

be sure that,

14:18

you know, we're not meddling

14:20

in each other's finances.

14:21

Yes.

14:22

Oh, I have $40,000 coconut

14:25

dollars. That's the little crappy parts of

14:27

the white part of the inside of the coconut. You can

14:29

trade them for a kiss, a hug, or

14:31

a wood to sleep

14:33

on. Well, I don't think that'll be an issue.

14:36

I don't know what country has that kind of

14:38

currency. It's an island of lost kids

14:40

where I've been for years, thinking

14:42

about you, singing a song about you. While

14:47

all my battles

14:50

I miss.

14:52

Again, stolen property. That's

14:54

somebody else's song. I know it is. I'm trying

14:56

to figure out what the number one song of 2019

14:59

was. 2015 was the year

15:01

I went missing. I guess that's right. 2015. 2015. Are

15:05

you sure? I

15:07

don't know. I guess I thought

15:09

that it would have been a more memorable

15:12

day for you guys. Was that the year that

15:14

La La Land came

15:15

out? 2015. I love that song. 2019. 2015. 2015.

15:19

Or did La La Land come out in 2016? I want to say 2016 or 17. God,

15:22

what a fantastic film experience that

15:24

was. Sing that in the theater. That was magical. Did you

15:26

guys have a funeral for me? A funeral.

15:30

I don't like sadness. Me neither. So

15:33

I don't like funerals because I don't

15:35

like to be sad. I only like to be happy.

15:38

We did have a benefit though. It was

15:40

a large... It was about three days

15:43

after the incident. We had a gala

15:45

in one of our homes. And

15:47

it was about selling each

15:50

other

15:50

marble. We had sort of this group

15:51

chat of friends

15:53

that also enjoy collecting

15:55

large pieces of expensive marble

15:58

from Iran. And we were having...

15:59

this beautiful gala and at one point I think we

16:02

did mention in our speech that our son had

16:04

died or was presumed dead.

16:05

Presumed

16:08

dead, maybe perhaps eaten by an alligator.

16:13

And they

16:15

paid us so much money. They did. And

16:18

we thought about you a few times. Yeah.

16:20

Yeah. In a shower once or

16:22

twice. What did you think? While we were making love

16:24

in the shower, we go, this is how it happened.

16:27

Right. God, I love making

16:29

love

16:29

to you. I love making love

16:32

to you. Oh my goodness.

16:33

How did your marriage survive the stress of

16:35

losing a little boy? Honestly,

16:38

I don't know. I think it's just the

16:40

magic

16:40

of money. Magic. The money

16:42

magic, the magic of money. We

16:45

have so much of it. And we

16:48

were just able to literally wipe our tears.

16:51

Very few of them, by the way, wiped them with

16:54

the money that we had. $100 bills

16:56

to be exact. And we set them on fire.

16:59

Wow. So

17:00

I really made you cry.

17:03

You loved me. You missed me.

17:06

You wanted me back.

17:08

Well, what was actually making me cry with the allergy

17:10

attack I was having? Yes. Watery

17:12

eyes. And I could not for the life of me find

17:14

a zyrtec. And I don't

17:16

like to spend money on useless things. No. So

17:19

if I know we have zyrtec in the house, I'm not going

17:21

to send Carter out to get

17:23

more zyrtec. Yeah,

17:26

we can't have pets in the house because your father is very

17:28

allergic. So if you have pets, you cannot come

17:31

home with us. Have you ever been near a pet?

17:34

I'm a little dirty.

17:35

I'm a little dirty on account

17:38

of living in an abandoned playground

17:40

and eating from dumpster ground and

17:42

coconut breast. But

17:44

other than that, I think I'm OK.

17:45

And if you have a shower, I'll use

17:48

it.

17:48

Well, the issue with your

17:50

father's allergies is

17:53

one of the things he unfortunately is very allergic

17:56

to is coconut. Yes. So

17:58

if

17:58

you have been dealing with a pet, I'm not going to say that.

