0:00

I know there is no perfect life,

0:02

and I know that there's going to be adversities

0:04

and challenges. And my intention

0:06

is how can I show up when challenges

0:09

arise in life, or in the

0:11

world, or in societies or my team,

0:13

and being poised and courageous

0:15

to take on the challenges? From

0:17

a state of peace and freedom, not

0:20

from a state of scared, not

0:22

enoughness, and needing to look good

0:24

because that causes me to be tight and

0:26

tense under those stressful situations. So

0:28

that's the goal is to keep refining who I am

0:30

internally and emotionally so that I can

0:32

execute externally.

0:36

So when you hear the term greatness, what

0:38

do you think about? For many

0:40

people, images of world class

0:43

athletes, innovators, performers, leaders

0:45

of industry or arts come to mind.

0:47

You know, the best of the best in any field.

0:50

Those who push harder than anyone

0:52

and everyone else and succeed on

0:54

a scale most can only dream of. But

0:56

what if that's not actually greatness

0:58

at all? What if greatness was

1:01

more about how you show up in your life? And lead

1:03

with service and humanity. That is

1:05

the argument that my old friend,

1:07

New York Times best selling author, host

1:09

of the School of Greatness podcast and founder

1:11

of greatness dot com, Lewis House

1:13

makes. Greatness according to Lewis.

1:16

It's about service to other people in

1:18

the pursuit of your dreams, making sure

1:20

that everyone wins around you while

1:22

you're winning and empowering people around

1:24

you while you grow and succeed as well.

1:26

So driven to fill an inner void, Lewis

1:28

spent much of diverse thirty

1:30

five years of his life on this relentless

1:33

quest to be the best in the world at

1:35

whatever he said yes to. And I've

1:37

known Lewis for something like fifteen

1:39

years now. So I have seen

1:41

that part of both his journey and his

1:44

struggle. He was so driven

1:46

to succeed and did in fact end

1:48

up performing at astonishing levels,

1:50

building a tremendous business, representing

1:53

the United States on the global stage

1:55

as an athlete and checking all those societally

1:58

ordained success boxes until

2:00

he realized he was being driven almost

2:02

entirely by his own sense of woundedness

2:05

and pain, and all the external

2:07

accomplishments weren't healing any

2:09

of it. In fact, it was making him

2:12

feel worse than he wanted to feel.

2:14

Which led him on quest to find out how

2:16

to not just pursue, but also really

2:18

reimagine and reclaim the very

2:20

notion of greatness. As something

2:22

profoundly more rooted in expression

2:25

and generosity and service. After

2:27

years of attempts to fill that void, he learned

2:29

about what he calls pursuing holistic

2:32

greatness, which is about service to others

2:34

and growing in a meaningful mission. And

2:36

he has been dedicated to understanding

2:38

and studying, living and embodying

2:41

it ever since. Lewis really

2:43

believes that success alone by

2:45

society standards, it won't bring

2:47

joy but we must also fulfill

2:49

a sense of inner peace, free ourselves

2:52

emotionally and mentally and have clarity

2:54

on what the direction is we want

2:56

for our life. Only then can

2:59

we live our highest version of ourselves and the

3:01

best version of ourselves? And many of these

3:03

ideas are detailed in his new book,

3:05

The greatness mindset. We dive

3:07

into key elements of his powerful

3:09

framework and revealing ways

3:12

to really pursue and reimagine greatness

3:14

in a deeply meaningful service oriented

3:16

way in today's conversation. I'm

3:18

so excited to share it with you. I'm Jonathan

3:21

Fields, and this is Good Life Project.

3:28

Lewis house, you and I go back a really

3:31

long time since both of us

3:33

were sort of like noobs in the world of social media

3:35

--

3:35

Yeah. -- online

3:36

media, all this other stuff. We

3:38

have both been through a lot of changes

3:40

and shit and evolution. I feel like in

3:42

the time that we've known each other, just what about it's

3:44

gonna be fifteen you're going on fifteen years now.

3:47

Close to it. Two thousand eight, I think. Yeah. It's like

3:49

we've lived multiple lifetimes. And it's

3:51

been just so much fun to see the evolution.

3:53

And for you in particular,

3:56

you have been studying this thing

3:58

called greatness as pretty

4:00

much a full time devotion for

4:03

over a decade now. Yes. And

4:06

we've talked about it on and off. I've seen you

4:08

evolve so much accomplished so

4:10

much. And why do I underline curiosity?

4:12

I don't think I've ever asked you, is

4:15

why do you actually care so much? Like,

4:17

why do you care about this particular topic

4:20

so much. Like, why has it, like,

4:22

burned such a place in your heart

4:24

and your soul that you've literally made it your primary

4:27

devotion for over a decade

4:28

now. Yeah. That word, the word

4:30

of greatness. Well, I think

4:32

I'll start with story where IE

4:34

was driven to succeed, to

4:36

fulfill a hole inside of me where didn't

4:39

feel like I was enough. And I thought success

4:41

in sports and then in business would

4:44

make me feel a sense

4:46

of wholeness, a sense of love,

4:48

a sense of acceptance, a sense of you

4:50

know, self acceptance and enoughness in

4:53

the world if I accomplish

4:55

success. So I was very driven to

4:57

accomplish that for many years. And

5:00

I would make it happen. I did it in sports,

5:02

I did it in business, but I didn't fill

5:04

the hole or the void of not enoughness,

5:07

of not feeling good enough or smart enough, or

5:09

loved enough or worthy enough. And

5:12

it was about ten years ago, a little over

5:14

ten years ago, ten and a half years ago, where I

5:16

was going through a transition. One of

5:18

many transitions that I continue to go through,

5:20

but I was going through a big eye opening transition

5:23

where I was just kind of like this idea of win

5:25

lose doesn't work. The idea

5:27

of me winning and succeeding in

5:29

order to prove something and needing there to

5:31

be a loser because I win

5:33

does not work. And I really didn't understand

5:35

the concept of win win until about ten years ago.

5:38

I was just like, win at all cost, do whatever

5:40

it takes, work harder than anyone, and

5:42

succeed. Right? And it didn't

5:45

feel good. I remember after I would

5:47

accomplish, I didn't feel fulfilled.

5:50

And so I was like, well, I need bigger goals. I need

5:52

bigger dreams. And go after

5:54

those things, and then I'll feel enough. And that still

5:57

didn't work. And so that was about ten

5:59

years ago when I realized thirty years of my life

6:01

was geared towards proving people

6:03

wrong, winning in all costs, competition.

6:06

I started to realize that success was selfish.

6:08

Success was about me accomplishing what

6:10

I wanted to look good to feel good,

6:12

to feel enough. And I started to

6:15

learn about this idea of greatness being

6:17

much different than success where greatness

6:19

is about service to other people in

6:21

the pursuit of your dreams. So

6:23

it's making sure that everyone else

6:25

wins around you while you're winning.

6:27

You empower people around you while you

6:30

grow and succeed. And

6:32

that became this kind of eye opening

6:34

thing where I was like, I don't wanna be successful. I

6:36

wanna be great. And great is not being perfect,

6:39

is not being the best, it's not being number one,

6:41

it's about pursuing and growing

6:43

and progressing towards meaningful

6:46

mission, something that inspires you every day

6:48

and making sure you're impacting the people around you.

6:50

And that's why I've been so

6:52

dedicated to understanding it, studying

6:55

it, living it, and botting it, messing

6:57

it up, overcoming it, all these different things.

7:00

And redefining it over the years

7:02

for the season of life that I'm in. And

7:04

I think we can all define success or

7:06

greatness based on the season we're in

7:08

when I met you, I was on my sister's couch.

7:11

Success and greatness looked like making

7:13

enough money to get off my sister's couch. That was

7:15

as far as I could really see at that time.

7:18

And then there was a new season once I accomplished

7:20

that. And I'm in a season

7:22

of service and impact and

7:25

and

7:25

growth. And that's just where I'm at right now.

