Monday’s unequivocally fucking suck. See as a grownup I completely understand that now but growing up, not so much. I always kind of thought of it as one of the more colorful colloquialisms of the 90’s like Talk to the hand, or Boo-ya or one of the more confusing ones like The Banks Closed which as it turns out is a sex thing. Go figure. But no, I get it know. Monday’s just happen to fucking suck. Stock market returns are lower, suicide rates are higher, and all of our combined feelings confirm the overwhelming data ⁠—Monday is the least happy day of the week. As a matter of fact, the most depressing day of the year is the Monday after Christmas –Christmas! We're talking going from one extreme aka the most wonderful time of the year to Blue Monday Which emotionally is about as painful as Blue Balls which is 100% a sex thing. But it’s not necessarily Monday’s fault that it's such a shitty day It’s more or less science, or biology I mean let’s just look at the anatomy of a typical week First, we get Monday which as we established sucks ass But Tuesday’s on the other hand are kind of great Now I know, I know there’s a lot of people who seem to be kind of anti-Tuesday, it is after all the least interesting, least exciting day of the week but that’s what I love about Tuesday's so much, there’s no distractions, or deadlines or weird office memos’ from over the weekend you could give a fuck less about Nope. Tuesday’s are my get shit done day because, well I get shit done. And I’m not the only one, a recent study that I found on some blog while I was researching the history of hump day, which I’m convinced is also secretly a sex thing, says that not only is Tuesday the most productive day of the week, but Tuesdays are also the day of the week that most people apply for jobs, However, Monday applications tend to be more successful.  But Fuck Monday and all you overachieving early bird gets the worm assholes. Moving onto Wednesday, aka good ole hump day See legend has it that the phrase hump day has been around since at least the 1950’s Others say it didn’t really become a thing until the 80’s with the expression referring to the signatory “hump” that Wednesday represents as the middle of the week but the more and more I read the more of a confusing gumbo of mixed metaphors it becomes Like I’m supposed to imagine the work week as a hill. Monday to Tuesday is an uphill battle and then you get to the Hump aka Wednesday after that Its both Smooth Sailing and Downhill which doesn’t make any fucking sense because although Smooth Sailing usually means it’s all good, everything going downhill from here does not.  And besides how the hell can you smoothly sail down a hill? You can’t I have another theory See way back when some guy in some office somewhere in America made a deal with his wife that Wednesday was sex day aka hump day. And, that same guy was the first guy to be sent to HR for a sexual harassment complaint based on a joke that he thought was just among his male co-workers, and that same guy thinking on his about to be fired toes came up with the cleverly flawed, hump day hill thing. The end Except for those of you wondering, why did the wife agree to Wednesday of all days to be sex day. *Bing* You guessed it, Because Thursday is usually Payday That’s why most bars and clubs and pretty much any restaurant that sells alcohol strategically...