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This is Comedy Gold Mines

1:02

with Kevin Hart. Welcome.

1:04

Goddamn it. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome

1:07

to all new episodes of comedy

1:09

gold mines. And what do we do here? People?

1:11

I should have to tell you you should know the answer.

1:13

You should

1:13

know the answer by now. We get into the mines.

1:16

bringing comedians. And why? Why do we

1:18

do that? Well, because these are some

1:20

of the most amazing minds there is.

1:23

A comedian's mind is

1:26

fucking gold. Here's the name,

1:28

comedy gold mines. Oh, that's a gem.

1:30

Today,

1:31

we have somebody special on the show.

1:33

A friend An

1:35

amazing talent.

1:37

Oh, just a brilliant person all around.

1:40

Ladies

1:40

and gentlemen, talk about Amy Schumer.

1:42

Amy Schumer. Oh

1:44

my god. She's so much thinner in person.

1:46

Okay. Alright. Look, III

1:49

need to be introduced the way I need to

1:51

be introduced.

1:51

Okay. Well, I'll say that next time, but you gotta get

1:53

me set up. Send

1:54

me a text. How are you? I'm good.

1:57

How are you? I am good. I can't

1:59

complain, Amy.

1:59

Actually, you haven't answered my last three

2:02

texts. What

2:03

well, those because you're texting from my Hotmail

2:05

number. You

2:06

know the Hotmail number. Okay. That's

2:08

such a thing that's such a dodge. Yeah.

2:10

Alright. I bet.

2:11

Kevin's not Hotmail, not Hotmail.

2:13

That's good. I'm gonna say that to people.

2:14

Oh, you must have my Hotmail. Yeah.

2:17

Yeah. And then that's the only reason. If you

2:19

have my other stuff that you would get me, but

2:21

you Okay. If I had your real number. Yeah.

2:25

That's the thing. When somebody's on

2:27

your pockets, they

2:28

have to put you on blast for not texting them

2:30

back. I'm I'm really good. How

2:32

are you? I'm good. How's how's family

2:34

life? I mean, Jesus, you're married,

2:36

you're a mom. I mean, it's all the above now.

2:38

Alright. I'm living that

2:41

life. I

2:42

am. Are you the mom? as well.

2:44

Yeah. No. I'm loving

2:46

it. I'm loving it. I'm

2:48

I'm annoying. I'm like Right.

2:50

-- like, so into it. He's he's almost

2:52

two. So -- Mhmm. -- you know, that age

2:54

is, like, he he talks with full

2:56

confidence, but he isn't saying he it sounds

2:59

like he's speaking a different language.

3:00

shit. He's saying jack shit. But he's just

3:02

asking if it's if it's something It's

3:05

it's

3:05

he'll yeah. He's pointing. He's you

3:07

know, and he's not saying anything. And I he

3:09

has the confidence of a comic,

3:12

actually. You know? Like, he's like, everybody

3:14

should listen to me right now. Like, I have something

3:16

very important to say delusional

3:18

confidence. Like, what

3:21

do you feel has changed most about

3:23

you?

3:23

since marriage.

3:24

My pussy. It's honestly just,

3:26

like, huge now

3:28

and just garbage. It's just street trash.

3:32

Yeah. I would say my street trash pussy

3:34

is probably No. What's

3:36

changed?

3:38

I I mean, I don't know.

3:40

Like, for being a mom, like, what do you like,

3:43

everything. You know, I don't go

3:45

out anymore. I mean, that's also the pandemic,

3:47

but I'd be down with the seller every night doing

3:49

stand up. And now it's, like, if a

3:51

friend is, like, wanna meet out at eight PM,

3:53

I'm, like, eight PM. I'm sorry.

3:56

He's like Right. I'm in, you know, that's I mean,

3:58

I'm not in bed. I'm so I stay

3:59

up, you know. But Did you're an animal?

4:02

Eight PM outside your house? Goddamn.

4:04

Lihoo. What do you think I am? Where

4:06

are you going? Are you Batman? Who hang

4:08

up and thank you? Jesus.

4:10

I'm not protecting gotham over here.

4:12

Okay? I'm protecting my fish

4:14

I made for my son. Here's what I mean when

4:16

I say if things changed or what do you think

4:18

has changed most? I mean, you know, you

4:21

you you still are. You're you're

4:23

your household name. Right? But you could say

4:25

it. I used to be. Now I'm No. No.

4:27

No. I'm just in a series of commercials. Well,

4:30

that well, no. You hear you do have

4:32

a commercial running right now. Yes.

4:34

I have seen the commercial

4:35

You know, I had one point at a commercial that

4:37

you might have. At one point, said

4:39

no too. Can I just tell you,

4:41

was once offered

4:42

a commercial. I won't say what the commercial is. I was offered

4:44

the commercial. They go, I said, yeah, sure. I'll

4:46

do. I'll sell truly anything,

4:48

you know. You want

4:50

me in your lawyer ed? You want me in your ed?

4:52

Or you got personal injuries? You got

4:54

me. And they go, actually, we're

4:57

sorry. We're gonna go with Kevin

4:59

Hart, and I go Kevin's not gonna say yes to this.

5:01

And so when you come back to me after Kevin

5:03

says, no, don't be embarrassed because I'm ready. And

5:05

that's exactly what happened. Well,

5:08

we need to stay on this. We need to

5:10

stay on this. hard on this, and

5:12

I will stay through. And don't

5:14

even say sorry. Don't even say

5:16

sorry to me. So

5:17

just close your mouth. Close your mouth and

5:19

just know that. I'm not going anywhere.

5:21

I'm ready. Give me my call. all time. I

5:24

don't care. Amy,

5:26

you're so fucking great. You're

5:28

so great. Do you feel like

5:31

motherhood you

5:32

know, has it has it in any way,

5:34

shape, or form? Has it taken

5:36

away any of the hunger?

5:38

of of entertainment

5:41

of comedy. I mean, because, you know, the one thing about

5:43

being a parent is wanting to be there.

5:45

And -- Right. -- as a as a father,

5:48

Of course, it's different for me because, you

5:50

know, my wife, she's so hands on. She's so

5:52

great. I have that I have that partner

5:54

that allows me the comfort unknowing

5:57

that my kids are are getting what they need

5:59

to to taken care of. And, you know, when I'm

6:01

in and out, it's great. It's good for me,

6:03

but I got the comfort of knowing. Now, you

6:05

as a mother? Is it different for you? You

6:07

know? Or or do you want your husband to have that

6:09

kind of What is it? I would

6:11

say Chris is the

6:13

primary caregiver -- Mhmm.

6:15

--

6:16

because I do have to be in and out even with

6:18

but I haven't been, like, shooting something

6:20

gone for you know, fourteen

6:22

hours a day since

6:23

-- Mhmm. --

6:24

because of the this year, you know. So

6:27

that's about to happen. So I I've

6:29

only, like, had to be out of the house for,

6:31

like, a full day a couple times. So I don't know what that's

6:33

gonna be, like But I know that's hunger. Yeah.

6:35

I am. I am really nervous about that. I'm,

6:38

like, you know, it's

6:40

me. I'm not even worried about my son. It's it's

6:42

me. That's worried about, like because, you know, just

6:44

getting to be with him so much but I

6:46

still have the hunger. I'm, you know, I'm about to start filming

6:48

a show for Hulu

6:50

and I am you

6:53

know, I'm I created it. I'm directing

6:55

a bunch of it. And I feel very engaged. Holy

6:57

shit. Congratulations. directing. Yeah.

6:59

Good for you, Amy. Have you are you directing?

7:02

You know what, man? I I wanna start, but,

7:04

Amy, I'm so afraid. I'm

7:06

so afraid of the -- Okay. -- having

7:08

to be there early. Yeah. Well, no. Not

7:11

not not I'm afraid

7:13

of the of the hole that

7:15

you're going after. Because once you have that

7:17

project, you're stuck with that project. for

7:20

the year. You know what I mean? It's, like, filming it

7:22

and branding. Then it's

7:23

the editing process. But aren't you involved

7:25

in every part of the process for your

7:27

specials and Yes.

7:28

I'm I'm involved in it, but I'm

7:30

able to still hop in, hop out. I'm involved

7:32

in it, but I do it in such a way to where

7:34

I can still You can still hop in

7:36

hop out when you're Not in your first movie. You

7:38

don't wanna hop in hop out in your first movie.

7:41

Yeah. Actually, first movie that No.

