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Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 233

Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 233

Released Wednesday, 11th October 2023
Good episode? Give it some love!
Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 233

Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 233

Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 233

Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 233

Wednesday, 11th October 2023
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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0:02

A Listener

0:03

Production.

0:07

Activate your internet, because

0:10

the Hamish and Andy podcast starts

0:13

in three, two...

0:18

Sorry, still buffering. One!

0:23

Ahoy to the lion, Hamish.

0:27

I'll take animals that

0:29

we think of when we say the person's name

0:31

and whose qualities the person represents.

0:34

For $100, thank you. Ando,

0:36

and might I say I am in fierce

0:39

agreement with you. I am a lion. Ahoy

0:41

to me witch, Jacko. Well,

0:44

not an animal, so... And I

0:46

wouldn't say I'm not aligned with it, and I would say

0:48

I know what we are. We're Narnia.

0:51

I am the wardrobe.

0:53

Rare for you not to give yourself

0:56

the lion. Well, step on in, guys.

0:58

Well, actually, you don't... You are magical. You don't

1:00

step on in. Does the lion ever

1:03

next come out into the real world? I think the lion lives

1:05

in Narnia, and he can't come out. Yeah, yeah,

1:07

yeah. He's the king, isn't he? I'm basing all

1:09

of this off the trailer. And

1:12

the witch probably lives in Narnia as well. Only the

1:14

kids live in the real world. You never know what

1:16

the witch is up to. I'm sure, and again,

1:18

haven't seen it, don't email in, but I'm sure

1:21

if you're in charge of that franchise, as if there's

1:23

not

1:23

a bit where they escape

1:25

into the real world. I mean, that's minutes

1:28

of screen time. If not, I never get to meet you guys.

1:31

Yeah. You guys are just all hanging out

1:33

in the world, and I'm like this... I'm

1:35

sure we bounce back and forth between the worlds,

1:38

and that's probably the cause of some

1:40

mayhem that the kids have to sort out. So

1:42

in that scenario, Andy, Man

1:44

Jack are using you to further

1:46

our own interests. Which could

1:49

be... I'll email

1:51

about that. I don't think that actually happens from my

1:53

recollection of the line of witch war. What's

1:56

your recollection? Have you... I think

1:58

they stay in Narnia, isn't it?

1:59

Yeah, I think they stay in Narnia. You don't even know

2:02

the name of the world. How can we trust your recollection?

2:04

I think in the original book,

2:07

the original book, they just stay in the world.

2:09

The lion nor the witch come into

2:11

the kids world. Ever. I don't think

2:13

ever. So they don't do a Jumanji. You

2:15

don't have a lion running through the house. No,

2:18

no, no. No, they don't do that. No opportunity.

2:21

And then Mr. Tumnus is what Jack kind of looks

2:23

like. Kind of? Yeah. It's

2:26

amazing. It's an amazing likeness. Jack,

2:32

it is an amazing likeness. No, it's not. Half

2:34

man, half goat. It does look a lot like. A fawn.

2:37

Yeah, it does look a lot like. Jacko. And

2:40

I, as the lion, am the classic

2:43

sort of half man, half lion, but born

2:45

with the head of a lion. No, you're a full

2:47

lion. You're a full lion. I'm going to take it there. Ahoy

2:49

the Inti, who told

2:51

us what he's up to at HamishNeed.com.

2:55

Ahoy. So, Hamish, Andy, and

2:57

number 60. Inti here,

2:59

big fan. And I've just been reflecting

3:02

on how the shapes of the first letter of

3:04

each of your names embody who each of

3:06

you are as people. Oh my God. For

3:08

example, there's A for Andy. A

3:11

is a strong triangular shape. I

3:13

think Andy leads the way forward, like a powerful

3:15

arrow for the team. Okay. And then

3:17

there's H for Hamish, which is another strong, robust

3:20

shape, a bit wider, which is the body of the

3:22

team and the pillars of strength. And

3:25

then I suppose there's J for Jack,

3:27

a bit more of a flimsy letter, so I'm not sure about

3:29

that one. But I think it does

3:32

look a little bit like the tail of

3:34

a weasel. Anyway, boys,

3:36

love your work. Ciao, ciao. So

3:38

creative. It's J, not flimsy. It's

3:40

pretty flimsy. It is. You couldn't

3:43

balance it. Like, it needs someone else to stand. That's

3:45

true. Honestly, Jack, in engineering terms, you've got the A-frame, well

3:47

known, well known how to

3:55

house structure, especially for alpine regions.

