0:00

On today's episode of the podcast,

0:02

I share the journey of how we made

0:04

our way to the farm that we

0:06

aren't just moving into this

0:09

week. This was a dream

0:11

of mine for years. So talk

0:13

a lot about the process of manifestation

0:15

and a little bit about my own journey

0:18

when it comes to having a huge dream and

0:20

then taking action steps to

0:22

realizing that and making that happen.

0:25

I also talk about our tendency to

0:27

minimize our joy. And

0:29

how oftentimes when we have many good

0:31

things come our way at the same time, there's a little

0:33

voice in the back of our telling us to

0:36

not speak too loudly about it

0:38

or to be careful because it could

0:40

all be taken away. It's so

0:43

important that we allow ourselves to

0:45

stand tall in our gratitude and

0:47

in our blessings and in our joy. That

0:49

we actually appreciate what we

0:51

have while we have it.

0:54

I think it's an interesting podcast

0:56

this one. I absolutely loved sharing

0:58

this kind of crazy story with you.

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Hello? Hello? Hello?

2:22

My Darlings. Hi. Welcome

2:24

back to the show. I

2:27

am looking out at

2:30

what is just the most magical

2:32

view. IIII

2:35

I've been sitting here in this chair for, like,

2:37

ten minutes just staring out the window

2:40

in awe of the beauty

2:42

of this day. In

2:45

Sweden where we are right now,

2:46

it snowed for two days

2:48

straight. It didn't stop snowing all night.

2:50

And we got to wake up to this magical

2:54

magical winter wonderland. And

2:57

it's really freezing cold. It's

2:59

I think four degrees Fahrenheit

3:01

now. Think minus fifteen. Dennis

3:04

said this morning when he he got up really

3:06

early at, like, six to go biking.

3:10

This man. He said the car

3:12

said it was minus twenty three degrees

3:15

Celsius, which I think is like

3:18

one Fahrenheit or something absolutely

3:20

crazy. So it's super cold

3:22

and we got so much snow, which means the

3:24

snow is really full of feet and

3:26

soft. And the

3:29

sun has been shining all day. It's this

3:31

beautiful, beautiful weather. The

3:33

sunrise this morning was just pink and

3:35

orange and It was like golden

3:37

hour, but all morning long

3:40

in the snow. It's just it's

3:42

so beautiful. I'm

3:44

having hard time getting anything done today because

3:47

I keep looking outside like oh my god. I

3:49

just want to be out there, but it's also so

3:51

cold that it's kind of hard to

3:53

be out there. Like, you don't wanna go for

3:55

a long walk or anything like that because it really

3:57

really is so freezing cold,

4:00

but so beautiful. So

4:03

that's my view in this moment.

4:06

If I look beyond the window

4:08

I'm looking out at right now and I and I

4:10

look around the room, Things

4:13

are not as beautiful. We

4:16

are in the middle of a move,

4:18

in the middle of a really Yeah.

4:20

I I mean, I tell me any move

4:23

that is not crazy and chaotic and overwhelming

4:25

and hard. Even if

4:27

you are very organized and you've been

4:29

meticulous with your stuff and you have lots of

4:31

time and space and patience, it's

4:34

still a shit show whenever you are

4:36

moving or switching homes. And

4:39

we have been in this place now for the past couple

4:41

of weeks where we are preparing to

4:43

move, but we don't have a final debt. Date

4:46

set for when we can actually get

4:48

into the new house, which

4:50

also means I haven't been able to pack properly

4:53

because we still need to live and,

4:55

you know, live in all of our

4:57

stuff for now. So I've just kind

4:59

of been trying to packs to purp superfluous

5:02

things and things I know we can do without.

5:04

But it's just at this, like, very messy

5:07

stage right now. And

5:09

of course, Christmas is coming up. This is

5:11

like, it's it's a terrible time

5:13

to move. It really is. And

5:15

I haven't really told you about

5:18

this farm. Like, we're moving to

5:20

a farm. A lot of things

5:22

are happening. I haven't told you the story of how

5:24

we found this plate. I'm gonna today's

5:26

the day, I'm gonna bring you up to

5:28

speed with kind of

5:30

our new lives as farmers.

5:35

Our new lives of, like, why are we moving?

5:37

We live in a beautiful place right now. Why

5:40

would we ever leave? Why are we looking for something

5:42

else? Like, how did that happen? I'm gonna tell you that

5:44

whole story.

5:45

And think

5:48

I just need

5:48

to I just need to kind of start from the beginning.

5:52

So when

5:53

we left Aruba, which actually

5:55

is something that has been very

5:58

fresh and on my mind over the past

5:59

few weeks. Dennis and I started

6:02

going to couples therapy I haven't

6:04

talked about that either. I really feel like we're

6:06

old friends and like I have so much to catch you

6:08

up on somehow even though I feel like I

6:10

tell you so much all the time. But

6:12

we started going to a couple

6:14

of therapy a couple of weeks back. We had

6:16

our first session when we were in Aruba just now

6:18

we were there November for what

6:20

was supposed

6:21

to be a vacation but did

6:23

not in any way. Probably

6:25

the least enjoyable trip anywhere we've ever

6:27

had. I must say.

6:29

And I can say that with like a smile now because

6:31

everything's fine. But,

6:34

yeah,

6:34

it was it was

6:36

a very

6:36

very very very hard

6:38

journey for us to go back to

6:40

to the island. And

6:42

I realized I had this I think I shared a

6:44

little bit on the pod when we arrived. We just

6:46

arrived back at this absolute shit show after

6:49

having been away from Aruba where

6:51

he's lived his entire life and I lived

6:54

like a decade and a half almost, you know, I was

6:56

there for almost thirteen years. And

6:58

we arrived back to the island thinking we were gonna

7:00

have some beautiful reunion, and we're gonna

7:03

enjoy the sun, and just have

7:05

this beautiful time there and basically we

7:07

just stepped back into the same chaotic

7:09

shit show that we left a year earlier.

7:12

And we both realized really quickly

7:14

that, okay, we have a lot to deal with. We

7:16

have a lot to process and

7:18

move through around this

7:21

move, around the

7:23

mold, around

7:26

the fact that I was really ill,

7:28

around the fact that we had to throw

7:31

away and let go of almost all

7:33

of her belongings, the

7:35

whole journey and the very slow

7:37

unfolding trauma that that that whole

7:40

year was. We haven't processed

7:42

it. And we've been okay. We've had a

7:44

good year in Sweden. It's been calm. We haven't been

7:46

fighting. But we also

7:48

haven't been healing. And I think

7:51

sometimes that's just necessary if you go

7:53

through something really challenging. Especially

7:56

with a partner, you know, everything in relationship

7:59

is

7:59

harder,

7:59

of course, because relating to people

8:02

that we love intimately is gonna trigger

8:05

old wounding and insecurities

8:08

and fears that we've been carrying our entire

8:10

lives. I mean, that's just the deal. Relationships

8:13

can be a huge catalyst for transformation and

8:15

healing, and they can

8:16

also just bring up all

8:18

the old stuff that we feel. It's just

8:20

too much for us to to to manage.

8:23

So we got to

8:25

Aruba. Things got really hard. And

8:27

I was like, okay. Well, we need to talk to somebody.

8:29

It was just I don't

8:31

know anybody. I mean, I know a lot of you

8:33

listening,

8:33

you're married, or you've

8:36

had your partner for a long time.

8:38

And

8:40

there there has

8:41

been very few moments

8:43

in mine and Dennis' relationship. Where

8:46

we've arrived at like a standstill, where

8:49

we have all of a sudden, you know, we're

8:51

so deep in a fight or so deep in an

8:53

issue or a problem. Or it's like,

8:55

I can't see the path. You

8:58

know, I can't see the way out. Like, even in our

9:00

worst fights or just shittiest cycles

9:03

that we've been through, there's always

9:05

like a forward momentum. Right? There's

9:07

always like a fighting and a healing or we're going

9:09

through this stuff when we're talking about it and then

9:11

figuring it out and moving through it.

9:14

But what really felt or what we both really felt

9:16

when we got to Aruba was like this issue that

9:18

we have here, this old, unhealed thing

9:21

from over a year ago, we're

9:23

just stuck. Like, it really

9:25

was. We were just stuck. We got to place

9:27

where we couldn't even talk about

9:29

it. It was so triggering for him

9:31

in certain ways and triggering for me in other ways

9:35

that any time we tried to kind of broach

9:37

the subject and get back so that we can

9:39

clear things up and get to a better place.

9:41

We just got stuck.

9:43

And

9:44

that was kind of a scary place to

9:46

be because I haven't had that experience with

9:48

him

9:48

ever. I mean, he's

9:50

the love of my life,

9:51

the father of my Oh

9:53

my god. The father of my children. I've never

9:55

said that before. I've

9:57

only ever said that the father of my

10:00

child, right, or my daughter, but we're gonna have two

10:03

I am very committed to him, you

10:05

know, very completely one hundred percent committed

10:07

to him. And that feeling of, oh,

10:09

we have an issue and I don't know how to fix

10:11

it, like that is a

10:13

scary place to be.

10:15

And we've talked

10:17

about couples therapy for a long time. I

10:19

mean, for years. He's always been open

10:21

to it. I've always been open to it. I've

10:24

always had that idea that, of course,

10:26

it makes so much sense to go to

10:28

therapy together as a couple and

10:30

you don't doesn't have to mean that something is severely

10:33

wrong or you're about to get divorced or

10:35

something is terrible. It's an

10:37

investment in the relationship. The same

10:39

way I continue going to therapy for myself

10:41

even when

10:43

I'm not unwell, right?

10:45

Even when I'm feeling great. When

10:47

I have a good year, when I have a good month, like, I still

10:49

go because it's that continuous

10:52

investment in myself and I know

10:54

that actually some of the deepest

10:57

work I do I do

10:59

when things are going, when things are fine.

