0:00

On today's episode of the podcast,

0:02

I share some pretty big and what

0:05

might be some surprising news.

0:08

I am not vegan anymore.

0:11

This was a really big episode for

0:13

me to record something I've been waiting to share

0:16

I give you the whole story of

0:18

how I have moved away from the

0:20

label of being vegan. What

0:23

that means for my well-being and my health

0:25

and of course, all the very mixed emotions

0:28

that I feel about sharing this with the whole

0:30

world. Please listen

0:32

with some kindness. Okay? I

0:34

don't typically wear the same clothes I work

0:36

out in for any other parts of my life.

0:38

It feels wrong to go shopping and

0:40

then head to lunch with friends or even work

0:42

from home in them. but v iore

0:45

offers a new perspective on performance

0:47

apparel. Because just as easily

0:49

as you can wear it for any workout, you can

0:51

also wear it as a fashionable, super

0:53

comfortable part of an everyday outfit.

0:56

That's versatility that you rarely find

0:58

anywhere else. I actually went

1:00

to the gym for the first time ever the other

1:02

day, and I think I just might have to

1:04

make this a consistent habit. Let's

1:06

see. I can't wait to try Viori

1:09

to see how great I feel in clothing made

1:11

for my life. And did you know that Viree

1:13

is a hundred percent offsetting their carbon

1:15

footprint, they only use sustainable materials

1:18

for their products. A best selling

1:20

product think you'll love are the women's performance

1:23

jogger. They are the softest joggers

1:25

you'll ever own and new colors just

1:27

came in. Try them today. The

1:29

Aori is an investment in your happiness.

1:31

For our listeners, they are offering twenty percent

1:34

off your first purchase. So get yourself

1:36

some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing

1:38

on the planet at viori dot com

1:41

yoga. That's VU0RI

1:44

dot com slash yoga. Not

1:46

only will you receive twenty percent off your first

1:49

purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any

1:51

US orders over seventy five dollars

1:53

and free returns. Go

1:55

to v iuri dot com slash yoga

1:57

and discover the versatility of v iuri

1:59

clothing.

2:03

Hello, my darling friends.

2:06

Hi, hi, hi. Welcome

2:08

to the

2:08

show. I'm nervous.

2:14

Welcome to the show. I'm nervous.

2:16

That's how we're that's how we're opening today's

2:18

episode of the podcast. I

2:21

am nervous. I'm sitting

2:23

here. I'm sitting here

2:25

looking out at the most gorgeous

2:28

autumn day. Sun is shining.

2:30

The lake is bright blue. Everything looks

2:32

so beautiful outside. And

2:35

I have just my heart beating in

2:37

my test really fast

2:39

and I feel like my hands are a little bit

2:42

clammy. I almost have that

2:44

feeling like I sometimes have before a big

2:46

if I'm doing some public speaking or something

2:48

like that kind of, like, I'm just I'm just nervous.

2:52

And the reason I'm nervous is

2:54

I am going to share

2:55

something with you today that I

2:58

have been

3:00

both dreading to

3:02

share and that I'm also

3:05

excited to tell the truth about.

3:08

This

3:08

episode

3:09

right here is one that

3:11

I have really been planning for very

3:13

long time and I've been contemplating how

3:15

to do it and how to go about it for a very

3:17

long time and

3:19

kind of planning it out and thinking it

3:21

through and finding different angles for

3:23

it. And then all of a sudden, I

3:25

don't know what changed, but all of a sudden this

3:27

morning, I woke up and I was like, no. Today is

3:29

the

3:29

day.

3:32

Today, I'm recording this episode.

3:34

So my

3:37

darlings, my loves, my friends, the

3:39

art podcast listeners, and the world

3:41

I am no longer

3:44

vegan. I

3:49

have to, like, laugh at myself

3:51

a little bit as I share that with so

3:53

much gravity. Because

3:57

I really do feel this level

3:59

of gravity.

3:59

I

4:01

I'm not vegan anymore. And it's

4:05

it's been a journey getting to this

4:07

place and it's really been a journey getting

4:09

to a place where I feel steady

4:11

enough to actually open up and share

4:13

about that? And why is that? Why is this a big

4:15

deal? Why have I been putting this podcast

4:17

episode off? Like, why is

4:18

this hard to share?

4:20

And the reason is or there's a few reasons,

4:22

but one of the reasons is that I

4:24

know and I know

4:25

and I I really know.

4:28

You can try to be sweet about it and say no, it's

4:30

not gonna be like that or it's not gonna be so

4:32

bad, but I know that

4:34

the moment I open up and

4:37

share about this and tell the Internet's

4:39

this truth or this new truth

4:41

of mine. I am opening

4:43

myself up to a massive

4:46

amount of criticism

4:49

and judgments and hate.

4:52

Absolutely. I know I'm gonna get that

4:54

from the vegan community. I I know.

4:58

And I I don't I know a

5:00

lot of you listening right now are

5:02

vegan, a lot of you are not, a lot of you

5:04

don't care at all, and you're wondering why is this

5:06

even a thing? I'll get into that

5:08

too. But I know that I'm

5:10

opening myself

5:11

up to just massive amounts of

5:14

of

5:14

criticism right now and

5:17

I I've even been, you know, I've been talking to

5:19

my people about, like, how to share this

5:21

and when to release this episode. I

5:23

knew I wanted to do it on the podcast first.

5:26

so I can really share my story

5:28

here, and then I'll I'll let it

5:30

trickle out onto Instagram and things like

5:32

that. But I've kind of been I was telling

5:34

done this. He's like, well, what are you waiting for?

5:37

And I said, I'm waiting for

5:39

a time where I feel

5:41

so steady. Like, I need my mental health

5:44

to be at its peak.

5:46

Like, I need peak mental

5:48

health levels. for

5:51

me to to do this because

5:53

it's a really challenging thing

5:56

to to receive hate and judgment

5:58

online. It it really is.

5:59

And

6:01

I I just I wanted

6:03

to be in a place where I felt steady

6:05

enough to receive that. So

6:07

that's one. And I kinda wanna

6:10

preface this

6:10

show, of course, if

6:13

I may,

6:13

since this is my podcast and

6:16

I love that you're here and this is a,

6:18

you know, a safe space for me to it's

6:20

literally from the heart, you know,

6:22

that's the name of the show. but

6:24

I'm asking you for a little bit of grace and

6:26

kindness. And whatever

6:29

I share in this episode, it might

6:31

trigger you, it might make you set,

6:33

you might get all sorts of feelings about

6:35

it. And why do I think that? Well, because

6:37

I have been a vegan person

6:39

who has personally felt

6:42

very emotionally triggered by

6:44

finding out that a person I follow online isn't

6:46

vegan anymore. I have literally been that

6:48

in that

6:49

place. so I can understand

6:52

fully and really

6:54

feel into that that that there's gonna

6:56

be that kind of reaction there, and I I

6:58

know that's gonna be there. And

7:00

what I'm saying is, you know, not

7:02

that you can't have that emotional reaction.

7:05

Like, whatever is triggered inside

7:07

of you is yours. Right? what

7:10

I'm asking for is that it stays with you.

7:12

You know, that it stays with

7:14

you. I have literally had that.

7:16

I had a cooking

7:18

account that I followed for years.

7:20

Like, I really, really love minimalist

7:23

baker. I don't know if you follow them, if you if

7:25

you don't, you should. They're they're really great.

7:27

but a vegan cooking account that I followed

7:30

for for years, I would really go

7:32

to their blog for recipes

7:34

and And I didn't even really know

7:36

the person behind that account so

7:38

much. I I that's why I say they, like, I didn't

7:40

even know, is it a man or a woman or, you

7:42

know, like like, I don't know who they are.

7:44

or the kind of person behind

7:46

that account. I I didn't really need to know. I wasn't

7:49

personally invested in them. I was just really

7:51

excited about the recipes. and

7:53

then they came out and said, you know, hey, I'm no

7:55

longer vegan,

7:55

and I was appalled.

7:58

Like, I was I was

8:00

appalled. This was a couple years ago. I was

8:02

so upset. And I was

8:04

like, I cannot believe. I

8:06

am like going to them for resources

8:09

all time I felt lied to.

