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Identity Theft Protection starts here.

1:07

The age of online dating,

1:10

it certainly has its ups and downs. Sure,

1:12

it takes away a bit of that face-to-face connection

1:15

that you get from meeting someone at a bar, but

1:17

it also means you don't have to be in the same bar

1:19

as someone to meet them. There's a whole world

1:22

full of options right at your fingertips.

1:24

And it allowed Sophie to meet Stelios.

1:50

And now it's a normal way to meet someone.

1:52

Gone are the days of being concerned about creeps

1:55

lurking in dark rooms on their keyboards, or

1:57

embarrassment about connecting with someone through

1:59

a screen.

1:59

These days you know who

2:02

people are when you speak to them online. Don't

2:04

you? I just like flat out did

2:07

ask him. He assured me that if he

2:09

was a catfish he wouldn't spend this

2:11

long talking to me and building up

2:13

this connection. It makes sense right?

2:25

I'm Georgia Love and this is Everyone

2:27

Has An Ex. Come with me as we dive

2:29

into a collection of unconventional

2:31

stories about relationships past through

2:34

the eyes and the hearts of the very people

2:36

who lived them. Sophie had

2:38

had a pretty good and fun life by the

2:40

time she turned 23. She worked

2:43

in hotels and resorts around Australia making

2:45

a heap of friends along the way and seeing some

2:47

pretty cool things but there was one

2:50

thing her transient life was lacking. I

2:52

was living and working in the Blue Mountains

2:55

in a luxury lodge and

2:57

I had just travelled to Bali

3:00

and my sister just got married so I was on

3:02

quite a high at that point in my life

3:05

and then coming back home to a

3:07

very small town working in a hotel,

3:10

working with and living with everyone you work

3:12

with I decided to

3:15

get on Tinder and try and date.

3:18

I think I chose to be single earlier

3:21

in my 20s because I wanted to travel,

3:23

I wanted to move around. I didn't

3:25

want to have any commitment. At

3:27

that time I felt quite isolated

3:30

and I didn't really have that many friends

3:32

around me. A lot of people had moved on from the hotel,

3:35

from the resort and I wasn't

3:38

really happy but I didn't find that I

3:40

had much of a purpose as much as

3:42

I did at other locations I was working at.

3:45

So I decided to join Tinder

3:48

and I was on Tinder on and

3:50

off throughout my 20s anyways

3:52

just for fun and I guess

3:55

dating experiences but at

3:58

this time I... wanted

4:00

something a little bit more serious. She

4:02

swiped and swiped, but nothing.

4:04

So she extended her search area

4:07

a little farther, swiped some more,

4:09

and then there was Stelios.

4:12

He was a business consultant in Sydney.

4:14

He was very tall, kind

4:17

of tan, handsome. He was from

4:19

Greece. He had such beautiful eyes and

4:21

he was a bigger build, quite

4:23

muscly. So I was very

4:27

attracted to him. So she slid

4:29

into his DMs. I realised he

4:32

had sent me quite a few messages and

4:34

I hadn't responded. They were just general

4:37

like, hello, and then he would send

4:40

silly memes and things like that to

4:42

kind of get my attention and compliment me

4:45

and tell me how beautiful I am

4:47

and things like that. So

4:49

they started chatting. The

4:52

conversations definitely were all like, big

4:54

good mornings, beautiful, like constantly

4:57

taking up on me, seeing how I'm doing,

4:59

seeing what I'm doing for the day, just

5:01

really interested in my life. I don't know

5:04

so much I was even saying

5:06

that back to him, but I know that he was

5:08

definitely giving me like a lot of attention.

5:10

I was attracted to what

5:12

he looked like on the outside, but at

5:15

the same time, he was giving me a lot of attention

5:17

on Tinder. So I found that

5:21

that would give me like a bit of a buzz every

5:23

time he would message me and things like that.

5:25

And I felt excited when

5:27

I saw his messages come up, which is

5:30

like a dopamine hit, it feels like almost.

5:32

Because I was so in an isolated

5:35

area in the Blue Mountains, so we obviously

5:37

couldn't meet up that immediately.

5:39

So we decided to continue talking

5:42

until we found a time that would

5:44

suit us both to meet. We

5:46

went over to Facebook

5:49

Messenger quite quickly, and then we were talking

5:51

kind of like every day for hours.