3:58

You've got an H-beam, which is like an... I've

4:00

been like one of the strongest structures you can have

4:02

in bridge construction You

4:04

don't see a lot of J stuff. No, see

4:06

that can crack under pressure The J

4:08

is more of a hanging letter like you it would

4:11

hang nicely from something Well, but

4:13

you wouldn't well known a J can hang Yeah,

4:15

it hogs itself onto other things It

4:19

hogs a ball It kind

4:21

of hangs off It kind of

4:23

hangs off So,

4:25

Inti has raised some interesting

4:27

points there I think it's super creative and certainly

4:30

unprovoked Just

4:33

one, have a go at the structural

4:37

integrity The first letter of

4:39

your name is one of the more

4:42

outrageous terms But

4:44

you still feel everything in my body

4:47

feels like I need to defend it There

4:50

are so many great Jacks and John

4:52

and Janet Jacks already thinking

4:55

about how weak an eye is for Inti You're

4:57

like, oh really mate, you wouldn't

4:59

hold up too much stuff Bet

5:02

you wish you were an age Hey,

5:07

I asked for the top of the show today Because I

5:09

was recently moving house Going

5:12

through boxes of stuff that you realise

5:14

you shouldn't have probably moved from the other house

5:16

And I discovered that it was very exciting You

5:20

actually sent me a few artifacts

5:22

from along with Jenny And he's been sending me some,

5:24

it's like a modern day archaeological dig And

5:26

he's just like holding up a Dave Hughes DVD

5:30

I think, should I keep this? Just

5:34

the important things made it across Did

5:37

you keep the Hughes DVD? No, that

5:39

is not made it across You

5:42

can probably stream it now I

5:44

think I said Hughes, do you want this? I think

5:47

I sent it to him And he said, what do you

5:49

mean you're throwing it out? And I didn't

5:52

If you wrote back name three jokes from

5:54

this Then I don't reckon it would be good What

5:57

I found was this old computer

5:59

companion.

6:00

Oh, gross. Yeah,

6:03

that's the tooth. Tooth where

6:06

I... That was your fake tooth. Yes, my fake

6:08

tooth. It was purpose-built for

6:10

me. I lost my front left tooth after

6:12

an eye socket incident. I flipped over.

6:15

That you and I... Well, I wasn't... I flipped over. I flipped

6:18

over. Well, we weren't playing a match. We're

6:22

having a tap around in this little bit. We

6:25

were only on the court for two minutes remembering the not

6:27

on the court. That's

6:30

how little we know about the sport. We

6:32

didn't even know what the surface was playing on the

6:34

court. Yeah, so we tap

6:36

around for our stand by our ice lucky team.

6:39

Which, you know, we talked about

6:41

before on the show. Then there was a slip

6:43

over and I used to slip forward. Bad

6:45

part of it. We don't know

6:47

why you flipped. So you slipped over,

6:49

bit of a mill house. Bang. Tooth's

6:52

gone. And I turned

6:54

up for skating practice the next week. Jack, you were

6:56

there. I think Jez might have come as well. But the

6:59

gusto was out of the team. I jumped around here. Andy,

7:03

it turns out how easy it was to get injured. Even just during

7:05

your tap around. Yes. So I found

7:07

this. A lot of good memories, Ham. I

7:10

remember when we had meatloaf on the show. We

7:15

were wearing mince meat on our feet for

7:17

mince loafers. For meatloafers. And

7:20

he didn't really acknowledge them. That

7:22

was a strange one wasn't it? When

7:24

he came in and we'd gone and bought four packs of mince. And

7:28

just essentially cut a slip from the

7:30

supermarket. Just cut

7:32

a slip in the plastic. Split our feet in. We're having a right old

7:34

giggle before he came in going, look

7:36

at this. Meatloafers. He

7:38

loved it. He's going to

7:41

love this. To

7:43

be fair, if I was in his position and someone

7:45

walked in and they'd made a shoe based

7:47

pun of my name. I don't know what. It's

7:50

not what you can do. I don't

7:52

know what we expected. That's great. He's

7:56

like, oh, he's just doing his goal. He's like,

7:58

guys, two with me.

7:59

You guys

8:00

are the king. And this was before

8:03

he had the kind of non-performance

8:06

at the AFL Grand Final that kind of ended any

8:08

trips to Australia for him. So

8:11

he was still big at the time. He just didn't acknowledge

8:13

them. You and I got the giggles. And when you're

8:15

trying to hold in a laugh, you've got a pressure

8:17

in your mouth and my tooth flunked

8:20

out. Couldn't handle the heat. That

8:22

was exciting for a meatloaf. It also used

8:24

to come out during talk breaks on the radio

8:26

and I've got one here for us. It

8:29

would fling out quite a bit. I mean, at the start

8:31

of this, you were bragging about how well it was custom made

8:33

for my mouth. I don't think it was. I think it

8:36

was just off the rack and the guy went, yeah,

8:38

yeah, yeah, it's custom. Because that thing flew out all the time.

8:40

He had some live flings. This was one of them. Why

8:43

does Christmas have a monopoly on

8:45

the word merry? Maybe it's because everyone

8:47

sits down and there's a lot

8:50

of maybe being merry. Merry just had to

8:52

stay with mine. No, I enjoy the sitting aspect

8:54

of meeting. I know you do. Sorry,

8:56

everyone. You've lost your tooth. I didn't catch it

8:58

with my left hand. Yeah, that's not cool, mate. It would

9:00

fly a lot. It would fly a lot. And what I thought,

9:02

Haim, I mean, it's there.

9:14

There's people out there that don't have a

9:17

front left tooth. They're missing it. Maybe temporarily.

9:20

Maybe they've just missed it. They're missing it this week

9:22

and I'd like the popper. Oh boy. Oh boy.

9:25

I'm like, we thought

9:27

trying to make Jack take a second hand

9:29

toilet was bad. Now this thing,

9:32

how old? It's 12 years since it's cut

9:34

through any food. Yep. 12 years

9:36

since it's been used. Yeah, which is great. I mean,

9:38

it's better than if it was being used for 12 years because then

9:41

I like it. When you're

9:43

when you're obviously buying a car, less

9:46

mileage, the better. Sure. So

9:48

you reckon still got plenty of good jump and lift. Oh,

9:50

yeah. And today I want to launch this.

