Episode Transcript
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0:00
Bobby are you single? Yeah, I am. Okay,
0:03
and I'm uh I'm
0:06
ready For love are
0:09
you on hinge or one of the dating apps only Raya?
0:11
I will ban from all the other ones Why
0:14
because I lied about my age Bap
0:17
bap bap Bobby. I like
0:19
your energy. It's very chill I
0:23
don't know what you're doing right now, but I like it too.
0:25
You know you mean well first of all I was standing outside
0:27
your house for like 10 minutes Yes, I
0:29
was and then I figured out like I got the press this button
0:31
and he goes down dang nang And then
0:33
I'm like uh and then you came down like a
0:36
princess. You know you reminded me of a Galadriel
0:39
from Lord of the Rings. Oh really your house
0:42
is very Galadriel like thank you Is that how
0:44
you pronounce it like are you sure that's
0:46
how it's pronounced? I don't know I already lost
0:48
the Instagram live thing. We're gonna do it later
0:50
though. What yeah We don't know where we're lying
0:52
now Okay,
0:54
so okay what I see and Tina
0:56
won't stop texting me. He's mad that you're here, so
0:59
no last night, okay? Well, he
1:01
was like you're doing her podcast. I go. Yeah, he goes
1:03
don't I go why you guys
1:05
Bobby altof It wants to do stuff today, and
1:08
I go yeah, but I Why
1:11
do you guys want to be on Megan's law? Why do
1:13
you guys have made it this far without any under each
1:15
other? what Why
1:17
are you trying to get okay? Chris Hansen
1:20
will jump out and talk no no no okay
1:22
because we did it he didn't show up then What
1:25
do you mean Chris Hansen wasn't there when I did her? People
1:28
I asked Instagram questions for you someone said why
1:31
didn't you promote that I don't promote anybody's
1:33
That's how big they are. I don't know how big
1:35
they are yeah, even if you called me for this
1:38
I'd be like I'll do it, but I won't do it, but
1:41
I mean I'd like I don't even do my own That's actually
1:43
true. Yeah, I don't promote you
1:45
also have an assistant now. How's that going? Why
1:47
do you ask that because I just funny confrontational it's
1:50
just funny to me that you have a voice Yeah,
1:53
but she's like um I All
1:56
I need is somebody to go like I call call text
1:58
aren't go make me a reservation at this
2:00
restaurant or like, you know, why is
2:03
it a aisle? You
2:06
talk to her like you're whispering codes
2:08
to a note. Cause she's a
2:10
school teacher. Well, that's what I'm
2:12
curious about. Cause I asked her something, I said, are you coming
2:14
today? And she said, no, I'm a special ed teacher by day.
2:17
So that's full time with you. Yeah, you hear in the
2:19
background. You know what I
2:21
mean? That's not even, I'm not even making fun of, I'm
2:23
not even making fun of that. No, I'm not
2:25
making fun of that. I'm just saying, that's what I hear.
2:28
Is that how she got the job? You were like, you
2:30
work with a charted kid. You'll be
2:32
watching the part. That was bad. Why? Cause
2:35
this is what I hear in the background. Okay. My,
2:38
my aunt used to get people with
2:40
down syndrome jobs. So
2:42
she would bring them home to get
2:45
them jobs. Yeah. Yeah. Was
2:47
she like an agent or something? It was a lot of, it was
2:49
a lot of like getting them to bag stuff at the grocery store,
2:51
not the express line. Cause it's like, if you
2:53
had a business, what would
2:55
you have them do? I mean, that's stupid.
2:58
It's like a dog petting business. Like would you
3:00
let them pet dogs? Yeah. Or
3:03
let's say you have a, your child
3:05
has, Vaal syndrome. No,
3:07
that's God willing. He doesn't,
3:09
but let's, and let's say I'm like, I'm going
3:12
to ask him. He, you're assuming I've chosen his
3:14
gender. Wow. Is
3:16
it a woman or man? Is it a boy or girl? I just
3:18
did a woman and a man. What is it? It's
3:20
a boy. I haven't met him yet. Yeah. I know. I
3:22
want you to meet him. He's sleeping now. Yeah. Anyway,
3:24
let's say I was like a down syndrome agent. To
3:28
find jobs for them. Yeah. Like
3:30
could I go like machinery?
3:34
They can do machinery. Yeah. If
3:36
it's made of marzipan. Oh, yeah. Putty
3:42
machine. Yeah. You know, maybe they
3:44
can call public clean golf balls. Yeah.
3:46
Yeah. I feel like we're in territory.
3:48
It's really bad. I don't think so.
3:51
Yeah. I think so. I
3:53
think so. I feel very uncomfortable right now. After
3:55
doing the noise, Oh my God. But you
3:57
know what I like about it? I think that you and I. have
4:00
to talk so much for a living that
4:02
by the time that we get together we're just
4:04
like so retard job it's just like i
4:06
just don't know what else to do anyway
4:08
i talk too much well this is why i
4:10
um uh went straight for questions because i didn't want
4:12
to just be like let's talk about our insecurities for
4:15
45 minutes although i haven't done this
4:17
in years though no i know it's been a while
4:19
because no i i did i did this when i
4:21
last got sober since i've got two years so it's
4:23
been a couple years that's wild how
4:25
are you feeling everyone asks about your sobriety it's
4:28
great i mean i started my own meeting i
4:30
don't know i told you that and then um
4:32
i'm very active in my therapy too right now
4:34
i just um this is the best year i've
4:36
ever had in my life it's
4:39
January and you know what i like
4:41
about you you seem very happy i'm
4:43
a little worried about y'all miserable millionaires
4:45
out there all the sore winners andrew
4:47
santino i'm talking to you it
4:49
seems like success is working for you can
4:52
i say something i'd like to say
4:55
something number one you think you can get a
4:57
word in edgewise on my podcast i don't know okay
4:59
number one number one right i'm not
5:02
nearly as successful as our peer group
5:05
in terms of financial i'm i think i'm the
5:07
i get paid the lowest out of all of
5:09
us but you also tore
5:11
the least and i do the least i
5:13
mean i moved the least i was gonna say you
5:15
probably make more but you work the least
5:17
yeah probably my calls are like i always
5:20
go uh what do
5:22
i need your calls too much i don't uh
5:24
for what like he called me he had
5:27
because he they wanted me to do cobs
5:29
cobs in San Francisco doing cobs you are
5:31
this year yeah because i'm like working out
5:33
new material i don't like working out new material at the store
5:35
yeah i don't need you making fun of me yeah
5:37
feeding shit so so they're i'm like they're
5:40
like the latest i go October 4th fine
5:42
okay which is like so far away yeah and you're gonna
5:44
like if i have to commit in the next couple of months i won't
5:46
do it i have a commitment thing too and i
5:48
think it's part of the reason i do lots of
5:50
different jobs is in case it doesn't work out i
5:52
have another one it's like you know a lot
5:55
of people do that in relationships they have the next person
5:57
kind of on standby did you just fall
5:59
asleep no I'm just trying to know what I've
6:01
been doing this lately where I close my eyes and that's
6:03
when I'm listening, okay Well,
6:05
you need to stop go ahead doing it listening
6:11
You try to be present yeah, I'm trying to be
6:13
present okay, yeah because when I'm looking at you I
6:15
can't really listen No,
6:18
okay, I do feel like this is the
6:20
least mad I've ever thought you are at me I've
6:23
never been mad you are you fucking out your mind
6:25
sometimes. I feel like you're mad. No, I love you I've
6:27
always loved you. I've never had a resentment or well the
6:29
only time one time Like one time
6:31
I was so mad actually when I think about it. I
6:33
get so mad so You
6:36
know that's not what that you know tell you what
6:38
it is you have to rewrite history No, no, no, I'll cut it
6:40
out. You don't even know what it is. What is it? It's me
6:42
laughing by the way This
6:47
is not that this is how Bobby gets mad
6:49
This is how much you hate yourself me laughing
6:51
at your jokes in a comedy club and you
6:53
could hear from stay. That's not why I'll
6:55
tell you why there's a dude. There's
6:58
something that you did That's
7:00
still when I think about it. Let me
7:02
think about it. So mad. Let me think
7:04
about it It's it's so disrespectful. You're gonna
7:06
try to rewrite history right now, right? So
7:08
it's like I don't even want to even get into
7:10
it because I don't believe women what so you don't believe
7:12
women. I Don't believe you I Don't
7:16
believe you wait. I'm trying to get you what it is.
7:19
Have we talked about it never I've
7:21
never even brought it up before but when
7:24
I think about it, it just makes me so
7:26
mad And you're
7:28
gonna go was I already know what your answer
7:30
is gonna be what? Oh, it wasn't me. It
7:32
was this person You know how it is, you
7:34
know, I'm gonna be like nah, I don't
7:36
know what you're talking about I'm
7:38
gonna tell you now then I'm by the way
7:40
sweating Don't sweat because
7:42
you're gonna you're literally gonna go. Oh, that's
7:45
nothing But to
7:47
me at the time it was the world Are
7:51
you ready? Are
7:53
you ready? Is this the
7:56
right laugh when you told me you're no nothing to do
7:58
with you making fun of me bullying Or
8:00
even like that the will you bully. Of
8:03
Get. Roman here and
8:05
tell me you're getting commit suicide by
8:08
So are you ready? So.
8:10
When you. Had your said com.
8:13
I. Can not believe this is a. Twelve year
8:15
old are your ah burrow into play
8:17
my wife and now. Does. It
8:19
do that was a part in their
8:22
right and everyone everyone in town had
8:24
auditioned everyone. right? And the
8:26
I would. We started complaining. To.
8:28
Everyone that would listen the I didn't even get an
8:31
audition for. Okay, ah.
8:33
So. Then ah, I'm. I.
8:36
Finally get one for my agent. But
8:39
I go to the officers. And
8:41
it's not even a casting director. Is somebody
8:43
that works there right with a camera? It
8:45
was like a kid. And. I
8:47
didn't even go into the kass on the antennas know
8:49
it still make a joke out of it. Or.
8:51
I don't make a fuss is about of it right
8:54
as a solicitor marina so that I go to this
8:56
allowed not can you. Like. A
8:58
storage closet. right?
9:00
And they got to still real quick. And
9:03
a film. To me, do the audition. It
9:06
was one of the Jewish is right and oh
9:08
this is a favor. Is
9:11
a favor. It's worse than I didn't even
9:13
know. Where
9:15
it's Avon even know I don't like the.
