0:00

Welcome back to the show everyone,

0:02

and welcome to the first official episode

0:05

of From The Heart of the Rachel

0:07

Briefing. Just a little reminder,

0:09

if you listen to this show on the podcast app, you

0:11

don't have to re subscribe or re follow

0:13

or anything like that. These episodes

0:16

will continue to show up for you the way they

0:18

always have. On

0:20

today's episode of the podcast, I

0:22

share the sort of hilarious story

0:25

of the craziness that went down

0:28

during the holidays for us here.

0:30

In our new house, on our new farm,

0:33

the magic and the beauty and the

0:35

craziness that unfolded as

0:38

we were trying to move in and get settled.

0:40

And I also share a little bit about how the beginning

0:43

of the year has been giving you some reminders

0:45

that if you've had a hard tough first

0:48

week, that is okay. A

0:50

lot of us have. If you haven't set your

0:52

intentions yet, if you feel unclear about

0:54

stuff, don't feel stressed

0:56

out. You can start in need time.

0:59

Whenever you are ready, you can

1:01

do this inner work. Healing

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and beauty and everything that you wanna manifest

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NYSE, SiPC. Hello?

1:44

Hello? My darling friends.

1:47

Welcome to twenty twenty three.

1:50

Welcome back to the show, and

1:53

welcome to the first official episode

1:55

of From The Heart with Rachel Oh,

1:58

I'm smiling so big. Just Just

2:01

getting to share that right now. I have waited

2:03

a long time to rename this

2:05

show and to actually arrive

2:07

to this very moment where I'm sitting right now.

2:10

Sharing this fresh new start

2:12

for this podcast. For myself,

2:15

I feel like twenty twenty three

2:18

is already sort of shaking things

2:20

up a little bit. I don't know

2:22

how the first week of

2:24

this year has been for you, for us,

2:26

It has been kind of a rough start.

2:28

It's been amazing in many, many ways.

2:31

Unbelievably amazing and also unbelievably.

2:34

Challenging. And I'm

2:38

gonna get into all of that and and how and

2:40

why. But before I

2:42

do, I just wanna I just wanna

2:45

say hi and that I'm

2:47

so so deeply grateful

2:49

that you are here with me today. That

2:52

you are following me throughout this transition

2:55

as we transition from the yoga girl podcast

2:57

to from the heart, which feels

2:59

for me like It feels to me like

3:02

growth, to be honest, like

3:05

a change that that really needed to happen.

3:07

I'm a little bit nervous about it.

3:10

To be honest. I'm Change

3:13

is Change can be scary, you know.

3:15

The younger girl podcast, this podcast, It's

3:18

a really strong podcast. We have a

3:20

beautiful community of listeners that

3:23

listen every single week no matter what.

3:25

And why change a good thing

3:28

that is working. Right? But

3:30

I really do feel like it's

3:32

time for me to grow in

3:35

to something that feels more like who

3:37

I am today versus

3:40

holding on to something that feels more

3:42

like who I was a couple years ago.

3:45

So thank you

3:48

for being here. And

3:50

I hope the holidays, I

3:52

hope New Year's Eve, and

3:55

everything that comes with that. I hope it

3:58

was deeply restful and

4:00

healing for you. And as I say

4:02

that, I smile a little bit because chances are

4:04

it wasn't I

4:07

mean, I really hope you had a super restful

4:09

holiday season. That you

4:11

came out of it feeling so full in

4:14

more ways than just being physically full

4:16

because you ate a lot of great food.

4:19

But I know for so many of us this is

4:21

and was a really stressful season.

4:24

I also feel like I haven't had a chance to

4:26

really talk to you from the heart for a

4:28

couple of weeks because we had, of

4:30

course, the intention setting practice was

4:32

last week's episode. Before that,

4:34

we had the processing practice where we

4:36

processed twenty twenty two. So

4:39

it's been a couple couple weeks since

4:41

I got to just share.

4:44

I love the practices

4:46

and actually this year, I feel like I

4:49

I had a bigger response than normal

4:51

years. I don't know. If it's just

4:53

the energy of of this time

4:56

or the podcast has grown a bit,

4:58

maybe that's it, but just so

5:00

many DMs and emails and comments

5:02

from so many of you just

5:05

really doing the practices with

5:07

me. Where I could really, really feel

5:09

this beautiful takeaway where

5:11

you did the work and you sat

5:14

for two hours you know, at your altar,

5:16

in your sacred space, and you did

5:18

every single prompt, and you really

5:20

worked through twenty twenty two, and then you

5:23

really worked into what you want for twenty

5:25

twenty three. And it just

5:27

makes me feel so happy, you know,

5:29

doing those kinds of

5:31

practices that's for me, it's work

5:33

in a different way than it is to sit down and record

5:36

this podcast right now. Literally,

5:39

recording this. It's Thursday afternoon. This

5:41

podcast is out on Fridays. In a

5:43

couple of hours, it goes live. I

5:45

had a bit of a busy day. And just

5:48

kind of running around little bit of a

5:50

crazy afternoon and then I just sit down and

5:52

I turn on the recorder and I talk

5:54

to you. Right? These this

5:56

show requires no preparation on

5:58

my end, but these practices

6:00

that I do at the end of the year always does

6:03

different kind of thing for me to record. It

6:06

takes more time, takes more presence, more

6:08

dedication, more preparation and

6:10

planning, which is something I'm in general

6:13

pretty bad at. So

6:15

it just feels so good to put

6:17

in that work and then see that beautiful

6:19

return of so many of you

6:21

loving it and seeing it really enrich

6:24

your lives. So thank you.

6:26

Thank you. Thank you once again. This

6:30

is my first time

6:32

just getting to share, you know,

6:35

just from the heart of where I am right now.

6:37

Doing it from the farm, which

6:41

feels just wild and crazy.

6:44

We moved. A lot has happened.

6:46

Okay? Since we spoke last. We haven't spoken

6:49

since before Christmas, you know, in this

6:51

way. So for me, a

6:53

lot has happened. We managed

6:55

to move. So we moved from our cabin

6:57

where we lived to the farm.

7:01

It's a real farm. I haven't gotten

7:04

to share so much. I've just shared kind of the

7:06

inception story of how we found this place

7:08

and how we ended up here and then how that whole

7:10

journey came to be over the past year.

7:14

And now we are finally here.

7:16

It was It was a shit show.

7:20

I gotta say it was definitely

7:22

I don't know anyone who's ever moved,

7:24

you know, to a new home. Where

7:26

it was smooth and just easy and

7:28

and not not a shit show. But

7:31

for us because it happened right before

7:33

Christmas we we

7:35

could have just waited

7:37

with everything and said, you know what,

7:39

let's just spend Christmas at the cabin and

7:41

just do keep it really small, just us

7:43

and sometime next year

7:46

after the holidays when everyone's back to work

7:48

and things are back to normal, then

7:50

we can start renovating and doing

7:52

the floors and painting and the things that we needed

7:54

to do. We didn't need to do, like, a major overhaul.

7:57

We didn't have to take down any walls. But

7:59

we've repainted the entire house,

8:02

all walls and ceilings. And

8:04

we had to sand down

8:07

and redo, like, not relay, but

8:09

restain, I guess, you call it, the

8:11

the floors of the whole house. And

8:13

there's different sets of flooring in different parts

8:16

of the house, so the downstairs has

8:18

the same kind of flooring, but it was done at two

8:20

different stages. Which

8:22

means just the floors are different. One

8:25

area is really aged and one is

8:27

not as aged. So it needed different

8:29

kinds of treatment and then up theirs. We have

8:31

three different kinds of flooring. So

8:34

it was just this kind of meticulous, complicated

8:37

thing to to get to do all the floors. And I

8:39

really really wanted to do the floors

8:41

before we moved in because it's one of those things you

8:44

can't. I mean, everything is

8:46

covered in dust. And, you

8:48

know, you can't do that well. Having

8:50

moved in. So before we put out got

8:52

all of our furniture and things that I wanted to have

8:54

that, because we could have waited and just said, okay,

8:56

hey, let's do this in month or two.

