0:00

On today's episode of the podcast,

0:02

I, as usual, get very

0:05

real and intimate with you.

0:07

I share a fairly vulnerable struggle

0:10

that I'm sitting with right now. And

0:12

it's one that know I'm not alone in.

0:15

How do we navigate the

0:17

suffering and injustice of

0:20

this world while also

0:22

remaining grounded, while

0:24

also staying thoughtful for the beautiful

0:27

things that we have in our lives.

0:29

How do we move forward every

0:32

single day knowing that there is so much

0:34

pain almost everywhere

0:36

we look. I talk

0:39

a lot about my love for nature

0:41

on this show, my love specifically for

0:43

the forest, and about

0:45

the injustice and destruction

0:48

of the forest that's happening here right where I

0:50

live and how that resonates

0:52

so much for me with really the state of the

0:54

world right now. So how can

0:57

we be really solid

0:59

good human beings and be of service?

1:01

without feeling completely hopeless

1:04

and falling into despair. It's

1:07

a question I haven't been able to answer

1:09

completely, but I do my best here on

1:11

this show.

1:12

While I'm driving, the high g

1:14

accelerometer on my Apple Watch is checking

1:16

for extreme changes in force. The gyroscope

1:19

is scanning for sudden changes in direction, and

1:21

the barometer is watching for pressure shifts indicative

1:23

of an airbag going off, so it can detect

1:26

a car crash, then offered a call for

1:28

emergency help, and all I have to do

1:30

is drive. Apple Watch series

1:32

eight. Now with car crash detection, The

1:34

future of health is on your wrist. iPhone

1:36

eight are later required. Emergency SOS requires a

1:38

cellular connection or WiFi calling with an Internet connection

1:40

from your Apple Watch or nearby iPhone.

1:46

Hello? Hello? My darling

1:49

friends. How are you? Welcome

1:51

back to the show.

1:53

I am sitting

1:55

here right now laughing at myself.

1:57

because I'm having one of those mornings where I

1:59

just

1:59

can't I think it's like my

2:01

brain is not screwed on.

2:03

Right? Like I I

2:05

have literally recorded the intro

2:08

to this podcast seven times now.

2:13

And I just I can't get the

2:15

words to come out right. I'm like stumbling

2:17

over my words. I don't know what I'm talking

2:20

about.

2:20

I keep like hitting stop

2:22

on the recorder and then, like, okay, I'm starting

2:24

over. I

2:25

took a little break and I asked that

2:27

is to make me a matcha latte. I'm, like, need

2:30

Maybe I need I need some focus.

2:31

oh

2:33

I'm in a matcha

2:35

stage right now. I

2:37

I cycle through Cappuccinos, the

2:39

matcha lattes in the morning, and I'm definitely in

2:41

a matcha phase now, which is just

2:44

wonderful. I feel so good. drinking

2:46

my my watch every day. And it gives me

2:48

normally, it gives me like a sense of

2:51

focus, you know, not that like wired

2:54

awakeness that you get from an espresso, but

2:56

just

2:56

like this heightened focus

2:58

and kind

2:58

of some energy, you know,

3:00

I I

3:02

don't know

3:03

if it's working, but hey, I have words

3:05

coming out of my mouth now, and I I hope you can

3:07

understand me.

3:08

So maybe it's working. Honestly

3:13

honestly, what I think I

3:15

need and

3:18

I'm hoping

3:18

maybe you need to. It's just little moment

3:20

to

3:20

ground. Yeah.

3:21

Just a

3:23

little moment. We used to do this

3:26

at the beginning of every single episode,

3:28

every week, every

3:29

Friday, every show began

3:31

with a five, ten, fifteen minute

3:33

meditation practice. And

3:36

I think the reason I always used

3:38

to do that is because I really needed it,

3:40

you know, that little place

3:43

to ground before getting

3:45

into the real stuff, you know. And

3:48

I had a lot less space in my day

3:50

then, you know, so

3:51

it became this very beautiful

3:53

ritual to have to just kind of rush

3:56

into that. Okay. I have a window for the

3:58

podcast. and I was like, oh, let's go.

3:59

And then a moment to ground.

4:02

But then now, I have a lot

4:04

of grounding moments in my day. I have a lot of

4:06

space in my day, so I rarely

4:08

sense that need when I sit down to

4:11

talk to you. But I do

4:13

now. So I'm gonna

4:15

lean into that and

4:18

leaning into that as I do that.

4:20

I'm physically leaning a little

4:22

bit further back into my

4:25

chair. I'm sitting

4:27

in a really comfy chair. I have some

4:29

pillows around me and I'm just kind of

4:31

letting the weight of my upper

4:33

back, weight of my

4:36

seat to sink a little bit

4:38

deeper into the chair.

4:40

and see if you can make

4:42

some space for your body to soften

4:45

too. It could be something

4:47

very little. You know, maybe you just Turn

4:49

the palms of the hands facing up in your

4:51

lap and relax your elbows in

4:53

your hands.

4:55

You can soften your face

4:58

See if there's any

5:00

tension around the neck or any just

5:03

slight repositioning that

5:05

your head or neck is looking forward to feel

5:08

a little bit more spacious.

5:10

And

5:12

then when you arrive at a place that feels

5:15

closer to you, you

5:18

can close your eyes.

5:20

Let's

5:22

take some deep,

5:25

slow breaths right here.

5:37

I'll see if you can let the

5:39

breath grow on

5:41

its own

5:44

instead of trying to

5:46

make the breath into something that it's not

5:49

right now. Can you get

5:51

out of the way a little bit?

5:54

Is there any

5:55

any limiting thoughts

5:58

or storylines

5:59

moving in your mind right now

6:02

that maybe is keeping your breath

6:04

a little bit restricted. Is

6:06

there tension in the body that's making it

6:08

harder to take those deep breaths?

6:12

See

6:12

if you can just by softening,

6:14

by continuing

6:16

to make space inside. Allow

6:19

the breath to grow more expansive on

6:22

its own

6:25

remembering that your body's natural

6:29

state of breath is

6:31

deep and

6:33

full and

6:35

long and spacious.

6:40

Your

6:40

whole entire being craves these

6:42

deep slow breaths every moment

6:45

of the day.

