0:01

Welcome to Go Ask Ali, a production

0:03

of Shonda Land Audio and partnership with I

0:05

Heart Radio. I

0:07

think, like a vaginas have a lot to say. I

0:09

think we should let them spay out of it and they'll

0:11

just talk. Yes, one of

0:13

the hardest things to absorb for those who

0:16

are new to these kinds of fights. Again,

0:18

if we want all of them, we wouldn't be

0:20

here. If you see a monster,

0:23

don't try to run away, step right

0:25

up to it and say, what do you have to teach

0:27

me? Why are you? In my mind, I want to

0:29

be the person who has cancer and doesn't run

0:31

a marathon, Like, do I have to work that hard?

0:34

No, it's the best excuse not to run

0:36

a marathon. Welcome

0:43

to Go Ask Alli. I'm Alli Wentworth Now

0:45

in my podcast Go asked Alli. I

0:48

mostly have a lot of people I don't know

0:51

because I often

0:53

go to experts and people because there's things

0:55

I want to be educated on, and

0:58

then sometimes I talk to people I

1:00

do know. Nancy

1:03

Jarecki is one of my very best friends,

1:06

and she has an incredible story

1:08

that I want to be told

1:11

in every form because she

1:13

is somebody who has basically

1:16

kissed death on the lips

1:18

and lived to talk about it. And I

1:21

also, after she takes us through

1:23

this story, I want to talk to Nancy

1:25

about how it has changed

1:28

her life. Because Nancy

1:30

is the most fun, the

1:34

greatest sense of humor, the biggest

1:36

zest for life, always game

1:38

for anything. This is a girl who

1:41

could discover a band in Nashville,

1:44

direct a film, probably run

1:46

for office fly fish

1:48

in Montana. She is beloved

1:51

by everybody, and

1:53

she has a story to tell. So, so

1:56

hello, Nancy Jarecki. Well,

1:58

hello, Ali, I'm so glad you're here

2:01

because your story is a story

2:03

that needs to be heard, and it's a story that I have told

2:05

so many times, and it's a story that I'm

2:07

actually involved in. That's right,

2:10

So would you mind regaling my

2:12

my audience with your story? And then

2:14

we're gonna go into a little Q and A

2:16

about lessons learned.

2:18

Sure, I guess we might as well start with that

2:20

night. Myself and

2:23

my two sons are big fans

2:25

of Alleys, and she had a wonderful show called

2:27

Headcase. It's the red

2:29

carpet. We arrive at

2:32

the moment and I see

2:34

George, your lovely husband.

2:36

I see him at the end of the red carpet.

2:39

Standing there, we start to chat. He sees

2:41

the kids, He's like, no one wants you know, they're

2:43

board kids. Go downstairs. There's some

2:45

food down there. So as I'm talking to

2:48

him, I just feel

2:50

out of the blue, a little lightheaded,

2:53

and I think to myself, you know, I

2:55

had some food. I had a banana. It

2:58

can't be you know, low blood sugar. And then got

3:00

really hot. And I remember talking to him

3:03

speaking about some political stuff. I'm sure

3:05

it was very intelligent, because I have intelligent

3:07

conversations George all the time. Always.

3:09

Anyway, all of a sudden, I

3:12

felt this rush come in

3:14

me, was kind of heat, and oh

3:17

am I going to throw up? And

3:20

as I was kind of looking at him, he just

3:22

stops. It's as though he

3:24

just stops and freezes.

3:27

And I'm thinking, within you know, seconds,

3:29

I'm going, oh, the flashbulbs are

3:32

going off from the red carpet.

3:34

I've stunned my eyes. So I continued

3:36

to try and blink him back

3:39

to moving, and he doesn't,

3:41

and then another flash comes over

3:44

and I thought, I'm going to faint. Was

3:46

a flash like when somebody freezes

3:48

on FaceTime? Was it like that? Yes,

3:51

except it was a little darker and then

3:53

almost black and white, and then when

3:56

the flush comes over me again, it's

3:58

kind of this ready sepia

4:01

liquid. And I just

4:04

thought, that's not right. I

4:06

say to George, I think I'm

4:08

going to faint. He says, I'm

4:10

going to get you a chair. This is how I

4:12

remember. I'm going down. Now. I

4:14

wake up and so

4:16

many people are around me. They're touching me,

4:18

which is amazing. I can't

4:20

emphasize enough. And somebody saying

4:23

to me, Hi, Nancy, it's Jessica.

4:25

I'm right here. We've called an

4:27

ambulance. I'm going to stay by your side.