11:01

Right, when I'm actually steady, when I'm grounded,

11:04

and I can objectively look at

11:06

that that myself and my past of my triggers

11:09

and my stuff. And then, of

11:11

course, having therapy there as this steady

11:13

thing when things are really hard and

11:15

all of a sudden I don't feel well, I have that

11:17

amazing tool and that support system

11:19

to reach for. Right? So I

11:21

always knew, like, of course, it makes sense to do

11:23

that as

11:23

a couple, but there's something

11:25

about couples therapy that

11:27

feels

11:27

somehow, like, scarier.

11:32

I don't

11:32

know. And I'm not one to, like, shy away from

11:34

emotion or anything like that. I'm

11:36

an open book. I'm it's easy for

11:39

me

11:39

to go to a vulnerable space, but

11:42

I don't know why we haven't gone earlier

11:44

to be honest. If it's been hesitation or

11:46

fear or that we just felt like we didn't need

11:48

it or yeah. I don't know.

11:50

But I feel so good

11:53

about the fact that

11:53

we're going now that

11:56

we have someone to talk to.

11:59

So we've been doing

12:00

individual sessions each of us

12:03

and then a session together and then

12:05

individual sessions each of us and then a

12:07

session together. So we

12:09

kind of get to work through something together, and

12:11

then we get to go process it on our own, and

12:13

then we come back together for another session.

12:15

And

12:16

the

12:18

whole journey of

12:20

how we how

12:22

we changed our lives, like

12:24

how we got to Sweden. Is

12:27

very very fresh in my mind and in my heart

12:29

because we're talking about it a lot. And

12:33

I've kind of felt over the past,

12:36

it's almost been two years now

12:38

since we found out we had toxic mold in

12:40

the house and this whole unraveling

12:43

of our normalcy began.

12:45

I mean, it was March twenty twenty

12:47

one. So

12:50

over a year and a half ago, it's gonna be two years

12:52

and couple months.

12:54

the

12:54

And I've been talking about it so much.

12:57

You know, I've shared about it a lot. I've been

12:59

here in the podcast processing it a

13:01

lot, talking about it

13:03

with friends a lot, talking about it in therapy

13:05

a lot. But what I haven't

13:07

done, what we haven't done is I haven't been talking

13:09

to Dennis about it a lot. We

13:12

went through this thing it was

13:14

horrible and we were kind of forced

13:17

to go through it. And then

13:19

when we were finally done and it was kind

13:21

of over with we just

13:23

we just put it away. You know?

13:26

The way we do sometimes, the way we have

13:28

to, sometimes to cope when we feel overwhelmed

13:31

or like it's too much.

13:33

And when we got to Sweden, it was

13:35

just

13:35

it became this

13:36

thing that well, we don't have to talk about

13:38

this anymore. It's so sensitive. It's so painful.

13:41

Every time we go there, it becomes kind of a fight

13:44

in some way. Like, we have a very hard time

13:46

journeying

13:46

back

13:47

to that place in a nonreactive

13:50

way because we have very different experiences.

13:52

Like, we went through the same thing, but we experienced

13:55

it very, very differently. And

13:59

I've just

13:59

realized now through

14:02

through therapy how

14:04

how big

14:07

this whole thing actually was,

14:11

and how different of

14:13

an experience it was for dentists compared to

14:15

me. And even

14:17

though, and this is what's kind of hard, I think,

14:20

to balance, for me, the feeling I have

14:22

is that things are so much better now.

14:25

I'm so happy in Sweden. Like

14:27

Dennis is also very happy in Sweden.

14:29

He's not in the same place

14:31

as me in terms of feeling settled.

14:33

But overall, like, when I asked, like, he doesn't wanna

14:35

live in Aruba anymore. doesn't wanna move back.

14:38

He's not in that place

14:38

where, like, this was a wrong decision. He's

14:41

just still processing our move

14:44

and getting settled here. You

14:46

know? But for me,

14:48

so much is so much better.

14:51

So why would I journey back and, like,

14:53

complain about old stuff? Like, I'm just so

14:55

grateful to be here now and this amazing

14:57

plays in our lives. Like all of a sudden, we're pregnant

14:59

again and we're moving to a farm and there's

15:03

snow everywhere and life feels so

15:06

much easier and lighter and and beautiful.

15:09

And that, I guess, is why.

15:13

Now,

15:13

this older stuff, this

15:15

past stuff is surfacing because we're

15:18

probably ready to process.

15:20

Right? I think that's kind of how how

15:22

healing works. We can put things away and then

15:25

all of a sudden we find something old that we thought

15:27

we didn't have to deal with anymore. It

15:29

arrears its head when the timing's

15:31

right, and

15:32

we can choose to

15:33

answer that call and go, okay, well, I have

15:35

something unsolved here. Something

15:38

unhealed here. Can I in

15:40

little steps journey

15:43

back to that place to to work this

15:45

through? And once we

15:47

have and we've fully processed and

15:49

we've felt those feelings and we've moved

15:52

through it instead of around it.

15:54

Which is what we do when we put it away.

15:57

That's when we're

15:58

we'll be done. And

16:00

then life doesn't have to continue

16:02

bringing us that similar situation or

16:04

those triggers anymore because we're

16:06

done with it.

16:07

Right? So

16:09

anyway, yeah, this is just a little

16:12

little sidebar about therapy

16:14

and kind of where we are and because it very

16:16

much relates to this journey of the house and this

16:19

farm and everything.

16:21

I it's been a while since I had done this

16:23

on the show. I would love to have an on. I think we

16:25

need we're gonna do

16:25

more some more weeks of

16:28

just working through this stuff together.

16:30

He's also the kind of person who doesn't

16:32

like to talk about stuff when he hasn't figured

16:35

them out yet. So

16:37

yeah, but eventually,

16:37

I'm sure he'll come on and we can

16:39

talk about kind of like how this process has

16:42

been because I got a lot of questions from all of you,

16:44

from many of you, on social

16:46

media when they mentioned that we're going together,

16:48

like,

16:48

wow. And a lot of people

16:50

say saying a

16:51

ton. I I always wanted to

16:53

do that, but we never did. And

16:55

I think lot of couples have that in

16:57

common, like, we're all interested, and it sounds like

17:00

a good idea. But then, yeah, we're busy

17:02

in life happens when we don't go.

17:04

But I

17:06

highly recommend it. Mega

17:09

recommend it.

17:10

Immediately, all it took for us was

17:12

one session. And we were out of that

17:15

standstill. One session

17:17

for him to feel heard and seen and for

17:19

me to feel heard and seen and we were able to

17:22

yeah, to get the wheels kind of turning

17:24

again and that that forward momentum again.

17:26

I super super recommend it.

17:29

And you can find people online. Like, you don't even have

17:31

to do that thing where you, like, travel somewhere

17:33

and go sit in the waiting room and sit

17:35

in an awkward chair. Like, you can do it online and

17:37

just, like, do it from home. It's it's it it yeah.

17:40

There's so much.

17:44

Okay. So back to

17:45

the farm

17:48

and the journey the journey here.

17:51

So when we were going through

17:53

the whole mold situation in

17:55

twenty twenty one, we've

17:58

been talking about this in therapy,

18:00

but we basically found out or

18:02

what I had been suspecting for a long time that,

18:05

yes, we had talked molding the house and

18:07

we had to move out almost overnight. I

18:09

think we had two days and then

18:11

we were just out and we never

18:14

we

18:14

never came back. You

18:16

know, our our lives as we knew it in

18:18

this home that we loved was

18:21

just over and and gone. And

18:24

we had to move to yeah. We moved to an Airbnb

18:26

or or found a rental. And then

18:28

I think a couple weeks later, we came back

18:30

and we were wearing hazmat suits.

18:32

And we came back to clear out and

18:35

empty the house and get rid

18:37

of everything we own. You know, it was a very

18:41

highly intense process. And

18:44

figuring out how to remediate the house

18:46

and how to, yeah, do that

18:48

whole process, which took months to do

18:51

and also because we were in such a difficult

18:54

place just between Dennis

18:56

and I was so yeah.

18:58

For me

18:59

because I was so ill. I was so severely

19:01

ill. Like at this stage, I was throwing

19:04

up phlegm like I would wake up in the morning.

19:06

Shoking on my own phlegm to the point of

19:08

not being able to breathe. And

19:10

I would like wake up and go vomit. I

19:13

was so ill. And

19:15

beginning the process of detoxing and all

19:17

of this. And I was so worried about dentist's

19:19

health and so worried about LAI. It was just

19:21

very, very acute, everything. And

19:25

Dennis, of course, was super worried that we are

19:27

losing our whole entire lives. Like, we're losing

19:29

our home. We're losing our things. We're losing our

19:31

normalcy, our routine. He's

19:33

very much a man of consistency.

19:36

He doesn't like change. He holds

19:39

a lot of value and things he can tangibly

19:42

touch. So for him to

19:44

also letting go of things and items and things

19:46

like that is much harder than it was for me.

19:48

So anytime we would have talk about

19:50

mold. It triggered in me this feeling of

19:52

not being believed that I was unwell and

19:54

that I was sick. And it triggered in him

19:57

this feeling of he's losing everything and

19:59

like, I don't even care.

19:59

You know? So we were just, like, constantly triggering

20:02

each other, fighting. And it was just

20:04

a very, very, very hard time. So

20:06

we

20:08

decided that Leah and I

20:10

would go somewhere, just

20:12

go to get a break, go

20:14

somewhere where we could just, yeah,

20:16

get some space from each other and from the

20:18

molt and from the house and from all of this,

20:21

and that he would stay in Aruba and figure

20:23

things out And it was kinda

20:25

clear that, like, he can do that without

20:28

better, without me there interfering. And

20:32

and I needed that space to just, like, get away

20:34

from this whole mess. So we decided that, okay,

20:36

Leanne, I were gonna go to Sweden. I don't know how

20:38

we chose Sweden. I think I'd been

20:41

I've been missing Sweden for a little

20:43

while and it was April.

