0:00

Hey Tigers, you're at you know what I'm talking

0:02

about? This is I have the Tiger Tour twenty twenty

0:04

four. It's officially underway. The

0:06

first how many shows were there too?

0:08

Of our six? Oh my god, I did

0:10

six shows and like it was crazy, but it was

0:12

so fun. It was so great. Thank you to everyone who came

0:14

out. It's continuing. Raleigh, North

0:17

Carolina, April thirtieth, Philadelphia

0:19

May first, Boston May second, Portland,

0:22

Oregon, May fourteenth, San Francisco

0:24

May fifteenth, Sacramento May sixteenth,

0:27

Seattle, Washington, May seventeenth, and

0:29

those are pretty much sold out, so we added two

0:31

more shows on Saturday, May

0:33

eighteenth, Seattle get those, Houston,

0:36

Texas June twenty seventh, Austin, Texas

0:38

June twenty eighth and twenty ninth, and Salt Lake

0:41

City, Utah, September twenty sixth.

0:43

Tickets are available at Corinnefisher

0:45

dot com. The whole tour features

0:47

the wonderful Chloe Lea Branch who you've heard

0:49

on this show. I will see you there.

0:52

Bye, Welcome the guys. We

0:54

bought me the anti Slusham podcasting

0:58

that I'm Christina Huttings and I'm current flicker

1:00

and I'm gonna bring

1:03

us to flooding your horny and your

1:05

shame. Hey, it's what yeah, okay,

1:10

talk about Greetings, fuckers,

1:13

welcome to another exciting episode

1:15

of Guys We Fucked. It's the anti

1:18

slutshaming podcast. I'm Karen Fisher,

1:20

I'm Christina Hutchinson. Now, if

1:22

you want to do the right thing, you

1:25

are going to Los

1:27

Ange. Look at us, Look at us. May eleventh,

1:30

Saturday. It's a Saturday. It's a Saturday Saturday. You're

1:32

working, You're not doing anything. Can't seer your plans. It's

1:34

nine to forty five at night the Regent Theater, The

1:36

Regent Theater, Los Angeles, California.

1:39

You're familiar with it. Current Fisher is gonna be there. Christina

1:41

Hutchinson's gonna be there, and her story

1:43

is going to be made.

1:44

Sorry keep saying that that's terrible, but

1:47

honestly, if you miss out on the show,

1:49

you're gonna regret it.

1:50

You're gonna regret it. When I tell you, Clinna and I bring

1:52

the heat in any live setting when

1:55

we're together, Fucking shit's explosive.

1:57

It's crazy you are in their guest that

2:00

we have even Netflix who doesn't like us, said

2:02

we finally they finally said we should probably give them a show.

2:04

Yes, honestly, we look at Jack asked,

2:07

yeah, we're making all their copycap podcasts, you

2:09

know, part of our festival. So we'll make the

2:11

original one part of the festival too. We're like, thank

2:13

you, Yes, we appreciate that.

2:15

Yes, it's going to be it's the biggest

2:17

show we've ever done in Los Angeles. Yes, we're

2:19

very excited about it, and it's gonna be epic, and

2:22

so we want to sell it out before

2:25

the show happens, right because all y'all

2:27

La people love you, love you boy

2:30

you last minute huh with the ticket sales

2:32

are good? Could be better. Yeah, we're not

2:35

until every Yeah, you're not. You're

2:37

not making it this May. It's Saturday night.

2:39

I mean, it's just not What are you gonna do?

2:40

What?

2:41

What are you gonna do? If you're gonna test for that pilot, you

2:43

would have known. Yeah, And if you're

2:45

a man, if you're a straight man and

2:48

you want a date, you go to say,

2:50

hey, do you ever heard of this podcast called

2:52

Guys?

2:52

We fucked what?

2:54

Yeah, they're doing a live show in La May eleventh,

2:56

Saturday night, thirty five thirty Regent Theater.

2:59

Would you want to go? And that's

3:02

a good idea. That's a good man, It's a really good idea. A good

3:04

man, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, as a man who

3:07

cares about women's thoughts. So we'll

3:09

see you there, yep. And also I'll see

3:11

you on the Eye of the Tiger Tour twenty

3:13

twenty four. We just completed Leg

3:16

one of the tour. Me Chloe Leabranch.

3:18

It's a fun time. Let's keep

3:21

the energy going.

3:23

Raleigh, North Carolina, April thirtieth, Philadelphia,

3:26

Pennsylvania, May first, Boston

3:28

May second, Portland, Oregon, May fourteenth,

3:31

San Francisco May fifteenth, Sacramento

3:34

May sixteenth, Seattle, Washington, May

3:36

seventeenth, and two added shows

3:38

on Saturday, May eighteenth, Houston,

3:41

Texas, June twenty seventh, Austin June

3:43

twenty eighth and twenty ninth, and rounding it out

3:46

with Salt Lake City, Utah, on September

3:48

twenty sixth. Tickets available at Corinfisher

3:51

dot com or in the linktree link in

3:53

any of my social media bios. I am

3:55

at Philanthropy Gal, I'm at Christina hutch

3:57

Together We're at Guys we Fucked without the un Fucked

4:00

and.

4:00

Erica, I'm at Eric Freddie

4:02

or I C F R.

4:03

E T T Y. You

4:05

got dates, Derek.

4:06

Yeah, it's Edmonton June

4:10

sixth through ninth, and then Minneapolis

4:14

end of July.

4:15

The rest are on my link in my bio and Instagram.

4:18

Oh too, I'm gonna be going to Amsterdam.

4:21

I am,

4:24

I have, I have wanted a European vacation, and

4:26

I London is going

4:28

to England, I mean obviously Ireland.

4:30

I'm like, these are the most beautiful places I've ever seen

4:32

in my life. I cannot wait to go to

4:34

Amsterdam.

4:37

Yeah, and red Light District, but

4:39

I just want I'm so excited to explore European

4:42

places I haven't been.

4:43

I'm gonna try to do stand up.

4:44

I have a friend who's comic who her and her husband

4:47

just went and dido like a little tour so

4:49

many but I also want to throw it out there

4:51

if you guys are have been there

4:53

and you know, like cool weird shit. I'm gonna be doing

4:55

research until I go in July. But I always

4:58

like to put feelers out in case people are like,

5:00

you gotta try this and then when eight people say

5:02

the thing, I know, that's what I'm gonna do.

5:04

And it never fails. It never

5:06

fails.

5:07

Whenever I go to a city and I'm like, what should I do, I

5:10

just look for whatever one eight people said to do,

5:12

and that's the one to do.

5:13

So it's like, you know, I crowdsource

5:16

my tourism.

5:16

Are you gonna do the psychedelic cruffles?

5:20

I'm so excited to go.

5:21

I don't want to be on psychedelics. Yeah, so

5:23

now I'm not gonna don't. I don't honestly don't even

5:25

want to smoke pot. I just want to experience it because

5:28

I love learning, I love educational trip and

5:31

yeah, I'm so excited.

5:32

I cannot wait to go to the n Frank Museum

5:34

and Frank. My mom has been wanting to go so bad

5:36

when I.

5:37

When I read Ann frank Diary of n Frank in

5:39

school, I don't know how ninth tenth graders or

5:41

no, ninth grade No, I was like, nin, I don't know how

5:43

old I was.

5:44

Who knows?

5:44

I was a budding teenager, very horny, and

5:47

it just really inspired me that she just

5:49

masturbated all the time, even.

5:51

Though during the Holocaust she was horny as yeah,

5:53

and I'm.

5:53

Like, girl, I relate not

5:56

the Holocaust part, however, I

5:58

relate to like being horny and pressful

6:00

situations. And it was just so nice to hear like a young

6:02

woman talking about masturbating that. I was like, she

6:05

means so much to be For some may reasons, I

6:07

cannot wait to go to that museum.

6:09

Excited Rembrandt Museum as well. Okay,

6:12

it's very cool.

6:13

Amsterdam has a lot of museums.

6:14

Yead psychopath

6:17

very Oh really, yeah, he's like a crazy

6:20

collectors a debt. He's

6:22

all weird.

6:23

Was he one of the was a lot of those painters were terrible

6:25

to women? Was he one of those?

6:26

Or No? I don't know. I haven't done that.

6:28

I'm only aware of his uh,

6:31

his eclectic collections.

6:33

Okay, well, I love an eclectic collection. Andy

6:36

Warhol was was like a big hoard or two they had. They

6:38

had a room when he died that was just filled

6:40

with shopping bags that he'd hadn't even he just went

6:42

shopping and put the bag in the room and never opened

6:44

this stuff. Whoa, I love that's of

6:47

state sale. I love that. Yeah. Yeah,

6:50

So I'm so excited for that I

6:53

love Europe.

6:54

Guys, if you want to email us, it's sorry about last night's

6:56

show at gmail dot com. Today's

6:59

subject line dealing with assholes on the

7:01

Internet. Advice need it Hi

7:03

creating Christina, I need your advice as public

7:05

figures and role models of mine.

7:07

I am in a market.

7:08

I'm in marketing and social media management. I

7:10

own my own agency.

7:12

Okay, fuck yeah, it's

7:14

off.

7:14

It's started very small, mostly managing accounts

7:16

with two thousand to five thousand followers for local

7:19

businesses and small entrepreneurs. Fast

7:21

forward a few years and my agency has grown quite

7:23

a bit. We are now managing accounts

7:25

with two under k to fourigner K are

7:28

you taking new clients?

7:29

I know what I say.

7:30

I was like, can you can you help us us? Because my

7:32

god, we've been sucking that algorithm's d.

7:34

For a long time. Can you help?

7:37

I will pay you obviously, yeah yeah, yeah

7:39

yeah, but please help, which is

7:41

great as these clients are obviously higher

7:44

paying and we could implement more successful campaigns

7:46

for them. My problem is that I have a really hard

7:48

time dealing with the comments people leave

7:50

on posts that I make.

7:52

I take a lot of pride in each piece of content

7:55

that I plan.

7:56

This is a bully's dream create

7:58

and post to my client's cham, and

8:00

one negative comment can get in my head for

8:02

dates.

8:03

Imagine if the comments were actually about you. That

8:07

is true. This is secondhand.

8:09

It's yeah, it does. It's it's

8:12

things. You get used to it, but it's

8:14

it's stings. Some of my comments are so some

8:16

of the comments are so extreme and harsh. Yep, I

8:19

feel taken aback when I see them come through.

8:21

It's not like these comments happen all that regularly,

8:24

and my clients are happy with the work I'm doing, oh

8:26

right, So maybe you feel extra bad because it's like happening because

8:29

of something you're doing on your client's page.

8:30

That would make me feel like And sometimes it's like you know when

8:33

someone's like mean to you and you're fine with it, but then someone's mean

8:35

to your friend and you're like pissed. It could

8:37

be like that totally because I'm like, they.

8:39

Don't these don't bother me, but I

8:41

can't stop taking every damn comment. So personally,

8:44

okay, well this is okay. Any

8:46

tips for disconnecting from the slew of comments?

8:49

Uh and feedback on public facing

8:51

work? How do I stop taking shit

8:53

that strangers say on the Internet as a direct

8:55

insult to my work. Big props

8:58

to you both for putting so much of yourself out there. I

9:00

obviously am barely keeping it together and I'm

9:03

just the social media manager hiding behind public facing

9:05

company cheers. So yeah,

9:07

this is gonna happen until the day die

9:10

if you choose to stay on social media. And so

9:13

one of the things that really helped me I

9:15

deal with these. I get the comments a bunch, you know, pretty

9:18

good amounts, Sometimes are really

9:20

harsh.

9:21

Sometimes they're just.

9:22

Like, I'm God, this one

9:24

girl, it wasn't a comment, it was a DM She was

9:26

I don't know, she was having a mental health day, and I was like,

9:28

I'm not here for that. She was

9:31

saying she didn't like how I talked about a certain subject,

9:34

and I was like, well, that was my experience

9:36

with it, and I'm not trying to imply it was anybody else's experience.

9:38

And then she goes, Beyonce would be ashamed of you, and

9:40

I was like, no, no, no, that comment didn't

9:42

actually make me upset, But I'm like, oh, fuck

9:45

you for trying to do that.

9:46

Fuck you forever You're blocked. But some

9:48

of the comments, like the ones that I get that.

9:50

Are super harsh are from men trying to trying

9:53

to say that your fuck ability is gone

9:55

away or whatever.

9:56

Am the ones from women hurt me

9:58

more. But it depends the way I take that.

10:00

It depends on my mood that day, honestly, because if

10:03

some if I'm having a great day and somebody says

10:05

something like that, I'm like, well, you're wrong, and that's

10:07

obvious.

10:07

And I don't care.

10:08

But just know that any comment that anybody

10:11

makes on the Internet, both positive

10:14

and negative, is just a reflection of them.

10:16

So if you think about this, like the things

10:18

that we like in our lives, like each each one

10:20

of us individually, the things that we like and the things that

10:22

we hate, that's just a reflection of who we

10:24

are.

10:25

That's just an extension of us. Right.

10:26

So I have certainly been

10:29

somebody as much as I hate online bullying and it feels

10:31

terrible, I have gone on some dipshits

10:33

page to go tell them what I think.

10:36

And now I've gotten older, I'm.

10:38

Like, oh, this is this adding to the trash of the internet

10:40

or adding to the you know the goodness

10:43

of the internet. It's always adding to the trash

10:45

and as somebody who has left

10:47

bullying comments for sure, and of

10:50

course I felt righteous and thought I was being right.

10:52

That's why I fucking did it. The person who

10:54

leaves this, it's all a reflection of

10:56

them. It's I was having a bad day and the

10:58

person that the thing that they said piss me

11:00

off because it related to something very personal.

11:02

That that other guy who said the thing has

11:05

no idea about.

11:06

So I suggest reading the

11:08

Four Agreements by Don Miguel ruiz

11:11

uh One. The one of the agreements that I

11:13

think every human being would benefit

11:16

so much in implementing is don't

11:19

take anything personally. He's

11:21

like, even if somebody comes up to you and

11:23

shoots you in the head and kills you, that

11:26

isn't personal. Our lives can

11:29

be so much more painful than they need to be when we take

11:31

things personally.

11:32

So that's my two cents. You can also read So

11:34

you've been publicly shamed by John Ronson.

11:37

That's a good one for anyone who has to deal with social

11:40

media a lot. And I think

11:42

the thing is like for me, none of these comments, you

11:45

know, negative or positive.

