0:00

["F***ing Face!"

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theme music

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plays throughout the

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video.] Hello

0:10

and welcome to another episode of the F***ing

0:13

Face podcast. This is episode 187. It's

0:17

an ominous number. My name is Geoff Ramsey, with

0:19

me as always, Andrew Pentin and Gavin Free, and

0:21

this is the first podcast of 2024. Hello!

0:25

How are you not sweating on your asshole? What

0:27

do you mean, sweaty? Well, she

0:29

said off she waxed, just don't sweat there.

0:31

But how do you... That's easier

0:33

said than done. Yeah, what

0:36

does... Wait, your instructions

0:38

were don't sweat there? Yeah, she did

0:40

say that, yeah. Maybe baby powder your

0:42

asshole? Like, I don't know, like that's

0:44

not a thing you could will, but

0:46

maybe you could do preventative stuff. I

0:48

don't know if I'm going to pour

0:50

baby powder in my freshly yanked follicles.

0:52

I mean, you already shoved hot wax.

0:55

I don't know

0:57

that my asshole sweats

1:01

that much on an average day. Like, I'm in a...

1:04

I got a reasonable temperature in the house. I'm not

1:06

wearing too many clothes. So I don't... I'm not super

1:08

worried about a sweaty butt. Are you having

1:10

sweat problems? You turn your turn the air down? And

1:13

I'm just self conscious about it. I just, you

1:15

know, sat in a chair and I'm... I've got

1:17

sort of a new trappage area. There's

1:19

less... There's more of a seal now. I

1:22

also think that... Oh, that

1:24

was weird. I just moved in my... It

1:27

is taking some getting used to. Happy New Year, by

1:29

the way. Happy New Year. Happy New

1:32

Year. OK, so that's OK. Before we before

1:34

we get more into the assholes and everything,

1:36

it is Happy New Year. What are we doing about Nick

1:39

wearing the mask? Oh,

1:41

oh, it's no way that he started.

1:43

There's no way he has to

1:46

wear it before we start, right? If he

1:48

did it, he can't just put it on in like

1:50

the middle. I just want to make sure this

1:52

is it. People keep raising it

1:54

to me and I don't want to hear about it

1:56

anymore. So like we need to figure out what's going on here.

1:59

Bullets are back. and guns. Yeah, Nick

2:01

has 52 chances to wear the mask,

2:03

but he has to wear the whole episode. Yeah. And

2:05

if he gets it by us, he

2:08

wins again. Okay. But wasn't there

2:10

something where we were doing it like quarterly

2:13

or something where ever? Oh,

2:15

we each get one guess. And

2:18

then we said we were going to listen extra

2:21

hard in certain times.

2:24

Yeah. So who's taking Q1? I

2:26

can't remember. Q1 is Gavin. I've

2:29

decided. Oh, no way. I wasn't Q1. As of

2:31

right now you

2:33

are. Q2 is Andrew. I'll be Q3

2:35

and then Eric can be Q4. I

2:38

guess we have to get that far. We have

2:40

recruited Gracie now. So we do. Yeah. Gracie maybe

2:42

has like a floating, like she's really just gotta

2:45

like keep an ear open the whole time. Yeah.

2:47

You get a guess too, Gracie. Gracie,

2:49

you have no idea what the fuck we're

2:51

talking about. Um, so Nick is going to

2:53

wear the monkey mask on one episode of

2:56

this show and we have to figure

2:58

out which episode it's in. Uh, but

3:00

we only get one guess each. Uh, so

3:03

Nick for the year, yes. He's

3:05

trying to do a Nick trick. What if Nick

3:07

was so on the ball, so

3:09

ahead of the game and he just plunked it

3:12

on between recordings? There's no way. I don't know.

3:14

I don't think he has the

3:16

guts. That would have been the move though, but

3:18

I feel like Nick was maybe too distracted today

3:20

with all the anus stuff. Yeah. Probably the most

3:23

safe he would have been. Maybe.

3:26

Oh, that's some bullshit. He is trying

3:28

so hard to make it sound like

3:30

he's in a mask. I don't follow

3:32

it for that fake out shit. You

3:36

sounded completely different to that point. Nick

3:38

has waxy

3:47

assholes on the brain today. He's not

3:49

thinking about it. Also,

3:52

Nick, I think favors episodes without Eric.

3:54

So I think I'm gonna be more

3:56

because that's how we did it last

3:58

time. Interesting. Interesting. Um, Okay,

4:00

now we have that figured out. We

4:03

have the Nick mask situation figured out.

4:05

And we're talking about your

4:08

assholes right now. Can I ask you

4:10

guys, the time of this recording is

4:12

the day that you guys have gotten

4:14

waxed. Can you, when something feels weird

4:16

or just kind of piques your interest,

4:18

like with your buttholes over like

4:20

the next few weeks, can you just like make

4:23

a note, just jot it down somewhere on your

4:25

phone or something and bring it up? Do

4:28

you not have enough information about her assholes yet? Not...no!

4:31

We did get 30 minutes of it. Here's

4:33

the thing, I have information on your smooth,

4:35

smooth buttholes, but as time goes, hair returns.

4:38

And I feel like with Jeff, I don't

4:40

know if it's ever going to come back

4:42

fully, but with you, I imagine in two

4:44

or three days, you're going to be back

4:47

in like true form. And I want to

4:49

know what that feels like. She

4:51

did say your ass hair

4:53

will grow back softer than

4:55

before. It'll actually be nice.

4:58

So we are looking for like, I

5:00

will say I'm noticing one thing where

5:02

like my, one side of my ass

5:04

is sticking to the other side of my ass in a

5:06

way that it's never done before. I think that the hair

5:08

breaks that seal. And so it

5:10

is a little uncomfortable to have like

5:13

sticky, like, yeah, like

5:15

sticky asshole. But that

5:17

also might just be leftover wax or whatever too, but

5:19

I don't know. Probably. It's pretty bad. I don't know.

5:22

I don't know. Yeah, we'll keep you updated. I

5:24

mean, I just think it's important to like

5:27

walk the audience through this process as your

5:29

hair grows back and you have sticky

5:31

asshole or slick poops

5:34

or whatever is going on. I just think it's important.

5:36

I had a plan to see. Do you want to

5:39

see it grow? It's important to get these updates as

5:41

we progress. Should I time lapse it coming back? Yes.

5:44

Also, tell us if it's soft verbally. Let

5:48

us know how it feels growing a

5:50

Chewbacca from your anus. Keep

5:54

us updated. Did you find the money yet? I haven't

5:56

found the money yet. I'll look more into

5:58

that a bit later. It would be real great if

6:00

you found it right now. Yeah. It would be. Should

6:03

I just focus on thumbsticks? I mean,

6:05

look. How the fuck do I know? Thumbsticks. Oh,

6:07

and you're asking me to find it! So I'm

6:09

just confirming that you want my focus on that.

6:11

Instead of being more focused on the show. I'm

6:14

looking. This is the show. Yeah,

6:16

but I'm... Eric,

6:19

you understand what I'm saying. Yeah,

6:21

and I can't imagine how mad it would make

6:23

me if I said, Do you want me to do

6:25

this? Just focus on the show. And somebody told me,

6:27

This is the show. I would be so... I'd

6:30

be fucking livid. Where

6:33

are we going next? Car. Okay. Fucking die.

6:35

Fine. Whatever. We're legitimately recording the show right

6:37

now. What better time could we have for

6:40

him to find it than right now? We

6:42

don't want him to find it in our

6:44

camera. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. We

6:46

also, at some point, soon need

6:48

to actually put beans in the new bean

6:50

hole. Because, Yes. As people have correctly pointed

6:52

out, all they have is dirt from

6:54

a dirt hole and pump right there. But that's... No.

6:57

But that's three bean. All that is is three

6:59

bean. You gotta take the dirt

7:01

out of the hole before you can put

7:03

the beans in the hole. Right, but until

7:05

beans have hit the hole, they don't actually

7:08

have bean hole dirt yet. Alright,

7:10

well what are you doing this weekend? Yeah, what's up?

7:12

Cooking beans? Let's cook some beans this

7:15

weekend. Fuck it. Let's cook some beans. Alright. You

7:17

wanna have a little beanie Saturday? Yeah,

7:19

a little... A little... Crips of beanie

7:21

Saturday. Yeah. Let's do

7:23

it. Okay. I

7:26

gotta go buy the supplies. Beans?

7:29

I fuckin... I gotta get a new Dutch oven

7:31

thing. You gotta get new dirt. What

7:33

are you gonna do differently? I left the last

7:35

one in my backyard just to... Like, I cleaned it

7:37

out. I threw the beans away. But

7:40

I left the thing just in the backyard to

7:42

rust. I was like so mad at it. So I

7:44

gotta buy the beans. It's

7:47

gonna sink into the ground and then some little asshole

7:50

can jig it up and find it. What? I think

7:52

you found the money. Kazan! I

7:56

found the money! And

7:58

I also now have a thumbstick that... That's

8:00

five inches, but it should be ten. This

8:03

son of a bitch rolled

8:05

it into the longest thumbstick.

