0:00

Welcome to Guys We Fucked Guys

0:03

We Guys Book. I'm

0:05

Christina, I'm Coren. We're sorry about

0:08

last night anti slut shaming

0:10

podcast. I never stopped.

0:16

Hi, everybody, and welcome to another episode

0:18

of Guys We Fun the anti slut shaming

0:20

podcast. I am Corin. I'm Christina.

0:23

Hey,

0:25

it's been it's been a week. California

0:27

feels like eighteen years California

0:29

dreaming on such a winner's day,

0:32

God, tomorrow's Today

0:35

is the first day of spring and it's don't

0:40

wow, that's awful. I don't want to die. No,

0:42

it's cold out from colf. I

0:44

feel great. I feel whatever good. I

0:46

feel oddly happy. It's like confusing, Yeah,

0:49

no, I feel great. I was like, it should be sad because

0:51

it's cold. Usually really affected by

0:53

the weather. It's not Miss l A. I

0:56

missed it too. I'm like, when can I move there?

0:58

Yeah? Jones's posting pictures on its grand l

1:00

I'm like, fuck you. I'm not happy for you at all.

1:02

I'm jealous, That's what I am. I'm fucking

1:04

jealous. Lives on the East Coast all my life, ready

1:06

to go, ready to someone hire us,

1:08

please to do something

1:11

comedy there's a creature babysit

1:13

your kid. I don't really care. Creature living

1:15

in my uh ceiling in my apartments?

1:19

How's that going for you? Not good? What size

1:21

do you think this creature is? I don't know a lot of creatures

1:23

in your build. Have you ever been, you

1:25

know, in your bedroom at say too to

1:28

thirty in the morning and your roommate bellows

1:30

in, saying, Karen, can you come in here for

1:32

a second? And you don't know what you're gonna walk in,

1:34

You don't know where you're walking into. You go in. She's under

1:37

the covers and she just goes,

1:39

wait, wait, wait, wait here.

1:43

Anytime someone in a New York City apartment

1:45

goes do you hear that, we're

1:47

going to hear something fucking horrible.

1:49

It's not good. Best case scenario,

1:52

it's loud boning. Best scenario.

1:56

Worst case scenario. It's a possum

2:00

living in your ceiling that's cracking, and

2:02

there's a good chance during the night it will fall

2:05

into your room and you've got to deal with it with

2:07

your dog, who will not do anything with

2:10

your pit pule, who was scared of

2:13

friend. I have a

2:15

friend, I have a ghost in my apartment. I

2:17

think I would rather, you know what,

2:20

I I'm excited. I really hope

2:22

that it's a ghost because you don't have to murder a ghost

2:24

because it's like, what are you gonna do with a pick a buster

2:26

when you catch a knife? And if I die

2:29

from a ghost, that's kind of bad.

2:32

Also, I tweeted about this and I

2:34

really started thinking about it. I'm not afraid

2:36

of death anymore because I

2:38

am really excited to haunt

2:41

the ship out of people I hate when

2:43

I'm when I'm a kid ghost. You can't

2:45

be a famous You have to be famous before

2:47

you die to be a famous ghost. Though, Yeah,

2:49

that's fine. I just want it for my own satisfaction.

2:52

And like I make a lot of jokes in my daily life

2:54

to myself, like every like my birth control alarm

2:56

on my phone. It's like your people bit you don't want

2:58

kids, or like words are the permanent STD

3:01

like I make Joe and I'm the only one who sees it, and the

3:03

only one who sees it every day. Makes

3:05

me laugh. See, I just say I do mean

3:07

things to myself in private, Like I'll write myself

3:09

mean notes You're an ugly little whore.

3:12

I'll be like what really, I'll be like, oh, you

3:14

didn't work out today, good luck being alone

3:16

forever. Like, I'll do that. But why

3:18

don't you just go eat a kidty litterle sandwich, you fat

3:21

slut. I find it

3:23

inspirational. Well

3:25

that's hilarious too. It's like, oh,

3:27

you didn't read a book today, That's why no one loves you.

3:30

Really, reading a book is what I read

3:32

a book. You know what though, because I don't have a booklight.

3:35

You gotta get a booklight. A lamp is on the other side

3:37

of the room. I'm not getting up. Oh I

3:39

don't need a book like I mean, I don't. It's

3:42

light is not the problem. It's certain light

3:44

is not the thing keeping me from reading

3:47

everything else. Dick, I'm

3:50

taking everybody fucking

3:52

the raids. So God

3:56

before we eat a T shirt that says read books.

3:59

Oh that's yeah. I know it's a badass

4:01

little it's like, you know, stressing

4:03

the importance of education while also

4:06

really giving justice

4:08

to how much we love sex. Yeah, I think

4:10

it's a it really it's expresses who

4:12

we are as humans, horny and hungry

4:15

for the literature. Not

4:18

really, that's not no, I've been horny

4:20

really, like I don't know. I feel like

4:22

my libido is going to I'm neither. I'm

4:25

neither. I'm masturbated in a while. Oh,

4:28

thank you for saying that. That's a good question. I wanted

4:30

to ask you. So why were

4:32

you always talk about how you masturbate?

4:35

Like NonStop? Did you masturbate when

4:37

we were in Los Angeles? Okay?

4:39

Now, I was like, I thought, if anything you did

4:41

in the show, No, I can't.

4:43

I can't masturbate with my hand. I need a

4:45

vibrator or I have to hump something.

4:48

And that's fine. I mean, i'muld have done that. What do you

4:50

hunt? Like, um, the bathroom sink?

4:53

You've done that? Yeah? That weird. No, I've humped

4:55

a bed post. I think it's because when

4:58

I was young, my form of master patient

5:00

was to rub up against stuff. Yeah mine was too,

5:02

but I didn't explore, but

5:05

I would rub up against stuff so

5:07

hard that I would almost bruise

5:10

myself. But it felt really good. So

5:12

I think that I can't come any other way.

5:14

That's why I can't. I mean a lot of women can't

5:16

come from intercourse, but I I have

5:18

to have something up against my clip hard.

5:22

I know it's the

5:24

vision, the way you said it. Yeah, I

5:26

got to get something again, but I didn't. I

5:29

didn't want. I mean, I don't, but I wasn't getting We're

5:31

so freaking busy that I wasn't horny. We were,

5:33

I know I was. I was just curious. I mean we

5:35

were with people that I like, I had a crush on,

5:37

or like I was like, oh, they're cute and like, but that

5:39

doesn't. Rarely do I meet a guy

5:42

who I'm going to go in the bathroom and masturbate to them. I

5:44

don't. That doesn't happen. I legitimately

5:46

got you masturbate. No, please,

5:50

years I can too. I

5:53

don't need to. Yeah, well,

5:55

I know I and I received a

5:57

booty text while we were on the trip

6:00

up and I s then I didn't

6:02

even go. I just weren't morning or no.

6:04

I just felt I just felt fat

6:07

the whole time I was there. Just grows.

6:09

You did talk about how you felt kind of fat. Well, I felt

6:11

finding comparison to everyone else. I

6:13

always feel fat when I travel. I feel

6:16

gross. I don't know, even even though we would

6:18

had our like our own space, I just feel always

6:20

gross from rushing and eating

6:22

weird. It was my body was like in shock

6:24

from being hot all of a sudden, so that heat

6:27

makes you blow. I just felt very

6:29

not like like had I gotten that booty

6:31

text? And I felt like a little bit more like

6:33

because you know if you like are into

6:36

someone when they see when you see

6:38

wowie wow wow. Yeah, and

6:41

like I can bring it, but I need a heads

6:43

up, like I was in my I'm never having

6:45

six again. I mean peaches every night phase.

6:48

We went to Jack in the Box at three in the morning, like every

6:51

night. Yeah, that was like goddamn delicious.

6:53

We were known as like the girls who would come

6:55

into the building with Jack in the Box

6:58

and people will be like, point, yet, like where did you get that? I'm

7:00

like, well, Jack in the Box. I think it's pretty clear

7:03

ship there's there a shortage of advertising

7:06

on their paraphernalia. Um,

7:09

So then I got we got home whatever, we're really busy when

7:11

we came back. I was

7:13

finally got to take out a nap a

7:15

couple of days ago, and I was like, oh, you know when

7:18

you had an epic, I was. I was like, in a twelve hour

7:20

of sleep, I woke up in the middle

7:22

of it, and I my first

7:24

thought, I startled and normally My first thought

7:27

when I wake up from a nap, is I need salt in my

7:29

mouth, um like or a sweet

7:31

it's a price, like I just I get hungry after a

7:33

nap. To nothing tasted better,

7:37

kid, better than waking up from a nap

7:39

groggy ley going to the refrigerator and just

7:42

like squatting in front of it with the

7:44

light on your fucking sadass body,

7:47

shoveling food with your hands

7:49

and eating dirt. I

7:52

think that about being single

7:54

is just eating ship right from the containers.

7:57

Good news. You can do that in a relationship.

8:00

You gotta be with him for a while. Opening up a bottle

8:02

of soda, just drinking it out. I'm like, I

8:04

am my dad and I love it.

8:07

I was so jealous of my dad because my dad

8:09

drank different soda than us growing up, Like we would all

8:11

me and mom and my brother would

8:13

Was it similar to like don't sit

8:15

on dad's recline or don't drink that soda?

8:18

Yeah, and well he was it was like precious.

8:20

He would drank regular soda, so we just didn't drink

8:22

it, and he would drink it right from the bottle. And I was like,

8:25

I was like, day, I'm gonna drink

8:27

soda away from the bottle, and then

8:29

every time I do it, I feel such

8:32

power, and I was like, yes, this is

8:34

what this is what it's about. It's the little things. Christ

8:36

absolutely god, oh my god. I

8:39

it's Subway for lunch. And then I came home and then ate burrito

8:42

like right after one, right after another. And then when

8:44

it's like, what do you want for dinner? And then I'm

8:46

like, I don't want for Dad's right kin anything

8:49

you fucking want the

8:51

ruler of your life? Oh oh

8:54

so happy. But I guess you really feel

8:56

suffocated at the beginning, well, at the beginning of relationships.

8:59

I always about my best behavior,

9:01

right, but now I don't given a funk.

9:03

I'll fart, I'll take it. I don't take a ship.

9:06

That's the one thing that will never happen in front of it. You

9:08

never we'll go to the grave with that. I will oh

9:10

god no. Um. But I'm

9:13

sometimes I'm like, why do you still want to fuck

9:15

me? Like burpon fart and like sleep

9:18

till two pm. Then yeah, I don't

9:20

want to try, but I don't give a ship. I get

9:22

well, I get into that none of the things

9:24

you just listen to make me unattracted to a dude.

9:27

Did a dude get on because that's the comfort

9:30

level. No, I think it's fun and still it's

9:32

like it's like you are in your toes, especially

9:35

at the beginning of a relationships like Chris ROCKX is when

9:37

you love someone, you love every inch of that motherfucker,

9:40

and I feel like I'm like, I get you.

9:43

I know that. So like yeah, no, like I love people

9:45

at their grossest. That's not a problem.

9:47

It's more like person well, also

9:50

not being able to think, oh I want

9:52

dinner. Oh I should probably ask if

9:54

he wants anything. Oh my god.

9:56

A lot of times I love being that like mother

9:59

like nurturing girlfriend, but sometimes

10:01

it's like I like doing it,

10:03

but also just gets just bringing

10:06

a burrito home just for yourself

10:08

and fucking eating it on all over your

10:10

laptop. Oh, let's try to got rice on my laptop.

10:12

Don't matter, it's my laptop. One's gonna

10:14

yell at me in my laptop, my life, my

10:17

pussy cans of soda on my laptop,

10:19

like I use it as like oh,

10:21

and I'm the other day other depressed.

10:24

Actually, your laptop is in good shape. I closed

10:26

my laptop hai to leave for a show,

10:28

left an open can of red bill on top

10:31

of the laptop and I

10:33

was like, fuck, yeah,

10:35

I just laughed. You gave yourself a high

10:38

five. I was like, guess who wouldn't

10:40

like this? My mom and

10:44

my ex boyfriend would have also yelled at me. Oh yeah

10:46

that nope, I just fucking That's the one thing

10:48

that I don't like about the relationship. Thing is like

10:51

people, there's someone to call you out on the

10:53

dumb ship, you do and I'm like, well, no

10:55

one called me out when I was by myself, and I like that

10:57

time, Yeah, so just don't tell anything.

11:00

Yeah, then you call the other person out on their dumb ship too,

11:02

so it does feel a little so yeah, but anyway,

11:04

I will home from this nap. And my immediate

11:07

urge on this particular day was

11:09

that I had to enable

11:13

my Tinder in New York City, which I've never

11:15

done. So I did enable

11:17

mine enabled it. I enabled my

11:19

Tinder. It was fucking did

11:21

you see anyone you like? Because I saw two people out

11:23

of like a billion, there were some very attractive

11:25

people, but I didn't look. What was your age range that

11:27

you had set up? Um? Eighteen to forty because

11:30

I'm just trying to promote the podcast because

11:32

my photo is the guys we Fu logo, because

11:34

I'm like, well, obviously people are on Tinder, they're

11:37

trying to funk, they love the podcast. I'm just trying

11:39

to promote the podcast. I think I had

11:42

it was a pen hague. Someone messaged me and they're

11:44

like, I just swiped right on you on Tinder?

11:46

But are you doing on Tinder? And I was like, I'm

11:48

just oh my god. So

11:51

anyway, I I matched, I like found

11:53

two people I liked, and then one guy was

11:55

really hot and we were a match and I was

11:57

like, wow, this is great, I mean, and he was

11:59

like like like real hot and not not

12:01

like comedian weirdo hot, like the kind of people

12:03

I like. And uh then

12:06

I updated my profile because I realized it had

12:08

still been on like was saying what I said when

12:10

we were in Illinois, went to

12:12

sleep Chinese foods here. Fuck, what do we do?