9:54

Hi, I'm Andy Lee and I'm pleased

9:56

to launch the Fill the Gap initiative today.

9:59

There are times in life when you might find

10:02

yourself toothless. You could, for

10:04

example, be playing ice hockey with a close

10:06

friend called Hamish who passes the puck behind

10:08

you and you lean back to try and get it because

10:10

the pass was so bad and you end up

10:12

falling and smashing your teeth in and he never

10:15

apologizes for the pass being that bad or

10:17

offers to pay your dental bills. Well, let

10:19

us build a gap. If

10:23

you're missing a front left tooth, the number nine

10:26

central incisor, or find yourself missing

10:28

a front left tooth, the number nine central incisor,

10:31

we'll fill the gap. The

10:33

gap between the original and your replacement

10:36

and the gap in your face.

10:40

Are you offering to pay money for people's

10:42

dental stuff? No, I would have spent this hour.

10:45

No, you're not. It's a bit clear. So

10:47

in between getting, there's an awkward

10:50

moment when you've lost a tooth in between getting into

10:52

the dentist to actually get it properly fixed,

10:54

you have a gap. We're going to fill the gap between

10:57

one being knocked out and the

10:59

new one being replaced. We're also going to

11:01

fill the gap in your face. So this is not a one off. You

11:03

want people to use it and then send it back. They

11:05

have to send it back. Yes. You're

11:07

going to run the admin on this? Yes. So, so

11:09

what, Mike? Hamish

11:11

doing calls, taking applications

11:15

and then what, like run an Excel spreadsheet

11:17

or like an iCal who's got the tooth, wins

11:20

it due back. Similar to when we did money for

11:22

the mullets for money for mates. Yeah, we did rent

11:24

out my mullet. It got

11:27

frozen in hairspray and put onto

11:30

a swimming cap. So

11:33

we'll, Hamish,

11:35

if people want to, if we still have that

11:37

mullet too, I mean, if you're in a situation where you're

11:39

bald and missing a tooth

11:43

and you would like both, it's pretty close

11:45

to identity theft, to be honest. Getting

11:47

very close to using. That's a lot of our features.

11:50

That's a great idea. So people can write in if

11:52

you're missing. Special preference will be given to you if you're

11:55

bald and you could use the mullet and

11:57

the tooth. Be warned though, it's a

11:59

short term. Mullet where because your head

12:01

gets very hot swimming cap It

12:04

doesn't breathe and so yes,

12:06

hey machine calm The mullet

12:09

yes special consideration for those that are bald,

12:11

but you have to upload a photo

12:13

proving the loss of teeth I don't want to

12:15

act will it fit into anyone's mouth. I

12:18

hope so Right, so

12:20

it's a Cinderella situation Clear

12:23

enough like so close enough should be good

12:25

like if you well, I mean it's

12:27

not a Cinderella That's the opposite

12:30

I mean the ugly sisters tried to jam their foot in but

12:32

they were found out If it turns out

12:34

to be a perfect fit while we're doing

12:37

this rental program that person can

12:39

keep it forever They're the Cinderella

12:41

lovely but in the meantime you've got a chance

12:44

I mean just slip it in when you're taking a group photo

12:46

just so it helps You know feel

12:48

that awkwardness where you've got a tooth missing front

12:50

could I throw something else out here? I look

12:52

for the record. I still think me giving away the NSYNC

12:55

orator on the show was the best thing We've ever given away.

12:57

I actually think we've a very happy customer

12:59

out there that did fill their sink gap It'll

13:02

be better than the stick you gave away I

13:05

think people love six months. I'm

13:07

not sure about six However,

13:10

well, we might be Forgot

13:14

about People

13:16

we had a lot of people who had a good use for

13:18

a stick Oh, yeah, probably the person

13:20

that got the worst end of the stick was I can't

13:22

remember who had to send them out I had to post back It

13:27

was like sticks out. Can

13:29

I just throw this out there? Maybe we use this.

13:31

Maybe we don't but

13:34

the

13:36

It's pretty pretty normal For those

13:38

that have been to the Northern Territory to Darwin and

13:40

the surrounding areas in croc country She

13:42

as a souvenir by a croc's tooth. They

13:44

do fall out. You can buy a croc's tooth necklace

13:47

like a shark's tooth necklace Since

13:49

we're going to Darwin, I mean, I know

13:51

you've got your program here But if it hasn't

13:54

been rented out, it's a credit do we make

13:56

a necklace out of it that

13:58

we then present to to the

14:01

croc operators that we're doing the piece to, or from,

14:03

which like, you know, it's

14:05

a way for us to show respect

14:08

to the crocs is to give a tooth back. I

14:11

don't know exactly how it works if we make a crocodile

14:13

with a necklace. That is the perfect

14:15

switch. Or if we cut

14:18

it in two, and we make an

14:20

handy tooth necklace to the operators,

14:22

so spectacular gets one and original

14:25

gets one. I think this is a great idea.

14:29

We wanted a plaque to put up at

14:32

the bridge, it's representing

14:34

the teeth. Put your tooth in the plaque. Well,

14:37

yeah, and then I think you're right. I think if they've got a baby

14:39

croc each that we can have it

14:41

wear, if the tooth is worn, a

14:43

necklace worn. As a symbol, that is true,

14:46

a photo opportunity. So we just have a

14:48

shot of a croc wearing a human tooth necklace.

