0:00

Welcome to Guys We Fucked. Guys

0:03

We Guys Book. I'm

0:05

Christina. I'm Correnn' sorry about

0:08

last night anti slut shaming

0:10

podcast. I never stopped.

0:16

What up, everybody? Welcome to another episode

0:18

of Guys We Full It's the

0:20

Anti slutty mean podcast. I'm Karin,

0:23

I'm Christina, and I'm

0:25

an ant so fucking the world. I

0:27

was gonna say anti Christina, Christina.

0:31

We'll get to that. I have some I

0:33

fell in love. We have a lot of stuff,

0:36

a lot of I feel like I feel

0:38

like I've been away for months. But no, right,

0:40

it's weird. I don't know. It's been a

0:42

long weeks. It's been I

0:45

haven't slept it a whole while week. Um

0:48

so a few dates today Friday.

0:51

Um, Karin, you have Nacho Bitches

0:53

in New York City? Right, Yeah, Nacho Bitches is tonight.

0:56

It's eleven thirty pm that New York Comedy

0:58

Club. Use the code Nacho for ten

1:00

dollar tickets. It's a going to be a great

1:02

lineup. We have a writer from the show Girls,

1:05

writer from the show Broad City. Gonna

1:07

be really fun. Blair Saki and

1:09

myself host as per usual.

1:11

Free nachos, Yes, and then tomorrow,

1:14

which is a Saturday, I'm gonna be

1:16

at Rutgers University in New Brunswick

1:19

at Scott Hall, Room one thirty

1:21

five. It's seven thirty pm sharp. This

1:24

is a really cool event. I did it last year. Uh.

1:26

It's five dollars for anyone. UM.

1:29

Prevent Child Abuse America is

1:31

what we're raising money for. It's a stand

1:33

up show and Mike Cannon, who was on

1:36

the We Both Want to Fuck You episode,

1:39

we'll be headlining that one

1:41

awesome. And also tonight

1:44

Friday. I'd love to be a much not but

1:46

I can't because I'm going to be in Bingington, New

1:48

York. Uh the Queen Bee Comedy

1:51

Invitational at a place called

1:53

Terra Cotta. Tickets are twenty bucks. Get

1:56

him at the venue. It's seven thirty pm

1:58

tonight Friday, Binging to where you

2:00

at Bingington. And also if anybody

2:02

lives in will Near or in Wilmington,

2:04

North Carolina, I'm gonna be there for the Cape

2:07

of Your Comedy Festival Thursday May through

2:09

Saturday, April second at

2:12

a couple of venues. I'll posted details on my social

2:14

media, but I just want to give you that heads

2:16

up. Also, another exciting

2:19

announcement. Is this our first

2:21

national television appearance? Yes,

2:24

fuse count I don't think that all accounts, no cable,

2:27

everyone anyone to see that. No, you don't

2:30

because we don't look at um. Corant

2:32

and I are going to be on a little show

2:35

called Last Call Carson

2:38

Day. And every time I think of Carson

2:40

Dale, I think at Terry read. Yeah,

2:43

not in like a positive way like your reaction,

2:45

just because I'm like, oh, do you know who

2:48

I think of them? Jennifer Love

2:50

Hughes. Yeah,

2:53

what a gym oh Man. Anyway, Yeah,

2:55

so Corn and I filmed an interview. We

2:58

went to NASTYO. We went

3:00

to Nasty We bought sick

3:02

ass clothes. I think we're

3:04

gonna look good. I mean, I don't know. We haven't seen the interview

3:06

yet. Well, I told my mom, if I don't look good, then

3:08

I'm just not attractive because I tried my heart.

3:11

You looked great. I know, you looked great. No, And

3:13

I was swinging in the chair. I had

3:16

oily face and I

3:19

did. I I was pretty good about

3:21

watching you though, because because

3:23

you were like, can you not turn like a ship?

3:27

Well that's when you have a con that's you. Oh

3:29

yeah, you got it. I don't know I was even doing your my mirror,

3:31

I'm your mirror. Yeah, exactly, that's how it

3:33

works. We looked fly as funk hopefully that Trump

3:36

television fingers crossed. So Thursday

3:39

May or April. So next

3:42

Thursday, this coming Thursday, the

3:44

next Thursday, that happens in your life. After this podcast,

3:46

we are interviewed

3:49

for Last Call with Carson Daily on NBC.

3:52

Not we're not interviewed by Carson. So don't you

3:56

just see us doesn't do anything. I don't think

3:58

he does any of it. You know, that's all you need to day. The

4:00

show is in a different format, you guys, it's

4:02

it's actually really Christie and I were watching them. We're

4:04

like, this looks good. This pretty he

4:06

interviews famous people. What you want to talk

4:09

to us? But yeah, yeah,

4:11

we just talked about the podcast. It was really

4:13

fun. Yeah, they had a

4:15

whole shoot set up just for I know.

4:17

It was really weird. It was very straight.

4:19

Yeah. And then but then after we found them, like they're

4:21

not going to air that. I mean they still might

4:23

not. I'm so paranoid. I was like, when do we tell

4:26

people? But you know, we got an email from

4:28

the producer saying, you're air dated Thursday. Technically

4:30

it's Friday morning. It's at one thirty am on NBC

4:34

UM, which I don't think my mom was. My parents

4:36

are about the podcast. They don't know the title, so

4:38

I'm really hoping they don't find. Well,

4:40

I'm gonna go to I'm gonna come over and we're gonna

4:42

watch it and see if it's we can tell

4:44

other people. Yeah,

4:46

well you don't. You don't want to put it on social

4:49

media? Can I? I want to? I

4:51

know you want to because it's our first late

4:53

Well it's weird because it's our first late as a comedian.

4:55

You want to get, you go, you get your late night TV appearance.

4:58

But most comics do stand up

5:00

on late night, but we were getting Yeah,

5:02

we're talking about period sex. I remember one of

5:04

the one of the perisers like, so it's like a weird

5:07

topic you talk about. I'm like, period sex.

5:09

Does Carson careful talk about period

5:11

sex? And she's like, I don't, that's

5:13

fine, I don't give Oh

5:15

God, I hope he's wearing a leather jacket on this episode.

5:18

When I think of Carson, I always think of him wearing a leather

5:20

jacket. Um. Also, very

5:22

happy birthday to Chriristine. Happy

5:25

birth No, I'm

5:28

not going to sing loyal fucker, thank you so

5:30

much. Yes, your boyfriend is a very

5:32

nice, lovely, wonderful human

5:35

being. Yea, his name is David. I don't know if

5:37

you know that about your boyfriend. And his name is David. And

5:39

he wrote us a very sweet email because

5:42

he he was telling us about

5:44

how wonderful you are and how much you love

5:46

the podcast, and so we're so happy to uh

5:48

yeah this happy birthday. Yeah.

5:51

If you guys want to talk to us, you can find us on social

5:53

media. It's s r y about last n

5:55

y T on Twitter, Um,

5:57

sorry about last night on Instagram, and

6:00

sorry about last night show at gmail

6:02

dot com. If you want to write us, I will say

6:04

though, guys, we love you so much.

6:06

We love you cannot answer every

6:09

email. Please don't get mad

6:11

or hurt or people get sad. Yes, so we got

6:13

some emails that if we don't respond, we

6:15

get hundred of emails

6:18

of Facebook messages that we try, and we love

6:20

I to respond and we really

6:22

do read everything and we process it and if we

6:25

feel like you are in desperate need of help, we do

6:27

reply. But also we, Like

6:29

I said before, sometimes I'll get stone and I'll

6:31

just reply to you. Yes, we tried.

6:34

And if you and if you have a question what I said

6:36

directly for me or directly for Christina, you can you can

6:38

address that so we know, Okay, I'm the person who you

6:40

need to answer from, because we do share an email

6:42

count and sometimes it's hard to say who's going to answer

6:44

what, but like, please please

6:47

know we very much appreciate you

6:49

and we love you, and you

6:52

know, and please email us. Um It's it's

6:54

impossible for us, So we try to select

6:56

emails that we feel like are gonna be good

6:58

advice for everyone listening and are

7:00

not just super specific to you. Yeah,

7:03

yeah, I get jerked. No, I'm just kidding. If you're in real danger,

7:05

I mean, you need to pay someone. This is a free

7:07

service. And

7:10

also our advice is it's

7:13

not a media Thank you

7:16

for cool nine one one. Now

7:18

could I help you vaginas?

7:22

I don't know speaking of bleeding Vagina's

7:24

boy, is that nothing to do with me? I

7:27

have a fucking nephew, dude.

7:30

Okay, I have a small family.

7:32

I have a brother and two parents, and

7:34

I have two uncles. Each of my parents, has a

7:37

brother, no once, no

7:39

cousins, no living grandparents.

7:41

That's all I got. I got fucking five

7:43

family members and that's it. So I

7:46

went home. My mom called me and said my brother's

7:49

girlfriend was in labor, and I fucking

7:51

freaked out. I hung up on her and I hopped on the train

7:53

and I got there and I was like, come pick me up. And she's like, well,

7:55

I don't know if she's having the baby tonight. I don't know.

7:58

I was like, I don't care. I want to be there. I was

8:00

there. She ended up having a c section. I

8:03

was there when they took

8:05

the baby in a little cart and and wheeled

8:08

it to the nursery, and I saw my

8:11

brother become a father.

8:14

I saw him cry and say the

8:16

words that's my son for the first

8:18

time. It was the most beautiful. There

8:20

are a lot, there are moments in life

8:23

where it

8:26

it just it makes you. They're so beautiful,

8:29

so I can't I can't phrase it any other way. Unfortunately

8:31

I sound like a cheesy foot, but

8:34

the most beautiful moments in life,

8:36

and this was one of the most beautiful moments

8:38

I've ever experienced in my life. That's right, because

8:41

you're the kid's sister. And yeah, because I

8:43

was saying I saw my I was there

8:45

when my brother got wheeled out. I remember standing

8:47

with my ground. I've never seen a human

8:49

being. Yeah,

8:51

that's one day old. I've never witnessed. Had

8:55

I had friends had babies, but I've never been. They're

8:57

not never close enough that I would be at the hospital. So

9:00

this was my thing, and and I holy

9:02

fuck. I mean, I know when people say I fell

9:04

in love with you when I first laid eyes, and I get

9:06

that, I get how that can happen, but I've never

9:08

experienced it. And this was the first time I've ever experienced

9:11

it. Hopefully not the last. I want to have kids

9:13

one day, god damn it, or my ovaries and overdrive

9:16

from seeing that baby, seeing

9:19

a human helpless

9:22

and pure and sweet. And

9:24

he's not a piece of ship yet. He

9:27

hasn't learned to be a dickhead yet maybe

9:29

he won't the future he

9:31

is. That's that's when I realized,

9:34

being around a baby like that, You're like, dude,

9:36

this fucking kid. It could be the

9:38

best thing or the worst thing. You don't know, And

9:41

it's just there's no, he hasn't learned, he

9:44

hasn't control

9:46

over that, Like, what kind of he

9:48

is going to raise that? He? Man? It

9:50

was really exciting to see how much he hasn't

9:53

slapped. He hasn't gone home yet because she has to stay in the hospital.

9:57

He won't go home, he won't leave the hospital.

9:59

He won't don't put the bait. Like when I was holding the baby, goes

10:01

okay, can I hold him now? Because you were

10:03

holding him for like twenty minutes. I was like, t J, it's

10:07

so oh my god, he's my

10:09

baby. He's going to be the he is. He's

10:12

such a good dad already and he Oh my

10:14

god, I just it. That was an intense That's

10:16

intense. Man. Having a baby is always a really

10:19

it really shows character. I feel like, especially

10:21

in many because nine times that attend the mom is

10:23

a good mom. But for men, I feel like

10:25

either they show their true colors and they either

10:27

come out on top of their

10:30

game or they really are a piece of so

10:33

well, my mom said this. He she goes

10:36

there's nothing more manly than seeing a

10:38

man hold his child for the first

10:40

time. And I was like, yeah, and there's nothing more womanly

10:42

than seeing a woman just fucking

10:45

holding her baby. That she either

10:47

got pulled. Can I I

10:49

imagine in my head, I feel like just there's moccasins

10:52

and t yeah, very natural. Everything

10:55

are out. You know what's fucked up? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

10:57

you're all nice people. Americans come

10:59

around like I'm not. I I have no and

11:01

like I I understood

11:03

why you were and I was excited for you. Of

11:06

course I was not. The pictures of the baby

11:08

didn't make me want to have a baby, but I

11:10

was like, uh,

11:13

I agree with your mom though, because someone Sometimes

11:15

you meet guys and you're like, I can't

11:17

even date this guy if I'm not gonna have kids, because

11:19

I know this guy is gonna be such a great dad, and I don't want

11:21

to take that away from him. Like I know a couple of guys we're

11:24

just gonna rock it out. Yeah yeah.

11:26

And I know some people who should never be around a child.

11:29

Absolutely there should be I don't

11:31

know if I can some of those. Yeah, hopefully they

11:33

don't want kids. Well yeah, fingers

11:36

can't. You can't really, So

11:39

anyway, I just wanted to congratulations,

11:41

DJ. I love you. You don't listen to this podcast,

11:43

nor should you, because you're my brother, and that's fucking

11:45

disgusting. Come on I'm just kidding. Oh

11:47

yeah, that does so. Yeah, I don't know. I

11:50

know we're friends. I think your friends. I have no idea we

11:52

congratulations if you're listening. Yeah,

11:55

one of the coolest days of my life. And no congratulations

11:57

if you're not. You're not

12:01

from Lufflam

12:03

Podles. Oh god,

12:06

no, just don't punch me in the face. I've

12:13

got so many voices and no one can stand

12:15

them. There's a lot of hormones. Who's

12:18

no one Karne gave me just everyone

12:20

in my life, like, I just do it too much,

12:22

and that's why I want to fucking the voice O was for cartoons

12:25

where I could just flourish in a studio with my pj's

12:27

and a fucking Starbucks. How

12:31

you doing? Thank you?

12:33

Karine gave me a card and butt paste for

12:36

the baby, obviously, but I cried, that's

12:39

so sweet. That's you. I

12:42

just really appreciate those little things I have, I will,

12:45

I have. I'm not a horrible person down

12:49

and also I totally get how you'd be a great girlfriend.

12:52

I am. I am. I will defend myself

12:54

on that. I've seen there of some killer surprise

12:56

parties for some boyfriends, but also that

12:58

one's that woman up? Not one for days

13:00

this weekend? Um? Sorry, no,

13:03

And I well, I just I really

13:05

know how important it is to have a

13:07

butt, a pimple free butt. I

13:10

thought we all. I take a lot of good care of

13:12

my butt. Wait really, yeah,

13:15

my, but you wash your butt, specifically

13:17

your but my butts and great is always

13:19

in great shape other a washed

13:23

but I have in my

13:25

shower like salt from the

13:27

dead sea. That I do you use to ext

13:29

fully my entire body. Um, but I

13:31

do spend a good amount on the smooth.