11:47

Sorry you guys, you know, but that's me and anything

11:50

either of them. It's actually something I've talked about in therapy.

11:52

I go.

11:53

It just it means they go. I

11:55

go. The positive feedback and the negative feedback, it

11:57

just they both just mean nothing to

11:59

me. Very healthy and the

12:02

only time that a

12:05

negative comment can get under my skin is when it's

12:08

something that I was already thinking about myself,

12:10

whether it be esthetic or

12:12

content wise, or you know, maybe

12:14

I you know, the the it wasn't the caliber

12:17

I need. Maybe I needed to post something, but it wasn't the caliber

12:21

of content that I usually put up. Like that kind of thing again

12:23

very rare, but every now and then

12:26

someone kind of just gets into that like

12:28

little bit of insecurity that you were feeling. So that

12:30

and then and then that to me is just like okay,

12:33

well, it's just reinforcing something I

12:35

already knew was an issue that I have

12:37

to tackle. So that's fine,

12:40

but don't engage. I have a I

12:43

have a broad rule now that anytime

12:45

I leave a comment on social media, it

12:47

has to be something positive. You probably see me, like,

12:49

you know, around the internet, like a nutcase, honestly

12:52

leaving like really weirdly positive

12:54

comments on people, saying I go out of my way to leave

12:56

positive comments on female celebrities

12:58

because the way people talk to women on

13:00

the internet is disgusting. Yep, and

13:02

I'm and I'm trying to improve

13:06

their day, you know somehow. And this goes

13:08

for the most famous person. It's like if you think, like,

13:10

yeah, you know, Taylor Swift has her

13:13

comments so that only people who follow her can comment,

13:15

and you know that's good, there's a reason for that, and

13:18

then uh yeah, so it's just

13:20

you can't. And also a lot of times,

13:23

like I know, you have to probably

13:25

look at the comments because it's you're part of your job. But a lot

13:27

of times, especially when I'm posting like political

13:29

content, I post it and I just I keep

13:32

seeing them. I don't look at the

13:34

comments. I just let people fight amongst themselves. I let

13:36

other people fight those battles. And also

13:38

don't block people because that makes that lets

13:41

them know you want just restrict them and let them continue

13:43

the argument by themselves. Big Jay Oakerson

13:45

taught me that when I first started comedy, and it's really

13:48

I got start doing that. It's been beautiful. But

13:50

when I block them, I'm not like, gotcha,

13:52

I'm just like I don't want you to see anything I do.

13:55

I just don't want you to see it. They still can though, because everyone

13:57

has like a find sty. You know, it's not going to stop them from seeing

14:00

I gotta work harder, Yeah, I just I

14:03

And it's so funny because I can

14:05

tell. And what the most interesting thing about

14:07

restricting a lot of people is that the

14:10

people I restrict are the always the first

14:12

people to be watching my stories. So again, it's

14:14

that Selena, It's that Selena syndrome.

14:16

Your biggest fans are the people who will say the cruelest

14:18

things to you. It's the it's the young

14:21

women who are the first popping up. And you know in

14:23

your stories, if someone was restricted, they're

14:26

they're yes, but they're a little bit

14:28

like lighter. They let the little shit and so you

14:30

see it's a restricted account. They're obsessed

14:32

and I and I go, oh, wow, this is really sad.

14:34

I feel really sad for you. Yeah that

14:37

I would. I would never. I just I just think in

14:39

my head, I go, I would never say anything

14:41

like you've said to me to Victoria Beckham, Yeah

14:44

right, I would never say anything like that to her. Yeah,

14:46

ever wild I adore

14:49

her and I respect her, and I would never say something like

14:51

that to her. And so if you think that

14:53

fandom means that you have come kind of ownership

14:55

and you can speak to someone with a level of familiarity,

14:59

that that is untrue. Yeah, you will never hear

15:01

from me again when it gets most frustrated.

15:04

Every once in a while, I'll comment,

15:06

will get under my skin, it'll make me pissed off. It

15:08

probably has to do with my mood.

15:10

So many circumstances, but a lot of times those circumstances

15:12

can align perfectly, and you are a pillar

15:15

and I do this thing. My mom used to

15:17

do this when I was a kid, when she was driving, and

15:19

I fucking loved it when she

15:21

would like cut somebody off, like she never she

15:24

wasn't a bad driver, but she would, you know, sometimes

15:26

you change the lanes, you kind of have to cut something off, and they

15:28

would get so mad at her, and I would

15:30

feel the anger from the other car

15:32

as a child, And when they would pass

15:34

my mom angrily, she would just go hi and

15:37

she would just wave like she didn't know what was happening, and

15:40

I was like, that's fucking hilarious.

15:41

So sometimes I will implement that strategy

15:43

from my own mental health to

15:46

go like, gee, thanks mister I

15:48

didn't know those things and just respond

15:50

like a fucking idiot kill them a kindness yet

15:53

yet, or say something really really nice

15:55

to them, And I never look at it the conversation

15:57

after that. But that for me, if you

15:59

have an anger problem with it, if it like really gets under

16:01

your skin, making yourself laugh about

16:04

it is almost always a cure

16:06

ale. So to having that like then that comment

16:08

won't take up real estate in your head.

16:10

Yeah.

16:10

I mean, I've definitely said I hope you heal people

16:13

in response, I said I hope you heal.

16:15

I said, I'm sorry you're having a bad day.

16:19

That's nice, a new a new good one.

16:22

Instead of like, you need help, you deserve

16:24

help, you

16:28

wish yeah, yeah,

16:31

I wish you well. Yeah, I wish you well. You deserve

16:33

help. You earned it. Wait,

16:35

Eric, did you you you had something? Yeah?

16:37

I mean, as someone who has managed

16:40

like some pretty large social accounts,

16:42

you have a lot of people

16:45

who've been like who've dealt with like scandals.

16:47

Sorry, Dan Schneider, it's a hard week for

16:49

the Schneider account.

16:51

The pedophile did you work that?

16:53

I didn't work for him, but I did worry.

16:55

You're paid money, that's for sure, paid

16:58

and spankerience.

17:01

But no, I uh yeah, it's

17:03

killed with kindness. If you really have to respond,

17:06

go and fis.

17:06

That'll piss that person off more. And I'm like that makes me real

17:09

head now happy.

17:10

Yeah, I respond with thanks for the engagement.

17:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good one. Thanks, And

17:15

that's for this writer.

17:16

That's a perfect one, since you're the manager of social

17:18

media manager, Thanks for engagement.

17:20

That's a great one. That's a great tip. Yeah. I wish people

17:23

knew like how the internet worked better, because you know,

17:25

like those like videos where someone makes

17:27

a recipe that's just terrible and

17:29

then everyone comments, who the fuck would eat this? It's

17:31

like that's they're making content on purpose

17:33

that is meaningless to get engagement,

17:36

and you're all falling for it. And by you

17:38

making that go viral, you're commenting on it, you're

17:40

making it go viral, and then you're just making your You're

17:44

you're adding to the fact that more content

17:46

like this will continue to be made. Yes, if like

17:48

that likes something dressed dress, don't

17:50

comment on it. Yeah yeah, you are

17:53

making you are you are inspiring the person

17:55

to make more of it. You're not taking a stand.

17:57

No one's changing their vote from Trump

18:00

by and because you let to comment, you fucking

18:02

psychopaths, all right,

18:04

RelA so true, that's so true.

18:08

Yeah, good stuff. Relax and subscribe

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19:00

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19:05

we talk about the top news stories

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of the week from the perspective of the extreme

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19:13

It's been great so many I feel like, just like

19:15

recently, so many more people have been saying,

19:17

like, you know, I love this podcast, or I

19:20

just started listening to this podcast. It's my favorite. Someone

19:22

told me that over the weekend that they put

19:25

their parents onto that podcast. So

19:27

I really appreciate that. As

19:30

you know, I've been really getting into

19:33

just seeking the truth, like that's always

19:36

been a very important thing to me, and I think

19:38

that we have lost sight of

19:40

that politically. So seeking

19:42

the truth, whether that aligns with how you stand

19:45

politically or not, I would like to know what the truth is

19:47

that's important to me, and if it's important to you, you'll

19:49

like without a Country podcast?

19:51

Nice?

19:52

All right, dude.

20:00

Yes, I'll

20:02

preface this with saying I'm not a doctor. I'm

20:05

not giving medical advice in any way.

20:08

I'm just talking about my experience. I want to I want

20:10

to be very clear on that I've

20:13

done. So I talked to do you know, Mike

20:15

Fanoya. Yeah, So I did his podcast.

20:18

Oh this is about ketemine, isn't it. Yeah, ketemine

20:20

infusions. When I heard Mike Fanoya,

20:23

I knew it's about kenemine.

20:24

Bro So he, I guess had

20:26

a similar year to me of like

20:29

just wanting to die for like a whole year straight.

20:31

Yeah.

20:31

He was telling me about it like, I'm like, I've

20:33

never talked to somebody who had it like that. That's exactly

20:35

what I had.

20:37

And he was telling me he's got he got ketemine infusions.

20:39

And he was telling me his his wife

20:42

or his girlfriend. I forget which one.

20:43

I think his wife because yeah, I think his wife too.

20:46

Was like, so the way

20:48

he was she was just he was describing how she was being

20:50

there for him, but in a way that wasn't like I'm

20:52

not trying to fix you, but like you're gonna be okay.

20:55

I'm like, damn, your wife's a g I

20:58

the way he talked about it and how grounded

21:01

he was when he talked about it, I was like, what

21:03

the fuck. So I got the name of the play a

21:06

place in the area, and I went,

21:08

I've gotten two ketamine infusions.

21:12

Holy shit, How how are they injecting it? Like,

21:14

like when you don't intravenously. Yeah, so it's like an

21:16

IV.

21:16

So when you go up to get a saline solution, so it's

21:18

basically a siline bag and they put

21:21

they take a vial and they put they weigh you and

21:23

that's how they calculate it part of the body.

21:26

Yep, okay, right, there is.

21:27

More intense than when you're doing

21:30

it nasally.

21:32

Never done it nasally. I've done it. We're talking

21:34

about professional ship and whatever at Coachella.

21:36

Yeah, and I think there is really

21:39

your face said otherwise.

21:44

I think there's so much value to doing uh,

21:46

psychedelic drugs that have proven results

21:48

in a therapeutic setting, and I think you should.

21:51

I get that it's fun to do them in a non therapeutic

21:53

setting, but like now that I've done them in a therapeutic setting,

21:56

like I can't.

21:57

Believe I did mushrooms and went to Tool concert like

21:59

that. It's just not where I want to do those drugs. But like

22:02

I didn't know yet, I didn't know what was going on. I had

22:04

a fucking I heard realization that

22:06

night though, I mean I I got to the next level

22:09

at that Tool concert.

22:10

It was amazing, But like I I I

22:13

I guess for myself, I would rather have done

22:15

the drug in a therapeutic setting

22:17

first, so.

22:18

That I'm understanding though at a tool concert,

22:20

right, No, okay, but I was just like it was a that

22:22

was a I was tripping, Oh ye, getting

22:25

tripping bed, Oh yeah, crying

22:28

it needs to go, Like I know, was

22:31

I wrong? You're absolutely right? But

22:34

I okay. I know I talked about the ayahuasca

22:37

thing.

22:40

And this is only my experience, so I don't I'm

22:42

not trying to impede on anybody else's experience,

22:45

but my god, this drug

22:47

has been so valuable almost

22:50

instantaneously, which is a little like I'm

22:53

still in shock. I've done two infusions,

22:56

the last one was Friday, and then

22:59

the thing is they wreck amend and I've looked

23:01

on the internet and multiple people have recommended the same

23:03

regiment.

23:03

But I'm like, dude, this is such

23:05

an intense drug. It is very

23:08

intense.

23:08

And they're like, do do them, Like you can either

23:10

do them back to like buy a five package,

23:14

five confusion package and do them between

23:16

twenty four and forty eight hours apart. I'm like, nah,

23:18

it's too intense, Like I don't, I personally don't

23:21

want to do that.

23:21

I may they're saying that for a reason.

23:23

I'm sure there's benefit, but this drug

23:25

is very you go, you

23:28

go somewhere else, and it is

23:32

I felt like the best way I could describe

23:34

it is all

23:36

of the ways that my brain as a

23:38

human brain does this. But I think when you experience like

23:40

trauma, PTSD, this that's one of the reasons

23:42

why I took it. It's really great for PTSD, anxiety

23:45

depression and the

23:47

way my brain categorizes

23:50

things immediately of like, oh, this is

23:53

a person, this is a person. You know, this is a good person. My

23:55

mind is always doing that. No, like every

23:57

second of the day, my mind is always doing that. It's so fucking

24:00

exhausting just being on highlert

24:03

that shut off the second

24:06

the you go into a K hole, which

24:08

I didn't really know what that was.

24:09

And now I'm like, okay, now I know what that is. I

24:11

can point it out. It's getting fast.

24:14

The fact that anybody would do ketemye recreationally,

24:17

I don't understand that a

24:20

K hole in are you fucking because

24:22

when in the therapeutic.

24:23

Setting, this is one of the values of it.

24:25

I didn't have an integration session afterwards,

24:27

which I do recommend. I had that with the ayahuask,

24:29

and there's a lot of value to that because you kind of pieced

24:31

together what happened.

24:32

Did you like opt out of the integration session. There's

24:34

an offer, but I but I talked

24:36

to Mike about it and he was like, he said

24:39

for me.

24:40

Days after I did it, I noticed

24:42

I was thinking differently in a really positive way, and I

24:44

was like, Daze, that's amazing. And

24:48

so I had a journal. I journaled

24:51

before and after, just just in case, you know, I

24:53

could get any benefit from that. I so

24:57

in the therapeutic setting, I had a weighted blanket,

25:00

I had an imask, and I had headphones in with

25:02

a really soothing music. So that's why I

25:04

say, I don't understand how anybody could be in a k

25:06

hole at a concert that you were

25:08

made of different material. It's

25:10

great, it is so intense, but

25:13

I have noticed. So I've done two of them and

25:16

in the past. The first one was about

25:18

a week ago. I one of the things

25:20

that I noticed that I'm like, holy shit, And I'm

25:22

pretty sure this is because of this, because this is a

25:24

new development in my kind of healing,

25:27

and I think it does it all feeds

25:29

into itself, like all the things that I've been doing over

25:31

the years. But I have been

25:33

able two small instances

25:35

that were actually really really really big

25:37

for me that I was able to transcend

25:40

shame, my own shame and my own embarrassment

25:42

over how I've behaved. I

25:45

sent a person an apology email

25:48

that I should have sent five years ago.