6:45

So

6:48

just letting yourself arrive

6:50

there, letting things unfold into that

6:53

more natural place

6:55

of depth.

6:56

And

7:01

with every inhale you

7:03

take, with

7:06

every exhale. You

7:09

are allowing yourself to arrive at

7:11

a place that feels closer

7:13

to truth.

7:16

When

7:16

we get really present

7:18

in our own bodies, when we

7:20

get present with the breath,

7:23

it's much harder to pretend.

7:27

Right? Any walls that

7:30

we're holding up around

7:32

ourselves

7:32

right now. Any ideas

7:35

we have about

7:36

keeping it together or

7:39

acting in a certain way.

7:42

It's very hard to be completely present

7:44

with your body and your own

7:47

being. and not

7:49

be truthful to what's happening inside

7:51

of yourself.

7:53

So just Let

7:56

yourself unravel a little bit.

7:59

Unravel

7:59

as a good thing.

8:02

Unravel

8:02

as

8:03

letting parts of you

8:06

that aren't true.

8:09

Just fall away for a little while.

8:10

Maybe

8:13

you're walking through your life right now, keeping

8:15

a really brave face. Maybe

8:18

you're moving through your day, holding

8:20

up your heart like armor,

8:23

you know, maybe you feel the need to be really

8:25

strong and really rigid

8:28

right now to make it through something hard

8:30

in your life. Maybe

8:33

you feel like you have to be okay all

8:35

the time even when there

8:37

are times when you're not.

8:39

Maybe

8:41

there's a story you're telling yourself right now

8:43

that simply isn't in alignment with

8:46

what's actually happening with it.

8:50

So let any untruths, let

8:54

those layers, let those walls,

8:57

let them unravel a little bit.

9:01

Let whatever

9:02

isn't true to your

9:05

highest most authentic

9:07

self. Let all of that fall away.

9:13

And as you get closer and closer

9:15

to your own heart, closer

9:17

and closer to yourself, your

9:20

real self.

9:21

How

9:24

are you doing today?

9:29

how are you doing

9:31

right now?

9:35

And if you like, you can Place

9:37

a hand to your heart center.

9:40

Just the hand directly on top of the

9:43

chest. and

9:45

ask yourself that question until

9:48

you get

9:49

to the truth.

9:51

How are you right

9:53

now? How are you, really?

10:02

unless you

10:03

feel the answer to this very

10:06

simple but highly complex question,

10:09

as you feel it,

10:10

begin to rise to your

10:12

system all the way up to the surface.

10:15

Whatever is there, I

10:17

want you to take the next few minutes

10:21

or as long as you can really to

10:24

just allow yourself

10:27

to be this way. So

10:30

that means if you're putting

10:32

on a brave face right now, but actually

10:35

deep down, you're feeling terrified You're

10:38

scared, you're worried, you're anxious, and

10:41

let yourself be worried.

10:43

for

10:46

a little while allow that

10:47

fear to be where it

10:49

is, as it is.

10:53

If you're telling yourself everything's

10:55

okay, you're totally fine, fine, fine,

10:57

but actually you're not fine.

11:00

Maybe you're sad. You know,

11:02

maybe you're grieving something.

11:05

Let that sadness come up.

11:08

And

11:10

if the truth of how you're feeling right now

11:12

is you're feeling so blissful,

11:15

right, joyful.

11:17

Maybe happiness is here.

11:21

Let that feeling take up the

11:23

space it deserves. Let every

11:26

feeling, take up the space it deserves.

11:28

Hold yourself in the

11:30

truth of this moment.

11:36

You are perfect just

11:38

the way you are.

11:39

everything

11:42

you're feeling right now, this big feeling,

11:45

this big truth inside of you right

11:47

now makes absolute

11:49

sense I mean, how could you possibly

11:52

feel any other way than this?

11:54

Of course, of course, you

11:57

feel this way right now. Of course.

12:01

So much has unfolded in your life,

12:04

in your day. inside

12:07

of yourself, of course, you feel

12:09

this way.

12:12

So take a moment just to

12:15

validate

12:15

your own feeling.

12:18

Give yourself permission to

12:20

feel what's here.

12:29

And keeping your hand there to your heart.

12:34

for as long as it

12:36

feels

12:37

bearable,

12:39

for

12:40

as long as it feels okay, manageable,

12:44

Stay with

12:46

a feeling. Yeah.

12:48

Without having to fix it.

12:50

Without having to shrink it.

12:54

without having to escape

12:56

in any way.

13:03

Let's take one more deep long

13:06

breath, all of us. listening

13:09

to these words here now. Inhale.

13:17

and open the mouth.

13:19

exhale.

13:25

Now you can stay here with your eyes closed

13:28

hand to your heart.

13:30

If you wanna blink

13:32

the ice open and orient

13:35

yourself a little bit in your space.

13:38

Take a few moments to come back.

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15:08

Oh,

15:09

wow. What

15:10

a week?

15:13

what a day it is

15:15

and what a week it's been.

15:19

In

15:19

this moment, when I you

15:22

know, as I'm sitting here holding

15:24

my hand to my heart,

15:27

I'm feeling

15:29

I'm feeling

15:31

a little bit confused

15:34

right now, which is probably

15:36

why I had hard time getting my words

15:39

to come out

15:40

at the beginning of the

15:43

show. Yeah. I'm I'm sensing

15:45

this

15:45

kind of contrasting duality

15:49

inside of myself.

15:52

I'm

15:54

feeling at the same time, I'm feeling

15:58

really grateful and blissful

16:00

in my life right now.

16:03

And I'm also sensing this big

16:06

poll inside of myself of worry.

16:09

I'm in a

16:12

Yeah. Yeah.

16:13

Somehow feeling both

16:15

content

16:15

and very worried at the

16:17

same time

16:19

today.

16:21

Maybe all week. Yeah. Probably

16:23

all week.

16:26

And I really don't I

16:30

I have this big sense right

16:32

now that just the state

16:35

of the world I feel

16:37

so

16:39

so

16:39

concerned

16:41

right now. And I go through these cycles just like

16:43

you do where I feel like there's,

16:45

you know, everything's gonna be okay and

16:48

there's so much goodness in this world

16:50

and there are so many people fighting the good

16:52

fight and, you know,

16:54

things are gonna end up

16:57

good and okay, and we are all

16:59

gonna be safe and okay. And

17:02

then I go through cycles of, like,

17:04

the whole fucking world is falling apart.