7:43

But I I, like, you know, if you have, like, really

7:45

good support systems, I feel like you can

7:47

because I feel like you're most likely directing

7:50

everything you're doing anyway. I know you're not gonna say

7:52

that, but, you

7:53

know, Yeah. You know. And at a certain

7:55

point of your career, you get to a point to

7:57

where you definitely are, more

7:59

aware of what goes on behind the camera than

8:02

you once were. And when you are -- Yeah. you're able to dictate

8:04

and control. Right. And when you think

8:06

you're a better

8:06

performer too, you know, once you understand

8:10

all that stuff. People need to know and

8:11

understand that about you too, Amy. And I wanna take

8:13

a second to just highlight that. Like, your level of

8:15

creative that you put into the things you do. You're

8:17

you're you're a pent up pet. your

8:20

pin to the pad comic, and not

8:22

just within your standup, but within the things that have

8:24

made it to the big screen, within the things that make

8:26

it to the little screen. You're happy with that pin to

8:28

the pad.

8:28

Yeah. Aren't you like that?

8:30

Of course. Yeah. It's because

8:32

you know what you know the rhythm, you know

8:34

the what's gonna work, and Also,

8:37

when you're as busy as you, you

8:40

have to be efficient.

8:41

Mhmm. You know? It's like, how can

8:43

we do this the most efficient way possible.

8:45

And it that's the thing, like, you know,

8:48

it it takes so much energy. So if you

8:50

if you see a way that something can be done,

8:52

sort of more easily. Like, you can't keep your mouth

8:54

shut and just be like, I'm just here to stay in my lines.

8:56

Like, you you know, so it's, you

8:59

know, it's it's kinda self serving. But

9:01

just how many times have you not listened to your instincts?

9:03

And you go, why did you say that?

9:05

I knew we

9:06

should've just I knew it. I should've just listened.

9:08

Yeah. I like that you're checking all the

9:10

boxes, you know, from literature, from

9:12

television, to film, to stand up. You're

9:14

truly checking all the boxes in. you know,

9:17

you have your own your own pockets.

9:18

It was canceled. Thank you for bringing

9:20

that up. Who do I blame for that? Keith Robinson

9:23

-- Absolutely. -- is a piece of garbage,

9:25

and I'm glad that finally the world will hear from

9:27

me. Yes. I blame Keith Robinson. Keith

9:29

Robinson. Keith Robinson. cancelled for years

9:31

now. I don't know why you would even fucking

9:33

incorporate Keith. on your fucking shelf.

9:36

Huge mistake. What a what

9:38

a idiot you are. Incorporated, Keith.

9:40

It's actually really sad. I was like, how

9:42

can I make my friends hang out with me? It's

9:45

Rachel Feinsheim, Bridgette

9:47

hilarious performers and and,

9:50

you know, Keith Robinson just because we need

9:52

someone to yell at.

9:53

Now you can cut to the chaser needs. He needs

9:55

the work. Okay? That's He didn't. That's right. That's

9:57

right. The fucking work. It was

9:59

a damn paycheck. he gets paid as a writer

10:01

on almost everything I do and he does nothing.

10:04

He

10:04

does nothing. We have to we have to be

10:06

honest for a second just for for listeners.

10:09

I don't think that you'll you'll love a person.

10:11

Well, Keith Robinson is a mentor

10:13

to me, a fucking amazing guy.

10:15

I was like, very much for me. And Amy

10:17

had him on our on our radio show,

10:20

which got canceled because of him. Because of him.

10:22

That's right. How long did you guys go? We

10:23

did five seasons, which

10:26

is really weird. I know. It was

10:28

it was on Spotify and yeah.

10:31

And they got Joe Rogans podcast and they told

10:33

us to go. Go fuck you, Zach.

10:35

...olate ourselves right in the corner, and we said

10:37

thank you so much for your time. Yeah.

10:40

But it was fun. It was a good run. And,

10:44

you know, but yeah. Keith, III

10:46

he's,

10:46

you know, he's family. He's a great guy.

10:49

What do you prefer, Amy, right now? You

10:51

know, when it comes to when it comes

10:53

to you and you being your best, is

10:55

there a preference between television and

10:57

film?

10:58

right now.

10:59

I'm excited about this is my first, like,

11:01

narrative TV

11:01

show I'm doing. So it's like like,

11:04

you know, it's five hours long. It's you know, it's

11:06

ten

11:06

and a half hours. Mhmm. I also

11:08

do really math, really I think that's -- I think that's

11:11

-- I think it makes a lot. -- like, big. That's

11:13

a lot. maybe ten and a half hours. Is

11:15

that too much time to, like, look at me and hear No.

11:18

No. People wanna see

11:19

This are there. It's a lot. Five

11:22

hour? No. Are you sure? I mean,

11:24

I'm just telling you that's No. People are gonna love

11:26

it. They're gonna watch it again. They're gonna

11:28

watch start it right over. I know, but

11:30

that's the thing. Isn't that funny? They made a joke about

11:32

it. Amy or Tina on the Globes,

11:34

they were, like,

11:36

you either are, like, I don't wanna watch a movie,

11:38

but then you watch you binge a TV show for,

11:40

like, eight hours. So, you know, it's

11:42

like Ricky DeVries had that show. What's

11:45

Life after dev. Yeah. Or life after

11:47

or something like that. That's a biggie album. You're

11:50

thinking of I get -- After like

11:52

-- I get I get Biggie and Ricky

11:54

confused all the time. They are Biggie is

11:56

the same person to watch the doc.

11:59

I did actually. I

12:00

did watch that. That was that was a fun

12:02

watch. Right? Got it. It's actually pretty amazing

12:04

when you go look at it.

12:05

And I watched and just as a sidebar,

12:08

I watch Ricky show as well. So

12:09

Yeah. I enjoyed it. Yeah. I

12:11

think that with

12:13

I think Biggie was my favorite rapper.

12:16

Who's who's your favorite of all time? Yeah.

12:18

My favorite rapper of all time?

12:19

Favorite rapper of all time. Like,

12:22

you know what? No.

12:23

Maybe of all time. Yeah. But, like,

12:25

I guess, nineties hip hop.

12:27

Nineties hip hop. I'm going to go biggie

12:29

small. Yeah.

12:30

Right. And you said pop. Yeah. It's between biggie

12:33

or a two pot. If you go on that one, France.

12:35

Two pot. So shouldn't have brought that up. Okay.

12:37

Well, we're not here to start a beef. now. That's

12:39

not what we're about to do. But No.

12:41

But I will battle anyone, and I I wanna

12:43

say that right here right now. If anybody

12:45

wants to step to me, No.

12:47

Amen. No? Okay. Sorry. I'm trying

12:49

a new persona. You gotta keep reinventing yourself,

12:52

you know. I mean, where did you learn that? Who it? I don't

12:54

I I just want some biggie documentary. gotta accept

12:56

it.

12:56

Okay. Well, you can't. That doesn't mean I'm gonna write

12:58

that down. I don't know. won't just don't really

13:00

step off. Okay. You can't tell people that. Alright.

13:02

I got it. Stand

13:05

up. What are you thinking about with stand up right now?

13:07

No shit. We're in a fucking pandemic. We

13:09

loved your special, by the way. Thank

13:11

you. You wouldn't know because you obviously

13:14

have changed your number. Alright. But

13:16

discuss. Yeah. We really we

13:18

really enjoyed that. I mean,

13:20

I'm I I was very lucky, very

13:22

fortunate to find somewhere

13:24

to work on something, and I was able

13:27

to put a hour together. And I got

13:29

excited about the fact that, like, oh, shit. When

13:31

we're down, I I kinda

13:33

figured out this way to kinda create some

13:35

material. So I I shot us best.

13:37

I appreciate it.

13:38

It was great. And it was really

13:40

funny, and and I I feel

13:42

like it came right at time

13:43

where it was, like, we're

13:45

like, I was really starving for content.

13:47

Like, I watch everything. you know,

13:49

like, anytime anyone's like, did you see this? I'm

13:51

like, yes. Like, I don't know. My friends are like, why

13:53

how do you so much time? I'm like, from

13:56

seven to, like, one AM, I'm just watching

13:58

TV. like, everything.

14:00

But no. I we were, like, looking

14:02

forward to it and excited. Oh, and you sent out, like,

14:04

a gifting and

14:06

and Chris wore your silk pajamas. job

14:08

as I remember. I remember. That's why I'm asking

14:10

you right now, like, when Oh, what's my deal with

14:12

stand up? I don't I did stand up one

14:14

time this whole pandemic. This show

14:16

with John Forte. Where at? Martha's

14:19

Vineyard. It was, like, an outdoor fundraiser

14:21

for Was it a shit show? Was it, like, a was

14:23

it, like, fucked up? Or was it put together well?