13:34

There's also it's also the most flake

13:36

square footage that I have on my body. It's the

13:39

most real estate vest

13:41

that ship leaves. Alright,

13:44

so what happened to you? I don't

13:46

really even know how to start this. I

13:49

love you know it's gonna be a good intro. When corn goes, I'll

13:52

tell you on the intro. So,

13:56

so there's someone who there's a comedian

13:58

who I have had

14:00

sex with before, but only when I was like really

14:02

drunk, because he's in

14:05

love with me, for lack of a better

14:08

statement, and I'm

14:11

and I'm confused about

14:13

things. Um, but

14:15

you're not in love with him? No, right, so you're

14:17

not confused about that. I love him. He

14:20

is one of my dearest friends. Um,

14:23

I think he is an attractive person.

14:26

I sent him to my hair bir. Also,

14:29

he well he has a beard now because

14:31

of me, and he's like, you're just trying to make me good your ex

14:33

boyfriend, And I was like, no, my ex boyfriend

14:35

just looks how I like people. Groom couldn't look

14:37

like that, baby. Yeah, I also did, Groom.

14:40

I encouraged that beard on Frank like no one like

14:43

no one's business and everyone's just like face

14:45

put a beard on it. Seriously though, People

14:47

like you just like beards because they're in I was like, no, I

14:49

like beards before they were cool because they're sexy in their

14:52

man life. I feel like, I don't know. My dad always had a

14:54

big beard, and I'm not I don't know, and I'm

14:56

not like one of these people who's like searching for their dad and

14:58

their boyfriend. But I feel like maybe I was inspired

15:00

by his beard. My dad has

15:02

a great beard, always looks great with a beard, and I feel like

15:05

maybe that was a thing. Maybe

15:07

just I think beards are so manly. I

15:09

just love them. Yeah, I want

15:11

you to look can you cut down a tree.

15:14

Can you wear that plunge shirt? And it doesn't I

15:18

know, when they eat you out and it's stubble,

15:20

really hurt, but it's because

15:22

they're so cute. It is, But that isn't

15:25

that the ultimate irony that being a woman?

15:27

Not really, but you love the beard. It makes

15:29

your pussy wet. And then when they go down and

15:31

you're like, oh yeah, but if it's a full

15:33

beard, it's not necessarily bad. But then

15:35

he got wash it. Oh god, I think

15:37

about that. Guys wash their beards after they go on

15:40

girls. They should. Beards can be really gross.

15:42

There's like always articles about how disgusting and unhygienic

15:46

are that's

15:49

because I to go out so anyway,

15:52

so so

15:55

so yeah, we hung out on Wednesday and then we

15:57

had drinks and then had sex and then we were like he

15:59

was the person was just like, oh um,

16:03

there's a lot of sex clubs in my neighborhood.

16:06

And we kind of made apparently

16:08

Upper East Side this is so

16:11

we made we

16:14

made plans. I made drunk plans, and

16:16

I'm notorious for making drunk plans and I will

16:18

never stick to because I'm when I'm drunk, I'm like yeah,

16:20

let's do this, right, but do you agree

16:22

to it on a future date or that on a future

16:25

date. So on Wednesday we made plans

16:27

and then Friday for Friday,

16:29

Friday came along and I was like, just to go to

16:31

the sex club. And I had a show at

16:33

night, and I just got dressed for like my

16:36

show and also a sex cloub possibly

16:38

a sex club, and like, to

16:41

me, that was like I had, like I had

16:43

like a laundry like bodice underneath, like

16:45

like a cute, simple dress. And I was like okay.

16:48

And then so the comic he he texted

16:50

me whatever. He ended up doing a spot on my show, on the

16:52

show that I was on, and then we fucking

16:55

like eight dumplings, which like I

16:57

would normally never even eat, but I was just I

16:59

was in the sex party really lightly. And

17:02

then he's gonna say not sex party

17:05

food. Well maybe I don't know.

17:07

I don't know. And then he was like okay, so we're gonna do

17:09

this and I was like okay. So we just

17:11

kind of getting a cab when we go downtown. This was a downtown

17:13

This was a downtown one. This wasn't the one by his apartment.

17:16

So we we go and then I'm just like we

17:18

we passed it by. It's literally like just

17:21

a printed out sheet with the address

17:23

on a door that looks like you would never

17:26

know you could pass by this place a million times, you would have no

17:28

idea how sex clubs I figured

17:30

most of them Hello, and that is in saying

17:32

I'm like, this is the real

17:35

New York guys. Yeah, and so,

17:38

oh god, this is so weird and so and like he had done a

17:40

lot of research. He's very very intelligent person and he

17:42

had done a lot of research, which that made me feel more

17:44

comfortable. He gotta when it's a sex club,

17:46

you want to make sure he gotta. He had called.

17:48

He showed me all these emails, and I was like, really impressed by

17:51

all the work and he put and I was like, this is someone I feel

17:53

super comfortable doing something really weird. I

17:55

just trusted that he wouldn't leave

17:58

me in a situation that was dangerous are

18:00

uncomfortable for him. So that was good.

18:02

And uh so we passed by, and I was like, I need

18:05

I need a drink. I had I was stone cold

18:07

sober, and I was like, I need a drink. And

18:09

I've really made a promise to myself and to be really

18:12

like much better after the Jason incident.

18:14

And I was just like, I need to stop having drunk

18:16

sex. There's like there's no point. Okay,

18:19

there's absolutely no point. It doesn't make you feel

18:21

good, but it just makes me feel I'm just like, it's

18:23

kind of like, what was the point I could come home? Why

18:25

I waste my vagina time? So,

18:28

but however, I can't have sex

18:31

completely sober with someone who I don't feel

18:33

like strong, strong feelings. It's just impossible

18:35

for me, right. Alcohol is an aid in

18:37

in in that. Yeah, And also this was a situation

18:40

that I was just like I need to be a little

18:42

bit open. So we go to a bar and

18:44

we each too three shots of Belvedere. I

18:47

was like, I wanted to be like top shelf

18:49

because I do not want to. I want to feel

18:51

like a clean top shelf makes you less hung

18:53

over. Yeah, so he's like reading for everything gets

18:55

like like sixty in shots. The

18:57

bargainer was awesome. You gave us like a free one at the end, because

19:00

it was like, I don't know what your kids are doing, but it

19:02

seems like you're about to go to a sex club. He was like you're

19:04

about to do it. Go to a sex club. So

19:07

we go in and we

19:09

check in and they

19:11

you have to put all your stuff in lockers.

19:14

You don't have to be this first one we went to. You didn't

19:16

have to be nude at you went to multiple sex

19:19

I had a long weekend, man, two

19:21

nights at a very long week I'd damn it, I'm so jealous.

19:24

Awesome, So I honestly, I'm still

19:26

I can't believe I did it. Go

19:29

on, keep going. So this first one,

19:32

the first couple that walks out is like this,

19:34

like young Indian couple and be

19:36

more so hot, But they weren't. It wasn't even

19:38

like I knew going into this, no one was going to be

19:40

super hot because I've been I've been to Paddles

19:43

before, which is like an S and M club, and everyone was heinous

19:45

looking. But that's just the way it is. That's the way this

19:47

community is. Like these I don't bother

19:50

me, heinous and judgmental, free. Yeah

19:52

people honest. People who are open minded

19:54

are usually also open minded

19:57

about how they care for their face. Because

20:01

God was open mind in

20:03

creating their favor, God used some

20:05

artistic license. So I was

20:08

like, yeah, I'm drunk tonight, but I'll still do it every

20:12

night. I am god. But you know. So,

20:16

yeah, so we go and we check our stuff in lockers, and yeah, we have

20:18

to, like you pay, it's expensive. You have to pay like a membership

20:20

feed. It's like a hundred and twenty dollars a couple. But

20:22

we're members And I I know he paid

20:25

for you or did you pay? He paid? Um?

20:27

He I now

20:29

have a membership card to a sex

20:31

so you can refer me in my wallet. You know, I

20:33

don't need to refer It's just a club. It's

20:36

And I was actually thinking about you because I was

20:38

just like, I don't I'm not sure how

20:41

you would feel about this. I don't know. I don't know

20:43

because I still don't know how. I don't know how I would feel

20:45

bad until a minute I think, um, And

20:47

so we go in and there's there's play there's

20:49

like levels. This one was like three levels. There's

20:52

playrooms. So there's a room, one room with a

20:54

bunch of beds to together, I mean kind of look like

20:56

camp honestly, And then there's one

20:58

room with couches. There's food out

21:00

and were we kept making fun of the food

21:02

because it was like like, yeah, I'm gonna eat

21:05

like a turkey Sammy. That was like

21:07

in a dark sex club, like in

21:09

the middle of me fucking stranger, but that pretzel

21:11

stick ups and all

21:13

these clubs are b I O B. They don't serve you at

21:15

all, but you bring your own and you you have to check

21:17

it in with a bartender. The bartend.

21:20

You can't carry it around with You have to check it out with a bartender who

21:22

served it to you for free, and then you just tip

21:24

them. But they they label it with your name

21:26

and they are in control. So I guess it's you know,

21:29

like roofing. And also yeah,

21:32

just to keep it, keep it okay, and I keep

21:34

everyone under control, like the people

21:36

looking not in this one, damn it. This

21:38

one. This one was very like. This

21:41

was like the most like ethnically diverse

21:43

one. It was very erman. There was not a lot

21:45

of white people there. That sounds awesome. It

21:47

was cool. There was like people yeah,

21:50

and it was and it was super open minded. Everyone

21:52

was very nice. It was very open. We talked

21:54

to some people at the bar um and

21:57

there was also private bedrooms where you could

21:59

close the door. But I was my main concern

22:01

was like I was like, is this hygienic because they say

22:02

they say that you were supposed to check in after

22:05

you have sex and with the attendant who then comes

22:07

in and changes the sheets and I stopped people changing, but

22:10

I was just like, still it's like a little dark and

22:12

you gotta rely on the people to check in. Yeah,

22:15

yeah, and we're okay. So that's

22:17

what I was interesting. Was it just a mattress? It

22:20

was like a book up spread like a hotel.

22:22

It reminded me, honestly, when you when I watched the Bunny

22:24

Ranch Show on HBO, it was

22:26

very much like that well lit like was it lit well?

22:29

And it wasn't show well.

22:31

It was it was dim. It was gotta

22:33

you gotta be dim. Yeah, and it was. And you

22:35

have to think everyone was in a couple. You have to be

22:37

in a couple. It's like not like no single people are O

22:40

good. Um. And so we were just kind

22:42

of walking around and just kind

22:44

of feeling it out. So we're people fucking like

22:46

on the everywhere, every which where.

22:48

It wasn't it wasn't crazy, It wasn't free

22:50

for all like you would think a lot of people were just kind of like intimately

22:53

talking but then upstairs. We

22:55

walked upstairs and there was like five

22:58

people like fucking each other, kind of like

23:01

were you turned on or you're like this is too much?

23:03

I was not turned on. I was interested.

23:06

I would say I found it very interesting.

23:09

And I just kept being like I can't believe I'm

23:11

here. Yeah, I wasn't turned on. No,

23:14

um, I mean it was that was a combination

23:16

between me being a little nervous

23:18

um and new to the scene

23:21

and not attracted to anyone there, Okay,

23:24

and I did and

23:25

I mean this sounds so like conceited, but I

23:27

like it's like when you are the we knew. We kind of

23:29

knew when you were we would be the most attractive

23:31

couples. And I was kind of like honestly trying to deflect

23:33

attention because I didn't I didn't really didn't want

23:35

anyone to try and come in like yeah,

23:38

so whatever. We kind of filled it out. We were like there for me be

23:40

like an hour and hour and a half. We have we have a couple more drinks

23:43

there because we brought we watch some like grapefruit

23:45

beer. Because it was late and there was no liquor

23:47

stores open, which is why we had to do the shots. We had to get

23:49

beer from a bodega um and this is

23:51

downtown, so we went in and then

23:53

finally, basically we decided we went

23:56

to a corner bed while the group, like with the

23:58

big group sex happening, and we just started to have

24:00

sex. It's like, so you're watching

24:02

them, and they's funny could see us,

24:04

And I thought that was a good first step, like just having

24:06

sex in public, getting naked and having sex in

24:09

in a you know, you know, in a control where

24:11

their condoms everywhere. You bring con it's

24:15

very safe, and it's very safe, and it's very controlled

24:17

and it's very open, so there's less worrying and

24:19

more time to get turned on. Yeah, so that was happening. And then

24:21

like we had talked to this guy the bar earlier who

24:24

was like part of this like mini orgy, and he like tried to

24:26

call us over and I was like because

24:28

not like I mean, like hey baby, it just like wasn't

24:31

my type of guy. I mean, I was just I don't

24:33

I wasn't ready to get fucked by a stranger.

24:35

Yeah, you gotta the yeah,

24:37

Yeah, it was just not want to get fun by strangers

24:40

and you don't. Yeah, I wasn't attracted to the men or the women,

24:43

and it just I don't I don't know that there was still a part

24:45

of me that like the situation looked a little demeaning

24:47

towards women, just because it was like the style

24:50

and that they were fucking was not the

24:52

girls all bent over like important

24:55

and they and it was weird because

24:57

it was just like like a black guy and like hispanic guy

24:59

and then like some heavier white chicks and it just

25:01

like it looked it. It wasn't.

25:03

It didn't bother me, but it wasn't the

25:05

way that I fucked. It wasn't it

25:08

wasn't powerful. It wasn't powerful

25:10

for women. A lot of girls on their knees,

25:12

like I don't know, I'm very like, I'm very

25:15

that's not the way I do things.

25:17

And so then we started,

25:19

so I keep trying wanting to say, it's so hard for me not to say his

25:21

name. So we we we we were having sex and

25:24

then we you know, and he was really interested

25:26

in the in the voyeuristic aspect, and I was like,

25:28

that's so funny, like you love looking at

25:30

them. See I'm more turned out. That's that would

25:32

be me. I was not turned out looking at them. I was

25:34

more turned on that they were looking at at

25:36

us or that it was just in public. That was cool,

25:39

yeah, and I felt very comfortable with that. And

25:41

then so we were having sex and it was good and I

25:43

was able to enjoy it. It was fine. Um,

25:46

and then that sounded bad. No, it was good.

25:48

And then it's hard to have

25:50

set in public. I mean, that's that's a feat

25:52

if. But if you're not used to it, Yeah, this you can't

25:54

just turn it on. Yeah, this is someone who I like

25:56

having sex with. So it was good.

