0:02

This is a global player

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Original Podcast. At.

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Gamble and Lucky. Cause they radio

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packs hello will come to

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the a gamble. Matthew Crosby

0:13

Radio X podcast of the

0:15

show that we've just done.

0:18

On. Radio Xm Radio Hello everybody Welcome

0:20

Welcome Welcome Ah I have a fun

0:22

show tonight we have a here Shaw

0:24

on the show Yes always great nation

0:26

with are here to hear from a

0:28

here Yeah really good. We've got the

0:30

return of Vin but ah well. Hello!

0:33

Van, How you doing right now? I'm good, I'm

0:35

okay. must be back. It's great. have you back

0:37

or it is. I've either. I'm not saying that

0:39

we we. So we slightly panic when you know

0:42

around Buddy, we slightly panicked when you're around to

0:44

yeah yeah yeah well. it's little overdressed in the

0:46

show, but I'm it sounded like there's a lot

0:48

of panic last week and they did. You didn't

0:50

mean to sound like nine and forty from us

0:53

and not for I shall say now Harry and

0:55

Joe did Britain. I mean they produce a handful

0:57

of the shows that the best they did. Brilliant,

0:59

brilliant, brilliant work and I regularly time does something

1:01

or idea is if. If you do, you

1:04

know lose your producer For whatever reason there

1:06

are, there's a great gangway step into the

1:08

fold. Absolutely right. You know it's going to have

1:10

you back anyway for for our sake. Which.

1:12

What We trust you Basically saying soccer's i

1:14

don't know any better Us is the right

1:16

word. What is It was little what is

1:18

what is already shipped to produce of and

1:21

you know me? Yeah I know, Yeah yeah

1:23

what is Yeah I know you. The

1:25

actually out of you Hurry and Joe. I

1:27

think technically you're the worst. Pretty young I.

1:31

Got a. Very

1:33

good as well but your job is phenomena.

1:35

Joe is really really good and he you

1:37

know is hop on all the technical stuff

1:39

which you are as well then on areas

1:41

but Joe will never deliberately interrupt the show

1:43

to just go out on some weird when

1:45

that they've decided that they're going to do

1:47

is a coward. Yeah, hold on the job.

1:49

He. Creatively a coward? Yeah, technically

1:52

brilliant, but a great gal. It's gorgeous

1:54

man. coward. I've o sea eagle Japan

1:56

one ahead of hand man cows and

1:58

goats. A gorgeous man. I'm a jade. That's

2:01

what we'll call him next time we see him. Yeah, Big

2:03

Danny Wallace and the gorgeous man, Land Geward. Oh,

2:06

also, you had Steve on the show. We did have Steve on the

2:08

show. What was that about? Who's had Steve on the air? And it

2:10

was a bit when you were all like, oh, what do you actually

2:12

do on the show? Blah, blah, blah, whatever. Nobody said his actual job

2:15

title, which is Second Banana. Second

2:17

Banana, yeah, we didn't know that. Well,

2:20

we just said it was a great story. You

2:22

know what? If you've got someone with a good

2:24

story downstairs, you've got to

2:27

bring him upstairs and get him on the air. Maybe

2:29

on his own show. We can't

2:31

have Steve reaching his tentacles across the different organs.

2:33

Is that Seth with the way we were running

2:35

things? We wouldn't have happened at my watch. Just

2:37

sat in A&E listening to it. You

2:40

wouldn't have had Steve. If someone had messaged him and said,

2:42

hey, there's a great story that Steve's got and you

2:44

knew Steve was in the building. Save it for Danny's show. What?

2:47

You're not producing Danny's show. Why do you care about Danny's

2:49

show? Could be fair. I think they had done it on

2:51

Danny's show before. Yeah, it sounded like it. That's how the

2:53

listener knew about it, actually. Can

2:55

you hear that story again? Shall

2:58

we read this from Fergus Carr? This is from Fergus Carr,

3:01

Reaper Chartered Architect. Blurman

3:03

X. Yeah, he always put... He's emailed a few times

3:06

and he always includes all of his

3:08

contact information. Do you think that's just his

3:10

signature anyway? I think it is,

3:12

but I also think he could delete it or say,

3:14

cheers, Fergus, before he leaves the

3:16

whole thing in. Do you know what I mean?

3:19

All the best. Fergus Carr. I cut out the

3:22

contact information. Oh, we're not going to give out

3:24

his dates, indeed. But he's sending it to us

3:26

every time. Maybe he wants you to

3:28

text him once in a while. No, maybe. Maybe

3:31

that is after. Do you need a Chartered

3:33

Architect? No, but next time

3:35

I do. Fergus. Fergus Carr. You've

3:38

not needed one for a while, have you,

3:40

when you built your last grand designs

3:42

property? Yeah, but you never want to arrive at that point

3:44

where you do need one and you think, oh,

3:47

I wish I had a name. I've burnt

3:49

those bridges. Yeah. Fergus Carr's

3:51

your man anyway. Dear

3:53

Crunch Crumble and Vincer joke here. I was

3:56

in A&E the other day because my fiancé had

3:58

slipped and banged her head really badly. after

4:00

getting out of our hot tub. Oh

4:02

dear. Oh dear. My sympathy went up

4:04

and down there. Yeah. Fiance.

4:08

No sympathy there. Slipped and banged

4:10

the head really badly. Oh dear. Getting

4:12

out of our hot tub. Forget about

4:14

it. Oh so dark. Yeah, yeah.

4:19

Which we have dubbed the human broth. Waiting for

4:21

ages. I thought it was a bit of fun

4:23

from focus, can't I? Yeah, why

4:25

not? Waiting for ages in the hospital waiting

4:27

room, desperate for a coffee,

4:29

and there's this card operated vending machine, which

4:31

appears to be an old machine with a

4:34

card reader glued onto it. At

4:36

that stage, I would have walked away from that machine, right? Yeah, yeah.

4:39

Anyway, there's a pile of paper cups on the table, and

4:41

it's not clear that if I had to install the cup

4:43

myself. So I asked the staff for a second opinion, and

4:45

I'm told I do not need to. So

4:47

I pay, press the button, expect this wonder of modernity

4:49

to reward me. It fails to produce a cup and

4:51

pours my coffee through the grate. I

4:54

try again to determine pay and install my own

4:56

cup. The machine decides it does

4:58

in fact have its own cup, which is

5:01

then placed inside my cup and knocking both over, jamming

5:03

the mechanism, pouring my coffee through the grate. I've

5:07

paid almost four pounds for those bodged attempts

5:09

and never got any coffee. At least it's

5:11

cheaper than in a shortage cafe, fair point.

5:14

I was wondering if there was an NHS ombudsman I could talk

5:16

to you for conversation so I can call my

5:18

brother the criminal barrister. Oh, again. I bet he

5:21

sends his emails off a criminal barrister. Of course

5:23

he does. Good luck in the charts. All the

5:25

best, Fergus Carr, Reba Chartered Architect. I imagine being

5:27

the parents of the cars. They must be so

5:29

proud. They must be absolutely amazing. A Reba Chartered

5:32

Architect and a criminal barrister. Hello,

5:34

they've probably got a doctor knocking around somewhere. I bet

5:36

you they do. I mean, you

5:38

know, obviously this is going out on Mother's Day. Yeah. And

5:41

we've got a couple of disappointed parents. Oh my

5:43

goodness. We really do. Just a

5:45

couple. Just a couple. Anyway,

5:47

thank you very much, Fergus. The only

5:49

coffee coat we got. Yeah, vending machines.

5:51

Yes. I've

5:53

never found a vending machine that has worked.

5:57

Is that true? With a card. You've never... put

6:00

card things on it I've never been able to get anything out

6:02

of a vending machine. Tried

6:04

it the other day, Margate did a preview of

6:06

Margate, went back

6:08

to the station, had about 20 minutes to wait, hadn't eaten any

6:10

dinner, thought well I'll just get a bag of crisps or something

6:12

from the vending machine. Ages

6:15

trying to use my card, my phone, just

6:17

trying to get nothing and then I

6:19

turned around and realised that there were two members of the audience. They're

6:22

shaking the machine. I know

6:24

I'm not the most glamorous comedian anyway

6:26

but that was a bleak tableau. It

6:29

was a low moment. A

6:33

happier story, I was once pulling into

6:35

Brixton Station and I saw that the

6:38

vending machine on Brixton Station on the

6:40

platform had three bags of McCoy's propped

6:42

against the glass and I thought I

6:44

can do this. This was

6:46

back in the coin operated days. I hopped on, I paid for

6:49

one bag of McCoy's, got four bags of

6:51

McCoy's, hopped back on the same train, whoa,

6:53

always Ken House. I was so happy. That's

6:55

a drive-by. That's a drive-by story as well.