7:27

But that is that's a difference between success and

7:29

greatness for me. So why does it matter

7:31

that much to you now that you've devoted so

7:33

much of your life to it? I think it matters

7:35

because most people are chasing success or they

7:38

want success. And that

7:40

alone will not bring them joy and

7:42

inner fulfillment and peace. And

7:44

I think a lot of it, what we want is

7:47

peace. We wanna feel like where there

7:49

is sense of peace and fulfillment and

7:51

love in our heart. And just chasing

7:53

those things and just having success as

7:56

a part of your identity, I don't think is

7:58

all of it. think it's part of it. But

8:00

you'll end up being resentful, angry,

8:02

or not feeling enough if that's all you

8:05

create. If you don't create a deep sense

8:07

of inner love and inner peace, with

8:10

going on the healing journey. So then we talk about

8:12

a lot. Being on the journey of healing, which means

8:15

really mending the memories of the past,

8:17

accepting ourselves for who we've become,

8:20

what we've done in the past, what we haven't done, the

8:22

things that have happened to us, the things we've

8:24

done to others, the hurtful words

8:26

we've used towards ourselves and others

8:29

in coming to place of acceptance and mending

8:31

those memories of the past. I think getting

8:33

to the baseline of peace. By

8:36

first acknowledging and accepting the past

8:38

and taking responsibility, will

8:40

allow us to start saying, well, what is it that I truly

8:42

want? If If the goal is to figure

8:45

out why I'm here, what is

8:47

the point of all this in this three-dimensional world?

8:49

Why am I existing? And

8:51

if that's really what a lot of us

8:53

are trying to figure out is why me? Why

8:55

do I have this experience? Why this unique

8:58

upbringing, why these parents, why these

9:00

siblings, why I grew up in this area.

9:03

If that is part of our journey to discover

9:05

why we're here, I think we need

9:07

to know where we're going as well. And

9:09

if we're living in the fears and

9:11

the pains and the blocks from

9:13

the past, which is what I did for most of

9:15

my life, and I've had to continue

9:17

let go of and evolve year after year,

9:20

then I just think there's more suffering

9:22

to be had than peace to be had.

9:25

There's just more of it. I'm not saying that

9:27

we're not gonna face adversity and challenges,

9:29

but if we can minimize suffering, reclaim

9:32

our energy, so we can move forward

9:34

and take action in more peaceful

9:36

positive way. I feel like we can get more

9:38

done. We can be more

9:41

loving to the people in our lives, which is

9:43

what this is all about as being more present and

9:45

loving to our friends and our family and our communities.

9:48

And we can have more energy to be of service

9:50

to what our mission is for this season.

9:53

And I think there's a lot of people

9:55

suffering, a lot of people going through pain,

9:57

and a lot of people who are insecure and

9:59

living in doubt. And I believe

10:02

self doubt is the killer of

10:04

all dreams. It's the killer of greatness.

10:07

And when we doubt ourselves, we

10:09

limit our abilities to take action. We're

10:11

afraid to act on what we want. We're

10:13

afraid to take a step forward. Or afraid

10:16

to write the book or launch the podcast or

10:18

ask the girl out or have the

10:20

uncomfortable conversation with our father

10:22

or a mother that we've been neglecting for

10:24

many years we abandon our

10:26

needs because we

10:28

doubt ourselves. And we doubt

10:31

a lot of these fears that hold us back.

10:33

And so for me, I don't want people to live in

10:35

insecurity anymore. I don't want people to live in doubt

10:37

anymore because I know that's the thing that will hold them

10:39

back. It's what helped me back for a long

10:41

time. It's what caused a lot of inner pain for me.

10:44

And I want to rid the world

10:46

of self doubt. When we can

10:49

learn the tools and master

10:51

those tools I believe we can

10:53

create a beautiful life for

10:55

each other. And I believe we'll have a lot more

10:57

patience and peace when people

10:59

are triggering us around the world

11:01

or in our communities or in our families, we'll

11:04

have more understanding, more compassion. And

11:06

that's why I'm committed

11:08

to

11:09

understanding, mastering, and

11:11

then sharing greatness with others. Yeah.

11:13

So it's interesting. Had I asked you the

11:16

same question when we first met? You would have answered it

11:18

in a radically different way. Uh-huh. Yeah. And I think

11:20

I probably did, like, some variation. I remember,

11:22

like, it's really what you were focused on.

11:25

What occurs to me is that it's sort of the

11:27

way that you're framing greatness now.

11:29

You're kind of hiding the broccoli a little bit. It's

11:32

almost like a reclamation of this word. Most

11:34

people associate it with peak performance, like

11:36

massive accomplishment, sort of like the

11:38

best of the best in the world. And

11:40

that I would say is a popular idea of what

11:42

greatness is. And what you're saying

11:44

is, no. Like, what if we reimagine this

11:46

as you getting

11:48

crystal clear on who you

11:50

are, what matters to you, the values that you bring

11:52

to the world, and closing

11:54

the gap between who that is and what is

11:56

fully breast as you move through each day

11:59

and like --

11:59

Mhmm. -- that gap closing is sort

12:01

of like the moving towards

12:03

greatness. Does that make

12:05

sense? A hundred percent, man. Yeah. And

12:07

again, creating inner

12:09

peace, feeling free,

12:11

emotionally, and mentally, and having

12:13

clarity on what direction

12:16

you wanna head in. I feel like is

12:18

half the battle. And a lot of people

12:20

don't feel free mentally and emotionally.

12:22

They're triggered by outside events

12:25

or environments that cause them to react

12:28

emotionally. So that means there's still

12:30

a wound that they haven't learned how to

12:32

heal or mend or create new

12:34

meaning behind or they

12:36

lack a tool to help them navigate

12:39

stressful situations of life that cause

12:41

them to guard themselves. And again,

12:44

obviously, we wanna protect ourselves and be discerning

12:46

in situations, but when it's always

12:48

triggering, when everything is a trigger because

12:51

of a wound that holds us back. And

12:53

I think, you know, I can train with

12:55

the best them in the gym. I can work out as long

12:57

as I need to. I can do all these things to get

12:59

results. But if I still can't

13:02

sleep peacefully at the end of the day, if

13:04

I still get emotionally triggered in intimacy

13:06

or with my family or friends, that

13:09

just means there's something I get to take a look

13:11

at. It doesn't mean I'm bad or wrong or anything

13:13

like that. Means, okay, there's something that's holding

13:15

me back from truly living

13:18

my highest version myself and

13:20

being the best version of me. As often

13:22

as I can. This is not about being perfect, but

13:24

just being aware of it.

13:26

And so the goal is to

13:29

give people those tools. And I've had

13:31

to learn the hard way many times, you've seen me make

13:33

lots of mistakes in fifteen years. And I've

13:35

had to learn the hard way about, okay, I

13:37

tried other things, they didn't work out, and they caused

13:39

me a lot more pain and suffering internally. And

13:42

so the game for me is

13:44

staying in a state of inner peace feeling

13:47

emotionally and mentally free

13:50

and being clear. And that

13:52

may not always happen all the time.

13:55

But if I can get there more frequently and

13:57

consistently, I believe I'm

13:59

going to give my best work,

14:02

best efforts and best self

14:04

to whatever I do. Again, if I'm launching

14:07

a business or writing a book or doing

14:09

a podcast or any

14:11

activity about playing a sport, I'm

14:13

gonna give more fully with

14:15

energy, with peace, with clarity as opposed

14:17

to anger, fear, or frustration. And

14:20

I think that's the goal. If we wanna get to

14:22

peak performance, we've got to

14:24

step into flow more. And to get

14:26

into flow, you've gotta free yourself. You

14:28

gotta free yourself mentally, physically, emotionally,

14:31

and spiritually in order to be present

14:34

and not live in the insecurities or

14:36

fears. Whenever we doubt ourselves, we

14:39

tighten up and we can't get into

14:41

flow. So we must learn to to bridge

14:43

that gap as frequently as

14:45

possible. From insecurity and self

14:47

doubt into flow, if we want peak

14:49

performance, if we want great relationship connection,

14:51

all these things. And again, when

14:53

we can get to the root of understanding the

14:56

three fears that cause us to doubt ourselves

14:59

the most, that's when we can start

15:01

to say, oh, at least now I'm aware of

15:02

this. Now what are the steps I can do to

15:04

help me overcome it? And getting the flow

15:06

more frequently. And I want to dive into

15:09

those three fears a bit. But before we get there,

15:11

I feel like we need to actually close the loop on what

15:13

you've been talking about because This

15:16

is recently talking somebody who's wildly

15:18

accomplished, you know, twenty years in their

15:20

field and just, like, over the last five, they've become,

15:22

you know, like, super well known as an artist,

15:24

commercial artist, doing amazing

15:27

things. And for the

15:29

first three quarters of this person's career,

15:32

their main motivation to become so

15:34

good at what they were doing was

15:36

to prove, like, the boys from middle

15:38

school in high school or wrong. And I

15:40

think this is what you're talking about when you're talking

15:42

about so many of us to vote so

15:45

much of our waking hours, so much of our effort, so much

15:47

of our attempts to be the best of the best or,

15:49

like, to be known or to make a ton of money,

15:52

because we're trying to prove someone wrong or we're

15:54

trying to heal a wound.

