0:00

Welcome to Ethnically Ambiguous, a production

0:02

of I Heart Radio. Hey, Hey

0:04

Sharne, Hey this is Sharne.

0:07

How you said my name already? Hey, Sanna said

0:10

my name? This is another episode

0:12

of Ethnically Ambiguous, and today

0:15

we are joined by if we had such a love

0:17

for conversation and I'm going I'm

0:19

stalling because I'm remembering how to pronounce

0:22

their last names. Dress

0:24

Fulliz got it.

0:27

Rose is here with us. Yes, we

0:29

had an amazing conversation about

0:32

how they found drag, about

0:34

going to a Catholic school and grappling

0:36

with sexuality, and then ultimately

0:39

a big part of this conversation was about the supernatural

0:41

and ghosts and how

0:44

Rozz has conversations with people about their

0:46

experiences and it's really really fun on

0:49

the podcast Ghosted with Roz dress

0:51

Fullis stay tuned. Who

0:55

are we? Where?

0:59

Who do we become? What

1:01

is it to be? What

1:04

to be? Is it? There

1:06

are more? My parents?

1:09

Where are my pets? Why

1:12

are we born? We

1:15

are ethnically

1:18

Ambiguous. Hey,

1:24

we're back in weird times as

1:27

usual. Yeah, it's

1:29

it's always a very weird time, is

1:31

it especially weird time? I mean, yeah,

1:34

we're recording this on June one. So

1:37

it's a very emotional time right now for everybody.

1:40

Um. And if it's not an emotional time for you, check

1:43

your privilege. Um.

1:46

But um, we decided to

1:49

keep on going with the podcast because we

1:52

think these conversations are important. So we hope

1:54

you guys appreciate it. Yeah, we wanted

1:56

to continue to uplift Yeah,

1:59

voices that are not the

2:01

mainstream, like white

2:03

people, if you will, the whities.

2:06

Yes, the white the own

2:09

and run everything and

2:11

still complain about everything and

2:14

make it about themselves. It's very upset

2:16

if you break a window, like it matters.

2:19

That's where we're at. So anyway, yes, we the

2:21

past weekend was a

2:23

lot of protests still going on, erupted

2:26

all over the country because of

2:28

the murder of George Floyd and

2:30

just the overall systematic oppression and racism

2:33

in our country. Yeah, Brianna

2:35

Taylor, I'm on our

2:37

very all the I mean like they're just Tony

2:40

McDade. It's been

2:42

it's been piling on for I

2:44

mean like honestly decades, if not centuries.

2:47

Um, and I think it's day one, Yeah,

2:49

since day one of USA. Truly,

2:52

the country was built on like

2:55

just blood and America

2:57

has looted people of color and

2:59

black people in particular for so long. So

3:02

um, yeah, I don't know, just I

3:05

guess. Ultimately, before we get into this

3:07

episode, just stand

3:09

with Black Lives Matter. Donate if

3:11

you can, protest as you can, but stay safe,

3:14

be sure to wear your mask outside, protect

3:17

each other. We have to stay healthy so we can keep

3:19

fighting for each other. This fight

3:21

is not white versus black, it is

3:23

racism versus everyone else. And

3:25

so make sure that you're everyone else and

3:29

it's not an issue that can

3:31

be solved with just people

3:33

of color. We have to all come together with on this.

3:35

So that's all I want to say on that before

3:37

we get really deep. This is not supposed

3:40

to be like a soapbox, but you know

3:42

what I mean, it would be It would

3:44

be bad not to bring it up. I would be remiss

3:46

to not stay What's I

3:49

can't think of anything else, honestly, that's well, I mean,

3:51

I think. Also, remember that

3:53

white supremacy is rampant. It's

3:56

that's why the police exist to uphold

3:58

capitalism and white supremacy and hold on people

4:00

of color and black people and anyone who um

4:03

falls under a certain class that

4:05

they feel isn't their lives are

4:07

not worth I guess

4:10

caring about I mean, it's it's truly

4:12

an absurd thing to say out loud when

4:14

you're like, oh, yeah, we shouldn't care about you

4:16

because you're skin color. But that's

4:18

the country we live in. And what a uplifting

4:21

note, you guys. And so we

4:23

have decided to continue to bring on

4:25

more people of color so they can talk about their experiences,

4:28

so it becomes more mainstream because guess

4:30

what, this country was built on the back of immigrants.

4:33

So today we have a really great guest. Now

4:35

I met this guest a while back

4:38

because they have a podcast called Ghosted

4:41

on Starburn's Audio. They're

4:43

a comedian, they're an actor,

4:46

they're a drag queen. We have

4:48

Ros dress False on the show. Hi,

4:52

sorry, now you speak

4:54

to us. Ross

4:57

been here the whole time. Spoiler alert.

5:00

They've been listening to us, just waiting for us to stop

5:02

talking. I'm just kidding. Now, I have never met

5:04

Ros. I've never met you, and so I'm excited

5:06

as a listener and a podcaster

5:09

to get to know you on the show because

5:12

I kind of like, I kind of like like

5:14

genuinely getting to know someone for the first

5:16

time on this podcast, even though you

5:18

could argue that I should be doing my research,

5:20

and I did do the bare minimum, but I really enjoy

5:22

getting the nitty gritty in person, like

5:25

as close to in person as I can get. Well,

5:27

I mean, but it's also sort of with

5:30

the state of where we are right now, it's like we

5:32

we could meet over zoom the way

5:34

we are right now. It's just you know, we're being

5:37

recorded, Yeah, exactly. You

5:40

know, It's it's kind of nice to

5:42

get to talk to some people right now. I

5:45

really needed. It's

5:47

been it's been it's been a

5:49

couple of days. It's been a couple of days.

5:52

Um, but thank you guys, Thank you so much for

5:54

having me. Thank you so much for

5:56

being you and being okay with being

5:58

on the show. I think it's it's been

6:00

nice to find people that are familiar with podcasting

6:03

to be guests, and during this time in particular,

6:06

so it's not a complete lesson

6:08

every time. Well, I don't

6:11

know, I'm like, I'm kind of a

6:13

millennial. Like a lot of my friends are

6:16

gen X and they

6:19

always are mad that I don't know how to do

6:21

the technical stuff, because that's sort of why I'm

6:23

around for them, it seems, and

6:25

I don't know how to do anything,

6:28

So I apologize. I was trying to

6:30

figure out how to do all my equipment and stuff because

6:32

I've I've had to figure it out in the

6:34

quarantine so I can do my podcast

6:37

every week. And it's

6:39

been a process. But now I've got this

6:41

beautiful Mike from Amazon and

6:43

it's great. It's a snowball Mike. Right. So what

6:46

you guys we're talking about earlier, I'm

6:48

just, you know, in a shower right

6:50

now. I'm at my partner's

6:52

house in San Diego. I live

6:55

in l A. But we

6:57

had to make that decision. We

7:00

had only been together for like

7:02

three months and then all this stuff

7:05

started happening and we were like the

7:07

coronavirus stuff, um, and

7:10

we were like, well, I guess we're just gonna stick together.

7:12

So I came down here, and

7:15

UM, I've been trying my best

7:17

to podcast. But I feel

7:19

so bad for him because he

7:22

he certainly never planned on this

7:24

being a recording studio. He

7:28

lives. He lives in between a

7:31

fire department and a police station, so

7:34

there's a lot of sirens all the time. And

7:37

today there was construction going on.

7:39

But hey, it's quiet right

7:41

now, so let's talk quick. Yeah,

7:44

we'll take a week and get Yeah, I mean,

7:46

I really like we we talked about

7:48

you being in your shower before we started recording,

7:51

and we're when there's no

7:53

vision visual for this. But I

7:55

do want everyone to know that ros has a space background

7:58

right now as as we're recording, flying

8:00

through space. Yeah, and I'm also

8:03

here in uh, in this gorgeous

8:05

gown that I'm wearing. Just

8:07

I think there's at least four thousand Swarowski

8:10

crystals on it. Yeah,

8:13

came out at the met Ball. That's what it looks like. It makes

8:15

me feel like I should have

8:18

put on a whole fit. Um,

8:20

I don't have my look on. I am

8:22

just wearing a T shirt and no pants

8:24

because you can't see my bottom, So why should I wear pants?