17:07

Like, the amount of suffering

17:09

in this world is

17:12

is next level absolutely

17:15

unbearable to even think about?

17:19

and

17:22

I

17:26

I think it's it's

17:29

a very hard place that we are

17:31

in right now. as

17:34

human beings. It's

17:35

really, really, really

17:36

hard to human when

17:39

the world is what the world is.

17:41

At least that's what I feel. And

17:43

I think we are gonna have to kind of,

17:46

you know, do the ostrich thing where

17:48

we stick our heads in the sand for

17:50

a moment were like, well, what

17:51

I can't see doesn't

17:54

really happen. Right? And

17:56

I think that's a coping mechanism where we

17:58

we after a while, we just we have to

17:59

we have to turn off the news. Right?

18:02

We have to shift our awareness and attention

18:04

to where we are right now, what's in front

18:06

of me in this moment. and

18:09

then resource ourselves and take care of

18:11

ourselves and find a sense of grounding and

18:13

then bring our heads back out into

18:15

the world and go, oh, alright. It's this shit

18:18

show. Right? It's this level

18:20

of suffering. That's that's the world

18:22

we're in. And

18:24

be with that, you know, and kind of

18:27

let our awareness be

18:29

like that kind of pendulum that swings

18:32

into reality and then the reality

18:34

of the big collective Right?

18:36

The reality of humanity right

18:39

now, the reality of the

18:42

state of this planet right

18:44

now. and

18:46

then kind of let that pendulum

18:49

swing back into our own little bubble.

18:52

We're hopefully in this

18:53

moment, you know, we and our loved

18:55

ones are are okay, hopefully,

18:57

you know, which isn't the case for

18:59

a lot of people over this world. lot

19:02

of people don't have the the

19:04

privilege to put their heads in the sand

19:07

because the suffering is there and

19:09

their bubble. Right? It's

19:11

like not being able to step out of

19:13

that, not being

19:14

able to get reprieve or relief.

19:16

So many people are living that. And,

19:23

yeah, I I'm really and I talked

19:25

about this. I don't know if it was

19:27

last week's podcast or a couple weeks

19:29

ago, but just this inner struggle

19:31

that I feel this

19:32

yeah. I'm sure you

19:34

do too. I I know I'm not alone. talking

19:36

to my friends. I know I'm not alone. The

19:39

struggle between allowing happiness

19:42

and gratitude when.

19:45

things in our bubble are good.

19:47

Right? And not

19:49

have to minimize that or shrink that

19:52

because there's so much suffering in the world. Like, who

19:54

am I to have a good life when there's

19:56

so much terror everywhere? You know?

19:59

somehow it's our responsibility

19:59

to stand in the good life

20:02

and to use the privilege

20:04

and the safety and the grounding that

20:06

we get from that good life. to help

20:08

other people and to do something good for this

20:10

world. But

20:13

it's it's I don't know. I'm getting

20:15

to place now where I

20:17

like an example

20:19

of that is I

20:23

I walk in the woods every day.

20:25

Okay. So I walk in the woods every day

20:28

right across our road here where we live,

20:30

there is a nature preserve. So

20:33

it will never be never be

20:35

touched by anyone. It's not super

20:38

big, but it puts a nature preserve.

20:40

So it means that you're not allowed to you

20:42

can bring your dogs in there, for example, you

20:44

can't break off a

20:46

twig, you know, from a tree, like,

20:48

there's a lot of rules around, you know, usually really it's

20:50

really a preserved place. And

20:54

and sometimes I just wander in there.

20:57

Right? And because it's

20:59

a preservation, there aren't

21:01

a lot of path you know, and you're not

21:03

allowed to bring your dogs there, so I don't always

21:05

walk there. I often walk into

21:07

this other little sliver of of forest

21:09

that's on the other side of where we live. where

21:12

there's a path and you can ping your dogs

21:14

and it just has more of like a walking kind

21:16

of

21:16

loop.

21:19

And in this side of the forest,

21:21

it's a little bit dangerous to

21:23

walk because so many

21:26

trees are falling. It's

21:29

kind of like

21:30

the forest is collapsing in

21:33

on itself a little bit. And really

21:36

every day I walk, like, if I walk the dogs there,

21:38

maybe I'm there every other day in that specific

21:41

little that little trail. every

21:43

time I'm there, there is a new Spruce

21:45

tree that has fallen and collapsed

21:48

over the path, and I have to kind of walk all the

21:50

way around. And

21:52

the reason that is is because

21:54

a couple years ago, there was this absolutely

21:58

bizarrely hot summer.

22:00

here in Sweden, like, completely

22:02

out of the norm, like, not normal

22:05

summer. And then as an eye, we were

22:07

actually in Sweden that year.

22:08

We were in Sweden

22:10

I think for my birthday. So, yeah, October.

22:13

And it was so warm in October that

22:15

we were like sitting at cafes and Stockholm

22:17

in our t shirts. in the sun tanning.

22:20

Okay. It was so hot. And

22:22

now it's October in Sweden. It's a more normal

22:25

year. It's freezing outside. Like Leia's

22:27

already wearing hats and gloves. to go to preschool,

22:29

you know. But that

22:31

really hot summer, it

22:33

caused this big disbalance

22:36

in the ecosystems of the

22:38

Spruce forests of this region of Sweden,

22:40

of a lot of the regions of Sweden, where

22:42

there is this little beetle

22:44

called the

22:45

it's called a bark beetle, and they live

22:48

in spruce trees only. Normally,

22:50

when it gets colder, these beetles, they

22:52

die off and

22:53

then they don't come back

22:54

until the next year. But because the season was

22:56

so long and because

22:58

the summer was so incredibly hot and

23:01

dry and it stayed so hot and dry for so long,

23:03

these beetles didn't die off, and

23:06

they ended up reproducing just in

23:08

massive amounts and have

23:10

been killing off these spruce trees. Basically,

23:13

they just kind of drill themselves

23:15

into the bark of the tree and

23:18

deplete and yeah,

23:20

take all the new trends from the tree. And I think the tree

23:22

has a hard time pulling up moisture

23:24

also from the ground

23:26

when this happens. There's a lot of things that happen.