5:53

I think it was

5:55

quite normal, like if you were talking

5:57

to someone on Tinder to them. want

6:00

to move to Instagram or Facebook

6:02

Messenger, that was quite a normal thing. So

6:05

I think I was happy for us to talk

6:07

on that, except

6:09

I suggested we could exchange phone numbers

6:12

because where I was working, I didn't have

6:14

any service at the time, so it was a lot

6:16

easier just to use Wi-Fi to

6:18

talk. And so that's when we

6:21

were bonding over things. So he

6:23

had a lot of family issues with his brothers

6:26

and his parents. At this time, I was going

6:28

through some family issues. So we kind of bonded

6:30

over that. We also had

6:33

really similar family values. Like

6:35

we wanted to travel. We had the same

6:37

idea. Like we wanted to have kids, things

6:40

like that. So we could bond over that. And

6:42

we also kind of liked the same TV shows,

6:44

like similar music. So

6:47

I feel like I just felt a lot more. I

6:50

felt really connected to this person.

6:52

He would just be, he would always

6:55

be texting me. Like it would be almost

6:57

like every day continuously. We

6:59

all know that stage, don't we dear listeners?

7:02

When you're chatting with someone new, playing the

7:04

getting to know you game and getting butterflies

7:06

every time your phone dings. Stelios

7:08

and I had been chatting for probably

7:11

a couple of weeks, even two to three weeks

7:13

at this point. And we

7:16

had been almost chatting for hours on end

7:18

a day, constantly about

7:20

everything. So first time in,

7:23

since we had been talking, we had a phone call. I

7:25

was quite nervous to talk

7:28

to him on the phone, of course.

7:30

And then I found

7:33

his voice super comforting.

7:35

So I, my nerves quickly like

7:38

drifted away and I really enjoyed

7:40

and loved talking to him. So I couldn't believe

7:42

I ever felt anxious or nervous

7:45

to ever talk to him on the phone. He

7:47

had like a comfort in his voice that

7:50

I found really soothing. Generally, like

7:52

when we were on these phone calls, like we would just

7:54

chat for like one to two hours a night,

7:57

even sometimes just stay on the phone and not even

7:59

chat. much as well. And

8:01

it didn't take long for these conversations

8:03

to ramp up a notch. So

8:06

over the weeks that we were chatting and

8:08

our feelings were growing stronger and

8:11

we were getting to know each other a lot more and becoming

8:13

more connected, we would

8:16

always be like chatting every night and he

8:18

would sometimes suggest that I

8:21

could send him a photo and he would send

8:24

me something back. Obviously when you're feeling

8:26

quite connected and to someone

8:29

you obviously have that attraction

8:32

to them so you're more than likely wanting

8:34

to do like

8:36

send intimate photos and videos

8:38

and things like that.

8:39

We

8:40

would be talking about something or I would be complaining

8:43

about work probably or something like that

8:45

and he would then like

8:49

ask me to do something later on for him

8:51

like sexually like send him photos or videos

8:53

and it would cheer him up and it will make me

8:55

feel better. It did start quite

8:58

early on into like us chatting. I

9:00

was quite happy to do it. I felt quite comfortable

9:03

and confident in my body so I never

9:06

was like ashamed to send anything like that.

9:08

I didn't have any I guess

9:12

reservations. I was very happy to do

9:14

that. I felt really loved

9:16

by this person that I had never met so I felt

9:20

very comfortable. I wasn't exactly

9:23

in like the best living conditions at

9:25

that time so he was like

9:27

a person I could complain to and like

9:29

he wouldn't judge me for it and you

9:32

know I could kind of escape to and

9:34

escape my reality from and so

9:37

I found that we had

9:39

such a deep connection but the

9:41

craziest thing is that we had never met. So

9:45

a part of me was like I felt more

9:47

connected because we hadn't met because we had

9:49

so much good conversations

9:51

over the phone and through text messages. Throughout

9:54

the conversations we obviously wanted to

9:57

meet up at some point and we

9:59

had talked about it and we had even, I

10:01

guess, fantasized about it to an extent

10:03

of like, when we would meet, what would

10:06

happen? What will we do? Things like

10:08

that. Will we go out for dinner, drink,

10:10

have a picnic or something? So

10:13

we definitely suggested it. We just weren't

10:15

sure about the time frames because

10:17

both of us were quite busy. I was busy

10:20

with my job and he was busy

10:22

as a business consultant as

10:24

well. So he was very

10:27

excited to meet him and I think at

10:30

that time it was something that was

10:32

like getting me through what

10:34

I was currently going through. So I was very

10:36

excited to meet him, get to know him

10:38

even more and start

10:40

our future together. There were definitely

10:43

like romantic feelings there. He,

10:46

at this point in our relationship,

10:49

we were talking

10:51

like every day constantly and

10:53

then he would always be like sending

10:56

me like poems and things like that.