8:27

Save Saves

8:30

anymore? No pants, No

8:32

pants podcast? What if we didn't

8:34

realize that just your gown was just the

8:36

top of your body, and we just didn't know that you would have like

8:39

a gorgeous gown just the top made

8:41

and we're like, it's like it's like those

8:43

tuxedo shirts that people were

8:45

but it's yeah, exactly,

8:48

Okay, Well, let's let's get

8:50

into you, Let's get into your life. Who

8:52

you are. Um, I

8:54

again, I'm learning this for the first time, so

8:56

I'm genuinely curious. Where'd

8:58

you grew up and what's like the

9:01

a little bit like a little bit of your story.

9:03

Well, I grew up in Grand Rapids,

9:06

Michigan. And I

9:08

mean, like when we talk about gender

9:11

and my pro nouns and all that stuff,

9:14

It's been a really interesting journey.

9:17

I feel like so much of that conversation really

9:20

started to happen um

9:22

in our society or our community

9:25

a lot more the past few years. And

9:27

so I'm still identified

9:30

as a gay man for like the longest time,

9:32

and then the past few years I've been kind

9:34

of like exploring

9:37

my gender a little bit more. So I'm not even

9:39

fully sure where I'm

9:41

at with that. I'm just sort of enjoying

9:43

the the process

9:46

of it. But growing up, I

9:48

was, Yeah, I always identified

9:51

as male, and I went

9:53

to Catholic school, and

9:56

I moved out here when

9:58

I was seventeen

10:01

by myself. And I

10:03

have now been here for eleven years in

10:05

l A, not San Diego, but for eleven

10:08

years. And I do stand up and I

10:10

do drag and um

10:15

acting and hosting and this podcast

10:17

where I talk to people about ghosts. And

10:20

I do want to get into your podcast a little bit later

10:23

because I'm so fascinated by it. But

10:26

the fact that you grew up in Catholic school,

10:28

I think is very very uh

10:31

uh intense considering

10:34

like the person that you are now currently

10:37

so not Catholic.

10:40

Yeah, yeah, I

10:42

had. I felt that

10:44

whole other thing a lot growing

10:47

up. I didn't necessarily

10:49

identify with the Catholic religion

10:52

growing up, though it's

10:54

somehow still you know, it's still found its

10:56

way into my core being today

10:58

and certainly when it is too certain

11:01

beliefs and guilt and that sort of

11:03

a thing. But um,

11:06

but I'm also Mexican,

11:09

and I grew up in Michigan, and

11:11

there was a at least in the community I grew

11:13

up in, there was a really not

11:16

much of a Latin

11:18

or Mexican community at

11:20

all. So um, so

11:22

that kind of contributed to this otherness

11:25

as well. And how how did your family

11:27

end up there? You

11:30

know, my family ended

11:32

up there in the

11:35

sixties and uh,

11:38

they ended up there to farm and

11:40

too, you know, pick fruits

11:42

and um,

11:44

and then they stayed there and so

11:47

they sort of taught like that. When

11:49

my dad was a child, he was really

11:51

important for him to learn

11:53

English because he was also like the

11:56

only Mexican kid in his school, so he

11:58

had to learn English, and then

12:00

you know, he sort of passed that down to us.

12:02

So it's kind of an Once I moved out to

12:05

Los Angeles and I started meeting I

12:07

started being around Latin X people

12:09

for the first time, it was really

12:11

interesting. Um,

12:13

it's been an interesting It's been interesting, you

12:15

know, growing up when I was the only one and then here

12:18

when I'm like the only one from

12:20

the Middlewest. It's like otherways

12:23

kind of that we're really

12:25

we're really lucky in California to be so

12:27

surrounded by Latin culture

12:30

Mexican culture, like I think we're so I

12:33

feel so privileged when I think about that, because

12:37

it's just a it's a really beautiful,

12:39

rich culture, and I think every immigrant

12:41

can relate kind of

12:44

to a baseline immigrant experience,

12:46

and so, um,

12:49

that's yeah. I was going to ask you how

12:51

it felt to move to California and like be

12:53

surrounded by people that like speak

12:56

like your family or like for the first time ever

12:58

not be like the only person that looks like

13:00

you, so um yeah.

13:02

And I think it's also great to be

13:05

in a place like l A because it's such

13:07

a melting pot of all different kinds

13:09

of cultures, you know, Like I didn't grow up around

13:11

very many different kinds of cultures,

13:13

Like I was pretty much surrounded by um

13:16

white Catholic people for the fast

13:19

sport. What was it like being a

13:21

Mexican American in a Catholic

13:24

school but also someone that was I'm assuming,

13:26

like grappling with your sexuality and a really

13:29

I don't want to assume homophobic, but like a school

13:32

that didn't really appreciate sexuality

13:34

in a way that you do. You know.

13:36

It was so interesting because

13:39

I had like a movie moment

13:42

where all of a sudden, I was sixteen and I started

13:44

doing theater and I

13:46

was dealing with a lot of just

13:50

feeling like I don't belong here, just

13:52

just all that kind of thing, and

13:54

and all of a sudden I met when

13:56

I met a boy that was

13:58

also my age who was openly

14:01

gay, and I was like, it was just like that movie

14:03

moment where my whole life flashed

14:05

before my eyes and I was like, oh my god, I've

14:07

been queer this whole time, that's what it

14:09

is. And the second I figured it out, I pretty

14:12

much I pretty much confided

14:14

and people that were close to me that

14:16

I knew I could trust, and for the most part, it was the

14:19

right people that were supportive,

14:22

and so I wasn't grappling

14:24

with that for years UM

14:27

and not knowing what to do with it. I just didn't know what

14:29

I was grappling with until I figured that part

14:31

out, UM. And then I

14:33

figured that out within a year,

14:36

uh, my last year of being in Catholic

14:38

school in the Midwest, and then I

14:40

left UM and moved right

14:42

to l A and lived my

14:45

gay Mexican American

14:47

fantasy

14:51

where if you're you're worraised in these

14:53

immigrant families who don't want you

14:55

know, no one talks about your emotions. No one's like, look

14:58

inside, how do you fe You know, you don't

15:02

learn the tools to understand

15:04

what you're experiencing. So that's

15:06

actually very interesting. You're like, I didn't know I was, you

15:08

know, queer at any point. It just was like, you

15:11

know, they don't they don't I don't

15:13

know. I mean, maybe I don't know if you experience this,

15:15

but like my immigrant parents never said

15:18

anything to me, like sexuality

15:21

wasn't a thing. It was just like you can't have a boyfriend until

15:23

you're eighteen. And I was like, okay, like

15:25

I don't even know what I'm feeling on

15:27

the inside. Yeah for

15:29

me, yeah I can. I can relate to that for

15:31

sure. And I think like for

15:33

me, it was more like my dad

15:36

was telling us you can't get

15:38

like you you have to marry a Muslim

15:40

man. That's just like you have to be with

15:42

a man. And so I started being attracted to women

15:44

when I was in middle school or like

15:46

realizing I was trying to women. And

15:49

again, as in a family that doesn't

15:51

discuss sexuality or like seeing

15:54

how you feel or anything, you're

15:57

confronted with these feelings and a really public

16:00

setting and you're like, what's

16:02

wrong with me? Like and I is this normal? And

16:04

I am? I am I broken and

16:06

my sinful or whatever these feelings

16:08

are, and you're left till kind of like for me, anyway,

16:10

it was pretty It was a pretty intense process

16:13

to like accept myself for being attracted

16:15

to both men and women. But um,

16:18

but something to add to that too, I think about

16:20

constantly, is I mean I'm

16:22

just gonna assume that you guys are like give or take around

16:24

my age, like millennial age.