20:44

So I knew, you know, springtime and

20:47

summer

20:47

is coming and would

20:48

be wonderful to be with family and to be with friends.

20:51

And Smedes said, okay, we're gonna go.

20:53

And then Dennis would join us a couple months

20:55

later. And when we got

20:57

to Sweden, I found this little Airbnb,

20:59

I

21:00

think there's someone de risking me.

21:03

I think the owner's

21:06

daughter, someone in the family

21:08

who owned this little

21:08

Airbnb,

21:10

DM me and said, hey, if you're looking at because I'd

21:12

like I were looking for something.

21:14

I just had this vision.

21:15

Like, if I if I could envision

21:17

a safe haven from this chaos,

21:20

what I could envision was like a

21:22

little cabin or like little

21:24

red Swedish cottage. We

21:26

have these summer style, like call them

21:28

summer, like little summer houses all over the country.

21:31

In this very particular red color

21:33

with white nooks and white white corners.

21:36

And I saw it in the forest somewhere.

21:39

By a lake somewhere and I just envisioned,

21:42

like, forest and cold water and

21:45

maybe a fireplace, like things I hadn't

21:47

connected with or or, you know, at

21:49

all touched in so

21:52

long like I had completely yeah.

21:54

I was very, very far away from my Swedish roots.

21:57

From Swedish nature, from Swedish weather.

22:00

And then I got this DM. We have

22:02

this little

22:02

Airbnb. Why don't you check it out?

22:05

And it was gorgeous. It was this tiny,

22:07

tiny, tiny little place.

22:08

I don't know. can't remember how

22:10

small, but it was literally so tiny.

22:13

Like when Donna's arrived, he couldn't stand up.

22:15

Properly in this house. But

22:17

Liana, I went.

22:17

One of my best friends

22:20

joined us there. She was there like the day before

22:23

cleaning it up and stocking the fridge

22:25

and cooking for us. was so sweet. And

22:28

we spent two months, I think,

22:30

in this place. Out

22:32

in the middle of

22:32

nowhere. Like, we didn't have any neighbors. You

22:35

could be naked on this property all day

22:37

and just did exactly that.

22:40

Like swimming in the cold in the cold lake,

22:43

walking through the woods every day,

22:45

lighting fires at night. And

22:48

I think back at that time now and it was

22:51

so

22:52

special, like finding

22:53

that little slice of paradise.

22:56

Was so serendipitous. It really

22:58

was a falling in love

23:00

back with this country. For me, it was

23:02

a first time ever exploration of

23:05

Sweden for Leia. And

23:08

I just knew, like, this is this

23:10

is gonna be our future. I don't know how. I don't know

23:12

when. I don't know how we're gonna figure this out.

23:14

I didn't know if Dennis was gonna be on board. I just

23:17

knew, like, I don't like, we're gonna have a new

23:19

chapter somewhere. I know it's

23:21

not gonna be Aruba. I've given Aruba

23:23

twelve, almost thirteen years of my life.

23:26

I'm

23:26

ready to go back home.

23:28

And from that

23:30

moment, I started looking at properties

23:33

in Sweden. And in the beginning, I

23:35

would go on this app. I think it's the biggest,

23:38

like, home searching

23:39

app. And in Sweden, it's called Hemonet.

23:43

And I would just put,

23:45

like, as area

23:45

or location, I would put Sweden.

23:49

The whole country, like top to bottom, like, I

23:51

really didn't care. Back then, I

23:53

had no real, like, urine. wasn't

23:55

thinking I have to be close to my parents or my

23:57

siblings. Like, no. I just I just I

23:59

just

23:59

need, like, a little cottage on

24:02

a lake in the woods. I don't care where

24:04

it And of course, the further away you go from big

24:06

cities, the cheaper it is. So

24:08

I was looking I was looking

24:11

way up north, I was

24:14

looking, you know, an eight nine hour

24:16

drive from Stockholm. I I did not

24:18

care. I was like, I'm not looking

24:20

at this for social reasons or work.

24:22

I'm just like, we need to, like, be here and heal.

24:25

And then, of course, I was would also

24:27

look like close to Stockholm. I just couldn't see how

24:30

we would financially swing it at

24:32

that time. This was before yeah,

24:35

we had to put all of our savings to into

24:37

saving the house. And this was before we

24:39

even knew if we were able would be able to save our

24:41

house.

24:42

And it turned out really

24:44

beautiful because we were able

24:46

to save the house. Dennis turned it into an Airbnb

24:49

and slowly became source

24:51

of revenue for us. It it really was, like,

24:53

lemons to the most amazing lemonade.

24:56

And that was something we had never thought of in our whole

24:58

entire lives. Like, I had never in a million years thought

25:00

ever that we would even think about

25:02

renting our house because

25:05

I just I just it wasn't in my yeah.

25:08

I just never had that thought. And

25:10

then

25:11

then we didn't know that it would become

25:13

that kind of a blessing. So I was really nervous

25:15

about money and how would we do it. So

25:18

would just look everywhere, and then I had this criterias.

25:20

Like, I wanted privacy, so no neighbors,

25:22

and then I would search as close to any

25:24

source of water that I could find like a river

25:27

or a lake or the ocean or whatever

25:29

I could find. And I was searching and searching

25:31

and looking and looking and there

25:33

was eventually, you

25:35

know, as couple months progressed, and

25:37

then Dennis came and joined us in Sweden, and then

25:40

we spent the whole summer here. And

25:42

I started bridging this idea.

25:44

Like, I think our it doesn't have

25:46

to be be forever. I'm not saying we're gonna the

25:49

next choice we make is gonna be our long

25:51

term forever plan, but I think should

25:53

explore speed as a next step. And

25:56

maybe that's a year

25:58

or two, maybe it's five years,

25:59

you know, maybe it's just like

26:02

we settle there for months just to like figure

26:04

out what are we gonna do with our lives. But

26:06

I really feel like Sweden is the next place and

26:09

he loves it here. He always had a thought like eventually

26:11

will live in Sweden. We just didn't think it

26:13

would happen so abruptly, you know.

26:16

And we found a couple

26:18

of properties that we really

26:21

loved. We didn't visit

26:23

any. I'm trying to remember why.

26:26

Probably because we didn't have

26:28

funding. We couldn't see,

26:30

like, how we could get a loan for house.

26:34

Our old house wasn't generating any money yet.

26:36

We didn't know what was gonna happen there. So we didn't have

26:38

any kind of source of Yes. I think

26:40

we ended up finding a few places, but they

26:42

were pricey, and we just

26:44

couldn't see the path forward. So we didn't go see

26:46

something, but we knew what we wanted. And

26:48

for a while, this Airbnb that I had found

26:51

is the first place we went, I

26:53

was convinced that this is the place. Like,

26:55

it's not something like this. It's this

26:58

place. And the owners

27:00

started telling me that they wanted to sell and they've

27:02

been looking to sell for a long time and

27:05

Now looking back, I feel like they were leading

27:07

me on a little bit, to be honest,

27:09

maybe because they wanted me to really rent long

27:12

term. Or maybe because they liked

27:14

us and a little part of them wanted

27:16

to sell, but I don't think they ever

27:18

would have, to be honest. But

27:20

I got my hopes way up.

27:23

I mean,

27:24

I was visualizing and

27:26

journaling and meditating and

27:29

trying to manifest like it's this property.

27:32

And there was something about it. This property

27:34

was well, first of all, it was

27:36

on the water and it was almost

27:38

like a little peninsula, and it had

27:40

only a tiny tiny tiny little cottage on it,

27:43

really small. I mean, even there was just like

27:45

one like, loft to sleep

27:47

and and and in the kitchen and, like, nothing else.

27:50

But you could build. There wasn't there was a bigger

27:52

house in that property that had burned down and and

27:54

you could get a permit to rebuild that house.

27:56

But it was on this little peninsula, so there was

27:58

just a lot of

27:59

lake area

28:01

around. It was almost like you're on little

28:03

island. You can look all around. And

28:05

then there was a lawn, like a big

28:07

grassy lawn that led all the way down to

28:09

the water. And every day, Leah and I would go

28:11

barefoot from the house

28:13

just in our robes and

28:15

walk down to the dock and

28:18

go for a swim.

28:19

And as we started looking

28:21

at properties, we found variations

28:24

of that. We found something. Maybe it was to be really

28:26

hard. Of course, it's super hard. I mean, anywhere

28:28

in the world to find something that's, like, close to

28:30

the water or on the water. And when I

28:32

did find something,

28:34

it was never really that. You know?

28:36

It was like, yeah, there

28:38

it was rocky or there wasn't

28:40

a bit or or there wasn't, like, a lot of nature

28:42

or while there was always something kind of missing and I

28:44

kept thinking about that first property, like,

28:46

no, it's supposed to be, like, that, like, that feeling.

28:49

That barefoot in the wild feeling

28:52

with the water right there and

28:54

a forest Like, it became very particular.

28:57

And then this was like, you're never gonna find something

28:59

like that. Like, that's that property. You have to

29:01

broaden your idea of what this is gonna be.

29:03

And

29:04

yeah So

29:06

anyway, I just I think because I spent a

29:08

lot of time dreaming of that property

29:10

and visualizing, I

29:13

I was kind of laying the groundwork for

29:15

the farm, but I didn't know. Of course,

29:17

I didn't know. I had no clue I didn't know this farm, like

29:19

where we're ending up. Now, I didn't know what existed.

29:22

So anyway, fast

29:24

forward a little bit to the very, very end

29:26

of our trip in Sweden. So it's the end of the

29:28

summer. Lay is about to start school, we had decided

29:31

we're going back to a Rubikis, of course, we have our

29:33

dogs there, we had still like what's

29:35

left of our lives there, the studio, employees.