8:59

But we were just really excited

9:02

as you could imagine about the farm

9:04

to finally finally get

9:06

to move in. To have

9:08

all this space and this beautiful

9:10

house. I can't wait to tell you and show you

9:12

this beautiful house. This

9:14

house is I guess, let me

9:16

do some math. It's

9:19

four times the

9:22

no. Three times the size of our of

9:24

the cabin. So it's

9:26

not like a massive crazy sized

9:28

house. Like, it's a perfect sized house for us. We

9:30

just had a very small little cabin where

9:32

we lived for a year. So to

9:34

finally have space and be able

9:36

to spread out and not live on top of each

9:38

other and have a proper kitchen, with

9:41

counter space. I mean, we were so excited about

9:43

so many things. So we said, you know

9:45

what? Let's just haul ass. And

9:48

get this these floors and this

9:50

paint job. Like, let's just get it done

9:53

and then, like, move in before Christmas.

9:55

So it became this very of course,

9:58

it was a little bit delayed, very

10:01

hectic at some point.

10:03

I was, like, trying to move in

10:05

one room as they finished

10:07

one room at a time, which was just

10:09

very stupid of me and Yeah.

10:13

And of course, we needed to do a whole deep

10:15

clean of the house after all the construction

10:17

workers had been here. And here I

10:19

was like, well, this room is like, the floor is done

10:21

and the walls are done. So let me just, like,

10:23

let me just, like, move my office in. And

10:25

I'm, like, trying to show up with my plants

10:27

and my stuff. In the middle of this construction

10:29

site, and all these guys are just looking at me, like,

10:32

why are you here? Just leave. Like,

10:35

let us do our jobs. Let

10:37

us finish, you know. So we

10:39

ended up not doing that. And then

10:42

it was the twenty first. So

10:44

in Sweden, we celebrate Christmas. It's the

10:46

twenty fourth we don't have a big celebration

10:48

on the twenty fifth. Christmas Eve

10:50

is the center for us of

10:53

everything, not the twenty fifth, like in so

10:55

much of the world. So

10:57

the twenty fourth is our big day. We

10:59

had somehow committed to

11:01

a big Christmas celebration with both

11:04

sides of my family. Meaning

11:06

my mom and my dad. And

11:09

they don't like each other. I

11:11

was gonna say they've never liked each other. At

11:13

some point, they must have not completely

11:16

detested each other because they

11:18

had two kids together. Me

11:21

and my brother but it's

11:23

very rare to see them at the same

11:25

gathering. It's very rare. Like, I I don't

11:27

think we've had a Christmas together since we were

11:30

very little. If they can avoid

11:32

it, they like avoid each other. They don't

11:34

fight. It's not like bad

11:36

when they're in the same room. It's just not

11:39

natural and and easy. Right?

11:41

But because, you know, we were gonna have the farm and

11:44

we're the only ones with this big space

11:46

and I loved to host, so somehow

11:48

it was decided, like, yeah, Christmas at

11:50

Christmas at the farm. Like, that'll be fine.

11:53

That'll be fine. It'll be

11:55

it'll be okay. It

11:57

was not okay. Like,

12:00

it was not okay. We moved in on the

12:02

twenty first So

12:05

we had twenty first, twenty second, twenty

12:07

third. We had three days to get the entire

12:10

house in order. And

12:12

the amount of work that we got done

12:14

in those three days, like, I look at it now,

12:16

like, we just we would wake

12:18

up in the morning and just, like, not

12:21

eat. And just haul

12:23

ass. Like, all big. Just

12:25

haul ass. And because

12:28

we don't have a rush to get out of the cabin.

12:30

Like, we still have the cabin for a while. We don't have

12:32

to it wasn't like we had to get everything

12:34

packed up and moved in a day. Which

12:36

is really intense and hard,

12:39

but also kind of a relief because when you're done,

12:41

you're done. Well, we didn't have that.

12:43

We were like, we're just gonna bring over

12:45

the essentials and what we need to live

12:47

for the holiday season, and

12:50

then we'll do the rest. Right? Like, we'll take

12:52

our time. But because we did that,

12:54

like, that was also kind of not a super

12:56

smart thing to do. mean,

12:58

we saved some money not hiring, like, movers

13:00

and doing it that way. The cabin

13:02

is not too far away so we could go

13:04

back and forth kind of throughout the days. But

13:07

it means it's literally, like,

13:09

day is it today? Like, we're a week into twenty

13:11

twenty three, and we still have stuff

13:13

with the cat. Like, we haven't fully moved out of the

13:16

cabin. We're not done. It's

13:18

become become a forever

13:20

process that I'm just starting

13:23

to get worried. Like, we like, it's

13:25

never gonna happen. Now, like, we

13:27

need some sort of dead life because

13:29

it's a drag. It

13:31

really is. And especially now that we've kind of

13:33

identified, like, this is what we need to live

13:35

but then we have the garage over there

13:37

where I have my sauna and

13:40

we just have a lot of things that have accumulated

13:43

like they do in garage and I don't really

13:45

know what to do with them here yet.

13:47

So I'm just kind of waiting. Like, well, they can stay

13:49

there for, like, another few days. That's

13:51

okay, but then the days keep piling up.

13:54

And we still haven't moved. But

13:56

anyway, for these three days leading

13:58

up to Christmas, I'm pregnant. Right?

14:01

So had just made the commitment, like, I'm not

14:03

carrying anything super heavy. But

14:05

what I did do, I carried seven

14:08

hundred thousand things that were

14:10

medium heavy. Which

14:13

was really stupid, just really, really

14:15

dumb of me. And I realized

14:17

afterwards, it wasn't just the carrying medium

14:20

heavy stuff. It was the picking

14:22

stuff up and putting them down picking stuff

14:24

up and putting them down, then it would

14:26

bring boxes over from the cabin. I

14:28

would bring the boxes into the house. And

14:31

then, like, unpack them and

14:33

put everything in its place, which just meant this,

14:35

like, constant. And I was trying to do,

14:37

like, this constant bending over And

14:39

I was trying to keep good posture and

14:41

long spine, and I was trying to squat

14:44

more than bending over. But at a

14:46

certain point, like, you kind of

14:48

like muscle memory takes over and you just do

14:50

what you do. Right? Like

14:52

I kind of lost that

14:55

well intention idea. To

14:58

gym squat my way through unpacking

15:00

an entire house. So I

15:02

started feeling on day two like my back

15:04

wasn't doing super well. And

15:07

not normally when I hurt my

15:09

back, I have a tension in my upper

15:11

mid back. That's where things tend to

15:13

center for me. But this is my lower

15:15

back, like, typical pregnancy area,

15:17

like, lower back, pelvis, like, that whole area.

15:19

And I just felt second day, like, like,

15:23

this something is not, like, great,

15:25

but it's okay. Like, I'm not in pain. It's

15:27

it's okay. It's just that's just a feeling, like,

15:30

not not super. And

15:32

then on the twenty third, we decided,

15:34

like, we kind of have to call it, like, halfway

15:36

through the day. We knew we were

15:38

gonna have to cook for twenty people. We had

15:40

twenty people coming over. We had

15:42

the beds in. We had,

15:44

like, the most important stuff Like, we moved

15:47

the dogs over, of course, the

15:50

couches. Like, maybe we just we got

15:52

the basics in. Dining table we

15:54

had already. We bought it from the lady that

15:56

had the house before us. So certain

15:58

things like where it it was like, okay. It was like

16:00

pretty moved in. We can do

16:02

this here. We're gonna have to pause,

16:04

like, put the rest of them pause, and

16:07

go, like, get Christmas ready.

