0:08

Hi,

0:18

this is Gilbert Gottfried, and

0:20

this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing

0:22

colossal podcast with my co-host,

0:25

Frank Santopadre. Our

0:27

guest this week is back

0:30

for a return visit since

0:32

his first episode back in

0:34

2016 was

0:37

a fan favorite and one of

0:39

our favorites. I

0:42

have to follow this. He's

0:50

an actor, voice artist,

0:52

impressionist, and one of the most

0:54

gifted and popular

0:56

comedians of his

0:58

generation. You've seen him

1:01

in TV shows too numerous to

1:03

mention, but here are a few.

1:06

Get Smart, The Odd Couple, Love

1:08

American style, a Pink Panther

1:11

show, Maud, Soap,

1:13

Married with Children, Duckman,

1:16

and the long-running sketch

1:18

show Bazaar, as well

1:20

as a million

1:22

talk shows and variety shows,

1:24

including the Carol Burnett

1:27

Show, the Dean Martin Show,

1:29

the Steve Allen Comedy Hour,

1:32

Rowan and Martin's Laughing, The

1:34

Late Show with David Letterman,

1:36

and his own variety shows,

1:39

Something Else and the John

1:41

Viner Comedy Hour. He's

1:44

also appeared in 18

1:46

episodes of The Ed Sullivan

1:48

Show and a whopping

1:50

37 episodes of

1:54

The Tonight Show with Johnny

1:56

Carson in a long and very

1:58

successful career. that

2:00

started back in the early 1960s,

2:04

he shared the stage and

2:07

screen with a hoo-soo of

2:10

Showbiz royalty including Bing

2:12

Crosby and everybody loves him, oh

2:15

that's his song. Well

2:20

I just want to tell you I've worked with them many

2:22

times, had a good time the bangle. You're

2:26

going right into it

2:28

Gil. Okay,

2:31

oh do you do a Henry Fonda?

2:34

Well I try to do it sometimes but it

2:36

doesn't always come out right. Do

2:40

you do a Bobo? How about

2:42

that? Well

2:49

obviously Jerry Lewis. Hey

2:52

that goes without saying.

2:54

Who else is on

2:56

that list of people

2:58

he worked with? I

3:02

know you do a Craig Fredder Stair.

3:08

Oh Rodney

3:10

Dangerfield. Oh hey you know

3:12

I tell you it's

3:15

rough you know. I

3:18

was looking out the window the other day I got arrested

3:20

for mooning. In

3:25

no respect at all. Oh

3:27

Sammy Davis Jr. Alright, let

3:29

me see. Hi there

3:32

man. And oh Burt Reynolds. No, okay.

3:34

Do you do Don Rickles? Yeah hockey

3:36

puck. Just

3:51

to name a few. There you go.

3:54

And his wonderful

3:56

new memoir co-written

3:58

with Douglas Wellman is

4:01

called Five Minutes Mr.

4:03

Biner, a lifetime of

4:05

laughter. Frank and I

4:08

are excited to welcome back one

4:10

of our favorite performers, the man

4:12

who does the best Jimmy Cagney

4:15

and Robert Stack in the business,

4:18

and a man who has a story

4:20

involving both a chip

4:23

and Billy Barty. Well, you put

4:26

it that way. A

4:32

fabulous John Biner. Something

4:36

for everybody. I thought

4:38

Elizabeth Sullivan had a lot of different... So

4:42

okay, so good night everybody. Good night.

4:45

Welcome back John. Don't

4:48

promise me that you

4:50

would have a

4:52

Jew-hating story about Ed Sullivan. No

4:54

I didn't. Hey, wait a minute.

4:57

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

5:00

Hold it right there. Neil Sylvia

5:02

was a Jewish girl. Jewish woman. I

5:05

married her. We were

5:07

at the temple guards here in

5:09

Chicago County downtown Manhattan. And

5:13

I had no idea I could just...

5:15

I'm colorblind and I'm religious blind and

5:17

I'm just blind. I

5:20

had them all on my show.

5:25

I had Jose Feliciano and

5:27

I had nothing against the Jewish colors.

5:32

Neil, where did you get the idea that

5:34

Ed Sullivan was anti-Semitic? He just

5:36

strikes me. It's

5:40

because of that fight he had with Jackie

5:42

Mason. Jackie

5:44

Mason had the fight with him. You get me

5:46

wrong. Yeah. Should we get that

5:48

story out of the way John since you tell

5:50

it so well? Oh well, I was on that

5:52

very show where... Okay,

5:55

let's see. Anytime you had a rock star

5:57

come on the show that you were going to do. you

6:00

knew you're gonna have a lot of kids

6:02

in the audience, especially the dress rehearsal. And

6:04

so when they were in, you

6:09

had to readjust your timing and everything

6:11

else. And you had to

6:13

fall into it with them. My guy

6:15

used to do it, Ed, and I said, you know, hold it down now,

6:18

or I'll put you across my knee and

6:20

spank you. You know, I

6:22

did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

6:24

So they all loved that, you know,

6:26

when you bring them into it. So

6:29

anyway, Jackie's out there, and the president of the

6:31

United States at the time, Lyndon

6:33

Baines Johnson. And

6:37

they get word to the studio that

6:40

Lyndon Baines is gonna take up the

6:42

first half hour of the show, right?

6:45

With a speech. And

6:48

so Ed had, or the second

6:50

half, I'll get a little confused,

6:52

but one of those half hours.

6:55

Yeah, the first half hour. So

6:57

he's, so Jackie Mason is working

6:59

the thing because

7:03

he was on the first part, which was

7:05

going to Canada, not to the

7:07

States, because the president would have nothing to do

7:10

with Canada. Anyway, so

7:14

he's out there and he's working. He's working with

7:16

these kids, and he's getting frustrated, and he says

7:19

at one point, he says, look, I

7:21

told you 30 jokes, pick one you like. So

7:25

then he starts to thinking, okay, so

7:31

he starts doing this thing where Elizabeth Taylor and

7:33

Richard Burton were very popular, they get divorced, they

7:35

get married, the thing, the ring is as big

7:37

as a manhole cover. And

7:39

it's all this stuff is in the news about

7:41

them. So the kids know about them, whether they

7:43

like to or not, they know about them. So

7:46

he goes into this thing, he says, he

7:49

says, you know who's a big mouth? Richard Boyton,

7:51

Richard Boyton is always talking to Elizabeth,

7:53

Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth,

7:56

Elizabeth, you never hear me talk about

7:58

it. So,

8:04

so he's getting hot now they're starting to laugh, they're

8:06

starting to get with him and now it gets word

8:08

that that Johnson

8:10

talked a little faster than usual and now it's

8:13

only been 18 minutes and he's coming back on.

8:16

So now he's got to tell he's got to

8:19

tell the world when they come back on the

8:21

US comes on who's on the show and what's

8:23

been on and all that kind of stuff. So

8:25

he tells the stage manager give him give

8:27

him the two minute sign. He

8:30

gets the two minute sign. So then then

8:32

it's so Sullivan kind of he's getting like he says

8:34

then he gets you give him the minute sign. So

8:36

he goes like this, the guy

8:39

behind the you know the cameras, one finger,

8:41

stage head, stage head. Yeah,

8:43

this one. Yeah. The

8:45

pointer. So, so, so,

8:47

so, so he says, so Jackie says, look at

8:50

this. He says, I'm getting hot and they're giving

8:52

me the finger. Well, here's a finger for

8:54

you and a finger for you out to

8:56

the other side and the finger for you and then

8:58

the finger for you. But

9:00

it was off camera here. But

9:03

Ed, Ed didn't know it was off camera

9:05

and his face dropped longer than it was

9:07

when he wasn't mad. And

9:14

he's he's like, oh, and Jackie

9:16

walks off like, you know, with his hands like

9:18

marching like a soldier, like a tin soldier that

9:20

did wind up walks off the stage like this.

9:23

So I go up, you know, the show is over. And it's now we're

9:25

going to have the fern to bring her for her. So

9:28

now the show is over and I go upstairs and I'm

9:31

I'm taking my stuff and I get

9:33

ready. And I go down the stairs, CBS,

9:35

you know, 53rd Broadway CBS to

9:37

go down the stairs and there's a landing there

9:39

and Ed Sullivan's dressing room was off there and

9:41

I'd have to pass him to go down the

9:43

stairs again. And and so I

9:46

go in every Sunday's or hi, good night

9:48

Ed. Hi, fine. You're a treasure or whatever.

9:50

He said, right. So so

9:52

this night the door is closed. And

9:55

I hear you lousy no good. Well,

9:58

you know, we have nuns and priests and. The rabbis

10:00

watched the show and you pull a stunt

10:02

like that, you son of a pig, you

10:04

punk man, you know, she was just laying

10:07

into him. And

10:11

when you stop for a breath, you'd hear

10:14

Jack Eagle butt head and then

10:16

he'd be right back down again. That

10:21

was the way it went. Classic. That story

10:23

has changed so many times over the years from other

10:25

people telling it. Richard Belzer. When

10:28

Belzer, shelter tells it. Richard Belzer tells me, he

10:30

says, oh, I told that story

10:32

to so many important people. I said, well,

10:34

did you give me credit for it? No,

10:36

but they loved it. What

10:42

is it? It's Belzer who embellished the

10:44

story with the anti-Semitic. Oh yeah,

10:46

he drew that. He drew that. He drew, but you

10:48

know, he just. Maybe

10:52

where he over got the notion. I never said that. But

10:55

he was doing me, doing him, doing him,

10:57

doing him. He's

11:00

a good man, Richard. Yeah.

11:03

And off the air, I brought up,

11:05

there was one bit you did on

11:08

the movie, Real Lobo. Yeah.

11:10

When you did the entire cast, can you

11:13

do some of that? Making

11:16

your work, John. Yeah. I love

11:18

that bit. Well, Brandon

11:20

was in it and I don't do actual scenes for

11:23

movie or makeup words, you know. You

11:25

get the idea. You get the idea. You

11:28

know, I was out there and those fellas come

11:30

early with those guns and I don't

11:32

know if we can hold them off. Are

11:34

we going to have to do it or else

11:37

you're going to throw that broom down and

11:40

grab a rifle like everybody else? Richard

11:46

Belzer always reminds me, hey, you're still doing

11:48

that? Oh, I forgot. You know, I read

11:51

that. The other great Sullivan story, John,

11:53

and there were so many and you know, you liked him.

11:57

He was like a father figure. He was indeed. Yeah. is

12:00

the one where it's bad luck to whistle backstage

12:02

and he heaps. The other one I love. It's

12:04

in the book. I don't want to tell all

12:06

the stories from the book, but that's a great

12:09

one. You know, with the art history, I'll throw

12:11

that one in. I'll throw that one in and

12:13

it's a teaser. It's a teaser. Anyway,

12:16

he took a bunch of us out there to

12:19

work with him live at Harris Club

12:21

in Lake Tahoe for two weeks. Early

12:24

in my career, I was about six months into the

12:26

career. And, and,

12:29

and I didn't know about that, you know, the

12:31

taboos and all that about what the show business,

12:33

you know, like they can't walk under this and

12:36

don't be that and double there. So I

12:38

get there, I get there the afternoon and

12:40

I don't realize it. It's Sullivan's in his

12:42

dressing room, which was right across the hall

12:44

from my dressing room. And

12:47

I'm in and I'm doing shining my

12:49

shoes and I'm whistling.

