0:00

Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart

0:02

Podcasts, Friends and Ken

0:04

on Grace Jones Internet. I've read this

0:07

and it is actually a

0:10

quote from our

0:13

wonderful Auntie Tony Morrison. Actually,

0:15

but it was not something that I

0:18

wanted to read for that we Gotta Do

0:20

Better segment. I wanted to read it

0:22

for the

0:25

opening of the show. I wanted to share

0:27

it at the top of the show, just

0:29

to put it on your mind and have it in the back of

0:32

your mind. And it says, at some

0:34

point in life, the

0:36

world's beauty becomes enough.

0:39

You don't need to photograph, paint,

0:43

or even remember it.

0:45

It is enough. And

0:48

that was from Auntie Tony Morrison. And you

0:50

know, I just thought about all

0:54

the wonderful experiences that

0:57

I have had over my life and even

0:59

just in the past year. And

1:01

I take a lot of pictures, and you know, we

1:04

live in the day and age where we take a lot of pictures,

1:06

and we share a lot of pictures, but

1:08

sometimes just being in the moment

1:12

and experienceing

1:16

the world's beauty and

1:19

the beauty of the moment and

1:21

the beauty of the memory that you may share

1:23

with somebody.

1:25

It's enough. You don't have to record

1:27

it or shared

1:31

in your stories.

1:33

You know, experiencing it

1:35

is enough even if you don't remember

1:37

it, because I ran into that today

1:40

where I just couldn't remember some

1:42

things about an experience

1:44

that.

1:45

I had, but I know I had it.

1:48

And if someone else experiences

1:50

it with you, having them to

1:53

recount those

1:56

memories or to share those memories

1:58

with you, sometimes it can jog your memory

2:00

and sometimes you won't remember it at all. But

2:03

because of the way they share the story,

2:05

it's almost like you can relive it all over

2:07

again and create

2:10

the memory all over again. So I'm

2:12

going to read it to you, guys one more time. I just

2:14

think it's really, really beautiful what

2:16

she says. She says, at some point in life,

2:19

the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't

2:21

need to photograph, paint, or even

2:24

remember it. It is enough.

2:26

Sometimes just let it be enough, guys. Sometimes

2:30

just let the memory, the experience, the

2:33

beauty of the moment, the beauty of

2:35

the world, the beauty that

2:37

you encounter. Just let it be

2:40

enough and leave it there

2:43

and just hold on to the memory.

3:05

I can't see the path that. Okay,

3:08

what's up, y'all. Welcome to Hanidmy My purse

3:10

the podcast. I am Mimi

3:12

Walker, and I will be your forever host each and every

3:15

single time you tune into

3:17

this podcast. So go ahead and get yourself

3:19

comfortable. Get a glass

3:21

of your favorite beverage, whether that's a

3:23

cherry Cooke zero that's

3:26

been in the freezer so it kind of has that like

3:28

slush in it. God, I love

3:30

that, God of Mercy.

3:33

I love that.