16:10

We hadn't finished our final Christmas shopping.

16:12

Like, we didn't have time I

16:14

I had a lot of things to cook, and

16:16

I like to cook majority of everything the

16:18

day before Christmas so that it's very easy.

16:21

Just take it out and heat it. For Christmas Eve

16:23

and everybody's there. I had

16:25

whole plan. Right? And

16:28

for that at, like, that morning, I

16:30

woke up in the morning walking

16:33

around the house. Like, everyone was kind of

16:35

sleeping still. I was waking up really early,

16:38

and it just felt like a home for

16:40

the first time. We were,

16:42

like, moved in enough that it's starting to get

16:44

cozy. Like, I had that first moment

16:47

to myself of, like, wow. Like, we're

16:49

here. It's not just moving madness

16:52

anymore, but we're here. We'd wait

16:54

for doing it. And

16:56

I sit down, I, like, set up my

16:58

tea table for the first time in our new

17:00

living room downstairs where I'd never

17:02

had tea. We have a fireplace there.

17:05

It's so cozy. I had the most beautiful

17:07

tea and

17:10

pulled a card for the season. Like, I'm just

17:12

feeling so such relief.

17:15

And then I bow out of the ceremony. And when

17:17

it time, I could just go to stand up.

17:19

I turn around to kind of put my hand

17:21

on the floor to support myself going up

17:24

and in the turn. I just

17:26

hear, like, a little, like, click. I

17:30

swear, I could hear it. Like, I could hear

17:32

my lower back going. Nope.

17:36

And my whole

17:38

body gave out, like my

17:40

whole my whole system just

17:43

went, nope. Like that's it. And

17:48

it was a really bizarre thing for

17:50

me because when my upper

17:52

back, which is my whole life,

17:54

that's been where things happen. The

17:57

upper back, it's horrible when I get that pain

17:59

there, but I can still manage my

18:01

life. I just I look

18:03

like a robot. I get really tense and stiff

18:05

in my shoulders and my neck. And

18:07

it's rare. Like, it happens like once a year

18:10

these days that I get kind of pain. I used to have

18:12

it all the time. Now it's like once

18:14

a year I get that kind of paralyzing pain

18:16

and it's always in connection

18:18

to me feeling pressure or

18:21

there's always an emotional energetic

18:23

journey there. You know, it's never just this one

18:26

thing. But this was

18:28

different. This is lower back pain. I

18:30

never have lower back stuff.

18:33

I've never that's never really been my source

18:35

of of pain or struggle. Even

18:37

with Leia, with Leia, when I was pregnant

18:39

with her, at the very end, I

18:41

got this pelvic pain, which made it

18:43

very hard for me to walk. And that

18:46

was the very, very end where

18:48

I just I felt I was really heavy. She was really

18:50

heavy. was a lot for me to carry. But

18:53

lower back stuff. Like, I've never really had

18:55

that. And what it did for me,

18:57

and I'm sure everyone listening, because lower back

18:59

pain is so common especially in

19:01

pregnancy and after pregnancy and

19:04

as we get older and just life. So

19:07

you can all relate if you've had that kind of paint.

19:09

I was in mobile. III

19:12

couldn't even like fake it. I couldn't

19:14

even I couldn't I couldn't

19:16

not ignore the

19:19

signals my body was sending me, which

19:21

is something I can actually do when it's my

19:23

upper back. I can kind of pretend like

19:25

this is fine. I'm just gonna robotically move

19:28

through my life. Like, I would still be able to stand

19:30

and walk and do stuff.

19:32

It's just it's it's painful and hard

19:34

and horrible, but I can do it, you know.

19:37

Now it was my lower back. I

19:39

had to, like, go lie on the floor and it was

19:41

so painful to get to the floor.

19:44

I couldn't stand. I couldn't I I there

19:46

was no position that wasn't just

19:48

excruciating agony. And

19:51

I end up on the floor and I, like,

19:54

like, wiggle, like, scooch myself

19:56

over to a chair and I put my caps

19:59

on the chair. So I'm in this like ninety ninety position,

20:01

which is which is what I teach

20:03

people to do in yoga class

20:05

if you have if you have lower back

20:07

pain. And I I made it

20:10

there and I couldn't get

20:12

back up. And this

20:14

has never happened to me. Like, I couldn't

20:17

get off the floor. And

20:19

this was the day where I was supposed to do

20:21

all the Christmas cooking. I was supposed to

20:23

finish all the Christmas shopping, like all the

20:26

details for this gathering. And

20:28

I had a big plan of what to make

20:30

that day. I even I was gonna set table

20:32

the day before all the things I could do the

20:34

day prior, so we could just enjoy Christmas

20:37

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20:39

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20:41

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20:44

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That's better help HELP

21:59

dot com slash yoga girl. I

22:02

was very lucky because my sister, Kaja,

22:04

she was visiting me. She's from

22:07

Latvia. Well, she's kind of from all over the place,

22:09

but she lives in Holland if you

22:11

follow me on Instagram, she's my opera

22:13

singing sister. I have so many sisters,

22:16

but she's the one that studies

22:18

at the conservatory in the Hague in

22:20

the Netherlands. And she yeah. She's a singer.

22:23

That's that's that's what she does. And

22:26

she was here visiting, which was

22:28

just like a lifesaver. So

22:30

I ended up on, you know, the day before

22:32

Christmas, lying on the floor,

22:35

yelling instructions at her for

22:37

how to cook the many Swedish

22:39

things that we had to make for Christmas that

22:41

she has never cooked in her life. And,

22:44

I mean, she's young, like she's twenty

22:47

five, she's you know,

22:49

she's gonna be twenty five this year. She

22:52

hasn't it's a different thing when you've cooked

22:55

your whole life and you've cooked for a family your

22:57

whole life and versus like being a

22:59

student and you're cooking for one person or

23:01

for yourself. And we

23:03

we chose it it became

23:06

like a it became a family drugul.

23:08

This whole this whole thing. And I'm

23:10

trying to yell instructions. He's like, I'll help you.

23:13

I'll make the meatballs and we make, like,

23:15

Swedish meatballs. Like, they're kind of famous.

23:17

Swedish meatballs. And for

23:19

Christmas, yeah, they're a center

23:21

of what we do. I make them

23:24

in a certain way, the way my grandma used to make

23:26

them and And I

23:28

was like lying in another room adjacent

23:30

to the kitchen, and I couldn't get off

23:32

the floor because I couldn't move anywhere else.

23:35

And I'm like yelling at her what to do

23:37

step by step and I sent her the recipe

23:40

text that she's trying her

23:42

best but she's so meticulously trying

23:45

not to mess anything up, like, trying to

23:48

to get it right. So it's like taking a

23:50

very, very, very long time. She's

23:52

still slowly slowly. And I'm

23:54

lying there on the floor, getting more

23:56

and more frustrated. I mean, I was really

23:58

grateful she was there to help me, but I was

24:00

so stressed out. I just knew

24:03

this is gonna be a disaster. Like, we're not gonna

24:05

have anything ready. Everything is

24:07

chaos. Nothing is working. Like,

24:10

it's just it's just madness. And I'm getting

24:12

more and more frustrated, and

24:14

she's taking more and more time because

24:16

the more frustrated I got the

24:18

more cautious she became that she was

24:20

gonna do it perfectly, you know, instead

24:22

of just kind of getting it together. So,

24:25

like, five hours later, is she still making

24:27

meatballs? And I was just like

24:29

crying on the floor.

24:32

Just oh my god. Like, full

24:34

long. Like, I was just crying. Like, this is just,

24:37

like, it's not we're not gonna have a Christmas. Like,

24:39

we're not. Like, if I can't

24:41

rally and do what we have to do, like,

24:43

it's not gonna happen. Like, that's just what it is.

24:46

And I took this on. It's my responsibility.

