0:01

This is Unbreakable

0:04

with Jay Glacier, a mental

0:06

wealth podcast build

0:09

you from the inside out. Now

0:12

Here's Jay Glacier. Welcome

0:14

into Breakable and mental Wealth podcast

0:16

with Jay Glazer. I'm Jay Glazer

0:19

and today's guest is a great friend

0:21

of mine.

0:21

She is up for an Emmy now a

0:25

rising.

0:25

Star in this business. But she has a story

0:28

that nobody knows that. When

0:30

I first heard it, I was the NFL Owners Meeting. I

0:32

started crying, so I wanted to bring

0:34

her on before I get to her. If you're

0:37

like many people, you may be surprised to learn that

0:39

one in five adults in this country experienced

0:41

mental illness last year. Get far too

0:43

many failed to receive the support they need. Carolyn

0:46

Behavioral Health is doing something about

0:48

it. They understand that behavioral health is a key

0:50

part of full health, delivering compassion

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care that treats physical, mental, emotional,

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social needs and tandem.

0:56

Carolyn behavioral Health raising.

0:57

The quality of life through empathy and action.

1:00

All right, Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental wealth podcast

1:03

with Jay g Laser. I'm Jay Glaser and

1:05

I wanted to bring this guest on. She's I

1:07

can consider a friend. I am so

1:10

proud of the work. She's

1:12

doing it, doing it the right way. But like I said,

1:14

there was a story she has that nobody

1:16

knew, and I knew half of it, not the

1:19

rest of it. And when her teammate

1:21

Andrew Whitworth, who was my longtime

1:23

training partner, told me this at the NFL Owners meeting,

1:25

I started crying in front of wit and He's like, you

1:27

gotta get her on the podcast. But this it's Kaylee

1:30

Hartongue, who is a sideline reporter

1:32

for Prime Videos inaugural Thursday

1:34

Night Football crew with you know, Al Michaels

1:37

and Kirk Herbstreet. She did the NFL

1:39

Draft, she was part of NBC

1:41

Sports playoff coverage and like I said, nominated

1:45

FORIGN Emmy. How cool is

1:47

that? Kaylee Hartung How you doing?

1:49

I think that's the first time I've been introduced

1:52

with that honor in

1:54

front of my name, which is absolutely

1:57

wild, very cool.

1:58

Much appreciated.

2:00

I knew. I mean, gosh, you guys on Fox,

2:02

I mean, Jay, you guys clean up every year. But

2:04

I think for us being new to the

2:06

game so to speak, with Amazon and

2:08

how hard our crews work, none

2:10

of us do any of these jobs alone, right,

2:12

So I think the coolest thing for me is just knowing

2:17

how grateful I am and how lucky I am

2:19

to get to work with the people I do who support me and put

2:21

me in a position too. No no, no, no to

2:23

tell great story.

2:24

No no, this should be your Emmy speech, ready, if you win the I mean,

2:26

this should be your speech. Hey, there's a lot of people

2:28

that like to Actually, no, there's not.

2:31

I did this ship myself and they dropped the

2:33

mic and just walk off.

2:34

You go off, Yes, there

2:38

you go exactly.

2:39

I mean they only let me talk for like twenty two seconds

2:41

during a game anyway.

2:42

So if there is a.

2:44

World in which I win, which I don't think there

2:46

is, that speech will be twenty two

2:48

seconds to the number, and fred Didelli

2:50

will be very proud of me if that's the case.

2:52

By the way, you said we clean up, We don't. We did in

2:54

the first This is my twenty first year of Fox. Last

2:57

year's the first Emmy I wont because

2:59

when Fox started, I've been the one every year.

3:01

Then it was almost like I had enough with Fox already,

3:04

Let's just move on to everybody else. And they never came

3:06

back. Now, mind you, in all these

3:08

years, I have never won Emmy, but

3:11

I was with our team inducted into

3:13

the Television and Hall of Fame. So something's

3:15

off there as

3:17

the only sports show ever inducted

3:20

in Television Hall of Fame.

3:21

But that's so cool.

3:22

Yeah, I

3:25

love it. And we're getting the award. We're in Vegas,

3:27

and I there's two things and both have been a Howie

3:29

long. I turned to Howie. I'm holding

3:31

this trophy in my hand, and

3:33

it's two things I said to him. One,

3:37

I said, dude, this is and this is true and

3:39

for an Emmy and this it's the first two

3:42

things I've ever won without

3:44

having to get the shit beat

3:46

out of me to win them. I've

3:49

only one thing for fighting. I've never and you

3:52

know if I've had broken noses now and rupture

3:54

distant all that, I've never had won anything in my life without

3:57

getting a hell beat out of me.

4:00

We got this is what happens

4:02

when that face gets kept intact from yours.

4:04

Jay, you know you went awards. Look

4:06

at that.

4:07

But the other thing, I said, I'm holding this trophy up.

4:09

I got my little Rosie staple up

4:11

here. I'm holding this trophy up. And I looked to Howie

4:13

and I go, hey, man, I know we're supposed

4:16

to act like we've been there before, but fuck

4:18

that, I haven't.

4:19

This shit is cool.

4:24

Oh man, I love that.

4:26

I want you to enjoy it when you win it, I

4:28

want you to enjoy it. But even just being up

4:30

for it, it is, it's it's such a blessing

4:33

that again, and we're going to get this now with it's a great transition.

4:36

Little Kaylee, right, a little girl,

4:38

and you could turn around and tell her, like, man, you're gonna

4:40

one day you're going to grow up

4:42

and you're gonna be up for an Emmy.

4:45

I don't.

4:45

I don't even know how

4:48

ten year old me would react to that.

4:50

I think just it sounds cliche

4:52

to say, but just being nominated

4:55

among the people who I'm nominated with, like

4:57

I've already won, that is so incredible

5:00

just to be thought of in that category.