12:56

And I hear, who's that whistling over

12:58

there? From

13:02

his dressing room. So

13:05

then I hear Jack Babb, his

13:07

assistant is in unmistakable voices. It's

13:10

Biner Ed. So there's a

13:12

long pause and I'm sitting there. I don't know

13:14

what I'm doing. And he

13:17

says, Biner, don't

13:20

you know that's taboo to whistle in the

13:22

dressing room. So I thought,

13:24

Okay, I said back and I started back

13:26

on my shoes. He says, one

13:29

more peep out of you. I'll come

13:31

over there and string you up by your red

13:33

balls. It's

13:41

so good. You know, this is

13:43

another thing. It's like

13:45

if someone said to me, so

13:49

and so does a great James

13:51

Cagney invitation to me, I'm always

13:53

thinking, you know, well, everybody does

13:56

James Cagney, you know, it's like

13:58

you dirty rats. But

14:00

then I heard yours and

14:03

you actually spent time with him. I

14:06

was invited to his home. Yes.

14:09

I was at my friend Roger

14:11

Miller, Dan, me, but I love

14:13

Roger Miller. Trailers for sale, hey,

14:16

Bynar. You know where I'm from? He

14:18

said, hey, Bynar. You know where I'm going tonight?

14:20

I said, where? He says, Mary and I

14:22

are going over to James Cagney's house. So

14:25

I said, wow. But I wouldn't do

14:27

that. Just saying in passing, boy, what

14:29

I wouldn't do to be able to meet him and I go

14:31

home to the beach. I was on the

14:33

beach. My kids are upstairs. I'm making dinner for them.

14:35

And and there's the dog is barking.

14:37

He's up there. The kids are arguing

14:39

about some shirt or something. The

14:43

phone starts to ring and then somebody picks it

14:45

up and I'm still at the stove. And my

14:47

daughter looks over this little balcony thing and she's,

14:49

dad, you know, like a days ago,

14:52

James Cagney's on the phone. Wow.

15:00

So so I pick up the phone. I

15:02

said, hello, John. Oh, it's me, Jimmy. Jimmy,

15:05

Jimmy Cagney. We're having a

15:07

smoker tonight. I'm inviting you. Come on over.

15:09

Just you, me and the boys. So

15:12

I said, yeah, sure. He gives me his address

15:14

and all that. So so

15:16

I go over there and I walk in and

15:18

he comes over and he says about 80 years

15:20

old. He has a little cane with him. And

15:23

he didn't say hello or anything. He puts his hand and

15:26

he says, I just saw

15:28

you do something straight. It was marvelous.

15:31

Marvelous. I

15:35

wish people could see this. I wish this was a visual.

15:37

Yeah. So so that was kind of fun. And then he

15:39

showed me around and said, just he and I, he said,

15:41

come on, I want to show you something. And

15:43

he took me upstairs to his office

15:46

and he he showed me some oriental

15:48

gentlemen, artist had carved Jimmy's

15:51

entire career into the door,

15:53

this beautiful cabinet and

15:55

had, you know, the pictures of it and admirals,

15:58

uniforms and all that kind of stuff. And

16:01

oh get it. Oh Yeah,

16:07

so anyway, he was a great guy and then

16:09

he went back a couple more times and I

16:11

was I was sitting there one night And the

16:13

party and he's like this across the

16:15

way. He's got the cane he's got his hand and

16:17

he's looking right at me about maybe

16:19

six feet away from him and the party's

16:21

going over there and then

16:24

you know and somebody playing the banjo

16:26

and Entertaining in

16:29

that area and and he goes

16:31

he goes John

16:33

oh Do

16:36

you do Jimmy Stewart I Said

16:43

everybody does Jimmy Stewart he said so just

16:45

didn't don't look kind of saved my ass

16:48

He comes over. He says hey, come on. Let's do Yankee Doodle for

16:50

the old man So so we

16:52

did little Yankee Doodle for him and that was

16:54

great. Isn't there something? I'm to remember

16:57

this story He said something very sweet to you as

16:59

you were leaving or paddle Brian He

17:01

did that that that Irish poem

17:04

out the wind. Yeah, no

17:06

the windy always had your back But

17:08

I don't remember the rest of it What

17:12

a what a Brian Pat O'Brien walked me

17:14

to the with with Jimmy Cagney I couldn't

17:16

James Cagney and Jim and Pat O'Brien. I

17:18

thought holy cow. I must be a priest

17:21

I It's

17:26

so funny cuz I've never heard

17:28

a Cagney imitation like that, but

17:30

you know, it's the best well

17:32

everybody does well Everybody he

17:34

dropped real fast like this. He tell a little

17:36

story took this happen Because

17:39

everybody used to do James Cagney

17:41

and it was always like yo

17:43

dirty rats Yeah, they had

17:46

like easy things to do. Yeah, you know

17:48

like you're just you tell me Jimmy Stewart

17:50

Yeah, all you have to do

17:52

is just just just just just just just just just

17:54

figure out Yeah,

17:57

yeah Brilliant.

18:00

Yeah. Yeah,

18:03

that's exactly what I was talking

18:05

about there. Yeah. Yeah. Like

18:08

that. I just want to ask

18:10

a couple of more things about Ed, John. And

18:12

you had done this show before. You know we

18:14

jump around like crazy people. You said

18:16

he was a unique man whose talent was

18:19

spotting talent. Oh, yeah. Which

18:21

is a fascinating statement. Yeah.

18:24

Well, he knew. He knew. He'd

18:26

hear somebody on the radio as he drove

18:28

home to Connecticut. He'd call

18:30

his people and he'd say, hey, I heard a certain

18:32

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah on the radio and

18:34

try to book her for the night within the next

18:37

month or something. And that's how

18:39

he'd find people. He'd just listen and he'd look

18:41

and he'd find out who liked the Beatles and

18:43

all that. He found out, you know, who was

18:45

popular, who was doing this

18:47

and who was that. And, you

18:49

know, he was in tune and he

18:52

had his art. The art

18:54

was in television is that especially

18:56

then, then there were only three

18:58

channels. So people couldn't slip around. They didn't like something.

19:00

It couldn't be now. They go. But

19:05

there was just three channels. So if

19:07

you didn't like something, you'd wait until

19:09

the opera singer or, you know, Charles

19:11

Lawton reading the Bible or something

19:13

like that was over. So, you know,

19:15

you get into some heat and he had something

19:17

that was quick and good right after that to

19:19

kind of bring you out of that. And then

19:21

he had something to load you back. If somebody

19:23

came out, you know, he just knew how to

19:25

space a show and how to make it

19:28

stay interesting. Like the first

19:30

time you were on with Ricky Lane

19:32

and Velvel, the ventriloquist act, George Raft

19:36

and a but and a flaming baton act. Yeah.

19:39

And you got to watch yourself backstage. Did

19:42

you ever go on with Bobby Barasini

19:44

and his chimps? Do you remember

19:47

that act? Yeah, I remember the act,

19:49

but I never did. I had a monkey act. No,

19:51

no, I never did go on. I also think it's

19:53

something in the book you mentioned too, that he deserves

19:55

credit to while he was discovering talent, you know, in

19:58

a difficult era. I mean, he knew he was. never

20:00

discriminatory. Not at all.

20:02

Everybody got everybody that was the only thing he

20:04

saw was talent. That's it. That's all.

20:06

That's all. That's what he saw when he

20:09

met his wife. I'm

20:14

gonna I'm gonna make people buy the book to read

20:17

the Alan Jones story with Ed because it's so

20:19

much fun. And now

20:22

what and but then

20:24

wasn't Jackie Mason like

20:26

banned? Ten

20:28

years. Yeah. Ten

20:30

years he didn't go back and one

20:32

day he met Jackie. He ran into Jackie in

20:34

an elevator or something down in Miami.

20:38

He said you know like nothing happens. When you

20:40

go to our show again Jackie. And

20:44

he was on the next week. Yeah.

20:47

The first night you did Sullivan, Jack

20:49

Carter said something mean-spirited to you. Oh,

20:51

well. You see the first time I

20:53

was on I well it's

20:55

done you know. It's

20:57

like it's like the first time I was on

20:59

was a surprise to me and everybody that did

21:01

the dress rehearsal because they had to cut some

21:03

of their time. Right. And you know doing a

21:06

show you got to know exactly when this coming

21:08

in and whether they go out and who did

21:10

that who's wearing

21:12

that you know you got to do the things you know. So

21:15

it was kind of like holy cow they're

21:17

changing around the changing timings and this that

21:19

and the other thing. And Jack

21:21

Carter had a little thing address rehearsal where his

21:24

wife came out I don't know what the deal

21:26

was but his wife came out beating a bass

21:29

drum or something you know boom boom

21:31

boom. And they cut that

21:33

right out. And

21:35

I'm sure he had to take that

21:37

long ride back to LA with her

21:39

sitting next to him. We

21:43

never heard too many flattering things about

21:45

Jack Carter on doing this show over

21:47

there. He was in let's just say

21:50

he was super insecure. We will return

21:55

to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing

21:58

colossal podcast. after

22:00

this. Can you do

22:02

any Jack Carter chance?

22:06

You know, it's like this all the time. You know, I was

22:09

like, yeah, well,

22:11

I was over there and I was doing that. You

22:13

know, it's like that. You know, like he almost lost

22:15

his chops, you know. So

22:18

we so he everybody was caught and I

22:20

had I had this one suit. I

22:23

was working of a truck at the time.

22:25

And I had this one suit that I'd

22:27

wear to church and you know, the one

22:29

suit. So I wore the one suit for

22:31

dress rehearsal. So by the time I got

22:33

through sitting around waiting for everybody to finish

22:36

that one suit was over wrinkled and stuff

22:38

and so they sent me down

22:40

to their basement under the stage

22:42

where the guys were, you know, did all

22:44

the ironing and getting the costumes back in shape

22:46

that were in dress rehearsal and all. And

22:49

they gave me a robe and some sandals to

22:51

get around because they're going to do my shoes

22:53

and my pants and my dinner and

22:56

and and to get back to the stairs

22:58

or the elevator that takes you up after

23:00

the first floor takes you up to where

23:02

I was. I had to go up

23:04

this flight of stairs and there's like the school steps,

23:06

you know, they had the tin on the edge of

23:08

the step, the metal and I

23:10

had the sandals on and I wasn't used to

23:12

sandals and I I slipped on the first step

23:14

like that and I hear, I hope

23:17

you break your neck. That

23:21

was Carter. Jack

23:24

Carter, nice guy. And

23:30

I look up and here he is on

23:32

the fold out chair leaning against the side of

23:34

the elevator door, you know, and looking

23:36

down at me like that, like, you know, a lot

23:38

of hate in his heart. We

23:44

had him booked on this show, John, but he

23:46

passed away suddenly. From

23:49

nervousness. Before we could get to him. Well,

23:52

God bless him, you know, I mean, he

23:54

had he had a nice wife. He

23:59

had. How

24:02

many moments as you do we would put

24:04

it in the intro was at eighteen seventeen

24:06

or a seventy any to into do not

24:08

feel a chill I did I yeah that

24:10

hot a seal to set foot back of

24:13

his in the Solomon theater all these years

24:15

later doing love he I was so I

24:17

did idea paid paid homage to the so

24:19

we're doing that you know a lot associated

24:21

as he gets you read the reviews on

24:23

this thing that would dog and over and

24:25

and as some people say I didn't know

24:27

any of a feeble he was doing it

24:29

is. To ten year olds, idiots and

24:31

Or and Zola it was. It was

24:33

very good. I had a good time

24:35

and it was good. Fun ceiling you

24:38

know, People to see it on

24:40

you to buy. Recommended. The I would

24:42

say spare them more. Louis has great

24:44

what what do you remember about working

24:46

with Jerry Lewis? Jerry.