17:59

dealing with directly with

18:02

coconut. That stays

18:05

on your skin for, I've heard sometimes,

18:08

gosh, years. I

18:10

can only ingest coconuts through cake.

18:14

But the hair specifically. That is what you want to do. The

18:16

little hair they come on. Why do they look like bowling

18:19

balls? You've noticed that? I

18:22

have. That is such a funny observation, darling.

18:25

My parents are funny.

18:29

I always imagine what it would be like to

18:32

meet you. I have some questions for you, if that's okay.

18:34

Yes,

18:34

of course. Ask away.

18:35

When I lived on the island with other kids when

18:37

we did bad things, we tried to have boundaries and structure.

18:40

And if somebody did something bad, we'd do spank treats

18:43

where somebody would get spanked really hard. And

18:45

then you could turn to the next kid beside you and you could whop them as hard

18:47

as you could on their rump too. And the next

18:49

kid could

18:51

whop the next kid as hard as he want on his rump

18:54

or his belly button. And then go rump to belly button,

18:56

to belly button, to clavicle, to clavicle, to neck, to

18:58

throat, to head, and just hitting

19:00

like in a spank train. But what

19:02

would you have done if I lived at home and I did something naughty?

19:06

You know, I feel like

19:07

you would directly be dealing with the nanny

19:09

or the au pair. Carter. So we

19:11

wouldn't really... Oh, we

19:12

love pairs. I only ever got to eat two.

19:14

They didn't grow on our island. Oh, no, darling.

19:17

An au pair is just

19:18

a French nanny. Who raised this thing?

19:21

I raised myself. I love my mom. She's a

19:23

good friend. She's a good friend. She's a good friend.

19:25

She's a good friend. I love

19:27

my mom and dad. Okay.

19:56

Bye. Bye.

19:58

Bye. Bye.

19:59

and Uber East. Get that stuck in your head.

20:02

Zero-dollars delivery fee and percentage office count summits on

20:04

minimums and participants on the

21:59

Is that near Bali? Oh,

22:02

I want to go to Bali so bad, hun. I would love to go

22:05

to Bali. That's the

22:06

place we have not been to yet. Yeah, I

22:08

haven't been either. Maybe we could all go. Sure.

22:10

You know,

22:13

I mean, it's not meant for guests. It's not

22:15

really meant for guests. See, Island and Bali?

22:18

It's not really meant for guests. The entire island and... What

22:20

do you mean?

22:21

We don't bring guests. But we're not guests.

22:23

We're your kids. It's a policy.

22:24

Family. I'm so sorry.

22:27

There are things that we do, and then

22:29

there are things that you do, and that is how

22:32

all life works, really. We

22:34

do what we do, and then you

22:37

also do what you do.

22:38

But I bet we have more in common than you

22:41

think. I highly agree. Everyone

22:44

say what your favorite kind of hug is. Big

22:46

and long.

22:47

Tap on the

22:49

shoulder.

22:51

Short and... Balanced

22:54

out.

22:54

Okay. Well,

22:56

that's okay. Everyone say what

22:58

your favorite kind of pudding is. Pudding,

23:01

wherever I can get it.

23:02

Well, I was going to say tapioca. I

23:04

was going to say figgy. Well,

23:07

at least

23:07

we all like pudding. That is

23:09

true. I do like a

23:12

tapioca here and there. If

23:15

I like a figgy. Now bring us some figgy

23:17

pudding.

23:18

Do you guys want to try holding hands?

23:22

Okay. I've

23:25

got gum on my shoes, so I just can't. Just

23:27

hold it. I'm

23:29

touching your fingers.

23:31

Okay.

23:33

I'm starting to itch. I'm

23:36

feeling... I never touched a woman's skin before.

23:39

And I touched a man's skin once, but it was the

23:41

guy who kidnapped me. But it wasn't anything more than scary

23:43

how to say. Scary to your child's day, I

23:45

touched a man's skin, but not in a scary way. Just

23:48

finger. But not in a bad... Finger for

23:50

the backpack part. Just only when

23:53

he put me in the backpack, there was a finger one... One

23:55

thing go anywhere inside anything.

