0:00

Ethnically Ambiguous is a production of I

0:02

Heart Radio. For more podcasts from

0:04

my Heart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app,

0:06

Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your

0:08

favorite shows. Hey Shrine, hi

0:11

Anna, how are you good? I've

0:13

of course set off my Sirie by doing

0:16

that always weird. How

0:18

are you? That happens? That happens to

0:20

my therapist last week? To be honest,

0:22

over zoom, my name activated her

0:24

Sirie. It happens every time I say

0:27

that in our in try, I say, hey Shrine, it

0:29

just happened again, and my serie

0:31

always goes yes, and then I have

0:33

to be like you, how dare you? Eavesdrop?

0:35

But not again. That's why

0:38

they're here to take all our info. Yeah,

0:41

that's their only purpose. Well, this

0:43

is Ethnically Ambiguous. A

0:46

video is welcome. This episode,

0:48

we are joined by the wonderful bush

0:51

Dog Bernie. We talked about

0:53

her live show that is

0:55

happening this week. We

0:58

talked about how she found calm, her move

1:00

to l A, her family, and

1:03

so much more. Stay tuned. Who

1:06

are we? Where

1:08

are we come from? Who do we

1:10

become? What is it

1:13

to be? What to be?

1:15

Is it? Where are

1:17

who are my parents?

1:20

Where? Are my names? Why

1:22

are we born? We

1:26

are ethnically

1:29

ambiguous? Hello,

1:33

Hi Shrine, Hi,

1:36

how is your Monday going? My

1:39

Monday feels like a Wednesday

1:41

For some reason, my mind is a little all

1:43

over the place. But I feel

1:45

like every day now feels like a Wednesday,

1:48

and that's like the worst day to feel like, right.

1:52

I don't know, Like Wednesday has a certain vibe, like

1:54

Thursday's pretty chill. I feel like Thursday.

1:57

I like Thursday and Saturday are both

2:00

chill. But then Wednesday and

2:03

then Monday, I feel like I have the same

2:05

vibe where it's like it's

2:08

not over yet. I

2:10

don't know if that makes sense. Days at the week they

2:13

have vibes. I'm sorry for how many

2:15

times Wednesdays to day I wash my hair,

2:17

so it always kind of makes me anxious. Oh,

2:21

I hate washing my hair. I don't

2:23

know why. I'm just very weird about its

2:27

designated weeks. I don't I don't have a diny

2:29

day of the week for my hair washing, but I

2:31

do have this designated days of the week

2:33

for my rent and all. So like Tuesday,

2:36

Friday, Sunday, I've been doing

2:38

ret and all my face. But now I'm like upping it

2:40

to more than three times a week. I think I can handle it.

2:42

But that's how I'm designating. The only way I

2:44

know what day it is is my skin care. Is what

2:46

I'm saying. This is riveting stuff.

2:49

Huh.

2:51

Alright, really get one

2:56

of those Mondays where there is nothing that interesting

2:58

to talk about except for the world

3:00

burning down slowly, but surely I

3:02

will say, today our Monster Brawny episode

3:05

dropped, and I'm really hoping you

3:07

guys are enjoying that, y'all, guys

3:09

and gals and everything else in between,

3:11

because he was a dream guest of ours

3:14

and genuinely the nicest person in

3:16

the world. And the response has been

3:18

really the response has

3:21

been really nice, and so I'm really glad you guys are liking

3:23

it. Can I tell them who followed us on Twitter?

3:25

Today? Last night?

3:28

Last last night? I like, however, whatever I am,

3:31

Yeah, very strange follow we got,

3:33

we got Jessica Alba's or you're

3:37

out there listening my girl come

3:39

on the show. It was the last person

3:41

I would think would follow it like it was. I

3:44

saw it and I was like, what I

3:46

mean, Hey, Like I watched Jessicalba

3:49

movies growing up. Oh for sure,

3:51

but you know what I did. I did some investigating,

3:53

which is not really investigating. But if you look at Twitter

3:55

on the web on the internet, on your

3:58

web browser and you click on what someone's

4:00

following, you can see who they've just recently

4:02

followed. So we were up there, and then

4:04

Florida Girls was also one of her recent

4:06

follows, so I was like, hmmm, maybe

4:09

she started following us based off of one of the Florida

4:11

Girls. Maybe she listened

4:14

to an episode with Lacy or with Laura

4:16

or I don't know. I don't know.

4:20

Fast, get the white board out, I have

4:22

the red string. We'll figure this out

4:24

as you go. But maybe

4:26

maybe next week is Jessica Jessica

4:28

Alba on You never know. You have to fucking

4:30

stick around and find out. But today

4:33

I feel like more exciting than Jessica

4:35

Alba. We have someone

4:37

I've met for the first time maybe

4:40

eight minutes ago, and uh,

4:42

I'm really excited to get to know her as y'all

4:45

are going to know her as well. It's Bushita

4:47

Bernie. Hey, everyone,

4:49

happy to be here. Hey,

4:52

hello, hello, thanks for joining us.

4:54

Yeah, of course, and we were connecting

4:57

to you through a previous guest. Yeah,

4:59

Jah nor Backs. She's my director

5:01

drama turg She's been working at

5:03

me with the working on

5:06

a one person show called The

5:08

Golfie Paradox. So

5:10

we're performing down on Zoom and next well

5:12

I'm performing down on Zoom next week, so

5:15

we're doing live virtual shows. So

5:17

you know, it's just been away to past

5:20

time on Quarantine. So it's been a

5:22

lot of fun. What's the date of the

5:24

first show? October? October through

5:28

nice good, let's

5:30

just started there. I guess we can we can work our way back. But

5:32

how did that show come about? Well,

5:35

I took a class with Zara a

5:37

few years ago and I did

5:39

this one this is ten minutes

5:42

solo performance, and I

5:44

feel like I wanted to tell the story that

5:48

did my parents sound good? You know,

5:50

like I feel like a lot of the immigrant parents

5:52

stories, you know, they kind of like throw them under

5:54

the bus and all that. So I wanted to do something

5:56

to just kind of like honor them. So I reached

5:59

out to her and then we first

6:01

it was gonna be another ten minute thing and then turned

6:03

into this one person show where I

6:06

ended up talking about my life and

6:08

like personal stories ended up coming

6:10

into it as well. Over the past year, So

6:13

it's been really interesting to work

6:15

on that, just really explore my feelings through

6:17

the solo performance. Um, you know platform

6:20

yeah uh. And for those that

6:23

are available for the live showings, are

6:25

they going to be saved anywhere for people to see them later?

6:27

Anybody can just buy tickets off

6:30

bush rob Bernie dot com. Sorry

6:32

that was a plug, but like, um, I

6:34

think uh, I may

6:36

be recording some depending on

6:38

how it goes, but I feel like that this might

6:40

just be the beginning. We'll see how things

6:42

go. I feel like, who

6:44

knows how things are going to be for theaters in the future.

6:47

At first of I was going to perform this on a stage as

6:50

part of Hollywood Fringe, but

6:52

this was kind of a way to adapt since

6:55

everything was just shut down and we

6:57

don't know if even like theaters

6:59

will exist the way they used

7:01

to. So, um, I like

7:03

this might be just the beginning if I don't

7:05

record it now, hopefully in Shalla

7:08

future shows in the future. Yeah,

7:12

So okay, cool, Okay, We're

7:14

gonna talk more about your show in a little bit,

7:16

but let's I want to go back kind of

7:19

learn what your influences are, where

7:21

you grew up, what your family life, was like,

7:23

because it sounds like you do kind of

7:25

want to highlight the immigrant

7:28

parent experience. Um,

7:30

while that sounded like that sounds like a play

7:32

in itself the immigrant family experience. But

7:35

um yeah, I mean they

7:38

do get thrown under the bus a lot, and I'm guilty

7:40

of that as well. I blame a lot of my own issues

7:42

on my parents, which you know what that means, part of it

7:44

and whatever in my upbringing. But

7:46

um, there is this kind of like very

7:51

powerful thing about the immigrant

7:53

parent in my mind of like they can accomplish.

