This episode's guest is Ryan Farrell, a longtime friend and former punk rock drummer.

Ryan and I have been close for over two decades. He's a person I care about. Deeply. He's also a person whose life choices have often left me flummoxed. How does someone achieve a dream, then give it up and start again from scratch? Why would a person do that, unless it were absolutely necessary? What happens when you get exactly what you always wanted, then realize it wasn't what you wanted at all?

Ryan and I talked about growing up in the South Bay in the early 90's, punk rock music, playing in an all-child band, Guttermouth, kick-punch dancing, graciously giving up your dreams, broken hearts, hate as a motivating force, existential crises, drug use, and wrapping your fingers around a moment and holding on as long as you can.