6:58

Yeah, a drive-by crisp heist. And you ate them

7:00

all at the same time on the train. I

7:02

opened them all up pub style and said, come

7:04

on. Form a koi Jeremy. Come on. I

7:08

said, come on, come on lads and lasses and

7:10

everyone in between, come on let's have a little

7:12

crisp party here on the train and no one

7:14

joined me. Exactly, you ate them all yourself anyway

7:17

because for such a small and slim man you

7:19

are one of the greediest people I've ever met. What

7:21

do you mean the greediest people you've ever met? I

7:23

know you do four bags of crisps. When we were

7:25

doing the traces on collokes you ate seven past all

7:28

the nine as the one sitting. That's

7:32

like a whole chicken. Yeah. What?

7:36

A whole chicken? Where's eggs? I

7:38

don't know. You

7:40

don't buy a chicken and they have like a limited

7:42

amount of eggs in there. I was reaching. Like

7:45

a whole chicken. Like a whole chicken. Like a

7:47

whole chicken that day. You do love eating on the train

7:49

as well, don't you? You have more in your car when

7:51

you used to drive to the studio. Yeah

7:53

and I'd often have something next to me on the

7:55

packages. Especially on Tivoli. I mean speaking of which you'll

7:57

hear in the show Vince brought us some treats. back

7:59

from India. Yeah. I actually was a very good boy

8:02

this show. I didn't munch too many of them. I

8:04

had one and it was tasted delicious and I can't

8:06

wait to eat the rest of them on the

8:08

train. Shall we hear

8:11

the show? Yes indeed. Let's hear the

8:13

show. Ed Gamble

8:15

and Matthew Koffee.

8:20

Hello, it's me, the

8:22

old studio desk. As

8:25

you may know there's been a bit of a

8:27

shake up here at XFM. Sorry, Radio X. I

8:29

still can't get used to that. Anyway,

8:31

the long and the short of it

8:33

is I'm being replaced. They're taking out

8:35

this old desk and putting in a

8:38

shiny new one. Whoopsie do! Because

8:40

new has to mean good, doesn't it?

8:42

I bet the new desk only plays

8:44

brand new pop music like Lady Gaga

8:46

or Eminem. Well if that's what you're

8:48

after, you are welcome to it. I'll

8:51

stick to spinning the classics like New

8:53

Radicals, The Endocters

8:55

and Jet. But remember this as you toss me

8:58

out the window into Leicester Square, you're

9:00

tossing out indie rock history.

9:03

They've all had their knees under me. Peter

9:06

Jockerty, Bonehead, Callum

9:08

29, Wilson from the snot. Their

9:11

stories are hewn into my very

9:13

being. Sure there's a

9:15

few stories I'd rather not remember, like when Moyles

9:17

bullied Dom into dropping trowel and doing a poo

9:19

poo on me. Or even

9:21

more upsettingly when Ed Gamble and Matthew

9:24

Crosby used me to broadcast all 245

9:26

episodes of their radio show. Can

9:29

I just now address the scourless

9:31

rumours that have been acquired by

9:33

a private buyer who plans to

9:35

install me in his house as

9:37

a combination breakfast table and concubine?

9:41

That's true. And it's producer Vin. This

9:44

morning he'll be giving me a right good working

9:46

over while he eats a full English off my

9:48

head and I belch out Arctic Monkeys Brian Storm.

9:50

It's a living The

10:00

old of my eyes! Guns

10:03

N' Roses, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio

10:05

X. The old desk will be very happy to

10:07

hear a bit of Guns N' Roses. It's a

10:09

classic. What a specific intro from you. Yes, you

10:12

have to really know your inner workings of the

10:14

global building. Yes, and you have to be listening

10:16

to our show last week because we discussed it

10:18

quite heavily. Yeah. That the... I'm sure every show

10:20

on Radio X is talking about. No, I think

10:22

a lot of them just get on with it.

10:25

We decided afterwards, we went out afterwards, didn't we,

10:27

for a bit of lunch? We did. And

10:29

we discussed the show and how it had

10:32

gone. Yes. And we both came

10:34

to the conclusion that there was a world. This

10:36

is the exact words that you said. There is

10:38

a world where we didn't mention anything that was

10:40

going wrong and it was a perfectly normal professional

10:43

show. It was a world. But that's not a

10:45

world in which we live, unfortunately. No, it's not.

10:47

We've never once done a show. If something is

10:49

happening, I'm very, very happy to reference it or

10:52

to be completely derailed by it. Yeah, absolutely,

10:55

because that's content, baby. Absolutely right. And so

10:57

in case you didn't listen last week and

10:59

you said, watch, goodness

11:01

me, the desk

11:03

in the proper studio is being replaced. Correct. The old

11:05

desk and that's who you were playing in the intro.

11:08

I was embodying the old desk. I mean, I don't

11:10

even know which... I mean, I don't know what it

11:12

means to take out the desk. It's the whole table

11:14

that's going out, Vin. The whole thing. You know these

11:17

panels in front of me? Yeah, yeah. That's all going

11:19

to look totally different. It could be completely different. But

11:21

will you take the panels out and the recesses and

11:23

the desk will remain and you put the new desks

11:25

in the recesses? Yeah, that's correct. Are they the correct

11:28

size? It's not like you're going to come in, there's

11:30

going to be granite worktop. Oh, I love that. Like

11:32

a granite kitchen. It's not like that. But what I'm

11:34

asking, Vin, and this is a big question, I mean, we

11:36

should have saved this really for later on in the show

11:38

and done a text. Are

11:41

the panels a standard size that can slot

11:43

into the table like a sort of washing

11:45

machine? We're talking 90 centimetres. Are

11:48

they a standard size or do there need

11:50

to be a man coming in with a

11:52

jigsaw to make the hall bigger? I think

11:54

it's all bespoke. Bespoke. I think the panels

11:56

are getting made to fit the desk that

11:58

already exists. Wowzers. Wowie. So

12:00

it's not like if you're going from a normal sink to

12:02

a butt the sink No, exactly because you can't go and

12:04

buy a radio studio off the shelf. No, well,

12:06

I think you probably can surely surely

12:08

howdens Do one not a proper good

12:11

quality not a radio X one the

12:13

pirate ones do it from a from a ship though

12:15

Don't they yeah, they were made out of wood. Oh,

12:17

you know in the early days of what was previously

12:20

XFM of what's the documentary? Very

12:23

naughty boys doing it from a

12:25

little house So they let you are using

12:28

the sink. Yeah, they were literally using a button. You

12:30

know, it's a broadcast So we're not we're not in

12:32

the proper studio again this week because they're still putting

12:34

in the butlers desk But

12:36

that's why you did that intro. I just wanted

12:38

to cover that off for anybody might be confused

12:40

Yeah, a little bit of context. I should have

12:42

done it before the intro really the context But

12:45

you know explain explain later if at all. Yes.

12:47

Anyway, how are you doing, man? I it was a

12:49

it was a very nice lunch we went for we

12:52

did we had a lovely lunch win And then we

12:54

went to the chortle comedy book festival and Matthew interviews

12:56

me about my book chortle did a book

12:58

festival now Yeah, well not not

13:00

now. It's done now It

13:03

was one day and we were there for it. Yes,

13:05

we were we were following from we were following Cariad

13:07

Lloyd and Sarah Pasco doing their weirdos book

13:10

club. Yeah, just after us was Bob cry

13:12

talking about Barry cry It was a hell

13:14

of a day With

13:17

Harriet Kempsley, yeah, it was it was a it was a

13:19

fun day. They had Tim Key on their show. It was

13:21

great Yes, it was really fun We had a lovely time

13:23

But we went for a lunch beforehand and we had a

13:25

we had about a half an hour to kill after the

13:27

lunch We went and had a glass of wine. Mm-hmm Then

13:29

Matthew reveals to the people in the audience at

13:32

the book festival that we'd been for a glass

13:34

of wine I don't do has a professional engagement.

13:36

It's a great sort of tradition on chortles watching

13:39

The great half a star come tradition though

13:41

of like, you know of literary

13:43

greats and booze, right? You know, I was sort

13:45

of painting you as a kind of Dylan Thomas

13:47

figure That's what I was going for the thing

13:50

is I think the literary greats got away with

13:52

the boozing because they'd written one of the great

13:54

Pieces of literature listen glutton is

13:56

a fantastic. It's a good as I

13:58

said on the day. I I really enjoyed it.