4:29

And I'm thinking, in that crazy

4:32

I fainted. I knew I fainted, so you could

4:34

hear. You could hear voices. I

4:36

could hear voices, And just

4:39

to give the other perspective, we are

4:41

all standing around Nancy,

4:43

assuming she fainted. I of course

4:46

thought she's on some weird diet.

4:48

And we're

4:51

standing around and there was a

4:53

photographer there who was one of the

4:55

guys on the red carpet, and he

4:57

looked at her because she was having

4:59

the quick moments where

5:02

her hand would shake, her mouth would

5:04

move, her eyes were fluttering, and

5:07

the photographer said to all of us because

5:10

we're about to pick her up. Don't touch

5:12

her. This is not somebody that they

5:14

did. This is somebody that's having

5:16

a seizure. Yeah,

5:18

so I don't know any of

5:20

that. I'm trying to tell people. I'm

5:23

okay, I just fainted. Jessica

5:25

kept telling me we've called an ambulance.

5:27

I'm like an ambulance. I don't need an ambulance.

5:29

And a funny side of it that what

5:32

I was thinking was I really had to peep. So

5:34

a few minutes after that, the ambulance

5:37

comes. So these paramedics come and

5:40

you're aware of all of us, You're aware of paramedics

5:42

touching you. And yes, it

5:45

was so comforting, even though I thought

5:47

it wasn't something serious. The

5:49

paramedics come move in

5:52

and they're doing all kinds of stuff. They're asking questions

5:54

and it's very rushed and

5:57

I'm trying to answer, but they're talking over

5:59

me, and I was getting and frustrated. And

6:01

so then by the way,

6:03

you think that you're talking to all these people,

6:05

but you're not. Right from their

6:08

perspective, you have not communicated anything.

6:10

And I had my eyes kind of rolled

6:12

back that you were describing the fluttery.

6:15

I had a seizure where I

6:17

found out later that when I thought

6:19

I was telling Jessica, yes, I'm very

6:21

hot, I was actually scratching

6:24

her so badly from

6:26

the seizure. Then

6:29

when I got into the gurney,

6:31

they had secured my legs

6:34

and my wrists, and I

6:36

went ballistic. So you had

6:38

like a physical reaction for

6:41

somebody that was just lying down kind

6:43

of having a seizure, you suddenly have

6:46

some strong physical motions. And the

6:48

reason I'm asking you this is

6:50

because recently and

6:52

has died and

6:55

she had, you know, driven her car

6:57

into this house, burst into flames,

6:59

and I saw this footage of a haze,

7:02

and she was on the gurney and all of a sudden, her

7:04

whole body kind of leaps up and

7:06

she kind of tries to get off the gurney, which

7:09

did not it

7:11

didn't make sense with what

7:14

I was reading in the paper that happened

7:16

to her. So is there

7:18

a physical reaction? Is It's almost like

7:20

your brain has no idea

7:23

what's going on, and your your body

7:25

goes, hey, I'm getting the hell out of here. Yeah.

7:28

And I think once I learned more about my

7:30

brain and what happened at that event,

7:32

it makes sense. My brain had a

7:35

very big bleed in it and it was

7:37

starting to kind of get

7:39

angry. And I

7:41

didn't know this, but your brain starts

7:43

to kind of shut down with that much

7:46

blood. You know, that had ruptured and

7:49

I was starting to come to, But I also

7:51

was confused why I was restrained.

7:54

I think I just started to

7:56

fight, like hell, that could

7:58

be something that happened, you know with Ann

8:00

Hash where she's like, wait, what's going you know, yep,

8:03

yep, yeah. But it was a real fear,

8:05

and I knew I was in an

8:07

ambulance, but I didn't

8:09

know where anybody was. And

8:12

a couple of friends followed me there

8:15

and they take the kids because

8:18

now I'm really ballistic. They're

8:20

telling me that they have to do

8:22

a scan. I go, I can't

8:24

go into the scan. First of all, I have to go the bathroom. And

8:26

I had gotten bits and pieces that

8:30

something was neurologic, like basically

8:32

I was paralyzed on the left side,

8:34

so I had droopiness because I could

8:37

hear the paramedics say something

8:39

about that. So you're you're connecting

8:41

the dots based on what you're hearing.