3:38

Some moonshine, to

3:40

be more specific, some

3:43

apple pie moonshine. Let

3:45

me just tell you I've had it before and

3:49

it's quite fucking delicious, or

3:51

a tasty, delicious

3:55

ice cold moscow mule. I

3:57

love a good moscow mule,

4:00

honey, and let me tell you that much. Whatever

4:02

it is, get it, go l

4:04

like yourself a candle, some incense, or

4:06

burn some sage and just get ready to

4:09

chill out and have yourself a

4:11

good time. What's

4:22

up, friends, and can it's MEMI resident

4:24

Auntie Supreme. Here, I hand me my purse and

4:27

today I'm sipping on some

4:30

alkaline water. It's room temperature because

4:32

I need to hydrate, and

4:34

I can tell that I am still. I think

4:37

I told you guys that I have

4:39

a personal trainer now and we did this

4:41

whole body scan thing, and it told me that

4:44

I was dehydrated. And that was in August, and

4:48

I can tell no, I got the

4:50

scan thing, I want to say, in October, the

4:53

beginning of October, and I can

4:55

tell that I

4:58

am still in a state of dehydration because my

5:00

skin is hella dry. Not

5:02

the skin on my face, but

5:05

the skin on my body is pretty

5:08

dry, even after I moisturize

5:10

it. And I mean, don't get me wrong,

5:12

the seasonal weather is definitely shifting

5:14

because it's cold out outside, Like

5:16

it's cold as shit outside today. Yesterday

5:19

it was cold, today it wasn't as hot. But lately

5:21

it's been I mean late as cold. But lately

5:23

it's been really chilly, I

5:26

mean like brisk, baby Like in the morning,

5:28

I get up and go to the car and it's

5:30

like twenty five degrees. Ain't

5:32

nobody got time for that. I don't like

5:34

that, Okay, most of other stuff. I'm

5:37

getting tired of the cold. Like it's getting

5:39

to be a bit much. I mean I like it.

5:41

I don't like it at all. The

5:43

skin on my feet is getting ridiculously

5:46

dry. And here's where the real issue

5:48

comes in for me. My lips are starting

5:50

to feel a little chappalicious. And

5:53

one thing about Mimi Walker is

5:55

that she has soft lips.

5:58

Okay, It's like it's like my superpower,

6:01

and they ain't flaky and they ain't

6:03

chappy. And lately

6:07

my lips have been feeling a little chapped and

6:09

I don't like it. So I'm about

6:12

to guzzle this. Sixty four hours is of alkaline

6:14

water down. Baby, I'm

6:16

gonna take it down because

6:18

Cis does not want to be ashy

6:21

and water is a healing source.

6:24

It is a healing bomb. So I'm just gonna go

6:26

ahead and drink that down. So I'm

6:28

not out here looking like a

6:32

cactus, okay, or the ground

6:35

in the Sahara desert, because

6:38

I deserve to be hydrated.

6:40

Hydrates yourself, babe, go ahead

6:43

and do that. Oh yeah,

6:51

So friends in Him. For today's gym, I

6:53

chose a song that is solely

6:56

based on an experience that I had

6:58

a couple of hours ago. And

7:01

this evening I went to see Renaissance, the

7:03

film by Beyonce,

7:05

and I, you know, I think that if

7:09

I'm not already a

7:11

beehive convert,

7:15

I think I'm.

7:16

On my way.

7:17

And I

7:20

simply adore Beyonce

7:23

and her work ethic and her music.

7:26

Like I'm just.