29:37

We knew we couldn't sustain. So we didn't and

29:40

we hadn't found a place to live. So where where

29:42

would we go? I remember

29:44

someone

29:45

saying, like, why don't you just, like, moving

29:47

with your dad or something. And I'm like, yeah,

29:49

fat, chance. Like, that is

29:51

just that's just that wasn't

29:53

even an option. Like, I love my

29:55

family and I'm really happy we live close

29:58

to each other now.

29:59

But

29:59

this was like an indefinite time

30:03

scenario and it would

30:05

have

30:05

been yeah. It would not have been good. So I'm really

30:07

glad we didn't, like, go for that as

30:09

an option.

30:10

But right at the very end

30:13

of this whole like journey. And

30:15

I'm looking at rentals. I'm looking

30:17

everywhere I can find just to find something in

30:19

Sweden for like

30:19

a year. And

30:22

Right at that time, my dad who

30:25

lives like an hour from Stockholm and he lives

30:27

right next to my brother and my grandpa and

30:29

my siblings are all here.

30:31

So it's it's like out in

30:33

nature, it's these beautiful areas, but

30:35

I hadn't even had a single thought

30:38

of yeah,

30:40

I hadn't been looking in that area because

30:43

I don't know

30:46

why. Now that I think of it, like, why wasn't

30:48

I already

30:50

choosing this as an area,

30:52

you know, maybe because I was a little bit nervous

30:54

to live closer to my family. I've spent ten

30:56

years with this big distance

30:58

between myself and my immediate family

31:02

and this side of the family, we get along

31:04

super well, but I always found we get along

31:06

better with a little bit of distance. Like, we don't have

31:08

to live on top of each other and, like, be in each other's

31:10

lives every day. Like, the reason

31:12

things work between us is because I have my

31:14

own life and I do my own thing and I'm

31:17

independent and, like, I don't need anything from

31:19

anyone, you know. So

31:20

I was hesitant,

31:21

I think, just even the idea of being here.

31:23

And at the

31:25

very end of the trip, I remember finally,

31:27

like, okay. Well, we wanna come back here.

31:29

We don't know where to live. So

31:30

I called my dad and I asked for

31:33

advice or for help. And

31:35

he is a land owner. He has a property

31:38

management company in this area. They have

31:40

two farms here. One of the farms is where

31:42

my brother lives. The other

31:44

farm is like an old ancestral piece

31:47

of land where

31:49

Let

31:50

me get this right. So it's my paternal grandmother's

31:55

grandparents lived all

31:57

on and ran that farm, like back in the

31:59

eighteen hundred

31:59

something. So

32:02

my great great

32:05

great

32:05

great, I think grandparents.

32:08

Have to look at how many crates. Yeah. But way, way

32:10

back. And my

32:12

dad is a quadruple Scorpio

32:15

with, like, all the planets in the twelfth

32:17

house. Like, he's very his his

32:20

astrology like, his birth chart is

32:22

fascinating. He's also

32:24

he also has a ground to train in fire. Like, he's

32:26

just like an interesting complicated human.

32:30

And a lot of his a

32:32

lot of his like, what he's created in his

32:34

life

32:35

really relates to ancestry, which

32:38

is

32:38

something we have so much in common now. We didn't

32:40

when I was growing up, but now I am all so so

32:42

fascinated and

32:44

really looking to have to set

32:46

roots in ways that connect with our ancestry.

32:50

And the fact that he bought this land

32:52

where all my great, great grandparents used

32:54

to live, you know, and it's right where they're buried as

32:56

well. And It's where our

32:58

family was from, you know, so

33:01

hundreds of years ago literally.

33:03

It's really beautiful.

33:04

And

33:07

and

33:07

says he has land in this area. And on some

33:09

of those farms, there's like little barns, and

33:11

there's little houses, and stuff like that. So I just

33:13

called, I said, hey, you know, we're really looking for something

33:16

And I've been looking in Stockholm and I've even

33:18

been looking, like, way up north and we're having hard

33:20

time. Like, do you have any ideas or, like, do

33:22

you have anything any of the farms has, like,

33:24

any little like, burn, we

33:26

could rent or, like, borrow for a while

33:28

while we figure stuff out. And then

33:30

he said, why don't you, like, come over

33:33

here and then, like, let me give you a tour.

33:35

Like, you haven't seen what we've done with the farms

33:37

and, like, with the space because I hadn't seen it in

33:39

years. So, like, what they're doing here now. So

33:42

we go we go in the car. He ends up giving

33:44

us, like, a three hour tour

33:46

just like driving

33:47

around the land and driving

33:49

around these farms and like

33:51

the areas. And I find out, like, all these things didn't

33:53

know was

33:53

happening, like, all the things that they're creating, they're making

33:56

a bakery is gonna be here, and they're

33:58

making a, like, a little

33:59

farmer's store here, and then they're

34:02

expanding this little, like, organic farming

34:04

over here. Like, he has a lot of really beautiful

34:06

plants with his land

34:07

that I

34:09

didn't know Like, I just knew he's developing

34:11

this land. I don't know why. I

34:14

don't It doesn't have like a clear

34:15

logical path because his path

34:17

really isn't in farming

34:18

or or or land development in that way.

34:21

And as he's showing me all of the space,

34:23

I just had this big, big, big

34:26

download of Like, we're

34:28

looking for the same stuff. Like, I'm looking

34:30

for roots, and he's apparently spent the

34:32

past, like, ten years of his life, setting

34:34

his roots where our roots already

34:37

were. And

34:38

we're driving

34:40

around these farms and he's showing us, like, there

34:42

was one little, very rundown house.

34:45

And

34:45

we went inside and it was, like, not really livable,

34:48

but, like, yeah, maybe we could do, like, a really

34:50

quick renovation here. Like, he'd he'd needed

34:51

a new floor. Maybe,

34:54

but it was really like, it wasn't

34:56

livable. Like, I I couldn't really see it at the time, but

34:58

it was kind of like a little option. It was right next

35:00

to

35:00

where my brother lives. And

35:02

I was like, that's so sweet, that's

35:04

so, like, kind, like, that you would offer

35:06

that. And then he says, well, you know, there's

35:09

this, like, complicated situation like,

35:11

at a property that's a j sense

35:13

to the farm. We can go look at it and

35:16

let me tell you the story. And it was, like, complicated

35:18

situation. He's, like, yeah. Well, let me tell you.

35:20

So he starts telling me the story as we're driving

35:22

over. So this is not on his land, but like

35:25

fairly nearby. So the

35:27

story is, and I'm gonna not

35:29

get too detailed

35:30

or personal here, but that this there was

35:32

a property on

35:33

the water that was owned by a family, and

35:35

there was two properties connected

35:38

as one, like a little property in the middle,

35:40

and then a farm kind of wrapping around

35:42

it. And a family had lived there for

35:44

thirty years. I think they had horses

35:47

and they were raising their kids and just

35:49

like a beautiful idyllic scenario.

35:53

And then in later years, the

35:55

dad of family came ill and

35:57

had

35:57

to go live in a home. And

35:59

the family

35:59

got together. They had all the children

36:02

had grown up and moved out and

36:04

the mom or the lady of the of

36:06

the farm was living alone in

36:08

the place. And they all get together and they decide, okay,

36:10

well, the time has come, you know, it's a big place

36:12

and she's living. They're all alone and it's better

36:14

for them to choose to sell. So

36:18

the children, grown up children

36:20

owned this smaller property in

36:22

the middle,

36:23

and then the parents owned

36:25

this farm that was kind of wrapping around it.

36:28

And they get together. They put it on

36:30

the market. They find a buyer.

36:32

And this buyer was some

36:34

guy that had beautiful

36:36

plan. He wanted to come. He also had,

36:38

like, grown up kids and he wanted to have a place

36:40

to retire

36:41

is the story I've heard. And

36:43

he was looking for, like, a big sized property

36:46

somewhere close

36:46

to the water where he could bring his kids and grandkids

36:49

and, yeah, like, have lots of space.

36:51

So they make the sale and this guy

36:53

buys both properties together.

36:56

And everybody's happy, everybody moves along,

36:59

This guy who bought the property starts

37:01

putting a lot of money into

37:04

the the first stages of developing

37:06

that property. So he gets architects and

37:09

they look into the water and electricity

37:11

and how to develop the land. And I

37:14

think his plan was to divide

37:16

the land into smaller lots. Which

37:20

to me just sounds a little bit weird, but it sounds like

37:22

that was what this guy was planning to do. And then

37:24

sometime into the sale being

37:27

completely finished and done, This

37:29

woman, the animal,

37:31

I'll call her the lady of the farm.

37:33

I don't know how else to say it. This

37:36

woman, she changes her mind. Or

37:38

something happens. And I don't know them, so I don't

37:40

know what exactly the

37:41

details here were. But

37:43

she

37:43

goes and she asks to have

37:45

the the wholesale reverse

37:47

which is really hard to do. Like,

37:49

I've looked into the legalese of this. It's very

37:51

very hard to do. Once you've sold

37:53

something and money has been transferred in the whole,

37:55

you know, papers sign, like, that's a done

37:57

deal. But

37:58

so she claimed that

37:59

her husband wasn't a

38:01

sound mind when the sale happened and

38:04

she went to court.

38:06

And claimed that this was an

38:08

unlawful sale that had happened. And maybe it

38:10

was, like, I really I I was not involved.

38:13

So maybe it absolutely was and it was, it didn't

38:15

happen the way it should have.

38:16

Or

38:17

maybe it did, and she just had changed her

38:19

mind and didn't wanna didn't wanna move anymore.

38:21

Like, no one knows what the story was. That's

38:24

so she goes to court, takes

38:26

the case to court and wins. So

38:29

which is really rare. Like I've spoken

38:32

to an to a lawyer about this, and he was just

38:34

like, this whole case is like a remarkable case.

38:36

Like, it's very rare that this happens in

38:38

in this full extension that it did. So

38:41

basically, this guy who had bought two

38:43

properties because that was the value. It's it's

38:45

like to own that whole little slice of lamb.