23:58

But

23:58

never touch a woman's skin before.

23:59

and your hands are so soft.

24:02

Thank

24:02

you, I got them. I get a peel.

24:04

And your nails have art on them. Yes,

24:08

yes they do. My pinky is an American

24:10

flag. Wow. And then

24:12

my ring finger is a T,

24:15

my middle finger is an R, my

24:17

pointer finger is a U, my thumb

24:19

is an M, and then I ran out of space. So

24:22

on my other hand, my other thumb is a P. I

24:24

can't spell, what does it say?

24:26

Well, the Ameri- this American

24:29

flag, and then if you put my

24:31

two thumbs together, and then the fingers on

24:33

my left hand, and then put my other fingers down,

24:36

it says pump.

24:36

I love Trump! We

24:39

had one on the island, we used to play it all the time.

24:41

You had a trumpet on the island. Yes,

24:44

it had been washed up from an old pirate

24:47

ship, the haunted Trump, where you

24:49

blow it, you blow into it, and then

24:50

poop comes out. Ah ha ha, haunted

24:53

indeed.

24:53

You guys should come back and visit me at

24:55

the island. I'll come to see your house and we can get to

24:57

know each other, and you could come

24:59

back to see the island where I've been studying the last eight years.

25:01

Oh, you like living at the island? No,

25:04

no I- You want to stay there, this is great news.

25:05

No, I'm hungry and cold and I have bug bites. Oh,

25:07

we can take you out to McDonald's after

25:10

this, after our little negotiation

25:12

conversation, and then whatever the island

25:14

is,

25:14

you know, we can drop you off. We'll have Jose take

25:16

you back to McDonald's. Yeah,

25:18

we'll see you off. And you can get anything you want off the

25:21

dollar menu. Is there any way I could come back to

25:23

your house?

25:24

Oh, geez. Well,

25:26

listen, you know, we are in the

25:28

middle of- We are in the middle

25:31

of- Massive structures. At

25:33

our house. At our house. At our house.

25:36

At our house.

25:37

At our house. In

25:39

the middle of our street. At our

25:42

street. It's

25:44

our house. Yes. No, it's our

25:47

house. At our

25:48

house. That was 1983. Dickey?

25:50

Mommy? Dickey?

25:52

No. Daddy? No,

25:54

call me by my name. Dickey, Daddy, Mommy, Dickey, Dickey,

25:56

Daddy, Mommy,

25:57

Dickey, Dickey, Dickey, love, love, our house, our

25:59

street.

25:59

Tiki mommy daddy, Tiki Tiki mommy,

26:02

lovey daddy, family Tiki Tiki mommy, I

26:04

love my hands, my family, my Tiki

26:06

Tiki Tiki

26:06

Tiki Tuku Tuku Another stolen

26:08

melody, that's we didn't start the fire Oh

26:10

goodness

26:12

Well to answer your question,

26:14

we are putting a sauna

26:17

in the kitchen And

26:20

so the house

26:20

is just a mess You're

26:22

not Vietnam, Tiki doing nothing

26:24

wrong

26:28

Please let me come live

26:30

with you, I'm a wealth of entertainment,

26:33

I won't eat any bread in your home

26:35

and I only sleep with one,

26:37

like even toilet paper for blankets You only

26:40

sleep with one even toilet paper?

26:42

Yes What kind?

26:45

Does it matter off brand, in brand,

26:47

charming, bare? Is it just

26:49

one space, is just one ply?

26:52

Yeah Is there blankets? I'm still pretty skinny,

26:54

I can be covered by the width

26:56

of the toilet paper roll And you say you don't

26:59

eat bread?

27:00

I don't This is an interesting

27:02

prospect Mom,

27:03

mom, I can even show you my diet,

27:06

it's just dirt and coconut

27:08

fur and it's no calories at all and I

27:10

can show you how to be so chickeny like me

27:12

if you like that

27:13

Coconut fur, I'm allergic

27:16

And dad, dad, I can teach you everything I know about

27:18

pirates, Trent Dumfie made me watch Pirates of the Care

27:20

being Chris of the Black Pearl 67 times and I

27:22

saw Pirates on the Island Wait a second You like pirates,

27:24

right?