8:44

These kind of murmuring voices around

8:47

you. I was, but I was still

8:49

concentrated on No, I have to go to

8:51

the bathroom. What's he talking about? And

8:54

the biggest thing is I don't like Mr

8:57

Ees what I call this metal coffin,

9:00

and I just know you're not going to get me

9:02

in there. And I completely blocked

9:04

myself from going into the scanner,

9:06

into that MRI machine. They

9:09

then, I think, had to give me whatever

9:11

it is that calms you down a little bit. And

9:15

I also just felt like I can't

9:18

I can't fight anymore. I'm so tired,

9:20

and Max and now says

9:23

what happens is I just

9:26

stop and I have a little

9:28

bit of a relief smile,

9:30

and I just peed everywhere.

9:33

That's what you even wanting to do all night?

9:35

And he goes, it was so

9:38

peaceful, Oh my god.

9:40

All right, so you black out them? When

9:42

when are you conscious again? After that, later

9:45

I find out that I was in what they

9:47

call a critical holding pattern,

9:51

and that's when the bleed has

9:53

happened. That's when she's probably

9:55

not gonna make it. Let's put

9:57

her on lifelines. And

9:59

I'm in the special room where you're basically

10:02

put on I didn't need life

10:04

support, but in the event that I

10:07

did. You're on that because it's

10:09

such critical care. And

10:11

then these doctors come in and

10:13

they explained that I had a

10:15

sub or acknoid aneurism, which

10:18

at hemorrhage, which means that your

10:20

main artery in your head,

10:23

your M three had ballooned

10:25

out and

10:28

it ruptured, so the blood

10:30

is everywhere in

10:32

in your brain. At this point,

10:35

nobody has operated on

10:37

you. You've had nothing right.

10:39

So because I was unconscious,

10:42

they think I'm in a coma, and

10:45

usually a rupture will

10:48

not rebleed, so the damage

10:51

is the damage. They're hoping it won't

10:53

be bad that next morning, and and

10:56

I just kind of woke up that next day

10:58

and that's the morning of the surgery. Yeah,

11:01

what did they do during the surgery. What they

11:03

did is they go in, they make a

11:05

big hole in the side of your head, the

11:07

area where the bleed is. They find

11:09

the artery and they just kind of clip it

11:11

but make sure the blood can still flow so you have

11:14

blood going into your brain. Then

11:16

they sewed me back up and that

11:18

was early Friday morning. I

11:21

woke up later Friday evening

11:25

and I remember

11:28

seeing my kids. At that time. I did not know

11:30

who they were and that upset

11:33

my kids. Then I went back

11:35

to sleep. I woke up and

11:38

a friend of mine, Charlie Westler, walks

11:41

into the room. And I

11:43

had been so quiet, but I heard

11:45

his voice and from my bed,

11:47

I go, Charlie, is that

11:49

you? And the entire

11:52

room was like, oh my god, I

11:54

go can you believe it? Look what happened

11:56

to me? And then I saw

11:59

the kids I knew of them.

12:01

I said hello, and then I went back

12:03

to sleep, and then didn't

12:05

wake up till later that night. And

12:09

they did as much mending

12:11

as they could. And now it's up to you how

12:13

your brain is going to react. Is

12:16

your husband Andrew with you the whole time? Yes,

12:19

he is with me. He was not with me when

12:21

it happened. He was in l A making

12:24

a movie and he

12:26

had to make a decision to

12:29

either get on a plane and

12:31

come in for the surgery

12:34

or should he just stay and

12:36

be part of the real time

12:38

what's going to happen to me? But he chose

12:40

to get on a plane. The

12:43

flight attendant had to wake him up. He called

12:45

and I had lived through the night, okay,

12:48

Jesus Scott, And I said

12:50

to him, how did you get here so fast, and

12:52

so that's when everyone was like, her memory

12:55

is great, and the doctors are like, don't

12:57

count on it. We're

13:01

gonna take a short break and we'll be right back, and

13:11

we're back. What

13:14

did they find and what did they do after

13:17

that surgery? Everything seemed to be fine.

13:19

And then it was the next day where it

13:21

was an emergency that my intercranial

13:24

pressure was getting

13:26

high. It means that my brain is swelling,

13:29

and so they did a craniotomy

13:31

where they took out on

13:33

my right hand side. They have to remove as much

13:36

skull as possible for

13:38

the brain to expand. The brain

13:40

does very well, but it's really got to have the

13:43

room to expand. And

13:45

that's when people like Natasha

13:47

Richardson, when she hit her

13:49

head and her brain

13:51

swelled and she had there was

13:54

nowhere for the brain to go and unfortunately

13:56

it can't survive. I

13:58

mean, it all happened so fast for her.