16:28

It's so weird how it wasn't that long ago.

16:31

But the representation of

16:33

like queer people or really all kinds

16:35

of diversity there was, so it was

16:38

so little, like just fifteen

16:41

years ago. It's really weird.

16:43

It's like, who do you look up to? You know? There was there

16:45

was, There was Ellen. I remember growing up with

16:47

Ellen, and she was just like not the

16:49

kind of not that I just didn't obviously

16:52

not represented by Ellen de Generes, you know what I mean.

16:54

So it's sort of like there's very

16:56

few role models and if you don't relate to them,

16:59

it's like than what you know I mean. So,

17:02

I mean that's what's wonderful about today is that kids

17:04

have podcast you

17:06

know the podcasts, They have YouTubers, they have like

17:08

so many more options,

17:11

which is even just like Instagram

17:13

influencers. You're like, well, I mean they represent

17:16

a certain aspect that people can look into and

17:18

look understand and be like I see myself

17:20

in that person. I think about constantly

17:23

if RuPaul's Drag Race was

17:25

on when I was ten years old, I would have been

17:27

one of these drag children that

17:30

that are doing it as kids one hundred

17:32

percent. Um A

17:35

story that I feel like

17:37

I probably have told a few times, but I

17:40

love thinking about it. It's like cute,

17:42

sad, I don't know what, but it's true.

17:45

When I was ten, I

17:49

developed a clown character. Now,

17:51

trigger warn't if anyone's terrified of clowns.

17:54

I love clowns. And when I

17:56

was a kid, I was just I was just a weirdo

17:58

that was like, I didn't know where to put this

18:01

creativity. And my father

18:04

was also a clown, as

18:07

like a like a side job, you know. I

18:09

think he also was looking for a place to put

18:11

his creativity in his need

18:13

to perform, and I

18:16

developed my own clown persona.

18:19

He's more of like an educator

18:21

that dresses like a clown. I was

18:23

like, Oh, I want to learn magic tricks. I want to juggle,

18:26

I want to tell jokes. Um,

18:28

I want to do makeup. You know, even even

18:30

when you're a clown, you want to be different than your parents,

18:32

you know, even if your dad's

18:35

a cloud. I want to be a different clown. Yeah.

18:37

So I developed like this whole other

18:40

kind of clown and I started hustling

18:42

and I started getting gigs,

18:44

left and right, and I was, um, getting

18:47

you know, fifty dollars a party. I was doing

18:49

different like community events or

18:52

like birthday parties or whatever I could

18:54

drum up and um,

18:57

and I loved it. And then one

19:00

day the newspaper wrote an article about

19:02

me, and I was

19:05

so excited. And then I went to school the next day

19:07

and my like, I

19:09

guess it was kind of a dirty little secret

19:11

that I was, that I had this clown

19:14

thing, because obviously it wasn't cool.

19:17

Um, and then I

19:19

just started getting made fun of and then I, uh,

19:22

I gave it up. And it was something that made me so

19:24

happy as a kid. So as

19:26

I became an adult, I

19:29

realized how much that impacted

19:32

me up until my adult

19:34

years. Um, when I discovered

19:36

drag, and I was, you

19:38

know, a lot of people can, in a

19:41

comedic way, compared drag queens to clowns,

19:43

Like a lot of drag queens will call themselves like clowns.

19:45

And and honestly, there is I

19:48

mean, there's a lot of different kinds of drag, but there

19:50

at least the kind of dragon I do, there is a lot of

19:52

similarity. You know, there's a lot of it's over

19:54

the top it's comedic, it's makeup, it's

19:57

you know, creating an act, it's it's many things.

19:59

And so when I found that, I was

20:01

also I mean, this was like ten years

20:03

ago, um when drag still was

20:05

wasn't what it is now. But I was kind

20:08

of sitting there going like,

20:10

I really want to do this, but I'm just afraid

20:12

of of what will

20:14

come with it, what people will think, what my

20:18

family will react, all that kind of stuff. And I

20:21

just did it. And so I've realized that so

20:24

much of what I've done

20:26

is like for that little kid when

20:29

I was growing up, and I

20:31

think that. But anyway, this is just a long

20:33

way of me saying if drag Race was on

20:35

when I was a kid, it would have been that I probably

20:37

would have been doing drag and entertaining,

20:40

like you know, the community. And

20:42

yeah, well that's just how important representation

20:44

is. That's how important just

20:47

seeing you yourself in

20:49

the media is. Because you're right,

20:51

I mean, and also it's just really telling of how fucking

20:55

children bullying like a kid bullies

20:57

like they fuck you up for your entire

21:00

life, Like children are brutal, and the things

21:02

that you are hurt by as

21:04

a child carry with you and well into

21:07

adulthood. And I mean, I

21:09

say this often about the stuff that we do, but

21:11

we need to be the people that we needed when we were

21:13

younger. So it's

21:16

well, I think I'll truly never forget

21:19

some of the insults being seen growing

21:21

up, Like like I remember this kid just being

21:23

like, you're a fucking idiot, and then my whole

21:25

life I was like, God, I'm a you

21:28

know, like you, it doesn't it truly

21:30

stains you in a weird way where you like

21:32

me know, I'm not an idiot. Clearly I'm not

21:34

an idiot. I've gotten this far, you know. Like

21:37

even like the phrase idiot, it's just

21:39

so like it's just dismissive

21:41

in a way that really means nothing. It's

21:43

like, how do you know I'm an idiot? You know? And

21:45

of course I've come a long way thanks to therapy,

21:48

but like it's still like I

21:50

still call myself a fucking idiot

21:52

because of some dumb bully in

21:54

fifth grade because I asked him for

21:57

help on like a math thing, like because I'm

21:59

bad at mass I was asking for help and he got

22:01

frustrated with me and called me an idiot. Like it doesn't

22:03

even make any sense. It's like my bad, you're

22:06

my age. When you're a little kid,

22:08

it's like that's your entire

22:10

world. It's so interesting, like having

22:12

nieces and nephews and like the little

22:15

the little exposure. I have two children

22:17

or teenagers. These days, you you get reminded

22:20

like that is the entire world

22:22

that you live in. You have to go back to school

22:24

the next day, Like, oh I still do

22:26

you guys have nightmares about going to school, Like

22:29

I sometimes sometimes have nightmares

22:31

that it's like, oh my god, I have to go back to school because

22:33

it was traumatic. It's traumatic, especially

22:36

when you're other the whole time. I

22:37

I got bullied relentlessly, like

22:40

for so many things. But like

22:42

I wasn't allowed to like shave my legs

22:45

for a while, so I would sometimes and like we

22:48

like we were allowed to like wear shorts or tank

22:50

tops in my family. So for a

22:52

really hot day during pe, I would be in

22:54

pants and like a long sleep t shirt sometimes

22:56

and I would get made fun of for it. Or I

22:59

have like I have like a red freckle, like a birthmark

23:01

on my nose that really was I

23:04

don't know, made me self conscious. I was called Rudolph

23:06

by a friend of mine, and I still think

23:09

about that as an adult woman.

23:11

So it's just like it's just I don't know,

23:14

but we're gonna get more into into

23:16

our all of our childhood traumas um

23:20

After taking a co commercial break, we'll be right

23:22

back with Rocks and

23:33

we're back. I want to say one

23:35

thing, you know what drives me just

23:38

absolutely nutty, is how I had your

23:40

uni brow growing up and how like trendy

23:42

uni brows are now, Oh my god,

23:45

my eyebrows. I

23:48

shaped off my eyebrows when I was in

23:50

the seventh grade because I was so tired

23:52

of being Harry and I

23:54

just took a razor. I went right right

23:56

down in the middle of my face and I

23:58

woke up the next day. My mom like she stirred

24:01

me awake for school, and she looked at me

24:03

and just like screamed. She was like, what did you do?