8:07

What? And

8:10

put it all the way

8:13

at the thumbstick part. There's no

8:15

way for me to get this. How did you

8:17

get it so deep in there? Maybe you can

8:19

see now why I wanted you to have a

8:21

freaking camera on your thumbs, you fool! I

8:24

didn't hear anything because it flew out. Now that I eat,

8:26

I'm not mad at all cut out. Can you get angry

8:28

and do that again, please? Let me

8:30

do it less angry. That's why I wanted you

8:32

to have a freaking camera on your thumbs, you

8:34

fool! Oh, that's why

8:36

you kept pushing the camera thing! Yeah! Oh!

8:41

God! Damn it! How long have they

8:43

been in his house? Or how long has the money

8:45

been in his house? Six months, maybe? Oh

8:47

my God! It's been a while.

8:50

Six months! Yeah, now you

8:52

can see why I was hammering that point. What

8:55

was... Okay. I

8:58

had to break the thumbstick to

9:00

get the money out. What was the

9:02

thought in how I was going to retrieve those

9:04

while also using them the way they were intended?

9:06

Oh, I put it up there with tweezers. How

9:10

long of tweezers do you have?

9:13

I got some long ones. It's ten

9:15

inches! What are you doing

9:17

with ten inch tweezers? Well, I only

9:19

had to push them up, you know, it was the... I probably

9:22

had to push it up like six inches to get the

9:24

money to touch the top. Damn!

9:29

God damn. Well, I'm glad

9:31

that there are other sticks coming. Yeah,

9:34

have we talked about that yet? No, we haven't.

9:37

Andrew has major complaints about

9:39

my sticks. Oh, his sticks

9:41

are the worst, Jeff. His sticks don't

9:43

work. Yeah, because they're full of money?

9:46

No, it's not. It's

9:48

because their shit is the reason why they don't

9:51

work. Because they barely fit. Are you able to

9:53

share a picture of the discovered cash? Sure, give

9:55

me a second. Yeah, do you still have that

9:57

cell phone from the 1960s? Yeah,

9:59

you can. You have the phone that puts like

10:01

a date and a time and like a timestamp

10:03

on it and everything? Yeah, my uh, there's some,

10:06

you know, there's some tolerance issues I printed two

10:08

sets so I could also use the sticks myself

10:10

in unison, but uh my sticks stay on just

10:12

fine I think it's something to do with the

10:14

claw grip that Andrew employs. Mmm, no it does.

10:16

There's more than upwards motion. There's sticks more flying

10:18

off just like mine. As soon as we got

10:21

off the base, I don't believe you.

10:24

I don't believe you for a second. As

10:26

soon as we got off the base sticks, we

10:29

got, we're on the first set,

10:31

the smallest extension. Any time

10:33

I have to rotate, like move them

10:35

left or right, they fly off the

10:37

thing. They don't grip at all. I

10:40

have to constantly be trying to grab and

10:42

reload my sticks to move. They're a disaster.

10:45

I gotta be honest, I think it's because of the

10:47

way you grip sticks. I agree. I think Gavin's right,

10:50

because if your thumbs are on them, they're pushing it

10:52

down, they're holding it in place. But the way you

10:54

do it, you're not putting that downward pressure on anything.

10:57

Well I gotta be honest, you don't know what

10:59

the fuck you're talking about. You've never used these,

11:01

so I don't know why you're giving feedback on

11:03

these right now. He's right though. I'm

11:06

trusting Gavin. He's not right. He doesn't have the issue.

11:08

I've seen the way you hold a controller. It's not

11:10

normal. It's not right. It's not

11:12

right. 2024 is starting off pretty aggressive. Yeah!

11:16

Listen, Andrew's a little salty right now because you got

11:18

him six months ago and he just found out. Ugh.

11:21

It's to be expected. I'd be salty too. I'm

11:24

salty because I wanted

11:26

more Monopoly money than this. I had plans for

11:28

this. This is gonna be an investment. Well

11:31

you were pretty set on me not nailing it

11:33

or screwing it to your door, so I had

11:35

to get it in. Well the door would shatter,

11:37

so yeah, I was pretty set on you not

11:39

breaking the door. Congratulations,

11:45

Gavin. The sticks are terrible. Yeah, that was

11:47

really good. You did it. What

11:49

happens now? Nothing.

11:53

I don't know. I don't remember. Was

11:55

it like a prize or... Yeah, I think

11:57

Andrew now has to run three marathons. Yeah,

12:01

or it was like you gotta eat some gum

12:03

or something. I don't know. I don't

12:05

remember We both did

12:07

it. We need we need like, uh,

12:09

you know how Star Wars Lucas Arts,

12:11

whatever Lucasfilm has Law

12:14

people people to manage the law across the

12:16

whole universe. Yeah people to maintain the Bible.

12:19

Maybe we could find a Comment

12:21

lever who has a great

12:23

handle on the law and we can use them as

12:25

like a consultant Allure consultant.

12:27

Yeah, someone who is just like

12:30

available on Discord

12:32

while we record we could just type

12:34

type questions while we're while we're recording

12:36

just in case Hmm Face

12:39

historian if you feel like

12:41

you'd be a great face historian. Let us

12:43

know in the comments of this somewhere That's

12:46

a great idea or email that email address. What

12:48

is it? What's your email address

12:50

Andrew? Eric's [email protected]

12:52

I think That's

12:55

fine. That's not it. I thought

12:58

it was like bits at face pod.com.

13:00

Oh, yeah, that sounds

13:02

right You

13:05

know, you can tell he checks it all the time I

13:07

haven't checked it recently Yes,

13:10

Eric's boss that team or Jack dot

13:12

patillo at roosterteeth.com. Do not send it

13:16

The wrong email address. I don't know who Jack boss. Hello,

13:18

no calm is but they're gonna get fucked But

13:21

the one he's talking about is a soul right email.

13:23

That's a different podcast Although I would be awesome if

13:26

everybody who listens to face listen to this alright podcast.

13:28

Thanks for the free plug Andrew You're welcome. Really

13:30

appreciate that. Of course, it's a great

13:32

play. We're in we're in

13:34

2024 where we're just getting our dicks wet

13:36

into the new year Gavin's already

13:40

Fucking got one over on Andrew Andrew

13:42

salty about the the controllers We got

13:44

the the year of of next

13:47

monkey mask to look forward to what else what else is

13:49

2024 gonna gonna I have An

13:53

idea for 2024 that I'm gonna do I'm gonna

13:55

float by you guys because I think it's

13:57

funny I'm excited about it You

14:00

know how like, New Year's resolutions, people

14:02

are always talking about like, oh, I'm gonna

14:04

get like way healthier this year, I'm gonna

14:06

work out, I'm gonna do like all these

14:08

like significant life changes? Like that's

14:10

always a big thing. And then you just

14:12

drop off, because it's like those are, those

14:15

are tough things to maintain and you're just

14:17

deciding randomly that you're now going to completely

14:19

shift your schedule. I want

14:21

to do that, but

14:23

on the smallest scale I could think

14:25

of, I want to get really jacked

14:28

hands in 2024. Specifically

14:31

hands. I want

14:33

to do grip strength. You know how they

14:35

have like those hand weights? I

14:37

only want to do hand weights for

14:39

all of 2024 and have super jacked

14:42

hands. So how do we do it? Do

14:44

we have to test your grip somehow like

14:46

measure the PSI? You

14:49

can measure your grip. There are things that you

14:51

can like squeeze and I'll tell you your grip

14:53

strength. I just like the idea of like having

14:56

really tight handshakes as like I trained for this.

14:58

This is what I did this year.

15:01

My hands got jacked this year. And

15:04

then you can represent uniform and f***ing

15:06

face for all like networking and just

15:08

be our handshake guy. Yeah,

15:10

so I bought a set of grip strength centers

15:13

that I'm going to start using in 2024. They're

15:16

just on Amazon. It looks like Jeff posted like a link.

15:18

It was like a YouTube video on how to test your

15:20

grip strength if you don't have one. But it sounds like

15:22

you've got some stuff. So I

15:25

do. Yes. So I'm going

15:27

to I'm floating that out there as

15:29

a face resolution with you guys getting

15:31

jacked hands in 2024. Now,

15:34

do you think if you accomplish that you'll be

15:36

able to hold those control the sticks on the

15:38

controller? I might break the controller

15:40

if I hit my I'm like squeeze too

15:42

hard. You should Jack your hands up enough.