14:00

But had she been taken right away to a hospital,

14:03

if they were able to immediately

14:06

do what they did, to you, what that I've saved her

14:08

life? Do you think? I think it probably

14:10

would have helped, because I know that it was

14:12

from brain swelling. I also know

14:15

that it didn't happen that fast. She had hit

14:17

her head. She had been complaining of a headache.

14:20

She refused to get

14:22

help because we don't know, we don't

14:24

know what's going on, the likelihood that she

14:26

has a brain bleed. She did have a

14:28

brain bleed, And a lot

14:30

of times when you do have these aneurysms,

14:33

you can't survive them. A lot of people,

14:35

and I think many will probably relate to this.

14:38

You hear about someone who has the most excruciating

14:40

headache, they decide I'm gonna take to askpen

14:42

and take a nap and go to bed and

14:45

never wake up. They don't survive. And

14:48

I just happened to be in a public area.

14:51

I did not have the precursor

14:53

to what most people feel

14:56

when they have an aneurysm. I only had

14:58

that moment it with with

15:00

George, those feelings and that

15:03

rush in the flash. People talk

15:05

about seeing double sometimes

15:08

or having the worst headache in the world

15:10

days leading up to it. I didn't have

15:12

any of that. So they take what a quarter

15:15

of your your skull off.

15:17

They took this called like two flaps.

15:20

Two flaps. Can you imagine like

15:22

a quarter of a

15:25

cantaloup a little bit

15:27

more than a quarter. You

15:29

now wear a helmet, yes, And

15:31

how long did you wear the helmet for and how

15:33

long was the recovery from that surgery?

15:36

Um, so, what you have is your

15:39

scalp that has your hair, but

15:41

what's underneath it is just a

15:43

swollen brain that

15:46

has extended out from the

15:48

rest of your skull. So there's

15:50

hair, so it's not like an open wound. And

15:53

that's what needs to be protected by the helmet.

15:56

And I thought to myself, well,

15:58

if you took it out, which you do with it,

16:01

it's so then what

16:03

they did do is they put it in your

16:05

abdomen what they call, you know,

16:07

safe keeping, And so I use in the hospital for another

16:10

three and a half weeks. I had some issues. My

16:12

brain was starting to spasm and

16:15

stroke, so I had another brain surgery

16:17

to fix that anything that probably

16:19

could go wrong. I had a little hydrocephalus,

16:21

you know, but I kind of rallied out

16:24

of it, and then they

16:26

thought, you know, I'm doing pretty well. I have

16:28

my memory, I'm starting to walk pretty well.

16:31

So they sent me home for my brain

16:33

to de swell. And that was

16:35

for another two and a half months, almost

16:37

three months, and then once

16:40

your head looks like there's a big

16:43

golf divot in

16:46

your head, then you know that your brain

16:48

is de swelled and you're ready to put the

16:50

flaps back in, the flaps that you've

16:53

been hiding in your abdomen. Yes,

16:55

yes, because what they do is they print in you're the

16:58

fat of your abdominal wall, the

17:00

fat part. But I had lost so much weight

17:02

they started to click up against my ribs.