14:01

I enjoyed reading it first time round. I enjoyed

14:03

the audiobook the second time round It's a great

14:05

book. Don't do yourself down. Have a drink and

14:07

relax a bit Thomas didn't

14:09

have to sign so many copies for Waterstone It

14:13

was a it was a fun day It was a fun and then also off

14:16

to the pub afterwards for a couple more drinks. Sorry

14:18

to reveal that Yeah, sorry, but you points you said

14:20

we should do that effort after every show Yeah, I

14:22

always think that whenever we go out after the show

14:25

that yeah, I think it was a bad idea Yeah,

14:27

it would be the it would be the end of

14:29

a the show and be our relationship Yes, it

14:31

is good to hear that you had a

14:33

bit of analysis though after the show because

14:35

I listened to that and I didn't think

14:37

What's what are they complaining about? It all

14:39

sounds normal. Why are they making such a

14:41

big deal out of it? Well, it sounds

14:44

completely like every other show, you know how

14:46

people say that swans Beautiful

14:48

on the top and it's going crazy down below.

14:50

Sure. We're just a mad swan. He's just going

14:52

mad everywhere We're an upside-down swan. This show is

14:54

an upside-down swan It is

14:56

it is it dead is it having a fit? We don't

14:58

know We're

15:00

quacking away Crunch

15:04

and crumble Cerrifonics

15:12

on Radio X has there

15:14

ever been a phrase that's been uttered more in the world I

15:17

don't think so. That's one of the world's most

15:20

used catchphrases It's grist to the it's grist to

15:22

the mill of the old desk that phrase it

15:24

really is Isn't

15:27

it we miss what? Stereophonics

15:31

said live on air. Yeah, it has to

15:33

be right So

15:37

anyway, we should mention because it's been a couple of

15:39

weeks of not having him around

15:41

Vin is back producer Vin It's such a pleasure. Have

15:43

you back? By

15:46

the way, it is a government across be Never

15:49

forget. It's a government across B, but also it's producer

15:51

Vin Vin. You've you've been away. Mm-hmm

15:53

I was in India and you've been unwell. I

15:55

got back from India and then I was quite

15:57

I was quite ill Did you missing India? Yeah?

16:00

Yeah, well I kept joking, it was because I was

16:02

allergic to economy class. A

16:05

joke for me. A joke made to me.

16:07

So how long were you making that joke?

16:09

Because I understand that you were actually quite

16:12

varied. Yeah, I had to go into A&E and stuff.

16:14

Did you make the joke for them? Yeah. Didn't

16:16

start for them. What happens if you hit the problem and

16:19

say, well... I'm allergic to economy, go whaaaat? I

16:22

self-diagnosed. I hopped on with the

16:24

paupers and I just can't stand it. It brought me

16:26

out in hives. I basically...

16:28

You know water? Yeah. Yeah,

16:31

I didn't have enough water. So... So

16:33

you were dehydrated? I was dehydrated. There was some issue,

16:35

I don't know what the issue was, some sort of

16:37

infection probably. But then I got dehydrated

16:40

and I think that compounded everything. What

16:42

were you drinking instead? Not your work. Well no, no,

16:44

because I kept vomiting. Ah, yeah, yeah. So

16:47

I was on a flight for

16:49

9 hours, 10 hours, I didn't want to throw up. Then

16:51

get back from the airport, then I went to A&E and

16:53

I didn't want to be sick at

16:55

the hospital. Now I'd say that's the place

16:57

that you do want to be sick. Well

16:59

I just didn't... I want you into it. I don't want to

17:02

let on that I'm not well. I don't want to let on

17:04

that I'm not well. I don't want to waste their time. It's

17:06

not very pleasant being sick is it? No, it's not. But

17:08

it is not pleasant either being dehydrated. Yeah,

17:11

well that was a mistake. We've

17:13

always got some of those little tablets at home. Diarrholytes,

17:15

like that. I had some of those diarrholytes. Yeah. It

17:18

just wasn't enough. In the end... And now

17:20

I'm fine. So the solution was having more water in the end.

17:22

Yeah. Well that's a good thought. Well that's

17:24

a good thought. Well that's a good thought. Get yourself a glass

17:26

of water right now folks. I've done it as a

17:28

back wreck before. When you wake up in the morning,

17:30

down upon the water. Have a pint of water. I

17:32

have one possibly two before I go to bed. Well

17:34

that's a bad idea at your age. How

17:37

often do you have in the night taking away your wee wee?

17:39

Two, three times a night but that's fine. That's

17:41

fine man. Look, you should see how clear it

17:43

is as it comes out. I know and I'm

17:45

always... You know what, that's probably my most pathetic

17:47

achievement. I love it. I really give

17:50

myself a pat on the back when I have clear

17:52

wee. I feel so satisfied. If I have clear wee

17:54

and it's not you know ten o'clock in a pub.

17:56

I feel very very proud of myself. Very

17:59

proud of myself. I'm doing a midday wee and

18:01

it's perfectly clear I think that's a good

18:03

start to the day, Crosby. Yeah. Anyway,

18:05

we're not talking about my wee, we're talking about

18:07

your holiday. Your sick. But

18:10

yeah, you're feeling better now. Yeah, I'm on the

18:12

mend. I'm all good. Good. Well,

18:15

you know, we did miss you. Great work from producer

18:17

Joan, producer Harry. They were fantastic, even if

18:19

we didn't put that across in the way we've broadcasted with

18:23

them. But we did, we missed you very much.

18:25

It's great to have you back. Thanks very much.

18:27

I had a lovely time. I went to Goodrath.

18:29

I went to Rajkot and watched the cricket. Amazing.

18:31

I made it onto Sky Sports. Did you? Yeah,

18:34

they were cutting to me in the crowd as I was

18:36

celebrating. What were you doing? Did they have

18:38

the producer of Sports Desk on a little

18:40

label? Producer of

18:42

Sports Desk. Projector Vin. It

18:45

was great. Giant Spoil got his double century

18:47

and I was there cheering, cheering away. It was lovely. And

18:49

then, yeah, I went all over Goodrath and then it was my first

18:52

time to Mumbai as well. How was Mumbai? I'd never

18:54

been to Mumbai. Great. I mean, manic.

18:56

Properly, properly. Yeah. Yeah.

19:00

I think like... It's just another

19:02

manic Mumbai. Yeah. You

19:04

have to sing that when you get there. It's good, actually. That's

19:06

really good. I really like that. It's

19:09

the national anthem. Yeah. So

19:11

I would recommend it. I would say that everyone should go

19:13

if they can. But just make sure

19:15

you drink some water. Plenty of water. Yeah, absolutely

19:17

right. I brought you back some stuff. Oh,

19:20

Prezzies. Probably some gifts. Should we do that after a

19:22

tune? Yeah, let's do it. And I'll get all excited

19:24

about our Prezzies. This is Radio

19:26

X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

19:28

Well, coming back, producer Vin, after a couple

19:31

of weeks away, he was

19:33

in India. He was then in A&E because

19:35

he forgot that water was a thing. But

19:38

apparently, Vin, you've brought us some Prezzies, have

19:40

you? Yeah, well, so first question, poppadoms or

19:42

poppadoms? Whoa. Ed Gamble and Matthew

19:44

Crosby, poppadoms or poppadoms? Oh, poppadoms, please. Here

19:47

you go. Have some poppadoms.

19:49

Wow. Munch. Thank you so much.

19:52

Where are these from? These are from Rajkot, I think? Oh,

19:54

wow. I can't... I actually can't remember.

19:56

They're probably from Kedralp somewhere. I mean, what a... You

19:59

really went the distance... to pick up a takeaway, didn't

20:01

you? I mean, these will be delicious. They've

20:03

got black pepper and chili. You've got to cook these, I'd

20:05

imagine. Yeah, you've got to roast them. I mean, you could

20:07

fry them if you want, if you really want to go

20:09

for it, you could fry them. But I would just roast

20:11

them. What, just pop them in a dry oven? No, just

20:13

stick them on a flame. Just stick them

20:15

on a flame. Just put them on the barbecue. Put

20:17

them on the barbecue, yeah. I just got an induction.

20:20

Well, that's dumb anyway. Yeah, I was kind of

20:22

guessing induction. Just got one of those.

20:24

Why have you got an induction? Because

20:26

I like it. No, you don't. I do. You

20:28

need special pans. Yeah, but most

20:31

of the pans we had. How are you going to make your popper?

20:33

You can't roast your popper on an induction. It's a very good point.

20:35

So I'm going to have to come around yours. Yeah,

20:37

OK, you can come around mine. I'll come around yours. We'll have a

20:39

poppadum party. But you can't. You could do it with a steak or

20:41

something, just like a steak and. Oh, yeah, yeah,

20:43

yeah, yeah. You can't eat those now anyway, because they need to be

20:45

cooked. But I've got you something you can have now. Oh,

20:48

no, we can't do that today. No, I can't do

20:50

that today. No, Ed, Ed, you probably can't. I can't.

20:53

But this looks incredible. I can't do this. I'm going to go on

20:55

to other jobs after this. Matthew, I'm going to need you to taste

20:57

this. Oh, come on, mate. For the

20:59

radio. OK, so this is called ice holoar. Oh,

21:02

my goodness. I'm not really sure

21:04

what it is. I've had holoar

21:06

before. I'd never heard of ice holoar. This seems

21:08

to be thin strips separated

21:10

by bits of paper. Yeah, they're very

21:12

thin. It's going to be

21:14

sugar and probably some sort of flour. Sugar, sugar.