24:06

And so, because you're tired of being called Harry,

24:08

like you're just called Harry and you're called you

24:10

know what I mean, You're just trying to fit in And now

24:13

my eyebrows are like non existent basically,

24:15

So just whatever. But

24:17

I feel like there's so many that's so true of so

24:20

many things that are that go on to

24:22

be considered a hip. It's like they

24:24

start out with

24:26

everyone being like, you're so weird. Like I

24:29

always think of like a David Bowie or something,

24:31

when he started like everyone was like, oh, I

24:33

get this. They were like, no, this is weird.

24:35

And then people realize like, oh, that's

24:38

what I like. We all want to be. Like

24:40

I remember getting made fun of for like my

24:42

mustache and again because I'm

24:44

sucking Harry. But we weren't

24:46

like bombarded with like positive images of like

24:49

free to call oh or like like we are

24:51

now and I can see that now, like like like

24:54

positivity not just with body hair, but just

24:56

like image is like so much more available

24:59

now. But just the same way that uh,

25:02

like drag Grace wasn't on. Different forms

25:04

of representation just weren't available to

25:06

us. And so it's really important

25:09

again to just circle back and especially as

25:11

people, to have like a platform to like

25:13

realize. I think I think a

25:15

lot of creators are striving

25:18

to be the people they needed growing up,

25:21

you know, because you we're filling a space

25:23

that a younger version of us desperately

25:25

is looking at for just to be like

25:28

I'm okay this way, so I think

25:30

that all the time. Yeah,

25:33

um, I do want to ask, can you mentioned

25:35

before the break that you, uh,

25:38

you moved to l A when you were seventeen,

25:41

um, and then you came out to people that you knew or

25:43

your close friends. Did you have a conversation with

25:45

your family like how how

25:47

is it possible for you to leave? Because

25:49

it's a pretty young age to move out like states.

25:53

So what was that? Like? Yeah, that

25:55

was honestly really

25:59

fucking weird. I It's

26:02

kind of a long story, but basically I

26:06

did one of these random auditions for one of

26:08

those things that you hear on the radio

26:10

that's like because could your son be

26:13

on the Disney Channel? Show up to the

26:15

Marriott or whatever. So I like randomly

26:17

showed up to one of those things and

26:20

got involved, like got accepted

26:23

and got like, um, became

26:25

a part of it. And then I

26:27

competed in this thing and then I

26:29

won all these prizes from it, and

26:32

honestly, like a lot of times those things are like

26:34

scams. This one, this

26:36

one, I mean, I'm sure there was elements of

26:39

that. I don't know, but it got

26:41

me like agents and that kind of thing.

26:43

And at the time I was like acting as

26:45

a as a boy and

26:48

um, you know, a closeted boy,

26:50

because I mean this was two thousand and eight, which

26:53

again so different for

26:55

an actor at the time that

26:57

it is now. And uh

27:00

So I think because of that that it

27:02

was the summer before I was going into senior year

27:05

of high school. So it was kind of a

27:07

weird choice to have to make.

27:09

But my parents were luckily support

27:12

I mean, it wasn't easy for them, but they were

27:14

supportive and let me go. And

27:17

uh so I moved out to l A and

27:19

you know, did a couple of commercials and stuff

27:21

and got an apartment and

27:24

went crazy and all that kind of stuff.

27:26

You must have had to grow up pretty fast then

27:29

if you have to be independence seventeen

27:31

away from your family, like not even it

27:34

drives away, you know what I mean, It's like flight.

27:37

Yeah. Well I should also add that, sobriety

27:40

is a part of my story. I

27:43

was party and real hard

27:45

in those days, and and I've learned that

27:47

that too, was a lot of like growing

27:49

up way too fast, like all this responsibility

27:52

that I was not ready for, on top of like grappling

27:55

with all these other feelings and

27:57

and trying to figure out who I was and

27:59

it was a messy time. I mean, it was a fun

28:01

time, but it was a messy time. And

28:04

uh, it definitely made me grow

28:06

up real quick. And that's why I said, like a lot of my friends

28:08

are older, like I've

28:10

kind of there's something about

28:13

older people that I just I mean, people

28:15

older than me, like a you know, generation or

28:17

so older than me that I really have always

28:19

like related to and looked up to.

28:22

And I've always kind of sought

28:24

out having a mentor. And because

28:27

of that, I've I've been really lucky to have mentors,

28:30

which have you know, kept me alive.

28:33

Yeah, I feel like usually

28:35

I'm funny, but like it's such a weird

28:38

time to be fir No. No, I

28:40

mean it's I yeah, I feel it feels

28:42

wrong to try to not,

28:45

I don't know, not be present in this current

28:48

state in time. It's just like we're

28:50

not expecting you to turn it on for us at

28:53

all. It's it's, uh, if anything,

28:55

I this conversation is I'm

28:57

sure can relate to a lot of people

28:59

I've inc I mean, I like

29:01

these conversations. I like when we get deep because

29:05

thank you so, but

29:07

we can get as deep as you want. We can get as light as

29:10

you want. It's all, it's all, it's it's

29:12

your it's your game. We're just living in it.

29:14

Um. Yes, it's

29:17

your game, it's your I don't know, I've

29:19

never said that before in my life. Quarantine.

29:22

That's made me. We

29:25

are all playing a game of ball,

29:28

of ball, sports

29:31

ball. I love sports ball. Um.

29:33

Okay, well let's go back

29:36

in time. You're seventeen, you're doing commercials,

29:39

you're auditioning for things.

29:41

How do you, I don't

29:43

know, find your footing? Or like, how do

29:45

you find drag? I guess is what I'm trying to say,

29:47

Like, how did you find that outlet as someone

29:50

who back then you're saying that you were identified

29:52

as a gay gay man? Yeah? I

29:56

uh, I believe.

29:58

The first time I saw a drag

30:00

queen was in UM

30:03

at this club in Orange

30:06

County that was an eighteen and

30:08

up night and it was this iconic

30:11

drag going that still is out there

30:13

kicking. And when I say kicking, I mean she literally

30:15

kicks her leg over her head. She's been doing it

30:17

for decades and she's truly

30:20

iconic. Her name is Dolly Levi and

30:22

she's l a based and

30:24

UM she's like she's

30:27

just been around for a long time and

30:29

still has like a

30:31

very old

30:33

school work ethic, like a she's

30:36

just a worker. And

30:39

Um, anyway, she was the first one I ever met and

30:42

and I was like, oh, yeah, that's what I need to be doing.

30:44

And then she was so cool to

30:47

give me her number and then we kind of talked it

30:49

over and and that was

30:51

I mean, that was right around the first season

30:53

of RuPaul's Drag Race, so it

30:55

was still I mean, I had a little bit of context

30:58

I was able to see. But

31:00

even when you're eighteen and you can't go

31:02

to club, I mean there's only like you know,

31:05

once a month or once a week places that you

31:07

can go and hope to see a

31:09

drag queen. But there wasn't. I mean,

31:11

there was honestly very little

31:13

even on YouTube at that time, so

31:16

it was kind of hard to get your

31:19

hands on it. And again, I'm like, I feel like I'm

31:21

four thousand years old being like back

31:23

in my day, but like, honestly, like it

31:26

wasn't the long up, but that's really how it was.

31:29

I learned how to do makeup from books.

31:31

Um what

31:34

a People don't realize how

31:36

lucky they are to live in a time where you can

31:38

like a YouTube anything it

31:41

comes up, like anything, any kind of

31:43

technique you want to learn, any work out, any makeup

31:45

thing, Like it's just everything. You're

31:47

flooded with so many things I remember

31:50

growing up, Like I remember even just like this is like

31:52

not really related at all, but like my

31:55

parents would like we would drive with that giant Matt

31:57

book like around trying to find a

32:00

restaurant or something like, like

32:02

it's everything that your fingertips

32:04

now. And I can only imagine being interested

32:06

in makeup back then and kind of

32:08

not feeling allowed to be interested and

32:11

teaching yourself. You know, that's a crazy

32:13

thing to tackle, printing out map

32:15

quest direction. Oh yeah, when

32:19

I moved out here, I had a garment

32:21

and I thought it was I had.