7:28

I don't know, like just

7:30

I like her a lot. I think that she

7:33

is amazing. I

7:35

love to watch her perform. I'm sad

7:37

that Renaissance was the first concert

7:39

of hers that I had gone to, especially

7:42

because I love live performances

7:45

and I like eat them up. But

7:47

it's okay because I'm here now. And

7:49

so I went to see it, and

7:52

I said, so, I was

7:54

definitely singing in the theater. I mean, everybody

7:56

in there was jamming. But my

7:58

favorite song from that album is called Heated,

8:01

and so that's your jam today. It's

8:03

Beyonce song Heated. You know it's

8:06

going to be in the show notes. Let me just tell you

8:08

that the song is

8:11

life, particularly

8:14

the end when

8:16

it's like I don't know if you

8:18

want to call it a bridge,

8:22

but it's everything. I

8:24

don't want to sing it. I don't want to tell you

8:26

what it says, but you'll know it because

8:29

it's kind of when she

8:31

goes off and I'm

8:34

here for it. And it took me a minute to get it down

8:36

because I like to sing a song, Honey, I

8:38

want to sing the song. I want to know the words I grew

8:40

up in the era I'm Generation X. Shout

8:42

out to gen X. I

8:47

grew up in an era where when you wanted to learn

8:49

the lyrics of a song, you

8:51

had to record it from the radio

8:54

first, unless

8:56

you had the cassette of the

8:58

song, but you had to record from the radio,

9:00

and then you had to rewind it and

9:04

play it, and rewind it and play it

9:06

until you were able to write all of the lyrics

9:08

down. And then by the time you finish

9:10

writing the lyrics down of the song, before

9:13

you knew it, you memorized it because you had been

9:15

writing it for five hours and

9:18

it's only a two minute song. But anyway, the

9:20

song is heated and it's

9:23

everything. So I want you to go and listen to

9:25

it. Don't really want to do a lot of talking about

9:27

it, because you know, I want you to just

9:29

experience it for yourself. But it's

9:31

a dope fucking song, Like if

9:33

you don't get pumped up listening to it, and

9:36

it's not deep, it's nothing, heavy,

9:39

it's nothing.

9:40

It's not it's so good

9:42

though.

9:45

Like this

9:50

like this,

9:56

no no.

10:03

And if you get a chance to go, even

10:05

if you went to the

10:08

actual Renaissance tour, but if you get a chance

10:10

to go see Renaissance to film in

10:12

theaters, do

10:15

that for yourself.

10:17

It's so fucking good. It was so good.

10:19

I'm probably gonna go see it again, maybe like two times,

10:22

because I just had a good time, like

10:25

reliving that experience of going

10:28

to the concert and seeing the show

10:30

actual actually in

10:32

person, but seeing it

10:35

there. It was really amazing

10:37

because you got to see things that you may not have seen

10:41

at your show. She

10:43

explains a lot, she talks a lot about

10:45

her process. It was just really good.

10:48

And just shout out to you, Beyonce Knowles

10:51

Carter.

11:14

We were created through slavery, and.

11:16

That's so interesting that you say that.

11:18

And I didn't expect this conversation to take

11:20

this turn. But I

11:23

wonder sometimes how like

11:27

mainland African

11:30

nations would view or

11:32

how they view Cape Verdeans

11:35

if they are welcoming the same way

11:38

that the Portuguese are not as welcoming. Are

11:40

they as welcoming, because let's just take

11:43

the band aid off. Sometimes there

11:46

are some Africans that are not as welcoming

11:49

to African Americans when it

11:51

comes to understanding that essentially

11:54

like we are one. It's like, no, you're

11:56

not you weren't born here, You're not African, you

11:58

know. And I get that I experience is

12:00

different. And I get that even

12:02

for Caribbean people, they feel

12:04

like they can't identify with the Black American

12:06

experience because even their experience with

12:09

slavery is different. But I

12:11

wonder why is that

12:13

like with dealing with like

12:15

mainland or you know, people from the continent

12:18

that are not from an island.

12:20

And I wonder if people from Madagascar experienced

12:22

the same thing.

12:23

I don't know. That's a good question about Madagascar. I

12:25

don't know about that. I don't know too many people from

12:27

Madaga.

12:28

I don't know anybody Fromican, Yeah.

12:30

But I know some other islanders, like I know

12:32

some people from Reunion Islands,

12:35

and also from Mayachts,

12:38

which is part of oh,

12:40

what's the name Comoros Islands?

12:43

Okay, and then Sound to me and Principe, which

12:45

are really small, they're small islands.

12:48

I think it depends, you know, I

12:50

think.

12:50

It really don't know. Those are all

12:52

parts of Africa. Just read

12:54

a book, do a little geological learning

12:57

for yourself. Africa is not just

13:00

everything that you can visually see on

13:02

a map.

13:03

Yeah, that's so true. I

13:05

think that's What's I

13:08

find sort of fascinating to the

13:11

way that Africa is perceived by people

13:13

both within and outside of it

13:15

is that outside of Africa, people sent

13:17

like, oh Africa, what you just said,

13:19

Like people see it as this one thing,

13:22

and it's not homogenous.

13:23

On a country. They see it as a country.

13:26

It's not. It's a continent.

13:27

It's a continent with fifty four four

13:29

countries. Actually, yeah, and they're all

13:31

different, and even within those countries there's

13:33

different types of people within, Like if you go to

13:36

Morocco, there are indigenous Moroccan

13:38

people who look you know, they're they're

13:41

Amaza people and they look sort

13:43

of Asiatic, you know what I mean. And

13:46

they have straight hair because they're people

13:48

who dwell in the desert, you

13:50

know, and their landscape, their

13:52

body, their phenotype has adapted based

13:54

on their environmental condition.