23:29

But

23:29

anyway, so that was that year. And then couple

23:31

of years later after a thing like that, like

23:33

an invasion of that kind of disturbance

23:36

in the ecosystem happens. It takes a few years

23:38

for the trees to die, right, for

23:40

them to really fall. And

23:42

that's happening now. Right?

23:46

So we are seeing these

23:48

crazy spikes in the weather.

23:51

Right? Like, hottest temperatures of

23:53

all time being recorded all over

23:55

the world. We're

23:58

seeing these massive massive

24:00

increases of natural disaster and

24:02

storms and hurricanes and

24:05

droughts and fires. I mean, it's and

24:08

floods and everything that comes with this

24:11

with this changing climate, and with

24:13

climate change, and with global warming. And

24:16

and

24:19

It's like, for me,

24:21

this duality comes through,

24:23

I can walk in the woods here right by my

24:25

house. And if I stay in these woods

24:28

right here, Right? Just just where

24:30

I am. This little piece of the woods where I just happen

24:32

to be super privileged and blessed to live.

24:35

It looks like everything is fine.

24:37

Right? like these woods,

24:40

this little preserved piece of the forest

24:42

next to my house. It's so beautiful. It's

24:44

really abundant. there's

24:47

moss covering absolutely everything.

24:50

You know, there's mushrooms everywhere.

24:51

There's

24:52

a lot of in

24:55

Sweden, you measure the age. I'm sure you do

24:57

everywhere. But here, you measure the age

24:59

and the kind of forest by how

25:02

many fallen trees there

25:04

are that have been allowed to

25:06

stay for an extended period of time

25:09

together with how wide like

25:11

the girth of the biggest trees are.

25:13

And that's how they measure and

25:15

classify the woods. Is it a And

25:17

it's funny how they do it here in Sweden. Like, it's

25:20

the majority of all the woods that that

25:23

are left in the country, literally eighty

25:25

five to ninety percent of the woods that are left in

25:27

the country. are something called

25:29

culture, which means

25:31

a culture forest. And it sounds

25:33

really nice, right, like a culture. forest,

25:36

like a cultured forest. That

25:37

that sounds so that sounds so special.

25:40

A cultured

25:41

forest is actually a

25:43

forest used for for

25:45

the forestry sector, where

25:48

they take sections and they cut the whole

25:50

entire forest down, and

25:52

then they replant this monoculture

25:54

of one kind of tree,

25:57

and

25:57

then they let them

25:57

grow, you know, up to like forty or fifty

25:59

years. And then they do it again.

26:02

and they do it in sections. So it's not like they take

26:04

the whole entire forest of the whole country

26:06

at the same time because then we would have nothing left.

26:09

But they do it in sections and cycles And

26:12

that means that, you know, and they leave these sections

26:14

for forty, fifty, sixty years until

26:16

they're big enough to become timber

26:18

and to be cut down. and people

26:20

actually think that this is a forest.

26:23

Like, people all over think

26:26

that a culture school like a culture

26:28

forest is a forest.

26:29

and walking

26:31

into a forest like that,

26:34

which we have many here, also nearby.

26:37

It's like all the trees are in perfect

26:39

rows. Right?

26:42

There is not a lot of other kinds

26:44

of vegetation not a lot of other plants,

26:46

not a lot of other things. It's just it

26:48

looks like like people think it's really beautiful,

26:51

you know. Like these, like, strong

26:53

trees kind of lined up. It looks almost

26:55

I don't know. It looks very

26:58

organized. Right?

26:59

And people like that. So

27:02

because it's all trees and trees is what makes

27:04

up

27:04

a forest. Right? People actually believe

27:07

that these forests that are being

27:09

processed and cultured for profit

27:11

that they are real for us, but they're not.

27:14

Like, it's basically like a monocroped. Like,

27:18

they're just growing timber. cutting

27:20

it down. So there's no real wildlife

27:22

in these forests. There's no

27:25

diversity, you know,

27:27

happening in these forests. There's no real

27:29

life happening there anymore.

27:33

And ten to fifteen percent

27:35

of the forest left of Sweden are what they

27:37

call Natura Skolk, which

27:39

is a nature forest, which

27:41

is actually real forest,

27:44

right, or kind of as as close

27:46

to real as as we can find almost

27:48

here in this country. So that means

27:51

that the forest has been untouched for

27:53

at least twenty five years.

27:56

or longer. And most

27:58

of the nature for us that we have

27:59

have been untouched for longer than that, maybe

28:02

even a few generations. so that

28:04

at some point they have been

28:06

messed with, like the forest has been kind

28:08

of touched by man. Right? But then

28:10

they have been the forest has been just left alone.

28:13

And that's the

28:15

words that I have where I'm

28:17

walking the dogs. That's not too

28:19

difficult. So you see

28:21

this, like, huge abundance of

28:23

of so much. Like, really, there's

28:25

all kinds of wildlife and birds

28:27

and critters and animals

28:30

and, you know, berries and

28:32

mushrooms and the moss really covers

28:35

everything. It's really beautiful. And

28:37

then you have these trees falling

28:40

everywhere.

28:41

And in a way, it's like because that forest

28:44

isn't actually touched by

28:46

by man. Right? They're not

28:48

cutting the trees down to

28:50

process the woods and then replanting

28:53

them. They're not touching that little piece where I

28:55

walk. Right? But it's

28:57

still kind of falling in on itself

29:00

because of what what we have

29:02

done. Right? Because of what society

29:04

has done. Because of the

29:06

last hundred years of

29:09

basically shitting all over this planet

29:11

and not not having a single

29:13

long term thought. Right?

29:18

So the third kind of

29:20

forest that we have here is called Uchsug,

29:22

which is indigenous forest,

29:25

like original forest, a

29:27

forest that was actually always

29:29

protected, that was never

29:31

cut down. and

29:34

zero point five percent

29:37

of the woods in Sweden is

29:40

zero point five percent. So

29:44

and this is as to me, like

29:46

knowing these facts. It's like a it's

29:49

it blows my mind

29:51

to the point that I I continuously

29:54

have to wrap my head around this

29:56

as a fact. Right? So

29:58

we have half a percent.