24:49

Lewis was my inspiration the be a

24:51

comedian when I was a kid. My

24:54

father passed away and. And I

24:56

was in over pre teens and know.

24:59

And. As soon real bad about

25:01

it and for long time and

25:03

as you may realize. Or

25:06

and his friend my we didn't have

25:08

television were both back room and queens

25:10

at the time. And

25:13

not a kid invited me over to see. The

25:16

Colgate Comedy Hour Demon Dean Martin and

25:18

Jerry Lewis and I since and I

25:20

juri lose the mountains and he's of

25:22

an adult acting like the kid that

25:25

just knocked me out. I started last

25:27

and I forget all about his father

25:29

and forget offered other it's i just

25:31

asked. Which is roland

25:33

around laughing at this guy in a. And

25:36

I always liked making people laugh. It's

25:38

great! What? Did you would jury duty?

25:40

Did you did A short lived I don't think

25:42

Jerry had a thing of a while his own

25:45

show. And it went on. Oh, I

25:47

just said the talk will seriously now because

25:49

I'm in the business and. Beloved

25:53

your with the your yeah. and

25:56

anyway year he has his tv show

25:58

a rigid it is NBC and it

26:00

was, I

26:03

don't know how many shows we did, but I was like

26:05

his Dean Martin, not

26:08

quite as handsome, but I don't

26:10

know. He wanted somebody around to be

26:12

like a straight guy. I'd love to

26:14

find those and see them. I would too, I hadn't seen

26:16

any of them. I just, you know, I was working so

26:18

much, I'd never get to see them, but

26:21

I'd like to see them too. I think they're only like

26:24

five or six weeks he was there. And

26:28

when was your first time performing

26:31

or getting or auditioning or

26:33

anything? My

26:39

high school buddy, Dean Calcagno, who's

26:41

now Dean Christopher, because everybody

26:43

used to use the G, you know,

26:46

you Calcagno. So

26:49

it bothered him. So he changed it to Dean

26:51

Christopher, his middle name. So anyway, Dean Christopher and

26:54

I were high school friends and

26:56

his father worked for, he was an artist,

26:58

cartoon artist that worked for one

27:00

of the papers, the newspapers in Manhattan. And he

27:02

found out about this, this

27:06

Irving Mansfield, Merv

27:08

Griffin had a show like the Arthur

27:11

Godfrey thing years ago, the Talent Scouts

27:13

show, where he'd get well-known

27:15

people that come on and sit down and

27:17

pretend that they found

27:20

somebody in the club or on the street playing

27:22

the banjo or whatever. And

27:25

that person would be brought out and that was,

27:27

you know, just to bring some stars out and

27:29

say, here's, there's gonna be a, anyway, I

27:33

auditioned for Irving Mansfield in his

27:35

office and

27:37

Merv Griffin and Joe

27:40

Calcagno and they found,

27:42

they said that they had

27:44

found me discovered. Years

27:48

later, I'd see

27:50

the producer being interviewed and he'd say, oh, yeah,

27:52

John Beiner, you know, that's

27:55

the first thing I did. And that

27:57

was kind of a fun thing. I did the goofs of

28:00

this. stars. That was my

28:02

premise. What's the goose of the stars?

28:04

Well, there's Johnny Mathis. It's not for

28:06

meters. So

28:14

good. And Elvis,

28:16

I don't remember

28:19

all of it, but Elvis had

28:21

the guitar with the strap. He's

28:24

singing, Love me tender,

28:27

love me to never

28:30

let me go. And then he's slinging

28:32

the guitar around his back and the

28:36

strap would come across his throat. And

28:38

I'd say, I love you, tender.

28:43

I love you, for sure. You know,

28:47

and that's what I did on the first one. And

28:50

Jack O'Brien was that was the guy that did all

28:52

the reviews for the New York. I

28:55

think it was The Times. And

28:58

he he gave me a

29:00

great review. And it

29:02

said finally, talent with the scouts.

29:05

That's the way he opened the review. Now,

29:08

now I just remember when

29:10

you did that voice, did

29:13

you used to do a character

29:15

named Mr. Fossil Doodle? Yes, yes.

29:17

Felix Fossa Dee Dee. Yeah, on

29:19

the election. Gary Moore. Gary Moore

29:22

came back for about four weeks

29:24

with their work and all that stuff. And

29:27

and yeah, he was we did him as a what

29:32

was it? An animal

29:34

psychologist. Yeah. Yeah,

29:38

I had somewhere I have I have myself in

29:40

a net for Nicello. She played my nurse. And

29:44

I'm talking about the animals.

29:47

I'm talking about the animals and I feel

29:49

you know. And I start I start coming

29:51

on to her. You

29:54

know, you're

29:56

chasing her around the desk. It's

29:59

a beautiful way. and

30:02

then at one point I stopped and I walked toward the

30:04

camera and I go, you know, Disney was

30:06

no fool. The

30:13

Merv Griffin talent scouts stories in the book,

30:15

John. And there's a couple of turning points

30:17

in your journey. There's that one. There's the

30:19

night you discovered the Oaks Club in Siosa.

30:22

Oh, that was the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

30:24

That was a need of extra money. I

30:29

was working for a pool company and

30:32

and I drive my my truck sometimes,

30:37

you know, going to repair a pool or

30:39

pump it out or do whatever. And

30:43

then I see this sign in Siosa and there's a

30:45

big old house, big gray old house. And

30:48

they'd taken the porch and made a nightclub out

30:50

of the port, big front, you know,

30:52

with all the glass and everything is just a

30:54

nightclub. And on

30:56

the sign that said talent, talent show ever. No,

31:00

not a talent show, but entertainment every

31:02

Saturday night. And so

31:04

I had I had done a few things in the

31:06

Navy to make the guys laugh and and and

31:12

and so, you know, I was I

31:14

came home on a

31:16

Saturday night from work and

31:19

about six o'clock and my wife was telling me

31:21

that that we needed some shoes, you

31:23

know, for the kids that, you know, the kids,

31:25

they eat shoes, you know, they wear. So

31:29

so I figured we need some extra

31:31

bucks. So I went and put that

31:33

same suit on and I went

31:35

over to Siosa, which was about 15, 20

31:38

miles from where I lived. And I

31:40

parked the car and I was like,

31:42

you know, the Lord was

31:44

just waiting up there for me to get

31:46

off my ass and do something because because

31:49

I walked into that place. And as I'm

31:51

walking in, there's a trio on

31:53

the little stage they had there with

31:55

a little room with about 15 people

31:57

at different tables. And

32:00

the guy, obviously, he had been doing

32:02

some stand up, is walking off the stage to

32:04

this. One

32:08

guy. So

32:12

I go over and I

32:14

find out from one of the guys, the

32:16

trio gets off the stage, and

32:19

I stop one of them, and I say, hey, who

32:21

owns this place? And they say, it was right over

32:24

there. Dick Metz, tall guy, jingling change in his pocket,

32:26

and he's looking around, and

32:28

the bars kind of loaded the people. And

32:31

I said, hey, I

32:33

did some things in the Navy, you know, some shows.

32:35

I said, okay, everybody, I tried something

32:38

out on the stage. He goes, hey, it couldn't

32:40

hurt. Early Rodney.

32:42

And so I talked some things over with

32:44

the guys in the trio, and

32:53

I got up there, and it turned out to be a job

32:55

that went on for months. Saturday

32:58

night. Where was the,

33:00

I'm a Long Island kid, I have no

33:02

memory of the Oaks Club, which must be

33:04

long gone. Oh yeah, Jericho Turnpike. The

33:09

house that's so old, you know, it was sighing.

33:12

Long gone.

33:16

What did you do that night, John?

33:18

You did John Wayne as a priest,

33:20

and you did the JFK football coach?

33:22

Having to come out of Catholic school,

33:24

and we moved a lot, so it

33:27

was a public schooler, a Catholic schooler, a

33:29

public schooler. I used to stand up for prayers

33:31

in the public school, and he said, what are

33:33

you doing? Oh, I sit down, you know. But

33:37

yeah, I mean, what the hell were you? You

33:41

know, standing there next to the seat,

33:43

you know, after lunch, but

33:45

waiting for prayers, and after lunch prayers, and it

33:47

was public school. Anyway.

33:52

You also did the JFK football coach.

33:54

Oh yes, I did that. I did

33:56

that. I did the members

33:59

of our squad. This guy the

34:01

premise was this guy this football coach.

34:03

He has no control over the guys

34:05

They're in the room drinking. They got

34:07

girls in the dressing rooms and dog

34:10

He's really had a bad season and

34:12

and he goes home. He turns on the set news

34:14

when JFK was, you know president

34:18

and and And he hears this

34:20

guy talking and he thought well, maybe maybe

34:22

if I go in and I talk to

34:24

him like that They'll listen to me. So

34:27

he goes in he goes now This is you

34:29

know early early stuff. This isn't gonna knock you

34:31

out more likely He

34:33

goes in he goes members of our squad and

34:36

then the girls stop everything stops We

34:38

are gathered here In

34:41

this dressing room for one purpose this

34:43

locker room for one purpose And

34:45

that is to keep warm. It

34:48

is cold out there And

34:50

also to talk about last week's

34:52

game Now

34:54

when you you embarrass me Oh

34:59

I have to explain to you that when

35:01

I signed the play the Texas

35:04

Longhorns. I had no idea

35:06

We'd be playing real steers Which

35:10

brings me to which brings me to to

35:13

the point that really embarrasses me when we

35:15

lose today and we will lose today I

35:18

Refuse to see you once again carry you

35:20

off the opposing coach on your shoulders That

35:26

went on like

35:29

so so you were a big hit at the Oaks. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a

35:31

big hit And

35:35

the priest the priest the Duke right?

