0:00

As we head

0:00

towards the end of 2020, our

0:03

attention naturally shifts to

0:03

the future and our hopes for

0:06

what next year will bring. But

0:06

as we end the year, it's also a

0:11

powerful time to mindfully

0:11

explore, acknowledge and learn

0:15

from all that we have

0:15

experienced. You're listening to

0:18

the Eudaemonia podcast. I'm Kim

0:18

Forrester, and today it's time

0:23

to celebrate the value of self

0:23

reflection.

0:28

Welcome to Eudaemonia,

0:28

the podcast that is all about

0:31

flourishing. Plug in, relax, and

0:31

get ready for the goodness as we

0:36

explore the traits and practices

0:36

that can help you thrive in life

0:40

... with your host Kim

0:40

Forrester.

0:48

Michael Radparvar

0:48

is co-founder of Holstee, a

0:51

lifestyle company helping

0:51

conscious people to live a more

0:54

meaningful life. Together with

0:54

his brother, David, and inspired

0:58

by the science of mindfulness,

0:58

positive psychology, and ancient

1:02

philosophy, Michael has created

1:02

a range of well-being enhancing

1:06

tools and resources, including

1:06

reflection cards, the Greater

1:10

Good Toolkit, and the newly

1:10

launched Reflection app. I'm

1:15

delighted to be chatting with

1:15

Michael today to learn about the

1:18

importance of mindful

1:18

self-inquisition, and to discuss

1:22

why journaling and reflection

1:22

are vital ingredients in a

1:25

flourishing life. Michael

1:25

Radparvar, welcome to the

1:29

Eudaemonia podcast. It's such a

1:29

delight to have you here

1:31

finishing off 2020 with me.

1:34

Thank you, it

1:34

is my pleasure to be here. And I

1:37

had the chance to listen to a

1:37

number of your previous guests

1:41

and I feel grateful and honoured

1:41

to be in the company of such

1:45

incredible thinkers. So thank

1:45

you for having me.

1:47

I'm honoured with

1:47

the guests that I've had in the

1:50

past. And I'm equally as

1:50

honoured to have you here today.

1:53

Michael, when we consider that

1:53

word 'reflection' there's an

1:58

obvious connection to a sense of

1:58

seeing ourselves. Right? Or

2:03

looking back at ourselves,

2:03

viewing ourselves from another

2:06

perspective. How do you define

2:06

the practice of reflection?

2:10

So, this will get into a little bit of semantics, so allow me just to

2:12

indulge for a second. It's

2:15

helpful to look at different

2:15

forms of writing or journaling.

2:20

And so if you think about three

2:20

different types that we're all

2:23

probably familiar with, in terms

2:23

of the words 'writing in a

2:26

diary', 'keeping a journal', and

2:26

'doing a reflection practice'-

2:30

with reflection being probably

2:30

the least common word used in

2:34

these scenarios. There's some

2:34

slight distinctions that I think

2:38

are helpful to kind of, like,

2:38

put out there. A diary is

2:41

technically a recording of your

2:41

day's events - I went to a yoga

2:45

class, I had a coffee, I met up

2:45

with a friend. Whereas you can

2:49

imagine journaling is a diary,

2:49

but adding a layer of your

2:52

thoughts and your emotional

2:52

states. When I went to yoga

2:55

class, I felt great, my stress

2:55

melted away. And so then a

3:00

reflection practice can include

3:00

a diary, can include journaling,

3:04

but adds the additional layer of

3:04

looking back at those events -

3:07

looking back at your thoughts

3:07

and the emotional states - and

3:10

learning from them. And in

3:10

trying to find meaning from

3:13

those experiences.

3:15

Oh wow. So it

3:15

takes it that one step further.

3:20

I guess the first question is,

3:20

though, Michael, we have a

3:22

million things that go on in our

3:22

day, every day. We have a

3:26

million thoughts, and a million

3:26

actions, and a million choices.

3:29

How do we choose what is most

3:29

important, or what is most

3:34

impactful for us to reflect on,

3:34

for us to learn from?

3:39

You know, there's a lot of schools of thought on this. And for me,

3:40

personally, I believe it's

3:45

important to just let your mind

3:45

go and explore, especially when

3:48

you're just writing for the

3:48

first time. There's an author, a

3:52

writer who wrote for the New York Times, by the name of Hayley Phelan, and she had this

3:54

great quote that says, "The mind

3:57

is a surprising place. You don't

3:57

know what it may be hiding until

4:01

you start knocking around in

4:01

there." And I really subscribe

4:04

to that. And it kind of is along

4:04

the similar lines of Julia

4:07

Cameron's Morning Pages where

4:07

she just says, "Let it all out.