8:11

I felt like they felt like they had been hypocritical

8:14

and I had this huge reaction

8:16

inside of myself.

8:18

And that was okay.

8:20

Right? It's okay that I had that because that that

8:22

tell told me a lot

8:23

about myself, right, and my place

8:25

in the world right now.

8:27

what is not would have not been okay,

8:29

would have been if I went to that person's

8:31

account. And I was like, hey, you

8:34

suck. or, hey, I really hate you or, hey, you're

8:36

horrible person. If I kind of

8:38

took that emotional reaction and turned it

8:40

into something hateful and put it

8:42

on them, like that is not

8:44

okay and that is where I

8:46

draw the line also. So

8:49

any vegans listening who who

8:52

are might be triggered by this, by what I'm

8:54

sharing now. It's okay that you're triggered, it's

8:56

okay that you're feeling big feelings.

8:58

trust me when I say, I understand because

9:00

I have felt those same feelings before. So

9:02

I understand that you might have them

9:04

and they're valid. what I'm asking

9:07

for is that you don't share them with me.

9:09

That you let me

9:10

stay in my safe, grounded place

9:13

here. and let me let me live my

9:15

life in a way that's best for me.

9:16

k? It's asking for a little bit

9:19

of kindness. But yeah,

9:21

so that was one of the one of the

9:23

reasons why it it's been kind of

9:25

hard for me to get to this episode is because

9:27

I know I'm opening myself up to

9:30

to critique. Right? And that is a part

9:32

of life. And at the same time,

9:34

that is also valid. Right?

9:36

It's absolutely valid because I

9:38

have been vegan for

9:40

most of my adult life, and I have also

9:42

been the kind of vegan that

9:44

really loved to influence other

9:45

people. ago vegan. And

9:46

I know there's tons of people out there in the

9:49

world who went vegan because they were

9:51

inspired by me. And maybe I

9:53

am that kind of person the way minimalist

9:55

baker was for me. Like, you come to me for

9:57

recipes or inspirations, you know,

9:59

for your vegan journey.

9:59

Maybe you've done that in the past.

10:02

and then all of a

10:02

sudden, like, now my way of

10:05

life doesn't align with the thing about

10:07

me that you enjoy. Right? I mean, yeah,

10:09

that's gonna be confusing.

10:10

but we're all grown

10:12

ups here. Okay?

10:13

We're all grown

10:16

ups here with our feet on the ground.

10:19

capable of letting people live their

10:21

lives. Right? And I think if

10:23

you listen to this show by now,

10:25

you can trust that I

10:27

can live

10:27

my life in a way that's best for me.

10:30

Right?

10:30

The way I trust that, you can live your life

10:32

in a way that's best for you. The

10:35

other

10:35

reason why it's taken me some

10:37

time or it's been harder for me to get to this

10:39

episode is because I wanted to make

10:41

sure that I was really speaking

10:42

from a place of truth from

10:45

a real place of inner

10:47

truth.

10:48

And that I was

10:50

sure. Really, it is such

10:52

a big thing. And if you're not

10:54

vegan, if you've never been, if you don't align with that

10:56

identity, you might even know a lot of people

10:58

listening to this are gonna be like, I don't give

11:00

a shit. like, what dietary

11:02

preference someone else has, like, why is that

11:04

a big thing? The reason this is

11:06

a big thing and it really is

11:08

in the vegan community is because

11:11

as vegans, we rarely

11:13

say, I eat a vegan

11:15

diet or I enjoy vegan

11:17

food. We

11:18

say, I am vegan. Right?

11:21

We we have our

11:22

identity enveloped in that in

11:24

that in that in that veganism. It's

11:27

not

11:27

just the thing you choose to put on

11:29

your plate. but it's

11:31

who you are. You know? What are your

11:33

core values? Like, what do you believe

11:35

in? What's best for the

11:37

whole world? Not just what's best for

11:39

me in mind. Like, what's best for the whole

11:41

world? It's this thing. And

11:45

I didn't wanna risk,

11:47

you know, I don't wanna risk

11:50

opening this little rabbit hole that I'm

11:52

opening right now. And then maybe in three

11:54

months, I've changed my mind. I'm like, oh my god. I

11:56

was wrong. You know? Actually, I feel

11:57

terrible over here. This this

11:59

other way that I was doing before that was the

12:02

right way.

12:03

So, yes.

12:06

Yes. Here we are. I am not I'm gonna tell you

12:08

the whole story. Of course, of course,

12:10

I am. but

12:12

I'm not vegan anymore.

12:15

And

12:15

let me tell you there

12:17

have been so many

12:20

changes in my life over the

12:22

past year. And

12:24

the one I'm actually

12:26

enjoying the most

12:29

is

12:30

getting rid of this label.

12:33

And

12:34

I think I would have felt the

12:37

same way this label was something

12:39

else. Right?

12:40

Because when I think about my life and how I

12:42

present myself and how I

12:44

see myself and how I identify

12:46

myself, There hasn't really

12:48

been any other thing

12:50

as heavily ingrained. I

12:53

haven't had any other label. or

12:56

box that I really confined

12:58

myself in, nothing

13:00

comes close to veganism. Really,

13:03

every other label has

13:05

been kind of open ended and fluid

13:09

with space for growth

13:11

with space. to evolve with space to

13:13

change. However,

13:15

I've seen myself in all of my identities,

13:17

you know. But the vegan one

13:19

has been a very very very

13:22

narrow tight fitting

13:24

box that is made

13:26

of steel. like, impossible

13:28

to shift or change, impossible to

13:30

grow out of, impossible

13:32

to shape after, you know, different

13:34

changes in your life. Like, it just is

13:36

what it is you're either vegan and then you're like this

13:38

or you

13:38

are not. And

13:40

I never realized until

13:44

starting to make these changes, how

13:47

confined I felt in

13:49

that in that box that

13:51

I'd actually outgrown it a

13:53

very long time ago and

13:55

that

13:55

actually just the mere label

13:57

was keeping me

14:00

from remaining

14:00

really intuitive with how

14:02

I

14:02

was feeling in my body around the food that I

14:04

was eating. Because if

14:05

you're vegan and you know there's no other

14:08

option, and that's how I felt for most

14:10

of my life. I have been vegan for most of my

14:12

adult life. I was

14:14

vegan

14:14

before I was trendy to eat

14:16

plant based. You know, I was like,

14:19

becoming vegan was one of the first changes I made

14:21

when I turned eighteen and I moved away

14:23

from Sweden and, you know,

14:24

it was one of these big things that I

14:26

did in my life. I was always the weird

14:28

vegan one eating at

14:29

restaurants where there wasn't even one single vegan

14:32

option, you know. it

14:33

it's very different being vegan in

14:36

twenty twenty two compared

14:38

to, like, two thousand and five. You

14:40

know? Wait. How old am I? Two

14:42

thousand and

14:44

What year is it? I guess

14:46

two thousand and six,

14:47

I think seven, maybe I went

14:50

vegan. Yeah.

14:52

It was a different world then,

14:54

you know. And I'm sure

14:56

there were places in two thousand and seven

14:58

where you could, you know, find vegan

15:00

cafe and stuff, but it wasn't like

15:02

readily available

15:02

vegan foods everywhere.

15:04

I have been vegan on and

15:07

off, mainly on

15:09

for so much of my adult life that I

15:12

haven't even allowed myself to

15:14

think in any other way.

15:16

and I was so sure that this is the way.

15:18

And I decided that at a certain age,

15:20

at a certain time that this is it, and

15:22

not only is it it for me, but it is it for

15:24

the world. actually, everyone should

15:26

do this thing. Actually, this

15:28

is best for everyone's health.

15:31

For everyone's body, for

15:33

the whole world, you know,

15:34

this is it. And even when

15:36

people would tell me, I tried

15:38

going vegan, I feel terrible, I would be like, I

15:40

be I understand. Well, you know, like, everyone

15:43

feels differently, but that's not what

15:45

I what I thought. Like, I would say that to be kind

15:47

and avoid, you know, drama.