25:59

And then and then so we're having sex and then this couple,

26:01

this uh, this black couple comes right

26:04

up next to us and just starts fucking like the nice

26:06

right like like that's my

26:08

head and I'm like and what

26:12

I'm so wait, gulf go ahead, you know, and we just

26:14

kept like my you know, my my partner

26:16

and I we just kept checking in with each other like with our

26:18

eyes and like are you okay. That's why I love

26:21

this person, because like we're very much on the same

26:23

page. We were going we make a great team.

26:25

Like we were like walking around like holding hands just

26:27

because like I mean, it was honestly, like in a way walking

26:29

through a haunted house, Like I was like holding onto his

26:32

hand and we would go in and do in a room and they would

26:34

like surprise, but instead

26:36

it was like a dick. Yeah, yeah, it

26:39

sounds awesome, like it was with the

26:41

couple that came up right up next to you to fuck. Were

26:43

they fucking in a way that was that you

26:45

liked or was it still like they were a couple. So,

26:47

however, a couple of funks for me is

26:50

that's always group sex content

26:52

tends to get really demeaning towards women.

26:55

So I'm just yeah, because all the chicks you're getting slapped

26:57

in the face with this, So I was,

26:59

hey, guy, no chick once to get slapped in a face.

27:01

I just didn't. Yeah, I just didn't. I mean, maybe they

27:03

do, but the last for it, I'm very open, but I just didn't

27:06

like that. So that was that, and that we kind of like that was

27:08

as far as we want. We had sex, and then it was weird because we

27:10

were having sex again and like later kind

27:12

of in our spot that we liked, and like the security

27:14

guard came up and he was like very slowly changing

27:16

the sheets and like obviously watching us fuck and

27:19

that kind of took me out of it, and I was like,

27:21

Okay, okay, why don't you go back? Yeah?

27:24

And I was like, this is weird, but

27:26

it was. It was a good and that was the first sex

27:28

club. That was the first sex club. Was the next

27:31

um that night or the next day, I don't

27:33

want to know. I was gonna give out the names. I don't want to give that name

27:35

because if I go back, I don't want to like a bunch of people I listen

27:37

to your podcast. I

27:40

was actually so because I was like, I was like, we're in a very

27:42

small sex community. So I was terrified somebody

27:44

was recognized me and then I was going

27:46

to have to leave immediately. I was terrified

27:48

of this. Stephen and I are trying things that

27:51

I don't want to talk about because I don't want other people to be like,

27:53

I'm gonna get on that app Oh yeah, yeah,

27:55

trying to fuck you? I know. I know. So

27:57

guys, if you ever see us in anything that's like a sexual

28:00

where we're obviously trying to get outside

28:02

of our comfort zone, just don't say

28:04

that, you know us? Yeah, okay, and then

28:07

so and then night, So we decided that

28:09

night the next night we were going to go to

28:11

the other option that we had very like

28:13

torn between which one to go. This is the one that's right by

28:15

his apartment. Um, so it's an Upper east

28:18

Side one we had heard. We had talked to the people

28:20

at this first sex club about this one, and they're like, this one's

28:22

very clicky and like we had called and

28:24

basically they're like, well, if you're attractive, you'll get

28:26

in. And I was like, we'll have no problem because

28:29

like the attractive level at a it

28:31

is in a sex club is very low. Okay,

28:34

so we walk into this one. Did you pay?

28:36

What are the prices? Because I'm one twenty a couple flat

28:38

and then remembership. No, that's for membership

28:41

and entry once you remember, it's a hundred a couple

28:43

every time. Yeah, a lot of cleaning

28:46

involved, We need a lot of totally.

28:48

I get that. Anyone the exclusivity, Like you don't want

28:50

just anybody if it was five bucks fucking involve

28:52

Manhattan. Yeah, I mean they do. I mean, like we didn't have any

28:54

problem getting in, but like there are rules like

28:57

a real club, like you have to wear something specific

28:59

and like look good. They're not letting ugly

29:01

people in um

29:03

So this one, we go, we go,

29:05

It's like it's like so weird because this isn't just another

29:07

building that you've passed by a million times. We go and we

29:09

take the elevator down like a

29:12

couple of floors, and it's like you're just

29:14

opens up into this fucking This one looked

29:16

like a fun house. It looked like when when Brad

29:18

and Jenett go to the Rocky Her Picture Show House.

29:21

It was just weird. It was like all like crazy

29:23

colors, like a weird eighties loft

29:25

in time sex club, what the fund that

29:27

sounds awesome? And these aren't stage places, these are places

29:30

that are always here twenty four hours ago.

29:32

These are floors that like weird rich

29:35

people own floors and floors of fucking.

29:38

So this one was like more like a ranch style was everything

29:40

was on the same level. We go in the

29:42

Guy, there's a man and woman at

29:44

the front desk that are really like,

29:47

just watched the scene where

29:49

they sing sweet Transvestite or

29:51

time Warp in Rocky Hard Picture Show and

29:53

that is what they look like like. They were wearing

29:55

like almost like a party costume,

29:58

but as a real thing. They were the most weird

30:00

hot no but they weren't ugly,

30:02

but they weren't just so it is weird.

30:05

Yeah, it was like it was I was I

30:07

don't know. And then there was like mannekins wearing

30:09

BoA's and it was corn

30:11

playing but I don't know.

30:14

And so the same thing we checked and we

30:16

had to check our our liquor.

30:18

We just like brought a flask of street tequila. We're

30:21

like fucking yeah. Um, and so

30:23

this this this

30:25

this girl in lingerie with like her

30:27

titties all hanging out hot.

30:30

Yes, but let's

30:33

show in this way. That's like, you know, it's like when

30:35

Peggy Bundy used to get too done up on

30:38

married with children and you're like, what you have

30:40

to paint that many layers? Like not a modern sexy

30:43

right, like sexy like circuit two

30:46

someone out Bundy would fuck yeah. And so

30:48

but like she's tried to person and nice

30:50

body and everything. So she shows us around again. There's

30:52

like a locker room that's nice. This

30:55

one. They gave you, um robes

30:57

and you have to be naked to go near any of

30:59

the playroom. So we had we got naked. An when you

31:01

put robes on like a spa, Um,

31:03

I felt right. So you you know, but you don't

31:05

have you can fuck in the robes if you want. Yeah,

31:08

yeah, but you just have to not have your clothes on. And I mean most

31:10

people take their robes off anyway. Um, And

31:12

so yeah, the people were better. This one was very bras.

31:16

Yeah, but I mean, like you to funk it, you're gonna have

31:18

to take it off, like I kept. Yeah, I had

31:20

like a little like American apparel like cloth cotton

31:22

bra that I just kept on. I just gotta say, and I want

31:25

to keep my bra, and I just didn't want my tips hanging out

31:27

everywhere. Yeah, exactly. And I like,

31:29

I like wearing a bra when I'm having sex because

31:31

they're so fu and they look good.

31:33

Oh. I wasn't saying. I was like it does it hurt you when they move

31:35

a lot? No? Sometimes, but not

31:37

with with sex. I'm not like Marathon running,

31:40

right. And so this one we

31:42

go in and yeah, and there's and it's

31:44

very real housewives. Everyone

31:47

is white and everyone looks like there

31:49

was actually there's one black couple and but everyone else

31:51

was white and everyone looked like they were right off, like a

31:53

Real Housewives episode like that kind of like I don't

31:55

like that. I don't either, So that

31:57

it was that very like milfy, kind

32:00

of like done up. But so

32:02

it's like everyone was everyone was older. We were

32:04

We were the youngest couple. There was one other couple that was married

32:06

but young. But I think we were the youngest

32:09

couple. Canna be fun older,

32:11

I like, I think that would be hot. So this one

32:13

was interesting. And all the guys were kind

32:15

of like look like Italian men who

32:18

at one time or another have probably beaten their wives.

32:20

Um not, they don't often beat with our wives,

32:22

but they have slapped their wife one time when then she like burned the

32:24

chicken or something. And

32:29

again, we're buzz because I feel like and I

32:31

know it's hot. It's a it's a tense situation

32:33

for your first, second, or third line. My

32:36

explanation for this is for getting buzz. It

32:38

is it's like getting buzz

32:40

before sex with someone you're not in love with. Is

32:42

okay. I don't think it's bad. Like no

32:44

one sent your mom to therapy when you were a kid,

32:46

and she put ice cream with your diarrhea

32:49

medicine or something like. That's what it is for me. It's like

32:51

hiding medicine in ice cream for a child.

32:53

That's what having a drink for

32:56

before having sex with someone who I'm like, not like

32:59

like in love with this, I'm

33:02

sick. I'm sticking to that. Um.

33:04

So yeah, we said that, and then we got a little

33:06

faster. This one was very clicky. So it was weird

33:08

because like these people get together every weekend

33:11

and funk each other and it was very evident.

33:13

But I didn't feel uncool because like, you do have

33:16

like our youth, they're good at bucket. Our

33:18

youth and our beauty were on our side. But these

33:20

people were really getting into Like one guy at one point where

33:22

I walk into he was like, who's ready to fuck? And I

33:24

was like, uh, go

33:27

back to Penn State. Yeah, And I pretty

33:30

much immediately knew I was not going to let any of these

33:32

men have their let put their penis

33:34

inside me, kind of just for for all women,

33:36

like these are not men who really should

33:38

be futile feel good about you

33:40

don't and then you don't want that guy watching

33:42

you fuck it. Don't want that guy. It's almost like you don't

33:45

deserve to see me naked yourself. It was not yes,

33:47

all women, it was no, no, no

33:49

women ever know, shut up women.

33:51

And so again we kind of got in this thing. We like, we met

33:53

this one couple we're talking to. We were talking to the bartender. The

33:55

bartender was awesome because she was like a scream

33:57

queen and I got that out of her. We started talking because

33:59

like, that's like my secret goal is to be like a scream

34:02

queen. And uh, she was

34:04

really interesting. I actually got her info. So we be around

34:06

the Oh I bet she's seen some

34:08

Yeah, she's been in some interesting movies. And then

34:11

oh god, this is the weird and so I'm just peeking

34:13

in. There's people fucking. And then so we finally

34:16

go into this one room and

34:18

I'm like going down on my

34:21

friend and then we're like having sex a

34:23

little bit and then but then at one point I'm like

34:25

going down on him and then this

34:27

and it's like pretty small room, and a

34:29

couple who we had talked to at the bar earlier

34:32

just walks in, and that's

34:34

how it was. They just walk in and they sit next

34:36

to each other and they're kind of watching me like go down on

34:38

him, and I'm like, okay, this is okay, this

34:41

is okay. I'm fine. And then I still had my robe

34:43

on, but my room was like open in the front just

34:45

because I was like, honestly, I would be cold if I didn't have

34:47

it on, and like, my button isn't there. And then all

34:49

of a sudden, I feel a hand one like

34:51

rubbing my man

34:54

or woman and I don't know, well for I had it for a

34:56

second and then I realized it's the woman, which

35:00

I know. This is like again, this is like a soccer

35:02

mom and rubbing my as oh

35:08

okay, um, this is like a sacrament,

35:11

like rubbing my ass. And and then and

35:13

then um, too close to my mom's age.

35:15

Well, and then these people look nothing

35:17

like my mom though, so it's fine.

35:20

And then so and then my my

35:22

friend he was just like, are you okay? And I was like,

35:25

I was like, this is finely checking in with fine,

35:27

fine, not a good team, good sex clip

35:29

team. Yeah, and then so and then so she's

35:31

rubbing my and then she starts she starts

35:33

going under

35:36

my ass. Well, it was weird though, and

35:38

then and then so whatever, I kind of like and then I kind

35:40

of like let the world go because I was like, well, if you're reaching

35:42

out on her, let's make this easier for everyone. And then

35:44

I get on top of my friend and like

35:46

I'm fucking him, and then she like

35:49

and then she goes back and starts

35:51

sucking up who I'm guessing was her husband, um,

35:53

and again like really close and then so and

35:55

then and then she comes back

35:58

to me and it's like kind of like wrapping herself

36:00

around wid me fucking

36:02

while I was sucking my partner, and

36:05

like she's like really getting into felt like

36:07

on your back. Yeah, she's like really getting into my neck

36:09

and like whatever, it was fine. She was like like

36:12

clean and comfortable, so she's doing it slow

36:14

and relaxing. Then it's like, okay, this is a long

36:16

thing. It did feel really nice. Yeah, I

36:19

felt really good, bigs

36:21

girl. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, I feel

36:23

like I feel it acrylic

36:25

nail in my pussy, squared

36:34

around it, squared around it square

36:37

of course, real health. And it

36:39

was tip of course, friend French

36:42

manicure. Of course, with any gems

36:44

on the neils there might have been. I don't know, but

36:47

let me tell you, I don't clais

36:50

don't feel good in your pussy now,

36:52

I know why lesbians do. You never find lesbians

36:54

with nails, but nails did. It

36:57

doesn't feel good, but whatever it was, Oh, my

36:59

god, I wasn't really wet because I wasn't really

37:01

like super intident, so she was like trying

37:03

to jam it up there. You're drying.

37:05

Guys, like, we have lots of play with

37:07

down there, so you don't even need to really stick it all the way because

37:10

there's a lot that you need trigger And like,

37:12

honestly, sticking it in for me doesn't really feel

37:14

great. Yeah, I don't, because no one knows how

37:16

to do it right. When people stick their finger inside

37:18

me, it makes me feel nauseous because they gets I get that feeling

37:20

that when you they when they stick the thing in you at the

37:23

O B G Y N, and that just makes me feel

37:25

like C sick. It doesn't Yeah,

37:27

that's on you, girl. I don't like that feeling of anything

37:29

but a penis in time. I don't like, you

37:32

know, I don't like that. It

37:34

doesn't make me feel nauseous, but I don't. I'd rather have a penis.

37:36

It makes me like I feel it to my stomach. You're gonna put

37:38

fingers around my vagina and put it on the no, the

37:40

finger you rubbed the clip and then so that

37:42

and then so that, and she's like kissed me and then I guess,

37:45

and then she started touching my partners like dick

37:47

and stuff and like this was cool and whatever. And

37:49

then I was like, was there any awkwardness?

37:51

Like any oh, I guess you're gonna do this now, not

37:54

verbally, but it was pretty seamless,

37:56

okay, Yeah, because everyone you're you're moving

37:59

so slowly that any just you

38:01

would have time to stop something if there was going to

38:03

be awkward or from making not feel good. There's

38:05

no spoken there's people ask

38:08

it's okay. They just slowly make moves.

38:11

Well, because that's sexier in that situation.

38:14

Yeah, Like the sex club from the

38:16

day before, they actually were like, y'all brought you want

38:18

to join us? And I'm like no, and this one

38:20

while you wanta get on this bag? Yeah, because I kind of think if they

38:22

had asked can we join, I would have said no, thank

38:24

you. But they just slowly made a move and

38:27

they were one of the coolest environment

38:29

that's what you do. That's a sexy way to go about

38:32

it. Yeah, and her and her husband was

38:34

like an attractive guy and he didn't look like he

38:36

hit her and he was in his fifties.