12:15

Just just hold on back

12:20

and we're back. I got my Chinese food and

12:24

we thought we lost the intro, but then we didn't,

12:26

so that's good. We got interrupted by a lot of stuff,

12:28

but we're good Tinder. We're

12:30

good we're gonna talk about Tinder. Yeah, so I

12:32

decided to do that. So whatever the hot guy

12:35

uh, we matched, And then I updated

12:37

my profile, went back

12:39

to bed just I wanted to make it accurate. And I'll

12:42

read what I wrote about Karin

12:44

Uh stand up comedian, co host of Kais

12:46

You Fucked? The anti slut chimming podcast, Drink

12:49

or Whiskey, lover of horror, Swipe left.

12:52

If your sense of humor is anything but dark, you're

12:54

insecure, your harboring issues from your childhood,

12:57

or you can't handle a woman whose dick might be bigger

12:59

than yours in parentheses, metaphorically

13:02

calmed down good kissers only.

13:04

I love dogs, Greek food, Marylyn Manson,

13:06

spice girls, and nine inch nails. My room is messy,

13:08

and I don't want to meet your parents looking

13:10

for the pop looking for the becks to my

13:12

posh, which is which is very

13:15

contradictory of the other thing. Right,

13:17

So it's like a little spice sky, Yeah, yeah,

13:20

spice up your life. It's like I'm gonna punch you, but

13:22

I'm also be looking fabulous, right,

13:24

And it's also like, but we're gonna be We're in this

13:26

together, right together.

13:29

It was the glue. Yes, so um.

13:32

Then I woke up and that

13:35

the guy had unmatched me, So

13:37

I guess he lights my face,

13:39

but not so much my person personality

13:43

loses. Yet again, that's probably huge pussy.

13:45

It's probably huge pussy. And and then I read it's my

13:48

coworkers and I was like, was that too aggressive? And they're like, no,

13:50

we think it's pretty accurate. I think you

13:52

gotta put your your you gotta be real

13:54

on these fucking dating ac thing. I was

13:56

like, don't waste my time because I was just like, this is who

13:58

I am. So I like, if you're turned off by

14:00

this blur and you're gonna hate me, you're

14:03

gonna be really turned off by three

14:06

D this profile. When

14:09

this walks into a flash and like a fucking horror movie,

14:12

you're gonna take the knife and just cut yourself,

14:15

but not in the I want to feel pain way and I

14:17

want to kill myself as soon as possible way. Yeah,

14:19

that's not gonna be I

14:21

mean, that's not going to be good at all. Um,

14:24

So we're gonna enter the best thing that happen

14:27

ever, this is you guys. This is

14:29

one of our favorite interviews that

14:31

we both have ever done. This is one of my

14:33

favorite conversations I've ever had with a person. Is

14:35

the most magical fucking

14:37

conversation. It's long,

14:40

it's amazing. There's a lot of breaks,

14:42

just like how Apropriate. We had a break during the intro. He

14:44

had to pee a lot. I mean, it's

14:48

like you know somebody from TV and

14:51

you and it's kind of like you walk into a situation.

14:53

There's like two versions of this person. You could get

14:55

one. They're both gonna be amusing,

14:57

but one is going to be more

15:00

like entertaining and one's going to be a

15:02

life change, right, you know

15:04

when you talk to some Yeah, it

15:07

was everything we could have wanted in way more easily.

15:10

Top five best people I've ever met?

15:12

Agreed same. Uh, Ladies

15:14

and gentlemen. Andy Dick

15:31

O, where

15:43

where are we? Because

15:45

I thought you we're

15:47

growing. We're here with Andy dick we're starting

15:49

now are Yeah?

15:51

It's so awesome to be sitting

15:53

here with you and it sounds nice like

15:56

this. Are you giving me the nice microphone? I don't

15:58

know all we all have that legits.

16:01

Our listeners gave us some money to buy

16:03

really nice equipment. Yeah, did you do, Indie?

16:06

We did that's exactly what

16:09

we did. How much money

16:11

did you need to start this podcast?

16:13

Well, we needed to get equipment because we were with a network

16:16

and then we left them. Which network

16:18

it was a it's a comedy club called Stand Up New

16:20

York. So they had Stand Up New York Labs and

16:23

so, but we parted ways. So we

16:25

need to get our own equipment. And so

16:27

we raised about like seventucks to

16:29

get amount and

16:31

then put a little, maybe in your back pocket,

16:34

some bagels and exactly

16:37

I got to get that bagel money. Yeah, that's important

16:40

to choose from New York City?

16:42

Did I get that right? Only one half and

16:44

the other one's Italian? No, I

16:47

actually don't know what I am. My mom's adopted and I don't

16:49

look like anybody in my fans. I was adopted. Oh

16:51

yeah, from birth or from

16:53

when you were from zero? From zero? Yeah,

16:56

it's so funny because this other so

16:58

I wasn't an or fan. There's always misconception

17:03

she was in she got little her

17:06

mom, basically her biological mother. The

17:08

reason why she had to get sent to an orphanage

17:11

was because her mom just stuck her head in an oven while

17:13

all the kids were in the living Rockman

17:15

her bake. Yeah, pretty

17:17

much. But my mom was like too, so

17:19

she kind of remembers it. Yeah,

17:21

it's pretty dark, but she got adopted all

17:25

of her biological siblings. Funny

17:27

comedy podcast going to start

17:30

with a death story. By the way,

17:32

should we close that door because of noise? Yeah,

17:36

we didn't know. We didn't touch anything. Yeah, we didn't

17:38

want to mess with your awiremans. Thanks,

17:43

thank you for doing that. It's a little better, yeah,

17:45

because of the outside noise and then those vertical

17:49

we're flapping, So we're in your

17:51

guys, lips just flapping. We're

17:55

in Malibu, Cafalonia. Welcome

17:57

to it. The peaches right there. I had the

18:00

most profound experience. It's it's very simple.

18:02

But I walked to the beach the other day,

18:04

and I walked and as you walk to the beach, you

18:06

kind of walked down. Even when you're on the

18:08

beach, you kind of still have to

18:10

walk down a few more feet

18:13

five or ten feet to

18:15

get to the water. And so then I'm at

18:18

the water, putting my toes in the water, and I'm like, I

18:21

am at perfect sea level right

18:23

now, perfect My seventy

18:25

percent body water is

18:29

with right now. With the world's

18:31

seventy percent water.

18:34

Because the earth is se our bodies,

18:37

it wasn't as kind of a pound coincidence,

18:39

I think. I mean, we all know

18:42

those facts, but to feel it, I

18:44

put my feet and I'm like, I am

18:47

sea level. Yeah, I'm not at it. I am

18:49

it's nice. Then

18:51

I almost stepped on a dead seal. I'm not killing.

18:54

That wasn't. At the same time, I went climbing on the rocks

18:56

and then I like a few minutes later and then

18:59

I almost and I was I was barefoot

19:01

and I almost stepped on this dead sea

19:03

that it was wedged in between these rocks.

19:05

I thought it was a smooth brown rock

19:08

and it's dead. I was looking at me, and for

19:10

half a second I thought, I'm not kidding about

19:12

this either. I thought it was a human being. Oh

19:14

my god, dead human being. Yeah, I had this

19:16

horrible and if I did, no

19:19

because because I immediately immediately

19:22

recoiled. But if I

19:24

had I stepped on that, it

19:26

would have smushed

19:28

into it ye decaying. And

19:31

oh I'm glad. That was started

19:33

out like a really great story, but then it ended.

19:36

It was started beautifully like my

19:40

biological grandma her head in the oven.

19:42

Right, your life isn't over yet. You

19:45

lead an adventurous, amazing,

19:47

fun life. It's like ten or twenty lifetimes,

19:49

right. Yeah, so we're in malibi because I'm

19:51

in a sober living Okay,

19:53

I tell you that. No, but we kind of things

19:56

together. You're a smart little girl.

19:58

Yeah, there's some there's some clues that

20:00

we saw. Oh

20:03

you must obey all posted signs

20:06

and packers ladies. And then when

20:08

the house manager came in, I was like, well, I don't

20:10

think this is like his personal house. I'm

20:13

the house mother. Likes

20:17

a lot right now, and a

20:19

lot of roommates. I do about a

20:21

hundred and three rotating.

20:24

They're all very sweet. There's this whole

20:26

place, gigantic sober

20:28

living I live. I have

20:30

seven roommates in my apartment.

20:32

What's that like? I'll take you up there

20:35

after. Okay, that would be interesting, but we

20:37

couldn't do it there because there's seven

20:39

roommates right talking in and out,

20:42

ye, slamming doors and just being

20:45

not cool. Do you get along with them? No?

20:48

I just said not cool, No, but

20:51

yes I do some you know. It's just like some

20:54

people sucks, some people don't. It's always yeah

20:56

and every day. I'm like, Okay, I told

21:00

the person, you know, one of my my close

21:02

friends outside of here, that kind

21:04

of had me come in here. I

21:06

said, we're on Amber

21:09

Amber Alert. Now can I tell you a story

21:11

that happened? Why I even said that to

21:13

her? But has Amber alert

21:16

Amber Amber Alert? Lost

21:18

children? Yeah, I know, but that

21:20

is a lost children thing. But like, because I

21:22

am and your grandmother, your mom lost

21:25

child, I'm a lost child. But

21:27

I just used it as an expression because earlier

21:30

that day I was at Pavilions, which is like Rouse is

21:32

like a grocery store. We

21:34

we go shopping as a group. Oh

21:36

that sounds terrible. All your room, any

21:38

thing, everything is a group. It's group. And it's

21:40

weird that I feel like I have to whisper because we

21:42

have headphones on it. I can't tell if they can hear

21:45

us. Okay, we'll talk about talking.

21:47

I'm not talking shit, no, but it's

21:49

weird sharing. I'm sharing it. I've been

21:51

here for a while. I've been here for four

21:53

months. How do you like it? You know?

21:55

It's up and down that to tell you seven

21:58

roommates they do that. I'm

22:01

going full circle here because it's

22:03

seven roommates, and I'm like, you know what, I gotta go, I

22:05

gotta I'm done. But what

22:08

that this is life seven.

22:10

It's like, if I go out there, there's going to be people

22:12

I don't like out there, you

22:15

know what I mean? Yeah, were people who

22:17

don't like all the time I was. I'm not in so we living, but

22:19

plenty of people I don't call New York City. Yeah,

22:22

and every day you probably like each other,

22:24

then don't like each other? Right, you

22:27

don't like each other? Am I right? You're absolutely

22:29

solely normal. So I just keep saying to myself,

22:32

stay put, stay put, stay put,

22:34

and stay sober. Yes, right,

22:36

that's the most important thing. That's the number one

22:38

fucking thing. I can suck everything else

22:40

up, I can hate everybody else,

22:43

but just don't drink. Right. But

22:45

but enough of that crap. That's one of the blackcards,

22:48

by the way. That crap. But

22:50

I was gonna say that I

22:52

was in. But this is the weirdest I'm

22:54

excited for this story. It was just yesterday,

22:57

We're shopping as a group. I'm also a little under

22:59

the other so um

23:02

rolf. But it's pavilions and um

23:06

there is this noise coming through

23:08

the speaker of the intercom

23:11

system of the pavilions, and

23:13

it sounds exactly like that amber alert sound,

23:16

like I can't do it, but you know what, can

23:19

you do it? Chris, No, No, I

23:21

can do Oh

23:24

that's that's how kind of like that's good angry.

23:33

It is kind of an angry Yeah, get

23:38

your care my

23:42

kids. It

23:45

was my kid. I'm talking

23:47

my hair, you know, it's always

23:50

it's always domestic to my

23:53

kid, my care,

23:59

my hearts. But I can't.

24:04

That was a lot of Yeah. So there's

24:06

a lot of this, and I'm like, it's through

24:09

the inter com. I'm thinking it's through that.

24:11

I feel like somebody was about to make an announcement,

24:14

you know, we need help with whatever.

24:17

And then but and and in my

24:19

brain, I'm like, god, it sounds almost identical

24:22

to the amber alert sound.

24:25

And so as a show, because I'm always commenting

24:27

on what's going on around me, so I started comment.

24:29

And there's a lot of people we go shopping. When I say

24:31

a group, I mean there's about

24:36

no, it's across the street. Yeah.

24:38

No. We take a van to

24:42

take a box. It's a short bus.

24:44

But I have a car. Some of us have cars, so I take my

24:46

car, but I and I drive some people.

24:48

But but so there's a lot

24:51

of people and I'm just walking through and I hear

24:53

the noise and and and I just started

24:55

making a joke. Amber Alert, amberall

24:57

Amberreller, like somebody

24:59

has Amber, not my baby, Yeah

25:03

Amber, Amber.

25:08

I thought you were doing a retarded character. But

25:10

I see you're doing basically but it's

25:13

Amber. Where

25:15

am I? Somebody

25:18

put out on an alert and

25:22

Jesus but um so,

25:24

so I'm walking around thinking that this

25:26

noise is coming through the sound system and

25:28

it's just a re a

25:30

reverb or whatever from somebody accidentally

25:33

pressing button. My

25:36

friend taps me and says, that's coming from

25:38

your pocket and it is an

25:40

Amber. Look, my phone is turned way

25:43

up bat ears and so so

25:45

now everybody thinks that you

25:48

have Amber. No little heard this except

25:51

because it was coming from my butt pocket

25:54

from my phone turned up loud and it was

25:56

so I'm walking around the skin and hearing

25:59

they are hearing it,

26:01

but it's coming from you. Amber

26:05

Alert started

26:10

Anyways, that happened yesterday. Wow, See

26:12

just the day in the life. I just want to go all

26:15

the time. Speaking of swimmingly, I've

26:17

been going to the beach to find my

26:20

friends. The whales. Okay,

26:23

very good, but there are a lot of whales off of the shores and

26:25

they are avoiding

26:27

me. Everybody here has seen

26:29

these fucking whales except me. The

26:32

only other time I saw the

26:34

Amber alert in the back of hearing

26:39

all my friends like, you need to turn that ship off, like

26:41

you can discttnected Amber. Yeah, I'm

26:44

like, how rude. What if I'm on the fucking freeway

26:46

and that that gray knees on is right next

26:49

to me? There we

26:52

got only as whole

26:54

turn off the ramblers. We all shared

26:56

that moment together. We all got that we got at the

26:58

same time, but thinking me walking through

27:01

them like

27:04

an idiot. So the last

27:06

time and the only time I've seen wales

27:08

this is relates to you in

27:11

the wild is about

27:13

fifteen years ago when I met, I

27:15

saw out and found my biological

27:18

mom. We met, I

27:20

flew around here, I found her

27:24

long. I mean, it's

27:27

just when my parents

27:29

were alive, my parents that raised me,

27:31

those are my my mom and dad are the ones that raised me.