5:03

And yeah, you do

5:05

a great job. And I touched

5:07

you during game last year, right.

5:09

I love when you text me during games. I

5:11

love it so much. I like that real time feedback.

5:14

Yeah, but you're but you gave us information

5:16

there was an injured player. You gave us information you

5:19

didn't speculate.

5:20

Was it Joe Burrow.

5:21

No, that that was Titans. He

5:24

injured his neck.

5:25

The receiver.

5:25

Oh gosh, that was so scary.

5:28

Trailing Brooks.

5:29

Yes, Trailing Brooks, right.

5:31

But so we're all sitting there really scared

5:34

of man.

5:36

Listen, even though I've been in the NFL since nineteen ninety

5:38

three, but every time you see an injury like that, for me so

5:40

weird being around fighting. I

5:43

love it, Like no guy breaks is like a manswer,

5:45

right, you have something, Hey, we cut our eyes up.

5:47

It's part you bleed a lot, you get knocked out, man,

5:49

just it's part of it football. It

5:52

bucks me up. It really freaks me out when I see guys

5:54

get injuries.

5:55

And that went that the situation with Treylon, when

5:57

he went down, he was so close to the sideline.

6:00

I was able to get really close. You know, think

6:02

about it. When Damar Hamlin went down, he

6:05

was in the middle of the field, so you

6:07

know, players were able to to protect him, and

6:10

thank goodness, ESPN handled that

6:12

as well as they did. But in the situation at

6:14

Treylon, I was able to get so close, and

6:16

it is there is no feeling like

6:19

that as a reporter. When you're that close

6:21

to everything, you need to observe,

6:23

you know, because I can tell you what I can see

6:25

and what I can hear.

6:26

That's the best kind of reporting I can give you. But

6:28

you know, I mean, you're you.

6:29

Really have to lock in and take your own

6:32

emotion out of it in moments like that, I.

6:34

Think because of the toamor Hamlin think that's why it was. It

6:36

had a similar almost like a feel of

6:38

that and where we had no idea what's

6:40

going on with deamorar Hamlin. You gave

6:43

us so much insight into

6:45

alleviate our fields. Now we're still serious and serious

6:48

neck injury. And that was the other thing, because it didn't

6:50

seem like a neck injury. You're like, oh, that's I've

6:52

never seen that before. Helped somebody go down and

6:54

get injured like that, which I thought it was knocked

6:56

out. But for you to be able to I

6:59

was just a viewer, wasn't an inside and

7:01

you were able to give

7:03

me a very educated and

7:06

informed basically I would

7:08

say diagnosis that's not the right word, but

7:10

a picture of what's really going on. So

7:12

you were able to alleviate a lot of our immediate

7:15

concerns by immediate

7:17

like journalistically, you just dove in and you

7:19

gave us everything you knew and I just I texted

7:21

you right on the spot. I'm like, that was so perfect

7:24

of the job of a sideline reporter.

7:25

Thank you so much, say And I remember getting that text from

7:27

you, and it meant the world because my

7:31

all of my senses are so heightened in that moment, and a

7:33

lot of times you do. You

7:35

have a moment like that in a broadcast and then you walk off the field

7:37

and you're like, how did that go? What

7:39

did that got blacked out for a second, right,

7:42

you know, and then you get that reassuring text. For me, I

7:44

was like, that made me feel like

7:46

I did my job well.

7:47

I think, well, you got a lot of people root for you in this business,

7:49

me obviously one of them. But when people

7:51

hear this story also of your background,

7:54

you're gonna have a lot more people that root for here. So I'm going to

7:56

kind of give you the floor. I want you to you know, it

7:58

goes back to your dad, and you know, again

8:01

you told me half of the story, but not the other half. So

8:03

I want you to just kind of start off with what

8:05

happened with you or your dad?

8:07

Yeah, So I get asked all of the time in this

8:10

industry with my sports reporting,

8:12

especially were you an athlete, is

8:14

that why you wanted to do this.

8:17

Or in news?

8:18

You know, I don't think it's out of the

8:20

ordinary for somebody to want to host

8:23

the Today Show if this is the sort

8:25

of career path that you're interested in. But you know,

8:27

for me, my why

8:29

professionally, and so much of my why

8:32

in life as a person was

8:34

born from the worst day of my life. So

8:36

when I was ten years old, I went to

8:38

go watch my dad perform in an air show.

8:40

He was an incredibly talented

8:43

aerobatic pilot. He would fly in air shows

8:45

all over the world, and this just happened

8:47

to be an air show that was an hour from

8:49

where I grew up in Battanars, Louisiana.

8:51

He was flying in Lafayette.

8:53

And so is like lo

8:55

angels are like the little small planes or so.

8:57

He would fly World War two

9:01

trainer aircraft, so like what fighter pilots

9:03

would train with world War two, So really heavy

9:05

machinery, and he would do tricks that you weren't.

9:08

Supposed to do with that type of plane.

9:10

So, and I forget the physics

9:13

of it, but if you're supposed to do a barrel

9:15

roll clockwise, he would do it

9:17

counterclockwise. The average fan might

9:19

not notice, but every pilot who was watching him

9:22

would be like, camp that guy, that's

9:24

sick.

9:25

So the World War Two planes were sort

9:27

of his specialty.

9:28

But he also had a Polish is gradjet, he

9:30

had a Mustang, he flew

9:33

a restored a B twenty five, one

9:35

of the big bombers. And yeah,

9:38

so just an incredible, incredible

9:40

history for him.

9:41

Did you ever go on these with him?

9:43

I did all of them, all of every single one

9:45

of them. Oh, I was the kid. I'm gonna have

9:47

to send these the pictures to day.