15:45

I wonder if there's like finger steroids where

15:47

you could just get so f***ing Jack that

15:49

you could like just f***ing just

15:52

crush a controller in your hand like twist it

15:54

and break it. That would be cool. That

15:56

would be cool. Maybe like an

15:58

evolution like I've. some watermelons like do

16:01

a Gallagher thing but with my hands if

16:03

possible you think you could rip a phone

16:05

book ah I

16:07

feel like that requires more than just hand squeeze

16:09

that's gonna require a time that you go back

16:11

and want a phone book I

16:14

thought about have you thought about becoming

16:16

the giant forearm guy there's a giant

16:18

forearm guy oh you're not seeing this

16:20

guy no oh dude

16:23

yeah massive hands and forearms check

16:27

that out looks like wreck it Ralph yeah

16:29

he looks like the Pixar character as he done

16:31

that to himself or was he born that way

16:33

did that himself did he

16:35

do that I don't I don't know how

16:37

it works it is why is it's broken

16:39

his finger there yeah check out check

16:42

out what it is when he this is so

16:44

cool when he arm wrestle someone

16:46

oh my god at Jesus

16:49

he's like a character sketch for

16:51

the charger came to real life

16:53

like if you look like

16:55

someone arm wrestling a beehive juggler

16:58

I gotta be honest this is making me question my

17:01

idea of getting jacked hands 2024

17:03

I don't like this yeah well just something to think

17:05

about this could you can be this guy you could

17:07

take I don't want to be that guy I don't

17:10

want to take a D he's got his own thing I

17:12

don't just do on one hand then that

17:14

might be like in

17:16

that in night Shyamalan movie which M night Shyamalan

17:18

movie for the lady was in the pool or

17:20

whatever well I know I need to do it

17:22

a fucking jackass arm giddy I think

17:25

subplot I think so what

17:27

a weird film Paul Giamatti was in it I

17:29

believe he was a doctor right yeah yeah

17:31

next to the lady in the water that's what it's called yeah

17:34

yeah I didn't see that one what a

17:36

strange thing okay well maybe one hand it seems

17:38

like I'm alone on this this pursuit and these

17:40

images are not oh were you looking for us

17:42

to do it with you that's what I was

17:44

saying I was pitching out us that I planned

17:46

on doing this and I was all I'll get

17:48

to you yeah I'll do it with you

17:50

yes send me a send me a link to whatever you bought

17:52

and I'll I'll do I'll fuck it why not dude

17:55

I'll do it well somebody

17:57

you see we could do we should maybe like

17:59

do grip string Start of the year grip strength

18:01

end of the year. It was a great idea And

18:04

we can measure a great idea. Okay, I just need

18:06

to buy the same equipment you have So we have

18:08

parity and then that we can measure Get

18:11

the Eric cod The

18:13

Gracie card. Yeah, that's fine. Go for it.

18:15

Well, we don't need to worry about the melting pot So

18:18

yeah, so yeah, what's the what's the latest on

18:20

the melting pot? No update on the mouth I'm

18:22

still getting emails even though I've been removed But

18:24

I got invited to watch a seminar about how

18:26

great it is the other day. Oh didn't watch

18:28

it Seminars, yeah, I missed it. Unfortunately, I really

18:30

can't believe this whole there's a whole department of

18:32

melting point Just in charge of cooling people who

18:35

want one. How many people are currently

18:37

inquiring about having a melting pot? I mean, it's probably

18:39

a one-person job. If you think it's that one guy,

18:41

I think it's just that one dude or

18:43

it's like a job It's

18:46

not even a job right? It's just like whoever picks up

18:48

the phone in at the office that day has to deal

18:50

with it Just like a

18:52

responsibility. They all share cuz how often how

18:55

often can I honestly? How

18:57

many how many melting pots are there first of all?

19:00

That's a great question. How many are there? 91

19:05

franchises it looks oh, that's less than I would

19:07

have guessed as of July 2023 in the United States in Canada

19:10

There are 93 91 melting pot.

19:12

So you got a figure that

19:16

Even take an acceleration a couple of

19:18

Andrews out there at max. They've had

19:20

a hundred and fifty calls Over

19:23

the last however many years, right? It

19:26

can't be enough to justify a department

19:28

or a person. What if we

19:30

get into franchising? We have other people

19:32

do face like localized faces for

19:34

different markets Like if you want to

19:36

be there like venian phase face for

19:38

your town Yeah, like

19:41

the like the bismarck face Boise

19:43

face That's

19:46

interesting. I thought about when

19:48

I was doing fluke face stuff having other

19:50

languages do it for like international fluke face

19:53

Andrew do you want to handle all inquiries about

19:56

foreign face? No, I don't I think

19:58

since you are the most Most established

20:00

foreigner that should really be your department if

20:02

you're I mean you're equally foreign I'd

20:05

say you're more foreign than I am I

20:08

think you're definitely not foreign than I am Because

20:10

people are like I can it as

20:12

just second America nobody says what

20:14

England is One

20:16

of you doesn't live in their native country Yeah

20:19

I was about to say one of you was

20:21

in America like lives in America and has a green

20:23

card and the other one doesn't like I'm not trying

20:25

to side with Gavin too much this year, but On

20:30

this that's the foreigner that makes him more

20:32

of a foreigner the foreigner Andrew is

20:34

in his native land How is Andrew a

20:37

foreigner Gavin's I am in no way

20:39

I'm paying taxes Congratulation,

20:41

he's more American than Andrew is

20:44

I'm paying taxes. What do you mean? You

20:48

know, I don't think you understand the concept

20:50

of foreigners I'm just

20:52

saying Gavin can't be a foreigner if he's

20:54

a foreign he Andrew is native To

20:57

can't well, yeah, but we're talking about America. Yeah, exactly He's

21:01

Canadian he's native to Canada. He's in

21:03

Canada. He's been in Canada the whole

21:06

time We're

21:08

an American podcast in the center of this

21:11

American podcast because it's a deputy

21:13

it is a sort of fucking podcast Talking

21:18

about the center of the fucking universe and

21:20

clearly the podcast happens in America It's an

21:22

American podcast Gavin is more American than Andrew

21:24

So Gavin's less of a foreigner in this situation

21:26

because he lives in the same fucking country that

21:28

we produce it So the guy born in North

21:30

America is less American than the guy born in

21:32

England Maybe

21:35

is there a melting point in Deputy, Indiana? There's

21:39

nothing in Deputy, Indiana You

21:42

have no idea we've been trying to get a like

21:44

there's no billboards. I mean, well, no

21:48

Yeah, yeah, so we are trying to get something

21:50

going on a barn in Indiana

21:53

I've employed I've employed a much

21:55

better producer than I am

21:57

to get these things going and it is a

22:01

It is a process to try to

22:03

figure out. Oh boy It's

22:05

you think that this podcast is on the verge

22:07

of being good But

22:09

it is We

22:13

can't get a billboard we want a billboard

22:16

we can't get one well it doesn't exist

22:18

we can get a billboard We

22:20

just get one in a place that doesn't

22:22

have a billboard Maybe we should have narrowed

22:24

it to the nearest billboard why do we

22:26

pick someone with our freaking billboard? That's

22:31

we got to be honest with ourselves and

22:33

with geography and with the audience But if

22:35

the if the nearest billboard is six miles

22:37

from that spot wouldn't we want that? No,

22:41

okay need to be in the heart

22:43

of deputy I think I

22:45

mean the reality is if

22:47

we we were informed that

22:50

Sometimes people rent the barn and paint signs

22:52

on the barn and that's what they handle

22:54

as a billboard and deputy if we can't

22:57

work That out then we're gonna do the

22:59

next best thing which is to get the

23:01

billboard eight miles away Or ten miles away

23:03

from deputy or whatever because that's our only

23:05

option But we want to explore all

23:07

the deputy options first. I think I Agree

23:10

with Jeff completely. Okay. Yeah now

23:13

I'm agreeing with Andrew it gets 2024

23:18

is tumultuous. It is funny. I

23:20

I agree with you Gavin

23:22

a hundred percent What

23:25

you agreed with me No,

23:28

I agree with Gavin that we

23:30

should have the board that I mean yes,

23:32

yes, okay Yeah, then why would like

23:35

all other things like all other things?

23:37

It's the most difficult route the most

23:40

They get to an endgame with this fucking

23:42

show So you

23:44

have to see things through to the bitter end the only

23:46

way things happen The other day the other

23:49

day when we recorded I was I suggested that I

23:51

I rush out the edit of the beanhole to even

23:53

though We've not put beans in it yet because

23:56

we've sold the beanhole pens and I was like,

23:58

you know, I could quickly edit that We could

24:00

put it out and we could stick the the link to

24:02

the pens in the description and then the video went up

24:05

No link in the in the video description, and then

24:07

I said to in the slack Oh, can we put the

24:09

thing in there and Eric went? Oh good idea Yeah,

24:12

good reason I stay up late bent

24:14

over dick which can that video Yeah,

24:18

I thought it was good thinking man. I thought that was a great

24:20

idea It was already had

24:22

the week earlier. Yeah, exactly. It was a

24:24

great idea. I I Yeah,

24:27

it was good thinking I don't know Good

24:31

thinking hundred percent Smart

24:34

it is it is good thinking Gavin. It

24:36

is see that was yeah, I'm saying I

24:38

think we're all in agreement about that Everybody's

24:41

need a fighting good. We all agree you

24:43

you think good You

24:45

know what? I think maybe started my tumultuous 2024 the

24:47

money Well,

24:50

no, it was before that I've

24:52

done something That

24:55

it I've never felt more psychotic

24:57

in my life than going through

24:59

this process When we're

25:01

recording this we are a

25:03

mere two days away from the

25:05

big cock awards happening the very

25:08

exciting cock awards and Jeff

25:11

I don't know if you know this

25:13

I didn't know this but I'm fucked

25:15

however You gave me

25:17

a slight edge I

25:20

did cuz I forgot to nominate you how did

25:22

I give you an it? Well, that's that's what

25:25

that's what I'm first of all Did

25:27

you nominate people not nominate me for a

25:29

cock award? No comment? Jesus

25:32

Christ, that's oh Who

25:35

does the nominee who's who is Jeff the

25:37

nom the nominations are private. I'm not supposed

25:39

to talk about it Do you still nominate

25:42

I mean I'm consulted I

25:44

have the opportunity to who do you who you're in charge

25:46

of? I'm not in charge of anybody.

