0:06

So. This is kind of a difficult question I

0:08

wonder if you've ever thought to yourself that I'm

0:10

married the wrong person I,

0:12

actually know somebody who told me that

0:15

over A. Breakfast so if you're struggling

0:17

with very real thing, please

0:20

know that you're not alone there are people that really

0:22

think they've married the wrong person, I'm

0:25

John Fuller we're. Going to hear about what to do about

0:27

that about or I'm joined by Greg

0:29

in here in Smalley, they lead to our marriage team

0:31

here at the, ministry and let's.

0:33

Go to a clip now, Jim Daly and jim spoke with Pastor

0:36

Rob Flood in his wife, Gina, and

0:38

early on in their marriage, they admitted

0:41

that they thought the same. Thing that I

0:43

married the. wrong person now here's that

0:45

conversation robin gina welcome

0:47

to focus on the family ah thanks for having us

0:50

it's good to have you it's love the opening

0:52

question here about basics of your

0:54

honeymoon had some kind of like blow

0:56

up and so many people have

0:58

something like that but honeymoons

1:01

tend to bring out both the best on the worse than

1:03

us what was your day six alike

1:05

And so, we had a, we had a, engagement

1:08

Was A a Very Long Engagement. It

1:11

wasn't too long and give me an idea long

1:14

19 months we were

1:16

engaging. I said, was probably

1:18

12 months too long, but

1:20

we use that time to get ready and

1:22

we worked through sticky stuff in the

1:24

engagement. But when

1:26

it came time to the wedding, we thought we had worked

1:29

through any challenges. We thought we would work through

1:31

any of the communication struggles. We

1:33

were having. and there was an area of

1:35

sand in our lives and our prior

1:38

to our wedding. That I,

1:40

we've confessed to one another confess to God,

1:42

CA come clean with friends.

1:44

And then are we got married expecting

1:47

happily ever after? To begin. We

1:49

went to the happiest place on Earth. After

1:52

our honeymoon. We went to Disney World and

1:54

it was actually there on day 6

1:57

that we got into a conflict.

2:00

It started very small where the 2nd

2:02

at Disney World, you got in the conflict in

2:04

a beautiful hotel as

2:07

we were getting ready for beautiful dinner on

2:09

that Thursday to go Thanksgiving. It was actually

2:11

on Thanksgiving. I i don't remember

2:14

any of it. You don't remember any

2:16

of it, will this I remember as a good sign?

2:18

My I could can heaps of me what

2:20

it's about, know.

2:21

What is about a million people right now going to tell

2:24

us what it was business and so the

2:26

area of sin prior to our marriage

2:28

was in physical intimacy and,

2:31

now that it was sanctified

2:33

and it was allowed? i think

2:35

we just assumed as young people that

2:38

it's all of that baggage would go away

2:41

And went and it did not and.

2:44

so as we were

2:46

Working through those challenges

2:49

it, became very tense so

2:52

we step back from what we started to talk and

2:54

we didn't talk well about it. or

2:56

we talked in that accusations

2:59

about it that blew up Probably.

3:01

About forty five minutes of olds, maybe

3:04

the loudest argument we've ever had

3:06

day six, it was a American with,

3:08

were about twenty five and half years the I'm at. This

3:10

point and I was the worst argument

3:12

we had it ended with her leaving

3:15

the hotel room I.

3:17

went to sleep You're.

3:19

A distraught that isn't selling a normal thing

3:21

that I personally really rest my do,

3:24

it was an area actually the first

3:26

couple years of our marriage conflict

3:28

the stress of. Conflict in our marriage processed

3:31

by getting very city and and,

3:34

did not press into more communication

3:36

hadn't learned that about myself on day six yet

3:39

or that that. Was was pattern, and

3:41

so have we had we went to dinner that night

3:44

ah During a truce.

3:47

How to find dinner but.

3:49

when we came back things which is not the same

3:52

we didn't have the same level of trust from one another

3:54

we didn't have the same level of comfort

3:56

just interpersonal intimacy was

3:59

really off Then.

4:01

I think it's worth noting just as an aside,

4:03

think there's a mess out there

4:05

that. When? You get married that

4:08

intimacy should be easy and

4:10

fine because now you're married and I think

4:12

that a lot of new couples can

4:14

be really discouraged because

4:17

it's not it's sometimes. It is,

4:19

but sometimes it's not, and so I think

4:21

it's a good, Mr. Finance Class

4:24

and. Let known that.

4:27

You can talk to somebody well and Gino

4:29

think you know one of the things in the Christian community,

4:31

particularly there's this breitling of

4:34

that appetite. And then? I

4:36

think for women particularly the, you

4:39

know, then they've got a flip the switch. That's.

4:41

As okay, everything's okay, nine minutes

4:44

that's Mars, it's more like Dimmer diet,

4:46

well, I'm gonna, you know, some people there, I think

4:48

it's both think some people it it.

4:50

Depends on your personality type, but think

4:52

for some it does become on

4:54

or off that can't be a dimmer switch

4:56

nets that becomes really difficult for those

4:58

people to of. A sudden as a Christian embrace

5:01

something that you been told all your life you can do this

5:03

don't do this and. so

5:05

you know i think people struggle

5:07

with that with guess i'm acknowledging

5:09

how that can be can issue in your marriage and

5:12

today that you know a lot of people are

5:14

in that position where there is there

5:17

Unwrapping. That gifts that God gives

5:19

them prior to their

5:21

wedding and that does create lot of difficulties,

5:24

but let's move, you know that you've done great

5:26

job lang that groundwork. And what conflict

5:29

was there, but then you

5:31

later and I don't know how much later

5:33

want to hear that you begin to think maybe

5:36

married the wrong person was at. Both of you

5:38

are most wanted sex with added

5:40

that might have been day sex that they say

5:42

that thought entered your mind

5:45

and then how did you process that and?