9:48

I was the kid getting in the plane with my dad and

9:50

saying go faster. You know.

9:51

He'd be like, are you okay?

9:52

Everything?

9:53

I'd be like, go faster, daddy, you know, I mean, I just

9:55

I loved it.

9:55

Adrenaline, the adrenaline rush. I

9:57

came to understand. And it's it

10:00

just it's this sort of thing just feels like it's in my blood,

10:02

as is his job. He was a performer. And

10:05

it's so funny because I didn't think of him like

10:07

that. I didn't think of him as an athlete

10:10

or as a performer, but I now realized he was both

10:13

for sure.

10:14

But he also owned a flight.

10:15

School in Baton Rouge, which is really cool

10:17

because his legacy lives on through

10:19

so many pilots in that area.

10:21

And my little brother's a pilot in Baton Rouge now

10:23

too, so he gets to hear stories about my dad

10:26

all the time and I always tell him he us to share them

10:28

with me. And he owned

10:30

and ran the one of the FBOs in

10:32

Baton Rouge, so the

10:34

businesses were multifaceted.

10:36

But yeah, so we went

10:39

to this air show of his.

10:40

And gonna have been more excited, and final

10:43

maneuver of the show he crashed

10:45

right in front of me and thirteen

10:48

thousand other people. And there's

10:51

a lot to unpack about the emotions

10:53

of watching a plane

10:56

crash happen when it's you

10:58

know, the man you loved the most and

11:01

he's the only one in the plane.

11:02

But in that moment, thinking back on it at ten years old,

11:05

I didn't think he was dead because to me, he

11:07

was invincible.

11:08

When I saw the I mean just I saw the plane

11:11

hit the ground and I didn't I remember all

11:13

the feelings I remember that day.

11:14

I remember my first reaction.

11:15

Was we got to go to the hospital.

11:17

How fast are they going to be.

11:18

Able to get him, to get him to a hospital,

11:20

where is he gonna have to learn how to walk again? Yeah,

11:23

I didn't think. I didn't

11:25

think it was possible that he could be dead. But

11:27

you know, thinking back to the look on my mother's

11:30

face, she knew instantly.

11:33

And fast forward a couple

11:35

of hours, we go

11:37

back home to Baton Rouge. We were able to just you know,

11:39

drive back home, and.

11:41

The house was full of people that night, in the way that

11:43

it is at a time of morning like that, you know, people

11:45

wanting to be there for us.

11:46

And the TV was on just for noise.

11:50

I don't know that anybody was paying any attention to it,

11:52

but the room stopped when

11:54

what I now know to be a thirty second

11:56

anchor vo voiceover

11:59

comes on just headline of the day that said

12:01

something to the effect of today in Lafiyel,

12:03

Louisiana, in front of thirteen thousand people, a

12:06

plane crashed like this

12:08

report was.

12:09

Not about the man who died.

12:12

My father's death was

12:14

treated as an event, and watching

12:16

us at ten years old, I didn't understand

12:19

why that's the way the story was

12:21

told. Or why

12:23

his life wasn't honored all of

12:25

the incredible things he accomplished. I mean, and this is

12:28

a guy who lived the American dream. He was born

12:30

in Indonesia, raised in the Netherlands, came to

12:32

the States with nothing, and truly

12:34

lived the American dream.

12:35

And none of that, none of that was mentioned.

12:38

And so in that moment, my thought

12:40

was.

12:41

I don't want anybody to feel this way when their life,

12:43

the most personal moments of

12:46

their life are talked about on TV. I don't

12:48

want anybody to feel the way I feel right now. So I

12:51

want to tell other people's stories. And

12:54

the Today Show was what we watched

12:57

every morning.

12:58

That's how I was.

12:58

Used to consuming news in any way, shape

13:01

or form at ten years old. And so the dream

13:03

became very quickly at ten years

13:05

old to want to host the Today

13:07

Show one day.

13:09

And you recently achieved that dream.

13:11

I filled in.

13:12

Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, but I

13:15

filled in hosting the

13:17

third hour of the Today Show last

13:19

month. And I mean, it was literally

13:21

a dream come true. You know. I hope

13:23

a lot of people get to say that a dream that they

13:25

had as a child comes true. It's

13:28

wild when it happened. It's absolutely

13:30

wild when it happens, and

13:33

I felt so lucky

13:35

for the opportunity, and I

13:37

had to kind of step back and like soak

13:39

it in and think about it and appreciate

13:43

the journey, you know. I mean, I'd

13:45

do anything, I'd give up anything to

13:48

have another day with my dad.

13:51

But he's been with me every

13:53

step of the way.

13:55

We just read these bodies, but the soul live on

13:57

forever, you know. So he was there with you.

14:00

Goodos talked to him. He must have been beaming.

14:02

When you're, you know, hosting

14:04

there for Today's show, you must have sheltered.

14:07

I did.

14:08

I absolutely felt at it. And you know, the funny

14:10

thing of it all was.

14:11

That when I called my mom when

14:14

they asked me to fill in, of

14:16

course, first call on good Make and she

14:18

immediately said, Oh, I can't wait to come to New York. It's

14:20

going to be so fun. We're gonna send a great time. And I was like, Mom,

14:23

you're not invited. This does not take your

14:25

mom to work day. I am a serious

14:27

professional.

14:28

I am Oh, I'm.

14:29

Seeing the Today Show for the first time, Like, no

14:32

another time, Mom, Let me get through

14:34

this. You know. I was nervous and all the things right, let

14:36

me get through this, let me focus on this, and then well, you know

14:38

another time. Let me tell you.

14:40

Three days before I was scheduled to go to New

14:42

York for this, I

14:45

texted.

14:45

My stepdad and I said, what's mom doing this week?

14:47

Is she busy?