21:16

Corn flour, maybe milk powder in there. There's going

21:18

to be one with sort of sliced almonds and

21:20

perhaps some sultanas in there. There's one with almonds

21:24

and pistachio Yeah, one of

21:26

them is cardamom. Yeah. Oh, my goodness.

21:28

It looks incredible, Vin. Such a beautiful looking thing

21:30

that would absolutely kill me if I had it

21:32

now. But Matthew, how are

21:34

you feeling? You know what? I've felt better. But

21:38

you know, I believe in content. Crucially,

21:40

I believe in content. So I tell you

21:42

what, I'll have some

21:44

during this next bit. Yeah, let's take

21:47

a quick break. We'll get the yeah.

21:49

Thank you, Vin. That's lovely. That's so

21:51

kind of you. Thank you so much.

21:53

Matthew Crosby and Edward Radio

21:55

X. Very Special

21:57

Day today, Matthew. Sunday, March 10th. Yes,

21:59

indeed. They are happy Mother's Day to

22:01

Everybody celebrates Ah, that's not necessarily what

22:04

I was saying. Okay it

22:06

is my birthday today. Oh yes and I

22:08

forgot to turn on a pig's mother. I've

22:10

I've got a these of Papa johns I

22:12

gotta go and watch the Mets have club

22:15

got low. Well actually they were already birthday

22:17

less again as as a matter of going

22:19

to confer with people who future. And

22:21

below happy back way ninety Thank you very

22:24

much. Thirty eight today. Who? who doesn't feel

22:26

like a good and important been I've got

22:28

a significant one is A. You know you

22:30

get you to away from the big four

22:32

eyes. Yes, I I'd say you're still you're

22:34

You're still Young Buck associates. Why? we're lucky

22:36

young. But I mean you'd restless the young

22:38

bucks anymore am. But when does not become

22:40

sad. And forty now I'm

22:43

in Iowa either. nice fluffy when I have

22:45

to give up baseball cap so I've got

22:47

my mind know why fighting I will comes

22:49

to mean something different when you're full time

22:51

in your game, but limited. or yeah, yeah,

22:54

And I'm not. At the moment people are

22:56

going to assume that maybe I should think about

22:58

it. You could call it a whole of the

23:00

Baptist or the other. Players. Are wholly

23:02

buckets and a backwards. A guy that point?

23:05

Backwards and to be back. To decide little

23:08

window into my house that my hairline gaia as

23:10

for how long it out looking the windows pop

23:12

a few hours on at the as a guide

23:14

lead in this yeah right right look at my

23:16

her window. I

23:19

do. I'm Pagan homes guide on it. That's what user

23:21

and I am. A noise killed my birth as a

23:24

mother's day. Because. You're

23:26

not a whole wheat and build up to

23:28

it has been my wife. Can we got

23:30

a book somewhere for mother's Day? Yeah. It's

23:34

my birthday and we've done it. We

23:36

going on for lunch today? yeah but

23:38

I texted a that my mum be

23:40

my Albert somewhere for the first Sunday.

23:42

This. i okay yes because of goes big

23:44

days and it was celebrated mother's day and your

23:47

birthday and i responded tommy vietor this is about

23:49

as he thought it was i said if we

23:51

could weighted towards my birthday that will be from

23:53

yeah i think it says yeah you should stop

23:56

behaving like you i to the my size of

23:58

the things over again as

24:00

a 38th birthday. It is of course

24:02

it is. It's a birthday. It's a solid

24:04

solid anniversary of me being alive. Firstly I

24:06

don't want to get it everyone has a

24:08

different experience on Mother's Day but being a

24:10

mother is much much

24:12

much harder than being 38. Being a

24:14

childless 38

24:17

year old man in a baseball cap is not the

24:20

same as being a mother. Being a childless man is

24:22

quite hard because you have to listen to parents talk

24:24

about you're a childless man

24:26

and that's the easiest thing in the world. Some

24:28

of us have got our own babies Matthew you

24:30

know my career. Yes.

24:32

My um. So you

24:34

got those poppadoms? Poppadoms I got my poppadoms to

24:37

look after. The bookings you have

24:39

to do to various restaurants in many ways your baby. I

24:41

guess the poppadoms are sort of the opposite of having a

24:43

child because I actively am going to put these in a

24:45

fire as opposed to

24:47

desperately worry that they'll fall in a fire.

24:49

Is that what being a father is like?

24:51

It's one of them. It's one of the

24:54

fears. It's definitely there. I

24:57

guess you just try and stay away from

24:59

open flames. But anyway listen all people are

25:01

important rights you know all people are important

25:03

whether or not they've got kids or not.

25:05

Just get over yourself your mum did a

25:07

lot for you. Yeah I know but you

25:09

know if Mother's Day was real it'd be

25:11

on the same day every year rather than

25:14

having to be on a Sunday. Like Christmas.

25:16

Like Christmas exactly. Or my birthday. Or your

25:18

birthday yeah these are significant dates in the

25:20

diary. Thank you. Mother's Day they just move.

25:22

Well the thing is the problem is mothers

25:24

are busy. Yeah. They can't afford to take

25:26

you know there's no way you could have

25:28

Mother's Day on a Wednesday. If your birthday

25:30

fell on a Wednesday you'd be like totally

25:32

fine. You know I'll go to the cinema.

25:34

I'll buy myself some new trainers. I'll rock

25:37

around on my skateboard. Whatever you do with

25:39

your day. That's just every other day anyway.

25:41

It's your Wednesday anyway birthday or no. Yeah.

25:43

Midweek perfect. But mothers have got stuff going

25:45

on. I just realized that Mother's Day falling

25:47

on birthday is very significant actually because it's

25:49

the day she gave birth to me 38

25:51

years ago. Yeah so your birthday is also

25:53

a more significant day for her than it

25:56

is for you. Well you little brat. I

25:58

booked us a nice restaurant. I think you should,

26:00

have you got a reprise as well? Oh no.

26:03

Hope you like the pop-a-doms. Radio S.

26:07

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. We're

26:09

absolutely delighted to be joined by the

26:12

brilliant Ahear Shah, fantastic silent comedian, Hallo

26:14

Ahear. Good morning, Matt. How's it going?

26:16

Very, very good. Thank you very much.

26:18

Thanks for coming on the show. I

26:21

walked into this room and immediately saw

26:23

some sort of fresh pop-a-d that had

26:25

just been brought over from Gujarat by

26:28

your producer Vinay. And

26:31

so fundamentally, all I want, like, I

26:34

know what I want out of today. Yeah. And

26:36

it is to have one of those. It's no

26:38

longer about shifting units. It's no longer about blogging

26:41

tickets. What I'm very glad of is when you

26:43

came in and saw them, that Vin immediately jumped

26:45

in and said, oh, I've just brought them back

26:47

from India. So it didn't look like we were

26:49

making some sort of point. Yeah. We just want

26:52

him to come back. We better get what he

26:54

likes. Yeah. It's like, listen, it's on my rider.

26:57

Everyone's like, I've heard you won't even go on.

27:02

We've also got some little sweet treats here as well, haven't

27:04

we? Yeah. Tell us what they're called again, Vin. They're

27:06

called iced hollawa. And I'm not really

27:08

sure what they are. Would you like one of these? I

27:11

would love some. Yeah. Do you know what they are?

27:13

I've had hollawa before. I've never seen them listed as

27:15

iced before. They're really thin. They're

27:17

very thin. They're almost sort of like, you know, when

27:19

you get very thin chewing gum. Yes. That's exactly what

27:22

I thought they were like. But I didn't want

27:24

to say it out loud. For

27:26

any white people listening, that's what I don't know. There

27:28

are any white people listening, but that's what we have

27:30

here. That's

27:32

a very thin chewing gum. The

27:34

gaju one is very nice. Quite

27:36

the opposite, though, in that they're very bad

27:38

for your teeth. Yes. They're not going to.

27:41

I wouldn't, you know, use this as a substitution for

27:43

brushing. Anyway, I'll say

27:46

one thing. My

27:48

parents absolutely loved your show. Now, I don't

27:50

know if that's the glowing endorsement you want,

27:52

but they loved it. They were

27:54

up in Edinburgh at the festival last year and

27:57

they didn't know what to see. And they

27:59

ran into my wife. who was working there up at

28:01

the festival and she said, oh, everybody's talking

28:03

about a here show. And then like two

28:05

days later, you got nominated and then won

28:07

the award. So they felt

28:09

like they really had their ear to the ground. They

28:11

were so just really good. But they loved the show.