38:39

Yeah, and he like I was kind of like, in my

38:41

head, I'm like, if she wants me to maybe she wants you

38:43

to fuck his yeah, her husband. I was like, if she

38:45

wants me to swab, will I? And I was like I probably

38:47

would, but I just think, on my second sex

38:50

club, I'm not ready to funk a stranger

38:52

yet. And that was the bottom line. I just wasn't

38:54

ready. There was no one I was so attracted

38:56

to that it just like and so, yeah,

38:58

well you gotta take. And they weren't like forceful

39:01

enough about asking that. I I certainly wasn't

39:03

going to make the first move, and I certainly know

39:05

it wasn't they they're good. Then they do it right, that

39:07

was good sex ful. Then I'm like, I don't want to see sucking

39:09

someone's husband in front of them. That's

39:11

nothing what they want. I'm

39:13

on a thick And she was like, whoa, I did not mean

39:16

that. I did not mean that, bitch. And then

39:18

and then so I was just like and then she was her hands in my vagina

39:20

was just like, fuck it while we're here. So I like reached

39:22

down because I was curious to see she was

39:25

sped. She no, And

39:27

I'm not surprised at all because I was like just

39:29

something about her told me that. I was like, she's

39:33

doing it for her husband, and so I was like, let

39:35

me check with my finger, and

39:37

it was I was just like and it kind of mean,

39:40

well, you know what, you do things for your

39:42

lover. Yeah, And it just kind of made me feel like

39:44

that, all right, this is but I was like, you

39:47

want, but I should be enjoying. If she

39:49

was really into it, I would have been more forceful

39:51

with her and I would have cooked up at her. And I was like, you're

39:53

not. This is this big show. And I was

39:55

like and I was just like happy, like having sex and

39:57

going down and like just that was enough for me.

39:59

That was like, I did your man just grazed

40:02

her vagina and you're like yeah, I kind of like

40:04

stuck it in, like I didn't go all the way in, but I was like I

40:06

felt like a little like like a glove.

40:08

Yeah. Also, I don't really know my way around anyone's vagina

40:10

but my own, so it was like new territory. I

40:13

have never touched someone else vagina. This

40:15

was my first time, very scary touching

40:17

someone else's vagina. And there's a lot of pressure because

40:19

it's like, well, I have one so I shouldn't have lind to do. No,

40:21

I don't, right, yeah and so

40:24

yeah, so and at the whole time, my partner

40:26

were just like, we're so proud of ourselves.

40:28

Like I was like, I felt like I really

40:31

like it was really hard and I'm nerve

40:33

wracking, and I was really nervous the first night, and then the second night

40:35

he was really nervous and it

40:38

was send me just kind of like I. I

40:40

like, it was like late the second night and now he

40:42

was like, well, I'm tired, and I was like, no, we're doing this. We

40:44

made a plan. We're fucking doing this because

40:47

I was like, I'm not gonna feel like doing this again next week. I

40:51

want to. Yeah. So that's cool man,

40:53

And I still haven't really digested it, but that's

40:56

that's what I what I did. Guys. That's

40:58

awesome. That was very interesting for

41:00

me. I'm glad you waited to tell me. Yeah,

41:03

that's so interesting. I want to go to a sex

41:05

club so bad. Yeah, and I would

41:08

be. I wouldn't be. I don't even know if I would be what. I don't know.

41:10

You don't know until you know. And it's so funny

41:12

afterwards. The kid has the nerve that

41:14

my partner he has a nerve to say to me, I

41:16

had a really nice time, like

41:18

like it was a date and I was just like I just had

41:21

a craylic nail up my pussy. Okay, this was

41:23

not not can we skip the bullshit please?

41:25

It's like what you think to me right now, the

41:27

Desperate Housewives were in my vagina. Let

41:29

me say that the shower that you take

41:32

after a sex patisfying man,

41:34

I understand like there, I

41:36

have never felt that level of dirty.

41:39

They're like why because like Jesus sex

41:41

party. Like it almost made me understand

41:43

how the Nazis tricked the concentration

41:46

camp people into the gash chambers, but

41:48

that you could say that's sometimes

41:50

would be a shower and sometimes would be gas.

41:53

Like this was because I was trying to think about how

41:55

how I didn't want to I wanted to talk about on the podcast. First.

41:57

I'm obviously to talk about it my stand up, but I wanted was

42:00

trying to think how to explain it to people's

42:02

stand up. And that's what if the shower part

42:04

when I came up with, well, I would

42:07

okay, you could have gone with a been walking

42:09

in the desert for five days and now I finally

42:11

got a Thanksgiving meal. But I na see gas

42:15

stand comedian because I was always

42:17

like, oh man, didn't the people know that sometimes it was

42:19

gas? But it just felt so fucking

42:21

dirty that they were like, I'm not even

42:23

like I might even care. I don't even care. That's

42:27

the gamble. I'm willing to text. But yes,

42:30

exactly, Wow, Wow

42:33

that makes the Holocaust less. I'm

42:35

not going to continue with that sentence. Um,

42:39

that's why we needed to do in the podcast. Well

42:41

you're a Jew, I know, That's why I said it. Oh

42:43

exactly, how I see I see um our

42:45

guest is

42:50

a ratio, SAMs. I don't

42:52

know if you want to say anything about it. I mean, he

42:54

This was an interesting episode for me because

42:56

I rarely meet people that I'm

42:58

sexually attracted to do especially since I met

43:00

Steven. It's not because of Stephen, because

43:02

you're sexually attracted whoever sexual attracted. It doesn't

43:05

matter if you're falling in love or if you're in love

43:07

or if you're love five people, you're gonna be sexually

43:09

attracted to a person or not, you know what I mean. So

43:11

this was interesting because I told him

43:14

I was but just and and but he

43:16

knows about Steven obviously talked about him and stuff.

43:18

Yeah. Um so, but he's

43:20

like a fun person to flirt with. Is that fair

43:23

to say that he's the best? I love hanging

43:25

out great, Yeah, he's great. So this was a really

43:27

fun and interesting. He's the kind of

43:29

person that I'm very I'm sexually attracted to, but I never

43:31

date, um

43:34

probably because of the weed thing. Dated a

43:36

guy. Yeah,

43:38

and that's cool, Like that's good for you. Um,

43:41

but you know, Stephen

43:44

is such an opposite of that. I love

43:47

that about him. Um so yeah, so

43:49

this was a good, fun interview with

43:52

Horatio says

44:06

I I

44:11

like the sound of spooky smoky definitely

44:16

not high. Okay, we are here with

44:18

Mr Horatio Sance. Hello

44:21

and see live it's not really live from

44:23

bro Bro Studios, Parcus.

44:26

Horatio shows on a plan. That

44:28

is the most amazing start to

44:31

any podcast we've ever had. Wow,

44:33

ladies, this

44:36

is the first. This is great. Oh

44:39

yeah, how are you feeling? I'm feeling

44:41

pretty good. Now. Do you feel bad

44:43

when you're not high? Like any ridden? Not

44:46

that much? No, but

44:48

but yeah there's anxiety because I'm like, oh, what

44:51

am I gonna get high.

44:54

There's always anxiety. Okay,

44:57

right now I'm happy and I'm glad that you're both here.

44:59

Yeah, it's nice to be here. We met. We talked

45:01

about this on your podcast, the Horatio

45:03

very funny podcast. Great how

45:05

we met when you walked by

45:08

a place I was working out on Seventh Avenue and eighteenth

45:10

Street and all glass building. I looked working at

45:12

the front desk of Core

45:14

many times. Yeah you have, and I

45:16

waved to you when you wave back, and then I tweeted

45:19

you and then we've just been friends ever since. That was like, that

45:21

was a while ago. Yeah, that's a

45:23

classic Christina friendships. I know

45:26

that I meet a lot of people in very random ways.

45:28

Everyone be friends Christina and then everyone

45:30

fux me and then gets mad at me and we don't talk anymore.

45:33

That's basically how it goes. Yeah,

45:35

or I break the cycle,

45:38

um like switch off or just stop doing

45:41

things like no, I like Megan

45:43

friends. I don't want to break my cycle.

45:46

Your cycle is pretty good. My cycle is great for me.

45:48

The problem is sometimes the people think that they

45:50

that Christina wants to have sex with them. I know, everyone's

45:52

like, I absolutely just want your friendship. I know,

45:54

and I really really want your friendship, and I absolutely

45:56

don't want your friendship. Yeah,

46:00

most time, you can have my sex, and I'll take your friendships

46:03

that you get like

46:05

Monopoly cards. Sorry

46:08

about least night Monopoly. That's

46:10

awesome. Yeah, I have enough friends. I'm good. Um.

46:13

How do you ratio? Hi? Hi

46:15

Christina? Hello, Um,

46:20

I'm very happy to be on your show. We're

46:22

doing it here in my studios.

46:25

Studios. Do you don't want to say how

46:27

old you are? Oh? Do you ask me? I

46:29

was like, that's on the answer to the question. I didn't

46:31

hear it. Oh, I'm sorry, it was a little quiet.

46:34

I can Okay, cool,

46:36

I like that'd

46:39

be that'd be so funny if I just completely ignored

46:41

that purpose. Well, that's why

46:43

I thought you were doing so. I was like, oh shit, okay, but I

46:45

thought it was a comedic way of doing it, so

46:47

that we would all be in on the joke together like

46:49

that smart

46:51

right now, and

46:55

then I'll be forty six in June, okay,

46:58

okay, and you're the youngest sibling I

47:00

am of how many six and eight years

47:03

older than me? Okay? So two brothers. Yeah,

47:06

how how do you learn about sex for the

47:08

first time, like, did your parents teach parents?

47:11

Have never talked to me about sex. Uh.

47:13

The only time they talked about sex is like they said,

47:15

if anybody touches your pep or whatever, don't don't

47:18

let them do it man or

47:20

a woman, or in general,

47:22

any man or a woman. So the first time you have sex, did

47:24

you touch my baby? Yeah?

47:28

Well I called my mother right afterwards. I was like, this girl touched

47:30

my peep. Mommy,

47:33

call the police. And

47:36

then okay, yeah

47:38

that's twenty two. Did

47:41

your brothers teach you anything? No,

47:43

because I was the thing I

47:46

think is because I was eight years

47:48

and six years younger. They babied

47:50

me kind of. So when

47:52

they're like twenty and

47:54

I'm twelve, they don't really want to talk

47:57

to me about sex. I'm just a little brother. I don't

47:59

want to play bass ball. Yeah yeah,

48:01

you know so, so I didn't get it from them

48:03

either. So it's all just street ignorance, you

48:06

know, playboys and yeah and

48:08

guessing and and also in

48:10

my neighborhood there was always weird ship going around,

48:13

like um, sexual

48:16

things that were odd, so then there was a fear

48:18

of it, like what ye please expand?

48:21

Well, the

48:23

lady I was on my podcast. I don't

48:25

know if it's even gonna be in there, but I mentioned my lady

48:27

across the street call her daughter, who all the time

48:30

every day she go yeah,

48:34

and then and then her son the

48:37

girl the while the horror, the

48:39

horror come on prospect. Her

48:42

son ended up shooting somebody or

48:44

was at a shooting, and he got put in jail

48:46

for for a long time.

48:48

I don't even know if he's out yet. Um

48:51

and so not, that's

48:53

not that shooting per se. But

48:56

I was going to say that's not sexual or was it sexual?

49:00

There was more like you lived in a bad neighborhood,

49:03

the terrible neighborhood. That's exactly what it

49:05

is. So I would hear like that,

49:07

the that the some gang we're

49:10

going sneaking in this retarded girl's house and gang

49:13

banging her. Oh my god, that's

49:15

the worst. And then no one would do

49:17

anything about it because the gang beat

49:19

everybody up in the house, so they had to have this retarded

49:22

girl. Oh no, So

49:24

I'd take that in when I was like eight or now,

49:27

fuck you, did

49:29

you recognize right away? Because the tom

49:31

Muster burned to death on the lawn. I

49:33

saw that, I saw big

49:35

Penis. I feel like you're gonna have to listen to Horay

49:38

Show and this episode in conjunction,

49:40

because now we're just like, yeah, or cut

49:42

all this creepy stuff out.

49:47

Okay, it's not a three hour show.

49:50

Yeah, I don't, but

49:53

I don't want to. I don't want to sink your show into the

49:56

You're not don't you worry my friend? Alright,

49:58

well we'll bring it back yeah if if, if

50:00

need be you. So you grew up in a really

50:03

fucked up neighborhood and saw some crazy

50:05

shit shit that's like dad,

50:07

So I can't wrap my head around Ho did you wrap your head around

50:09

that? Did anybody explain it to you? Or

50:13

you just happened? You kind

50:15

of you

50:17

live thinking that, um,

50:20

like what the funk is real life? Like

50:22

like like leaving house and living in a nice

50:24

neighborhood, Like what is that that like? So

50:26

you realize that you were not living

50:29

the best of lives as you were a kid. Where

50:31

was where did you grow up? California

50:34

or the West side of Chicago? Okay? Okay?

50:37

And so

50:39

I was like, um fuck, see

50:42

this is what's bad about not cutting I forgot what I was

50:44

talking about. I think that that has

50:46

nothing to do with cutting and more to do with the immense amount

50:48

of weird. Okay, No, I think it's

50:50

a cutting that has to happen. Cut.

50:53

No, you cut because of the way its okay,

50:56

yeah, which came first?

50:59

Have know. Yeah,

51:03

so my experiences with sexuality

51:05

as a child, Um, we're not healthy.

51:08

Yeah, because he because

51:10

he and there was two there was two

51:12

molestation attempts on you.

51:17

You're listening to on you the

51:21

game show. They asked if it

51:23

was you did that thing? I saw that

51:25

thing. No,

51:28

but real really on you, but real talk. No,

51:30

No, I didn't get my lessons. But

51:33

but what was happening. I was taking guitar lessons

51:35

and then my friend was had to wait in

51:37

the waiting room and he and he, you know,

51:39

he was getting Uh, there's a guy that taught

51:42

horn lessons. And the guy that taught

51:44

horn lessons was like this

51:46

fucking old kind of guy you'd see on

51:50

on the Dick the Dick Van Dyke Show,

51:52

you know, like he looked like the bald guy from the Dick

51:54

Van Dyke Show, though not Hey a little

51:56

boy, and he was

51:58

like, yeah, you know you I

52:00

wear these these underwear, you

52:03

know, I like to have room, and he pulls underwear

52:05

down and pull his penis out. And so then my friend

52:07

told me and I was like, oh fuck,

52:10

we can't go back. And so I told my guitar teacher,

52:13

I can't go back there. That guy tried to molest my

52:15

friend. And he's like all right, um,

52:19

are you serious, and like yeah, yeah.