4:10

Let the mundane things out; the

4:10

trivial things out." And then,

4:13

when you come back to reflect,

4:13

you start to pull out meaning

4:16

from your writing. And so I

4:16

think the initial process is

4:20

important to keep a very wide

4:20

funnel and then you can go back

4:24

and piece, and pull out, the

4:24

things that are really important

4:27

for you. And for us, we found

4:27

that typically, most entries or

4:31

posts typically fall into six

4:31

categories - mind, body, soul,

4:35

work, play, and love.

4:36

I read a quote

4:36

the other day about writing in

4:39

general and it was "write drunk,

4:39

edit sober".

4:42

That's exactly what ... that's our philosophy, one hundred percent,

4:44

is to use your entries as a

4:49

space to just let everything

4:49

that's in your mind - with the

4:52

thoughts that are circulating -

4:52

to let them out. And allow

4:55

yourself to come back and

4:55

reflect on those entries in a

4:57

way that has a little bit of structure, a little bit of framework, and allows you to

4:59

really pull meaning out of it.

5:01

Beautiful. The

5:01

alternative quote was "write

5:04

like a dog, edit like a cat". So

5:04

Michael, it seems to me that

5:10

reflection is not the end game.

5:10

Right? That the point is not to

5:13

reflect for the sake of

5:13

reflection, but there's a means

5:17

to an end. What is the purpose

5:17

of reflection? How can it

5:21

enhance our experience of life?

5:23

So what is

5:23

the purpose of reflection? I

5:27

don't believe that it's a

5:27

cure-all for all of our issues.

5:32

But I do believe that it's an

5:32

incredibly powerful tool, and

5:35

one that is available to

5:35

everyone. It allows us to see

5:39

the forest for the trees, to use

5:39

a very common cliche. When we're

5:43

writing and we're in the weeds,

5:43

it's hard to see the bigger

5:46

picture sometimes. But that

5:46

process is so important. It's so

5:48

important to acknowledge the

5:48

thoughts and feelings that are

5:51

going on in our mind, and around

5:51

our lives, and to acknowledge

5:55

those experiences. But when you

5:55

have the opportunity to come

6:00

back and look at what you wrote,

6:00

the powerful thing is that we

6:04

start to see patterns and we

6:04

start to understand what are the

6:08

behaviours that are really

6:08

bringing us joy? And what are

6:11

the common issues that we're

6:11

running into, or setbacks or

6:14

challenges that we might want to

6:14

start figuring out how better to

6:17

deal with them? And the thing

6:17

that that really strikes me is,

6:20

that it helps us to shift our

6:20

experiences from, like, a

6:25

first-person "I" lens to a

6:25

third-person "it", and we can

6:29

then become the observer, have

6:29

these experiences, and kind of

6:34

understand them in a more

6:34

detached way.

6:37

You encourage us

6:37

to reflect on the lowlights of

6:40

our life as well as the

6:40

highlights. How do we reflect on

6:44

the lowlights of our lives in a

6:44

really healthy and helpful way?

6:49

We all have a negativity bias,

6:49

and we all can tend to ruminate

6:53

and get stuck in this sense of

6:53

turmoil and and negativity. So

6:59

how do we reflect on these

6:59

lowlights without falling into

7:02

rumination or self-recrimination?