24:48

It's I'm the host like, oh,

24:51

you know. So at a certain point, I like

24:53

drag myself to the kitchen and

24:55

I start making we make these thin

24:57

breads. They're also it's

24:59

like a family recipe. I don't know who

25:01

passed it to my mom, but I do it the way my mom

25:04

does it. And It's

25:06

delicious. We use rye flour and

25:08

you use kind of like a it's like a

25:10

syrup. It's like a syrupy tasting

25:13

bread. Like a sugar beet syrup.

25:16

We use anise and fennel.

25:19

It's a and and a kefir

25:22

in it. It's so delicious. Like, it's so so

25:24

so good, and it's for me the most important

25:26

part of the Christmas table of the food. It's

25:28

this thin bread that we it's like a flat

25:31

bread, but thin, we call them thin breads.

25:34

And I'm on the floor making

25:36

this dough. And

25:40

then I'm like, half

25:42

seated. Like, I managed to, like, drag myself

25:45

halfway, so I'm leaning against the kitchen,

25:47

like, a cupboard thing that we have on the floor. Lord,

25:49

the kitchen island. And I'm

25:51

rolling these breads and flattening

25:53

them out, and then I'm like throwing them up

25:55

on the kitchen eyelid one at a time because I

25:57

couldn't reach, you know. And

26:00

they're just ending up all over the place and

26:03

and they were there for way too long,

26:05

like something else happened that I had to try to

26:07

figure out. And then finally,

26:09

like, the the baking soda ended up

26:12

dying. Like, it's just, like, my

26:14

whole, like, the yeast, the whole the

26:16

the dough just died. It's not a yeast

26:18

dough, but it's like a baking soda dough.

26:20

Yeah. It just died. Like, they wouldn't

26:22

fluff up. Like, they wouldn't fries the way they

26:24

normally do in the pan. And every

26:28

single thing I tried to half heartedly

26:30

do became a disaster.

26:33

Like, nothing was really nothing

26:35

nothing was working. Then

26:38

our worst moment in all of this

26:40

is, like, my brother shows up, like, I call

26:43

and I beg him, please. We

26:45

didn't have a Christmas tree. That was the thing.

26:47

And he had promised me for a week that he was

26:49

gonna go cut a Christmas tree from the property

26:52

or from the forest. It's

26:55

like we have a my dad owns the part

26:57

of the forest on the other side of of

26:59

kind of where we are. And he

27:01

was gonna go kind of Christmas tree down

27:04

And he promised me for a week. And every week, he's

27:06

like, I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. And

27:08

then finally, it's the day before Christmas, we don't

27:10

have a tree. And I'm calling him.

27:12

I'm like, you get in the car right

27:15

now. You go find us

27:17

a beautiful tree and then you have to come here

27:19

and help me decorate because I can't I

27:21

I can eat your help with stuff. You gotta come over.

27:24

And when he comes with this tree, and

27:28

it's like, it's a beautiful tree. I'm

27:31

on the floor and he just walks in and he's like, oh,

27:33

you're not you're not doing too well.

27:35

And I'm like, no. Like

27:39

like, this is your Christmas too. Like, do you

27:41

think you could come, like, come help out?

27:43

He walks to the kitchen and he sees my sister,

27:45

like, struggling with the meatballs still.

27:49

And he tells her, oh, caughtcha.

27:51

You're making the meatballs. No pressure.

27:53

It's just the single most important

27:56

thing on the Christmas table

27:58

tomorrow. So if you fuck this up,

28:00

you fuck up Christmas. And

28:05

she's such a sensitive soul.

28:08

Like, she's a Virgo. She's just

28:11

She's just a perfectionist. Right? And this

28:13

was just something that, like, she it was hard.

28:16

And he tells her that, like, don't fuck

28:18

it'll give you fuck this up, you fuck up Christmas,

28:20

and she just starts balling.

28:25

And she's crying into

28:28

the meatballs. They're burning.

28:31

I'm on the floor, throwing dough

28:33

at stuff. Like, my brother is, like,

28:36

dragging this tree that's, like, way

28:38

too big for the for the house.

28:40

Through the house, Leia comes

28:42

in, like, she hasn't had lunch, like, no

28:45

one's fed her. It's just,

28:47

like, dogs are barking, and then

28:49

this is, like, lost somewhere trying to

28:51

pick up a gift. Two hours

28:53

away. Like, it's just it was just, like,

28:55

the the biggest

28:57

issue of all time. Certain

29:00

point. I was like, we gotta

29:03

we gotta call it. Like, we have to just

29:05

like, we need to just, like, hug

29:08

now. Let's just I

29:10

can't go to my sister. I'm like, we need to just can

29:12

we just, like, hug it out? Like, I'm so sorry

29:14

like this. The stress of this

29:16

is just like not. This is not what Christmas

29:18

is supposed to be, you know. And we,

29:21

like, hug, and we cry, and we

29:23

laugh, and then we're like, okay. Well, fuck

29:25

it. Just fuck it. Like, what's the worst

29:27

thing that can happen? Like, it's Christmas Eve tomorrow.

29:30

People are showing up, like my grandpa's coming,

29:32

my mom, my other siblings, my dad,

29:34

and all the siblings from his side. Like,

29:37

There's a bunch of people and bunch of grown ups

29:39

coming tomorrow, they'll help.

29:42

We'll figure this out. Like, we go to bed. It's

29:44

midnight at this point. And

29:48

of course, yeah, of course, we had, like,

29:50

gifts to wrap, and that

29:52

was something that had to happen. Like, if that

29:54

didn't happen, then Leia would wake up and

29:56

there's no gifts under the tree. You know, there's certain

29:58

things you couldn't like, I couldn't compromise on.

30:01

And I'm just dragging myself through these tasks

30:03

to get it done, to get it done for her,

30:05

for her. All I can think is, like,

30:08

as long as it's good for Leia, like,

30:10

as long as she gets the Christmas, like, then

30:12

it's fine. Like, I don't need the magic.

30:14

The magic is not gonna come my way this year.

30:16

And that's okay. Like, we have the magic of this

30:19

place in this house, and that's gonna settle,

30:22

like, that's our Christmas gift. You know? And I told

30:24

Dennis, like, to screw the gifts. Like,

30:27

this is, skip it. Next

30:30

day. Of course, we

30:32

have, like, a very sweet morning. I

30:35

couldn't get down the stairs. Like, then it's had

30:37

to help me down the stairs. Because I'm in so

30:39

much pain, just agony. But

30:42

Leia is overjoyed because Santa

30:44

had been there in the night and now there's so many

30:46

presents under the tree and She's,

30:48

you know, she's a child on Christmas morning.

30:50

Like, she's so happy. We

30:52

have a really sweet breakfast. We took it easy

30:54

in the morning. My brother comes over. And

30:57

I'm like, you know what? I think it's gonna be It's

30:59

all gonna be fine, actually. And

31:01

then people start showing up

31:04

and I realize we don't have

31:06

like, there's a lot of food that we don't have.

31:09

Like, just all the things that I

31:11

said yesterday, fuck it. We'll figure it

31:13

out. Like, we didn't figure them out. Like, we didn't

31:15

we we didn't have time. There was there was no

31:17

way. So people started coming and

31:19

I'm like, I need help. Can everybody please,

31:21

please, please help me. We need

31:23

to cook. We need to do this. We need to do that.

31:26

And I was alternating between standing.

31:28

I could stand for like ten minutes. And

31:30

then I would be in too much pain and I had to

31:32

sit and then could sit for ten minutes and

31:35

then that would hurt too much and I had to kind of and

31:37

then at some point, I had to go lie down and just give

31:39

up. You know, and then I would cycle through

31:41

those stages just in so much pain all

31:43

the time. And we're cooking and

31:45

we're cooking and we're cooking and it's like we're

31:47

two hours late for for for the food,

31:50

but it's it was okay. Like, everyone was helping

31:52

and it's all gonna be fine.