29:59

And and we are so proud of

30:02

our forest here in Sweden. Like Swedish

30:04

people, really, it's like the pride and joy

30:06

of Swedes. It's how amazing our

30:08

forest is and the forest covers almost the

30:10

entire country and but

30:13

it's bullshit. Right? Because

30:15

what covers the entire country isn't

30:17

actually forest,

30:20

isn't actually a diverse real

30:23

forest. but we have half a percent

30:26

of Like

30:28

a real, real forest.

30:30

Left half a percent of the whole country

30:32

and then ten to fifteen

30:34

percent this kind of forest that's been

30:36

untouched for decades,

30:38

nature forest. and

30:40

then eighty five to ninety percent

30:42

is

30:43

processed.

30:45

What's owned by corporations

30:48

or owned by the government being

30:50

processed and used for profit.

30:56

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32:18

And I'm sharing this now because this for me

32:20

is such a it's a really

32:22

good example of this

32:25

this duality that I

32:27

feel, this ability to, like, be in my bubble

32:30

and

32:30

then stepping out of the bubble. Right?

32:33

So I go into I go across the road.

32:36

I step into this, like, very protected

32:38

forest.

32:40

and I feel like, wow. You know,

32:42

the feeling of just being there. Like, I often just

32:44

lay down flat. Like, I found, like, a big

32:47

bed of moss and I just lay down And

32:51

I just you know, anyone

32:54

who knows who knows that feeling

32:56

you know what I'm talking about. Like Leah does that

32:59

so naturally. Whenever we

33:01

walk in the woods, she'll just lie down and just

33:03

melt and look at the trees way

33:06

above and, like, that viewpoint, you

33:08

know, lying in the forest looking up. It's so

33:10

different. It's so special. and

33:13

there is an energy and a quality

33:16

to to these woods that that there's something

33:19

holy about it. Absolutely.

33:22

And it's not the same as,

33:24

you know, walking the dogs.

33:27

I go to the other part of the woods where I walk

33:29

the dogs. and

33:30

there is trails and roads

33:31

and there's lots of people walking.

33:33

It's still woods. It's still really beautiful,

33:37

but you can already see the impact

33:39

of of environmental destruction

33:41

happening there even though these are

33:44

woods that are not being cut

33:46

down at the moment. And

33:48

then, and this

33:50

is, like, hard for me to talk about

33:52

without crying.

33:54

I walk a little further

33:58

and all the trees are cut

33:59

down.

34:01

I don't It's like I have all of these

34:04

I have all of these dualities

34:07

really right outside my doorstep, like, I

34:09

can choose where to go. I can

34:11

go to a a call, which

34:13

is, like, complete deforestation,

34:16

like an area that has been deforested

34:19

where every single tree is cut down.

34:23

And maybe two, three years

34:25

ago, they planted, you

34:27

know, they replanted the replanted

34:30

the trees. as if

34:32

you can really ever, you know,

34:34

a a tree like a a tree

34:36

tree. You leave a tree alone that people

34:39

live and stand there for hundreds of

34:41

years. Like, there's a

34:43

tree next to my dad's house. There's an oak tree next to

34:45

my dad's house that's nine hundred years old.

34:48

a nine hundred year old oak

34:51

tree that's still alive.

34:54

And what each tree

34:57

does for this

34:59

planet, like, for our

35:01

ecosystem, for humans.

35:04

Like, you know,

35:06

I wouldn't be able to breathe this breath

35:08

that I'm breathing right now if it wasn't for

35:10

the trees. Can

35:12

I get

35:15

I get so emotional talking

35:17

about this.

35:18

I have really like, I've reached a point

35:21

and I told Dennis other day, I

35:23

can't debate,

35:25

like, responsible forestry

35:28

anymore. I can't have conversations

35:32

about the forest anymore because I just fall

35:34

apart. I literally just

35:36

fall apart.

35:40

And I feel silly falling

35:42

apart while

35:43

not here on the pod with you

35:46

because I know most

35:48

of you feel the same weight, but when

35:50

I'm talking to any

35:53

regular person who is involved,

35:55

with any kind of forestry practice here.

35:58

There is this idea that to

35:59

take care of the forest, you have

36:02

to cut it down. And

36:04

it's such a ridiculous fucking notion,

36:06

like, just the yeah.

36:09

I get really pissed. They have actually

36:11

been they're kidding themselves

36:13

enough that they actually believe their own

36:16

lies, you know, to take care of

36:18

the forest you have to cut it

36:20

down. Like, if you're a land owner,

36:23

if you're own forest, there's

36:25

this these practices, and they and, you know,

36:27

because most of the woods in Sweden are owned

36:29

by the government and they are the ones

36:30

doing this. They have millions

36:33

and millions

36:35

of dollars that they spend every single year

36:37

on just marketing. to

36:39

tell the Swedish people that this

36:42

is what a healthy forest is.

36:45

To continue porting these practices

36:48

because without these practices, the

36:50

ecosystem would be out of balance that

36:52

they you know, pushing

36:54

these fake fake bullshit

36:56

facts

36:56

that deforestation actually helps

36:59

the earth. And

37:01

look at how many trees we're planting and

37:03

they're showing these really put together

37:06

like marketing

37:06

videos of

37:09

you know, these companies planting trees

37:11

and it looks very earthy and very,

37:13

like like, you know, a real human

37:16

being holding a little spruce plant

37:18

and putting that into the earth and

37:20

look how many thousands and thousands

37:22

of trees were planting and it's like like

37:24

like this is a good thing. you

37:26

know, cutting

37:27

down all the forest

37:29

we have in this

37:29

whole entire country and all across the fucking

37:32

world. Like, that is a good thing.

37:34

and I have honestly reached a

37:36

point where I when

37:38

I talk to people like that who are

37:41

living with that belief, I get so triggered

37:43

I can't I can't

37:45

do it. And

37:46

I get really emotional and it's like,

37:49

yeah, I feel like I

37:51

can't even have that conversation anymore because

37:53

it's truly so fucking painful.

37:56

So

37:59

anyway,

38:01

what I do is

38:03

I

38:04

I look away.

38:06

And

38:06

this is it's like I have like I drive

38:09

to get lay at school. There's a whole

38:11

section that's just been completely cut

38:13

out, like very recently. and

38:15

you can still see the trees are lying, they're waiting

38:17

to be waiting to be transported.