28:14

They thought it was absolutely brilliant. Well, I was hearing

28:16

a lot of stuff about the show when I was

28:18

in Edinburgh. And you know who I heard

28:20

a lot of good stuff about the show from? Yeah. Yeah.

28:23

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's his

28:25

style of comedy. It's your style.

28:27

I read an admirable confidence in

28:29

his show that I remember. We

28:32

went for a pint and I said to you,

28:34

how's the show going? And you went, yes, really

28:36

good. Well, fantastic. And then you

28:38

won the award. I thought he was right. He was right.

28:40

Yeah. It would have been

28:42

tremendously embarrassing. It's

28:45

just been deeply wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Check the

28:47

reviews. One star's okay. The more. Interesting.

28:51

So for those people who are not my parents, talk

28:53

us through the show. What's the show all

28:55

about? Couple of years ago, thinking

28:58

about the fact that I was going

29:00

to be getting married. I

29:02

now am married. Congratulations. Thank you. And

29:05

was basically thinking about like

29:08

who are you know, when

29:10

you're going through a transformative experience like that,

29:12

what you start thinking about is like who

29:14

are the people in my family who are

29:16

related, who might be like an example of

29:18

how to how to be in this new

29:20

role that you're taking on in life. And

29:24

I was very aware of the fact

29:26

that my mom's parents who

29:28

were married for nearly 50 years till my

29:31

grandfather passed away. I was like, that's

29:33

the longest marriage that I know about.

29:36

So and my grandfather died when I was

29:39

11. So I was like, all right. This

29:41

is like the longest marriage that I've

29:43

ever and like I hear lots about this

29:45

guy, but I only really remember him from

29:47

my childhood. Yeah. I want to learn more

29:50

about this guy's life. So

29:52

did something which I would recommend

29:54

hugely to absolutely everyone. I basically

29:56

like interviewed my mum about. about

30:00

her life before she came to the UK

30:02

when she was 12. And I

30:04

was just like, talk me through all of

30:06

that. Like, if you hear

30:08

about that, like asked her questions about her

30:11

parents and like what their lives were like.

30:14

And it really like just taught me the huge amount

30:16

of like elements of history that had

30:19

either been alluded to or like quietly

30:21

spoken about, but I didn't know the

30:23

sheer extent of. And

30:26

so it sort of ended up building

30:28

the show around the story of this

30:31

guy who came

30:34

over in 1964 when

30:36

by that stage, so he was a bit younger

30:38

than I am now, but by that stage had

30:40

already been married for a decade, had three children,

30:43

came over on his own and was on his

30:45

own for five years till he

30:47

saved up enough money in order to

30:49

bring my grandmother and his children, including

30:51

my mum over. And

30:54

I was thinking that at the same time

30:57

as like all of

30:59

a sudden the prime minister became

31:01

a British Indian guy. Right. And

31:04

I think he was all his life, wasn't he? I

31:08

missed out on something about it. What

31:12

do I need to do to get away? This

31:15

sort of change that I

31:18

couldn't have imagined when I was a kid and

31:20

that certainly like even when he died in 2002

31:22

would have been entirely unimaginable. Seeing

31:26

this sort of transformation and really wanting

31:29

to tell the story of my

31:31

family and of this country over

31:33

the last 60 years and

31:36

try and get that into 60 minutes. I

31:38

mean, I can tell my parents liked it

31:40

because it's highbrow stuff. And

31:43

will also be very funny. Yeah, because I've

31:45

seen they've seen they've seen the head and the sort

31:47

of stuff. It's very base.

31:49

Yeah. And they were very upset by

31:51

that. Well, I interviewed my mum for my new show and luckily

31:53

she or she talked about was sort of farts and. The

31:56

apple doesn't fall far from the tree,

31:58

does it? this show counts you out

32:00

of being on who do you think you are? It

32:03

seems like you know everything now. There's no surprises

32:05

to be had. Well, I

32:08

once asked my dad about this because

32:11

I was like part of India

32:13

that my family are from as

32:15

Vinay's family is called Godrad and

32:17

there's like the particular city was

32:20

where Gandhiji based lots of his

32:22

activities during the independence

32:24

movement. So I

32:26

asked my dad once, I was

32:29

like dad, I'm a pretty political

32:31

guy and as a

32:33

family we're a pretty politically aware family

32:36

and so presumably we were involved in all

32:38

of that sort of thing and he was

32:40

just like now we just have that stuff

32:43

on. So

32:45

you can see A Hearshaw Ends at the

32:48

Royal Court Theatre on the 16th of March

32:50

and you get tickets from ahearshaw.com and it

32:52

sounds like an incredible show. Will you stick

32:54

around and chat a bit more to us?

32:56

Absolutely. Fantastic. Let's play some fluff party.

32:58

This is Flux on Radio X. Fluff

33:08

party Flux on Radio X. It's

33:10

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. We're delighted to

33:13

still be joined by the wonderful A Hearshaw

33:15

talking about his show Ends which you can

33:17

see at the Royal Court Theatre on the

33:19

16th of March. Tickets available at ahearshaw.com. Now

33:22

we've done all the great chat about your show. We've really

33:25

got to the more. All I want to talk about is

33:27

Block Party's first album. Vin

33:31

gets closer to the microphone and he goes

33:33

oh yeah. Silent

33:35

alarm is great. It is

33:38

great but like that

33:40

is just a true thing about the world.

33:44

You guys want to pop out? We

33:47

haven't asked when you die which cartoon character would you like

33:49

to be reincarnated as? Give me the hundredth of that. Okay

33:52

now carry on with the Block Party chat. get

34:00

like trapped in a certain period of

34:02

your life, right? And Blockbuster Silent Alarm

34:04

will always be there because that's, I

34:07

still remember like when and where I

34:09

listened to that for the first time.

34:12

Down the line I will be

34:14

telling my children or grandchildren like

34:16

about this stuff and it will

34:18

be like someone like your

34:22

granddad now talking about like classical music.

34:24

Yeah. And like I love like jazz

34:26

from the 50s and 60s and everything

34:28

and by the time that I have

34:31

grandchildren it will be like talking to

34:33

them about Beethoven or something like that.

34:35

So you're saying in you know in

34:37

you know 50, 60 years time you

34:41

might be being interviewed by a member of

34:43

your family for their Edinburgh show and

34:45

what you'll have to give them is I Remember Block

34:48

Party's photo. I'm

34:50

not sure that's going to win the award. Yeah,

34:54

like my granddaughter is on stage being

34:56

like and in many ways it was

34:59

like eating glass. We're

35:02

all in flux guys. Robbie

35:04

J and the Machine. Radio X.

35:06

We've actually had quite a sort of serious chat

35:08

here and I don't know if you can tell

35:11

it's really it's really thrown us for a loop.

35:13

Well no it's been refreshing for me. I'll be

35:16

honest this feels like genuine radio we're doing now.

35:18

I don't like that. No I'm not into that.

35:20

I'm putting you on edge. Well luckily we've got.

35:22

Are we like John and

35:25

Lewis and Emily in the other room now? Exactly.

35:29

But we're going to change that all now because

35:31

we have some questions, the biggest questions in radio

35:33

to ask you. There's so many. Matty do you

35:36

want to kick off? We've covered the cartoon character.

35:38

Yeah. I hear wants to be really created as

35:40

reincarnated as Scooby Doo. And fair enough. It's

35:43

Max Solve crimes. Big sandwiches. Don't worry about

35:45

it. Huge sandwiches. It was on

35:47

the other morning. It was a big show on morning

35:50

TV now Scooby Doo. I popped it on. I see

35:52

you're watching Scooby Doo. That's right because you're eight years

35:54

old. We talked about this already. Happy

35:56

birthday. Thank you. 38 watching

35:58

Scooby Doo. Not in

36:01

my pants, I had a top one. Okay, you were

36:03

wearing pants though. No. No

36:05

pants, it was only a top one. Yeah, what scooby dress

36:07

does we need, that's the way. So,

36:10

here's Shar, what do you not know what

36:13

it is? Now you're a smart

36:15

person, you know a lot of stuff, but is there

36:17

something that you see every single day and you're like,

36:20

I see it, but I don't know what it is?

36:22

An electricity. It's a good answer. There

36:24

we go, thanks. It's a good answer, right in. I was

36:26

talking to someone about this last week, where

36:29

I felt genuinely embarrassed that I

36:31

have no idea, like I turn

36:34

the switch at home and

36:37

a light comes on, and I have no

36:39

idea how many. Yeah, I've got no clue. And it's also the

36:41

sort of thing, like I

36:43

also don't know how like, WiFi

36:46

works, but I accept that I will

36:49

never know how WiFi works. Whereas

36:51

with electricity, you're like, I should

36:53

know. I'm pretty sure we were

36:55

taught that at school, right? Yeah,

36:57

we were taught how to make circuit. You were at school then, I didn't

36:59

get taught this sort of thing. The

37:02

biggest revelation for the listener now, if they've not heard

37:04

you before, is that you didn't go to private school.