9:18
Guy got it right right? right? I
9:21
mean as he don't see that I
9:23
would cross. Sad part. Me
9:25
all the characters name and your roster are
9:27
you would have the area and you accidentally
9:30
what I know I wanna but i didn't
9:32
even get. Further,
9:34
Than the closet. Your.
9:36
It and then afterwards like I saw you.
9:39
Every. It's we years to get over it. I.
9:42
Would look at you know as ogre up. Here.
9:46
Is and it was ended. A sitcom where it
9:48
came and went. Ah right. Or. When
9:50
as I canceled my god I
9:52
had a part or you there's
9:55
site I don't know really I
9:57
was like. Ss.
10:00
You know, it was the first time I
10:02
ever celebrated my friend's cancellation of a sitcom.
10:05
But let me say this, I'll never get over that. And
10:08
there's nothing you could say. There's nothing you
10:10
could say to make me go, it's
10:12
disrespectful. Because let me, I'll tell you
10:14
this right, I have a sitcom now, right? I
10:17
have a deal, right? And if there was
10:19
a part, any part in there that
10:22
you were right for, you would
10:24
immediately test. It wouldn't even be, I wouldn't
10:26
even go through the process of
10:29
reading you. I would be like, no, she's testing. And
10:32
she's probably number one. She, you're not gonna probably
10:34
wanna do it, but I'm just, there's no part of it for you.
10:36
But my point is, is that, but if there was a media
10:39
test, anyway, there's nothing you can
10:41
do, you can't change the past. You
10:43
just gotta keep going. And you know
10:45
what, you have to forget and forget. Then you have
10:47
to be mindful about people's, wherever
10:50
they were at the point. But honestly
10:52
though, like I know what
10:54
I bring to a project. I
10:56
really do. I would keep bringing, I'd
10:59
kill it. By the way. No. Nope.
11:04
There's nothing, let's move on from it. I don't even wanna talk
11:06
about it anymore. I got it out. I
11:09
feel like I'm a little
11:11
lighter. Thank you so much for that. But
11:14
I literally been thinking about that every day for the last 12
11:16
years. Every day. I
11:18
do. It makes me so mad. Every
11:21
day. To be in a closet with the
11:23
chlorine and
11:25
a mop. I know exactly. And some kid
11:27
like fumbling around a camera like, oh
11:30
no one's ever gonna see this. It's like
11:32
his own personal GoPro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've
11:34
been, I've had those before. I've been in
11:36
those before. But from a friend? Did
11:40
you have that experience with the
11:42
star was your friend? I
11:48
don't think so, dude. I don't, here, okay.
11:50
So here's what it is. Is he so much better
11:52
than me? No, no, no, no, no,
11:54
no. Here's what it is. I mean,
11:57
we're both Asian. I mean, I don't know what the fuck is the
11:59
deal. Here's what I think. If you want me to
12:01
tell you what I think happened I was I
12:03
know what happened what I already know but I Wasn't
12:07
the guy that I am now Now
12:13
and you put me a store closet you
12:15
play all five parts no I would like
12:17
the studio on fire You'd be offer only
12:19
yeah, yeah, no I would read I would
12:21
have for you right right But my point
12:23
is that then I wasn't where I am
12:26
now, so I think that's why but still
12:28
I don't get in the room I Can
12:33
I get in the room where the people are or
12:35
the producers at least have a shot at it I
12:39
don't I okay, so I don't think I knew
12:41
you were coming in for that when you started
12:44
the story I thought you meant for the
12:46
role that Dan O'Brien played. I thought
12:49
it was that part no the three line guy The
12:52
one that dated Zoe Lester Jones in the show so
12:55
I thought you were coming for it cuz you'd actually have been Was
12:57
I'm friends with Zoe uh-huh can you
13:00
imagine if Zoe I hired her to play the
13:02
spart and she's like I'm Bobby Lee better play
13:04
my boyfriend Another
13:06
thing when during the pandemic when she did the movie
13:08
her movie. Yeah, I was it for the
13:11
first people she called hmm, right? She
13:13
called you first probably Is
13:16
that what is that what that is? Do you got
13:18
an arrogant? Today's
13:24
the day where I just kind of let lay it on
13:26
the table, okay? But I guess for me I
13:28
thought today was the day that that wasn't gonna
13:30
happen because you showed up You
13:33
showed up really like positive energy like quite you're
13:35
like I'm remember right before we started he's like I'm really
13:37
tired I just don't have a lot of energy today and
13:39
as soon as the camera starts rolling. He's like no So
13:44
for the sitcom I had written it
13:46
with Krista Leah in mind I
13:48
pushed so hard to get Krista Leah to
13:51
play my boyfriend in the show and I was
13:53
like didn't think they were gonna let Me hire anyone
13:55
else that I knew do you know what I mean
13:57
like they thought I was just like hiring comedians or
13:59
something The very in just. Yes
14:01
I kind of is like Food Casting bringing and.
14:03
Like I was trying to. I just see cooperative
14:05
which was numb. Interesting. Very. Good one.
14:08
I. Don't buy it by. have a minute. Guess I'm
14:11
friends now. One time. Get. Who has
14:13
been when I guess Driven party
14:15
ensign. Nouvel. Yeah.
14:17
Now. You're
14:20
trying to get the Claire's demographics. my revenge on you. I
14:22
guess. I'm good. At the
14:24
how does a feel for you know it's how
14:26
does it say oh I love you so much
14:28
for having months you are You know I gotta
14:30
dial the way and I you know, honest. I've
14:32
never said that out loud and a feels good
14:34
to get that are lots. If I were to
14:36
sign up like everyone else. But. Wouldn't it be?
14:38
to some. Or. If
14:41
I got a call from my age and and said
14:43
listen you gotta read for this part on when he's
14:45
like as great I showed up. You. Know I'm
14:47
in the hallway with the with the folding
14:49
chairs A and those other guys was if
14:51
I saw the indian. Gotta gotta over a
14:54
year to be so much worse. If
14:56
you came and saw me, I saw you on
14:58
this and you killed it and then didn't get
15:00
it wouldn't. Be swell, They don't even know her. Not
15:02
because I got I got in the game. What?
15:04
You'd and also going to just say this to and
15:06
as I think I got this right. Urine.
15:09
Test that part. Maybe. Yeah yeah when
15:11
I know I would never play as
15:13
their anatomy is there. Like. He's.
15:15
Complaining on i'd sabi list at a
15:17
you know I know that girl from
15:19
the colleges in turning. Now. Here
15:21
the camera know that. Ah the yeah yeah I know
15:23
the camera. Let's just call him in into put him
15:25
in the front of the girl. Now I decide I
15:27
don't remember what the all nearly. All
15:30
really. Isn't
15:34
spicy now seen as I see
15:36
why. Creative. License or this are
15:38
easier. Ways I just
15:40
want your fans to know and edit us
15:43
when I don't want a time when right
15:45
I've added up or of of of the
15:47
say when I'm in the south and I
15:49
would have to break and enter that fact
15:51
alone for me of our president is what
15:53
I guess I just as usual route you
15:55
during our road or I've been be nice
15:57
I don't want your friends you know that
15:59
I. swear to God on my
16:02
sobriety and my family that
16:05
in any project that I have you're
16:07
number one on any
16:10
of the roles that you're right for. I
16:12
would clamor and I
16:14
would claw to get you
16:16
on the show because that's how I believe
16:18
in you and I think that
16:20
you are so talented and
16:22
I love you so much and
16:25
it's sad that you don't
16:27
feel the same way. It
16:29
just breaks my heart. Let's move on. Let's
16:33
move on. For you to
16:36
accuse me of putting you through
16:38
emotional distress
16:42
intentionally when I
16:44
am maybe the only person in your life.
16:49
Oh I can't wait to
16:51
hear this. Go for it.
16:54
Consistently build you up.
16:59
It's on your team. No, no. Your
17:02
friend I'll tell you that. Your
17:04
friend. So let's just move on for a congratulations
17:06
on everything your baby. But what if I didn't
17:08
even know you came in? Oh
17:10
you knew. There's no way you didn't know. How
17:13
do you know? Because my complaints
17:16
of not getting it was directed at you.
17:18
I chose people that
17:20
was in your circle to complain about.
17:22
So you were the only reason why
17:24
you know what I mean?
17:27
You pulled that lever because I don't know
17:29
anybody that produced the movie. Oh you think
17:31
I said hey can you guys just like bring
17:34
Bobby in? 100%. You think I
17:36
said let's play Kate Bobby. I'm
17:39
not complaining. I'm not even listening. It was a
17:41
long. No I'm being right now. It was a
17:43
resentment and sober. It was a resentment I had
17:45
from a very long time ago. Is this human
17:47
human? No I'm not a human. I got it
17:49
out and I'm so thank you for letting me
17:51
getting it out. Okay. That's what it is.
17:54
Thank you for that. I know I'm no longer.
17:56
Well now I have a resentment. Okay go ahead.
17:58
What is yours? Yeah go ahead. that
18:00
none of this happened. You
18:05
know what happened right? But here's what we'll
18:07
say. Don't do that. What? Pretend
18:09
like it didn't happen. I'm not pretending like it didn't happen. I
18:11
just tried to make a joke. No, it's not gonna lie to
18:13
that. Okay, fair. We'll get to happy times in a second. What
18:15
do you want from me in this moment? I
18:19
want you to acknowledge that you did that shit. I
18:21
did. Yeah, you did. I asked them why are
18:24
you closing your eyes? Because of rage. You know you can't stand
18:26
by it. Look me in the eye
18:28
and tell me you think that I... I'll
18:30
do it right now. Okay. What?
18:33
Sorry. So if
18:36
you come at me fast, she might
18:38
attack you. Alright. Hey, quiet. Sorry,
18:40
quiet. Okay, you're gonna
18:42
look me in the eye. You
18:45
think I intentionally... Okay. Alright, so.
18:47
You think I intentionally... You think
19:00
I intentionally called
19:02
you in or had someone call you
19:04
in, why aren't you
19:06
blinking, to humiliate you
19:09
and hurt you? No, it was
19:11
actually the gesture was kind. That
19:15
you didn't want me to feel bad. So
19:17
you set up some makeshift auditioning system.