17:05

It's God, Nancy, and

17:08

how was that surgery? When they put

17:10

the flaps back, I

17:12

had about three months

17:15

of just living in fear. Everyone

17:19

kept saying, this is you lived through the worst

17:21

part of it. You live through the parts that you were supposed

17:23

to live through. This is just putting back

17:26

your skull. But I started

17:28

to write just about why

17:30

am I so scared? You were scared

17:32

of dying. I've dying, Okay,

17:35

I made it through that. Well, what if something

17:37

goes wrong and I have like twenty seven things

17:39

that are so irrational that I thought could

17:41

happen to the doctor. I had a

17:44

private detective a

17:46

couple of friends go and maybe

17:48

try and follow the doctor to see he didn't go

17:50

to a bar, so he was like prime

17:52

for the surgery. I'm not even

17:55

Catholic. I saw priest

17:59

walking down this street and I

18:01

thought he looked at me one day

18:03

and I was on the helmet and I could take these little

18:05

walks and his

18:07

his cloak blew over my

18:10

leg, and I really thought it was a sign,

18:12

a good sign or a bad sign. I

18:15

thought it was a good sign that I meant to

18:17

talk to him, so I followed

18:19

where he was. I don't even know anything

18:22

about the Catholic church, but I went in

18:25

to a one of those when

18:27

you confessional confessional

18:30

and I just started to cry,

18:32

and I go, I'm not even Catholic, but I'm worried about

18:34

you know. And the fear that I had

18:37

is so out of it's I can

18:39

feel it now. But it was also a

18:41

fear of like, wow, I made

18:43

it through the big stuff. What

18:45

if this the little stuff that is

18:48

going to trip me up? And

18:50

I had to process that, and it really

18:53

was trying to get me through those

18:55

double doors, because I knew once

18:57

I the surgery was going to have been

19:00

Once I went through those double doors, there

19:03

was no going back right and

19:05

there was no control. Yeah, and that surgery

19:08

was the worst surgery. Here's

19:10

the thing, Nancy, I've never had

19:12

anything that traumatic happened to me. I've

19:15

never been tested physically

19:17

this way. I've never been in a situation

19:20

where I would think that a priest's

19:22

cloak brushing against my leg had meaning.

19:25

So for those of us that knock

19:27

gun wood have not experienced

19:29

anything like that. You know, you've

19:31

heard of people, You've seen films, you've read

19:33

books about people that were in the hospital and they

19:35

see the light and they come back from the light and

19:38

become different people. You're very much

19:40

the same person, A lovely,

19:43

just positive, life

19:45

affirming lady. Tell us the

19:48

things that only a person that

19:50

has lived through a life

19:52

altering situation. What kinds of

19:54

things you've learned, I'd

19:56

have to say in NEU, I see you. They

19:59

were of ones who kind of embraced

20:03

me and said, your

20:06

personality before

20:08

you had this, we feel has

20:10

a lot to do with how

20:13

you're accepting this and how you move

20:16

forward. And I thought,

20:18

you know, what it happened. There's

20:20

not much more I can do. But

20:23

what I can do is I can make everybody

20:25

else feel more at ease. And

20:28

so my recovery,

20:31

which I always was very appreciative of

20:33

my kids my life, my upbringing.

20:37

I started to realize it was more

20:39

of the small things that

20:43

I really started to appreciate. You

20:47

know. With the kids, I did become

20:49

more physically loving, you know, where

20:51

I drove them crazy where it's like, okay,

20:54

not so much touching. Another

20:57

one where one day

20:59

I was supposed to be going somewhere, And this is after

21:02

I'm kind of recovering in

21:04

New York City. There's all kinds of things that are happening

21:06

in the streets. I just found myself stopping

21:09

and watching stuff. And

21:12

one particular thing was I

21:14

was watching this crane lift

21:17

a piano, and

21:20

for whatever reason, I just stayed

21:22

there and it must have been for like an hour. I

21:25

started just to stop and

21:28

see process and

21:30

ask questions. Yes.

21:33

And that's another thing that has changed

21:36

is, you know, I have much more

21:38

curiosity, but I also am

21:40

more blunt and probably

21:43

less patient. You

21:46

know. It's interesting to me because

21:49

I've interviewed Michael J. Fox, who

21:52

has gone through so much with Parkinson's

21:54

for such a very long time, and

21:56

he's always an optimist, and I

21:58

think of you as an optic missed and

22:01

I wonder if there is a connection between

22:03

people who just

22:06

are naturally optimistic if there

22:08

is a correlation

22:11

with how people deal

22:13

with a brain aneurysm,

22:16

Parkinson's, any kind of

22:18

disease or kind of trauma, because I

22:20

know a lot of people who have

22:23

dealt with no pun intended

22:25

hard blows who did

22:27

not fare as well. But there were people that

22:29

were very cynical. Yes, And

22:32

in my understanding, I've

22:34

researched the brain a lot, because

22:36

nobody knows about the brain until

22:39

something happens to it for layman

22:41

like myself. So I learned all about why

22:44

is it? I had a great recovery, and there

22:46

really is something about

22:49

having a positive attitude,

22:51

a sense of happiness, love,

22:54

and kind of you

22:56

know what, We're all here for a reason.

22:58

There's a reason why this happened.

23:01

And that's how

23:04

the hospital and the people that were directly

23:07

dealing with me really felt. You

23:10

recovered very well

23:12

and in an extremely weird positive

23:15

way because of your attitude. Are

23:18

you more spiritual now? Um?

23:21

I am more spiritual in

23:24

feelings, meaning now

23:26

I've tapped into if something upsets

23:29

me or if something makes me really happy,

23:32

I can only really

23:34

express that through crime. It's

23:36

the weirdest thing. Yeah, It's like because

23:39

I feel something visceral. So I'm

23:41

more in touch with my feelings,

23:43

I believe. But I do think

23:46

that pre Nancy was a precursor

23:48

to a more positive outcome

23:51

post Nancy and YOURYSM.