10:58

He would be telling me he loved me and he

11:01

would even like send me songs

11:03

that he liked and like say they're about

11:06

me and he would basically

11:09

send me like these little love letters all

11:11

the time, like all day, every night. That

11:13

made me feel obviously very loved

11:16

and valued and adored

11:19

as a person.

11:21

He told me he loved me and

11:23

I did generally believe that he

11:26

felt that way towards me because he would spend

11:28

hours talking to me. He would

11:30

do anything for me that

11:33

I felt like I asked

11:35

for. Anytime I needed anything

11:38

he would give it to me. It was probably

11:40

around three months in that

11:42

I had felt I definitely

11:44

had a strong connection and I've fallen

11:47

for him and I was deeply in love with

11:49

him. It all felt too good

11:51

to be true. Was this guy even real?

11:54

But no, like I'm actually asking that

11:57

and so did Sophie. And at

11:59

this time... In my life, I actually

12:01

started watching the MTV

12:03

show Catfish. Basically

12:06

what they do is they catch catfishes

12:08

who pretend to be other

12:10

people. So people that are dating online

12:13

and they're pretending to be someone they're

12:15

not. And so I got really into

12:18

the show at this time and I was watching it a

12:20

lot. And so I did have

12:22

suspicions that

12:25

Stelios might be a catfish. There

12:27

were certain things that just kind of weren't

12:30

adding up. And also I found it strange

12:32

that he would be up for hours until

12:34

like 3am. And

12:39

he would send me messages and they were

12:41

beautiful messages. But I

12:43

found it weird that he wasn't

12:45

asleep like everybody else. Like

12:47

getting ready for the next day. And

12:50

he would also walk up very late. So

12:52

at like 1pm during the day. And

12:55

then he would start messaging me. And

12:57

so I questioned like, you know, if you got

12:59

to sleep really late, like do you not have work? He

13:02

said he could work from home and his job,

13:04

like he could just work whenever he wanted

13:06

to. Because it was an American based company.

13:09

And I even Googled search the company

13:12

and it was American based company.

13:15

So he could work at different hours and it

13:17

suited them. I asked

13:20

him for his Instagram at the time and

13:22

he said he didn't have Instagram. Which

13:24

everybody at the moment has an Instagram

13:27

basically. So I also found that a bit

13:29

strange. It wasn't a big deal. But

13:31

like little things were kind of

13:33

like not adding up at this point.

13:36

And so I questioned him about it. And

13:39

he told to me that why

13:42

would I catfish you and talk to you this

13:44

much? Like a catfish wouldn't

13:46

put this so much emotional

13:50

conversation into their catfisher

13:53

basically. And spent hours

13:55

on the phone and things like that. He was quite

13:57

offended that I had asked that question.

14:01

As well, he assured me that if he was

14:03

a catfish, he wouldn't spend this

14:05

long talking to me and building up

14:07

this connection. It makes sense, right?

14:10

It takes a lot of work here. I find

14:14

most catfishes will then

14:16

ask for money and things like that, whereas Stelios

14:20

never asked for any of that. She was

14:22

being ridiculous. She realised that, driven

14:24

crazy by her desire to meet this guy. So

14:27

it was well and truly time to do just

14:30

that. And the timing couldn't have been better.

14:32

So if he had a holiday planned and would be flying through

14:34

Sydney, finally they'd be in the

14:37

same place. On my way back

14:39

from Melbourne, I suggested we

14:42

meet for a drink because I was travelling

14:45

through there anyways and I was

14:47

available and I was hoping that he would

14:49

be available because it was just like a random Tuesday.

14:54

And at that point, when

14:56

I suggested that, he got very

14:59

standoffish and very cold and kind

15:01

of basically said that he can't just drop

15:04

everything to meet up for a drink.

15:06

I

15:09

definitely was disappointed and kind of

15:11

upset that he wouldn't make

15:13

the effort to meet with me considering he

15:16

felt so strongly about me. But he

15:18

assured me at that time that

15:20

it was nothing to do with me. He

15:24

was just busy with work, which I

15:27

kind of understood at the time because

15:29

he had like a very busy job. So

15:31

I was like, you know what? It's fine. It

15:34

doesn't matter. It was very last minute anyways.

15:36

And then I kind of just let it go. He

15:38

suggested another date

15:40

that we meet up. So then

15:42

that was him reassuring that we were

15:44

going to meet

15:45

because we had this other date in mind.