7:55

They've accomplished so much more than I could even

7:58

ever dream of accomplishing. Which is that

8:00

the whole like coming to a different country and starting

8:03

a family, getting a career, and like living here

8:05

and like establishing themselves. Which yes,

8:07

I moved from the Bay Area to l A. But like

8:10

I didn't have to learn a new language or completely

8:12

different customs or you know, have

8:14

to like study

8:18

in a different world. I don't know. The

8:20

whole idea of coming to this country and like going

8:22

to school is also like a blows

8:24

my mind how anyone can do anything. Everything

8:27

is I'm very impressed by everything my parents have

8:29

ever done. But let's let's

8:31

just go all the way back. Where

8:34

did your parents come from?

8:36

Where were you born? Let's

8:38

start there. Yeah, so I'm

8:41

from the Bay Area in California, so

8:43

i was born there. But my parents are originally

8:45

from Bakusan, and so they came

8:47

here in the seventies. My dad had originally

8:50

gone to cal Poly in the sixties,

8:52

so he wanted to come back here and he knew California.

8:55

It was sunny, so he was familiar

8:57

with that. So they settled here. Uh

9:00

So, but you know, part of being Pakistani

9:02

is that there's that history of partition

9:05

and forty seven when everything split from

9:07

Indian and Pakistan. So like, I feel

9:09

like part of my roots are in India as well. And

9:12

so for me, the show, it's not about

9:14

partition. But I feel like it's just exactly

9:17

like what you said. You know, they had to uh

9:20

you know, there's a new language. They had

9:22

to settle here, while we kind of

9:24

reaped the rewards of all

9:26

the foundation that they laid. And now I

9:28

can be an artist, a creator and

9:31

work on you know, to tell their stories. Yeah,

9:34

I think, yeah,

9:37

what on and touched on is completely true. It's

9:41

the immigrant parents are one of the most

9:43

brave and strong

9:45

and intelligent people out there because

9:48

they have to start all over acclimate,

9:50

learn different language and growing

9:52

up. It seems like a very strict

9:54

way to be. And I think when you grow

9:56

older you realize the things that they've instilled

9:59

in us, Like for for I feel like we always

10:01

talk about how without even us realizing,

10:03

our work ethic is largely

10:05

due to seeing how our parents operated and

10:08

how they just had to create for themselves

10:10

this life and then we do

10:12

it ourselves in our own way, despite like

10:15

pursuing things that they wouldn't have necessarily

10:18

wanted us to pursue. But I also want to talk about

10:20

that. I think you being a comedian,

10:23

you being interested in performing is pretty

10:25

atypical for um,

10:28

not just a Muslim woman, but most

10:30

like a like a most the woman

10:32

with a head covering, you know, with a huge job. So

10:35

how did you realize that

10:37

you wanted to be a comedian And did

10:39

you ever have that like awkward conversation

10:41

with your parents where you were just like, this is what

10:43

I want. I think it's

10:45

something I've denied myself for

10:47

a really long time. And I

10:50

do have a day job, and I still

10:52

have the day job. It pays my rent while I'm

10:54

trying to figure out my life here in l A.

10:57

But I think, you know, even though all those times

10:59

I wanted to write, it wasn't until a friend wanted

11:02

to read run I wrote that I actually

11:04

finished something that I started. So

11:07

even though I've done a few performances

11:09

and it's very nerve racking to invite family

11:12

like they're coming to the upcoming

11:14

show, it's still not

11:16

quite something I think like my mom

11:18

understands, but she's very

11:20

open to it to come into these things.

11:22

And I think part of it is I still do have the day

11:25

job that I can support myself, and

11:27

but I feel like that's kind of my tether

11:29

too. With maybe I don't take that

11:31

full plunge because I have that tether to

11:34

my day job. But I feel like the more I've

11:36

spent writing performing,

11:38

it's just, oh, this is just a really cool life

11:41

and I can't wait to tell stories.

11:43

But what I realized, like, so I wrote a

11:46

play called Designated Muslim a few years

11:48

ago, and it had a stage reading and

11:51

I got some really great feedback from the audience.

11:53

But what I realized was that people

11:55

just want to see more of these stories, you

11:57

know, from people like me, from all sorts of people,

12:00

all people they said they wanted to, uh,

12:03

they wish my play had more types

12:05

of Muslims. And I was like, well, how many

12:08

different people I'm supposed to write in one

12:10

play? Like I can just represent myself

12:12

and my experience, but people are

12:14

just clamoring for all these stories and

12:17

there's just room for so much out there. Yeah,

12:21

that's completely true, I think. Uh,

12:25

Like um, when Rami came out, there

12:27

were a lot of people that were just like, this isn't like

12:30

looking to him to represent every kind

12:32

of Arab or Muslim or Middle

12:35

Easterner. And he

12:37

has this quote that I'm going to paraphrase, but

12:40

he doesn't want to be the only one. He shouldn't be

12:42

the only show out there like he should. There should

12:44

be he should be one of many shows that explore

12:46

what being Muslim is, that explore being South

12:49

Asian, most Middle Eastern is. You know.

12:51

So it's like, all you can do is represent

12:53

your own story and people

12:55

will be attracted to that and then make their own.

12:58

But hopefully each of us are one of many

13:00

people doing our

13:03

story justice because that's the only story that really

13:05

you can do. So I really admire

13:08

that you decided to put yourself out

13:10

there because I think I

13:12

can really relate to not

13:14

really owning or like feeling that imposter

13:17

syndrome a lot, like as a filmmaker,

13:19

as a creative person, not really

13:21

taking the plunge because it's

13:24

scary. It's really scary to think,

13:26

like, am I going to be able to

13:28

survive and pay my rent without like

13:30

working in production or working in the day

13:32

job that I have. And even last week with the

13:35

Moss episode, he talked about the same

13:37

thing. He was he also had a tether, and

13:39

we all take our plunge in a different way. So

13:42

I'm just really excited for your family to like see your show

13:45

and to to see you kind of like

13:47

in your element. It's worth noting,

13:49

you know, it's pretty incredible. Yeah,

13:52

And I think one thing that really meant

13:54

a lot to me was that when I first in my very

13:57

first solo storytelling performance,

14:00

friend of mine from high school we've been buddies for like seventeen

14:02

years, and she said that she had

14:04

never seen that part of me before,

14:07

and she was so proud, And I'm like, have

14:09

I been suppressing that from my friends

14:12

even for that long of a time. So

14:15

it just opened up this whole other thing, like

14:17

this doesn't have to be the only thing, the only

14:19

class I've ever taken, Just like, where

14:21

else can I take this without

14:23

um having to explain myself every single

14:26

time? You know, Like you know, they say, like you

14:28

stand up on stage, they want to know where you're

14:30

from, you know who you are? But uh

14:33

my I did. I went to I didn't open

14:35

mic once and I didn't say anything about hitgejob

14:39

being Muslim or whatever. I just started talking

14:41

and I'm like, Okay, I can do this, you

14:44

know, as long as I don't have to say d

14:46

h word. Uh. And you know the coolfee paradox.

14:49

Actually I don't mention the word higeob

14:52

once, which for me was

14:54

like when I was editing it with Zara, I

14:56

was like, it's not going in there. I'm

14:58

not gonna have an explanation of what the sus and

15:00

why I wear it, who doesn't wear it? I

15:03

just don't want to do that. Um, And let me

15:05

just talk about Coofee,

15:07

which I don't know. Actually, if you guys know

15:09

what kofee is, uh, it's

15:12

this frozen ice cream

15:14

like dessert is better than ice cream.