38:48

He had to give the big piece

38:50

back and then was

38:53

left with his little piece of land that he had bought from

38:55

the kids because that sale wasn't reversed.

38:57

So, of course, his whole dream of

39:00

what he wanted to do with that farm

39:02

just went up in smoke, and he wasn't able

39:04

to move forward. So what

39:06

had happened was is that I don't know

39:08

if he

39:09

knew a real turn the area or he

39:12

knew someone who knew someone who knew my dad.

39:15

And knew that my dad had a lot of

39:17

land in that

39:18

area that he was like developing and expanding

39:20

this like farm area that he has there.

39:23

And had called and said, hey, there's this weird situation

39:25

that has happened, this weird cell or

39:28

cell that was reversed. And

39:30

there's this small lot that is

39:32

surrounded by a bigger farm

39:35

that's owned by this woman, but there's

39:37

a small lot like in the middle of her lot

39:39

that is for sale because this guy wanted

39:41

to Of course, he wanted to get rid of that last

39:43

piece because he couldn't do anything with it

39:45

anymore.

39:46

And

39:47

then I asked my dad, and then what did you do?

39:49

He said, well, like, it's by the water, it's

39:51

like a beautiful place, and

39:53

it's really close to where we are. And I guess he

39:55

has this long term plan to continue

39:57

expanding in this area. I

40:00

don't I don't really know what his full long term plan

40:02

is. But so

40:03

he bought that, like, this little lot with

40:05

this little

40:06

little, like, kind of cottage on

40:08

it. So he tells me the

40:10

story we're driving there. It's kind

40:12

of a weird story, and it sounds

40:15

little bit like some gossip and drama. Like, I don't

40:17

really know. Like, who knows really what went down here?

40:19

But it's just complicated.

40:21

And then the end result is that he's

40:23

like, okay. So basically, we have this little lot,

40:25

but we can't we're we're not doing anything

40:27

with it. It's

40:28

surrounded by this farm where this woman

40:30

lives. We don't know her. Like,

40:32

of course, we're not gonna build something there

40:34

because, like, her house is literally

40:37

adjacent. And it's kind of weird.

40:40

Imagine

40:41

yeah. Imagine having a small property

40:43

surrounded lately by someone else's

40:45

property, and maybe the vibe isn't

40:48

so good with that part. Like, you know, it's kind of like a

40:50

like little bit of weird situation. But

40:52

he goes, let's drive over

40:53

there. And

40:54

you can see it. And then maybe, you

40:56

know, like, in a couple years, like, if you

40:58

decide you wanna live in Sweden, if

41:01

you wanna take

41:01

over this property or you wanna build something

41:04

there or, you know, like, maybe you could look

41:05

into it's very hard getting a permit

41:08

And this house that's on the property is from

41:10

the seventeen hundreds, so you're not allowed

41:12

to just tear it down. Like, it's like, has the cultural

41:14

significance. You have to restore or

41:16

preserve it in certain ways. But he's,

41:18

like, maybe we can just go look. Like, maybe it's just, like,

41:20

in that Like, just like a thought. And

41:22

then, like, okay. Like, this sounds crazy. But,

41:25

like, let's go. So we derive

41:27

over there and we

41:29

have to cross this woman's like house

41:31

basically which legally you're allowed

41:33

to do. Like if you own a property surrounded

41:36

by someone else's property. There has to be a road

41:38

so that you can access your house. Like, that's that's

41:40

just in Swedish, like, that's just

41:42

what it is. So we

41:44

get

41:44

there and we

41:47

see this little cottage and

41:49

it's it's

41:50

just a dream.

41:51

Like, it's just It's

41:54

weird because it's a small lot surrounded

41:57

very closely by another person's life.

41:59

So it's like, it was

41:59

very obvious. Like, we're not gonna

42:02

live here like that, but it was just like this

42:04

whole property is just like a dream. We

42:07

go into this cottage from the seventeen hundreds

42:10

and it's I've shared a little bit

42:12

of it like over the past year because we've gone there

42:14

a lot and it's

42:17

so beautiful. I mean it's unbelievably

42:19

beautiful, and it's surrounded by this forest.

42:21

And it's just it's

42:24

it has this really ancient wood fire stove

42:26

in there that you can actually cook on. I mean,

42:28

it's so beautiful, completely

42:31

unlivable. I mean, there's

42:33

no water. There's no electricity. There's

42:35

no you can't walk

42:37

upstairs because the the floor isn't

42:39

stable. Like, you know, you you couldn't move in.

42:42

But just the place. And I remember,

42:44

like, just seeing that, like, knowing, like,

42:47

this is not this is not gonna happen for us.

42:49

Like, this is not like it's dad's little property over

42:51

here. I don't know what he's planning to do it.

42:53

But I'm looking around that this is, like, farm

42:55

like, the surroundings of it. And

42:58

I'm like, well, imagine imagine living here.

43:00

Like, this is, like, the dream of all dreams.

43:02

Right? And this was, yeah, over

43:04

this is, like, a year at a half ago.

43:09

And

43:09

then how that whole little

43:12

how this whole

43:13

journey of ours ended

43:15

was that we found this

43:17

little cabin,

43:18

this little cottage where we actually live

43:20

now. And it was like a hale, Mary,

43:22

hallelujah moment, my grandpa's

43:25

old neighbor, where my grandpa used to

43:27

live, ended up moving right

43:29

as we were, like, looking for some place

43:31

to live. And we

43:34

were able to, like, get this little cottage which

43:36

is where we are now and it's so

43:38

beautiful and it's so amazing and it's like if it were

43:40

unbelievably. Like, it it felt like this crazy,

43:42

synchronistic thing. The week we were

43:45

flying back to Aruba, we didn't know if we could come

43:47

back because we had no place to live. Like, all of a sudden,

43:49

the people that had lived there for seventeen years.

43:51

They're like removing the houses

43:53

available now. So we didn't buy this

43:55

house. We fixed it up because

43:57

it needed some kind of some high

43:59

percentage renovations, and we have invested

44:02

in the space. Like, I've made a whole garden around.

44:04

Like, of course, we've put money

44:06

and energy into the place, but we don't own

44:08

this cabin where we are now.

44:11

And you've seen it on Instagram. It's

44:13

on a it's on little cliff,

44:15

so we have this unbelievable view here.

44:18

But it's tiny. It's so tiny.

44:20

It's the tiniest little cabin of all time.

44:22

We are on top of each other. You

44:25

know, Leia

44:25

has to walk our bedroom to get to her

44:27

tiny bedroom. If anyone is

44:29

upset about anything or we have a fight about

44:31

something, there's no place

44:32

to go. Like, there's no separate room in

44:34

the house. There's no privacy. The

44:37

kitchen

44:37

is tiny, and it's

44:39

just very cluttered and small.

44:40

Like,

44:42

if we weren't three large

44:44

people I mean, Leah's not large, but she's getting

44:46

there and three dogs

44:49

and three people who are very cluttered. Like,

44:51

we are very cluttery kind of people.

44:53

I try not to be, but it's just like we're not

44:55

the minimalists that I wish we

44:57

were. So we knew always, like,

45:00

this is not our forever house and we don't own this

45:02

house. Like our dream is to own land and to own

45:04

a place where we can settle and

45:07

we can also invest into the future

45:09

knowing that it's not gonna be taken away. Right?

45:11

And

45:12

I knew that making this

45:13

garden here or building this garden here.

45:16

Like this might not last forever, you

45:17

know, building these garden beds and

45:20

buying in the soil and spending hours

45:22

making the garden what it is,

45:24

but I always knew, like, we might not be here in

45:26

three years. So I'm doing

45:28

it for the enjoyment of now and

45:31

then whenever we move eventually, like,

45:33

I'll bring with me what I can, but, of course,

45:35

I I can't bring all.

45:37

And one thing

45:38

about this place where we are is

45:41

being on a cliff, like being

45:43

on a hill,

45:43

which is what gives you this beautiful view.

45:46

But there's no walking barefoot down to

45:48

the water. We're not like in the

45:50

forest. Like, we don't have this, like, you

45:52

know, trees all around. We have neighbors

45:54

really close by. There are certain things that don't

45:57

fit in with that, like, visualize view

45:59

that I had and where we would end up in

46:02

Sweden, which sounds very picky,

46:04

maybe.

46:04

Maybe some of you are

46:06

like, well, this is this is all.

46:09

You should just be so grateful for what you already

46:11

have. Like, I totally totally am. But when it

46:13

comes to manifesting a

46:15

dream, especially when it comes to long term

46:18

deciding where to live. Like, I I think

46:20

it's

46:20

good to be picky. Like, I knew what

46:22

that little

46:23

vision was of what it's gonna be

46:26

like to

46:26

live in Sweden. Like, I saw

46:28

Lanai walking barefoot to the water. Like, I

46:30

just I saw that. Like, I know that's

46:32

a part of it. Somehow, and

46:34

maybe it's not now, maybe it's a twenty year dream,

46:36

and it's okay for things to be long

46:38

term dreams. We don't have to think that we have

46:40

to manifest everything that we want immediate

46:43

like most of things don't work that way.

46:45

Now somehow, this

46:48

dream

46:49

ended up

46:51

being this. Very quickly. So

46:54

when we move to the cabin where we are now,

46:57

we, of course, like, I have this

47:00

farm that I had seen that I known as

47:02

owned by this woman. I

47:04

have it in the back of my head all the

47:06

time. And we've been looking, like, since we moved

47:08

in, like, we've been looking, we know eventually couple

47:11

years, we're

47:11

gonna grow out of this house, like, we need to move

47:13

somewhere else. And I've been googling

47:16

and I've been on this little app, but I have this like

47:18

farm in the back of my head all the time.

47:21

And then when summer came around, Dennis

47:24

and I

47:25

start going over to that farm.