27:34

Right. In fact, that's what I was going to get

27:36

to in the beginning when I said I'm not an orphan

27:38

and I wasn't an orphan. And

27:41

this other girl that I know that was that

27:44

was adopted or something,

27:47

and she was talking about her parents and I

27:49

said, also, you were adopted

27:51

as well. She said, oh no, no, no, my parents

27:53

were real. Oh

28:00

sounds sounded. I fell on the floor. Lad, Oh,

28:02

I'm so sorry. You're right yours, yours

28:04

are real and mine aren't real. You

28:07

know, your fake parents, my fake parents that

28:09

raised me. I

28:13

asked my mom. I said, well, I told her.

28:15

I said, I think I'd like to go find

28:18

my biological not my real

28:20

mom, but my biological vagina

28:23

that came out of your

28:25

tonne of the country picked me out right exactly,

28:27

and if you know, and then so but

28:29

she started crying. She just started crying when I

28:32

asked her. So I never brought it up. Then

28:34

they died, My parents died. And then I

28:36

even waited a good five ten years. Then

28:39

I found her. First

28:41

flew out here, brought it to the ocean, and whales

28:44

appeared. Oh whales. I've

28:47

been waiting for them ever since I go

28:49

out there, I get down to their

28:51

sea level. Do you with

28:54

your biological mother? I'm

28:57

a bad son. What

29:00

call your son? Am I a son?

29:03

Tried to call her mom. Yeah,

29:06

but that's weird. That didn't make you a bad son.

29:08

Also, if I mean, am I a son my

29:10

mom? My mom didn't have a chance to find her at

29:13

her parents because they died. But I mean,

29:15

she was the only sibling that made it out. I want to know more

29:17

about this sticking her head very

29:20

Sylvia Plath, isn't it? But

29:22

she didn't light it. It was just a gap. There's a photo.

29:24

We have these photos of my mom's biological parents,

29:27

and there's this creepy photo. I don't I don't look like

29:29

anybody in my family, but I look like my mom's

29:31

biological mother. It's very weird, like

29:33

we have the same body type. And

29:35

there's a picture of her beautiful she's like eighteen

29:37

years old and one of those fifties bathing suits and there's

29:39

a clothing like a clothes line where

29:42

you hang your clothes to dry,

29:44

and the clothing line was pulling her neck and

29:46

she had this weird look in her eye, but she kind

29:48

of looked sexy. And it's the

29:50

darkest picture I've ever seen. It's

29:52

weird. So we don't even like, we don't

29:54

even go there, like we will

29:57

go on like, let's look at old photos binge just because

29:59

we're curious. But I mean, my mom has so many medical problems

30:01

because her biological mom drank when she was pregnant

30:03

with her, so like her whole life has kind of

30:05

been like you know, she has f

30:09

a ass fetal alcohol

30:11

syndrome. Yeah,

30:15

I think. Yeah. My son, my twenty seven year

30:17

old, uh, just a

30:22

little bit, but it's it's good. I

30:24

have to think positively. But it is good for his acting

30:26

because it seems like he's

30:28

really very subtle. Well,

30:30

a lot of times when my mom is mad at me, she'll kind

30:32

of make me feel bad because she'll like shake extra and

30:35

she has vocal core tremors, so it's like she's always

30:37

crying and it's so

30:40

like it's you can't get mad at you know what

30:42

I mean. And she's got a pacemaker. I mean, she's

30:44

her nerves. Or she'll call me and be like, oh,

30:46

well, my my intestines fell out of my ask

30:49

today, I gotta go to the hospital. Okay,

30:52

But my I wonder if if

30:55

my because my his his

30:57

mom didn't drink just me. I don't

30:59

think that's a drink drunk.

31:01

No, it probably doesn't know

31:04

I think for sympathy drinking.

31:06

I don't know. I know you had sympathy weights. Yeah,

31:09

but I think you're okay, Okay, I don't. I

31:11

wouldn't blame yourself. You're done,

31:13

Yeah, you're done with it. You just

31:15

don't think about that. And do you do you have suicidal

31:18

tendency? I don't. I don't at all. Do you like

31:20

that bandstand

31:25

So? What do you? Guys? Is this your job and

31:29

not our job? But we're stand up comedians. Yeah,

31:31

so we just host a podcast as well called

31:34

Guys, We Guys, the anti slut shimming

31:36

podcast right now? Why would

31:38

it be called guys you fucked? But it's

31:40

anti it? So it seems sound sounds

31:42

slutty. Well, what is

31:44

a sure exactly? Where you know your opinion?

31:46

What is the do you use that word? What is somebody?

31:50

I mean in the definition that's in my head

31:53

is just a girl? It's a

31:55

girl, right, I guess you can be glut, but

31:58

a girl who just sucks like likes

32:00

to fuck like. I'm wondering if my current girlfriend,

32:02

and yes, I'm dating a girl right now. Hi welcome.

32:07

I'm really into it too. I

32:10

tried to go I tried to watch

32:12

some gay horn last week and

32:14

it was it disgusted me. Really,

32:16

isn't that weird? That is weird? Because I was going to ask you

32:18

with bisexuality, I mean, does it do you get in

32:21

phases? Some some of my by friends have

32:23

phases. It's all about the person. And I

32:25

don't think it's a phase. I don't think it has anything

32:27

to do with the moon or the sun or the sea

32:29

tides that were once again right next day. I

32:32

think it is the person. And I met

32:34

this girl and I just fucking I really

32:36

love her. That's what really how Yeah,

32:39

here at the halfway, So did

32:41

she live with you or she one of your twenty seven roommates?

32:46

That's what it is. That's what

32:48

it is, right, it's halfway.

32:51

It's half way to have it a halfway to help, half

32:54

saying you, half in saying it

32:57

really is half way to like what

32:59

I'm doing with my life? What

33:02

am I doing? I'm not in party

33:04

mode, but I'm not in the real world. But is that

33:07

You're not doing well, you're not doing poorly.

33:09

You're right in the middle of this microcosm

33:11

of the real world, my seven person

33:14

unit. You

33:17

look good, look good. I'm

33:19

by the ocean. You're one of those. You're just a

33:21

very special, wonderful person like

33:23

your your lovable, like you

33:26

know, America has a place in

33:28

its heart for you, and it's and hopefully other

33:30

places. And

33:31

it's so

33:36

how did you meet your girlfriend? Just literally

33:39

in here in the early stages

33:41

of this place called it's called

33:43

sober It's a very wonderful,

33:46

if not the And I've been to twenty different

33:50

just to check them out, right, check

33:53

them out for a month to three, um,

33:57

but this one is just the is the loveliest.

34:00

And a guy named Greg Hanley really hooked

34:03

saved my family. Basically he's

34:06

a great guy, owns this place with some

34:08

other partners. Um, but

34:11

he's I had to give him a shout out because he's

34:13

a phenomenal and but

34:16

but yeah, so I met her here and

34:19

it just was a slow progression

34:21

because we don't she's at a different facility

34:24

now and I'm over here and she goes to school and

34:26

we don't. I think that one of the reasons

34:28

it works and worked at

34:31

all, is because it

34:33

has been slow and we don't see each other that often,

34:36

right, So you can't just dive right into it. And kind of because

34:39

you would you say that you have an addictive

34:41

person? Yeah, I guess. I mean

34:43

I don't want to be like yearn at it, but

34:45

yeah, of course any

34:48

everything. So even if I like something, yeah,

34:50

I'm the same exactly. Like if I like someone I like, I'm

34:52

obsessed with them and it's really negatively

34:56

annoying for the other person. Yeah,

34:58

and also I can't get anything else done. So

35:00

like if I haven't had a boyfriend like three

35:02

years, and I get I just got so much done right

35:05

exactly, I gave up women

35:07

all together because I would get so

35:10

clingy, so clingy,

35:12

I came

35:14

up with that I'm just not going to

35:16

do that to them because

35:18

I would be putting my ship on them and it

35:21

really ruined Did you realize so

35:25

many Well, you know, Trailblazer, I've

35:28

never even been in silber living, and I've ruined a lot of people's

35:30

lives too. So we have it's

35:34

all good. Sorry three

35:36

years what

35:39

so what kind of behavior would you exhibit that

35:41

you would quote unquote ruined people's lives

35:43

when you were widow? You know how it

35:45

is. I know you and I are cut from the same clu Yeah,

35:48

well it starts with it starts

35:50

with thinking about them more

35:52

than you should. And that I hate that. Check.

35:55

That is what you were saying, that you

35:57

don't get anything else done. So even if you're

35:59

doing some thing else, you're thinking about them. Um,

36:01

you know one of Miles will give him a little shoot him

36:03

a text real quick. I'm

36:06

thinking about

36:08

text. You don't need

36:10

to. Why are you doing it? Then? And

36:13

then then another one? So I'm not, but I don't do that

36:16

every I'm You're like, I'm staying

36:18

put like I was talking about earlier. It's just staying

36:20

putting ut drinking here and I want to leave

36:22

because of that roommate. I want to leave because of this And what

36:24

what the fucking am I doing? This is? I'm almost

36:27

fifty, I'm forty nine years old

36:29

in a fucking half way house. They're

36:34

all twenty somethings and we are we're

36:36

drinking a gunpowder gunshot

36:38

latte. I know, and want to mention that delicious.

36:41

It's my favorite, can I tell you, sitters,

36:43

no crash, no jitters. It has this

36:46

stuff called guy Guy.

36:49

Yeah, that's it, Guy Usa. You you got a guy

36:51

us Guy Usa. And

36:54

it had this This particular

36:56

blend has dandelion chickory

36:59

and coco shells

37:01

shells which has more of that dopamine

37:05

activating chemical because

37:07

is you know, chalk. At the end of this interview, I'm gonna be amped.

37:10

Yeah, it's non dairy's

37:14

fart free. I like it. I was going to tell you a

37:16

secret, but I don't know if I'm allowed to. But

37:18

I'm gonna be taking this product to America.

37:21

We're in America right now. We're

37:24

which we're in a different country,

37:27

honey, we're with the whales. But

37:29

you don't have to show your passport if

37:31

you didn't even have that. Cha. There was an accident

37:33

right outside. I was wondering, did you were

37:35

you like, oh, these bitches get an accident. I

37:38

was just wondering if all

37:40

the news people were out, Oh no, someone

37:43

else got generalized. I was just gonna says,

37:47

so I'm so happy. I

37:49

feel bad for him. You know. Yesterday,

37:51

I'm like, you know, my kid, because I have three kids and then

37:54

two other kids that I kind of adopted.

37:56

So I've got like five kids and we all

37:58

love each other. That's wonderful. But I'm also

38:00

such a funk up, you know, like and but yesterday

38:03

I had the realization at least

38:05

I'm not trying to be a fucking woman.

38:09

I got that going. Well, It's like, I'm

38:12

sure, wanting to make a physical

38:14

transition to another gender has got to be the most fucking

38:16

paid, like difficult thing,

38:19

And you want to do it if that's what you feel

38:21

inside, like you gotta done with it. I'm

38:23

totally fine with it. Do it. You're just glad

38:25

you don't have to what balls? And I know exactly

38:28

why he's doing it. And his new name should be Bruce

38:30

transgender. Oh no, I'm sorry,

38:33

Bruce gender transgender.

38:35

Like I did not come up with that. The

38:38

chef here, chef the

38:40

most little things anybody

38:43

can come up with, some great Bruce

38:45

transgender. I like it.

38:48

Can I tell you why he's doing this? Is

38:50

telling you I know because I you know him

38:52

at all? Have you ever met him? I don't think I have.

38:54

I don't need to know him. I know who

38:56

he is spiritually, I

38:58

think because there's this, I'm gonna try to

39:00

do this fast because I've told this to other people, but

39:03

he is h he's a man that

39:05

that that that. So there's

39:08

this thing called the cosmonaut syndrome.

39:10

Do you know about it? Well, they

39:12

came up with this term, you know how they come up with a

39:14

lot of friends weird stupid like alcohol,

39:17

Like, what is that a disease?

39:21

I know, I have a lot of issues with all

39:24

kinds of you know, people just like the labels

39:26

everything. He's got a label and there's a

39:28

pill for it, and there's a product for it, cream

39:31

for it. Bisexual. I mean, I wouldn't even

39:33

call myself that, And there's a bill for that. No,

39:36

it's a camp for that.

39:40

That's called the Bullets. I don't know what

39:42

was gonna say. I was like, is there a gas chambers in this camp?

39:44

What's going on? Yeah, it's a Nazi Germany.

39:46

It's a it's a it's a camp for bisexual

39:49

people that. The same thing is that we met

39:51

here, me and the girl. We were when we met here,

39:53

and then they frowned upon it. They're like, you're not

39:55

going to ask, right, they

39:58

can just the

40:00

process. I'm sure they think, right, I said,

40:02

but you should be happy. You guys not

40:04

only cured my alcoholism, you cured

40:06

my gaze.

40:09

Are you saying that you're cured of your gayness?

40:11

And the gaze? I just coined

40:13

a new phrase. You. I

40:16

don't know why, but I thought you meant like you looked at people

40:18

weird too weird, and it was a problem for

40:20

you, Like g A,

40:23

that's what I thought you meant us like and he had a

40:25

severe steering problem before you came to Silba

40:28

and now it's now it's yeah,

40:30

they cured my gayness. Um,

40:33

So we'll get back to that cosmonauts

40:36

syndrome because they're called in Russia,

40:38

astronauts are called cosmonauts.