14:51

Yes. Isn't that Jack's

14:53

nodding along, he's giving it a top shot. I'm

14:55

a bit confused by a tick on him. He

14:58

just saw Jack's hand in his hands, going, oh,

15:00

I'm so tired, I want to go home. I

15:08

think we get

15:10

a baby croc wearing a human tooth necklace.

15:12

Yes, and then that's the photo

15:14

opportunity. And then, I mean, that's not confusing,

15:17

Jack. No, you're right. And then we put the necklace

15:19

on a plaque, and that plaque is potentially

15:22

on the bridge if we manage to get

15:24

peace in the north. Sorry,

15:27

I thought you were still dividing that tooth

15:30

into, and then I was thinking, is it two different crocodiles

15:32

held by each owner, or is it one crocodile

15:34

with two necklaces? I understand.

15:37

And you were up early. And also,

15:40

there was a lot of options flying

15:42

around there. Originally,

15:44

I was thinking each owner could

15:46

wear half the tooth. Oh, I know.

15:48

You see friendship necklaces

15:51

sometimes, or two lovers would wear

15:53

and bring a heart together. I

15:56

like that symbolism, but I don't want

15:58

to cram too much into it here. Yeah. And

16:00

then I also think of people on the tour go,

16:02

hey, what's with your necklace cards? Half of

16:04

Andy Lee's old fake tooth. For

16:07

anyone not familiar with the story, it's just

16:09

going to be a nightmare for them to explain the backstory.

16:13

I think it's simple. We keep it as one tooth, make

16:15

a necklace out of it, and then each person,

16:18

each operation gets to hold,

16:20

have a photo with a baby croc with

16:22

the human tooth necklace around its neck. That's

16:25

a lot easier to explain. Yeah. It's just a

16:27

fun photo.

16:34

Gentlemen, before we go on, I

16:36

think I need to bring something to my attention.

16:39

And I think you know what this could be. The

16:42

emails get so 50-50, so I probably

16:44

only think 50% of this. But it

16:47

seems that, it

16:50

very much seems that last episode's

16:53

hypothetical game of what job

16:57

could you fake your way through for a day? Last

17:01

week has upset some

17:04

people, some GPs, some

17:06

doctors. Builders haven't come after.

17:09

Have not come after Jack. Not

17:11

to my reading of the emails, but there's certainly a few

17:13

coming from games. Didn't come after

17:15

me. You seem to be safe from the

17:18

Ponzi community, Endo, but definitely some

17:20

doctor ones landing on my

17:22

side of the fence. And I think

17:26

what has also happened, which doesn't help from some

17:28

of the emails, some of the kind

17:31

ones explaining what's happened, pointed

17:33

to the fact that part of that episode then got transcribed,

17:36

I think, and put on

17:39

a doctor's Facebook page that all doctors look

17:42

at. So not necessarily listen to the show, but regardless,

17:44

one of the different... Different to a dentist Facebook

17:47

page, you can never see their face. Or

17:50

a whole different dentist Facebook page. We

17:52

would have heard from them by now. I think

17:54

we have to stay up front. We love doctors.

17:57

We respect them. We love doctors. Here's the thing. You

17:59

realise that. one. Don't start another vein.

18:01

Let me do the apology. Okay.

18:05

Okay. So the I think

18:08

the thing when you go, this has been transcribed, you go,

18:10

oh, God, this has got out of hand. Like when

18:12

something gets transcribed from a silly environment like

18:14

our show and then you see it in writing, you're

18:16

like, okay, yeah, it's time to this is no,

18:19

no, there's no one no one wins out of this. This doesn't end

18:21

well. So I reckon in that instance,

18:23

you go, we've got two choices here. You

18:25

dig in or you apologize.

18:27

Yeah. Spin the wheel. I'm

18:33

not going to say we love it. We love a dig

18:35

in on this show. We've done a few dig in. But

18:37

in this case, I think it's a very, very

18:40

easy choice for apologize

18:43

because number one, obviously,

18:46

as you mentioned, we've loved doctors and

18:49

very like to see what I love

18:51

to see when they do bottom. And also zero interest

18:54

if this has upset people and it has upset this percentage

18:56

of people. We

19:05

have zero interest in having people hurt.

19:07

That's the main truth. I am now worried about the

19:09

head of Ponzi schemes, though.

19:11

You can hurt them. So that's

19:14

what that's where I'm at. Now, normally this leaves you with

19:16

a few choices on this show. We'd like to do attempted

19:19

to throw a mic under the bus here and just get he told me to

19:21

say. It

19:24

was my mouth. I must take responsibility. I

19:28

don't know. It is nice to have scapegoat on the

19:30

team. Maybe

19:33

just read for the teleprompter. So

19:35

Mike puts Mike in front of him. Look,

19:39

the other option that some suggested

19:41

was an apology song. Some of the more

19:44

the lighter hearted emails said, oh, maybe you can do

19:46

an apology song. Then you look at some of the other thing

19:48

about this was is obviously because the

19:50

general practitioner community, they're a highly intelligent.

