0:00

You were now checked in to Stand Up

0:02

New York Labs. Oh

0:04

yeah, welcome to Guys

0:06

We Fucked Guys

0:09

We Guys We look Christina.

0:12

I'm Karren. We're sorry about last night.

0:14

Coming to you from Stand Up New York

0:16

Labs Guys We Anti

0:19

Sluck Shaming Podcast. I

0:21

never stopped. Hey,

0:28

that was really creepy and I'm scared. Hey everybody,

0:30

welcome to another wonderful,

0:33

hilarious episode of Guys We Fund

0:35

Podcast. I'm Karen, I'm Christina.

0:39

Oh

0:41

boy, alright, a little someone enjoyed

0:44

l a little to min I know? Um?

0:46

Oh man, how you doing? I'm

0:49

doing great? What's with you? I

0:52

locked myself in my room, um one day

0:54

this week just to cleaner, and it's still not clean. You

0:56

launch yourself in your room? Did you physically launch

0:59

yourself in? Yeah? Or you just like mentally? I

1:01

like to I'm in my room. I like if I'm the doors closed, I

1:03

like to lock it. I don't like unexpected entrances.

1:06

Oh do you get unexpected entrances? No, but

1:08

there's always a fear of them lingering. Wow,

1:10

I thought I had promped anything else? No?

1:13

Okay, so uh god, well number

1:15

one. I first want to address the elephant in the room.

1:17

Uh, there's always one every week. This week gets a

1:19

Beyonce's performance at the v M as she

1:22

is a sexy, sexy thing. Is

1:25

I have You're actually wearing

1:27

a Beyonce shirt right now? Oh? Yeah, yeah. But

1:29

I viewers, the listeners need to know. I

1:32

am fucking obsessed with Beyonce. I

1:34

think she's one of the most perfect women in the face of the planet,

1:36

perfect humans, right I I fucking

1:38

I've worship her. I worship

1:40

her, and I know it's cheesy, it's like cheesy to worship her.

1:43

I don't give a shit. I do well. I love wearing

1:45

her right now. I love to talk about Beyonce with

1:47

you because I I like Beyonce, like her music, but

1:49

I don't worship her the way you do. You

1:51

know this, you know, um, But I thought

1:53

it was interesting. I loved that the

1:56

sentiment of her performance and then and

1:58

stuff that she had going on on. But

2:02

um, and this might be controversial, I

2:04

don't think she's a feminist. I think,

2:07

uh not, not because she's not a powerful

2:09

woman. But after I will

2:11

say I lost a lot of respect for her. After I watched the Beyonce

2:14

documentary and I was really disappointed because I was really amped

2:16

to watch that documentary and I had previously watched

2:18

another one that was like more performance driven, and

2:21

I loved her as she's such a hard worker. I thought

2:23

she was great, wonderful, and

2:26

then the next one, well, I just had

2:28

no idea that she basically

2:30

went from being someone who was controlled

2:32

by her father to someone who was controlled by

2:34

jay Z. I don't think she's controlled by jay Z.

2:36

I think she likes being a wife. I think

2:38

she loves being a mother and her

2:41

husband. But in a in a way, I think that makes

2:43

her feel sexy. Like the Partition video,

2:45

she did it because she took jay Z to a

2:47

really high end cabaret club and the

2:50

women were amazing and beautiful and sexy, and she

2:52

wanted to kind of recreate that for him. I

2:54

like, I get, oh, that's not that's not my problem.

2:57

It's actually like I feel like, do you think she's controlled

2:59

by I just you like a lot of these,

3:01

like the business decisions and stuff are coming

3:04

coming from him. I feel like he's I feel like, but

3:06

she's the one who decided to put out an album like Surprise,

3:08

I have a full album and video is I'm

3:11

not sure about that. She talked about that. She of course

3:13

she talks about it, because then she's not gonna be like this

3:15

idea. I don't know. She might though, because she's she gives

3:17

her. I don't

3:19

think she's not talented at all.

3:22

I think she's very talented. I think a

3:24

wonderful performer, beautiful.

3:27

I don't know. It just it bothers

3:29

me a little bit. What do you think? Why do you think

3:31

she's controlled? Like I just give that. It gave

3:33

that. It just wreaked of it to me, honestly, and

3:38

to the point where I

3:41

I was like a little bit like alarmed

3:45

interested alarmed. Yeah, well,

3:48

I just I respectfully disagree. No, that's

3:50

fine. I knew you would fucking love that woman, I

3:53

know, And well it doesn't. I mean, I don't think that would change your

3:55

life. It just I don't know, because I think there's

3:57

a difference between like you know, it's like it's

3:59

like you can be a feminist by

4:01

what you do, or you can put the word

4:03

feminists behind you on the v M A s

4:05

Yeah, I love, but I wanted to get the transcript of

4:08

what it says because I loved what it said, Like

4:10

you know, women girls are talking that they can be smart

4:12

but not too smart, like things like that great

4:14

real great. I don't know, I don't know, and

4:16

I just I feel like it was kind of the same thing that Sarah

4:18

Silverman handled a lot in her most recent

4:21

special you Know, where she says, you know, I

4:24

don't think it's good that we can we tell girls that they can

4:26

be anything they want to be, not because

4:28

they can't, but because they would have never thought

4:30

that they couldn't, And that I think

4:33

that is that's the problem. I you

4:35

know, it's like something that I had thought of

4:37

before, but something because it's something we're told

4:40

all our lives. And then you're like, holy

4:42

ship, Sarah Silverman, you you developed

4:44

the concept of limitations when somebody tells

4:46

you that, oh, yeah, you know what I'm saying. Yea

4:49

um, but that's interesting. I would love to

4:51

hear other people though that that's that's that's interesting. If

4:53

you want the documentary, please write in and see if you

4:55

feel the same, because I think if there's

4:57

so many definitions of feminism told

5:00

me and I feel like her part of

5:02

her definition, it seems, is to

5:04

love and respect your husband. That

5:07

is that is a huge thing. For her. She's

5:09

very my husband my husband, and I don't think that's

5:11

a problem with that, as long as he equally loves and

5:13

respects her. Yeah, I think, of course you

5:15

have to respect the which is more than just

5:17

looking at your wife's hot ass and a poster for a documentary.

5:20

And I get, um

5:22

interesting, I would love to the other And it actually actually

5:24

bothered me because I was so excited to watch

5:27

that. I was I was so probionce so

5:29

excited to watch that, and it really bummed

5:31

me out. I was actually a little bit propsed. I think she really

5:33

likes being a wife. That's which I don't think

5:35

there's anything wrong with That's fine. Um

5:38

and all right, so that's

5:40

the first thing I want, Just did you have something else? And

5:43

then the second thing, this is more my thing is

5:45

going to go along with one of the emails we're going to read, so

5:48

in my personal life note, So I

5:51

I don't even want to talk about this, but I just have to talk about

5:53

this. So I have a thing. Um, so I'm

5:55

not I'm not even I'm just whatever. So the guy

5:58

and I'm feeling I don't

6:00

know like him, and um, so god

6:02

you and feel like you like we

6:05

also he might listen to this. Um so,

6:09

uh sleeping over someone someone I've

6:11

slept with, this person who I wanted to sleep and I knew

6:13

we're gonna sleep with him on this particular dike

6:15

to plan it all out and I don't know if he knew,

6:18

but I knew. And yeah,

6:20

this is the person who I like.

6:23

Question. Wait, we had gone a couple of days only made out whatever,

6:25

um and that even days like hung out, but you know

6:27

for comics it was dating. And uh

6:30

so we had sex and then I slept over his house, his

6:32

apartment and uh

6:37

so the first time I sleep over someone's

6:39

up house and I never I don't know. I was a little nervous

6:41

about this sex. But that's fine. I always come through on that end. Um.

6:44

I usually have one goal. I have one

6:46

goal, and that goal is don't

6:48

fart. I

6:50

think you're gonna say to come, But when you're sleeping

6:53

with someone for the first time, yeah, you don't want

6:55

to mishapp That's no. Not during sex,

6:57

like like because a legit

7:00

you're sleep No. No, no, because you know, like for me,

7:02

like I hate farting and burping is just something My brother also

7:04

hates it. It's just a familial thing. My brother

7:06

and I both fucking hate my brother. I both

7:08

love it fartening and burping. We think it's gross if anyone

7:11

burps, like at the dinner table at like a holiday

7:13

meal, we will both look at each other and to be like, oh,

7:15

I can't believe I'm part of this family, Like

7:18

I love it because we're both so snobby. But well,

7:20

that's no, it's obviously we both

7:22

think. And sometimes because it's a human

7:25

thing that you do so and

7:27

a lot of times, like when I'm on a like a first date, like I won't

7:29

eat as much as I usually do, so then your your stomach

7:31

feels up with air um,

7:33

just because you know, you know, when you want, not because I'm ashamed

7:36

to eat, but because of like you know, you

7:38

like seal yeah, yeah, yeah,

7:40

And when you don't, when you eat a little less and

7:42

you feel when you eat less, oh my god, for me,

7:45

no, no, no, when I eat more like for me, eating

7:47

and sex kind of fills the same void. No,

7:49

I tear you, so I'm I

7:51

want to fool like well sometimes when se when

7:54

I go to Junior's Cheesecake for our anniversary,

7:56

were like, well, we really want to eat this or do one of sex

7:58

tonight. Yeah, it's one of the Oh, it's one

8:01

of the one. That's why a big valent I always

8:03

like to do sushi on Valentine's Day because

8:06

sushi. Yeah, you're fine,

8:08

Sushi is my favorite date meal because you can't well,

8:11

no, no, I so like

8:13

a lot of times when I'm no

8:15

no, A lot of times when I'm alone in my apartment, I

8:17

will wake up on a Saturday morning, I

8:19

will be yawn and I will let out

8:22

the biggest

8:25

wait wait okay, I'm

8:28

like so good. It's like just

8:31

like a long the kind

8:33

you have to lift lift your right butt cheek off

8:36

the bed and just like let and those

8:38

sweatpants need to air out, like

8:40

yeah, just like a long, deep

8:43

aggressive a black

8:45

woman at church like the

8:48

yeah, that's like like like

8:50

me every time, it feels great.

8:52

And that's how I Saturday. Well,

8:55

when I have time in the morning, you know, during the week,

8:58

during the week, I'm so busy, dan one, I

9:00

have time to fart. I'm too busy

9:02

to fart sometimes. Um no, So that's

9:04

what I do and like but I never I

9:07

don't far it in public. I don't burp in public, like, I just

9:09

don't. Like I've trained

9:11

my body to do any and I'm

9:13

really careful about lactose and stuff

9:15

like that, so I do that. And uh,

9:18

so I woke up. I opened my eyes and

9:22

weekly time, couldn't you

9:24

know? I was, Oh, yeah, what Saturday? Maybe Saturdays?

9:27

So I woke my Also, maybe it's because I drink a lot

9:29

of fards. So I so I wake up. I opened my eyes.

9:32

My first thought was, thank god I

9:34

made it through the night without farting that. How

9:36

did you know while you were awake? Yeah

9:39

I could have. Yeah, I just never been

9:41

woken up by your report. Oh yeah, asleep.

9:45

I fell back asleep. Next

9:47

time I woke up, I'm waking up midfart

9:51

wasn't allowed. Fart was. It wasn't

9:53

a loud fart. It was a sweet gentle it

9:55

was. It was a whisper of a

9:57

fart. There was no scent, there was

10:00

no reason, There was no tommy tummy grumbling. It

10:02

was just my butt saying, hey Karen,

10:04

wake up girl, Hey girl, hey

10:07

girl. The sun is shot and the

10:09

birds are tweeted. And

10:14

then then I was

10:17

like me, if I don't move, maybe he won't notice.

10:19

He was so fast asleep. He was like, he

10:21

was like, you know, kind of again, you know, not that I farted.

10:24

My butt was up and I was naked. There

10:26

was no muffling of the there was

10:28

no sheets, there was no underwear. Do you want to

10:31

know my one role with Stephen? The only rule I

10:33

have too, I guess, but it's

10:35

related. Don't fart in the shower while

10:37

we're shower, right, and when we sleep we have

10:39

a fan blowing on us. Don't fucking

10:41

fart in front of that fan. That's gonna blow

10:43

right up into my nose. Business, and

10:45

that is I don't set rules for

10:47

relationships. There's a fucking rule,

10:49

and if you break that, go fund yourself. Right,

10:52

Faring a showers can be heinous.

10:54

Did the room just fart? Guys? The room just fighting

10:57

a dinosaurs? You not fart

11:00

farty? So yeah, so

11:02

then and then, but then I always look over and

11:04

like this has happened a couple of times, and like I

11:06

remember when I was first seating Frank, I

11:09

fucking, oh my god. I remember rolling

11:11

on the floor with my gay friends because

11:14

I was telling them we got I was telling

11:16

them about how I farted, and I thought that he took

11:18

too long to text me back one time, and I was like, it's

11:20

because I farted. I farted in

11:22

my sleep, Like I didn't. I didn't even know any

11:25

time. That's funny,

11:28

so funny because I'm so secure. But except

11:30

for if if I

11:33

if I'm in the first stages of dating someone and

11:35

they don't text me back in like the time

11:37

that you know, because there's a groove that you said, what happened?