19:20
Which I had the power to do at the time. It's
19:23
your show. I know how it works. I'm
19:25
not a guy... That's
19:27
another thing you're doing right now. Like I'm an outsider. No,
19:29
no, no. I'm not doing that. What I'm saying is I
19:31
know how the system works. I was an outsider when I did
19:33
the show. When I was
19:35
on Mad TV, there was a part
19:37
for this other Korean guy in a sketch. And
19:40
then we were gonna cast this out. And I said, I want
19:43
Ken Jeong in it. And at the time, no one
19:45
knew who he was. And they go, well, we want
19:47
to cast it out. I go, I'm not doing it. I just
19:50
know he's the guy. And
19:52
they're like, okay. So I know. It's
19:56
your show. I have a show right now. To
19:59
cast it. right dude this is
20:01
like the guy that they have to know how to
20:03
go through the testing process. I don't know how that
20:05
works and network has to approve but
20:08
for a simple audition and a read,
20:10
yes you have the power. Yes.
20:15
Yes. So
20:17
I want to move on for it because I want to talk about it anymore. I
20:20
sincerely truly from the bottom of my heart
20:22
believe that you set it up to make
20:25
we feel better but it
20:28
was Shakespearean sabotage. Okay.
20:30
Okay. It was very Game of Thrones.
20:33
Bag is in the back. So
20:37
let's move on. Congratulations. Let's have a round
20:39
of applause. Thank
20:41
you. Do you think there's
20:43
something going on right now
20:46
where male podcasters need to like
20:48
give it to me? What
20:51
are you talking about? Like I wonder why I
20:53
wonder what you're talking about right now. I went
20:55
on Andrew Schell's podcast. Do you know about this?
20:57
No. And he had to be like really hard
20:59
on me or something. There's something where everyone's like
21:01
maybe it's like good numbers. I'm trying
21:03
to figure out what it is. I'll
21:06
tell you what it
21:08
is. Would you like me to tell you what it is? Sure. We
21:11
respect you so much. Stop.
21:14
Don't. What do you see that?
21:16
Dude, you're you're
21:19
our homie. You
21:21
your skill set is
21:23
beyond. I know.
21:26
I know. Beyond
21:29
compare. So it's like we know that
21:31
you can dish it out. You know you can play
21:34
and you literally are. Listen,
21:37
I was supposed to do something
21:39
with Bobby Altop today. Yeah. Right. And I
21:41
told Andrew I go no I have to
21:43
do Whitney's. I mean there's no even there's
21:46
no canceling on her. You can always cancel.
21:48
I would never because I love
21:51
you that much. And I consider you
21:53
a homie. Somebody that
21:55
with the highest of skill sets.
21:59
Somebody that I look up to. to and
22:01
somebody that I would call in for my
22:03
sitcom. Anyway,
22:06
let's move on. You're
22:13
asking me to eat a dick in a way
22:15
that is just I love you so much. I
22:18
really do. But here's what I'll say.
22:20
I have admitted so many things that I
22:22
should have lied about in
22:25
my life. I'm just curious
22:27
why you think I'd like I'm
22:29
a lot of things. But like
22:32
a lie. You think that I
22:34
I now looking back on I
22:37
didn't do that. Well, I was
22:39
gonna move on from but I can explore a little bit
22:41
more. Let me ask you something that or do you think
22:43
what do you think? How do you think it played out
22:45
then? If
22:47
you didn't pull the trigger, right?
22:49
I'm complaining to all your friends.
22:53
How come I can't get an audition? Right? The
22:55
part of the reason that I'm a little bit speechless is because I don't
22:57
I mean, I have umbrella insurance, but this is not
23:00
like a war that I want to fight. Here's what I would
23:02
say. I would have loved
23:05
to have had you on. That would have
23:07
made it so much less of
23:10
a nightmare. It's in the past.
23:12
And let's let's get the fresh
23:14
one. You know what? Yeah, I
23:16
got it out. And I apologize
23:18
for even doing it here. No,
23:20
I mean, we'll never talk about
23:22
it again. I doubt that. No,
23:24
I really do. I've never brought it up. I've never
23:26
brought it up before. Yeah. And so let's yeah, and
23:28
I mean, think about the past. Is there anything else
23:31
that you pissed me off? Let me ask you
23:33
something. Okay, like this is like permeated our
23:35
friendship. No. Okay, you feel
23:37
I'm resilient. But you feel like
23:39
this. I
23:41
rose above it. But do you but I have
23:43
felt a resentment like low grade resentment from
23:45
you. Do you think the whole time it
23:48
was this? It could have been this started.
23:53
Honestly, could have been. I think it could have
23:55
been Hi, everyone. I'm new
23:58
mom Whitney Cummings and I'm going
24:00
on tour this fall, please don't
24:02
tell Child Services. I'll be doing
24:04
30 cities, go to whitneycummings.com
24:07
for tickets, and if you can breastfeed
24:09
and parent my child while I'm on
24:11
stage, please send me a DM immediately.
24:13
Thanks so much. Oh, hey,
24:16
I didn't see you there, guys. I'm
24:18
here to tell you that there is no reason
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24:32
and every occasion. Sorry. Like, they
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and because Etsy truly is my
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religion, I don't know how else to describe it,
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I don't feel the need to read this ad,
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they got it. I
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recently got the coolest vintage glasses, tumbler
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glasses, they say
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West Virginia, they're like old West Virginia glasses I got
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from my uncle. So cool, I
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found matches from my uncle's
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matchbook from his favorite hotel, and
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an ashtray from a fancy Los Angeles
25:41
hotel that he likes. I
25:44
also have OCD, which is what we're learning from this ad, but he
25:47
loves like little keepsake ashtrays, so I surprised
25:49
him with like things from
25:51
his favorite hotels from back in the day,
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it's very cool. A gifting moment is always
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25:58
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26:00
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Etsy has it all covered literally all you do is
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write in like who you're shopping
26:06
for and they will show you all these
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incredible weird out look at look at this
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look at this so I'll type in like
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what would I type in to get the
26:15
gifts behind me that because everything in my
26:18
podcast studio is off of Etsy what would
26:20
you say nostalgic cowgirl cowgirl stuck in the
26:22
90s with a personality disorder well I
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bought everything there's nothing there's nothing left on
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Etsy under that description because I
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bought it all need to find the
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mode on Etsy now look this shows
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you guys just watched my debilitating perfectionism
26:40
and I actually had written out
26:42
I suffer from debilitating perfectionism and
26:46
I'm having perfectionism actually right now with
26:48
reading this better help ad about how to
26:50
go to therapy to deal with your
26:52
perfectionism because my therapist years ago said
26:54
to me perfectionism leads to procrastination which leads
26:57
to paralysis I don't know why an
26:59
alliteration make things makes things stick better
27:01
in my head but that's like the
27:03
three P's so I was always like in
27:05
my past too afraid to start something because I was
27:08
worried it wouldn't be perfect so then I just don't
27:10
start it at all and then I hate myself because
27:12
I drive my self-esteem from my accomplishments so it's just
27:14
like the whole damn mess but a therapist did help
27:16
me feel it so
27:18
I can heal it we also like rhymes out here
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I don't know what it is so
27:24
even reading a better help ad can be a
27:26
little bit tough for me because I want it
27:28
to be perfect but you saw it you saw
27:31
me get through it we're okay ten
27:33
years ago I would have burned this whole
27:36
place down okay so
27:38
believe it or not the way that
27:40
I read this better help ad is
27:43
progress for me and in therapy it's
27:45
all about progress not perfection and I
27:47
think we can all agree that this
27:49
ad has zero perfection in it
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your first month. That's betterhelp,
28:12
h-e-l-p.com/Whitney. That was kind of
28:14
perfect actually. This
28:17
started with, I
28:20
feel like you're always a little mad at me.
28:22
Yeah, exactly. And I'm not sure why. I think that's
28:24
what it is. So it's always
28:26
been this. I think it's always been this, I honestly, because
28:28
I'm not kidding you, when I lay in bed at night,
28:32
I literally think about it. Because I remember
28:34
watching it, there was a hospital scene where
28:37
the Indian guy's sitting next to the bed or something.
28:39
I watched it. I used
28:41
to watch it in a rage watch. And
28:43
I'd go, look at this fucking guy, is he better than me? And
28:46
I just remember, I lay in bed and
28:48
I think about that scene and all the choices I would
28:50
have made, right? To make it funnier or whatever.
28:52
I don't believe you. I swear to God. Well, how do I even
28:54
know, is there a scene where you're in the hospital? How the fuck
28:57
do I know that? On the pilot, yeah. How
28:59
do I know that? I saw it. But
29:02
wait, don't
29:05
you feel like- Please don't. Sorry. This
29:08
was a time when I feel like everyone was kind
29:10
of mad. Do you think this is when people started
29:12
just being mad at me? Yeah, because Eric Griffin had
29:16
a complaint about you too. And
29:18
that's, I didn't want to say what it is now because- Can
29:20
I, should I just ask? I mean, I want everyone
29:22
to get their resentments out. Cause I love that you
29:24
guys think I don't feel it. Right, right. He
29:26
had a complaint and I know what it is. I
29:29
shouldn't even have said it now because that's his issue,
29:31
really. He has a baby now, maybe he's
29:33
better about it. Yeah, no, I gave him my snoo. Yeah.
29:37
What else? I mean, I do feel like I would
29:39
walk into the comedy store after that show got picked
29:42
up and it was just ice cold,
29:45
ice cold. Yeah. I feel like
29:47
everyone was so mad at me. Yeah, maybe,
29:49
I don't know. I wasn't, I don't really
29:51
remember. I just remember my rage. Oh,
29:54
shit. I'm
29:59
sorry. We can start
30:01
over. And
30:03
be more fun. No, I mean, I guess I've
30:05
just been operating under the like, silly
30:07
guys that we've like been friends. But I
30:09
know we are and I'm good. So good.
30:11
I love you. You don't understand how much
30:13
I love you. I love
30:16
you so much. I really do. I
30:19
love you very much. And it hurts me
30:21
very much that I like hurt you in
30:23
any way. And I think
30:25
that you don't have joking. It's funny.
30:27
I know. Well, now I mean, now don't undo
30:29
the whole. Now
30:32
I think it's been too far and now it feels weird.