14:48

Because I'm kind of thinking i'd really really

14:50

like to have her in New York with me? And

14:52

he said, call her right now. She'll be over the

14:55

moon and she'll be on the next plane out. And

14:57

so I called, and yeah,

14:59

you better believe she was

15:01

there like that, And

15:04

I can't imagine if I'd

15:06

done it without her there.

15:07

It was I mean, you know,

15:09

this is she knew the dream.

15:11

I mean she knew I vocalized

15:14

it at ten years old. And when I

15:16

was the summer before my senior year of high

15:18

school, I mean, she took me to New York and we went

15:20

to the Today's Show Plaza and we just

15:23

crossed our fingers we would get to meet Katie

15:25

Couric and we took a photo with Katie and

15:27

it was just, I mean, you know, my mom did

15:29

these little things and big

15:31

things really along the way to I

15:34

thanked her. I was so emotional with her afterwards,

15:37

because I was like, I'd never really thought about it this way,

15:39

but I was like, thank you.

15:40

For always helping me

15:42

believe that my dreams could

15:44

come true, not.

15:46

For having that sort of unrealistic

15:49

parental confidence in your child,

15:51

you know what I mean. But she just afforded

15:53

me opportunities and that didn't make

15:56

me feel like it was out of reach, and

15:58

I didn't realize that she was doing it. And

16:00

then to have her there and she came on the set and

16:03

the camera panned over to her, and all of a sudden,

16:05

I see the stage manager hand my mother on microphone

16:08

and Al Roker starts asking my mom

16:10

questions, and I was like, guys, I'm

16:12

gonna lose it. I'm gonna we don't

16:15

need tears at the start of this broadcast.

16:17

Can we keep it moving? But then my mom was

16:19

the star of the show and it was the coolest thing ever. And

16:22

I just love that we got

16:24

to share in that moment together because

16:27

she's, yeah, you.

16:29

Say that today show that you watched, but this is what you

16:31

watch with your dad.

16:33

It was just always on.

16:34

It was just on every morning as we were getting

16:36

ready for school, and like my dad left cooking breakfast

16:39

and I can remember him, you know, flip and pancakes and the

16:41

Today Shows on. I mean, it was just a part

16:43

of I think that's what's special about

16:45

morning shows in general, right, And it's why

16:47

I feel such a privilege when I'm on it, because

16:50

it's such an intimate time of the day for

16:52

families. If you have this

16:55

cast in your living room, you know, or your

16:57

kitchen or wherever it is. And so yeah,

17:00

so that Today's Show is a part of my childhood, and it

17:04

really touches me when I meet

17:07

people who watch the show and who know me

17:09

from it, and.

17:09

I just get to think about the part of their life.

17:11

I get to be.

17:12

You know, there's a lot to unpack from the crash

17:14

yourself, and I want to hit that, but before I do, got

17:17

to ask you this basic question. How did

17:19

you keep it together on the Tuday?

17:22

I don't know adrenaline.

17:24

Adrenaline is a very real thing. And

17:28

here's the thing, here's the thing.

17:30

I have been what I tell you before

17:32

our very first Thursday Night game kicked

17:35

off on Prime Video in Kansas

17:37

City in twenty twenty three. I

17:40

don't know if I've ever been so nervous before to

17:42

go on TV. I mean, I was so

17:45

like I did my first report

17:48

right before kickoff, and I mean send

17:50

it back to Al, which like I'm sending it back

17:52

to Al Michael's life. This is the

17:54

coolest thing ever. Then, Yes, and I

17:57

am shaking, Like I handed my microphone

18:00

to our utility guy, Shane, who's

18:02

always on the field with me to make sure, you know, if anything

18:04

goes wrong, he's problem solve. But I handed

18:06

the mic coming back to Shane, and I just I couldn't stop

18:08

shaking. I mean, I was so nervous.

18:10

And the crazy

18:12

thing about the Today Show from.

18:14

The very first day I walked on that set as a

18:16

correspondent and got to be up there with Savannah

18:18

n Hode, to this

18:20

opportunity to co host a whole hour

18:22

of it, I have never felt more

18:25

at ease. I've never felt more comfortable

18:29

or at peace. I've never felt

18:31

fewer nerves in a way that I

18:34

think nerves are a.

18:35

Good thing in a lot of cases. In Kansas

18:37

City, I think though the nerves were a good thing because.

18:39

It was just so much excitement and you've got

18:41

all the screaming, crazy people at Arrowhead

18:43

and it's awesome and I feed off of

18:45

that, right, yes, Like I

18:48

love being in the middle of chaos. That's for

18:50

me is fun. You feed off that energy

18:52

in a very cool way. But when you're in a studio,

18:54

it's such a different feed you know, the difference.

18:57

You know you've jumped both.

18:58

It's such a different.

18:59

Feeling and you're kind of like looking for your views

19:01

of where where you know, where, where's my

19:03

energy level? Where do I need to be and how do I match

19:06

the other people in the room and all that.

19:08

But with the Today Show, I think because

19:10

I just when they offered me

19:12

the.

19:12

Opportunity to fill in, I said to myself,

19:16

Yeah, I'm a big preparation breeds confidence kind

19:18

of person, and for

19:21

this I was like, I've been preparing

19:23

my whole life.

19:23

Yeah, And so the confidence was there.

19:26

The confidence was there in a way

19:28

that I

19:30

get couldn't have couldn't have manufactured

19:32

and just red you. Oh

19:35

yeah, absolutely absolutely,

19:38

yeah. Right, yeah.

19:40

Let's go back to again. As a ten year old girl,

19:42

you see your dad go down in the

19:45

plane crash and you said before that it

19:47

was on the news. How did you realize.

19:49

That because you said he's just going to be the hospital.

19:52

How did you realize that he died.

