i have moved back into an old home. cabinets a shade of yellow i can recall choosing like it was just last week (now over two years ago). the paint chips i held up in various sunlight. the boldest of the primary colours a flag of aggressive optimism. the sometimes painful and headstrong version of it’s ok that gutters either side of the road in my world and that i meander into when things feel scary and slippery and i’m not yet ready to ask for help. life is a lot different now, but that tendency of mine still surfaces.

especially now, i am working on reminding myself to ask for help when i need it, to be open about where i really am and how i am really feeling with those close to me.

as i write this: disoriented, nervous, but still excited for spring. that little, yellow bud nosing up into the world.

i thought i might try something new and figured maybe it would be interesting to record a poem of mine (and a couple thoughts) for you. please forgive me for audio quality as my recording setup is very bare bones at this point given this is outside my usual creative outlets!

i wrote the poem during the first days of my quarantine, sparked by the sunshine on the lawn and my distance from what felt like every living thing (even if i was incredibly lucky and able to venture outside).

a song for your empty room

whenever i read out loud to myself (so, pretty often) i think of Sun in an Empty Room by The Weakerthans. right now i don’t know what to tell you about them or this track, but it’s one of those songs that makes me melancholy in a grateful way.

my mom and i happened to return to my hometown around the same time (recently), and this week were finally able to visit (2 m apart, don’t you worry). she is staying somewhere without a landline and i don’t have a phone number at this time anyways, so we have been emailing a lot. seeing her thoughts written down have reminded me of the ease i can find in simple advice (and how wise my mom really is).

just last night she emailed me remember to do what you like to do, and i couldn’t agree more.

take care. listen - to yourself, to others, to the world moving and shifting around you. thanks for listening, for reading, for being here and all around.

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