30:34
You definitely did. I know. Now it feels weird. Now
30:38
it's just nothing of a deal. No, I know. I
30:40
don't think about everything. I think about maybe three times
30:42
a year. That's the honest
30:44
truth. Yeah. No, I know. When I think about it,
30:46
I laugh. I have these little swords in my side. Like
30:52
I this weekend went to a baby
30:54
shower and there was a very famous
30:56
comedic actress there who I am like,
30:58
who's amazing. Like it's just like amazing
31:00
and whose approval I feel like I need or
31:02
who I don't know if they know me or not
31:04
or whatever we've met. Maybe like once I go
31:06
up to her and she tells
31:09
me she's like, I listen to you on this
31:11
podcast. Like she's heard me on some podcasts and
31:13
she's like, and I called my friend and I
31:15
was like, I like
31:17
Whitney Cummings. Yeah,
31:21
I hate those. I cannot stop thinking
31:24
about it. I know. I hate those. I
31:26
can't. I can't. Bobby, what I do is
31:28
half as that. Yeah. Yeah.
31:30
Yeah. Cannot like that sounds painful.
31:32
He called like a friend to be like, huh?
31:35
Hey, I know. And
31:38
I just I didn't even know what to do. I
31:40
just started like when I get nervous, I just start
31:42
rambling in a Southern accent. So I just did that.
31:44
But it was just kind of one of those things
31:46
that was like, why? We
31:48
need to bring her down. We
31:50
need to get her to be hard. It is huge. OK,
31:54
OK. It's going to be hard. So like there's
31:56
things. Sorry, there's things that stick with me like
31:58
that. Yeah. another one than
32:00
that I love you things give it I
32:03
was I was all day I can't name because I
32:05
started a warless guy because of this one incident who
32:08
and my therapist says stop doing this starting
32:11
wars with people so I
32:13
was so Seth Myers uh-huh had
32:15
a birthday party many many years
32:17
ago and he invited me
32:19
because I was on his well I
32:21
knew Seth before he was on SNL
32:24
yeah I knew Josh and Seth way before that and
32:26
so Josh was on mad TV but
32:28
yeah but yeah so yeah exactly so um I
32:33
uh he invited me to his birthday
32:35
party I walk in and there's another actor you know
32:37
I mean walks up to me and he and not
32:39
in a funny way he looks at me goes what
32:42
do you what are you doing here I was
32:46
invited and then he kind of we kind of walked away
32:48
and it was like it wasn't a
32:50
joke I can tell you who it is okay you
32:54
beep it out yeah this
32:57
is a person who hurts my
32:59
feelings every time I see them we've
33:02
gotten vacations together well you know this
33:04
guy that well this person does the thing
33:06
that annoys me the most right now really
33:08
sticks in my cross which is blames
33:11
his being a dick to everyone
33:13
on Asperger's so when anyone calls him
33:15
out on it it's like why are you being such a dick
33:17
like his whole just like give nothing he's like oh I have
33:19
Asperger's I don't care about that he's sadistic
33:21
and he enjoys making people uncomfortable yeah
33:24
well um my war with
33:26
him I will win okay and what's the
33:28
next move I
33:32
haven't thought that far in the war okay but
33:34
my but here's the thing I like to well
33:36
I think it's because I'm Korean but I hold
33:39
on the thing yeah forever I don't
33:41
blame you but here's where I
33:43
struggle mm-hmm so um how even
33:45
down years ago he got
33:48
super mad at me because um
33:51
he knows I hold on to resentments and
33:54
I would say I said no he holds on
33:56
to antibacterial yeah yeah
33:58
we all have our thing to me go Because
34:00
in this business, you never make
34:03
decisions based on resentment. So
34:06
he's like, because, you know, there was a festival
34:08
that never had me on and then for years.
34:12
And then one day they asked me and I said, no,
34:14
out of resentment. And he goes, don't
34:16
do that. So I'll show you.
34:19
Yeah, it doesn't because at the end of
34:21
the day, I still lose. No
34:23
one, you know, I
34:26
lose. And like the person that didn't hire you 10
34:28
years ago probably doesn't even work there anymore.
34:30
It's a resentment that's never going to, you know,
34:32
it's like it's like some of the little
34:34
power we have is being like you rejected me before.
34:36
Now I'm going to reject you back. I remember one
34:39
time, but I love a petty every now and then
34:41
you got to be fucking petty, dude. And I'm fine
34:43
with it. I was at a Jeff
34:45
Ross did like a roast series
34:47
on Comedy Central. This is like, I don't know, like
34:49
10 years ago, I'm standing with Jim
34:51
Norton and Jim Norton had just got the best.
34:54
I just got a show on HBO. You know, he'll
34:56
get things like here and there. But he was like
34:58
doing comedy 20 years, already huge, then gets this HBO
35:00
stand up thing that he put me on cut down
35:02
and dirty. And this like agent
35:04
comes over with like, you know, the
35:06
saunter of like someone I
35:08
can leech off of is, you know what
35:10
I mean? Yeah. He goes up to Jim Norton.
35:13
He's just like, hey, Jim, congrats on the HBO thing.
35:15
And Jim just went, where were you 10 years ago
35:17
when I needed you? I
35:19
love it. Oh, do you
35:22
want to meet my baby? Yeah, yeah. I
35:25
think. Hi,
35:27
Peanut. Oh, my God.
35:31
Say hi, Peanut. Hi, Peanut. Don't say
35:33
hi. My God. Hi.
35:36
Hi. Oh,
35:39
hi, Peanut. Please, please don't
35:41
try. I will not. I
35:43
will not. Child. Come on. Come on. Don't
35:45
be a deadbeat. Dad. Who's that? Okay.
35:49
You got to come back, Liz. You
35:51
can come back. Please come back. You can do this. You got to
35:53
come back right now, Liz. Honestly,
35:55
I'm not f***ing out. Please come back. You
35:59
can do it. I got
36:01
it. Please come back, please. Do
36:03
you want to turn him around? No, no, no, you do it.
36:07
Oh my God, that was terrible. I
36:09
was panicked. How is
36:12
the dog with the dog, baby? She's
36:14
obsessed. She's like very protective of him. You know,
36:17
that's like their ancestral purposes. That's incredible. Hi,
36:19
little one. What do you think, Peanut? That's
36:22
incredible. Say hi. Dude, your
36:24
baby is beautiful. Really? I
36:26
mean, not only is his temperament great. Do you
36:28
want to see me give birth? With the babies?
36:30
No. Why not? I will never
36:32
talk to you again if I see that. Why not? I
36:35
don't want to see that. Why not? Because
36:37
I don't. Honestly, please don't. Please. Please.
36:40
Why not? Why? Why do I need to, though? Because I
36:42
want to. I think it's
36:44
important for our friendship that you watch it. Have
36:47
you ever seen birth happen before? No, I don't want to watch
36:50
it, please. I can't even do a pimple popping. Well.
36:53
I can't do pimple popping on the internet. I'm
36:55
not one of those guys. I don't like fluids.
36:57
Okay. Please don't do fluids.
37:00
Why not? Just why? It'll be
37:02
good. I think it's like a good, healthy
37:04
thing to see. I don't want to see your genitals. You
37:06
won't. Yeah, you will. I don't want to see your genitals.
37:08
It's a beautiful thing, Bobby. I swear to God, Whitney, I
37:10
will not look at it. It's like a beautiful. I
37:13
will leave. What? You want me
37:15
to leave? I don't want you to leave. All right. But
37:18
why don't you just see? Because it'll just be. I've
37:20
never seen a female comics genitals
37:22
before. Is that true? I don't
37:24
want to talk now. Yeah, I haven't. But
37:26
it's not. I dated her. Yeah. But
37:29
you know, if I'm dating her. Who? Her
37:31
name is Sarah Highland. I dated. Oh, that's
37:33
right. For years. Yeah. Not
37:36
that one for Modern Family, the comic. You know what I'm talking about, right? I
37:38
don't know. Just why don't you just watch it? It'll be good. I
37:41
will leave. So you want
37:44
to just see my child come into
37:46
the world? Is that it? Yeah.
37:50
I don't want to play. Can I just look at the screenshot?
37:52
No. That's you. What
37:54
do you bane? What's going on? Just watch
37:56
it. You look like you're
37:58
dying. Came close. That's
38:01
you? This will be good. Dude, you have
38:03
the biggest ears. I
38:06
don't like it. Those are your ears? Those
38:09
are my ears. Alright, I hate them. Wait until you
38:11
see the other thing. You think my ears are big.
38:13
Why do you watch this video? Alright,
38:15
could I say that I watch it to a point? I
38:17
think it's good for our friendship. I don't think it is. We
38:20
need some healing. Give me a show. Okay, I thought
38:22
you had a show. Alright, let me audition for your show next time.
38:24
You have a show. Ready? I know. Oh
38:27
my god. Wow, that's insane. I wish
38:29
I never saw that. Why? Don't
38:31
you think it brought us closer? No, it
38:33
didn't. Really? It's a beautiful thing though. Can you
38:35
just... It's just still frozen on that shot. You're so
38:37
cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's frozen on that shot.
38:40
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
38:43
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
38:45
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
38:48
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
38:50
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
38:53
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
38:56
I'm sorry. Get
38:58
the baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the
39:00
baby. Okay. Can you
39:02
finish? Is it not good parents? Yeah, I just...
39:04
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird, dude. Wow.
39:08
It's definitely weird. That's insane what I just saw.
39:10
Don't you think I needed that to do that?
39:12
100% you look so much better now. Thank you.
39:15
You look healthy. No, I mean, you didn't look bad before.
39:17
No, you're making a good point. But you went through... I
39:19
mean, there was a time in the last couple of years,
39:22
I think before the pregnancy, where
39:24
we thought we were like, what's going on with
39:26
Whitney? Yeah. Like she's losing her
39:28
mind. Yeah. I was definitely losing my mind
39:30
a little bit. I felt purposeless. Both
39:33
my parents had died. My mom was dying
39:35
in a really messed up way. You went through
39:37
this with your dad. I felt really empty.
39:40
And I started smoking weed. Not
39:43
a match for my brain. Yeah. It fills
39:45
everybody out. Makes me so manic. Dude,
39:48
we've talked about that before, right? Yeah, privately
39:50
though. Not for public consumption, yeah. It's weird.
39:52
It has the adverse effect on
39:54
me too. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And
39:57
it feels like speed. Yeah.