25:50

Wow.

25:50

But I was able to not victimize

25:53

myself and not go and not make excuses

25:56

and not tell this person all the things that I was

25:58

going through because they don't fuck need to know that. And

26:01

I was like, holy shit, is this

26:03

what discernment is?

26:04

Like?

26:05

I think this is what discernment is?

26:07

Like, Like I could very confidently

26:09

go, I need to write that person in

26:11

an email and I need to apologize and it needs to be

26:13

brief and no excuses, no, and I and I

26:16

it didn't take me even long to draft email was short

26:18

and sweet, and it didn't It didn't

26:20

transfer blame. It's I was

26:22

like, Fuck, I've always wanted to apologize in

26:24

this way that way, and I apologize

26:26

to people. I just I'm so caught up in my own guilt

26:29

that I probably inevertently make them

26:32

feel bad. And it's like, that's it's not about

26:34

me. So I was able to

26:36

kind of like transcend

26:39

that for the first time. It was it was

26:41

unbelievable, and I was oddly

26:44

like I put off sending that email because

26:46

I was so ashamed of how I behaved. I was so

26:48

embarrassed. But I'm like, it's not about

26:50

you, motherfucker. It's about you.

26:53

That's how you know it's a real apology. I don't think, I

26:56

mean I was, I'm thinking. I'm like, yeah, I don't

26:58

think. I don't. I don't like apology because I don't think

27:00

I've ever received a good one. So to me, they're like, you

27:03

know, and it's just like and I like,

27:05

I've written one good apology

27:08

and like it feels so good it's

27:10

wild. Yeah.

27:11

This is the book I think I mentioned this a few months

27:13

ago. Yeah, Why Won't You Apologize?

27:15

By Harrot Lerner fantastic book about

27:17

the value of a good apology, What a good apology

27:19

looks like, what the what the skeleton of a good apology

27:21

is right?

27:22

Bad apology is right?

27:24

And well, you know what.

27:25

One of the reasons why I can't talk

27:27

to my parents is because the

27:29

really traumatic things that I went

27:32

through when I went to bring them up

27:34

to them, they went more

27:36

into denial. It's like my feelings didn't

27:38

matter, like I was caring about something I shouldn't and.

27:40

Yeah, you were showing me text messages where like it's

27:42

it's like it was like, oh, we started an apology.

27:45

Yeah, then we got distracted

27:48

reverted.

27:49

But I'm like, honestly, I don't

27:51

that hurt more than the fucking thing you

27:53

did? That hurt more than

27:56

the thing you did?

27:57

Interesting?

27:58

And and I and I I I never

28:00

quite could articulate that until I read the apology

28:02

book, because I'm like, Wow, when you actually

28:04

apologize to somebody in an effective,

28:07

genuine way, you can heal.

28:09

It doesn't mean you're gonna you might not ever see the person

28:11

again for sure, but you can both heal. Why

28:14

wouldn't we give that gift to each other? Like

28:17

what the fuck? Like it's

28:19

crazy. So that's one of the huge

28:21

things that I was like, fuck, man, and

28:23

I still wanting to behave like this forever? Did it?

28:25

So?

28:26

Was this something that you think about often or did it

28:28

kind of just like did they kind of meine like push

28:30

this particular thing to the front of your brain.

28:33

I saw the person and haven't

28:35

seen them in a long time, and

28:39

normally any other day.

28:41

Really, I would have been so ashamed

28:44

that I didn't apologize

28:46

and the behavior for the past.

28:48

That I would have left where we were.

28:50

I would have left the place we were at, or

28:52

I would have ignored them, and I would have I got

28:54

so good at convincing myself I was behaving

28:57

differently than I was actually behaving, and

28:59

it was scary, and so I would

29:01

have continued that without without

29:05

hesitation, I would have done that, and I was

29:07

able to take them in. I

29:09

didn't talk to them, but I took them in, and I go, Okay,

29:11

you're feeling some things.

29:12

What are these?

29:13

Okay, you're really embarrassed about how you behave

29:15

Why because it doesn't align with your morals and values.

29:18

You never apologized to this person and they're

29:20

probably still very frustrated with you. Interesting,

29:23

how about you give them an opportunity, like if they want

29:25

to air it out, give them an opportunity to

29:27

do that and say you're sorry and be short and

29:30

sweet about it. And I was like, it wasn't even

29:32

hard. I mean, it wasn't easy, but it wasn't

29:34

hard. And I was like, holy shit.

29:37

And then the other thing I did it was just sorry,

29:39

can I ask for my question? Yeah? Did they reply? I

29:42

don't think so. How long ago was it? I

29:45

send it yesterday? Oh oh so you just

29:47

sent it? Yeah? Oh yeah, okay, never mind.

29:49

Ye, it's a new update. Okay, uh

29:51

yeah, they haven't replied yet. But but then

29:53

I got when I'm like, they might not reply. Yeah,

29:56

they might go fuck you. That's okay,

29:58

that's okay. And I didn't do it for

30:00

me like I did it because I felt

30:04

like I wronged this person and I need

30:06

I like, maybe maybe

30:08

there's a chance that me letting

30:10

them.

30:11

Know that I know that would make them

30:13

feel better in some way. I don't know sure. So

30:16

that and then last night I was Colin

30:19

and I. I had a spot.

30:20

The show was supposed to start at seven pm, and

30:23

we were going to go to Terrytown to see

30:26

this woman, Madison Cunningham. Fantastic

30:28

musician. He's he loves

30:31

her and we wanted to see her live. She's really good, and

30:33

so I was like, Okay, got to the venue and the hosts

30:35

were like, Oh, we're actually not starting till seven thirty.

30:37

We say seven on the flyer. I was like, oh God, can I go.

30:39

I asked to go first, they said yes. By the time

30:41

I got on stage was eight fifteen. The concert was at

30:43

eight, and I was texting with Colin and I was

30:45

like, for some reason, I don't know why, but

30:48

if I make somebody else late, oh

30:50

god, I'd rather And I tell Colin,

30:52

I will pay three hundred

30:55

dollars for an uber if it means that you're not late

30:57

to this concert.

30:57

Because I just the anxiety is really tough.

30:59

Obviously, do what you want, but like, I am more

31:01

than happy if you don't want to be late for this concert to

31:04

do that. And he goes, no, it's okay, whatever, and

31:06

then I didn't go on stage until way later, and

31:08

then we couldn't go to the concert.

31:09

We missed the concert.

31:10

And normally I would have gotten

31:13

so I don't even know what the emotions would

31:15

be, but I know how I would react.

31:16

I would have reacted like I'm so sorry,

31:19

like I fuck everything. I just would have gone there.

31:21

I would have gone to this like I guess victimhood or

31:23

something sure, And I was able

31:25

to go, oh, I know this slide,

31:28

don't slide down it, don't do it.

31:30

You didn't do anything wrong.

31:31

You gave him the information you said, if you wanted

31:33

to go, and I was just able to healthily

31:35

move through a tiny moment that

31:38

would have fucked up the night.

31:39

Yeah, because bottom line is, if he really wanted to go, he

31:41

would have gone exactly. He's a grown man,

31:43

yes, And for the longest time, my logic

31:46

has known these things.

31:47

Yeah, but my inner child, I don't know what it is, inner

31:49

child trauma, whatever the fuck it is, oftentimes

31:53

is in the driver's seat.

31:54

And it's so frustrating.

31:55

And that's one of the reasons why it's so embarrassing is because

31:57

I'm like, I know better, Why am I not acting

31:59

better? And I just didn't get paralyzed

32:02

normally when I would, And I'm like, holy

32:05

shit. I'm not saying the ketamine infusion is a

32:07

cure all by any means, but

32:09

I've never been on depression or anxiety meds, but

32:12

holy fuck, this is

32:15

a very valuable treatment for a lot of people

32:17

suffering with anxiety and PTSD.

32:18

How long because it's interesting because I had

32:21

looked into it because it could be you know, it became

32:23

kind of like there was a couple places around New York

32:25

City, and when I was like in the depths

32:28

of my depression. Like I was like, I need

32:30

I need help, yea, And I looked

32:33

it up and then of course, I mean this was not helpful.

32:35

They were like, we have a wait list. I go, uh

32:38

oh they do? That was that And there's much

32:40

more now. And it's funny because I was talking to Mike

32:42

Finoya about it as well, and like, you

32:45

can get a nurse to come to your house. Well, I'm so curious.

32:47

I'm so curious about it. But the thing is, I on

32:50

my own then just ended up getting to like the

32:52

best place, and so that's awesome.

32:54

And so I can't take it now

32:57

because I'm too worried because I

32:59

go, I don't want to fuck up what

33:01

I you know, I'm like, I'm sure

33:04

it probably would just be but I'm like, I'm like, I've

33:06

literally just be great. I never felt this good before,

33:08

So we don't want to take any chance. Yeah yeah, yea,

33:11

totally because I don't need more. This is

33:14

enough. Yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

33:16

I actually don't need more. I'm I'm

33:18

great, but I'm so curious about

33:20

because like, where do you transform it? So where

33:22

are you going? I don't know, have you done acid? I

33:26

micro dosed it, but it didn't do anything, So I don't know, don't

33:28

take enough.

33:29

Ok.

33:30

I micro dosed it and it did Like I was laughing

33:33

so hard at the you didn't fully full,

33:35

it didn't fully trip because I took I took

33:37

almost the same piece of acid as it was from

33:39

Kim's mouth. Yeah, so

33:44

well she was. I was like, do you have any more? And then she took

33:46

it out of her mouth and I said that works. Sure. Yeah.

33:50

So I've never but I've done mushrooms and

33:53

mushrooms because the only time I went to in a different place

33:55

was d MT. I have taken

33:57

enough mushrooms or acid, and I mean I took

33:59

a good amount, like where I was like tripping, but I didn't

34:01

you go anywhere else.

34:02

You can't not go to another place here. It's

34:05

it's it's beautiful what's going on at that place?

34:07

Though there's patterns, there's I

34:11

don't know how to describe.

34:12

It as attachment. It's

34:14

very disassociated.

34:16

Did you do did you do therapeutic ketamine

34:19

or did you do just fucking

34:21

boy academy?

34:22

I just did boy boy

34:25

rave.

34:27

It was I can't imagine being a

34:29

fucking public space.

34:30

Amy dude, it was very fun. Yeah,

34:33

yeah, a great time.

34:35

It's great, But you were injecting it into

34:37

your veins.

34:37

No, it's a lot less intense.

34:40

What are you're taking it in orally?

34:43

No?

34:46

I don't. Okay, Well, when I took the Mind, you don't

34:48

snorting of anything on No, we

34:51

have a snort free policy on this. We do snorting

34:53

in our studio. When I took the

34:56

the oral Ketymene, I could see that

34:58

being enjoyable at a party maybe because

35:00

that was just like a glass of wine kind of thing, like,

35:02

did you also see the oil in this space?

35:04

No, just the intravenous It

35:06

was forty five minutes. Was the infusion? Is

35:10

someone in the room with you the whole time? So so I

35:12

did the first one.

35:13

I went to the place. It's also a place you could give botox.

35:15

I'm like, this feels weird, but the people were really fucking

35:17

cool, and so I liked

35:20

them a lot. And

35:22

then afterwards I was in Queen's and afterwards

35:24

I was like walking around and

35:26

they were like, don't drive afterwards.

35:28

I'm like, yeah, no, I can barely walk. I'm

35:30

not gonna drive, don'torry. But after

35:32

when I was coming out of it, for the first time. I was

35:34

just so happy. Oh I'm happy

35:37

now, like I'm not.

35:38

I'm not.

35:38

I haven't been depressing a really long time. But this is

35:40

so interesting to learn because when I watched in the studio today,

35:43

I said, this seems very happy,

35:45

so happy. It was markedly

35:47

and then not again. Not that you had seemed unhappy,

35:50

Yeah, you just seemed I'm just

35:52

grounded. I feel like I'm in my body. I feel like I'm in

35:54

my body yea.

35:55

And I'm not looking around

35:58

for things that I did wrong or things I

36:00

could go bad. My fighter flights

36:02

off fucking incredible and

36:06

I cannot tell you how fucking

36:09

potent this this is.

36:11

But I hesitate because I don't want to. I don't want

36:13

to try to pitch this as a panasy, like a

36:15

curate. It's also like a little expense.

36:17

It's five hundred dollars, so it's not it's not cheap

36:20

for some people, but Jesus Christ,

36:22

the fact that something exists, a

36:25

treatment exists that could give you results that immediately

36:29

wow, wow.

36:30

And now what's the maintenance on this? Like what do they say,

36:32

like are you are you just going through like

36:34

a couple and then you stop doing it or like,

36:36

what's the I don't know.

36:37

So I'm just I'm just kind of winging

36:40

it and seeing how I feel. So

36:42

I got the first treatment. It was super

36:44

intense, beautiful and amazing.

36:46

I came out and I was like, I made a video.

36:49

I just started. Thank god it was a live video. But

36:51

I was like, I'm just gonna make a video, and I.

36:52

Said, I went through I go. I love Kevin,

36:55

I love Colin, I love Karen, I love comedy.

36:57

And I was trying to get all the kids the season.

37:00

Life and I was thanks for inclining the kidding

37:03

mean, I'm like, what

37:05

the fuck that's gonna be. We're gonna use that, We're

37:08

gonna use that. I can't wait. And

37:11

I was making all these funny fucking video.

37:12

Yeah.

37:12

I haven't watched them back yet. I gotta watch them.

37:15

But so I did the one on mon

37:18

Tuesday, and then the second one was on Friday. That wasn't

37:20

at home one, So that's pretty close together.

37:22

Yeah. Yeah, but they were like, do it twenty four hours apart

37:24

of forty eight. I'm like, nah, I'm not. I

37:26

don't. That's too intense. It's a very intense

37:28

and it's not like I don't. I didn't like confront any

37:30

sadness.

37:31

The nurse at home session nurse said, she

37:34

goes, oh, it's really beautiful this client that I've

37:36

been seeing.

37:36

She she bought like a six sex six package

37:39

session whatever. Uh and uh.