35:37

That was a big hit whether you're Catholic or Protestant or Jewish

35:39

or You don't have a religion at

35:41

all the Duke and That

35:46

Duke and That

35:48

it was Latin back then. It wasn't

35:50

any like, you know speaking English from

35:52

the altar is all Latin. I Used

35:55

to be in the choir. I was in the girls choir

35:57

for about four years Anyway,

36:01

yeah, and

36:03

he does the Duke and I'd walk

36:05

that walk and I'd say turn around

36:07

and say, Hold on, I know it's called

36:09

Biscum. It comes spirit

36:11

to all, kid. So good.

36:17

Or sushi pre-de pre-cazionum de

36:19

catora. There you go.

36:22

Yeah, those things. Don't ask

36:24

me what it means. It's great.

36:28

You mentioned working with

36:30

Annette Funicello. What do you remember about

36:32

her? She's

36:35

just a darling girl. She was beautiful and

36:37

she was sweet and

36:39

she laughed a lot. I loved

36:41

to make her laugh. She was great. We had

36:44

Frankie on this very podcast. Frankie's

36:46

a wonderful guy. Good guy. I

36:49

opened for him at the Copa. Good man. Speaking

36:52

of JFK, I'd say another turning point in

36:54

your career, and one of my favorite things

36:56

in the book too, is

36:59

you going to do the JFK

37:01

impersonation contest the night Von Meter

37:03

was in the audience. That

37:05

was pivotal because that was the night you met

37:08

Harry Columby. That's right. That's

37:10

right. That's in the book too. Yeah.

37:14

There's not going to be anything left. Once

37:18

upon a time, yeah, I know dad,

37:20

little Goldilocks. That's right. Anyway,

37:25

I went in there to do my JFK and

37:27

I did that. Most of our squad, I did

37:29

that thing. I won the contest, which

37:32

was $10. There

37:34

was a guy that would collect a buck at the

37:36

door. He was just interested in people and the business

37:39

and comedy. He had rented

37:41

out this hall. A

37:46

lot of comics came in. There

37:49

were a lot of agents and managers in the audience

37:51

that had no idea about this, but they were. And

37:54

actually Von Meter was there. I

37:59

did the JL. K thing and then I went and

38:01

sat down and one of the guys the comic came over

38:03

to me and he said Hey, you want

38:05

to do an improv and I didn't know I

38:07

didn't know what I

38:10

thought maybe it's something you do in the alley, you know,

38:12

I didn't know what it meant, you know so so

38:14

he explained to me it was and

38:17

and so we And

38:19

then he said here's what we're gonna do. He says

38:21

I'll be the plane. He was a

38:23

rubber-faced guy His name was Bob. I couldn't remember his

38:26

last name His name was Bob

38:28

and he had this rubber face and he said

38:30

I'll do the plane and you be the tower And I

38:33

can't get my wheels down and and

38:36

I come in and I ask her instructions. I

38:38

said, okay fine And I

38:40

said, okay. Now I didn't say fine because I didn't know what the

38:42

hell I was going to get into, you know so

38:45

now it's our turn we get up there and he explains

38:47

the whole setup and I'm standing

38:49

there and he's next to me and he going mwah

38:51

mwah mwah mwah plane

38:54

to towel plane to

38:56

towel Request permission

38:58

to land And

39:00

I'm standing and I don't I don't know what the

39:02

hell I'm gonna say. I don't say anything I said,

39:04

I don't know what the hell to say So

39:07

he goes mwah plane to towel plane

39:09

to towel request permission to land. I

39:13

Still don't know what to say, then

39:15

I know at the third time if I do

39:17

this, it's a big bomb. You get

39:20

three shots so My

39:23

Rod Steiger comes to my head Because

39:25

I had seen him in the movie and and

39:28

I liked him and I thought it

39:30

was an interesting voice So

39:32

he tells you now, it's this now it now now

39:34

I'm ready so he goes

39:38

Now he's really nervous. He's starting looking

39:40

at me like god, please say something

39:42

I'm going to tell a request for

39:45

mission to land and I said

39:48

Boy, have I got news for you. I

39:51

I love the Rod Steiger

40:00

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you look it.

40:02

Oh, okay. I mean I meet him at a party for

40:04

the first time a friend of mine Lou

40:07

Alexander Lou Alexander was in the business and

40:09

he says I said he let look at

40:11

red stars over there He says you want

40:13

to meet him? I said boy,

40:15

I sure would like to but but

40:18

he said he embarrassed me He comes over. He says,

40:20

yeah, this is John Bynus He

40:22

shakes my hand so

40:24

so Lou says he

40:26

says John does an impersonation of you

40:33

So he says do

40:35

you do me from the pawnbroker I

40:38

said no then you don't do me Have

40:49

you heard Gilbert's rod Steiger John it's not

40:51

bad But say let's see it.

40:53

Let's give him a little girl. We'll get a dueling

40:55

Rod Steiger thing here. Oh, okay This

40:58

is a rod Steiger Convict

41:02

for Wow

41:07

Where he's the warden Well

41:10

first, let me ask Is

41:13

there any jokers in the

41:15

audience? Oh, if there any

41:17

clowns among you I

41:20

don't like clowns. I

41:23

used to think I was happy

41:25

being mr. friendly

41:27

nice guy But

41:30

then I got this a junkie

41:34

pulled a knife on me So

41:37

I just remember

41:39

I am not

41:41

friendly. I'm not Sympathetic

41:45

I am not even

41:47

human nice

41:52

Like you when he gets mad, you know, he's cheaters, but

41:54

I just took a quick example When

41:57

he gets very excited I

42:01

didn't say that the breathing. I

42:04

didn't say that the door. Oh,

42:06

and and Roch Steiger and the

42:09

pawnbroker. Oh, was

42:11

the pawnbroker. Yes. Yes.

42:14

So what I

42:17

my my dear

42:19

Mrs. Burchfield, I

42:21

you made this an

42:23

extremely tedious afternoon with

42:25

your constant search for

42:27

an answer. Please

42:31

believe me alone.

42:34

How many times do you watch these? Bring

42:46

it back. I gotta get that word in. Like

42:48

to see you guys take this on the road.

42:52

And now remember we work

42:54

together. Yes, we did. Yeah.

42:56

And you'll stalking. So

42:58

very good. Yeah. Yeah,

43:03

that was one of those shows on

43:05

the USA Network. That's right. You guys

43:07

were in the same episode. Who did

43:09

you play, Gil? Oh,

43:12

I was like some kind

43:14

of real a dealer like

43:16

an agent. Just general con

43:18

artist. And

43:21

I think were you like a car mechanic

43:23

or something in I was anything during any

43:25

week. I couldn't hold on to a job.

43:27

It's like when you were leading, you were

43:29

reading all the shows I've been on over

43:31

the years. I couldn't hold a job. I

43:37

remember you on that show. Yeah, they send

43:40

me out to do different work to meet

43:42

people in different factories and things and cotton

43:44

done was my name. By the

43:46

way, Harry Columbia strikes me as a real

43:48

showbiz character. He was he was he

43:50

was representing Thelonious Monk on a

43:53

handshake deal. Yeah. When you went out

43:55

to manage Michael Keaton. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

43:57

He left me for another guy. He

44:00

did. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm

44:03

sorry I brought him up. I still love him. I still

44:05

love him. We had dinner last time I was out there.

44:11

And tell us about working with Don

44:13

Ruckelsh. John

44:18

and I were on a Carson show

44:20

one night and Carson said, what are

44:22

you know? He's putting everybody down. He

44:24

says, what about John Biner? And Don

44:26

said, looked at me and he looked back

44:28

at Johnny and he said, John's a tough guy. Gentlemen. Oh,

44:31

how nice. Oh. You

44:34

also did the Ruckelsh show back in the day. Yeah.

44:37

Yeah. I did the Ruckelsh show. Yeah.

44:40

Louis Surrell. Very good. Very good.

44:43

Tell us, we had,

44:45

we did an odd couple, 50th anniversary, a couple

44:47

of weeks ago. I was telling

44:49

you over email with Jack's sons, Adam and

44:51

David. And David

44:53

was telling me that when dad worked

44:56

with you in those two episodes, that

44:58

he could not keep a straight face

45:00

in any scene you were in. Oh

45:02

yeah. Jack wrote

45:04

a book. Remember? He wrote

45:06

a book and inserted in the book was a

45:08

little disc and Tony and

45:10

me. It shows the outtakes. It

45:13

shows the outtake when he broke up in at

45:15

one point in the garage thing, he breaks

45:17

up and

45:20

Tony's standing and he goes, you

45:22

are a naughty man. You

45:25

naughty man. Did

45:31

Tony give you something for that

45:34

character? Yeah. He gave me the

45:36

parking lot guy. We got it. We got, I'm

45:38

in the dressing room. We're getting ready to do

45:40

the garage mechanic, garage parking guy.

45:43

And, and he comes and you used to be

45:46

like at the end of it. I'm yelling at

45:48

him. I got the rag in my hand and

45:50

of the towel, whatever you say. And

45:52

I'm yelling at the hall. They're leaving. I say,

45:54

yes. I'll be, you'll be back. I'll

45:56

be back on your knees like my mother. And

46:00

he puts his hands on my shoulder and he

46:02

goes, tonight

46:05

it's Yizzle, Yizzle will be back.

46:07

And that's very New York, Yizzle.

46:09

That's to bring the whole group

46:11

in. Yizzle, it's like New

46:13

York's version of y'all. Yeah, this

46:16

is a guy from Oklahoma, by

46:18

the way. Yizzle

46:20

all have a party. You

46:26

were, there was two episodes, you were

46:28

very memorable. You were Hooper, the ad

46:31

man and the fat away pill. Two

46:33

opposite guys, yeah. Yeah, he

46:35

was the business guy, the other guy was the

46:37

business guy, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I got a question

46:40

from a listener, John. Floyd

46:42

McDaniel, I'm thrilled that John is back. He's been

46:44

one of the guests that I've been dying for

46:48

a return since his first visit. Has

46:50

any, do any of his famous

46:52

friends or has anyone ever gotten upset with

46:54

him or peeved with him over one of

46:56

his impressions? Well,

46:59

the only guy is an

47:01

old-timer named George Yizzle, who your listening

47:03

audience may not remember yet. Oh, they

47:05

know from this show, buddy. Now,

47:09

years ago, Yizzle used

47:11

to come on the Carson show and he told a

47:13

little story here and there. And I come

47:15

out and I think, you know, he tell these stories. And

47:19

he had a little tune, he

47:21

liked it. Nen night and writing

47:23

star. Anyway, I'm doing, I'm doing,

47:27

and he was always known for being, having all these, he'd

47:29

show up at a show and have all these young women with

47:31

him, you know. And he was about

47:33

90 years old. And he's

47:36

got all dressed in an army thing that

47:38

he made up his own uniform because he

47:40

was known as the toast master general of

47:43

the world. And

47:45

so he's, he'd be, anyway,

47:47

we're doing a takeoff on

47:51

the Tonight Show, on the

47:53

craft music hall. And Rich

47:55

Little was playing Johnny Carson and

47:57

Sheila McRae was playing. saying,

48:00

Jaja Gabor. Wow. And

48:02

I was George Jessel on

48:05

the show. So I get on there

48:07

and I was talking about my niece, Heather. That

48:13

is so visual. You know, and

48:15

talking about these young ladies in his life

48:18

and I go, you know, it's all over

48:20

with. And I go home and about six

48:23

months later, I get a note that

48:25

he's going to sue me. That's

48:28

a nation of character. So

48:32

I called my agent naturally right away.