25:48

So that's what I'm getting you gather large You

25:51

can nominate you could nominate somebody if you

25:53

thought they did a great job. Yeah, I

25:55

thought that this was all managers that were

25:57

nominating So yeah, I assume that

25:59

it was was all decided from upper

26:01

level management, however I

26:03

got a terrifying email saying

26:06

that you have to, you can nominate

26:08

someone if you want. Which made me

26:10

realize that if this is a voting

26:13

situation, I have zero chance

26:15

at all. However, I did

26:18

tilt the numbers somewhat because

26:20

I both have my work

26:23

email as well as johnny.caviar

26:25

at roosterteeth.com. I

26:27

got two sets of ballots that

26:29

I could work with. So johnny

26:32

could nominate you. So johnny could

26:34

nominate me. But then I

26:36

wanted to convince the whole company to nominate

26:38

johnny. Well, it's too late.

26:40

Well, late now. It's already locked in. I

26:42

had to panic submit these. So I

26:46

submitted myself as both me and

26:48

johnny caviar for every single award.

26:50

There's like, there's a bunch of

26:52

them. There's 12. I

26:55

wrote these as johnny caviar. I

26:57

realized though, that I have several

26:59

aliases on this show. And you

27:01

can nominate up to three people.

27:04

So as johnny caviar, I

27:06

nominated johnny caviar, Raymond, so

27:08

mayor and Andrew panton for

27:10

every single award. And you

27:12

have to write, you're

27:15

gonna lose because of this. Now, you

27:17

fucked over whoever's like making

27:19

these final selections, and they're gonna go,

27:21

he just kept nominating himself under different

27:24

names. You're gonna split your own vote.

27:26

100%. Well, I viewed these

27:31

all votes for me. So this is it tells me

27:33

what the award is. And then you have to write

27:35

in a little reason why and there's so many of

27:37

them I didn't go too in depth on most of

27:39

them. But fearless spirit.

27:42

Yeah, that's one of the awards johnny

27:44

cat. Here's, here's what he wrote. Nominating

27:47

number one, Andrew panton, your reason he's

27:49

an honorable man. Spirit

27:51

your second nominee johnny caviar. Your

27:54

reason it's important to recognize yourself. Third

27:57

nominee Raymond so mayor, reason

28:00

Wonderful spirit wonderful spirit that that Ray

28:02

would so mayor he's gonna lose great

28:04

at her lose one

28:08

unrivaled passion Definitely

28:11

me Saunified

28:16

you can't top the enthusiasm

28:18

of caviar Raymond

28:22

so mayor his enthusiasm for content

28:24

inspired me Oh So

28:28

your Johnny caviar in that this is

28:30

me submitting as Johnny caviar. Yes. Okay

28:32

third category. We got Inclusive

28:35

community and Japan he maintained

28:37

the communal roots even after being

28:39

hired Johnny caviar

28:41

he has become a known name

28:43

in our community Raymond

28:45

so mayor found a unique way to

28:47

engage and interact with our community. I Think

28:51

all these should count as a me vote even

28:53

though they're under different names. We should make you

28:55

votes Yeah,

28:58

I mean Jeff's right just dominate yourself

29:00

three times genuinely

29:02

us a truly

29:07

original soul Raymond

29:09

so mayor you couldn't come up with them

29:11

if you tried Johnny

29:13

caviar the most authentic person I have

29:15

ever met which is weird because it

29:18

is supposed to be Johnny caviar That's

29:20

like a third-person inclusion

29:23

It sounds like a good review on

29:25

the back of a DVD It

29:29

does what there's so many different

29:31

categories and satiable creativity Andrew

29:34

pan from show running face to

29:36

let's play he contributes constantly Raymond

29:40

so mayor some of his creative

29:42

decisions Some of his

29:44

greatest decision decision making have made ripples

29:46

that struck the audience to the core

29:49

Johnny caviar. Yeah, I keep wondering when

29:52

he will peak yet. All he does

29:54

is hit new heights I felt like

29:56

a total psychopath writing all of this

29:59

and I had the right so many of them seven

30:08

check yourself the award

30:11

he's an honorable man who has never

30:13

not followed through with the declaration Raymond

30:17

some air hope yourself accountable

30:19

Johnny caviar the best of

30:21

who we are truly salt

30:23

of the earth I'm

30:27

just gonna post these fours I know

30:30

I wanted you to win until this

30:32

now then now I got a so

30:35

now we got rule

30:37

together and his collaborations

30:40

even here are undeniable I'm

30:42

fucking three categories everything Johnny

30:45

caviar I worked alongside Andrew every step

30:47

of the way rule

30:49

three or rule together number three we have

30:52

a mayor when working with Raymond and Andrew

30:54

I felt unified in whatever we did on

30:56

the same it's all the same person that's

30:59

why spark

31:01

creative genius a Japan working with him I

31:03

felt I was around a genius Raymond

31:06

so mayor one of the best creative

31:09

minds I've ever seen Johnny caviar no

31:11

matter the project he elevates it embrace

31:15

change his ability it

31:17

abandoned his ability to change direction to

31:19

support when needed is masterful he operates

31:21

with the intentionality and elegance of

31:23

a sewing room Raymond's America

31:26

you can argue more

31:28

change the most but never wavered from

31:31

his core character Johnny

31:33

caviar maintains the balance of what's

31:35

right and I believe last late

31:37

generate joy Andrew Panton he's the

31:40

best Johnny caviar I love myself

31:42

Raymond so mayor makes any rumor

31:44

scenario a joy to be a

31:46

part of so I

31:48

am I'm as nominated as I

31:50

can be they are going to look at

31:53

these and go who wrote this oh

31:56

okay okay great

31:58

cool so Eric did you know people

32:00

for categories such as check

32:02

yourself I did huh

32:07

did you Gavin no Gavin

32:09

wasn't aware that we could nominate I

32:13

also wasn't until I got this email shot

32:16

Nick did you nominate people no Nick

32:19

didn't nominate Jeff

32:21

did you not do you nominated of

32:24

course were there any

32:26

nominations from Jeff or Eric for

32:28

me Johnny caviar or Raymond some

32:31

I know it looks like you guys I

32:33

need a covered man like it really looks

32:35

like you got yourself covered here so it

32:37

should be fine yeah you got it the

32:40

deepest of it doesn't look like you need

32:42

us at all the look like you're a

32:44

very real a very stable man who definitely

32:47

has this all right out yeah no it's

32:49

not pinched the people who

32:51

vote on the Academy Awards don't hang

32:53

out on a podcast before the Academy Awards

32:55

and talk about who they voted for I

32:58

can't do that exactly what they do their

33:00

categories are slightly more specific like best director

33:03

not unwavering spirit well these

33:05

are ruled together

33:07

classic I wouldn't

33:09

know if I won the rule together award that I was

33:12

telling my family I don't know what they would think about

33:14

that well I don't think

33:16

you're gonna win any of these so I wouldn't worry

33:18

about it it's not a conversation you're gonna have to

33:20

have yeah I didn't I didn't nominate you I'm sorry

33:22

Gavin man you don't

33:25

think I help rule together

33:27

I think I generally yeah yeah I

33:32

think you spark a genius I think

33:34

you rule together I think you generate

33:37

joy you definitely embrace change you did

33:39

you exemplify all of it but you

33:41

know I don't know what's

33:44

the bigger betrayal you two not nominating

33:46

me or Nick just not nominating anybody

33:48

I didn't say I didn't nominate you

33:50

I said I can't talk about

33:55

it yeah you did I

33:57

don't know why you agreed Nick you just you already said you

33:59

didn't No, I said no wink You

34:05

have a camera on yeah, you're winking

34:08

hear that and making the monkey

34:10

man a lot easier if you did Yes,

34:16

I do hear that okay, I

34:18

had no chance that the cock died as soon as

34:20

I saw it was a vote system So it's over,

34:22

but I at least I wanted

34:24

to leave it with a dead cock That's

34:27

yeah, it's a good you know maybe in 2024 it could

34:29

be reborn Like

34:33

a Phoenix cock I

34:38

Also Andrew we don't know we won't know for a couple

34:40

days if you want or not like oh, but

34:42

we know I didn't I didn't Win it's like the

34:44

cock dream is dead Died

34:47

on the table you died on the ballot if

34:49

you're gonna think like that then you don't have

34:51

a shot you gotta put this No the universe

34:53

if we viewed this as like an election My

34:56

my talk award dreams are like

34:58

the third party candidate my ballots are

35:00

the 1% if that of

35:02

the submit I'm out no it's

35:04

like this would be like if it was ranked

35:06

choice voting and you get you

35:09

voted for everybody on the ballot equally somehow

35:13

You really split your vote, but

35:15

it may pan out you never know it'd

35:17

be funny if Johnny caviar won an award

35:19

It would be hilarious if Johnny caviar won,

35:21

and I did you do any internal campaigning

35:23

I? Tweeted at roosterteeth.

35:26

I'd be willing to bribe them to win the

35:28

award, but they never got back to me Hey,

35:31

so the answer to your question is no Well

35:34

okay to be fair the

35:36

way my slack account is designed I

35:38

can only interact with people that I'm

35:40

in slacks with so I

35:42

literally can't message people Beyond

35:45

you guys why didn't you start

35:47

like a leaflet or like a premslet campaign?