7:04

I am so glad

7:04

you asked this, because I think

7:08

this is one of the really big

7:08

things that comes up in the

7:12

space of journaling or just

7:12

dealing with challenging

7:16

thoughts that continuously kind

7:16

of, like, come around and stick

7:20

around in a rather unwelcome

7:20

way. And so I think, first, it's

7:24

important to distinguish between

7:24

rumination from productive

7:29

processing. Because there is one

7:29

side of the coin that says,

7:33

like, "Okay, well, this is

7:33

something that is obviously on

7:36

my mind. Allow me to think about

7:36

ways to address this issue." But

7:41

rumination, you know, you're

7:41

ruminating when you're thinking

7:44

about something for a very long

7:44

period of time, and it just

7:47

doesn't generate any new way of

7:47

thinking, or a new possibility,

7:51

or a new direction for you to

7:51

take. And there's a growing

7:56

amount of research that shows

7:56

that journaling can help to tame

8:00

those types of obsessive

8:00

thinking that causes those

8:04

negative behaviours; that, like,

8:04

seemingly endless cycle of

8:07

thinking about a negative

8:07

experience. At the end of the

8:10

day, those negative thoughts,

8:10

they really just want to be

8:14

heard and acknowledged. And what

8:14

a journal does is allows you to

8:18

do that; allows you to put them

8:18

down on paper and get them out

8:22

of your mind. And I believe that

8:22

when we are able to create a

8:25

little bit of space from that

8:25

process of journaling, and come

8:29

back to an entry, we're able to

8:29

see it through a more objective

8:32

lens, and it kind of puts an end

8:32

to that rumination to some

8:37

degree.

8:37

Now, to help

8:37

facilitate this process of self

8:40

reflection, you actually offer

8:40

some really deep questions to

8:43

ponder. You have all sorts of

8:43

wonderful resources, including

8:46

the Reflection Cards and your

8:46

Reflection app. Not everyone,

8:50

Michael, is a natural

8:50

deep-thinker. Now I can

8:54

self-reflect to the depths of my

8:54

soul. "Take me deeper!" I really

8:59

enjoy that. But it can be really

8:59

uncomfortable, or frightening,

9:02

for some people to, sort of,

9:02

delve that deeply into their

9:06

psyche. What's your advice for

9:06

people who are hesitant to delve

9:12

inside that deeply? Is self

9:12

reflection a practice that

9:15

perhaps you can ease yourself

9:15

into?

9:19

My personal

9:19

take on this is, if you come

9:22

across a question and you feel

9:22

resistance to that question,

9:27

it's probably a great question

9:27

to attempt to answer. And I

9:30

think that it's important to do

9:30

it in a way where it's a secure

9:35

and safe environment - whether

9:35

you're answering that question

9:38

with a group of people, a group

9:38

that you really trust - that is

9:41

a prerequisite for being able to

9:41

tackle those types of questions.

9:44

Or if it's in a journal, to know

9:44

that ... to not have to worry,

9:47

like, "Is someone else gonna see

9:47

or come across this?" Because

9:50

when you do that you you start

9:50

to give yourself the permission

9:53

and capability to really open

9:53

up.

9:56

So earlier on we

9:56

were talking about lowlights

9:58

and, as I was researching for

9:58

this interview, one of the

10:00

interesting things I found was

10:00

how often you encourage people

10:05

to reflect on death. So you have

10:05

a couple of questions, for

10:09

instance, in your Reflection

10:09

Cards that ask us to reflect on

10:14

how we would feel about life if

10:14

we were aware of when we were

10:19

going to die. That can feel

10:19

really uncomfortable, Michael.

10:23

But do you think it actually

10:23

helps us live if we reflect on

10:29

what death means to us?

10:31

Yeah, there's definitely some different schools of thought on this. And

10:33

we can go back to the Stoics,

10:36

who had a phrase "momento mori",

10:36

which is essentially remembering

10:41

that death is around the corner

10:41

and that could impact your life

10:46

in many different ways. Whether

10:46

you're a revered general in the

10:50

army and you've just come back

10:50

victoriously - to not get overly

10:54

arrogant, but also to remember

10:54

to live each day like it's your

10:58

last. And I think, what happens

10:58

when we reflect on the end of

11:03

our life, it makes us really

11:03

grateful for the present moment.

11:06

And one of the first things that

11:06

we wrote as our company, at

11:10

Holstee, was a definition for

11:10

success in non-financial terms.

11:15

And in this manifesto, we wrote

11:15

down that life is short and that

11:20

coming to grips with that allows

11:20

us to live life more fully. You

11:24

know, what we often hear is that

11:24

near-death experiences are known

11:27

to help people make these

11:27

profoundly positive changes in

11:29

their lives. And these are

11:29

changes that they knew existed,

11:33

but were maybe buried under more

11:33

urgent things. And not all of us

11:38

are lucky enough to have this

11:38

type of near death ... "lucky",

11:42

in quotes, to have such a near

11:42

death experience. Though, at

11:45

least, we can simulate it by

11:45

putting that question in a very

11:49

real way and seeing what that

11:49

does for us and how that might

11:51

alter our outlook.