15:49

what I was actually thinking was, oh, but you didn't do

15:51

it right. You

15:52

know, I would genuinely think

15:55

that I knew better about another person's

15:57

body than they did. because I

15:59

really believed veganism was

16:01

the way. Everyone who

16:03

wasn't doing it that way was doing it

16:05

wrong.

16:08

I've never been a good sleeper. I go to

16:10

bed too late and I wake up constantly

16:12

throughout the night. When I recognize

16:14

just how much this was affecting my

16:16

life, I knew something to

16:18

change. That is how I tried

16:19

CBD.

16:20

But as with anything, there are good

16:23

CBD products and not so good

16:25

CBD products. If you've ever wondered

16:27

whether your CBD was working, that means it

16:29

probably wasn't. Next,

16:31

EVO Naturals developed smart swerve

16:33

technology, clinically proven to your

16:35

body absorbs CBD four times better

16:37

than regular CBD oil because

16:39

oil doesn't just mix with your water

16:41

based body. It works faster too.

16:43

So when you're trying to get to sleep, you won't

16:45

waste time wondering, is it working?

16:47

I was so surprised at

16:49

how much better I slept after adding CBD

16:52

to

16:52

my evening ritual. Next,

16:53

EVO's triple action CBD

16:55

sleep helps you get more refreshing sleep

16:58

naturally. First, they start with a fast

17:00

acting smart sorb CBD to calm your

17:02

mind, and then they add fast acting melatonin to

17:04

get you to sleep fast. plus a

17:06

controlled release metal tonancy sleep

17:08

longer and wake refreshed. They

17:10

are the only

17:11

brands to combine these proprietary

17:13

ingredients in one product.

17:15

Get a better night's rest and a

17:17

better day tomorrow with products from

17:20

NextEval

17:20

Naturals. For up to

17:21

twenty five percent off subscription in orders of forty dollars

17:24

or more, use promo code yogagirl

17:26

at next evo dot com.

17:28

That's NEXTEV0

17:30

dot com promo code yoga Girl.

17:32

So

17:33

though

17:34

having a label on

17:36

yourself that's that strong

17:38

and that ingrained

17:40

means that there is no need, there's

17:43

no use for you to contemplate

17:46

another kind of life. There's no

17:48

need for you to contemplate to put something else on your

17:50

plate. You don't have to feel any

17:52

kind of intuitive connection to your

17:54

own body and well-being. because

17:56

there's no window open to not be vegan.

17:59

And that's what it was like for

18:00

me. My

18:02

health really

18:04

was deteriorating. Like,

18:06

I really, really believe that I have

18:08

me and I'm sharing my experience.

18:11

doesn't have to be the same for you, but my experience

18:14

was that I felt really great in the

18:16

beginning the way most people do

18:17

when you radically change. your

18:19

diet in that way. And you're all of a sudden and

18:22

the way I

18:23

was, you know, I wasn't eating processed

18:25

foods anymore, and I was eating only

18:27

organic, and I was I made a lot of changes in

18:29

my life that

18:30

came along with that vegan label, but I

18:32

attributed them all to being vegan.

18:35

felt

18:35

a lot better for the first two,

18:37

three years. And then

18:40

increasingly kind of starting to start to feel

18:42

worse. Right? but I

18:44

didn't really have that ability

18:46

to, hey, maybe this vegan thing isn't

18:48

working for me because there was no no

18:49

other way. Right? And I really

18:52

thought anyone who would tell me different. Like,

18:54

they were dumb. They

18:56

just hadn't educated

18:58

themselves enough. Right?

19:00

So for me, the

19:03

most positive thing really that

19:05

has come from from this has been

19:07

just getting rid of the

19:08

label. and

19:10

finding that freedom and

19:12

I can just be

19:15

me and I actually can be intuitive

19:17

enough to feel into what does that mean as

19:19

I grow? As I

19:21

age? As I go through different seasons and

19:23

changes in my life? As I,

19:25

you know, are my needs the

19:27

same? when I'm pregnant

19:29

feeling this way as they are when

19:31

I'm, like, twenty two years old and,

19:33

you know, standing upside down, like,

19:35

in a handstand on the yoga mat every day. Like,

19:38

is this are my needs the same? I never

19:40

contemplated that because I was vegan. Right? So

19:42

that was what I ate. And

19:44

now just not having

19:47

that box not being confined in that space

19:49

makes me feel so free

19:52

and so much more like myself.

19:54

And that doesn't mean that

19:56

the majority of the time. Like, I might still enjoy

19:59

vegan food. I might still

19:59

eat majority plant based. Like, it

20:02

doesn't it doesn't matter. What

20:04

matters is I get

20:06

to be free from anything that has

20:08

been confining me. And I didn't even know

20:10

I was feeling confined with that

20:13

label and that identity of being being. I

20:15

didn't know. And that's I

20:16

think at some point, life was

20:18

asking me

20:19

to grow and

20:20

reevaluate and

20:23

reconsider and check-in and I

20:25

didn't. I did it around my food and

20:27

my dietary choices. I

20:29

never had to do that because I

20:31

knew I was doing the right thing,

20:33

you know. So I stopped feeling I

20:35

stopped listening to my body, and I

20:37

started just doing, you know.

20:41

And there's a whole

20:43

I didn't even know how

20:45

lovely this was until

20:48

just now. This is very new for me in my life, but

20:50

there is a

20:51

freedom

20:53

in

20:56

having choices. There's a

20:58

I have felt such joy going

21:01

to a restaurant, you know,

21:03

and just realizing

21:05

that the whole world

21:06

is open to me.

21:08

That

21:08

doesn't mean that I'm gonna, you

21:10

know, pick the thing that is that

21:13

is the most, you

21:15

know, far away from from the vegan

21:17

label ever. It doesn't mean I'm suddenly

21:19

sitting here, you know, it's not like I'm back to

21:22

eating processed foods and and

21:24

I've somehow become

21:27

less healthy Actually, for me, I really feel

21:29

like it's the opposite. I feel

21:32

much

21:32

more healthy now than I did

21:35

before. So

21:36

before I start to ramble,

21:39

sometimes I do. So this

21:41

started let me

21:43

see. When I think back, really on my my vegan I

21:45

became vegan. I moved to Costa Rica. I

21:47

was eighteen, fell in love with

21:49

a boy, you know, my first boyfriend

21:52

living abroad, was this really

21:54

cute surfer guy who was from Oregon,

21:56

who was vegan, and who was managing a

21:58

vegan restaurant. And that

21:59

restaurant was owned by a guy who's still

22:01

one of my closest friends.

22:04

And I suddenly found myself in this

22:06

community of vegan people. I

22:08

felt super inspired, super excited,

22:11

went vegan and never really looked back. Like, I had a couple

22:13

years in the middle where I was eating some dairy

22:16

and things like that, but then I

22:18

would get back on the bandwagon and felt

22:20

so good and solid there for

22:22

so long. And then

22:24

what I think really happened, like, the

22:27

big moment for

22:28

me that I

22:29

couldn't recover

22:30

from was getting

22:33

pregnant. And I can see

22:35

that now looking back. you

22:37

know, just how much my needs

22:39

shifted when I became pregnant,

22:41

how depleted I was

22:44

after pregnancy, and how really it

22:46

was after pregnancy that I started feeling

22:48

increasingly terrible

22:51

and felt my energy levels

22:54

draw. really and felt my stress levels go

22:56

up and was getting sick all the

22:58

time and dealing with

23:00

mold like making my immune system just

23:03

so weak and susceptible to everything. It's

23:06

just like a like a combination of

23:08

things that just was so not

23:10

healing for me. And

23:12

when I was dealing, like, right after

23:14

pregnancy, when I started getting really sick on

23:16

and off, I had two doctors

23:18

back then tell

23:20

me, would you be

23:22

open to introducing some animal foods into

23:24

your diet? And I was like, oh, hell no.

23:26

Are you crazy? And I would, like, hang up after

23:28

a consultation until dentists, like, this doctor

23:30

just, like, like, I was offended. Like, how

23:33

could they

23:33

possibly ask me that?