48:36

And he said, oh, Jessel, man, every time he's

48:38

out of work for a while, he starts to

48:40

sue people. But

48:47

as it turns out, he

48:50

had to sue the producer because it was in

48:52

his script, you know, so it wasn't my fault at

48:54

all. I'm reading

48:56

in the book too, the great Nathan

48:59

Lane wrote your forward for

49:01

the book. Nathan, yeah. Yeah, and you

49:03

guys were in the Sondheim show

49:06

on Broadway. And did he dare you to

49:08

do an entire show

49:10

as Jessel? No,

49:13

he just came in dressing in one night.

49:15

He says, you know, when you do this,

49:17

brother, I play two characters. Okay. And

49:22

he says, when you do the older, the

49:25

other brother, he's more kind of

49:27

showing his age rather than the

49:30

other guy, it was more of a hipster, you know,

49:32

hey, everything's right, you know. And

49:34

so he said, why don't you try

49:36

it as George Jessel, see what that happens tonight. So

49:40

I did it, so I did. You just did

49:43

it. I just

49:45

started doing my lines at George Jessel. And

49:49

it goes on from there. So

49:52

Jessel threatened to sue, never actually sued.

49:54

No, he couldn't sue me. Yeah,

49:56

he could. What

50:01

was it like working with Fred Astaire?

50:04

Oh, well, he was a terrific guy. He was a

50:06

very regular guy. He

50:09

shows up with his hands in his pockets. Hey,

50:11

how are you doing? It's

50:14

all like... Here's

50:19

another one from a listener, John.

50:21

Luis Linatis. Needless to say,

50:23

I would love to hear a single

50:25

memory from John of working with

50:27

the late great Bob Einstein. Well,

50:31

you know, it all depends on how you look at it. That's

50:34

great. Are you going to do

50:36

that? John, John, John, are you going to

50:38

do that tonight or what? You're going to just stand there

50:40

and look... You

50:43

know, he used to break me up. He'd break me

50:45

up. And he'd call me up

50:47

to like, you know, months, months, up to about

50:49

a month before he passed away. He'd

50:52

call me every month, every other month, but

50:54

six or eight times a year. And it

50:57

would always be a joke. He

50:59

wouldn't say, hey, this is Bob. How are you

51:01

doing? Nothing like that. A

51:03

lady walks into a

51:06

store. Even

51:12

if I had heard it, I waited for

51:14

the end because every time he'd

51:16

get near the punch line, it would excite him

51:18

so much his voice would change. It

51:21

would be like this. They

51:25

say, say, I'll just make

51:27

some dumb thing up. Okay.

51:30

So the guy comes in and he's got the basket

51:33

and he walks outside and he looks down and the

51:36

cat is in the basket. He

51:45

did this show, John. He raked us over the

51:47

coals pretty good. Yes. He just

51:50

told it like it is. He tore us up. Oh

51:52

yeah. Oh yeah. He's hysterical. We

51:55

miss him. We miss him greatly. I

51:58

miss those calls. I

52:00

missed the show Bizarre, which was one

52:03

of my favorite John Biner projects.

52:06

And what did you play, over 300 characters? Yeah,

52:08

in the three and a half years we did

52:10

it, I did over 300 characters. It

52:13

is another story from the book, but do you

52:15

want to tell Gilbert the Billy Barty story? Gilbert

52:20

has a special affection for Billy Barty. Billy

52:22

was all right. Hi, John! I'll

52:25

tell you Bob Hope's story. I

52:31

shouldn't tell this, but I will. In

52:35

his later years, he's got a young

52:38

man showing him around, taking him around

52:41

different places. And

52:47

there was a big celebration at

52:50

Universal. And

52:52

a big hall in Universal, and I was there, and

52:54

Annie, my wife was there. And

52:57

sitting around a table, and

53:00

here's this gentleman on the stage, a

53:04

local newscaster, was reading

53:06

this nice poignant thing about Billy

53:08

Barty. And

53:11

in comes, the big

53:13

doors open, and in comes this guy

53:16

holding Bob Hope by the arm, and bringing

53:18

him over. And he's right down

53:20

at this round table, this is about a

53:22

12 foot across round table. And

53:25

he sits down in one of the chairs at the round

53:27

table, and this guy's up on the stage,

53:29

and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he yells,

53:33

I want ice cream! We'll

53:47

remind you, John, we told

53:49

you this the last time you were here, but

53:51

Gilbert famously lost a part to Billy Barty. Yeah,

53:55

I was telling for a part in

53:57

a movie. He's still bitter. Oh,

54:00

I lost the Billy Barty. It was Mel

54:03

Brooks picture. What

54:09

is the chimp story since we put it into the

54:11

intro? It

54:14

was not over with the Billy Barty story.

54:16

Oh, sorry. No, no, no, I have to

54:18

tell you this. One other thing was still

54:20

with Bob. Still with Bob in the chair. Okay.

54:24

Okay. Now somebody backstage tells

54:26

Billy that Bob hopes in the

54:28

audience. The next thing you

54:30

know, Billy's over by his lap

54:33

and he goes, hi, Bob. And

54:36

Bob goes, who's that? Okay.

54:40

So there you

54:42

are. I'm

54:50

enjoying the sight of John Biner breaking himself

54:52

up, Gilbert. Well, I like you. I like

54:54

you laugh. You guys laugh. You

54:56

laugh good. We will also

54:59

remind our listeners that John was briefly

55:01

in the infamous joys in 1976. Oh

55:04

my God. The Jaws parody.

55:07

Yeah. Well, that Bob

55:10

Hope thought it was a good idea because Jaws was

55:13

a big hit. To write

55:15

a story about some comic being killed in Call of

55:17

Joy. I

55:21

think the killer turned out to be Johnny

55:23

Carson. It's

55:26

on YouTube if you dare. It's

55:30

frighteningly bad. Yeah. Yeah.

55:34

I know. Yeah. Yeah. Tell

55:37

us, tell us, these are just names of people, random people that you work

55:39

with over the years. These are people whose names

55:41

come up on the show and Gilbert and I are fascinated by

55:43

them. Joey Bishop. Yeah. Impressions

55:46

of the man. And I don't mean impression. Well,

55:48

you know, it was always like this. It was like, it

55:51

was like almost like Jackie Mason, but not

55:53

quite. It

55:55

was just this side of joking. Mason took up. He

55:57

was just this side. He

56:00

was like, what? You know, didn't you like Joey?

56:03

I like Joey. He had me on his show so

56:05

many times. I lived in Hollywood right down there by

56:07

the studio. And anytime somebody

56:09

canceled or something, he

56:12

had this crazy idea. They

56:15

had this crazy idea. You

56:22

have rich little... This

56:27

is something that I hadn't thought about in a long time.

56:31

There were rich little... In

56:33

boxing trunks in a... With

56:37

gloves on,

56:39

throwing each

56:41

other impersonations.

56:44

Wow. I'll

56:49

hit you with a Jerry Lewis thing. Give

56:52

John... We're

57:02

entertaining him too. So give him a little bit of your

57:05

jestle. Oh. One

57:08

bright and shining light

57:11

that taught me wrong

57:13

from right. I

57:16

found the light. I'm

57:19

harmonizing with you. I

57:21

found the light. I

57:28

found the light.

57:30

I think let's go have some more cake. And

57:34

then his other thing was, hello, mama.

57:37

Yes. Did you get the... Do

57:39

you remember me? Yes. From

57:41

the money every week. Yes. Yes.

57:45

Yes. Did you get the power

57:47

that I sent you? What,

57:50

you ate it? I

57:52

forgot all about that. That's great.

57:55

That parrot spoke five languages. Oh,

57:58

he should have said something. Gilbert,

58:04

did you ever meet Gessle in

58:06

your travels? No. Okay,

58:09

so years later, I'm working

58:11

at the Landmark

58:14

in Vegas, used to be there. And

58:18

I get there the night before, naturally, I get my

58:20

suite and I roll back, it's about

58:22

three in the morning, and I saw on the

58:24

sign driving up that Gessle was closing that night,

58:26

he was opening for, I don't know, somebody.

58:30

And I said, oh, that's interesting. So I go

58:32

on, it's kind of a foggy night and I

58:34

see this figure by the pool. This

58:39

figure by the pool and as I get closer, I realize

58:41

it's George Gessle and I say, hey, how

58:43

you doing? He says, hey, Johnny,

58:45

you're going to do me tonight? He

58:53

was all right. Did you have

58:56

any dealings that you work with

58:58

or just talk to Jack Benny?

59:01

Oh, I sat with Jack

59:03

Benny in the audience of the, he came

59:05

to do the Gary Moore show. He

59:10

was a little guest on the Gary Moore show while I

59:12

was doing the Gary Moore show. So I sat in the

59:14

audience with him one afternoon and we knocked it

59:16

around. Yeah, we talked about

59:19

things. You also crossed paths with Groucho? Oh,

59:22

yeah, yeah. I

59:24

was early in my career, a friend of

59:26

mine from the William Morris agency, one of

59:28

those agencies early in my career, he said,

59:30

let's go to the Friars Club. There's a

59:33

little party going on over there. I don't

59:35

remember what was going on, but I

59:37

saw a look way over toward the stage

59:39

at a big round table was Groucho Marx

59:41

with some people. I said, wow, Groucho

59:44

Marx, I love this show. You

59:46

know, You Bet Your Life, you know, Say the Sacred

59:48

Word, Divide Your Family. So

59:51

I figured, you know, all these people get up

59:53

and they go to the bar at a little

59:55

break going. So they go to the bar and

59:57

he's standing there smoking a cigar, kind of leaning

59:59

against the chair. but you know how the guys

1:00:01

will turn the table around and he's leaning against his head.

1:00:03

So I go over and I said, I

1:00:06

was about five feet away from him. I said, excuse

1:00:08

me sir, you don't know me, but I

1:00:11

think you're terrific. He said, oh, I know who you are.

1:00:14

What I don't know is why someone who looks like you do

1:00:16

does what you do. He

1:00:21

said, now think about that. That's a triple

1:00:23

compliment. Yeah. So we go

1:00:26

away and then now years later, I'm

1:00:28

doing a thing with John

1:00:30

Davidson, a

1:00:34

big playboy thing, Miss Playboy of the Year,

1:00:36

whatever the hell it was, a lot of

1:00:38

legs. And

1:00:41

there's a break in the film or something that the type

1:00:43

or whatever, and they asked me to go out and entertain

1:00:45

the audience and hold them in their seats. So

1:00:47

I looked down and there's Groucho with the beret,

1:00:50

was in his beret day. Oh yes. The beret

1:00:53

and sitting next to Connie Stevens who I know

1:00:55

all my career. And

1:00:59

I tell that story. I tell that story.

1:01:01

I say, Leah's did a blah, blah, blah.