19:54

Very articulate. Oh, no, no, they

19:56

were very detailed and made some very great

19:58

points and were very informative. and I read

20:00

the emails and I take them on board and

20:02

reading those emails that really were listing

20:05

in great depth what the work the incredible work

20:07

that a GP does. They didn't put Google

20:09

at the end of there. No, they didn't. No

20:11

part of me was going, I think these guys

20:14

want a funny song. That's

20:21

why I'm like, no, no, okay, so, Linus,

20:24

be really clear. You know, obviously

20:27

we were making a joke, obviously we were doing a funny

20:29

silly thing about what

20:31

jobs could we bluff our way through for

20:34

a day. And in my mind at the time, you know,

20:37

and you and I, one of our favorite things in the world is replacing

20:40

any form of training with overconfidence. And

20:43

that's really the area. It's been a landmark

20:46

and a hallmark of our character over the

20:48

years. Can I say this? I actually

20:52

agree with you. We, you know, GPs

20:54

don't upset them. They do an amazing job. But

20:56

I do want to say this. Not

20:58

everyone's getting this. We, if

21:01

if if... Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't want this

21:03

to be a landslide

21:05

of people wanting apologies for us because

21:07

we say stupid stuff all the time.

21:10

Especially if you go back in time and then we'll be doing apologies

21:12

for the rest of the year. Let's do one a year. Oh. I'm

21:16

happy to use my one for this. The

21:18

group one. We have one each year. I'm happy to use

21:20

the group one for this. I think in

21:22

that environment of us, of me going,

21:24

hey, this is a this is something I think I

21:26

could get through one day with no training. People,

21:29

certainly some GPs heard that as going, you don't

21:31

need training to be a GP, which is obviously not

21:33

true. Let's just say for the record, not true. Not

21:35

what I think. You obviously need

21:38

lots of training. And I also

21:40

say that for building. So

21:43

I have decided to dig in. It's

21:46

actually a dig in, which is fine. You're already

21:48

on a pre-dug environment, often on a building

21:50

site. Usually, if you're French,

21:53

I, you know, yes, we have

21:55

a laugh, but more than that, we don't want upset people. So

21:58

doctors, here's how I look at it. They

22:00

took an oath to do no harm. I broke their

22:02

oath on them and I feel for those

22:04

of you that heard that now I heard I'm very sorry, but

22:07

you heard that and I've had some great conversations with GPs

22:10

some kind of than others On

22:13

Emma, but I have learned a lot from the kinder

22:15

ones You know, it's

22:17

into the playing the game last week. I think the last

22:19

step here is to formally retract my

22:21

answer. Okay Well,

22:25

I mean I'm retracting it because you obviously

22:28

you know I can't I was just for the record in

22:30

case anyone was misled by what's like I don't actually

22:32

think people without training can be GPs So

22:35

even for a day even for a funny day, can you

22:37

get through the day? Yeah, you need nine years

22:39

of training and obviously from talking

22:41

to the doctors They did many many things saving

22:44

things and let's not even do the test because

22:46

the patients Wouldn't want that.

22:48

Yeah, I think you would be bummed out if you're

22:50

a patient you turned up to a GP You're like today. We're

22:52

doing a test where this idiot The

22:54

doctors of the day for the real GPs that can

22:56

be the big enough firefighters. They did

22:59

nothing Well,

23:01

I think there might have been you but we'll revisit But

23:06

yeah, no nine years of training extremely high

23:08

conditions incredible job they do so I

23:10

retract that what's my answer yeah, what's your new

23:12

answer or Last week because

23:15

I obviously don't actually think I could be a GP

23:17

for a day lawyer. It's okay with you and I Would

23:20

like to join your Ponzi scheme Yeah,

23:24

could I join? Andy Lee Ponzi's

23:26

can we would be able to take many people down? That's

23:29

easy. Okay. Well, just let's

23:31

not if I could also just I

23:33

mean you're the boss of the Ponzi scheme But if

23:35

we are going around to trick people out of money to

23:37

invest let's not do GPs The

23:41

thing at the moment, but just I just

23:43

thought we're all becoming friends again and moving forward

23:46

the last thing they need Is a Ponzi

23:49

knock at the door from a cup of the Ponzi, but I'm

23:51

not saying that should be our name either It's a giveaway

23:56

So to end and oh what am I

23:58

gonna say very sorry

23:59

I love GPs.

24:02

Hey,

24:07

five weeks ago, this whole whole thing

24:09

started where we initially spoke

24:11

to a young fellow called Josh, who said

24:13

he had a special skill, which I went, turns

24:17

out I should have gone, because

24:19

it was in fact very difficult

24:22

to smell a $20 note or

24:24

to identify a note just by sniffing

24:26

it. He joins us in the studio. Joshua,

24:29

how are you? Ahoy, boys. Ahoy, Josh. We've

24:32

now learned that you

24:34

are one of a very special band, a note sniffer.

24:37

And they're tough. You're a special breed. They're

24:40

tough to identify. It's been one that's

24:42

gone around the office now, and I'm glad it's stuck with note

24:44

sniffer and not anything else. Yep. He's

24:47

a sniffer. Josh, did you hear me? Like

24:50

in the banking game, you were, well, it was cloudy.

24:52

You were either asked to leave or you agreed to leave

24:55

the bank due to all the note sniffing or it

24:57

just... Look, it was mutually great upon us. I didn't think it was

24:59

just put upon us or... Yeah, absolutely. Onwards and upwards,

25:01

I reckon. Josh, did

25:03

you see or hear my attempt of

25:05

this a few weeks back? I heard

25:08

it, yes. Yeah. Weird thing I went

25:10

wrong. 16 years in the bank. Yeah.