37:10

But yeah, I think as well with WiFi, because it's

37:12

like, I'm going to sound so

37:14

thick here, but I'm going to lean into it,

37:16

because it's in the air, you go, well it's

37:18

a mystery, we're never going to work another day.

37:20

But when there's wires and a switch, you think,

37:22

well this is a physical, tangible thing. It's coming

37:24

down a tube. It's coming down a tube. I

37:26

should be able to understand what comes down a

37:28

tube. The internet also comes out of tubes. There

37:30

are like seabed interconnector cables. There

37:33

are so many, particularly like Europe and North

37:35

America. There are so many cables. You

37:37

can look at maps, it's absolutely fascinating. But when it gets

37:39

to the real side. I have no idea. But

37:42

you could get really big scissors

37:44

and stop the internet. Which

37:49

is mad. Oh, that's a good new Marvel

37:51

villain, isn't it? Yeah. It's a man. It's

37:53

a bit me. Yes, and two Marvel Studios,

37:55

I am available. Should

38:02

we do the other biggest question in radio? Well, yeah,

38:04

okay, let's do this one. This

38:06

is a huge question, I hope you're ready. What's

38:08

the biggest pig you can imagine? Wasn't

38:11

there a film a while ago about a very

38:13

large pig? What's there? What's there

38:16

now? There was

38:18

Clifford the Massive Dog with Jack Whitehall. It wasn't

38:20

called Clifford the Massive Dog. It was,

38:22

it was called Clifford the Massive Dog. Clifford

38:24

the Big Red Dog. Yeah, we do it at Whitehall,

38:26

yeah. That's right, yeah, yeah. But what's

38:28

the big pig movie? Was Jack Whitehall in a film about Clifford

38:30

the Big Red Dog? Yes, he was. But

38:32

no, I know what you're talking

38:35

about now, Jack. What

38:37

was it called? It's an octa. An octa,

38:39

that was exactly right, yeah. Oh, yes, I,

38:41

I've not, that film looks like I would

38:43

enjoy it, but I refuse to watch it

38:45

because people say it made them vegan. And

38:48

I'm not willing to put that effort in again.

38:51

The largest pig that I can imagine

38:54

is slightly larger than the

38:56

pig in octa. Because

38:59

I was like, right, this has given me

39:01

a baseline. Yeah. And I could add like, maybe

39:03

8%. Yeah, you've got a good imagination.

39:06

Let's go crazy. And the smallest pig

39:08

I can imagine is, of course, your cat.

39:10

Yes, thank you. Yeah. Oh, it's

39:13

adorable. It's quite a big cat. And, and, and

39:15

fine, we'll, we'll end on this one. What's

39:17

the, what's the best high street

39:19

chain restaurant? 100% Nando's. Yeah,

39:22

there we go. Everyone always says Nando's. No, they don't.

39:25

I said Nando's. Yeah. And

39:27

then Tim Key said Nando's. No, he didn't.

39:29

What did he say in the end? He

39:31

said Wagamam. He's mad. He's absolutely mad. Phil

39:33

Wang said Wagamam. Phil Wang. I

39:35

was very surprised by that. Wagamam has gone downhill in

39:38

the last decade. Anyway, we must play a song.

39:41

We have to. Ahearsha, thank you so much.

39:43

And if you want to go and see Ahearsha ends

39:45

at the Royal Court Theatre, it's on the 16th of

39:47

March. Tickets from ahearsha.com. Go

39:50

along and see that. Thank you so much for coming

39:52

on the show. My pleasure. Radio X. Ed

39:57

Gamble and Matthew Koste. Oh,

40:01

it's my birthday! Oh dear.

40:05

Woohoo! You haven't even had the sweets.

40:08

It's my birthday! Nomine

40:10

has struggled to get up but I can't wait to

40:12

see what prezzies I've got. Can't wait for everyone to

40:14

be celebrating Ed Gamble's 30... Oh, Mother's

40:16

Day! Shut

40:19

up! Right. Then

40:22

I'm going to have to play something horrible to annoy

40:24

all the mums. He's going to really

40:26

upset the mums and then both start to

40:28

my birthday. It's a just sad

40:30

day. I'll get ready for this. You think I'm a

40:32

sad though? Listen to the cool music

40:34

I like. Okay, go on. I'll

40:37

tell you what the song's called after. Alright. A

40:39

little bit of gorgasm.

40:41

It's gone. Well

40:56

I'm glad you bleeped out that work. It

40:59

was so audible. I'd say in terms of death metal,

41:01

that was audible. I

41:04

was worried about it. Me

41:06

and Vin were worried about it which

41:08

is why we bleeped it. You could hear the first letter. Yeah,

41:11

Vin, I'm going to say the name of the song now. Get

41:13

ready until the live bleep. Are

41:15

you ready? So that was by gorgasm of course. And

41:18

the song's called Dead. Oh dear. I'm

41:21

sorry but you're 30 years old. And you're

41:23

delighting in that sort of thing. It's pathetic.

41:25

Happy Mother's Day everybody. Happy

41:28

birthday. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. Radio

41:31

Ed. You did a

41:33

gig this week. I did, yeah. I've been

41:35

doing a lot of gigs because my tour starts

41:37

next week. Hot diggity dog. Hot diggity dog, yeah.

41:40

Going UK and Ireland tour. I

41:42

say all over the UK because that's true. And then not all

41:44

over Ireland. Just a bit. Dublin.

41:48

But do come and see me. Oh,

41:50

it's a bit of a surprise. Oh, you

41:52

know what? Can we give it a plug? I think we can. I've

41:55

obviously not seen this tour yet. But

41:57

I saw the last tour. It was

41:59

absolutely... It's a fantastic comedian. You go and see him.

42:01

Thank you. And I'm very happy with the

42:04

show. So obviously, as a stand up, you have

42:06

to do a lot of previews. You have to test the show. You

42:08

have to get it ready. And

42:10

you sort of hope at this point

42:12

of the preview process that they're helpful,

42:14

that they're useful. They're nice

42:16

audiences who enjoy it and allow

42:18

you to riff around it a little bit

42:21

and find new bits in the show. Yeah,

42:23

absolutely. With that, I agreed to do a

42:25

preview last night at Coco in Camden. Cool.

42:27

Thought very cool. I've seen a lot of

42:29

bands there in the past. I've not been

42:31

there for a few years because of the

42:33

Covid pandemic and all of that. And you're

42:35

a busy boy. And yeah, and I'm a

42:37

busy boy. And it turns out that they've

42:40

had a bit of a renovation since then,

42:42

Matthew. I assumed I'd be in

42:44

maybe the main concert hall. There'd be sticky floors.

42:46

People would be getting plans of red stripes. Not

42:48

a sticky floor place anymore, is it? It's not

42:50

a sticky floor place anymore. It's got a different

42:53

vibe now. It's a private members club. Oh, thank

42:55

goodness for that. Any

42:57

time a building is turned into a private

42:59

members club, I think that's what we need.

43:01

I couldn't believe it. I turned up expecting

43:03

to do, you know, my usual crowd. Yeah.

43:06

Bit rowdy. People in leather jackets

43:09

with studs on them, you know, cool

43:11

metalers who also love podcasts. Yes. And

43:14

comedy nerds as well. A lot of comedy nerds,

43:16

sure. They said go to the stage

43:18

door. I went to the stage door. The stage door looked

43:20

like an entrance to a nightclub. Oh, no. Velvet

43:22

Road. I passed the bouncers, let them

43:24

know that I'm doing the comedy

43:27

show. They didn't seem to know that was happening.

43:30

Went up to the front desk. The lady

43:32

working behind the front desk didn't look at me

43:34

and instead went, guys, and beckoned over three people

43:36

wearing all black outfits. Oh, wow. You

43:38

got that treatment. I had to explain who I

43:40

was and what I was doing. They went okay.

43:42

And they took me up in

43:44

the lift to the second floor. And I walked into this

43:47

bar area that I was performing in. I'd say 50 people

43:49

in there, all on very low sofas. The

43:51

whole room was very dark. Candles

43:54

burning. It's not like Cedarwood. Oh,

43:57

yeah. Of course. Oh

44:00

my goodness, Mattie, it's not the

44:02

gig that anyone needs. Yeah, I know exactly what

44:04

you're talking about. They're all drinking out of like,

44:07

they're all drinking like cocktails. Lovely cocktails. They have

44:09

a thick glass. Yeah. You

44:11

know, you can hear the clinking of ice cubes and

44:13

that kind of stuff. And you can also hear the

44:15

judgment. Yes. As you step out on the stage.

44:17

Well, this is the problem. They were actually a very nice audience and

44:19

I did find it useful in the sense that I just sort of

44:21

imagined it was like I was reading it in my

44:23

own head. That's what you want from me.