47:27

Not not to her space, like not to interfere

47:29

with her space, but we

47:30

just started spending some time, like, in that little

47:32

property in the middle

47:33

because it's owned by my dad and we have

47:35

a right

47:36

to be there. And also, I really wanted

47:38

to get to know her I

47:40

wanted just to know the story. I wanted to know,

47:42

like, is there an in here or is this door just closed?

47:44

I should just, like, let it go and we should

47:46

go look in, like, stockholm suburbia, like

47:48

find another dream or something. And

47:51

we start getting to know this woman

47:53

just a little bit. You know, she was

47:55

kind of hesitant to to talk to us and

47:57

wondering, like, are we gonna yeah.

47:59

What

47:59

are we doing here and are we gonna

48:01

build something now right next to her. And I

48:03

was like, no. No. No. Like, we don't own this. Like, this

48:05

belongs to my dad, and we have

48:08

no plan. Like, here, we're

48:09

just like taking care

48:10

of this property a little bit. So

48:12

hold through this summer, like since the spring,

48:15

actually, Dennis has been cutting the grass

48:17

on that little property. Just

48:19

turning to the land, like taking

48:21

care of, like, weeds, some things, and

48:24

clearing out some spaces because it was really, really

48:27

overgrown. It was hard to even walk around

48:29

that property.

48:30

And of course,

48:31

we had a little bit of motive in

48:34

doing that. Just wanting to

48:36

have a little bit of presence there just to kind of

48:38

scope out the the space. And

48:40

then as we get to know her, she starts telling

48:42

me the story of kind of what happened in that old

48:44

sale and she wasn't ready and

48:46

it didn't feel right, and it wasn't right,

48:49

and then but now, years

48:51

have passed. Like, she is maybe

48:54

sort of ready to to sell her farm

48:56

and to to live closer to her grandkids

48:58

and stuff. And

48:59

that started,

49:00

ah

49:02

I think, a six month

49:04

maybe more, maybe

49:06

eight months journey

49:09

of us getting the thought of, like,

49:12

what if we could what if we could buy the farm

49:14

from her? Like, what if because

49:16

then we could be neighbors to my dad.

49:19

Like, that would be really great. You know? Like,

49:22

what if we could buy this from? What if she would want

49:24

to sell? What if? What if? What

49:26

if? And it

49:28

was an eight month journey because

49:31

she was so hot and cold,

49:34

and she would all of a sudden tell me, you know what?

49:36

I'm ready. I'm gonna put the farm on the market.

49:39

It's gonna go up here. I found a realtor

49:41

for it. And, you know, you can come to

49:43

the showing. I'll let you know. And

49:45

I was like, great. That's amazing. We're so

49:47

interested. Like, we love it here. It's

49:50

so beautiful. Just let me know. And then the next

49:53

day, she would be like, hey, I changed my mind actually.

49:55

I really don't wanna sell. And I don't wanna have a showing.

49:57

I don't want people here in my house. And

49:59

I was like, okay.

49:59

You know, if you ever do

50:02

decide to put it on the market, like, we are very

50:04

interested. So you can always, like, call me or

50:06

let me know. And then we

50:08

had those conversations

50:09

just back and forth and back and forth

50:11

and back and forth.

50:12

To the point of

50:14

demos was he was so frustrated. He

50:16

was like, you need to drop it because

50:19

it's not real. Like, it's just not real.

50:21

Like, this could be a conversation that you're

50:23

having for ten years. You know?

50:26

It's super clear this woman just isn't ready

50:28

to move. Like, if she was ready to move, this would be

50:30

on the it for a long time. Like, you know,

50:32

and there's already this complicated sail

50:34

in the background. So he just felt

50:36

like this is really like an unsteady situation

50:39

to enter in any at all. He was just like,

50:41

just let it go. And

50:43

if it's meant to be ever, like, she will

50:45

contact

50:45

you, you know. But

50:46

knowing me, I didn't let it go.

50:48

I was like, And the more

50:51

time, the more times I would go visit,

50:53

the more I really felt, like, wait, like, this

50:56

like, look at this, like, grassy path

50:59

down to the water. Like, I just closed my

51:01

eyes and

51:01

I see us, like, walking barefoot there.

51:04

I could see us having animals there.

51:06

I could see us like

51:08

it's the most beautiful place I've

51:10

ever seen. And

51:11

every time I set foot there, I

51:13

I would have this feeling like, I this is it.

51:15

Like, this is it. And we found that

51:17

first Airbnb in the beginning of

51:19

our trip to Sweden as a

51:22

way to, like, lead us here because

51:24

it's so similar, but

51:26

it's in a much better location. Like, it's right

51:28

next to my brother, Five minutes

51:30

from my brother, it's like fifteen minutes away from

51:32

my dad, fifteen minutes away from my grandpa, my

51:34

siblings are right there.

51:35

It's

51:36

less than an hour from Stockholm,

51:38

but it's still like very secluded. And

51:41

it's enough land that you could be completely self

51:44

theaning. Like, it's every dream I've ever

51:46

had wrapped up into one. And the

51:48

more I was thinking about it, the more I was visualizing

51:50

it, bigger and the more anchored

51:52

I became in the stream. And

51:54

I

51:56

have spent, yeah, the past, like,

51:58

eight months

52:00

journaling about this property every

52:02

single day. And I'm gonna I'll probably,

52:04

like, post some

52:05

of it on Instagram because

52:07

it's so it's

52:09

so uncanny when you've

52:11

had a dream and you're trying to make

52:13

it happen, but just in your mind and in your

52:15

heart. Right? And then

52:18

that, like, a year almost a year later, you

52:20

end up in that place. And then you get to look

52:22

at, like, when it was just a dream and then now it's

52:24

here. And I feel like that process was very

52:26

quick. Crazy quick. And

52:28

it's true what then they said, like, this could have been a ten

52:31

year process. This could have been something that never happened.

52:33

But I really have that feeling actually she wants

52:35

to sell. She's just nervous about

52:38

selling to the right people or the wrong

52:40

people. And I think the past

52:42

say, oh, probably was a little

52:44

fishy. I probably didn't feel good that this guy

52:46

was gonna split the property up into six

52:48

different lots and Yeah.

52:50

And it really is this sacred,

52:53

beautiful family place

52:55

where this family has been for thirty years. Like, of

52:57

course, it's sensitive. And

52:59

at that age, like, she's older, like,

53:01

changes really really hard. Change

53:03

is always that change is hard for me, and I'm thirty

53:06

four. Like, change is hard for all of us. Imagine

53:08

having raised your kids until

53:10

they're grown ups and

53:12

then lived half your life

53:14

in one place. And then all of a sudden, you

53:16

know, it's time to move. And

53:18

I think she felt that it was for

53:21

her mental health and for community and,

53:23

you know, it's impossible to take care of property

53:25

the size when you're almost in your seventies. Like,

53:28

it's just I think on one end,

53:30

she knew, like, it's the right thing

53:32

for her for her health and well-being and for the

53:34

family, for everyone, to move. But

53:36

it's hard, like, changes really hard.

53:39

And I think she wanted to get

53:41

to know us and wanted to get to know, like, what

53:43

are we gonna do with this property? What is our

53:45

plan? Are we gonna split these lots

53:47

up and try to sell them? Like, what are

53:49

we gonna try to exploit this place? Like,

53:51

what is the plan? And slowly

53:54

getting to know her, I was able to just explain

53:57

like my dream and it's a dream I've

53:59

had for

53:59

years is

53:59

to become self sustaining. Is

54:02

to so be a farmer even

54:05

though I I've never farmed in

54:07

my life, but like I I see that path

54:09

forward. Like I wanna

54:11

have a place where our kids can grow

54:13

up and be barefoot and be out in

54:15

nature all day every day. I

54:18

wanna find a piece of land to set

54:20

my roots and to tend to, like, to take

54:22

care of the land and then have that land, take

54:24

care of me

54:24

and return. Like, that's what I want. And

54:27

I really think knowing that

54:29

changed something for her or I maybe

54:31

it didn't. Like, who who am I to know?

54:33

But I I imagine it

54:35

could have.

54:37

Because all of a sudden, when

54:40

she

54:41

started becoming more assertive and,

54:43

like, yes, I wanna sell. Yes, I wanna yes, I

54:45

wanna sell, and we started having those conversations. And

54:48

then finally, we were allowed to come see it because

54:50

we'd only seen it from the outside. We hadn't seen

54:52

the house. I didn't know it's that,

54:53

like, farmhouse in a good shape? What

54:56

if it's full of mold? Like, what if it

54:59

needs to be torn down because it's terrible

55:01

shape? Like, what if we need major

55:02

renovations? Like, I didn't know.

55:04

Like, the the value or the worth of

55:06

of of really anything. And

55:09

we finally got to go visit

55:10

and

55:12

have a real talk and a real chat.

55:15

And it was so beautiful. I

55:18

mean, needed needed some renovations, but

55:20

minor. Minor stuff. Like, mainly paints.

55:22

The bathrooms need to be redone. But,

55:26

like, the floors are incredible. The

55:28

structure sure just to set up the layout of the

55:30

house is beautiful. The windows are amazing.

55:33

They've taken such good care of this home.

55:35

Like this these

55:37

are just very, like, caring

55:40

people who've taken care of this home and

55:42

this land in a beautiful way for three decades.

55:45

And,

55:47

yeah, finally, when she

55:49

decided, okay, let's go.

55:51

I wanna sell. And then the journey

55:53

of negotiating and then figuring

55:56

out logistics and money and the back

55:58

and forth. Like, when that started,

56:00

I feel like things just happened very,

56:02

very, very quickly. Like, it was just kinda, like,

56:04

it was, like, seven months of back and

56:06

forth of, like, will she, won't she?

56:08

Is it happening? Is it not happening? Is it right? Is

56:11

it not right? And then all of

56:11

a sudden, okay, it's happening in a boom. Like, it

56:14

was so so

56:16

fast. And

56:17

when

56:19

it became, like, it's real. It's

56:21

she's selling. Like, it's real. And

56:24

then it's it's not just a dream, but

56:26

it's like a dream coming

56:27

reality. That's when

56:29

I recorded that podcast a couple months ago

56:31

where I was like, I have some news. They're

56:35

huge news. I have something crazy to

56:37

tell you. And then I was like, oh, wait. I need

56:39

to ask Dennis if he feels it's okay that I announced

56:41

this.