23:35

I remind you that it was a doctor telling me this

23:37

or, you know, I reached out to

23:38

them because they had expertise and I was

23:41

just, anytime anyone would

23:43

ever recommend me or or suggest

23:45

that maybe I should, you know,

23:47

open not even, like, leave the

23:49

vegan box but, like, open it up a

23:52

little bit. and just see how you feel, I

23:54

would get offended. Like, I would take it

23:56

personally. Like, they were just, like,

23:58

personally attacking

23:58

me.

23:59

You know? which is so strange

24:02

because

24:02

I don't think with any other dietary

24:04

preference,

24:04

like we act like that,

24:06

like

24:06

we become so shut down

24:09

and so close. But I and and this is

24:11

not true for

24:11

everyone, of course, but I I really felt

24:13

that way.

24:14

And I,

24:17

of course, didn't listen.

24:19

then. And then another time, you know,

24:22

kind of a couple years ago before I

24:24

had my

24:24

big mold, the big

24:27

burnout that led into the bowl that kind of

24:29

let us to move and change our lives completely.

24:30

I had another this time a functional

24:33

medicine doctor. So,

24:35

yes, I eat egg.

24:37

and explaining in-depth why it would be very very

24:39

helpful for me to get more calling into

24:41

my diet and that I

24:43

needed this kind of amino acid

24:46

profile? And have you ever considered

24:47

that maybe you are

24:49

a little depleted on

24:50

this kind of diet? And

24:53

then you know, the vegan diet that I kept

24:55

in Haruba was very, very different from

24:57

the vegan diet that I kept living in Costa

24:59

Rica. And Costa Rica I was

25:01

eating,

25:01

you know, fresh fruits

25:03

and vegetables and legumes and just whole

25:06

foods that were all organic grown

25:08

locally. You know, most of them

25:10

prepared by myself or

25:12

in this cute, little, like,

25:14

very very wholesome restaurants at my Boyfriend

25:16

at the time managed.

25:18

And then living in Aruba, you know,

25:20

we started eating a lot processed vegan food. And

25:22

it's kind of exciting when

25:25

you've been vegan for a long time and there's nothing

25:27

to eat and all of a sudden there's

25:29

vegan ice screen. I mean, you lose your

25:31

shit. Any vegan listening knows what it's

25:33

like. All of a sudden, like, you're

25:35

living

25:35

in a non vegan world and then

25:37

slowly the world starts to transition and become more vegan

25:39

friendly and there's vegan options for everything.

25:41

And I had that

25:44

big, like, for the last few years of

25:46

living living in a room, but every time I found

25:48

something new that was labeled vegan at the

25:50

grocery store, I was like, oh my

25:52

god. Amazing. And I didn't really care what it was. It's like vegan

25:54

tater tots. I'm there, you know, vegan pepperoni

25:56

pizza. Let's go beyond meat

25:58

and beyond

25:59

sauce it. Let's go, you know, vegan burgers,

26:02

vegan chicken wings, vegan cheeses.

26:04

Oh my god. We ate so

26:06

much vegan cheese. and vegan

26:08

butter and like the vegan version of of

26:11

everything, where

26:12

before literally I would have

26:14

some like extra virgin olive

26:17

oil. on my toast with avocado

26:20

and fresh cut tomato and some

26:21

sea salt on my, like, whole

26:23

grain, whatever organic toast I had.

26:26

And now I was eating this, like,

26:28

very heavily processed

26:30

vegan bread

26:31

with vegan butter on

26:33

it and vegan teases on

26:35

it and I I didn't

26:37

I wasn't really aware, I

26:40

think, of how much

26:41

processed food I

26:44

was eating. and because

26:45

it was all in my head labeled really

26:48

healthy. Right? But it's vegan

26:49

butter. Like, this is just like really

26:52

good stuff in there. Like I just thought this like, mostly coconut

26:54

oil. But if I looked at the ingredient list, that

26:56

wasn't really true. You know, I was eating soybean

26:59

oil and canola oil and

27:01

just really heavily processed

27:03

seed oils in

27:05

everything all the time, you

27:08

know. And

27:10

it it it wasn't

27:13

anymore for me, mainly

27:15

like a Whole Foods based

27:18

diet. and a lot of

27:20

factors to this. Anyway, and I said

27:22

no to the egg. I was like,

27:24

absolutely not. Are they crazy? And

27:26

then until, you know, everything kind

27:28

of broke, which was for me getting so sick that

27:30

I never recovered, that I

27:32

remained sick for such a long

27:35

time. finding out we had toxic mold in the house,

27:37

ending up leaving our house, ending

27:39

up on this massive

27:42

detox protocol. that I was on for the better part

27:44

of last year. And working with a

27:46

couple

27:46

of different doctors, I've been in faces with

27:48

different doctors to to

27:51

help my health get back on track, and

27:53

every single one of them has wanted me

27:55

to eat some combination

27:57

or variation of animal foods introduced.

28:00

And the last

28:03

doctor I've been

28:03

working with who I am so thankful

28:06

for, and

28:07

probably would love

28:08

to I would love to have on the show at some point.

28:11

His doctor will

28:12

call. You can find him on Instagram.

28:14

He's a functional medicine doctor

28:17

who just does a lot

28:19

of really healing work for people with chronic illnesses

28:21

and people who've been failed a little bit

28:23

by more traditional medicine. And

28:26

he said,

28:29

listen.

28:29

Like, I totally

28:31

get it. He was a vegan for

28:33

so many years. He was really

28:35

loving and really kind in his approach.

28:37

Like, I know what this is like. I know

28:39

this is your life. I know this is

28:42

your identity. This is your life. So I'm like,

28:44

that's so hard. so hard to even contemplate

28:46

transitioning. But

28:48

could you consider

28:51

opening yourself up to maybe

28:54

like, having some egg. Like, mate,

28:56

could

28:56

you just, like, sit with the

28:57

idea of that? Just think about

29:00

it. Just, like, contemplate it. See what it would

29:02

feel like. because it

29:04

would be very interesting for you to

29:06

begin at least opening up your diet a little

29:08

bit just to try. And

29:10

if you feel worse and you feel like shit there's

29:12

no change in

29:13

your life, you could just go back.

29:15

Right? And even

29:16

for me, that thought of it's like, I'm

29:18

stepping off the vegan train.

29:20

You can't go

29:21

back? How hypocritical would that

29:23

be? Like, this is who I am. But at

29:25

the same time, I was like, wait.

29:27

Like, I'm sick. Like, I'm actually

29:29

sick. I feel like I

29:30

felt so depleted.

29:32

I really felt I felt so weak and

29:34

solely depleted in my whole body. And I'm like,

29:36

I'm not even willing to to to

29:39

try and to consider this from this,

29:41

that this, like, professional is recommending

29:43

me to see if I feel better. What if

29:45

I feel better? And then

29:47

I was like, well, that thought is even scarier.

29:49

What if I would eat some animal foods

29:51

and I actually would feel better? Like,

29:53

that thought was a really scary thought.

29:56

because I was convinced, like, of course, I wouldn't. Of course, I wouldn't.

29:58

I would feel terrible and it would make

29:59

me feel worse and all of

30:02

this

30:02

stuff. but the thought of,

30:04

like, what if I would eat some animal foods and

30:06

my health would improve? Like, that would be scary

30:08

because that would challenge everything I've told myself

30:10

about this lifestyle. and

30:12

it would challenge this big identity that I have where I really

30:15

had the viewpoint that I

30:17

know best. Right? Not

30:19

just for me. for everyone.

30:24

Support for this podcast comes from

30:26

Weis, the universal account that lets

30:28

you spend send and receive

30:30

money internationally. For

30:32

so many people today, financial

30:34

life is larger than just one

30:36

currency. And that's where y's

30:38

can help. You'll have one account for

30:40

over fifty currencies in a hundred and

30:42

seventy countries. It's the

30:44

world's most international account.

30:46

But who exactly is wise for?

30:48

Well, that's kind of the point. It's not just for

30:50

one particular person. It's for

30:53

adventurers, travelers, people

30:55

without borders, anyone who money to

30:57

be easy even when international life gets

31:00

complicated. And wise is not gonna

31:02

cheat you into high fees. Instead,

31:04

the fees are always low and transparent.