15:56

And then we get there. Mhmm. We

15:58

don't feel the way we thought we would feel, and

16:00

then what? Then what? Then you go

16:02

for something bigger, you transition into the next

16:04

bigger, better thing, and it's never enough.

16:06

And I live that from sports accomplishments to

16:09

business accomplishments, and it never felt

16:11

enough. And that's really at the end of

16:13

the day is, like, this enoughness. You know,

16:15

I don't feel enough is one of the main drivers

16:17

that causes us to doubt and have these fears

16:20

the root of that is I'm not enough. I'm not smart enough,

16:22

talented enough, good looking enough, you know, whatever,

16:25

hardworking enough. And therefore,

16:27

I don't deserve the peace, the love,

16:29

the freedom that I want. I don't deserve

16:31

the connection that I want, the intimacy

16:33

that I want, where I'm not able to create it.

16:36

And I think for many most

16:38

of my life, I was the guy similar

16:41

where I was trying to prove people wrong. I was

16:43

looking to prove all the critics wrong

16:45

as opposed to prove my creator

16:47

right of why I'm here.

16:50

What's the reason I'm here and

16:52

that's the mystery of life. We don't always know

16:54

what the reason is. But for that season

16:56

of life as opposed to proving everyone

16:58

wrong by doing something in spite of,

17:00

doing it to prove my creator right.

17:03

You know, and the reason why I'm here

17:05

in this three-dimensional world. And

17:08

that's part of greatness is discover using

17:10

your you're discovering your unique talents and gifts

17:13

to pursue a dream where you can impact

17:15

others around you and inspire and

17:17

empower others around you. And

17:19

you may be in a season where you don't know what

17:21

it is you're supposed to do. And that's part

17:23

of it also. You know, there's Tom

17:25

Brady just retired. He may not know what he's gonna

17:27

do next. My his identity has been twenty

17:29

something years of being the guy in football.

17:32

And, yes, he's gonna have opportunities, but

17:34

his identity is still tied to that potentially.

17:37

And it might take a year or

17:39

two to transition and find the next identity

17:42

in the next flow. But that's what it's

17:44

about. It's bridging that gap and getting the

17:46

flow more frequently in whatever activities

17:48

that we're doing. Where's

17:52

the strangest place you've lost your car keys?

17:54

Inside the refrigerator, the washer or dryer,

17:57

the trunk of your car? The kitty litter

17:59

box? Well, good news. Because

18:01

even if you've lost your keys on the moon,

18:03

you can still unlock your car and get where you're

18:05

going with available digital key in a twenty twenty

18:07

three all new Kia niro e v, farther

18:10

for all. To learn more visit kia

18:12

dot com slash niro e v today, Kia

18:15

movement that inspires. Good

18:19

luck project is supported by Peloton. So

18:22

if there's one thing I've learned about fitness

18:24

over the years, it's that it's definitely

18:26

a lifelong journey, not just a kind

18:29

of one and done thing. And the way I like to work

18:31

out will change how frequently and

18:33

all these factors that's just gonna shift

18:35

over time. So I am so grateful

18:37

that Peloton kind of joins that shift

18:39

with me. I can adjust my workouts to

18:41

wherever I'm at on my journey and whatever

18:44

my mind and body need on any given day.

18:46

I have been a fan of Peloton for years

18:48

now first on the bikes, which are beautifully

18:51

built and easy to work with, and I love

18:53

how Peloton offers a massive

18:55

range of classes with some of the world's

18:57

best instructors. Then one of the best parts is

18:59

that you can also work out whenever it

19:01

works for you with Peloton's on

19:03

demand classes available twenty four

19:05

seven. So if you had a really long day and

19:07

you're getting home really late and you just want nourishing

19:10

wind down experience, just pick exactly

19:13

what you need to immerse yourself in,

19:15

in your own home whenever it works

19:17

best for you. So whether you're new to exercise

19:20

or your more experience, Peloton

19:22

offers classes for all fitness levels

19:24

and not just cycling either. And

19:26

right now, you can try Peloton risk

19:29

free with a thirty day home trial.

19:31

New members only not available in remote

19:33

locations see additional terms

19:35

at one peloton dot com

19:37

slash home dash trial or

19:39

just click the link in the show notes now.

19:44

Hey there. If you enjoy the Good Life project

19:46

podcast, did you know we also produce

19:48

a companion podcast called Spark,

19:50

and it's all about finding and doing work that

19:52

makes come alive. It's packed with insights

19:54

from our super smart, sparked brain trust,

19:57

and we often respond to listener questions

19:59

too. It's all about work and life, meaning

20:01

and purpose, and how to do that thing called your

20:03

job or career right. Some recent questions

20:05

we've explored on the Spark podcast include

20:07

whether or when you should quit or stay the course,

20:10

whether it's possible to actually earn a great

20:12

living and do something that truly

20:14

excites and energizes you, how to navigate

20:16

overwhelm, burnout and blurred boundaries,

20:18

we talk about the truth about multi passionate

20:20

people and portfolio careers, and so many

20:22

other critical issues and questions. That

20:24

we are all dealing with in our careers

20:27

these days. If you want more from your work

20:29

and life and who doesn't these days, you've got

20:31

to go check out the Spark podcast. Just

20:33

look for Spark with Jonathan Fields.

20:35

That would be me on your favorite podcast

20:38

app today.

20:42

Part of what I hear you saying also is

20:45

thinking about greatness as

20:49

not compartmentalizing one

20:51

part of your life and saying, I'm

20:53

going to achieve the most of the most and the

20:55

most here and everything

20:57

else can crumble. You know,

21:00

so I think a lot of people say, like, this person

21:02

is the best violin player in the world, the best athlete

21:04

in the world, the best writer in the world, the best you

21:06

know, like, actor in the world. You won an Oscar.

21:09

And yet every other part of your life isn't shambles.

21:11

It sounds like what you're also saying is you're

21:13

taking more holistic approach to the way you're doing

21:15

term and saying

21:16

like, it's all gotta come along for the ride.

21:18

You gotta create wholeness in every area,

21:20

I think. And the people I

21:22

respect the most are the ones

21:25

who are able to pursue

21:27

their life in accordance to what

21:29

they believe is great for them, whatever activity

21:32

or skill or craft they're going after

21:34

and doing the best they can, but

21:36

also staying very healthy, physically,

21:39

mentally, emotionally, and having beautiful intimate

21:41

relation For me, that is someone

21:44

I respect and look up to and appreciate

21:47

because they've got a handle of creating a

21:49

wholeness to all these areas of their life. As

21:51

opposed to being excellent

21:54

or skilled in one area, but being

21:57

far behind in other areas. The

21:59

other thing that really resonates with me about the way

22:01

that you're reimagining this phrase is

22:03

that we all go through moments

22:05

or sometimes entire seasons of life where things

22:07

are just hard. No circumstances,

22:10

some with our control, but some that we literally

22:12

cannot control that are bringing

22:15

just suffering. To us or bring hardship

22:17

to us or bring struggle to us. And

22:20

while we're moving through those, I think by

22:22

the traditional definition of the greatness, have

22:24

you told somebody to aspire to grateness, when

22:26

all they're trying to do is not cry

22:29

through every day survive. It's almost

22:31

like you're then saying to them, you're learning

22:33

shame on top of when whatever they're suffering

22:35

is by saying, like, well, if you, you know, you

22:37

should be able to pursue greatness. Yeah.