44:25

I was going through it. But it was actually- Do I

44:27

know all the words to it? I can say it in

44:29

a nice, loud voice. I thought I know what order they

44:31

come in. Yeah, exactly. But it

44:33

was, you know, it was actually a helpful gig

44:36

and they were nice people, but not my usual

44:38

crowd, the private members club crowd. And also the

44:40

power dynamic is very reversed there. They

44:42

have not come to see a comedy show. They have come to use

44:45

one of their club perk. Yeah. I

44:47

am a club perk. It was like I was

44:49

a sauna. There

44:52

must be something almost kind of, you could imagine them

44:54

doing that thing that Wacky and Phoenix does in Gladiator

44:56

where they wiggle their thumb and then they put it

44:59

down and you are thrown to the lion. Exactly. They

45:01

probably do have lions somewhere. Yeah, it's one of the club perks. Of course

45:04

it is. It's one of the club perks. Have a look at the stroke

45:06

of lion. Stroke of lion, you

45:08

get to feed a pauper to a lion. Yeah. Very

45:11

different vibe to what my tour is going to be. What's the spec?

45:13

Talking of people who are not your target audience, I

45:15

have forgotten this detail. This is absolutely mad, Vin. When

45:18

we did the Chortle Book Festival, we

45:21

said, has anyone got any questions for

45:23

Ed Gamble? And a woman put

45:25

up her hand and said, yes, I've got a question. If

45:28

you were on a desert island and

45:30

you could only save eight different dishes,

45:32

what would they be? Eight

45:34

foods, what would you? Oh, okay. And they

45:36

went, oh, well, actually it's called the Dream Restaurant. She was

45:39

like, what do you mean? Yeah, no idea. No idea. I

45:41

said, what would be a desert island food? I said, well,

45:43

we call it the off menu menu and people laughed and

45:45

she was like, what does that mean? How has that happened

45:47

then? Well, I don't know because there was someone else there

45:49

who's asked me questions about Great British Menu. You know, I

45:52

now have, I was going to say more diverse audience. We're

45:54

all white and over 30. It's

45:57

still food based. It's still food based. Yeah,

46:00

this lady was just there for

46:02

the book festival, you know? Yeah. She thought she thought it

46:04

was a really good question. I mean, not realizing this is

46:06

a format you've been using for years. I think we absolutely

46:08

tore her a new one. She has come up with that

46:11

independently. Fair play to her. Yeah, yeah. Someone sign her up.

46:13

Well, she sort of pitched it like desert island desks.

46:16

Makes me realize maybe off-menu, isn't it? Quite

46:19

as... An original format. You're in too deep now, too.

46:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not worry about that now. Ed

46:24

Gamble and Matthew Crosby. Radio X.

46:30

I'm not worried about that now. Buzztalks

46:33

on Radio X. It's Ed Gamble and

46:35

Matthew Crosby. Now, we should talk, Matthew,

46:37

about the best of British. We certainly

46:40

should because the Buzzcocks are eligible. That

46:42

song specifically, or any of their songs,

46:44

really, is eligible for the best of

46:46

British. The countdown

46:48

of you, the listeners, favourite

46:50

British songs. It's one of

46:52

the jewels in the crown

46:54

of Radio X's annual celebrations.

46:57

That's true, which will be happening very soon. Don't

47:01

forget to get your bunting ready for our annual festival.

47:04

The Radio X pageant. Exactly. It's

47:06

the Radio X Harvest Festival. It's

47:08

a yearly jubilee at Radio X.

47:10

It really is. It truly is.

47:13

But if you have a favourite

47:15

British song that you would like to vote

47:17

for, get yourself to the global player or

47:19

to radiox.co.uk. My

47:21

name is Beyonce's new song. Oh,

47:23

it's so... It's such a... I love

47:26

it. My favourite. It's

47:28

essentially English tradition, isn't it? For those

47:30

of you saying Beyonce's not British, how

47:32

dare you tell that lady what she can and

47:35

can't? If she wants to be British... God damn

47:37

it, let her be British. Queen, last time I

47:39

checked. Absolutely right. So, Texas Hold'em,

47:41

that is our pitch for the

47:43

best of British this year. It's a

47:45

great, oldie folk song, I believe. It's

47:48

a sort of medieval folk song that's been

47:50

really worked. Normally I get behind us, you

47:52

know, maybe being a bit funny, doing a

47:54

slightly left field choice. I

47:57

don't think we can... It's such a good sound. I

48:00

heard it the other day and I went, this

48:02

is brilliant, I didn't tell people about this song.

48:04

I didn't know who it was. And

48:06

then the DJ went, that was Beyoncé. I was like, oh god. Oh,

48:09

she is good. She is good. She's my favourite British

48:12

artist. So, Texas Holden by

48:14

Beyoncé, that is our pitch for the best

48:16

of British. So get yourself to the global

48:18

player or Radio x.co.uk and vote, vote, vote

48:20

today! For Beyoncé! Crunch

48:23

and crumble, boss. Is

48:25

Radio X. Who do I not know who they

48:27

are? Yeah, you heard us ask out here a

48:29

show earlier in the show, What Do I Not

48:32

Know What It Is? That was the original question.

48:34

But we also have a question of, who do

48:36

you not know who they is? It's someone whose

48:38

name you've heard bandied around a lot. You

48:40

don't know who they is. And you don't know that part

48:42

of it. You don't really care who they is. Somebody sent

48:44

in Billy Bragg the other day. They don't know who Billy

48:46

Bragg is and they're fine with that. Fair enough. They're just

48:49

not willing to do the work and that's fine. This

48:51

is a sort of who do I not know who

48:53

they is from Alex. Hello, Ed, Matthew and Vin. I

48:55

was recently thinking about Nicholas Lindhurst. Of course you were.

48:58

As I was thinking about him, I started to realize I

49:00

wasn't thinking about him before. I

49:03

was thinking about Robert Lindsay. I've

49:06

realized that I have some sort of mental

49:08

blockage that essentially means I can't picture Nicholas

49:10

Lindhurst without first thinking of Robert Lindsay for

49:12

at least two to three minutes. So it's

49:14

like a magic eye picture. You get Robert

49:16

Lindsay's face in your head and you relax

49:19

your eyes and then eventually Lindhurst emerges. Yes,

49:21

I think this should be called something like,

49:23

who do I think they is someone else?

49:27

I like that. I really like that. I really

49:29

like that. Also,

49:31

I have a more traditional, who do I not know who

49:33

they is, Gene Triplehorn. Oh, fantastic. Who is that? She's either

49:35

a TV chef or a pole vaulter from the 50s. Thank

49:38

you. Thank you, Alex. I

49:40

do like who do I think they is someone else. It's

49:42

a bit late in the show to start a text there,

49:44

but maybe you send them by email, sundayatradiox.co.uk.

49:48

For next week's show. For next week's show. Who

49:50

do you think they is someone

49:52

else? Who do you think they are someone

49:54

else? sundayatradiox.co.uk. Get in touch. Robbie

49:57

J and the Machine Radio.

50:00

It's Ed Gamble and it's Matthew Crosby saying

50:03

goodbye for another week. Just for another week.

50:05

Just for another week we'll be back and

50:07

if you really are missing us then get

50:09

the podcast. Or come see me on tour.

50:11

Or come and see Ed on tour. Hot

50:13

diggity dog on sale right now.

50:15

Yeah you're in, I'd say. Where are you

50:18

starting off? We were starting in Canterbury, there

50:20

might be a couple of tickets left for that. The Marlowe Theatre. That's

50:23

on the 12th. My old stomping ground Canterbury,

50:25

that's where I went to university. It's a gorgeous

50:27

city. If you're in the nearby area. He left

50:29

his mark on that place I tell you. Oh

50:31

boy, I'd like to hear that. Then we're talking

50:33

about the 14th Thursday, next

50:35

Thursday in Colchester. Yes. A

50:38

few tickets knocking around for that. Where are you in

50:40

Colchester? Charter Hall. Oh I don't know the Charter Hall.

50:42

So do pop along to that one. Cambridge Corn Exchange

50:45

on Friday, Ipswich Regent Theatre

50:48

on Saturday and then Norwich on Sunday of course.

50:50

We can chat about that one in the studio.

50:52

Yeah I can't wait. Well good luck on tour

50:54

and can I just say as well it's great

50:56

to have Vin back as well. Vin,

50:58

how are you feeling now? Because obviously you've

51:00

been unwell, you've had to do a real

51:03

hard slog these last three hours in producing

51:05

us. How are you feeling? I think it's

51:07

fine because I've sort of disassociated. Well

51:09

you always do, that's normal. Exactly, so

51:12

I'm back into normal rhythm. You're back to your bed. But

51:14

then you're doing the proper jobs around here that it's a

51:16

bit tiring because you're engaged in those. Yeah that's right, when

51:18

it matters, when there's responsibility. When you don't have to think

51:20

about it, it's actually quite an easy job. Yeah yeah yeah.