35:50

I did consider making my own

35:52

award and sending it up to all

35:54

of management But the budget and other

35:56

considerations I couldn't fit it in something

35:58

to think think about Yeah,

36:00

maybe 24 just really up the bribery

36:03

side Yeah, maybe like create like

36:05

a little flyer or something you can hand out around November

36:07

or so to all the employees to be like Hey, don't

36:09

forget about Andrew kind of like it out like when like

36:11

when you're running for school president maybe put a

36:13

poster with some glitter up and a picture of you and Put

36:17

it up in the hallway that kind of thing. Okay, I'll

36:19

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is sponsored by BetterHelp. We are in 2024 and

38:38

as I reflect back in 2023 it

38:40

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38:43

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38:45

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42:00

System be honest. I don't think I've

42:02

you one survived walk island. Yeah, dude. Oh,

42:04

well. Yeah, but that was because of other

42:07

people's choices What

42:09

what's this is gonna also be other

42:11

people's? No, but

42:13

I'm saying I don't think any other candidates

42:16

are going to be evaluated negatively based on

42:18

what they did Winning

42:20

survive block island doesn't necessarily mean

42:22

the best it just means coming across less

42:24

poorly than the other people you're with You're

42:27

saying I really helped you out. Yes Although

42:31

fucking Jack Jack is the only one

42:33

who voted for you and you put

42:35

a sign up that said you're next

42:37

on his fucking thing Didn't

42:39

they cut that out? I don't know

42:41

if they cut that out or not But if not Jack

42:43

now, you know Gavin's the one that wrote the sign and

42:46

put it in your house that you're next. Oh Man,

42:49

you voted for Gavin anyway. Hey

42:52

Can I change the subject to tell

42:54

you something weird that happened to me

42:56

last night? I'd love to hear what

42:58

happened Okay, I had like Well,

43:01

let me start off by saying I'm an atheist. I don't

43:03

know if it's painfully clear or not But

43:05

I'm an atheist and I have been for a very long time Not

43:10

like aggressively so or anything but you know, that's where

43:12

I am in life and I've

43:16

been Searching for a little bit

43:18

of guidance Lately, I've

43:20

got some I've just got some stuff in in

43:23

the background that I need to figure out and I've

43:26

got some decisions to make and I've just I

43:28

just need a little clarity and I need a

43:30

little I need a little Mentorship or direction right

43:32

now with some that guy's cock words. Yeah next

43:35

year's award Next year's cock

43:37

awards or beak or the fuck they are Now

43:40

some other stuff, you know, not stuff. I obviously

43:42

want to talk about on the podcast or I

43:44

would but I also have mentioned in the

43:46

Past I think I made a I told you guys about how I

43:48

was how I pray sometimes even though I don't believe in God I

43:50

just feel like it's good to put that out in the universe And

43:52

I think I told you I realized I was praying to Alexa on

43:54

accident because I say like So

43:58

I was laying in bed last night trying to

44:00

fall asleep thinking about these issues

44:02

that I need to solve or figure out or

44:04

that I could use some clarity on. And

44:07

I thought, I should put this out into the universe. Who

44:09

knows? And so, laying in bed last night, I

44:11

prayed for guidance,

44:13

just for a little bit of guidance. And

44:15

I don't expect God to... I

44:18

don't believe he exists, but if he did,

44:20

I wouldn't expect him to be like, here's the answer or

44:22

anything. But I feel like it's good to put that energy

44:24

out. Even if it just subconsciously gets

44:27

your mind thinking in a different way about it.

44:30

And so, I put the call out

44:32

for some guidance and then I went

44:34

to sleep. Then I woke up

44:36

this morning in a way that

44:38

I haven't woken up in a very long time.

44:42

The last time I woke up this way, it was in the

44:44

old house when I would have ghost type stuff. I

44:47

woke up dead asleep to 100% awake in

44:49

one second. I

44:52

don't know, guys, if that ever happens to you

44:55

guys, it happens so rarely to me and it's only

44:57

usually like a loud clang or something. You're like, I'm

44:59

up. But I

45:01

had that and I woke

45:04

up and

45:06

I looked around and I was

45:08

100% awake. And

45:10

I thought, that's weird. And

45:13

then I went back to sleep. And

45:15

then I didn't know what time it was or anything. I just like, it was

45:17

100% awake. And I laid down and I

45:19

tried to go back to sleep. And as I was laying

45:21

in my bed, trying to go back to sleep, having no

45:23

idea what time it was or anything, I didn't grab

45:26

my phone or anything. My phone

45:29

started playing the Howard Stern Show

45:31

on maximum volume on the Sirius

45:34

XM app. My

45:36

phone is plugged in and charging on the

45:38

other side, like on my nightstand. I

45:40

grabbed it real fast because I didn't want to wake Emily up.

45:42

And I thought it was my alarm at first. And I was

45:44

like, oh, I must have woken up right before my alarm. I

45:46

grabbed my phone and I hit stop and I look at it

45:49

and it's 3.13 in the morning. I

45:52

didn't have the XM

45:54

app open on my phone. I wasn't

45:56

listening to Howard Stern yesterday. I actually

45:58

was listening to... politics all

46:00

day. So somehow in

46:03

the middle of the night, my phone

46:05

just opened up the

46:07

SiriusXM app, opened up

46:09

the Howard Stern channel and started playing it and I

46:11

also had my phone lowered because I don't need that

46:13

much sound to wake up to. I can wake up,

46:15

like I'm on the light sleep or I can hear

46:18

anything. And so I had it low. It maxed my

46:20

volume up and turned the Howard Stern show on and

46:22

started blaring it at 3.13

46:25

in the morning and I

46:27

take that as a sign. I just don't

46:29

know of what. Because

46:32

how does that happen? How does your phone

46:34

start playing an app when

46:36

it's a sleep and dock and sleep mode was on. I have

46:38

it set up so that at 11.15 it

46:40

goes into sleep mode. I would assume that

46:42

the Sirius app updated and potentially

46:46

just relaunched. Has that ever happened

46:48

to you? I'm just I thought

46:50

this was lean to you telling me that Tom Cruise

46:52

woke you up and you're a Scientologist now. No,

46:55

I just don't understand. I just don't understand

46:57

what made my phone turn on the

47:00

SiriusXM app and then start playing a different

47:02

channel than I was playing last. Like the

47:04

last time I played on it was Dan

47:06

Abrams. But what

47:09

was playing Howard

47:11

Stern? Yeah, but what? I

47:13

don't know. Howard and Robin were talking and

47:16

I didn't listen to it long enough. I was scared I

47:18

was gonna wake Emily up. I

47:22

love you Jeff. You pray for

47:24

a sign, right? And you think

47:26

it's ridiculous and then this unexplainable

47:29

thing happens and you get a message delivered

47:31

and you immediately turn the message off and

47:33

pay no attention. I do what was being

47:36

played. I paid a ton of attention in

47:38

the moment. I just I had to turn

47:40

it off cause I don't wanna wake Emily

47:42

up. Like she has a 12-hour day today. The

47:44

last thing I want to do. That's like dude

47:46

the amount of work you go through not to

47:48

wake your partner up every night of your life

47:51

sticking shampoo bottles up your ass and laying backwards

47:53

on broken tires. I understand. You completely understand where

47:55

I'm coming from here. I get it. But if

47:57

you're asking for a message and a message begins

47:59

my... Is it all that's weird

48:01

turn it off. I don't think the message was

48:03

whatever Howard and Robin were saying I think the

48:05

message was that Why would

48:08

the message be? Serious xm playing Howard

48:10

Stern and not what was being said on

48:12

the show I mean I gotta

48:14

I gotta figure that out But I I think

48:16

it was more of a nod to it makes

48:19

sense a little bit in my head without

48:21

getting to into the weeds I just think

48:24

it's weird and very unexplained and Gavin you

48:26

you may have something there, but

48:29

When does an app update and then change channels

48:31

to a different radio station and then start playing

48:33

that radio station? Yeah, I don't know It might

48:35

have just been like a resume thing like sometimes

48:38

but if it would resume it would have resumed

48:40

the Julie Mason show on POTUS that's the last

48:42

thing I heard before I closed the app Like

48:44

I don't know why it would open and then switch

48:46

from POTUS to a different channel to Howard 100 when

48:48

it was on 125

48:51

or whatever like it makes no fucking sense and I

48:53

know I didn't do it because I was already awake

48:55

laying in bed trying To figure out why I was

48:57

awake I've had a thing where

48:59

I left headphones paired and They

49:02

eventually ran out of batteries and then it just instead

49:05

of pausing just started playing stuff loud

49:07

through my phone Yeah, they're pods my

49:10

AirPods were plugged in in charging.

49:12

I Plugged

49:14

in before yeah, it's not

49:16

and I can't explain it and it sounds

49:18

like whatever it was had meaning to you

49:21

Which is great. I mean I don't I

49:23

think it does I just I just it's

49:25

just It's a little nebulous

49:27

and it's gonna take some time to work out

49:29

And you know, I think signs are often not

49:31

like super clear, you know They kind of point

49:33

you in a direction and you got to figure

49:35

stuff out. I just in all

49:38

seriousness I just I'm a

49:40

little I Wouldn't say creeped

49:42

out by it but it was Fucking

49:45

weird. Do you have a way of going

49:47

back to that exact moment in the show and listening

49:49

more clearly clearly to the word? Uh,

49:53

no, but it was yesterday's show what

49:55

I did do is when I

49:58

woke up I listened to all of

50:00

today's show immediately. The

50:02

first thing I did was turn on Howard Stern and

50:04

start listening to it. And I listened to the entirety

50:06

of today's show and I didn't glean anything other from

50:08

that. That's listening to the show made me think like

50:10

it might not have been what was being said. It

50:12

might've been the show like the idea. In

50:14

like the 25 or so years you've been listening

50:16

to that show, have you ever called in? To

50:19

the Howard Stern show? Yeah. No.