15:48

He would come to Blue Mountains and I would go to Sydney.

15:50

When it came to that other time that

15:53

we were meant to meet, I actually had to work.

15:55

I did feel really bad that I couldn't

15:57

make our date,

15:58

but he was super.

15:59

but understandable as well because he

16:02

knew that I obviously had quite

16:04

a high stressful job at that time and I had

16:07

to commit to that. But he was upset

16:09

that obviously we weren't able to meet.

16:11

And I was upset as well because I really

16:13

wanted to meet him. He had actually sent

16:16

me a photo of a ring,

16:18

not like a proposal ring or anything like

16:20

that, but just a ring that he bought me for

16:23

a present and some candles

16:25

and things like that. And he wrote

16:27

this massive love letter with this ring.

16:29

So I was feeling very

16:32

loved and comfortable and we were going to

16:34

meet up with each other. And he would

16:36

even send me this Guy

16:38

Sebastian love song that I

16:40

didn't even actually like, but it

16:43

was cute because it came from him. So I was

16:45

feeling really

16:47

loved. And so he just

16:50

knew what to say to keep

16:53

me in this little love bubble that

16:55

we were in.

17:43

Identity

17:55

theft protection starts here.

18:02

So what could they do to stay connected

18:04

until their work schedules finally matched up

18:07

and they could meet face to face at last?

18:10

Well Stelios had one idea. He

18:12

made me feel like I was the

18:15

most beautiful person in the world

18:17

without even having met him because he would constantly

18:20

validate my feelings, my appearance

18:22

and how I'm looking and

18:25

he would always be asking for just even

18:27

like selfies and photos of me. So

18:29

of course like somebody asking me for that all

18:32

the time and like they must really like me

18:34

and like like the way I look and things like that.

18:36

So of course I felt very good about

18:39

myself and obviously

18:41

I always wanted to make him feel good about

18:43

himself as well. He would send me

18:45

photos of himself like at work

18:48

for like photo shoots and things like that. So

18:51

they weren't intimate photos, they were just like general photos

18:53

and then there were some photos of like there

18:56

was a lot of memes. Him and his family

18:58

and there was not a lot of intimate photos

19:00

on his side. So

19:02

at the start I definitely was comfortable

19:05

sending him intimate photos and videos

19:08

but then it did get to a point where I kind

19:10

of was getting a little bit

19:12

frustrated with him constantly asking

19:15

me. So I would say no or I

19:17

wouldn't want to do it and then I feel

19:20

like he would get very upset with

19:22

me or angry and sometimes

19:24

even ignore me if I didn't do

19:27

what he asked and then I

19:29

would get upset and then I would do it for

19:31

him. And then over time that

19:33

definitely started to become more of

19:36

a pattern. A couple more

19:38

months went by like this. Sophie and Stelios

19:40

in a love bubble from afar texting

19:43

all day, chatting all night, the

19:45

conversation is getting more and more intimate.

19:48

So when Stelios finally planned to take

19:50

a whole three days off to come

19:52

and visit Sophie where she worked, the

19:55

excitement was real. In

19:57

the lead up to that one, everything was very

20:01

like a love bubble. Like we were very

20:03

connected. We were going to go camping

20:05

and that as well and

20:07

that he had told his family not to

20:09

contact him like when he was coming down

20:12

to the Blue Mountains because he wanted

20:14

to be present like with me and he was

20:16

saying things like that to me so I

20:20

I guess I knew like he was actually committed

20:22

to coming to the Blue Mountains for that weekend

20:25

and I had organized some time of work

20:27

as well. I was feeling really

20:29

excited and like ready for

20:32

this like three day little weekend

20:35

and we had been chatting that morning about

20:37

what it was going to be like when we first see

20:39

each other and meet each other. I remember

20:42

I even had like my

20:44

I had a blow wave or something that morning

20:46

because I loved getting my hair washed and like

20:49

you know fresh curls and I

20:51

was really excited and I bought like new

20:53

bedsheets. I started decorating like my

20:55

room and I bought candles but I love that

20:58

stuff so I wanted to make

21:00

it like a really special weekend. I

21:03

was starting to feel nervous because it definitely

21:06

was quite a sexual relationship

21:08

and it was becoming quite clear

21:10

to me that he was expecting to have

21:13

this when he arrived.