38:21

I literally have to look away because

38:23

I can't deal. And it's not just

38:25

this little section of where I live. Right? It's

38:27

the whole entire country

38:30

and it's the whole entire world.

38:33

It's like, what

38:34

is it? Football fields of

38:37

the Amazon? Like,

38:39

the deforestation happening there every fucking

38:41

second. It's so It's

38:43

so big. It's too big for

38:45

my little

38:46

human brain to to

38:48

to grasp. the destruction

38:51

that we are imposing on

38:53

this planet. Like, it's too much. It's too big.

38:56

And if you really hold it, if you

38:58

really sit with all of it, And I'm

39:00

talking, you know, nature now.

39:04

And at the same time, we have

39:06

people. And dictatorships

39:09

and violence and war

39:11

and famine and people

39:14

fleeing their countries and looking

39:17

for some kind of safety

39:19

and not not receiving

39:21

that, not having any place to

39:23

go.

39:25

and it's just

39:28

I don't know.

39:33

where I'm sitting here today,

39:36

it's too much. It's too much

39:38

for my from

39:39

my mind to take in and it's too much

39:41

for my heart to hold.

39:43

So then

39:45

when

39:45

I look away, like, what do I do? Well, okay, I

39:47

go into the words and I go into the part of the words

39:50

where everything is beautiful. Right?

39:53

where where I can

39:55

hug a tree and

39:57

know that that

39:57

tree is really old,

39:59

you know, that this tree was here long,

40:02

long before before

40:03

my parents were born. Like

40:06

I come to this

40:07

ancient part or the

40:10

oldest part of the woods right? I can find

40:12

and I get that moment of reprieve there

40:14

and I breathe there. And

40:17

then I take the dogs for a walk and

40:19

I walk around those fallen trees

40:22

and I focus on

40:25

what really is working. Right?

40:27

And I focus on the life that's

40:29

here and how quickly nature

40:31

will regenerate because she does

40:34

all the time. And I go

40:36

to the lake, and I take a cold plunge,

40:38

and I go go to my garden, and

40:40

I put my hands to the earth and

40:42

I stay really, like, there's a way for

40:44

me to stay in a bubble here where I live

40:46

that makes it look like everything

40:49

is okay.

40:51

and it's

40:52

not.

40:55

It's fucking not. Like,

40:57

my bubble is okay because I

40:59

happen to live this very privileged life.

41:02

But as a whole, like, this

41:05

planet is not okay. as

41:07

a whole, people are not okay.

41:11

And I'm just

41:13

deeply struggling

41:14

deeply struggling

41:17

with that right

41:19

now.

41:21

And the question I'm

41:23

really sitting with this, you know,

41:25

for how long?

41:27

Like,

41:27

for how long are we

41:30

kidding ourselves that we

41:32

can carry on like

41:34

this. Like, really what when

41:37

when my daughter is a teenager, what

41:39

kind of a world are we gonna be living

41:42

in? That's not very far away. you

41:45

know, when she's my age, what

41:47

is this world gonna be like? You know?

41:49

Is she gonna have kids

41:51

of her own? Is she gonna be able to have

41:53

kids of her own?

41:55

What's the level of disaster

41:57

and suffering going to be?

41:59

Thirty years from now.

42:04

And

42:04

it's such a even though,

42:06

like, these are very realistic questions

42:09

to ask, and it's important that

42:11

we sit with a reality of

42:13

what what what this world is. Like,

42:15

we have to sit with

42:17

the reality of what this world is because otherwise

42:20

nothing changes. we have

42:22

to be with our own

42:24

impact. And

42:26

at the same time, it's like, I

42:29

don't know. It's so ridiculous. Even

42:33

like the the environmental movement,

42:36

like, okay. Well, if

42:38

if I just reduce

42:40

my waste. Right? If I, like, I stop

42:43

asking for a straw when I go to the restaurant,

42:45

I I reduce my waste

42:47

and I'm gonna make a difference. Like, that we're

42:49

we're so past that. Like,

42:51

we should all continue doing those things. But

42:54

the real

42:56

The real issue

42:57

are these multi billion

43:00

dollar corporations that

43:02

continue doing what they're doing without any

43:05

kind of consequence.

43:08

And, like, how is that gonna change?

43:10

You know, how is the world structure gonna

43:12

change? How is who is ever gonna control

43:15

the richest of the rich that really run

43:17

this world? Like, that's I I don't see it.

43:20

And then we're all kind of led to believe that

43:22

it's like, it's my fault, my individual

43:24

fault, I can make that individual difference.

43:27

And

43:27

we all know, like, we're so

43:29

past that because even if all of us,

43:31

all of a sudden became the most environmentally

43:34

responsible

43:34

people,

43:36

we still have the

43:38

same kind of emissions and the same

43:40

kind of disaster happening from

43:43

these massive corporations that actually run

43:45

the whole fucking world. And we're not impacting

43:48

that by

43:48

not

43:49

asking for a straw at the restaurant or by

43:51

recycling better, you know. And

43:54

it just

43:55

when you look at it from that very realistic

43:58

perspective, it feels so hopeless.

43:59

Right? It's like the reality,

44:02

but it's also so hopeless, what

44:04

are we actually gonna do? So

44:07

then, what I do

44:09

do? I

44:11

feel like Joey and friends. What

44:16

episode is that? What No.

44:18

It's Chandler when he's like,

44:21

Sorry. I'm doing a friend's pivot

44:23

here. He's at

44:26

a job interview talking

44:28

about duties.

44:31

And the guy says, okay, instead

44:33

of talking about what you don't do, let's talk

44:35

about what you do do.

44:38

that

44:39

Okay. Okay. I needed

44:42

that little I needed that little break.

44:44

So

44:45

though

44:46

what I do do,

44:48

like what I actually do.

44:51

And this really is, like, these realizations

44:53

that this is where the world is It's getting

44:56

worse. It's

44:57

really getting harder. It's getting

44:59

worse. And of course, it's getting worse

45:01

for the people who already have bad. I'm

45:04

still sitting here in my very privileged place.

45:06

If you're listening to this podcast, then you have

45:08

an hour in your day to listen to a podcast.