13:56

People do not come on.

13:57

They don't get it. They don't get as it.

13:59

Shut to Marcie Depeina for being smart, like

14:04

people don't understand that. People don't

14:06

And it reminds me of the sand people

14:09

of like southern Africa, who

14:12

they look extremely

14:14

Chinese and they look specifically

14:16

Chinese.

14:18

Or like Mongolians. Their eyes are very

14:20

tight.

14:20

They're very light with yellow undertones,

14:23

but their hair is as kinky as

14:25

the day is long. Their lips are big,

14:28

their noses are big, and if you put them next

14:30

to Chinese

14:33

people who live in like mountains, they look

14:35

like twins.

14:37

But there you have it, right. I think that's like people.

14:39

Just think that all Africans look like

14:41

whatever mainstream

14:44

American media has told us that Africans

14:46

look like, and it does not look like.

14:48

It doesn't work like that.

14:49

It doesn't, it doesn't. And so I think,

14:51

you know, going back to your question, I think that

14:53

oftentimes when I interact

14:56

with people from other African nations,

14:58

there is a sense of there's

15:00

a kindred spirit thing that happens there,

15:03

and there's also an understanding of the

15:05

diversity of the continent

15:07

of Africa. So sometimes

15:10

people will be like, oh, you're African, and

15:12

then when I tell them I'm Cape Verdie and they're like, oh okay, they

15:14

immediately understand. They're like,

15:16

oh, okay, I understand that you're a creole person

15:19

like you might even find in Liberia or

15:21

Sierra Leone or other places,

15:24

and certainly South Africa.

15:25

You have a lot of mixtures.

15:27

But you know that as soon as people understand

15:30

the context, they're like, oh, okay, I

15:32

get it. But there are definitely

15:38

cultural there's a cultural

15:40

continuity there, and there's a certain understanding

15:43

there that I pretty much always

15:45

have felt. There's an a there's definitely like

15:48

a recognition like oh okay.

15:49

You're African your

15:51

Familyeah.

15:54

But that's not to say that there isn't.

15:57

As I told you, you know, with what the Portuguese

15:59

did with colonial administrators, there

16:01

is definitely some resentment and there's definitely

16:03

especially you know, from the old school

16:06

days, there's definitely ways

16:08

in which people felt maybe Capaved wasn't a team

16:10

player, you know what I'm saying, like that kind

16:12

of thing, or you know, other

16:15

Portuguese colonies, you

16:17

know, being pitted against each other really.

16:20

But yeah, but when the revolution happened

16:22

in the seventies, that really changed all

16:24

of that because of people like Augustino

16:27

Nato, who was the leader

16:29

in Angola, and even Fidel

16:31

Castro.

16:32

They

16:38

it's the take of our.

16:41

Exactly. No, It's true though. They they

16:43

went over to Angola and they trained

16:45

and they trained with the male Charcaba and Augustino Nato

16:47

and they were all together and so this idea of

16:49

this Pan African identity and

16:52

then specifically this idea

16:54

of the former you know, Portuguese colonies,

16:56

which at the time were Portuguese speaking nations,

16:59

then necessity to ban together

17:02

and how each played their own role. So

17:04

cape Verdians having that closeness

17:07

to Portuguese Portuguese

17:09

officials right specific specifically

17:13

was beneficial when it came to the revolution

17:16

because they were there was a role to

17:18

be played there, and you know cap Verdians

17:20

played it.

17:21

What about Brazil.

17:25

Brazil is interesting.

17:26

They're like their own, Yeah, their

17:29

own thing, they got their own they got their.

17:31

Own thing going on. But there's definitely a closeness

17:33

with Brazilians and cape Verdians. One of the islands,

17:36

one of our islands, Samvicent, is

17:38

known for its carnival, so they call that little

17:40

Brazil like they have a huge carnival.