51:22

Yeah just to let you know in the last three hours

51:25

Vin has had no water. That's a

51:27

good point actually. You've got to learn his lesson. Get yourself

51:29

some water. I've done it now. No no no

51:31

no no no no no no no. I went through the whole

51:33

time saying. No no no no no. You don't top up every

51:35

ten years. I went and got water for myself and Ed after

51:37

your little story and I said do you want some and you

51:39

went no I'm good. You've learnt nothing. I've

51:42

got a new flask into office. Where is it? Over

51:44

there somewhere. So we're not in the studio crucially

51:46

it's not here in the studio where we've been

51:48

for three hours this morning. Well yeah no liquids

51:50

around this desk, our backup desk. Don't

51:54

try and make it like a health and safety

51:56

thing. It's absolutely not that. Drink

51:58

some water for goodness sake. Otherwise

52:01

next week we're going to be saying Vin's having

52:03

his desk replaced. I'm not on my desk replaced.

52:07

And on that folks, have a wonderful, wonderful

52:09

week. Stay tuned for Danny Wallace who is

52:11

just around the corner. Watch out for his

52:13

own. Watch out for his own. Bye bye.

52:15

Hey, I'm the bus driver from Z-Trex. Since

52:17

I've run my motion ship as Bish, radio

52:20

ads. Ed

52:22

Gamble and Matthew Crosby. So

52:24

there we go folks, that was the show. We've got a,

52:26

we've got a what do I not

52:29

know what it is or how do I

52:31

not know what it is from Liz here.

52:33

Who's talking about cod liver oil. Oh yeah.

52:36

Now I would say it's pretty obvious what it is.

52:38

I'd say it's in the title. Yeah, but here we

52:40

go. Morning guys, not exactly a what

52:42

is it, assuming it's actually from a, it's actually

52:44

oil from a cod liver. Yeah, you make it,

52:46

there's a correct assumption there I'd say. Rather, how?

52:49

How do they get it out? I

52:51

know cod can be big with buggers, but still getting the oil out

52:53

of their liver sounds like a bit of a fiddly business. Does she

52:55

think the cod is still alive and they somehow extract it? She's

53:01

like, well, there are certain meats that are okay

53:03

to eat because ham, they could take a little

53:05

layer off the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little bit

53:07

of, they're not killing a pig to get a

53:09

slice of ham. It's just some sunburned pig. Exactly,

53:11

just peel it off and it's fine, yeah. What

53:15

happens to the rest of the liver and the rest of the cod? I

53:17

mean, I'm guessing fish and chips,

53:20

right? Fish and chips. Whatever you use cod for, yeah. You

53:22

can buy a whole cod from the fishmonger. Is their liver

53:24

oil going to waste? Should

53:27

I try and extract it? Sainsbury's sell Pollock and

53:29

Hake as cheaper alternatives to cod, but you don't see

53:31

Pollock liver oil? Well, maybe you do. I must admit,

53:33

I've not looked. Liz, forgot the question. Sometimes

53:36

the emails are just people, just stream of

53:38

cod. They're my favourite emails. Forgot the question

53:40

that puzzled me the most on cod liver

53:42

oil. How many cod

53:44

to fill one of those little baked beans like is

53:46

capsule? That's a good question. That is a good question.

53:49

I'd imagine, I mean, I don't know this. I'm

53:51

sure a listener can tell us. I'd imagine that

53:53

the liver is part of the stuff they

53:55

take out, the middle of the fish. When you're gutting the

53:57

fish, yeah, you're not just taking out the guts. selling

54:00

the fish, you know, because

54:02

they're not selling them with the guts in unless you're

54:05

buying direct from a sort of fish market and even

54:07

then I think they're whipping their guts out. The

54:09

guts, the guts are a bit, yeah, they're probably harvesting the

54:12

organs for stuff like this and then the rest of it

54:14

is going on like chum, right, just to throw off the

54:16

back of the boat to. And

54:18

I'd imagine with getting the oil out,

54:20

I'd imagine it's a similar situation to

54:22

olive oil so it's probably a press

54:24

type thing, squeeze all the oil out.

54:27

I hope that answers your question, Liz. If

54:30

anyone from Fisherman's Friend wants to get in contact.

54:32

No, Fisherman's Friend is like the little, they're

54:35

the little sweets that you have when you've

54:37

got a cold, Fisherman's Friend. What

54:40

are they called? It's not synatogen. What's the company

54:42

you make? The, anyway, doesn't

54:44

mean you don't have it. Oh, you finally hit your oldest

54:47

moment. Forgetting the

54:49

name of the company that makes coddler oil capsules. I

54:52

had one of those on stage at the Chortle

54:54

Book Festival when I couldn't remember the name of

54:56

the motorcycle display team. Yes. The audience

54:58

member had to help me out. It wasn't my proudest

55:00

moment. I said there were the red

55:03

arrows. Very different. The red arrows but on a

55:05

bike. Red arrows but on a bike. Well, you know, it's the red arrows

55:07

but on a bike. Oh, no. Yeah,

55:09

it was a good interview about the book. It

55:12

was actually a good interview about the book. I actually,

55:14

there was a few moments where I, you know, my

55:16

real personality that I've been trying to suppress slipped

55:19

out. It's

55:21

a bit, there's a bit in one of Alan Bennett's

55:23

books when he talks about when he knew his dad's

55:25

mind was going. And I think about it

55:27

all the time because I have loads of moments like this. And

55:30

it's his mum and

55:32

she's talking about, she's

55:35

talking, no, no, because I remember, I

55:38

remember. That's

55:40

a different story about when his dad part gave

55:42

out on the beach, but that's a separate one.

55:45

But his mum is looking at the,

55:48

she's looking at like a beautiful sort of sunset

55:50

and she doesn't know how to say that's a

55:52

beautiful sunset. And she goes, oh, that's a big lot

55:54

of about. And I think that's how

55:56

my, my brain is constantly trying to say that's a

55:58

big lot of about. But I am

56:01

crucially 44. That's only Alan

56:03

Bennett's mum could have that sort of

56:05

senior moment in such an Alan Bennett way. That's a

56:07

big lot of about. That's a big lot of about.

56:09

Quite sweet isn't it? Oh Alan Bennett's diaries are absolutely

56:11

fantastic. A big Bec rec for me.

56:14

Now that I'm, you know, we're part of

56:16

the literary world now that we've done the

56:18

salon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I recommend Alan Bennett's.

56:20

I don't think I've got any other. No,

56:23

I don't either. It's

56:25

been too soon since our last show. I

56:28

tell you what I did. I did finish and I started

56:30

it back when it came out back when we had her

56:32

on the show and I finished it this this week was

56:36

Bridget Christie's sitcom. Yeah, for some reason I watched the first

56:38

three episodes really enjoyed it and then just life got in

56:40

the way and I finished that. The change. The

56:43

change. Yeah. Yeah, it's so good. It's

56:46

so brilliant and it's it's

56:48

got a sort of like kind of it's

56:50

not the detectorists in that it's sort of

56:53

it presents a version of England that doesn't to my mind.

56:56

It's like a very sort of romanticized

56:58

version of England done so beautifully. I

57:01

really, really enjoyed that. But yeah,

57:03

in terms of other other stuff to recommend. Nothing

57:06

from me. Then

57:08

what about you? Obviously silent alarm by block

57:10

party. Yeah. And actually,

57:13

they've put out the little

57:15

thoughts EP, which which

57:17

which is 20 years old is

57:20

finally on streaming platforms. It hasn't

57:22

been available officially for years and years

57:24

and years. There was some dispute. Yeah. And

57:27

now it's all finally out everywhere. You get it where you want. And

57:29

it's great. And it's got little thoughts, which

57:31

is maybe my favorite block party song on it. And it's

57:33

got skeleton, which is a proper cult classic. So that the

57:36

little thoughts EP. What's their new drummer

57:38

called? Louise

57:41

Bartle. I follow her on Instagram. Well,

57:44

so could you watch people drumming? Yeah,

57:46

the original drummer Matt. That song is

57:48

sensational. Yeah. And then I think

57:50

there was a lot of consternation when when he left. But

57:53

Louise is also phenomenal. She's an amazing drummer.

57:55

So good. Those are no songs demand

57:57

amazing drum parts. So yeah. Fair

58:00

play. There we go, a natural bit of muso

58:02

chat. Thank you very much for listening, we'll be

58:04

back next week. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday

58:07

to you, Ed! Thank you. Do,

58:09

uh... My favourite present from

58:11

you guys listening would be to come and see me on tour. Yes!

58:14

edgamble.co.uk for all the dates, there's

58:16

loads of them. Right, have a

58:18

wonderful week, everyone. Bye-bye!