40:00
Me too. I wow, That's so what it is
40:03
because of where you live Up to Adam the
40:05
same kind of way I didn't Yeah, we're wired
40:07
in the same way because when you said I
40:09
take out of any good or bad. Adderall
40:11
Adderall. I mean am I all I take little into
40:13
good about. Now are only five milligram. ah
40:15
with someone that some the it tapers out
40:18
am slow release their when I'm writing gets
40:20
gets really had a d d Adderall calms
40:22
you down so lot of people take Adderall
40:24
to get like to talk way that I'm
40:26
tiger My now by we are to do
40:28
this naturally. Yeah it's so weird but anyway
40:30
I think the and that you're the first person
40:32
that said. The. Weed thing. whereas I
40:35
might move of, my therapist said that
40:37
in some cases if you have a
40:39
traumatic childhood yeah right that we'd can
40:41
later in life have the adverse aside
40:43
some my mom maybe that's. What? My
40:45
way if I was twenty five and needed
40:47
to achieve and the way that I wanted
40:50
to achieve. In an toward the way we tore I'm
40:52
sir we were doing great and they are been like met
40:54
but now i'm just not a not had space anymore So
40:56
i did start smoking weed and. I. Was trying to
40:58
relax and like enjoy my life since it's
41:00
just it's and sought me up a lot.
41:03
And then I did the roasts
41:05
on. Only fans be Every writer
41:07
in the room was Micrornas. The
41:09
mushrooms. And which I love
41:11
it like we've all decided that like if. Like.
41:14
Drugs or from the earth day like want the best
41:16
friend? Who is he? Like plant matter
41:18
to admit it or immediately all of medicine?
41:20
The Soviets are what everyone in or a
41:22
are doing. I was going now. Though but also
41:24
to the pan am it whenever with giving me some
41:27
it's like having purple hair or whatever. I think that
41:29
was just mean college like thing like we're entertainers. What's
41:31
this entertain? The i was eternally give money that
41:33
you know was weird. I like.
41:35
You literally look like. Little.
41:38
House on the Prairie. wholesome, right?
41:40
Now Oh yeah. oh. Yeah. It's
41:42
easy to see him. your flash. Ah
41:45
your skin such in your face. Seems.
41:47
So healthy. Thank you for Your body is
41:50
exactly the way he should have and nobody
41:52
is sexy. Thank you. Say your ass is
41:54
hanging in the right way as a seer.
41:56
Little teddy's are so hanging. Yeah little. I
41:59
mean your big. I'm
42:01
sorry that came out where right where you came
42:03
up almost perverse. I know I just think
42:05
no I don't know what I'm saying is that when I look
42:07
at you I'm like, I
42:09
want to say every time I've ever looked at
42:11
you I went yeah But
42:15
but now when I look at you not that I have
42:17
sexual I don't know not attracted to
42:19
sexually but when I look at you I go I
42:21
can understand why she's sexy I
42:24
have to take like the wrong way. I think a little weird You're
42:27
trying to convince me or convince yourself No,
42:30
I'm convinced myself when I saw you downstairs when
42:33
you open the door it was
42:35
all those of those like music involved You
42:39
know mean way over there was a glow
42:41
about you Okay, and I looked at the first
42:43
time in my life where I saw your privates
42:48
Where you turn around like look at that ass, you know,
42:50
I mean like what not in his sexual I would never
42:52
jerk off to you I don't find you attractive at all,
42:54
but my point though is the person where I looked at
42:57
you as a female I think You
43:00
know, I mean she looks great. What do you think that is? I
43:03
think you've changed Before
43:06
you were like neat
43:08
netherworldly What
43:11
yeah like, you know like you ever see the
43:13
hellraiser you thought you were just gonna stop at
43:15
that No, do you ever see hellraiser? Is that
43:18
the one where John Travolta has the dreadlocks? No Like
43:26
there was like not pinhead But you
43:29
seem like like one of the creatures that
43:31
you would find in the fourth dimension that
43:33
came out in hellraiser Okay, but
43:35
now it's like I look at your I go I
43:38
see little house on the Prairie. I like a wholesomeness
43:40
Hmm. Yeah, I see like, you know one of those
43:42
nooks You
43:44
know what a nook is I do with you're
43:46
like a little nook with like, you know
43:49
embroidery and Books and
43:51
the sun shining and a cup of tea
43:53
probably, you know some pumpkin
43:55
spicy kind of thing I mean, it
43:57
seems very good. I've kind of This
44:00
is what I need. I needed a baby. I think
44:03
remember I was rescuing giraffes and dogs and having
44:05
my hands bitten off I'd Pipples and I was
44:07
just like oh, I think I just need to
44:09
have a child. I needed something to love Will
44:17
I fall in love I just can't hear you will I
44:19
fall in love what will I fall in love what? I
44:22
want to follow love at this. What's your definition of love
44:24
so that we all know well, there's two there's
44:26
you know, there's there's um math
44:29
and magic There's
44:32
two different approaches. Okay, some
44:34
people are mathematical. Okay, like it's a numbers
44:36
game Like checkbox checking. Yeah,
44:38
or like I have to date a hundred
44:40
people to figure out what I want and
44:43
then I'll eventually If I
44:45
date enough people I will find the one and then
44:47
there are people that are magic which is like I Saw
44:50
and that once I saw I knew she was my
44:52
wife You mean and you
44:54
know, we're gonna you know, we live together forever I
44:56
mean, so it's like I don't know what I believe
44:58
first of all. Where did you where
45:01
is that from math and magic? with
45:03
that, uh What cult this is
45:05
a call. I'm kidding. I thought on a this
45:07
American life. I mean, I like it It's I
45:09
think it feels true. I think one
45:11
of you that's I think I'm
45:13
magic Yeah, you're the like I can
45:15
just magically put up with my ex for 10 years and then
45:17
I'll find love like that Like
45:20
what could go wrong? What
45:22
woman would be repelled by no, I think that
45:24
that's what I'm looking for actually love Yeah, but
45:26
I think like mom but maybe
45:29
maybe math is the right one and I'm
45:31
not seeing it But I think I still
45:33
believe in magic. Mm-hmm. We're all gonna be
45:35
in an elevator She's gonna walk in and
45:37
we're gonna look at each other. I'm gonna
45:39
be like, oh That's
45:41
the one. Okay. Yeah in
45:43
an elevator Okay,
45:49
yeah, you know I love
45:51
that when you think magic you think elevator you're
45:53
like, this is magical like One
45:55
time I was in an airport
45:58
maybe I was with Andrew And
46:00
we were in like Indianapolis or something
46:02
and we're rushing to the airport and
46:05
I was on I was I walked by this girl
46:07
And we both stopped we looked at each other that
46:09
we go. Hi. She does. Hi She's
46:12
beautiful. Okay, and she was like just
46:15
gorgeous. Okay, and then what's the
46:17
difference being beautiful and gorgeous? Never
46:21
the same thing. I use the same. Sorry.
46:23
No, I'm just yeah. Yeah, don't do that.
46:25
I mean don't not I mean I
46:27
just like I get obsessed when guys
46:29
are like she's pretty she's
46:32
gorgeous. I'm just curious. They're the same to
46:34
me Make a tick tock But
46:38
I get a clip out of that one but I know
46:40
but I think there's a clip in there. Okay already We've
46:42
done it. We've clipped it out. Yeah, I
46:44
think so. Okay, but um Don't
46:46
you think I think there's so many what do you think I
46:49
thought to oh you got two
46:51
clips? Yeah, at least at least at
46:53
least two I think okay You
46:56
think we're bombing right now. No, I'm in the moment. I love it. I
46:58
love what we're doing. Yeah, okay good Don't
47:02
do this right now. I'm not do what I'm not that's alright So
47:05
what I've said I was at an airport I said hi
47:07
hi and she was everything like I
47:09
just in my mind the first impression of She
47:12
kind of checked off all these things fashion
47:14
face Smell you know
47:17
mean energy cuteness all that stuff,
47:19
right? I'll never see her again By
47:22
the way, you can tell a lot about a woman based on the kind of
47:24
luggage she brings with her. That's true Like
47:26
what's good? Yeah, and like when when someone
47:28
sits down at the airport, do they put their like
47:32
I don't think Person
47:36
you think a roller bag with
47:38
her together? Yeah travel. Yeah. Okay.
47:40
So um Well,
47:42
I I refuse to put the thing
47:44
in the overhead compartment for them You
47:48
refuse to do that for a girl when a girl goes cuz you can't reach
47:50
it No The
47:53
girl one that's a dick dude, I
47:56
like it. Yeah Didn't.
48:01
You tell me, I'm going to like Gandalf
48:03
some far. Who else. Has to do with
48:05
the whole so we talked about know but there
48:07
were something before hellraiser but as when you be
48:09
way before out I am in I love you
48:12
look at a completely not always hang on the
48:14
i so now you could play be someone's like
48:16
to mix of iran's are creatures. Were.
48:18
You google that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah
48:21
and then google the ball in big trouble
48:23
in Little China? Yeah, yeah. That's
48:27
what I am now are the odds? So
48:30
anyway, I am as allow. I always remember
48:32
little moments like that with that girl at
48:34
the airport where the latter? No, I didn't
48:36
It's almost like the i recognize him. A.
48:40
Lot of people do. You
48:43
know I'm not and that that kid and
48:45
that you know whether or not that cares
48:47
that was enough storage room at your are
48:49
the others and has grown beyond that my
48:51
friends. Yeah
48:53
like these about said abides.
48:58
Yeah. Like this as oh okay
49:00
I can you click on that one the
49:02
far less top would that you yeah yeah
49:04
once you sing and local is like that
49:06
like those people and can make an anemic
49:08
gossip a time. When I say suddenly entered
49:10
his more energetic too skinny the I like
49:12
that more Me: okay yeah that that you
49:15
have Saint Germain oh yeah I thought you're
49:17
insulting like never played like this is this
49:19
is used I get a yeah put him
49:21
in the store resume and De Souza City
49:23
Camera. I
49:27
actually be Reason I think this is it
49:29
true. You only is because I think you'd
49:32
be too mad at me to ever talk
49:34
to me after that. I
49:37
couldn't at a while neither to a bit
49:39
like i'm badly a little that you were
49:41
back then. As. You had, he'd
49:44
sense. but. You. Were the
49:46
it's person. You.
49:48
To meet so I'll just to air Griffin's
49:51
complain about you May I call them? Yeah
49:53
so I guess he told me that you
49:55
he was at your show. For.
49:57
Whitney a taping of High and You Said
49:59
to him. And I don't believe this has happened, but
50:01
you said to him something like what are you doing here?