50:22

Maybe it's time. Maybe, what would I say? I don't

50:24

have anything to say. I just think it's weird. Just

50:27

ask him if he has a message for you. Just

50:29

ask Howard if he has a message for you. Yeah, maybe I'll try that.

50:32

Just so you flux through the sign and you need to hear

50:34

it again. It was so

50:36

weird to go from dead asleep to 100% awake

50:39

instantly. And

50:41

then to be laying there in my bed and thinking, why am

50:43

I awake right now? What's happened? Is it time to get up?

50:46

Can I wake up usually before my alarm? Like a minute or

50:48

two before my alarm? And then I go, okay, my alarm will

50:50

go off in a second. And before I

50:52

even had the wherewithal to ... Because I have a clock

50:54

on the other side of the room to look up and

50:56

see if I could see what time it was, Howard Stern

50:58

just started blasting. And it's just

51:00

like, it's even on a wireless charger. It

51:03

wasn't even physically plugged in anything. It's just

51:05

a sleep in sleep mode on a wireless

51:07

charger. And why would it start playing?

51:09

And the volume change. Like at volume was

51:11

max volume and I set it to like

51:13

20% before I went to bed.

51:15

Like I do every night. I remember doing it. It's

51:17

just like, something did that, dude. It was fucking weird

51:19

and it was ... It didn't

51:22

creep me out, but it startled me and

51:25

got the hairs in the back of my neck standing up a little bit. Because

51:28

I can't think of a rational

51:30

... The closest rational solution would

51:32

be the AirPods, but it's definitely

51:34

not that. Because they were

51:36

in their case. Yeah, I have no idea. I do,

51:39

just as a concept, think it's hilarious.

51:41

The idea of asking for a message and then

51:43

you receiving the message and just being like, why

51:45

the fuck is this playing? No, I was just

51:47

so shocked. I wasn't thinking about the message at

51:50

three in the morning. I was trying to figure

51:52

out why I'm awake. And then I was shocked

51:54

by that. And then I was trying to turn it off so it didn't

51:57

disrupt my poor wife who's got a

51:59

work 11 hours, 12 hours today and

52:01

needs as much sleep as she can get. And so I

52:03

was in the moment I was just trying to – I

52:05

was in crisis. I was trying to keep her asleep. And

52:08

then laying in bed I thought, was that my message? And

52:11

then I thought to myself like, that doesn't

52:13

make any sense. And I was – it was 3 in the morning.

52:15

I was tired. I just went back to sleep

52:17

and figured I'd deal with it today. But maybe I was supposed

52:19

to listen to that particular moment on The Howard Stern Show, but

52:21

I think it was more that, hey, pay

52:24

attention. I mean

52:26

– It's for you to interpret. It's

52:28

for me to interpret. And there's something to interpret there. I

52:31

felt bad for Emily today when she

52:33

had like an entire business full of staff and

52:35

customers and then I was just

52:38

screaming at the top of my head from the tiny room of

52:40

the bed. Yeah, I felt a little

52:42

bad too, but she was sweet about it. I

52:44

don't think she would have let us do it if it would

52:46

damage things, you know? She's pretty serious

52:49

about her career and her company and her business and everything.

52:52

So I don't think she would have done it if she

52:54

thought it would have in any way negatively impacted her salon.

52:57

Do you think you'll listen to yesterday's show again? The

52:59

Howard Stern Show? Yeah. Yeah,

53:01

I probably will. I think

53:04

this is worth listening to. But

53:06

I do think that the message was that.

53:09

It was wake up and pay attention. You

53:11

know, well, it's too – I can't

53:13

go into it. It's too personal to go into,

53:15

but I'm just having some stuff to figure out

53:17

about my career and other stuff and just my

53:19

life in general. I'm almost 50 and I got

53:21

some stuff to figure out. So you

53:23

found it relevant? I found it extremely

53:26

relevant. I just don't exactly – I

53:28

just haven't had time. I also – then I woke up

53:30

and I started getting ready and doing work

53:32

and getting Millie ready for school and stuff. And then I

53:34

listened in the background. And

53:36

then I had to go get my asshole waxed and then

53:38

immediately record two episodes of the show. So

53:41

I haven't had a lot of time to really sit down and –

53:43

Not a lot of reflection time. Reflect

53:46

on what it means. But it

53:48

was like – it was just

53:50

fucking – I don't want to say paranormal,

53:52

but it was just fucking weird. I don't know

53:54

what – something did that to my phone.

53:57

Something made that happen. Something woke me up in the way that

53:59

I was doing it. that woke me up because it woke me

54:01

up 15 seconds

54:03

before that happened. Like how

54:05

does that make sense? Yeah. So I

54:07

feel like the noise that wakes you up is

54:09

rarely the noise you hear. Yeah.

54:12

So something probably fell. Like

54:15

did your AirPods fall and fly open

54:17

or something? Gavin, my AirPods were in

54:19

the kitchen, plugged into a little

54:21

like device that has all my different stuff plugged

54:23

into it. The only thing in my bedroom like

54:26

that is just my phone on its wireless charging.

54:28

Emily's got her phone on the other side on

54:31

her wireless charging and that's it. Like, do you

54:33

think maybe Emily farted on your phone? I

54:37

think Emily got up from the other side of bed,

54:39

walked around the my side of the bed, farted on

54:41

my phone, then walked back, got into the... I know,

54:43

I just tried to think of the noise that could

54:45

have woken you up before that started. I

54:49

don't, I don't, I didn't hear a noise. I just woke up.

54:51

Usually when you hear a noise and you wake up, you hear

54:53

a noise. I didn't hear anything. I never

54:55

hear the noise that actually wakes me up. I

54:57

feel like I do. Something shocks you awake and you're

55:00

like, what was that? I didn't hear the off the bat. I

55:02

just, I just woke up and I was like, why am I

55:04

awake? Uh, if

55:07

you're going to wake up anyone, Emily's probably

55:09

the worst person to wake up because she

55:11

has that very involved routine to like get

55:13

into sleep position. Yeah. She's got like a

55:15

seven, you know, seven point system to get

55:18

into bed. You can't fuck with that. I

55:20

know, absolutely not. And I sort of, I

55:22

had a realization this, this is

55:24

my last Christmas in my 20s.

55:27

And I've somehow, I feel transitioned

55:30

to older, older person excitement

55:32

where like I've themed the entirety of

55:34

like any Christmas thing I'm getting, or

55:36

if I'm going to spend money on

55:38

myself as a gift to enhance my

55:40

sleep, cause I just enjoy being really

55:42

cozy and bed and relaxing. And so

55:44

I texted Emily because I was like,

55:47

I have a few ideas of how

55:49

I can improve it. And I remember

55:51

you mentioning draft for extensive

55:53

routine. I texted

55:55

asking like, so what, what is like the process

55:57

or like I'm going through this? Is there any.

56:00

anything in your routine that you

56:02

think significantly contributes. And she sent

56:04

me this massive detailed list of

56:06

like every step. And I realized

56:08

how far away I am from

56:10

truly having a peak sleep game.

56:13

I need to work on mine.

56:16

I'm inching closer to that reality. But

56:18

I realized like that is like an old

56:21

man thing. And then I got really excited

56:23

looking at shower heads of like how I

56:25

can improve the shower head I have. And

56:27

just the possibility of like I don't really

56:29

like the one that I have. It's

56:32

kind of sucks. I could use a new

56:34

one either. I am but just

56:36

like if I'm going to have a shower because

56:38

the tub is for relaxation if it's like you're

56:41

getting clean you want to shower. I

56:43

was looking at shower heads and like

56:45

what the best reviewed ones were and

56:47

just getting excited about the optimization of

56:49

the shower which is like I wondered

56:52

when that happened when I transitioned to

56:54

be a person that would care or

56:56

be excited about shower efficiency. It's

56:59

a weird process to go through. What's

57:01

your current sleep routine Andrew?

57:04

Like it's time for bed. I got the fan. Oh

57:06

my god. I'm doing. Do you

57:08

want to talk about psychotic moves? You

57:11

know how I was listening to. You

57:13

know how I was listening to the rain as

57:15

like a way to fall asleep. I

57:18

have a new sound. I have a new thing. I've

57:20

fallen asleep piss. No worse

57:23

I would say. Because Jeff's got you covered. I

57:26

would argue it would be weirder than Jeff's piss. I

57:29

have been because it's on Netflix. I

57:31

have been falling asleep. It was just a failed fart.

57:33

It wasn't a I was recording the piss. We should

57:36

see if Andrew can fall asleep to it though. I

57:39

mean I'd be willing to try because it's

57:41

better than what I have been doing.