11:39

Why? No, it's not even why, it's

11:43

that is always the reason. Maybe Zoo need

11:45

to go to third Guess what, Christina, It's never

11:48

the reason. It's like something of course not,

11:50

It's always something much larger and more personally.

11:53

I've had some heavy crape with some people

11:55

and they've called me back.

11:58

Oh my god, No, I remember the first time

12:01

I ever farted in front of Stephen, Like I've farted for the boyfriends.

12:03

I don't care. It's funny. It's a game. It's like a who can get

12:05

a hern him? My first boyfriend, I would

12:07

fart in front. We would that was cool, but we were just we were

12:09

so but are so like that we had such a friend of

12:11

friendship relationship, right right,

12:13

right right, Um.

12:16

I'd love to read some emails let's get to

12:18

us go first. That was really weighing

12:20

on me. I'm glad we got it out here. Okay,

12:24

dear guys, we fucked ladies. That

12:26

is that's us a name.

12:29

My name is Katy. I've been listening to your

12:31

podcast and if there is anyone I can email

12:33

all my secrets to, it's you, ladies. Hopefully

12:36

you don't mineus reading them. Um, if

12:38

you never read this, I'm okay

12:40

with it because I'm sure it will bring me some sense

12:42

of peace sending this out into the internet void. I feel

12:45

like a lot of people like when they write us. Just writing it is

12:47

helpful for me. Um.

12:49

So she's nineteen and she loves

12:52

older men. She's all my friends knew it.

12:54

I never liked anyone in my age. While other girls were

12:57

crushing on Drake Bell and the Jonas brothers, I

12:59

would be watching pret woman getting off to the thought of

13:01

Richard Gear touching me with his old man hands.

13:04

I couldn't relate to this girl. More like

13:08

many people in my generation, I was very sexual from a

13:10

young age and knew from new

13:12

more than a young girl should.

13:14

When given the chance, I would go online to chat with older

13:17

men. So not safe and very dumb. Yeah,

13:19

but I get it because it was the

13:21

only way I could talk to someone that turned

13:23

me on. This started at thirteen years old. Yeah,

13:26

it was a little, but again I get

13:28

it. Um past for three years,

13:30

my church attendants every week succeeded in

13:32

causing me to hide and feel shame

13:34

and guilt for my sexuality. I hadn't chatted

13:36

in a while, but just getting my own

13:39

laptop for my sixteenth birthday sparked my naughty

13:41

habit, and on July eleven,

13:44

she entered a chat room. I entered a chat room the first

13:46

time. After talking to a few men, one held my attention

13:49

more than the others. Being a teen girl in the summer

13:51

with literally nothing to do, I spent the next

13:53

twelve hours talking to this guy. It started

13:55

in the chat then for

14:00

do you sure are unemployed? Anyway?

14:03

I digress. Shepen twem I was talking

14:05

to this guy. It started in the chat, then I called him

14:08

on private. The conversation never stopped

14:10

the day after we met. The

14:13

day after we met, he went and got a

14:15

camera so I can see him if we uh, if

14:17

we skyped, so I would not I

14:19

would not show him myself unless I saw him that's

14:21

a good move. When I saw him, I knew

14:24

what my friends said they felt around guys they

14:26

liked. He just was perfect, just I

14:28

thought I was gonna say it was a hostage that

14:30

the real guy friends just

14:35

what I want, just what I wanted and dreamed of my own

14:38

Richard Gear. There's a lot of going to skim through

14:40

to not make this too long. He began to take trips down to

14:42

see me. I would sneak away from my family to visit

14:44

him in his hotel room down in the street. This

14:46

one on for over a year. My

14:48

upbringing of faith had torn me, and I would try

14:50

so hard to feel things for boys like I

14:52

felt for this person. I'm not going to say his name just in case.

14:55

Also, I should add that I have no daddy issues.

14:57

I love him and he has always been in my life. Uh

15:00

my dad and he's happily married. My mom

15:04

doesn't matter. Everything is not a daddy issue. Yeah,

15:07

uh Lewis All hell

15:09

broke out. All hell broke

15:11

out when a guy that liked me and knew about

15:13

this older guy told police

15:15

and my school. When I went off campus to

15:17

have lunch with him. From there, I was interrogated

15:20

by police and called crazy and a victim.

15:22

I was sent away to an adolescent rehabilitation

15:24

place and fucking Jesus Christ

15:27

run run by teen challenge Um.

15:30

I was threatened my freedom not to

15:32

contact this evil man who was most definitely

15:34

a serial rapist that took all my innocence.

15:37

I tried to convince them that I was never innocent,

15:39

but they would never hear me out. My mom sent

15:41

a letter to all my family, friends and church congregating

15:44

UH congregation, saying I was sexually

15:46

molested by an online predator Jesus Christ.

15:49

After being locked up for four months, I was finally

15:51

sent home to my untrusting family. I found out

15:53

this is that this man I had been seeing had

15:56

been arrested. I was told to be a witness

15:58

in his case. They spent lots of money going through all this

16:00

technology to find his collection, try to find

16:02

his collection of child porn and evidence of many

16:04

trips to see little unsuspecting girls.

16:06

They found nothing, not one thing, not even a text

16:09

of him bragging to a friend I was not a victim.

16:11

If anything, he was manipulated. Uh

16:13

not I. So she was sixteen when this happened, where

16:15

she was she well, she started doing this when she was thirteen.

16:20

She got a computer her sixteen birthday. But I think for

16:22

me, I feel like sixteen is the cut off. We're

16:25

younger than that. It's a little weird.

16:27

Six year old girls are fucking hot. Well,

16:30

yeah, I have a lot to say, but let me, let me just get

16:32

through this. UM. So the guy ended up. UM.

16:35

I testified in court that I still loved him and blindsided

16:38

the d A when I wouldn't give up any information. The

16:40

guy got off easy and just got probation

16:42

of community service. The d A requested or restraining order

16:44

but be put between us. But even the judge

16:46

was fed up and told them that I was now an adult,

16:48

eighteen and could love who I wanted.

16:51

So, at the time of the trash was eighteen with felony.

16:53

With a felony, he did lose some jobs, but

16:55

still has a great career with long trusting companies.

16:57

I quickly moved out on my own in its

17:00

studio. We got back in touch with the guy.

17:02

I worked two jobs at no time for school. My dad

17:04

says he finds if um, if he finds out

17:07

the guy and I are together, he will have the entire

17:09

family disowned me. So this person is

17:11

still my secret. He often stays with me in the studio

17:13

and I'm no longer scared of my sexuality and confident

17:15

in him. He is still the gentleman I met

17:17

three years ago, but I'm constantly paranoid. I can't

17:19

go out with him, and I'm so jumpy.

17:22

I want to leave and live my life with this man that

17:24

I love. My family is so important to me. I love

17:26

them so much and want nothing more for them to accept me.

17:29

Uh. They won't even say his name. He's

17:31

called the devil if he has

17:33

brought up that's crazy. But he

17:35

will support me no matter what, but sees

17:37

how the double life is messing me up and it pains

17:39

him to see see

17:41

me like this to be with him. Please

17:43

give me advice. Did you ever have to put up

17:45

with families feelings and opinions

17:48

to put them to the side and risk losing

17:50

them forever to do what you wanted? If so, please let me know

17:52

how you gained the relationship back with your parents. Are really

17:54

struggling. Um,

17:56

let me tell you something. When I was

17:58

probably twelve,

18:01

maybe a Sert mass ring when I was like six or seven.

18:04

But but but as

18:06

as we know, so

18:08

so but when I was about twelve or thirteen, I remember

18:11

going, I cannot wait until

18:13

it is acceptable for me to fuck an older man. And

18:16

my definition of older meant like thirty, and

18:18

I was I was thirteen years old was the golden

18:20

age for me. That's one of the best stage

18:23

number. I didn't

18:25

act on it, but I remember I was

18:27

in love with this teacher in middle of school,

18:29

and everyone knew it because I was very

18:32

I wasn't I wasn't cool about it. I told everybody

18:34

I was in love with this man, like in love because

18:37

he was like my fantasy man. He

18:39

was older, he had little salt and pepper hair, He's I think

18:41

mid thirties or whatever. I followed

18:44

him around like a fucking puppy like I was

18:46

just I was obsessed with him because I It's

18:48

interesting because when I was younger, I kind

18:51

of flirted with so many older guys

18:53

that were way too old for me. But

18:55

and and they, like

18:58

you were saying earlier, sixteen year old girls are hot, and

19:01

I know that it's not you developed

19:03

and for you developed very

19:07

early. Yeah, I did so that

19:09

and that's and I also looked older than I was. That

19:11

changes the game. But what about

19:14

these older guys. Like when I remember when I was fifteen,

19:16

I went with my one friend, Danielle, and like some boys

19:18

in our neighborhood, they were like twenty seven or twenty eight

19:20

years old, and we went in hot tub with him. We were in

19:22

our bikinis. Nothing happened, We didn't make out, but I

19:25

was so aroused by that because they were

19:27

so much older, and I knew it was naught

19:29

even bad, and it was one of the best nights

19:32

of my life in my teenage years. So funny you say that.

19:34

I remember being honestly six years old

19:36

and at a family event and I had this guy who

19:38

who, like we called him my cousin, but he wasn't my cousin.

19:40

He was my uncle by marriage

19:43

is brother, so no blood relation.

19:45

And he was so hot, and

19:48

I remember being so young and just wanted

19:50

to be around him and like not like it. I

19:52

don't know what people like, oh school

19:54

girl crush, No, like I

19:56

I was. I felt I

19:59

that's don't know, there's just I felt more

20:02

than I think the average six

20:04

year old feels like sexually six

20:06

years old. Yeah, I was like six, Yeah,

20:09

I was six seven. No, I was like, I'm

20:11

trying to think of the time because I don't even know if my brother or

20:13

my brother was very young. So my brothers five years younger than

20:15

he, so my brother was like a baby, but I was very young,

20:18

so between six and nine. Super that's young.

20:20

That is young. Um. And I was

20:22

just like this guy is like so hot.

20:24

And I remember he one time he brought his girlfriend

20:26

to dinner and he's at that time like we're

20:28

not so like if we we could date

20:31

now, like we're not. You know, at

20:32

the age differencesn't matter. But at a

20:34

time it was he was a man and I

20:37

was a child and he was a man, and I remember

20:39

he brought his girlfriend one time. I got so

20:42

piste and even sassy, like

20:44

six year old Crin was like I'm better looking than this. I

20:48

was like this. This is the interesting thing though, Like

20:50

for example, when I was in the hot top of those guys, I was fifteen

20:52

seven, is they made a move on me, that'd

20:54

be fucked up. Now, my fifteen year old

20:56

brain would be like fuck yeah, Jackpott.

20:59

Yeah, but it didn't. Still looking at it now,

21:01

I's are hot, but

21:03

but that is isn't that fucked up? It's the guy

21:06

i'd always seven year old man. Yeah, I think

21:08

now I'm I'm yeah, it's

21:10

in my twenties. It's hard, I don't

21:13

know. But but what I'm saying to advice

21:15

for this girl, yeah, I I almost feel

21:17

like older men are sexual preference. Like it's almost

21:19

like a type of sexual preference. Like so you have

21:21

your everybody has their type. Like to me, dating

21:23

a guy who's younger than me or even my age growses

21:26

me out. It actually grows me out. I don't like it. I don't

21:28

want to think about it. It It turns me off so

21:30

much. I'm off year old, and I'm anyone

21:32

who's in there twenties, Like I'm old enough in my twenties that

21:34

that's off the table. Yeah so so. But

21:37

but I think that that's just it's who you love. And

21:39

for the fact that your family is calling him

21:41

the devil, like that's fucking ridiculous.