14:26

Well, it was, like, four PM. And,

14:29

on you

14:30

know, Martha's Vineyard is one of

14:32

my favorite places where my husband's from, but

14:35

you know, was a lot of people wearing, like, Ann

14:37

Taylor and, like -- Yeah. -- drinking, like,

14:39

Spritzer. And I

14:41

opened for John. So John kinda got, like, the

14:43

hot spot, you know. and

14:45

he was amazing. And

14:48

he's a new album,

14:49

Rodden Road, Rodden Drive, everybody

14:51

seems to listen to.

14:53

But he but my standup was

14:55

fun. It was it was fun. And I feel like

14:57

I have, like,

14:58

ten minutes right now. What about you?

15:00

You just I don't have shit. You don't have anything?

15:02

I mean, I don't have shit right now.

15:04

I don't I mean, I can't That's the thing.

15:06

People go, can you just do twenty you I

15:08

don't have it.

15:09

me not listen. What

15:11

I have is so bad right now --

15:13

Mhmm. -- that that I kinda

15:15

don't want I don't want

15:17

you to open up yet because I'm -- I

15:19

know. -- I don't know what to do when it does.

15:22

Like, if I if I get a stage, I don't

15:24

know what the fuck to do. But will say this,

15:26

oh, I will say this, Amy. Like, right now,

15:28

this is the best time for

15:31

for us because once we

15:33

do get to a point where people are

15:35

going back into comedy club, the

15:38

the need and want for comedy is going to

15:40

be so real, so big. Oh, right.

15:43

didn't think about that. It's gonna be so big.

15:45

So, you know, I have something I

15:47

think

15:47

that we're gonna get extremely hungry

15:50

and ambitious

15:50

once we get a taste of it again.

15:52

I don't think it's gonna be long. Can I tell

15:54

you, like, a premise I have in my phone?

15:56

Yeah. Let me hear it. Okay. This

15:59

is good this

16:00

is good radio. Okay. Okay.

16:02

I'm listening. Oh

16:04

oh, actually, I wanna ask if you've ever heard somebody

16:06

do this before. This might be like a seinfeld

16:09

vibe. Mhmm.

16:12

just that, like, we're old now. Mhmm.

16:14

And, you know, how, like,

16:16

when I was like, I'm about to turn forty this year. And

16:18

when I was younger, it was, like, I just thought forty

16:20

was so old. Mhmm.

16:21

you know, but then you get older and and then you're

16:23

like, when

16:24

somebody dies, when they're seventy five,

16:26

you're like, oh, they were so young.

16:28

That's it. Like, that's kind of the premise. Doesn't

16:30

that sound like it might be a jury bit?

16:32

Well, it doesn't sound like a jury bit, but

16:34

I it's observational. That's where you're getting

16:36

a jury vibe from. Yeah. And And

16:38

I think as you get to forty -- Yeah. -- the

16:40

crazy thing about us being forty. Like, right now,

16:42

forty one. And then the fucked up thing about

16:44

being forty one, we want You did once

16:46

look at it as, you know, as old as shit.

16:48

Like, you're a four just over. Yeah.

16:51

But once you're here once you're

16:53

here, you get this new energy

16:55

about forty when others Oh, no. We're in our

16:57

prime. Yes. I believe

16:58

that. I mean, for me, it's not not physically

17:00

because I don't even understand

17:02

what happened my breasts after having a baby,

17:04

but I mean, they honestly Kevin, they

17:06

used to be so high. they

17:08

didn't if I laid down, they just stayed

17:10

there, like, at attention, you know? And

17:12

now it's,

17:13

like, it's all over. Are you are

17:15

you happy at all? You still fucking confident?

17:17

Are you still Oh, yeah. Yeah. Didn't

17:19

You know, I believe I

17:21

have, like, a super pussy. Okay.

17:24

I mean, I'm sure it's below

17:25

average. And I have

17:27

low tea. Actually, I I got all this blood

17:29

work this year because I have lime and they were like, you have

17:31

extremely low tea.

17:33

Do you wanna get more tea? They're like, we

17:36

can give you and I was like, no. I don't what do I want

17:38

tea for

17:39

teas over? Do you feel like

17:41

as as the sex life

17:43

falling off after the baby? Or do you

17:45

still try to -- Whenever we -- get you

17:47

to it. Do you are you guys

17:48

like this? Like, okay. Truly,

17:50

we probably have sex every seven

17:53

to ten days. That's

17:54

about right. Okay. And we do it and

17:56

we go, god, that's so great. Like, we

17:58

need to do that more. And then

17:59

we don't do it again for another seven to

18:02

ten days. Oh, no. Okay. Wait. This is this

18:04

happened the other day. So my husband

18:06

goes, I go, do you wanna have sex

18:08

and he makes this face? He goes, Like,

18:11

he kind of pictured it and, like, when's apparently,

18:14

he was like, like, imagining it and he made

18:16

a face he it's something

18:18

that you know, and I was like, he's

18:20

like he's like, come up tomorrow.

18:22

And I was like, great.

18:23

Thank you.

18:25

feel really

18:27

good. But that's Chris anyway

18:29

because, like, during

18:31

the pandemic, we were we were, like, sitting

18:33

outside and it was like about to rain and

18:35

I I turned to him and I was like, you know,

18:37

it's I

18:38

said even though this has been horrible,

18:40

COVID is horrible, this I think has

18:42

been the best time in my life. And

18:44

he said, I'm

18:47

gonna

18:47

go put the windows

18:48

up in the car.

18:50

that you

18:52

know, and, like, that's him. Like, he's just I'm,

18:54

like, what about what I you know?

18:56

No. Did you hear what I said? Yeah. What

18:58

about it? That was a meaningful No.

19:01

I think he's gonna rame into

19:02

the windows up. My wife told me straight

19:04

up. She told me I need to get the fuck away from you.

19:07

She told me, like, listen. Like, not even

19:09

No laugh behind it. It was it was as

19:11

blunt as you can say it. Yeah.

19:13

She's running the

19:14

house. Like, she has it okay. Didn't

19:16

you guys just have another We just had another

19:18

baby, but Congratulations. I'm

19:20

I'm I'm

19:21

I'm a lot of work too, and that's

19:23

what I've realized. Like, during this pandemic,

19:25

I've realized I'm I'm

19:28

work. Like, I don't know I

19:30

don't know shit. I don't know where shit

19:33

is. I don't know how to do shit.

19:35

And and I got You're in

19:37

the West. You you know, I heard myself.

19:40

I

19:40

fucking heard myself. Any like,

19:42

I I backed the backer and

19:44

and and and I was like, oh, shit. This is

19:46

bad. Yeah. I was like, hey, bad. What what are remote control

19:48

at to the TV? I I don't see the remote control.

19:50

She's like, I don't know. Just look for it. I don't

19:52

know where it is. That's what I'm saying. Where where is that?

19:55

She's like, this is probably on a couch. So I was like, alright,

19:57

I'll go look, but that's what I'm saying. If it's not there, we

19:59

gotta find control. And then I find a remote control.

20:02

And I was like, hey, hey,

20:03

hey, baby. Wait.

20:04

they We

20:06

did we them tea bags. You know

20:08

the tea you know the tea did you

20:10

make with that that it's

20:12

not the ginger but the other one. We got more

20:14

we got more of those. I don't know. But you

20:16

gotta chase me. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't

20:18

know what you gotta tell them. Do we got those or

20:20

no? See. But before

20:22

I I know I'm gonna give them a check what I'm saying. Do

20:24

we have them? She's like, look in the tea bag

20:27

section. Hey, babe. Where that blanket? Where

20:29

you little blanket? Where that gray

20:31

blanket at? The gray blanket. The one

20:33

that's got the You know the soft one?

20:35

Not the not the one that's not soft, but

20:37

the one that's softer than the one that's soft.

20:39

You do you had it? Extremely

20:41

soft one.

20:42

Babe, where's that where's that one at? I don't know

20:44

which one you're talking about. The one that I the

20:46

one that I put on my feet, where's that one

20:49

at?

20:50

Ask the kids. Can you ask him?

20:52

I'm like, I'm so much --

20:54

Oh god. -- fucking work. If if

20:56

I am. Babies, the baby up?

20:58

I don't know. go

21:00

see. You don't know if the baby I I don't

21:02

wanna see if you don't know if you don't know and I'll just

21:04

wait.

21:04

Yeah. Then I'll just assume that we've

21:07

got up and

21:07

Amy, I am so fucking nuts.

21:10

You're

21:10

in the way. No. I know because it's like they

21:12

have a system. They're kinda running things and you

21:14

come in and you just It's okay. We're not

21:16

doing that right now. Like, we're not I

21:18

yeah. And I'm like, let's put the TV on me,

21:20

you know. Let's show like, I I don't care like, I'm like

21:22

g watch TV.