40:41

That's why it's called cosmonaut syndrome. They go up to

40:43

the moon and they and people

40:45

the Russian astronauts that went to the moon and came

40:47

back had a high rate of very

40:50

high rate of suicide. So they come

40:52

back and they just killed themselves. And it's

40:54

because what the

40:56

fund can you do after going to the moon. There's nothing really

40:59

that you can call push this bigger than that

41:01

on the planet then going to the moon and coming back

41:03

right, Yeah, I

41:06

have it. I have it. A lot of people do.

41:08

In fact, one of the guys I think,

41:10

I think Lance Bass from in Sync

41:12

is he

41:13

yes, he basically

41:17

what you can figuratively go to the moon

41:19

and back the way I've had like a bunch of different

41:21

like mini careers like The

41:23

Ben Steeler Show, News Radio, less

41:25

than Perfect, all those little movies here and there in mini mini

41:27

mini mini trips, like I get part

41:29

way to the moon and then I come back and it's

41:31

like, now, yeah,

41:33

trip again, get another series.

41:36

You know what I mean. No, but it's really

41:39

when you're when you're when you're Cosma, you

41:41

go to I

41:43

guess I'll go back. I know what's there.

41:47

You can't really understand it. So you go

41:49

to the moon. We've

41:50

not been to. So that's

41:52

part of why I'm here. It really

41:55

is because you know what, I know what I can do. I

41:57

could drink because that's then everything's

41:59

no, and I'm fine, don't need

42:01

to go to the moon again. I have already been there so many

42:04

so that so now I'm really looking at that

42:06

hard, like so what am I supposed to

42:08

fucking do go out there and become

42:12

Yeah. So so we're getting to the

42:14

whole thing that I think about all the time,

42:17

because you know a lot of my friends have just they're

42:20

done. Robin Williams, his

42:22

show got failed, and you know, this is

42:24

a guy that fucking blew. He

42:27

broke records, television records from

42:30

work and Mindy, I remember I was in Yugoslavia

42:32

at the time, and people were talking. It

42:34

reached me in Yugoslavia when I was

42:36

twelve, A what what is this show? We

42:39

got bootleg tapes and videotape

42:41

was not even a thing really yet,

42:43

but we we we could watch him in the

42:45

Westinghouse. It was like, so

42:48

such a big phenomenon. And

42:50

then he came back to TV.

42:54

He had cosmonaut syndrome. Really because

42:56

he comes back to TV to kind of let's

42:58

roll up our sleeves and do this, I

43:01

guess then it failed. His TV show got

43:03

canceled and it failed. Henna, when I'm out, I'm

43:05

bouncing. I'm out, and I

43:07

truly believe that's what happened. So

43:10

that caused me to go into a downward

43:13

spiral. Hence I'm here really because

43:15

right they asked me to talk

43:18

on CNN with Dr Drew. I'm like, what am

43:20

I the fucking poster child for alcohol,

43:23

drugs and death? Okay, what do

43:25

you want to talk about? As I say, I'm

43:27

gonna need a glass of wine for this one? Dr

43:29

Drew in my head, so I bring

43:31

way secretly bring wine and I'm just gonna

43:34

get through the even though I'm sober for like

43:36

all that year. Last year, I was doing fucking

43:39

awesome. You hadn't had a drink and then well

43:43

the Robert Williams killed himself and

43:45

I'm like, huh, okay, now he

43:48

should have had a glass of wine instead

43:50

of the wrapping

43:52

a belt around his neck. I was very confused.

43:55

He's such a nice guy and I didn't know. I couldn't.

43:57

I still can't get it, and

43:59

I still don't know he was sober or not. They don't talk about

44:01

so. So here I am in it with in a coffee mug,

44:03

drinking whine on CNN, talking

44:06

to dr abounce sobriety. And

44:08

then it's only took a week before that spiraled

44:11

up, and then I was in here. So you

44:13

give yourself thanksgiving permission basically

44:15

to spiral. Like in your head you go, oh, this is fine

44:17

if I do this and this and this, Like, how how does it? How

44:20

does the mentality aspiral? You needed it to

44:22

deal with it? Mentality it's something men

44:26

like I'm mental and doctor

44:28

Drew have any because I know you have a pass with

44:31

him. Why wasn't telling him no? I know? He so

44:33

he had no idea from previous from

44:35

being friends and drinking a beer together

44:37

at a party to now now

44:40

I'm your patient and we're not really friendly.

44:42

Okay, it's more like I'm not gonna

44:44

I'm not your friend anymore, Andrew. Okay,

44:47

but now we're friends again. So I could

44:50

drink with him, but I'm not. I choose not to drink

44:52

right now. So but back to the

44:54

cosmonaut syndrome. Come

44:56

back? What am I going

44:59

to go to? Mars out? No, you can't

45:01

fuck it. I'm done. I'm out. I'm out.

45:04

Robert Williams, I'm out. His TV

45:06

show, which should have really been the

45:09

fucking executive killed

45:11

him. I mean not really, you know how it is like

45:14

get the guy au just I

45:16

wish because it's one of the greatest talents in the

45:18

Ever, it's just so

45:21

ever Ever, there's nothing like him. I

45:23

listened to Reality what a concept

45:25

when I was little, and

45:27

he's just he's

45:29

so lively, Like his

45:32

act was amazing. But anyhow,

45:35

that is just the biggest loss

45:37

ever. I don't can't still can't get

45:39

it. I made the most

45:42

morbid joke because

45:44

he was jokester. You

45:46

know, he would have liked this joke, maybe,

45:50

like when it was happening when and I started drinking.

45:52

I couldn't deal It's not mine

45:55

serious. I couldn't deal with

45:57

um it at all. And

46:00

I was saying, it's not fine, I'm looking

46:02

at weird. He was the

46:05

hell, let me double checks

46:08

it's not um Can

46:10

I go to the bathroom? Real, Chris,

46:15

that is the weirdest concept. Looks

46:17

help people to hate them. But the internet

46:20

comments sections are the worst places of the plan.

46:22

But even look at it's always now I

46:24

think they're hilarious. I can't imagine. I don't

46:26

even look at my Twitter feed anymore. But

46:28

you tweet, but you don't look at it, and I don't even

46:31

It looks like I'm on Facebook. It looks like I'm

46:33

on Twitter, but I'm on Instagram

46:36

follow a certain amount of people, and then

46:38

I post on Instagram, which dominoes

46:40

into folds into Twitter, I think

46:43

next, and then Facebook, so it looks like I'm posting

46:45

that. Yeah, but it says posted

46:47

via Instagram. So I'm really

46:50

going on it. I see

46:52

that you're on Facebook. What's going on? Why don't you know?

46:56

That's why you don't stop me? Yeah?

46:58

Should we just to lead then? But that then you're

47:01

a real dick, my friends delete

47:03

their Facebook is the first to go. Yeah,

47:06

you notice that you have any of your

47:08

friends everything the most access

47:10

to you because you can you can message,

47:12

you, you can come, and it's a lot. But

47:14

it's like when you're a comedity, it's just like we I

47:17

just use it to be funny. I don't divulge

47:19

any shit, or I just want to promote shows.

47:21

But a lot of people use it for a feelings

47:23

tunnel. It's

47:26

like you know those people that like right on,

47:28

like I think today it's the last day for me

47:30

or something like that, and you're like, or they'll

47:33

just write like bad day, and then everyone's

47:35

like, what's really now?

47:37

I gotta pay attention this because I'm curious. Yeah,

47:40

either say I had a bad day because or just

47:42

don't say anything. Don't like just

47:44

ask for attention that way. Are there

47:46

any other people as notable as

47:48

you in the assistant?

47:51

I don't know we're calling it no,

47:54

I know I'm not saying like names or

47:56

something, but just that your because your experience

47:58

here would be different. I

48:00

imagine that an you would think, but

48:02

we're all just that's

48:05

almost something I have to work against

48:08

is to say please, I'm

48:10

Honestly, I might be even worse

48:13

off than you or

48:15

her or him or or not. We're

48:17

all just at different levels. Our brains

48:19

are such fucking snow flakes that just

48:22

the different amounts of drugs and types

48:24

of mixtures of drugs as you

48:26

guys too, has made our brains

48:29

and who we are so different. That

48:31

doesn't matter your success

48:33

out in the world. And there's there are people here

48:36

who are multimillionaires

48:39

in other areas, and there there

48:40

are there are some other celebrities,

48:43

yes there are actually and there

48:45

are people that are super cool, and there's

48:48

there's like teenagers that

48:50

that there there are two guys

48:52

in here that we're very big. One

48:54

of them was big as a I think he

48:56

said surfing, and one for

48:58

skateboarding, and and one was on

49:01

Broadway. So there's like people

49:04

all ages, all kinds

49:07

corporate, people that went homeless,

49:09

homeless people that made millions.

49:11

There's all kinds alcoholics,

49:14

which again I don't really like that term.

49:17

That term doesn't make sense to me because

49:20

you know how they say alcoholism

49:22

and then they call it a disease. It's like and

49:24

they often compare it to cancer. You wouldn't

49:26

be mad at somebody with cancer, would you, well,

49:29

why are you mad at somebody who has the disease

49:31

at alcoholism? It's just a disease

49:34

there, that's the kind of a thing.

49:37

Yeah, it's like, yeah, but if so,

49:39

if I'm gonna so, if I'm a

49:41

cancer, if I have cancer, then

49:43

I would be called a cancer hollic because

49:46

alcohol is not the disease.

49:49

That's what I took to numb because

49:52

you call it alcoholic thinking. It's

49:54

the thinking. It's your behavior. You have alcoholic

49:56

behavior like you were saying, it's obsessive behavior.

49:59

It's this, it's a type of behavior.

50:01

Alcohol was the medicine that I used

50:04

to calm and the

50:07

behavior and the thing you get, the root of the problem

50:09

is the Yeah

50:12

that was my good. That's the thing

50:14

that made it better. Yeah, you

50:17

know what I mean. Think about a lot

50:19

of things, and they people need to rethink

50:22

all this fucking ship or it's not once

50:25

again twenty rehabs. And I'm not talking

50:27

about just breathing in and breathing out. I go

50:29

in and I really look and I try really

50:31

fucking hard. I don't come in here and just

50:33

fly by the seat of my pants. I'm

50:35

like, let's do this. What the fund is wrong

50:38

with me, and that's that's one of

50:40

the things that that's one of the things I stopped

50:42

doing this time around. There is nothing

50:44

wrong. I was gonna, yeah, this well, this podcast

50:46

is. I was actually started on the basis of like

50:49

thinking that we're just well't me specifically

50:51

failing out a lot of relationships and

50:53

wanting to talk to guys I had relationships

50:56

with and ask them what

50:58

am I doing wrong? What can I do better to

51:00

be a better for me? And

51:02

it really helped me and in the process very quickly

51:04

I learned that there's nothing wrong with me. Everything's

51:08

right actually, because how many relationships

51:10

did you have? Slot? But

51:14

how many cars relationships?

51:17

And then you

51:18

are thank you,

51:21

Oh you look grect, thank you. It's all that Jewish

51:24

food. I

51:27

just like to say that word Jews. And then we

51:30

read on that Wikipedia that, yeah, I

51:32

love my Jews. We laughed so hard

51:35

about you. Howard Stern hooks due

51:39

he called being hilarious,

51:41

but he calls himself that he calls

51:44

me a pull smoking, dick

51:46

twiddling bag, and I can't

51:48

say, hope those two you

51:51

was kind of sweet compared to all the other things.

51:53

That's what he calls himself called

51:56

him I hate why people offended

52:00

by these jokes. We have a problem. We

52:03

get in trouble a lot on the podcast for being

52:05

quote unquote racist. I'm

52:08

not anti. You can't even say I'm

52:10

not because then it's like that, you know, yeah,

52:14

all right, So I just do an extra

52:16

more Joe,

52:19

Absolutely absolutely I would do. There's

52:22

nothing you can do. It's a lose

52:24

list situation for me. I

52:28

think, yeah, it's hilarious. Your your comedian.

52:30

You're doing what every comedian would do. Be like,

52:32

oh you're gonna fake call me an anti Semitic

52:35

that I'm gonna really rip into those Jews. Maybe

52:37

you should start wearing a Yamakau. I

52:40

posted, speaking of Instagram, a picture

52:43

last night, very late, like one am. I

52:45

squeez meticulously and tenderly

52:48

squeezed the juice of

52:50

about five They look like

52:52

lemons, but they really were many

52:55

grapefruits. They were this photo

52:57

and and and tangerines, those

52:59

things called cutie's. So I made this great

53:02

citrusy juice nice

53:04

and got every drop in there, and at

53:06

the last one I knocked the fucking

53:08

cup up. It was just a paper. I'm

53:10

not spilled, and so I put hashtag

53:13

don't cry over spilt juice.

53:16

Oh many

53:19

people know this. Damn

53:21

it? Were you hoping for like a damn it?

53:26

I've noted that Holifornia loves puns,

53:28

you guys love. I

53:31

had to write that one, well, the first the

53:33

first one, it was hashtag spilt

53:37

or spilt juice because

53:42

I don't really get to the point too dark frand you

53:44

can see. Sorry, sorry, I got dark. Jesus,

53:48

I go hard to come. Hashtag

53:51

Hiller loved

53:54

him. I'm just

53:56

kidding. I'm kidding. Hashtag

54:01

spilled my juice twice something

54:03

like that because I had just had sex. But nobody

54:07

got that one. Was

54:10

like saying that, So Bruce, let me just get this Bruce

54:12

Jenner thing out there to Bruce Jenner

54:15

fully has cosmonaut

54:17

syndrome. Not only was he a

54:20

gold medal athlete

54:22

on the cover of Luedi's I

54:24

remember from the seventies. I remember Bruce

54:26

Jenner. I remember him. I think he was on the cover of Time magazine.

54:29

My mom said he was a hottie. He was a hottie

54:32

and he and he was well loved by

54:34

everyone, and he was you can't

54:36

be any more of a man than

54:39

an Olympian athlete. Are

54:41

you following me? He went to the

54:44

moon as a man. He

54:46

can't be bigger than an Olympian

54:48

gold. I am have been

54:51

bestowed the number one prize

54:55

for being the world man. The world

54:57

says you are the quintessential

54:59

man, and now we're going to drop you

55:01

in this world of women, the

55:04

Kardashians. You're now just some guy

55:06

piddling around the kitchen

55:09

playing with your fucking remote control helicopter.