22:39

When you reimagine greatness, the way that you're

22:41

saying it, what you're saying is, eventually, that

22:43

person can still aspire every day

22:46

to just get through the day, like,

22:48

to to breathe as easily as they can, to

22:50

reconnect with cells as much as they can,

22:53

and they opt into the way that you're actually

22:55

casting like the shadow of gray still in

22:57

those moments.

22:59

Yeah, it's not about excellence in some pursuit

23:01

of a goal. It's about way of being

23:04

and a consistent way of being. You

23:06

know, it's not about, oh, he was creating

23:08

some sport for a playoffs,

23:11

but then he's horrible in other areas. And I think

23:13

it's truly about a way of being. Of

23:16

being peace, being

23:18

clear, and being free internally.

23:21

Because then we can make better decisions on a

23:23

day to day life and we can have the energy

23:25

to pursue what are the great endeavors,

23:28

academically, financially,

23:30

career wise, things like that out in the

23:32

world. To then be a member

23:35

of society. But if we are unable

23:37

to create peace, freedom, and clarity on the

23:39

inside, we're gonna be

23:41

taking actions for the wrong reasons.

23:43

We're gonna be doing things for the wrong reasons.

23:46

I saw I can't remember

23:48

who this was, but I saw, like, a clip from an

23:50

interview of a guy in his late seventies or

23:52

early eighties with some like,

23:54

you know, probably billionaire or close

23:56

to a billion dollar business or something like that.

23:58

And someone asked him like his definition of

24:00

success. And he said, winning

24:03

at the right things, like making sure

24:05

you're doing the things you're supposed to do and being

24:07

successful at those things because the

24:09

worst thing is to win at the wrong things.

24:12

You know, you're pursuing something you don't really care

24:14

about, but it's good money, but it's not what you're

24:16

meant to do. And it's successful. He

24:18

goes, that's wasted effort. Winning

24:20

at the right things we are meant to do. And also,

24:23

he was, like, winning looks like your kids

24:25

didn't wanna hang out with you, like in your 60s,

24:27

70s, and 80s when you're old. They wanna

24:29

spend time with you. He was like, that's success.

24:32

And it's interesting because he seems

24:34

based on that clip I saw, he seemed

24:36

very peaceful and he felt loved.

24:39

And I think that makes a lot of

24:41

sense. If the people that you

24:43

raise still wanna hang out with you

24:45

after they're gone in terms of, like, they could

24:47

go out and leave the house and they wanna come back and

24:49

hang out with you. That means you did

24:52

something where you were present,

24:54

you were connected, you cultivated love,

24:56

you cultivated a safe space in an environment.

24:59

You talk good lessons. You talk good values

25:01

and morals. And they wanna come back

25:03

and be around you. They're not afraid of you. They don't wanna

25:05

get away from you. They wanna be around you. I feel like that's

25:08

you're showing up as a great human

25:10

being. And for me, that's beautiful. Yeah.

25:13

I love this cake. You mentioned the

25:15

three fears. Let's walk through those

25:17

a little bit because I think the Heat

25:19

Survey, they play into why some

25:21

of us don't show up in the way that you're describing

25:24

in slightly different

25:25

ways. And I think you were one of the first

25:27

people I talked about this too in terms

25:29

of the fears. think we're at Soha's in New York.

25:31

It might have been, like, 678 years ago.

25:33

Because I've been studying this and asking all

25:35

these billionaires and world class

25:38

athletes and New York Times bestselling authors

25:40

and neuroscientists and therapists about

25:42

overcoming doubt for essentially a decade

25:45

now because I knew I wanted

25:47

to find the answer to this.

25:49

Of why I doubted myself so much, why

25:51

I was so insecure most of my life,

25:54

the things that gave me negative

25:56

fuel to take action and drive me forward

25:58

but left me feeling unfulfilled and

26:00

how I could find more sustainable energy

26:03

consistently from a place of peace,

26:06

freedom. And clarity. As

26:08

I was kind of workshopping this with a lot of different

26:10

people early on, ten years ago,

26:12

eight years ago, seven years ago, I

26:15

remember I was like, man, there's there's really only

26:17

a few key fears as I was asking all

26:19

these people questions about what holds them back.

26:21

The fear of failure And when I

26:23

speak in front of a room of,

26:25

I don't know, hundreds of people, I ask people

26:27

raise your hand if you've ever been afraid of failure.

26:30

And that's typically the number one

26:32

fear. People are afraid to fail and

26:34

it causes them to not act. So

26:36

tons of people that have had an idea for book

26:39

for ten years and they keep holding

26:41

back because they're afraid of failure or they

26:43

wanna launch some project or a side house or

26:45

whatever might be, but they're afraid of failure

26:47

and it holds them back. That's number one.

26:50

I learned through sports that that's

26:52

the only way you get to success is

26:54

you must fail every day

26:56

to improve. That's part of the process. So

26:59

I interpreted it differently. I

27:01

didn't like it, but I was willing to do it because

27:03

it would get me too success. It was feedback

27:05

and information. So that wasn't

27:07

my main fear. Success

27:09

is the second fear for a lot

27:11

of people. If you ask the same amount of people who here

27:13

is afraid of success, almost

27:16

the same amount of people raised their hand. And this was

27:18

always a shocker to me because I was like, you're

27:20

at an event to learn about how to succeed, but

27:22

you're afraid of it. Why would success come

27:24

to you? If you're rejecting it,

27:26

if you're afraid of it, if you're pushing it away,

27:29

if you're not stepping into and embracing

27:31

it, why would it come to you? Things don't come

27:33

to you if you're resisting it. And

27:35

so you might sabotage it or you might have

27:37

opportunities, and then you just don't take action

27:39

on it because of this fear of success. I

27:41

didn't understand it ten years ago because

27:43

that's all I cared about getting. But

27:46

as I started to study it, I realized that

27:48

there is a weight to

27:50

gold. There's a responsibility to

27:52

success and there's an amazing documentary called

27:54

The Weight of Gold, which is about

27:57

Olympic Gold Medalist who

27:59

within six months or a year after they win

28:01

the gold, they pursue this thing their whole life,

28:04

either go and overdose or commit

28:06

suicide. There's a bunch of Olympians who

28:08

have done this after they won the medal

28:11

within a year or two from this.

28:13

And when they studied it, it's like this

28:15

pressure, this weight. We've never

28:17

been taught about how to handle more

28:19

and more and more responsibility. More

28:22

press, more fame, more money,

28:24

more people thinking you're this

28:27

godlike person because you have more

28:29

success. And and the weight and

28:31

responsibility hasn't been

28:33

taught in schools necessarily and

28:35

hasn't been taught on how to effectively step

28:38

into. So I started to understand

28:40

that more and more of the pressure. And as

28:42

I started to make more money, get

28:45

more well known, build a platform, I

28:47

started to see more and more people

28:49

reach out from the past, out of nowhere,

28:52

asking for help, asking for money. Can you

28:54

promote me? Can you do this? Oh, Lewis, you're my

28:56

best friend. And I'm like, you haven't spoken to

28:58

me in five, ten, twenty years? What are you talking

29:00

about? And so you start to question,

29:02

like, are people really caring about

29:04

me? Or is it because I've success now they want

29:07

to be in my life. So I started to

29:09

understand there is a pressure and there

29:11

is a concern. And also,

29:13

the fear of leaving the community,

29:15

the tribe, your circle, your friends,

29:17

your family. When we go on the

29:19

call to adventure, and go on our

29:21

hero's journey when we see something we're we're supposed

29:24

to go after. There's a lot of times

29:26

people that try to pull us back and stay

29:28

safe in the community, from school, friends,

29:30

family, not all the time, but that happens to a

29:32

lot of people. It's the crabs in the bucket,

29:35

you know, story. When a crab tries to get out of the

29:37

bucket, the other crabs try to pull them back down.

29:40

And stay down at the bottom. And so

29:42

there is just a number of obstacles to

29:45

getting to success and then the weight

29:47

when you're there Lot of people sabotage

29:50

and they go back down because there's a pressure.

29:52

So understand a lot more, fear

29:54

number two, and why a lot of people are

29:56

afraid of success. Those weren't

29:59

the things that necessarily helped me back. Mine

30:01

was the third fear, which is

30:03

the fear of judgment. And this

30:05

fear crippled me for many years.