15:17

It's from Pakistan, and uh,

15:19

I wanted to kind of honor that dessert in my

15:22

show. It's one of my favorite things to

15:24

make based on my mom's recipe. So

15:27

what's the what's the recipe? Like, what is it made

15:29

out of? It's um, it's a secret,

15:31

now, I'm kidding so respect

15:34

if that was like that, you know, I would

15:36

stay it's a secret. But my mom shared it

15:38

with a Pakistani community in the Bay Area,

15:40

and I don't know how I feel about that, but

15:43

uh, it's already out there. So it's

15:45

a lot of like heavy whipping cream, half

15:48

and half sugar. So

15:50

my mom makes it with cardamom um

15:52

and I but I use coffee and

15:54

oreos so oreos.

15:59

Oh nice. Yeah, So I

16:02

have my own version, my own uh

16:04

you know, like it's like my American

16:07

Pakistani version. Yeah.

16:10

I love that. I love that you're honoring

16:12

a dessert. I love that so much. I will

16:15

be honest. I didn't know what it was when I when I heard

16:17

that word, but now that I know, it's ice cream

16:20

chef's kiss. Yeah,

16:22

so that's better

16:24

than yea. And they also make it like saffron

16:27

or you can make it pistachio. I

16:29

feel like we We have a version of it in ran

16:32

that's kind of like a rose watery Saffrani

16:35

version. There's a vision in Syria

16:37

too that I've had if I'm thinking of the same thing,

16:39

if it's like with the with heavy

16:41

cream and whipping cream and stuff. The one

16:43

in Syria that I remember the most is with pistachio.

16:46

Growing up in the Bay Area, Like, what was that

16:48

experience for you? I mean

16:50

for me, Like I grew up in an area where they were like, no,

16:53

there was no Iranians, there were no muslim There were

16:55

like a few Iranians, but like very

16:58

I didn't really get to like see lot of

17:00

them, and like my school or growing up, so I

17:02

always felt like I, you

17:04

know, it was different. And like what you were saying that

17:07

you your friends don't know this side of you. I

17:09

feel like a lot of us just become so accustomed

17:12

to fitting in that we

17:14

don't always were not as forthcoming

17:16

with like culturally that

17:19

side of like our our cultural side like either

17:21

like you know, I grew up with them a very

17:24

devout Muslim mother, but like she

17:26

also herself, she wouldn't walk

17:28

up to you and be like and I must like, you know,

17:30

like everyone kind of had these parts of themselves

17:32

that you kept to your

17:34

family or your closest friends or just

17:37

you know, basically inside your home that

17:39

you wouldn't actively put out to people.

17:41

And I'm curious what your experience growing

17:44

up in the Bay Area it was like, if it was anything like

17:46

that. Yeah, so there are plenty

17:48

of Bakistani's in the

17:50

community, and uh the mosque

17:52

that we went to was predominantly South

17:54

Asian. And it was funny because I grew up

17:57

thinking that Muslims aren't only like

17:59

Bakistani because that's the

18:01

only really all I saw, and it

18:03

wasn' until I gotten older, like, oh, it's like

18:05

a worldwide religion with

18:07

all sorts of people. But I never really

18:10

actually fit into the Pakistani community,

18:13

even though even like my school, my high

18:15

school, there are plenty of um

18:17

Asians and all sorts of people

18:19

that I never felt like I

18:22

didn't belong um as a person of

18:24

color. But I think like even

18:26

in how I am, like my interests,

18:29

like I'd rather talk about comic books and movies,

18:32

uh than like the other stuff that

18:34

some people in my community would rather talk about.

18:36

But uh so I grew up not really

18:38

feeling like I fit in and

18:41

um, you know my closest friends aren't exactly

18:43

Muslim, Well they're not Muslim, And

18:46

uh so that was my experience growing

18:48

up in the Bay that it

18:50

wasn't until college where I started, you

18:52

know, getting together with a Muslim student association

18:55

and just getting an understanding of

18:58

what Islam, what Muslims, what

19:00

they can encompash. Yeah,

19:02

I mean I

19:05

I was raised Muslim and my entire friendly

19:07

Muslim, and it's we

19:09

were. I was the only Syrian in nice school other

19:11

than my sister who was older

19:13

than me, So by the time she left, I was the only Syrian

19:15

around, and for the most

19:17

part I was. I think that was one of the first Muslims,

19:20

if not like the only Muslim people knew,

19:22

and definitely the only Syrian people knew.

19:25

But um,

19:27

it's it's it's funny that you say that. It's

19:29

like it wasn't until you were older that you realize there were so

19:31

many kinds of Muslims, because I think people

19:34

also meeting me probably like

19:37

would be like, oh, this is what a Muslim is,

19:39

whereas there's so many different like iterations

19:42

of what that means. Um.

19:44

But when you started getting more

19:46

involved in the community in college

19:48

and the Muslim Student Association. Were

19:51

you always interested in faith

19:53

in that way? Because for me,

19:56

I felt like a lot of pressure, like I wasn't Muslim

19:58

enough, or I even

20:00

though I was fascinating, even though I was praying, at a

20:02

certain point, I felt like I was too Americanized

20:05

at a certain point. Did you Did you ever have that conflict?

20:08

When I was growing up, I had a very

20:10

black and white perspective of religion,

20:13

like this is right, this is wrong.

20:15

So I feel like when I got older and

20:17

I started educating myself, then

20:20

I connected to the faith more

20:23

um where I always considered myself

20:25

Muslim, it just was never a question.

20:28

But then it wasn't until I started

20:30

reading, and like I didn't read a translation of

20:32

the Quran until like my late teens,

20:34

early twenties. It was just something I

20:36

read in Arabic, which is

20:38

you know you you feel very disconnected from,

20:41

But it never occurred to me to do

20:43

that, to read the translations. And

20:45

now like I feel like that when

20:47

I've educated myself, I've become more connected

20:50

and things aren't as black and white like when

20:52

I was maybe an early teenage, early

20:54

teens, early twenties, it was like Muslims

20:56

do this, Muslims don't do this, and

20:59

that's it, you know, and now

21:02

yeah, exactly. Yeah,

21:04

So my definition of like, well, a

21:06

Muslim as a person who calls himself Muslim,

21:09

whereas like maybe in

21:11

my teams I was like, oh, you don't you don't pray?

21:14

You know fast? Is that is that okay?

21:16

I was like, well, yeah, I'm not that one to say

21:18

if it's okay or not. So let

21:20

me just live my life and

21:23

let everybody have their own uh you know,

21:25

path to path to God. Yeah.

21:28

I think it's funny because in my interpretation

21:30

of that, because that was also very like it's

21:33

like I operate on extremes. Like the

21:35

minute I realized I didn't believe completely

21:38

in the faith, I was like, I must not be a Muslim

21:41

because uh this this makes me I'm

21:43

out kind of thing. And that

21:45

made me straight away very far from

21:47

everything else. I stopped believing in God or whatever.

21:50

And I mean, like, I think now I'm

21:52

reclaiming the term

21:55

Muslim as a culture more than anything else,

21:57

because I do think it was like instilled the very particular

21:59

culture earn me um,

22:01

even though I don't know if I believe in anything

22:03

religious wise. But it's

22:06

funny that you bring that up, because I was definitely the same way.

22:08

I was like, well, now that I've have pepperoni,

22:10

I must not be a Muslim kind

22:13

of thing. But um, I want

22:15

we want to get uh more into your life.

22:17

But let's first take a quick commercial break.