50:04
Kind of same thing as that guy this
50:07
is By
50:11
the way I'm gonna
50:13
tell you that we're gonna do you want to answer my I'm
50:15
gonna tell you something actually a huge friendship I'll
50:17
tell you with whom yeah Yeah,
50:19
ended over me asking this exact
50:21
question to someone in her house Okay, it
50:23
ended for a million reasons So
50:25
I had a very big friendship and
50:28
because I went to a friend of mine's
50:30
house Someone that I had worked
50:32
with from five years ago was at
50:34
her house and I walked in I was like,
50:37
oh my god Like what are you doing here? It
50:39
was don't ever say that it was you don't
50:41
ever say it I was so out of contact and
50:43
I'm like, it's my way to like, who do you know? Like
50:45
no, no, no, it's but you know what you're saying. You
50:47
don't belong here. You know what? No, no, no That's what
50:50
you know That's what
50:52
you heard. No, I've never said what are
50:54
you doing? Okay, the person that the guy
50:56
feel like what am I doing here? The
50:58
person the person the person that hears it like that
51:00
is like Who
51:05
do you know Then
51:08
I would ask you what are you doing here? It was
51:10
very out of context that Eric Griffin would show him my
51:12
sitcom tape. What are you doing here? Oh, he's a comic
51:15
he sings with all the people on your show. What are
51:17
you talking about? Welcome,
51:19
okay Could
51:23
you choose that You said
51:25
what are you doing here to him and he's
51:27
been complaining about that for 12 years that guy
51:32
Then I'm gonna take my snoo back yeah, I've
51:35
never said what are you doing here to anybody
51:38
It's so rude. I don't think I
51:40
think it's a Rorschach test And if you interpret it
51:42
as being like what are you doing here? You don't
51:44
belong here. You don't feel you belong here or you
51:46
just don't like me because you know my heart, you
51:48
know Why why why would I do that? Why
52:00
would you do it? Why would you do it? You think I would
52:02
do it? If you don't like it, I'm not even mad at you.
52:04
If you don't like it, I'm a bitch. You're implying that I'm dumb
52:06
and bad at business and I will not have it. I thought you
52:08
were in perfect editing. I would never be like, what are you doing
52:11
here? I'd be like, hey, what's up? I'd be fake as fuck. Yeah,
52:15
I'd rather you go. Welcome. Good
52:18
to see you. Oh, yeah. I'd... Have
52:20
fun. By the way, there's
52:22
so many things you could say. I was at work.
52:25
Especially in this business. I was at work.
52:29
In this business? You know how sensitive we are in this business? That's
52:31
not my fault. Yeah. No, it's just the... Okay, you're
52:34
right. It's not your fault. That's not your fault. But
52:36
what is your fault is your voice of words.
52:39
You guys, you didn't like me. Just say it. Oh,
52:42
don't do this. Say it. Just say
52:44
it. Just say it, Eric. You don't
52:46
like me. This is what drives me
52:48
nuts. When someone takes a little thing
52:50
that could go either way, that's a
52:52
Warshock test, and because you don't like
52:54
a person... What's a Warshock test? A
52:57
Warshock test is like when you project onto something. So
52:59
if I say like... Oh, God.
53:03
If I say like, hey, what are you working on? You're like, she's
53:05
asking me what I'm working on because I'm not working on a lot
53:07
to try to embarrass me in front of people. That
53:09
question is fine. How are
53:11
you? Okay, let's do it. Wait, wait, wait. How
53:14
are you? How's your mom? Okay. Downstairs
53:18
in the cupboard. Right. How's things going? All
53:20
those things. No, no, no, no. Can we
53:22
be... What are you doing here? So you're
53:24
shooting Bad Friends. Okay. You're shooting Bad Friends.
53:26
Yeah. You and Bobby
53:29
Antonoff and Santino are all shooting. I
53:31
open the door and walk in. Yeah. Hey,
53:34
guys. Oh, my God. It's completely different. Is it? Yeah.
53:37
If I wake up in the morning and
53:39
there's some random guy with a cleaver in
53:41
my house, I'm
53:43
not going to go. You know what I mean? Then it's like,
53:45
what are you doing here tonight? That
53:47
was a bad example. That was a bad example. Don't
53:49
clip that. Don't clip that. Honestly, we might cut it out. That
53:53
was beneath you. That
53:55
was beneath me. Right. I didn't like it. I know. Do
53:57
you need more time? No, no. Do you
53:59
need to regroup? like if
54:01
I walked into a live, okay then here,
54:03
and it's a live friend, a live
54:06
bad friend taping with 200 people
54:08
in the audience. I would already assume that you were
54:10
invited. I wouldn't ask what are you doing
54:12
here. That's silly. Oh
54:14
yeah, one of a person, a
54:17
comedy entity that I'm a huge
54:19
fan of who also happens to be a
54:21
friend, right, is at this taping. Mary Griffin
54:23
and I are entitled to time. Let
54:26
me finish, okay. I would
54:28
not ask what are you doing here. That's
54:30
insane. And if I saw like,
54:34
oh if Rob Gronkowski is at a sitcom
54:36
taping and he's at the makeup chair, I
54:38
would go, what are you doing here? Also,
54:41
because he's a football player, like why would he be doing
54:43
there? So if y'all are all, we're all such good
54:45
friends, how come no one texts me and says like,
54:47
hey I'm coming to your show tonight, can't wait to
54:49
see you, because he was there to see Delia. Not
54:53
me. Oh, that's what you asked her.
54:55
I don't know. I'm asking. I
54:58
don't know. What I'm saying is just don't say
55:00
that to anybody anymore. I'm
55:02
going to double down. What are you doing
55:04
here? Like, I'll do that. You invited me here. You invited me
55:06
here. There is absolutely no way that's saying, what are you doing?
55:13
He could have been coming to, to
55:15
what? There's no good way of saying watch, watch, watch. What
55:19
are you doing here? What are you doing here? No,
55:21
and then what are you doing here?
55:23
I mean, there's no way. What are you doing here? Yeah, that
55:25
right there is so kind of setting. Oh, because
55:28
I don't know. I'm not an open miker and I belong
55:31
here. So I should have
55:33
just gone like, welcome. Right.
55:37
Do you need water? Oh, so
55:39
I work for the people visiting now. Well,
55:41
you're the host of your show. The host? The
55:44
Whitney, your show, right? No, no, I'm the boss. I'm
55:47
trying to, I'm, you have too much employees
55:50
and I'm a dick. I'm a
55:52
dick. I'm
55:54
a dick because you guys treat it
55:56
like social hour because you guys who
55:58
are talking. Like what you got
56:00
me she doesn't deserve the sitcom and her sitcom sucks and
56:03
you want to come hang out and Distract
56:05
everybody and then I come to be like hey,
56:07
what's up? The fact that I talked to anyone
56:09
is fucking wild I'm having
56:11
a nervous breakdown looking like one of
56:13
the pinheads
56:16
and I'm the
56:18
bitch. I was on splitting up together
56:20
and I remember Fred Armisen Fred
56:23
Armisen was guest or I love
56:26
And he he would never I show up
56:28
I wasn't shooting that day. I wanted to see a
56:30
set at his scene He walks up to
56:33
me goes. What are you doing here? And
56:35
I'm like I'm on the show,
56:37
right? It's the same thing
56:39
and you know what? I'm I don't I don't
56:42
feel bad for saying that because they're
56:44
just certain people Yeah, that are just like that
56:47
Here's what the only reason I go
56:49
to the Instagram live. We're not gonna go anywhere with this.
56:51
What are you doing? Let's start that. Let's
56:53
start the the Instagram live fine, but
56:55
here's what I'll say and you all your
56:57
friends are gonna be like Bobby's Bobby
57:00
is wrong if I didn't like Eric. I don't
57:02
think I am Eric and I have worked out
57:04
our past but If
57:08
I didn't like Eric or
57:10
didn't want someone there, I would just have ignored
57:12
them You know me.
57:14
Hmm. I just resent the fact that
57:16
anyone thinks I'm the kind of person that'll be like
57:18
What are you doing here? Like I'm like Regina George
57:20
from Mean Girls or something I would just that
57:23
if I didn't like someone they would never know
57:25
you guys in 2024 So
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for F O R the people.com/Whitney or dial
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paid for this shirt
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that has intentional cuts in it. I
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paid extra for that on that
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guy. What
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is liquid death? Well, it may
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look to you like a beer or
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some crazy energy drink, but it's not
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liquid death is actually a healthy beverage
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brand that makes mountain spring water, low
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sugar sodas and low sugar iced teas
59:31
too. Okay. Y'all might have
59:33
seen someone drinking a liquid death and maybe
59:35
thought it was a beer
59:39
or a cooler or some
59:43
kind of devil's juice. Perhaps
59:45
you've noticed a coworker cracking a tall
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boy in your 9am meeting. Okay. You
59:50
called Betty Ford. Shame on you. You could have spotted
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a group of kids drinking them at soccer practice and
59:54
been like, what? No, one
59:57
of that goalie keeps missing the soccer
59:59
ball. He's plastered. Or
1:00:01
maybe you caught your own designated
1:00:04
drive or dra- drowning.
1:00:09
You know what, I think I am drunk. This might
1:00:11
be beer, actually. Maybe
1:00:14
you caught your own designated drive
1:00:16
or downing one. Quillest driving. Okay.
1:00:20
But why would a healthy beverage
1:00:22
with no alcohol in it
1:00:24
ever be called liquid death?
1:00:26
Because they're bringing death to
1:00:28
every single used plastic bottle
1:00:30
with their infinitely recyclable cans.