27:26

That is my

27:27

favorite film

27:30

of all time

27:32

Me too, mommy

27:34

Oh god, when

27:36

the pirate goes on that ship and they

27:39

find the crystal skull and

27:41

they say that line, that line

27:43

is Oh,

27:45

oh, oh, oh, the crystal skull

27:49

I've heard it millions of times

27:50

My favorite line And

27:52

mommy, wherever you're

27:56

at, I've never met anyone who's loved

27:58

that movie as much as I do

27:59

We have so much in common, Mama Bear,

28:02

Mother One. Darling.

28:03

Yes. Sean. Yes.

28:07

I think we need to bring our son home.

28:10

Is it time? It is. Wife.

28:13

Yes.

28:14

Dickey,

28:15

Sr. Yes.

28:17

I have gum on

28:19

my shoe.

28:22

God damn it, Dickey. Can you please

28:24

get a napkin for your father? He has gum on

28:26

his shoe. Bring me home and you can use my

28:28

teeth as a gum scraper for the rest of your life.

28:31

What?

28:32

You can use my head as a nutcracker, my butt

28:35

as a coin keeper, my

28:38

feet as a cheese scraper. You can

28:40

do whatever you want.

28:41

I do need a coin keeper. That's

28:43

true. As do I. I don't trust

28:46

the banks. How many coins? How many loose coins everywhere?

28:48

I promise you won't regret it. I'll be a good big

28:50

brother to all my little baby brothers and sisters.

28:53

I'll sing to them. I'll

28:55

wash them. Will you sing original

28:57

songs or will you continue to

28:59

steal melodies?

29:00

I'll sing original ones.

29:02

Uh, ones for you and me, Daddy.

29:05

Just the two of us.

29:06

Ah. No.

29:09

That's for you, Daddy. Is that ours? That's

29:12

our song. Our song down here. What do you say, Sean? Alright.

29:15

Do you want me to go home? Alright. I'm

29:17

not gonna go home. I'll be right back.

29:20

I'll be right back. I'm not gonna go home. I'm not

29:22

gonna go home. I'm not gonna go home.

29:23

I'm not gonna go home.

29:25

I'm not gonna go home. Yes. Yes.

29:28

Yes. Yes. Yupila! Where

29:31

am I gonna sleep? What's my room look like? In the

29:33

pool. In the pool, yes. Awesome.

29:36

On a floaty or have to be underwater, hold breath? Oh, underwater.

29:38

I don't mind. And we all... Our

29:40

family gets eight hours of sleep a night.

29:41

Yes. Nice.

29:42

Anything less than you're gone. What do I eat for

29:44

Ricky? That's not up to me nor my

29:47

concern. No. I

29:49

don't know. I don't know. It's a good question.

29:52

Do you mind if I bring the nannies

29:54

that are outside waiting? I'm

29:56

going to come in and talk to us for a second. Yes. I believe

29:58

you said one of them was heavily German. Yes,

30:00

it's uh, who are these today? They are

30:02

Francesca. Jose and Francesca.

30:03

Yes, yes, yes. Oh, please do you mind if

30:06

you share your mic with them for a second? Oh, yes. I'm going

30:08

to go get this gum off my feet. Francesca! Francesca!

30:11

Francesca! Okay, they're coming in. Oh,

30:13

good. Hi! Please come and have a seat.

30:16

I'm

30:16

Dickey Donnelly. I am now the little boy of

30:18

the manor. Hehehe. Hello?

30:20

Hi! Hi, Dickey.

30:23

It's so nice to finally meet you.

30:25

Wow, you're straight from Germany, aren't ya? I

30:28

am. I just got here. I am

30:31

working with Simu's Wanda

30:33

family. They have been so

30:36

kind. And I am able to- Well,

30:38

I'm your boss now. Clean my feet. Hey!