22:20

We'll be right back with bush Ray

22:31

and we're back. Okay,

22:34

So you're in college. What are you studying

22:36

when you're in college? And how do you how

22:38

do you realize that you are interested

22:41

in other things other than your studies.

22:44

Well, I was a good daughter. I went down that path

22:47

of doing business administration.

22:49

M I s a measurement information to stuffs

22:52

and I graduated right when everything tanked

22:54

in two thousand three, like uh

22:56

before they were just handing out jobs to you if if

22:59

like you, you know, and then it

23:01

was like there were no jobs available anywhere.

23:04

I've always been done that path of like

23:06

business and right now I'm a project manager

23:08

in my real life, I suppose. But

23:12

the writing, writing

23:14

and all that, that's true because it's like if

23:16

we live a double life, like what Anna was saying growing

23:18

up, we don't share all of us and it kind

23:20

of goes into leading this double life as an

23:22

adult and a lot of and

23:25

even like right now, I don't know how to introduce

23:27

myself to people. I'm like, like it depends

23:29

on the situation, like when people ask you, like

23:32

what you do, Like sometimes I say writer,

23:34

performer, other times to say a project

23:36

manager, and then other times like

23:38

if I have twenty minutes, I'll go into

23:41

the whole thing, Like you know,

23:43

I started off this this, but I

23:45

write some plays and I enjoy being

23:47

on stage and just go through that whole

23:49

thing. It's like when people ask where you're from, and

23:52

then you're trying to figure out what

23:54

exactly they're asking, like do they mean l

23:56

A or do they mean like what's your entire

23:59

ethnic story? And

24:01

um, you know, like how long do you have? Uh?

24:03

But yeah, sorry going back to college, Like I

24:05

didn't know until I graduated that I could have

24:08

just taken my time and taking

24:10

like writing classes. But I

24:12

didn't actually really take my first playwriting

24:14

class until a few years ago.

24:17

After I wrote my first play. Then I'm

24:19

like, oh, maybe I should like look into this, see

24:22

what I'm writing. Uh. Yes,

24:24

So it wasn't really until my thirties,

24:26

uh, that I really started exploring

24:29

the creative lifestyle and

24:32

um, were you kind of open with your parents

24:35

about this or were you kind of doing it, you know, on

24:37

your own without allowing

24:39

them to kind of have any sense of it. Well,

24:42

I don't think my mom understood

24:45

what classes I was going to. When

24:47

I said I'm going to solo storytelling

24:50

and then I'm taking like a playwriting class.

24:52

It's just like, yeah, like, oh, I'm

24:54

taking this class. It's in Oakland. I'm just gonna

24:56

go. And then I didn't

24:58

invite anybody from the family

25:01

to the class show. I just

25:03

couldn't do just just part

25:05

of my life that I couldn't share with my family. Um,

25:08

and I just had no idea how they would receive

25:11

it. So now my

25:14

mom like, she's coming to my show. She came

25:16

to us table reading for

25:18

my last play, which was just over Zoom,

25:20

So it was like great to invite everybody.

25:22

So it's just kind of cool for her to kind of see

25:25

this side of me and just know

25:27

what I'm capable of. But just

25:29

to backtrack a few years, my first stage reading

25:32

for Designated Muslim, you know, she

25:34

was sitting up front and I just

25:36

had to stay, you know, just sit

25:38

in another part of the theater. I'm

25:40

like, I don't need to know what's going

25:42

on over there, what she's feeling. I'm just gonna sit

25:44

here in the corner and I might ask

25:47

for how she liked it, but I

25:49

don't need to know. Yeah,

25:52

did you ever find out how? Yeah, she

25:54

likes she liked. She liked your play,

25:57

So yeah, my first play designated Muslim.

25:59

She really like that. And then I did a table

26:02

reading right recently from my new

26:04

play. It was called The Evening Were Past and

26:07

Um, and she really liked that one as

26:10

well. You know, I just called her up and after it,

26:12

and she seemed to be more enthusiastic.

26:15

I think she had an understanding now of

26:18

what these are and

26:21

you know, my writing, and this was like the second thing

26:23

I completed. So for this

26:25

one, for cool Fee paradox, I'm a little

26:27

bit more um on edge

26:30

because I'm actually performing. I'm not

26:32

just um in the audience with everybody

26:34

else while other people perform

26:36

my work. So this is gonna be a little

26:38

bit more interesting, definitely. But she'll

26:41

be at the first show, so that that on the October

26:43

twenties, So I'll just eat

26:46

plenty of Goldfee and ice cream afterwards to just

26:48

console myself and

26:52

of course, um, but I think

26:54

that's an interesting thing to bring up, is

26:57

in an hour leading these

26:59

double lives, we're not only hiding

27:01

ourselves from our peers, like

27:04

the side of ourselves, whether it's your

27:06

comedic side or your cultural

27:08

side, but you're also hiding a big part

27:10

of yourself and your family, you know, like a big

27:13

part of your creative self, your performance

27:15

self. The first couple of times

27:17

I did comedy, it happened to be recorded,

27:19

and I wanted

27:21

my parents just to see it, to to see me on

27:24

stage for the first time, and so I sent it

27:26

to them. It was this kind of the same

27:28

reaction that your friend had, being like, I didn't

27:30

know that you liked this. I didn't

27:32

know you could do this. And even

27:34

though it wasn't like I don't think I was good, it's like your

27:36

first couple of times you're not going to be good. But

27:39

to have them see you in a different light, to see

27:41

them, to have you shine in

27:43

a different way to them, Um, I

27:45

think it's really important because it's

27:48

something that brings you joy, and I think they can see

27:50

that in you when when it's happening.

27:52

And I think creative pursuits

27:55

aren't necessarily encouraged

27:57

with immigrant families because it's

28:00

necessarily seen as necessary

28:02

to survive because for them, they

28:05

come here and they do everything just to be stable

28:07

and to survive. To them, it's like money,

28:09

food shelter, you know.

28:12

Yeah, I'm excited for you, don't. I mean,

28:15

being nervous as normal obviously,

28:18

but the ice cream will help. And also I

28:20

think sharing that side of you is

28:22

so necessary and pivotal

28:24

to both of like too, to

28:27

grow as a person, for yourself, to

28:29

be the person that your child self needed

28:31

growing up, and to also just grow

28:35

with your with your parents and your family. And I

28:37

don't know, it's yeah,

28:40

representation has so many different layers to it that are

28:42

so important, And I feel like it's

28:44

on us to like tell our parents

28:46

stories and just even our

28:49

background, just because I feel like in America

28:51

they don't know about like

28:54

maybe the traumas like our parents generation

28:56

or our ancestors went through unless there's like a

28:58

Hollywood movie about it, but

29:00

that installs that's something

29:03

in us, you know, Like my

29:05

my parents grew up super poor because

29:08

of like what happened with Indian

29:10

Pakistan, and that

29:12

probably affected my dad and how

29:14

he grew up and experiences that he had

29:17

and what he wanted from life because as

29:19

a seven year old he was in a refugee camp trying

29:21

to get himself to Pakistan. And then

29:24

when I was seven, I mean, I wanted to

29:26

be a paleontologist. So

29:28

it's just like to be able to dream like that

29:31

because my dad had to go through what he

29:33

went through when he was seven. It's just something

29:35

that I don't appreciate until now.