23:54

You know, it's unfortunate that Mike has Parkinson's.

23:57

It was unfortunate that happened to, you know,

24:00

with me. But you can't

24:02

change it. And I think the

24:04

skills of radical acceptance.

24:08

You can't change it. You might as well

24:10

make the best of it, so you lean

24:13

into it, lean into it. Yeah,

24:16

we're gonna take a short break and we'll be right back.

24:27

Welcome back to go ask Gali. And

24:30

so you didn't do any drastic changes

24:32

after you recovered. You didn't become

24:35

a painter, You didn't change

24:38

your sexual preference. There weren't

24:40

any big swings. There

24:43

was a big swing I became, which

24:45

also is part of my personality. I

24:48

became manic, clinically manic,

24:50

and a lot of people don't understand sometimes

24:53

when there's something comes to the brain, you can go into a

24:55

deep depression. Because I think I

24:57

was predisposed to a gregarious, happy

24:59

per person. I went manic.

25:02

You know, before it's like high functioning,

25:05

really excited but this was at

25:08

a level where it could be very destructive,

25:11

and that's where sexual

25:14

stuff can come in. This is where I

25:16

was. I felt like I just wanted

25:18

to like be part of everything. I

25:20

had euphoria. You don't

25:22

think about consequences. You know, if

25:24

I had the opportunity, I probably would have like cheated

25:27

on my husband. And I was just kind of like,

25:29

oh my god, I sexually I'm attracted to like

25:31

that cup of pencils, and

25:33

it can be very destructive. You know, I do

25:35

shopping, but I didn't go crazy, but I

25:37

did go crazy with emotions. But for

25:40

some people who have gone through

25:42

that, that have survived a brain aneurysm

25:44

and they had that kind of manic behavior,

25:46

they probably did by three

25:49

hundred of the exact same bed frame online.

25:52

Right, Yeah, yeah, I mean, and

25:54

I had an assistant her named Laura, who

25:56

basically was like babysitting me. I

25:58

mean, it's a real thing. So then you

26:00

go on these drugs to control

26:04

the the manic part

26:06

of it, and I was on that for

26:08

years. I just got off all of my

26:11

meds last year. And

26:13

how many years has it been since the surgery?

26:16

Twelve years? And now you're not

26:18

on anything. I'm not on anything,

26:20

and it's probably the first time because I

26:22

think also what was happening is I

26:25

didn't need to have those drugs anymore. And

26:28

I was getting evaluated and

26:31

they thought, we think you might You

26:34

don't need to have that medication

26:37

that keeps you down. You know that keeps you down. We

26:39

don't think you're gonna be manning anymore. So it took some

26:41

time and they weaned me off of it. How

26:43

do you feel now, I feel

26:45

very good. I feel very very good.

26:48

So it's it's not like you've recovered.

26:51

One thing that happens is when you have a

26:53

change like this um and

26:55

even though as bad as it was, it changed

26:58

it for the best. Like I

27:00

wouldn't have had the

27:02

experiences that I've had now, I

27:04

feel that I've been given a gift

27:07

because one thing that I do really

27:09

feel fortunate about is I went

27:11

through something and I learned about it and now

27:14

I can help people. I love

27:16

when someone says, hey, my

27:19

aunt has X Y and Z. I said, you know

27:21

what, let me think I think I can help you. Like I

27:23

love that. I feel like that

27:25

is something that is an identity.

27:28

It's now part of my personality and

27:30

I've embraced it and I've

27:32

written about it, and people

27:35

were really supportive,

27:38

and even though most of the people that they know

27:40

died of an aneurism, they were all

27:42

so happy for me. Oh,

27:45

yes, very happy. Yes.

27:47

Well, it's like when soldiers

27:49

come back from war and you know, you're

27:52

incredibly sad that we lost

27:54

so many men, but the men that do come

27:57

back from war, yeah, it's victorious,

27:59

you know, And it's victorious that you

28:01

you got through this. And so what

28:03

I'm hearing is that one of the great takeaways

28:07

from what was a horrific experience

28:09

is that because you lived

28:12

to tell you're able now to

28:14

write articles, to write books, to

28:17

talk to people and share your experience

28:19

in a way that has provided so

28:21

much help for people. Yeah,

28:24

and also providing what other

28:26

people can do when they know somebody

28:29

who's going through this, right,

28:31

who would have thought because you're lying in the bed,

28:34

he can't really do much. So

28:36

there's all these visitors that are looking

28:38

at you and just kind of like

28:40

they don't know what to say. They're also being very

28:42

quiet because it's such a serious thing. That

28:45

I'm the one who was cracking

28:48

jokes. Andrew says, I was showing off.