32:25

I still have it, and I don't know why

32:28

I don't use it, but I'm like I might need it,

32:30

you know why I don't know I have I have,

32:33

I say, mind in my glove compartment. You never

32:35

know what you what if your phone

32:37

does with all the political unrest, you

32:39

never know they're jam and signals that garment

32:41

is actually going to come in hand. My

32:43

god, how many times

32:45

I was like looking for an olive

32:48

garden and ended up like in someone's neighborhood

32:50

or like that's not right. No,

32:53

it's not a very good device at all. But

32:56

so this drag queen was, do you consider

32:58

her your first mentor of sore because you said

33:00

that you really like we're looking for

33:02

people? Definitely, I think she was. I mean

33:05

I also had my friend Jeff

33:07

who I met uh

33:09

he I was you know, like seventeen, and

33:11

he was like a couple of years older than me, but

33:13

to me felt so much older, like he had lived

33:16

like such a gay life. So um, I

33:18

he was the first one I believe that showed

33:20

me like Margaret Chow and

33:24

um god, so many things that

33:26

were like part of gay culture that really

33:29

have shaped me to today. And

33:31

I it's so cool living

33:34

in l A and working in l A because I

33:36

I've gotten to become friends

33:38

with like so many people that I

33:42

looked up to back then when I

33:44

was just trying to figure it all out, and it's just kind

33:46

of like it's surreal. But

33:49

um, I don't know. I hope that I

33:51

can do that for people younger

33:53

than me as well. Yeah, so you

33:55

had Margaret Show on your podcast. I

33:57

did which is like that was

34:00

been crazy to like a full

34:02

circle like that. Yeah, And I mean I worked,

34:04

Um, I mean I've worked in stand up

34:07

for quite a while, quite a few

34:09

years now, and I I was

34:11

a door person at the

34:14

Improv in Hollywood, and so I I

34:16

met like everybody, but for

34:18

some reason, I like always kind of miss

34:21

Margaret Show. Like it would be like I would go in there

34:23

and then I'd be like, oh, who was here last night? And when I had

34:25

the night off or whatever, and they'd go market show

34:27

was here, and that would always I'd always be just

34:30

like, but so she's the one

34:32

person I ever really like paid

34:34

to see do stand up because I would just

34:36

you know, basically get paid to see

34:38

everyone else do stand up. And

34:41

I actually, like, you know, multiple

34:43

times paid to see her because I loved her so much,

34:46

um and still do. And so yeah,

34:48

it was super cool that she came on and

34:50

shared some of her ghost stories. Yeah.

34:53

Well yeah, well go ahead, sorry, I

34:56

was gonna say so, it sounds

34:58

like growing up, did you always

35:00

know you wanted to be a performer, Like was that just

35:02

what you were drawn to, like you were doing the clown

35:04

thing. Yeah, Well, I've

35:07

always wanted to do

35:09

kind of everything. Like I

35:11

played guitar when I was in high school and I was

35:14

like in a little rock bands And

35:17

was it you had like a name for the band

35:19

or was it what not? Really we

35:23

at one point you were a jam band.

35:25

There was yeah, we we The

35:27

problem was nobody wanted to sing.

35:29

All of our voices were changing, but

35:32

we wanted to be a singer. We would

35:34

basically just played covers of

35:36

other people's. Um also

35:39

shut up to the church. I also played

35:42

guitar at church, which

35:44

was my first I mean post was

35:47

like my first job. That's

35:50

really funny. Katie Perry

35:52

got her start. That's how a lot of Delray got her

35:54

story were no the pivot

35:56

that'll happen right, So,

35:59

um yeah, I played guitar. I

36:02

um, you know, made balloon

36:04

animals. When I was young, I

36:06

would tell jokes as a kid. I would I

36:08

would literally I would tell jokes that I

36:10

didn't understand. I was actually just reminded

36:13

of this the other day. Like I would tell jokes like I

36:15

would be like five, maybe not five seven,

36:17

I don't know how old young, And I would like stand

36:20

with like a you know, a comb as my microphone

36:22

in the living room and I would look around the room and I'd

36:24

go, h, what did the lamp

36:27

say? Uh to the light bulb? You

36:29

turned me on? And then but

36:32

I didn't know what I was saying, but everyone would

36:34

die laughing whatever. So all these things I used

36:36

to do. And then you know, I actually learned

36:38

makeup before I got into drag, and

36:41

so theater probably right, yeah, and theater

36:44

and I did theater and I acted

36:46

and so so many things.

36:48

And that's why

36:52

the best way for me to focus

36:54

it all was to put it all into drag

36:56

where there's really no rules.

36:59

Um, you can you can literally do

37:01

it all at the same time. So now, I mean

37:03

to the point of one of the I

37:06

don't really do drag numbers a whole lot anymore,

37:08

but when I was doing drag numbers, one of the

37:11

most common one that I would do,

37:13

like often was me making

37:15

balloon animals and juggling like stuff

37:18

that I learned when I was ten. Because I'm

37:20

like, exactly,

37:23

that's so unique to you. I love that,

37:24

I love you, are proud of that, that

37:27

history and talent of yours. It's

37:29

hard. I just really have always

37:32

been like I

37:34

think that people grow up feeling different

37:36

and they go those They go those

37:39

two different routes, and I don't think that there's anything

37:41

really wrong with either as long as they're happy.

37:43

Where you can either go the route

37:45

of you know, okay, being

37:48

different is wrong and I want to

37:50

fit in and um or you

37:52

say, I'm I'm different and I hated it

37:54

for a long time, and you know what, like that's actually

37:56

what makes me me and I feel

37:59

like that's kind of the round it I've had to take.

38:01

It's just like, I'm different and I

38:03

want to just keep I Actually now I'm

38:05

comfortable being different, and I actually

38:07

don't like it when i'm uh,

38:10

you know, put in the same category as

38:12

everyone else. Yeah, I agree

38:14

with that. What how how

38:16

were your parents encouraging of your like

38:19

wanting to be a performer or all the different things

38:21

you did, or were they trying to sway you in a different

38:23

direction. I think yes

38:26

they are. But when you

38:28

start getting into drag and

38:30

it becomes this, you're

38:32

adding gender and sexuality and it becomes

38:34

like really a whole another

38:37

issue. Um. I mean, my parents

38:39

are very supportive now, and I've talked

38:41

to them about my gender identity and

38:44

so many different things, but um,

38:46

I think and I'm

38:49

not mad at my parents for this because I understand.

38:52

I think it's important to sometimes

38:55

understand with parents that have a hard

38:57

time with it that a lot of times they just have never seen

38:59

anything like it, and you know, they

39:02

they don't know, you know,

39:04

they they're concerned for your safety and

39:06

they just assumed that they kind

39:08

of assumed the worst. And I mean that's I

39:10

think that there was there's elements of that and my

39:13

parents where they're just like, I

39:15

don't know if this I mean, you could be

39:17

a you could be an actor

39:19

as a board, like why wouldn't you do that? But it's like, you

39:21

know, I this is how I feel more comfortable.

39:24

And I think it's also like

39:27

successes that I've had has also made

39:29

them be like, oh, okay, we get it.

39:32

Um like other people are seeing it.

39:34

It's not just like you're not just being like somebody

39:37

that's like outrageous for whatever

39:39

reason. I don't know. So they've

39:41

been they've been very supportive. Yeah,

39:44

it's been a journey though. Yeah, I mean I

39:46

believe that. But are both your parents immigrants?

39:50

No, actually neither of my parents

39:52

are immigrants. Um, I hope is

39:54

that's not allowed

39:56

on the podcast were.