31:55

Like, the mood was really good. Everyone,

31:57

like my my Brathen, my younger brother

31:59

kept saying, this is the coziest Christmas

32:02

ever. Like, I'm so glad we get

32:04

to have a real Christmas again. You

32:06

know, we're on the farm. There's snow outside.

32:08

Everything is fine. We're getting

32:11

hungrier and hungrier because food is so

32:13

late. Like, we normally eat at one. And

32:15

now it's like pushing three o'clock, but it's fine.

32:18

Like, it's fine. We're gonna eat we're gonna eat right

32:20

at the peak. Right

32:23

at the peak. Of of everything.

32:26

When everything, like, has to come together, the

32:29

electricity went out. And

32:34

at this point, we have, like, half the

32:36

family are just kind of sitting in a room

32:38

starving and half the family

32:40

are just holling ass in the kitchen, trying

32:42

to get everything together and electricity

32:45

when we're just using, we're using the oven,

32:47

we're using every single part

32:49

of the stovetop. Like, we have

32:51

it's freezing outside. We have all the the heaters

32:54

on. Like, it's just so much electricity going. We've

32:56

never lived in this house before. We don't know.

32:59

Really how much power certain,

33:01

you know, areas of the house can take, electricity

33:03

goes. And then we have this one

33:05

fuse box in the house, in the laundry

33:07

room. They were all fine. And we

33:10

realize, okay, this is a very old house.

33:12

There is one of those old school

33:14

fuse boxes somewhere. In

33:16

one of the other houses, like we have ten

33:19

houses, ten barns, or

33:21

ten structures on the property.

33:24

So in one of the other nine, there is

33:26

one of those old school fuse boxes

33:28

with huge fuses, but

33:30

you're gonna have to like screw out

33:32

and then test one at a time.

33:35

And we didn't know, like, where

33:37

is it? Like, does it exist? How

33:39

does it work? Where is it? How do

33:41

we fix it. We have no idea. So

33:43

Dennis, my dad and my brother, they go

33:46

outside into the snow. They're like, we're on it. We're

33:48

gonna figure it out. And meanwhile,

33:50

we don't have potatoes. We don't

33:52

have, like, the Christmas ham, the

33:54

sausage, the meatballs. We make

33:56

this Christmas kale. It's like it's

33:59

it's a kale. Creamed kale

34:01

that we make in Sweden and a potato

34:03

gratin kind of thing that we always make like

34:05

none of those things. All the important hot

34:07

foods were not done. And we

34:09

couldn't finish them because we have no electricity.

34:12

So the men, like, head out, like,

34:14

that is my brother and my dad. We're gonna

34:16

figure this out. And then

34:19

finally, like, find the barn that has

34:21

the fuse box and then realize, like, yeah, there's

34:23

a big like, this fuse has gone.

34:25

It's Christmas Eve. There

34:28

are no there's no there's no backup fuses

34:30

anywhere. So

34:33

there's no one to call. It's Christmas Eve.

34:37

We have no electricity in the house.

34:39

The heat is going. Like, we can't

34:41

finish cooking. We don't have we don't have food.

34:43

Like, we don't have the food together. We

34:46

have herring. Like, you know, we eat

34:48

a ton of pickled herring.

34:51

It's amazing. It's delicious. It's one of the

34:53

things I'm so happy to have back in my life, so it's

34:55

not being vegan anymore. And it's

34:57

cold, so that's in the fridge. Right? So it's

34:59

like, okay, we know we can have something

35:02

like we can have cold, the cold part of

35:04

the food, but the main part of the Christmas food

35:07

is not done. So

35:09

then realizes, okay, he has to go back

35:11

to our old house because that by

35:13

that cabin, there is like a similar

35:15

looking fuse box in one of the garages.

35:18

And maybe he can trade. I

35:21

don't know. He's just like hauling us trying

35:23

to find solutions as he gets in

35:25

the car to go. Our water disappears.

35:30

All of a sudden, like, I'm turning on the top

35:32

to, like, rinse something. It's like that there's no

35:34

water on the top. We can't flush a

35:36

toilet. Like, we can't, like, do

35:38

any dishes wash our hand. Like, there's

35:40

no water in the house. There's no electricity. There's no

35:42

water. It's peak moments.

35:45

Christmas Eve. Everyone's here.

35:47

Everyone's starving. The kids haven't

35:49

had any food. Like, kids, you know, aren't getting

35:51

cranky because they're we're just stuffing

35:53

them full of, like, gingerbread cookies. So

35:57

everyone's kind of like beginning to lose it and

35:59

then we lose the water. And

36:02

my brother's like, okay, I'm gonna go figure it out. There's

36:04

gotta be, like, the water pump somewhere. It's probably

36:07

related to the electricity Like,

36:09

where the fuck is the water pop? Like, we don't I

36:11

don't know. We we've lived here

36:14

for five minutes. Like, I don't know.

36:16

He goes outside. Finds the

36:18

pump and at the water pump

36:21

meets a bunch of people. And he's

36:23

like, hello. Like, this is like our

36:25

source of water. Right? So it

36:27

turns out that

36:29

the water pump here

36:31

by our property is powered

36:34

by us like, by our electricity on

36:36

our property, but it connects

36:39

and distributes the water to three

36:41

other properties. So

36:43

if our electricity goes, like,

36:46

if I'm cooking on too many, like,

36:48

I'm using the whole stove, which is apparently,

36:50

is too much for this old farmhouse. The

36:53

water goes for all of these

36:55

other families. They have no water in their house when

36:57

my electricity disappears. And

37:00

I'm like, what the fuck? How

37:03

like, who who made this decision?

37:05

Like and why did tell us? Like,

37:07

we don't even know that this is a thing. So

37:09

all these families like these three other

37:12

houses are gathering at this

37:14

waterfall trying to find out why

37:16

there's no water. Like, why

37:18

doesn't the water work? And my brother's

37:20

like, oh, yeah. Hi, everyone.

37:24

We we've lost electricity at our house and

37:27

looks like that's the that's the reason that

37:29

this is happening and the pressure

37:31

I felt at that moment. I'm like, it's not just

37:33

us anymore. Now it's like us and

37:35

all these people. And kids

37:38

and families trying to have their Christmas

37:40

and they don't have water anymore.

37:42

In their house, like, this is not acceptable.

37:44

Like, we have to figure this out. Working

37:47

now. And Ludwig,

37:49

my brother, he was like, well, hopefully,

37:52

like Dennis can solve the electricity issue.

37:54

And once that's solved, that just automatically

37:57

starts the water again. Like, we have

37:59

our own well here and, yeah, apparently,

38:01

they just they drilled one well

38:04

by us and then led that to the other

38:06

properties. And he's like, hopefully,

38:08

when the electricity comes back, it's just gonna solve

38:10

it, and it'll be fine. And I'm like, and if it's not,

38:13

He's like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know

38:15

what to tell you about. Congratulations

38:18

on your new farm. Welcome to

38:21

farm life. Like, this is

38:23

reality. Like, deal with it. Like, this is your

38:25

home. It's your problem now. But I'm like,

38:27

shit. Like, we are. We

38:29

are so we're so not

38:32

equipped. And of course, all of this, like, I

38:34

still can't walk or, you know, move

38:36

normally because I'm an agony. Then

38:39

this ends up, like, going

38:41

just burn to burn, like,

38:43

by by our old cabin, like,

38:45

all these, like, old garages there,

38:48

finds a fuse box that's from the same

38:51

time era as ours, which is

38:53

like from the stone age.

38:56

And somewhere there finds a box

38:58

of old fuses that he's just like

39:00

praying to god are gonna work in

39:02

our old fuse box, brings them over

39:05

and then realizes he doesn't know

39:07

which fuse has blown. Like, you can't

39:09

tell. I don't know if it's just this old system,

39:11

but he had to one by one. It was like thirty

39:14

of them. One by one, he had to try. Does

39:16

this have electricity? Yes. This one works.