29:38

And um, I feel like that even

29:40

like with a lot of countries out

29:42

there with a lot of people, Like I said,

29:44

I only thought Muslims used to be like

29:46

South Asian and then just even like traveling

29:49

more getting an understanding that there's all

29:51

these other Muslim countries with all these people

29:53

who look so different, Like one of my

29:55

favorite countries to visit was Bosnia, and

29:58

just like there's like these white European

30:00

Muslims. Like it's just

30:02

mind blowing even to me to just see all

30:04

of that. And I don't think the

30:06

American audience or just people in general

30:09

have an understanding of like who

30:11

all of us are. And I

30:14

want to tell that story. I wanted to tell them about

30:16

these things that they don't know about and I want

30:18

to like take in media, movies,

30:21

books, films about stuff that I don't

30:23

know. I want to understand everybody else's experiences

30:25

too. Yeah, yeah, that makes

30:27

sense. I mean Islam

30:30

and Muslim get the classic like terrorism

30:33

stereotype in this country, and it's like

30:35

you don't even know in

30:38

this like this people who like have such

30:40

a basic understanding of Islam. It's

30:42

like, that's not it. It's

30:44

so expansive and wide

30:47

ranging, and like I

30:49

believe the biggest Muslim population

30:51

is in Indonesia. It's

30:53

not you can't just like look at the Middle East

30:55

and be like, you know, that's

30:58

that's Muslim, like or whatever the funk these

31:00

you know, people have assumed about Islam

31:03

and what it is to be a Muslim. It's you

31:06

know, I feel like people my mom is a very light

31:08

skinned woman. She's in Iranian full

31:10

you know, immigrated to this country. But people

31:13

treat her in a way that

31:15

my mom is so patient with these people who will

31:17

say really really fucked up things to

31:19

her, like because they don't want

31:22

to know that she's Muslim and don't really know she's an immigrant

31:24

because she's very very very white

31:26

passing. My mom is very pale, woman who

31:28

has light hair, complete

31:31

opposite of my dad. Who would the second meet my dad?

31:34

People could? I mean, I'm sure he experiences

31:36

just like blatant racism towards him because he's

31:38

very dark skinned. He has a very thick

31:40

accent, and he is rude. But

31:43

other than that, like he like my

31:45

mom. People will say things to my mom like, well

31:47

you're not like you're not like Muslim like

31:49

that, Like they've said these things to my

31:51

mom. Moms like I pray fight like you

31:54

think I'm going to the bathroom at work, I'm

31:56

going to go pray like I

31:58

am very strict, like you just assumed

32:00

because I'm light skin and look a certain way

32:02

that like I'm not one of those

32:05

Muslims. And she like tells me these stories

32:07

of like yeah that like I remember like

32:09

going place where there She'll be like that coworker

32:13

stay away from you, like he's he has said

32:15

some wild things to me. And it's like it's

32:17

the worst, and I hate this, these preconceived

32:20

ideas. And of course you know nine

32:22

eleven, all these you

32:24

know movies, any

32:27

sort of like Western media about like Islam

32:29

is a mess, like TV

32:32

shows like this new TV show on Apple

32:34

TV Tehran, which is just

32:37

fucking crisis by the same people who made Fouda.

32:39

I watched one episode because I just had to know what bullshit

32:42

they were spewing now, and I

32:44

just hate it, Like there's so very

32:47

few people do it right and

32:49

make it clear and and give true

32:52

experiences

32:54

that like matter and not just like kind

32:56

of stereotypical, fluffed

32:58

up bullshit. If that makes sense, And it's

33:01

very frustrating you you can't

33:03

help but feel alone. Yeah,

33:05

We've had an episode about Fauda where I

33:08

talked about how much I hate the

33:10

creators of that show, if you guys want to look that up. But

33:12

the fact that they made another show demonizing

33:15

Middle Easterners. First it was Palestinians, now

33:17

it's Iranians. Just whoever is on the

33:20

hit list of now they need to

33:22

be demon It's like as if these people

33:24

have not been demonized enough and

33:26

they're just citizens

33:29

of this world. I don't know. I

33:31

hate that people just don't have a chance, and you would

33:33

like, literally people like us have to take it into our own

33:35

hands and be like, this is not right.

33:38

This is the real world. These are what true

33:40

human experiences are. And just because

33:43

you've seen something or heard something

33:45

does not make it correct. And

33:48

to go to what you were saying earlier. I think

33:50

there are so many kinds of Muslims. Like my dad

33:53

has blue eyes. Everyone's always shocked by

33:55

that. For some reason, I have cousins

33:57

with red hair. They're also shocked by that. We're

33:59

all different kinds of people. And

34:02

there's just really what is

34:04

really troubling to me that

34:07

I think perpetuated this idea that Muslims

34:09

are dangerous is this term moderate Muslim.

34:12

It's it made it sound

34:14

like Muslim on its own is

34:16

inherently violent, is inherently extreme,

34:19

is inherently strict and

34:21

and and regressive.

34:24

So moderate Muslim is kind of what they're

34:26

saying to honest mom, being like, you're not like them,

34:28

Like you're you're like a cool Muslim,

34:30

you're a liberal, right, like you don't cover

34:33

your hair, you you must be a moderate

34:35

Muslim. Because even

34:37

every news outlet has said that term, not

34:40

just Fox News, not just Seeing at everything.

34:42

That term has been thrown around

34:44

and it has made it seem like being Muslim

34:48

on its own is extreme,

34:51

and people again don't realize

34:54

it's one of the three most populous

34:56

religions in the world. There are so

34:58

many Muslims, and and it's

35:01

the true teachings are peaceful and beautiful

35:03

and despite not me not believing

35:06

in God, now I can't

35:08

deny the beauty of like going

35:10

to Saturday school and like going to mosque

35:12

every week. And I

35:15

get so frustrated when people just

35:17

hear something and run with it. Um.

35:19

But that's what I mean. I could

35:21

rant about that term moderates. Yeah, I hear

35:24

you. I wrote this whole thing in my last play

35:26

about like moderate, like you

35:29

know, friends and misunderstand each other, like, oh, well,

35:31

you're fine, you're a moderate most like oh right.

35:34

That's the problem is that Muslims describe

35:36

themselves like that too, so it

35:38

doesn't help. But that just

35:40

that term, Yeah, it's just creates. Well, it's also

35:42

unfortunate because the status

35:45

quo or the people that have power, they

35:47

make us play against each other. That way, when

35:49

Seeks are targeted, for example, will be like, well

35:51

they're not even Muslim, or like that's not the Muslim

35:54

kind of turban like they make us play against each

35:56

other because there's

35:58

unfortunately, like a Colorus hierarchy,

36:00

there's so many different kinds of

36:02

things. At the end of the day as as sad as

36:05

it is, it's a way of protecting ourselves and

36:07

not wanting to be demonized. So

36:09

I hope eventually we stopped playing into

36:12

that narrative of needing to qualify

36:14

ourselves or be like, well, I'm

36:16

one of the good ones, you know, like, no,

36:19

like there are the handful,

36:22

when when you really think about the amount of Muslims in the

36:24

world, there's a handful of extremists

36:27

and they've just so happened to perpetuate

36:29

the narrative of every other

36:31

news outlet out there, you know what I mean. Also,

36:34

speaking of the Taliban recently endorsed

36:36

Donald Trump. If you need more reason to not

36:38

vote for him, Uh, I was

36:41

good. I was already good at my decision to not vote

36:43

for ye. But I do not not you.

36:45

I would talking to you. But I'm also just angry

36:47

at people like voting third party

36:49

or writing in a candidate, or voting

36:52

Green Party. I think it's pretty

36:55

Um.

36:57

I don't want to get into this too much, but I know there's

36:59

like an election coming up, but but I think that decision

37:02

is very selfish and

37:04

privileged. Um. And you know, I've

37:06

always thought, who does

37:09

the Taliban indoors. What

37:12

a thing that's never in my fucking

37:14

life crossed my mind. It's not in

37:16

the voter guide, so how would

37:18

we actually even know? Anyway,

37:21

We've gotten on so many tangents. But let's

37:24

go back to you. So your show

37:26

is coming up and you're

37:28

probably preparing for that and one we or another.