56:43

Right? So I, like, I held my tongue,

56:45

and I was like, okay. Wait.

56:46

Wait. I'll tell you next week, and then I went to Dennis, and

56:48

he was

56:48

like, no. No. Like,

56:50

I know you're so excited. But

56:52

there's this saying in Pappiomeno in

56:54

Aruba. It's like no contact Gloria. It's

56:57

like you're not supposed to sing or

56:59

celebrate

56:59

before the deal is done.

57:02

In Sweden, we say, don't

57:06

call it until you've crossed

57:09

the river because

57:11

you might get distracted and fall

57:13

in. Right?

57:14

I don't know what what this English version

57:16

of, but you guys know. You know what I mean? Like, don't celebrate.

57:19

Don't call it before

57:19

before he's ready, like, before you

57:22

before you know the deal is done. And

57:24

he was so right. Oh my god.

57:26

He was so right. And

57:27

the moment I was like, okay, wait, I'll hold off a

57:29

couple weeks. It

57:31

kind of started, like, once the

57:33

deal was done, and papers were signed,

57:35

and money was done, it kind

57:38

of started this complicated

57:39

process where it was challenging

57:41

for her to move out. And I'm

57:43

not gonna get into any details around that.

57:45

But I did have that feeling all the

57:47

way up until we got the keys

57:49

that

57:51

maybe it won't happen. Just

57:54

a feeling of, like, maybe she'll regret it. Like, I'm

57:56

not

57:56

gonna force someone out of their home

57:58

even

57:58

though we've signed papers. Like,

57:59

you know, this is really important to me that this happens

58:02

in

58:02

the good healthy, exciting way

58:04

for both parties. Like, it's a win win,

58:06

which deeply,

58:09

like, I know in a very integrated way it

58:11

was. But it was very, I think,

58:13

challenging for her in the past, like,

58:15

weeks, in the past months just leading up

58:17

to the move

58:17

when it became very real.

58:19

And I have that feeling, like, maybe it's not

58:21

gonna happen. Like, maybe she'll change her mind.

58:23

Maybe it'll be very hard these months.

58:25

Maybe

58:26

yeah, maybe

58:27

she'll try to reverse the sail. Like, if that

58:30

happened

58:30

once before. So

58:31

we decided, like, okay. We're not gonna say

58:33

anything. We're not gonna contact

58:36

Gloria here. We're not gonna call

58:39

it until we have keys. Alright.

58:43

And It was two weeks ago. We

58:45

got the keys. And

58:48

it was, I guess, two weeks ago that I told you

58:50

about everything about both

58:52

baby and farm. Then it became like baby and farm.

58:54

It's all happening. But actually,

58:56

we've been kind of working on this farm

58:59

yeah,

58:59

since I knew it was it was it existed

59:02

a year and a half ago and then

59:04

actively, like, trying to acquire

59:06

it for the past, like, seven, eight

59:08

months, I guess. And then, yeah,

59:10

just two weeks ago, we got the keys, and that

59:12

is, like, hey, now you can call it. Like, now

59:14

we have the keys. We're here.

59:17

Like, it's it's true. It's real. Oh

59:19

my god. And, yeah,

59:21

now I'm able to to finally share

59:24

and

59:24

and and and be excited

59:26

about it and talk about it and be happy about

59:28

it.

59:30

So,

59:31

yeah, it's it's a little bit of crazy

59:34

story, I

59:36

guess. I

59:37

don't know. And I feel so I

59:41

mean, I feel so privileged. Like, that

59:43

is always that is sometimes

59:45

tells me, and he's told me in couples therapy,

59:48

something we've been talking about sometimes that

59:51

like, my ability to manifest something

59:53

sometimes

59:54

scares him. That's

59:55

something like, I'll get an idea in

59:57

my head of, like, oh my god. This is it.

1:00:00

And for him, it's just it's it's

1:00:02

it's too wild. Like, it's too big.

1:00:05

And he can't see the steps there, and

1:00:07

he can't see it's like a nice dream, but like how

1:00:09

on earth And my brain

1:00:11

works very differently. Like, I can have any dream

1:00:13

of anything crazy and I'm like, well, I can make

1:00:15

that happen. Like, we'll

1:00:17

get there. And I also don't know the

1:00:19

steps, but I have this, like, unwavering

1:00:20

faith in,

1:00:23

like, I can conjure things

1:00:25

up out of thin air. And I don't

1:00:27

mean to, like, some cocky saying that. It's

1:00:29

just something that I have been able

1:00:32

to prove to myself again and again. Like, if it's

1:00:34

the right thing, and it is the

1:00:36

right time and the intention is right. Like, I can

1:00:38

make that happen. Whether that's building

1:00:41

a yoga studio with no budget,

1:00:43

without a loan. Like, somehow

1:00:45

we did that or it's,

1:00:47

you know, like getting

1:00:50

married, like,

1:00:51

like, doubt for me. It was also this, like,

1:00:53

very crazy thing that I didn't

1:00:55

see how we would, like,

1:00:57

do, like, building this relationship

1:01:00

because I didn't have anyone who really

1:01:02

modeled a really healthy relationship for me,

1:01:04

but I could see it. I just couldn't see

1:01:06

the path there. Right? Launching

1:01:09

the foundations was also really similar. Like, I

1:01:11

wanna change somebody's lives. Like, how are we gonna do

1:01:13

that? Like, we'll figure it out. Let's go. Let's go.

1:01:16

But particularly when it comes to just

1:01:18

yeah, creating a project

1:01:20

or manifesting a space or a place. Like,

1:01:23

I and I'm really proud of that

1:01:25

ability that I have And

1:01:27

we've talked about it in therapy because sometimes

1:01:29

it's this point of contention

1:01:30

between us. Like

1:01:32

Dennis can be very he

1:01:34

always says, I don't know if you watch SNL, but

1:01:36

you know the Debbie Downer. Then

1:01:39

this can sometimes be the Debbie Downer from

1:01:41

the SNL Skip. Where I'm like, hey,

1:01:44

what if what if

1:01:45

what if we got this farm? What

1:01:48

if what if we moved to this like

1:01:51

five acre farm on

1:01:53

the water and we, like, have

1:01:55

a bunch of babies and get a cow

1:01:59

and we manifest this unbelievable thing

1:02:02

over here. Meanwhile, we're living

1:02:04

in a house that we don't own. We

1:02:07

have, you know, like house in a Ruba that

1:02:10

that we're that we felt like we were losing

1:02:12

everything from. Like, we don't have any belongings.

1:02:14

We don't have furniture anymore. He

1:02:16

doesn't have a job. Like, you

1:02:18

know, we have a lot of, like, little obstacles and

1:02:20

stuff. And he's, like, well, like, that's

1:02:22

not gonna happen. And then I get annoyed that he's,

1:02:24

like, that's not gonna happen. But he's just very

1:02:26

realistic, and I'm just

1:02:27

not, I guess. So

1:02:30

anyway,

1:02:31

sometimes even our process of creation

1:02:33

is so different that we end up having like

1:02:35

little fights or little issues around it.

1:02:38

And then finally, when I was like, oh my god, we're gonna

1:02:40

make this happen. Like, we are hard gonna make

1:02:42

this happen. We're gonna move to alone. And then is this like,

1:02:44

But wait, like, we we're not gonna have money

1:02:46

to furnish this house. Like, we're gonna live in an empty

1:02:49

house. And

1:02:50

I got so pissed. I was like, honey.

1:02:53

Like, we can live in an empty

1:02:54

house.

1:02:56

We can live like, we can get, like,

1:02:59

camping

1:02:59

furniture. And,

1:03:00

like, cook on the wooden

1:03:02

stove. That

1:03:04

doesn't matter. Like, can you hold the

1:03:06

fact that there is a possibility for us that

1:03:08

we're gonna manifest form and then just

1:03:10

like be super excited about

1:03:13

that with me, but he can get really stuck

1:03:15

in the but what if and what if and how

1:03:17

are we gonna and wait wait wait, you know, it's like

1:03:19

it's like overwhelming for him. And

1:03:22

I can see that because I don't think many

1:03:24

people's

1:03:24

brains work the same

1:03:26

way as as mine and his his

1:03:28

is much more realistic and looking

1:03:31

out for worst case scenarios and

1:03:33

what if we like what if we can't pay

1:03:35

for this? And what if all of a sudden this doesn't

1:03:37

work? And and I think it's

1:03:39

good to have both sides of that in a relationship

1:03:41

so that you have one with a foot on the gas and one

1:03:43

with a foot on

1:03:44

the brake. And then you meet somewhere

1:03:46

in the middle.

1:03:47

And now, of course, we're in this place where he's,

1:03:49

like,

1:03:50

he's, like, normally, when it comes

1:03:52

to

1:03:52

making things like this happen. He ends

1:03:55

up on board with me. Like,

1:03:57

with the studio, it was also a long process

1:03:59

where he was like, no. No. No. No. No. No. No.

1:04:02

It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna work. How on

1:04:04

earth? Like, you're crazy.

1:04:04

And then all of sudden we're

1:04:06

there, and it's kind of magical and he's

1:04:08

like, okay. I'm in. Like,

1:04:12

let's go, you know. Port.

1:04:15

Portman. Like, I don't know if he

1:04:17

knew what he signed up for when he when

1:04:19

he married me. But, yeah,

1:04:21

we definitely have an interesting journey of

1:04:24

of making crazy stuff happen.