21:43

But when she was seventeen

21:46

or sixteen when they started happening, as

21:48

a parent, yeah, that

21:50

that parent's gonna sucking and

21:55

didn't that would be alarming of course, And

21:57

also because it's so internet based, that's

22:00

also weird. But I mean, we're

22:02

not saying anything bad about it but stem

22:04

from fear, right, it stems from and

22:07

if you can understand that because a lot of my parents reactions

22:09

to things that I've done, I didn't realize that the time were

22:12

because they were afraid for me. They were for my safety,

22:14

they were afraid for my well being. It's

22:16

all out of love. It's ridiculous

22:18

them calling him the devil, saying

22:21

for ever threatening your child. I am very

22:24

adamantly feel if you ever threaten your child,

22:26

to disown them, that is unacceptable. Absolutely,

22:29

my people, my child

22:31

could could be a serial

22:33

killer. And I would not agree with you. I

22:35

would never say I disown you. I would say,

22:37

what, how can I help you? Because there's something seriously

22:39

wrong with you that you make a commitment when you

22:41

have a child and you fucking stick by that. That is

22:43

your responsibility for life. And that's

22:46

why I never want to have a child. But I think that it's

22:48

important for her to understand that. But I think you

22:50

should eventually be honest with her

22:52

parents if that's if they want to, because how

22:54

much out

22:57

of the house and you

22:59

do what you want to do. An people who you

23:01

think love you cannot accept that, then they don't

23:04

love you. And I know that's a really hard thing to hear,

23:06

very hard because I but I truly

23:08

believe that you're you love from your parents

23:10

should be unconditional. End

23:12

of story. Yeah, but it's okay

23:14

if they have a hard time dealing with it, they have

23:16

a hard time. They are going to there's

23:18

gonna be a lot of talks to you have to

23:21

learn how to trust him. But

23:23

it's if they throw our threatening you like that, that's

23:25

unacceptable. Um, alright, so

23:28

quick, I'm going to give a shout out to Taj and

23:30

out show. Yeah, because they

23:32

just wrote it an ass and that's cool. Thanks for listening to the podcast.

23:35

And uh, the last thing that we're gonna

23:37

say here is am my emails.

23:40

Okay great? Uh So, dear Current

23:42

and Christina. I'm a twenty one year old female from the

23:44

Netherlands and an avid listener of your show. I'm reaching

23:46

out to you because I don't have anyone who will hear me

23:48

out without being judgmental. I've been together

23:50

with my boyfriend for nearly five years. Yesterday

23:52

I decided to be honest with him and tell him I don't think

23:54

monogamy is for me and how I'd love for

23:57

him to get more informed on nonmonogamy.

23:59

He completely he took it the wrong way and is now asking

24:01

questions such as, why bothers staying together if you

24:03

already know you'll want something I don't, etcetera.

24:06

I'm quite devastated he took it so badly, and I'm

24:08

worried for our relationship. What should I do.

24:10

Should I just stay with him and try to fight off every

24:12

feeling of temptation as I've been doing

24:14

for the past years for the rest of my life.

24:16

Or should I try to convince him to get more informed

24:19

on nonmonogamy. Or should I just

24:21

accept uh my loss

24:24

on my iPhone, accept my loss, so to

24:26

speak, and give up on an otherwise nearly perfect

24:28

relationship. I'm at such a crossroad, and

24:30

I feel really fucked up because I know he's feelings

24:33

are hurt. Uh. He sees me not

24:35

wanting monogamy as oh, I'm not enough

24:38

for her, which is much most definitely

24:40

not the case. I'm just a very flirtatious

24:42

and sexual person. Moreover, he has been

24:45

the only person I've ever had sex with. Uh.

24:47

He wasn't a virgin when we got together, and

24:49

thinking I will never be able to explore other bodies,

24:52

both male and female. Kind of feels like a

24:54

life sentence. I don't want our open relationship

24:56

to open our relationship from your selfish reasons.

24:59

I also want him to explore others. I've

25:01

previously proposed threesomes

25:03

and have said I wouldn't mind if you went to a prostitute,

25:05

which is legal in the Netherlands, yea,

25:08

et cetera. But he doesn't want any

25:10

of it again, what should I do? Thanks in advance,

25:12

and thanks for the amazing podcast. Every week, I'm

25:14

leaving out my name. I want to stay anonymous. Okay, so

25:17

first, the first thing I want to address is your age. And I know

25:19

that's annoying because everyone's an address your age, especially

25:22

people who are older than you. And we're older than you. Uh,

25:24

you're twenty one. You've been with this guy

25:27

for five what she said, five years? That's

25:29

a long time. And this I I chose this email

25:31

to read this week because this, just like the other email,

25:34

hit very close to home for Christina, this

25:36

email hits very close to home for me. My

25:38

first relationship I was in literally the week

25:40

I turned eighteen. I started seeing

25:43

a guy who I saw for four

25:45

and a half five years and that and and beyond that because

25:47

the breakup took forever because we were

25:49

so close. He was my first everything. He was my first

25:52

love, the first person I had sex with, taught me

25:54

everything, He taught me how to masturbate. He was

25:56

just everything to me. I could. I loved him

25:58

so much. I still love him. He's the

26:00

only boyfriend that I really like. Uh just

26:03

feel like I should never I can never let

26:05

him go. He's just so important to me and I love him so much.

26:07

Um. But that being said,

26:10

we went through the same exact thing two years into the relationship.

26:12

I was like, funk. I was in college. I spent my whole college

26:14

experience in a one relationship, which

26:16

I don't I don't want to say I

26:18

regret it because I love I loved him so much,

26:21

but I

26:22

I need to go. You need

26:24

to other people, Yeah, you have too. Independence

26:27

in college is kind of important. It's not even college

26:29

because I happened later. It can happen when it when

26:31

it needs to happen. I also went to art

26:33

school, so it wasn't like that crazy frat mentality. It was super.

26:36

It was it was not super. There was a couple

26:38

of times when it was hard and then we did

26:40

end up two years into the relationship. I

26:43

met a guy in one of my classes when

26:45

I was a junior and he was a senior, and

26:48

I felt feelings for this person,

26:50

and I asked my boyfriend

26:53

if we could have a relationship, an open relationship.

26:55

And it was shitty of me, which I didn't understand

26:57

at the time, because if when you're asking for open relationship,

26:59

it could it should not be because you want

27:01

to sleep with a specific that's

27:04

basically like, that's like organized cheating.

27:07

I organized you. I didn't know what I was doing at the time.

27:09

I really and when I say that, it's not me, I

27:11

just really, it has taken me years

27:14

and years to understand and finally

27:16

feel the hurt that I'm sure he felt at the time. And

27:18

please, I've been paid back tenfold karmas

27:21

a bit. I get it. I I've I felt

27:23

the same pain, but it took a long time for me to feel

27:25

that. Uh. So he

27:27

can get more your boyfriend can get more informed

27:30

on non monogamy. Uh, it's gonna

27:32

be hard, especially if for younger people.

27:34

I think it's a really it's kind of like a mature concept.

27:36

It's a new concept. And also

27:39

just the male ego. Males

27:41

in general are just more ego centric. It's a really

27:43

hard thing because that I'm not enough for

27:45

you, mentality is going to come into play. You've

27:47

obviously brought it up. You have to

27:49

think of you first. Though you already feel suffocated.

27:52

I can sense it in your email. It's making

27:54

me feel suffocated because I've felt that feeling

27:56

so often, and it's why I'm so hesitant

27:58

to get back in a relationship because I just want to fuck

28:00

fucking everything. I fucking I

28:03

can't control, like I just I want to fuck

28:05

everything. And that's why I've had a lot of sex, because I

28:07

love it and I want I see I get routes

28:10

very easily. Um, but

28:13

you need to talk to him about it, and if he's not okay

28:15

with it, just part ways. It's

28:17

because I think if it's honestly, it's so so

28:19

cheesy, but if it's meant to be, he'll come back into your life.

28:22

One you've been in this five year relationship,

28:24

I think just even like you've

28:26

all you're all each other. No, you just

28:29

need to be independent regardless.

28:32

Because there's a few couples in the world you have this

28:34

great way that they can be independent and together.

28:37

But that is such an art and very few people I

28:39

know have that. So

28:42

you need to have a serious talk with him. But I think

28:45

from his strong reaction, I think it's time that you

28:47

really take a break, explore

28:50

a little bit, and and maybe you come back and he

28:53

should get informed on the

28:55

idea of non monogamy relationship. But they're also

28:57

not forevery it's not for everybody,

28:59

not for most people. It was not my

29:02

used to that first boyfriend, and it never will be.

29:04

My first boyfriend is thirty four years old. Now he's

29:07

just not for him. Yeah, it's not for him.

29:09

Well, it's it's so interesting because well, I think one of the things about

29:12

monoga missions Dan Savage says, a relationship

29:15

is like, especially when you're like together monogamy

29:18

for a couple of years and then you kind of go into it. It's like

29:20

that new feeling of sleeping

29:23

with somebody. That person you're

29:25

with can't give you that, not that that's golden

29:28

feeling, and that's what you know what I mean. But and you're gonna

29:30

live life, and you're gonna do things, and you're gonna get sexually

29:32

attracted to other people, and instead of

29:34

having that build up and build up and build

29:36

up until you do something real fucked up. You

29:38

fuck them, and then you don't care about them anymore. And then

29:40

you and then you go back to the person

29:42

that you love and you have a

29:44

history with instead of having a build up and exploding

29:47

into this huge thing that's unfair. And

29:49

that's then there's backstabbing and there's doing things

29:51

going on behind your back, and it's just so freeing.

29:54

Um and just if there's anything in life,

29:56

if you feel suffocated it, fix

29:58

it. Yeah, pick it out, immediate,

30:02

immediately. All right, let's

30:05

bring on our guests. I'm excited.

30:07

I'm so excited you guys. Mr Ryan Reese.

30:09

Let's go get a median fabulous person

30:15

depending

30:16

on we

30:36

are here with our beautiful guests.

30:38

Mr Ryan Reese, Ryan, you do you

30:40

look at right? Nice guys, Thank

30:43

you? You clean up nice as

30:45

Chris White, paula Ryan Reese. As

30:49

it is almost Labor day, so I'm just getting

30:51

my whites in. Oh, that's true. That

30:56

is one of our dear, dear friends or

30:58

something like that. He

31:01

keeps us going. No, you know what, you know

31:03

what, I like you because you you're like me. You

31:05

come from the school of tough love, and I appreciate

31:07

that. I appreciate that Christina

31:11

needs to turn off the air conditioner. We're running a real professional,

31:14

professional No, this is the real deal.

31:16

You guys have microphones on the table, so fucking

31:19

Have you ever been on a podcast before?

31:22

Yes? Yeah, I think Ryan Open

31:25

is the warm up comic for Late Night with Seth

31:27

Myers. I think that's very

31:29

cool. It is, It's super cool. It's so cool,

31:31

right, No, you know what, let's let's say something. He writes monolog

31:34

jokes. Ryan's a super hard worker, very

31:36

funny, and if he had an half

31:38

a decent personality, he'd

31:41

be famous by now. And like

31:46

Jacqueline Hide or

31:48

Body and Claude, but more Jacqueline Hide, Jacqueline

31:52

Hide, Ryan and I make up the

31:54

same person. Yeah, oh that's people. Jacquelin

31:56

Jack didn't follow that story? Did you know? Jacqueline

31:59

Hide is just Yes, he has like a disorder,

32:01

so exactly, that's exactly what you both

32:03

are. One guy? Wait, what are you saying? Right?

32:05

I don't seek to define myself, but Karin

32:09

clearly has been hurt before, and

32:11

her aggressiveness is her defensiveness.

32:15

Am I the only one that reads that? You can't read what

32:18

I read about you too, Okay,

32:21

So I want to talk about this. You love crazy

32:24

women? Yeah,

32:27

that's all women are crazy. I think it comes

32:29

with the vagina. I think that's how it works. Well,

32:31

that's not how it works. Well, we're all well

32:33

because we're talking about this earlier. Like Karna

32:35

and I are both crazy in two completely

32:37

different ways. You're also

32:39

a little crazy. Yeah,

32:42

I might be a little damaged. I'm not gonna lie. But so anybody

32:44

with genitals is crazy? Is

32:46

it fair to say? But

32:49

the thing is like, there's crazy the comedian. I

32:51

would just variable comedian.

32:54

I do think a large majority of women are messed

32:56

up in general, whether doing comedy or not. You

32:58

think women should have the right to vote? Do

33:01

you think women should have driver's license? Who

33:04

really spell? I

33:06

speak for all women when I say I can't spell for

33:09

ship? I really can't. I think

33:11

I got that for my dad. Sure women should

33:13

vote? Why not? Everyone should vote for American idol?

33:15

I think it's your right. So

33:19

why are you playing with your phone's driving

33:21

when you fucking nuts? Clearly

33:23

she's well balanced. I'm touching my phone

33:27

for the listeners at home. Ryan is

33:29

spinning his phone on a table and all

33:31

three of you here spinning my

33:33

phone. Okay, half

33:36

a million you you know that more

33:38

than three people are listening. I

33:40

also go to how Shout Out? I

33:43

know, I know. I was like, I can count on my head

33:45

at least two people in work and my mom and then surely

33:48

someone else that's before

33:51

some people that work some Okay,

33:56

So what do you like about crazy women, because

33:58

you're saying all women are crazy? Yeah, the women

34:00

that you've hooked up that we've talked about anyway, have

34:02

been pretty crazy, like mentally

34:05

unstable, crazy, black and good

34:07

women. I don't want to there are good women out there that

34:11

breaking news. He's like, maybe

34:13

dated some psychos, but in a

34:15

retrospective, that might be my own fault, as I'm

34:17

only dating the ones that come up to me after comedy shows.