37:31

But let's go back a little bit too. Working

37:34

with Zahara and how that

37:36

collaboration because you mentioned you guys, you guys had

37:38

a class together, right, Yeah, she was my

37:40

teacher in that class that I took a few

37:43

years ago. So I had reached out

37:45

to her to ask her to kind of like direct

37:47

me to guide me on the new piece. So

37:49

then it just became this collaboration where

37:52

she became my director and dramaturic and

37:54

she's been with me on this for like

37:57

two and a half years. I think just like

37:59

I have a suan of like, oh,

38:01

I just want to do something about my family too,

38:04

seeing it evolve, and I think without

38:07

her, like, I mean, she gives me a lot of credit,

38:09

but I have to give her a lot of credit to where I

38:12

would text her about stuff. I'm like, uh,

38:14

this thing happened, Like long story short,

38:17

I want to medical leave last year and

38:19

that made it into my show because

38:22

I texted Zara about the doctor

38:24

I saw an urgent care and all the stuff

38:26

he was saying to me, and she's like, that

38:29

has to go in your show. So,

38:31

uh, the Golfie paradox became like this exploration

38:34

of just everything that I've been

38:36

through and in like my parallel

38:39

like with my parents of just like

38:41

I have emails and spreadsheets that stressed

38:44

me out and then my

38:46

parents had to go through like you

38:48

know, like a new land

38:51

and then come in the United States and starting over again.

38:53

But it's funny. I swear it's

38:55

not like this depressing one

38:57

person show about how I want on medically.

39:00

But uh so, uh,

39:03

you know, with the collaboration with Zara, it

39:05

was really great where um, I would just bounce

39:07

ideas off of her and she's been

39:09

She's able to tell me like, this is the kind of

39:12

stuff that would go on the show, this is why we would

39:14

uh bring it up this way, and even if

39:16

we need to fictionalize just like bridge gaps.

39:19

So that collaboration has been just really

39:21

great for me. And it's almost like getting a masterclass

39:24

on how to like even like edit

39:26

perform uh and just be

39:29

uh you know on stage as a person of color.

39:32

Yeah. Nice um

39:34

who Yeah,

39:37

I like that you have. I think

39:39

it's the importance of representation too, is because

39:41

you were able to connect with someone that

39:44

you felt a kinship with and

39:46

she was able to validate you in a way

39:49

that I think a lot of us creatives

39:51

really need, and especially creatives of color

39:53

that like are not represented. But yeah, so your

39:55

first show is which is this

39:57

week and goes to and tickets

39:59

are on busher Bernie dot com. Yeah,

40:02

everything's on busher Bernie dot com. And

40:04

I use a promo code oreos uh

40:07

for ten dollars off the ticket. It

40:09

all makes sense in the show. But I tell you,

40:11

like, part of my Colfie recipe includes coffee

40:13

and golfee, so uh coffee

40:16

and oreos too. Sorry

40:18

I got coffee, but yeah,

40:20

my Twitter started promoting oreos

40:22

to me after I started promoting

40:24

oreos through of course, of course,

40:27

because I don't know what oreos are. But

40:31

cool. So your parents

40:33

they're coming to watch it. Do you think

40:36

a part of them being so

40:38

accepting is knowing that you have a day

40:40

job that you're doing this, Like,

40:42

like, when did you move to l A. And

40:44

like, what was the reaction to that? First?

40:47

As you say that my dad passed

40:49

away, so he actually doesn't

40:51

even he never knew even about this aspect

40:54

of my life. But I'm

40:56

sorry to hear that. It's okay,

40:58

thank you, But I do talk

41:00

about him and my relationship to him

41:02

in the show. So I

41:04

did move to l A last year. Uh,

41:06

and it was just kind of part of this move where my

41:09

mom was selling the family home and I was

41:11

like, let me do the l A thing.

41:13

And especially since I was

41:16

able to just transfer my day job over

41:18

to l A. H So that

41:20

just made it really easy. And uh,

41:22

coming over to l A meaning a lot of like

41:25

people in the entertainment industry, like South

41:28

Asians and an entertainment being part of

41:30

these groups. Um, just finding community

41:32

here in a way that I've never

41:34

been able to in the Bay Area has been

41:36

really great. But

41:39

although you know, with COVID and shelter and place, it

41:42

just kind of really put a damper on things. But

41:45

uh, you know and studd now I'm finding more community

41:47

through Zoom stuff, classes, a

41:50

lot of these things that people are putting together. Uh.

41:53

But when my mom

41:55

knew that I was pursuing this, you

41:58

know it just as long as I had the day job,

42:00

as long as I can support myself. Um,

42:03

I think that made it better. But every

42:05

time I would go to these events, every time

42:07

I would meet you people, I would be

42:09

able to just tell her, like,

42:11

I'm meeting these people, I'm doing these

42:13

things, taking these classes just

42:15

to kind of like assure her that this

42:18

move means something.

42:20

And then I'm trying to do something with it. And

42:22

I didn't just abandon family in the

42:24

Bay Area, which I still feel. M

42:27

Yeah, it's hard to let go of that guilt because

42:30

or just like familial

42:33

obligation because family is so important

42:35

in in like Middle

42:37

Easter and South Asian culture, like there's like the Swanna

42:39

region, and also just immigrant immigrant

42:42

families in general, Like the importance on

42:44

family is so pivotal

42:46

because in a lot of ways, that's all you have,

42:49

especially if um like me and Anna, like

42:51

our parents were the only ones that immigrated to

42:53

America out of their families, same

42:55

with mine. Yeah, yeah, exactly, So family

42:58

becomes this core of of fething

43:00

and it's hard to not feel guilty

43:03

when you stray or when you move too far

43:05

away. And even now, like I wanna.

43:08

I have dreams of moving to like the Pacific Northwest,

43:11

but in my brain that's like that might

43:13

be too far from my parents, and they're

43:15

very important to me, and I don't want them

43:18

to get older and me

43:20

to be far away and not have the

43:22

time I want with them. So

43:25

so it's just like it's interesting to think about priorities

43:28

that have been instilled in us just by

43:30

the nature of who we are, kind of thing versus

43:34

the freedom that I

43:36

think a lot of like white Americans must feel

43:38

when it comes to growing up. But

43:40

at the end of the day, I really value the

43:43

importance that family plays in our

43:45

lives. Yeah, I mean definitely.

43:48

I didn't really appreciate that, I think until I moved

43:50

here and I realized how much I took family for Granted,

43:53

I'm very introverted, but when

43:56

I want to interact with people, it was so

43:58

easy, you know. They area, I'll go

44:00

to my sister's place, hang with them, he's

44:02

nieces, go downstairs and hang

44:05

with my mom, you know. But over

44:07

here it's like, especially with COVID,

44:10

my introversion has just been stretched

44:13

and I'm like, oh, I need

44:15

people. So

44:18

family was that built in thing that

44:20

I just totally took for granted.

44:23

Yeah. Yeah, Well I

44:25

think recognizing it now is it's

44:27

good to realize that eventually. And

44:30

I'm excited. I mean, connecting on Zoom

44:32

is what we got, what we gotta do, and they're going to see

44:34

your show on Zoom, so I think it's really exciting. But

44:37

we're gonna take one more break. We'll be right back

44:39

with more bush rub and

44:50

we're back. So I'm

44:53

curious, do you think you want

44:55

to just try and make a career out of writing

44:57

and performing like this or

44:59

do you think you'll try and just keep the day

45:01

job or is it just kind of like feel

45:03

it as you go, Like

45:06

what where do you see yourself go? I'm

45:08

just like curious because like I I went

45:10

through this kind of same thing when I moved to l A and

45:13

I didn't know what I was going to end

45:15

up doing. Like I would go back and forth

45:17

a lot of like just have a fucking real

45:19

job, you know, because

45:22

it's like you can't help but hear your

45:24

parents in the background being like, wow, will you support

45:26

yourself? What happens if this happens?