40:01

I mean, I shouldn't have assumed they were immigrants. Yeah,

40:04

I was just I'm just curious because I

40:06

don't. Yeah. No, that's

40:08

what's interesting, Like, especially

40:10

being Mexican. My uh,

40:14

I'm not. I'm second generation

40:17

and my dad was born in the fifties, so

40:19

I mean he was born or no, I was

40:21

that third generation. My

40:24

grandparents were not born here. I

40:26

think then there stond generation. Yeah,

40:29

but it sounds like because you cannot

40:31

be an immigrant, but it sounds like he grew up in

40:33

like an insulated community that because

40:36

if he had to learn to speak English,

40:39

then he still Yeah, it still puts

40:41

you in like another category because people look

40:43

at you and go like, well, you're different. And

40:45

for I feel like families like that they

40:47

want their whole idea

40:49

is just fit in, so like

40:52

you don't get pointed out or

40:54

you don't get bullied. Like it's like they wanted

40:56

you to fit in so you wouldn't feel

40:58

mother because they want to protect you. That's what I

41:00

feel like, Yeah, which is something that I

41:02

honestly struggled with growing up, where

41:04

I was like I would feel

41:08

bad about that. I mean, we didn't my

41:10

dad does not speak Spanish and

41:13

so that was an insecurity and

41:15

I mean it's still kind of is an insecurity for me that

41:17

I wasn't raised with Spanish

41:19

in the household because but then I have to

41:22

remember, like you

41:24

know, back then, they were really just trying

41:26

to fit in and like they wanted I

41:28

mean, they kept their culture,

41:30

but they also know

41:33

they wanted you to acclimate. Yeah, it was about

41:36

that. It was about survival. It's that, That's

41:38

what it boils down to. It's about survival for

41:40

the family and making sure that you

41:42

are successful. And when

41:44

you're told being others wrong,

41:46

then you try to not be that. So yeah,

41:49

um, we're gonna take one more break.

41:52

We will be right back with more

42:03

and we're back. Let's

42:06

talk about your podcast,

42:08

Ghosted. Tell us, Okay, I want

42:11

to know how you became interested in the paranormal

42:14

and what drew you to making a

42:16

whole podcast about it, because I'm fascinated

42:18

with paranormal things because

42:20

I think I feel like the majority of people must

42:22

have had to have had some experience,

42:25

and that's what your podcast is all about. Uh

42:28

So tell us about this journey and

42:30

this this this passion. See I

42:32

thought that too, because I thought

42:34

that most people have had experiences because

42:37

I grew up Catholic, which is honestly

42:40

a very supernatural religion.

42:44

There's a lot of supernatural

42:47

elements to it. And then I went, you

42:49

know, I was that and also a creative

42:51

and and you know, I don't want to generalize,

42:54

but like, there are a lot of creative

42:56

people that believe in this stuff.

42:59

Um, And so, I mean, at least what I

43:01

was always surrounded by. So I thought that, But

43:03

as I've dopen deeper into the

43:05

topic, I've learned that there's actually a lot of people that have

43:08

not had these experiences, and a lot of people I don't believe

43:10

in it. And and that's okay. What

43:12

my show is. My goal is

43:14

that it's still fun to listen to to hear people's

43:17

experiences. And a lot of times

43:19

it's spooky, sometimes it's you know, very sentimental.

43:22

Sometimes it's sad. Um. But

43:24

basically what the show is

43:26

is, uh, it's inspired by my favorite TV

43:28

show of all time, which is called Celebrity

43:31

ghost Stories, which is celebrities

43:33

telling ghost stories. And

43:36

um, living in Hollywood,

43:38

I mean, I knew so many celebrities

43:40

and you know, different creatives, and I

43:43

thought it would be fun to have them come on and share

43:45

stories and you know, talk about things that

43:47

they don't always talk about. And so that's

43:50

what we do. Every Thursday, I have on different

43:52

guests, and I also once a month to have a

43:54

listener episode where I listen I

43:57

interview people that listen to the show.

43:59

Every once in a while, I have on psychics and

44:02

uh quote unquote experts, you know, people

44:04

that work in the field. And I

44:07

don't identify as an expert at all, but it's

44:09

definitely away from me

44:11

to learn more because I think

44:14

it's such a tricky thing, the paranormal,

44:16

because so much of it is just anecdotal

44:19

evidence, and so it's just a

44:21

matter of of gathering

44:24

more and more stories. And so I've gathered

44:26

more and more from

44:29

you know, celebrities and comedians

44:31

and drag queens and and uh, normal

44:33

people that listen to the

44:35

show that aren't in showbiz and

44:38

uh and so I'm learning more as

44:40

we go. But I have always been

44:42

interested in it because, um,

44:44

I grew up in a house where my grandmother

44:47

stuck around after she passed,

44:50

and she was a sweet

44:52

ghost. And you can't just

44:54

gloss over this. You have to go into detail.

44:56

I will allow it what

44:59

you still a grandma. Um.

45:02

Which is something that I've learned from

45:04

talking to more and more people is that even

45:06

though it was my grandma, I was always still kind

45:08

of like grandma.

45:11

But so was that your first supernatural

45:13

experience? Yeah, but you know, I've

45:15

had to learn that, like it's still

45:18

she was still a human. And you know, if

45:20

if you are to believe in this stuff, she you

45:23

know, was she was a human and she

45:25

was there for a reason. I believe she was there because

45:28

she passed when I was young, and she was you

45:30

know, she visits. It's weird because she

45:32

primarily that I know of, has visited me and

45:35

my other cousin who's the same age as

45:37

me, and we were at the two youngest of all

45:39

the grandkids. So I

45:42

kind of feel like she felt like she didn't have enough

45:44

time with us, and that's why she visiteds. I don't know,

45:46

that's just when I've gathered, but yeah,

45:48

one time she visited me in the middle of the night,

45:50

I just like saw her very

45:53

quickly and she just kind of looked at me

45:55

and was like, don't worry, You're

45:57

safe, and then she disappeared. Wow.

46:00

And then you know, when I was growing up, like

46:02

she would be a grandma.

46:04

Like I would remember fighting with my mom.

46:06

I remember being in my basement, um

46:09

hey, mid Midwest in the basement

46:11

and uh my mom being like

46:14

get up here and do chores. And then I'm

46:16

like like under my breath, just being a teenager,

46:18

like bitch or whatever, you know, terrible

46:20

things I would say as a teenager. And

46:22

as I'm like walking up the stairs, this

46:24

like kind of arts and craft thing that was on the

46:27

wall that my grandmother actually made like flew

46:29

off the wall in front of me, and I was

46:31

like, oh, grandma's mad. She doesn't want

46:33

me to talk to my mom like that, got it?

46:35

That happened to me twice. The other time it

46:37

was a candle, like a

46:39

little glass candle holder

46:42

kind of thing that flipped off of the

46:44

table in front of me and fell on

46:46

the So grandma was mad

46:49

when I was being a little brat.

46:51

So um yeah. And because of that, I

46:54

I feel that I'm open to

46:56

it. And I guess a lot of people believe that that's

46:59

one of the criteria to have these

47:01

experiences, as being open to it, and I

47:03

believe that as well to an extent. And

47:05

so because of that, I've I've had a lot of experiences

47:08

and um for

47:11

the sake of the show, not because I

47:13

love ghosts, but for the sake of the show. I've

47:15

gone to various haunted locations

47:17

and tried to have my own experiences

47:19

to share UM. And I'm

47:21

gonna continue so, you know, once once

47:24

we can get back out there. I I mean,

47:26

I'm terrified of ghosts, but I'm

47:29

willing to do it for the listeners, for

47:33

anything, for the pod. But

47:35

yeah, we've had really fun Like we've

47:38

had Elvira, who's my

47:40

absolutely idol, Cassandra Peterson,

47:43

She's been on and in quarantine. You

47:45

know, I've I've still been doing

47:47

it. I've had Karen Kilgareff of my

47:49

favorite Murderer. I've had um,

47:52

Busy Phillips, Wendy McClendon,

47:54

Covey, Jack Osborne.