52:21

And I think in the end the guy thought that we were just trying

52:23

to get out of class or I was

52:25

just trying to get a class in it. But I mean, don't

52:27

get cocky. It seemed like he was just trying to show his penis.

52:29

I don't know that he necessarily wanted to stick it inside

52:32

your friend. For

52:35

everybody's going to email us. You

52:37

can't just show your penis. Yeah, that's

52:40

true. That's funked up. How old were you

52:42

when that happen, Like probably twelve

52:44

or some dam was there porn

52:46

in your life? In Luckily,

52:49

porn was really mild

52:52

back then because you have you had to get it from

52:54

cable or like a actually a

52:56

cable box. So most of my

52:58

porn scrambled porn, like yeah,

53:01

like scrambled porn from like a weird because

53:03

cable came to Chicago late and they had

53:05

these boxes and that night they had porn on it,

53:07

and then you could lead through the squiggles.

53:10

You know, there'd be a human boob in there. There's

53:14

a boob wogging little around there right now a

53:16

second base. Wait,

53:19

so you would get half received

53:21

porn through your cable box on your

53:23

TV and try and make out a boob.

53:25

It's the guy and you make a bob. I

53:29

don't know who that man is. No, you

53:32

just here the crap out of me. If it was someone

53:34

who I thought, don't you think horasier? I would

53:37

have said something, and you said

53:39

something. He would have been like, that's

53:42

exactly what would have happened. Don't act like it wouldn't.

53:44

He's worrying. Who's your new boyfriend?

53:49

Are you my new girlfriend? That funny

53:51

said that. Um, we're talking about sucking,

53:53

just talking about so when

53:56

we first had sex. Okay,

54:00

it's a good age. I feel like it's a good age all

54:02

around. You

54:05

were fifteen, How old were Yeah?

54:09

The day I got my braces off with

54:13

someone with someone waiting for the braces to come off. My

54:15

boyfriend, Oh, he's like, once you get

54:17

those no,

54:20

no, no, no, no. It just so happened that he

54:22

was he was picking up for my worth atonast appointment,

54:25

and he was supposed to drop me back off in high school.

54:27

He was in college, but

54:29

she just said, so beautiful. I looked radiant

54:32

and glistening. So instead we had the

54:34

worst sex ever in his in

54:37

his parents house, and then his dad

54:39

came home and interrupted it, so it was like

54:41

half sex. It's kind of sex. Shitty

54:44

sex. Was your first time good? My first

54:46

time was pretty terrible? Yeah, And that's

54:48

like a yeah, that's all across

54:50

the board. I feel like, do you know anybody who's had lost

54:52

of virginity and mine was great? Oh, that's mine

54:55

was magical. I've heard about these

54:57

people that have it hasn't I

54:59

mean obvious, it's all downhill

55:01

from air. So I mean it doesn't set a

55:03

precedent any means

55:05

send your first time, but you know what, I know, my sex

55:08

life is fine. Yeah. Well, what it does

55:10

is lets you go onto your second, third, fourth,

55:12

and in a in a good

55:14

manner where you've had a good experience, whereas

55:16

if you've had a shitty experience, like no, I gotta get

55:19

best this one and then there's another one. I

55:21

feel like it was it's a good emotional

55:23

precedent for me because you

55:25

were because the first time you have sex,

55:27

I think it. I think the emotion,

55:30

especially for women, is more important than the physicality.

55:33

Yes, that's you know, that's going to get better,

55:35

the physical part, but for women like

55:37

that, like because because we're we're

55:39

not going to be built up using your virginity

55:42

so much that everyone thinks it's

55:44

going to be this amazing night. And sometimes

55:46

it is, but most times was it like that for you

55:48

when you were younger? Was everyone like your virgin

55:50

still brow? Like? Did people? Did kids?

55:53

Your your friends make a big deal out of that? But

55:56

I totally did you did? Why because

55:59

I you know, watching movies and stuff

56:02

like when you're little and you're and you just

56:04

I mean sex was really just abstract

56:07

in my mind. Yeah, it was this thing that

56:09

you couldn't grasp or did

56:12

you romanticize it? Romanticize it

56:14

to death? Um?

56:17

And then just you

56:19

know, it took a while for me to actually

56:21

be sexual, you

56:24

know in a normal way, like where I wasn't drunk.

56:27

Yeah, you know, actually, let's

56:29

I want to read an email. We should read an email? Yeah,

56:32

and this girl, this is an interesting

56:34

good segue Horatio you knew. Uh,

56:37

you knew even though you had no idea. Yeah, because basically this

56:39

episode, we're just gonna read a ton of emails and talk

56:41

about sex. But I feel like you'd have funny advice for people

56:44

should they ask. So this one, the subject

56:46

line is always drunk question Mark question

56:48

Mark. Hey, guys, first

56:50

love the show. I only found it about a month ago. Anyhow,

56:53

I'm in a bit of an I'm a bit unsure

56:55

how to go about a situation I'm in right now, and I was wondering

56:57

if either of you had ever dealt with this. I've only ever

56:59

had sex when kind of or really

57:01

drunk, but now I'm kind of seeing this guy seriously.

57:04

I've never had a serious boyfriend of nineteen,

57:06

and I know we'll probably do it soon. I'm super

57:08

nervous because even though I've had sex,

57:10

I feel like I have no idea what to do because I'm always

57:13

drunk. I don't want to be boring

57:15

in bed, but I'm not sure what to

57:17

do or if there's certain tips you can get you

57:20

guys would have Thanks, Um,

57:22

it'd be awesome if you guys answer this email In the podcast,

57:24

Our engineer Chad really enjoyed that I

57:27

saw him.

57:30

Really he put his head in his hand.

57:33

Well, it's great. I mean there was a period

57:35

of time where I was only having sex drunk,

57:37

I think. But your first time, you weren't drunk.

57:39

Oh no, no, no no, I wasn't drinking when I was fifteen. So where

57:41

is yours? Your first time? Were you intoxicated?

57:45

Um? Yeah, But

57:47

but it wasn't wasn't

57:49

it wasn't not. It wasn't like that, Okay,

57:52

And I was alcohol affect your dick? I

57:54

forget it can whiskey whiskey

57:56

dick? But is it? Is it whiskey or is it just

57:58

alcohol? I think

58:00

it's I mean if you get drunk to a point where you

58:02

don't get boner or I mean, right, that's

58:05

that's whiskey dick. Yeah. Is

58:08

there a thing as weed dick? No?

58:11

Right, no, all

58:13

right, that's just yeah. Everybody,

58:16

if I was like, yeah, you can't

58:18

get well,

58:22

I have since since me last minute, I have smoked

58:24

weed. But it had no effect on me. Yeah. Karin's

58:26

birthday present to me for the first was

58:29

I will smoke a joint with you for the for the first

58:31

time. And I was like, thank you, Oh my god, and

58:35

I just she didn't get high. I

58:38

forget the first couple of times you do it, she

58:40

doesn't get high. Maybe she just should have some of your stuff.

58:42

Not right now, oh lord, but maybe later because

58:45

I want to see this chick. Hai. He was so

58:47

bad that over to me. I'm ready to go if

58:49

it handing it over? So anyway, So well,

58:52

how when were you having sex drunk

58:54

too much when you were younger or did

58:56

that come later in life? Because I want to

58:58

I want to answer this girl's question. I think I

59:00

was. I think yeah, I think I had to learn how to have sex

59:03

without being drunk. How did how did you do that?

59:05

I quit drinking first, and

59:07

so then after that then I had to go talk to

59:09

us a therapist who was experienced with

59:12

sexual stuff and also with

59:14

sexual stuff, well not as much

59:16

he knew about it, but mostly his thing was addiction.

59:19

Has also had some sex, some sex stuff.

59:21

He said, I'd have it. I've had it, my

59:25

husband like, you

59:28

should listen to me. Is it was it hard? Did

59:30

you find it hard to enjoy? Nobody sended

59:32

hard? That was really okay? Thank you

59:35

to have sex when you

59:37

when it was very hard to enjoy? Because

59:39

all I was thinking about was coming and like not

59:41

wanting to come, and and just like

59:43

thinking thinking like I just like

59:47

this is how you got to do it, And so it was all it

59:49

was just a goal and not

59:52

like I didn't I didn't enjoy the process. Get

59:54

like, I didn't take your time to enjoy it while

59:57

you were so just hitting the finish line

59:59

or when you were not drinking. When I was drinking and

1:00:01

not drinking, but especially but in not drinking,

1:00:03

I just, um,

1:00:06

it was a thing where where

1:00:08

I'm like, I had to learn how

1:00:10

to be comfortable with with myself with without

1:00:12

drinking. So even just to get to the

1:00:14

part of of being sexual

1:00:17

or being like in a date kind of situation,

1:00:19

I had to learn to do that differently because if I

1:00:21

was, you know, the life of the party when I was drinking, so

1:00:24

that part was never hard. Yeah,

1:00:26

And no, it wasn't that long ago that you quit

1:00:28

drinking, right, Oh No, I quit like seven years

1:00:30

ago, seven years ago, So that's I mean, but you were

1:00:32

still I mean that's for as far as getting

1:00:34

in touch with yourself sexually, again, it's a

1:00:37

pretty old age to have to do

1:00:39

that. Yeah, I mean, so

1:00:41

seven years ago I had to kind of do that, right,

1:00:43

So you're you're you're in your late thirties and you're kind

1:00:45

of relearning it. And now when we

1:00:48

always talk about like body as well, so you

1:00:50

you lost a lot of weight. When did when did? When

1:00:52

did the weight loss happened to have that had to do with the drinking.

1:00:54

I'm sure it started when I stopped drinking, I lost

1:00:56

like thirty pounds pretty quickly, and then it was just

1:00:58

steady losing after that. Was

1:01:00

it also part of it? Not only

1:01:02

alcohol, but like being comfortable

1:01:05

in the nude, like with your

1:01:07

new body, because I imagine that would be

1:01:09

Did that make any difference? I would imagine you more confident?

1:01:11

But it's so weird that was that was

1:01:14

a part of it. Yeah, um,

1:01:16

I think yeah, losing weight gave me confidence,

1:01:19

so it helped me where you

1:01:21

know, I had the confidence from drinking, so

1:01:24

that I was losing weight and then learning

1:01:26

how to talk to people without drinking. So

1:01:29

it was it was a nice, a nice transition

1:01:32

that happened there. At the same time, you like sex

1:01:34

better sober or with alcohol?

1:01:36

Sober? Okay, that's good, this

1:01:40

girl or high

1:01:42

sex is great because I think for me, I mean I definitely enjoy

1:01:44

sober sex better. But it's like sometimes

1:01:47

I just it's like sometimes you need to have sex almost

1:01:49

like I just need to eat a sandwich, Like I

1:01:51

don't know even if it's a sandwich, I don't like, I

1:01:53

just need to do this right now. But

1:01:55

if I don't, if I don't like

1:01:58

sandwich, yeah, you're just because

1:02:01

sometimes like masturbating, we gotta leave the leave,

1:02:03

you gotta like leave to go somewhere. You really

1:02:05

gottat a rub one out real quick. Yeah, yeah,

1:02:08

like at night when you can't sleep, Oh yeah,

1:02:10

I gotta rub one out. Well. I mean one

1:02:12

time I remember being to what you gotta do being

1:02:14

on stage I Broadway Comedy Club and being so

1:02:16

horny that it actually was interrupting

1:02:18

my set. Really why where

1:02:21

re wording? I don't God only knows. I don't know fluctuating.

1:02:23

That was in the weird break up phase when I was crying

1:02:26

before my set, going on stage, and then crying

1:02:28

it myself as I walked myself home.

1:02:30

Girls kid horning at random. It's like and

1:02:32

I didn't know. Yeah, as a kid, I didn't know that either,

1:02:35

because you just you didn't know

1:02:37

that like women enjoyed sex because in all

1:02:39

the movies it's all about guys trying to convince

1:02:42

chicks and having sex with them. That's super interesting,

1:02:44

very interesting. Yeah, that's true. That's

1:02:47

so. Then it's like, oh, if you're a comedian,

1:02:49

you can kind of trick them into liking

1:02:52

you. It's really that simple. Yeah,

1:02:56

is that what You're funny? Because you wanted pussy?

1:02:58

Yeah, as well as a kid. I don't

1:03:00

think it was about pussy, but I definitely wanted

1:03:03

attention, and then I figured that was my quickest

1:03:05

way into into

1:03:09

it, Like, yeah, into getting sex with people before

1:03:11

you were on teeth. Okay, that's what everyone said. Neil Brennan's

1:03:14

in the same thing. Yet, absolutely

1:03:16

do it. That's

1:03:19

why every guy just joins a band. That's why anybody

1:03:21

it's so because I'm not. I

1:03:23

don't. I don't want to be funny because I want Yeah,

1:03:26

that's why I'm saying. It's I mean, ultimately,

1:03:28

in life, you want to do anything where you can just have

1:03:30

sex with all the people you want. Totally

1:03:33

sounds great, That's part of it. Sex

1:03:35

drives the world. What drives the work is

1:03:37

wanting to be good and wanting people that you like, liking

1:03:40

what you do. Yeah, you want to be respected

1:03:42

by people who you respect. But

1:03:44

also the pussy is pretty great too. But I would

1:03:46

and I wouldn't. I mean, well,

1:03:49

yeah, I mean it's beautiful, it's great. Yeah,

1:03:52

it's one of the greatest things in the world. The

1:03:55

quality of the five, the

1:03:57

quality of the pussy that was

1:03:59

being off or to you really increase when you

1:04:01

started doing like Saturday Night Live and stuff

1:04:03

like that. Well, I don't like to judge

1:04:06

vaginas. You know, well,

1:04:09

okay, the frequency the

1:04:11

hotter babes ratio throwing

1:04:14

at Yeah, definitely there were hotter babes. But I didn't

1:04:16

know how to take that. So I was like,

1:04:19

maybe they just like me because I'm on TV. And

1:04:21

then someone told me, well, yeah, that's

1:04:25

all right, but but take the power of it

1:04:27

and you know that you're successful, own that, uh,

1:04:31

and then you'll attract people. And

1:04:33

so I did. Yeah, that makes sense

1:04:35

because when somebody's in the if they're like,

1:04:37

if you're honest, especially on his show like Saturday

1:04:39

at Live, bitches be throwing themselves

1:04:42

at at at the cast members,

1:04:44

I think I would think, but I've seen it happen. I

1:04:46

mean I've seen it happen at the party. Yeah, yeah,

1:04:48

I've seen it happen to myself. I've seen it happen.

1:04:51

What did you ever think, like, well, it's happened,

1:04:54

Like, has there ever been a girl? I was at it. I was at an SNL

1:04:56

party and I was talking to UH,

1:04:58

to Bobby morning Hand. We're just talking, and then

1:05:01

an actor who was supposed to host the next week, this like

1:05:03

super famous. I don't Ryan

1:05:05

Philip. I guess no one gets a ship Ryan Philipp No,

1:05:08

But I thought this was really interesting. This is the first

1:05:11

time I've ever had ever seen this because I was young. I was

1:05:13

probably like one when this happened.