45:11

if you have a car, if you have a job, if

45:13

you have a sense of safety, like you're

45:16

privileged too, right? We are

45:19

It's it's

45:23

these realities

45:24

and especially with the urgency

45:26

of everything that came to surface through the pandemic.

45:29

that led me to even live in the woods.

45:32

Right? I wouldn't even be living here if it wasn't for

45:34

that. It was the big realization

45:36

that living in Aruba, I

45:38

can't take care of myself. I can't take care of my

45:40

of my family. I can't deal with

45:42

the mountain of trash that we're producing here

45:44

because there's no form of recycling.

45:47

Like, we were living our least sustainable

45:49

lives, unfortunately, living there.

45:51

Even no matter how many vegetables I grew, like,

45:53

I couldn't find a balance that

45:55

felt long term. And it

45:57

was that realization that eventually through

45:59

a lot of hardship, of course, let us

46:02

hear now now I live in the woods.

46:05

So when I feel the hopelessness

46:07

of all of the real

46:10

very real realities happening all around,

46:14

I focus on making

46:17

my bubble as big

46:20

and as sustainable as

46:22

I can possibly make it.

46:26

And that's really where all of my

46:28

all of my focuses because I can't

46:30

really control a whole lot other than

46:32

what's happening in my bubble. And I don't wanna live

46:35

in a bubble. It's not what I'm saying.

46:37

but in my

46:38

proximity of my immediate

46:40

life, the things I can touch, the things I can impact,

46:42

the things I can affect. and

46:45

that includes living a life

46:47

where I am in woods every day, where

46:50

I feel so connected, so

46:52

in love with this beautiful planet

46:54

that I cry talking about all

46:56

the ways in which she's hurting.

46:59

Like that alone I

47:01

know makes a difference. Like that heartfelt

47:04

connection makes a

47:06

difference because I vote

47:09

from that place. when it's election

47:11

time. Right? I spend my money

47:13

from that place. When I spend

47:15

money, I organize and

47:17

structure my life from that place.

47:20

So if we don't have

47:22

that sense of connection, that presence

47:24

with nature, we're not gonna be able to fight

47:27

for her.

47:29

and same goals for humanity,

47:31

for people, for human beings, like

47:33

we can't. We can't

47:35

stay in our little isolated bubbles

47:38

thinking of me myself and I and when everything

47:40

goes to shit, how I gonna take

47:42

care of myself. You

47:44

know? And

47:46

I've had those thoughts, like, if things really

47:48

go to shit and what if we we become

47:50

self sustaining. Right?

47:52

And at least I can always grow food

47:54

for my own family. And it's like, okay. Well, what

47:57

about the rest of the,

47:58

like, the rest of the community then? How

48:00

much food? How much food am I

48:02

gonna be? be

48:03

growing? Am I gonna be sitting here with

48:05

a mountain of produce?

48:08

And then there's people all around

48:10

us that all of a sudden don't have

48:12

the

48:12

abundance anymore that that

48:14

can't feed their kids, what are we gonna do? Sit

48:16

there, they're in a little ivory tower, eating,

48:19

like, no. that

48:21

that doesn't work either.

48:23

Right?

48:25

So yes, we can focus

48:27

on the actual action around

48:30

how can we make sure that we are ensuring

48:32

a long term sense of

48:34

safety for our own families and for ourselves

48:37

starting to build our lives in a direction

48:40

that feels sustainable, which for

48:42

me was the pivot away from

48:45

the city's a pivot away

48:47

from

48:48

the idea of, like, career,

48:51

you know, a pivot away from

48:54

Yeah. Even away from

48:56

technology, like away from things

48:59

that don't feel aligned.

49:01

in my heart anymore and closer toward,

49:05

yeah, nature and family and

49:07

growing my own foods and really tending

49:09

to the land. And

49:12

returning more and more to the way,

49:14

I guess, my grandparents lived

49:16

and their parents, a

49:18

way that sure is smaller

49:21

Right? It's not as

49:23

grand on paper, but it

49:25

has a really big impact. Right?

49:28

Instead of going to work

49:30

somewhere to make a career and kill

49:32

myself and burn out so I can then make money

49:34

and then use that to go to the grocery store

49:36

and buy food and cook food to put on my

49:39

family's plates. It's like I'll just grow that

49:41

food and put it on their plates. somehow

49:43

I'm taking a lot of steps away

49:45

in the in between and

49:47

becoming

49:48

more in touch and more connected

49:50

with

49:52

with every part of my daily life.

49:54

Right? More connected with my daughter, with

49:57

the land, with nature, with my family,

49:59

like, more present there.

50:01

But again, it

50:04

doesn't end there.

50:05

We can't just

50:08

we can't just become preppers and

50:10

think how am I gonna how am I

50:12

gonna survive? How am I gonna live in

50:14

ten years when things are even worse? When

50:16

everything falls apart, how am I gonna be

50:18

okay? It's like

50:20

we have to somehow

50:23

allow ourselves to dwell in our bubbles

50:26

so that we Yeah. Like, if

50:28

I didn't go to the woods, if I spent

50:30

all my time in that deforested area,

50:33

like, I would pull my hair

50:35

out in the spare. Right?

50:37

So

50:38

I am in the old forest. I

50:40

am in the old growth forest and I'm spending that

50:42

time there so I can expand the

50:44

bubble of what I can hold. and

50:47

hopefully invite more people into that

50:50

and introduce more people to these ideas.

50:52

And maybe from you listening to this podcast,

50:54

you're like, fuck, I gotta get on to the forest. or

50:57

maybe you're Swedish or you're living somewhere

51:00

where there's a big forest forestry

51:02

like

51:02

lot of production around they're

51:05

I'm sorry. I'm

51:06

jumbling my English again.

51:08

Well, where they are,

51:09

where there is a lot of deforestation. Right?

51:12

Where that in Sweden, we

51:14

call it, it's like the agriculture

51:16

of the forest. I don't know how to I don't know that word

51:18

in English, but where they are processing the forest.

51:20

Right? Maybe you live in that area. like

51:23

the woods you're walking in? Is it old growth

51:25

woods? Is it a real wood?

51:28

You know? Or is it a is it a just

51:30

there for production. And in forty years, it's

51:32

gone. Nothing ever has time to regenerate.