19:54

Yeah, no, it's a really it's a really good but it's a really good question.

19:57

So at airshows like that,

20:00

just like lots of sporting events, you know, we were

20:02

there was a tent that was all

20:04

the pilot's families, right.

20:06

So all of a sudden, this

20:09

big white van pulls up.

20:11

It was like out of a movie. I mean, the plane

20:13

crashes. I mean, my mom grabs.

20:15

Me to hug me. A white

20:17

van pulls up and we get.

20:18

Thrown in and like, I don't know where we're

20:20

I think we're going to the hospital, and we get

20:23

taken too, and then ambulances

20:25

are rushing, fire trucks are rushing to the

20:27

plane, and then we get taken to another

20:29

hangar at the airport, and

20:33

I'm like, what are we doing here?

20:35

We're wasting time? Like why I

20:37

didn't there? It felt there was urgency,

20:39

and.

20:39

Then all of a sudden there wasn't. We were just sitting there

20:41

and I'm like, what are we doing in here? We gotta

20:43

go. And then one

20:46

of my dad's best friends in them

20:48

in the industry walked

20:51

in and he took my mom into

20:54

a different room, and I heard her scream

20:57

and.

20:57

That's how I knew.

20:59

And I if somebody themselves

21:02

told me that he was dead, I don't remember,

21:04

because that that was how I found

21:06

out, and I have I don't we've

21:09

been we didn't stay there much

21:11

longer, or maybe we did, I have no idea.

21:14

And then we got in a car and somebody drove us

21:16

back to Baton Rouge, and that

21:18

it. I think in

21:20

any moment of trauma, any significant

21:22

moment in life, right there are there are some details

21:25

that you remembers like they were yesterday

21:28

so specifically, and then there are blocks of

21:30

time where you're like, what happened? I have

21:32

no recollection. Yeah, so

21:34

that's how I found out.

21:36

How did you unpack it? First? As a little

21:38

kid? Moving forward after that?

21:40

So, I'm a younger brother, four years older

21:42

than him, and I

21:46

I was so worried about

21:49

everyone else.

21:50

I was so worried about my mom. I mean, my mom

21:52

was thirty five and widowed with two kids,

21:55

and I

21:57

was so I was all

22:00

always my father's child, you know,

22:02

I was always the oldest in

22:04

all of the stereotypical characteristics.

22:07

You know, I wanted to get straight as to

22:10

make him proud. I wanted to do everything

22:12

right to make him proud, and not because he put.

22:14

That pressure on me, but because I just to

22:17

more of the DNA, more of his DNA in

22:19

me. But looking

22:21

back on it that time and

22:24

how I managed it, I didn't give

22:26

my mom enough credit. I now

22:28

believe she is the strongest woman I

22:30

know, But at the time she

22:33

is she is.

22:34

You've never met my mom.

22:36

Oh, you've gotta meet my mom day, you

22:38

are gonna loves She's

22:41

in LA, we're all hanging out. For

22:43

sure.

22:44

Everybody loves my mom. But I really

22:46

do. I think she's the strongest

22:48

woman I know. But at the time I

22:50

didn't.

22:51

I couldn't see that. I was just so worried about

22:53

her and worried that she was going to break.

22:56

And the thing is, she never

22:59

did, but I couldn't see that at

23:01

the time. For me, I

23:04

grew up fast, Yeah exactly. I think

23:06

I felt like I grew up fast, but I

23:09

but I already was a kid who prided myself

23:12

on being mature.

23:13

So it was just more of that.

23:14

It was just more of I tried to

23:16

make my mom's life easier,

23:19

you know. I wanted to do everything right so that she

23:21

didn't have to discipline

23:23

me. You know, so that I wouldn't put any more stress

23:25

on her, and

23:28

I just, oh,

23:30

for sure, not just a ten year old, but you

23:32

know also as a fourteen year old and a sixteen year

23:35

old, and you know, it was my entire No.

23:37

There was one time I got gott in some trouble in

23:40

eighth grade for drinking wine coolers

23:43

and I never felt so

23:47

awful in my life because

23:50

my mom had to discipline me and I felt like

23:52

I let her down in a way that

23:54

was more punishment than you know, being grounded

23:57

for months. Yeah,

24:00

but so but but the but the other side of

24:02

that is that you know, things I unpack up my therapist.

24:05

You know, I put up armor.

24:06

You know, I suited it up.

24:09

Oh, I suited up, and I learned to compartmentalize.

24:12

I learned to compartmentalize in a way that I will say

24:14

in my job.

24:15

In news can be helpful.

24:17

It's great and chaos, yes at.

24:20

It, But at a mass shooting or a natural

24:22

disaster, when I am meeting

24:24

people on the worst day of their life and

24:26

they are trusting me with their story, I

24:28

have to put my own emotions aside. Just like

24:30

we were talking about with the trail and Burk situation. You know,

24:32

I'm over there looking at him, scared

24:35

to death, and you

24:37

got to you got to put that away. You've got to

24:39

do the job. You've got to focus on the facts and the information

24:41

and in those moments with those families.

24:44

You know, I would like to think my empathy

24:47

is one of my greatest qualities as a reporter. So

24:49

the compartmentalization I think has done

24:51

me some good and has absolutely been to my

24:53

detriment, you know, more so in

24:55

my in my personal life.

24:57

All I was going to ask you that is, how

24:59

have you found relationships?

25:01

As far as you know, You're the most

25:03

loved person and ten years old

25:05

and he's gone in a very visible

25:07

and tragic way.

25:09

Have you run into I guess, fear that

25:11

everybody would leave you.

25:13

I don't have fear that everybody would leave me so much

25:15

as I

25:17

oh, gosh, this is hard to stay out loud.

25:19

I never imagined i'd be thirty eight, single and not

25:22

have kids.