25:14

Not enough on notes, and

25:16

you can't just expect a stroll in, whether

25:18

you're a dog or not. I didn't even take a different

25:21

scent, though. That's the problem I have with it, Haym.

25:23

That's why sometimes, like

25:25

we've said for the Olympics, it's nice to have a slow

25:28

person in lane 10 running alongside the

25:30

fast person to establish how fast they're going. I

25:32

couldn't even tell a difference in the scent

25:34

of all the notes. And I've got to

25:36

know, we've proved this before with

25:39

the pizza select, I managed to smell

25:41

exactly what type of pizza it is through

25:43

the box. So Josh has got something special,

25:45

if you can pull this off. Yeah, I did actually smell

25:47

a bit of a difference, but I know what you're saying, Andrew.

25:52

It was hard for the every man. Now,

25:54

we've got the stacks of notes in front

25:57

of us here again, Josh, today. The piles of

25:59

money have been bought back in. Jack has been instructed

26:01

to sit over the other side of the desk. Did you

26:03

do a sticky fingers

26:06

situation we saw during the setup last

26:08

week? He caused those, came

26:10

flashing back to him I think. You can take the boy

26:12

away from the candy bar. He

26:16

will remember his guilt. Straight

26:19

away, we just saw Jack's hand dart

26:21

out. Put the money straight

26:23

in the sock and then say cinema 4 please.

26:26

Before he realised where he was. We

26:29

have the stacks again. There

26:32

are 10 of each denomination. I only

26:34

just learnt today when I was like, I had them in a pile, that

26:37

every note is a different size. I knew fives were

26:39

a little up, but I didn't know every single note is different. And

26:42

they go top to bottom. Yeah,

26:44

so hundreds are the biggest and then they get smaller as they get down

26:46

to fives. We wondered how big a million dollar note would

26:48

be if you were going by the same ratio. It

26:51

seems like they grow 5 mil per

26:53

denomination. Every time you double

26:55

it. You would get there pretty

26:57

quickly. Well perhaps, Andrew, when

26:59

you're out this weekend, you could let us all know what

27:03

a million feels like as you take them

27:05

out to the ATM. Alright,

27:09

so we've got a bunch of the notes.

27:12

It's going to be pretty simple here Josh. We'll blind

27:14

you. We'll blindfolds you. Wow,

27:17

wow. I remember how

27:19

bad you were before. I've been no cheating.

27:22

So we're going to throw some acid in your eyeballs. We've

27:25

got a little bit of coffee here to neutralize the scent. But

27:28

I will be using hot pokers unfortunately. We've

27:30

turned off the smoke alarm because I think there's going

27:33

to be a little bit of smoke. Yeah, when

27:35

he's eyeballs, yes, are removed. Okay,

27:37

now we'll run the honor system, but we will run

27:39

the blindfold on you. At

27:41

the end, we'll grant you your vision back. I've

27:44

been already emailing in. They

27:48

were very particular about this one. They

27:50

were saying don't let him hold him. Now we realize

27:52

now of course they are different in size. So

27:55

Hamish will be holding it. I'd be impressed at that,

27:57

but I will still hold it. Hamish will hold the stacks

27:59

up to you.

27:59

hours.

28:01

I mean, if he turned to one, it's just

28:03

how you're going to run it. Is it just basically just going to say,

28:05

I'm going to go here, stack one, here, stack

28:07

two, here, stack three, four, five. And you

28:10

just could tell us which stack was the 20. So if

28:12

he arrived at the 20, can he just go that's it?

28:14

That's all. Let's just say I happen to hold it up as stack

28:16

one, which I may or may not do. You feel

28:19

confident before all the stacks have been done. You just

28:21

yell, that's the 20. You might want to wait till the end.

28:23

I'll let you choose how you prefer to play. When

28:26

you were at the bank on your lunch break, how did you do it? Hey,

28:29

something's going on. Well,

28:31

not your money. I'm just throwing this in here, but as

28:34

an exciting thing for the listeners, should

28:36

you do a prerecorded, tell us what stack

28:39

it is right now so everyone knows what

28:41

Josh is going for? Yeah, I'll do that. That

28:44

is exciting. And then we can see

28:46

if he can pull it off. Hamish is doing that now.

28:49

So those playing along at home,

28:51

which I hope is every $20 in stack number four.

28:57

Good luck, Josh.

28:59

OK, would you like to get the Peter

29:01

Alexander top of the line? Very

29:03

must be nice blindfold. Wow.

29:06

And Hamish, you said that you were going to take control of

29:08

the opener for Josh for this time. Oh,

29:10

sorry, Josh. You can remain blindfolded while

29:13

we play the musical sting to introduce the

29:15

game. Now, usually it's all

29:17

about the person. But

29:20

I've actually made mine about Andy's terrible performance

29:22

the other week. Jack and I have put this

29:24

together ourselves. Josh, you do get a mention

29:26

too, but just a heads up to you, Andy. Mostly

29:29

it's about you. Sniff it. Ma,

29:31

mama mama. Mama mama mama mama. Mama mama

29:34

mama. Mama mama. Mama mama.

29:36

Mama mama. Mama mama. Mama

29:39

mama. Mama mama. Mama mama. Mama

29:41

mama. Mama mama mama. Mama mama mama.