55:12

And it must be. It

55:14

is so emasculating because

55:18

I have been to the moon and back. I've been to the man

55:20

and back. I have been the most but

55:22

I've been the biggest man you can be. But

55:24

look at these women making six hundred million

55:27

a year. But they're women. What then?

55:30

And they're emasculating me. They're cutting my balls

55:32

off every day every day. You know what, I'm gonna cut

55:34

my own balls off. I'm going to

55:36

be a woman, and I'm gonna be the best fucking woman. And

55:39

they're going to do a series on it. You know

55:41

that, they're going to doctor drama

55:43

on me, and I'm gonna be all

55:46

you fucking bitches. I'm gonna be a bigger

55:48

woman than you are. I'm gonna be a bigger

55:50

woman than I was a man

55:56

right now. It's the only way he

55:58

can live on this plan It's the only

56:00

way he can live on this planet. Wow.

56:03

Yeah, I totally agree with them,

56:05

especially him, because he had to have

56:07

had that kind of drive in the nineteen seventies

56:10

seven when he won the gold medal. He and it's

56:12

still in there. Yeah, he's alive.

56:14

He's alive. That's how I know it's still in there. If

56:16

he's alive and he's he's puttering

56:18

it on the kitchen, was bubbling under the surface

56:21

for a long time, and now it's gonna it's gonna come

56:23

out. It's the weirdest fucking way

56:25

to express it. Dude.

56:29

You don't have to fucking cut your dick cough

56:31

or turn it into a Clinton then scoop

56:33

out your ball. So you have, in

56:36

your opinion, he hasn't always felt like a woman.

56:38

This is a very different thing because sometimes

56:40

people say, oh, I felt like a woman since a little No, it

56:43

was a slow I think

56:45

it's a slow crawl, slow

56:48

growing inside of him. And I

56:50

also and people like anything, what do you think

56:52

about Bruce Jenny being gay? I'm like, he's not fucking

56:54

gay. He's not gay at all, you

56:56

idiots. He's just emasculated

56:59

by the women. And now he's got

57:01

this drive and he's gonna I'll show you,

57:04

Yeah, I'll show you. Jenner,

57:07

what's the Chris Jenner? The

57:09

other girls Courtney Cayley, Chloe

57:12

Hayley, and I'm

57:14

Halle. It's

57:17

Chloe Courtney Kim

57:18

and the

57:22

brand Clintley Cltley.

57:26

Isn't there Clintley Kardashian. That should be his name.

57:28

Guess what, I

57:31

Bruce Jenner now I'm Clintley.

57:35

Really, given that Kardashian name, the buzz

57:37

name that's going to be

57:40

the clintsher is

57:42

that he's gonna say what and

57:44

I'm ash that's

57:48

all he needed to do. Actually, he need to

57:50

chop his dick off, because that's the biggest

57:52

name I have ever that

57:54

is. I respect him so much. I

57:56

like that Kardashi. That's

58:00

that's all we need about. Just change the name.

58:02

Not you're fucking dick, but

58:04

that's what I mean. But this is me thinking

58:07

a lot about things like that time

58:09

to think you don't

58:12

have time. We're thinking all the time, whether

58:14

you're driving right now, we're thinking just

58:17

that Kardashian. Just

58:19

I like that. I think I'm going to write to him and say,

58:22

like a cartoon Kardashi

58:24

lately Kardashian, And just

58:26

that that thought that he really could have just changed his

58:29

name. Same fucking thing that we're always

58:31

thinking. That's the thing. I don't have time,

58:34

you know. That's one of my why I got sick. I

58:37

just was when I went to the bathroom a second ago. I

58:39

was talking to one of the texts about Believe

58:42

it or not. There's like a lot there's hours upon hours

58:44

of group therapy, and then we go to meetings

58:47

and then we have I have about five therapists,

58:51

and he would think and we talked

58:53

about like that doesn't that

58:56

what is wrong with me? Thing? That

58:58

doesn't help because that looks

59:01

like there definitely must be something wrong

59:03

with me because all these people need to

59:06

give me input about what

59:08

is wrong with you? Yeah, it makes

59:10

there's no such thing as a perfect person, so it's

59:13

like you can't find all these flaws just kind of

59:15

it's learning how to live with who you are. How

59:19

it's learning how to have

59:23

you guys live with

59:25

you are? Yeah, it really is how

59:27

can we deal with you? So

59:30

have you ever heard of this Abraham Hicks,

59:33

Yes, Ester Hicks esterday.

59:35

Don't know, somebody just turned me

59:38

on person or

59:40

it's a yeah, I've read

59:42

their people. People

59:45

channel this abrahams Ester Hicks,

59:47

channel's Abraham, okay, Abraham

59:50

the guy from the Bible? No, just

59:53

some dude a gym. Did

59:56

you get a story about? But

59:58

I heard her talking. I'm like, where is she

1:00:00

from? She's just like, no,

1:00:04

she just has some kind of she has an

1:00:06

alien accent. It's not it

1:00:08

is a little creepy weird. It's like

1:00:10

from another country. But what we canna

1:00:12

say? Have I heard of? Just how

1:00:14

it got started? Like that wasn't her whole life. There

1:00:17

was like a therapy set. I forget

1:00:19

that. They told the story in the first book of her

1:00:21

and her husband Jerry were driving somewhere

1:00:23

and and there was just a moment or an incident

1:00:26

where she felt like she had like a headache or something like that. And

1:00:28

ever since then, like this was I don't

1:00:30

know, fifteen years ago, So it wasn't her whole life. She's

1:00:32

like channeling this person

1:00:35

or entity. I guess that's where

1:00:37

it And

1:00:40

I'm not into that kind of ship. I

1:00:42

don't like when we start we

1:00:45

humans start putting on words

1:00:48

and how it's happening. I mean channeling

1:00:51

another Yeah,

1:00:53

it sounds weird, but it's just as weird.

1:00:56

And forgive me everybody

1:00:58

who loves the program,

1:01:00

the program, Yeah, because

1:01:03

you're not weird. You're not.

1:01:06

That's one of the fucking things that this program

1:01:08

was developed in the thirties. We're

1:01:11

in two thousand, I

1:01:16

promise you. Okay, I'm

1:01:18

so out of it. You're

1:01:21

also being busy and having no time. I don't

1:01:23

know which way is Malibu in

1:01:25

and of itself is a weird bubble, and then you throw

1:01:27

in the recovery part, and then the bubble

1:01:29

and bubble, bubble, bubble and bubble by the beach.

1:01:32

It's wait and say a half five thousand times

1:01:34

so, but but I've lost

1:01:36

my train thought, what was that? Well, you brought a pix

1:01:39

Abraham Hicks. Yeah, I

1:01:41

don't know. So channeling is weird. The

1:01:43

whole thing is, I don't know. I I'm really

1:01:46

lost. What can you have sex in this

1:01:48

place? Oh? You can have sex anywhere,

1:01:50

can't you? I mean an airplane. It's

1:01:52

a felony. It's out an airplane.

1:01:54

But are you allowed to technically have sex

1:01:56

here? Okay, yeah, did

1:01:58

they play. Yeah, I was one of you placed rules because when you

1:02:00

met you're the girl you're seeing now. At the

1:02:04

facility, we didn't have

1:02:06

sex. That was another reason

1:02:08

it worked. So we knew

1:02:11

each other for thirty

1:02:13

days and she

1:02:16

and I kept getting closer

1:02:18

and closer physically, and

1:02:21

I just like her happy.

1:02:24

I know, yeah, I can tell you talk about

1:02:26

it. You're like grinning now, and then

1:02:29

I feel like she might listen, and

1:02:31

then she'll be weird about Oh no

1:02:34

that I would love to hear that

1:02:37

she does. But people when they date

1:02:39

me before

1:02:41

daring and after, they kind

1:02:43

of brush it on before

1:02:47

daring and after. They don't brush under

1:02:49

the carpet the fact that they're dating me. I

1:02:53

imagine something I think I am thinking about

1:02:55

dating Andy Dick. They're not going to say that sense.

1:02:57

They wouldn't say. They wouldn't say this sentence either.

1:03:00

Guess what, I'm dating Andy Dick And

1:03:02

they wouldn't say this one either. Guess what at

1:03:04

one point in my life I dated and so

1:03:07

before, during and after, they don't even bring

1:03:09

me up. And I'm kind of that, like, you

1:03:11

know, a little mistake they made.

1:03:14

Really, how does that

1:03:16

make you feel like I

1:03:17

don't know, like not good. I would

1:03:19

imagine I have to deal,

1:03:23

you know, I dug my own whatever

1:03:25

made my I made my grave.

1:03:28

Now I'm going to sleep in it. What so,

1:03:32

have you had sex with the person you're seeing yet? Now

1:03:35

I have? Okay, okay, good? Yeah?

1:03:39

What is your relationship to its sex part of the Did

1:03:41

you ever have a sex addiction or did you use sex to escape

1:03:44

or with sex? Always? Just something you can

1:03:46

answer for me. What was your name? Oh?

1:03:48

Yeah, you're the one that's been texting Yeah,

1:03:50

Karine Christina. Okay, good, cook, good, Okay,

1:03:52

now I know. And I need to take pictures too to

1:03:54

put in my phone because well, you know,

1:03:57

when I'm in New York, I'll hook up with you guys. Oh yeah,

1:03:59

absolutely, But she can answer. My

1:04:01

answer would be her answer. I'm sure my

1:04:05

answer. Are you addicted to sex? I mean, am

1:04:07

I are you? I mean no, no no, no, that's what I mean. Yeah

1:04:09

yeah yeah, And the answer like, I

1:04:11

mean, I sex a big part of the equation when

1:04:13

you would be going out with somebody. Yeah, absolutely,

1:04:18

so yeah, bade

1:04:22

It already is at Amber

1:04:24

alert once again. Nobody's being abducted

1:04:26

except maybe my dick. Yeah, I

1:04:36

ductor taking my pussy. She actually

1:04:39

what you just hope

1:04:42

that she doesn't listen. But she literally

1:04:44

texted she set funny all

1:04:46

the time. We both do. Oh, that's great sexting

1:04:50

while I'm in group. Earlier text

1:04:52

to sex to me, I wish you could

1:04:55

teleport your dick into

1:04:57

me? Like, what does that even

1:05:00

mean? So you want my dick but not

1:05:02

my body? No,

1:05:05

I don't mind. I get the mold of your dick.

1:05:09

That's what somebody next to me said. That's

1:05:12

the next because I said, I told

1:05:14

somebody, you know now,

1:05:16

I'm in trouble. I

1:05:20

love her. That's did

1:05:23

you have you told her that you love her? Or

1:05:25

you just I don't like saying that because I don't.

1:05:29

This is a weird sense, But I've lately

1:05:31

been thinking what is love? That whole fucking bullshit.

1:05:34

It's something different to every person, to her, we

1:05:36

say it to each other. But I love my kids,

1:05:38

I love you guys. I can't wait see you in New York. I love

1:05:40

you, you know I love that

1:05:42

word around. What is in love? Come on? I

1:05:45

say I love people very quickly, but not even

1:05:47

not even guys like I love all

1:05:50

my friends like me, I'll meet somebody in a day

1:05:52

and like, I love you is that week? You know, I

1:05:54

know, you just feel that, you feel connection,

1:05:57

You feel like you adored that person, even

1:05:59

not even necessarily sexually. Just like as a

1:06:02

person, do you miss sex or

1:06:04

do you have sex? Colonel? Um, I haven't. I

1:06:07

had sex like two weeks ago one time. But I'm kind of like

1:06:09

I think, like kind of like I go Peaks

1:06:11

and Valley. Do you feel that with sex as well? Yeah,

1:06:13

yeah, I haven't. I hadn't had sex with

1:06:15

a girl in years,

1:06:19

years by,

1:06:21

and I spent most of my sex

1:06:23

was was was part

1:06:25

of the expression, but jerking off and

1:06:28

and and a lot of that was jerking

1:06:30

off with another guy. So

1:06:32

that was my sex, and that to

1:06:34

me was like keeping all everybody

1:06:37

and everything and sex and the collapsing

1:06:39

of sex and quote unquote love at

1:06:42

arm's length, so you know, and literally

1:06:45

I'll jerk off and you can jerk off, or

1:06:47

you can jerk me, and then that's it, And

1:06:49

that's it because it's not intimate. It's not

1:06:52

intimate. But then of course you and I,

1:06:54

Karin, get intimate, you know

1:06:56

what I mean, we can't help it. So then I was

1:06:58

fault. I was like liking these guys

1:07:00

that I was just jerking off with it, Like, no, that didn't

1:07:02

really work out. Isn't that so annoying?

1:07:04

I actually developed a crush on this trip on

1:07:07

someone who was like the person that I didn't

1:07:09

want to out of all the people in the world.

1:07:11

I was like, this is specifically a person who I

1:07:13

can't fall for, but let's just have sex

1:07:15

and it's gonna be nice. Well, no, I actually denied

1:07:18

the sex just to try to get through it.

1:07:21

But it's hard. But then you wanted to

1:07:23

have sex? Yes, yes,

1:07:26

yeah, exactly. That's how it is with me

1:07:28

with this girl. A girl it's

1:07:31

a bit, or she was a bit. It's a bit. What

1:07:33

do you want to fun like? It's it's just

1:07:35

frustrating. Are you going out with anybody? Yeah, I've

1:07:37

had a boyfriend for four years. Yeah, sex

1:07:39

still good, It's really good. I

1:07:41

got better, we got kinkier and stuff as

1:07:44

we go on and doing stuff, and he seemed

1:07:46

like a sexual being. Yeah. I love

1:07:48

sex a lot. Yeah,

1:07:51

and it keeps the relationship going. And that's why

1:07:53

that's why earlier when you said, oh,

1:07:56

she likes you for your dick and nothing, I

1:07:58

don't care that's cool for

1:08:01

it's like someone to like your dick. Well, I just don't

1:08:03

care. Why that's another fucking

1:08:05

thing when somebody, you know, you

1:08:08

like me for this? Yeah,

1:08:10

the operative word there is like you,

1:08:13

why are you complaining about

1:08:15

something that I like? You? You only

1:08:17

like my tits? But no, not only

1:08:20

I like a lot. What's

1:08:24

the point? So you want me to say I don't like.