1:01:03

Then I go back to my dressing room after

1:01:06

the show and I've been getting

1:01:08

my stuff together. You know how you are. You're putting your

1:01:10

stuff in the bag and all that. And it knocks

1:01:13

on the dock on the door. I opened it,

1:01:15

it's Groucho. Takes us a guy out of his

1:01:18

mouth. He says, if you're a girl, I'd marry

1:01:20

you. Great

1:01:23

kill. We

1:01:28

will return to Gilbert

1:01:30

Gottfried's amazing Colossal Podcast,

1:01:32

but first a word

1:01:34

from our sponsor. Speaking

1:01:37

of Mason, when you did the Antony

1:01:39

Aardvark on the Panther show, you got,

1:01:41

you say in the book, you got

1:01:43

permission from both Jackie Mason and Dino.

1:01:46

Producers, the producers. Oh, the producers. You

1:01:48

know, the, yeah. Yeah. The

1:01:51

Patty and Freeling. Yeah. The

1:01:53

Patty Freeling. Yeah, legends, legends. How

1:01:55

did you like Dino? How did I do

1:01:57

what? How did you like Dean? Did you, did you, did you?

1:01:59

Oh, Dean was a. regular guy. You know he's

1:02:01

at John. How you doing? Yeah. And

1:02:09

Sammy Davis, Jr. Hey there, man.

1:02:12

Yeah, I worked with

1:02:14

him. I liked him a lot. He was he was

1:02:16

nice guy. I he was so

1:02:18

he was so thrilled that when I was in the Navy, I had

1:02:21

the album in my in my cubicle.

1:02:25

It's called Manhattan Tower. You familiar with that?

1:02:28

Manhattan Tower is a is an album. It's

1:02:30

a it's a it was a Broadway play

1:02:32

musical. And I had that

1:02:34

and then in the back of it, it

1:02:37

said the the cover was

1:02:39

the cover was photographed by

1:02:41

Sammy Davis, Jr. And

1:02:43

that's years ago, you know, now, now in

1:02:45

the mid 80s, or some of the time

1:02:47

like that, I'm doing this show

1:02:50

with him. And he's

1:02:52

got his, you know, a couple of his friends are with

1:02:54

him, and he's got the cameras around. And he says,

1:02:56

you know, I take pictures, don't you, John? I

1:02:58

said, Yeah, I know you think it's in fact,

1:03:00

I told him that story how I had, I

1:03:03

had the album and I knew that he

1:03:05

is Hey, man, listen to this. He had

1:03:07

to tell his guys about it. It was

1:03:09

a thrill that I had remembered that. John,

1:03:12

you worked with everybody. Yeah, just about

1:03:14

did you work with milty? Milton

1:03:17

Brail? No, but he is a good friend of mine. I

1:03:20

met him out to Friars Club and we became

1:03:22

really tight friends. And, and he was a wonderful

1:03:24

man. I do you know how sometimes in Vegas,

1:03:26

they'll call you up and they'd say, Hey, Milton,

1:03:28

bro, is gonna do you we're gonna have a

1:03:30

radio show or TV thing you want to come

1:03:32

by between shows. And he'd always be

1:03:34

right, right there giving you all kinds of, you

1:03:37

know, pumping you up. And it

1:03:39

was a nice guy. He wasn't Jack, Jack Carter

1:03:41

at all. He

1:03:47

always loved my just he always loved my

1:03:49

just so it's first

1:03:52

time you'd see me go like this. John.

1:03:56

That's great. Two

1:04:00

people we've not heard flattering things about

1:04:02

on this podcast in six years are

1:04:04

Jack Carter and Danny Kay. Oh

1:04:08

yeah, Danny Kay. I'm a guy who's

1:04:10

a bad guy and a dog fan.

1:04:13

I'm Hans Christian and

1:04:16

a fan. Let

1:04:24

me talk to you quickly, John, about soap. Before

1:04:29

we turn the mics on, I was telling you we had Ted Woss here. Oh

1:04:32

yeah. That was a show.

1:04:34

You stood out on that show. You only did

1:04:36

17 episodes, which I was surprised

1:04:38

by because I remember you being a fixture there. Yeah, well,

1:04:41

it was two seasons and

1:04:44

she falls in love with me, you know, and...

1:04:47

Catherine Hellman. ...Mr.

1:04:49

Kate. And it was fun to do

1:04:51

and I met a lot of great

1:04:53

people. Tell

1:04:56

us something about Richard Mulligan, who's

1:04:58

a guy that Gilbert and I were fascinated by. Richard

1:05:00

Mulligan was a fascinating guy. I

1:05:03

mean, he, you know, after you've

1:05:06

done it, you know, Gil, you've done it.

1:05:08

You've had the opening book on Monday and then

1:05:11

you read down and then they get it on its feet after

1:05:13

lunch and you know how it goes. And

1:05:16

so, you know, after he closed

1:05:19

the book on Monday, you know, we

1:05:21

get up and we all get a cup of coffee except for

1:05:23

Richard Mulligan. He'd have his book,

1:05:26

he'd be pacing back and forth, going, you know,

1:05:28

doing those things. And

1:05:39

he'd do them exactly like that when it came on. He

1:05:41

had every little thing all figured out. Very

1:05:44

eccentric performer. Yeah. I

1:05:46

remember, if I remember the

1:05:48

name of the show,

1:05:51

did he do a show called The Hero?

1:05:55

Hmm, I gotta look that up, Gil. You

1:05:58

mean where he played a... Mr. Thing

1:06:00

after that. Yeah. Empty nest. Yeah.

1:06:03

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did he play a superhero? Gil?

1:06:06

Uh, no, I think I, oh

1:06:09

God, it's going to kill me now. Uh,

1:06:11

he was like, like, uh, like

1:06:14

a Western hero actor,

1:06:16

like a John Wayne type

1:06:19

actor. Oh,

1:06:22

well, someone, someone in the audience right

1:06:24

now, it's going, it's screaming out the

1:06:27

name of the show. So

1:06:29

you, do you guys want to take a swing

1:06:32

at that thing? We printed out doing a couple

1:06:34

of doing a movie scene together. Okay. Sure. This

1:06:36

is something we sent to John and he was

1:06:38

game because he's a pro. And

1:06:40

this is, this is something we used to do on

1:06:42

the show, which is movie scenes. And

1:06:45

this is from angels with dirty

1:06:47

faces and John

1:06:49

Gilbert will be bogey and

1:06:52

John will be his beloved James

1:06:54

Cagney. Since he does the best

1:06:56

Cagney ever. You guys

1:06:58

want to give this a shot? See how it sounds. Okay. Sure.

1:07:00

Go ahead. Go ahead, Gil. I

1:07:03

think Rocky, I'm pulling

1:07:05

every shrink I can. I'm, I'm

1:07:08

seeing all the right people. And

1:07:10

I think I can get you

1:07:12

off in about three years. You

1:07:16

talk like I can do that three

1:07:18

years in a handstand. It's

1:07:20

a long time. That ain't no picnic.

1:07:24

You'll be outside having it solved

1:07:26

right on those cushions. I

1:07:29

know it's a tough break, Rocky,

1:07:31

but I'm going to,

1:07:33

I'm not going to mark time. I'm

1:07:35

going to scout around and make

1:07:37

connections, not only for me, but

1:07:40

for both of us, you

1:07:42

understand? Why

1:07:44

should I take the fall? There's

1:07:47

no other way out. Now

1:07:49

be sensible. If they

1:07:51

get me to, I'll not only

1:07:53

be this smart, but they'll

1:07:56

check my vault box and grab

1:07:59

that hundred. You

1:08:02

don't want to lose that, do you?

1:08:06

Alright, Frasier. It's

1:08:08

my rap, and I'll take it. But

1:08:11

it's my hundred grand, and I'll take that too. The day that

1:08:13

I get out. Look, I

1:08:15

know you're a smart lawyer.

1:08:18

Very smart. But

1:08:20

don't get smart with me. Hi! Ha

1:08:23

ha ha ha! Ha ha ha

1:08:25

ha! Now

1:08:27

how do I get out of this? Ha ha ha ha!

1:08:30

I'll do this till I fall asleep. Ha ha

1:08:33

ha ha ha! Best

1:08:37

Cagney ever. Two other names that come up

1:08:39

in the book. John,

1:08:41

two guys that you work with, the great

1:08:43

Mel Torme. I never

1:08:46

heard anybody do Mel Torme until I heard you do it. And

1:08:49

I love the dog story. I'll make people buy the

1:08:51

book to hear the story. Tell us something about Buddy

1:08:53

Rich. Buddy

1:08:56

Rich was a man's man. I

1:09:00

mean, the other guys, I was with the Harry

1:09:02

James band for a month or so, riding

1:09:05

around the country on a bus. And

1:09:08

got to know these guys real well. But Buddy had

1:09:11

his own little

1:09:13

car that he tried, a little Jaguar. Fastback.

1:09:17

And we'd be loping along

1:09:19

on the bus. Before big, you know, like 95s

1:09:22

and 10s and all that kind of stuff were built.

1:09:24

Roads. And interstates.

1:09:27

And we'd be on these long, boring

1:09:29

roads. And someone would see

1:09:31

this little dot. They'd look out the back window

1:09:33

and say, here comes Buddy. And

1:09:36

they'd sooner would they get Buddy out of their mouths

1:09:38

and he'd be biased like that. He'd

1:09:40

be waiting in all the places before we got there. And

1:09:43

he was a good egg. He was a good guy. And everybody

1:09:45

liked him, as they said. Legendary

1:09:48

temper. Well,

1:09:50

he never showed it around us. Yeah. I

1:09:53

was happy to know

1:09:55

that you were aware of the infamous Buddy Rich

1:09:57

tape. Oh, yeah. I

1:10:01

got it around here someplace. Yeah,

1:10:05

a bunch of let your hair grow, you

1:10:07

want to look like your mother's. You

1:10:12

know the Casey Kasem tape as well? No,

1:10:14

no, we're going to send that to you. You're

1:10:18

in for a treat, John. Oh my gosh. You're

1:10:22

in for a treat. Did you play a talking

1:10:24

dolphin in a CBS pilot? I

1:10:27

think so. I did a lot of those

1:10:30

things, you know, really. I did a lot

1:10:32

of those little cartoons. I pop in and

1:10:34

out and they're still getting residuals. I'm still

1:10:36

getting little things from them. That's good. Watching

1:10:38

the characters. Watching those Ant and Aardvark shorts,

1:10:40

they're still great. Yeah, yeah, I

1:10:42

like to and that's so much fun. Hey,

1:10:46

Ant, you're going to the party? No, it's, hey,

1:10:48

Ant, you're going to the party? No,

1:10:51

I think I'm going to stick around here. What do you mean?