5:47

How did you obviously been married twenty five

5:49

years now, so you sound your way

5:51

through that we doubt, but to explain

5:53

as that process as that first year,

5:56

would say? We went through quite

5:58

a bit as second guessing.

6:00

They didn't sing from one another, we

6:02

lived together, we were we funk the

6:04

house functioned, but we didn't

6:07

really function really similarly. Then.

6:10

fifteen months later is when we started

6:12

to put this back together, but it was in

6:14

one of those conversations that we discovered

6:17

right about the nine month mark of

6:20

our marriage. We each had begun

6:22

in our own way, privately praying

6:24

that the Lord would either take me.

6:27

Or the Lord would take her because

6:30

we have this strange Christian

6:32

conviction that. Divorce

6:35

wasn't permissible, that's not the strains Christian

6:37

convictions, but since divorce was impermissible,

6:40

the only way out of this was for one

6:42

of us to die. And

6:44

we were praying that before our first anniversary

6:47

and. so That now we're

6:49

fifteen months in and we're confessing

6:52

these things to one another.

6:54

It's. Worth noting the in this time we

6:56

were we were functioning in the church

6:59

we, each had ministries that we

7:01

were either leading up participating and

7:04

small groups we were participating. And

7:06

and you know people would say how

7:08

are the newlyweds and, nobody

7:11

really wants to? hear pat

7:17

There and you work with couples on the Times I'm

7:19

sure you've met a number who have thought

7:21

would Rob and Janet did how to encourage

7:24

those couples to turn off that thought

7:26

of I must of just marriage wrong

7:28

person and now I'm stuck.

7:30

Yeah. And I would say first and foremost becoming

7:32

aware of that's what I'm thinking you know,

7:34

like going to wow I'm thinking

7:36

married the wrong person because if

7:38

you're not aware. Of it and he can't do anything

7:40

about it, so sometimes you people

7:43

will still somewhat shame around that thought that

7:45

they won't even acknowledge it, but yet the enemy

7:47

will again. Continued to brew

7:49

that I'm that, but Galaxy

7:52

there you go again wrong person

7:54

up there you go get.

7:55

Only major see validation for that

7:58

bad I and then. You continue to the.

8:00

Down that path way which can lead to

8:02

total disaster so acknowledging

8:04

it may be sharing it with someone like hey I'm

8:06

struggling with. this diet

8:09

and diet know you know i made a choice

8:11

as far as who i married i'm

8:13

in i'm chose this person but right now

8:16

i'm feeling this and thinking this

8:18

thinking really if you know digging in a little bit deeper

8:20

wonder why what's going on that leading

8:23

me to think those thoughts you know is

8:25

it that we haven't result conflict

8:28

that i'm feeling and seem

8:30

that the you know we're not doing

8:32

the things that things hope that we would be doing

8:35

i met with a couple recently and they

8:37

went on their honeymoon and they came back

8:40

in the first time first saw they work great

8:42

while the second time i saw them not so much

8:45

and apparently as conflict and stress

8:47

and busy ness entered back into the picture

8:50

not only were they thinking it they were saying it

8:52

to each other or and so

8:54

Guard for the thought to the or yes relation

8:56

of this, ah, yes, ah.

8:58

Thank. goodness bless, just kept saying I'm so glad

9:00

you're here because we can address some

9:02

of this and dig into what's going on and

9:04

as well as you know we I encourage.

9:06

Couples to take that word divorce

9:09

out of their vocabulary, that

9:11

you know, maybe you're feeling that, but

9:13

gosh, you know, digging and deeper

9:16

what is going on, you know, you think. About Scripture,

9:18

one of my favorite and scriptures,

9:20

and first print in seven twenty eight, that for those

9:23

who marry, they will face many troubles

9:25

and trials, so it's not easy

9:27

and. so there will be times that you have thoughts

9:29

like that but what are you gonna do with them are

9:31

you gonna sit and fester them are you gonna let

9:34

someone know are you going to

9:36

denounce satins dig into what's

9:38

really going on here how did i get lead

9:41

I appreciate that in that it makes me think

9:43

of what God said when he made

9:45

man it's very good,

9:47

right, so it's a struggle and

9:49

we're promised that there's can be friction in

9:52

relationship, but God uses bad

9:55

and, I told my kids time and again.

9:58

After only, thirty years

10:00

The marriage it's safe and it's really

10:02

good as a gift to have spouse that we've

10:04

worked through some of that know we're not perfect

10:07

we have plenty of moments I'm. really

10:09

glad that we stuck it out and will

10:11

encourage you

10:12

Then. Go the distance in your relationship

10:15

if you're wondering why do we do that will

10:17

continue listening to this podcast them,

10:20

get resources like the book by Rob Flood

10:22

with these. "Words, and

10:25

or it takes a deep drink at

10:27

the website", said Greg in here and team

10:30

makes possible it's rich

10:32

with resources now about that book

10:34

if you can make. can donation of any amount to day

10:36

to the Ministry of Focus on the Family will send

10:39

Rub Flood's book to, you as

10:41

our thank you gift for joining the support. Team

10:43

the lakers of the show notes and if you need

10:45

to talk to counselor give us, call that

10:48

link is in the notes or just call eight hundred.

10:51

A family in will set of a time for

10:53

somebody to give you. call back more

10:55

from robin gina fled next time for now

10:58

on behalf of greg and year and smalley in the Tiger

11:00

team. I'm John Fuller. And this has been the focus

11:02

on the marriage podcast.

11:08

Man,

11:08

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11:12

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