1:08:26

Let's talk about all the things I don't like. It's

1:08:29

kind of like, what's happening here? What's

1:08:32

wrong with you? Let's talk about all the

1:08:34

things that went bad and wrong

1:08:36

in your life that got you to this bad

1:08:38

and wrong place. No, all

1:08:41

the things that happened where things that happen. Yeah,

1:08:44

I'm in a really great place because I'm looking at

1:08:46

myself. I have the opportunity to look at myself

1:08:48

and like, what's going on? And is

1:08:50

this the life I want to leave? Like live, you

1:08:53

know, like I had when I was drinking

1:08:55

too much just last year. It was just

1:08:57

too much and it got like where it

1:09:00

was bad. Let's just leave it. I saw some headlines

1:09:04

by the way, that necklace thing completely

1:09:06

fabric I hate it, it's not real.

1:09:10

Came up to me and said, do you want this beautiful

1:09:12

necklace. I said, yes, I

1:09:14

don't wear necklaces, but it's what

1:09:16

are those diamonds? He's like a little diamonds

1:09:18

and he put it on me and it hungllo like that,

1:09:21

and he's like, you can have it. I said, that's

1:09:23

amazing. Take my number and maybe

1:09:25

I can like tweet about it, exchange

1:09:27

numbers. And that was just there was no bicycle.

1:09:32

Assume everything turned into naked

1:09:34

on a bicycle. Oh I didn't see that. I didn't

1:09:36

driving by like the fucking witch.

1:09:44

But I'm naked, probably with a witch's hat

1:09:50

necklace off a guy's neck. Oh my

1:09:53

god, was

1:09:55

amazing. I

1:09:57

didn't know you were naked though, Well, I mean

1:10:00

fake naked. No. There's a bunch of different

1:10:02

stories, but the real one is this guy gave me necklace. Then

1:10:04

he called me and said, you know, I actually I'm gonna need like twelve

1:10:06

bucks for that, And I said, well, I didn't.

1:10:09

I'm not gonna wear it anyways. I was going to give it to my daughter.

1:10:12

Just come and get it. I don't have twelve hundred

1:10:14

bucks to spend on jewelry right now, so

1:10:16

come over. He came over to my place.

1:10:19

You know, I gave him my address and everything. He came over. I said,

1:10:22

here's your necklace. And then two

1:10:24

weeks later, cops just show up

1:10:26

and arrest me and I'm like for what. They didn't even

1:10:28

tell me what about until after

1:10:31

there. I was in there, I

1:10:33

was in jail, and they're like, it's about

1:10:35

the necklace, and I'm like, what necklace? They

1:10:38

believe the guy exactly? I said,

1:10:40

can you find the guy and

1:10:42

bring him because I gave that

1:10:44

back and I didn't take it. And

1:10:47

there and when they did arrest

1:10:49

me, I was on a bike. See how things

1:10:52

get like that? I

1:10:54

arrived back at my places. I rode around town

1:10:56

on my bike. So I was arriving at my place

1:10:58

on a bicycle and arrested. I'm going, what

1:11:01

is going on? And no one knows

1:11:03

this? And all charges were dropped

1:11:05

and they never found that guy again.

1:11:07

I said, but you have his name and you have

1:11:09

his number because he's a one filed the report. You gotta help

1:11:12

me with this. They're like, no, we don't know

1:11:14

who it is. There was no name, and then

1:11:16

nobody helped me. And then who is

1:11:18

everybody can believe? Not me? Not

1:11:21

me? If that

1:11:23

that would make mee,

1:11:25

I would be so angry I would happens

1:11:29

to me. How do you deal with because

1:11:32

become kind of thing that makes

1:11:34

me want to say, I'm out, I'm

1:11:37

bouncing like Robin Williams. That's where it goes

1:11:39

back to my joke that never got to where if

1:11:41

you want to know what to get me for Christmas,

1:11:43

get me a belt. I'm a size

1:11:46

fifteen and a half. That

1:11:49

was the more of a joke I came out. I hadn't was telling

1:11:51

everyone that one to just get over there. Yeah,

1:11:53

yeah, that's how he did it, you know,

1:11:55

yeah right, yeah. I

1:11:57

mean, do you really feel like sometimes you want to just be don't?

1:12:00

You know? I actually

1:12:02

don't. I feel super depressed sometimes, but I've

1:12:04

never wanted to actually kill myself. Sometimes

1:12:07

I have thoughts of it. I've

1:12:10

had thoughts, but never I never did. Earlier,

1:12:12

when I was younger and I was a kid. When

1:12:14

I was a kid, I was like, I was really really depressed.

1:12:17

I try to cut myself and I was like I heard,

1:12:19

I'm fine, and like I'm such a pussy about

1:12:21

being depressed that I don't have to do anything

1:12:25

right now. No. I always have the thing that I feel like

1:12:27

I wish I could die temporarily, just

1:12:30

for a period of time and then come back.

1:12:32

Yeah, just watch what people did while

1:12:34

you were going. Oh no, no, no, you know that sounds

1:12:37

great. That's actually I have cried at the thought

1:12:39

of my own funeral because I'm a huge narcissist.

1:12:41

Um. But I but no, he would

1:12:44

care. Not you, but that people really don't

1:12:46

care when somebody dies. It's my friend

1:12:48

hasn't say. I don't know if he wrote it, but he said, the Pope

1:12:51

will die and the traffic

1:12:53

will still be driving around in the Vatican.

1:12:55

Oh yeah. People care for an isolated amount of

1:12:57

time and then and then they move

1:12:59

on. I don't give It's so

1:13:02

anybody that's thinking of killing themselves because

1:13:04

fuck you to the world. The world isn't going to

1:13:06

be like, oh no, what, why would he know?

1:13:09

They don't give a ship kind of amazing advice

1:13:11

to anyone considering suicide. Yeah, you think

1:13:14

someone cares, they don't don't. So

1:13:16

the biggest fuck you you can give them is

1:13:18

live and be successful.

1:13:22

Yeah, or just live and bug them and

1:13:25

be a big pain in their ass. That's

1:13:27

also very enjoyable. So

1:13:31

I want to talk about sex more. Oh yeah,

1:13:33

because that's what this isn't about that's my that's

1:13:36

my number one favorite topic. I only

1:13:38

want to know about people sex and

1:13:41

their drug and or alcohol use.

1:13:43

That's all. This is kind of a three way interview,

1:13:45

I feel. So this is this is fun because you're asking

1:13:47

ask questions. You were talking about your dick

1:13:50

a lot early. It's nice. Well, that's

1:13:52

the thing I've

1:13:54

been asked to make. Somebody just like I said

1:13:56

earlier today said make a hold of it. He

1:13:59

said that he would like fantasy

1:14:03

about you know, he'll make one of mine. They

1:14:06

should sell like people like if who

1:14:08

they do want they do not porn

1:14:10

stars. Yeah, I know porn

1:14:12

stars at the day. I think that's like people

1:14:16

would buy your dick and masturbate

1:14:18

with Should

1:14:20

I think you would like a glass? I would glass?

1:14:23

Okay, I think that's a good idea. My

1:14:26

girl, I asked my girl because I was we

1:14:29

can talk to just candidly about sex here, right,

1:14:32

Yeah, that's the point. I was asking

1:14:34

one of my girlfriends in the past what

1:14:40

I was. I was fingering her and

1:14:42

she really, this one

1:14:45

girl from a while ago I

1:14:48

really wanted, really who really wanted me

1:14:50

to jam it faster and faster, and

1:14:52

she would just say just straight in. And I had

1:14:54

never had such explicit

1:14:56

instructions on how to finger For

1:14:58

me, it was just like to play with it

1:15:00

and get it wet. But she wanted

1:15:03

it to be She wanted me to really finger

1:15:05

fuck her time.

1:15:08

That's fingers, That's

1:15:10

what she said. She said that she had squirted

1:15:13

once this way and I was frantically

1:15:16

trying to get to that run into the race to

1:15:18

the finish. I

1:15:20

was I was going to just shower

1:15:23

in it. I was trying. That was just last

1:15:26

a couple of years ago. This

1:15:31

is podcast brought to you by Gunpowder Gunshot

1:15:33

Loday. I'm not going to be tweeting this out.

1:15:36

I'm sorry. I'm really not because she'll go

1:15:38

to it and listen to her. I

1:15:40

can't do what

1:15:45

we're talking about sex. I love

1:15:47

sex, but I don't. I don't. I don't mind talking

1:15:49

about me, I'm talking about anything.

1:15:51

But now that I'm bringing her into well,

1:15:53

I mean we we

1:15:55

we. I got in trouble a bird when I first started

1:15:57

doing this podcast with my boyfriend because I would like

1:16:00

just kind of I would talk about stuff, and I

1:16:02

thought he figured I would and

1:16:04

like the first episode, I was like, hey loves getting his ass

1:16:06

like he's never done it before, but now he loves it.

1:16:08

And I just went on and he was like, no,

1:16:14

no, no, he's not no, he's not even it's not

1:16:16

even bad. No, And he's very

1:16:18

straight. I asked him too, because I was like, would you do three with

1:16:20

me in a dude? And he's like, nah, I don't,

1:16:23

wouldn't know what to do. He's

1:16:25

not homophobic. I try it out. Has

1:16:27

he never tried it? It just he wouldn't it would

1:16:29

have turned him on. He's

1:16:31

adventurous accept that.

1:16:33

Do you think? I mean, I don't. I have a theory

1:16:35

that no one's a hundred percent trade exactly.

1:16:38

Yeah, I would say. I'm like when I

1:16:40

talked to him about him, he like, he's like

1:16:42

I I about it, No, but

1:16:44

not even vehement about it, but very logical.

1:16:47

She's like, yeah, thinking of a guy naked like jerking

1:16:49

off, It just doesn't Being naked

1:16:51

with a guy just doesn't turn me on. He almost kind of sounded

1:16:53

bummed about it because I really wanted a three way

1:16:55

with two guys.

1:16:56

I'm I wish I liked women

1:16:59

more. Yeah, I

1:17:01

wish I did too. I try conditioning.

1:17:03

I think society conditions us

1:17:05

to go pretty straight. Yeah,

1:17:08

that taboo. That's why I think this.

1:17:11

This girl is dating me and likes me because

1:17:13

there is a taboo factor. She's

1:17:15

into politics. She doesn't want to be an actress.

1:17:17

It's not the usual. That's

1:17:19

the person that gets in with

1:17:22

me. Try to climb

1:17:24

somewhere. She really does just

1:17:26

want my dick. That's what I love

1:17:28

it. Howating

1:17:31

that I totally get that. Yeah, now

1:17:34

I get the weight of that statement.

1:17:36

That's wonderful. I'm happy about

1:17:40

Yeah. And then she starts talking about politics

1:17:42

and wait, he's a president

1:17:45

of Alaska. What no of

1:17:47

the Senate? Oh, there's a president anyways,

1:17:49

let's fuck. I don't care

1:17:51

about her ship she's doing. That's

1:17:54

wonderful. Can you that in a Hallmark card?

1:17:56

Beautiful? I don't care about the ship you're doing. Let's

1:17:59

side

1:18:01

that. I

1:18:04

knew it. I knew it. Why

1:18:06

would I not be doing this. That's when I finally

1:18:08

had to say that to myself, like why she

1:18:11

we were she was flirting. I'd flirt back and

1:18:14

then but I was like, I'm just flirting. I'm

1:18:16

just kidding, and I would tell her I'm I'm kind of like

1:18:18

trying to do the gay thing right now for the last seven

1:18:20

years, so you could let me and

1:18:22

walk out of here. It's just not going to pan

1:18:25

out either of us. And

1:18:27

then on New Year's Eve of this year, we

1:18:29

had this. I was going back to my room. This is

1:18:31

when we did live together in one of the facilities

1:18:33

here, going back to my room,

1:18:36

and we had a little quick, little peck and

1:18:38

I was like, I was weird and

1:18:40

I felt like a little kid, and I got

1:18:43

then I kind of couldn't sleep. I

1:18:45

love the feelings of best and I still

1:18:47

have it. In fact, the first whole

1:18:50

month of us kind of like having these dates,

1:18:54

I was just nervous. I

1:18:56

was getting extra ready. That's

1:18:59

really, I'm starting to get comfortable.

1:19:02

I don't deserve her. I don't feel like I do. That's

1:19:05

yeah, the couples like I feel that way about

1:19:07

my boyfriend. I just wasn't. He's

1:19:09

the best. He's he's honest,

1:19:12

huge penis.

1:19:15

I mean it's the most

1:19:17

beautiful penis I've ever seen. And he's

1:19:19

so good.

1:19:22

He is in his early thirties. He

1:19:24

would be mad at me if I said. He's very

1:19:26

sensitive about his age because used to be a music whenever

1:19:29

he used to be Yeah, he used to direct

1:19:32

music videos at Deaf Jam and

1:19:35

I know he's a white nerdy loves

1:19:37

hip hop. It's like, oh, I love

1:19:39

it. Everything about him doesn't

1:19:42

direct things still, Yeah, And

1:19:44

so I met him. I was his name, stephen

1:19:47

everybody knows his name. I may say stephen On, but he's been

1:19:49

on the podcast before. He's the best. He's and

1:19:51

he's logical and he's not stubborn.

1:19:54

I can't believe it. Like when we fight and

1:19:57

he will admit he's wrong. It

1:19:59

shocks me every time. I'm because you're so used

1:20:01

to guys just sticking to their guns and

1:20:03

I'm the same way. So our fights kind

1:20:05

of yeah, you

1:20:07

guys start fighting, he's like, yeah, you know what, you're right? Yeah,

1:20:10

or or you know, he'll stand up for himself.