28:50

No, you were you were taking care of

28:52

your guests, which you didn't need to do

28:55

right exactly. And by the way,

28:57

it doesn't have to be a brain and you're

29:00

ism. You know, anybody that's gone through

29:02

any kind of trauma, physical

29:04

trauma, you're providing service,

29:06

which is how do we act

29:09

when we're in a hospital room? Do we

29:11

bring macaroni salad? How do we deal

29:13

with the family of the person that's in the hospital.

29:16

But because that's not really talked about a lot,

29:18

it's not and a lot of people don't

29:21

know what to say, don't know what to do,

29:23

And when you're in crisis like that,

29:26

you know, I'll give you one little anecdote

29:29

where I've survived. I'm out

29:31

and about I run into somebody.

29:33

They hadn't seen me since the whole ordeal, and

29:36

they're like, I've got a bone to pick

29:38

with your husband And I'm

29:40

like yeah, and he goes, yeah,

29:42

you know, I didn't know your email

29:45

or your number, and I tried to call your

29:47

husband and he never called me

29:49

back. Jesus Christ.

29:52

And I'm like, you mean when I was in the hospital and he

29:54

goes, yeah, he goes, I have a bone to

29:56

pick with him. He never got back to me, and I'm like,

29:59

okay, well, unfortunately that's gonna go in

30:01

my book. Yeah, of course it is as

30:03

something he'll say, yeah,

30:06

yeah, sorry that he didn't put down everything

30:08

because his wife was in crisis to take care

30:10

of your needs, you know. But I think people

30:13

innately want to help in some way.

30:16

But we can't forget

30:18

about humor. It's

30:20

very uncomfortable because you're not sure.

30:23

I can't make a joke, but

30:27

there are times that

30:29

is such a nice relief. Well,

30:32

I am so glad that you brought that up,

30:34

because you know, humor is my thing and

30:37

and it's something that you and I share together

30:39

too. Do you remember what you said to me?

30:42

No, tell me when I visited you

30:44

in the hospital, what

30:46

did I say? Okay, So you

30:49

come in there and we

30:51

had guests there, and it's been such

30:53

a quiet nobody

30:56

wants to talk. Everybody's just so worried

30:58

because the doctor says she's not out of the wood, you

31:00

know, and it's already like to whatever

31:02

it was, you know, so it's still a very

31:04

critical time. And you walk in

31:07

and you had a gift for me, and

31:09

you threw it at me. You go fucking

31:12

drama queen. You stole my night. Hey

31:17

listen, because one of the things

31:19

that you have taught me through this process

31:22

was how important humor was

31:25

for you and how important it is for people.

31:28

Everybody is so terrified

31:31

and anxious, and it gets to be a little

31:33

morose and probably too morose for

31:35

the patient who's lying in the hospital bed.

31:37

Yes, because we feel we already

31:40

feel guilty that our

31:42

kids are suffering from something that they don't understand.

31:45

Our parents are there, everyone's there.

31:47

We already feel somewhat guilty

31:49

that people are fawning over us and oh

31:51

my god, what does this mean? And

31:55

one, it gave me something to do too.

31:58

I just really felt like I'm

32:00

going to help them. You know

32:03

what's great. I loved it when

32:05

my Nashville friends brought me in my

32:08

playlist on a little recorder.

32:11

You know what, I can teach people to

32:13

do that, right, Don't take them country

32:15

music because they might not like it, but take

32:17

them their playlist. There's

32:20

two things that you really taught me, and

32:22

one is you know, I'm a big

32:25

believer in humor, and you

32:27

taught me that when people are

32:29

in you know, you have to read the room. But in

32:32

difficult times, sometimes humor is such

32:35

a relief. I mean, they say humor is

32:37

the best medicine for a reason.

32:39

You know, sometimes people

32:41

need to laugh because they've been crying

32:44

so much. And the other thing that you

32:46

taught me was that we

32:48

have a tendency as humans when people are

32:50

in crisis and whatever that means. People

32:53

have a tendency to retreat. And

32:55

you've always taught me, no, bring

32:58

that cast role, call all them up,

33:00

email them, let people

33:03

know that you're there. Don't retreat.

33:05

They don't want people to go away.

33:08

Yeah, and that's absolutely true. And

33:10

what's interesting is in my

33:12

research of this particular behavior

33:15

where we retreat, you know, we modify our

33:17

behavior thinking we're being sensitive. It's

33:19

the most insensitive thing you could possibly do.