30:08

Really up until the last couple years

30:10

where I had to learn how to keep moving

30:12

beyond it, keep healing, mending it,

30:14

going beyond it, having the courage to go beyond

30:16

it consistently. In different areas

30:18

of my life. Whereas ten years ago,

30:21

I thought I got a handle on it in one way

30:23

and then two to four more years went by and

30:25

I go, oh, man, I'm still really insecure. And

30:27

still afraid of what people think as I

30:29

became more successful, more criticism. I

30:31

don't like criticism. Let me defend myself.

30:34

Okay. I'm still afraid of judge and I'm still afraid

30:36

of this insecurity. And I realized

30:39

that I had to master and

30:41

I'm still in a process of mastering how

30:43

to overcome that fear of judgment in

30:46

every area, in intimacy, in

30:48

love, friends, family, career,

30:50

business, press, all these things.

30:52

And it's a process It's an ongoing

30:54

journey of healing and recovery

30:57

and acceptance. And

30:59

at the core of the fear of failure, fear

31:01

of success, the fear of judgment. Of

31:04

the center is I'm not enough. This

31:06

is the route that holds a lot

31:08

of us back based on what these fears,

31:11

the meaning of them are us I'm

31:13

not enough. I'm not smart enough talented enough, good

31:15

enough, whatever it might be. And

31:18

when we can just go back and

31:20

mend those memories of where we've

31:23

realized we're not enough. The

31:25

belief that we're not enough in whatever category

31:27

of life that's caused us to believe that and

31:29

we can create new meaning, new

31:32

stories about how those things have

31:34

actually helped us in other ways. Or

31:37

maybe we were ashamed of that, but we

31:39

can start to forgive ourselves, create

31:41

new meaning, and move forward, and accept it.

31:44

That's when we can have the courage to act

31:46

and move forward beyond these fears.

31:49

And I think again, self doubt is the

31:51

killer of dreams. And if we allow these fears

31:53

and hold us back, Now and don't

31:55

address it, they will continue to hold us back

31:57

in different seasons of life. And so that's

32:00

what I wanted to give people is a clear roadmap

32:02

of identifying which fear that is for you

32:05

and how to take action to overcome

32:07

it. I mean, it's it's interesting. Fear

32:10

of failure, fear of success, fear of

32:12

judgment. I almost see them as,

32:14

you know, like, their overlapping circles. Yes.

32:16

They each play into each other. So, like, why are we

32:18

actually afraid to

32:19

fail? A lot of the reason we're afraid to fail is

32:21

because we're afraid of what how people are gonna

32:23

judge us if

32:24

we do fail. If if they're,

32:26

like, oh, you do that, you know, you're going out to do

32:28

this thing. Risky, and it's uncertain, and it's high

32:30

stakes. And then they're like, why would you

32:32

ever do that? Why would you put yourself at risk? Your family

32:34

at risk? Your business at risk? Your health at risk?

32:37

And then you go and do it.

32:39

And you fail, you may even

32:41

feel like, oh, I can recover from, like, whatever

32:43

the last loss of money was. But

32:46

I'm terrified of being sort like, outcast

32:48

or judged by those people who

32:51

already told me that, like, this is a terrible

32:53

decision because now they're right. There's

32:55

something else I wanna ask you about here.

32:57

And it's around the fear of judgment. And

33:00

that is how do you

33:02

tease out the emotion

33:05

of judgment or the emotional hit

33:08

of judgment with the

33:10

wisdom that might be contained within

33:13

the words that somebody is offering. And

33:15

a very specific circumstance

33:18

comes to mind between you and me from

33:20

years back. Tell me. So

33:22

this is the I I don't even remember how long

33:24

ago this was. You, me, and, like, a handful

33:26

of friends, I think, five or six of us were

33:28

in New York City. We're in this sort

33:30

of like three day intensive speaker

33:33

training thing. And at some

33:35

point, we each have to get up and it was like,

33:37

okay. So give us your best five minutes. Right.

33:40

And we're also, like, we prepared the night before,

33:42

and and we get we go around. And

33:44

you get up, and you're, like, you give us your best five

33:46

minutes. And as people are going

33:48

around giving you feedback, a

33:50

lot of people were saying good things. And

33:53

you and I got into a little bit of a thing because

33:56

you kept saying to everyone, don't

33:58

tell me what I did right. Tell

34:00

me what I did wrong. That's all I

34:02

care about because it's the only thing I want to focus

34:04

on because that's how I'm gonna improve.

34:07

For some reason, that moment has stayed with

34:09

me. The question is, you

34:11

are seeking you weren't a small, and

34:13

I'm guessing, like, part of what was happening was we

34:16

all knew each other. You weren't a safe container.

34:18

Mhmm. Like, you weren't really carrying up about

34:20

us. Like, you kinda knew whenever it's gonna come out

34:22

of our mouths weren't because we're trying to

34:24

take you down or criticize. So

34:26

you were just, like, just bypass the niceties,

34:28

man. Just go there because there's

34:30

information in what

34:33

might be perceived as judgment that I wanna

34:35

know to to get better at this thing that

34:37

I wanna be good at.

34:38

Well, I practice this a number of times.

34:40

One, I practice this in two thousand

34:43

eight. Almost the entire year of

34:45

two thousand eight. I went to toastmasters

34:47

and almost every week I would give five

34:50

minute speech. And they would

34:52

give you feedback. And

34:55

they had a format of, like, telling

34:57

you what works and then what doesn't work.

34:59

Right? It's like, well, here's what really worked from your

35:01

speech. I really loved your presence the way you connected

35:03

or your paused or your tonality, all

35:05

these things. And here's what you can improve

35:08

on. Right? They had kind of this approach. But

35:10

ten years ago, when I started diving

35:13

into the healing journey, I went to pretty

35:15

intense emotional intelligence workshop

35:17

that for the first few days was all about feedback

35:20

of your way of being. It was just like

35:22

direct feedback. It wasn't, here's what

35:24

you do well here's what you do right and how

35:26

amazing you are. We got to that later.

35:29

But it was about every part of your essence

35:31

you're being, the way you looked, the way you

35:33

connect with people, the way you communicate. If

35:36

someone feels like you're guarded, emotionally,

35:38

mentally, physically, it was just direct

35:40

feedback. Here's how you showed to me. You showed to me

35:42

as. And

35:44

This is everyone else's interpretation, and

35:47

you can't defend yourself

35:49

on how someone is interpreting you. They

35:52

are interpreting you based on their stories, their

35:54

their life lessons, what they've experienced

35:57

someone that looks like you, that talks

35:59

like you, whatever might be, that's their interpretation.

36:02

And trying to defend

36:04

yourself doesn't do any

36:06

good in those situations. And so

36:08

I'm just looking for ways what's useful

36:11

what is useful feedback that

36:13

it's it may not all be useful. Like, people

36:15

can give me feedback and I can say, okay, that doesn't

36:17

support me. That's not useful. But what

36:19

is the feedback that's gonna help me

36:21

make a greater impact? That's gonna help me

36:23

be more effective in my communication as

36:25

a speaker. Or in whatever scenario I'm

36:27

looking for feedback as an athlete or as a

36:30

a boyfriend or, you know, a family member,

36:33

like give me feedback on how I can better

36:35

serve you. And

36:37

the more I can think about being of service

36:39

to others or each others individually and

36:41

meeting people where they're at, the

36:44

more can just Think about that the

36:46

next time I'm communicating. And it doesn't

36:48

mean I'm always gonna get it right or I'm gonna always

36:50

be perfect for each person. But it's

36:52

just seeing are there common themes from,

36:54

like, if if ten people where they are giving me

36:56

feedback, did they all say the same thing? Or

36:58

was one person kinda out there and everyone

37:00

else didn't agree with them? Okay, but maybe that

37:03

feedback isn't relevant. But if everyone's saying

37:05

the same thing, I should probably take notice and

37:07

realize I'm not as impactful or effective

37:10

in this way of being. How can I improve

37:12

that? What can I shift or adjust in

37:15

order to be more effective? And that's

37:17

what I look at. You know, I

37:19

can receive all the beautiful feedback.