34:20

And guess what chick that goes up to the

34:22

comedian after the comedy show is crazy. You

34:24

know what though, when I used to go to comedy shows before I got

34:26

into comedy, I'm just attracted to comedian and

34:28

I told you you were crazy. Well I'm crazy,

34:31

yeah, but you know I'm not like crazy

34:33

crazy. It's not what a crazy person

34:35

says I feel like I'd like to ask your more friend about

34:38

that. I'd like to see what he'd have to say. I'm fucking

34:40

wild man, can't be changed.

34:42

She's she's a wild horse. She's

34:45

been Yeah,

34:47

you know what I'm saying. Oh boy, what is

34:49

a lauring to you about a crazy This is starting to be like

34:51

a morning radio show. I'll

34:55

start with a y sound effects sorry,

35:02

a game called whose dick is that?

35:04

Oh boy, So here's what we're gonna do.

35:07

A guy for the stick, a dig in your ass and

35:09

you want to say, whose dick it is?

35:11

Is that? Right? And then to

35:15

the tickets to some holiday show where

35:17

every performer who's famous right now performs but

35:19

two minutes and no one can breathe.

35:22

I'm excited. Back

35:25

to my fucking question that smile. I'm

35:29

start off with our house. That is you too, that are

35:31

going to dominate Hollywood, you

35:33

know, hollywo Ryan

35:36

said the funniest thing, Ryan,

35:39

Hia. We did a rude game the

35:41

other day. We did

35:43

we did a road gig together the other day, you

35:45

know, roadwork like professional comics, and

35:48

you paid for it or anything you paid for it. I'll

35:50

do anything for money. And so in the

35:52

car Ryan was talking about

35:54

how he was doing some dipshit

35:56

game at colleges. Me, you

35:58

and I were in the backs eat thinking up, guys,

36:01

we fucked and I haven't

36:03

laughed that hard in a ball. Yeah, that's

36:05

sweet, it's not. Literally. Me and Jimmy

36:07

were in the front seat trying to explain to you ladies

36:09

the importance of the road

36:12

and the importance of colleges. And

36:15

I believe Karin, with her oh so

36:17

charming way, was like, I think I'm just going to stay

36:19

in the steady until I

36:21

get on like SNL or something. She's

36:24

like, who who says that? Well,

36:27

you know, so

36:33

you and women, what

36:36

is your feelings towards women? Really? Would

36:38

really yeah? Really crazy? Yeah yeah. If

36:40

we showed you an ink blot paper of a woman,

36:43

what would you what would the word be? Checks here? A lot of work,

36:45

man, And if if you're gonna be into that sort

36:47

of hobby your habit, then you've got to be able

36:49

to handle the baggage. Stick

36:53

you ask the question, here's an answer. It's just what

36:55

it is. I think you're all pretty damaging a lot of work.

36:57

And if you must

36:59

shot, if you must be with the chicks, you might as well

37:01

be good looking, so you can. When you're looking across

37:03

the table and you're like, why am I putting up with this,

37:05

You're like, oh, that's why. This is another

37:07

conversation we had in the car. Would

37:10

you rather have someone who was good looking or

37:12

smart? And I said smart, yeah, because

37:14

that's sustainable, and rany

37:16

that made that sound then ordered a salad at

37:18

Burger King. So

37:21

now I'm going to live forever? Are

37:24

you

37:28

stitches in the back pockets? You

37:30

hung out with strippers the other day? Well, you don't

37:32

know what was the

37:35

red flat? What were the signs? And they came

37:37

up with you after a comedy show. I'm familiar

37:39

with the some strippers have been around them before,

37:41

and these two girls were dressed very

37:43

nicely, so like we had all these grand plans

37:46

of taking them out. And then the more I

37:48

started to talk to him, the more I realized that I

37:50

don't think they were who they said they were, Like,

37:53

for example, they said they were graduate students

37:55

for nursing, and you don't go to graduate

37:57

school for nursing. It's like an eight months nurses,

38:00

it's like a tech school. And

38:03

then sorry,

38:05

nurses. Then

38:08

I started tattoo and one of them, and I was

38:10

like, oh, that's a great tattoo AND's like, thanks, I got seven.

38:12

That's waits the flag. You don't

38:14

have seven tattoos and go to graduate school. What

38:17

a correlation there? But there

38:19

ads up, you know what I'm saying. And then she's

38:21

like, I also have piercings and one of those was heard clips.

38:23

I was like, all right, come on, now, I

38:25

love a girl with a good clip ring. You

38:28

know what I'm saying. Have you ever a girl with the clip ring ring?

38:30

No? That would scare me away. I think

38:32

why because it just means they're crazy. They're

38:35

wearing using bed Are

38:37

you likely? What I like to do is read poetry

38:39

to women. Don't know you?

38:41

You don't Danny palm rus be you? Yeah,

38:45

that's just for the listening inside. Yeah no,

38:48

but like what are you? Poor Danny? You had Danny on the

38:50

show, Poor Danny. God, you

38:52

guys are like brothers Danny maybe

38:54

lucky Danny.

38:56

So like, okay, so when you want

38:59

to bet a woman, when I want a bed woman,

39:01

that's what I call it to. Well, that's very poetic

39:03

of you, that's very nice. What do you do? What

39:05

are your moves? Obviously you're not going to go for you

39:07

don't like. Particularly in your your

39:10

instance, a red flag for you means a ton of

39:12

tattoos, lying about what you do, and

39:14

a bunch of the clip piercings. Well, I

39:16

just I never said I wasn't

39:18

gonna sleep with those girls. I just said I wasn't gonna put

39:20

an effort into sleeping with those There's

39:23

a little like when I first met them, I was like, Oh,

39:25

we take these chicks to cool New York City rooftop bar,

39:27

and then like after ten minutes, I was like, Oh, I'm

39:29

gonna take them to the bar downstairs at Gotham

39:31

and get him a free drink. So you

39:33

do comedy. I'm sure they didn't expect like huge,

39:36

like rooftop bottle service. That

39:39

was such a compliment. That

39:42

was a direct insult. It wasn't she

39:45

was trying to be nice. I wasn't. I

39:47

love comedians. I love I think that's a very attractive

39:50

thing. But if I saw comedian on stage

39:52

and it was really funny, I just want to be around him. I'm

39:54

not trying to like have a grandiose night or anything.

39:57

Unless they thought, you know, on Saturday

39:59

Line or something. I don't know.

40:02

They were dressed nice enough that I was like, but no,

40:04

no, no no. I know roof top bars that are cheap, don't worry about

40:06

it. I know places that look awesome that you'd

40:08

be like, oh my god, this is amazing. But really, Ryan

40:10

isn't the Julius non Jews. I

40:12

got drunk at a diner. That's

40:16

awesome. Boy, that

40:18

was back in the bad days.

40:21

The only person I with

40:23

my alcoholic ex boyfriends,

40:26

I would get drunk at diners my

40:28

first year in New York. Married. He's married.

40:30

Yeah, you actually got married. My

40:33

exes are married, engaged, gonna

40:35

get engaged. I never will get married because

40:37

he's a reclusive billionaire who

40:39

lives on a hill, who's very difficult.

40:42

Is this reclusive billionaire?

40:45

Yeah? Do you want to marry him? Maybe

40:48

you're into it. I don't know. I also want to point

40:50

out that Ryan isn't using his real voice

40:52

right now. Yeah, he's quiet. It's

40:54

like a seductive radio voice trying

40:57

to get us in bed or something. What do you do when

40:59

you're trying to support run? So no, I'm not trying to

41:01

get you in bed. Sorry, Amber, my

41:03

brother. So that's weird. Um, what do you do to

41:05

get a woman in bed when you want or when when

41:08

you want to work hard for it, when you actually give a

41:10

ship, not some click ring fucking

41:12

tattoo ring hole.

41:14

I want to hang out with that. But whatever,

41:17

it's not challenge. It's not if your

41:19

comedian is pretty easy, just your

41:21

male comedian. So Ryan

41:23

is good looking. Yeah, I've seen your post

41:25

current, so I think you're putting up some decent numbers.

41:28

I don't think what your Facebook

41:30

post. You're always boozing and sleeping

41:32

with different dudes. Oh, I just called

41:35

you good looking and then you called me a slut.

41:37

No, because I just wanted to reiterate

41:39

that the anti slut shaming show,

41:42

Yeah podcast, That's exactly what it is. This

41:44

is celebration of Yeah.

41:46

But you said you said it in a tone.

41:48

No. I wasn't trying to say in time, you were like No.

41:52

Also, on this road trip, he goes,

41:55

I complimented him, and he goes, I saw

41:57

you flirting with every comedian on Facebook.

41:59

It doesn't even make anything anymore. She

42:02

puts it out there, She puts it out there.

42:04

Maybe I just have charisma. Does that

42:06

intimidate your Ryan race? Does it intimidate

42:09

me? Yeah? I don't know we're gonna fight later.

42:11

Why would it intimidate me gonna fight later?

42:13

And you guys want to leave, I'll leave, I'll

42:16

leave. I think that's the evolution of this show. Eventually,

42:18

you're gonna have to fuck someone on the podcast.

42:22

I mean, no, well

42:25

you do you want to do? And I'll just sit back. I

42:29

can't funk anybody. I can't do

42:31

that. I can't suck anybody. Uh

42:35

Being recorded in any way if

42:37

I had good takes me out of it. Takes me out

42:39

of it. And I don't want anybody to see me naked

42:41

ever, except my boyfriends or whoever. It's

42:44

a podcast, so yeah, you know you don't

42:46

want anyone to see you naked ever. I'm

42:48

weird about that. It's so interesting because

42:51

the people with the best bodies

42:53

are weirdest about it. And then Lena Dunn,

42:55

I'm just here. Do

42:58

you like being naked? Race? I

43:02

never talking to it. You used to be overweight?

43:04

But how what? I never knew

43:07

you? That was a while ago, right, And I'll show you if I

43:09

don't know one knew that. I feel like I saw I've

43:11

seen a photo. I'll overweight. Were

43:13

you three pounds pounds

43:16

heavier than I am. Now, so what

43:19

had you ever? When did you lose your virginity? Old?

43:22

I was old because you're fat two

43:24

And it wasn't even a plan at all.

43:27

What had happened was I had told

43:29

a couple of girls that I dated right after I lost weight that I was a

43:31

virgin and they couldn't fucking run fast

43:33

enough away from me. Really, I

43:36

wish it interested I'll virginized

43:38

someone. I would love to de virginize somebody,

43:40

but girls rarely get that opportunity.

43:42

So I started lying about it sorted just

43:45

just you know, just lying and uh, it

43:47

looks like it was stretched, but it's not. No,

43:50

that's that's my say. Yeah, I was dating

43:52

a girl and uh, we were hooking up on our couch

43:54

and she grabbed

43:57

my junk and stuck it in. Really

43:59

were heard, Yeah,

44:03

my dick was up to the scene was

44:05

going on. She was gonna give me a hand up, and she just

44:07

stuck it in, suck it in. So it was just like that.

44:10

I feel like that was my first time. I just kind of hopped on.

44:12

You know, mine was mine

44:15

was real plan day. I got my braces

44:17

off. Mine was a real day.

44:21

He was the best dentist ever in so many ways.

44:25

I had a crush on my buts An know the story.

44:27

So I'm very fascinated by the

44:31

mentality of a former fat person. I

44:33

have a few friends who used to be fat, and I really think this is

44:36

It's a very there's I can always, like,

44:39

especially with girls more than guys, that I can usually tell

44:41

if someone used to be fat by talking to

44:43

them. And I'm like, I always can tell something is weird

44:46

or like why they're like kind of weirdly

44:48

insecure. And but then I

44:50

when I learned that they used to be fat, I'm like, oh, that's why

44:53

you're doing that, or like if it's like a hot girl who's

44:55

like being way too nice. And then I found I find

44:57

out she used to be fat, I'm like, oh, it's all coming

44:59

to get That's the holy grail right there, I got

45:01

a fat check the loss in weight. It

45:05

was a very specific personality sword

45:07

though, because fat has like a relapse

45:09

rate of Like, so if you get with a girl

45:11

who's lost weight, there is a chance she may get

45:13

big again. There's a chance, right, I mean, I don't

45:16

care, and God forbid, I know you don't care because

45:18

fat people don't deserve love, and that's the main message

45:20

of the spot. I love my Dad's I love

45:23

happy. In fact, fat Ryan Reese,

45:25

were you funny when you were fat? No? I was shy

45:28

and uh so that's interesting. So did

45:30

the funny come from that? From the struggle of being

45:32

fat? People are horrible? So

45:35

what was the very fattest society?