1:00:33
Liquid death also donates a portion
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of profits from every can to
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help kill plastic pollution. Aluminum is
1:00:40
indefinitely recyclable. Plastic is not plastic
1:00:42
sex. And it's making
1:00:44
baby's butthole smaller and- no, chains,
1:00:47
sorry. And we
1:00:49
cannot have that. I
1:00:51
don't remember the lady that did the study on this, and
1:00:53
I don't know why she did the study to begin with,
1:00:55
but now that we know, we need to
1:00:57
stop this. It is- microplastics
1:01:00
are chalking us full of
1:01:02
all sorts of trash. And
1:01:04
I even read an article that there's microplastics
1:01:06
in breast milk, which is
1:01:08
the only reason I'm not breastfeeding, and the only,
1:01:10
only reason- it's not that my milk isn't coming
1:01:12
in, because my boobs are
1:01:14
already chapped full of silicone. And
1:01:17
pollution isn't curbed, plastic will outweigh fish
1:01:19
in the ocean by 2050. I
1:01:22
mean, honestly, there's some fish we could do without, but all of
1:01:24
them, that would be bad. Do you know what I'm saying? You
1:01:26
know those, like, ones at the very bottom of the ocean that
1:01:28
just look like ninja stars? F***
1:01:31
those fish. But the other ones we want to
1:01:33
stay alive. Today, I'm enjoying the mango ch- wait,
1:01:35
the mango chainsaw is what I've been drinking the
1:01:37
most- where is it? I carry
1:01:39
my liquid death around with me all day. Well, mango chainsaw
1:01:41
is the one that I've been the most obsessed with. It's
1:01:44
sparkling, it's mango-y. Pat,
1:01:48
are you looking for my mango chainsaw? Oh
1:01:50
my god, you have a watermelon one? What
1:01:52
the fuck, man? You've had these this whole time?
1:01:56
Dude, convicted melon? I thought we were
1:01:58
out of convicted melon. because I go
1:02:01
through these so fast. Okay, so the
1:02:03
mango chainsaw is kind of my current
1:02:05
favorite, but the convicted melon is my
1:02:07
all-time, all-time favorite. Sparkling, melony,
1:02:10
goddamn it's so yum, yum in my tum.
1:02:12
Okay, I do not do plastic
1:02:14
water bottles because I don't have time to get
1:02:17
cancer right now. Okay, the other flavored waters, they
1:02:19
all have sugar or some other nonsense in them
1:02:21
for no reason whatsoever. Liquid death,
1:02:23
the only water that's not trying to
1:02:25
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a nice tea, eight packs with Amazon
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case at your local 7-Eleven Target Walmart,
1:02:36
or another place where liquid
1:02:38
deaths can be found. liquiddeath.com/
1:02:41
Whitney. Go to there. Are
1:02:44
we going live? Sure, let's go. Go live, let's go
1:02:47
live. Yes, if he answers your call, we're
1:02:49
in a real pickle. Is he calling? Yeah,
1:02:51
okay. We're live with Bobby Lee. Hello.
1:02:54
Right now, Bob... Wait,
1:02:58
okay, hold on. Eric, Eric, Eric. Eric,
1:03:02
I'm with Whitney Cummings. Yeah.
1:03:05
Yeah, did you pick up her phone? Why
1:03:08
didn't you pick up her phone? Eric, I'm sorry.
1:03:11
I just got in my car. I was doing a podcast. Exactly.
1:03:14
I'm on your side on this one, Eric. Listen,
1:03:16
Eric, you're gonna be mad, but I brought something
1:03:19
up. And
1:03:21
we can cut it out if you want me to. We can cut it
1:03:23
out if you want me to. We can cut it out. No, we can't.
1:03:25
Yeah, we can cut it out if you want to. I brought something up.
1:03:27
We talked about it for about an hour. Can
1:03:31
I tell you what I brought up? Yeah,
1:03:33
what'd you bring up? All right, because do you remember
1:03:35
years ago, right? You were on the set of Whitney,
1:03:38
right? You went to the set of Whitney, right? And
1:03:41
then she came up to you and goes, what are
1:03:43
you doing here? Remember you complained
1:03:45
about that? No. That is
1:03:47
not what happened. Thank you.
1:03:49
I never said that before. Thank you. But
1:03:53
I will say she was
1:03:55
snobby as hell at the moment. I
1:04:00
do remember that. Yeah,
1:04:02
that, there was some sort of
1:04:04
complaint, I remember you having a complaint that you
1:04:07
showed up at her set and she did, she
1:04:09
said something that, because I remember you complaining about
1:04:11
it to me. And
1:04:14
don't do this right now. So, Eric, when I was, Oh,
1:04:17
you just hung up. So
1:04:21
when I was, Snobby. When
1:04:23
I was at work, I was snobby towards
1:04:25
the people visiting. It's outrageous. Let's go to
1:04:27
this Instagram live. Hello Instagram live,
1:04:30
Whitney Cummings and Bobby Lee. Oh, they ask
1:04:32
questions live? Yeah, they're gonna ask questions
1:04:34
live. You know what I mean? So, um,
1:04:36
oh, do you eat ass? Oh.
1:04:41
I don't need to ask. I don't believe in it. I don't understand
1:04:43
why it's happening. I never asked it. I never asked it. No,
1:04:45
someone, well, IG live is asking questions. Oh,
1:04:47
they, they, they texted or they, I could hear them. Oh,
1:04:51
do you out eat ass? No. And neither do
1:04:53
I. Never. Never. Never will. Never
1:04:55
will. Don't want
1:04:57
my ass eaten. When did they eat it? I don't want anything
1:04:59
in it. Star. Yeah. Yeah.
1:05:02
How COVID started. Yeah. Yeah. Oh
1:05:04
yeah. Guys like things in their butt. Not me. Not
1:05:06
you. No, not even a pinky. I don't even know how I would.
1:05:08
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're, you're a sick pinky. Well,
1:05:11
okay. You've come from my ears. You've come from my
1:05:13
pinky. How do you deal with crazy neighbors in
1:05:15
an apartment complex? Bobby is rich. He
1:05:17
doesn't live in an apartment. But I did for
1:05:19
years. Are you going to do the Star Trek podcast
1:05:21
with Adam? So
1:05:24
Andrew won't let me do it. Andrew
1:05:27
Santino. Yeah. So I go, I want to start
1:05:29
a Star Trek podcast with Adam Egett. And
1:05:32
it's not going to go into our numbers because we're only going to
1:05:34
talk about Star Trek. And he goes, no. So
1:05:36
I said, okay. Is he allowed to say no? Yeah. Why?
1:05:40
Because I don't want to rock the boat. Can I ask
1:05:42
you a question? I want to do a like
1:05:44
version of Bad Friends with a girl. Who would I do it with?
1:05:48
Trisha Paytas. I don't know. Oh, she'd be crazy. Like,
1:05:50
would that be weird? Would you guys think I was
1:05:52
stealing your idea? Because I was, I've always wanted to
1:05:54
do a podcast with another female comedian. No,
1:05:57
that would be insanely good. I think that would be great. Oh,
1:05:59
it would be. Do you think?
1:06:01
What about somebody that's the opposite of you in a
1:06:03
weird way? Okay, like Nikki
1:06:05
Glazer Leslie Joe. No, they're just
1:06:07
Nikki's too similar. Oh, really? Yeah,
1:06:09
Leslie is not. Yeah, I
1:06:12
think it'd be wild We've
1:06:14
been talking about it. Yeah, you should do it.
1:06:16
Yeah. Hey, she's mad at me Leslie
1:06:18
Jones. Yeah because she's mine and um
1:06:22
It was like the responses a little nuts why in
1:06:24
a good way or bad way? It's some good some
1:06:26
bad You know, but it was like I like it
1:06:28
that way Me too I like
1:06:30
it when it's a little you know You're not gonna please everybody
1:06:32
but I think that but by having her on I was like
1:06:35
when I was having her on I was Like oh, this is
1:06:37
she'd be great at this. But why were they mad
1:06:39
at her? Or mad at
1:06:42
you your fans There was
1:06:44
it was a hot and cold but you know Brittany furlong
1:06:46
when she did it was hot and cold So I like
1:06:48
that. Yeah, I like people that You
1:06:51
know are con not controversial but
1:06:53
like can evoke an emotion
1:06:56
I think and I people hate me I
1:07:01
like a vote that you do by the way I had
1:07:03
a TV show reach out to me to
1:07:06
Offer me a job on that gets kind of like
1:07:08
a reality competition show and their big selling point They
1:07:10
were like, you know and the people that don't like
1:07:12
you like they would really like I feel like you
1:07:14
could really win over The people that like hate you,
1:07:16
you know, I was like wait what they're like, this
1:07:19
could really be the key to you Finally being likable.
1:07:21
I was like, huh? It's
1:07:24
a good thing that people don't like you How
1:07:26
many people? How
1:07:28
many it is so many people hate you? Why do you think
1:07:30
that it's like? But
1:07:32
see I like move through life being like comedian.
1:07:35
You love us or yay That's everyone's like no.
1:07:37
No, there are some comics that don't do
1:07:39
that. And I don't think that that's good
1:07:42
so I really believe that When
1:07:45
people hate you and people they don't know that
1:07:47
that yeah, they hate me, right when they hate
1:07:49
me They think that it's you know, like I'm
1:07:52
gonna bring them down. Yeah, but all they do
1:07:54
is make me rise Okay,
1:07:56
you know mean so it's a good is it the more
1:07:58
hate you get the more you elevate? Okay, weird
1:08:00
thing, I don't know what it is that
1:08:03
science behind it, but it's been through. Love
1:08:05
you, By the way, Levin. Whether it's white,
1:08:07
People are woods body but Bobby would
1:08:09
you ever be with a transgender. Woman:
1:08:11
Yes. Okay
1:08:15
depends though. I mean I is. it's a chemistry
1:08:17
the on what. If I buy
1:08:19
with that person. Okay, I
1:08:21
can be attracted as a person. Have you
1:08:23
ever been attracted his hands on here as
1:08:25
there's one girl. I'm on
1:08:27
it. Porn. Have. A.
1:08:30
Video that I saw that have saved. The.
1:08:33
I'm like oh she's she's beautiful. I
1:08:35
would date this person and I do
1:08:37
remember her name me. She's
1:08:40
in. Argentina is on. There was like a foreign one.
1:08:42
I bet you could. Find. Her:
1:08:44
yeah I find other. Are you
1:08:46
know she's transgender? Should. A penis
1:08:48
of As Yemen? So yeah, I think so.
1:08:50
And then so you're like that. The penis was.
1:08:52
That's something that made your penis. Harder
1:08:55
at first in the beginning was I
1:08:57
earned but then a like she's beautiful
1:08:59
and then on she. The
1:09:02
guy was sucking her penis. Right?
1:09:05
And I weren't. And I kind of gonna
1:09:07
rise from earth. Ah, the first time in my life
1:09:09
where I was like, oh, what's going on air. This
1:09:11
is what happens when men get really rich. They
1:09:14
get out. There was a citizen
1:09:16
Norton. And
1:09:18
that yells have a car that has a matte sense. Yeah,
1:09:21
wouldn't that mean. That just means you have to his
1:09:23
money. And. Discovered
1:09:25
she starts happening Chinese. Know that I
1:09:27
have a really. Do you mean Norton inspired
1:09:30
you to. Start second an insect. No,
1:09:32
no no, I like his, you know,
1:09:34
mean girlfriend a lot. Nicky's amazing! I
1:09:36
love her so much that I'm like.