21:15

In the lead up to us meeting

21:17

on that day there was one video that he

21:20

kept bugging me to send him

21:22

and it was to dress up in a costume

21:24

that we had a party in basically

21:27

the week before. It was literally

21:29

a little like Sailor Moon costume

21:32

and it was quite

21:34

I guess like sexy in some sort

21:36

of way but it was for

21:39

a costume party. We had a party

21:41

with work and I got quite drunk

21:43

and I didn't have my phone and

21:45

I was just not texting him back and

21:48

in the morning afterwards he was

21:50

extremely angry at me because

21:52

I hadn't responded. I felt bad

21:54

because he told me that

21:57

he was worried something had happened to me.

21:59

wanted me to then make

22:02

it up to him in a way

22:04

of dressing up for him and sending

22:07

him this video like an intimate

22:09

video like straight out

22:11

said no and then he kind

22:13

of he got quite

22:15

upset with me but

22:18

he knew that I didn't want to do it so he

22:20

just had to like let it go at that

22:22

point and then he would constantly

22:24

ask me during that week I remember

22:27

the lead up to it like he would ask me after

22:29

work and I didn't want to do it so I can

22:32

kept saying no when it

22:34

got closer to us meeting I definitely felt

22:37

a little bit more uncomfortable but also

22:39

that I wasn't actually

22:41

that like confident like in person

22:44

I think it's very easy to take like photos

22:46

and videos on a phone or whatever

22:49

but I wasn't actually that confident I found

22:51

probably I was getting a bit nervous I didn't

22:53

really want to share too much either

22:56

of my like self or send

22:59

those intimate videos

23:00

or photos

23:01

I would tell him that I'm not comfortable

23:04

to do certain things and I don't want to send

23:06

a video or a photo and

23:08

he would kind of almost basically

23:11

guilt trip me into doing it and

23:14

he would say that he has

23:17

asked all week and I haven't wanted to do

23:19

it and now he feels like a

23:21

he doesn't feel great about himself because

23:24

of that and then I would feel bad over

23:27

that situation so he

23:31

would always be kind of like pressuring

23:33

me to do it even though

23:35

I've already said no but this was all

23:37

behind them now Stelios was on his

23:39

way he'd send her a photo of the road

23:42

sign halfway between Sydney and the Blue Mountains

23:44

she was counting down the minutes until he'd knock

23:46

on her door and then her phone

23:49

went off he said

23:51

to me he's not going to

23:53

come unless I do

23:55

this video he said he was in the

23:57

McDonald's in list go

24:00

and he was not coming to my house

24:02

until I did it. I

24:05

kind of went into like

24:08

a, not a shock, but I was very

24:10

like concerned that

24:12

he would be at the McDonald's and not come

24:14

to my house unless I did something that I didn't

24:17

want to do. It was definitely

24:19

to be stubborn so I would do what

24:21

he asked because he knew that if

24:24

that meant me not seeing him, of course

24:26

I'm going to do it. So I

24:29

ended up after a while just

24:31

doing what he asked.

24:33

I ended up sending the video.

24:35

I saw that he received the video

24:38

and at that point I then got no

24:40

response. I

24:46

waited a couple of minutes because

24:48

he was around the corner from my house.

24:53

And then in that moment I

24:55

started kind of messaging him a little

24:57

bit more. And

25:00

I was like, where are you? Are you coming?

25:02

I'm waiting for you,

25:04

blah, blah, blah. And

25:07

he didn't respond

25:09

and asked him where he was, how long he

25:11

was going to be, because I knew that the McDonald's

25:14

was quite close to my house. I had actually

25:16

sent him quite a few messages

25:18

being like, hello, like where

25:21

are you? Are you coming? Are you

25:24

still on your way? At

25:26

this point I noticed

25:29

that my messages actually weren't being

25:31

delivered. I tried to call

25:33

him but it wouldn't go through. So

25:36

I went to check my Snapchat and

25:38

I realized that we're not a friend

25:39

on Snapchat anymore. I

25:42

was removed as a friend.

25:44

I thought maybe this is a mistake. Like

25:46

maybe he didn't mean to. I was

25:48

trying to justify what had

25:50

happened but it didn't take long

25:53

for reality to set in. She

25:55

wasn't going to hear from him. I

25:57

had sent him messages.

26:00

being like, how could you do this? Like,

26:03

you're just not going to come.