45:38

What was that? Because society is a dick and that's

45:40

why people who overweight all fat guys

45:42

I mean not you do, I really do? And you blowing

45:44

them? Yeah? No, no, no no, no, I like fat

45:47

guys. It's not like, yeah,

45:49

I'm not talking like like insanely obese,

45:51

but I like chupsters like I do.

45:54

I've heard that before. Now they're

45:57

kindly and they're they're kindly and they're usually funny

45:59

to make up. I have heard. I have heard.

46:02

This is a question for both of you. I've heard that

46:06

women don't really want to marry

46:08

Brad Pitt. They all want to fuck him, but no one wants

46:10

a guy that good looking because he's hard to keep.

46:13

Is this something that that's very insecure?

46:15

But I I get that, like

46:19

chicks aren't always looking for the best dude in the world.

46:21

They want to. It would be dude at the PTA

46:24

meeting. Yeah, that's what. It would be exhausting

46:26

to be married to Brad Pitt. Yes, unless

46:28

or Angelie and Jolie and then it's fine and then it's

46:30

like even Yeah, but you know there is

46:32

that. Yeah, if I was dating the one guy hooked up

46:35

with who won't come up on the podcast, So we'll just talk

46:37

about him, not in a bad way. But his name was Shane

46:39

and he's a model, and I hooked up with him,

46:42

and I just didn't want to be seen with him

46:44

in public because I knew that we

46:46

were on two different levels of attractive. He

46:49

was like up here and I was just like Trollville

46:52

because he was so good looking and and so

46:54

yeah, I kind of I wouldn't date a guy

46:56

that looked like crap pit because but

46:59

who's a legit model like on

47:01

all those love cover novels

47:05

only dates older chicks. It's

47:09

like, I don't know, because oh my God, worship

47:11

his ball sack. That's why ball Sack

47:14

worships older women. That's

47:17

what's going to happen to me when I get old. Wait

47:21

wait, wait, you've never put balls in your mouth? Absolutely,

47:24

there's been some balls in the mount, But

47:26

I don't worship. I'm thinking, no,

47:28

I feel like older women really give

47:30

that TLC. I've

47:33

never dated older he sacked with older. No,

47:36

he's discussed when your ball sackets

47:38

worship. No. No, No amount of ground pepper

47:41

in the world can make an older woman's

47:43

pussy edi ballis an

47:45

inside joke. No, Ryan's

47:47

like steak Ryan. Ryan. This

47:49

a little fact about Ryan puts pepper

47:52

on every and not just a little bit pepper. The

47:54

kind were you were you on? Here? Do

47:57

put pepper on everyone? I don't

47:59

can't believe you haven't noticed this. It's the number

48:01

one thing I've noticed about Ryan. It's either it's like either

48:03

I'm drinking everything or I'm not drinking.

48:05

I mean, they're using every pepper in the room.

48:08

I'm not using pepper like there's no one between

48:10

with me. So you're an addict. I

48:12

was gonna say, that's an addict kind of behavior. I'm

48:14

like that though, with for example, popcorn.

48:16

I popcorn every day of my life. I'm addicted

48:18

to popcorn. That's how I'm with diet cope. And I mean,

48:20

but I can wean myself up right now, I'm on it. I'm

48:23

not. You're you're

48:25

asking for someone to dump a diet coke on your heads.

48:27

Well, because before I go on stage, I have to

48:30

I have to have a diet coke. It's like a little just

48:32

a little, like that little burst of energy

48:34

that I need. Yeah, I know,

48:37

I mean, fucking Pepper's fun whatever

48:39

the pepper it up, baby, whatever it is,

48:41

man, I just need so funny pepper. I'm

48:43

like that with salt. Yeah, whatever,

48:46

whatever it is. Man, I just sneeze everywhere. Um,

48:50

what is the

48:52

ultimate red flag for you? Other than a clip ring and

48:54

its hat too? Look,

48:56

man, the thing with red flags is, I think we all

48:58

see them, but depending on who you're dealing with, you ignore

49:01

them, you know, like you know, right, so willing

49:03

will ignorant. There was ever, there was

49:05

every red flag in the book. But I was I was

49:07

like, yeah, I'm sure it's fine. Every

49:10

even how many? Like what were her some of some

49:12

examples in red flags? First first date,

49:15

she must have brought up like least fifteen

49:17

different ex boyfriends

49:20

a lot, like a lot. And then so it seems like she

49:22

was going out of her way to like specifically talk

49:24

about exes. Well yeah, just all right, So

49:26

she was very attractive and she was in graduate school.

49:28

So to keep telling me that she keeps having these bad

49:30

relationships is like on the first date. To lay all

49:32

that on me is kind of like, yeah, there's evidence of

49:35

like, well, why fault. There was an alkie, but

49:37

not like a cool alkie, like a like

49:39

a drinking on the job, putting a little whiskey in the

49:41

coffee alkie. That's just fun

49:43

guy, fun guy. That's

49:45

ed the half ball guy. You know. It's

49:47

like someone who woke up with a bottle of supermarket

49:50

wine next to their bed and took a swig. Oh, I'm sorry, that's

49:52

from personal experience. Go on, living

49:55

the dream creer. Sweet,

50:00

do that when someone I give

50:02

my heart and soul too, did that? Oh

50:05

so don't worry, Okay, move on, it's

50:07

go. Oh she hit her mom, but like

50:09

got on fist fights with her. Oh yeah,

50:11

that's a flag. So I mean it

50:13

could mean that her mom was horrible. But no,

50:16

I think it's weird if people getting I've never I'm very

50:18

aggressive and I've never gotten into physical higher

50:21

life. Have you changed high schools? How

50:26

are you even on like entree by the time you get

50:29

on this information? Oh, I don't know, she's really

50:31

hot. You don't

50:33

mind me of one of my good friends, Jeff,

50:35

he just likes hot chick. He's

50:38

so hot. The sex

50:40

was awesome. That's crazy. Crazy.

50:42

I've heard that crazy chicks are because

50:45

they just don't give a funk and they just do whatever they're gonna

50:47

do. They know they're

50:50

not good people, so they make up for another. I don't

50:52

think just because you're crazy doesn't mean you're a good person.

50:54

I know a lot of good people are crazy persons,

50:58

reckless. Okay, well that's just so you just

51:00

how long did you date this person on and off?

51:02

Two years? And just

51:05

because she was hot? Was she fun?

51:08

People are fun? I don't I don't know what happened. Like

51:10

I had a pretty good hold of the relationship for a

51:12

little while, and then we broke up and it

51:14

was It was probably the worst breakup

51:17

of my life. It was like a real like like

51:20

if you you knew me after the fact,

51:22

but like if you had known me at that time, Like I couldn't

51:24

stop talking about it. Well, this wasn't

51:27

the one who left you for the hipster?

51:30

Okay, okay, we were talking about

51:32

this ship

51:38

there was we had one of the gigs

51:40

that we did with it was me, you and Jimmy and you

51:42

were talking about it and I wanted to know what

51:45

was happening, and you were like happy to divote. You wanted

51:47

to tell the story, and so I heard it and it was fun.

51:49

And then like like the on the Right

51:51

Home, we were talking about sucking football and Ryan

51:54

goes and she just she's

51:56

left the box of stuff in the

51:59

funk are you talking about? We're talking about television?

52:01

He goes, just that girl, like, oh my god. Well,

52:03

because we were we were all together

52:05

on the road a lot last year, You and I, Christina

52:08

and and Ryan and Jimmy, Payla and

52:11

uh out and and Ryan

52:13

and I were both in a severe

52:16

deep break up because you both kind

52:18

of went You were a little sooner, but then you caught

52:20

on and then you were both in the same little pool and it was

52:23

just fucking miserable. It was a kiddie

52:25

pool full of knives and blood and you were just swim It

52:27

was so bad. How

52:30

what made how? What made you get over? Like? What made

52:32

you? Are you still upset about it? No? No,

52:34

no no, Because uh, I

52:36

didn't really like the chick. I like a lot

52:39

of things about her? How long did it take for you to realize,

52:41

Oh, we wouldn't have never worked done anyway.

52:43

I never had, like even even thinking about that. I don't

52:45

really have any positive stories of her feel

52:48

feelings, not anymore now, Like,

52:50

how do you ever? Like, I'm serious, you've seen much

52:54

and me and I'm not a big feelings

52:56

feeler. I look at love the way people

52:58

that have seen UFO relate

53:01

those stories, like in the moment, it was very real,

53:03

but now that I've got some distance from it, I'm like, I don't

53:05

know if it was real. But

53:07

that's that's what she was such a comedian

53:09

answer that that was because you

53:12

guys are compatible, really, and she's nuts and

53:14

you wouldn't really want to Who are you compatible

53:16

with? Who is? If

53:19

I hear one more? Girl will be like, but we're so different.

53:21

That's the point. I don't want to date me. Sometimes

53:24

I'm like, our men and women really compatible.

53:27

I don't know if they are because there's so

53:29

many differences that are

53:31

just very different. Well that's why everyone sexual.

53:36

Yeah, I love metro sexual guys.

53:38

I don't like metro sexual. I like legit. I'm

53:41

not sure if you have or have not put a cock in your mouth.

53:43

That's how close I like to it. Yeah, yeah, I'm

53:46

sorry, you heard me? Starter

53:51

or I don't mind if you listen.

53:53

If I was on the guy, No,

53:55

but I would and I don't and I don't. I don't care if

53:58

someone's like experimented it. It

54:00

doesn't bother me. In fact, it turns me on a little bit

54:02

to feel like a freaking like. My boyfriend told

54:04

me that he made out with a dude and I thought it was hot. Yeah,

54:07

no, I don't know that's hot. Good

54:09

for him for bass to try it out really

54:12

and he didn't like get it. He said our beards touched

54:14

that that's what happened. But

54:17

no, I tried, but that's I hooked

54:19

up a girl. I

54:21

tried to for me. For

54:26

me, it doesn't fly. Beard

54:31

and Clogne's

54:33

just sexy. There

54:36

was there was this independent film

54:38

called Get Real, and I used

54:41

to rent this film so much that I had

54:43

to buy it off eBay. And it was just about

54:45

this is the night my sexual relationship,

54:48

and it turned me on so much. This was my

54:50

porn before I was watching porn. I got

54:52

it in high school. No,

54:55

no, because I didn't aster me before. I love my

54:57

first boyfriend taught me how to masturbate. So

55:00

this was in high school. I mean I had a boyfriend in high school

55:02

at one at one point, but that was not I don't even consider him

55:04

a real boyfriend. Um, I liked him

55:06

a lot, but it just like I wasn't I wasn't

55:09

mature enough to have what I considered to be a

55:11

real relationship. I was in living

55:13

at my parents house. I mean, I just don't think anything can

55:15

really can go on there for me from the

55:17

way I grew up. Um, but yeah,

55:19

no, and I just probably ruined that mom

55:22

that movie from my mother, and I'm sorry, well

55:24

whatever, but it was just it wasn't like no, I

55:27

wasn't like it. Just it just turned me

55:29

on the way it turns on a lot of men to see two

55:31

chicks making out. Yeah, I liked it. I like

55:33

men so much that instead of having a man

55:36

and a woman, I'm like, let's get rid of that woman, put

55:39

a picture and put a dude in there.

55:41

Yeah. I don't know that a lot of women feel the same

55:43

way as you. Got I agree.

55:45

I think we have this podcast always,

55:48

we have people right and we're like, I'm not that sexual.

55:50

Is that okay, Like, of course it's okay. We are

55:52

not the bar of sexuality

55:55

maniacs. Um, yeah, when

55:58

did you start masturbating? Oh?

56:02

When I'm sorry, fantastic,

56:05

when I learned how to suck my own disper best decision. How

56:09

old are you? I was

56:11

like, every week it gets

56:14

younger, Christie and I was like six or seven. I

56:16

came out of the wool masturbin again.

56:19

I was like, damn, that feels good. Where where's

56:21

the party? It feels better

56:24

than getting out of this boom? Is my finger? I'm a post

56:29

that's so disturbing. Oh

56:32

you crossed it finally

56:34

breathe. So you think

56:36

you guys are taking the show to the Disney Channel? You

56:40

know? Oh

56:44

my god, I'm

56:46

thinking a masturbating hate you

56:49

just want to be here for this moment. I hate you so much.

56:51

I was a little drunk. I texted you that yesterday.

56:54

Well what did you text her? Um?

56:58

I said, well, I didn't even know who the guest was on

57:00

the podcast, and I didn't know if it was your Jimmy because

57:02

you were both in the running. You

57:04

were available. But

57:07

you mean this last minute booking that came in yesterday

57:10

wasn't particulously planned out. We've

57:13

asked you like a zillion times, so don't fucking I'm

57:16

sorry you're always doing things,

57:18

umbe it

57:21

is. It's way more important than anything I have gone on. I was

57:23

writing jokes for step Meyers, like fucking

57:25

a hope, how put

57:28

it a

57:30

homeless person? And then you like jerk off in the air

57:33

all over him and you're like, suck on that. Why

57:35

does every comedian jerk off on a homeless person?