47:56

I mean, we just we just keep it going every

47:58

week so different. I like that

48:01

a lot. And I really like bringing

48:03

on people that people might know already, like

48:05

celebrities that have been interviewed billions

48:07

of times but not in this context. Like

48:09

it's the same reason why I like the show

48:12

Hot Ones, where celebrities just like eat hot wings

48:14

together and it's gets spicier and

48:16

spicier, and then it's just

48:19

it's a different setting to get different questions

48:21

out of people, and you get an element of them that you would

48:23

never have gotten otherwise. And it's just a

48:25

very fascinating topic that doesn't get talked

48:27

about, like having experiences.

48:30

I think you're right to an extent that you have to be open

48:32

to experience it, to experience the supernatural,

48:35

because if you're closed off, you're never going

48:37

to experience anything, let alone the supernatural.

48:40

But um, that's how I feel. I feel like

48:42

you have to be open to it because I

48:44

get I got I'm like a scarity

48:47

cat. Everything scares me. I can't

48:49

watch scary movies. So, like I

48:51

had some weird things happened when I was growing

48:53

up where like I would dream things and then

48:55

they would have like outfits. Like I would have a

48:57

dream I was wearing an outfit, and then I

49:00

would put the outfit on because I treamt about

49:02

and I was like, I don't know why, but I think I should put on these white

49:04

overall shorts, and then like multiple

49:07

people around me would be wearing this. It was like weird

49:10

stuff where I'd be like, that's not right. But it

49:12

would scare me to a point where I was like, I have

49:14

to shut myself off to this. But then um,

49:17

as I got older, I became more open

49:19

to it because I was like, Okay, you don't have to be scared,

49:21

Like I understand you're like a little scaredy child. But

49:24

like I had to come

49:26

back around to it to

49:28

like want to like

49:31

follow it and hear more about it. And I

49:33

now I'm like very interested in paranormal stuff.

49:35

I'm I'm so into it. I think for me, I

49:38

was always interested because I

49:40

grew up Muslim and there's creatures

49:42

in a Islam called gin. J

49:45

used to scare the sting out of me. They used

49:47

to spoke they could find me. It's

49:49

it's either yeah, there are two spellings. It's either D

49:52

J I N N or just I've seen

49:54

it just J I N N. But I think the actual

49:56

way is the D. But people just like take it off because

49:59

its silent anyway. But I grew

50:01

up and these gin were

50:03

always these creatures we learned about and we couldn't

50:05

see them. But for the first two years

50:07

at elementary school, I went to a mosque

50:10

for like a private school and for kindergarten,

50:12

and then we ended up just doing Saturday school until

50:14

I wasn't like a teenager. But these

50:18

creatures were always being taught to you, and

50:20

they're so supernatural and and and

50:22

figureless, and so I was

50:24

always so fascinated

50:27

and terrified of these creatures. And me

50:29

and my mom had very intense dreams, like

50:31

similar to Anna, Like I think my

50:33

pathway into being open to things being

50:36

possible is having these intense dreams

50:38

coupled with like really intense deja vu

50:42

that just I could not shake. Like it felt like

50:44

I was, for whatever reason,

50:46

pulled out of the present moment and looking at everything

50:48

for a split second and I could predict everything, and

50:50

then it came right back and was like it was that day

50:52

job. It was that a memory. Was I in a different

50:55

timeline? I don't know, but I believe

50:57

something is bigger out here. It's

51:00

so I think. And and but

51:03

when you grow up and you had

51:05

its experiences and like your mom has these

51:07

dreams, you kind of feel like a freak, to be honest,

51:09

you because like no one wants to talk about it. No one wants

51:12

to talk about like, at least for me, I felt

51:14

like I was a little bit like a

51:16

weirdo. And now I realized being a weirdo is a

51:18

great thing, just similar to you like the things

51:20

that make you different, things that you embrace, but

51:23

it's weird. Yeah, it's what I've also

51:25

learned. I didn't I didn't go into it

51:28

this podcast thinking this, but there

51:30

is a lot of those lessons um

51:32

in life that we learned. Uh.

51:35

You can also learn through the parentormal like

51:37

what you were just saying or um, you

51:39

know, being afraid of it is also

51:41

that fear of the unknown, which is

51:44

also something that like the

51:46

same reason people see a drag queen and go, you're

51:48

able, Like you know, there's there's a lot

51:50

of UM, there's kind of a

51:52

lot of similarities weirdly um

51:55

and the fear of the unknown and I and

51:57

I talked to a lot of people that they tell me that no

51:59

one will leaves them and they make them feel, you

52:02

know, like they're crazy,

52:04

and it is I like

52:07

to provide a space for

52:09

people to to share that and

52:12

like, who the hell are we to say that

52:15

something is not real or it's

52:18

um. I agree, I agree

52:20

so much. I think, like I wish

52:22

I I've never had an experience like yours. I don't

52:24

think I was ever. Maybe one day I'll be

52:26

open enough to be able to see like

52:29

a Grandma figure. I mean that's very rare.

52:31

I mean that's that's an intense experience.

52:34

That's a really intense experience. Yeah,

52:36

it only happened to me once, actually seeing

52:39

a ghost. I feel like I've had experiences where

52:41

I see fleeting ghosts, like they don't stay

52:43

long enough for me to really see who they are. But

52:47

it happened a couple of times when I was driving

52:50

and I was with someone and I was

52:52

convinced I saw something like and then it was

52:54

just I mean, this is I could

52:56

go on and on about my experiences, but

52:58

I just love that you have for them where people

53:00

can like kind of nerd out about this stuff

53:03

because like it's so refreshing

53:06

and like a similar

53:08

to what we said about other things if

53:10

you were a kid growing up wanting to

53:12

learn about gin or wanting to like like,

53:15

oh someone else saw Grandma too, like kind

53:17

of thing. You know. So it's like I just really appreciate

53:20

that you have this like really like I

53:22

don't know, a space for the supernatural,

53:25

you know, Yeah, thank you. Yeah.

53:27

A lot of we talk about like, um, sleep

53:29

paralysis is something that comes up a

53:31

lot, and it's so

53:34

fascinating. I mean, that's one of those things

53:36

that there is science behind it, but there's

53:38

also um it's

53:40

also got paranormal elements. It's like,

53:43

why are people seeing shadow figures?

53:45

I don't know what participanence that is,

53:47

but it's it's

53:49

been very interesting talking to so

53:52

many people and like the similarities that

53:54

we find in those experiences

53:57

that would scare me if I I've heard

54:00

I've had friends who have sleep paralysis and their description

54:02

of it. He like, that's something that would wreck me.

54:04

Like that that makes sense that

54:07

you would turn off. Then if you like are

54:09

if you've had a terrifying, terrifying experience,

54:12

of course you're going to close yourself off, you

54:14

know what I mean, Like, I can't imagine what

54:16

that would be like to my only

54:18

experience where I thought I felt a ghost

54:20

was right. It was after my uncle

54:23

died. I flew to ran and I

54:25

was standing in front it

54:27

was at his house and I was standing in

54:29

front of a giant portrait of him

54:31

that they had made for his funeral.

54:34

Just everything. It was just like all these events going

54:36

on and I was alone in the living

54:38

room. Uh, just staring at

54:40

it and there was so

54:43

it was like and this was yes,

54:47

now it

54:50

was sixteen, and there was so much

54:53

energy in the room that it felt

54:55

like he was standing right next to me. And it didn't.

54:57

It was because it didn't freak me out like a normally wouldn't.

55:00

Normally I get very overwhelmed by such energy

55:02

because like it literally to me, it gets

55:04

too real. As I like to say, I'm always with

55:07

too real man. It was too real, felt too real.

55:09

But like in that moment, there was such a

55:11

calm that that's when I

55:13

was like, oh, he's here, and

55:16

then um but that's like the most I've

55:18

ever felt it, And that's the most I've ever

55:20

had such a calm, Like I

55:22

was so at peace with knowing that he

55:25

was like there with me and being like,

55:27

hey, thanks for coming to me. Wrong like just my uncle

55:29

being like thanks for coming by flying across

55:31

the country for or across the world for my funeral

55:34

and me being like, no, prop uncle, you know, I got you back.