31:06

plus you'll get the mid market exchange rate

31:08

without any markups. It's

31:10

the convenient way to move

31:11

your money across borders. but

31:13

it's not only for personal use.

31:15

In fact, why's business has everything

31:18

you will need to go global? No

31:20

headaches of dealing with a local bank

31:22

and quick international payments. For me,

31:25

I run businesses in Sweden, Aruba,

31:27

and in the United States. That's a lot

31:29

of currencies. And wise

31:31

really makes it a breeze. There's

31:32

even a whole wise platform that

31:35

helps their

31:35

partners, like Google Pay, seamlessly

31:38

access international banking features.

31:41

Join thirteen million people in businesses

31:43

who are already saving. Learn more about

31:45

how the Weis account could work for you at

31:47

wis dot comyogogirl.

31:51

And what happened is kind of

31:53

shortly after that, I was like thinking

31:55

about it, and I just opened up to

31:57

the idea. contemplating it, just

31:59

talking about it a little bit. I

32:01

remember Dennis was like, what are

32:03

you crazy? I mean, he really was

32:05

like, no wait. Like, that's

32:07

not gonna have no, you're never gonna do

32:09

that. And then Leah

32:11

and I ended up going to Sweden.

32:13

This was last year, so we we kind of

32:15

escaped Aruba in the mold

32:17

the mold drama and spent

32:20

I think we had two and a half, almost three

32:22

months. Yeah. We had a long time alone.

32:24

And I think about this

32:27

time now. It was such a precious time.

32:29

Like, just her and I, it was

32:31

my first return to Sweden. It was

32:33

my first time being back in Sweden without just

32:36

being for a

32:36

short vacation. We rented this

32:39

little red cabin in the middle of the

32:42

woods. I was swimming in the

32:44

cold lake every day, and

32:45

we were just exploring the for us.

32:46

It really was. those weeks together was me

32:49

falling back in love with my home country. It was

32:51

a really special time. And

32:53

I was contemplating

32:54

this idea of eating egg and I

32:56

told myself, okay, if I am

32:59

meant, this is how I do things often when I'm

33:01

unsure about something. Yeah. All my

33:03

friends laugh at me for this, but this is how I do

33:05

things. If this is

33:06

meant to be, if I am meant

33:08

to introduce egg into my diet,

33:11

egg

33:11

will come my way. The universe

33:13

will provide me with some sort of sign

33:15

or something's gonna happen and it's gonna feel

33:18

serendipitous. and very much

33:20

in my face and it's like universeible.

33:22

Tell me and show me. Like, it

33:24

will be very clear, but I'm

33:26

not gonna go to the freaking grocery store.

33:29

and buy a packet of eggs and

33:31

eat that like no, hell no.

33:34

So anyway, I made that kind of sweeping

33:37

declaration. And I told Dennis, and I

33:39

told my friends, like, if, you know, if I

33:41

get a sign, like, I'm open to

33:43

it. And then one of our first,

33:45

like, days being at this

33:47

little cabin, the owner of

33:49

the property, they had a farm next

33:52

door. and invited us to take a little tour. Like,

33:54

would you like to see the property? And maybe go see

33:56

the sheep? They had a bunch of sheep there, so

33:58

we took a long walk with them. It was

34:00

super beautiful. and

34:02

visited the sheep and fed the sheep there. And

34:04

then as we're on our way back, Leah sees

34:06

this little,

34:06

like, really old little structure. She's like, what's there?

34:08

And they're like, oh, that's the old That's

34:11

the old chicken coop. But sorry, there's no

34:13

eggs in there. We already collected eggs

34:15

this morning, and there was like almost no

34:17

chickens there. I think they had like two

34:19

something. It's like, sorry. And I was like, okay. I just

34:21

looked a little sad. And then lady was like, did you wanna

34:23

go inside and say hi? You can still say hi

34:26

to them. she goes

34:28

inside. She, like, ventures in on her own,

34:30

like,

34:30

very brave. But

34:32

comes out and

34:33

she's, like, oh, no. Look.

34:35

And she's holding one perfect

34:38

egg in her head.

34:40

And I'm like, oh, look at

34:42

that. And then the lady is like, oh,

34:44

that's so funny. Like, I I already collected the

34:47

eggs today. Wow. That's a really

34:49

special egg. Honey, you keep this

34:51

one. This one's just for you. And this

34:53

woman, of course, didn't know that we were vegan. She this is just for you. And Leah

34:55

holds this egg. Looks at it. And she

34:58

goes, no. This one's for mama.

35:00

Mama

35:01

here. She, like, hands me

35:03

this egg. And I'm standing

35:06

there with an egg in my

35:08

hand like

35:09

fuck. Fuck. Like, I was

35:12

so I was like,

35:14

okay. Well,

35:14

this felt very much like

35:17

a saw it. It was just, like, oh, god. Okay.

35:19

I put it in my pocket, and I'm, like,

35:21

walking around this, hey, good white

35:24

flag yet. We go home

35:26

and the whole walk home just knowing I had an

35:28

egg in my pocket. I felt

35:30

like I had robbed a

35:32

liquor store or something. Like the

35:34

gonna come get me. Like, I had to hide.

35:36

Like, I felt like I am doing something so

35:38

bad, so illegal, so out

35:42

of character, I'm doing something wrong here. You know,

35:46

walking around with this egg from this

35:48

neighbor family in my pocket.

35:50

We come

35:52

home And guess what I did? Yes. I put the egg on my altar.

35:54

I put the

35:57

egg on

36:00

my altar. and

36:00

I pray. Yeah. And

36:03

I can laugh. I giggle

36:05

at myself now because sounds

36:07

a little bit ridiculous, but I really prayed.

36:09

I really like, I put Leia down sleep

36:11

that night. And I

36:14

was drinking tea and I had the egg there,

36:16

like, next to my crystals and like my

36:18

things. And what I really felt

36:20

like what I knew is if I go

36:22

this route and I eat this one

36:25

egg, which will be the first non vegan thing I've had in like

36:27

a decade forever. If

36:30

if I go down this road, it's like I kind of

36:32

knew there's no turning back. You know, it's

36:34

like I'm I'm I'm

36:36

either going down this road, staying in

36:38

my vegan box or I'm

36:40

not. And I really had to pray and had to

36:41

ask for

36:44

forgiveness you know, for for support, for guidance,

36:46

for I felt like I was going through

36:48

a

36:48

massive personality change that

36:50

I was even sitting there. And

36:53

I was crying. Like, I was really it was

36:55

highly emotional, like, experience. And then I

36:57

felt this huge calm to

37:00

settle over my

37:02

whole body. and like eat the

37:04

egg.

37:04

like So

37:05

I went to the kitchen, I had

37:07

to call my best friend and

37:10

ask, like, does

37:12

one what do I

37:14

do here here? And

37:16

she's also been very vegan for a

37:18

very long time and just in the last year.

37:21

started kind of introducing some other

37:24

things. So she would always like when we had breakfast, she

37:26

would always have she would always have like a

37:28

boiled egg with breakfast and that would

37:30

always not, you know. And I'm like,

37:32

what do I do? And she

37:34

tells me her way,

37:36

which is the like, every what I found

37:38

out now Everyone has a

37:40

completely different

37:40

way of how to boil an egg,

37:42

but she's like boil

37:45

the water first. and

37:46

then very slowly with this, like, spoon, lower the

37:48

egg into the boiling water, and then put

37:51

the timer on six minutes. That's

37:53

a perfect egg. And I was

37:55

like,

37:55

okay. So that I

37:58

did. And I

37:59

sat

37:59

there those six minutes just

38:02

like like I felt like I was gonna

38:04

go into like like, a

38:06

like a psychedelic, like,

38:08

Ayahuasca ceremony or something. Like, I felt like I

38:10

was sitting there with some sort of shaman,

38:12

like, about to have

38:14

a crazy holy experience. I take the egg

38:16

out, put it in ice

38:18

water, just cool

38:20

it down. and then I put on a

38:22

plate, a little bit

38:24

of salt, thanks to me, and I went to go

38:26

sit down, like I had candles lit,

38:29

I peeled egg, I

38:31

took a bite

38:33

and it

38:35

was

38:37

maybe the most delicious

38:39

thing I've ever eaten my whole entire

38:42

life. And I get

38:44

weirdly emotional sharing

38:46

that because

38:47

Yeah. It really was a

38:50

big thing. And I knew, like, if

38:52

this is not for me, I'm gonna feel

38:54

disgusted. I'm gonna feel this is

38:56

so gross. always thought the

38:58

most disgusting thing. I mean, I thought every animal

39:00

food was so disgusting and horrible,

39:02

and it wasn't.