26:05

Um, we've spoken

26:06

for like six months and you

26:09

just lied to me. I had tried to call

26:11

them like multiple times, like, and

26:13

I would even send like messages, like

26:16

I'm broken and like, where are

26:18

you Sally? All in this, like, you

26:20

know, half an hour period of time. Like

26:23

that was it. That was called Turkey. There was no

26:26

message back. And I got really,

26:29

really upset. So I decided

26:32

to leave my house and

26:34

go to my friends. I need to be

26:36

around people. When I told

26:38

them the story, I was obviously very

26:40

upset. I was bawling my eyes out.

26:43

My friend suggested that we do like

26:46

a reverse Google image search

26:49

on him. And so we

26:52

reversed image search his photo

26:54

and it came up as a Greek

26:57

singer who is called Konstantinos

27:01

Argos. My heart dropped.

27:03

I remember just being in like a lot

27:06

of shock and not believing it and almost

27:08

kind of laughing at this point because I was

27:10

like, how could this happen? Like

27:13

to me as well. I didn't believe

27:15

that it happened to me. I didn't believe that

27:17

he wasn't who we said he was.

27:20

And I didn't believe that for this whole

27:23

time, I like was

27:25

basically fooled around for, um, so

27:28

I was definitely, I

27:30

was very emotional. I was still

27:33

like, I sent him the

27:35

screenshot and then we found out who he was.

27:37

I, I Googled this,

27:40

um, Konstantinos like

27:42

Greek singer online. And

27:44

I had sent like it to him being

27:46

like, I know that you're not the person

27:49

you are. I was also very

27:51

angry, but it was also very upset. So

27:55

at this point I was still messaging him, even

27:57

though the messages were not being received. And

28:01

I just remember laying on the grass

28:03

crying, bawling my

28:05

eyes out. I had

28:07

to go to the doctors that day anyways

28:10

and I ended up telling

28:13

the nurse what had happened

28:16

in the same afternoon and she

28:19

just gave me a big cuddle and

28:21

she actually took me to

28:23

the police station to

28:27

then file a report on this

28:29

person. And

28:31

I was so thankful for her help because

28:34

at that time I was driving

28:36

and I just remember being like how easy

28:38

it would be if I just drive my car

28:41

off the cliff. I'm not a person

28:43

who would

28:45

necessarily feel like

28:48

any, like a lot

28:50

of deep sadness regularly or I don't

28:52

feel like I've

28:55

never felt any sides of depression

28:57

or anything like any mental health issues.

29:00

I've never been that way but in that time

29:02

in my life I definitely felt like

29:04

those kind of thoughts. It was more

29:07

heart-breaking. It was more the fantasy

29:09

of what we had created. We

29:12

had created this life and

29:14

he told me that we were going to move to Greece

29:17

and we were going to have this and we had

29:19

built this emotional connection that I

29:21

had never felt with guys my

29:23

age at that time and I had never felt

29:25

that way about anybody that I had

29:27

never met in person. So

29:30

that really was hard for me to accept

29:32

that that was not true and

29:34

also that he had lied that whole

29:37

entire time and he wasn't

29:39

who he was because in my

29:41

mind if you're on a dating app or on

29:44

any forms on the internet you are

29:46

who you are and I didn't

29:48

understand because I didn't have necessarily

29:51

troubles dating. I

29:54

could date people on Tinder and things

29:57

and I guess I was

29:59

shocked as well. well that I got catfish.

30:02

How does a dating app let

30:04

people who aren't real people be on

30:06

their app? When we got to

30:08

the police station, the

30:12

nurse had asked that I talk to a female

30:14

police officer because sometimes it's easier

30:17

talking to other women about these kinds of things

30:20

rather than a male.

30:23

She searched up his name, I gave the

30:25

details of his name and basically said

30:28

that he's not like a real person,

30:30

like his name isn't his real name, he's

30:33

using a fake identity and

30:36

that I should be more careful because

30:39

if I'm not careful and she was in

30:41

a cast at the time, like something had happened

30:43

to her, she was like you might end up like me.

30:46

And so after that I felt even

30:49

worse because I

30:51

felt more ashamed of what I had done

30:53

because I was stupid enough to send this person

30:55

photos and videos and she said,

30:58

she mentioned to me at the time, there's

31:01

nothing you can do until they end up on

31:03

the internet because using

31:05

stealing an identity is not

31:08

like, it's not illegal

31:10

in Australia. So I thought

31:12

how could he not be charged for this or

31:14

how could they not take it seriously because

31:17

that made sense in my

31:20

brain but actually taking

31:23

someone's identity isn't illegal.