37:42

The fourth one was her breakthrough session, and I was like,

37:45

what's that? And then I googled.

37:46

I'm like, oh, okay, you can have a breakthrough session where

37:48

it's just something you have such a major click.

37:51

But I had all these clicks, like tiny

37:54

clicks that were so monumental,

37:57

and there were things that my logical brain

37:59

has known this whole time, because like I

38:01

do a lot of reading. I read five

38:03

books at a time.

38:04

I love reading because I love like when

38:06

five different authors say the same thing in a different

38:09

way. I'm like, holy shit, guys, this

38:11

is truth. Like this is something that's super true

38:13

and it's really exciting to me. And so these

38:16

little clicks that happen, I'm like, like,

38:19

we all are just here. We all

38:21

want to be loved, and we all want to love,

38:23

and we all want to express ourselves. And the bad people

38:26

are the ones that need the biggest hug. And that's something I've

38:28

always felt. But like I really like felt

38:31

that in a beautiful way.

38:33

Yeah, it was just but she

38:35

said this woman, one of her patients had a breakthrough

38:37

and she I forget what the connection that she particularly

38:40

had made, but I was like, oh my god, that's amazing. I didn't even

38:42

know about that.

38:42

But uh, I've only had two I

38:45

want to get a package, but I'm like, I don't want one

38:47

soon because.

38:48

It's it's time

38:50

stops too, like you like, did

38:53

five hours pass? Like what's happening?

38:55

Dude?

38:55

That's exactly okay, So that's like DMT. It's because it's fifteen

38:57

minutes almost to the fucking dot. Yeah, and I felt

38:59

like I was gone three hours. Yeah. Yeah,

39:02

that's why it's wild. It's it's

39:04

really weird.

39:05

And then when you're back on like time, like Earth time,

39:07

you're like, oh whoa like time. We

39:09

were so stressed out about time and stressed

39:11

about But uh, I

39:14

remember that bad mushroom trip that

39:16

I went on that I had justin Silver.

39:18

Had to call you and Wendy Starling over because I'll be hard

39:20

to forget Christina. Yes, yes,

39:22

I think that, I think I do. I do recall that don't

39:24

meet a child soldier in the er and he tells you he

39:27

grows really strong mushrooms and do them with him on Rost

39:29

Island West. And I was happy because you just ordered so

39:31

much seamore, so much pizza. I remember

39:33

that pizza. I remember there was there was a white

39:35

sauce pizza.

39:36

I were Yeah.

39:37

But uh, one of the things I kept saying,

39:40

I don't know if you were there for this yet, But I

39:43

went to a mushroom trip and it was it was the only bad

39:45

trip I've ever been on.

39:47

Uh. And I kept going for eight hours straight.

39:49

Am I a good person or a bad person?

39:52

And I couldn't figure out which is what it was?

39:55

And so that feeling popped up

39:57

again in both the treatments, but in a very subtle

39:59

way. And it's like, and I

40:01

the answer was right there immediately, And it

40:04

wasn't me talking to myself.

40:05

I don't know what it was. Maybe it was just knowledge

40:07

that I've always known or something. It's like, there is no

40:09

good or bad.

40:10

We are so obsessed in

40:12

human world as categorizing

40:14

things, people, places, events as good

40:17

or bad as groups.

40:18

Guess what, Donald Trump, He's not good

40:20

or bad.

40:21

Joe Biden think I'm just trying to think of hot button

40:23

issues, not good or bad, being.

40:25

Pro choice, they're just like all here, they're crazy,

40:27

the kind of following what they need to learn.

40:29

Yeah, yeah, and and

40:32

we're all here to learn and Earth is a very

40:34

tough school, but we we are here. And

40:38

yeah where I get so obsessed with categorizing

40:40

things and there's just no need to do that. So

40:43

yeah, I fucking cannot sing the praises

40:46

of of therapeutic ketymede infusion enough.

40:49

Wow, damn, Like

40:52

I want to win the lottery

40:54

so I could start a fund to give

40:57

people who can't afford this the experience, because

40:59

especially people with PTSD.

41:01

Everybody served in the military deserves to have a

41:04

free package for life. That's anybody who

41:07

has Like, I get so fucking mad.

41:09

I saw this. This person was getting on the fucking

41:12

plane in Georgia without legs and it was a young

41:14

person. I go, I just know this is from the fucking military.

41:16

And I was like, and what have they fucking done to help him?

41:18

I was so mad.

41:19

Yeah, And any any job, like I

41:22

imagine, you know, firefighters, police

41:24

officers, like any job that you're like put

41:26

in a traumatic fucking circumstances,

41:29

you should have this as a companion

41:32

to that job, because it is

41:35

a way to come to terms

41:37

with whatever experiences you've had

41:39

and go it's it's okay, and then you got

41:42

and then beyond that, you go, what beautiful

41:44

things I've learned from these experiences that

41:46

I have had.

41:49

So I can look at that Rod Stewart cheers

41:51

Nancy autograph and I'm not mad in any

41:53

way. Like, yeah, Rob

41:55

wasn't mad. He said cheers. He was so excited.

41:57

He was so exciting.

41:58

It's great. He looks like great probably seven that

42:00

photo. Yeah, what a daddy,

42:03

daddy damn. So yeah, wow,

42:05

that sounds fantastic. I

42:10

was gonna say, well off that. You know, you know

42:12

who hasn't had ketamine therapy, people

42:14

commenting on Instagram, not at all. I

42:22

want that for them. They deserve it. Well

42:25

you know, uh, this will come out in a little

42:27

bit, but A Tortured Poets Department

42:30

came out this week while I was on tour. It was like

42:32

coming out for Friday on lunar. Oh, this story already

42:34

there. Okay, so this is great. So it came out while

42:36

I was in Florida, which

42:38

was perfect because she did have a song called Florida exclamation

42:41

point, exclamation point, exclamation point with Florence

42:43

in the Machine Great, one of my favorites from the album.

42:46

And I you know, I.

42:49

I love Taylor Swift albums, but I

42:52

I'm like old enough that they don't hit me in the

42:54

same way, you know, for me, like my heavy

42:57

like you know, listening albums were Alanis

43:01

Morrissett, where I was really going through my feelings

43:03

and where she was really feeling things that I was feeling.

43:05

I love Taylor Swift, she doesn't often doesn't

43:08

often convey feelings that I've felt.

43:10

I mean in a poppy sense, like nineteen

43:12

eighty nine. But I was really looking

43:14

forward to Tortured Poe's Department because you know,

43:17

if there's one thing that I have an honorary

43:20

degree, and it's breakups. And we

43:22

knew this was going to be like the breakup album.

43:24

You know, Joelle went breakup, Maddy

43:27

Healy breakup, right, and

43:29

then obviously new romance

43:31

with Travis Kelsey, which you know, I'm the

43:33

least interested in, and you

43:36

know, listening to her songs, she's also the least happiness

43:39

doesn't make art. Love is a boring song, and

43:43

uh yeah, and so this

43:45

I don't know, people seem to maybe not like

43:48

it as much as they like Midnight sort I don't.

43:50

I don't care what other people think this the

43:53

album just really like it,

43:55

really like it literally added a like

43:57

the tour was already like one of the tour was already fucking

44:00

amazing, and I felt like I reached a new

44:02

level artistically, but like this album

44:05

coming out while I was on the road, Like

44:07

there was something special about, you know, listening

44:09

to it while you're out kind of doing your thing, living

44:11

your dream in a hotel room, and it like literally

44:13

took my experience to the next level.

44:16

So like having a Kemine. Yeah, having like a supplemental

44:19

art art piece that was not my own

44:21

art to be

44:24

the soundtrack to

44:26

like one of this tour was just so

44:29

incredible. I thought the end, I

44:31

mean, I was highly vindicated

44:34

in the song. But Daddy, I love him because

44:37

Taylor wrote a fuck you to her

44:40

all the fans who had so much

44:42

to say about her dating Matt Heally and

44:45

you know, our friend Ashanti, she messaged me and she goes,

44:47

you were fucking right, Corn. She was like everything

44:50

you said is in this fucking yea. And

44:52

good for her because unlike me. I

44:54

know, it took a lot for Taylor to say fuck

44:56

you to the to the people who have done

44:58

so much, and like, while I knowledge, you

45:01

know that obviously we need listeners

45:03

and fans and everything to do to do this.

45:06

You know, I have no problem saying fuck you when people,

45:08

you know, because they don't understand they misunderstand

45:11

you in a literal way. Well, it

45:13

was very interesting because you'll hear in

45:15

a later episodes, but we just interviewed Liz

45:17

Meely and we were talking a lot about

45:20

living in the moment and I've gotten

45:23

over it, but it was it really brought up some

45:25

old feelings I had about,

45:28

you know, the prime days, the highest heights

45:31

of our success. For guys, we fucked

45:33

around twenty seventeen, twenty eighteens

45:35

thinking about those yesterday, and I couldn't enjoy them

45:38

because I was because

45:40

of the way you know, people

45:42

supposedly quotes, fans acted towards

45:45

us. And you know, part of it is having

45:48

grown up in a nice space, and so I

45:51

was used to when I succeeded, people

45:53

being happy for me. And

45:57

it's so interesting to want to be fit

46:00

amus for you know, for being an artist,

46:02

your whole life and then finally getting

46:04

a taste of that and really having

46:07

realizing that everyone, even

46:10

people who say they love you, will go out of your

46:12

way to take that enjoyment away

46:15

from you. And I

46:17

was just so unprepared for that reaction

46:20

from others, because it is I

46:23

just can't even think of reacting that way. I've

46:26

certainly like been like, ugh,

46:28

that person doesn't deserve that. But I've never tried

46:30

to take I've never tried

46:32

to take success, even people for people in

46:35

your head. Yeah, I've never tried

46:37

to actively like

46:40

ruin someone's success

46:42

for them, right in that in that way,

46:47

I guess, I mean there, I guess there could be isolated instance

46:49

where you could argue that like I could, I

46:51

could was trying to affect

46:53

someone's joy, like in a new relationship

46:55

because I had unfinished business

46:57

with their partner. I guess that's the closest I've gotten

46:59

to doing that to someone else. And

47:02

I don't regret those because I don't finish business fuck

47:04

you. But uh yeah,

47:06

And so I was like, and it took me a long time

47:09

to uh heal

47:11

that resentment that I felt for

47:15

people really trying

47:17

to not only rain I mean fucking

47:20

hail and monsoon on this thing that I

47:22

had worked up and sacrificed so much

47:24

to achieve. And then

47:26

also, you know, person I was dating

47:28

at the time also tried to take the joy

47:31

away from that. So it was really

47:33

quite interesting. And so it was

47:36

I was even healed

47:39

through Taylor being like, I was like proud

47:41

of Tailor, you.

47:42

Know, for you know, she is younger than me, for and

47:45

she's the kind of person that, yeah, like you said, it

47:47

would be harder for her to do that. Yeah, because

47:49

O move, the perfectionism that she has

47:51

resonates a lot with me, but she just cares

47:54

so much about people what people think, and that does not at

47:56

all resonate with me. And so I was just so

47:58

proud of her that even and in the public eye,

48:01

literally all eyes on her. I know, I know, I

48:03

know how hard it was for her to

48:06

get to this level of saying like, fuck

48:08

you, I did like like him, and fuck what everyone

48:10

else said, and like and yeah, she ended

48:13

up not liking him and being hurt by him,

48:15

but that was like on her own to find

48:17

that out on her own, Yes, the same way as James

48:19

ended up hurting me, but not he didn't hurt

48:21

me for any of the reasons that anyone thought

48:24

he would hurt me, you know, right, and and

48:26

I and I again like a lot of resentment

48:28

there for people trying to like not allowing

48:30

me to live in the moment. And I was you know, I was so

48:33

happy, so so much of that relationship,

48:37

and so that was really wonderful. And then

48:39

also I mean there was you know, Tailor's

48:41

at a level of fame that like people just

48:44

want to bring her down a notch. It's

48:47

it's it's just

48:49

like, I don't

48:51

know what's just I gotta

48:53

say, like, I don't know what's what that is makes

48:56

me so sad for humanity.

48:58

It's jealousy.

48:58

It's it's jealousy, but it's like it's it's

49:01

jealousy and emotional immaturity

49:03

at the same time.

49:04

Yeah, it's like being jealous of somebody that

49:06

that oftentimes.

49:07

Can be totally healthy depending on how you handle

49:09

it. Sure that just means you want something like

49:12

that's okay.

49:12

Oh. I mean one of the only times I've been jealous of someone

49:15

in recent years is when I was sitting at the Taylor

49:17

Swift concert. And I mean it's hilarious

49:19

because it's like this is

49:21

an in this lifetime that is

49:23

an unreasonable level of fame for me. There's

49:25

I don't really think that there's any eighty thousand people

49:28

are getting together in a state and that's not me.

49:30

You know, it's just not Yeah, you

49:32

can feel that within yourself. I think I have a lot of power. I think

49:34

I have more to go. I don't know that I don't. I'm not selling

49:36

out arenas in this lifetime

49:39

and that's and I'm fine with that. But I

49:41

was like, you know, there is a part of you that goes

49:43

wow, like maybe if I had started earlier

49:46

or you know, done a little bit more like what But

49:48

there's also like I don't possess a talent that

49:50

fills stadiums like comedy doesn't fill

49:52

especially not for women. Doesn't your guys.

49:54

I was gonna say, yeah, if you're not like eighty

49:56

thousand, five nights in a row, oh

50:00

even close eighty y No, no, no, no, like

50:02

these are yea eight thousands?

50:04

Why you know the football stadium. Yeah,

50:07

it's just you're not reaching that level.

50:09

I can't say that it's not happening. Yeah, that's kind

50:11

of Yeah, music's the only art form that Yeah,

50:13

music's the only art form that does that, right, and

50:16

so uh and sports

50:18

and it's like just so, you

50:20

know, it's like, what are you just I'm just just like, I you

50:22

know, I'm so just that she was able to touch specifically

50:25

that many women in that way

50:27

totally like what a fucking beautiful, amazing

50:29

achievement. And there

50:32

was just so many there was like a you know, specifically,

50:34

it was an article I think The Cut did on

50:36

all the things we learned about the Matti Heally

50:39

breakup from Taylor Swift's new album,

50:42

and there was so many comments with a

50:44

real pickmegirl energy kind

50:46

of just being like, well, she's the most famous pop star

50:48

in the world and she's always trashing

50:51

all the guys she's dated and we only get

50:53

to hear one side of the story, and like this is all true,

50:55

right, And they were like it's character assassination

50:57

against Matti Heally and I'm like, well, first of all, Mattie

50:59

Heally also in a super famous band in the nineteen

51:01

seventy five. He wants to write a response,

51:04

he can write a response. And also

51:07

the difference between men and women in this hetero

51:09

sexual sphere, well, we don't really know what Mattie HELI

51:11

is, but he's always fucking kissing random

51:13

people. But is that men,

51:17

especially the straight white men that she dates,

51:20

they're usually pretty unaffected

51:23

by character assassination, and

51:25

Taylor herself has survived and

51:28

come back from character assassination.

