"We can never really know what's going on with the other person. We're almost always guessing at them. And the question is whether or not the guesses we're making are helpful or not. Does it feel certain? Does it feel like I have absolved myself of any responsibility of needing to do anything different? Does it seem like this guess is always true, has always been true, will never change, and makes it feel like I have no options? If that's the case, then it's probably not as helpful to you in terms of changing what's going on."

Paul & Karen talk about more and less useful assumptions we can make about other people's circumstances and intentions.