31:27

You can take pictures from the internet and

31:29

it's not illegal. It made me feel

31:32

embarrassed more than anything and ashamed

31:34

that I had fallen for it and I had done it

31:37

because I didn't have any like compassion

31:40

or support from the police. And

31:42

so I felt more embarrassed than I felt good

31:45

and the police are meant to be people that you go

31:47

to to protect you and to

31:49

look out for you and they weren't that to

31:51

me. Sophie was at the lowest point

31:53

of her life, not knowing how she'd ended

31:55

up here or what she was meant to do and it

31:58

wasn't just the emotional trauma. Someone

32:01

out there, someone she didn't know had her

32:03

address, her name, her number, and lots

32:06

of very, very personal images.

32:10

He or she

32:12

knew where I lived, like

32:15

had these photos of me and videos

32:17

with my face in them, and

32:19

also knew where I worked. And

32:22

working in a luxury company, it can

32:24

be, you know, if anything

32:26

gets out, like it can be very detrimental

32:29

towards your career. So

32:31

I was scared for my safety in some

32:34

sort of way. I was scared these photos

32:36

and videos were going to end up on the internet

32:38

basically

32:40

and being sold.

32:41

There was no way that I would ever

32:43

be able to find if he put them on the internet,

32:46

because the internet is a very big

32:49

place. So there was no like

32:51

way I could even find that. And I remember being so

32:53

paranoid that I would even go on the internet

32:56

to look up that stuff to just see or Google

32:59

my name and things like that. Yeah, I

33:01

was looking up like

33:03

Intimate Girl in like a Sailor Moon costume

33:06

and I was looking up my name and I

33:08

was trying to Google reverse image my own

33:10

photos. And I remember going

33:12

on to like porn sites and things just to

33:14

purely look to see if

33:17

there was anything there. I remember

33:19

contacting like a private investigator,

33:22

like a few weeks after that I was

33:24

trying to find out who this person

33:27

was because I did have concerns

33:29

that they could be anybody. They

33:32

could be a female and they just had like a really good

33:34

voiceover. They could be an old

33:36

man, something like that, something

33:39

that I didn't feel comfortable with having those type

33:41

of images or they could just be a

33:43

complete loser at home. And then

33:45

I remember even going back on to

33:47

Tinder to just talk

33:50

to people about this situation. So

33:52

not even for dating, just more like emotional

33:55

support and telling them just

33:57

what had happened. And some of them

33:59

that I met. with was like

34:01

a policeman. So I went

34:03

to the depths of like asking him if

34:06

he could help me because it was driving

34:08

me crazy that I didn't know who he,

34:11

like who this person was. So he,

34:14

during the months we were talking Hebrews and he had

34:16

this girlfriend. He had sent me photos

34:18

of this girl. Like I hate her

34:20

and she stole this and she

34:24

stole this money and she cheated at me basically.

34:28

So I have found that

34:30

girl and like

34:32

messaged her and was like just a heads up

34:34

like this guy has been taking your photos.

34:37

He's saying that you dated and blah, blah, blah

34:40

and just let her know because I

34:42

would want to know if that was happening to me.

34:44

Um, and she was super freaked out

34:46

by it. She didn't even know, um,

34:49

who he was or anything. Like they had

34:51

never spoken. There was no way

34:53

of tracking him because I didn't have his

34:56

actual mobile number. If I had

34:58

his mobile number, I would be able to give

35:00

that to the police and they

35:02

would be able to find who this person

35:05

is. The only way I could

35:07

track him was through his like Snapchat

35:10

and Facebook messenger. So there was no

35:13

way for me to find out who he

35:15

was at all because I had

35:18

no other information. I only

35:20

knew what he was telling me, which most of it was

35:23

actually complete lies. It wasn't

35:26

true. In my head, I was still

35:29

grieving like the loss of this person,

35:32

but I didn't understand why he would

35:34

catfish me for that long just for videos

35:37

and photos. Like it didn't make sense

35:39

in my head because a lot of the

35:41

time, yeah, they do ask for financial

35:43

benefits and things like that. And he hadn't asked

35:45

me for any of that. And he just purely

35:48

asked me for videos and photos and

35:50

just manipulated me. So

35:52

I didn't understand why he would do that either.

35:54

Um, and

35:57

so I felt confused and Despite

36:01

everything, all the lying, manipulating,

36:03

the gaslighting, I still

36:05

wanted to know who he was and I still

36:07

wanted to believe that we could potentially

36:10

be together, which was insane

36:13

because I still felt that connection

36:15

because it didn't take away from how I felt

36:17

about the person or it didn't matter

36:19

to me what he looked like from the outside. I

36:24

struggled for months

36:26

because I never got any help and

36:29

I was very embarrassed. I was ashamed

36:32

of being catfished because

36:34

there was lots of shame around catfishing,

36:37

except there's a lot of victim

36:40

blaming on these situations. A

36:42

lot of the time, they don't blame

36:45

the catfisher. They blame the victim who sent

36:48

them the images or photos

36:50

or the money. At

36:52

the end of the day, it's the victims who need

36:54

that support and love.