30:41

Don't talk to him.

30:43

I am Jose. And

30:46

I am so happy to be here. Straight

30:48

from Germany as well, I detect. Yes. We

30:50

work together so often that we

30:53

never talk the same as

30:55

it goes. Dickey,

30:58

aren't you two just cute little buttons? We

31:01

are so happy to be here. You are like

31:04

a celebrity to us. We show about

31:06

you all the time. Really? From my parents?

31:10

No, from the Yahoo News. Oh,

31:13

really? The newspaper characters that I've been missing for

31:15

this long? You've been on the news for

31:17

so long.

31:17

That is mainly

31:20

why I started working with the Donnelly

31:22

family. We learn English

31:24

from Yahoo News. Man

31:27

bit by bear. Yes.

31:30

Ladies go missing

31:32

in

31:32

forest.

31:34

Turns into bear and bites man.

31:37

Wow! You guys are really memorizing all the

31:39

Yahoo and Bing articles. This

31:42

little girl didn't know what to do with her

31:44

shoes.

31:44

And then she bought a car.

31:48

Do you want to lose

31:48

Sally Fat? We'll try these tips.

31:52

I think I'm getting it. Thank you guys. Well,

31:54

I'm going to come back to the mansion and live with

31:56

everyone.

31:59

Oh,

32:03

what's wrong?

32:04

It's exciting or it's good news

32:07

or it's bad news? You will sleep in the pool with

32:09

us. I have never been so

32:11

excited in my life to have

32:13

a companion friend. Yes.

32:16

How do we breathe under there?

32:17

We sleep.

32:19

Oh.

32:20

Tarp on or tarp off? Tarp

32:23

on.

32:24

It's very, very dark.

32:28

And warm.

32:29

The pool has not been cleaned since

32:32

we left originally.

32:33

No, it's very dirty,

32:35

but also we

32:36

have become survivors. So

32:38

we take all of these straws, we

32:41

tape them together,

32:42

and we sleep at the bottom of the pool.

32:45

Yes. And we use the straws to go to

32:47

the top. That's

32:50

how we are able to breathe in the pool when

32:52

we sleep. Wow.

32:53

We have so much in common. I regret before

32:56

when I was barking orders and said, I'm your boss now. I

32:58

just was trying to sound like my daddy and my

33:00

mommy. But really, I'm more like you guys than

33:02

my parents. Because when I lived on the island, I slept

33:04

in the bottom of a cell phone. I ate

33:07

lots of coffee, and I did

33:09

spank, got spanked by other kids night and day. I

33:13

think I'll be pretty at home sleeping in the bottom

33:15

of the pool with you guys.

33:15

I would never spank

33:17

you, Nikki. Well,

33:20

thanks, Francesca. I've always wanted

33:23

a child,

33:23

but I was in a terrible

33:26

tricycle accident when I was 12. So

33:28

I am not able to have children.

33:31

And you're only 13 now, right?

33:32

Yes. And the tricycle

33:35

is still inside of her. And the bar,

33:37

yes. The handlebar. Well,

33:39

that's why you wheeled in here so fast. Yes.

33:42

And what if... It's able for me

33:44

to stay under the pool

33:46

for

33:47

a long time

33:48

because I'm half metal. The

33:51

movie, S.A.A.A. is based off of

33:53

her

33:53

jigsaw. Oh, and that

33:55

makes sense why, how come your eyes are red spiraled?

33:58

I never...

34:01

Unfortunately, I never

34:03

saw a check from that movie franchise.

34:06

That is why I'm on strike. Wow.

34:10

Well, they misinterpreted

34:12

you. You're just a nice nanny. When you said you want to

34:14

play a game, you were just asking the kids. That

34:18

is what I told the police, yes. But

34:20

they did not believe me. And

34:22

what about you? What's your name again? Jose.

34:25

Jose. Jose Feliciano. How

34:29

did you find yourself coming to work for my

34:31

rich ass parents? They found

34:34

me.

34:34

Where? In Germany. Where?