57:38

It's very It's like

57:40

no, but I don't even know what it is. I don't know why people it's

57:42

very The only person I think

57:44

of is David Tall, and I'd be like, poetry,

57:48

so tell me more. Okay, So

57:51

yeah, we were texting whose guest I found out was you, and I

57:53

was like very excited. I was like, yeah, I have a lot, I

57:56

have a lot to talk about with Ryan. I

57:58

feel like it's going to get very heated um at

58:00

points, but I'm having such a nice time with you. Okay,

58:03

Well you're using your faith voice and I don't appreciate that.

58:05

And then and then you're

58:09

making me sorry I'm nervous, Um,

58:12

don't. I'm not nervous, but it's just weird because you're

58:14

sitting here. And then I told

58:17

her, you're you're gonna love this big

58:22

and then I'm getting comfortable and

58:25

I told her that after uh

58:28

we we parted ways.

58:30

Um after the road gig. That

58:32

was Saturday, right, that's Sunday

58:36

in the evening. Uh twas

58:38

the eve of Sunday. I masturbated

58:41

pretty hard to you, right, pretty hard?

58:45

What do you think of that? Fantastic?

58:49

Have you masturbated to people? Do you masturbate to

58:51

people? I would hope yes, Well

58:54

not, I guess as opposed

58:56

to just to just porn, right,

58:59

because you surbate to people. Actually

59:02

I don't do I don't do well. I mean I have masturbated

59:04

and porn, but that's only like if I'm really not horny

59:06

and I really need to get horny. Most times

59:09

I can just do it based off people that I know. Yeah,

59:12

what do you do? Basically, it's

59:15

just it's more of a question of when I want

59:18

to walk and get my computer or not really,

59:20

so you always watch because

59:22

sometimes I don't. That's

59:25

literally a lazy question. Drop something.

59:28

Okay, do you masturbate all the time? What's

59:31

all the time? I'm here now all the time? When

59:33

you're not here writing

59:36

jokes like how how can you masturbate

59:38

it? Because I just have this thing where I feel like

59:40

guys just jerk

59:42

off all the time. You have to get everywhere,

59:45

you get angry if you don't. Yeah,

59:48

is that true? It releases tension because because a

59:51

lot of people are like, fucking control yourself. I mean,

59:53

obviously there are instances where you need to control yourself,

59:55

and it's fine, But in this particular, like masturbating

59:57

all the time, I don't think you necessarily have to control yourself

59:59

because want to masturbate all time? You just masturbate all time as

1:00:01

long as it doesn't get him in a way of your life. If you don't

1:00:04

masturbate on someone doesn't want to get masturbated, well, that's

1:00:06

like getting into sex s addic. Territorially, we've

1:00:08

talked to some of our past guests about like if, if,

1:00:10

if anything sexual you're doing is actually like interrupting

1:00:13

the flow of your life, maybe

1:00:15

should we evaluate, Yeah, maybe you should change

1:00:17

your life to incorporate your hobby

1:00:20

or is it masturbating. Brian got real cocky after

1:00:22

I told him, how do you feel about that? His whole

1:00:25

body language? Are you surprised. Were

1:00:29

you like to change the sound that that

1:00:31

was? This was this was Miami, that was

1:00:34

my I

1:00:36

mean, if I could give thank you speech for

1:00:38

that, like, you know, like my nutritionist

1:00:42

worked real hard to lose weight fast

1:00:44

food places. Maybe King's King

1:00:47

Salad has really really made it happen for

1:00:49

me, my trainer, thank him for that.

1:00:53

I do, um, you

1:00:55

know when I was, when I was a kid, I probably more

1:00:57

than I do now. Well, in the it

1:01:00

doesn't take much time. How long

1:01:02

does it take? I was asking Stephen. I was

1:01:04

like, how a long it takes you masturbate? And He's like, oh, like a minute,

1:01:07

a minute, like a two minutes.

1:01:09

Takes me longer to find something too

1:01:11

than it does. Well, right, I guess that's that

1:01:13

is all the time. If you don't put that phone

1:01:15

down, Ryan, I'm gonna lose Sitting in

1:01:17

my bed the other day, No,

1:01:20

I don't. This is not I'm

1:01:23

want to hear about this until the day I die. Yeah,

1:01:25

until you get something better to you

1:01:28

know, mock him. I don't know. I'm pretty

1:01:30

sure it jerked off to you. Pretty sure.

1:01:32

Don't just dumped that on me. Well, it wasn't.

1:01:35

Within the last two days Okay,

1:01:37

Well I wasn't within the last two days either. It

1:01:39

was this weekend and me it's

1:01:41

not. It's more than two days. It

1:01:43

was on Sunday. So do we

1:01:46

have a masterbatorial relationship?

1:01:50

Sends? Well, that's nice?

1:01:53

Can that be a sitcom? Now?

1:01:55

I feel good? Guys, your

1:01:57

dirty laundry? It feels good. So

1:02:00

how many times a day do mess? Do you want to know what? Wait?

1:02:06

Do we want to know what? What? What was

1:02:08

he doing? When was

1:02:10

he taken? At? Was he taken a load? Down?

1:02:13

The goal? Real life? My

1:02:16

Kiden was on life? Ryan? Where did I finish?

1:02:18

We? No? No, no, we were having sex? You weren't.

1:02:21

I don't, I'm I don't. I don't like

1:02:23

to give blow jobs to just anybody. We don't have a relationship

1:02:26

where I would do that. We're not clear.

1:02:28

We're not dating and maybe maybe in the next fantasy,

1:02:31

which is which is weird for because the period

1:02:33

of my time, I was getting way more below

1:02:35

jobs than I was getting because most girls will

1:02:38

give a blowjob over having sex. I I'll

1:02:40

just have sex with any old person me

1:02:44

sex, Yeah, name the time of

1:02:46

place of the person. Yeah, it's for me. If I give you a blowjob.

1:02:48

That's saying, hey, that's like you're special.

1:02:52

You got something. Look look at me, Look at me. You're

1:02:54

gonna somebody. You're doing good. Um,

1:02:57

I was fucking you. I was sitting

1:02:59

on your because

1:03:04

this is the ultimate power struggle

1:03:06

right here. So I was sucking you in the front seat

1:03:08

of the STV that we drove on the King too. I mean, very

1:03:11

classic, very

1:03:13

classic, the front seat so that you're parked driving.

1:03:17

There's this Charlie

1:03:19

Sheen movie where he's a criminal and needs

1:03:21

in the getaway car, right and he and

1:03:23

this girl fucked him as he's uh

1:03:26

driving the car away from the police, and holy shit,

1:03:29

that was so hot. And also I always wanted to like a

1:03:31

criminal. Um, I have a lot

1:03:33

of things. I have a lot of vampires.

1:03:35

Criminal. Are

1:03:38

you a belliger an asshole? Or have

1:03:40

you committed a life of crime called Karrinne?

1:03:45

Oh boy, this is fun. So

1:03:48

when you jerked off to Karne, what

1:03:50

was she doing? He doesn't even know If that happened now,

1:03:54

it would have been it would have been probably last year

1:03:56

we were doing all those road gigs, I

1:03:58

noticed that we never got to do like want a road gig

1:04:01

like by yourselves last year. Um,

1:04:03

and I was wondering if that was because you were too afraid I was gonna

1:04:05

take advantage of you, which

1:04:07

I would have definitely tried to know.

1:04:11

What would you do? You have a cup of sugar,

1:04:15

so do you have some eggs? And I'm liking a cake?

1:04:17

What would you do if Karane just grabbed

1:04:20

your dick? Like just walking

1:04:22

down the road together tank

1:04:24

two friends caring some speakers. I was really upset

1:04:27

when there was a third person on this text words like I'm

1:04:29

gonna say. I was like, we

1:04:32

just it. Yeah, I always bring through people.

1:04:34

Well, maybe now that you know, now

1:04:37

that you know you both dropped off to each other, maybe just have a

1:04:39

funk fast and get paid for it. Hello,

1:04:43

I want commission on that. Well

1:04:46

does pay? Christina did not come meakers,

1:04:49

Healy, I

1:04:51

don't have a job, y'all. So

1:04:54

for this next gig, Christina, you're

1:04:56

gonna open from v Skype.

1:05:01

Yeah, who is the last person you masturbated

1:05:04

to? Oh? I

1:05:06

don't know, like real person? Yeah,

1:05:09

name and Twitter handle police. We're

1:05:11

gonna look up the last person. It would have been.

1:05:13

It would have just been porn. I think really well,

1:05:15

and that's why she said the last real person. Yeah,

1:05:19

what kind of porn do you? It was me. You can just look into my eyes

1:05:21

and slowly say, do you like fucked up porn? What's

1:05:24

what constitutes like a chick

1:05:26

getting sucked by a goat or something? Midgets?

1:05:28

But I'm sorry, little people don't

1:05:31

eat little people tweeted about

1:05:33

midget You know what, fucking midgets? No,

1:05:35

little people have it got. If

1:05:37

you're a little person and you listen to this podcast, um

1:05:40

number one, I hope that car is safe, you

1:05:46

know, always we think. I

1:05:50

don't know what that really meant, but I

1:05:53

think it's why my people all listen to the podcast

1:05:55

and cars, because I have that that new l a mentality.

1:05:59

And I was just hoping the little person had

1:06:01

like a little bar the proper steep, but also

1:06:03

like a big block of void attached. I

1:06:06

really like Little People, Big World. That was

1:06:08

one of my favorite show. We

1:06:12

know. One of the main differences between

1:06:14

men and women. I wish everybody could see Ryan's

1:06:16

face is that I

1:06:18

think a pinpointed out a huge thing then

1:06:21

and everyone says men are simple, right, Well

1:06:23

they fuck they fucking are you

1:06:26

are? And by simple, I mean it's

1:06:28

there's nothing to do with the level of intelligence at all. It's

1:06:30

when a woman, like a woman can walk down

1:06:32

the street and see like a crane,

1:06:34

like a construction crane, and in point

1:06:37

five seconds she could think of twelve different

1:06:39

scenarios that could go wrong with that construction crane

1:06:41

or like what could happen and you're just like, it's

1:06:43

a crane. Actually I was thinking penis, Well,

1:06:47

yeah, I mean that's one of the twelve. I think that's

1:06:49

a woman thing. I think that's a mental thing like

1:06:51

that. That's like I don't think that, Christie,

1:06:54

just like you

1:06:57

think of the block wood you got it tied to the pedal,

1:06:59

like do have a lot of detail? Was

1:07:02

like a hair for the little person to drive

1:07:04

a car? Right paired, Like if

1:07:06

you're gonna go to Disney World, you know we're

1:07:08

gonna do Epcot, then we're gonna do Universal

1:07:11

Universal. Yeah, you know, like when Paul and

1:07:13

I went to Disney World gather it was very

1:07:15

well planned. Had I gone with the man, who would have been

1:07:17

like, that's

1:07:20

exactly how I sound. What

1:07:24

do you think the main difference between men and women is aside

1:07:26

from parts? Right, Oh,

1:07:30

you're right, we're simple. We're simple. When I say difficult.

1:07:32

I mean that complicated, challenging,

1:07:36

challenging sounds were like sound

1:07:38

like our genitals just just a big

1:07:40

pain in them? Who texted you? I

1:07:43

am love

1:07:46

them and

1:07:48

talk about midgets and masturbation. I'm switching

1:07:51

spots. So okay,

1:07:55

where is the spot danger fields? It is? How

1:07:57

did you know? Because you're the only person I know

1:08:00

performs there, I

1:08:02

have to say it's it's it really speaks

1:08:04

to this alright. Look, I admire both your

1:08:07

work ethic when it comes to this business. It's

1:08:09

really something that is impressive. And there's why

1:08:11

do you guys that are new comedians that really work

1:08:14

hard, that are it's really import full

1:08:16

house lecture of the podcast, I do what was coming.

1:08:19

I'm impressed by that. I am impressed

1:08:21

by that. But I don't know how

1:08:23

much you guys care or are interested

1:08:25

in anything that became before you, Like,

1:08:28

I know, you know what's heal, you know, but there's a lot of great

1:08:30

comedians in New York. You guys don't even You

1:08:33

were saying it the other day, you're saying, I'm discovering all these

1:08:35

comedians. Yeah, when they're younger though, like like

1:08:37

uh, Vladimir, he's younger he's

1:08:39

in his thirties. But around the joking,

1:08:42

one of my favorite comedians is Whendy Lieman,

1:08:44

Like, are you joking? Well? When Pression has had a

1:08:46

lot of TV expers comedians, do

1:08:49

you know Greg Warren? Yeah? I do, Actually

1:08:52

I do. He's the one who I just switched spots with a Dangerfields.