11:53

Obviously,

11:53

Michael, there is a huge benefit

11:56

in self reflection. Is it

11:56

equally as helpful to try and

12:01

reflect on others actions, on

12:01

others behaviours, or others

12:05

perceived intentions?

12:07

I believe so.

12:07

I think that, you know, going

12:09

back to what I mentioned earlier

12:09

about how the journal should be

12:13

your space to just put down

12:13

everything that's on your mind.

12:17

Just, don't put up any

12:17

guardrails. I think that's so

12:21

important for getting beneath

12:21

the surface-level thoughts and

12:25

getting deeper, to start

12:25

identifying ideas and thoughts

12:29

and feelings that you didn't

12:29

know were there, or that are

12:32

hard to feel at a surface level.

12:32

And so by doing that, by

12:36

allowing yourself to write about

12:36

other people's actions,

12:40

behaviours and intentions, it's

12:40

not necessarily because you want

12:44

to change who they are or are

12:44

trying to take control of things

12:48

that are not within our control.

12:48

It's just the power of

12:51

acknowledging that that is

12:51

something that's on your mind.

12:53

And then you can go back and

12:53

identify like, what are the

12:57

things here that you really want

12:57

to focus on, or that you can

13:01

find meaning in, or that can

13:01

help you personally grow? A

13:04

great litmus test for how to

13:04

conduct your reflection,

13:07

specifically speaking to

13:07

lowlights, is to ask yourself

13:11

first, you know, "Is this within

13:11

my control?" And if yes, then,

13:15

"What can I do differently?" And

13:15

if it's not within your control,

13:19

then how do you find peace with it?

13:22

That is so cool.

13:22

And I think, too, that many of

13:25

us can go through life believing

13:25

that somehow we can control

13:29

other people's choices and

13:29

behaviours and intentions. And

13:33

so a bit of self reflection,

13:33

particularly around that

13:35

question, I think would go an

13:35

awful long way to alleviating a

13:39

lot of the unnecessary stress in

13:39

our lives. Sort of bringing us

13:43

back to what we're in charge of,

13:43

and how we can maintain our own

13:47

well-being. You keep mentioning

13:47

this personal journaling, and

13:51

the written reflection is

13:51

obviously deeply important to

13:54

you and to the work that you

13:54

share. Is there also value in

13:59

reflecting verbally and

13:59

collectively, Michael? Is it

14:04

equally as important to sort of

14:04

have a conversation with trusted

14:07

friends or loved ones? And at

14:07

the moment, I think it's

14:10

important to ask, is it

14:10

important and valuable for us as

14:15

a society to get together and

14:15

start reflecting?

14:19

So, I don't

14:19

believe that there's necessarily

14:21

one that's better than the other

14:21

in this scenario. Just like

14:24

there's no diet that's best for

14:24

everybody. I think that for some

14:28

people, taking the opportunity

14:28

to write down their thoughts

14:32

first helps to clarify what

14:32

you're thinking - especially if

14:35

it's very emotionally charged -

14:35

and then using that process to

14:39

help address that issue with

14:39

someone else. But there's other

14:42

people who are just very drawn

14:42

to verbally expressing

14:46

themselves and that helps to

14:46

clarify their thoughts. So, in

14:50

my personal experience, I have

14:50

found that it's helpful to first

14:54

write down what I'm thinking and

14:54

then approach it in conversation

14:58

with others. But I'm sure there

14:58

are others that find the process

15:01

of having a conversation with

15:01

trusted friends or loved ones is

15:05

a great first step. So I'm not

15:05

sure that there's a best way

15:08

forward there, though I will say

15:08

there's a quote by Anne Frank

15:12

that always kind of stuck with

15:12

me. Anne Frank was a very famous

15:15

journaler, obviously, and she

15:15

said that "paper has more

15:18

patience than people". And I

15:18

thought that to be a very

15:22

insightful way to think about

15:22

journaling.

15:25

We've spoken

15:25

about, you know, the dangers of

15:29

rumination. Are there any other

15:29

pitfalls that we should look out

15:33

for when we're practising

15:33

reflection? Are there unhealthy

15:37

behaviours or bad habits that

15:37

will actually undermine our

15:41

sense of happiness, fulfilment

15:41

well being?