51:31

It's a theme. On her album, she writes a thank

51:33

you to Kim Kardashian for the

51:35

healing that she mistakenly

51:38

gave her for Kim consistently

51:41

bullying her. Yeah,

51:43

that was very interesting. It was just so interesting because

51:45

I was, I was. I started thinking because I was like, I thought about

51:48

that too. I thought about, like, wow, like you

51:50

know, anyone who dates Taylor Swift

51:52

and it doesn't kind of go well, like they're getting a song

51:54

written about them and they're going to get somewhat a

51:57

group of women attacking them. But then I was like, yeah,

51:59

don't behave like it is well.

52:01

But first of all, yeah, I have men

52:04

just don't really experience character assassination

52:06

in the in the same way. Even fucking

52:08

I was thinking about O. J. Simpson. He literally murdered

52:11

two people and died without character

52:13

assassination. Yep, yep,

52:15

like that is correct, Like that is correct.

52:18

He became like a like a silly pop culture

52:20

figure even in my sometimes even I would

52:22

seehim on Twitter and I would laugh and I'm like, and then I'm thinking,

52:24

I'm like, that's just fucking her

52:28

head was flopping off her fucking body.

52:30

Ron Goldman was twenty five years old

52:32

doing a good deed, bringing a pair of glasses

52:35

to her. He was an inspired, aspiring actor.

52:37

His whole world was ripped away this guy.

52:40

Like, this guy was making funny, silly videos like

52:42

golf course you have to be Harvey

52:44

Weinsteiner cosed me to get a character assassin.

52:47

Meanwhile, you really do. Meanwhile,

52:49

a woman, you know, think of things whatever

52:52

you think of her. Cathy had a bad day and called

52:54

somebody a bitch. Yeah, catchy Griffin held held

52:56

a dumb a dummy with ketchuponnet of Trump's

52:59

head, you know, on the No Fly List. The

53:01

just the amount of yeah it is we are we are

53:03

just constantly looking at excuses to character

53:05

assassinate women. And also,

53:07

and then the second part of what I thought about is like,

53:10

you know, like every

53:12

person Taylor's swift dates, as

53:14

a society, we felt like

53:16

that turnished her. I didn't feel that way, but many part

53:18

people in society felt that like it turnished

53:21

her, it took away her value, right, where As

53:23

Mattie Heley can say as many people as he wants. And

53:25

the thing is, these songs will have no effect

53:27

on Matti Heally getting laid or someone

53:29

being over to be his

53:31

girlfriend. Yeah, there we a line around the block

53:34

of people to be Matti Healey's girlfriend, no matter what

53:36

he did, no matter what he said, and no matter how he treated

53:38

Taylor, and no matter what parts of these songs are true,

53:40

and no matter what Taylor did in return. And I'm

53:43

just like, I don't know what

53:46

is it going to take for women to realize it, because it's all

53:48

women in the comments saying these negative things. I know,

53:50

it's all women saying. You

53:53

know, you don't need to defend Matty Heally,

53:55

Okay, you don't need to. I defended

53:58

him against Taylor's fans. I did do

54:00

that on that podcast because I had experienced

54:02

something so similar, right, I mean obviously

54:04

much lower, lower, smaller scale,

54:07

but yeah, and so I had,

54:09

and so I was angry for her because

54:11

I was like, I don't know if Taylor And that's why I'm so proud

54:13

of her, because I had been previously angry

54:16

on her behalf. But she wrote to the occasion

54:18

and she was angry for herself, and I was so happy

54:20

for because I know how important it is for her

54:23

to be liked by other people and to do

54:25

well and for her album to do well and all

54:27

these things that are not important to me.

54:29

I like when I do well, but I'm more much

54:31

more concerned with putting out art that I that

54:33

feels authentic to me, and if people

54:35

don't like it, people don't fucking like it, and that's the end

54:38

of the Yet. I mean, give my jokes on Instagram. It's

54:40

like, I've had ones to go viral. It's never that's

54:42

not the best ones. I think that you guys have bad Like

54:44

a lot of times that go viral. We're like, that wasn't

54:46

even funny. Yeah, I'm I'm like sometimes I'm

54:48

just like I'm like, well, I don't try to

54:50

put up stuff that they don't think it's funny. But it's like I was just talking

54:53

with my friend like this last night. I'm like, my really

54:55

really well crafted jokes that's

54:57

like not the I'm like the one that I'm like, oh, this is the

54:59

one, you know, And it's always something

55:01

completely different and you're

55:03

like, Okay, well I don't even share the same artistic

55:06

taste with fucking people.

55:09

So sometimes I think that when I'm on stage and I'm

55:11

like, I was like, this is just a one off and it gets the biggest

55:13

life.

55:13

Like you tell it's like you tell a joke that's like one of your cheaper

55:15

jokes, and you're just like, this is what you like. You fucking

55:18

no taste idiots, you fucking

55:20

garbage munchers. And

55:23

then I'm like, I don't even want to make you laugh anymore.

55:25

Yeah, but yeah, it's

55:28

just I'm just constantly observing the way

55:30

women are treated out in the world. And yeah,

55:32

today, like before I left, it was like Matti Healy's

55:35

aunt was like defending him,

55:37

and I was like, no, Matty, he will be fine,

55:39

and he has and he has an audience and

55:42

he has a platform, and if he wants to do a response

55:44

album, I told I support him in that. Yeah, of

55:46

course a response. I would love to

55:48

hear your side of the story. Yeah, give it, put your

55:50

creative expression to do it. Baby.

55:53

I also like the idea of, like, I

55:55

like women calling out other women for behavior

55:57

that they believe was absolutely unfair and

56:00

like not like being afraid.

56:01

They're like you can take the can't fight like the cav

56:04

God.

56:04

I fucking hated that when I was in middle school in high

56:06

school and a guy would say that, I

56:08

would get so fucking angry. I'm like, just

56:10

because I'm disappointed in a woman doesn't mean it's

56:13

a fucking cat fight.

56:13

Well, they love it. It's another way to weaponize that, like

56:16

weaponize and publicize this. Women

56:18

hate women like they basically I think men

56:20

have many men have come to this

56:22

thing where like, oh well even women hate women, so we

56:24

can also treat them badly. Yeah, and

56:26

we can use that to if we put them against

56:29

each other, they will all be at our beck and

56:31

call yeah.

56:31

And it's it's so weird because when

56:33

we talk about men that behave poorly

56:35

in this way, it is not like I

56:38

don't keep any men.

56:40

I have a lot of men in my life. None of

56:42

them would behave that way.

56:43

Maybe it maybe it's a week,

56:46

bad day, but I've never encountered that. I'm like,

56:48

there are a lot like, oh god, the men

56:50

that do do that are just they

56:53

really upset me.

56:55

Yeah, And it's so even men are

56:57

like, yeah, the worst of us are so bad.

57:01

It was bad.

57:04

It sucks.

57:04

It's not good, guys, but you know it's good.

57:07

Today's guest fucking lilicious. She

57:09

is. She's a stand up comedian. She's host

57:11

of the show Hot and Single. Ladies

57:13

and gentlemen, please welcome to the show. Steph

57:16

Dag very

57:22

excited to have you on the show.

57:25

Chrim was in the bathroom and we were talking

57:27

about something that I'm like, so you

57:30

that I have to address. You

57:33

moved to La very briefly for a boy.

57:35

Yep, but the kicker you

57:37

were going to convert to Orthodox

57:40

Judaism. Yeah, he wasn't even religious.

57:42

Yeah. So basically, I was in a long

57:45

distance relationship with a guy in LA. Was

57:47

obsessed with him. I was twenty four, so I was

57:49

like really obsessed with you know what I mean. And

57:52

he was Israeli and he

57:54

my love. They're so passionate.

57:56

But he was also fully American, so important

57:59

to note, like he his family was Israeli

58:01

but he was raised in La but they

58:03

are, but they are they have that very warm like

58:06

whatever. And he

58:08

was like, I can't you know, I can't be with you because you're not Jewish

58:10

whatever. And I was like, I mean I'll convert, like

58:12

I'll convert reform. It'll be like whatever, Like

58:15

I'll have like a pool lesbian rabbi and

58:17

it'll be like, no big deal. He's like, okay, fine,

58:19

So we kept dating. He like broke up

58:21

with me a few times, whatever red flag.

58:23

I still there.

58:26

I still moved to la and

58:29

we got back together. And then like

58:31

months into the relationship, he was like, you know, it's not that you're

58:33

not Jewish, it's that you're not like Israeli.

58:36

And I was like, well, I've already moved and I can't

58:38

convert to become Israeli. And he's

58:40

like, well, maybe if you just like converted Orthodox,

58:42

because then like if we got married,

58:45

our kids would technically be considered Jewish by

58:47

the Israeli Rabbinate because they don't consider you Jewish

58:49

unless it's orthodog and.

58:51

Unless it's Orthodox conversion. And there's only

58:53

a.

58:53

Few rabbis that they accept

58:56

in Israel from America. So he's putting

58:58

all these like he's making it in fucking impossible

59:01

for me, and I'm like, okay, yeah,

59:03

I'll do it, Like I'll wear a wig, I'll walk

59:05

to synagogue twice a day, like it was so insane

59:08

of me.

59:08

I learned Hebrew, took classes.

59:11

Are you currently fluent in Hebrew? No?

59:13

But I can like flirt with Israelis and bars.

59:15

Oh that's a fun skill something

59:17

which is fun because they're fun to have sex with them.

59:20

I heard.

59:20

And basically,

59:23

he still broke up with me, and now he's

59:25

dating like a blonde Catholic girl and

59:28

also he's not religious at all. His

59:30

family owns a sex toy company.

59:32

Wow, that's cool. That's the only cool

59:34

thing.

59:35

Yeah, they are actually the best sex toys on the market,

59:37

but they just say it. They

59:39

just say it.

59:40

But but that was a crazy journey.

59:42

I went on, Wow, what was it about

59:44

this guy that had you so like it was your

59:47

weretize? Yeah, you know what.

59:49

He had a mustache that went like this, and

59:51

that he looked like he

59:54

really good and that really did something for me.

59:56

Also, when you're twenty four, I

59:59

started becoming like addicted to the like the

1:00:01

myth of the relationship of like I'm gonna confer and

1:00:03

like we're like everything is against us, but we're

1:00:05

still gonna end up together.

1:00:08

Yeah.

1:00:09

Very dramatic, very dramatic. But he I think just

1:00:11

wanted to break up with me and didn't

1:00:13

know how. So he was like, well, you have to convert orthodox.

1:00:16

She's not gonna do that.

1:00:17

Man, act like we don't know how to run through fucking hoops.

1:00:19

Yeah. I was like plea. He was like, I'll do it. Yeah,

1:00:22

I'll shave my head. We're

1:00:24

gonna give up holy shit.

1:00:26

Yeah. And now he's fully like living with some girl who's

1:00:28

not Jewish.

1:00:29

So wow, wow wow

1:00:31

wow. Yeah he was hot, you

1:00:33

know, I hope so he was hot. Yeah. Yeah,

1:00:36

he looks like Jack Sparrow. Okay,

1:00:39

I like that. Do you wear a lot of jewelry? Yeah.

1:00:41

This is also this thing too, when you feel like a relationship

1:00:44

slipping away. There's even if

1:00:46

it's like a shitty one, you're like, this is the last

1:00:48

time I'm ever gonna love or like that,

1:00:51

like whatever, it's always like the last

1:00:53

time it'll ever happen.

1:00:54

Yeah, And I was really anxious attached, and

1:00:57

then my identity got really wrapped up

1:00:59

in it because then I started being like ashamed

1:01:01

I.

1:01:01

Wasn't Jewish whoa like.

1:01:03

It took like months of therapy to get out of it

1:01:06

and actually was traumatizing.

1:01:07

Yeah, he looks like he's very delicate. Yeah, we

1:01:09

do have that power over people. Though. No one's gonna

1:01:11

make you feel guilty for not being Jewish like a jew right,

1:01:14

We're good at it. It's kind of like it's kind of a brand. Bang.

1:01:16

I was like, I feel so much gild. It doesn't and

1:01:18

make me Jewish. Yeah, I know. We really

1:01:20

like to play up how elite the club is

1:01:22

to get it into Yeah.

1:01:23

I mean I literally took a twenty three and me I was

1:01:25

like, surely I'm like one percent Jewish because I'm so

1:01:28

Eastern European.

1:01:28

I was like, for sure, someone.

1:01:30

If you were to say you were Jewish, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, you

1:01:32

look as rarely I think I'm Jewish.

1:01:34

Yeah no, no, hits damn should

1:01:36

have given you my twenty three.

1:01:37

Yeah so

1:01:40

jewish.

1:01:41

Damn you talk to that guy at all? She

1:01:43

dead to you.

1:01:44

He's now. We have a lot of mutual friends,

1:01:46

so I hear about him. But uh, I

1:01:48

wish him. I don't wish him

1:01:50

the best. I wish I wish he's fine.

1:01:52

Yeah.

1:01:52

But it was also funny because my family was like I

1:01:54

kept being like, I'm not coming home for Christmas, like I'm celebrating

1:01:56

a hon My mom was

1:01:59

like, shot the Actually,

1:02:01

well there's also this thing too.

1:02:02

Was it about like winning in a way, because sometimes

1:02:05

when you're in a relationship and you could like you try

1:02:07

things, you try things, you try things, and you're like, at this point, I just

1:02:09

want to win and I won't be satisfied if I lose.

1:02:11

Yeah, because I had already moved to La So

1:02:14

I was like, am I going to just move back

1:02:16

to New York like a fucking loser? You

1:02:18

know, so like I had to follow

1:02:21

through. Yeah, it's a

1:02:23

great story, you know now, it's like a funny story

1:02:25

and a bit.