1:20:12

It's wonderful. We're like a

1:20:14

team. That's how I feel with this girl.

1:20:16

She doesn't take it. I said, you know, I think

1:20:18

I figured out why we like each other, because it's

1:20:21

baffles me. We're so different

1:20:23

from different worlds, different

1:20:26

generations. I'm not talking about there's

1:20:28

one, there's like two or three. That's

1:20:31

that's how big the generation gap is. Decades.

1:20:34

And I said, it's because she's such

1:20:36

a I don't give a ship kind of girl. I

1:20:39

would notice at like meetings she'd

1:20:41

be sitting alone. I'm like, when I just I can't

1:20:43

even do that. I have to sit with my guys

1:20:46

so we can joke and see. I'm not. I'm not I'm

1:20:48

a lone wolf in away, but

1:20:50

she really was. And I turned to

1:20:53

me, I'm gonna I don't

1:20:55

stay with her. Oh

1:20:59

god, damn, it's so cute. The sad

1:21:01

thing is is that thing I talked about earlier where she

1:21:03

just doesn't want

1:21:06

anyone to know really, but

1:21:08

then it makes a taboo and more fun and we're

1:21:10

in my car and nobody now. Yeah, so it's

1:21:12

more like sexy sexy,

1:21:15

very very sexy. But at some fucking

1:21:17

point, almost every day

1:21:20

I was going to say, well, her

1:21:22

parents, I'm like, I want her

1:21:25

mom had met me, her mom

1:21:27

had worked at NBC at some point, and

1:21:29

her mom said, oh, yeah, I met Andy Dick and

1:21:31

then that's all she said. Her mom is my age.

1:21:34

So I started thinking, oh, and her

1:21:36

mom was a big leg. She

1:21:39

partied. Okay, So I'm

1:21:41

like, sheet, I bet there's a

1:21:43

fucking story there. What if

1:21:46

whatever I fucked

1:21:48

your mother one of years ago.

1:21:54

Worry. Sorry, sorry, sorry

1:21:57

that wow

1:22:00

interesting. Let me tell you how how

1:22:04

about we don't And

1:22:06

I bring that up and she said, no, I don't,

1:22:09

probably not, but never not

1:22:12

that we fuked. But she

1:22:14

said that she because she doesn't

1:22:16

know that we're dating, right, the mother

1:22:18

doesn't mother. She

1:22:21

came up in I came up in conversation. She

1:22:23

said, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm I'm I'm Adam.

1:22:26

But that was okay. Well a least didn't

1:22:28

say anything negative about you. That's what I

1:22:30

said. I said, what does she say? She s on

1:22:32

me? Just tell me, just tell me the ship. No,

1:22:35

but that because the way

1:22:37

she responded, I know there's a story there, because

1:22:40

she kind of brushed it off and didn't want to talk about it kept

1:22:42

coming. Well, so I know there's

1:22:45

something interest in our

1:22:47

travels this week. I will say that

1:22:50

a lot of people have an Andy Dick story.

1:22:52

Everybody. Your name came up

1:22:54

organically when we were getting our makeup,

1:22:57

and we didn't say that we were going to meet you today,

1:22:59

and it just came up. Just tell me what I

1:23:01

said. I don't care. No, it

1:23:03

was it was nothing. It was just that you were living

1:23:06

in somebody's garage. Nope,

1:23:08

No, on a bicyle, naked on a

1:23:10

bicycle. Yeah, you were naked on a bicycle. I

1:23:15

was naked spinning, having

1:23:17

my own naked spin class and somebody's garage.

1:23:20

No. No, I lived. I

1:23:22

made a shed. I

1:23:25

took home depot shed, and

1:23:27

I made it into a dwell

1:23:30

magazine type. I

1:23:34

loved put

1:23:36

another just

1:23:39

the size of this room. You just felt like, well,

1:23:42

they my family. I

1:23:44

wasn't going out with a girl anymore. My

1:23:46

baby mama and my kids were all there, and I wanted

1:23:48

to be close to my kids. And or I was

1:23:50

in the I wasn't going out with anybody. I

1:23:53

was dating people here and there. I'd bring them back to my shed.

1:23:55

This is very well known. I did a podcast. Yeah,

1:23:59

I would say that. I yeah,

1:24:02

or Dick and I Howard

1:24:04

Stern did the podcast from my shed

1:24:06

one time because I had my

1:24:08

my My show used to be on Howard

1:24:12

you know the Dick An Addiction, what was it called

1:24:14

the Ship Show? And from my shed

1:24:17

where we're doing this from the music room of the

1:24:20

Halfway House. And

1:24:25

I made it into because I wanted to be with them, and

1:24:27

but that isolating thing they say, don't do

1:24:29

that as a quote alcoholic, you

1:24:32

know, isolate, But I did. I would. I would just be back

1:24:34

in my man cave. It was fucking awesome.

1:24:36

Look it up online. It was beautiful. You

1:24:39

look it up so

1:24:41

it doesn't turn into oh, you lived in somebody's

1:24:44

garage. No, I lived in a

1:24:46

beautiful man cave. And

1:24:48

then, by the way, I spent most of my time in the main house.

1:24:50

I paid for everything. Hi. Hi, what

1:24:54

people are constantly

1:24:57

making up ship and they're and they're

1:25:00

did they say, oh my god, and

1:25:02

my guys living in someone's good No, it wasn't like

1:25:04

No, it wasn't negative. It wasn't like a bad You're

1:25:06

just like a fun You seem like a

1:25:09

fun guy. Yeah. It was never anything

1:25:11

bad. Is that okay? I don't

1:25:13

care if people talking to all the time it

1:25:15

was her name. I can't give it. Can

1:25:18

she said my name? Tell me what's

1:25:22

her last I don't know. No,

1:25:25

I don't. I don't know any girl named that

1:25:28

except the violinist

1:25:31

Lily Hayden. She's great, we made out,

1:25:34

she's prodigy. She's

1:25:36

so good. You seem like just like a sexual, Yeah,

1:25:38

a sexual who just likes to like kind of like, who doesn't

1:25:40

like you? Have sex. If you don't like to have sex, you're not a healthy

1:25:42

person, oh completely physically

1:25:44

healthy or mentor. A lot of times people

1:25:47

don't want to have sex and they feel bad about themselves, like they're not comfortable

1:25:49

with the body. Because we get a lot of people email us all the time

1:25:51

and asking us questions, and one of the common questions

1:25:53

we get is just they're not comfortable with themselves. Yeah,

1:25:56

you have sex. That's why a lot of women can't enjoy

1:25:59

sex a lot of the time, because they're too worried about do

1:26:01

I look like they're doing porn and like

1:26:04

a woman having a real orgasm

1:26:06

sounds nothing like exactly. In

1:26:08

fact, you don't sound like a wild big

1:26:11

Yeah, you're right, and it's wonderful, Yeah, I

1:26:13

exactly. That us

1:26:16

in the car has given

1:26:18

way to not like. And

1:26:21

also the fact that I haven't had sex

1:26:23

in a long time with

1:26:25

a girl. I was like, Oh,

1:26:28

that's what she thinks she needs to be like,

1:26:30

and I kept going, can you like not do that?

1:26:33

And plus we're in a

1:26:35

public parking lot and

1:26:38

the car's already bumping or knock,

1:26:40

don't come a knock? And if this is so,

1:26:44

you know, like, can we like and just no,

1:26:46

no no no no no, no no no, let's start from

1:26:48

now, let's shake the etche sketch clean and let's

1:26:51

both. And it took me two or

1:26:53

three times before because I wasn't comfortable because

1:26:55

she's so beautiful. I'm like, what

1:26:58

what is happening here? And I

1:27:00

was like and then but I but she was completely

1:27:02

fine and

1:27:05

and doing great. But I said, you know that's

1:27:07

not I don't like that, and I don't

1:27:09

you don't need to do that? Can tell that there's

1:27:11

something that now

1:27:15

we have this awesome or

1:27:18

organic, normal, real

1:27:21

sex where like you said that sounds

1:27:23

come out of us. There are more like a

1:27:26

pig animalistic, yeah,

1:27:30

being slaughter. Yeah.

1:27:33

Do you guys are you kinky at all? Do

1:27:36

you like to incorporate toys or no?

1:27:38

Not yet. We've only been going on like three

1:27:40

months. But I don't need to and I

1:27:42

don't want to. But people don't.

1:27:44

Some people are very anti. Yeah, we

1:27:46

really went away, so it was all It

1:27:48

started off real crazy to

1:27:50

the point where I didn't like it. I said,

1:27:52

I don't, I don't want to. I don't like it. Why

1:27:55

not like what kind of crazy? Like I

1:27:57

don't need that. I like her. I

1:28:00

want to be inside of her, and I

1:28:03

want to wait trying

1:28:05

to want to suck suck your dick, and

1:28:07

you were like, no, like what happened? Even that, She's

1:28:09

like, let me suck your dick, and so you can if

1:28:11

you need to and you want to really suck it. But

1:28:14

I've had so many blow

1:28:16

jobs in my lifetime that it'll be a

1:28:18

way to kind of get me going. But then I'm gonna want to

1:28:20

suck. I'm gonna want to suck. But if you really want

1:28:22

to suck it, go ahead, because why are you there?

1:28:25

You lick my balls? I get

1:28:30

back up here. I just want to because now I'm kissing

1:28:32

my balls. You know, let's just

1:28:35

do you not like when a girl sucks your dick and then makes

1:28:37

that with you. I'm okay with

1:28:39

it, but once again, it's so

1:28:41

new and it's more precious to

1:28:43

me right now. Yeah, really

1:28:46

slow and just kind of enjoying every moment. Yeah,

1:28:48

even like a

1:28:51

little we have

1:28:53

slowed way down.

1:28:57

There's this great position that I like, I'm not going to

1:28:59

talk about it though, I don't know this

1:29:01

is a sex talk, because you don't want

1:29:03

to give it up. You don't want to don't want to give the secret

1:29:05

away. That was what I was going to say about this

1:29:08

program that I'm in in this halfway

1:29:11

is your is one of the there's these

1:29:13

twelve steps, and then there's the traditions.

1:29:16

And one of the traditions is you can't

1:29:18

talk about It's like the fight club,

1:29:20

which a, well,

1:29:23

how is it going to not become

1:29:26

not be the epidemic that it is? Then

1:29:28

if we don't talk about it and anyways, people

1:29:30

already know about me, and it's not fair

1:29:32

that you guys can talk about me and my problems,

1:29:35

but I can't completely

1:29:37

off balance. Not cool, and I'm

1:29:40

going to change that single handily,

1:29:42

it seems so one of the traditions

1:29:44

is not talking about on the on the level of press,

1:29:47

radio or film, but not

1:29:49

podcast. Oh, trans

1:29:52

media bitches know

1:29:54

that I'm scared. Is that what you needed

1:29:56

to talk to the house manager about.

1:29:59

No, I don't asked for permission. We noticed

1:30:02

that. Yeah, we walked in and they're like, there

1:30:04

are you? I'm sorry? Can I help you?

1:30:06

Know? I did? I called in them

1:30:09

here while I was driving into my group. I have to drive

1:30:11

to the group and I have to go the bathroom again. By the

1:30:13

way, it's this

1:30:15

gunshot, gunshot, I

1:30:17

do. I actually really like power

1:30:21

gun gunpowder, gunpowder, gunpowder,

1:30:24

Yeah, gunpowder dot com Right, something

1:30:26

big is happening with me and them

1:30:29

with the same two words shark

1:30:32

tank ah love

1:30:36

Barbara Coo, I'm

1:30:38

out. You just dropped the mic by guys. I'll see

1:30:41

you later. But

1:30:47

I like the idea that your show

1:30:50

is called Guys I've fucked,

1:30:54

but you didn't do it together. Did

1:30:56

we interview a guy that one of us is fucked? Yeah,

1:30:59

we're just now Why

1:31:01

how do I fit into that love? You

1:31:04

want to You're

1:31:07

not allowed to say anything because Steve no I

1:31:09

tell no, I had no I tell name.

1:31:12

I feel like after meeting you, I would have sex

1:31:14

with you. I need to meet somebody.

1:31:16

I'm not like you know, I think you would be so

1:31:19

good in bed. I really do. I got

1:31:21

I kind of had the hunch. But you're the kind of

1:31:23

person you connect with the person

1:31:26

very deeply, and it's you can just talk. I mean,

1:31:29

I feel like we've been talking for like ten minutes, like it's

1:31:31

just gone by so fast. I feel like we know each

1:31:33

other. Yeah, and you're you're trying to girls

1:31:36

love older guys and you're like,

1:31:38

that's your generation.

1:31:41

I think I'm older guys. And that

1:31:43

goes back to like the fifties when all

1:31:45

those movies were guys

1:31:47

like who are about fifty? Like

1:31:49

eighteen year old girls like Breakfast

1:31:52

at Tiffany movies,

1:31:54

all with Casablanca, right, all

1:31:56

of those movies. It's a new

1:31:58

thing now. Fucking perfect timing

1:32:00

for me. Yes,

1:32:04

but I like, oh, I almost said her name, but I

1:32:06

just really like her and I'm so lucky and it

1:32:09

feels like a relationship that's going to last

1:32:11

for years and isn't that nice? But I'm

1:32:13

a different person now, knowing going

1:32:16

into it that it's going to end. There's

1:32:18

a book that one of the nurses here,

1:32:20

Hatty said, what is this book? Just? The

1:32:22

title set said five

1:32:25

fit rules you can't avoid or something

1:32:28

to all those books right, and they're

1:32:30

all around here, everything obey, all

1:32:32

signs and plackets everywhere.

1:32:35

What does that hang? I've got to squeeze

1:32:37

over there? Am I gonna make it? Well?

1:32:39

I'm gonna yell. I'm gonnall yell

1:32:41

and then we'll we'll say the word from

1:32:44

her from his twenty

1:32:47

in the Big book Our

1:32:49

Very Lives bullshit,

1:32:54

Okay, Oh, yeah, I see, just take the plaque off the

1:32:56

wall, so now

1:32:58

we don't have to it because you

1:33:00

have to obey all posted

1:33:03

signs and plants. So now it's in your hands,

1:33:06

so we don't have to obey

1:33:08

this which says our

1:33:11

very lives has

1:33:13

has X problem.