39:18

Does this one have No. This one doesn't,

39:20

you know, and then exchange

39:22

it and then just like miracle, like,

39:25

electricity came back. Twenty

39:27

minutes later, the water's back. And

39:31

twenty minutes after that or half an hour after

39:33

that, we, like, have all the food ready.

39:36

Everything is hot. Everything is put

39:38

together. Not a single thing is missing

39:40

from the Christmas table. We all feel like we

39:42

have just like run a marathon to

39:44

together and want it. Like,

39:47

that feeling of just pure accomplishment

39:49

was so beautiful. Like, we really had a

39:51

good team spirit. No one

39:53

fought the whole day, which is very

39:55

rare for my family. No one had a bad

39:58

vibe. No one was upset

40:00

about anything aside from me being stressed

40:02

and in pain. Like, we didn't have

40:04

any, yeah, no bad vibes. Like, it's

40:06

very strange. My family usually has a lot

40:08

of bad vibes. Not bad

40:10

vibes, but like like we used

40:12

to be married and now I hate you vibes, or

40:16

I disagree completely with your political

40:18

views vibes or, you know, the regular stuff

40:20

that most most families have.

40:22

Like, we didn't have any of that.

40:24

Everyone was so busy being dedicated

40:26

to solving all the problems that

40:29

nobody fought about anything. And

40:31

that's just like like I realized afterwards,

40:34

I'm like maybe this whole shit show

40:36

was just like the greatest blessing. Who

40:38

knows what would have happened? If everyone

40:40

would have shown up at noon and there

40:43

I was, looking pretty in my Christmas

40:45

dress, greeting everyone to

40:47

a perfect table full of food,

40:49

which is what I had planned. Right?

40:52

Like, maybe if that would have happened, everyone

40:54

would have had all this time to

40:57

focus on each other. And

41:00

to talk to each other and to

41:02

be annoyed with each other's little

41:04

quirk, you know, little quirks and things

41:06

that we do. And now that didn't happen. Everyone

41:09

was just very busy

41:11

with many things. And

41:13

finally, we, like, sit down It

41:16

was such beautiful moment. Everyone's sitting

41:18

together. We had already, like, brought kids.

41:21

Something that happens in Sweden. Which

41:23

I don't know people across the world think

41:26

it's so weird. It is weird. Every

41:28

Christmas Eve at three PM,

41:31

the entire country And

41:33

I kid you know, like, I have to look up this statistics

41:35

of how like, what's the percentage of people? But

41:38

the whole country is a single

41:40

most viewed thing. In the country

41:42

of the year. The whole entire country sits down

41:44

in front of the TV and

41:47

watch this Donald Duck. And

41:51

this is a tradition that goes back, like, I

41:53

don't know, like, sixty years maybe. Like,

41:55

I I'm gonna pause the pod, and I'm gonna give

41:57

you the statistics of this very

42:00

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42:02

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42:06

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42:08

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42:11

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42:13

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42:16

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42:18

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42:20

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43:45

I looked it up. Watching Donald

43:47

Duck at three PM on Christmas

43:50

Eve is a Swedish tradition

43:52

that started in nineteen sixty.

43:55

That means it's been going for

43:57

over sixty years. Right?

44:00

So before my mom was born,

44:04

Everyone would gather in front of what I'm assuming

44:06

was a black and white little TV to

44:08

watch Donald Duck and Christmas Eve. And

44:11

more than half the country watch

44:14

I I don't know how many people watch like the Super

44:16

Bowl and stuff, but I think

44:19

proportionally, it's probably the same.

44:21

Like, this is like the Super Bowl of Sweden.

44:23

We watch double ducker Christmas Eve. It's

44:25

so it's so it's so weird. And it's

44:28

the same every year. It's the same sequence.

44:30

It's like little Disney snippets

44:33

from different movies that we watch and

44:35

there's like a host in the beginning telling

44:38

a story you about Christmas and and and lighting

44:40

the candle of Christmas. So

44:42

that happens at three and it's sacred. Like,

44:44

I have never had a Christmas even my life,

44:46

living in Sweden or being in Sweden,

44:49

were at three o'clock. Everyone hadn't already

44:51

finished Christmas lunch. And

44:53

you're sitting on the couch drinking glug,

44:56

which is our, like, Swedish glee wine.

44:59

Eating like, dessert and

45:01

candy. Like, we always have, like, the dessert and candy

45:04

together with Donald Duck. That

45:06

has never not happened. And

45:08

now it was past three, and

45:11

food was not even done. Like, any Swedish

45:13

person listening can, like, feel my

45:15

terror here because it's just like a norm. It

45:17

doesn't happen. So we had already

45:20

put the kids in front of them. Like, we had all

45:22

surrendered. Like, we will stream it.

45:25

Later. Like

45:27

Donald Duck doesn't even Matt. Donald Duck

45:29

is out the window. We'll stream it later.

45:32

We, like, gave the kids, like, lukewarm

45:34

meatballs and whatever

45:36

other foods that we had, and we put them in front of the

45:38

dog, so they were fine. And then

45:40

all of us adults got to sit down

45:43

around this beautifully made table, but

45:45

I felt so proud that I actually got

45:47

to put together I had bought,

45:49

like, really beautiful tablecloths, which I

45:52

never ever, like, do, like

45:54

real napkins and napkin

45:56

rings. Like, I really went all in

45:58

to make it really beautiful. And we

46:00

all sit down, and we look at each other,

46:04

and I got to do a toes just welcoming

46:06

everyone to Christmas on the farm.

46:09

And what I hope is not the last Christmas

46:11

gathering here, but the last one that's this

46:13

insane where we have no electricity deadly in

46:16

the water. And I love

46:18

you and let's fucking eat. And

46:21

then we eat and was after

46:23

that, like, once we sat down, it

46:26

was a really beautiful Brathen. Like,

46:28

it really was. It was very cozy. Food

46:31

ended up being delicious.

46:33

I mean, we were all starving to death, but it was

46:35

so, so delicious. Santa

46:38

came like, Santa actually

46:40

came to visit. For the kids

46:43

and, like, my

46:45

grandpa at the end, my grandpa's kinda

46:47

kinda funny. He's a little bit aloof. I

46:50

don't know how else to explain it. He's just he's

46:52

just a funny guy. He was like, hey,

46:54

thanks for the funest and

46:57

most cozy Christmas Eve I had had

46:59

in maybe a decade. And he

47:01

meant it. But it's like,

47:03

what? And he, of course,

47:06

he was not partaking in any of the cooking

47:08

or any of the electricity, figuring

47:10

out aside from sitting on the couch, loudly

47:13

proclaiming every ten

47:15

minutes or so. But if he was out

47:17

there, he would have solved this problem already.

47:21

The, like, the fifth time he said that, my dad

47:23

was like, Why don't you go outside and

47:25

solve it then? And I like I heard him,

47:27

he's, like, trying to not sound, like,

47:29

angry. You know, he's like biting his tongue.

47:32

Like, fucking fix it. If you're so

47:34

convinced, you can fix it. Well,

47:36

he, like, he had no intention of going outside.

47:39

Like, I don't think, you know, Dennis

47:41

was on it, but he kept saying that. Like,

47:43

if I if this was me, I would have figured

47:45

it out long ago, like, typical grandpa

47:47

thing. And he just said he had the

47:49

most fun, like, the funniest Christmas

47:51

and because he's Christmas he's had in over

47:53

a decade. And I was so I

47:55

don't know. It just made the whole thing, like,

47:57

so so worth it

48:00

and so beautiful in the end and

48:02

the fact that no one fought And

48:05

I got to give I had planned

48:07

a really beautiful gift for my dad where

48:10

because it's very very very rare that

48:12

all of his kids. So

48:14

all of my siblings on my dad's side

48:16

that were all in the same country. Everyone lives

48:18

in different places. Everyone's kind of all

48:20

over the all over the place. I

48:23

have a sister in London, a

48:25

sister who is in the Netherlands, me

48:28

and Dennis haven't, you know, I haven't been

48:30

living here, so that's that's just never the

48:33

case. And and

48:35

my brother used to live in a lay and now he lives here.