21:23

Where the mugs at with the handles? Yeah.

21:25

I don't wanna use the ones that don't have

21:27

a handles. Where the ones with the handles? This

21:30

was yesterday ago. Where's the Parmesan? Where's

21:32

the Parmesan? He's like, it's in there. He won't

21:34

come in. I could hear that he's in a standoff with

21:36

me. It's in there. I'm looking at the bridge. I'm

21:38

like and I I really feel like I looked everywhere. He's

21:41

like, I'm like, it's really not here and

21:43

I call him to come in because I wanna show him

21:45

that I looked and it's not there.

21:48

And he comes in and he immediately sees it.

21:50

And I'm just like,

21:51

you have every -- Yeah. -- with every

21:53

-- Right. I'm sorry for wasting

21:55

your life. You're not even wasting your time. I'm

21:57

assuming You made a core choice.

22:00

You fucked up bag.

22:02

You have committed it's beautiful.

22:05

I I love though. I love that

22:08

at least we're aware.

22:09

I think I think being aware

22:10

is is half the battle.

22:13

That's a good point.

22:13

Look how we're celebrating ourselves.

22:15

Yeah. Like, you gotta No. But it's true.

22:18

Knowing that knowing your flaws is

22:20

what it's about. I know mine. And this is,

22:22

like, every every five days, I

22:24

have a talk with my wife. And I'm like, hey,

22:26

I just wanna tell you, I appreciate you for

22:29

for just I know that this is I

22:31

know that I'm a lot, and I and I know that

22:33

something What did she say? Did she say I'm gonna go put

22:35

the windows up god. She might get the fuck out of

22:37

my face. Can you Yeah. I don't wanna hear you shit.

22:39

Just leave me alone. I

22:41

know, ma'am. Same here. I'm like, I'm just hey.

22:43

Just like quick reminder, just checking in your

22:45

great husband and great father. Yeah.

22:48

He's like, I think I'm gonna sleep in the other

22:50

room. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

22:52

because, I mean, No. They're

22:55

they are

22:56

are lucky. He's asleep.

22:59

I'm

22:59

laying next him. I'm watching reality

23:01

shows, I'm eating loud, inconsiderate

23:05

loud -- Oh, nice. -- smacker.

23:06

Yeah. Good for you. Good

23:08

for you. And he calls you on me.

23:11

Amy, you're you're smacking.

23:12

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah.

23:14

You're Emma. And there's so many crumbs

23:16

in this bed. I feel like I'm sleeping in

23:18

sand.

23:19

You

23:21

know what I did? I went on, like, a

23:23

two day a two day no

23:25

wash binge, but it was it was aggressive.

23:27

Oh, yeah. It was just aggressive for no

23:29

reason. I was just, like, I was just in

23:31

the and, like, we got this little theater room,

23:34

and I found a good show that I haven't seen.

23:36

I think it was Billions. Yeah. And, you know, Billions

23:38

got, like, seven seasons. I was on season

23:40

two straight. going straight. Yeah.

23:43

It was a project. You were was a project.

23:45

I was in it. Yes. She's like she's just looking

23:47

in my face. She's like, you're not gonna wash your ass.

23:50

I'm like, oh, yeah. No. No. No. Yeah. I

23:52

was just Yeah. You're saying to

23:54

it. My bad. No. I'll I'll do it now. Is it

23:56

is it does this bother you? Am I

23:59

Yeah. Leave.

23:59

Yeah. About the leave. You're leaving me. Yeah.

24:02

Okay. That suitcases out.

24:05

It's bad. No. Yeah.

24:06

And he's, like, he reads the newspaper. He does a crossword.

24:09

Like, he does all this, you know, and I'm just

24:12

nothing

24:12

on the couch. Nothing on the

24:14

couch. You're fucking chips and your belly

24:16

band and low breast. Good

24:18

for you. Yeah.

24:20

I did. I am living the dream. It's That's what

24:22

I'm talking about. It's true. every time

24:24

he answers you, every time you he

24:26

calls you and you answer, you're chewing a chip.

24:28

That's that's that's what you could tell where

24:31

you are in life. Yep. if you always had

24:33

a chip It happened so fast for him

24:35

too. Like, we got married, and then I got pregnant,

24:37

like, three months later. And

24:39

I was like, sick and he's like,

24:42

like,

24:42

it just you know, it all just fell apart quick.

24:44

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24:46

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26:41

Are

26:41

you gonna do another baby?

26:42

I hope so. I

26:44

I mean Hope so. What does that? Do you want another

26:46

baby or not?

26:47

What what do you mean? I do. want another baby.

26:49

I'm well, I'm turning forty, I can't

26:51

personally carry another

26:53

baby again. I I got really

26:55

sick. I have a

26:56

documentary called expecting me

26:59

Is that good of this?

27:00

Yeah. You must have forgot I thought you you text

27:02

me about my Hotmail. It's probably

27:04

my Hotmail. It's not I'm not exactly what

27:06

is. It was seen when you press So

27:08

I can't have

27:10

it's, you know, hyperemesis is

27:12

the condition and there's a, like, eighty

27:14

percent chance that the baby doesn't make it. So -- Yeah.

27:16

-- it's like, I'm not doing that.

27:17

Is it a thought is it is a thought

27:20

of expanding the family somehow? Is

27:22

it a common

27:22

Yeah. We we you

27:24

know, I did IVF. We got -- Mhmm.

27:26

-- we got an embryo. Mhmm.

27:28

And, you know, maybe we'll

27:30

find

27:30

a

27:32

beautiful

27:33

Angel to carry it for us or I

27:35

mean, I feel, you know, a little it

27:37

it's imperfect, but you you get it, like,

27:40

you know, just, like, do you want once

27:42

you have a baby, just, like, oh, god. There's nothing

27:45

better. another 1II there's another one.

27:47

That's that's one of those things that I

27:50

I truly do understand. You

27:52

know? And -- Mhmm. -- what what I've learned

27:54

as a husband, I've learned

27:56

I've learned when to

27:58

really,

28:00

really,

28:01

the

28:03

really really really, really

28:05

try as much as I possibly can

28:08

to understand inside with

28:10

my wife about the things that

28:13

are important and that our

28:15

needs to her. Because, you know,

28:18

I was guilty of dismissing things. or

28:20

or Like what? Being dismissive because well,

28:22

just shit that wouldn't be

28:24

that big of a deal to me. Like, you know,

28:28

something as small as, like, baby pictures.

28:30

Right? And, you know, how am I, yo, this

28:32

is a fucking baby. Like, you wanna go to pictures?

28:34

Take the fucking pictures. Yeah. Do do what you

28:36

want. Right? You have an iPhone? I don't have

28:39

to be here. Yeah. But

28:41

then

28:41

I was like, no. You know what?

28:42

It is important. for

28:43

me to be there for her. Because these are her

28:45

moments as well with with

28:47

our baby, and I shouldn't I

28:50

shouldn't be the

28:51

dad that's got kids that's been here,

28:53

that's seen it, that's looking past, what

28:56

what she isn't looking past. So

28:58

I had to really check myself on that,

29:00

and And in doing that, it opened up

29:02

the door for me to understand so much more.

29:04

That's nice. How'd you get there? I would like for

29:07

I I would like for you to teach that class to my

29:09

husband. It wasn't it wasn't overnight and

29:11

and no way shape or form, you know,

29:14

is this a moment for you? Like, yes,

29:16

see, Kevin did this. You need to do it. I

29:18

think it's a thing that may

29:20

Right. And I'm doing that. No. Just the

29:22

it's like anything like empathizing with the

29:25

other person. Like, you don't need to under stand why

29:27

they feel a certain way. That's how they feel.

29:29

Yes. And just, like,

29:30

supporting that. It's you

29:32

know, that's the that's the

29:34

That's the that's the trick and that's the thing

29:36

that's tough, I think, for a lot of

29:38

men. Mhmm. And, you know, it's something

29:40

I'm still working on to do. But as you

29:43

get as you get better, you

29:45

know,

29:46

situations or no longer situations or

29:49

problems. They're they're they're compromises

29:51

and understandings, and I try my best to

29:53

do that. So when I hear you say what you say,

29:56

I'm I'm instantly siding with you

29:58

from the space of -- Okay. -- when you

30:00

say, like, hey, you know, it's imperfect, but

30:02

you know, I have a baby now and I want

30:04

for adding and and

30:06

and, you know, having the the

30:08

bigger side of family. I get it. And

30:11

and if you can and siblings,

30:13

you know, having a hug. hug you.

30:16

hug you. And you want who wants

30:18

that, that only child, talking to themselves

30:20

licking the wall. It's, you know. So lot

30:23

of kids lick the wall. It's it's

30:25

the risk. It's a risk. It's all a

30:27

gamble. It's all a gamble. week.