1:05:16

And Ryan Philip came over and we're

1:05:18

all talking because he was going to host the next week. And

1:05:20

then this chick came over, hot

1:05:22

ass ship like gorgeous. Girl had

1:05:24

these great tits. They might have been

1:05:26

fake, but they were perfect. It's like they didn't

1:05:29

look too fake. They just looked delicious.

1:05:31

And even women can't resist a good pair of tips, Like

1:05:34

tits are just like

1:05:36

they're not too big, but they're oh, they're perfect.

1:05:39

And she had she had a tank top on right, but the

1:05:41

tank top the strap, you know how the strap narrows

1:05:43

her tank top was pulled down so low that

1:05:45

the narrowed strap was like just covering

1:05:48

her nipple. I mean it was like, titties

1:05:50

are out tonight. She spots

1:05:53

Ryan and sits across from us and

1:05:55

just sticks her chest in his face

1:05:58

in a way that was so

1:06:00

like, how do you not know?

1:06:02

We know what you're going on here? Like what

1:06:05

can't she just tell him you want to suck?

1:06:08

Ryan knows Christina new

1:06:09

but I

1:06:12

was. I remember for the first time, going, wait, people

1:06:14

do that so weird, Like that's

1:06:17

not even that's not even respectful, Like, but

1:06:19

I'm like, if you want to funk, just ask him if you want to fun.

1:06:21

I was so perplexed by that, Like when

1:06:23

that happens to you, When that happens to you,

1:06:26

do you think that or you're just like,

1:06:28

yeah, I take it. Well, No, I would be

1:06:31

first, I would be very suspect. Suspect,

1:06:34

So do you do kind of care I for a chickens

1:06:36

like a hot chicken? Really? Star

1:06:39

fuck really is exactly I mean that's pretty much

1:06:41

what that was. I think. Yeah, I'd

1:06:43

be very I'd be very scared scared

1:06:45

of that happening. I'd be very trepidacious

1:06:48

with people, and they would have you ever done that

1:06:50

before? Have you ever like decided,

1:06:52

yeah, I'll fuck you. One time I

1:06:54

took a girl home and we fooled around, didn't

1:06:58

didn't do the do But one

1:07:00

time I took a girl and then uh, and

1:07:02

then I she was nice actually, and

1:07:06

we were going to go on a date. And then she saw someone get hit

1:07:08

by a truck, and it just

1:07:10

we never got past that. I

1:07:13

saw someone dying a truck, and I'm like, well, should

1:07:15

I sorry,

1:07:18

But I don't. She saw it, she saw someone get

1:07:20

like rolled over, like round

1:07:22

up in like a car when she was on

1:07:24

her way to go on the date with you,

1:07:27

or just like she was on her way home from work and we're gonna

1:07:29

go home and then we're gonna meet up later. That

1:07:32

she took that as an omen that

1:07:34

that horatious. It's not the man for

1:07:36

her. Yeah, we tried to set it

1:07:38

up. It wasn't kind of there, you know,

1:07:40

so it didn't happen. But

1:07:43

but that was That's funny because

1:07:45

when I think about it, that's when I went down because I was

1:07:48

like, well, I don't know her well enough to kind of comfort

1:07:50

her. I can call her, but I'm

1:07:52

not going to go over there. You know it. Also,

1:07:55

it wasn't her anyone she knew, so maybe she

1:07:57

should stop making it about herself. Amber,

1:08:00

shut the funk up and be a big girl. I'm still

1:08:03

trying to myself as

1:08:06

you should. I mean, it's to

1:08:08

see a human die right

1:08:10

in front of you. It's horrific.

1:08:13

I saw some buddy get hit by a bus. That sucked

1:08:15

me up for a while. The person died,

1:08:17

no, but they did the rolling thing and then they

1:08:20

refused an ambulance. But remember

1:08:23

about that. The guy was

1:08:25

I saw the bones. That's not good,

1:08:27

and he refused ambulance. When they unfolded

1:08:30

him, he like just poured out. I

1:08:32

don't know why I even. I mean to see that when

1:08:35

you fold like a like a pretzel, Yeah,

1:08:37

like you grow opening a little ball. Or

1:08:40

let's like like one of those freezy pops

1:08:43

if you say they're not frozen yet. One

1:08:47

of those cars sales, like the car dealerships

1:08:50

with the wind those guys,

1:08:52

like there's

1:08:54

that story of a guy who gets hit who gets caught between

1:08:56

the train and the train platform.

1:08:59

Oh yeah, story, it's been it's been

1:09:01

like law and order and stuff. Yeah, like

1:09:04

it's been one of these stories has been told a few times,

1:09:06

and so maybe it was true once, but then now it's a kind

1:09:08

of a legend. Caught in between the platform

1:09:10

and the train. Yeah, and when they moved the train, he was

1:09:12

going to die for sure, Like there's nothing they can

1:09:14

do. So he basically talked to his wife

1:09:16

and say his last words, why

1:09:19

are you smiling? Because you guys

1:09:21

are so sad about it? And it's a TV show, was

1:09:24

a fake, it was based on a true story.

1:09:27

I think it's story, but

1:09:30

i'd well, let's look at it.

1:09:32

Don't cry. Terrible terrible

1:09:35

ship happens. I know, doesn't

1:09:37

that? Isn't it like the world? God

1:09:41

hate that. I'm a bomber right now. I'm

1:09:43

sorry. No, it's this is

1:09:45

great. Now, it's now. I'm not the Debbie Downer of

1:09:47

the show. It's you. I'm

1:09:49

so happy to have you here. So

1:09:52

you so, But did you did

1:09:54

the amount of pussy that got thrown your

1:09:56

way increase when you went on television?

1:09:58

Absolutely? And what did

1:10:00

you think of that? Because if if if it was

1:10:03

me, I'd be like, I kind of get a little

1:10:05

annoyed. I can't wait till that happens.

1:10:08

I'm pumped, but not, But at

1:10:10

the same time, I totally understand, Like I understand

1:10:13

that's how it works. Oh,

1:10:15

I want so much Star Dick. I'm so excited

1:10:17

for it. Just hot dudes. That

1:10:19

doesn't even happen to women. But in my mind,

1:10:22

I'm going to be a woman

1:10:24

that this happens too. What

1:10:26

do you mean a woman that this happens? Well, I don't go to

1:10:29

women, don't it's not the same for a woman.

1:10:31

Like a woman. If a woman rises, funny chicks don't

1:10:33

get that dick like funny domus in

1:10:36

general, I don't think get dick's thrown at

1:10:38

them. A lot of women also don't

1:10:40

want dicks thrown at them, but I would. Why

1:10:42

do you think you would? Like do you think

1:10:44

famous women have you seen,

1:10:47

Like, have you ever been in a situation where you've seen a

1:10:49

female friend of yours that was on TV, like get

1:10:51

dick thrown at them? I hope that happens. I mean,

1:10:54

I really hope that happens. Please Ratio,

1:10:56

Well, when I was working there, you had people that

1:10:59

were very attracted. If so, it

1:11:02

would have to be someone super super

1:11:04

attractive to to make a debt

1:11:07

because also they're very funny girls, So

1:11:10

that kind of never happened, unless

1:11:13

it was maybe Bono or

1:11:15

something. Try

1:11:17

to bonno fucking stereo

1:11:19

Terry, what was happening? No, no Bono. I

1:11:21

think was smitten with with Amy.

1:11:24

Oh that's awesome

1:11:27

because she was because like like

1:11:29

like it was like she was like

1:11:32

into into you two. And so then afterwards

1:11:34

he came and saying with her or something that

1:11:36

makes me respect him so much more. I love that.

1:11:39

I'm trying to look up this guy caught between subway

1:11:42

and platform. All right, well, so so and then

1:11:44

going on, did you do you feel like, um,

1:11:47

okay, so you're you're famous, you're on Saturday Night Live,

1:11:49

you're getting the new pussy. Do you

1:11:51

feel like people approached you more based

1:11:53

on fame or then do you do you see an

1:11:55

increase more now that you had your body

1:11:58

morphing? Which one? Which one?

1:12:00

Which one had a bigger pussy

1:12:02

influx? Well, to me,

1:12:05

it was the fame and being

1:12:07

funny, yeah yeah, and then

1:12:09

and then so I never really took credit for

1:12:11

it personally, really kind

1:12:13

of went through a really like

1:12:16

extreme transformation in that people

1:12:19

saw you and you're like, oh, this is the hilarious guy

1:12:21

on SNL, and then you I

1:12:23

don't. I don't want to say this about sounding mean. I

1:12:25

feel like it's a dick thing to say, but you got really

1:12:28

hot. Yeah, I don't

1:12:31

know. I don't want to insult like the way before

1:12:33

that you were like and

1:12:35

then a lot of people who

1:12:38

lose weight like it's just like, oh yeah good, but

1:12:40

they're just skinny. That you turned heads when

1:12:42

you and your style change, the

1:12:44

glasses and the way you dressed change,

1:12:47

and you got hot, like really hot. I

1:12:49

don't want to beat me feel like my girl,

1:12:52

my girlfriend at the time, helped me out with that too.

1:12:54

Oh that's awesome. So I was dressing

1:12:56

yeah, because something

1:12:59

to happen. She basically

1:13:02

yeah, she kind of just had a list of things that have

1:13:04

to be fixed for like you date, like really

1:13:07

not really, but but well

1:13:10

because yeah, she kind of did that because

1:13:12

she's like, listen, you know, if you're you're

1:13:14

gonna be an alcoholic, I'm gonna help you out, you know.

1:13:16

But that's um.

1:13:20

And if I would have said no, I'm gonna keep drinking, then I don't think

1:13:22

the relationship would have lasted. Yeah. Oh,

1:13:24

I like those those relationships that kind of make

1:13:26

you like you you come out of it, whether it

1:13:28

works or not, you come out of it like a better

1:13:31

person. Yeah. I really think if I would have stayed

1:13:33

that fat for like five or time more

1:13:36

years, I would have really seriously

1:13:38

been risking my life because

1:13:40

I was already I was gonna get diabetes and I had high

1:13:42

blood pressure, and my dad got the diabetes

1:13:45

from eating. Yeah, the way,

1:13:47

you know, she did save my life a little bit. That's

1:13:50

wonderful. Do you still talk to this person?

1:13:52

Yes, okay. Do you have a good relationship with

1:13:54

them? We're working on it. No,

1:13:57

we absolutely love each other, and when we do, it's

1:13:59

just hard to kind hang out. Yeah, that's

1:14:01

understandable. Though I have my first boyfriend.

1:14:03

I could talk to him a lot, but when we actually hang out in person,

1:14:06

it's very difficult, just because you know, when

1:14:08

you shared something so intimate with somebody, oh

1:14:10

my god, you regrets attached even

1:14:12

in the intimacy level. It's really hard. It makes

1:14:14

me feel nervous and anxious to be owned

1:14:17

that person. Is that how

1:14:19

you? Yeah, it's like, well, you're so programmed

1:14:21

to do these things like touching, you

1:14:23

know, their leg or whatever, something

1:14:26

that you laugh at not yours anymore. Yeah,

1:14:30

I done. It is very weird. It's kind of yeah,

1:14:32

I don't like that. How long were you with that particular person?

1:14:35

Six years? It's a long time. And

1:14:37

why didn't weren't you engaged? Yeah,

1:14:40

we're engaged. And then how do

1:14:42

you do if you don't want to talk about this? You certainly

1:14:45

don't have to. But why did it A Well, I won't give specific

1:14:47

reasons, um,

1:14:49

but it was just, Um, we're

1:14:52

really trying to uh

1:14:54

to get together and be

1:14:56

well and in a relationship obviously

1:14:58

before we got married. Yeah, so it's

1:15:00

important. So yeah, so we worked on these

1:15:03

things and these issues

1:15:05

that we had, and they and I we both went to therapy.

1:15:07

I went to therapy and were trying to work on

1:15:09

it and then in the end it just wasn't

1:15:12

happening. And I've been trying, she'd

1:15:14

been trying for years. Did you both

1:15:16

see it coming? Or was one party like, hey,

1:15:18

ps, this isn't gonna work and then the other party

1:15:20

was like, I think we Yeah, I think we saw

1:15:23

it coming. Interesting,

1:15:25

it's always better when, like I mean, no,

1:15:28

breakups are the worst thing in the Wyte.

1:15:31

Breakups I hate them so much. But it's

1:15:33

always like the ones that I've had where both

1:15:35

people were like, yeah,

1:15:38

we gotta call spade to spade and sorry

1:15:41

raisings on my lap and and end

1:15:43

it. And it's heartbreaking because it's like the death of an entity

1:15:45

of your relationship. It it sucks, but then it's

1:15:48

like it's always nicer when both

1:15:50

parties are are in it, you know what I

1:15:52

mean? Into the Yeah we should move

1:15:54

on. Yeah, I definitely

1:15:56

felt, um like she

1:15:59

knew it was a good thing, and I knew it was a good thing,

1:16:01

so a better thing. Yeah,

1:16:03

unfortunately, And now how do you handle

1:16:06

breakups? Do you have a specific

1:16:09

thing that you do for all breakups or

1:16:11

do you cry any Benegeri's like me, well, um,

1:16:15

I hate to admit this, but I'm usually that guy

1:16:17

that just doesn't break up with someone anyways

1:16:21

to get broken up. Yea, why

1:16:24

is that? Do you think?

1:16:27

Well, I don't want to be I don't want to be held

1:16:29

responsible for for ruining that thing.

1:16:32

Yeah, I understand. So like five years from no, I'll

1:16:34

be like, what did I do? Right now? I forgive

1:16:36

myself if I

1:16:38

took responsibility for each you

1:16:40

know, relationship that went wrong. Yeah, I

1:16:43

can't end things either. I'm the same way

1:16:45

in that, Like I can't. I just I just it

1:16:47

breaks my heart too much. So I'm like, I'll continue

1:16:49

on. But but I mean, do you not are

1:16:51

you not concerned for your own happiness? I mean

1:16:54

because in the end, I feel like as much as you dont want

1:16:56

to hurt somebody, if it's not working on on your

1:16:58

end, then you're not going to be giving the full,

1:17:01

your full self to that person, and so

1:17:03

it ends up kind of being selfish.