17:42

They really love Brazilian culture. So there's

17:45

a good connection there. But I was laughing

17:47

too because every time Brazilians, every

17:49

time I've ever been in Cupovid and Brazilians

17:51

are there, they love we

17:54

are in Africa, like, they love it

17:56

so much. They love Couplevid because

17:58

for them it's that entry point for them where

18:00

they feel that sense of belonging. I get it, and

18:03

they're like, Okay, you guys are like us. You have this

18:05

mixture of things going on, but you still

18:07

get to be recognized as legitimately being

18:10

African.

18:10

Yeah. I think that's the thing that.

18:14

As a Black American, that's

18:16

the thing that so many of us are always

18:18

looking for and sometimes.

18:23

Like it's hard to get.

18:24

And I think that one time I

18:26

had or several times, and

18:28

we've actually become friends.

18:30

But I had.

18:30

The president

18:32

and one of the founders of African Ancestry

18:36

on my show shout out to doctor Gina

18:38

Page, and

18:41

we talked about that and how like that

18:44

is like a help very helpful

18:47

tool and like an entry point,

18:49

like you said, or doorway into

18:52

like getting closer because

18:55

for Black Americans, like we're like, okay,

18:57

so where.

18:58

Do we belong? How do we fit in to the

19:00

puzzle?

19:01

And I know that when I went to Senegal, when

19:03

that was when I first really learned about Cape

19:05

Verde. When I went to Senegale, I was about twenty

19:07

four, and like

19:10

it's like when you get when you touch down,

19:12

when your foot steps

19:14

off of the last step

19:17

on the plane, it's like something

19:19

happens yes, and you're like, not

19:21

even a sense of saying like I'm home, but

19:24

like, something about this feels

19:26

familiar, but I don't know what it is like.

19:28

I couldn't figure out what it was. Something

19:31

about it feels like

19:33

genetically or in my bones. Yes, something

19:35

feels familiar, but I don't know what it is.

19:38

I think it's everything. I think it's like. And I've

19:40

experienced this every African country

19:42

I've been to, and I've been south,

19:45

you know, west. I've never been to

19:48

the East side of Africa yet, but

19:50

I've been to Morocco, I've been to Senegal,

19:52

Gambia, Angola, and Cabo verd

19:55

So not that many places, but enough that it's a

19:57

little bit diverse. And I felt the same

19:59

thing single place I went, no matter how

20:01

different they are. There was the

20:04

smell. Something about the smell,

20:07

the colors, the landscape,

20:09

the sort of dry

20:13

could be red, could be like a brown

20:15

color. You know that

20:17

I love

20:19

Senegal. Soon that's like the majority of my DNA

20:22

is from Senegal.

20:23

Yeah, well that would make sense.

20:24

Yeah, allowed to make so much

20:27

sense for Cape Verdeans to have

20:29

a lot of Senegalesea.

20:33

It's beautiful there and

20:35

complicated. You know and complicated

20:38

in a in a kind of beautiful

20:40

way. Yeah, it's

20:42

so funny. You know. You asked me that question about Africa

20:44

how other Africans receive Cape

20:47

Verdians, and it brought me to this memory.

20:49

As soon as I said, I was like, oh, this is so funny. Nigerians

20:52

are funny. Though, Nigerians are funny, especially

20:55

people over here. I I've

20:57

never been called white girls so many times in my

20:59

life and around this a

21:01

group of Nigerians were kept being like, oh, the white girl.

21:04

And I'm like, I'm not white,

21:06

and they're like it's okay.

21:08

I'm like, no, it's not.

21:10

You're pretty and I'm like, what

21:12

what are you talking about? And they're like, we're

21:15

not trying to say we understand the ear

21:17

Cape Verdian, we understand that you're African. We

21:19

get that. We're talking about your skin

21:21

color. Look at your skin look at my skin

21:23

color. You're white. And I'm like,

21:25

okay, I'm not and

21:27

I don't like it. But they almost said

21:29

it to this one particular guy. He said it to me just

21:31

a couple of months ago. It was almost like he was trying to compliment

21:34

me. Well, they probably were, okay,

21:36

that's interesting, but keep it.