39:05

there was It wasn't. egg

39:06

feeling

39:06

so, so full.

39:10

I felt so

39:12

full. And then from

39:14

that point, it was like, okay. I think

39:16

I think like

39:17

a week later, I had

39:19

my second egg.

39:22

And

39:22

then I probably had, like, one egg a

39:24

week for a while. Like, it

39:26

was really this, like, strange rare

39:29

thing that I was figuring

39:31

out how I felt and then I started really

39:33

craving it. Really, really,

39:35

really craving it.

39:38

Craving it to the point of it was like getting to wake up in the morning and it

39:40

got to have that one egg with my breakfast. It was

39:42

like I

39:42

got to start my day with dessert. just

39:47

craving it. And that

39:48

really was the

39:49

beginning of the end of

39:52

me

39:52

being vegan.

39:56

and

39:56

it took all of, pretty much all

39:58

of, like, this whole

39:59

past year

40:02

of just being

40:04

open to trying different kinds of

40:06

foods, being open

40:08

to experimenting with some animal

40:12

foods, what happens when I eat this? What

40:14

happens? If I change

40:16

this, what happens if I add this into my

40:18

life? And mainly the number one question that

40:20

I keep

40:22

asking myself

40:22

that I stay till this moment asking

40:24

myself is, and how do

40:27

I feel? And how

40:29

do I feel? and that happened

40:31

fairly quickly for me, like with the egg, I've

40:34

that I started feeling more nourished,

40:36

that I

40:38

started feeling just

40:40

fuller where normally I would have to

40:42

eat much more. And

40:44

I was eating of course like a lot of carbs.

40:46

I was eating a lot of

40:48

And I was eating, you know, this whole, like, the big

40:51

debate about the protein. I was

40:53

eating protein, but it

40:55

was mainly processed versions of

40:58

protein like vegan like fake meats a

41:00

lot and tofu

41:02

and, you know, some beans and

41:04

things like that but not like that much.

41:07

I really think I

41:10

needed a different kind of protein

41:12

in my

41:14

diet. I I need an egg. Okay. That I know

41:16

now. And

41:22

I can't believe I told you that whole story about eating eating my

41:24

first egg. I wasn't planning on getting

41:26

that detailed. But but, yes,

41:29

So the past year has been this

41:32

exploration of a cable, what

41:34

feels good, what makes

41:36

sense. And of course,

41:38

of course, the same time

41:40

I'm doing all the reading I can do about

41:42

everything that that not

41:45

being

41:45

a vegan involves. So

41:48

when

41:48

I let go of the vegan label, does it mean that all of a sudden I

41:50

am now a big proponent of

41:54

factory

41:54

farming? animal

41:56

cruelty and of course

41:58

not. Like, of

41:59

course, of course, of course,

42:02

not

42:03

all of those the

42:05

big core values that I have inside, you know,

42:07

around least harm and

42:10

kindness and

42:13

taking genuine good care of the world.

42:15

Like, all those core values are still there.

42:17

They haven't changed. What I

42:19

have started to really understand for the first

42:21

time in my life, though, is

42:24

that the vegan way, the way I

42:26

was living, and maybe you live different as a

42:28

vegan if you're listening, but the way I was

42:30

living wasn't the most

42:32

sustainable way. you know, the amount

42:34

of packaged processed foods

42:36

that had to be made in a factory

42:38

somewhere and then shipped across the world

42:42

in, you know, paper and plastic to get

42:45

to my plate. Like, there's a

42:47

lot of components there.

42:50

And I genuinely believed that if

42:52

I was drinking

42:53

oat milk and coconut milk

42:55

and almond milk and

42:57

all the milks, I

42:59

was way more sustainable and better for the

43:02

world than the next

43:04

door person who had a dairy

43:06

cow and they drank the milk from their

43:08

own cow. And I

43:10

know now that that is not true.

43:12

Like, that is like very and it's very

43:14

obvious and clear for me to

43:16

to how I can fully, like, see that.

43:19

that that small scale family

43:21

farm who literally,

43:24

you know, live with the earth.

43:26

What's better for the planet and more sustainable is

43:28

that, if I like that,

43:30

that no middleman way.

43:32

And most people don't live

43:34

that way. Right? Most people who eat

43:37

animal foods get their milk

43:39

packets from across the

43:41

world. in paper and plastic. And but

43:44

the idea that I have that, you know, I can

43:46

be a vegan and being a vegan kind of

43:48

excuses everything else. means that

43:50

automatically whatever is on my plate is always more

43:52

sustainable and better for the

43:54

environment than any animal food. Like, that

43:55

is not true. It just

43:58

isn't true. and

44:00

looking

44:00

into wanting to live a

44:02

life that's self sustaining. And

44:05

this was kind of creeping

44:07

up to me because all my books about how

44:09

to live a self sustaining life, how to

44:11

really tend to the land, like how to create

44:13

a proper homestead. they

44:16

come with some sort of animal component. And

44:20

you need animals to

44:22

work the land, to be

44:24

able to grow at that

44:26

kind of scale. You need

44:28

the fertilizer that the

44:30

animal

44:30

feces bring

44:31

the soil. And if you don't have

44:34

animals doing that, you have to buy

44:36

package. Like, you have to buy packaged

44:38

fertilizer and plastic bags

44:40

from somewhere. or as a vegan, have go the farm their

44:42

cow poop. You know? There's

44:44

a

44:45

really ancient relationship

44:48

between people

44:50

and animals. And that kind of

44:54

reciprocity

44:54

that we,

44:54

of course, in this like,

44:57

the way the world looks now have completely lost. Like,

45:00

no one vegans and

45:02

non vegans, like, go to the grocery store

45:04

and pick out food in

45:06

a package and put it on their

45:08

plate. And

45:10

there is there is

45:13

a miles

45:13

away difference. between

45:15

being a kind of

45:16

like if I was the kind of vegan and I grew

45:18

my own food and that's what I ate.

45:20

Right?

45:22

and

45:23

I know now living that way, I wouldn't be fulfilled if if that was the

45:25

case I would have been living that

45:28

way. And there's a big

45:30

difference between tending

45:32

to your own animals that maybe you harvest

45:35

and eat at

45:36

the end of their lives.

45:38

Or getting

45:40

dairy or meat from the

45:43

neighbor farm versus going to

45:45

the grocery

45:45

store and getting, you

45:48

know, big cutlets wrapped and ceramic, like, plastic

45:50

wrap from a factory

45:52

farm miles away where animals

45:56

are living in just horrible conditions. Like, there's

45:58

there's so much gray area here.

46:00

There's gray area on

46:01

the vegan side and there's gray area on the non

46:04

vegan side.

46:06

And what I realized is just the way of life

46:08

that I want to have doesn't

46:10

align with the vegan way

46:12

duffy in way anymore anymore.

46:14

And I

46:17

would love to live

46:18

a life where I get to tend to

46:20

my own animals. Like, I would love to

46:23

have my own chickens. Like, the it's

46:26

as soon as we are able. Like, as

46:28

soon as we are able and as soon as we have

46:30

the space, that's what we're we're gonna do. And

46:33

I've been alluding to this just a little bit here

46:35

and there on Instagram. I've been trying

46:38

to soften the blow a

46:40

little bit. I have shared like someone asked, you know, I've shared so many times

46:42

that we want chickens and people have asked, would

46:44

you eat their eggs?

46:46

Yes. Yes. Yes.