29:44

Mama mama mama. called

30:00

Bad Sniffer. They would be very confused.

30:03

Okay, those guys. Okay, don't

30:05

be the Bad Sniffer. I'm gonna hold up now,

30:08

stack number one. Here

30:10

we go. Have

30:12

a good sniff. It's really in there.

30:15

Really in there? Mm-hmm. Okay.

30:19

Would you like coffee between the sniffs to cleanse

30:21

the nose? No, no, I would just go

30:23

straight up. They would have done that, I think. Stack number

30:26

two. Yes.

30:30

No.

30:31

Stack number

30:34

three. Mm.

30:38

You're from Tempo, okay? Okay.

30:42

Stack number four.

30:47

This is interesting.

30:48

Take

30:51

a quick look.

30:52

Stack number five.

30:58

No.

30:59

Okay. We are

31:01

out of stack. Can

31:04

we set a couple of them? You said okay, you didn't dismiss

31:06

them. So what would you like to do, Josh? You can take

31:09

your time. Can we go for a round two

31:11

and go one and three?

31:13

Yeah.

31:15

Do you know what order you picked about? No,

31:19

ruin my flow. Stack number

31:21

one.

31:25

Lean in towards one.

31:27

Stack number three. Mm.

31:33

All right, yep, okay.

31:35

Any other stacks you'd like to reference?

31:38

Uh...

31:39

Oh.

31:41

Now you've made me doubt myself. No, no, stick with your

31:43

gun. If you wanted to run through them again, I mean, it's

31:45

a one... You've gone on

31:47

a train down from the Central Coast. We've

31:50

spent a lot of time on this. It doesn't have to be rushed. Normally,

31:52

I am trying to wrap things up. Well,

31:55

let's go backwards and just test the order. So

31:58

five down to one. Five down. one. Okay

32:01

five now. Yeah five. Back number

32:03

five.

32:07

I think so. Doesn't think so. Back number

32:09

four. Back

32:14

number three.

32:19

Back

32:22

number two. I

32:26

don't think so. And stack number one.

32:30

All right. I'm

32:33

as certain as I can be. Okay Josh. So

32:35

drum roll or do we? Yeah yeah good. Well done.

32:38

This isn't a producer Josh. Um

32:40

drum roll you may remove

32:43

the blindfold because there's nothing on the table that wasn't

32:45

there before. Which

32:48

stack do you think it was? I think

32:50

it was the stack of 20s. He's

32:53

good and what number was that?

32:55

Uh I'm gonna say number three.

32:59

That

32:59

was the 10.

33:05

Not

33:10

quite the impressiveness. Uh it

33:12

was actually stack number four. Oh I

33:14

just missed it. You just missed it both

33:16

times very quickly. You are the bad

33:18

sniffer. But I'm just going. You

33:20

accidentally became the bad sniffer. Just

33:23

like Andy Lee. Yes. Um when

33:26

did you leave the bank? Uh

33:28

just before the GFC so. Oh they

33:31

just laid it. Oh yeah. Oh so you

33:33

know you know that it's been

33:35

out of practice. Yeah.

33:38

Do you think you can do it? Do you want to sniff them again now? Sniff

33:41

the 20s now. Don't

33:44

count them. What are you Josh? Just

33:46

taking the old ones there. The new ones. Oh you don't like the

33:48

new ones do you? Yeah. Yeah

33:50

see they've got a

33:54

definite match head smell. No no no you

33:56

just make it up. You'll make it up. Well. Because

34:00

there was some new 20s in there, you reckon

34:03

that threw you off? No, there's no loophole

34:05

in there. I'm willing to go with that.

34:08

Josh, get out. There was

34:10

more than half new ones. No, Josh,

34:13

take a token of no value. It's pretty imperceptible.

34:16

This has been a long, long run up to

34:18

extreme disappointment. Yeah,

34:21

we realise now we're putting a lot of eggs in this basket.

34:24

It's too much. The

34:26

finale, you couldn't sniff it, you couldn't sniff it, Josh. Yeah,

34:28

and if someone writes from going, I can do it, you're not getting

34:30

a go. Mate, yeah,

34:32

I tell you what, if anyone else is

34:34

writing with this skill, for

34:37

us to go back into this arena

34:39

and risk the disappointment again of letting

34:41

people down, they've got to provide the money and

34:43

we keep it if they can't do it. That's

34:46

got to be the condition. Josh, thank you

34:48

for covering it, buddy. Just token of no value, $5

34:50

for your time. Thank you so much, very much,

34:53

guys.

34:58

An exciting email came in at HamishDandy.com. We get

35:00

many exciting emails. We

35:02

bloody love them. This show is

35:05

only good because of the correspondence we get, so

35:07

thank you for going to HamishDandy.com. But it's

35:09

with regards to Chit Chat Champions.

35:11

Oh, great, we haven't played for a while. In fact, we should

35:13

play today. Let's do

35:15

it. Chit me with your best chat,

35:18

matter of way, Chit Chat

35:20

Champions.

35:23

It came in from Amelia. She says, G'day

35:25

Hamish, or Ahoy Hamish Dandy, number six. My

35:28

name is Millie, and I'd like to nominate myself

35:30

and my dad to Chit Chat

35:32

Champion. Don't think we've ever had

35:35

family members face off. They said

35:37

they're both champions. She said we're both champions of idle

35:39

Chit Chat. We believe we could

35:41

be the best you've ever had. However, we

35:43

don't know who is better between the two of us. They join us

35:45

now. Millie, ahoy to you. Ahoy.