30:29

Keith always said he's like, you need a

30:31

backup kid in case one of them is a dad.

30:33

In case one

30:34

of them is a dad's kid. get back up. day one.

30:36

He was And then members Greg

30:37

Deral though, he used to have that joke, he'd be like, I

30:39

don't have a favorite, but my main son.

30:45

Were

30:45

you fifty? Yes.

30:47

R. Peter Greg Gerardo, man. He was so dope.

30:50

So so dope. So smart. The best

30:52

roaster.

30:54

So, I would say, him and him and Ross

30:56

absolutely. Him

30:57

and Ross absolutely.

30:59

His

31:00

wait. Did you do Did you do

31:02

the flavor flavors?

31:03

No. No. No. No. I did the Bieber.

31:05

My husband's Bieber. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

31:07

hosted Bieber's roast. But Gerardo was

31:10

fucking Legend.

31:10

Aralda was there was nobody know,

31:13

I just think he was the

31:13

funniest person. Where are you at with

31:16

stand up specials? Do you wanna do another one?

31:19

Yeah. I guess. Like, I what

31:21

do you mean? Yeah. Yes. Well, I just haven't

31:23

done stand up in a year. Like, I mean,

31:25

I know I'll go back and I'll love it. And, yes,

31:28

I definitely wanna do

31:29

another special. Is there, like so you It's

31:31

not in the works at all. You're not one

31:33

of those comments that have like

31:35

a number of tents. Like, I in

31:37

my career, I wanna do set amount

31:40

of comedy specials. You don't

31:41

have that. I have no goals. Yes.

31:44

I've no. No. But I've never had, like no. No.

31:46

I have, like, a one goal in front of me. Mhmm.

31:50

You know, like, it's, like, whatever the next thing, but

31:52

don't have you know, like Quentin's,

31:55

like,

31:55

I wanna do ten movies or something. No.

31:58

So so even within

31:59

your

32:01

series that you're doing now. You're like -- Yeah.

32:03

-- I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this. See

32:05

how it goes. Yeah. And

32:07

and then after that, fine.

32:09

find out what and where I

32:11

wanna be next.

32:12

Do you think longer

32:14

term?

32:15

Absolutely. I'm Yeah. That's why you're,

32:17

like, you have been full infrastructure. Yeah.

32:19

I'm eight to ten steps ahead. I just Yeah.

32:21

I like I like I like I like knowing

32:24

I

32:24

like knowing where I'm going.

32:27

How many years ahead

32:28

are you planned right now?

32:29

I'm at fifty. Am I fifty

32:32

years old?

32:34

Oh my god. Are you serious?

32:35

anyone. I swear to God. I'm

32:37

sorry. But how much do you change the plan? Not much?

32:39

I swear to God. I don't I don't deviate.

32:41

I don't wanna deviate as

32:44

as right now the plans are the

32:46

plans are all based around production

32:48

company, partnerships

32:51

within my streaming platform, heartbeat

32:56

ventures,

32:58

and

33:00

big big on partner,

33:02

partner, partner, like, everything

33:05

is now on partner for me. So

33:07

work for hire is of no more

33:09

being a partner.

33:10

Right. -- is the new norm. So I mean,

33:13

people

33:13

must have to

33:15

pay you to advertise

33:15

on your page. Well,

33:18

it's more you know, like, it's

33:20

it's more it's even past the advertising. Like,

33:22

you know, now for me, it's it's

33:24

how do you become partners

33:26

with the agency because

33:28

you create and bring me ideas --

33:31

Yeah. -- agencies need to sell to said

33:33

thing. Like, I I think like that. Like

33:34

The Floyd Mayweather model, it's like,

33:37

Yeah. It's like, okay. All these people, like,

33:39

you

33:39

know, didn't he have them? Like, he got a piece

33:41

of the

33:41

parking? He took every piece of the business.

33:44

If -- Yeah. -- because you He's my hero. just

33:46

gonna be making money you're making money

33:48

off of off of me and my

33:50

events. So with that being said, I should

33:52

get percentages of all the businesses

33:54

it

33:54

takes. Are you gonna make a studio?

33:56

I have one.

33:57

You do? Yeah. I have 10I

33:59

didn't know that. In LA

34:02

or

34:02

when? in LA in chapter one.

34:05

I

34:05

had known it to

34:06

two full stages.

34:07

Damn. I mean, I don't know why I'm

34:09

surprised. I just hadn't heard

34:11

about it. Obviously, that's where that's

34:13

where we tape.

34:14

Well, you know what? I don't wanna brag. I

34:16

have a storage unit in Queens. Okay.

34:19

You know, well, it's it's it's pretty

34:21

much the same thing I can do with I could put whatever

34:23

I want in there. So can, but

34:25

mathematically And I do. Okay.

34:27

Amy, that's not I

34:29

see what you're doing and you don't because it's in

34:31

Queens and that's twenty,

34:33

forty minute tops together. Okay. Amy.

34:35

That's fine. It's not a competition. Just It's

34:37

not. That's what I'm trying to say. doing

34:39

another thing is what I'm saying.

34:41

Who does Amy Schumer

34:44

love within stand

34:46

up comedy. Who motivates

34:49

Amy Schumer? Who do you look at

34:51

and go? I love you, Kev. Oh, thank

34:53

you. At Hotmail. Okay. I

34:56

love David Tell.

34:57

David Tell. You know David

35:00

Tell of David Tell, like, discovered

35:02

me.

35:03

Come on. Are

35:04

you serious?

35:04

I have no no knowledge of this.

35:06

Keith Keith is the true,

35:08

like, hand I got

35:10

him. I'm gonna teach him to show him the ropes.

35:13

Right. I know that about me. Yeah.

35:15

David Tell saw me perform. Dave

35:18

Patel was with Dave Becky. He knew

35:20

Dave Becky. Dave Becky wasn't necessarily

35:22

his manager, but they had great relationship. David

35:25

tell, told Dave Becky, you

35:27

need to come see this guy and manage

35:30

this guy. This guy is gonna be a

35:32

star. True. And you were how old? I

35:34

was twenty one.

35:36

Oh my god. I had

35:38

no idea. I started out I was opening

35:40

for a towel on the road. I mean, it's

35:43

it's so

35:43

it's so crazy because I didn't

35:45

even know David tell. Right? Like,

35:47

I was just I was just a young kid on

35:50

a on a comedy scene. It had a couple

35:52

spots here and there. And it was, like, when I

35:54

first put forward the seller, they they

35:56

just gave me one, and I performed

35:58

and I came off, David Tell

35:59

was outside smoking a cigarette.

36:02

Of course. He said, man, you're you're very

36:04

funny. He

36:04

said, you're very very funny. And

36:07

I said, thank you, ma'am. He said, yeah,

36:09

he said, dude. Just keep it up. He didn't

36:11

say anything more. He didn't say anything more.

36:13

And then later on, he said,

36:16

I'm gonna have somebody somebody reach

36:18

out to you, man. And I gave him, like, my

36:20

number,

36:21

and Dave Becky. Dave Becky

36:23

reached out. Dave Becky got to me, said

36:26

Dave Patel told him to reach out. Dave wanted

36:28

the tape or something on me. I didn't have it.

36:30

Dave ended up coming to see me perform.

36:32

and the rest of his history.

36:34

David's all changed your life. He changed my life too.

36:36

That's the thing. He's I mean, there's no

36:38

one. I think he doesn't think he's nocturnal.

36:41

He never stopped smoking a cigarette, but

36:43

he is the kindest person I ever

36:46

that I know. Like, he would if a waitress

36:48

just started working at many seller and he found out she had

36:50

cancer. He would just, like, give her fifty grand

36:52

or something. Like, he's he's just, like,

36:54

the kindest person. You know that I do you know story

36:56

about my son that I that

36:58

I when I named my son? No.

37:00

Oh. Tell me. Damn.

37:01

You're gonna really like this, and I'm I'm upset.

37:05

So I made my son's middle name a Tel

37:08

for

37:09

Dave. Do you know what my son's first name is?

37:11

What

37:11

is this? gene.

37:14

So by accident and my

37:15

husband's last name is Fisher. So by accident,

37:18

I name my son, genital.

37:20

fisher. Okay?

37:23

I

37:23

was a month

37:25

into being a new mom and

37:28

I'm reading the I'm like, let me just Google.

37:30

Let's see what's going on. And

37:32

the Internet is a blaze. Having

37:34

a field day, thinking I did it on purpose,

37:37

because what kind of a sick idiot

37:40

would just overlook that they buy accidentally

37:43

in their congenital? So

37:46

his middle name is now David.