1:17:05

Yeah, and you're absolutely right. I guess it's taken me

1:17:07

a long time to just feel okay

1:17:10

with what's happening, you know, like to be fine

1:17:14

with with that, with breaking

1:17:16

up with somebody or hurting their feelings when you But

1:17:18

I just do it all faster. I

1:17:20

do it all sooner, Just put everything

1:17:23

out there like as soon as possible, um,

1:17:27

so that you don't make those mistakes. And I don't and I

1:17:29

don't try to make everyone knows what they're getting into kind

1:17:31

of like you know the deal. Yeah,

1:17:33

and um,

1:17:40

we're just talking about I

1:17:43

really thought you were welling up and I was gonna be Yeah,

1:17:46

I thought you were having to see moment. I love

1:17:48

that an emotional moment, but it was just a weed

1:17:50

forgettame. I don't you

1:17:52

know what, cry

1:17:54

still, but I cry

1:17:56

a lot less since I've had anti

1:18:00

depression medication. So

1:18:03

I used to cry at movies and stuff because

1:18:06

I was but I think I was trying,

1:18:08

like I was trying, like you know, my

1:18:11

my mother died. Oh

1:18:13

that's pro prior. But movies are

1:18:15

one of the few things that I will really make me

1:18:18

go through. But I think like as a artist,

1:18:20

I mean, I feel like it's just like that's just resonating

1:18:22

with the message. I love it. I love

1:18:24

it. I think it's really great when you can laugh really loud

1:18:26

or try at something. No, that's that's the best.

1:18:28

But I can no longer cry usually

1:18:31

at movies, but I will cry

1:18:33

about some sentimental thing like a song.

1:18:36

I can still do that. But that's a good part of

1:18:39

you. That makes you sad that something would ever

1:18:41

take that away from you. Or was it becoming

1:18:43

a problem with other depression?

1:18:47

Of course I was drinking a lot and being depressed

1:18:49

from drinking this that that's all before the

1:18:51

quitting, okay, but the

1:18:54

crying. Are you on depression now?

1:18:57

Yeah? Okay? Yeah? And do

1:18:59

you feel like even you out or they

1:19:01

like, because I mean, my mom was on antidepression

1:19:04

meds and they made her kind of go nuts.

1:19:06

She was on the for like twenty years of

1:19:08

her life, like a million different types of medications

1:19:11

and they either made her feel so numb

1:19:13

that she couldn't feel anything and she was just like,

1:19:15

well here I am, I guess I'll watch television,

1:19:18

or it made her go insane and she would like

1:19:20

try and kill herself like it. It just didn't work for her.

1:19:23

What is it? What is the effect that it gives you? Does it?

1:19:25

Does it it bots you out? Or

1:19:27

does it numb you? It balances

1:19:30

me out a little bit. I'm still kind of off,

1:19:32

but um, and when I say off, I mean

1:19:34

I'm still depressed mostly, but

1:19:37

not in any extreme way.

1:19:39

Right. I also think that just like some humans

1:19:42

are naturally more depressed people than others, I

1:19:44

mean I feel like sometimes like society

1:19:46

tries to bring us all to this like medium, weird,

1:19:48

happy, and some people just it just doesn't

1:19:50

have to be that way. And it's okay. I love

1:19:53

people who are kind of depressify them delightful.

1:19:56

Yeah. The problem is though, that when you look like some

1:19:58

some dumb things really affect you. Like I

1:20:00

was like walking in Brooklyn, and I'm like looking

1:20:03

at a car and I see the people like, oh,

1:20:05

what's up with this poor guy? As a taxi driver?

1:20:07

And I started look thinking about the life and it's all about

1:20:10

you. You You've seen like the guy who,

1:20:12

the kind of guy who, and I'm I'm the exact same

1:20:14

way. You just feel shit intensely,

1:20:17

kind of like like things affect you intensely, think

1:20:19

about them too much. Yeah, so like

1:20:21

and so like I'm trying, and because I'm a comedian,

1:20:24

I'm thinking, like do I make fun of this? You

1:20:27

know? My brain is moving like a million miles

1:20:29

an hour trying to figure out like why, why, what's

1:20:31

wrong with this? Well? Should I make a joke

1:20:33

about this? Is? It's just an interaction

1:20:35

with another human, So

1:20:39

I don't know. Yeah, I mean everything doesn't have

1:20:41

a deeper meaning. But I mean, for me, every time I see a homeless

1:20:43

person, I imagine them as a child. And that's

1:20:45

a horrible thing to do because that's you're actresses.

1:20:49

Well yeah, but I don't have happened. Well,

1:20:52

so you can you do? You can you not watch porn

1:20:54

because you're too concerned? Like you too, you you

1:20:56

get in your head about that. I can't watch like

1:20:58

the real like like degrading

1:21:00

stuff. Right, Yeah, I feel

1:21:03

like what is happening, But

1:21:05

I don't necessarily think that every something

1:21:07

wrong went wrong for every porn

1:21:09

actor. No, no, but it just

1:21:11

seems like a lot a lot of them. Yeah,

1:21:13

and some people people people

1:21:16

like it. It's fine. And

1:21:19

that's another part of understanding too,

1:21:21

Like all this ship is is

1:21:24

out there and men and women can both feel

1:21:26

that way. And you know, you grew

1:21:28

up repressed with television

1:21:31

or church or whatever, and you're just like what

1:21:35

human can enjoy that? Yeah, it's

1:21:37

okay. I don't have to worry about what made

1:21:39

to do that now it was religion

1:21:42

a big part of your life growing It wasn't at all. It

1:21:44

wasn't it was. I was mostly kind of just you

1:21:48

know, you watch, well, my neighborhood is kind of shitty, so

1:21:50

I'm trying to make my own life a

1:21:53

perfect life. So I would kind

1:21:55

of watch comedies

1:21:57

and I would I would like trying

1:22:00

to make my life better than

1:22:03

to escape. Yeah,

1:22:06

great escape, So I keep doing

1:22:08

that. I mean, I think I've been working

1:22:11

that way. I'm sorry. What was the beginning of the question, I

1:22:13

mean, the question was religion a big part

1:22:15

of your life. And then you said no, and

1:22:18

then you talked about your ghetto life, right,

1:22:21

you know, in the ghetto. And

1:22:24

usually that's when people are in the ghettos, when

1:22:26

they find religion. But I didn't. I

1:22:28

lost religion because of my My father was

1:22:30

an agnostic and hated

1:22:33

organized religion. So there's no way I was going to grow

1:22:35

up. Good for him caring about it. Yeah,

1:22:37

it saved me a lot of a lot of It's

1:22:40

very interesting because obviously you're Hispanic,

1:22:42

and I mean, you know, stereotypically

1:22:44

that's a religion is a huge part

1:22:46

of uh.

1:22:49

Yeah, in Chile, I'm sure it's a

1:22:51

huge Catholic um

1:22:53

congregation. But my father was just

1:22:57

you know, he was a smart ass about It's

1:22:59

awesome. Up, what's your dad do?

1:23:02

My dad was a waiter and a bartender

1:23:05

at a hotel, and

1:23:09

he would always get into fights with commies and

1:23:11

stuff, like we

1:23:13

would go to like a swap meeting. It was like a guy like

1:23:15

trying to give away like commy newspapers. He'd

1:23:17

be like, you know, almost getting into fist fights with these

1:23:20

people. That's

1:23:22

amazing.

1:23:25

What's uh, have

1:23:27

you ever had anything really embarrassing happened during

1:23:30

sex like

1:23:32

something once time I was

1:23:34

having sex with with my I

1:23:36

think the girl, I lost my the

1:23:39

girl, I lost my virginity too. And

1:23:41

she got stung but with a b she

1:23:43

got stung by a bee in there her head. Oh wow,

1:23:46

you were sucking. Yeah, while I was sucking, here

1:23:49

were you outside? It was the be We

1:23:52

were in her room and it just flew in as

1:23:54

be sometimes do, wearing

1:23:58

her head, I mean righting like on her

1:24:00

forehead. You didn't see

1:24:02

the beach into it

1:24:05

that that you let a bee come and

1:24:09

be kind of came his stinger into her

1:24:11

forehead.

1:24:15

So this bee was like I think this bee was like

1:24:17

reincarnated Bob

1:24:20

Daily. Um,

1:24:26

I don't get I'm

1:24:29

laughing at what the jokes should have been. What it

1:24:31

should have been, that the bee is reincarnated

1:24:34

Bob Crane, Bob Crane from Hogan's

1:24:36

Heroes Famous

1:24:41

Your Comper.

1:24:47

So mom doesn't

1:24:49

know. My

1:24:51

mom called me to tell me today

1:24:54

that someone accidentally sent her a video.

1:24:57

Okay, I kind of want to call her

1:24:59

and ask her about it. It's hilarious her explaining

1:25:01

it. She goes, someone sent me a

1:25:04

video, and then they sent me a picture and the

1:25:06

picture was of a sunset, and I didn't realize that the video

1:25:08

was a video. Was like the wrong number text and

1:25:10

I and I my and my dad

1:25:12

realized it was a video, so we clicked play and it was

1:25:14

a girl given this dude to blow job. And

1:25:17

she was like, oh my work, Like she was

1:25:19

so like just

1:25:21

blown away, but that someone once sent her a random

1:25:24

b J video and so was I. Really

1:25:26

it's not fair of all people. Well,

1:25:28

anyway, my mom doesn't know about the podcast. She

1:25:30

knows we do the podcast, she doesn't know what it's called. Yeah,

1:25:32

she doesn't know. Then

1:25:35

of the pocket today,

1:25:37

she was using a lot of sexual language that led

1:25:40

me to believe she wouldn't care. I can't believe

1:25:42

you know, I know because you have Castina had her mom

1:25:44

on speakerphone and I'm here because I was hilarious.

1:25:46

This is the same woman who we can't tell

1:25:48

guys we fucked. Yeah, And I'm like, I

1:25:51

can't tell her. Maybe you don't want

1:25:53

her to tell you. I have a weird thing.

1:25:56

Talk to her about it.

1:25:58

It's not a comfort thing. I have a thing where

1:26:00

I assumed she's going to judge me to the harshest

1:26:02

degree, and I'm always constantly

1:26:04

surprised mom's job. I

1:26:07

guess, I guess it is when.

1:26:09

But when I had sex for the first time, uh

1:26:12

with my my boyfriend at the time, she

1:26:14

asked me in a very roundabout way if I had

1:26:17

lost my virginity yet. She was talking about a friend's

1:26:19

daughter and how she was being promiscuous.

1:26:21

And she goes, and we were at a restaurant. We were at a restaurant,

1:26:24

sitting down. It was me, my mother, my grandmother

1:26:26

who was a stroke victim who acted like a three

1:26:28

year old because she she had a bad stroke, and

1:26:30

my brother's girlfriend. It was just the four of us,

1:26:33

and she goes, you haven't done that, have you?

1:26:35

Christina and I had had sex at

1:26:37

that time, so I didn't want to lie to hers. I didn't

1:26:40

I can't lie And uh,

1:26:42

I said, well, I mean I

1:26:44

yeah, well yeah I have. And

1:26:47

she stormed out of the restaurant and made

1:26:49

my dad picked me up and didn't talk to me for a

1:26:51

while. So that's scarred

1:26:53

the ship out of me, because I was like, oh,

1:26:56

sex is bad, sex will

1:26:58

like my family won't talk to

1:27:00

me, and Ship and my dad it was just because

1:27:02

you know, my mom had depression, so these things.

1:27:05

When something bad happened, it was like twelve

1:27:07

thousand times worse for her

1:27:09

as it was for a normal person. It's

1:27:11

weird. So that's what my my view

1:27:13

on sex was so fucked up after that.

1:27:15

Yeah, and in movies when you're growing up, Like there's

1:27:18

so many movies in the seventies where girls

1:27:20

are getting raped and

1:27:22

you have to go kill the guy who who raped

1:27:25

your girlfriend, like so many westerns

1:27:27

and stuff, classic classic seventies.

1:27:30

My mother says. My mother's like, I don't like watching Mexican

1:27:33

movies. All the women get raped in over. That's

1:27:36

a good point. It's a stance because I agree

1:27:39

Mexican movies. That's always like, she

1:27:41

brings up a valid Did you ever talk

1:27:43

to your parents about set, like even when you got away?

1:27:46

Yeah, her mom know you've had sex?

1:27:48

Yeah, okay, yeah,

1:27:51

because I call it each time I sleep with somebody

1:27:57

I do. Alright, alright, that's

1:28:01

question. Yeah,

1:28:04

it's like a looks like horatia, like a voice

1:28:06

that you used to do, do

1:28:09

you okay when the first time I did that voice?

1:28:11

Well, sex, isn't you ever? Are you funny

1:28:13

during sex? Are you ever funny during sex? No?

1:28:16

And I don't. I am. I guess I

1:28:18

can be, but I don't like it starting

1:28:21

out funny. I mean

1:28:23

it serious? Do you like it ending

1:28:25

funny? Like what? I don't mind? Like, well,

1:28:27

you know, maybe we go a couple of times and there's

1:28:30

funny, like oh look at that. So

1:28:32

wait, how many times you have sex with? You

1:28:35

have sex? Like four times in a night? Jesus,

1:28:38

A couple of couple really? To

1:28:41

three for you? Alright,

1:28:43

go of your rounds. I mean yeah, I mean

1:28:45

not right away, but I didn't take some watch

1:28:48

some forensic files and then go back.

1:28:51

Nothing gets ratious dick hard like

1:28:54

the Clawterample's corpse and

1:28:58

looking around this basement. That makes company sense,

1:29:01

It makes complete sense. I wish we had a

1:29:03

video we could show the really

1:29:06

no joke we really have. Like women are always

1:29:09

like what really, I'm walking in here? Um?

1:29:12

Yeah? People think they're walking into a rape den when

1:29:14

they come to your house. It's just, you

1:29:16

know, it's just uncomfortable. And usually there's like a

1:29:18

dude and no one's knows, no one knows

1:29:21

the dude would be here, but he's there

1:29:23

and he's like sucking Mike

1:29:26

chads popping out of corners

1:29:28

and ship yeah, I mean live here too.

1:29:30

I love here too. I hear think about your house is that

1:29:32

it's fenced in. But also there's

1:29:34

a rope to pull the fence. You can walk right.

1:29:37

And also every door and window is open

1:29:39

at all times, just like

1:29:41

nothing makes a woman feel safe in a large

1:29:44

home with all open door everything's

1:29:46

open, every entrance is just as well. You

1:29:48

can escape, that's the idea.

1:29:51

You can escape, they would think of it that

1:29:53

way. Just

1:29:55

go up the front right there, you two doors. You

1:29:57

can sta. Hope if you've convinced a woman to have

1:29:59

sex with you, that she's not scared of being locked

1:30:01

inside with you, but very scared of who

1:30:03

else might join. Well,

1:30:06

they're not afraid of me, and thank goodness. Yeah,

1:30:08

no one what I'm saying, I'm just saying be afraid

1:30:10

of you. We're talking about the basement. You're

1:30:12

cuddly and sweet even

1:30:14

when you don't know me that even were not in you're

1:30:17

very sweet. Yeah. Oh I can tell no,

1:30:19

you can. He's

1:30:23

like, what, what,

1:30:25

Chad? What? Guest

1:30:28

engineer Chad Kruger, Because

1:30:30

I haven't think five hours we've been on a five

1:30:32

hours three am Horatios forgotten

1:30:36

percent of the question when asked,

1:30:40

Chad, you're gonna have to cut that. That's why you

1:30:42

do all those cuts. I get know, no pausing, this

1:30:44

is guy, not the horatious.