51:35

Like, what is actually happening in your

51:38

area and

51:40

what power do we have

51:41

to make a change? I i

51:44

yeah I don't know what power

51:46

I have to make a change. I

51:49

feel really small. Yeah. I

51:51

can vote you know,

51:53

I can choose where I spend

51:55

my money. I can choose what I talk about on this

51:58

podcast. There's lots of people listening to

51:59

this. I I can do what

52:02

I can do. You

52:03

know, I'm struggling now.

52:05

Like we My owns

52:08

some land with forests on it.

52:11

and we are in a huge debate. I

52:13

mean, it's so sensitive that I am

52:15

worried it's gonna affect our relationship. But

52:18

he because when he bought that

52:21

land, that property, what

52:23

the people had always done was work

52:25

the land, cutting the tree stone.

52:28

And he's like, well, that's what you do. That's

52:30

what everyone's always do. Done. And

52:32

I'm like, well, that's what they did. You

52:34

know? Like, you bought this land

52:37

for for a lot of reasons couple years

52:39

ago, there's forests here. You don't

52:41

have to do what they did. you don't have

52:43

to do the thing that people do. Like, you

52:45

can be

52:45

the first one in this

52:47

line of like stewarding this

52:50

land that doesn't do it the old

52:52

way. and that does it

52:54

the really old way instead, you know, that does

52:56

it in a way that's truly sustainable. And

52:59

I haven't been able to convince him yet.

53:02

And

53:02

and

53:05

doesn't you, I'm not gonna stop trying.

53:08

Right? Like,

53:09

I think that's what we can do

53:12

right now is to

53:16

to

53:16

somehow, like, continue moving

53:18

from the harsh reality

53:21

of the suffering that's real

53:24

and then moving back into the bliss

53:27

and the beauty and the wholeness and

53:30

that sense and feeling of the earth beneath

53:33

your feet. and the goodness

53:35

that is around you because there's so much goodness

53:37

around you. Oh my God,

53:39

there is so much goodness

53:42

around us, like, all around, all

53:44

over this world, there's so much

53:46

good. And all we have to do to

53:48

be reminded of that is walk

53:50

into the woods. Right?

53:54

Or

53:54

talk to your kids. Talk to any

53:56

kid.

53:58

you know, be with your loved ones. Like,

53:59

there's so

54:01

many daily moments that are

54:03

gonna forever remind us

54:06

of this

54:06

big big fundamental goodness

54:10

that is still here.

54:12

And

54:14

we have to say I think we have to keep more

54:16

than one foot anchored in the good.

54:19

You know, like I can't stand

54:22

in the deforestation and then like look

54:24

over at the old growth woods. It's like I have

54:26

to stand in the old growth woods

54:28

looking over at the deforestation over

54:30

there. So I can stay really

54:32

grounded as I do the work I need to

54:34

do to make a change.

54:37

and then allowing ourselves

54:39

the grace to be really heartbroken, like,

54:41

to be really sad, to really grieve.

54:44

I am grieving.

54:45

Like, I'm grieving the state of these forests.

54:48

I'm grieving the state of the world. Especially,

54:50

I'm gonna really am this week. I'm feeling it every

54:53

day. I'm

54:54

grieving this thing in

54:56

my family where I feel like,

54:59

I don't know.

55:01

I really have a feeling I was put in Sweden

55:04

for a reason and maybe I can make a

55:06

difference here. You know, I have direct people

55:08

in my family in my

55:10

life that I could impact. But at the same

55:12

time, that feels like an impossible

55:15

thing. You know? the

55:18

hardest people, the hardest person

55:20

you can ever try to change someone's mind.

55:22

I mean, that's gotta be. It's gotta

55:24

be your family. Right? It's not

55:26

an easy thing to do, but I'm

55:29

here and I'm trying. So

55:33

yeah.

55:36

if you have a

55:38

a cause that's really close to your

55:41

heart, then

55:41

I know you do. Maybe

55:43

it's not even a cause. Maybe it's like,

55:46

you're

55:46

you love the oceans. Like

55:48

the oceans, you're thing. You can't wait

55:50

for your next the next moment, you're gonna

55:52

get to step, put your feet in

55:54

the ocean. You know, maybe you surf and you

55:56

swim and you're always going to the beach or, like,

55:58

the ocean's like,

55:59

that's where your heart is. I

56:02

know for Dennis, like his he

56:04

has such a big piece of his heart

56:06

in the ocean back home, you know. if

56:09

that's where your heart is, then maybe

56:11

that's where your work should be. You

56:13

know?

56:15

And

56:15

now I'm this episode became very

56:17

centered around environment

56:19

and nature and planet,

56:21

but there are people

56:23

who need us every

56:26

single day on this earth.

56:29

I mean, maybe specifically

56:31

now, you know, highlighting what's happening

56:33

in Iran, and this

56:36

hugely important movement

56:39

there for liberation. You know,

56:41

if you've ever cared about feminism a

56:43

day in your life, you care about justice,

56:45

if you care about equality, like,

56:47

that's where your heart

56:49

should be right now. you know,

56:52

like, there is a piece of your heart that's really invested

56:54

in something beautiful. And

56:56

right now in this world, there is some big

56:59

threat threatening that beautiful

57:01

thing,

57:02

threatening that

57:03

equality, threatening that freedom, threatening

57:06

that beauty, like whatever whatever your

57:08

heart is, there is cause that you

57:11

are so ready to go out there and

57:13

fight the good fight for. And

57:16

and we

57:17

can't do that every moment of every day.

57:19

Right? Because then we then

57:22

we become a falling apart crying mess.

57:24

We can't function, which is how I kind of felt this

57:26

week. But

57:28

it's okay for you to resource yourself and

57:31

live your life in your good places. And

57:33

then stay really anchored and

57:35

aware and present with the bad places

57:37

so you can help do something about it.

57:41

And every little action makes a difference,

57:43

you know? It

57:45

does. It does.

57:47

And alone versus one

57:49

person, but together, there's a lot

57:51

of us.

57:53

and I don't think we are as

57:56

powerless as we sometimes feel.

57:58

I don't think the

57:59

the

57:59

state of the world is as hopeless as

58:02

I feel like it is today. I

58:05

know it's also my perspective. And

58:08

hopefully, next week, I'm back

58:10

and