37:49

Yeah. And I mean, I blame

37:51

it you know, I blame Keith Robinson. Keith

37:53

Robinson.

37:54

No. I love him. I love Wanda

37:56

-- Wanda.

37:57

-- on the Sykes. Wanda's name.

37:59

Just Kirsten.

37:59

Ah, I love you, Liz.

38:02

Yeah. I love Liz. Chelsea Paredy

38:04

is Chelsea might be Chelsea

38:07

might be my favorite comic. I mean Oh,

38:09

Chelsea. She kills me. Yeah. This is

38:11

a great list.

38:12

Yeah. Yeah. These are people I would like

38:14

paid see. Yeah. I

38:16

love I love I love I love how

38:18

different your list is as well. I

38:20

love seeing you you know, we went to see

38:23

one time it was a whole group of us. You

38:25

were at the Garden, and we all came

38:27

to see you. Oh, it's so cool.

38:29

You rock The

38:33

artist formerly known as Louis, king's

38:35

polar. Yes. And I

38:37

remember you guys came to the back. he was

38:39

so serious. can't

38:40

Well, I think j z was in there. It was,

38:42

like, I walked in and I

38:43

just buzzed there. I wasn't meant

38:46

that had I had like a shittler. Every rapper

38:48

from New York was probably there. Yeah.

38:49

So I walked in like ready to give you a hard

38:52

time and I walk in and it's like,

38:54

a room of my heroes. And I was

38:56

like,

38:56

I don't have anything to say. And then

38:58

we sat, like, you know, on the floor, it

39:00

was such a great show. Like, I just Yeah.

39:03

Like, I really just remember how

39:05

much I enjoyed and

39:08

and, like, learned from it. And it was just a

39:10

fun, like, little field trip that we all We

39:12

all went together, we piled in a cab. That's

39:13

so dope. I don't I don't remember you guys

39:15

came in the green room, and

39:17

you were like, hey. Do you need a second

39:19

or we you need

39:20

Oh, yeah. Before your specialty, you're, like, hanging

39:22

out. And I'm, like, I was, like, no. Focus.

39:24

Like Yeah. I was, like, no. Guys, we're chilling. Just Yeah. You're,

39:26

like, no. Do you want a sandwich? You're yeah. You were, like,

39:29

hosting a party. I'm, like, If it were me, because

39:31

before special or something, I'm like, everybody

39:33

stay away from

39:34

me. You need zone. You get in your zone. You need

39:36

a second.

39:36

Yeah. need to kind of focus and med

39:39

tate. Really? Not you.

39:40

You were, like, on the grill. You were, like, working

39:42

the grill. I was, like, is

39:44

this normal to anyone else? see. So

39:46

you have

39:47

to make any bartending. You literally,

39:49

like before are you like that before every show

39:51

or just, like, the big a big

39:53

show. I would be hanging out if it wasn't.

39:57

But

39:57

it was I mean, you weren't doing a special, but you

39:59

were performing at the

39:59

garden. But how many times have you done? How many

40:02

times have done

40:02

chemistry. What I do is this.

40:05

When I when I go on tour, which

40:07

one day I I just I can't wait to get back

40:09

to,

40:09

is I do everything the same.

40:12

How you start is how you finish no matter where

40:14

you film the special. Mhmm. So if it's always

40:16

hanging out and it's always chilling and it's drinking

40:18

in this cards in the back, then that's where it is

40:20

before you go up. I don't break the routine because

40:23

-- Got it. -- that's when I feel like the problems

40:25

come. When all of a sudden, you you shut

40:27

yourself off. You're quiet. It's

40:30

a candle in the room. And it's just you

40:32

know, there's no food before, and

40:34

it's like it's too much. I like it to be as

40:36

relaxed as possible. Yeah. And it's a

40:38

it's a cool thing. And that's how I that's

40:40

how I also keep the the

40:42

fun -- Yeah. -- when you do so many dates.

40:45

Because after wow, you wanna throw that

40:47

fucking material away. Oh, yeah. If

40:49

I say this again, I'm just gonna throw up in the

40:51

middle of a sentence.

40:53

Good

40:54

morning, good afternoon, and good night,

40:56

and welcome to Teekay. It's never before ready

40:58

to go park. And the most fun you'll ever listen

41:01

why you're voting to close. Now let's get this straight.

41:03

This is nuts. Your average podcast.

41:05

Peeppay's network radio is super

41:07

fun. Super crazy. It's pretty much in your

41:10

face conversation. That's the good

41:11

thing about us. We don't do interviews.

41:13

We do conversations. All of my

41:15

guests all of our cohorts, we chill.

41:17

We drink. We play games. We have the song

41:19

of the week.

41:20

We have the creative curse word of the week. As

41:22

long as you're having fun, as our guests.

41:24

Speaking of guests each week, I'm gonna

41:26

go through my whole contact list and dive

41:28

here first into the world of music, gaming,

41:31

excited cars, tech, strippers

41:34

probably, doctors probably probably

41:36

strippers that are only strippers so they can

41:38

pay for tuition to become a doctor. You never

41:40

know. My wife doesn't certify a bar sign to make

41:43

you a drink while you're here. We get you drunk and make

41:45

you play VR after. It's a lot going on. But

41:47

that's what it's all about over here at Sea Pain. never

41:49

more ready to park in. See you soon.

41:52

Amen.

41:57

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42:41

The last

42:42

time I was out on the road, my openers were Janelle

42:44

James, who's hilarious. Mhmm.

42:47

And you know her? I know she is. Janelle

42:49

okay. and Mia Jackson. And

42:52

we would just kinda hang out whatever. And

42:55

then before we go up, like, whoever

42:57

was on the road with us, we'd like hold hands and kinda,

43:00

you know, keep ourselves grateful and grounded

43:02

and whatever. And then yeah.

43:04

And then we go up, but before

43:06

special. Like, I run through the set in my head. Like,

43:08

yeah. I I would do

43:09

a whole Do you keep the same openers? Have

43:11

you kept the same openers every time I do you switch?

43:14

for, like, ten years,

43:16

this guy Mark Norman opened for me,

43:18

and then Rachel Weinstein and

43:20

Bridget Everett. I actually can't

43:22

follow Bridgette Everett. So

43:25

she started closing my shows

43:27

for me on the road. Have you ever seen her perform?

43:29

Really? Her live show. That's that's

43:31

pretty goddamn deep. No. It's

43:34

Like, how did you do it?

43:36

Like, it was

43:38

it would be, like, now I'm gonna bring

43:40

out a special guest. You know, I

43:42

would

43:42

have an encore. I would go out and do a

43:44

encore. There's an encore. Wow.

43:46

Because you her

43:47

energy and her stage presence, you can't

43:50

like Oh. I

43:52

think maybe you're probably the only

43:54

person that could file her because we would, you

43:56

know no. No. We would do odd like, you know, these

43:58

big tours, oddball, whatever,

43:59

and they

44:00

would move her around the line up, and you can't

44:03

nobody can follow her. You need an intermission there.

44:05

That's

44:05

such a that's such complement to her, and hope

44:07

she understands, like, how big she knows.

44:09

How big that is from you? I'm

44:11

just saying, like, that's that's

44:13

that's so, like, so

44:15

humble from

44:16

your behalf. The crowd lets you know.

44:19

The crowd lets you know. But I'm saying to

44:21

still to still say I love

44:23

you this much, and I'm I'm supportive.

44:25

Right. Have you Keep her on the road and suddenly

44:27

It's still gonna come out. Like, there's there's

44:30

so many that are, like, oh, you I could fuck out

44:32

of here.

44:32

That No. No. I was, like, she's gonna

44:34

make me stronger, and then there was

44:36

just no there was just no, you know,

44:40

No. No. strong enough that you could follow

44:42

Bridget. And so, yeah,

44:44

it was the only thing that I could do, but I did

44:46

want her you know, we talked about it. I was like,

44:48

I want you to stay on the road with me, but I also,

44:50

like, can't you know, I don't wanna be, like, self

44:53

sapp like sabotaging this bed. So

44:56

yeah. I

44:56

And in this series, I mean, I have so much

44:59

respect. I have so much respect fee for

45:01

that. Like, that's and to my listeners, I I hope

45:03

you guys understand what you just said. Like, she's talking

45:05

about her tour. She's talking

45:07

about her tours. She's talking about, you know, the

45:09

people that she took with her on a road to

45:11

open up and have a good time. And there's a

45:13

talent that she just felt was stronger that that

45:16

you know, she loves so much that

45:18

she's the biggest fan of, but she's

45:20

like, oh, you can just close out. I'll bring it up

45:22

as encore. That's the dopest shit

45:24

ever, like a loophole. And by

45:26

the way, it

45:27

shows how much of a fan

45:28

of comedy you are. Let's

45:30

let's just put a real star

45:32

next to that. That's that's you showing

45:34

How much you love the craft of

45:36

comedy? That's

45:37

fucking book. I love that, Amy. I I

45:40

did it as. I

45:41

love I love it. And it's

45:43

so fun when there's you know, it's not

45:45

that many comics who can sell out the

45:47

garden and, like, have a killer

45:50

show there. So that's really fun.