36:56

So if your situation was the epitome of

36:58

not getting any closure, looking

37:00

back now, she sees that's why it was so hard

37:03

to move on, but with time,

37:05

she has been able to. I would say

37:08

a good year for me

37:10

to fully move on with it. I

37:13

remember we had fantasized

37:15

about going to Greece for Christmas. Then

37:17

at Christmas time, when I was with my family, I

37:20

was like, oh, this was the time when we were

37:22

meant to be in Greece and we

37:25

were going to do this. I

37:28

was really ready for a relationship at

37:30

that time and before 23, I had been very cold

37:32

to a lot of

37:34

guys. They had showed interest

37:36

and I was like, I don't want to date, I just

37:38

want to party, have fun. So this

37:40

was the first time that I found

37:43

I had been open to actually being

37:45

in a proper relationship and

37:47

it obviously didn't work out. And

37:50

so that's what kind

37:52

of took me so long to get over and also

37:56

that he had lied to me for that long because I'm

37:58

not going to do that. emotionally like that

38:01

really like ruins a person. So I

38:03

was trying to get that closure and

38:05

I don't think it was until probably

38:08

like this like last like

38:10

last year and this year that I really kind

38:12

of stopped like wanting it

38:14

and I don't really

38:16

mind anymore and I'm okay with

38:18

like not knowing even

38:21

if sometimes it can make me a little bit

38:23

uncomfortable if I'm like thinking about

38:25

it, but I'm okay to leave that

38:28

there. I I'm not in a

38:30

relationship with anybody but

38:33

I have been dating and I have been

38:35

back on Tinder like here and there

38:37

but I don't I found

38:40

at the start as soon as it happened, I didn't

38:43

trust anybody like I accused quite

38:46

a few people of being a catfish

38:48

on Tinder when they weren't and

38:52

then I also I felt

38:55

like I struggled a lot because I didn't

38:57

really trust anybody and I already had

38:59

issues with like trusting people that they weren't

39:03

that they were gonna leave and so I struggled

39:05

like overcoming that to being like

39:07

that was they were gonna stay and so

39:10

I was very closed off for

39:12

a while, but to be honest,

39:14

I don't feel

39:17

like I personally need someone

39:19

to like benefit me. I'm quite

39:22

happy being on my own but

39:24

I'm always open like to date

39:26

and have fun but

39:29

yeah, I definitely have become

39:31

a lot stronger since then and

39:34

more resilient because I wouldn't

39:37

ever let anybody manipulate me

39:39

like that ever again. Even me

39:41

speaking out about it I think that helped

39:43

me a lot because a lot

39:45

of like shame was carried with that So

39:48

I think as soon as I actually spoke

39:50

out about what had happened

39:52

to me I've become

39:55

a lot more comfortable in myself

39:57

and also I

39:59

felt

39:59

more vulnerable to share my story with

40:02

other people so that they

40:04

feel comfortable if

40:06

it's happening to them or if they have any suspicion

40:08

or anything like that they can speak

40:11

out about it and get help because there's

40:13

a lot of victim blaming that

40:15

goes on in these situations.

40:18

I don't know why he did

40:20

what he did because it doesn't make sense

40:22

in my head still. It doesn't

40:24

make sense to manipulate someone for

40:27

six months and take photos and

40:29

videos and gaslight them for

40:31

that amount of time and that amount of energy

40:33

that it took to do that as well. So I

40:36

will never know why he did it

40:38

because it doesn't make sense

40:41

why he did it. It doesn't

40:43

and I will never know

40:45

that answer and I have to be accepting

40:48

of never knowing. Now

40:51

I don't feel like ashamed by it I feel

40:53

more embarrassed that someone would do

40:55

that to me. I feel more embarrassed

40:58

for them than I do for myself.

41:13

Everyone Has an Ex is a Minty Media production.

41:16

It's written and narrated by me Georgia

41:18

Love, produced by Linda Scott and

41:20

edited by Matt

41:21

Sofo. If you

41:22

like what you've heard you can support the podcast

41:25

by hitting subscribe, writing us a

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41:34

If you have a story you'd like to share with us you can

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