25:23

Never imagine that. But I think I

25:25

think I'm looking for someone

25:28

who is a lot like my bud,

25:31

and that's a really hard act to follow.

25:34

How have you well, you're saying you're working

25:36

with therapist, how are you? And I don't want to get all therapy

25:38

on you here, but have you've been able to see

25:40

like, hey, I got some movement here? I got because look,

25:43

I'm by the way I ask questions and something like,

25:45

I'm not really equipped to ask these questions because I haven't

25:47

been through this. People been through it. Who should ask questions?

25:50

But I am just I'm also I'm generally

25:53

you know, obviously you know much I care about you, so

25:55

but also you as a friend, you as a human,

25:58

you as a person, you and you and your future. Me

26:00

for someone who got loved later in life. Now part

26:02

of me puts the hat of, oh, how could

26:04

I kind of coach Killy's so she could find love?

26:06

All? So?

26:08

Oh I need all the I need all the tips.

26:09

But yeah, you know, the wild thing is is

26:11

that I didn't I didn't see a therapist

26:14

until last year.

26:16

What really? What

26:19

was the change? What? What because

26:21

you need one because you're handle on your own? Or

26:23

did you? Oh?

26:24

Yeah, because I just thought I was.

26:25

I was.

26:26

Yeah, I thought, I mean, I knew it

26:28

would be helpful.

26:29

I wasn't in denial about that, but I

26:31

kind of thought for a long time that I was holding

26:33

it together to sign and

26:35

and then what my therapist explained to me

26:38

is that, you know, I spent all those years

26:40

trying to strengthen that armor that

26:42

I put on, and then at

26:45

some point.

26:45

That armor starts to crumble. And that

26:48

was I think the point that I hit that led me

26:50

to seeking help

26:52

was.

26:53

Realizing being very confused,

26:55

why I felt more emotional

26:58

than I was used to feeling about a lot of things.

27:00

You know, why my reactions to things that would

27:02

happen in my personal life really get

27:04

into me in a deep way. Gosh, I'm

27:06

usually stronger than this because for me, it

27:08

was always about strength. For me, it was always

27:10

about I've got to be strong for my mom

27:12

and my brother, and that's how

27:15

I get through it all. And

27:17

then when i'm my gosh, I am what's

27:19

wrong with me? And then the therapist is like,

27:21

no, no, no, no, this.

27:23

Is nothing's wrong with you.

27:24

This is actually this is actually progress.

27:28

Yeah.

27:29

Yeah, but you know, I

27:31

love to post that I saw you share about

27:33

you and Rosie being preemptive

27:37

about going to therapy together before

27:39

getting married before problems

27:42

arise that are then too, you know, get

27:44

even more difficult to deal with. But you

27:47

know, I think that I have been someone in relationships

27:50

and I've learned the hard way how

27:52

important communication is. And I think now

27:54

at this stage of my life, I'm going to have to demand

27:57

strong communication in a relationship.

27:59

So share with me, please,

28:02

what you guys learned and what was most helpful

28:04

in that.

28:05

No, but but here's the thing I want to go back also,

28:07

So what the worst

28:09

thing that happened in your life? I would

28:11

like for you to shift it from this

28:13

happened to me too, that

28:16

formed all these superpowers?

28:18

Oh, it did.

28:19

It's undeniable and it's a really hard

28:21

thing to come to terms with though.

28:24

Right. There was a fantastic

28:26

conversation between Anderson

28:28

Cooper and Stephen Colbert a couple of years ago,

28:31

and it ended up leading to Anderson doing an entirely

28:33

podcast on grief. But you know, both

28:35

of them lost their dads at ten years old,

28:38

and they were.

28:39

The first people I heard.

28:41

This was also what helped lead

28:43

me to recognize I needed to go to therapy

28:45

and was listening to their conversation. But you

28:48

know this, this idea that the

28:50

worst day can lead to some

28:53

of these, like you say, superpowers, yes,

28:55

and you it's just a really hard

28:57

thing to because who would I be I've

29:00

shouldn't a thousand months. Who would I be if

29:02

my dad were still on this planet, if I'd had

29:04

all these years with him? And I would

29:06

like to think I would be.

29:07

A better person, just a better person.

29:10

Why would you like to think that you're a better person?

29:13

You're a phenomenal person. This is like.

29:17

Loved him.

29:18

I love him by hearing him. I love him by hearing

29:20

about him, But I love him more for the person

29:23

that you've become. So that's the ultimate

29:25

gift. Like he left you with

29:28

this.

29:28

To become the person you are now.

29:30

And think all these things, these tools you have because

29:32

of that, I don't think you would have been the successful.

29:35

Like it's our our adversity is the biggest

29:37

kid.

29:37

What would my why?

29:39

What would my why have been? I

29:41

have no idea.

29:42

And here's the thing about when you

29:44

face adversity and survived

29:47

and overcome it and it's made you

29:49

stronger. You know, I recognize years ago in

29:51

relationships that I need to

29:54

be with someone who has experienced

29:56

some adversity in life, right and

29:58

who has become stronger the result of

30:00

it. Now, I you know, I think it's a

30:02

very generalized statement, but

30:05

I think we all need Yeah.

30:06

By the way, I don't know if that's I don't know if that's the case, because

30:08

I think you just need to be with someone who understands

30:11

uidversity and who's empathetic to it and

30:13

could help them raise you up. But it doesn't mean

30:15

that we have to have gone.

30:16

But I need to know.

30:17

Here's the thing to your point of am I afraid

30:20

that somebody would leave me after

30:22

experiencing that loss? It's more like

30:24

I'm afraid that somebody wouldn't be able to handle

30:27

tough stuff.