15:43

I think that

15:43

when we put pressure on the

15:45

outcome of journaling, that can

15:45

be a pitfall; expecting some

15:49

beautiful prose or a brilliant

15:49

idea to come out, just because

15:53

you sat down to journal. I think

15:53

that does happenand it happens

15:56

often. Great ideas tend to come

15:56

out when you just let your

15:59

stream of conscious go, and

15:59

write, or when you start writing

16:02

about a topic it usually leads

16:02

to another area, and that starts

16:05

connecting dots. But I don't

16:05

think it's fair to expect that

16:10

to happen every time that you

16:10

write; that you sit down and

16:12

journal. And I do believe that,

16:12

you know, the most important

16:16

part of journaling is to simply

16:16

do it; to just sit down and

16:20

write down something each day.

16:20

And in that helps to open the

16:24

floodgates over time.

16:26

Reflection is

16:26

obviously a lot about, not just

16:29

expressing and acknowledging

16:29

what's on the inside, but asking

16:32

questions about that. Asking

16:32

questions about what's going on

16:35

in our life, the way that we've

16:35

reacted to those situations. And

16:39

it made me wonder, how important

16:39

is curiosity in the practice of

16:45

self reflection? And are there

16:45

other traits like determination

16:49

or discipline that can help us

16:49

develop a really healthy and

16:53

effective reflection practice?

16:56

I would say

16:56

that from the get-go, this

16:59

practice overall requires a lot

16:59

of determination. I think that's

17:02

kind of a requirement for

17:02

building a consistent reflection

17:06

practice. The notion of putting

17:06

what's in your head onto paper

17:11

or into a journal is simple, but

17:11

that doesn't mean that it's

17:14

easy. However, I will say that

17:14

curiosity, self compassion,

17:20

playfulness, are all things that

17:20

are nurtured through the

17:24

practice of journaling, or

17:24

reflection. And just the

17:29

realisation that there are many

17:29

layers to our thinking, and that

17:33

the more you allow yourself to

17:33

kind of poke around in your

17:36

mind, the more you'll see how

17:36

there are layers that we don't

17:39

even know exist within our own

17:39

mind.

17:42

Interesting, there, that you say determination for you is

17:44

paramount. What is that

17:48

determination anchored into?

17:48

What does it look like? Is it

17:51

that we ought to be determined

17:51

to express ourselves? Or is it

17:56

that we are determined to heal?

17:56

Or is it that we are determined

18:00

to grow? What does that

18:00

determination look like?

18:04

I think that for when I was saying determination, I really meant

18:05

the simple act of writing;

18:09

making a consistent practice.

18:09

And it's just it's something

18:14

that I've found even personally,

18:14

as I want to establish my own

18:19

journaling and reflection

18:19

practice, I have realised that

18:22

being able to crack that part

18:22

opens up everything else. If I

18:25

can make sure that it's a

18:25

consistent practice, that makes

18:28

the whole process so much more

18:28

fluid and possible. You know,

18:33

they say that people focus on

18:33

the areas that they really want

18:36

to improve themselves. And I

18:36

have many friends, and I've

18:42

known many people, who they seem

18:42

to be just, like, naturals at

18:46

reflection and coming back and,

18:46

like, on a monthly basis,

18:49

reviewing their month or an

18:49

annual basis. And that, for me,

18:53

was never a very natural thing

18:53

to do. And I as I talked to many

18:57

people, I realised that my

18:57

feeling was not an outlier, but

19:00

it's a common trait. And those

19:00

people who seem naturally

19:04

inclined to reflect, they seem

19:04

to be the outlier. So that's

19:08

good news for those of us who

19:08

find it difficult to find the

19:12

time every day to journal and

19:12

reflect. But it's definitely one

19:16

of those things, that it's a

19:16

habit that can be nurtured and

19:19

become a practice I think for anyone.

19:21

I'm actually

19:21

sitting here nodding vigorously.

19:25

I'm going "It doesn't matter how

19:25

committed I am at the beginning

19:30

of a practice, you know, I

19:30

always hit that wall. I always

19:34

find that difficult to, sort of,

19:34

continue on beyond those first

19:38

days, weeks, months." So it's

19:38

great to hear that I'm not alone

19:41

in that. Let's go back to

19:41

talking about your personal

19:45

reflection practice. The

19:45

Eudaemonia podcast is all about

19:48

flourishing. What is your

19:48

personal reflection look like

19:52

and how has it helped you

19:52

flourish in life?

