Things are moving along as I'm building my coaching business. I'm having more and more coaching conversations each week and seeing growth in my clients and myself. 

Last week I talked and thought all about perspective. The concept of the wheel was that if we could affect change in one area, it would affect change in the other regions also. I believe my focus on perspective last week has clarified some of my thoughts on self-image. 

As I'm coaching more people from all walks of life, one thing has become evident, how we view ourselves significantly affects how we approach the world. Imagine what would happen to our self-images if we all viewed vulnerability as a strength. 

I think about how my different experiences at different stages have made a lasting impact on my self-image. When I talk to other people with and without ADHD, it feels like a shot to the gut when I hear how they have assigned less value to themselves because of a poor self-image learned from others' repetitive feedback. You are not lazy or dumb. You are smart, creative, empathetic, and intuitive. 

Self-image is improved by having measurable successes. You build confidence by keeping the promises that you've made to yourself. So, let's be intentional and specific about what we ask of ourselves. 

One of the traits I've picked up on about myself and others is that we want to develop permanent solutions in the areas where we fall short. Like how most people treat their new year's resolutions, they aspire to change specific aspects completely. But, quickly, they fizzle out and are soon forgotten. But for some of us, they aren't forgotten. They're mentally stored as failures and are considered proof of what we thought of ourselves, and reinforcing our poor self-image. We believe this to be evidence that we can't follow through or pay attention, and we all too often give up. 

When we institute systems and structure into our lives, I suggest we build in room for improvement. 

I'm learning it doesn't have to be all or nothing. What's important here is that we don't get angry or embarrassed for what we see as not following through on another thing and then incorrectly concluding that we can't do the things and achieve the goals that will improve how we view ourselves. 

The next time you're either considering or presented with a new initiative, try out the following.

Maybe you're super excited about the possibilities, and perhaps you feel that fear in the pit of your stomach that this will ultimately end up in what you view as another failed attempt. I urge you to identify that feeling in your gut as a valuable asset, don't power through it, thinking this time will be different. Instead, pause, go through these questions to ensure this new initiative is timely, be successful, and build your self-image and confidence. We'll need that positive self-image and confidence to get to where we are going. 

1) How long will this be in my life? 

2) Why is this significant and necessary now?

3) Do I have now or do I have access to the time and resources to ensure this initiative is successful, given my current commitments. 

4) What will I have to scale back on that is currently in my life so that I can take on this new shiny thing and everything that comes with it, and is that acceptable to me?

If you go through this process and think through these questions, you're exercising your power and stating that you are the agent in charge of instituting change in your life. 

This process applies to everything, the new cool things you want to take on, and those things we view as selected on our behalf. Going through this process and identifying your limits can give you the information needed to communicate your capacity and boundaries from a healthy place.