45:30

What if you get in a car accident and your arm

45:32

is severed off? And you'll you know, it's just like all these

45:34

the worst case scenarios you could possibly think

45:36

that my mom has put in my mind. But

45:39

yeah, I'm curious how you feel about all

45:41

this. Yeah, it'd be amazing

45:44

to make living as a writer and performer.

45:47

You know, there's just so many opportunities

45:49

out there and a lot of different perspectives

45:52

that are needed. And you know, I always think of, like I don't

45:54

know if you guys saw a Watchman on HBO

45:57

as just hearing about that writers

46:00

and how that all played out, and

46:02

I'm like, that sounds amazing. You

46:05

know, I want to be part of that where everybody's experiences

46:07

are are held and

46:10

you know, just help shape the story.

46:12

And I think that's what I would want to do eventually,

46:15

just be one of the voices

46:17

and get my story out there.

46:20

And even uh even

46:22

past something like Colfee Paradox, which is

46:24

so personal, but just I just enjoyed

46:26

writing. Like I was taking a sketch

46:28

comedy class one thing that Zara

46:31

kind of forced me to take with her, and

46:33

I was like, oh, I love this. This is

46:35

fun, you know, writing sketches and

46:38

just getting validation to almost

46:40

from like the teacher like, oh, yeah, I don't

46:43

have any notes on this cool. Uh,

46:45

this is nice and uh,

46:48

but I think it's just one of those things

46:50

where I'm sure one day I'll have

46:52

to make that decision because

46:55

definitely the day job does take its toll. But

46:58

I do appreciate that in times

47:00

of COVID, if anybody's hearing from work,

47:03

uh, just you know, just being able

47:05

to pay what rent has been amazing and

47:07

without that. But like, um,

47:09

I do think that this is gonna be my

47:11

new normal of just trying to hustle to

47:14

on the side otherwise, UM,

47:17

you know, I don't want to It

47:19

took me until my thirties to just

47:21

start writing regularly, and

47:24

I don't want to wait too much longer to

47:27

just keep on doing this stuff I enjoy.

47:29

So I just want to continue all of this, the

47:31

writing, the performing, just meeting people

47:33

who are into uh in this

47:35

industry. Um. And even so,

47:39

it's it's very fulfilling.

47:41

Yeah, I agree, mm

47:44

hmm. I really am

47:46

inspired that you started writing

47:48

regularly in your thirties because I'm

47:50

perpetually terrified of like time running

47:52

out and comparing like what I've

47:54

achieved to like my younger self or not

47:56

having achieved enough by X amount of time,

47:59

and I have a really hard

48:01

time writing. I have so

48:03

many projects that I haven't finished because I just

48:05

simply have not been able to be productive

48:07

right now, even though I have all

48:09

the time in the world. Um,

48:12

but I really admire

48:15

that you didn't feel

48:17

like it was too late and you didn't feel like

48:19

you it's because I

48:21

have those anxieties all the time, and

48:24

UM, I'm just really excited for you

48:27

to go on this this path

48:29

because as a creative person,

48:31

I can really relate to those

48:34

feelings. And I think the hustle is real.

48:36

I think all of us have hustled

48:38

hard in l A and doing

48:40

the most. I've done the most random jobs.

48:43

I've done the most, and I still do the most random

48:45

jobs to pay rent. And for a long time

48:47

I didn't want to give out my health insurance because I was doing

48:49

this like production gig for years.

48:53

But at the end of the day, it's like do

48:56

you We just have to keep hustling until something

48:58

clicks and until something lands. But

49:01

yeah, I just really admire you and your pursuit

49:04

of your passion because

49:07

it gives me hope that like it's it's all

49:09

gonna be okay, and as long as we're doing something

49:11

that we enjoy, that's all that matters.

49:14

Like, that's really all that matters. And we

49:16

got it. And I mean, it would be an amazing

49:18

world if we didn't

49:20

have to keep a job for the health insurance,

49:23

if we didn't have to if we lived in

49:25

a place where health insurance was available

49:28

readily, like the it's just so unfortunate,

49:30

the tethers that we need

49:33

to justify even pursuing

49:36

something else, if that makes sense. But um,

49:39

yeah, I just really I really look

49:41

up to you and admire your

49:44

pursuit. Yeah. I think the biggest

49:46

revelation I had was that I can't do it

49:48

by myself. And when I was

49:50

just relying on me, then I

49:52

didn't write. It was always something I wanted

49:55

to do. But then you know, I finally

49:57

wrote something down, just like one scene from

50:00

I didn't even know what it was, and then a friend was

50:03

like, oh can I read it? And like, oh,

50:05

does this mean I need to finish it? And

50:08

eventually that's how I wrote my first play,

50:11

but because somebody was waiting for it. But

50:13

I think if I was just left to my own

50:15

devices, I

50:18

would not have done anything.

50:21

Yeah, it does help. Yeah,

50:25

that's the thing left to my own devices. I'm bad.

50:28

I'm bad at holding myself accountable. We need people

50:30

to hold ourselves accountable. That I hate a deadline.

50:32

There's nothing more terrifying than a deadline

50:35

just looming. Yeah, but you know

50:38

with the thing with deadlines, So I feel like that

50:40

without that my

50:42

show, Yeah,

50:46

we did this show workshop show for Golfie

50:48

beardos back in March, and

50:51

even though I've been working at Wazzar for like two

50:53

years, it got

50:55

so developed in a few weeks

50:57

that led up to that show. Uh

51:00

that like it was just astounding. And

51:03

of course I was like right before everything

51:05

shut down in March, and then I got

51:07

that taste of being on a stage. I'm like, this

51:09

is amazing and like and

51:12

never again. So

51:15

uh, And I feel like we just kind

51:17

of need those deadlines, Like if I didn't have these

51:19

classes. I finished the TV pilot during

51:22

COVID because I was taking a class and I

51:25

needed to have my acts written

51:27

it up, but you know, by class

51:29

so people can read it. So deadlines

51:31

are horrible. But yeah,

51:34

I mean I still haven't finished a pilot

51:36

that I have been trying to finish

51:38

for like a year. And maybe that's

51:40

the trick, Maybe that myself imposed

51:42

deadlines aren't cutting it and I need

51:45

to. I

51:47

mean I was taking classes really

51:49

helps. Like I I took SKED training classes

51:51

that uc BE a few years back because

51:53

I just wanted to see if

51:55

it was something like you know, like I took

51:58

writing classes in college, but like I

52:00

want to know, can I write sketches like am

52:02

am I capable of like heightening and

52:05

um, I mean like

52:08

having like a weekly deadline. I

52:11

wrote like ten to fifteen sketches that

52:13

I was like actually proud of. I mean,

52:15

not that I'm ever going to make anything, but like it

52:17

was nice to just like have that exercise

52:19

and and just taking those classes

52:22

just kept me accountable, you know, like I had

52:24

to show up and they were other

52:26

people were going to read my sketches, so

52:29

like I I have to give them something

52:31

good because I also don't want to. You know. It's also like

52:33

a pride things like I don't look like a fool in

52:35

my dad's like, oh she's not even trying.