1:33:16

I like that part because we are X

1:33:18

problem drinkers. See, that's the thing is people are misinterpreting

1:33:21

the Big Book lately, misinterpreting

1:33:23

it. I could go into that, but

1:33:26

this is not a podcast about that

1:33:28

as well. Sex, but are very lives

1:33:30

as X problem because people talk about how

1:33:32

they are alcoholic.

1:33:35

Right now, does it look like

1:33:38

I'm behaving alcoholic? No?

1:33:40

Right, we're clothed, we have not

1:33:43

on a bike. The nea

1:33:47

necklace, snatcher necklace

1:33:56

are very lives as X problems.

1:33:59

I've never read this. Too many

1:34:01

placards to read aund here.

1:34:04

I just happen to see this one. Our very, our

1:34:06

very lives as X problem. Drinkers and

1:34:09

and ex users depend

1:34:11

upon our constant thought

1:34:13

of others and how

1:34:16

we may help meet

1:34:18

their needs. To me, it's okay

1:34:21

to be a stalker. You

1:34:23

have to constantly be thinking of others

1:34:25

and now you eat their needs. No,

1:34:27

it's more of No, it's not that,

1:34:29

but I know you mean

1:34:32

see what I mean. So that basically this,

1:34:34

this is, this is, this is

1:34:36

the cornerstone of the program

1:34:38

that I fully believe. We've

1:34:40

got to get it. They talk about self

1:34:43

righteousness has to be smashed,

1:34:46

selfishness, we have to smash

1:34:48

it. We have to say,

1:34:51

yeah, I'll do those girls podcasts

1:34:54

about sex and just come over, let's

1:34:56

do it. It's gonna be fun for me in

1:34:58

the end, and but be

1:35:00

of service. That's the well

1:35:02

feel so good to do that it does.

1:35:05

That's what they talk about. Get out of self, get

1:35:07

out of self. That's what drinking for me

1:35:09

was very very very selfish. I just want to

1:35:11

feel good. I want to feel happy. I want to feel drunk.

1:35:15

Drink no matter what it's doing to the people around

1:35:17

you. Yeah, and ultimately myself it

1:35:19

ultimately doesn't feel good, and then I feel

1:35:21

like shit. And then yeah, because I think

1:35:23

sometimes it's really good to be selfish. But in

1:35:25

ways, in other types of examples

1:35:28

like that, you know, that makes a lot

1:35:30

of sense. Let's talk about fun again. Yeah,

1:35:32

let's go back to fucking Yeah, let's go back to

1:35:35

uh so, when you would have sex with guys

1:35:37

when you were no one a lot, so

1:35:39

there was no penetration.

1:35:42

Masturbating with me, yeah,

1:35:44

that should masturbating

1:35:47

with men. And then you're like leaping

1:35:49

up like the Captain Morgan guy. That'd

1:35:51

be hilarious

1:35:53

in the curt

1:35:57

a pearl necklace. Or you

1:36:00

could have a bottle of jes too, that

1:36:02

bottle that's too much,

1:36:05

too far, that'd be a lot of ships.

1:36:09

I don't like. I don't like my

1:36:11

own jice. And she's say, she's

1:36:13

like, you're just notice that you don't. Well,

1:36:16

I've like smell it and I don't like

1:36:18

it. I don't like smell a bit. I don't want it on

1:36:20

me. I don't care, but

1:36:23

I don't want it. Your preferences, like

1:36:27

do you so when you would you swallow? When

1:36:29

you'd suck? I might have in college,

1:36:33

not college. College just sounds

1:36:35

like the phrase of say the president would say,

1:36:39

yeah when I was younger, so

1:36:41

a couple of years ago. Remember

1:36:44

I'm forty nine. No no no no, no,

1:36:46

like like no, And

1:36:49

I don't even think I ever swallowed. But

1:36:52

I think it's not that bad. You seem

1:36:54

like you seem really my

1:36:56

own if I like, I imagine

1:36:58

like if I came in your off you like, oh god,

1:37:01

you would get really mad. You mean

1:37:03

squirt as a girl. If you were a guy.

1:37:05

Yeah, if I was like, oh, I don't know, I don't know that you'd

1:37:08

be like I would feel like yeah, yeah,

1:37:11

I would feel manly. Yeah, you seem like you're

1:37:14

like rolling your eyes at

1:37:16

Yeah you're gay past like

1:37:18

like it was like weird goth phase you went

1:37:20

through as a game like

1:37:23

that. Yeah, my face

1:37:26

probably knowing me. I'm going to go back to it

1:37:28

though, So I can't poop poo it too much?

1:37:30

Yeah, why do you embarrassing poop? Who is the proper

1:37:32

word? I

1:37:36

also don't like that. That's why I don't have

1:37:39

but sex often. Dude,

1:37:43

chi can happen? You've had but

1:37:46

we've had butt sex here. I know you

1:37:48

have the same space. Yeah I don't.

1:37:51

I just think it's just had a finger in your

1:37:53

ass in mind? Yeah, my own

1:37:55

do you like that? You finger? You're on ass?

1:37:58

So you put a finger in your ass, but you didn't like did

1:38:00

up what to do? Those

1:38:02

that curson therapy coffee

1:38:04

animals? So I

1:38:06

like lub it was for health purposes.

1:38:09

Don't you are like horny? No?

1:38:12

My I don't like it you don't like your ask, I

1:38:14

don't like anything. Okay,

1:38:17

every couple of times people

1:38:19

have you know, licked

1:38:22

it whatever, but you like, I

1:38:25

just get self

1:38:27

conscious. But even like right after a shower, it's

1:38:30

not like, hey, you go to the gym, can I'm like yes? Afterward?

1:38:32

It's like that, but almost

1:38:34

like too much, Like when someone plays with my

1:38:36

nipples. I don't even like that. I

1:38:39

really like that Ben Stiller movie where she's like

1:38:41

like circling his little nipple. Can

1:38:44

you like stop that?

1:38:46

I don't like it? But girls

1:38:49

do? What do you like getting done to you? What's

1:38:51

your favorite thing to get done to human bed? That's

1:38:54

funny that that phrase getting

1:38:57

something done to me? Would

1:38:59

you like to happen? Yeah? Because because

1:39:01

I like to just be in control and I

1:39:03

like to do it to them. I

1:39:05

just do. But when

1:39:08

you know, earlier with these

1:39:10

guys, I would actually like

1:39:13

girls or guys to um

1:39:17

lick my nuts. Yeah that

1:39:19

sounds so. I don't

1:39:22

know why, because it feels

1:39:24

good. Is tickle in

1:39:27

a way that I can handle. It's very when

1:39:31

when a guy will go down to me, I'll be like, like I can't

1:39:33

stunt like a tickle like sometimes my vagina is ticklish.

1:39:35

Sometimes you hit it in a spot. I'm

1:39:38

wanting to have sex again. We've

1:39:40

been having a lot of sex, that's how

1:39:42

much like how often would you every day? That's what

1:39:44

you had sex? Have you had sex today? Not today?

1:39:47

Because I had group all day? How

1:39:49

long does your sex last? Typically

1:39:52

it's because I haven't had sex in

1:39:54

a long time. And I know you're thinking, oh, you

1:39:56

came right away. No, it's been the opposite.

1:39:58

I had to re train my

1:40:01

mind, body, and soul to be

1:40:03

with a woman. My dick is going, wait

1:40:05

a minute, where's your hand? So

1:40:08

I'd have to like, okay, here's my hand. But

1:40:10

this doesn't feel it as good as this

1:40:14

does it. I'm having to dialogue

1:40:16

with my cock. See remember

1:40:19

that, go in there? Come on boy? And

1:40:22

then and then it's like and then it gets in

1:40:24

there and it's like, oh, ship, where's

1:40:26

this been? You fucking idiot

1:40:28

topping back at me like what the fuck?

1:40:31

Let's get back in there. And then so the

1:40:33

first few times was very, very awkward.

1:40:36

And did you get hard right away?

1:40:38

Yeah? I get hard literally just kissing

1:40:41

her. So that's great news.

1:40:44

Right out the bat, right off the bat, right

1:40:46

out the gate. And so here

1:40:48

here we are. And then but then

1:40:50

my mind will start spinning like, wait,

1:40:53

this isn't what I'm used to,

1:40:55

and my whole sexual

1:40:58

part of me says, this is not what

1:41:00

you've been conditioning yourself to do for

1:41:02

all these years. This is just totally not

1:41:05

right. So then I have to really

1:41:07

do have to rethink things and redo

1:41:09

it, set the reset switch,

1:41:11

and I'm doing that. So then, so

1:41:15

early on, when we were first having sex,

1:41:17

it was these bits and spurts of

1:41:20

five minute like slow

1:41:23

sex, and then suddenly I'm just

1:41:25

pounding her like a jack rabbit until

1:41:27

i can't fucking breathe. I'm almost almost

1:41:29

gonna have a cart ship sprinting

1:41:33

to the finish like because I'm like, we're gonna, We're gonna

1:41:38

dripping sweat on her, and then

1:41:40

I have to stop or I'm going

1:41:42

to pass out. So I stopped,

1:41:44

I'm laying on her, I'm dripping

1:41:47

set and

1:41:49

and uh then I I reboot,

1:41:52

I catch my breath. It takes minutes, so it's

1:41:54

five minutes of sprinting

1:41:57

and then five minutes of catching my breath and

1:41:59

then five minutes of just let's

1:42:02

but then within seconds

1:42:04

I'm back out of I'm

1:42:07

so excited about it, but I lose

1:42:09

my breath, so I never get to the coming

1:42:11

thing because I'm collapsing again and

1:42:14

I'm getting and looking. How good you're

1:42:18

your shirt right now? Very good toned

1:42:20

from fucking and the beach.

1:42:23

My boyfriend's thought, like, upper thighs

1:42:25

are like fucking sore because

1:42:27

herd is a rock. Yeah, I said

1:42:30

the tur last night, said, did you notice my legs

1:42:32

are like hard with the rock? I've never

1:42:34

had that, I told, And every

1:42:36

every morning I'm like, why am I sore in these weird

1:42:39

places because I haven't been? So

1:42:42

what makes you come? Though? Like when? So when you're

1:42:44

having that nice where you're like, it's

1:42:47

that is because because she's

1:42:49

coming and and you want

1:42:52

to keep going. She's coming a lot, and

1:42:54

then I come once

1:42:57

and then I'm done. But

1:43:00

we lay there and then I said I want

1:43:02

to funk again, so we started sucking again, but I

1:43:04

don't come again yet. There's gonna be a time where

1:43:06

I so you can get it waxed again, but

1:43:08

you can't. Actually, Yeah, we talked for

1:43:11

so when you say how long do we fun? We woke for

1:43:13

an hour or two. But it's these

1:43:15

weird bits

1:43:17

segments like segments. Yeah,

1:43:19

and and supposedly interval

1:43:22

training is really what's in right now,

1:43:24

and that is what it is. It's literal sprint

1:43:26

to the finish line and then rest,

1:43:28

sprint, rest, sprint, rest, sprint, rest,

1:43:31

And I'm in great shape. That sounds fun? Is

1:43:33

that that? You would you like that? Yeah, that sounds

1:43:35

great. But

1:43:38

I love like like taking breaks or

1:43:40

taking a second and stopping like that, and

1:43:42

then that makes the orgasm ten times better,

1:43:45

I think, because because lately I'm

1:43:48

not because it's the dick

1:43:50

and the feeling and the thing that takes

1:43:52

over that like my

1:43:55

body literally does collapse

1:43:57

like or you're going to die, as

1:43:59

opposed to now I'm going, okay,

1:44:01

let's do this rhythm. But let

1:44:03

me not get to the point of to

1:44:06

the point of dying, right I'm not

1:44:08

exactly, No, No, I'd

1:44:10

be collapsing and panting.

1:44:14

I kind of like when I've I've been in those

1:44:16

instances where I was crazy. I was going crazy,

1:44:19

like I got really nice. I wish

1:44:21

I had a video. I can imagine it though

1:44:23

in my head. But last night and

1:44:26

you're wearing chucks. Yeah, and no,

1:44:30

but I do leave my socks on and that's weirdly,

1:44:32

why do you do that? What? The fox

1:44:34

are probably like cold toes?

1:44:38

It is it does get you

1:44:41

know, it kills a bone or cold toes. Oh, I

1:44:43

know, I just in case we have to hurry

1:44:46

up, which we've had to a few times because

1:44:48

we're in my car right Oh, I mean are

1:44:50

you are you panting the time where you're panting

1:44:53

and almost dying, You're in a car STV.

1:44:57

All the seats go down and it is park

1:45:01

different places. I mean, don't you don't please, don't

1:45:03

tell you, but it's different every time, and

1:45:05

there's no one there has

1:45:07

been and we've had to quickly. And that's why I leave

1:45:09

my socks on. I should leave my shoes

1:45:11

on, but then I take everything

1:45:14

except my socks. So that's the one that I take

1:45:16

my glasses off to. I have to. I can't

1:45:18

see close up. I

1:45:21

have like this Mike is a big black

1:45:23

blur right now. Yeah, I can take

1:45:25

my glasses off and I'm like, oh my god, now I see it's

1:45:27

a big black cock right now.

1:45:31

I was thinking, it's like what

1:45:35

does I'm glad you're laugh That's

1:45:39

like the scene I wrote. I wrote a scene that the

1:45:41

first scene I've written in probably

1:45:43

five years. You want to hear it? Yeah, definitely,

1:45:47

because I got a ticket the other day. Right

1:45:50

seems to speeding

1:45:52

ticket, but the guy was so fucking

1:45:54

nice. It was on my way to do this jut

1:45:56

apataw thing for Netflix

1:45:59

high I'm back. Yes, I don't just

1:46:01

do corny little girls podcasts.

1:46:04

I've got my podcast, Mr. This

1:46:06

was just part of the welcome that stuck