46:48

I would. and

46:51

I have since, also

46:54

had meat, and

46:56

eat

46:57

I have had dairy,

46:59

and I have

47:02

tried a

47:02

really wide variety of

47:05

foods that I have deprived myself

47:07

of for the last decade. And

47:10

I have done that intentionally,

47:12

and I've done that with

47:16

you

47:16

know, really with with the sacred intention. And

47:20

the change

47:20

I feel in

47:21

my my

47:24

body, this That's the thing. If

47:26

I if I had veered

47:28

away from being vegan and

47:30

tried animal foods, and I was like, oh my god,

47:32

disgusting. This doesn't

47:34

work. And or felt no

47:36

difference, then it's like, yeah, I I would have

47:38

immediately gone back because the vegan

47:40

label is very comfy. You know,

47:42

it it fits me really well. And I've

47:44

kind of been living

47:46

that life for so long,

47:48

but I

47:50

immediately noticed such a

47:52

difference in my own well-being.

47:55

it was really it

47:57

was immediate immediate. That

47:58

when I

47:59

eat animal foods where I introduce more

48:02

animal foods

48:02

into my into my diet. I

48:05

am more energized. I

48:07

feel more content throughout the

48:09

day. I feel more full. I

48:11

used to have a I used to eat breakfast and then an hour

48:14

after that I'm starving. Like I used to

48:16

eat have to eat so many times throughout

48:18

the day and I would snack a lot throughout

48:20

the day. like, I was kind

48:22

of person I could have like two breakfast. No

48:24

no big deal. Right? And now it's

48:26

like I eat a way smaller

48:28

portion of food, but I'm really full.

48:31

and I feel full in a different in a

48:33

different way. I don't have that kind

48:35

of crash or dip in the afternoon

48:37

where normally I would need to have something

48:39

really sweet or you know, I

48:41

would love to have a Swedish fica and,

48:44

like, have a tons of coffee

48:46

and eat like cinnamon roll or

48:48

something. Like, I felt like I needed that like

48:50

kind of sugar to

48:52

pull me up from the tiredness. Like, I don't

48:54

feel that way anymore. You

48:56

know? I I don't I

48:58

don't feel that need. Like, I need something now. Like,

49:00

I I just walk through my

49:02

day feeling steadier and feeling more whole and feeling

49:06

more full.

49:06

and more for really

49:09

more

49:10

full. And I gained

49:13

some weight. I mean, that was kind of one

49:15

of the fur. It was really quick how that

49:17

happened and it's funny. and I have a

49:19

feeling probably it's gonna even out, you know, in a while. It's like my body is still

49:21

adjusting to the changes that I'm making. But

49:23

the feeling that I almost had is that as

49:25

soon as I started

49:27

eating some animal foods like my body went

49:30

like,

49:30

and it's just like

49:32

holding on to that nutrition

49:34

that's coming its way. And

49:38

it's

49:38

not like now I'm walking

49:40

through

49:40

my day regretting that I

49:43

spent all these years being vegan or like

49:45

I did something bad or no.

49:47

Like, I think that, you know, it it

49:49

served me really well in

49:51

the beginning, but then it kept

49:53

me really stagnant. And and I'm glad I'm

49:55

where I'm at now. I really am.

49:58

I

49:58

really

49:59

am.

50:01

And I'm glad I

50:04

get this opportunity to

50:05

to nourish my family in

50:07

a

50:07

different way. Dennis

50:10

now also is no longer vegan and he

50:14

didn't know, like he

50:16

genuinely didn't

50:18

know how much he was missing animal foods until

50:20

until he was eating them.

50:22

Like, it was kinda like flipping a

50:25

switch for him. we're all of a

50:27

eating And this a man like born and raised in the

50:30

Caribbean, born and raised

50:32

fishing, like

50:34

eating the fresh fish from the ocean. Like, he's used

50:36

to, like, fishing and then eating

50:38

sashimi on the dock, you know,

50:40

after, like, stepping off the boat. Like, this is a

50:42

man who

50:44

has fish in this ancestry, and he hasn't had

50:46

fish in so long. And, I

50:48

mean, he'll tell I'm gonna have him on the

50:50

show, and we'll do like

50:52

because I

50:53

know I'm getting a lot

50:54

of questions already, and I I'm not gonna be able to answer them all just from from

50:56

this one conversation here. But

51:00

hit what

51:01

he said is is immediate. He felt like he was missing something. Like, he

51:03

was

51:03

he started eating fish again and he started

51:06

feeling like, 0II didn't know. It was like

51:08

I was missing

51:10

a whole food group, you know. Like my body

51:12

was needing this whole food group and

51:14

and it was just gone and

51:17

now it's there. Just

51:20

a a

51:22

word just at the heart of this, because at

51:25

the heart of my veganism was always the

51:28

ethical treatment of animals, you

51:30

know, that if you can

51:32

live a good

51:34

healthy life and what I always

51:36

thought was a better and healthier

51:38

lives without animal foods

51:40

than why would you eat animal foods.

51:42

And I still stand by that.

51:45

The thing was I

51:47

wasn't living a better

51:49

healthier life.

51:50

I wasn't feeling better. And

51:52

I

51:53

know that now that I've seen the difference. Right? It's really hard to

51:55

know when you're in the middle of it.

51:56

It's really hard to know when you're in

51:59

the thick

51:59

of it. but for

52:02

me it wasn't the healthier life

52:04

and it feels so strange to say because I

52:06

was so convinced it

52:08

was I

52:10

really was and I will never put that kind

52:12

of label on myself

52:14

again. And where I am now, it's not

52:16

like I'm gonna have a new label and now I'm

52:18

eating this

52:20

It's like, no. Now I'm just living my life. Now I'm

52:22

just living my life and I'm asking

52:24

myself, how do I feel?

52:27

Does this feel good? Does this feel bad? Does this

52:30

make me feel Ichy? Does this

52:32

make me feel fuller? Does this make

52:34

me feel nervous? Does this make me

52:36

feel healthy? and how do I

52:38

feel? Like, that is it. I'm I'm done

52:40

with the label. I'm done with the

52:42

with those harsh corners of,

52:44

like, here is what you're supposed to eat,

52:47

you know? Like no one knows

52:49

what is best for another

52:51

person. No one.

52:53

And I genuinely believe

52:56

that the way of

52:57

life I'm I'm trying to

52:59

shape now is not only the

53:01

healthier life for me and for my but it's the more

53:04

sustainable and more earth

53:06

friendly way to live

53:08

as well. really

53:10

look forward to I really

53:12

look forward to getting to

53:15

grow into that. And I

53:17

also think and this is something that, like, I'm still getting comfortable with,

53:19

I'm still learning about,

53:22

is that

53:25

as

53:25

a vegan when we decide

53:28

to kind of step out

53:30

of that cycle

53:32

of life you

53:33

know, the the cycle of

53:35

life that our ancestors have been a part

53:37

of since the dawn

53:40

of time which

53:40

involves death. Right?

53:42

Which involves death.

53:43

Like, it involves life and it

53:45

involves death. And

53:48

we've separated

53:48

ourselves from that just almost entirely

53:50

like that is not that doesn't have

53:52

a place in

53:53

in the

53:55

world

53:55

anymore. And and I'm

53:58

starting to wrap my head around the fact

53:59

that that

54:01

probably that isn't true.