19:55

So my

19:55

personal reflection practice

19:59

basically follows the structure

19:59

of what we've created, which is

20:03

at Reflection.app. And

20:03

essentially, all the entries or

20:08

journal entries that I create

20:08

are split into three buckets.

20:12

It's ... we have ... I'll either

20:12

write a highlight, which is

20:15

essentially like a gratitude

20:15

journal, or a post that

20:18

describes something that I'm

20:18

grateful for, or I'm happy, or

20:21

that brought me joy. Then I also

20:21

have lowlights, which are any of

20:25

the setbacks that I've had, a

20:25

challenge, or something that I'm

20:28

currently working through. And

20:28

then everything else falls into

20:31

a free write. My goal is to

20:31

every day, write something,

20:35

whatever it might be. And

20:35

usually, you know, hopefully,

20:39

and usually it's like mostly

20:39

highlights with a lot of free

20:42

write sprinkled in, and the

20:42

occasional lowlight. And then

20:45

what I like to do is, I like to

20:45

give it a little bit of time

20:47

from when I write those posts to

20:47

when I come back, just to give

20:51

just a little bit of space. And

20:51

this is my own personal

20:53

practice. Other people may like

20:53

to come back to those posts

20:56

sooner. But usually around the

20:56

end of the month, I'll come back

20:59

to all those posts and I'll look

20:59

at the highlights, and I'll say,

21:04

"Okay, well, what are the

21:04

patterns here? Who were the

21:06

people that I was with? What are

21:06

the things that I was doing that

21:09

really made me happy?" And I'll

21:09

summarise those. And then I'll

21:12

look at the lowlights. And I'll

21:12

ask myself two questions. And

21:17

the first one is "Was this

21:17

within my control?" And if I say

21:21

yes, the next question is,

21:21

"Well, what is the lesson or

21:24

takeaway that I have here?"

21:24

Like, what will I do the next

21:27

time I experienced one of these

21:27

situations, and I'll I'll draft

21:31

that. And if it's not within my

21:31

control, then the only real

21:35

option I have is to identify how

21:35

I'll find peace with it. And

21:39

that practice, over time, has

21:39

allowed me to identify very

21:44

clearly what are the things that

21:44

bring me joy. And over time,

21:47

it's given me the ability to

21:47

have a list of lessons,

21:50

basically, life lessons that

21:50

I've experienced, and I can

21:53

refer back to. And the beauty of

21:53

what we're building in the

21:58

Reflection app is that it helps

21:58

to automate that process to some

22:02

degree, in that it just

22:02

resurfaces your highlights and

22:06

your lowlights in a way that

22:06

makes it very easy to address

22:08

them on a monthly basis. And

22:08

then at the end of the year,

22:12

because you've already done

22:12

these monthly reviews, it makes

22:15

doing an annual reflection

22:15

practice much easier. And anyone

22:20

who's ever tried to do an annual

22:20

review without having these kind

22:24

of monthly reviews along the way

22:24

knows how difficult it is to

22:28

remember at the end of the year,

22:28

what you did in September, or

22:31

even in May, or at any point in

22:31

the past year. So that has been

22:37

the process that I've used

22:37

personally. And it's what we've

22:41

kind of built this whole

22:41

ecosystem around in terms of

22:44

what we've been creating to

22:44

address something that we saw as

22:48

a challenge in our own personal

22:48

lives; in terms of wanting to

22:50

have a reflection practice, but

22:50

not being able to have the

22:53

structure or framework that made

22:53

it possible for us.

22:56

I'd really love

22:56

to know how this reflection

22:59

practice - that sounds so simple

22:59

and so powerful, Michael - how

23:03

has it helped you? And I'm going

23:03

to frame it in this way. 2020

23:07

has been a shocking year for

23:07

just about every human on the

23:11

planet. Do you feel that your

23:11

daily practice, your monthly

23:15

reflection, do you feel that

23:15

that has helped you through the

23:19

challenges of the last 12

23:19

months?