21:38

I don't want that. You can have that save

21:42

that. Well.

21:43

People don't understand too, you know, people who

21:45

do not grow up in the United States do

21:47

not understand the racial

21:49

stratifications and what that could potentially

21:52

mean, right, absolutely, and

21:54

that that could be like something painful.

21:56

Yeah, And I think that also he

21:58

may not understand because

22:01

you know, like they do a lot of bleaching,

22:04

you know, too light in their skin, so.

22:06

They would think that you yes, yes,

22:09

they.

22:09

Do a lot of bleaching, too light in their skin,

22:12

so they would probably think, like, what

22:14

is wrong with you? Like this isn't a bad thing

22:16

we're saying, you know, you have white skin. I was

22:18

actually with a very good friend of mine. She is

22:20

Lebanese, she's Muslim, and we were

22:22

in Seattle and she is

22:25

probably she's in

22:27

between.

22:27

I love their color, right, she's

22:29

in between. She's pretty fair.

22:31

She has dark hair, but you never see it because she's

22:34

covered, right, But she has very dark eyebrows,

22:36

very thick eyebrows. We were in Seattle and

22:39

this Asian woman, I don't know, you

22:41

know what country she was from, walked

22:43

up to her. Okay, now, this woman is

22:45

like a owner of like a store

22:48

We were in the market, the big

22:50

Seattle market.

22:53

What's it called the.

22:55

Market in Seattle where they throw the fish

22:57

and they have a pike.

22:58

We were in Pipe Place and.

23:01

Pipe Market, and so we

23:03

went into this T shirt shop because she wanted to

23:05

get some shirts for her kids, and

23:08

the Asian woman walked up to her put

23:11

her hands on her face.

23:14

I was like, oh, we're.

23:14

About to fight this lady.

23:16

I said, oh, we about to fight this lady because

23:18

you do not touch people's face.

23:20

She don't touch.

23:21

She said, you're so beautiful your skin

23:24

it's so white. When I tell you, she was pissed.

23:27

I said, are you more mad that she tells? You're more

23:29

mad that she called? She said you look white

23:32

and.

23:32

She was like, I am not white. I was like,

23:34

a sys, I didn't say that. I

23:36

was like, maybe she meant compared to me, Like

23:39

I don't know. She said, Oh, your

23:41

skin is so white. It's so beautiful.

23:42

I love it.

23:43

And I'm just thinking to myself, ma'am, you're not that much.

23:45

You're not darker than her, like you guys are

23:48

running a race together. But

23:50

she was so offended. But it really

23:52

just like reminded me, like

23:54

that is what people

23:57

are striving for to be very,

23:59

very very fit.

24:00

Yeah, which is interesting.

24:02

Yeah, not me.

24:03

I use my foundation's usually like

24:06

two shades darker than me.

24:07

Yeah. I like on color, I

24:09

you know, obviously because I'm light especially

24:12

and my father is not.

24:13

So like I have brown bro.

24:14

Yeah, and I have you know, in my family,

24:16

I have the whole rainbow spectrum.

24:19

But I'm always I'm like, dang man, I'm like

24:21

yellow. Yeah. My mom tells me in the winter

24:24

gray, you turned gray in the winter.

24:25

I'm like, thanks for the this thing on the internet that

24:28

said winter is coming. I feel

24:30

sorry for my life game.

24:31

Yes, that's me. I'm that person. Feel

24:33

sorry for me.

24:34

Well, I mean everybody gets lighter in the winter.

24:36

Yeah. And if I was in my natural habitat,

24:38

I would not.

24:39

I would be brown, I would be you would

24:41

you would be brown and toasted?

24:43

You would? You deserve that? I do. I want

24:45

that for you.

24:45

Thank you.

24:46

But okay, back to Sweet Daddy Grace.