1:10:53

You are the, you are the party. Gilbert,

1:10:56

why don't you tell John what happened with you and

1:10:58

Jackie? Oh,

1:11:01

was this the, yeah. I

1:11:06

remember we

1:11:09

were out somewhere, my wife and

1:11:12

I, and she went over to

1:11:14

Jack, we saw Jackie Mason and

1:11:16

Jackie Mason and she said, oh,

1:11:19

I'm, Gilbert got for his

1:11:21

wife and he said, oh,

1:11:24

Gilbert got free. That

1:11:27

guy loves me. He

1:11:29

loves me. I don't

1:11:31

talk about him. Yeah,

1:11:34

yeah, yeah. He

1:11:38

loves me. He's a wonderful dude.

1:11:40

But you know, he used to come in, he

1:11:42

is, I worked at, I wrote, I work in

1:11:44

the Tropicana and he'd call me between

1:11:46

shows and he'd say, hey, John, what

1:11:49

are you doing between shows? I said, I'll meet you at the bar. So

1:11:51

I'll meet him at the bar and I'd be talking to him and all

1:11:53

of a sudden he'd say, oh, I said, hey, do you know her? Do

1:11:55

you know this one coming in now? Do you know this one?

1:11:58

How about that? You know that? I'm

1:12:02

trying to pick up women. Ah, great.

1:12:05

I'll bet this one, this one, this one, you know

1:12:07

this one. Gail,

1:12:10

you guys finally buried the hatchet though, didn't

1:12:12

you? Didn't you have dinner with him? Yeah,

1:12:14

yeah. We went to

1:12:16

some delicatessen. And

1:12:19

yeah, he was huge. Couldn't

1:12:21

be friendlier. There you go. I'm going to

1:12:23

keep throwing names at you, John. Any memories

1:12:25

of Jackie Vernon? Hi

1:12:28

there, fun seekers. I

1:12:31

used to be a dull guy. We

1:12:34

just did, I'd go to lunch with

1:12:36

him over to the delis in New

1:12:38

York when we were working the Gary

1:12:41

Moore show. He was on that Gary

1:12:43

Moore show. Sure, sure. And

1:12:45

Pete Barbouti and people like that. Oh, Pete

1:12:47

Barbouti, another favorite. Yeah, and Lily Tomlin. Anyway,

1:12:53

I'd go over to the deli with him and he was always

1:12:55

trying to lose weight. And

1:12:58

he'd start out and he'd say, waitress,

1:13:02

come over. What do you have? Well,

1:13:04

I think I'll have some cottage cheese. Maybe

1:13:08

put a couple of cherries on it and

1:13:11

maybe a little toast with butter. Hold

1:13:14

it. And a salami sandwich. These

1:13:19

are great names.

1:13:25

When you said Jackie Mason trying

1:13:27

to lose weight, I remember Jackie

1:13:29

Vernon. Yeah, Jackie Vernon. Yeah, yeah.

1:13:32

Yeah. What about Jackie Vernon

1:13:34

trying to lose weight? I

1:13:37

remember hearing the story that

1:13:39

Jackie Vernon used to

1:13:42

like to walk around the supermarket.

1:13:45

And if you see a woman standing

1:13:47

there, he'd like act like he's looking

1:13:50

at the groceries and then

1:13:52

he'd suck his stomach in and that

1:13:54

would make his pants fold down. Okay,

1:13:57

I've got one for you. He

1:14:03

invites Jackie Vernon, invites everybody over

1:14:05

to his apartment for a little

1:14:07

dinner, right? I'm talking about everybody.

1:14:09

Pete Barbouti can back me up on this one. And

1:14:13

unbeknownst to us, he's invited us over

1:14:15

there because someone has stiffed

1:14:17

him with some paintings. And

1:14:26

he's got us in the hallway now. He's got us

1:14:28

in the hallway looking at the paintings and, you know,

1:14:30

how about this one, you know, and that, you know,

1:14:32

that and this and that and the other thing. So

1:14:34

we're all sitting there after dinner and we're

1:14:37

all kind of sitting around talking and Jackie

1:14:39

leaves. Jackie leaves, we're talking and we'll have

1:14:41

a good time and yeah, I'll have some

1:14:43

more of that. Yeah, this and that, you know,

1:14:45

just how you do that after dinner, pushing

1:14:47

back at the table and all that. And

1:14:50

we're thinking, where the hell is Jackie? Jackie, now an

1:14:52

hour has gone by. An hour has

1:14:54

gone by. And

1:14:58

he walks in from

1:15:00

the other room in his pajamas. And

1:15:05

he goes, I must have

1:15:07

dozed off. I

1:15:15

think I hurt myself. I love these names. Here's

1:15:19

one from the book, Orson Welles Requested You

1:15:21

on the Tonight Show. Yeah, I

1:15:23

was thrilled. That's a cool thing. Yeah, you

1:15:26

bet. Spend any time

1:15:28

with him? Well, he kicked it

1:15:30

around a little bit after the show, but I didn't

1:15:32

see him prior. And no, he came out first. I

1:15:37

caught him. I caught him telling Johnny I was in the

1:15:39

green room. Yeah, he's sitting in the green room and watched

1:15:41

the guy at some before you. And

1:15:43

he's talking. He says, you know what bothers me,

1:15:45

Johnny? He says, he says, he

1:15:48

says, when you introduce a comic and they do stick

1:15:51

at the curtain before they come over to the couch

1:15:53

or out to their mark. And

1:15:56

so I logged that in. And I got it.

1:15:59

I was announced. and I came out of

1:16:01

the curtain doing a cartwheel. And

1:16:05

I walked over to him and shook his hand and said,

1:16:07

see? There are

1:16:09

some good Carson stories in the book.

1:16:12

Pardon? There are some good Carson stories in

1:16:15

the book. Yeah. You also saw

1:16:17

some strange sides of him, which will let

1:16:19

people get the book because of the Thank

1:16:22

you for the teasers. Of course. I'll keep putting

1:16:24

them in. There's wonderful stuff in the book. Do

1:16:26

you want to tell Gilbert the Billy Bartie story

1:16:28

or do you want people to buy the book

1:16:30

for that one? Yeah. It's

1:16:32

more of the chimpanzee story

1:16:34

than the Billy Bartie story. Okay. Good.

1:16:38

I used to invite my room at the hotel.

1:16:40

We all stay at

1:16:42

the Royal York in Toronto. And

1:16:47

big old fashioned, beautiful hotel. And the

1:16:49

queen would be there sometimes. The

1:16:51

queen mom would come to visit

1:16:53

and the big red carpet at the staircase

1:16:55

leading up to the ... we'd

1:16:57

know she'd be in there. But anyway, he'd come

1:17:00

up to my room and the first thing he

1:17:02

... we'd had dinner on the coffee

1:17:04

table. And

1:17:06

the first thing he'd do is go over to

1:17:08

the chair. You have one chair and

1:17:11

then the sofa. I'd sit in the sofa and

1:17:13

he'd take the cushion and throw it off the

1:17:15

thing and it'd be right at the right size.

1:17:18

He'd sit there at the coffee table and eat his

1:17:20

dinner. At

1:17:23

least he had bays. Okay. We'll make people

1:17:25

get the books so they can hear ...

1:17:27

there's not only a chimp story, there's a

1:17:29

monkey story. Yes. There's a little

1:17:31

black ... Oh yeah, the monkey story. The black

1:17:33

and white monkey story is hilarious. I

1:17:37

just keep throwing names at you, John, all

1:17:39

night. But before we get you out of

1:17:41

here, two people that we lost fairly recently, who

1:17:43

were friends of yours, the great Glenn Campbell

1:17:46

and Burt Reynolds. Yeah. Tell

1:17:49

us something about either one of them. Well,

1:17:51

Burt was a guy. He

1:17:55

really liked to have fun. As you see

1:17:57

him in the car, he really liked to

1:17:59

have fun. Sure. And he

1:18:02

invited, I did the show, I

1:18:04

did the movie, Stroker

1:18:07

Ace, he plays a race car

1:18:09

driver. And I play his

1:18:11

childhood buddy who comes back into his life

1:18:13

later on. And I save his ass. And

1:18:15

you wanna know something? I'm not on the

1:18:18

flyers, I'm not on the credits. I'm not

1:18:20

on it. Cause he called me, it was

1:18:22

a last minute thing, a last minute choice.

1:18:24

He called me to do the thing because

1:18:27

Lonnie Anderson loves me and he knew that

1:18:29

we'd work together. So he had me come

1:18:31

as a kind of a nice thing for

1:18:33

Lonnie. And so he invited me

1:18:35

to ride to different locations

1:18:41

with himself and Lonnie. So

1:18:44

I'd be there and they'd be in the back

1:18:46

room cause they were newly married basically. And

1:18:49

she, I guess, didn't have time to put all the

1:18:51

makeup on. And so I'd

1:18:54

sit there by myself, I'd talk to the driver and

1:18:57

every once in a while he'd come out and tell me a

1:18:59

little story about himself and something. He

1:19:02

says that, and he was talking about,

1:19:04

he was talking about the greatest little whorehouse,

1:19:06

the best little whorehouse in Texas, making

1:19:09

that film, which my wife is in, by the way.

1:19:11

Oh. And anyway, he

1:19:13

says, he says, he

1:19:16

says, I went up to Dolly Parton one day and

1:19:18

he said, if I, you know, Dolly, if I take

1:19:21

my wig off and hug

1:19:23

you between your breasts, we'd look like

1:19:25

a pawn shop sign. Three

1:19:28

bowls. That

1:19:36

was his way of making me laugh. You

1:19:39

know, he was underrated as a comedian too.

1:19:41

Pardon me? He's underrated as a comedian. When

1:19:43

you see movies like The End. Oh

1:19:46

yeah. You know, he really was funny

1:19:49

stuff. Oh yeah, he really was funny stuff. And

1:19:51

doing his own stunts, half a killing himself in

1:19:53

these things. Even a movie like

1:19:55

Hooper. Yeah, very

1:19:57

underrated guy. Tell us one thing.

1:20:00

about the great Glenn Campbell, who you got to know

1:20:02

very well. Well,

1:20:06

Glenn used to come over to my house

1:20:08

when he'd have a fight with his girlfriend.

1:20:10

Sleep on my couch. No,

1:20:15

but he was, I liked him a lot. He was

1:20:17

a good guy. He was, I liked his, I liked,

1:20:20

he was just, just the way he is

1:20:22

constantly. He was just the, we'd hang out

1:20:24

in Vegas and Glenn and

1:20:26

Roger Miller and I and

1:20:28

others. And, and, and

1:20:31

Glenn was like a brother to me. He was

1:20:33

really nice. He's really, I used to love harmonizing

1:20:35

with him. And that

1:20:37

was fun. This is a great era of showbiz,

1:20:39

John. Yeah. That you were,

1:20:41

you were right in the sweet spot. I'm looking

1:20:43

at your IMDB page. Gilbert, we talk about 70s

1:20:46

variety shows and 60s variety shows and

1:20:48

how that's a lost art. Yes. John

1:20:51

was on craft music called Sonny and Cher, Captain

1:20:53

and Tennille, Tom Jones, Flip Wilson, Mac Davis, rest

1:20:55

in peace. We had Mac here a few months

1:20:57

ago, John. Bobby Vinton show,

1:20:59

the Jackson five show, the Glenn Campbell, Good

1:21:02

Time Hour, the Peter Marshall show, Van Dyken

1:21:04

company. That's just a

1:21:06

fraction of them. Great days. Yeah. I

1:21:09

could not hold on to it. I

1:21:19

think we did the last interview with Mac Davis who

1:21:21

was here with us a few months ago. Oh yeah.