48:37

So it's just very rare that everyone is

48:39

really gathered. And without

48:41

him knowing a couple days

48:43

before Christmas, I brought everyone

48:46

together. Dennis set

48:48

up one of our barns here on the farm

48:50

that That was empty. So we yeah.

48:52

We could use it before we had moved in. And

48:55

he set up this beautiful set

48:57

and did the lighting and did

49:00

these meticulous preparations so that he

49:02

could take a family portrait of

49:04

all of my dad's kids and grandkids. Including

49:07

little baby in the belly and Leia. So

49:10

eight of us, nine of us. And

49:13

my dad kept saying, well, it's nine or ten,

49:15

like he's convinced I have twins.

49:18

I'm pregnant with twins. I think it's

49:20

only one, but he's convinced it's two. So he's

49:22

like nine or ten of you in this photo.

49:25

And we got to give it to him on Christmas Eve

49:28

and all of us present, you know,

49:30

and he cried, like, actual

49:32

real tears. It was a very All

49:35

in all, we had a lot of beautiful heartfelt

49:38

Christmas moments. And

49:43

that was my Christmas. Holy

49:46

shit. Yeah. So

49:48

when everyone had left,

49:51

and my sister had a couple more days

49:53

with us. And then when she'd gone

49:55

back or she went to Switzerland

49:58

after she she grew up

50:00

partly in Switzerland, so she went went there to

50:02

visit her grandma. And

50:04

Dennis, me and Leah were alone for the

50:06

first time. That

50:08

was my first real

50:11

moments of oh my

50:13

god. We live here because

50:15

III think we were here for

50:17

over a week before I I

50:20

got to settle in any way. was just

50:22

so intense, really overwhelming, so

50:24

much work, And then, like, a

50:26

week later, we're having

50:28

our first family breakfast, just the

50:30

three of us. Dogs finally

50:32

settled like it took a while for the dogs also to

50:35

accept that, oh, we live here now, you

50:37

know, figuring out where they wanna sleep and

50:39

where they wanna be and how to navigate

50:41

the how often. Yeah. It's it's

50:43

hard for everyone to to change to

50:46

transition. And

50:48

we're sitting down at the table. All the dogs

50:50

in their beds, like super content.

50:52

Ringo has chosen a spot right in front of

50:54

the fireplace in the kitchen, and he

50:56

doesn't budge like he doesn't move.

50:59

He's so cold. He's just

51:01

there. And we had candles

51:04

lit and just really cozy music playing

51:06

and that is making coffee and

51:09

where butts have breakfast and I had this moment

51:11

of like looking out the window, where

51:13

I see just I see

51:15

the fields upfront. We

51:17

had these two fields. Right? Upfront

51:19

by our entrance to the

51:21

property. And the barns

51:23

came out in the distance, and snow is

51:25

falling, and And

51:28

I just I just cried. I

51:32

just cried. I don't know. I feel like

51:34

I have those moments a lot where something

51:37

big happens, but the bigness

51:40

of the moment is so big that I can't

51:42

digest it. Like, I don't have the

51:45

time and the space. I mean, I guess that's common

51:47

whenever we Yeah. Something big comes

51:49

our way. It's like it overwhelms us just

51:53

the size of it all, the feeling of it all,

51:56

sitting there in that very, like, regular

51:58

mundane moment realizing, wait, we

52:01

live here. Like, this is

52:03

not temporary. This is not

52:05

some dream I have that I wanna some

52:07

some vain manifest. But

52:09

here we are around the kitchen table. There's

52:12

a baby in my belly. We're

52:16

on our own farm. What?

52:20

And I just cried. And

52:22

then is this, like, immediately worried. Like,

52:24

what something happened? Oh my god. What's

52:26

the drama now, you know, because I had so much

52:28

pain and it's just been such an overwhelming

52:30

week. And I'm just like, I'm just

52:32

so happy. Like, I was just

52:35

so happy. It's just

52:37

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that feeling, you know, for the start

54:07

of the year, getting to start the year,

54:09

feeling at home in a new place, having

54:12

just accomplished and

54:14

made a huge dream a

54:16

dream that I really thought was maybe a five or

54:18

ten year plan. Somehow

54:21

became a one year plan instead,

54:23

which I'm just in awe of. I feel like I haven't

54:25

caught up really to the reality of that

54:28

this actually happened. And

54:31

then, like, that's been my

54:33

feeling just all throughout this first week,

54:35

just this feeling of awe. Every

54:38

box I continue to unpack every

54:40

nook of this house that I'm like, like,

54:42

there's so much that we have to, of course,

54:44

we still have to renovate both bathrooms.

54:47

We have one bathroom that is not really usable.

54:50

And before the baby comes, I definitely wanna

54:53

wanna fix that one up.

54:55

And there's only half the

54:57

house is furnished still. We haven't been able

54:59

to properly furnish the house, and we have some million

55:01

things. You know, the way you have it when

55:04

you've moved into a new place, not to talk about

55:06

the actual land. Everything's

55:09

frozen solid now and it's snow

55:11

and so we can't do much anyway. But

55:13

there's infinite work

55:16

here. We could spend thirty

55:19

years of our lives just work king

55:21

the land here, and we wouldn't be finished,

55:23

you know. And that's the point. I think that's

55:25

the point of a farm is that this

55:28

is work that becomes life if you

55:30

choose to take it on. But

55:32

so yeah. So this whole whole first week

55:34

of the year has just been me kind wondering

55:37

around the house, getting settled, nesting

55:39

different parts of the, you know, nesting this corner

55:42

and unpacking this box, and dreaming

55:44

of what I wanna do everywhere and

55:47

it's been really beautiful for me.

55:51

And Dennis got strep. I

55:56

feel bad laughing. He he's

55:58

he's he not only does he have

56:00

strep throat, he has man's

56:03

strep throat and every woman

56:05

listening now who has a husband. Every

56:09

woman listening. Knows what I

56:11

mean. It's like the man cold version

56:14

escalated. And I feel bad

56:16

saying that because he has been miserable, it's been

56:18

really horrible. He hasn't eaten for, like, five

56:20

days, he can swallow. And

56:22

somehow me and Leia are totally fine.

56:25

Like, I have no symptoms. I have tons of

56:27

energy. I feel great. After

56:30

knock on wood. Like, why did

56:32

I say that? Am I jinxing it? No.

56:34

But so what happens for him when

56:36

he gets sick? Not only does he get physically

56:38

sick, but he gets just it's

56:41

like emotional agony. You know,

56:43

he's just like suffering. And the suffering

56:45

is very loud. Everything

56:49

is bad. Everything is wrong. He's just

56:52

like, he's just basically spent the whole

56:54

first year her first week of the year. It's

56:56

just like feeling really sorry for himself complaining

56:58

about everything and everything is bad and everything

57:00

is wrong. And I'm trying to make him soup

57:03

and he can't swallow this soup,

57:05

but why can't I just like, it's like I have two

57:07

babies right now. He's

57:10

much better today than God. He's

57:13

starting to eat a little bit now. But

57:15

yeah, it's been kind of a rough start and that

57:17

sounds like kinda terrible, especially,

57:20

I mean, much more terrible for him,

57:22

but just we haven't left the house. Like, I

57:24

don't wanna we, you know, get anyone else what

57:26

we have. Yeah. He must

57:28

be over it now because it's been a long time. Like, he

57:30

got it. It's a week. And, yeah, he got it the

57:32

day before Christmas Eve. We didn't know what it was.