1:09:39
Because. I've known for year as as as
1:09:41
lovers hobby are you single am other.
1:09:44
And I'm on. Money.
1:09:48
From. Us. A own hands are one
1:09:50
of the dating as. Only royal I will stand
1:09:53
firm on are the ones. Why?
1:09:55
Because a lot of a made. Body
1:09:59
which female can. Do you find most
1:10:01
attractive? Depends
1:10:06
on what level what do you mean level
1:10:08
on I don't find any of
1:10:10
them attractive. Okay, you can't just I
1:10:13
can't Okay
1:10:16
thousands of people Okay,
1:10:20
yes, so now right now yes now that
1:10:23
there through there okay, and these I don't
1:10:25
know so you're saying not one female with
1:10:27
comedians attractive not one To
1:10:29
you some of them I go who I'll
1:10:32
go oh she's hot And
1:10:34
if she wasn't a comic and I wasn't friends with her and in
1:10:37
some faraway land I would probably ask
1:10:39
that person who I Can't
1:10:43
I don't want to And
1:10:48
then have them be weird that I said this we
1:10:50
already weird yeah, yeah, I'm not doing it do it
1:10:52
you give me Thank
1:10:54
you I
1:10:57
don't believe Give
1:10:59
me another one okay top five favorite
1:11:02
comedians Go find
1:11:04
order of funniest Another
1:11:06
order funny. I just gave you five that
1:11:08
I think right now comedians in order. I
1:11:10
believe is funny. Yes, Dana Gould number one
1:11:13
Why good one Dana Gould? Oh Yes,
1:11:16
it'd be dead or alive either. Okay.
1:11:18
Oh well then oh well alive alive
1:11:21
So then Dana Gould Tim Dylan
1:11:23
Shane Gillis Um
1:11:26
Anderson Tino and Whitney Cummings, okay, so not
1:11:28
David Talin not Bill Burr got it got
1:11:30
it got it What about your
1:11:32
five best friends in order of how close you are
1:11:34
to them hold on Eric Griffin
1:11:36
just texted me? Bobby
1:11:38
hung up. He's making it worse. That's not
1:11:41
what I said. That's what he said. I Believe
1:11:44
that he said that I don't That
1:11:47
I believe he said that yeah, and then he said
1:11:49
I would like to do a rebuttal episode And
1:11:51
I just write new phone her this yeah, don't let
1:11:53
him I do believe that Eric said I was snobbish
1:11:56
though But why is it when I'm busy? I'd come
1:11:58
off bitchy. I probably just like hi you are I'm
1:12:00
working. I am not. Yeah, you are your bitch. Oh, that
1:12:02
is that is that is Yeah,
1:12:04
you are you can be bitch. I'm not bitching
1:12:06
with you. We yeah, brother sister relationship I
1:12:09
know now now, but I'm just saying before
1:12:11
that there was like a time where you
1:12:13
were way above me. That's not sure I've never
1:12:15
been away about oh my god You
1:12:18
gave me my first opening spot on the road
1:12:20
You know my phone down and then you went
1:12:22
off and then no audition and then I don't
1:12:24
see things that way Anyway,
1:12:26
let's go to the questions your
1:12:28
five best friends in order of actual real friendship. Oh Fuck
1:12:32
that's hard. I mean I can only
1:12:34
name three. Okay, that's probably a good amount
1:12:36
of friends. I think Anderson Tino Okay is
1:12:38
your number one friend. I think so right now you do
1:12:41
podcast gene Hong Yeah, I love
1:12:43
gene gene and then right now
1:12:45
John Park. Okay, I'm founded. Okay,
1:12:47
nice You're saying their credits
1:12:50
I just say I just said dumbfounded what's dumbfounded. That's
1:12:52
his name. Oh I think
1:12:54
that was like the name of his like podcast. No, no
1:12:57
John. No John Park is his rapper name
1:12:59
is dumbfounded People know him as dumbfounded. Oh,
1:13:01
so all your friends have like another name
1:13:05
Actual name why is everyone asking when you're gonna do
1:13:07
a special? I've never done
1:13:09
one. Okay, and you just don't want to I
1:13:11
am you and Jay Leno I'll do one when
1:13:13
I do one man. I'll fucking do it. Why do people
1:13:16
want this so bad? Oh That's rude.
1:13:18
No, I'm just what are you doing here? What
1:13:20
are you doing here? Okay,
1:13:22
it's so crazy. Oh, really?
1:13:25
Okay. I'm just going is this some
1:13:27
inside joke on bad? No, what I'm saying is that
1:13:29
I feel like and I'm gonna stick up for myself
1:13:31
because you just put me down I didn't know
1:13:34
I didn't I think that I'm one of the best
1:13:36
comics in the country By the way, and I think
1:13:38
that I'm um, I think I deserve a
1:13:40
special by the way, you should have
1:13:42
to have ten specials I assume the only reason you're not
1:13:44
doing it. I know that's a lazy but I'm working on it now
1:13:47
Thank you. It's not because someone's not making
1:13:49
it for you. Do you think I'm ugly? I don't okay
1:13:51
good Let's move on. So you think I am you said it
1:13:54
many times. No, I think I lost them wait What
1:13:56
was the lie about your age? Hmm,
1:13:59
which male comedian to say? Bobby Feimos
1:14:01
also on the dating apps when
1:14:03
I first got on them right I said I'm 52 right
1:14:07
So then I was getting matched with 52 year
1:14:10
olds for some reason and
1:14:12
they all I can't imagine why These
1:14:15
AI Right
1:14:19
I don't do I look 52 no
1:14:21
right so I just they were like
1:14:24
it was like Helen Mirren looking women Like
1:14:26
Judi Dench you know me on hinge on these
1:14:29
other So what I'm
1:14:31
saying is is that also you know that a dating app our
1:14:33
time No, there's a dating call the
1:14:35
app called our time, which is 50 years
1:14:37
old and older, right? Yeah, so it's like,
1:14:39
you know, I'm our time now, right? I
1:14:42
didn't want to be an our times like
1:14:44
I allowed them on my age so that
1:14:46
I could you know me be Matched
1:14:48
up with people that were a little younger than 52. Okay,
1:14:52
and then they complained so every
1:14:54
girl No cuz girls
1:14:56
that liked me and I said no then they would report
1:14:58
me that I lied about their age You
1:15:03
had RFK on so you're just like feel like you're getting all
1:15:05
he's mad at me he's mad at you I think he
1:15:07
might be mad at me too. Yeah, our case mad at me.
1:15:09
Yeah, why is he mad? Well, there's two reasons number one.
1:15:12
The first question I asked you guys fart on each other,
1:15:14
which I think was the right question You
1:15:16
also told him that you look at my you've seen
1:15:18
my vagina. I said I told that the
1:15:21
JFK. Yeah Yeah Here's
1:15:24
why he's mad because he asked
1:15:27
me to do his benefit show same,
1:15:29
right? And I said yes, you said
1:15:31
no I Said no. Yeah, I
1:15:33
just it was I was just a set of kids.
1:15:35
Okay, so and I got COVID
1:15:38
Mmm, and then but
1:15:40
Tim got COVID to Dylan so
1:15:43
it kind of fucked up a show. Yeah, I feel bad
1:15:45
about it Who
1:15:48
ended up doing it we either one of us
1:15:50
did it none of it, okay Schneider did it
1:15:52
okay some other people so um and I now
1:15:54
I don't know what to do Were you friends
1:15:56
with RFK before or your friends with Cheryl? I
1:16:00
was friends with both. I guess I'll have any. It was
1:16:02
like. They didn't know. I
1:16:04
mean it's I guess. None of them. Okay, friends,
1:16:06
none of them. Yeah city Why? they are in
1:16:08
Italy? How? The Atlantic? What? What was the opposite?
1:16:11
Know them. The two tests. Yeah. I
1:16:13
do have faith. Positive coverage as I have
1:16:15
zero I. Get
1:16:18
as much everyone as I recall.
1:16:20
What are you are hydrant of
1:16:23
incense? I guess I you saturday
1:16:25
as positive as if I want
1:16:27
to get out. It's not all.
1:16:29
Guys are also very nice. Okay
1:16:31
guys, thirty years. My oh
1:16:33
no, it's in a drawer or have a photograph.
1:16:36
I have a. Photo. Of it down And so
1:16:38
sad because I'm worried that they'll be able to go
1:16:40
into the matter data it's as and see. I cobras
1:16:42
I know but i only decision I think a
1:16:44
new picture other just why wouldn't worry that little
1:16:47
tight the doesn't look good on the. System
1:16:49
and saves the photo. it's gonna save when
1:16:51
the photo was taken. So. Someone
1:16:53
same that they can bust you. On it being
1:16:55
like will be would have used as when we
1:16:57
would or wouldn't put it freezes as I know
1:16:59
I get it, what it is I get. I.
1:17:01
Found about because the guy that me a dead pig
1:17:03
that will take it like two years ago sort of
1:17:06
you save up but it's about then you a photo
1:17:08
from two years ago I said if you say that.
1:17:10
It's going to go. To. Two
1:17:12
years ago in your I thought it
1:17:15
should be. On your.
1:17:18
Me: Time. It's a whole aided by
1:17:20
day and lets. You screen grab in which case
1:17:22
I will come up from. Seven.
1:17:24
To three rather than says for
1:17:26
hims the ad somewhere by just.
1:17:29
Own doing that but other than a you're going to
1:17:31
lie about it. Though I do
1:17:33
not know that. why would you do
1:17:35
that? Oh My. God. So use the
1:17:37
old photo because going to be on
1:17:39
the do I like eating. To be
1:17:41
honest with you, I like out of
1:17:43
jail. My. Dad
1:17:46
know we know. Who
1:17:50
to do I was getting so was weird mine yeah
1:17:52
yeah yeah you can do people were like mad at
1:17:55
me a freezer doing a difference as or anyone else
1:17:57
move on. his can be been obvious. so much out
1:17:59
of of. Okay, I love you guys!
1:18:02
Cameo an I believe so far. Vehicle.
1:18:14
And.
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