54:04

And I

54:04

look at, for example, like I have

54:07

my my aunts and my cousins,

54:09

my whole life. They had a big

54:11

farm full of animals, dairy farm,

54:13

and every animal

54:16

imaginable, and they always looked at at us like my

54:18

mom and and our side of the family. We were we

54:20

were like the city mice and they were like the

54:22

country mice,

54:24

you know. And I always used

54:26

to think that, oh my god, like, their way of life is really outdated. I genuinely

54:28

believe, like, how it's

54:30

so old

54:31

school and, like,

54:33

how can you

54:35

like get up at four in the morning? It's three hundred and sixty five

54:37

days a year to

54:40

milk a cow and like they're living

54:42

this

54:42

kind of life where they're, like,

54:45

out in the field all day and I just thought

54:47

it was very outdated for some

54:49

reason, like, not modern,

54:52

like, not definitely not for me. Right? I felt like the way I

54:54

was living was really the way and

54:56

now I look at them and I'm like, well,

54:58

they do

55:00

what the fuck they were doing all along. Like,

55:03

they're genuinely living this

55:06

completely

55:07

circular life. where

55:09

everything they

55:09

need comes from what they tend to

55:12

and what

55:12

they grow. And every

55:14

there's no waste. Like, everything is

55:17

taken care of. Everything is organic. Like,

55:19

everything is and they've had that like,

55:22

they've just had this organic

55:24

farm way before organic

55:24

was a thing, like, before I

55:27

was born, you know. and

55:29

like drinking

55:32

raw milk since they were born

55:34

and growing up with these animals

55:37

and then at the end of the animal's life, like,

55:39

yes, they like kill that animal and

55:41

then they that's the

55:43

animal that nourishes all

55:45

of their kids. and their whole entire family. And I used

55:47

to

55:47

think that that was so heartless and so

55:50

disgusting. And like, why

55:52

would you

55:54

do that? And now I think about

55:56

it. Why would you do that when you could go to the grocery store and buy Beyond Meat?

55:58

And I'm like,

55:59

the fuck was

56:02

I eating? beyond

56:04

meat. Like, what

56:04

is that? What is in that? What

56:06

was I putting on

56:08

my plate? Like, what what were we eating

56:10

thinking that this is the best? This,

56:12

like, twenty nine ingredient,

56:14

highly processed kind of non

56:16

food wrapped in plastic made somewhere

56:19

with stuff I can't pronounce. Like,

56:21

that's the sustainable way. and

56:23

then what my cousins are doing,

56:26

eating beef from the cow that

56:28

they tended to its

56:30

entire life. and then every

56:32

part of that process, like, it never leaves

56:34

the farm. Right? It's like, they do

56:36

everything. And I thought

56:38

that that that that was so unsustainable. You know, that like,

56:40

totally wrong. Like, they're not

56:42

taking care of the earth. Like eating,

56:44

you know, being vegan is

56:47

only sustainable. And I'm looking at that, like, what

56:49

was I thinking? Like, how how

56:51

far away from, like, real

56:53

earth was I? and

56:55

we went there to visit them just a couple weeks

56:58

ago and I for the first time

57:00

got to just see them working in

57:02

their day today with a whole new

57:04

set of eyes. with

57:06

so much reverence, you know. Like

57:08

without the farmers who grow our

57:11

food, we have nothing.

57:14

And I know now the amount of work it takes, to

57:16

grow a single tomato, the amount of

57:18

work that that takes. And

57:21

hand I

57:23

wanna live that kind of life. Like, of

57:25

course, I'm most likely not ready

57:28

to kill an animal

57:30

yet. Like,

57:32

I'm in that

57:32

place. But maybe one day,

57:34

you know, maybe one

57:36

day,

57:36

like, we'll live

57:38

that kind of life on our own homestead

57:40

where we don't

57:42

go to the grocery store for anything.

57:46

And

57:46

I I don't see

57:47

that now, right, but maybe twenty years from

57:50

now, like that's kind of life

57:52

that we live, maybe we do get to live

57:54

that completely self sustaining

57:56

life. And

57:59

to me, that

57:59

sounds really beautiful.

58:02

And I know I

58:04

know

58:05

I know the many vegan people

58:07

listening to this going like, meat

58:09

is murder, you know,

58:12

that

58:12

is death, that is murder, that is unnecessary.

58:14

And

58:16

my place in this now is

58:18

I'm

58:19

questioning the unnecessary because I'm seeing

58:21

now the necessary

58:22

in my own body, in my

58:26

own health. and my

58:27

daughters and then my

58:30

husbands. And

58:31

anything that brings me

58:33

a little bit closer to that real

58:35

intuition, I know is a good thing.

58:38

And maybe the point of this whole journey was

58:40

just for me to lose the

58:42

label. Right? And,

58:44

yes, we're still eating tons of vegan foods and, you

58:46

know, it's not like I'm sitting

58:49

here breakfast, lunch, snack,

58:51

and dinner, eating stake. Like, no, that's not what

58:53

our lives look like. But we are

58:56

done with the vegan label, and

58:58

I'm

58:58

ready for something that feels more

59:02

aligned with my ancestry and something more aligned

59:04

and in tune with with

59:06

the

59:06

earth and really tending

59:09

to the land here.

59:12

and

59:12

it's been almost an hour. I know

59:14

I'm gonna have so many big follow-up questions to

59:16

this. There will be a second episode, maybe

59:18

like a little Q and A.

59:20

Of course, I'll talk more

59:23

about this. A

59:24

book that really was supportive for

59:26

me is a book called sacred

59:30

cow. especially when

59:31

it comes to, for me, just learning a little

59:33

bit more around veganism

59:36

and sustainability. because

59:39

I was really convinced that that is the way that that cannot be

59:41

challenged. You know, that's what the media

59:43

says. That's like science. It's that's

59:45

what it is. And

59:48

I've now come to understand that that is not. It's not

59:50

the only way, and that's most likely for

59:52

how most people live, not the

59:56

way. So I really recommend that book sacred cow,

59:58

especially if you're triggered and

59:59

you're like,

59:59

oh, no, you know, then

1:00:02

it's good. If we have

1:00:04

a viewpoint that's really strong and that we

1:00:06

really don't want challenged, it's good

1:00:08

to read some challenging literature

1:00:10

around that. because, you

1:00:12

know, it could engrain you deeper in the

1:00:14

viewpoint you already have or it could open up

1:00:16

another perspective. And for

1:00:18

me, it opened up a perspective that I had

1:00:20

never considered. So I really

1:00:22

recommend that book.

1:00:24

I am

1:00:25

really looking

1:00:28

forward to just living my

1:00:30

life and sharing a

1:00:33

very unfiltered life,

1:00:36

like sharing just the

1:00:37

truth the way it is.

1:00:39

It has felt weird this

1:00:41

past year to you

1:00:43

know, I'm sure you've noticed that I'm not

1:00:46

barely sharing, you know, I'm not sharing

1:00:48

a lot of cooking anymore. I'm not sharing a lot

1:00:50

of food anymore. haven't

1:00:52

spoken about veganism in a

1:00:53

very long time. I'm sure you're noticing

1:00:56

that. And this is the

1:00:58

reason behind that. So feel

1:01:00

good just getting to live a

1:01:02

whole truth now, and I feel good

1:01:04

getting to evolve into this this

1:01:08

into this version of me and just stand

1:01:10

really tall in myself. Like, I feel

1:01:12

really assertive and solid

1:01:14

in what's best for me. and

1:01:17

grateful that I got to come to this

1:01:20

place too.

1:01:22

So thank you for

1:01:24

your kindness

1:01:26

and for

1:01:27

your grace and for

1:01:30

listening with such an

1:01:32

open heart. and for being here with me on this

1:01:34

journey. How about you?

1:01:36

You know? How

1:01:38

how are your labels?

1:01:40

Do

1:01:43

you have one of those really strong solid

1:01:45

labels that you never contemplated leaving? How is

1:01:47

that label feeling

1:01:48

right now? Whatever it is?

1:01:51

And of course, you know, if I

1:01:54

feel like there are a lot of people,

1:01:55

at least in my spaces, a lot

1:01:57

of people who are

1:01:59

kind of leaving a label like this one behind, and I would love to

1:02:02

hear from you. You

1:02:02

know, what was that like? How

1:02:05

did it feel? You know, where

1:02:07

are you in your journey on of

1:02:10

health and food and

1:02:11

family. I

1:02:14

really really would love to hear from you. So

1:02:16

let's Let's

1:02:18

have this conversation and let's

1:02:20

let's keep talking. Okay?

1:02:22

So I'll be back

1:02:24

with a brand new episode. next

1:02:27

week.

1:02:27

Thank you so much

1:02:29

for

1:02:29

listening to this week's episode. If

1:02:32

you enjoyed

1:02:34

the show, make sure you listen, read, review, and follow all episodes

1:02:36

of the overall podcast conversations

1:02:38

from The Heart. This was a

1:02:40

presentation of Cadence Thirteenth Studio and

1:02:44

Oh, see

1:02:44

week

1:02:45

you next week.