55:36

Like it was such a cool moment, Like

55:38

I was like, oh, like he

55:41

he respects that I came here for

55:43

him, and I'm glad I could

55:45

give that to him to come

55:47

out for him. I

55:50

think for me, I was um

55:52

having a lot of experiences like that that I was

55:54

scared because it was unknown

55:57

to me, but also I really

56:00

lies that it was comforting. And

56:03

I think this is just me

56:06

that there are spirits

56:10

that recognize people, that recognize

56:13

them or that like I learned

56:15

what it was like to have someone in the room that

56:18

you feel in the room but you can't see them.

56:20

And I think that sometimes I have gone

56:22

to places where a ghost is

56:24

like, oh my gosh, there's one that would

56:27

get me, and so they'll you know, brush

56:29

by me or something like that. Um,

56:32

but I think if you're closed off, maybe

56:34

that you know that doesn't happen. I

56:36

don't know, it's fun. I

56:39

think you're right. I mean, like as someone who I

56:41

don't believe in religion or

56:43

organized religion for myself, but I

56:46

will say there's something about like

56:50

imagine going into like a big church, like

56:53

a big, big European like church,

56:55

or like a temple in the desert in the

56:57

Middle East or anything and

57:00

type of religious establishment, like

57:02

yes, there's like a there's an awe

57:04

feeling that you get just by the grandiose, like

57:06

the grandiosity of it. But I think there

57:08

are there's a certain degree of

57:12

energy spiritually there just

57:14

by the people that have been there before,

57:17

and not everyone is.

57:20

Not everyone experiences that, like I could. I don't

57:22

believe in Christianity, but there I've

57:24

experienced something in the church before,

57:27

like I've experienced some type of souls

57:30

that have been there in the past or something or

57:32

death or I don't know what it is, and

57:35

I kind of like it makes me excited

57:38

because I can't it's like unpredictable. It's just unpredictable,

57:40

like, but you have to be open to it to have these

57:43

experiences, right, I don't know. That's that's

57:45

a that's a tangent. It's very easy to

57:47

explain a way to be like the window was open, there

57:49

was just a or whatever. Yeah,

57:53

I don't know. But um, I could

57:55

genuinely talk about ghosts

57:57

and spirituality with you forever. But

57:59

we're finding down to the end of this podcast.

58:02

Um, what do you want our

58:04

listeners to if you if you have anything

58:06

that you're working on or where

58:08

to find you? Obviously your podcast, where

58:10

can they find that? Um?

58:12

But yeah, drop your socials, drop

58:15

anything, plug anything you want. My

58:17

podcast is ghosted explanation

58:19

point by Raw's Dress

58:21

fell Us available everywhere you get podcasts.

58:24

I'm on Instagram

58:26

at Rows, Dress Feliz and

58:29

yeah, that's pretty much what I have going on right

58:32

now. But also, you

58:34

know, if you're able to donate

58:36

to, you know, organizations

58:38

that can help out the causes

58:40

that were dealing with right

58:42

now to support Black Lives matter. I

58:45

mean, I just

58:47

donated to the Minnesota Freedom

58:49

Fund, but there's a ton of different

58:52

great organizations that I'll be posting

58:54

on Instagram if you don't know

58:57

those great I

58:59

think using our platforms

59:01

to amplify the

59:04

voices of black organizations right

59:06

now and places where

59:08

we can donate to, like bail people

59:10

out of jail, I think to be there,

59:12

it's really important. So I really appreciate

59:15

you for using your platform for that. And

59:18

and and I have been sharing so many links

59:20

on our Twitter, So if you guys aren't

59:22

keeping up there, yeah, check out our Twitter.

59:24

We post on Instagram all the time.

59:26

Yeah, local local black pinces.

59:29

Yeah exactly. But yeah, we just have

59:31

to be good allies.

59:33

And it's easy to post something I

59:35

think, but I hope that our

59:38

posts can inspire someone to like follow

59:40

through and and donate

59:42

or like learn something. And I've

59:44

had some uncomfortable conversations on the internet already,

59:47

and it's been I mean, we've always

59:49

had these uncomfortable conversations, but there I think they're

59:51

even a little bit more uncomfortable now because

59:54

they're just a little bit like if

59:56

you don't agree with me at this point, like what can I

59:58

tell you? Kind of thing. But

1:00:00

you know what, the the how

1:00:03

loud everyone is right now, that is so

1:00:05

angry, I do feel is affecting

1:00:08

a lot of people that did not hear the

1:00:10

message for a long time. So that's that's

1:00:12

the exciting part. And also Happy Pride

1:00:15

Month right today's

1:00:17

June one, so that will be going on all month

1:00:20

and we can remember how that

1:00:22

began with that, The gay

1:00:24

rights movement began with riots

1:00:27

and uh you know black

1:00:31

trans women and um

1:00:33

queer people and drag queens and

1:00:36

and now we are here with

1:00:39

that fight. Yeah,

1:00:41

change is not comfortable. I think if we have to remind

1:00:43

people like change is not comfortable and

1:00:46

we have to work through it and

1:00:48

and give people

1:00:50

the space too to do

1:00:53

that, you know, I don't know, and also join

1:00:56

them when they need people, and they

1:00:58

need people now, So I also

1:01:01

recommend checking out Black Visions Collective,

1:01:03

which is Black Lead, Queer and trans organization

1:01:07

for helping black communities

1:01:09

to you know, basically, we got just dismantled

1:01:12

the violence towards black people.

1:01:14

I mean it's feeling, you know, it's so wild to say

1:01:16

and be like it feels so simple, but this country

1:01:19

has a long way to go. Yeah, a

1:01:21

really long way to go. Um

1:01:23

yeah, thank you again so much

1:01:26

for joining us today. This was honestly

1:01:29

a much needed conversation. I think

1:01:31

I was kind of nervous going into it because I didn't

1:01:33

know how like, as you mentioned kind

1:01:35

of in the podcast, like it feels weird too,

1:01:37

I don't know, like like be

1:01:40

funny right now or whatever. But I do

1:01:42

think there was something really therapeutic about this. So

1:01:44

um, thank you, Thank you. I really

1:01:47

appreciate that. Um,

1:01:49

I'm gonna write that out. I'm glad you tweeted

1:01:51

out that you wanted to have to have

1:01:54

people have you on their podcast because I was like,

1:01:56

no, thank you, thanks for having

1:01:59

me split into your d MS real quick.

1:02:01

Yeah, I'm really glad too. This was

1:02:03

this was amazing. Um, I'm gonna wrap us out. Was

1:02:05

anything else I was gonna

1:02:07

say there's a

1:02:09

dog behind you, I believe, or it might be a ghost.

1:02:12

Oh yeah, it's a ghost. That's

1:02:14

my little pup. It looks like a ghost.

1:02:17

He's like a white poofy fly. Yeah,

1:02:21

the ghost. We'll

1:02:24

never know. I miss Ace.

1:02:26

That's that's our like mascot for the show

1:02:28

that we would hug every time we're done recording,

1:02:31

or I would hug he's on my dog. But

1:02:33

um, I haven't had a good dog

1:02:36

dog interaction for a minute. But you know

1:02:38

what worst problems right now?

1:02:40

I just shut up. Okay,

1:02:43

we're ethnically ambiguous. It's ethnically am

1:02:46

a m B on Twitter and ethnically am

1:02:48

big a m B I G on Instagram.

1:02:50

I'm Sharine. It's Shiro Hero on Instagram

1:02:52

and Shiro Hero six six six on Twitter,

1:02:55

and I'm just at Anahost on Twitter. Yeah.

1:02:58

Um yeah, thank you guys

1:03:00

for listening, and until next

1:03:03

time, Black lives Matter, Black

1:03:05

Lives Matter. M H.

1:03:21

Ethnically Ambiguous is a production of I

1:03:23

Heart Radio. For more podcasts from

1:03:25

iHeart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app,

1:03:27

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

1:03:29

favorite shows. H