33:22

We feel like, oh my god, if I bring

33:24

it up, And I always

33:26

say, what if you bring it up, you're gonna remind

33:28

them they know that

33:31

they had an aneurism, or they know

33:33

that their father died, so we

33:36

make it about us. That's exactly

33:38

right. And it was really helpful advice.

33:40

And I've used it since you gave this to me. So

33:43

having gone to the brink

33:45

of death, shall we say, has it changed

33:48

how you view death,

33:50

how you expect to experience death.

33:53

You know, some people say they

33:56

fear it even more. Some people get excited

33:58

about the notion of it. On me, about

34:01

how you feel about the

34:03

the idea, let's say, of death, still

34:07

completely scared about

34:11

death, scared to death, scared to

34:13

death. A lot of people thought,

34:15

you've got a second chance at life. Oh

34:17

my god, everything must be amazing,

34:20

you know, you must be just on a high.

34:22

And I mean, you shouldn't be depressed about anything.

34:25

And it's like it doesn't really work that way,

34:28

don't. I get nervous about

34:30

things that I don't know about. I

34:32

would actually think that the last

34:34

thing you ever thought you would experience with a

34:37

brain aneurysm, And

34:39

so it would actually make me think,

34:41

oh, if this can happen, what else can

34:43

happen? You know what I mean? Yes, I

34:46

live in a world where the most

34:48

unusual things happened. So I do

34:51

not rest because I've already

34:53

been through a near death situation. I

34:55

do not rest. I embrace it,

34:58

and I try not to live a life that is

35:00

always in fear. But I do

35:03

look over my shoulder in a

35:05

different way about

35:07

what's coming. Well

35:09

put well put all

35:17

right, So, Nancy, you have been so

35:19

great, and now my podcast go

35:22

ask Ali. I let the guests ask

35:24

me a question. So, Nancy

35:26

Direky, do you have a question for

35:28

Ali Wentworth? You know I do.

35:32

Ali. You're one of my favorite people. I

35:34

think you know that I'm one of your biggest fans.

35:37

I love you. But what I really want to ask

35:39

you is what's

35:42

your favorite thing about you? My

35:46

favorite thing about me is my humor. You

35:49

know, I'm married to an overachiever,

35:52

and I'm never gonna be able to talk

35:55

to him about theology from the fifteenth

35:57

century. I'm not good at predicting

35:59

who is gonna win local elections. I'm

36:02

mediocre in bed, but I

36:05

love my sense of humor. I love

36:08

what makes me laugh, and

36:10

I feel like I have here we Go.

36:13

I'm gonna put it into terms of

36:15

this podcast. I feel like

36:17

I have worked on that

36:19

muscle in me that gives me

36:22

a quick wit and makes me appreciate

36:24

other people that can kind of play

36:26

comedy tennis with me. And

36:29

I appreciate so much the ability

36:31

to laugh that I like to give it to other people.

36:33

So that's my favorite thing about me. Now, had

36:35

you asked me what my least favorite thing was

36:37

about me, well beyond for the next few hours.

36:40

I wanted you to say it was your humor, because

36:43

I really feel that you're

36:46

so witty, you're so quick, and the

36:48

idea that you can embrace that and say, you

36:50

know what, that's what I love

36:53

about myself. Too many people complain

36:55

about what they don't like about themselves, so I just

36:57

wanted to hear you say it. Well, hold

36:59

on, I would say it's my humor. But

37:01

I have an amazing ass I

37:04

know, do people know about that? Yes,

37:06

well, you're always called up just behind these

37:09

you know podcasts. I'd

37:11

have to say, you asked is amazing. It

37:13

is. I did not get George Shepanopolis to

37:15

marry me based on my cooking alone,

37:18

but it is something that I like about myself.

37:21

Are pretty good. Thank you, Thank

37:23

you, but you should

37:25

try my milkshade that's

37:28

not getting dirty brings

37:30

all the boys of the yard. Thank

37:36

you for listening to Go ask Alli. For more

37:38

info and what you heard in this episode, check out

37:41

our show notes. Be sure to subscribe,

37:43

rate and review Go ask Alli, and follow

37:45

me on social media on Twitter at Ali

37:47

e Wentworth and on Instagram at the Real

37:50

Ali Wentworth Now. If you'd like to ask

37:52

me a question or suggest a guest or a topic

37:54

to dig into, I'd love to hear from you, and

37:56

there's a bunch of ways you can do it. You can call or text

37:59

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38:01

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38:03

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38:05

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