57:43

I've been falling asleep to the hateful

57:45

eight every single day for the past

57:47

two weeks. What the

57:50

fuck. I know. Because

57:52

it's it's in the snow and this

57:54

is how I think my brain works.

57:57

It's very cozy. They're in a cabin.

58:00

I like when I'm warm and cozy,

58:02

I like the idea of it being

58:04

cold outside because I'm all comfortable and

58:06

I don't have to deal with that.

58:08

That brings me relaxation. So I've

58:10

been playing the hateful late and then falling

58:12

to sleep every night. And I

58:14

haven't made it to the cabin. I

58:17

fall asleep on the way in the wagon.

58:19

Typically around the time, Walton Goggin shows up,

58:22

I crash. And that has been, and

58:24

it's the weirdest thing. There's no reason

58:27

for it to be. I find the opening

58:29

music to the movie relaxing even though it's

58:31

supposed to be very foreboding. Although

58:33

I can't fully explain it but it works.

58:36

Walton Goggin's doesn't have the sleepy vibe

58:38

to me whenever I see him on

58:40

screen. No, but it's Kurt Russell and

58:42

Samuel Jackson have very calming voices, I

58:44

would say. I've been trying to figure

58:46

out what exactly has caused this. It

58:48

started as like, oh, I haven't watched

58:50

the hateful in a long time. I

58:52

should maybe revisit that and then I

58:54

fell asleep. And now it's become a

58:56

thing I've done. This is the

58:59

best week. I don't make it that far to the

59:01

movie. Eric

59:03

just posted a photo of Walton Goggin holding the gun

59:05

looking very alarmed. I don't get that at all. I

59:07

don't think he's got his asshole laxed. Yeah. He

59:10

does. But that has been my weird sleep

59:13

thing. So if you want to semi-pistol take

59:15

it because I'm not thrilled about this. And

59:17

I assume eventually it will come off Netflix.

59:19

But at the current moment, I've been falling asleep to

59:21

the hateful late. Does it work? It

59:24

does. It works great. It's like

59:26

he's doing it. But I've listened to Samuel

59:28

Jackson try to get onto a wagon like

59:30

14 times and it is getting repetitive.

59:32

But I keep falling asleep. Is this why on

59:34

a phone or do you have a TV in there? I

59:36

put headphones into my phone and I just

59:38

fall asleep with my headphones on and I

59:41

pretend they're earmuffs. Wired

59:43

or AirPods? Wired. Okay. That's

59:46

so uncomfortable. I don't wake up with

59:48

it wrapped around your neck. It

59:50

does. But the court does go

59:52

across the neck, which is inconvenient. But that's just

59:55

how. Do

59:57

you move a lot in your sleep, Gavin? Yeah,

1:00:00

constantly. There was a

1:00:02

cat standing on me too. I sleep like

1:00:04

Dracula. I sleep

1:00:06

straight like a pencil with my arms folded on

1:00:08

top of my face. Interesting time

1:00:11

lapse. If we all put a camera facing down

1:00:13

and we just film a night's sleep, see who

1:00:15

moves the most. So Jeff,

1:00:17

when your phone went off across the room, you

1:00:19

had to like, you sat up and

1:00:21

went bleh and like had to under your arms

1:00:24

and they were crossed over your chest or what?

1:00:26

I think so, yeah, probably. Oh, okay. If it

1:00:28

wasn't across the room, I could reach

1:00:30

the phone from my bed so I didn't have to get out of

1:00:32

bed. If I had to get out of bed, if I had to

1:00:34

get out of bed to get the phone, I probably would have just

1:00:36

walked in the other room to figure out what the fuck was going

1:00:38

on. It was the fact that like, instantly I could just reach over

1:00:41

and grab my phone and turn it off that, you know, I'm

1:00:43

still with Andrew. I think you probably should have gone in the other

1:00:45

room to figure out what was going on. I

1:00:48

mean, maybe I don't know. I

1:00:51

don't know. What's everybody's sleep, sleep

1:00:53

routine? Gavin, what is your go to bed routine?

1:00:56

I have an iPad that's by my

1:00:59

bed. It's like an old, it's like

1:01:02

a 2012 iPad and I have headphones coming

1:01:04

out of it. It

1:01:06

was like a headband with headphones

1:01:09

inside it and I cut the headphones out and

1:01:11

I stick those in the pillowcase. So

1:01:14

I just align my ear with

1:01:17

one of the speakers and I just listen to stuff

1:01:19

and fall asleep. What do you listen

1:01:21

to? Just random

1:01:23

YouTube. Wherever YouTube takes me. That's

1:01:25

bizarre. What about you, Eric?

1:01:30

I lay down and close my eyes and

1:01:32

then it is the next day. I want

1:01:34

to pay so much for that

1:01:36

ability. That's kind of my routine too.

1:01:39

Like if I could do that without

1:01:41

just thinking endlessly for two hours, I

1:01:43

would definitely do that. I

1:01:45

used to have that problem and then no longer

1:01:47

have that problem and just go to, I just

1:01:49

close my eyes and then I open my eyes

1:01:51

and it is tomorrow. Are you

1:01:53

just really relaxed about your life? No,

1:01:56

I think I just used to be. I think

1:01:58

that what I thought was... was

1:02:00

stress and anxiety. I thought that I

1:02:02

had found the ceiling and then I

1:02:05

really found the ceiling and then I

1:02:07

went, I'm not even close to needing to worry

1:02:09

about this. And so after that, I just felt

1:02:11

a lot better. And now I sleep.

1:02:13

I just, my wife has a whole routine also to

1:02:15

like go to bed. Like Emily, it's all like,

1:02:18

there are many steps. It is very involved. I

1:02:20

help her when she, you know, when it's

1:02:22

time for her to go to bed, when it is time

1:02:24

for me to go to bed, I get into the bed.

1:02:27

I pull the covers on top of me.

1:02:29

I close my eyes and then roughly eight

1:02:31

hours later, I open my eyes and it

1:02:33

is a time to wake up. I,

1:02:36

that's generally how I do it too. I've

1:02:39

floss and brush my teeth, put

1:02:41

my phone down on the charger

1:02:43

and then get into the Dracula position.

1:02:46

And sometimes I'll kick my feet out if

1:02:48

it's too hot, but usually I don't. And

1:02:51

then I just lay down and then I say like whatever

1:02:53

little prayer or whatever, you know, affirmation thing

1:02:55

it is. And then I immediately go to sleep. Everything's

1:02:58

linking. I, I, I had

1:03:01

a Dracula position and you do a prayer.

1:03:04

You like, you really glossed over

1:03:06

that. What happened? Well, I get in

1:03:08

the Dracula position, I get ready and then I just do like

1:03:10

whatever nightly prayer people say or whatever. I usually say like, you

1:03:12

know, just like, like I did last night. You know, you put

1:03:14

something out in the universe. Like, you know, the shit is atheist

1:03:16

to the world, by the way. I

1:03:19

mean, I'm not praying to God. I'm just praying like,

1:03:21

put it out in the universe. I

1:03:26

don't expect, like I said, I don't expect an answer.

1:03:28

It's just more like, this is important to me.

1:03:30

This is something I'm thinking about. I should, if

1:03:32

I vote verbalize it in my head, at least

1:03:34

I'll sleep and it's rattling around. And then the

1:03:36

universe tries to give you an answer and you

1:03:38

go, I don't want to wake up Emily. No,

1:03:40

I got the answer. The answer was the Howard Stern

1:03:42

show. I just don't exactly know what it means, but

1:03:45

I'm working on it. I think that's, I think that's

1:03:47

healthy because you're, you're kind of like summing up each

1:03:49

night. It's like a little bit of self therapy. It's

1:03:51

like journaling. Yeah, it's not like

1:03:53

journaling. It's like the thing that's nagging or bothering me

1:03:55

or that I have hopes or fears for or whatever.

1:03:57

You just kind of like put it out there. I

1:04:00

don't think there's anything wrong with it. I sorry. I think

1:04:02

it's I think it's great I just think it was weird

1:04:04

that you glossed over it. That's all when

1:04:06

I feel sleepy I I

1:04:08

feel like I have to I get a

1:04:10

second wind so quickly Like if I don't take

1:04:13

note of the sleepiness and if I don't act

1:04:15

within like eight minutes I'm wide awake again, and

1:04:17

if I'm like, oh I'm sleepy head

1:04:20

on the pillow I'll immediately start thinking about crap give

1:04:22

myself second wind and then I'm just up So

1:04:25

I have to distract myself with other

1:04:27

content Yeah,

1:04:29

I could I'm gonna I'm gonna send

1:04:32

something I haven't shared this with you guys when

1:04:34

I was Constructing this

1:04:37

is ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous, but I

1:04:39

genuinely Tried to wrap

1:04:41

this into my sleep plan So when I was doing

1:04:43

the rain thing every night because I have a

1:04:46

fan And so I feel like I'm

1:04:48

in the storm with the fan and I was

1:04:50

looking at different things that are on Halloween and

1:04:53

Spirit Halloween Sold a

1:04:55

like life-size version of

1:04:57

the Mars attack alien

1:04:59

and it you could fill His

1:05:01

blaster with water and it shoots mist out

1:05:04

and I was considering setting that up next

1:05:06

to the bed So I could get mist

1:05:08

in the face is like are you made

1:05:10

of rain from Mars? Exactly,

1:05:13

but I couldn't find I was trying to find

1:05:16

something that would spritz me spritz me in the

1:05:18

face Occasionally and I

1:05:20

couldn't and that was the best

1:05:22

solution I had How

1:05:25

would that not wake you up every time it happened?