1:02:26

Yeah. Also the whole time it was happening, I was like, am.

1:02:28

I doing this as a bit like in my like zoom

1:02:30

Hebrew class to

1:02:33

the students and an instructor

1:02:36

and me like learning the alphabet?

1:02:38

Did you learn anything that surprised

1:02:40

you when trying to convert to Orthodox

1:02:43

Judaism?

1:02:44

Just that it's like so impossibly hard

1:02:47

and also that Carly Claus did it for her husband.

1:02:49

Oh I remember that? Or

1:02:51

it's actually what's hard about it,

1:02:54

like just memorizing the like the Yidish

1:02:56

is a.

1:02:56

Very yeah, well I learning Hebrew

1:02:58

is really hard. You're learning an ancient

1:03:00

language for like care dick in my

1:03:03

case, and

1:03:05

also like it just it

1:03:07

takes up your if you're going to actually really convert

1:03:09

it, it's a full time job. Yeah, Like

1:03:11

you can't just like do it as a hobby. You can convert

1:03:14

reform. That's like what most people do if they don't actually

1:03:16

care. You just kind of get a rab bity be

1:03:18

like yeah you're Jewish, you know, but this wasn't

1:03:21

that at all.

1:03:22

Damn damn. Well now are you in a

1:03:24

relationship now?

1:03:25

And now I'm in a relationship with actually a Muslim.

1:03:28

So actually I'm the piece,

1:03:30

I'm the peace deal.

1:03:32

It's I'm the answer. You're

1:03:34

connecting everybody.

1:03:35

Yeah, yeah, my pussy is

1:03:37

like the ultimate solution.

1:03:40

Yeah. So yeah, now I'm in a happy relation.

1:03:42

Did you have to change anything about yourself for this one?

1:03:44

Or do you want me to convert this guy?

1:03:47

This guy always jokes, He's like, I still want you to convert

1:03:49

but still to Judaism.

1:03:51

Just make you do it to live in

1:03:53

unity?

1:03:54

Yeah no, he I guess the one thing actually

1:03:56

I had to do is learn how to be.

1:03:57

Open because he wanted to be in an open relationship. From

1:03:59

Jump from Jump, Pia, how did

1:04:01

he pitch that to you. Well,

1:04:03

we met. He's a comic.

1:04:05

He lives in Austin, and we met

1:04:07

and he was like really like in a lot of relationships,

1:04:10

not like Polly, he was

1:04:12

really no. He was

1:04:15

like dating a lot of girls casually.

1:04:17

Oh yess, I should say.

1:04:18

He had a rotation.

1:04:18

He had a full rotation, but like intimate

1:04:21

rotation like a lot of girls.

1:04:23

Whatever.

1:04:24

And I was just there to have sex. And I met him at

1:04:26

south By Southwest and we like hooked up and whatever. Started

1:04:28

to really like him, and he was like, I'm never gonna be in a monogamous

1:04:31

relationship again. And I was like that's fine, Like

1:04:33

you live in Austin anyway. Yeah. We kept seeing

1:04:35

each other every now and then, and then I

1:04:38

was like I have to get out of this because I'm

1:04:40

starting to really like you and I don't want to be while

1:04:42

you're in these relationships.

1:04:43

I can't do that.

1:04:44

Yeah, and he was like, well, I'm willing to try

1:04:46

something like a middle ground, So like, do

1:04:49

you want to be in like an open relationship, I'll end all

1:04:51

my other relationships and we can just start

1:04:53

fresh and like make a set of rules that works for us.

1:04:56

Right, That's how okay? So he can fuck

1:04:58

other people but not be like emotionally

1:05:00

intimate. Yeah, it's just common. Now, it's

1:05:02

just fucking nice.

1:05:04

Nice?

1:05:05

And do you like, are you actively

1:05:07

fucking other guys? Because sometimes I feel

1:05:10

like a lot of times, like the woman in a HEATERO

1:05:12

sexual one is like not really.

1:05:14

Because it's like, yeah, it's like random

1:05:16

hookups are not going to be fulfilling to me. Sure

1:05:19

both not actively fucking right now? Okay,

1:05:21

it's like I just don't tell or do you tell? At

1:05:24

first, and then I was like, no, I need you to tell me actually immediately

1:05:26

while it's happening. Whoa, because

1:05:28

like if I didn't know, I would I was

1:05:30

always assuming he was hooking up anxiety

1:05:32

and that was too anxiety inducing. And now

1:05:35

he tells me, so now I always know, like if

1:05:37

he has anyone in his life or whatever, or

1:05:40

and vice versa. Like I've both times I hooked

1:05:42

up with someone, I called him immediately after crying and was like.

1:05:44

I don't know why I did it. I did something

1:05:46

wrong. He's like, you have to stop calling me after

1:05:48

you foxed up crying. But

1:05:53

we've both I think I cooked up with the same amount of people.

1:05:55

Nice. Do you have like a no colleagues

1:05:58

rule.

1:05:59

Or no comedians. Yeah, are

1:06:01

both comedians? Okay, right right so

1:06:04

that feels too messy.

1:06:05

Yeah, that's very Yeah, it's

1:06:07

like a bunch of theater kids. So it's like, oh no, yeah,

1:06:09

I just want to fuck comedians.

1:06:10

I feel, well, the problem is I'm only around

1:06:13

comedians because of my job, so like I'm not

1:06:15

like dating or anything, and I wouldn't

1:06:17

date, so I don't know who to fuck.

1:06:20

Right, Because the comedians can fuck

1:06:22

fans in a way that female comedians can.

1:06:24

So that's so he hooks up with people

1:06:26

after comedy shows. Yeah, because girls are

1:06:28

chuckle fuckers and like upseon. Even if

1:06:30

a guy bombs on stage, they will fuck

1:06:32

him. I'll have the best set of my life in

1:06:35

a slutty outfit. And nobody is hitting on

1:06:37

metem dating.

1:06:38

Yeah, I guess that's what they say, right,

1:06:41

Yeah, I mean they just no one's interested in female

1:06:43

comedians and other comics.

1:06:48

Hit on me after a New York comedy club

1:06:50

set like last summer or something.

1:06:53

He was actually cute and I was like, oh fuck, and I

1:06:55

was seeing somebody, but I was like, obn to see where this goes,

1:06:57

Like I just wanted something hat and then he goes, don't

1:06:59

worry, I won't rape you, and I was like, we're

1:07:03

done. You knew there was something really wrong with him

1:07:05

when you said he was cute and he came up to a female commedity,

1:07:08

what is wrong? I didn't want there to believe.

1:07:11

I didn't want to believe that there was the boy

1:07:13

was there. Well.

1:07:13

I also feel like when it's like a fan or

1:07:16

like someone in a crowd,

1:07:18

like you immediately have like a power over them.

1:07:20

Yet I don't like like

1:07:22

it doesn't feel it doesn't feel feminine.

1:07:25

It doesn't feel feminine. But for guys that works, they like

1:07:27

having that power over them, So I'm

1:07:29

immediately feel too powerful and grossed

1:07:32

out by them. I'm like, you're a simp, beta loser,

1:07:35

right, the balance is out of it.

1:07:36

I don't mind. I feel like like I like feeling powerful.

1:07:38

I don't mind that, but it just it feels like an

1:07:41

unfair and it feels like they like a version

1:07:43

of me that is not the real me. Because

1:07:45

even though my person on stage

1:07:48

or on podcast personality is really close

1:07:50

to the real me, it's still not It's never going

1:07:52

to exactly be the real you because you're performing.

1:07:54

You know, especially people online like, do you guys

1:07:57

get people that slide into your dms?

1:07:58

Oh?

1:07:59

Yeah, really I don't get that many

1:08:02

to be clear, but I have had

1:08:04

people on Instagram ask me out and I'm like, I

1:08:07

am meet.

1:08:07

I can't. Yeah I did. A young guy

1:08:09

was super hot and I was like, damn

1:08:12

maybe and I actually was slurting back with him and then

1:08:14

he like, when am I A I'm like, oh, fuck you?

1:08:16

Really you're a fan.

1:08:18

I went out one fan once and

1:08:20

it was horrible, like he was like referring

1:08:22

to things in my life from years ago.

1:08:24

That like it was just like creepy. He's

1:08:26

gonna wear your skin. Yeah. Yeah,

1:08:29

So I don't know who to fuck. I think it'll happen when

1:08:31

I go abroad a like going

1:08:33

out to bars, like wearing something super cute

1:08:35

and go, because then your body will like tell you who you like. Yeah,

1:08:39

don't do it for you.

1:08:40

There's just like not hot guys out at

1:08:43

night. I think in New York City are

1:08:45

they? I live in Brooklyn during

1:08:48

the day green Point. Green Point is Point

1:08:50

has the hottest guys've ever seen.

1:08:53

They're fucking hot girls, that's why

1:08:55

they're not out.

1:08:55

I guess I think they're with their wives that night.

1:08:58

Oh you're into older guys.

1:09:00

No, I just think everyone in Greenpoint is hot and married.

1:09:03

All the hot people are married, and then there's like the uggos

1:09:05

that are out all good night,

1:09:08

yeah, falling through the sewers. But also

1:09:10

that being said, I haven't really gone out in a while because

1:09:12

I do shows at night.

1:09:13

Yeah, so I don't know, would say, like go out with some cute

1:09:16

girlfriends, wear something slutty, see

1:09:18

what happens.

1:09:19

Yeah, It's also like I'm so in love

1:09:21

that well you know what I mean. Like when

1:09:24

the time comes for me to go out,

1:09:26

I'm like I can just go home and call my boyfriend, right,

1:09:28

And I think he kind of feels the same way. So it's

1:09:31

like, you know, it's like it feels like I'm

1:09:33

in a monogamous relationship that has that

1:09:35

has like flexibility, yeah,

1:09:38

where like if shit happens, like that's cool.

1:09:40

Yeah, what is it about your boyfriend

1:09:42

that like makes you so in love with him?

1:09:46

We are like soul mads, which

1:09:49

is so gay to say, but like I've

1:09:55

never met someone who thinks exactly the same way

1:09:57

as me. Like I always feel like when I meet people there's

1:09:59

like a level of my self that they don't understand.

1:10:01

And I don't know even what it is about

1:10:03

him, but like we just immediately. I was like, oh, you think about

1:10:06

everything the same way as Yeah, I don't have

1:10:08

to explain anything. I like that he's a comedian,

1:10:10

but he's not like a male comedian archetype.

1:10:13

Sure, he just feels like a normal person in

1:10:15

comedy is something he does right, and

1:10:18

we get along. We never fight. I

1:10:21

think six months.

1:10:23

I met him a year ago, but six months like kind of

1:10:25

officially dating. I don't

1:10:27

know if he's got that new relationship energy.

1:10:29

Yeah, and we talk about getting married

1:10:31

and like dying together.

1:10:33

Wow, Like I think I think it's

1:10:35

like, yeah, so

1:10:38

this is the first relationship where the

1:10:40

guy was like, uh, really

1:10:43

committed to me, like without like any

1:10:45

caveats.

1:10:46

And well, the caveat is that you have

1:10:48

to let him fuck other people. The caveat. That's how you

1:10:50

made it work. That's true, But I do if

1:10:53

I was like I want to close it, he would be like, Okay,

1:10:56

yeah, I think now it's like you're

1:10:59

like we're we got this like a very unique little

1:11:01

level of electricity between each other. Yeah. I

1:11:03

think women just judge it a lot,

1:11:05

Yeah, which is annoying. Yeah,

1:11:08

I guess so well, if they're projecting

1:11:10

their own experiences, I feel like and also

1:11:12

too, it's like you instead

1:11:14

of like being paranoid that somebody is going to be unfaithful

1:11:17

because you don't know each other, you know, if you haven't

1:11:19

been dating a year yet and you're a long distance

1:11:21

it's like, why don't you just give the person permission?

1:11:23

And that's like way more trusting actually, yeah,

1:11:25

because it's like, well I don't need you, like I try,

1:11:28

Like you can go and fuck. Somebody doesn't bother me, Like that's

1:11:30

yeah, that's a huge level of confidence.

1:11:32

Yeah, the relationships I don't Yeah, I don't think

1:11:34

any of my other relationships could have been opened because I didn't

1:11:36

trust them. Right. There was like they were

1:11:39

like half committed to me, but always like one fit

1:11:41

out the door.

1:11:41

This feels like the sex feels like

1:11:44

so not threatening in any way. Ooh that's

1:11:46

good.

1:11:46

You know that's good.

1:11:47

And men will tell you who they are and I like that. He was

1:11:49

like, yeah, I'm just this is not my thing. Yeah,

1:11:51

a close relationship, Yeah, has he had it? Did

1:11:54

he have experiences? Because he said I'm

1:11:56

never going to be in a close relationship,

1:11:58

a monogamous relationship again. Like, did he have something

1:12:01

that happened previously that made this

1:12:03

sell for him?

1:12:04

He cheated a lot, so he's.

1:12:06

Like, so he's like, I'm just going to comply with

1:12:08

this rule that I don't need to comply with.

1:12:10

Yeah. So so when he when this, when

1:12:12

I first met him, I was a little bit like, oh, so you're not

1:12:14

going to cheat again by not being in a relationship again, that's

1:12:16

a loophole, Yeah, right, because that's but

1:12:19

I'll hear him out.

1:12:19

Yeah, but after her, no, for

1:12:22

sure.

1:12:22

But he was dating such

1:12:25

incompatible people to him, and he

1:12:27

did what I've done when I've cheated in the past, which is

1:12:29

like, instead of just breaking up, you cheat to like blow

1:12:32

up the relationship totally, you know. Yeah,

1:12:35

but I don't like I think it was more

1:12:37

the people he was dating were super incompatible

1:12:39

to him, and so he made this rule

1:12:41

of like, I'm just not going to do that again because I don't think

1:12:43

monogamy works for me, Like, obviously I don't operate

1:12:46

under it, but I think we could be monogamous.

1:12:47

And maybe his problem was the compatibility

1:12:50

I think, So, Yeah, yeah, yeah, so like what was

1:12:52

uncompatible about the people?

1:12:55

Just like so obviously like

1:12:58

different kinds of people, Like I don't know how

1:13:00

to explain. Yeah,

1:13:02

yeah, come from a difficult, like really type a where

1:13:04

he's like more artistic and kind of flowing.

1:13:07

Just like, so obviously you would never put them

1:13:09

in a room together.