37:22

But when I'm trying to improve in

37:24

a specific setting that I want the stuff that's

37:26

gonna make me

37:27

better. Yeah. I mean, that makes a lot of

37:29

sense. Also, I think there's this human

37:32

thing that we do where sometimes

37:35

the people who we know and trust and

37:37

have a safe relationship with. When they give us

37:39

feedback, we're we're more open to it. And there's this

37:41

odd quirk. If a total

37:43

stranger who has no relevance

37:46

to our life. Who, like, we don't know in

37:48

any way, shape or form personally, actually

37:50

then, like, says almost the exact same

37:52

thing. It rattles us.

37:54

Yeah. I know. And that's why I think it's I

37:57

think a lot of us, including

37:59

myself, I resisted feedback for most

38:01

of my life. And when I started

38:03

to practice it and said, give me more.

38:05

Tell me more. What else can I do?

38:07

And now take it personally. Was one of the hardest

38:10

things I had to learn how to do, which is like killing

38:12

the ego of needing to look right and be

38:14

right and all these different things as opposed

38:16

to. It's not about right and wrong. It's about what is

38:18

most effective? What is most useful?

38:21

And can I be more useful

38:23

in my way of being? In my effectiveness

38:26

on how I show up in my life?

38:28

One to one, one to many, and my speaking,

38:31

and my writing, it's about what is

38:33

most useful and not taking it

38:35

personal. It's challenging though because sometimes you're like,

38:37

well, this is an attack on my who I am, on my

38:39

character, on my identity, and they don't

38:41

like what I do, on my work. And

38:43

when we can remove our ego from that

38:45

conversation and just say, well, okay,

38:47

this did not work for this individual, but it doesn't

38:49

mean it's not gonna work for others. So

38:51

don't take it personally, but just keep growing

38:53

and improving the way you know how to. That's where I look

38:55

at it. And when I have a clear meaningful

38:58

mission, which for me is to serve an impact

39:00

a hundred meg lives weekly, to help them improve

39:02

the quality of their life. So when I'm

39:04

clear on the direction I'm

39:06

heading, then I get to ask myself,

39:09

well, what is working that's

39:11

serving me and getting there faster? And

39:13

what is not as effective. And

39:16

when I just eliminate this, it's not

39:18

about me or myself worth

39:20

or my identity, but it's just something that I

39:22

haven't mastered yet to

39:24

get me closer to the mission, then

39:27

I can not take it as personally.

39:29

Again, I'm human being, so some things are gonna

39:31

hurt once people say stuff, but it's practicing

39:34

that art, releasing the ego, focusing on

39:36

the mission, and service and growth.

39:38

And I think that's been a beautiful thing. And it's not

39:41

like, you know, the people closest to

39:43

me aren't saying nasty feedback to

39:45

me every day. They're saying nice things. So

39:47

I get a lot of the good of how I'm showing

39:49

up consistently. But if I wanna

39:51

serve my mission faster, I'm

39:53

gonna learn other skills and strategies to

39:56

get there. And that requires feedback,

39:58

constant feedback. I did this last week. It's funny

40:00

you're talking about this because on Friday, a

40:03

part of my team was at a a

40:05

workshop the same workshop I did ten years ago,

40:07

so my team went to it. And there's a couple

40:09

days of extreme feedback that give it

40:11

to you in lots of different ways. It's part of the

40:14

the training to help you essentially

40:16

drop down your walls and be open

40:18

to how you're showing up. Right?

40:21

Your energy, your way of being, is

40:23

it effective and to not take it personally?

40:25

And so me and a couple of guys in the team

40:28

who'd already done this years ago, we

40:30

talked to each other for like thirty minutes and we did

40:32

the same exercise. Hey, how am I showing up as

40:35

a leader? Give me tough feedback.

40:37

Like, don't tell me all the good things I'm doing, like,

40:39

just what can I do to be more effective as

40:42

a leader? And three of us guys

40:44

did that and it's powerful. It's

40:46

just like it's a good reminder to say, hey, you've been

40:48

kinda showing up this way and it's been ineffective.

40:50

You know, I think you need to soften up here

40:52

or or tighten up here whatever it might be. And

40:55

I just think if we don't sharpen our

40:57

tools and feedback being one

40:59

of them, then we're just gonna stay more stagnant.

41:02

Yeah. Because there is information. Like,

41:04

there is if part of the reason that we're here

41:06

is to grow no matter what you're, you know, like,

41:08

specific ass aspiration is, like a human

41:10

being is part of what makes us flourish is is

41:12

growth, the process of growth. This

41:14

is something you talk about all the time and you write about.

41:17

It's almost impossible for us to gather

41:19

all of the insight that we need -- Yeah. -- to grow

41:22

internally. You know, we can get lot and

41:24

we can tune into our intuition, we can run our experiments.

41:26

But to have the input from others

41:29

whose opinions we trust and

41:31

come from an informed place. It's just

41:33

super helpful in the process. But like you said,

41:36

you have to have the

41:38

skills of mind to be able

41:40

to actually receive that

41:43

and not immediately put up a shield or

41:45

meltdown. And this is why like, this is part of

41:47

what you're right about, like, your fear conversion toolkit.

41:49

Right? Like, basically, you're like, here's a set of

41:51

skills. And questions and exercises,

41:53

they're gonna help you because you

41:56

do want. You want the wisdom

41:58

from these

41:59

things. But you also need to

42:01

be able to breathe through the process

42:03

of receiving and integrating it. hundred percent.

42:05

And, you know, one of the things is we did

42:07

We had mastermind recently with a bunch of

42:09

people in their industry, went around

42:12

and shared a bunch of stuff in the mastermind.

42:14

Right? Each one of us went around and

42:16

talked about what we're grateful for, what we're excited

42:18

about, what we're working on, and what we need support with.

42:20

And I remember thinking,

42:22

okay, I felt so peaceful and clear about

42:24

all these things. And I got up and

42:26

I stood and I shared, you know, here's what I'm

42:29

excited about, what I'm grateful for, what's

42:31

working for me, what I'm working on, and and what I

42:33

need to support with. And I was looking

42:35

for feedback. I was honestly like, I hope

42:37

people can give me some feedback in terms

42:39

of what's not working for me.

42:41

And all I heard was more like the positive stuff.

42:44

Like, hey, you're doing the right things. Keep going. You know?

42:46

No feedback here. And I was like, I was wanting

42:48

it. So I was asking people afterwards, what else can

42:50

I do? Can I be more effective? And

42:52

maybe if there's times where people don't have any feedback

42:55

for you to grow because they see you're in

42:57

the process, And if you're all

42:59

in the process of acting and being

43:01

in certain way towards that growth,

43:04

then there's really not like more feedback.

43:06

Okay. You're self aware that you need to work

43:08

on these things. You're actively doing it.

43:10

You have support around you, get it helping you

43:12

get there. And you have accountability

43:15

consistently. And that's what I've created

43:17

for myself is a system of support and

43:19

accountability to hold me

43:22

high to hold me to a higher

43:24

version of myself consistently.

43:26

With my nutrition, with my fitness,

43:28

with my emotional coach, with

43:31

my business coaching, with my

43:33

friends, family, and team around me. But

43:35

I've developed a system that I say,

43:38

give me what I need to be more essentially,

43:40

give me feedback. What else can I do?

43:43

Let me know if I'm if I'm hitting the mark.

43:45

If I'm not on the mark today, you know, give

43:47

me that awareness and I'm

43:49

often acting asking for it.

43:51

Often. And I'm saying, okay.

43:53

Well, time

43:54

to tune it up, you know, and take responsibility, accountability,

43:57

and alright, let me let try to make it better the next

43:58

day. And I think that just gives me more

44:01

peace around the direction I'm going.

44:03

More peace and acceptance about who I

44:05

am, knowing that I'm not perfect that

44:07

I constantly make mistakes, but I have

44:09

a game plan. And I have a path

44:12

forward as opposed to saying, I don't know

44:14

what I'm here, what I'm doing next.

44:16

I don't know what to do, and I'm afraid if

44:18

it doesn't work out, then what? I've

44:21

already gone down all those scenarios.