35:49

What makes you good at Chit Chat? I mean,

35:51

is it a line of work, or has it been passed

35:53

down from father to daughter? Originally,

35:55

it was passed down from my dad.

35:58

I listen to him chat all day, non-stop.

36:36

That

38:00

was Ross's dad. Ross's dad hit him for

38:02

sixes again. Look at him. It was under

38:05

12's father-son. My dad was doing the correct

38:07

thing you do where he'd hit up catches and hope that

38:09

you go out. You had to retire

38:11

at 30. Ross's dad hit him...

38:17

for four sixes. Yep. Then

38:19

he'd a four. And

38:22

then hit him for six. So he got the maximum.

38:25

He'd get the maximum. And

38:29

then walked off and said, that's how you do it. So,

38:33

that's the kind of... And that's why Ross never

38:35

got the cat. Sean,

38:38

I want that type. Definitely. Yeah, ruthlessness.

38:41

And we play this. We'll let Millie go first. We'll put

38:43

Sean on hold. Millie, you'll

38:45

hear the start of a conversation. Of course, you'll be judged

38:47

on when you jump in, whether it's smooth,

38:50

but and you can never ask a question in

38:52

your answer. You ready to go?

38:53

Brilliant. Yes. Let's go. Good luck.

38:56

Hey, Em. Okay,

38:58

mate. I was reading an article during the rate that

39:00

it can get from Melbourne to London in

39:03

just two hours of travel in the future. I

39:05

suppose, point the cup into space and come back down.

39:08

That's actually interesting, because I'm off to

39:10

London at the end of this year. I'm over there visiting

39:12

family and friends. However,

39:15

I'm going to Ireland as well. And I really,

39:17

really, really don't know what to wear, because it's cold. I'm

39:19

on a farm. What? Stony

39:22

gun boots, stony jacket?

39:24

Yeah.

39:26

Yeah. I

39:29

mean, she came in well. I

39:32

certainly, the party would go, wow,

39:34

that's a lot of information and personal

39:37

information. The fun part there

39:39

is you obviously came with a game plan to go, I don't

39:41

want to say nothing. Yes. And I think

39:44

you safely achieved that. You

39:46

absolutely, you didn't, there was no freezing

39:48

there at all. Like you weren't, you'd left no one wanting

39:50

more. Yeah. And that is, that's

39:53

definitely a great strategy to go for,

39:55

for chit chat jamming. And it will secure, it could

39:57

secure a win against a flame

39:59

out. This is for my cat Clementine. Yeah,

40:02

okay. Okay, we don't try and make an emotional

40:04

about the cat. Don't count your cat before they're picked

40:06

up from the shelter just yet. I would say,

40:09

again in a social situation, we might go,

40:11

that's nice, we're talking about the

40:13

future of air travel, we might get back to that

40:16

when leave you to what gun boot you might

40:18

wear in Ireland.

40:22

But good luck, she's registered a score, which is

40:24

good. We'll put her on hold. Sean,

40:27

are you there? I am. Milly's

40:29

done okay. Here we go. Don't

40:31

tell me that. Okay, good luck. I

40:37

read an article that we might be able to get from

40:39

Melbourne to London in just two hours

40:42

of travel. Yeah, those planes are going to space

40:44

and come back down.

40:45

Look, Andy, now if the Commonwealth game's gone,

40:48

I think we've got to be able to get over there, get the game

40:50

happening and play over there. Because I

40:52

tell you, we are about to fly overseas

40:55

and it is such a painful

40:57

flight. Being next to someone who you

40:59

don't know and being seen as someone who you do know is

41:01

even worse. It's just not worth it.

41:04

Wow, that's a lot. Like

41:07

Jordan, Lightfather. Did

41:11

you come in with a plan to work the Commonwealth

41:13

game, no matter what or London, we've

41:15

got it.

41:21

No, it didn't work. Sure,

41:23

I mean, wow. Ring-ring-ring Milly back.

41:26

It's one of those ones where we had a huge volume and you'll be able

41:28

to hear these back when

41:32

you listen to the podcast. Volume,

41:34

like as in quantity, there was certainly

41:36

a lot of words out there. Now it's

41:39

always dangerous, Andy, to go back to the under 12

41:41

cricket analogy, what do you get taught when you're

41:44

a junior playing cricket? Don't think about what shot

41:46

you want to play. Don't

41:48

come out going, I'm going to mention the Commonwealth games

41:50

because the ball might not be there. And

41:53

you can get out that way. But

41:56

is there a cat there or not? Sean,

41:59

I think... You owe

42:01

Millie a cat, I think it's mine. And

42:05

I don't think you disagree when you hear it back.

42:09

I think Melvin lost the game and you guys

42:11

gained a cat. Wait till he hears it before

42:13

you get one. I didn't vote for Dan

42:15

Rule. In fact, I'm going to give the

42:17

win to me. Thank

42:21

you guys for playing, really appreciate it. Good luck

42:23

with that cat, Millie.

42:25

Thanks

42:28

for listening. The Hamish Nandy has

42:30

been returned next week. A powerful

42:32

contribute at Hamish and Nandy's

42:34

office.

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