30:28

You're right, that's the type of person you're looking for. But here's

30:30

what I've learned now by talking so openly about

30:32

my mental health, it lifts other

30:34

people up when they get to help you with this

30:37

stuff. So, like, I'll give you my story

30:39

that I really realized is you know, I've been

30:41

best friends to stray and since ninety three and

30:44

it wasn't until two years ago

30:46

where we're supposed to go out. And I call it when I

30:49

have my bad, bad, bad breakdowns,

30:51

I called the beast getting out of the box. And

30:53

I am not fucking good to be around, and it's

30:56

really painful, and I get

30:58

scared for me and other people. And

31:01

in the past I went out

31:03

no matter what. I would take viking in and drink

31:05

and just do anything to just

31:07

put on become.

31:08

The glaze in front of people and hide the pen.

31:11

And that wasn't great because then I'd go out

31:13

and get more trouble and be

31:16

If I get an alcohol in a situation where

31:18

the beast is out of the box, it's not good for other people

31:20

at all. And it's amazing that everyone

31:22

stood by me through these times, but

31:25

it's been He's scary, and

31:27

it's the first time I said to Michael and man,

31:29

I can't go out tonight. Beast got out of the box and

31:32

he said, oh, man, it

31:35

wasn't It wasn't like, oh, come on, Jay, just suck

31:37

it up. He was like, oh, do you want to talk about

31:39

it? And I said no.

31:40

When I said beast got out of the box, man, I just I

31:42

got one of these tacks.

31:43

Men. This anxiety and depression hit. I'm feeling

31:45

at my joints. It's not a good night for me. And he

31:48

said, you want to talk about it? And I said no. He

31:50

said, don't want to come over.

31:53

I said no. I said, we'll talk about this not tonight.

31:56

I said, just want to kind of go to bed, just

31:58

went off and he said, well, have you never told me? And

32:00

I said, I don't know. With you, I

32:03

felt shamed and a lot of times like we don't

32:05

want to be a burden on somebody else. And he said, no,

32:08

you took away my ability to

32:10

be your best friend in thirty years by

32:13

not telling me. And that's how I realized, Man,

32:15

I've got to like people want to be there for us.

32:18

We're not a burden, and same for you. Like the

32:21

people, no one's gonna say, oh, how can I

32:23

handle her? You're right. Guys are going to

32:25

want to help you and walk

32:27

this walk with you. And there's so many of them

32:29

out there. And that's what I've learned as I've come

32:32

and opened up. Man, people just

32:34

check on me now. They hit me up when people

32:36

are going through stuff they like I never would

32:38

have been able to call someone about this. Now I'm

32:40

calling you, man, and some of the biggest

32:42

people You've got to imagine calling me saying,

32:44

Man, I'm in a bad place today. How to man,

32:47

I'm so glad you and I have this relationship now.

32:49

It's made my relationships a lot deeper. So I think,

32:51

because you've gone through this, whoever is

32:53

lucky enough to be with you, your relationship

32:56

will be a lot deeper if you open

32:58

up and just put all your car to the table. We

33:00

want to be able to walk this walk with

33:03

someone else. It's it's a

33:05

beautiful thing.

33:06

You're about to see you and Rosiere already

33:08

walking together, but you're about to make me walk.

33:11

That's what I want, as we want. But that's what you asked

33:13

me. What the thing like? So for

33:15

for all my issues again, I saw them

33:17

into super powers, like my depression. I'm like, man,

33:19

it took me eleven years to get my first full time

33:21

job. I was making ninety five hundred bucks a year. I

33:24

got rejected for eleven straight years full time jobs.

33:26

My depression told me I

33:28

was worthless, so I felt, yeah,

33:30

of course I'm rejected. I would have quit if

33:33

I had more self worth along

33:35

the way, I would have been like, hey, I can't deal with all this rejection.

33:38

But because I felt worthy of getting rejected, I

33:40

kept at it, and I just I was the last

33:43

dude's standing eventually that somebody had to give

33:45

me a job eventually. So

33:47

the depression was the super power the anxiety

33:49

you and I were talking about were great and chaos.

33:51

So when those things happened, shoot, everything

33:53

slows.

33:53

Down for us. And being great in chaos

33:56

when you're on TV or when you're in a cage or in a football

33:58

fields, it's a super power for

34:00

my ADHD allows me to do six

34:02

things where you know in the past, oh you have learning disability,

34:05

No, well, okay, but I just don't

34:07

learn the way you teach. But thank god I have

34:09

it because I could do six things at once. The same

34:12

with this with you. It's your superpower.

34:14

But even the story, the story,

34:17

I think send your equity,

34:19

your soul equity to a different level where

34:21

anybody's going to recognize that if you allow them

34:23

to thank you.

34:24

Jane absolutely appreciate that well. And you

34:26

know, and the thing is is that in wanting

34:29

to do justice to the

34:31

worst days in people's lives and honor

34:34

right the story and honor the people involved

34:37

in whatever the event

34:39

may be. You know, I spent two

34:42

years at CNN only

34:44

showing up on the worst days of people's lives

34:46

mass shootings and natural disasters, death,

34:49

despair, and destruction, and that was a

34:51

really important learning experience for

34:53

me. But when I tell you, it gave

34:55

me more appreciation for

34:57

the privilege I have in sports to

35:00

so often show up on the best days of people's

35:02

lives and try to do justice

35:05

to the hard work and the sacrifice

35:07

and the dedication that it takes for

35:09

these athletes to be great.

35:12

People keep asking me.

35:13

Oh, news or sports, you know what, where

35:15

do you see something? Like? You guys are missing the point.

35:17

I want to do it all. I want to work

35:19

across the spectrum because I want I

35:22

feel lucky that I feel like I have.

35:25

Owned a skill set to be able to show up

35:27

on the best and the worst days, and

35:30

I want to work across that spectrum.