1:04:27

But so so, yeah, so these past

1:04:29

two weeks have been just a mixture

1:04:31

of

1:04:32

like, renovating the house

1:04:35

in a little bit of a panic because we really

1:04:37

wanna be there before Christmas. We

1:04:39

can't we don't have space to have anybody over

1:04:42

for Christmas in the cabin where we live now

1:04:44

as soon as we seal the deal and

1:04:46

we got the keys. I grew

1:04:49

out of this house. Like, little things that

1:04:51

I felt

1:04:51

were quirky and cute, and it's okay

1:04:53

that I'm always decluttering and putting

1:04:55

things away, and it's okay that we don't have any counter

1:04:57

space, and it's okay. We don't have any storage space,

1:05:00

and it's okay. Dennis doesn't have

1:05:02

any office or, like, you know, we

1:05:04

don't have a proper clause. It's all okay. Like,

1:05:06

it's all cute. All of that stuff

1:05:08

stopped being cute and started being annoying

1:05:10

by the time we got the keys because I was like, wait,

1:05:12

we have a proper sized home that

1:05:14

we're moving into. Dennis is

1:05:17

gonna have his own closet. Like Leah

1:05:19

is gonna have a closet of her own. We're not gonna

1:05:21

have stuff in boxes in the garage anymore.

1:05:24

We're gonna have a kitchen with counter space.

1:05:26

Like, I can spread out and properly cook

1:05:29

without the whole place turning into mayhem.

1:05:32

The dogs are gonna have space. Like,

1:05:34

we don't have space for each dog to have a dog

1:05:36

bed. We just don't. And we have

1:05:38

to, like, alternate getting dog beds

1:05:40

from the garage putting them in because we don't have

1:05:42

the floor space literally for the

1:05:44

for the dogs. We've started allowing the dogs on

1:05:46

the couch, which they've never been on the couch.

1:05:49

They're fourteen years old. They've never been

1:05:51

a public couch. And now they're

1:05:53

on the couch because there is no place for

1:05:55

them to be And I'm not

1:05:58

complaining because it's a magical

1:05:59

place and we've been so lucky

1:06:02

that we were able to find a space and

1:06:04

that we didn't have to buy something that

1:06:06

wasn't

1:06:06

right or long term

1:06:08

rent

1:06:08

something and put down huge deposit on

1:06:11

something that wasn't right.

1:06:12

oh So

1:06:14

it's been beautiful to be here, but I'm

1:06:16

so ready for space, like

1:06:18

really for space.

1:06:20

Just to have you

1:06:22

know how like most people have like

1:06:24

a cluttered room or

1:06:27

a cluttered closet. Or

1:06:30

a cluttered corner or you have

1:06:32

a cluttered drawer. Like, everybody has

1:06:34

one cluttered nook of their house.

1:06:36

Right? Where where you

1:06:37

when you don't know where to put stuff, stuff

1:06:39

goes into that little nook. Right?

1:06:42

You have that, please tell me. I'm like, you have that.

1:06:44

Some people have a garage and, like,

1:06:46

the clutter goes there. We

1:06:47

don't have any nooks in this house

1:06:50

because there's no spare space.

1:06:52

There's not a single spare cupboard, like

1:06:55

every square inch of

1:06:57

this house has been used like meticulously. So

1:06:59

there's when you find something that's cluttered

1:07:02

or it's cluttered or it's like don't know where

1:07:04

this lives, there's no place for it to go. It's

1:07:06

just on the kitchen table. So

1:07:09

it's kind of like every time we're sitting down

1:07:11

to eat dinner, I am clearing the kitchen

1:07:13

table of stuff. And

1:07:15

then it goes back. Get

1:07:17

to the table. Yeah. It's been

1:07:19

a little bit of a And you might

1:07:21

ask yourself, well, why do you have so much clutter then?

1:07:24

I ask myself that every day.

1:07:26

Like, I really do.

1:07:28

I wish I could answer that. I just I

1:07:31

cannot answer that. But

1:07:33

anyway, we have now painted

1:07:36

and we have, do you

1:07:38

call it, we've done the floors. Like, the floors

1:07:40

needed a little bit of work

1:07:43

And and

1:07:45

that's it.

1:07:46

Like, that's all we really needed to do. Eventually,

1:07:48

we need to do the bathrooms, but we don't have time. We'll

1:07:50

do that sometime next year. And

1:07:53

I hope we can move in on Monday,

1:07:55

which is like five days before Christmas

1:07:57

or something crazy four

1:07:59

days before Christmas.

1:07:59

So we really are gonna

1:08:02

be moving in at Christmas, but just

1:08:04

the idea of we're

1:08:05

gonna be in a forever place,

1:08:07

like, on our farm

1:08:09

I could cry saying that because I'm

1:08:11

so grateful

1:08:12

and it's so and I'm also

1:08:14

so so grateful for

1:08:16

my dad. Like,

1:08:18

if he hadn't shown

1:08:19

me well, first of all, if he hadn't

1:08:23

if he hadn't taken the leap to

1:08:25

begin investing in land instead of

1:08:27

he spent his whole life investing in companies

1:08:29

and I

1:08:31

don't even know what he's been doing. Like, he's just

1:08:34

had he has an interesting journey, but he started

1:08:36

investing in land, like actual

1:08:39

land for this

1:08:40

very ancestral reason because he wanted

1:08:42

to be close to his roots he didn't go down that

1:08:44

journey,

1:08:44

like, we wouldn't be here at all.

1:08:47

We would be in an apartment in in Stockholm probably

1:08:49

that we, you know, we would be somewhere very different.

1:08:52

And if he hadn't shown me that property,

1:08:54

like, if he hadn't taken that little leap,

1:08:56

which he he keeps saying. He's like, I didn't I

1:08:59

don't know why I even went

1:09:01

for that little property because it didn't make sense.

1:09:03

It wasn't connected to his farm

1:09:04

or to his land.

1:09:06

It was just like he's like, I felt like it was something

1:09:09

like, I had the opportunity, I had the ability,

1:09:11

and it was, like, in my back pocket for a rainy

1:09:13

day. Maybe he thought he would sell it to

1:09:15

someone else at some point. Like, I don't know. And

1:09:17

if you hadn't shown us that, we

1:09:19

wouldn't have found this form. We would have never seen

1:09:21

it. Like, it probably wouldn't have gone on the market

1:09:23

in a way where I would it would have been even accessible

1:09:26

to us, you know. And

1:09:28

I'm so grateful now to be living

1:09:30

close to

1:09:31

him and close to my brother and that

1:09:33

we talk every day, and we see each other,

1:09:35

like, not every day, but couple times a

1:09:37

week, and we have this, yeah,

1:09:40

we have this bond now. That I really

1:09:42

have been missing for almost all of my adult

1:09:45

life. And

1:09:46

it feels so special that

1:09:47

Leah gets to grow up with

1:09:49

her aunts and uncles and her grandpa and

1:09:52

people who love her so much and people

1:09:54

who really

1:09:54

are her blood and her roots right

1:09:57

around the corner. You

1:09:58

know?

1:09:59

And I know now that we

1:10:02

will be walking barefoot from this

1:10:04

grassy path

1:10:05

to the water Probably

1:10:08

when I'm very, very pregnant, it

1:10:10

will be warm enough for us to be barefoot all

1:10:12

the way. I'm gonna be seven, eight

1:10:14

months pregnant by then.

1:10:16

And that's gonna

1:10:18

be a moment. Right? That full circle moment

1:10:21

from the first seed of this dream

1:10:23

to actually

1:10:25

taking that walk. And

1:10:27

I can't wait. I can't wait. I

1:10:30

feel so, so grateful, so

1:10:32

happy. So overwhelm. Like, I'm

1:10:34

overwhelmed with joy and positive it

1:10:36

positive stuff. I have that

1:10:38

little voice inside telling me it's too much.

1:10:41

This is too much joy. It's too many

1:10:43

good things. Something bad

1:10:45

is gonna happen. Someone's gonna come take this

1:10:47

all away. And

1:10:49

I have to keep quieting that voice and

1:10:52

saying no. No. Like, we do

1:10:54

deserve these good things. It there's

1:10:56

no such thing as too much of something

1:10:58

good.

1:10:59

And I don't have to apologize.

1:11:01

I don't have to justify. I

1:11:03

don't have to minimize. Like, I'm allowed to

1:11:05

stand tall in

1:11:08

gratitude and enjoy for for

1:11:11

what we have now.

1:11:12

And yeah, I'm well aware like it can very

1:11:15

easily be taken away and I'm well aware so

1:11:17

privileged that I even get to sit here having this

1:11:19

conversation. And trust me, I don't take a single

1:11:21

moment

1:11:21

here, a single thing

1:11:24

for granted.

1:11:25

I'm just really, really,

1:11:28

weirdly happy. This

1:11:33

was kind of a long story telling storytelling

1:11:38

story, but now you know the story of the form.

1:11:40

And I'm

1:11:43

gonna show you a whole full tour. Like,

1:11:45

of course, of course, I am. And,

1:11:48

yeah, in terms of this, like, cabin where we

1:11:50

live now, I think, two hundred people ask

1:11:53

me, like, is it for sale? Can I

1:11:55

move in? Someone else is gonna

1:11:57

rent it now. I just I don't know who

1:11:59

if

1:11:59

they wanna put it, like, out for rent,

1:12:02

I will let you know for sure. But,

1:12:04

yeah, I'm pretty sure another family is gonna

1:12:06

be renting here in in couple

1:12:08

months. But

1:12:11

yeah, so that's it. We

1:12:14

almost have our end of the year

1:12:16

practice is coming up. So we're gonna do a

1:12:18

big podcast processing this

1:12:20

year and then a big podcast the

1:12:23

big one that we do about the intention setting

1:12:25

for twenty twenty three

1:12:27

setting our intentions and goals for the

1:12:29

next year. So Those are some podcasts you

1:12:31

can look forward to coming your way

1:12:33

really soon. Until

1:12:36

then, thank you for being here. Thank you for

1:12:38

listening. Have

1:12:38

beautiful, beautiful week,

1:12:41

and I'll see you

1:12:42

next Friday.