1:13:10

Yeah.

1:13:11

And I think I think men pick

1:13:14

people to be in a relationship with as a reaction to

1:13:16

the last person they were dating.

1:13:17

So like, do you know what I mean?

1:13:19

So like, oh my god, he was

1:13:22

like he was like dating and fucking this

1:13:24

like really crazy chaotic girl and it was like

1:13:26

a whirlwind and it was like on and off and on and off.

1:13:28

And then he was like I have to be in a committed relationship now

1:13:30

with like a type a kind of basic girl who's

1:13:32

safe.

1:13:33

And that was so clearly not the right move for

1:13:35

him, So then he ends up cheating. The pendulum

1:13:37

has to Yeah, you think the pendulum has to swing in the

1:13:39

far opposite direction for you to have some balance.

1:13:41

Men like pick what they want and then find someone to fill

1:13:44

in that slot. I think we do the opposite.

1:13:46

Eric, are you listening, Do you feel like this is true? This

1:13:48

is why we have a man in the room. Eric,

1:13:52

do you feel like you do this?

1:13:53

Do I feel like I just do you

1:13:55

like swing? Yeah, maybe

1:13:58

a little bit. A lot of times it's in relationships.

1:14:01

It's it's always been like they've chosen

1:14:04

me, and it's just been I'm just kind

1:14:06

of going along with it.

1:14:07

That's I'm not bragging.

1:14:08

I'm just saying that that just feels like a beta

1:14:10

energy. Eric, They've

1:14:13

just chosen me. I think that is and I think this

1:14:15

is like this is right. There is a sound bite of encouragement

1:14:18

for anyone. If you find any guy attractive, just

1:14:20

try because he very well might

1:14:23

be like Eric, just waiting for someone.

1:14:24

To choose him.

1:14:25

And I've I've come across that exact same

1:14:27

scenario so many times in my

1:14:30

life. Yeah, where they're kind of like indifferent

1:14:33

to whether or not I will say it

1:14:36

kind of I've been I'm thinking of I never

1:14:38

thought about that before, but one of your ex the

1:14:41

original X went like,

1:14:44

I feel like with your exes who.

1:14:46

This podcast is based on, Yeah, like there are like

1:14:48

responses for the next partner

1:14:50

that were like a pivot from something you bought

1:14:52

to and I'm thinking of like stricture, like

1:14:55

Stoya to me, I'm like you were, that's

1:14:57

the pendulum swinging.

1:14:58

In the r. I don't think I've ever done that.

1:15:00

I think I've always just fallen in love with someone

1:15:02

who's a slightly upgraded version of the personality

1:15:05

type of my last Like I have a type and I date that type.

1:15:07

Concept. But that means that you're science. That means

1:15:09

that you're not trying to rebound, You're

1:15:11

really trying to find a relationship. Because what I've

1:15:13

been when I've been reading what they say,

1:15:16

they people who write books about relationships,

1:15:19

they say, basically, we all have a type, and

1:15:21

if you after someone you

1:15:23

go complete opposite, that's a rebound.

1:15:26

If you go same version, you actually

1:15:28

are trying to make a relationship for us and

1:15:31

so and this checks out for

1:15:33

me like personal personally, like

1:15:35

the people who have been like me, those people

1:15:37

have ended up together. And then the people

1:15:39

who are opposite, even if they are together for a

1:15:42

while, I go, this is just a rebound that you're just

1:15:44

can't get out of. And I'll be watching.

1:15:46

I've never had a rebound.

1:15:48

I don't know.

1:15:49

Rebounds are fun. And when you're heart heartbroken,

1:15:53

you don't have to you don't feel the need Okay.

1:15:56

My last breakup, I was heartbroger for two years

1:15:59

and I and then I I went to Portugal and I had

1:16:01

sex with like five people in six days and

1:16:03

that was my like.

1:16:04

Reba's that, yeah

1:16:09

in one week? Yeah, yeah that

1:16:12

It sounds very fun and romantic. Yeah.

1:16:15

I'm a horror broad in like a Catholic saint

1:16:17

in a country.

1:16:19

Wow. Do you people speak English

1:16:21

in Portugal? Yeah, there's a lot of trusts.

1:16:24

Okay, but the guys you were they

1:16:26

because there is something about it, like if

1:16:28

I can't fully communicate with someone,

1:16:31

I feel unsafe fucking them.

1:16:33

There was only one Portuguese guy and he spoke English.

1:16:35

Everyone else was like American touris or British tourists.

1:16:37

Gotcha, gotcha? Okay, yeah

1:16:40

nice. But I've never done the like breakup

1:16:42

and then I have to fox. I want to get over it because

1:16:44

like I just can't. So you don't ruminate?

1:16:47

Then after a breakup? Is that sad to say?

1:16:49

No I ruminate? Okay? I upset?

1:16:51

I'm so attached? Yeah, yeah,

1:16:53

yeah, I will. Like my last breakup,

1:16:55

which was with that Jewish guy, I tried

1:16:58

so hard to get back together.

1:16:59

I was like waiting around for to come back,

1:17:02

and they sensed that and that's never going to help. Yeah.

1:17:04

No, it was a really toxic and he would keep

1:17:06

like, you know, he would text me every week and be like, I miss

1:17:09

you bread com we hook

1:17:11

up and then he'd be like, but I don't want to get back together.

1:17:13

And then I'd get over him and he'd be like, but let me know if you do

1:17:15

convert, because then maybe it would work.

1:17:18

It was like really tough for ye. Yeah,

1:17:20

he kept being praised. Yeah. Yeah, he

1:17:22

kept me on the roller coaster for a while and

1:17:25

then it did that go up

1:17:27

until he met this new woman.

1:17:30

I So I eventually, like six

1:17:32

months after we broke up, I moved back to New

1:17:34

York. And then immediately once I was back

1:17:36

in New York, I felt so much better. And

1:17:39

I think that was like I just needed to get out

1:17:41

of La. Yeah, And the

1:17:43

once I was back here, I was like, oh my god, I have my own

1:17:45

life here, my own friends. Like I was so wrapped

1:17:47

up in his world living with his family,

1:17:50

like being friends with his friends, that I

1:17:52

just like couldn't extrapolate.

1:17:54

Myself from it. Living with his family during

1:17:56

the pandemic, I was like staying with Oh, Wow,

1:17:58

okay, so you were really that was intro and his

1:18:00

family owned a sex toy company.

1:18:02

Yeah, like his mom and dad. His dad

1:18:04

started it.

1:18:05

Wow, that's a fun dad.

1:18:07

Yeah, he used to like sell porn DVDs

1:18:09

and when the Internet came out and like ruin that industry

1:18:11

he started making.

1:18:12

But that's so ironic that he's like, but

1:18:14

you have to convert to Orthodox, which

1:18:16

is the least sluttiest of the

1:18:18

Jews. Yeah, not

1:18:21

slutty at all, No, but it was funny.

1:18:23

We would be like have Shabbat dinner and his dad would be like, how

1:18:25

do you feel about this organ this vibrator, Like how would

1:18:27

you hold it if you were masturbating?

1:18:28

Like was his dad

1:18:30

hot? No? Okay, I

1:18:33

wouldn't want to talk about that with a non hot Yeah,

1:18:35

yeah, think about my bussy.

1:18:41

That's fun.

1:18:42

We're also talking about the kink community and

1:18:45

our gripes. We have a similar gripe,

1:18:47

all three of us. So a question

1:18:50

like how did you get into the kink community.

1:18:52

And like what what way? In what path? In?

1:18:54

So I don't think I think I'm orbiting

1:18:56

around it right now, and I think

1:18:59

like me and my boyfriend are both very kinky and

1:19:01

we are like very interested in going to sex parties. And I've

1:19:03

been connected with people over

1:19:05

like d MS and ship who are really kinky and just

1:19:08

through projects I've done because I do a lot of like sex

1:19:11

ad like comedy type of stuff nice

1:19:13

and so I've met a lot of people. But every

1:19:16

time I'm close to going to a

1:19:18

party or something, the communication

1:19:20

with the person feels so gross, like

1:19:23

it's like hyper Hi.

1:19:25

Okay, Yeah, when was the

1:19:27

last time you were tested? I never want

1:19:30

to come again. They played ice Breakers.

1:19:32

Yeah, camp Yeah,

1:19:35

discussed you never want to camp VI but a kink

1:19:37

thing.

1:19:37

I like want things that are kinky

1:19:39

to be a little bit off color. Yeah,

1:19:42

you know a little bit like underground.

1:19:44

Yeah, I'll tell you a place after

1:19:47

we're done recording.

1:19:47

Yeah, I went to I went to a

1:19:50

movie theater in Montreal called Cinemamore.

1:19:54

Have you heard of this? No, you go, It's like this beautiful

1:19:57

theater. They play porn and then every yeah,

1:19:59

it's like huge, Oh my god, and

1:20:01

then everyone fucks like in the series.

1:20:04

Yeah, I will go to Montreal just to do that. No,

1:20:06

you should.

1:20:06

So you get there and they go if you're

1:20:08

if you're a couple, you can go upstairs to the balcony and

1:20:11

you're like basically the kings and queens of the theater.

1:20:13

You get sheets and there's a bunch of whatever,

1:20:16

like kind of couches and beds whatever, and

1:20:18

then if you're a single guy, you have to go downstairs.

1:20:21

I love it all.

1:20:22

And it's like all these kind of creeps in the shadows

1:20:25

and they're like looking up at the balcony.

1:20:26

But also like that's kind of fun, but it's kind of fun,

1:20:29

and so like that to me is like a fun

1:20:32

that's so okay.

1:20:33

Canada got it. Gotta give it to Canada. Great

1:20:35

sex things. I went to the one of

1:20:37

my favorite sex clubs ever in Toronto.

1:20:40

There was a pool, there's a hot like there was three different levels

1:20:42

and I'm like.

1:20:43

Everyone was cool. None of those spiels

1:20:45

that were like kindergarten teachery spiels.

1:20:48

Yeah, that's nice, that's really

1:20:50

fun. It's fun. You went. You went with a

1:20:52

couple, as a couple. I went. We went as a couple.

1:20:54

Yeah. We were in Montreal for shows and someone recommended

1:20:57

it to us as a joke. They were like, oh, you should go to seem

1:20:59

all the more and we're like what's that. They're like our sex theater.

1:21:01

I'm like googling it. I'm like, yeah, we're gonna

1:21:03

go. It was so fun.

1:21:05

It was like, wow, we would go back just to go to that,

1:21:07

Like Cazus, that sounds really were the people

1:21:10

there were. They're hot people there because that's the time.

1:21:12

Also, there's a lot I need to go to these sex clubs.

1:21:14

Anytime I've gone, I've been like the

1:21:17

hottest or second person, hottest person there, and that's

1:21:19

I'm not okay with that. That's not a good level of hot.

1:21:21

I think that ugly people do go to sex parties because

1:21:24

it's the only way that they get laid, unfortunately.

1:21:26

But at this theater it was mostly hot

1:21:29

like thirty and honestly forty year old couple.

1:21:31

Yeah.

1:21:31

The people downstairs, I don't know, they were in the shadows. They're

1:21:33

like lurky guys.

1:21:35

It's kind of fun. But that's kind of fun.

1:21:36

Ye like that nobody bothers don't touch

1:21:39

me, but you can watch. Yeah, so it's

1:21:41

like it's like a fun that's cool.

1:21:43

There's no shpiel. They're just like here's sheets. When you're

1:21:45

done, you can put them in the basket, go have fun.

1:21:48

Yeah, like there's like when the vibe

1:21:50

is like that, it's like it's so arousing,

1:21:53

and there's not many opportunities, Like there's not many

1:21:55

things that are that arousing. Like I always get

1:21:57

like I always think of like how I always get kind of jealous

1:21:59

about how like men are just horny about all this stuff.

1:22:01

Like I'm horny, but I want a situation

1:22:04

to make me even horn you know what I mean, Like I want to stumble

1:22:07

upon a really horny thing. Yes, yes,

1:22:10

that's why I want to go to Amsterdam and like accidentally

1:22:12

go to the red Light district. Go oops, I didn't know. I know.

1:22:15

Sometimes when it's like too organized, you

1:22:17

feel like gross being there.

1:22:18

Yeah, you know you want to be like how did I end up

1:22:21

here? Right?

1:22:22

Yeah?

1:22:23

But I know I still haven't been to like a proper sex

1:22:26

party, okay or sex club. Yeah,

1:22:28

they're fun, they're really fun. Yeah. Most

1:22:30

of them are like makeshift, so I feel like that even if

1:22:32

it is a sex club, it's kind of like a venue that they

1:22:34

made into a sex club rather than one

1:22:36

that's like this is for sex.

1:22:38

Yeah. Also they make guys pay a lot of money,

1:22:40

right.

1:22:40

Yeah, usually like what's that or they're not allowed.

1:22:42

A lot of times the ones I go to, they're not allowed.

1:22:44

To come by themselves. What's that giant, really

1:22:46

big one that's in New York and LA like the main

1:22:48

one?

1:22:50

I don't know. I don't know what the main one is because the one

1:22:52

I go to it's like not box of sex clubs.

1:22:55

Oh really?

1:22:55

Yeah what?

1:22:55

I forget what it's called.

1:22:56

But anyways, a guys membership is

1:22:58

like fifteen thousand year if

1:23:01

you remember. Yeah, and

1:23:03

then if you go as a girl, if you're a Hawk

1:23:05

girl, you could probably just get in for free or whatever. And if

1:23:07

you go as a couple, you stop to pay fifteen hundred

1:23:09

dollars.

1:23:10

Oh wow.

1:23:10

So I was like, okay, well I'm not gonna go. I wouldn't

1:23:12

go without my boyfriend. I would only go with him.

1:23:14

It's really fun to do kinky stuff

1:23:17

together as a couple. Like it makes you, It bonds

1:23:19

you in this way that like I was when my extent

1:23:21

I started to do three ways, I never

1:23:24

expected to feel like closer to him. Yeah, so

1:23:27

did you ever get jealous? Yeah? But I'm

1:23:29

a cuck So I like it.

1:23:31

So it's like a controlled environment

1:23:33

that I'm like if I say stop, everybody

1:23:35

drops what they're doing kind of thing. So that made me feel

1:23:37

safe enough to like allow myself to be turned

1:23:39

on about it, like while it was happening.

1:23:41

Yeah, very freeing. Yeah, it is freeing.