44:23

And I know there is no perfect life,

44:25

and I know that there's going to be adversities

44:28

and challenges. And my intention

44:30

is how can I show up when

44:32

challenges arise in life or

44:34

in the world or in societies or my team?

44:38

And being poised and courageous

44:40

to take on the challenges, from

44:42

a state of peace and freedom, not

44:45

from a state of scared, not

44:47

enoughness and needing to look

44:49

good because that causes me to be

44:51

tight and tense under those stressful

44:53

situations. So that's the goal is to keep

44:56

refining who I am internally and emotionally

44:58

so that I can execute externally.

45:04

Where's the strangest place you've lost your car keys?

45:07

Inside the refrigerator, the washer or dryer,

45:09

the trunk of your car, the kitty litter

45:11

box, Well, good news. Because

45:13

even if you've lost your keys on the moon,

45:15

you can still unlock your car and get where you're

45:18

going with available digital key in twenty

45:20

twenty three all new Kia Niro e v,

45:22

farther for all. To learn more visit

45:24

kia dot com slash niro e v today,

45:27

Kia, movement that inspires.

45:32

We've kind of moved the conversation

45:34

without just laying it out overtly

45:36

into the role of those who

45:38

surround us along the way, whether it's,

45:41

you know, like, family and friends who support us

45:43

or folks who provide accountability. Our

45:45

media community, those who provide feedback

45:47

who we, like, feel safe with and trust and actually

45:49

want to receive it from or open to receiving

45:51

it from. But you also kind of hand it

45:53

as something else here, which I think is important. And you

45:55

write about this also in the greatness mindset towards

45:57

the end. It's the notion of what I would call

46:00

discernment. Yes. And it kind of speaks a

46:02

little bit to that the older person that you were

46:04

talking about earlier about, like, how

46:06

do you know what is the right thing to

46:08

actually invest your energy and

46:11

life is short. It's fragile.

46:13

We don't know. Like, we're made no promises

46:16

to the extent that we can use our time wisely.

46:18

Not just productively, but, like like,

46:21

fully present and engaged with the time.

46:23

Like, how do we discern what

46:26

actually to say yes to and no to.

46:28

And I think the people we surround ourselves

46:30

with can sometimes be really valuable mirrors

46:32

in that process. Right? I think sometimes can

46:34

reflect back to us and help us make those decisions.

46:37

But there's also got to be some sort of internal

46:39

process that helps us with

46:40

that. Yeah. I mean, this is the question

46:42

a lot of people have, like, what I've been doing? What is

46:45

my purpose? What is my mission? You know? How do I

46:47

know I'm on the right path? And is

46:49

it the right steps for me? A lot of this

46:51

is discernment and a lot of this is inner listening.

46:53

When I ask a lot of the, you know, the wise

46:56

seasoned individuals that I know who've

46:58

got a lot of experience. They

47:00

spend a lot of time listening they're

47:03

alone, they reflect, and

47:05

they clear out the noise so they can hear

47:08

their inner voice of what they're supposed

47:10

to do. What their intuition is telling them

47:12

and guiding them to do. I've created

47:14

some other kind of parameters for

47:16

myself. One is getting very

47:18

clear on my mission in one sentence. I feel

47:21

like that helps me say yes or no to

47:23

things because I used to say yes

47:25

to everything when I wasn't

47:27

clear. And it came from place of meaning

47:29

to people, please. I didn't wanna be judged. I wanted to be

47:31

light. That was my fear of judgment. I wanted to say yes

47:33

to everyone, so no one was mad at me. wanted to

47:35

make sure everyone was taken care of, so no one was mad

47:37

at me. I would abandon and give in,

47:40

so no one was mad at me. In a left me

47:42

feeling exhausted, anxious,

47:44

and and not feeling enough. And when

47:46

I said, okay, I'm gonna get clear

47:48

on my meaningful mission in one sentence. Then

47:51

I created a list of yes and nos.

47:54

Yes, I will say yes to things that will serve

47:56

this mission. At this level. You

47:58

know? So, okay, getting the word out there

48:01

about the podcast, the book, my

48:03

content, whatever might be the progress I'm working on.

48:05

There's a yes and no list for press.

48:07

There's a yes and no list for a sizable podcast

48:10

that I'll do. There's a yes and no list for whatever

48:12

might make sense. That's gonna be the best

48:14

use of my time to get that mission out there.

48:17

Same thing with, like, taking meetings. I'm pretty

48:19

much a no at this stage of my life.

48:21

Earlier, when I needed to meet people,

48:23

I was a yes to lots of them. So it's learning

48:25

about which season I'm in as well, the

48:27

yes and no list. And all

48:29

based on a meaningful mission, where I feel

48:32

called forth to do. Now if the mission

48:34

is not clear and you're saying yourself, well, how do

48:36

I know what I'm supposed to do right now? And my

48:38

purpose or my mission or the direction. I

48:41

created the three p's

48:43

in the book that I think can support

48:45

the guidance of discovering this. And

48:47

we've also got to understand that our meaningful

48:50

mission will evolve over time. You know,

48:52

twenty, thirty years ago, you were in law

48:54

school, then you did a yoga,

48:57

you had a yoga space, and you continue

48:59

to evolve into different seasons of

49:02

life based on a new mission that

49:04

comes to you. You accomplish one thing and you move

49:06

the next. And so we've got to be mindful

49:09

of that season we're in and

49:11

be reflecting and asking, is the mission

49:13

still in alignment with who we are this season?

49:15

So that's That's another thing to take care of.

49:18

But the three Ps really start with this. One,

49:20

what is the passion that makes me curious,

49:22

or interested, or excited about? And

49:24

thinking about the first p, the passion is really

49:27

leaning into curiosity, excitement,

49:30

and interest. Because I feel like three

49:32

things will guide us and

49:34

help us overcome when it is stressful,

49:37

hard and challenging more than if we

49:39

have zero curiosity, zero

49:41

excitement, or zero interest for

49:43

the thing we're going to. So leaning into those

49:45

threes around the first p of the passion will

49:48

support us and seeing if we're on the right

49:50

track and sustainable when things

49:52

get tough. I'm ten years in the podcast.

49:55

I think you're eleven. You know, I was

49:57

curious, excited, and interested about

49:59

asking people questions from the beginning,

50:02

and I'm still curious, excited, and interested

50:04

in that. So that's a passion of mine.

50:06

The second p is your

50:08

superpower, your powers. You know, these are

50:10

your talents, your gifts, or the invisible

50:14

gifts that you might have within you.

50:16

But also that that goes along with

50:18

your talents is the things that

50:20

make you feel powerless. And I think we

50:22

should all create a list of our biggest

50:24

fears at different seasons and

50:27

start asking ourselves, how can I make these

50:29

fears that hold me back? An

50:31

actual superpower of mind. Public speaking

50:33

was a big fear of mind. I learned to

50:35

make it a power and a gift after

50:38

a year and half of just diving in every week

50:41

and practicing it for last fifteen years.

50:43

Now it's a superpower that allows me to

50:45

be effective with my message

50:48

and my mission. Whereas before, it

50:50

felt like that would be impossible to do.

50:52

So that's the the power, figuring

50:55

out your talents, and also figuring out

50:57

the fears that hold you back. And then

50:59

the third one is I think

51:01

this is where it all comes together is figuring

51:03

out the problem you wanna solve. You

51:05

know, my friend Rory Vaden

51:07

says, we are perfectly positioned

51:10

to help the person we once were.

51:12

So if you were struggling, you know, losing

51:15

fifty or hundred pounds and you're overweight

51:17

and you did it and you got healthy, you're perfectly

51:19

positioned help someone struggling

51:21

right now with that same problem.

51:24

You know, for me, I was consumed

51:27

by self doubt. And it crippled

51:29

me in a lot of ways. But I've

51:31

been in a journey of healing and overcoming that

51:33

and I feel that this is the perfect

51:35

timing to help others struggling

51:37

with self doubt in their life. And I

51:39

feel like I'm in a space where I

51:41

can support others and overcoming them.

51:43

So whatever that the problem is that

51:45

you wanna solve. Using

51:47

your your passion and your power

51:50

to serve that problem

51:52

can guide you in seeing if this is

51:54

the right mission for you and getting clarity

51:56

around that. By way of example, how

51:58

would you lay out your answer to those three? Like,

52:00

what's your answer to the first p? Well, first

52:02

p, I mean, for me, I'm curious about people.