23:23

Oh my god,

23:23

yes. Literally, this tool just

23:26

came out this year - the web app

23:26

earlier in the year and it

23:30

became available on Android and

23:30

iOS over the summer. And the

23:35

timing was literally perfect for

23:35

me and many people in our

23:39

community. Because it's been a

23:39

very challenging year. But

23:43

there's also been these slivers

23:43

of wonderfulness that we've all

23:48

experienced in different ways,

23:48

and it's just easy to lose sight

23:52

of those things. And so for me

23:52

personally, having this practice

23:58

in this past year has allowed me

23:58

to find the gratitude in a lot

24:04

of the things that I've

24:04

overlooked in the past. And it's

24:07

allowed me to work through some

24:07

very heavy challenges that I

24:12

probably would have ended up,

24:12

you know, going back to

24:14

ruminating on; that I would have

24:14

just like allowed to circle in

24:17

my mind for longer than they

24:17

needed to be there. But by

24:21

acknowledging them and

24:21

addressing them and learning how

24:25

to let go to some of those

24:25

issues, I just know that there's

24:28

nothing I can do about it. I

24:28

mean, I'm not going to allow it

24:31

to dictate my behaviour or my

24:31

emotions. And that has been a

24:36

hard journey, but it's been a

24:36

really powerful one.

24:40

That sounds

24:40

amazing. Michael, my final

24:43

question is one that I ask every

24:43

guest on the Eudaemonia podcast.

24:46

Obviously you offer a huge range

24:46

of tools that can help my

24:49

listeners learn to reflect in

24:49

really beneficial ways. But

24:54

other than download the app,

24:54

what's one simple exercise,

24:59

mantra, affirmation that can

24:59

help my listeners integrate

25:03

healthy reflection into their

25:03

daily lives?

25:07

I would say,

25:07

don't worry about how you write

25:11

or where you write, but just

25:11

allow it ... and how much you

25:15

write ... but just allow

25:15

yourself to write at least one

25:18

sentence every day, and see how

25:18

it feels at the end of the

25:22

month. And I think that reducing

25:22

those barriers - you don't need

25:26

a fancy notebook. I mean I'm

25:26

partial to the app we created,

25:29

but you don't need a fancy app.

25:29

I think that just the act of

25:33

doing it, and writing down one

25:33

sentence every day is enough to

25:37

see an impact. And by keeping

25:37

the barrier low, it just makes

25:42

it so much more possible to do.

25:42

And what I believe many people

25:46

will find is that you write that

25:46

first sentence, and just the act

25:51

of writing that first sentence

25:51

makes the second sentence so

25:54

much easier to write, and so on

25:54

and so forth. So it's just

25:57

breaking the barrier everyday of

25:57

writing that first sentence.

26:00

That's really cool. Very early on in the interview you were saying how a

26:02

lot of those thoughts just want

26:04

to be acknowledged. Right? They

26:04

just want to be seen. And so

26:07

you're saying write the first

26:07

sentence and see what comes.

26:09

Mm hmm.

26:10

Incredible app,

26:10

Reflection.app. You've also got

26:13

Reflection Cards and all sorts

26:13

of resources, a community.

26:17

Michael Radparvar, where can

26:17

people find out more about you?

26:20

I'm personally active on Twitter @michaelrad. But you can learn

26:22

more about the work that we're

26:27

doing at Holstee, that is the

26:27

company that created the

26:31

Reflection app, and that's

26:31

@holstee.

26:35

That is awesome. And that's with your brother David. So it sounds like a

26:37

wonderful resource for anyone

26:41

who really wants to, not just

26:41

sort of live life or think about

26:45

life or react to life, but

26:45

actually learn and grow and

26:48

understand more deeply what life

26:48

is all about. Michael Radparvar,

26:52

it's been a delight having you

26:52

here on the final Eudaemonia

26:55

podcast for 2020. Thank you so

26:55

much for sharing your time and

26:59

your wisdom with me today.

27:01

It's my

27:01

greatest honour. Thank you so

27:03

much.

27:04

As the American

27:04

businessman Peter Drucker once

27:06

remarked, "Follow effective

27:06

action with quiet reflection.

27:11

From the quiet reflection will

27:11

come even more effective

27:15

action." You've been listening

27:15

to the final Eudaemonia podcast

27:19

for the year. If you'd like to

27:19

learn more about how to live a

27:22

truly flourishing life, please

27:22

subscribe, check out

27:25

eudaemoniapod.com for more

27:25

inspiring episodes, and follow

27:29

me on Instagram,

27:29

@iamkimforrester. I'm Kim

27:34

Forrester, and that's a wrap for

27:34

2020. As we prepare to step into

27:38

a new year, remember to be well,

27:38

be kind to yourself and take a

27:44

moment to reflect on just how

27:44

far you've come.