57:35

He just felt low. Little tired.

57:37

I thought he was just tired from the move. And then

57:39

Chris, yeah, New Year's Day, this kind

57:41

of flared, and he's just been knocked out ever

57:43

since. But

57:45

that's been our our

57:49

Christmas, our Christmas Brathen.

57:52

Our new years. New years, we had our best

57:54

friends here. We obviously didn't know

57:56

Dennis had strap at that time. And

57:58

they got a little bit sick. But

58:00

I honestly don't think I don't know. I don't

58:02

think I feel like maybe Dennis

58:04

is the only one who got it because everyone

58:06

else's is pretty okay. But

58:09

yeah. So we had our best friends here with their

58:11

kids, and Dennis was

58:13

just kind of sleeping. Like, we all knew. Like,

58:15

he has something, but we just okay. We're gonna

58:17

we're gonna celebrate new years. We're not gonna ignore

58:20

new years because of that. Hopefully, it's just a

58:22

little cold. No big deal.

58:25

Kinda was a big deal that we didn't know. And

58:28

ten o'clock, we're struggling to stay

58:31

awake. We made it to

58:33

like eleven forty, and then we're sitting

58:35

on the couch, drinking tea, just

58:38

like counting down the minutes. Like,

58:41

we were, like, every very tired

58:44

parent at the holidays, you

58:46

know? We were just sitting there counting on

58:48

the minutes, twelve o'clock hits.

58:50

And we're like, yay, hugs,

58:53

toast in our tea, like,

58:56

twelve ten. I think everyone went

58:58

a bit. Ten

59:02

past midnight. Everyone's like, bye.

59:05

Everyone was down. Everyone

59:07

was out. It was a very

59:10

yeah. It was very cozy, but it was very like,

59:12

I can really laugh at it now. Like, oh, man.

59:15

We we used to rage on

59:17

New Year's. Like, also the four of us,

59:20

Patrick and Olivia, our best friends, and then as an

59:22

I, like, we've had some fun in our days.

59:24

Okay? We know how to party. And

59:27

now here we are, like

59:29

pregnant with kids,

59:31

tired, just trying to stay awake,

59:34

drinking tea at midnight and then going straight

59:36

to I think it was, yeah,

59:38

a good representation of what life is right

59:40

now, which is

59:43

very very beautiful in its own way.

59:47

So yes, that's me. I

59:51

am really excited to show more about

59:53

this sort of development of

59:55

of the farm. haven't really shown a lot on social

59:57

media. I just I haven't given a proper

59:59

tour yet. And I'm going to I just wanna

1:00:01

feel more settled first. I'd

1:00:04

rather do a tour of the house when it's not just

1:00:06

filled with boxes, you know. Everything

1:00:08

is, like, upside down like I

1:00:10

wanna get pretty subtle before I do

1:00:13

a whole little tour of the house. The only room

1:00:15

right now that is completely moved in,

1:00:17

I think is the kitchen and layoff's room.

1:00:20

Which is basically what matters the most. Right?

1:00:23

But, yeah, I promise to show you everything

1:00:26

I shared on the intention setting podcast

1:00:28

last week, but I am thinking about,

1:00:30

maybe starting back my YouTube

1:00:33

channel or using

1:00:35

some kind of platform that isn't

1:00:37

Instagram. Just to share little

1:00:39

bit more about this journey us

1:00:42

stepping into these

1:00:44

roles of life on

1:00:46

a small farm what I'm hoping

1:00:49

will become a homestead already

1:00:52

in in the spring very soon. Like

1:00:54

we're gonna get chickens in March,

1:00:57

I'm starting beekeeping class

1:00:59

in April, which

1:01:01

also makes me laugh. I'm so

1:01:03

excited. About that. I'm so excited to

1:01:06

get beehives. Yeah.

1:01:08

So many things we wanna do, and I would love to share

1:01:10

more of that really specific journey. I

1:01:13

just have to figure out how to do it. So

1:01:16

hopefully, that's something that's coming really soon.

1:01:18

And if you haven't heard yet, I mean, I'm sure

1:01:20

you have I'm sure you listen to that podcast

1:01:23

too, but I have that second podcast that was

1:01:25

always called Yoga Girl Daily, which

1:01:27

is a five minute daily practice

1:01:29

that I share every day. And

1:01:31

that also has had a name change, so

1:01:34

it's called The Daily Practice

1:01:36

Now, which is just the most perfect name

1:01:38

ever. Because it's really what the podcast is. It's

1:01:40

not so much yoga, girl, daily. It's the

1:01:42

daily practice. Every day of the week, I share

1:01:45

five minute little practice, inner

1:01:47

work, healing work, meditation, gratitude

1:01:49

practice, different things every week

1:01:52

or different things every day of the week. And

1:01:55

that has also had a little upgrade. So now

1:01:57

we have from the heart this podcast

1:01:59

and the daily is the daily

1:02:01

practice. If you listen

1:02:04

on the podcast app, nothing changes for

1:02:06

you. Had some questions about that. You don't have to

1:02:08

re follow or re subscribe or anything

1:02:10

like that. But if you haven't

1:02:13

and if you like me,

1:02:15

even just a little bit. If you

1:02:18

wanna give me a five star review on

1:02:20

any of the app, whatever app you listen on,

1:02:22

that would make my life and make my day because

1:02:24

this is the This is the majority of

1:02:26

my work now, and I makes a

1:02:28

real difference. You know, the reviews and the ratings

1:02:31

makes a real difference when it comes to new

1:02:33

people finding me. So

1:02:36

next time you search for any of

1:02:38

my pods, you don't search yoga girl anymore,

1:02:41

you search from the heart, or the

1:02:43

daily practice or you just subscribe

1:02:45

or follow the show and it will come up every single

1:02:47

week. So once

1:02:49

again, thank you thank you Thank you for being

1:02:51

here. I hope you enjoyed this little storytelling about

1:02:54

Christmas Eve from hell slash

1:02:56

heaven. I don't know. I don't really know

1:02:58

what it was. What's

1:03:02

a blame on the stars either? I just I

1:03:04

just blame myself for moving in the middle of Christmas.

1:03:06

This is clearly clearly my own fault, my own

1:03:08

doing. But I hope you

1:03:11

have had a beautiful, beautiful

1:03:13

first week of the year. And if you haven't,

1:03:16

if you had a rough start, kinda like we had

1:03:18

over here if something's, you know, not

1:03:21

feeling great or you've been sick or something's

1:03:23

going on. Just that little reminder

1:03:25

that you can start again anytime.

1:03:28

You can start a new tomorrow morning next

1:03:30

week. You don't have to wait

1:03:32

for the big things. You don't have to wait for Monday

1:03:35

or for January first to choose

1:03:37

to move closer toward the life of

1:03:40

your dreams. You start when you're

1:03:42

ready. And if you haven't done

1:03:44

the processing practice of last year or

1:03:46

intentions setting practice for this year. Who

1:03:48

says you have to do it right at that time?

1:03:50

You can do it now. Do it this week. Do

1:03:53

it whenever you have the space. Don't let this become

1:03:55

assure that you have to figure out and do.

1:03:58

Okay? Take your time. Be patient

1:04:00

with yourself. Be kind. What's

1:04:02

important is that you do this in

1:04:04

her work. Because it really really

1:04:07

can help us elevate our lives. I

1:04:11

love you. I appreciate you so so

1:04:13

so much Thank you for tuning in with me

1:04:15

today. From the

1:04:17

heart with Wreath, and we'll be

1:04:19

back next week. Thank

1:04:23

you so much for listening to this week's

1:04:25

episode. If you enjoy the show, make

1:04:27

sure you listen, rate, review, and follow

1:04:29

all episodes of from the heart with Rachel

1:04:31

Brathen. This was a presentation of

1:04:34

Cadence Thirteenth Studio, and I'll see

1:04:36

you next week.