35:32

I want to go back to so you said. Also with Rosie

35:34

and I, you just started therapy. Rosie

35:37

and I were together in the past and we

35:39

split up because it's

35:41

kind of couldn't handle all my shit,

35:44

my breakdown and like listen, when the roommates

35:46

in my head get in a bad place, it could be an extended period,

35:49

and we broke up. I had

35:51

to go do the work, and I think

35:53

you know, I went to like Thailand for for thirty five days

35:56

to go to this mind, body, spiritual

35:58

and I had to go do this work and find out why

36:00

am I like, what is it? And when

36:03

I had done the work and was able

36:05

to make peace with the little kid at

36:07

little ten year old Jay, if you already have ten

36:10

year old Tayley obviously had a huge traumatic

36:12

experience. I had to go comfort little

36:14

Jay, get him to calm down

36:17

so I could be calmer in life, so I can receive

36:20

all the love Rosie was trying to give me. And

36:22

the point of this is, again, that

36:25

was only two years ago. So you started two years ago. Mine

36:27

was two years ago. And you know, I'm fifty

36:29

four and now like, yeah,

36:31

it's never too late to find love. I'm a lot older

36:33

than you, so you know, I

36:35

got fifteen years on you. Sixteen years

36:38

on you, so you got plenty of time. But

36:40

now, yeah, your life begins now

36:42

that you're starting to do this work. That's what led to

36:44

Rosie and I getting back together, and we talked

36:46

about a lot and even that I was then able

36:48

to voice to her when I have

36:51

these issues, this is what I need.

36:53

And now when I have my breakdown, she goes hey, and

36:55

I talked about the abandonment thing.

36:57

She's like, I'm not going anywhere, No,

37:00

one's.

37:00

Ever done that for me, I'm

37:03

not going anywhere, and then the

37:05

shame we feel and we kind of have those little

37:07

breakdowns. She immediately she

37:10

knows now how it feels, so she's like, oh,

37:12

in five minutes, she's like, hey, let's go to park, Let's go here, let's

37:14

go there, so I don't feel ashamed where I would have

37:16

in the past. When you feel ashamed, then I started acting

37:19

like more of an asshole. That's really

37:21

like your growth starts now and now like

37:23

all these great things are happening.

37:25

Your dad is leading the way for you. So I'm

37:28

sure that's as you're doing this working with your

37:30

therapist, realize, Okay, this is all

37:32

happening the way it's supposed to happen.

37:34

I appreciate you saying that a whole lot.

37:37

You know, it's nice to get that affirmation,

37:39

right like so you get you know, because you know

37:41

how some days you go into a therapy session

37:43

and you're like, oh, there are all these things I want

37:45

to talk about, and then there are some days where you're like the appointment's

37:48

popping up and you're like, you're

37:50

stuck.

37:50

I don't really know. Yeah, where'd

37:53

you now?

37:53

You know?

37:55

Same thing as the physical.

37:56

Sometimes you jim, you just don't feel like being there. Sometimes

37:59

you go in, you have an all world session.

38:00

They're just therapists. Are our coaches? Ty,

38:02

I look them, I take away that stigma. They're really

38:05

just our coaches, nothing else. And by the way,

38:08

somebody sent the message on the post you're

38:10

talking about, and they're like, man, you're old as fuck.

38:12

You're getting married fifty four. He ain't gonna

38:14

be live. But it's long or what. And here's

38:17

the way I view it. If I weigh fifty four years

38:19

and it's an eternity thing, golden, all

38:21

right, I get it for another.

38:22

Thirty four year whatever, But I have the rest of my attorney

38:25

with her. I'm happy. So a

38:27

lot of us put a time limit on it because of that.

38:30

I don't. I think it's for the rest of eternity

38:32

and whatever happens with you, just

38:35

remember that it's it's an eternity thing.

38:36

I love that. I love that so much.

38:38

Have you guys written balls? Are you going to

38:40

do? Is that going to be the sort of thing

38:42

where you're gonna she is?

38:45

And by the way, this obviously this podcast is

38:47

the last one before we go get married, So

38:49

next week's podcast will be a repeat of

38:52

me and Rosie doing our original podcast, which

38:54

are so nervous to do, but we really get and she

38:56

had a wild story, as you know, but all

38:58

these life lessons we've learned how to find love

39:00

later in life. This is her first marriage, and

39:03

Rosie fifty five. She looks like she's a vampire.

39:05

She looks twenty two.

39:06

But yeah, no one would put

39:08

that on her.

39:09

I'm trying to think if I just wing it, but I know what I want

39:11

to say because I don't use teleprompter. I

39:13

sucked with that, yeah, and I'm great without it.

39:15

But she's started to write it out, and

39:18

yeah, we're excited, just the two of us

39:20

in the Malfa Coast, no one else because I'm

39:22

not having my shipberd friends come and I can't.

39:24

I can't, I couldn't cut it off. So but

39:27

listen, Kaylee, I couldn't think of a better

39:29

guest to have as my final guest

39:31

before I go get married, because I'm

39:33

just honored that you opened up and told

39:36

me that story, that you told it to me.

39:38

Half of it, you know, one

39:40

day with me you went big Wit in Beverly

39:43

Hills.

39:44

The whole thing is just I'm honored that

39:46

I'm what you chose to really open up and tell

39:48

the story too. I'm really honored.

39:49

So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank

39:51

you. Dreams, dreams

39:53

do come true for all of us.

39:55

And I'm proud of you. All the people. I don't even know how

39:57

to do vote for the Emmy or whatever it is, but did, Kayla

40:00

damn Heavy.

40:04

I really really appreciate you coming

40:06

on with me. Thank

40:09

you for joining the Unbreakable Mental Wealth podcast. I'll

40:11

see you on the other side of my marriage.

40:13

You wait