52:04

I love people, I'm excited about people,

52:06

and I'm curious about what makes people tick.

52:09

I didn't know I was gonna be interviewing people,

52:11

but I love to ask questions. So I'm

52:13

curious about asking questions. And so

52:16

then I was like, okay. Well, there's this podcast

52:18

thing out there. Maybe I was already kind of interviewing

52:20

mentors and coaches, but I just wasn't recording

52:22

it. And I was like, man, this has really helped

52:24

me in my business career. Get this wisdom.

52:27

Maybe I can record it and put it out there

52:29

and see if it helps others as well. So that

52:32

was the first one. I was like, I was fascinated

52:34

and curious about people. So I leaned

52:36

in my interest and curiosity around

52:38

people. The second one, the

52:40

the power is I felt like I was really

52:43

good at getting information out

52:45

of people. So in however I

52:47

was asking questions or connecting with people

52:49

or the excitement of the joy I had around meeting

52:51

people, I would get them to open

52:53

up pretty intimately, pretty fast.

52:55

And so I felt like that was a power of mine.

52:58

The power of really, like, setting goals

53:00

and accomplishing them. I was, like, I'm gonna be so consistent.

53:03

I'm gonna do this every week. You know, I can

53:05

follow through. This is another

53:07

power of mine. I also had great

53:09

relationship skills. I was just good at

53:11

building relationships. And so

53:13

when I would build a relationship with someone on the show,

53:16

they would wanna promote it out, which helped the

53:18

success of the show. All these different things.

53:21

So I became really fascinated

53:23

by marketing also and studying marketing

53:25

and started leaning into marketing. So having

53:27

skill of marketing to promote

53:29

the skill of interviewing that

53:32

helped the success of the show. And then

53:34

the problem was I'm

53:36

struggling as a human being.

53:39

And there's a lot of fears and securities and

53:41

doubts that I have, that I grew up with,

53:43

that I thought I had already overcome.

53:45

You know, I wanna solve the problem that I wish

53:47

I had earlier in life, which is

53:49

I wish there was a school that

53:52

gave me the lessons about overcoming insecurity,

53:54

that gave me lessons about overcoming fear, failure,

53:57

success, judgment, how to manage relation

53:59

How to manage breakups, how to manage money,

54:01

all these things that I wish I

54:02

understood. So here's the problem.

54:05

Let me go and solve this problem.

54:07

Yeah. I mean, you and I align in a lot of those

54:09

things. Yeah. And I have to spend more

54:11

time with this, but I I wanna actually sit

54:13

with how I think I would answer them because they're sort

54:16

of like I'm curious whether you feel like this

54:18

comes up. I feel like when I start to think, okay,

54:20

so passion and power problem.

54:22

I immediately get flooded with sort of, like,

54:25

answers. And then if I if I just pull

54:27

back, if I zoom out a little bit, I'm like,

54:29

does it feel kind of surface level? Yes.

54:32

Like, there's something Amy is saying, yeah, there's something

54:34

underneath that. Like, let's sit with this.

54:36

Let's actually see what's really underneath that and

54:38

keep asking, well, what's under what's driving

54:40

that? Hundred

54:41

percent. And originally, I had a mission that

54:43

was, like, In the very beginning,

54:46

it was like, I wanna help people make a full time

54:48

living doing what they love. That was

54:50

like the ten year ago kind

54:52

of mission. And then it evolved eight years

54:54

ago into what it is now. I think it was about 878

54:56

years ago, it evolved until okay. It's not about

54:58

making a full time income. It's about improving

55:01

the quality of their life because if they make a full time

55:03

income, but they still don't love themselves, they still

55:05

have bad relationships, then they're

55:08

only solving one thing. But

55:11

if you learn to accept and love and have

55:13

peace and harmony in yourself, you're

55:15

going to be doing it have

55:17

more energy to do the thing you love and figure out how

55:19

to make money or your career or whatever it might be,

55:21

and you're just gonna treat people better, which

55:24

is really what it's all about. But we

55:26

typically don't treat others better around

55:28

us if we don't learn how to treat ourselves

55:30

better. We don't want to fully accept and

55:32

love and honor who we are.

55:35

All the pain and the shame we've gone through

55:37

will typically be more defensive or

55:39

guarded or less loving and open

55:41

to others. And for me, that's the deeper

55:44

thing I want to solve. It

55:46

is human interaction, connecting

55:48

people with love and intimacy and support.

55:51

Rather than pain and anger and competition

55:53

and resentment and all the end judgment and

55:56

lack of

55:56

compassion. So that's ultimate end

55:58

goal. And I'm just doing it

56:00

through this mechanism. Howard Bauchner: And you know, what

56:02

we're what we've been circling around here also

56:05

is you were kind of dipping

56:07

into in different places in different

56:09

ways of conversation around identity. And

56:11

again, this is something that you've spoken about for years

56:13

and you're right about. And it's this notion

56:15

of really getting clear on who we are. Mhmm. But

56:19

not just right now, and and it's also holding

56:21

it lightly. Right? You referenced Adam Grant

56:23

in his work on identity foreclosure, which I think

56:25

is really interesting, which is, like, nearly don't

56:27

lock yourself into this thing and say, this is me and this

56:29

is me for life. And it's kinda changing. You

56:32

know, I think there are certain things that kind of are,

56:34

like, fairly consistent throughout our lives. Certain

56:36

things that are just really base and primal

56:38

to us. But a lot of other things,

56:40

we shift and grow and change.

56:42

And it's this notion of, let's go

56:45

there and figure out who are we really

56:47

at the deepest, like, truest level even if we don't

56:49

wanna tell anyone but ourselves. And

56:51

then also, How do we allow for

56:53

space for that to evolve as we evolve?

56:55

Exactly. That's the key. And that really

56:57

kinda, like, brings us back to, like, the earlier part

56:59

of a conversation, which is like the notion of greatness

57:02

and what it is and isn't, which is

57:04

it's really being able to just step into

57:06

every day as that person -- Mhmm.

57:08

-- without judging others

57:10

or without judging yourself and

57:13

without allowing the judgment

57:15

of what others expect us to be and how

57:17

they they expect us to show up.

57:19

Without taking that in and letting

57:21

it shape who we choose to

57:24

show up as. Absolutely. Well,

57:26

my friend, it feels like this is also a good place

57:28

for us a comfortable now conversation.

57:31

I've asked you this question before, but it was years

57:33

ago. And as we evolve as human

57:35

beings, I'm curious how the answer

57:37

bubbles up this time in this container of good

57:39

life project. If I offer up

57:42

the phrase to live a good

57:43

life, what comes up?

57:45

I I mean, waking up and peace and

57:47

love is a good life. And

57:50

for me, waking up next

57:52

to my partner, feeling peaceful,

57:54

feeling loved and excited about the day,

57:57

about what I'm up to. Is

57:59

a really, really good life. And

58:02

I feel blessed and grateful to experience

58:04

that every day. Feeling

58:07

peace and love in my heart and excited

58:09

about this day.

58:12

Thank you. Hey, before

58:14

you leave, if you'd love this episode, say that you

58:16

will also love the conversation we had with

58:18

Chase Jarvis about reimagining success.

58:21

You'll find a link to Chase's episode in the

58:23

show notes. And of course, if you haven't

58:25

already done so, please go ahead and

58:28

follow Good Life Project in your

58:30

favorite listening. Up. And if

58:32

you found this conversation interesting or

58:34

inspiring or valuable, consensus

58:36

are you did since you're still listening here. Would

58:38

you do me a personal favorite, a seven

58:41

second favorite and share it? Maybe

58:43

on social or by text or by email,

58:45

even just with one person. Just copy

58:47

the link from the app you're using, and tell those

58:49

you know, those you love, those you wanna help

58:51

navigate this thing called life a

58:53

little better, so we can all do better

58:56

together with more ease and more joy. Tell

58:58

them to listen, then even invite

59:00

them to talk about what you both discover because

59:02

when podcasts become conversations and

59:05

conversations become action, that's

59:07

how we all come alive together. Until

59:10

next time on Jonathan Fields, signing

59:12

off for good life project.