1:08:54

The club, you don't tell they don't hire

1:08:56

women. That's why I don't go there. Know

1:09:00

they don't. They don't hire women to

1:09:03

work there. They hire female comedians though, and

1:09:05

the reason is they really

1:09:07

don't tell exactly what it's about. No drama.

1:09:12

That's very rarely. Don't want to listen.

1:09:14

Man, when you work at a comedy club and this

1:09:16

and this happens, you know, comediently with waite staff,

1:09:19

and then like, yeah, it's pretty kind of like if

1:09:21

I just come in and stare at my notes. I've had instances

1:09:23

where waitresses will be upset. But a danger Fields

1:09:26

you don't you don't have to be nice to anyone. You don't have to

1:09:28

talk to anyone. I can leave without saying about anyone. Know where

1:09:30

are we going to separate the black and the white comics? Now? This

1:09:32

is very weird. It's

1:09:35

very weird. If you come in and say comedians, I said, wait,

1:09:37

staff, I'm talking. You know, I understand, I understand,

1:09:39

but but I just would be upset

1:09:42

that you didn't pay attention or if you weren't if you know

1:09:44

how women are christ if you don't, if you don't come

1:09:46

in and you're not very social with

1:09:48

them, you're just I

1:09:50

just don't think guys care about like everyone's

1:09:53

just sew up on Ryan's cock that if you ever

1:09:55

not even saying that. What

1:09:57

I'm saying though, is like if you walk into Dangerfields,

1:10:01

uh, and you don't feel like talking to anyone, they may

1:10:03

just go those guy's an asshole. Okay, now we know

1:10:05

he's an asshole. That's it. They're not. There's no big

1:10:08

deal about it. There's no we don't like him, there's no

1:10:10

like, oh, let's do this. It's just this guy is

1:10:12

the way he is, and we'll disrespect that

1:10:15

and we'll just move along with So now we know why Ryan's at Dangerfields

1:10:17

a lot. They respect your assholary.

1:10:21

I'm a comedy club on Monday as well,

1:10:24

and Stand Up New York on Sunday. We'll

1:10:27

do plugs at the end. So, and I think female

1:10:29

community are very funny. I actually do. Don't

1:10:32

separate us, Well,

1:10:35

we're funny. Is it not

1:10:37

part of the conversation of comedy that there's this constant

1:10:39

conflict. Well, it's interesting because Kard and I wrote

1:10:41

an article or like a little response

1:10:43

for this blog ravish Lye and the

1:10:46

question they wanted us answer the question, Uh,

1:10:48

you know, with all the male voices dominating late

1:10:50

night, answer the question, are men really

1:10:52

funnier than women? Well, of course they're not. Fucking gender

1:10:55

and humor have do not correlate.

1:10:57

They don't. They just don't. I don't think so either, But do

1:10:59

have a theory this misconception. Tell

1:11:01

us what happens is like

1:11:04

with your And when I say like with yourselves,

1:11:06

I just mean appearance wise, you're both very attractive

1:11:08

young ladies. Okay, so in the

1:11:11

comedy scene you have seen

1:11:13

I can't take a compliment you

1:11:17

have. You have bookers and producers that are

1:11:20

they get very interested in good looking young girls,

1:11:22

and one of the ways they cur their favor is to give

1:11:24

them. I'm not saying specifically what you guys.

1:11:26

What I'm saying is they give you spots too

1:11:29

early. Then you put a girl

1:11:31

on a set with a bunch of guys even

1:11:33

doing comedy fifteen years, and you have this girl's been doing comedy

1:11:35

two years, doesn't know that that's very

1:11:38

that's a disservice audience, the audience and

1:11:40

they go, boy, everyone was funny and the girl wasn't

1:11:43

good. But it's not the girl's fault. It's just that this

1:11:45

guy, for whatever reason maybe is trying to date or puts

1:11:47

her on early. Like it just it just

1:11:50

that's a really good point. That exact thing happened.

1:11:52

And it's the second time I ever walked in the comic strip that the

1:11:54

owner gave me an audition because I was wearing a crop

1:11:56

top first time I walked in the comic strip.

1:11:59

Job for It's like, that's what they

1:12:01

take you out. But that's exactly what happened,

1:12:04

though, you're exactly right. Literally, Bob gave

1:12:06

me the fucking elevator eyes and you want

1:12:08

to you want an audition, but

1:12:12

but I but

1:12:15

I was, I've been doing

1:12:18

comedy two years. It was a joke.

1:12:20

I wasn't good, and I was like, wow,

1:12:23

he was going to give me that's so awesome.

1:12:25

And then he didn't get any of my jokes because half

1:12:27

of it was because they weren't good and half it was because he's old.

1:12:30

My ship was too young. Yeah,

1:12:32

yeah, yeah,

1:12:35

thank god or will but

1:12:38

yeah, you're that's a very good point. Women

1:12:41

get chances, and I do believe

1:12:43

to uh, if you have like

1:12:46

really pretty people, like I have some friends

1:12:48

that are just like dropped in or you can't stop staring

1:12:50

at him, they I feel like they also go through

1:12:52

life getting handed too many things. And

1:12:54

that's why a lot of times feel like people don't

1:12:57

have really good personality because there's not a

1:12:59

lot of obstacles in the personality. Yeah,

1:13:02

because I never had to develop it, because they just walk in

1:13:04

a room. Everyone's like, what do you want? What do you want? You wasn't

1:13:06

I'll get for you. Like I have a personality because I didn't

1:13:08

wear makeup in high school, you know what I'm

1:13:10

saying. So I had time to develop that and

1:13:13

then I was able to get makeup, appreciate

1:13:15

my comedy. My my

1:13:18

face was just plain old busted in high

1:13:21

school. But I just wasn't good. My

1:13:23

body was insane, but my face just did it

1:13:25

it like morphed into cleaned

1:13:28

up nice. But I just I don't, I

1:13:31

like just was I don't know I was. I

1:13:33

don't know, I was, you know, And then you hold your body

1:13:35

in that Taylor Swift kind of way when you're

1:13:37

yelling, like like you're

1:13:39

like someone on Maryann arms and like I

1:13:44

do, Oh my god, I fucking loved songs.

1:13:46

I do. I don't like her that very much, but her

1:13:48

new songs were like good. I don't like to see one.

1:13:51

She's cute. Do you like? What's

1:13:53

your type? I think it's cute. I think

1:13:55

gangly girls are so fucking Yeah, Christina

1:13:57

a lot, I feel like you're you're the

1:14:00

type. You're the type of person who like casts

1:14:02

like models because models are

1:14:04

always weird looking, and I always think models are disgusting.

1:14:07

I like Hollywood actresses like Catherine

1:14:09

data Jones, classic of Dita Vontis like

1:14:12

a like a milky pin up. We'll

1:14:14

see that's I think that's too easy. That's why I like

1:14:16

weird looking people. A lot of people don't like like the goth

1:14:18

look, though, I like. I like like suicidey girls.

1:14:21

What do you like that? What's wrong? What? What did you just

1:14:23

laugh about that? For? Like suicidey girls?

1:14:26

No, no, no suicide like the

1:14:28

website, not girls who are going to commit suicide,

1:14:30

right, I'm not, you know, a

1:14:33

very specific right on. I

1:14:37

gotta talker off the cliff. But I guess been a while

1:14:39

doing it because she's been on the cliffs

1:14:41

hard as I'm saying, no baby, poke

1:14:44

with my phone and she just falls on my fuck

1:14:47

Anyway, what kind of girls do you like? I

1:14:50

like women that are women. I

1:14:53

like. I like you'd be more vague,

1:14:55

get into it. Just back all. You're

1:14:58

already an old married couple. This is great. I

1:15:00

like girls and girls. I like girly girls. I don't.

1:15:03

I don't need I've dated both types,

1:15:05

and I don't. I don't manly girls, girls

1:15:08

that are a little more on the masculine

1:15:10

side. Friend,

1:15:14

I've had friends that have been like, you know your girlfriend's gay,

1:15:17

right, Like? I don't think

1:15:19

so. She's just like softball

1:15:24

hold out who are mistaken for lesbians.

1:15:26

Actually might the picture I showed you that girl

1:15:29

she was lesbian. She

1:15:31

turned into a lesbian. She was always for

1:15:34

lesbian fat guy,

1:15:36

good move, leslie might when

1:15:39

I when I look back on it, les

1:15:41

mcgate, what when I look

1:15:43

back on it? She we we were seeing

1:15:45

each other. She had a chance to go to the problem with a

1:15:48

guy who I felt was like way better looking

1:15:50

at me and from like Howard Beach and like if

1:15:52

it's a Toian guy. And I was like, oh, he's way better with

1:15:55

me. And I was like, that's so weird. Oh

1:15:58

right, she she did?

1:16:04

You? Did you make out with her? I did?

1:16:07

Okay? Okay, have a question, how would

1:16:09

you guys both handle the situation if

1:16:11

you are going down on a girl or if you're

1:16:13

going down a guy cramp? Okay? And

1:16:16

so this happened to me. And

1:16:19

you noticed some toilet

1:16:21

paper. Why

1:16:23

is the toy paper on someone's dick, well

1:16:25

on their asshole? Because oh that's

1:16:28

real. That's a real bad

1:16:31

I think they're called dingleberries. I was called

1:16:33

nine one one. That's

1:16:35

a real fucking no. Okay. So Stephen

1:16:38

was going went to go down on me the

1:16:40

other day and I saw in his face.

1:16:42

He goes like I

1:16:44

saw that. That happens to me. It's hard

1:16:46

to get it out of your and then he

1:16:49

was like nothing and he tried to like move it. I was like,

1:16:51

what's down there that you're trying to move

1:16:53

and he's like this fucking stolen paper

1:16:56

And that's

1:16:58

that. That's that's happened to me before number

1:17:01

one. But I

1:17:05

was about I was about to say,

1:17:07

ngina is a very lad No, but you

1:17:10

just shooking a stick in it, right, I

1:17:12

don't care acily mind. There's a lot going

1:17:14

on, you know. I was so embarrassing. Ially, I've

1:17:16

been dating this guy for a while. Number one, you need

1:17:19

That's why I use an your coverably scott

1:17:21

toilet paper because the charm and the

1:17:23

quilty get stuck in the vagina. Guys, I know

1:17:26

you like it, but the exclusive sponsor

1:17:28

of the show, not

1:17:31

the quilted toilet paper is a nightmare. And also

1:17:34

I thought feels good on your But I do have vagina

1:17:36

check before when I went, I

1:17:38

had to run my finger through. I

1:17:40

do because it's a problem

1:17:42

and I'm gonna conquer it. Good

1:17:45

for you, I actually like, I like do

1:17:48

Yeah, well, I guess that's never and

1:17:50

if it has happened to me, because we

1:17:52

talked about it, I was like, oh, he goes.

1:17:54

Sorry. I try to get it out of the way before,

1:17:56

so I didn't have to tell you, you know, because then it's

1:17:59

weird and you're very queen. You're

1:18:02

clean, right, It's just I

1:18:04

don't know it's in bad. I was embarrassed the first time

1:18:06

I was ever at a strip club. This is my favorite

1:18:08

story. It was a fully news strip club

1:18:10

because I was nineteen, so it was a juice bar. And

1:18:13

the stripper is fucking in front of me, like

1:18:15

with rubbing her fucking vagina and there's

1:18:17

black lights on and she has a piece of toilet paper,

1:18:20

so imagine your in

1:18:22

her pussy and there's black light on it,

1:18:24

so her pussy is glowing. I can't

1:18:26

stop laughing. I don't want to beat disrespectful.

1:18:29

Do you know your pussy is golow on? Man? That's

1:18:31

my first strip club experience has to be Mrs stripper

1:18:33

Man, But your pussy is going on because you got a little

1:18:35

bit. She's trying to be all fucking sexy in my face

1:18:39

her and her vagina looks like my like

1:18:42

starry night childhood bedroom. I couldn't get past.

1:18:44

So what were you, Ryan? You want to get care? No,

1:18:46

I wouldn't care. I'll do you want better? Though? On the strip

1:18:48

club with Buddy and uh, that

1:18:52

was the worst experience ever. That was pretty bad. It was

1:18:54

fun with you, but the girl was drugged up. They

1:18:56

were all drugged up. Yeah, yeah, that was bad. Ryan

1:18:59

gave him the drug. The

1:19:07

stripper head her period on. My friends like what

1:19:10

it startlet that's not that's

1:19:13

a bummer because you feel that happening.

1:19:15

But I guess not when you're knocked up. I

1:19:18

mean not to say all strippers and everyone industry

1:19:23

is a fucking drug addict. No, I

1:19:25

would. I would be a stripper. You're

1:19:28

on stuff. A lot of they're all on it, but

1:19:30

they're not all on it. But it

1:19:33

depends. I know, I know strippers who have like

1:19:35

tripping, and I know number one. I know

1:19:38

a ton of strippers. Number

1:19:40

that's because you go to strip clubs often, right, yes,

1:19:44

but you're v I P when we went now, yes,

1:19:46

never, I've never been to like a nice

1:19:48

one. Well they don't take her to that one. No, but

1:19:50

it used to be that one used to be nice. It's physically

1:19:53

nice, but then the girls are like, I

1:19:55

think I'm kind of shocking paying twenty do. My

1:19:58

least favorite part is when the stripper try to talk to me.