1:23:44

Yeah.

1:23:44

People are so bad at sex,

1:23:46

and I think unkinky like the general population

1:23:49

I always heard of that, Yeah, but like

1:23:51

the average person has almost no sex

1:23:53

life. Well nothing.

1:23:55

Yeah. And also I find like the like people will be like,

1:23:57

I'm kinky, and then that means like they like hit

1:23:59

someone and then you go, oh, you're not kinky

1:24:01

at all. Actually they're like sometimes I like

1:24:03

getting choked, yeah, like oh oh

1:24:05

you're like a little baby actually yeah yeah,

1:24:08

yeah it's embarrassing. Yeah,

1:24:10

because yeah, or your hero like, oh, this

1:24:12

guy is real kinky, and then you'll fuck me like he's right,

1:24:15

very regular. Yeah, it's very standard.

1:24:17

But a guy is really kinky. Oh my god,

1:24:20

what fun.

1:24:21

It's what gets so fun. The

1:24:24

last guy hooked up with when I while

1:24:26

I was in an open relationship, the only person I've ever actually had

1:24:28

sex with in that relationship was

1:24:30

claimed to be very kinky, and then

1:24:33

during sex, he kept asking me for consent,

1:24:35

like over and over and over, like every new thing he did.

1:24:38

He asked for consent and then I was like, I

1:24:40

don't know, slap me and he was like ew.

1:24:43

I was like pull my hair. He was like pulled

1:24:45

like a strand of hair, and

1:24:48

I was like, I called my boyfriend outdrows like.

1:24:51

People, How did he how did he like

1:24:54

sell himself as kinky, like verbally

1:24:56

to you before you ended up sucking?

1:24:58

I think we're like I know him, men were

1:25:00

friends and he had just mentioned it so many times

1:25:02

and like I.

1:25:04

Was like, Okay, maybe he's kinky. The

1:25:06

word the best is when you like, sometimes

1:25:08

you'll meet somebody and you're like, I feel like you're

1:25:11

a freak. Yeah, and you you you work

1:25:13

very hard to put it under a large amount of layers.

1:25:16

And then when they are and they start,

1:25:18

oh god, it's so good. Ye Like can

1:25:20

I walk you on a leash? And you're like, uh huh yeah

1:25:24

mine are yours? I

1:25:27

brought one with me, yeah, just in case.

1:25:29

Yeah gosh.

1:25:37

I was thinking. I was like, it's actually I really like

1:25:39

it when you think someone's going to be like very tame in

1:25:41

bed and then they actually surprise you so much

1:25:43

and they're just they're wild.

1:25:46

I haven't been surprised by a guy in years

1:25:48

except for my boyfriend. Yeah, but what

1:25:50

surprised you about him? He was just

1:25:52

immediately. The first time we hooked up was very like

1:25:55

dominating in a way that at first

1:25:57

I was like, ohoh because I'd never experienced that before.

1:26:00

Fun, and I really liked it.

1:26:02

It was fun.

1:26:02

I'll never forget the first boyfriend. It was like that fucking

1:26:05

fantastic makes you feel I

1:26:08

don't know if it's fucked up to say, but it makes you feel

1:26:11

like more feminine anyway. But when you

1:26:13

can trust he's an asshole

1:26:15

or has an ego of any kind, it's like no, no,

1:26:17

no, it's like will be never, it will

1:26:19

never happen.

1:26:20

It's like raw masculinity and femininity

1:26:22

going ahead.

1:26:23

And that's really fun. Yeah, do you feel

1:26:25

masculine doing comedy that doesn't make you feel masculine?

1:26:28

Yeah?

1:26:28

Yeah, me too. And do you do guys ask you to

1:26:30

dom them a lot? Well? Me, But

1:26:33

I mean it's very much. It seems like something

1:26:35

I would love. I don't hate it. I'm actually I like when

1:26:37

I can transition to both, Like I like my

1:26:39

favorite relationship is when I can play both roles

1:26:41

and the man can also play both roles. That's really

1:26:43

comfortable for me, and I felt it's very

1:26:46

hard to find that though someone who is

1:26:48

switch can switch. That's why I like younger

1:26:50

guys. They're more comfortable with the feminine role.

1:26:53

They don't find it emasculating whenever

1:26:56

it was. Is so interesting to me because I actually find

1:26:58

like, as men age, I mean this is scientific

1:27:01

too, they become more feminine

1:27:03

just naturally, but they're like so averse

1:27:05

to it.

1:27:06

Interesting. Well, do you date very like typically

1:27:08

masculine guys.

1:27:10

I have in the past, Like I would like definitely like

1:27:12

a like a like a guy from Ohio

1:27:14

who can chop would But I also

1:27:17

date like a lot, you know, like a lot of sad

1:27:19

boys, you know type. I do a

1:27:21

lot of like bisexual kind

1:27:23

of guys. Yeah,

1:27:25

not fruity. I can't handle fruity. I like fruity,

1:27:28

but like, yeah, I love a fruit.

1:27:30

I don't know, just a little bit more like in touch

1:27:32

their femininity in a way that still feels masculine.

1:27:34

If you're like a little bit I'm like, no, like

1:27:36

a little David Bowie ish, like like a like

1:27:39

a little yeah or like confusing

1:27:41

or like a what's.

1:27:43

It called Captain Jack Sparrow, oh pirate.

1:27:45

Yeah, you know what I mean, both these

1:27:47

products guys came up on the podcasts.

1:27:51

Really funny, that's the That's the type of guy

1:27:54

I go for.

1:27:55

So someone who's really it does like your boyfriend

1:27:58

dress very interestingly. We

1:28:00

all even know you like Salvador Dolly mustache.

1:28:03

So he we could probably share the

1:28:05

same closet.

1:28:06

Okay, there you go. Yeah,

1:28:09

your age, he's a little older. He's thirty

1:28:11

three, twenty eight. Nice. Yeah,

1:28:15

but yeah, I'm having a lot of fun in it.

1:28:18

That's great. Yeah, being in like that, basking

1:28:21

in that new relationship energy is really there's

1:28:24

nothing like it. Well.

1:28:24

I also I feel the

1:28:27

sluttiest I've ever felt in this

1:28:29

relationship.

1:28:30

Amaze, do you know what I mean? It feels

1:28:32

like.

1:28:32

I'm sexting all the time. I feel

1:28:34

really sluty. I started taking poll dance and classes. I

1:28:37

was going to do that.

1:28:38

It makes you feel so hot. Really.

1:28:41

I put a pole in the middle of my kitchen, got rid of my furniture,

1:28:45

and I just like send him videos of myself on like

1:28:47

is.

1:28:47

It anchored just in the bottom or is it the one that

1:28:50

goes like can you do it? Totally?

1:28:52

A tension rode. Yeah.

1:28:55

Yeah, cool, and you feel

1:28:57

and it's never wobbled.

1:28:59

It's never wobbled.

1:29:00

Okay, that's great. I got a tube on Amazon

1:29:02

too. Yeah. No, because I wanted to. I mean, I wanted

1:29:04

to do attention rod. I also have like a top floor.

1:29:06

I wanted to go down it like a

1:29:08

firefighter in the morning, just

1:29:11

like I thought that would be no,

1:29:13

but but I would love that. It seems

1:29:15

fun, did you nasty? Since swirling? I think

1:29:18

I could do it. It's so hard and so

1:29:20

fun. Yeah. Those people, I mean, like they're the thighs

1:29:23

on a pole dancer are fucking

1:29:25

fantasticipped.

1:29:26

Yeah. Also, you get very bruised, like it

1:29:29

looks like I'm in an abusive relationship because

1:29:31

I have bruises all over.

1:29:32

My bruise really easily. Since

1:29:34

there'll be a nightmare, but it's taken.

1:29:36

I've been doing it for like two months. That's so

1:29:38

cool. So you go to a place with a bunch of pole

1:29:41

to a.

1:29:41

Studio, it's cool and all women,

1:29:43

all women, it's like such a safe space. Everyone dresses

1:29:46

so slutty, like basically naked.

1:29:47

That would be so fun because then you're like, you don't have to

1:29:49

worry about, like don't look at me, like no, no,

1:29:51

it's like women.

1:29:52

Maybe it's like one gay guy every now and yeah,

1:29:55

which is fine, Which is fine.

1:29:56

They're looking at you less than the women. They're actual

1:29:59

repulse that.

1:30:03

It's it's the best thing I've ever done.

1:30:05

And so what who do you feel like? Is in this

1:30:07

classes it other people? Like? Is it people trying to

1:30:09

impress their boyfriends? Is it people who want to

1:30:11

work out? Like? What type of woman is in a

1:30:13

pole dancing class? It's like all different.

1:30:15

There's some like meek girls who I'm yeah,

1:30:18

like secretly you want to be a freaking trading

1:30:22

and then there's some girls that are strippers for sure,

1:30:25

and my education

1:30:27

Yeah, yeah, the teachers are all

1:30:29

strippers, are all working dancers, and

1:30:31

they're fucking amazing and so hot.

1:30:33

We love strip gloves, grin and I and when you go

1:30:36

and this, there there have been strippers that

1:30:38

take the poll that I'm like, I adopt

1:30:41

me please, like I get such

1:30:43

a powerful art form. Yeah, we're there for the art

1:30:45

like kind of like it's a shop.

1:30:50

Look well,

1:30:52

it's just so impressive and then

1:30:54

you're just thinking like about your own body and you're like how

1:30:56

would one even go about starting to do

1:30:58

that and also like use it like athletically using

1:31:01

your body and then doing it for something that makes

1:31:03

you also feel sexy. I feel like that's like the winning

1:31:05

combination.

1:31:06

I think that I always thought strip clubs really gross

1:31:08

places and the girls were like gross.

1:31:10

This is like back in my early twenties.

1:31:12

And then I started looking at strippers

1:31:14

and looking at the dancing and the art of it, and I was like, they're

1:31:16

actually the top women.

1:31:18

They're incredible.

1:31:18

They're like and they're smart, beautiful, artistic,

1:31:21

like.

1:31:22

They own their femininity in a way that I'm like, oh

1:31:24

that so many women can't. Like I'm trying to

1:31:26

get there me too. Yeah. Every time I go to strip

1:31:28

club and I'll come back and like I'll like have sex with

1:31:30

my boyfriend, it's like I move differently and like,

1:31:32

oh, I like this me, like this version of me that's

1:31:35

coming out. Yeah, I think I would like to perform

1:31:37

at a strip club me too. If you could wear

1:31:39

a mask, I would do it. I'll fucking do

1:31:41

it with my name on my shirt. Thing.

1:31:45

Like I there's a part of me that's like I I

1:31:47

would like to be a stripper. Yeah, you

1:31:50

know if I could get the confidence to

1:31:52

do it.

1:31:53

Yeah, it would be fun. It would be fun. I feel

1:31:55

like you probably already have most of it from doing

1:31:57

stand up comedy, as long as you're like comfortable with your body.

1:32:00

I guess. But stand up you like sex yourself

1:32:02

down right? You can?

1:32:04

Yeah you can't. You can. But

1:32:06

I feel like in the beginning I did, but now I

1:32:09

don't do that anymore because I feel in control

1:32:11

enough of I hate for myself

1:32:13

for saying the craft that I don't need to do

1:32:15

that anymore. I know, I

1:32:19

know. I used to wear giant T shirts. Yeah, I

1:32:21

would wear my glasses. I were, And then now I just go on

1:32:23

a full glam. I went on full

1:32:26

in full Fox News glam on

1:32:28

stage, and I felt fine and in control

1:32:30

of it. Yeah, no problem. Yeah, it's

1:32:32

just yeah, I've done stand

1:32:35

up naked too. With the naked I

1:32:37

mean yeah back in the day. Not I wouldn't do it anymore,

1:32:39

but yeah, full puss, yeah.

1:32:40

Full pus.

1:32:41

I was there, no problem sitting down. I

1:32:43

did ask to wear shoes, but that's because of the creak and the

1:32:45

cave. I don't want to get anything on the queens.

1:32:47

Yeah, did it affect your performance,

1:32:50

Like did you have a different energy, because if I dress slutty,

1:32:52

you have a different energy and it's fun, but

1:32:55

it's different.

1:32:55

I would say, if anything, I had just more, I had some props.

1:32:57

Now, yeah, I think at one point

1:32:59

I've flicked It's

1:33:03

like a little dick when I remember my friend,

1:33:05

my friend I like went to obviously I washed my

1:33:07

hands afterwards, but then I like went to like shakes

1:33:10

handa and they were like and

1:33:12

I was like, oh god, did you have

1:33:15

a following at this point? Like no, not

1:33:17

really, I wouldn't have done. I would have felt uncomfortable. And I

1:33:19

also it was like, you know, technology, it wasn't exactly

1:33:21

at the point that it is now where you felt like everyone had

1:33:23

their camera on at all times. Ye so, and

1:33:25

it felt like, you know, there was a no phone's

1:33:28

rule, and it felt like I can trust this no phone's

1:33:30

rule where even now and like unless it's in the bag, you

1:33:32

know, you can't trust the photo

1:33:35

exactly. And it was just like it's not even

1:33:37

that I would care if the nude photo and it's just like that

1:33:39

it feels like a loss of autonomy

1:33:42

over one's own body that would

1:33:44

be the issue it's not like, oh, I can't get like if

1:33:46

I I released my In fact, I'm

1:33:48

actually in Instagram prison right now because I tried

1:33:50

to post phone moods on my close friends

1:33:53

story and they've advanced it, which

1:33:55

I've done before. They've advanced the technology

1:33:58

though that it can read ediately.

1:34:00

So just if anyone was putting nudes on their full

1:34:02

on their close friends list,

1:34:05

and mine's extremely.

1:34:07

It's not.

1:34:08

I mean, they told me, but I'm just in Facebook

1:34:11

prison, like I can't. There's a bunch of things I can't do until

1:34:13

I think Wednesday. Oh okay, it's

1:34:15

coming up girl, Yeah, yeah, you're

1:34:17

day in court, I was like, guys,

1:34:19

I did close friends on purpose. I thought this was a trusted

1:34:22

space forever. Yeah. I thought that was a lot.

1:34:23

I thought that's a close friends was right.

1:34:25

Because never in the past, like I'll i'll do

1:34:27

a nipple, I didn't do full pussy. I didn't think that

1:34:29

was but it was full. Yeah, it's

1:34:31

nice that acknowledged that my tips were