45:52

But, yeah, I'm I'm just, like, such a

45:54

fan. Like, I love I love seeing stand

45:56

up. I really miss it. I love sitting downstairs

45:58

with the seller especially watching a towel.

45:59

I can't wait. I can't wait to get back

46:02

to it. a question that I have a a question

46:04

that I've asked, you know, my

46:07

my people, you know, when when

46:09

they've done this podcast is do

46:11

you feel about the state of common now? You

46:13

know, and where it is, and, you know,

46:15

the conversations that are attached to

46:17

so much that

46:19

we do, that we say, what

46:22

we should say, what we should be able to

46:24

say. And now, etcetera, I mean, it goes, vice

46:26

versa, and, you know, I know I definitely have

46:28

a a good take on it and Once again, understanding

46:31

back to what I was saying about my wife, you

46:33

know, how I've learned to step back, try

46:35

to make sure that understand you

46:38

know, have empathy sympathized

46:40

with with everything that's going on. Right.

46:42

How do you feel right now with state of

46:45

I agree. There's this writer

46:47

I love, Isabel Wilkerson. She

46:49

has this book cast that I can't recommend

46:51

enough. And she talks about radical empathy.

46:54

And so, you know, it's not just,

46:56

like, putting yourself in your shoes because, like, me, I would

46:58

I can't imagine what it's, like, to

46:59

be you, you know -- Mhmm. -- for a million reasons,

47:02

but to

47:04

be in your shoes. But you like, imagining what

47:06

it's like to, like, you know, live

47:09

as that other person, like, really

47:11

going there.

47:12

Mhmm.

47:14

I I think it's good, and I think,

47:16

you know, I you know, the people who are like,

47:18

I hate cancel culture and all this stuff.

47:21

It's like, if you are

47:24

down to learn and evolve

47:27

and on

47:30

and, like, educate yourself, then I think

47:33

that's

47:33

cool. And I feel like

47:35

that's

47:36

that's what we should all be, like, striving

47:38

for. So -- Mhmm. -- you know, there there's

47:40

jokes I'm really not proud of that

47:42

have not aged well. And I

47:46

would that I wouldn't say now, you know. Mhmm. And

47:49

and I I just I am trying to keep on educating

47:51

myself because if you say some

47:53

if you say some dumb shit that you think

47:55

is funny and you've grown up your whole life and it would be funny

47:57

to everybody in the room, and then you realize

48:00

that's not funny more. Like, here's an

48:02

example that I'm really not proud of. Well,

48:04

I remember, you know, I came up with

48:06

Hannibal. And we

48:09

would make some joke like, you know, I would make some

48:11

joke about black stereotype just to him. Mhmm.

48:15

Like, I don't even know. Like, something about,

48:18

like, like, swimming. Like black people

48:20

can't swim or something. Mhmm. And Hannibal

48:22

was very like, he really taught me he'd be, like,

48:24

that's not, like, that's not funny to me. you know,

48:26

he was just kinda like, I don't, like,

48:29

play that way, you know. And I was, like,

48:31

oh, like, I'd never had somebody be, like,

48:34

No. And he's my friend. You know, he

48:36

wasn't, like, trying to do anything

48:38

but but represent himself. And

48:40

then as I'm you

48:43

know, getting older, learning more. It's

48:45

like, where where does that come from?

48:48

Like, where do those jokes come from? Like

48:50

-- Mhmm. -- where does that stereotype come from?

48:52

Okay. Well,

48:54

the black

48:55

people used to not be allowed to swim

48:58

in the pool with white people or there was

49:00

a place, you know, they would section

49:02

off. They'd rope off the water in

49:04

the ocean, you know, and people would get killed

49:06

for just putting their toe like a child got killed

49:09

in, I think, Michigan or something. So it's like, you

49:11

know, this is a heavy example, but if

49:14

you know, so

49:16

should like,

49:18

should I be so furious with myself

49:20

that I said that to Hannibal years ago?

49:23

No. Like,

49:25

you know, my sort of white guilt is

49:28

isn't helpful. That's not helpful.

49:30

What is helpful

49:30

is me taking

49:32

the initiative to learn more. Mhmm.

49:34

And change, you know

49:36

And those. Yeah. And Also, being

49:39

allowed the opportunity to change, though.

49:41

Totally. Like, what do you mean? Like, it's

49:43

Even give people a minute with it, you know.

49:45

Like

49:47

yeah. I I mean, I

49:49

don't you probably just do batch alright?

49:51

The big no, Amy. Okay. Look, I

49:53

just I'm trying to connect here, and I Yeah.

49:56

And we're not gonna connect. I took our decision

49:58

at the best the wrong turn.

49:59

What makes you think I'll watch the

50:02

fucking bass or not? No. It's

50:03

it wasn't a good question. Yeah.

50:05

I can admit that. I can I'm gonna learn

50:07

and grow from this. From

50:08

that right there. I'm gonna learn and grow from

50:10

it. Yeah. I love that. I love

50:13

I love your I love the answer. I

50:15

love wanna

50:15

be an ally, you know? Like, I wanna be,

50:17

like, a good to ever like, you

50:20

know It's just yeah.

50:23

you're very vocal, you

50:25

know, within the things that you believe and the things

50:27

that you're staying for. You always have been. Yeah.

50:30

And, you know, now in today's times, of course,

50:32

you know, the the voices are needed

50:34

more. You have more people

50:37

speaking up than ever. You have some that just talk

50:39

and you have some that actually put actions behind the

50:41

word. You put actions behind it. You know?

50:43

You're -- Right. -- you're a person that doesn't mind

50:46

getting on the plane. You're person that doesn't mind

50:49

going and and and standing with

50:51

and I Yeah. If I believe that, you know. Yeah.

50:53

If

50:53

it's something that you believe in. I will get on

50:55

a plane.

50:56

I think that's dope. I think it says a lot

50:58

about Jews. It says a lot about character. I'm gonna

51:00

have to train. Well, yeah. I mean,

51:02

it's the same thing. Amy, I don't have to go on a

51:04

car. Amy, you

51:05

don't have to break down the different things where what

51:07

you can travel in. You You

51:08

can It's

51:09

saying basically The bus to the system in New

51:12

York is actually better than a lot of people think.

51:14

Amy, what I'm saying is that they're willing to

51:16

travel -- Right. -- to staying for the things

51:18

you believe in so Yeah. And there's so many ways

51:20

to travel now. Well, that's that's

51:22

the point. You could get a segue. Okay.

51:25

And then a lot of adults are using scooters.

51:27

Amy. I understand. Uh-huh. I understand

51:29

all the different methods of travel. Good. Good.

51:31

Good. Then we're on the same page.

51:33

We were on the same page.

51:34

Watch the bachelor rep. That's

51:37

the same as asking me to arrest the bad

51:39

shit. Right. Right. Right. I mean You're right. You're right.

51:42

So don't ask me don't don't ask me about

51:44

forget I said anything. Alright. Well,

51:46

I don't wanna forget you said anything because you said a

51:48

lot of good. There's a lot of good that

51:50

you said. Okay. I wanna get back to

51:52

some good right now. Good. Let's get back to it.

51:55

Well She gets plane back to it.

51:57

Okay. Amen. That's a that's a pointless

51:59

callback. It's

51:59

a callback that doesn't. Not every

52:02

callback is gonna be gold.

52:08

I wanna go I

52:10

wanna go and I wanna get back to

52:13

a question -- Mhmm. -- that

52:15

for me is one of

52:18

I don't know. I just I wanna see if you even thinking

52:20

in this space. Right? Like, I was talking to you about goals

52:22

before and about how I think so

52:25

far in advance. And I talked to you about literature, like,

52:27

you wrote a book. Right? Is

52:29

is that still a thing that you're

52:31

that you're playing around with? Is there Like, maybe

52:33

another book another book

52:35

like you now as a mother and

52:37

now juggling a career and and

52:40

and really going to, like, the next

52:42

stages of your career where -- Yeah. --

52:44

you're talking about in front of the camera behind

52:46

the camera, you're gonna start putting on so many hats,

52:48

you know -- Mhmm. -- their conversation behind it. I

52:50

just feel like that story is so uplifting. to

52:53

so many people thought.