34:36

On the Berlin Wall. Oh. Berlin

34:40

in the summer of. There are people

34:42

that lived there a long time ago, I guess.

34:47

Wow. November. Wow.

34:50

David Hasselhoff pushed the piece of the wall

34:52

onto me.

34:52

I love David Hasselhoff. Yes.

34:55

And although

34:55

I am not allowed to say negative

34:57

things about David Hasselhoff around

35:00

Francesca. By German law. I

35:03

will say that

35:05

they found me

35:07

and

35:08

they rescued me.

35:10

I've been there since then.

35:13

And do you like to care for the

35:15

other children, my little brothers and sisters? And

35:19

Angela Houliare

35:20

and Gerini

35:22

Hunemo. Gerani Hunemo. Gerani

35:24

Hunemo. Gerani Hunemo is

35:27

his favorite.

35:28

He is such a little specifier

35:31

and his favorite fruit is banana.

35:35

What a little guy he is. Yes. Oh.

35:38

We can't wait to meet them. Angela's favorite fruit

35:40

is starfish. It

35:42

is, yes. You seem to know

35:44

everything about these kids. We love these children

35:47

because

35:48

there we are the only people who will

35:50

love them. What do you mean? What

35:52

about mommy and daddy? We have

35:54

to go.

35:55

We have to be. No, my mom and dad are coming in. They

35:58

have to. Dude. and

36:00

they're putting them or and they're dragging you back it was

36:02

so good

36:03

to meet you I'm sorry I'm

36:05

sorry I'm sorry

36:08

I'm sorry Bye

36:10

David Hasselhoff

36:13

Oh sorry about that you won't

36:15

believe this I stepped in more gum

36:17

Wow

36:20

and just like that

36:22

the Dickey Donnelly story had a fairy tale ending

36:24

that a Shrek movie could only dream of

36:27

so he

36:29

was no longer Dickey Donnelly

36:32

little annoying missing boy

36:33

I was just Dickey Donnelly little

36:36

annoying I was safe now

36:38

and forevermore could never be disturbed

36:40

upset bothered or taken ever

36:42

again I had a family

36:45

I had a name

36:46

I'm Dickey Donnelly

36:47

and I'm here to stay Backpack

36:49

delivery Oh Backpack

36:52

delivery? We're recording in here Oh

36:55

alright I'll just

36:56

wait right out here What did

36:58

you say

36:58

backpack delivery? Backpack delivery Oh

37:01

yeah Sirius is giving away free

37:03

backpacks to all their favorite hosts so

37:06

I work for Sirius Oh

37:08

okay Just go ahead

37:10

and look inside make sure that backpack's the right size for you

37:13

Gosh your voice sounds familiar Oh

37:15

I'm Howard Stern's brother Oh

37:17

that's funny because we're in the Sirius building Yeah

37:19

yeah That's what Howard's got to

37:21

do Yeah yeah Okay Come

37:26

on in Dickey I

37:29

have been taken Thank you

37:40

The disappearance of Dickey Donnelly is

37:42

produced by me Dickey Donnelly two foot one

37:44

way or dry shirt little belly big dreams

37:46

And Lisa Gilroy whoever that

37:48

is and ear wolf whatever that is Our

37:51

producers are Matt Apodaca and Clodie Fisher

38:06

Thanks for listening everybody. If you made

38:08

it all the way to the end, you're a beautiful person.

38:11

If you're not hearing this voice, go

38:13

to hell. Earwolf Presents is produced

38:15

by Earwolf, Amelia Chappello, and

38:18

Cody Fisher. And of course, podcast

38:20

daddy, Colin Anderson himself.

38:23

The Earwolf Presents series is hosted by the

38:25

one and only myself, Jockeys Neal, and

38:27

our theme music was engineered and sung

38:30

by the amazing Jordan Duffy. Special

38:33

thanks and shout outs to Jeff Gross and Aaron

38:35

Nestor. And for more information on Earwolf

38:37

Presents, visit Earwolf.com

38:40

and follow us at Earwolf on

38:42

all social platforms.

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