52:38

So I it helps, like having

52:41

other people and it's

52:43

just like more than one person who's going to

52:45

observe your work, like it builds

52:47

you have to be like, well, I have to do this and I have to do it

52:50

well, so and then you surprise yourself

52:52

every time you're like, oh I can do this. I can

52:54

actually do this. Like that probably the

52:56

most beneficial thing, Yeah, getting like your

52:58

back. You're like, oh, I'm

53:01

so hard on myself because I can't help

53:03

it because I've spent my whole life like either, you

53:05

know, trying to just like find who I am

53:07

and what I like and like fit into this

53:09

world. That all you

53:11

need was one being like hey man, that was

53:13

great, and you're like, oh my god, you

53:16

have no idea how much I just needed to hear that

53:18

because the weight of the world would sit

53:20

on my shoulders and be like, can I right this

53:23

relate to that? So hard? I really

53:26

just like the slightest confidently, like really

53:28

okay, Like that's all I needed to hear. It's

53:31

like I had it. I

53:33

think the biggest problem too, though, is if

53:36

it's the opposite, Like if we hear

53:38

that piece of feedback that just kind of just brings

53:41

you down, Like when I first

53:43

submitted my first place designated Muslim

53:46

and you know, you hear about like, oh, we want

53:48

to hear these stories. You want to hear these diverse verse

53:50

stories, so I can't speak diverse stories.

53:53

Um. And the feedback that I got

53:55

from this one place was like, none of this

53:57

whatever happened, and

54:00

that just messed me up, and

54:03

I was like, I don't know if I have

54:05

it in me to be a writer. Um.

54:07

They're like, we like the dialogue, we like

54:09

this, but none of this whatever happened,

54:11

So if you could just change everything up,

54:14

and it's just just so disheartening

54:17

that like, yeah, like if my

54:19

experiences as an immigrant kid

54:21

are like you know, kid of immigrants and like a

54:24

Muslim, Like, if you can't

54:26

comprehend that those would

54:28

happen and you're the decision

54:30

makers, where am

54:32

I going to even go in this

54:34

life? That just goes to show

54:37

that white people being the gatekeepers

54:39

of so many things is so

54:42

detrimental to people of color

54:44

because they look at our stories

54:46

and be like yeah, right, like I

54:48

don't relate to this, and this not must not be

54:50

real. So

54:53

hopefully as the industry

54:56

progresses, I hope it does, we

54:59

have less white gatekeepers and more

55:01

gatekeepers that don't gatekeep

55:03

at all, and they are

55:06

interested in hearing about experiences that are

55:08

not their own. Yeah, I

55:11

think it's a hilarious that just because someone doesn't

55:13

relate to something, usually if a white person doesn't

55:15

relate to something, they must not think it's real.

55:18

The worst, it's the worst. Yeah,

55:22

but I'm stoked for your show. I'm

55:24

stoked for your failing to see it. I'm still for everyone else to

55:26

see it. And I'm really glad that we got you on the show before

55:29

it happened because we can promote it

55:31

and we can get all our listeners on the show or

55:35

watching the show. Um, So

55:37

before we completely sign off, let's just remind

55:40

everyone where they can get tickets and

55:42

where they can follow you for more information as well,

55:45

and just tell everyone where you're at. Yeah.

55:48

So you can find tickets for the

55:50

golfe Paradox on my website

55:52

at bush Ra Bernie dot com. So

55:54

that's bu A s h

55:57

R A B. You are any

56:00

i dot com and um,

56:02

I'm on Instagram and Twitter, I'm bush

56:04

Ra writer. That's w R

56:06

I t e R. At the end,

56:09

it sounds like writer like I ride motorcycles

56:11

or something that that's not that's not quite it. Uh

56:14

So yeah, other informations out there.

56:16

UM really excited to

56:19

you know, just show people

56:21

this show and just like, um, it's

56:23

on Zoom. I'm using multiple cameras

56:26

so I'm just not at my desk. So that's

56:29

been interesting too to be my own camera person

56:32

and with Zara directed me over Zoom and

56:35

she's like now do this, now do that? I was like, I

56:37

don't look. But

56:39

so this has been a really great experience.

56:43

Yeah, that's so fun.

56:45

I like that. I like seeing like the more

56:48

as Zoom becomes more like part

56:51

of our daily ritual, like innovating.

56:55

Mm hmm, that's cool. Yeah. I

56:57

mean, like I've seen like photo shoots

56:59

getting directed over Zoom. But

57:02

at the end of the day, like you do have a lot of control

57:04

as the person that's setting things up and everything,

57:06

and so I'm glad that there's

57:09

I mean, I'm excited about these multiple cameras. Now

57:11

I'm intrigued, Like that's that sounds

57:13

really fun to me. Um, but

57:16

I'm just so I'm so gratefully we got you on just

57:18

in the nick of time. Um,

57:21

so sorry, Just as a reminder shows

57:23

up from October So,

57:27

yeah, so everything is on the website.

57:29

Yes, So the first

57:31

one is tomorrow, so get

57:33

your tickets at Bushta Bernie dot com

57:36

and following. More information

57:38

will also be in our description, so you can easily get

57:41

scroll down to the footnotes the description

57:44

and I'll be there. I hope you guys tune in because

57:47

we need to shina light and

57:49

support the voices that we

57:51

want to be heard and represented.

57:54

So yeah, it's important to support

57:57

because that means more of these

58:00

stories will be told. I'm excited.

58:02

I'm very excited for you thinking for me to

58:04

watch it. Yeah, I would love for you guys

58:06

to attend. Oh yeah, I'll

58:10

be there every night. Now, I'm just kidding everything, but

58:12

I'll be there at least once. I'll

58:14

be there every night looking at

58:16

you directly into your eyes. Well,

58:18

I can't really see people while I'll

58:21

see me. I'll find a way I

58:25

will not distract you, will.

58:29

I performed to the void, which is interesting,

58:32

But it's interesting that. Yeah, you're right, that

58:34

is like a weird kind of way to debut

58:36

a show, I'm sure, But there's

58:39

a silver lining there where I feel

58:42

like there's a universe where however

58:44

many times, months or whatever, we can

58:47

perform in person. Again, you can probably

58:49

have this perfected in a way that like, this is kind

58:51

of another way to workshop.

58:54

I can't think of another word, but like another

58:56

way to kind of like to perfect

58:58

it. And I'm excited for you to

59:00

eventually do it in person. But in the meantime,

59:03

this is a great way to show

59:06

people what you can do because at

59:08

this at the same time, like we shouldn't wait for

59:10

anything, like we should just do it, you know. I

59:12

think waiting is another excuse in a lot

59:15

of ways. So I'm

59:17

proud that you're not waiting and you you're just like

59:19

going for it. And also

59:21

we need this, like especially

59:24

now, like we need a cap we need a good

59:26

laugh and a good show to escape.

59:29

And also just you're providing

59:31

us a great service in a lot

59:33

of ways. So thank you. You're

59:36

welcome. I'm gonna

59:38

wrap us out now. Thank you so much for being on

59:40

the show. I'm so grateful that, uh

59:42

I saw her connected Anna and you

59:44

and me, and any last

59:47

words before I plug the pod time,

59:50

just thank you guys so much for having me on. I

59:52

really enjoy this. You're welcome, of

59:55

course, of course, yeah,

59:58

you gotta come back. You gotta come back show.

1:00:00

And uh, hopefully in person

1:00:02

we can also do this and we can meet in person too. Yet

1:00:06

I think That's something that I do miss about in person

1:00:08

recordings is that we don't actually I

1:00:10

can never meet someone for the first time

1:00:12

for real real, But until

1:00:14

then, this is ethnically ambiguous. It's

1:00:17

ethnically am a m B on

1:00:19

Twitter and ethnically and big a m

1:00:21

B I G on Instagram. I'm

1:00:23

Sharine. It's Shiro hero on Instagram

1:00:25

and shiro Hero six six six on

1:00:28

Twitter, and I'm just at Anna

1:00:30

hosts on Twitter. And next

1:00:33

time watch the

1:00:35

cool Fee Paradox and

1:00:37

follow her and yeah, enjoy

1:00:41

uh con Troy m

1:01:01

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