52:55

Yeah. Like, maybe, you know.

52:57

But again, I know you can't even

52:59

fathom somebody not having goals like I

53:02

love this fucking answer. It's not in the

53:04

works. I'm not, you know. Mhmm. I'll

53:06

I'll put I've got some cell

53:07

phone notes where I'll go, like, oh, this is a good

53:09

story. I should have I ever read a book. I'll you

53:11

know, I should talk about that. But did you do

53:13

you you have

53:14

books? Don't you? Yeah. Mhmm. How

53:16

many? other one right now. Oh my god.

53:18

Can't this up. I'm about to drop.

53:21

And now

53:21

I got the decision. I can't make settle and drop.

53:23

If I have a books, will it drop If

53:26

you have a book

53:26

will Can I say it drops?

53:29

Well,

53:29

that's the I'm I'm using slang

53:31

for my release. But cannot

53:33

Can you say it? I mean, if you choose to

53:35

use slang, I don't have a problem to choose. My baby

53:37

drops.

53:39

My next baby drops that

53:41

actually is very funny. Mhmm. Thank

53:43

you. Thank you. I'm writing that down. That's fine. You're ready.

53:46

Get ready to get on stage. baby drops.

53:48

I know. It's you know You ready? yourself,

53:50

like, it's

53:51

hard to get your you're not in shape. Like,

53:53

I'm not in shape. Like

53:55

like, with you know, I'm I'm not sitting around the cellar

53:57

and, like, trashing Keith. Like, that's usually

53:59

how I keep myself. You're in a shape. Yeah. That's

54:02

fine. Yeah. That's how you stay sharp.

54:04

Yeah. I I definitely I'm not sharp.

54:06

I'd wait. I can't wait to be

54:08

as excited to get sharp. Amy.

54:11

You know what else? can't wait. I can't wait to

54:13

fucking see you.

54:14

I know. That'll be fun.

54:15

You are fun together.

54:18

That's what I I wanted to say that. I wanna say, like,

54:20

you're you're literally one of my

54:22

favorite people because you just talking

54:25

to you is fun. Talking

54:27

to you Equals Running into

54:29

you is fun. Equals laughter. It's

54:31

Yeah. -- it's a good time to see you. Yeah.

54:33

It's a good time all the time. We've had some

54:35

fun And your agent, I don't know if you're still with him,

54:37

but he actually is was my favorite person

54:39

to trash. Okay. Which one?

54:42

Steve? Steve? Yes. Yes. Steve Cohen.

54:44

He's a problematic dresser. Captain

54:46

America as a public dresser. Captain

54:49

America has always been Steven,

54:52

Steve, Steven -- Yeah. -- I know how to

54:54

not be an agent.

54:55

I know. I know it's, like, in their

54:58

blood. And he says, Kevin

55:00

a, man. Whoa. What a set.

55:02

Steven is not. I'm just working out. I know,

55:04

but

55:04

man. Nice. No.

55:06

You don't have to do this. Not right. You

55:08

know, man. But Whoa. Whoa.

55:10

Well, you know, when when you start out

55:13

and, like, you're doing you'll be doing, like, you

55:15

do, like, Conan or something and they come

55:17

in

55:17

the they could hang out in the green you know,

55:19

like, everything. They're like, you're like, you

55:21

know, when you're starting out, it's, like, everything.

55:23

They're, like, I'm I'm there, you know. They're,

55:25

like, doing a guest model with Wendy Williams

55:27

Show. They're, like, I'm gonna be there. I'm there.

55:29

Don't worry. I'm in a tiny green room.

55:31

It's just, like, fruit and the your your clothes

55:34

are gonna wear and your agent. Like, and you

55:36

you come off when you come off and it's

55:38

like, soon as you walk in the back. Man,

55:40

whoa, you were great out there.

55:42

God. Can I get

55:44

a can I get my p? Amy,

55:46

we have to we have to figure out

55:49

what and and and

55:51

how What's the thing that we do? What's the What's

55:53

our thing? Well, gather, man. You are you

55:55

have

55:55

your next available

55:57

time slot when you're fifty. Yeah.

56:00

So I think

56:02

that's really kind of when I'll be physically peaking

56:04

and a lot of people will want me on the big

56:06

screen. There you go.

56:08

There you go.

56:09

Yeah. No. I mean, I'm

56:11

I would love to do something. I'm gonna make

56:13

it I'm I'm telling you we work to do something.

56:15

We are for sure going

56:17

to do something. I mean, I will remake

56:21

sleepless in Seattle. Well,

56:23

that's actually a a very beautiful

56:25

movie. That was really nice. on

56:27

the top

56:27

of the Empire State Building. And you know how

56:29

we get there? Oh. A taxi.

56:32

Okay. Or the subway? Alright.

56:34

That's that's the case.

56:35

So all we need to talk.

56:38

You know what we can do? Mhmm. But

56:40

we can tell our audience

56:42

that this is going to be a

56:44

fucking a wrap up now. That's

56:46

alright. Here's why here's why we're gonna wrap

56:48

it up. Okay. We're gonna wrap it up because

56:51

we not only had great conversation, great dialogue,

56:53

but

56:53

we did it the real way, the right way. And that's

56:55

what this podcast is about. Amy, there's no

56:58

There's no crazy shit attached to this.

57:00

It's just talking. And

57:02

this is what comics do so well we talk.

57:05

And when we talk, we understand one

57:07

another and we ask questions and we answer

57:09

questions and that's what this world

57:11

needs to see more of. You need to

57:13

see more of the good within just

57:15

being real.

57:16

Exactly. And what am I being

57:18

paid?

57:20

Wait. Amy,

57:21

I don't I think

57:23

there's more Is this an hourly sort of

57:25

a I've sort of fallen

57:27

on hard times.

57:28

Well, that's a I think there's an offline conversation

57:31

as well. Okay. Okay. Why don't we wait? Why

57:33

don't we wait till I talk and wrap it up? Let

57:35

me wrap it up. You're like you're driving

57:37

this ship. You you do Go ahead. Yeah.

57:40

Let me let me wrap it up and then maybe maybe

57:42

a fairy. Okay. Alright.

57:44

You know, there's endless

57:46

so many ways. I got it. But ladies and

57:48

gentlemen, this comedy gold mines. And today,

57:50

we got into the mind of

57:52

Amy

57:52

Schumer and god damn it, what in the mezzanine

57:55

it was. We

57:56

got to know that she's not only

57:57

a mother, but she's in love with motherhood. We

57:59

got

57:59

to know that, yes, she complains about

58:02

her vagina, but she's still happy with what

58:04

it does. Is she excited about

58:06

where her breasts went? No. But

58:08

she's still dealing with it, of course. Is

58:11

her man as affectionate and

58:13

present as she would like Absolutely not.

58:16

But is she happy? Yes, she

58:18

is. Does

58:19

Amy Schumer have goals? No.

58:21

Absolutely, Matt. But

58:23

is she working? Yep. Because

58:24

something made sense today. What

58:27

happens tomorrow? Mhmm. That's

58:29

the word that Amy loves. Mhmm.

58:31

Okay? But

58:33

a stand up lover she is and she's excited

58:36

to get back to the stage and goddamn it.

58:38

When she does, I feel like we will all

58:40

reap from the goddamn benefits

58:43

laughter because that's what she provides. Amy,

58:45

I love you, genuinely. I love you,

58:47

Kev. You're fucking dope, man. You're

58:49

so dope. I'm excited for you.

58:52

I'm so happy that you

58:54

are happy within this world

58:56

of of being a wife and being a mom.

58:59

and I'm excited. Like, your your new show

59:01

that you're working on Hulu. I like to get behind

59:03

my lens. Keep fucking pushing you.

59:05

Golds and no golds. You're doing it right. I

59:07

mean -- Thanks. -- that means a lot to

59:09

me. Comedy Gold Mines is

59:11

a serious XM. At L0L

59:14

audio production. executive produced

59:16

by Kevin Hart, Ty Randall, and

59:18

Eric

59:19

Weil, with Case makers media,

59:21

Emile Garner, and Ian McDonald.

59:40

There's more Kevin Hart. On

59:42

SiriusXM. SiriusXM went

59:44

and gave me my own

59:45

shit. Kevin Hart's laugh out loud radio,

59:47

feature extended to him on his biggest today

59:49

along with some new original shows,

59:52

like straight from the heart.

59:53

Between me and the plastic cup boys, David

59:54

Dyer, with Chris' Vanessa Spencer. You

59:56

look great. You look. Thank you. Right? At the ladies

59:59

room, we were just Yes. Well, we got them and

1:00:01

talk about everything under the sun. That's all

1:00:03

I'm ready. Show