1:21:24

God bless. On a sweet soul. Yeah.

1:21:27

Indeed. He was a great singer and all that good

1:21:29

stuff. There are also Elvis stories in the

1:21:31

book. Yeah. We won't, we won't

1:21:33

tell any of them, but they're worth, they're really worth

1:21:35

reading. Yeah. So many names,

1:21:37

so many memories. The kid from Roxwell center

1:21:39

got to grow up and work with every

1:21:41

legend. And it's amazing that

1:21:43

Bing Crosby was the guy that you saw on

1:21:45

the screen, on the big screen when you were

1:21:47

a little kid and the first impression you ever

1:21:49

did. Right. And you grow up to

1:21:52

work with the guy. Work with him many times, Hollywood Palace

1:21:54

and big special up in the big

1:21:56

special up there and where was it?

1:22:00

Sun Valley, you know Sun Valley with his wife.

1:22:02

It was great He

1:22:05

had his two boys two boys where

1:22:08

we're running around sometimes you know on the stage

1:22:10

doing but little kids do you know and And

1:22:13

married to Kathy Grant lovely girl

1:22:16

woman And

1:22:18

he'd be and what he doing between with their breaks

1:22:20

and the stuff and people she want to hold thing

1:22:23

Then you want to hold on. Yeah, we'll just he's

1:22:25

standing and you go Kathy

1:22:33

get the boys It's

1:22:37

all he'd say It

1:22:42

boys Kathy It is kind

1:22:44

of surreal John that you know you read you

1:22:46

read the book and you're a kid watching the

1:22:48

Colgate comedy hour and Watching these people on television

1:22:50

and I meet them and you know you meet

1:22:52

them and you become a peer. Yeah,

1:22:55

it's wild It is wild

1:22:57

Yeah, and I I often

1:22:59

wish that my parents could have seen me with some

1:23:01

of the people they loved you know Like well, they

1:23:03

saw my mother saw my father died when he was

1:23:06

46. He didn't get to see anybody. I'm

1:23:08

sorry Yeah, me too. But anyway,

1:23:11

what about the ranty? Oh Yeah,

1:23:13

I work with him. I was Lennon

1:23:17

sisters. Yep. Yep. Yep. So here's

1:23:19

the deal it It's start

1:23:21

it was when is when one of the

1:23:23

one of the good the girls father had been

1:23:27

Bumped off by some idiot in a golf

1:23:30

course. Remember that? Yeah, that's a Tale.

1:23:32

So now they've got guards all around

1:23:34

the studio. They've got guards every place

1:23:37

when one of the guys had a crush on

1:23:39

Peggy and and so Jimmy

1:23:43

was a lorigula on this job, you know so

1:23:49

He says hey He opens

1:23:51

his dressing room and door. I'm walking by says come on

1:23:53

and watch the football game with me so I said I

1:23:55

go in there and And

1:23:58

we're sitting there we talking football and there's

1:24:01

a knock on the door and a guy says, come

1:24:04

in, he says, come in.

1:24:07

He says, and the guy says, oh

1:24:10

Jimmy, I got some pictures that I took of

1:24:12

you back in blah blah blah. He shows them

1:24:14

all these pictures, blah blah blah blah blah. Well,

1:24:17

I'll take this one and I like that

1:24:19

one. And he says, that's all we need.

1:24:21

You know, and he gives him the envelope

1:24:23

back and he walks out and closes the

1:24:25

door and Jimmy turns to me and he says, how'd

1:24:28

he get into the dirt? Oh,

1:24:30

God. John,

1:24:43

it's been a ride, huh? Oh, it's

1:24:45

over. Wow.

1:24:48

Only three hours. I meant your career.

1:24:53

You have a lot of gratitude, too, in

1:24:55

the book for the things that happened to

1:24:58

you. Yeah, sure enough. It's refreshing to read.

1:25:01

The book is Five Minutes, Mr.

1:25:03

Biner, A Lifetime of Laughter, Forward

1:25:05

by Nathan Lane, jam

1:25:08

packed with stories. Like I told you, we're going to

1:25:10

put the word out on social media. Nice.

1:25:12

It is a page turner, as they say.

1:25:14

Yes. You decided to finally sit down and

1:25:16

write a memoir. Yeah, I've been telling these

1:25:18

stories to people. They'd be writing a plane

1:25:20

or something. And somebody would say, did you

1:25:22

ever work when I tell a story? And

1:25:24

I'd say, well, why not put

1:25:26

these things together and got in touch with

1:25:28

my friend, Doug Wellman, who used

1:25:30

to produce a show I did called Comedy

1:25:32

on the Road? Remember that show, too. Yeah.

1:25:35

Yeah, I had every comedian in the world on it,

1:25:37

except for Gil, of course. He was too busy all

1:25:39

the time. Yeah. Flying

1:25:42

to Paris and what have you. I

1:25:45

noticed there's no Gilbert Gottfried anecdote in the book.

1:25:48

No. No, right.

1:25:50

Don't talk about all my friends.

1:25:54

I'm going to make you guys do one more thing before

1:25:56

we get out of here. We did it last night. A

1:25:58

little bit of rainy days in Maine. Mondays. If you

1:26:00

each if you each take a little part, we're going

1:26:02

to we're going to do a little tribute to our

1:26:04

pal Paul Williams. Well, I just want to say one

1:26:06

thing first. We've only just

1:26:09

begun. OK.

1:26:16

Do you know that when

1:26:18

Paul Williams is on the show, I

1:26:21

imitate him and he says that the

1:26:23

two people who do the

1:26:25

best imitations of him are

1:26:28

you and me. Of course. That's nice. See,

1:26:30

we have that in common. Yeah.

1:26:32

Give give give give John a

1:26:34

little rainy days and Monday's skill.

1:26:38

Rainy days and Monday's always

1:26:40

get me do. Peter

1:26:46

Marshall used to say, go ahead.

1:26:48

You're going on. Go ahead. Oh,

1:26:50

talking to myself and feeling low.

1:26:56

Sometimes you like to quit. Nothing

1:26:59

you seem stupid. Jump in

1:27:01

there. Sometimes

1:27:06

we'd be on the Hollywood squares at the same

1:27:08

time. And Peter Marshall, you know,

1:27:10

he knew I did Paul Williams and he'd

1:27:13

throw me a line or something about Paul

1:27:15

Williams. And I just make up

1:27:17

a song. I come home

1:27:19

and I sit in the door. I

1:27:22

come home and I take my shoes

1:27:24

off and I go to the fireplace

1:27:27

and you know. And

1:27:30

Paul would always say something like, well,

1:27:33

you're to sing one of my songs so I get

1:27:35

some credit for it. He's

1:27:38

a wonderful guy. Paul is great.

1:27:40

We got to have him back. Yeah, we got to

1:27:43

have him back. Yeah. Yeah. John,

1:27:45

you've done everything. You've done everything, worked

1:27:47

with everybody. Our listeners will love this.

1:27:50

We're so we're so thrilled we got to talk to you not

1:27:52

once, but twice. And

1:27:54

we'll get the word out about the book and give our

1:27:56

best to Sandra. Oh, thank you

1:27:58

very much. She certainly will. She's been very. nice about

1:28:00

the podcast. Very supportive. Yeah, she's a good

1:28:02

kid. Yeah. Well, we appreciate that.

1:28:04

She always friends with the Johnny Mathis at the

1:28:07

supermarket. She does. And

1:28:10

she'll say, my

1:28:12

father's on the phone because she'll call me.

1:28:14

She says, Johnny's here. I don't know. They

1:28:17

leave him alone, but you know. So

1:28:20

he's last time, she says, Johnny's here.

1:28:22

And she puts him on the phone. He says,

1:28:24

no, we're not getting married. We'd

1:28:29

love to have Johnny here on this show. We wonder if he'd do it

1:28:31

with Barbooty, do it with us. Barbooty?

1:28:36

Yeah. Oh yeah. He can tell

1:28:38

you some stories. All right. We'll call

1:28:40

these people. We'd love to have them. Please do. We'd

1:28:43

love to have them. Yeah. All right. Gil,

1:28:46

you can rap if you want. Oh, yeah. What

1:28:48

do you think? I could keep this man for hours. Yeah.

1:28:52

You're one of those guests that

1:28:54

all you got to do to

1:28:57

prepare is make sure the

1:28:59

mic is on. And

1:29:04

let him go. Yes, exactly.

1:29:07

And we'll direct people to your website too, John,

1:29:09

because there's some great photos of you there with

1:29:11

some of these legends. Well, thank you for mentioning

1:29:13

that too. Yeah. johnfiner.com. I

1:29:16

appreciate the plugs and fun. You

1:29:18

guys are always a pleasure to talk to. Oh,

1:29:20

you've been a pleasure. You've given us so much

1:29:22

pleasure over the decade. It was nice meeting Dara,

1:29:25

a very pretty lady. Oh, I'll

1:29:27

tell her. And tell her

1:29:30

this. We've only just begun

1:29:32

to film. White

1:29:36

Lace and Promises. Get

1:29:38

the book, everybody. It's

1:29:45

terrific. A kiss for luck and we're

1:29:47

on a wheel. Why

1:29:50

are there so many songs

1:29:54

about rainbows? Why

1:29:56

are there so many songs about

1:29:59

rainbows? I wish. God

1:30:04

bless you guys. God bless you, John. You're

1:30:06

a gift. Be safe and happy.

1:30:08

Thanks, pal. He's going to sign off. Well,

1:30:11

this has been Gilbert Godfrey's

1:30:13

amazing Colossal podcast with my

1:30:16

co-host, Frank Santo Padre. And

1:30:18

we we were lucky enough to

1:30:21

get a return visit from one

1:30:23

of our favorites, John Biner. I

1:30:27

want ice cream. John,

1:30:31

have you seen the Bob Hope Jack Frost

1:30:33

video? No. OK, we're going to

1:30:35

send you that too. You owe it to

1:30:38

yourself. It's a horror

1:30:40

show. It's

1:30:43

on its way, John. We

1:30:46

don't talk about the deceased. We don't.

1:30:50

Don't make fun of the dead, as my

1:30:52

mother used to say. Thanks, as always, to

1:30:54

Geno Salomon for helping book John. This has

1:30:56

been a treat as always. Thanks,

1:30:59

John. Take care, guys. Thank you. Now

1:31:29

you take a break. I'm going to the bridge. Get

1:31:58

ready now. Is

1:32:01

his blessing above? You're

1:32:07

the generous lady we

1:32:09

love. One

1:32:14

man, one wife, one love,

1:32:19

if life's there,

1:32:22

or is all made

1:32:24

of it. Oh,

1:32:27

thank you. Oh, thank you kindly.

1:32:30

I thank you kindly. I appreciate

1:32:33

it, and I'm going to the couch now.