1:30:47

It's interesting so originally like I could notice

1:30:49

it, it'll smooth,

1:30:52

but it just don't have me going

1:30:54

like wait, could you pause and go back again?

1:30:58

Break right now? We're all about being

1:31:02

check out a pipe, Chad,

1:31:05

alright, I can't roll my own joints

1:31:07

without my roller, and oh I can't. I'm

1:31:09

actually really good at it. Are you ready to smoke?

1:31:12

Um? Not yet? No, I can't smoke. I do

1:31:14

I smucking. We had a fan come out to

1:31:16

one of our shows, multiple fans,

1:31:18

Thank you guys. I was like one and only yeah. No.

1:31:21

We had a bunch of fans come out and one of the one of

1:31:23

the girls, had a joint and she

1:31:25

was like, oh, you want to smoke this, and I don't. I

1:31:27

smoke like, I'll smoke with you later, but not

1:31:29

while I'm brought like, I can't because I

1:31:31

want to be in total control of my thoughts in

1:31:33

my brain and what I'm saying. If I'm not,

1:31:35

it freaks me out. And I don't

1:31:37

smoke. What he's

1:31:39

just making jokes and now,

1:31:42

but this girl gave me a joint and I just

1:31:44

took one little, tiny, tiny, tiny tine hit and

1:31:47

ended up being wax. Oh, let's

1:31:49

see that people do that and they people. I

1:31:51

didn't know that and I would never Has

1:31:53

that happened to you? Has Chad done that to you? Based

1:31:55

off of that laugh? I've done

1:31:57

it like people. I'm off

1:32:00

the people. People would think that I

1:32:04

do it enough that that it's It's something

1:32:07

I think about now that I don't want to

1:32:09

be a cosby because

1:32:11

because people get

1:32:12

up because

1:32:17

oh god, some of

1:32:19

the joints will have wax, and then some will have hash

1:32:22

in them. And then I just roll like

1:32:24

four of them and I'll throw them in a box and

1:32:26

later I'll grab a joint and I'll forget that

1:32:28

I put wax. Once I'll be like, you

1:32:31

know, horatio sounds part of the problem.

1:32:36

And I smoke really good ship. You

1:32:38

usually smoke up the girls that you have sex with. No,

1:32:42

the I don't usually smoke them

1:32:44

up. There they're free to be an agent for like

1:32:46

we make. I mean, I I enjoy smoking

1:32:48

before having sex a lot? Yeah

1:32:52

do you? I mean I guess you enjoyed

1:32:54

smoking before opening

1:32:56

your eyes. Yeah,

1:32:58

I wish it was a way I could work in

1:33:01

your ass. It will wake in big. I wish I could

1:33:03

bake and wake. You should just have some

1:33:05

sort of It's the stoneriest

1:33:08

thing I have ever heard in my fucking life,

1:33:10

Horatio, you got this house money, Why don't you

1:33:12

just hire somebody hires

1:33:15

to shove a piece of brownie as

1:33:19

he or she can just blow smokeout it in your face.

1:33:21

Yeah, sexy girl comes in to blow smoke in

1:33:23

your face? What a great way to wake Horatio?

1:33:26

Part awaken up? Is this hot chick who

1:33:29

smokes up? Yeah? Do you think my my pea

1:33:31

whole line goes all the way into

1:33:34

my brain? And what

1:33:36

the fun you want to into? Urethro

1:33:39

Can someone blow weed through my penis hole

1:33:42

and we'll get me fucked up? You want to blow job

1:33:45

and weed before you even wake up? If

1:33:47

you're going to give them away, think you'd

1:33:50

be a really good boyfriend. But now on, Hot Horatio

1:33:52

is a real asshole. Ever since

1:33:54

you got fucking hot, you're a huge

1:33:57

dick. Hot

1:34:00

Horatio, do you hear that? Chad? Do you

1:34:02

know in our show that

1:34:05

you got super hot? Do you know that? Or no? You

1:34:07

just do what

1:34:09

it was. It's been hard to kind of take it in and

1:34:11

be like, yeah, okay, thank

1:34:14

you, because I've I'm so just

1:34:16

used to not having anything like that. So

1:34:18

part of that, also, that sexuality and the confidence

1:34:21

is just owning that, yeah, I am attractive.

1:34:23

I'll take that. Did the way you had sex

1:34:25

change after you lost weight or

1:34:28

even after you got here? Well,

1:34:30

I know that, but you

1:34:33

have to do anything. Don't

1:34:37

say that, Please don't

1:34:39

say that. No, I

1:34:41

wouldn't just sit like the block,

1:34:43

like like

1:34:45

like job of the hut.

1:34:52

Yeah, so I wouldn't get ahead of the mood worse

1:34:54

and job I did. So sex sex was like

1:34:56

yes, So that I had to kind of, you know, work on sex

1:34:59

as being something that I'm enjoying and not

1:35:01

just tricking people in to do. But

1:35:06

you had to trip people into sex prior.

1:35:09

Well that's the idea yourself. Watch

1:35:12

all the things I watched like Fucking Bob

1:35:14

Hope to the Stooges, Sick in a Box. It

1:35:16

was based on Horatio. How

1:35:18

you get late when he was heavy?

1:35:22

How did you convince girls to fuck you? Pre

1:35:25

all that ship like in the early days,

1:35:27

like what was your what was your cell?

1:35:30

Because everyone's selling themselves right sexually,

1:35:32

Like, well, first off, I've never had sex or anybody

1:35:34

who wasn't my friend, so I'd have to make

1:35:36

friends first and then

1:35:39

just be you know, just do what

1:35:41

everyone does when they're trying to seduce somebody.

1:35:44

But then I wouldn't I

1:35:46

think, you know, you find girls that that kind of are

1:35:48

into it and not. You know, you can tell if

1:35:50

someone is sexually attracted to you, And I

1:35:52

mean it was a miracle still for me.

1:35:55

But I mean you were.

1:35:58

I mean I feel like this, I know you're not you weren't

1:36:00

you weren't. I wasn't bugling know

1:36:04

you weren't ugly? Did you think you were? I thought I

1:36:06

was. Well I'm not saying I was, but I thought

1:36:08

I was at the time. So now

1:36:10

I don't. Now I I'm like,

1:36:13

okay, I'll thank you for your compliment.

1:36:15

That's nice. Take it, um.

1:36:19

Yeah, Like you know, when I met you,

1:36:22

we thought you thought you were my friend. I thought you were my

1:36:24

friend, Yeah I

1:36:26

did. Yeah, Well, I mean I knew

1:36:28

we weren't, but I kind of like, I don't know, did you know it

1:36:31

was me at first? Yeah? I know exactly. Yeah,

1:36:34

so you were seeing me fat me and

1:36:37

fat me and young and and thinner

1:36:39

me. Wasn't confusing to you know, because

1:36:41

I knew because when I saw you you or you were you

1:36:43

were like how you are now, like with your

1:36:45

style and everything like that. No, no, no, I

1:36:47

mean I I followed you. I knew who

1:36:50

you were you following me. I

1:36:52

was actually already following you on Twitter. Yes, I stopped

1:36:54

you to your house and then I, oh,

1:36:57

that's right, Yeah, you were following me on Twitter already. Yeah,

1:36:59

I was already showing you. What did

1:37:01

you think when I tweeted at you? Were you like this?

1:37:06

I thought, I thought, yeah, you thought you wanted a date or

1:37:08

something? Okay, did you get excited about

1:37:11

that vibe? I did, but I

1:37:13

was seeing somebody, so I wasn't gonna. Well,

1:37:15

it's weird because I kind of do have a crush

1:37:17

on you, which is awkward. And I told my boyfriend

1:37:19

that I told him that I had a crush on you last

1:37:21

week, No previously,

1:37:26

because I did. And it's but it's weird because I've been so I've

1:37:28

been with Stephen for four years, and he is It's

1:37:30

the best relationship I've ever had. It's the best

1:37:32

relationship I could ever, I don't even know a

1:37:35

relationship could be that good, and I could just

1:37:37

be like the sex gets better, the chemistry

1:37:39

gets better, the time we spend gets better, like as we

1:37:41

ate, like as we are together, everything

1:37:43

just gets better. Which I didn't even know the thing. But it's

1:37:46

still weird because I mean, you lose

1:37:48

that part of you that that slays Dick,

1:37:50

you know what I mean, Like or when you're in a relationship,

1:37:53

you can't really slay Puss, you

1:37:55

know what I'm saying. So but and then shine, Yeah,

1:38:00

slay Dick. Just

1:38:03

the other day, I was saving the chat and I'm like, you know, I can't

1:38:05

wait slash and Pusts this weekend. It

1:38:08

didn't work out? Why didn't work

1:38:10

out? No, I'm just saying, just slay Puss.

1:38:12

I'm sorry. You're like old men are like, I mean,

1:38:14

keeping you from playing posts? Right now? Are

1:38:17

we keeping you from playing Pusts? Do you want to go? We can, we'll,

1:38:19

we'll, we'll sleep post with you. I

1:38:21

mean, Oh, I'm a great wing Yeah,

1:38:23

Christine is a good wing woman. Well, when I knew

1:38:25

you guys were coming tonight, I figured i'd i'd postpone

1:38:28

all of that. Oh, I feel that's very

1:38:30

well, I feel honored. No,

1:38:33

anyway, I told my boyfriend was like a kind of a crush

1:38:35

on him? Is that weird? And I like, because we're

1:38:37

very open, we'll tell each other. Because he had

1:38:39

a crush on my one friend, like like

1:38:41

when we started dating, like in the first year and a half

1:38:43

of us dating, and I don't I didn't really

1:38:45

care, like we kind of try to have a three way

1:38:48

with her, and it just got weird. But like crushes,

1:38:50

having crushes when you're in a relationship is totally normal,

1:38:53

but it's weird to talk about it. And he kind of got upset

1:38:55

because like you're you're a successful comedian

1:38:57

and that's like I'm trying. I'm like on,

1:39:00

like that's what I want for me. So he felt a little too men.

1:39:02

But then he used to day a porn star, so I was like, now, you know how

1:39:04

field, but it's

1:39:07

not a little weird. It's got a little like a

1:39:09

little a little weird now, but but it's it's weird.

1:39:12

I don't know, I don't know where I'm going

1:39:14

with that, but it's interesting to be it's

1:39:17

weird on somebody, but it's okay, and

1:39:19

like you should just very okay with it. Yeah,

1:39:22

and that's kind of what makes And I told you, I was

1:39:24

like, I feel like I'm flirting with you a lot and I can't stop

1:39:26

it, and that's weird. I'm sorry, horatios, Like you should feel

1:39:28

really okay, really

1:39:31

okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:39:34

like no, give me more, really comfortable.

1:39:40

But have you when you were in a relationship and

1:39:43

I don't I hopefully I'm not touching on anything like

1:39:45

that brought you down. If you don't want to talk about it, please

1:39:47

feel free to say no. But when you're in a relationship

1:39:49

for a number of years, how do you not

1:39:52

either get a get a tiny little crush on somebody

1:39:55

or like flirt like that's natural,

1:39:57

that never goes away. But did you ever feel

1:39:59

like you had to I have to curb this

1:40:03

or did it wasn't part

1:40:05

of your mind shuts off to that for a while,

1:40:08

and then sometimes it opens up and

1:40:10

it's like, well now someone can kind of

1:40:12

come in here and it does you know, and a little

1:40:15

more. Yeah. Yeah, So I

1:40:17

mean those things were happening a lot. Yeah,

1:40:21

yeah, while you were in a relationship for

1:40:24

for for six years. Yeah, so those moments

1:40:26

would come around. It's inevitable

1:40:28

your shooting. Everybody's a human and you're the

1:40:30

person you were with probably experienced the same thing.

1:40:32

But it's like no one talks about Did you talk

1:40:35

about it ever? Yeah, you did

1:40:37

talk about it. Do you have trouble do you

1:40:39

tends have trouble remaining faithful when you're in long

1:40:41

term relationships? Yeah?

1:40:43

I mean I am faithful though, but

1:40:45

but it's not it doesn't come easy. It

1:40:48

doesn't come easy. No, No, because

1:40:50

and also I think it's because I had my twenties

1:40:52

were so shitty as far as being

1:40:56

I feel like, yeah, pussy renaissance you

1:40:58

did. Yeah, I mean it seemed

1:41:00

like there was a wave of pussy. You get fame,

1:41:02

then you get and then you have the body transformation.

1:41:05

So I mean that's a lot of stuff when you're just going to have

1:41:07

more doors open to you or vaginas

1:41:09

you know. Yeah, I mean it's wonderful

1:41:12

to know women on that level

1:41:14

and not have it be like

1:41:16

the idea of having sex with a woman and then being

1:41:18

friends still is. Um,

1:41:21

it's pretty awesome because you're you've shared,

1:41:24

You've shared something huge. Yeah, that's

1:41:26

not normal, and so you have that,

1:41:28

you know, you'll always have that are you saying your dick's

1:41:30

huge just getting

1:41:32

no one else? That's what I

1:41:34

thought, I know. I mean I did think about

1:41:37

it, but then I just pushed it aside because

1:41:40

well because you said, you said something weird, So do you

1:41:42

We talked about this a lot like sex is weird?

1:41:44

Would you agree that it? Sex is like a weird thing?

1:41:48

Yeah, until you say until you just think of like

1:41:50

did humans are supposed to do this? And

1:41:52

then you're like, she's going to enjoy

1:41:54

it, so I'm gonna enjoy it, um,

1:41:57

And so then it's like, well, let's and then let's

1:41:59

see how long we can make it last and how

1:42:02

we could uh change it up? Right?

1:42:04

So you just change it up? And do you practice

1:42:06

tantruck sex? What was that about? It's like, no,

1:42:08

I just kind of breathe. No, I do breathe. I

1:42:10

do consciously breathe, well,

1:42:13

not like breath to stop yourself from coming. Yeah,

1:42:16

ohio interesting, Shane did that

1:42:19

with me. It was amazing.

1:42:21

I was like, how can you not come? This is wait?

1:42:23

You just breathe deep breaths and you don't come.

1:42:25

You can prevent yourself because we're getting excited

1:42:28

and you stop, like your body

1:42:30

is not breathing and something it gets like worse.

1:42:33

So instead of you just breathe and it's like all right,

1:42:35

listen, it's not like take it easy,

1:42:37

we're having a good time here. It's not like, let's

1:42:39

get to the finish line. Okay. So it's more

1:42:41

of a physical and you don't have to mentally like think

1:42:43

of something that doesn't turn you on. No,

1:42:46

no saying wow,