1:05:27

I don't I don't think you I

1:05:30

don't know I think I would find it relaxing.

1:05:32

You know how this could work Gavin wants to

1:05:34

watch you sleep. Anyway, what if Gavin? Tucked

1:05:38

you in I could be a bottle. It's

1:05:40

a little spray bottle every while he sprays

1:05:42

every once in a while Whatever you think

1:05:44

I think if it was on the face

1:05:46

it would wake me up But if it like was on top

1:05:48

of my head, I don't think it would it would just

1:05:50

feel nice Like a little some

1:05:52

some mist coming. I don't know. I

1:05:55

feel like the tiniest piece of

1:05:57

movement or noise. I'm awake Yeah

1:06:00

That's not how it works. Once I'm sleeping, I

1:06:02

am out. But it's just getting

1:06:04

comfy and to sleep is the

1:06:06

process. I used to have the worst

1:06:08

fucking insomnia and it used to play. It's part of

1:06:10

why I started drinking so heavily was to drink myself

1:06:13

to sleep and then and I was so worried about

1:06:15

getting sober that I'd never sleep again. Turns

1:06:17

out the alcohol was the problem the whole

1:06:19

time. I've never slept better than when I

1:06:21

got sober. And it's never been a problem

1:06:24

since I quit drinking. Never

1:06:26

been a problem since I quit drinking. It's so wild.

1:06:29

Can we try Andrew? Can I try tucking you

1:06:31

in this year? Absolutely. I'd love

1:06:33

that. Welcome anytime. Come over

1:06:35

tuck me in. When works for you? Any night.

1:06:37

I'm sleeping in the same place. I will say

1:06:40

maybe wait a little bit. I bought myself my

1:06:42

big Christmas treat. Bought myself a new bed,

1:06:44

new sheets. We're taking a sleep game. Oh

1:06:46

wow. And how has that affected the pillow

1:06:49

game? I've

1:06:51

added five more pillows. So

1:06:54

that 13? Yeah,

1:06:57

we're gonna have a lot. The mountain grows. Are

1:07:00

they all behind your head or are you

1:07:02

building like a fort at this point? Well

1:07:06

they start behind the bed and then

1:07:08

the bed kind of gets pushed out from the

1:07:10

wall because the pillows leverage it. And so I

1:07:12

just need to keep putting pillows in the hole

1:07:15

and the bed keeps sliding further out. So we're

1:07:17

gonna extend that process with these five additional pillows.

1:07:20

I want to bring Gracie up to speed

1:07:22

on a lot of previous f*** face because

1:07:24

Gracie joined pretty recently. And for example, didn't

1:07:26

know about the shampoo bottle that got lodged

1:07:28

in your arsehole. So I'll...

1:07:32

I want to... Has Gracie listened to the

1:07:35

best of f*** face compilation?

1:07:37

Oh god. I don't think so. Oh

1:07:40

no. Okay, I'll get you a link.

1:07:42

Oh god. You don't... You don't need

1:07:45

to listen. You don't have to listen. Based on everyone's

1:07:47

reaction, I'm really scared. Yeah. It's short. I'll say that.

1:07:49

You know, it's not too long. Okay. I don't know

1:07:51

if that's gonna answer any of those questions. What is

1:07:53

the best of us? So it is like it's... No,

1:07:56

it'll give me more questions if anything. Yeah. Probably.

1:07:59

Um... That I don't want answers to well that

1:08:01

he wasn't like just like shove and shampoo

1:08:04

bottles up his ass for fun or anything

1:08:06

It was a perfect got himself into a

1:08:08

situation and then he grabbed on Unintentionally

1:08:11

shoved it up his ass, but then he had to

1:08:13

hold that position. He didn't want to wake his partner

1:08:15

up There's a whole it was a consideration I

1:08:18

just search best of face. I can't even

1:08:20

find it We

1:08:26

definitely did Absolutely

1:08:28

released it. Maybe it's audio only.

1:08:30

I don't know. Are you on YouTube? Yeah,

1:08:34

I don't know that that's a big problem You

1:08:37

have to type the asterisk Face

1:08:43

and it's right there. Can we

1:08:45

put okay? Yeah. Yeah, I think

1:08:47

we need to improve the tags We

1:08:50

can work I think we need to improve the name of the podcast But I

1:08:53

guess you know, we're just kind of like throwing ideas. It's 2020 the year we

1:08:55

change the name or 2024 Yeah,

1:08:59

2020 where we change the name for sure a

1:09:01

hundred percent on that I've

1:09:04

gone around and around on that so many

1:09:06

fucking times over the last four. How are

1:09:08

we doing this three years goddamn? We

1:09:12

should wrap this one up I'm excited for 2024 So

1:09:16

my before we wrap up I want to say

1:09:18

one more thing. I want to you know

1:09:20

2023 great year You're

1:09:24

shattering my dreams of 2023 I

1:09:27

don't know if you guys remember remember when

1:09:29

I I'd had the Alan wake to you

1:09:31

moment where I was just going Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup and

1:09:34

I got I got the code entered it

1:09:36

in Yeah, I got one in ten thousand

1:09:38

chance and I had no idea how it

1:09:40

happened or like any of that work They

1:09:42

just on Tuesday just like or I had

1:09:44

yesterday I guess Monday Released

1:09:47

the new game plus version of Alan wake to

1:09:49

you And so I loaded it back up

1:09:52

and I've been playing through it and I thought I'm gonna

1:09:54

really Investigate and try to figure

1:09:56

out where the code is and how this happened. And

1:09:58

so I looked at the computer And

1:10:02

the code is on the fucking

1:10:04

screen. It's in the bottom left

1:10:06

on a sticky note Which

1:10:09

I didn't notice until last night

1:10:11

which now makes me think I

1:10:13

must have subconsciously seen it and

1:10:15

put it in Completely

1:10:18

ruining the coolest luck

1:10:20

moment I've ever had It's just

1:10:22

on the original clip that you sent us.

1:10:25

I don't know I haven't gone back and looked

1:10:27

at the clip and like you mean I felt

1:10:29

we would have noticed We all didn't notice that

1:10:31

that's insane Yeah, we didn't

1:10:33

notice it then you shouldn't have been expected

1:10:35

to But I

1:10:37

didn't and I felt so stupid when I

1:10:40

was like, oh it's on it's literally facing

1:10:42

me I'm seeing it

1:10:44

without seeing it and let's not like it

1:10:46

was patched in. I Don't

1:10:48

think it was let me I can

1:10:51

quickly find the clip go back to your old clip

1:10:56

But I was crushing because I don't think

1:10:58

I've ever had a cooler

1:11:00

thing happen to me in a game and then to

1:11:02

realize Oh, no. Okay, so I'm looking at the clip

1:11:05

right now No,

1:11:09

it doesn't I think I think when you go to click

1:11:11

in to type in the code it might It

1:11:15

might change It's

1:11:17

a lot darker the room It's

1:11:20

like pitch black as opposed to

1:11:22

that Maybe it's just

1:11:24

like a different time. I went to the I don't know

1:11:27

but you don't see it sticky note is not visible Anyway,

1:11:30

I just wanted to bring that up because I was

1:11:32

crushed last night when I saw that when I'm a

1:11:34

fucking idiot It was literally in front of my

1:11:37

face What

1:11:42

lovely stars in 2024 a

1:11:44

beautiful start to 2024 and next

1:11:46

week I'm gonna have my ears

1:11:48

extra open Oh Yeah,

1:11:52

don't worry He

1:11:55

keeps not doing it and

1:11:57

then like putting his

1:11:59

hair over his mouth. What do you

1:12:02

mean? Nick,

1:12:05

honestly, are you bummed that you didn't realize

1:12:08

this was the first one you could do

1:12:10

again? Yeah. Oh

1:12:16

my god. All

1:12:22

right, well here's to a 2024 full

1:12:25

of asshole waxing and

1:12:27

name changes and big sticks

1:12:29

and all kinds of nonsense.

1:12:33

I guess we should probably wrap this

1:12:36

up. Eh? Eh? Eh? Should we?

1:12:39

I've been up by the way, this is really good. Yes,

1:12:41

I agree or no, don't do it. Yeah. Because I'll keep

1:12:43

it fucking going forever. Do you want me to retell this

1:12:45

story about how I woke up between 13 in the morning?

1:12:47

I know. We're good. Cover that again?

1:12:50

No, we're good. Universe trying to tell me something?

1:12:57

I'll see you next time. Hey

1:13:01

guys, Major League Fan Jack here with

1:13:03

a look at next week's episode of

1:13:06

F*** Face. Who looked at the pubes?

1:13:08

We need standing desks. Andrew makes an

1:13:10

apology. Andrew immediately deflects blame. Jeff finds

1:13:12

nudity in the strangest of places. We've

1:13:14

got puppies. And once again, Andrew does

1:13:16

not eat the pencil. All that and

1:13:18

more on next week's episode of F***.

1:14:00

for a special 8 hour D&D

1:14:02

one-shot stream. To sign up or

1:14:04

find more information about Stinkuary, check

1:14:06

us out at stinkydragonpod.com. Stay stinky

1:14:08

y'all!