1:20:00

I'm like, did I pay you to talk? Thank

1:20:03

you? Yeah, that's that's correct. Object

1:20:09

you go to a strip club, some guys do like

1:20:11

talk. Stephen like talking to strip But if I wanted to talk

1:20:13

about just getting a relationship. Yeah,

1:20:16

it's exhausting. I want to that's

1:20:19

like oh strong

1:20:21

and being like, hey, do you want to help make this? No, you

1:20:24

don't like those Japanese table Oh

1:20:26

I hate a bach fucking gets

1:20:29

cooked in front. Oh god. Anyway,

1:20:32

people go to strip close for different reasons. Some just want

1:20:34

to see beautiful women shake their their

1:20:37

parts. Yeah, that's what I want to see. That what you just

1:20:40

like the curious. I

1:20:42

read it for the articles naked

1:20:46

sitting and queens used to have a buffet, which

1:20:50

is exactly that's weird. Where you want

1:20:52

your buffet? Oh my god, with the

1:20:55

pubes and all the food. I don't know. Do

1:20:58

we have any closing remarks? Well,

1:21:00

yeah, I'm just excited because I just saw before

1:21:03

I came here that Jezebel just released

1:21:05

the ten grossest sex acts as described

1:21:07

by Urban Dictionary. Look,

1:21:11

Bryan Race has done them. Uh

1:21:14

number one the Kentucky Klondike bar.

1:21:19

You got a Kentucky holy

1:21:21

ship. This is the thing, the act of freezing

1:21:24

a bowel movement and sexual

1:21:26

and sexually kind

1:21:29

of trading another with the frog.

1:21:32

Who has done that? Ryan? Who

1:21:34

has done that? You know? I try,

1:21:37

I just don't have the time wait, someone

1:21:40

has done that? Oh dear, don't

1:21:43

you know? I don't want to. I don't

1:21:45

think that the all ship things. The second one is the

1:21:47

Alabama hot pocket, the art of separating

1:21:49

the vagina lips and taking a ship inside

1:21:52

and possibly afterwards. Yes,

1:21:55

you, oh my, the flying camel.

1:21:57

As your gal is lying on her back and

1:21:59

you are hammering her from your knees, hammering

1:22:02

her. That's that's the or condition. Christina,

1:22:05

your a webster. We're on this project. Um,

1:22:07

you very carefully move forward and prop

1:22:09

yourself without using your arms on

1:22:12

your dick while it is still inserted

1:22:14

in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your

1:22:16

arms gosh,

1:22:19

shrinking, how much like a flying

1:22:22

Camell strictly class move? What

1:22:25

the fun? Camel's flying? What's

1:22:27

happened? Guys? It's on the internet, so it's gotta be true.

1:22:30

You know what? All released was

1:22:32

I talking to one of you guys about, Oh, I

1:22:34

think my friend about have you ever been on a guy's

1:22:36

dick and then you just kind of turn around on

1:22:39

his speed? I can't do that. I've never been able to it. Can

1:22:41

anybody? I've done it? Really?

1:22:43

Yeah, it's like a lazy Susan, You're like, it's

1:22:46

hard, It's like a chair, it's hard, and it's

1:22:48

totally a show pony move and you should just get off the

1:22:50

dick and read and read situated.

1:22:53

But also I don't like back with cowgirl because

1:22:55

look look at my face when I'm sucking you m

1:22:58

Ryan, just quivering

1:23:05

handcuffs when you in my future,

1:23:07

in my past charming in

1:23:09

a purse right now, no joke. I'm so sexual

1:23:11

that when I went to this like kids thing, how

1:23:14

sexual are you? I went

1:23:16

to some sort of museum or something when I was a kid, like like

1:23:18

pretty young, like twelve, and from

1:23:20

the gift shop I bought handcuffs because

1:23:22

it was like but it was like cops and robbers handcuffs because

1:23:24

I was young. But those ships were totally

1:23:27

meant to have. I never use those for anything

1:23:29

but sexy stuff. Always

1:23:32

use my Coffs Roberts for sixty chares

1:23:35

darting. When you light a girl's pubs on

1:23:37

fire, put it out with your jis and go.

1:23:42

I choose you, Pokemon coucker.

1:23:44

You don't have enough badges to treat me. How

1:23:48

come everything to like? The three things I

1:23:50

read involved flapping your arms I've never flapped

1:23:52

my arms during some of that song flappy wing?

1:23:55

What's it called about? Flapping wings? What

1:23:57

is this? Or make that ask clap?

1:24:00

Oh my god, oh my god? All

1:24:02

right, I can't. Can you make your

1:24:04

ass class one? It's called munging but it's too

1:24:06

long? Okay, So yeah,

1:24:09

yeah, you've been reading that when I leave? Okay,

1:24:12

I'm sorry. Wheld you say you haven't done

1:24:14

any of that? Why you're prude? What a

1:24:16

fucking prude? What's the weirdest thing you've

1:24:18

done in bed? Why

1:24:21

would like? I don't know, because maybe you like it.

1:24:23

That's set it. I like how he comes on guys

1:24:25

be fucked and then he's looked because

1:24:28

you did.

1:24:31

I say, I wouldn't answer anything. You guys are

1:24:33

just you're just throwing randoms out here. That's how

1:24:35

the podcast works, right, Well,

1:24:38

I don't know what you consider weird? Well

1:24:40

what do you consider? You seem real boring in Vanilla?

1:24:43

So terribly? No? No, like,

1:24:45

so we're okay? How about like We're's the weirdest

1:24:47

place you've ever fucked a girl? Cab? I

1:24:50

think, okay, that's cool, that's cool. I did it

1:24:52

in the sound loop of a comedy club, did

1:24:54

you really, Mike,

1:24:57

wasn't on dart U? Just

1:25:00

like blow jobs or like just sex anything?

1:25:03

Jobs, an aquarium, okay,

1:25:06

delightful shopping center, like

1:25:11

you know, role playing

1:25:14

or costumes or like done

1:25:17

role playing. Yeah, it's a little it's a little hard

1:25:19

done the rape fantasy. I have dimples. It's a little

1:25:21

hard. It's a little unbelievable. You know you're

1:25:24

kind of mean though, what do you mean what you have? Can't

1:25:26

it's hard for me to keep a straight face. So

1:25:29

are do you laugh during sex? No? But if

1:25:32

I have to look you in the face and be like, I'm going to rape you if

1:25:34

you say about that, the girl's gotta run

1:25:36

away. Rice, put up jazz hands. When you do, I'll

1:25:39

go right you and all that jazz.

1:25:44

Good one, Catherine hit.

1:25:46

Have you ever done? But have you ever seriously

1:25:49

done the fantasy with a girl? And did

1:25:51

you like it? Did you like being dominant like that?

1:25:53

Or yeah? Yeah, I think I'm mostly dominant.

1:25:56

You are captain handcuffs over. We've

1:25:59

never had sex, guys, but it'd

1:26:01

be like two bulls charging in each other. Oh

1:26:04

yeah, you gotta slap him in the ass and pull their

1:26:06

hair. Okay, I don't like hair pulling.

1:26:09

I don't like it hurts

1:26:12

with your mom though doesn't, but somehow feels so good

1:26:14

when someone else does it. Life,

1:26:17

man, isn't crazy. I

1:26:20

remember, like you're slapped a girl

1:26:23

like, because slapping is fun, like getting slapped on the ass. I

1:26:25

went getting slap, I

1:26:27

like getting a while it'll

1:26:29

like the placement will

1:26:31

be just like two degrees to the left

1:26:34

or something, and and and what's meant to be like a sexy

1:26:36

slap. I'm just like it goes. I'm like, oh,

1:26:39

it'll smart ruins it and then we just can't

1:26:42

anymore because I'm mad it'll smart you

1:26:44

get you get mad? Well, I'm just

1:26:46

it takes me out of it because when I have sex,

1:26:48

I'm so serious. There's no smiling,

1:26:50

there's no laughing, there's just sucking,

1:26:53

right right, got what I'm saying? Yeah,

1:26:56

okay, No, I completely agree and

1:26:58

understand. Do you have anything any last words

1:27:00

around? I don't know what's the weirdest thing

1:27:02

you've ever done. We're not going that's

1:27:05

not last words. Last words of commentary and then

1:27:07

plug some show that I thoroughly enjoyed

1:27:10

being a part of your podcast. I'm so proud of both

1:27:12

of you, ladies, thank you to answer

1:27:14

your questions. All

1:27:17

right, So Christina says thank you and ran

1:27:19

immediately defensive. Can't take a compliment. It's

1:27:21

not a compliment because you're saying such a fucking condescending

1:27:24

even finished, you cut me off. Oh

1:27:27

you're so angry. Uh

1:27:30

No, you guys came up with this thing. What a year and

1:27:32

a half ago? About I

1:27:34

feel like I feel like I feel like I

1:27:37

was there when you guys came up

1:27:39

with the concept and he told me to maybe about it, and I thought

1:27:41

it was a great idea, and I'm impressed with

1:27:44

what you've done with it. Is how's my tone? Is

1:27:46

that? All right? I didn't like the look in your

1:27:48

eyes, but no one able to see that, so I can't even defend

1:27:50

myself. Always

1:27:53

something wrong with what you're doing. Fisher, If

1:27:55

there is any God, you will have many children.

1:28:00

I think I just put a hex on it at

1:28:03

the end of the at the end of the

1:28:05

podcast, because if you know CRN, she does want kids, blah

1:28:07

blah blah. So I hope you have many children. Oh,

1:28:09

I feel uncomfortable kids left.

1:28:12

She's gonna be married to a Jewish doctor in five years.

1:28:15

Yeah, right, you really think

1:28:17

that it would be the crazy cook? You want a PTA

1:28:19

meeting? What are you talking about? No? Do

1:28:22

you been just like a gothic miss Frizzle? No, although

1:28:26

that sounds sounds awesome. All

1:28:29

right, where can we find you on tweet? Oh

1:28:31

yeah, besides that dot

1:28:34

com? Fat oi and

1:28:39

we'll be here. All that light is a gentleman.

1:28:41

That's ride race, isn't it

1:28:44

like at one Ryan Race or something? Got

1:28:48

y A N R E I S S R

1:28:50

E I s s Oh gosh,

1:28:52

and do you have a website? Ryan dot

1:28:55

Com? Oh shit, I had

1:28:57

a good time. This is fun. You're like you're

1:28:59

really hung her from like, oh god, this is fun.

1:29:01

You know, comedy happens late. We don't usually record

1:29:03

this late, and the moon is

1:29:05

full. Maybe we don't even I

1:29:08

enjoyed now. I just drunk coffee. Oh god, I'm

1:29:10

making alcohol more of a special event in my life.

1:29:13

I agree, Well except for this weekend while ken

1:29:15

but yeah, well yeah, but I'm saying getting

1:29:20

crazy. Wait

1:29:23

are you writing? Yes? You said you're getting

1:29:25

wasted this weekend drink and you don't usually

1:29:27

drink. You're pretty you

1:29:30

guys know me now as someone that doesn't drink,

1:29:32

but we used to. I never knew you when you were

1:29:35

I drank, were an I don't know, just

1:29:38

fun. Maybe

1:29:40

you guys on me. You are fun, but then sometimes often

1:29:43

not fun. You're angry. Stop

1:29:45

being angry. God, alright, this

1:29:48

has been a lovely rousing episode.

1:29:50

Made me stop hit me. Okay,

1:29:53

you can find us on stop Cloud. I was like, oh, well

1:29:55

you already know that because you're listening to us. Email

1:29:58

us stuff sorry about last night at gmail dot

1:30:00

com, tweet us, and also don't

1:30:03

have my Twitter thanks. Yeah, oh yeah,

1:30:06

fuck you whoever hacked currents Twitter. You did

1:30:08

a great job though. All right,

1:30:11

bye bye. When

1:30:13

you're calling the pig got

1:30:16

a right, here

1:30:19

we go here,

1:30:24

we got about

1:30:29

here, we got we

1:30:31

gotta lem you ain't a bit.

1:30:34

Instinct meets me to another flow

1:30:36

flow. Every time I hear a brother called a girl

1:30:38

a picture rope trying to make a stuffill

1:30:41

low. You know, all of that gots to go.

1:30:43

Now. Everybody knows this exception to this

1:30:46

rule. I don't be getting bad when we're playing this

1:30:48

school, But don't you be calling me you're

1:30:50

my name. I'll bring Bret to those you just

1:30:52

respect me like a