24:49

So I heard about Sweet Daddy Grace from

24:51

my aunt Jackie May she rest in Paradise

24:54

years ago.

24:55

We were I don't even think I was driving

24:58

at the time.

24:58

So I had to just have I have just

25:00

come back from California or I

25:03

don't know why, but I was in her car and we were

25:05

driving up Liberty Road in Baltimore City

25:08

and there was this church and it had

25:10

these lions on the front. And I remember

25:13

saying on Jackie, what is this church with these lions?

25:15

Like what is that?

25:16

And she said that's sweet Daddy Grace or that's Daddy

25:19

Grace's church.

25:19

And I was like who is that? And she was like chall

25:22

or girl.

25:23

He was a preacher and he had this

25:26

hair and these long fingernails,

25:29

and he would have these events with tents

25:32

and he would serve all this food and

25:34

I was like, okay.

25:35

I kind of put it to the back of my head. I didn't think about it again.

25:38

Daddy Grace came up again.

25:39

They were talking about him again, my aunt Jackie

25:41

and some other elder in my family, and

25:44

I would hear her talking about him, and I'm like, who

25:46

is this man? And I

25:48

left it alone. Then,

25:50

when I started to do my own research

25:53

about like my mother's biological

25:55

fathers ancestry

25:58

during COVID, my grandfather

26:01

passed away in January of twenty twenty,

26:03

and I took a deep nosedive into

26:06

like ancestry because I was like, this is a great distraction,

26:09

And so I ended up finding my mother's

26:11

biological brother. My

26:13

mother had no idea who her had no

26:15

idea who her biological father was.

26:18

She may have heard his name before, but she

26:20

didn't know.

26:21

My great aunt, my maternal

26:23

grandmother's sister, was

26:27

a spicy aunt and she was messy.

26:30

And she said one day to me

26:32

when I was a little girl, so and so is

26:34

not even your grandfather. Your

26:37

grandfather's name is blank blank,

26:39

and he is from Newport News and his mother's

26:41

name is Blanche. I said, well,

26:44

all right, I'm ten, I don't really care. I'm

26:46

going outside. Then fast

26:48

forward to her saying it to me again when

26:50

I first came back from California, I was about

26:53

eighteen, and I wrote it down cause

26:55

I'm like, I'm gonna use this, this is gonna be I'm

26:57

gonna need this later on.

26:59

So I found

27:01

out.

27:03

I ended up going to Newport News

27:05

during the pandemic because I was like, I gotta get out

27:07

of this house.

27:08

I need to find something to do.

27:09

So I went on a road trip to Virginia Beach

27:11

and then on the way back, I stopped in Hampton

27:13

and Newport News because I started

27:15

doing research, and I knew that's where my ancestors

27:18

were from.

27:19

And I was like, okay.

27:20

So I looked up like as many grave

27:23

sites as I could find, and I went

27:25

to all of them. I went to the liquor store. I bought all

27:27

these little miniatures of white rum. I

27:30

went to visit all of the

27:32

grave sites that I could find. One I couldn't find

27:35

the markers, but I knew like five

27:37

of my ancestors were buried there. So

27:39

I kind of just walked around. You couldn't really see the

27:41

markers, so I just did my own little you

27:43

know. I had a little ritual situation going.

27:45

On, and I

27:49

stopped.

27:49

I saw this very old black

27:52

man just sitting in this doorway.

27:54

It was crazy how this happened, sitting

27:57

in this doorway. I took his picture.

27:59

I was dry, and I said, you know what, I bet this

28:01

man knows something about this town, because

28:03

he was like eighty five, almost ninety years

28:05

old. I pulled up in

28:08

my black jedd at the time, and I said

28:10

hi, and I said, I'm looking for information

28:13

about so and so. And he was like, I don't really

28:15

know them, he said, but you know what

28:18

they probably went. She probably because I asked

28:20

about my Grandma Blanche. She probably

28:22

went to the church up there on whatever

28:24

the street is. He said, you

28:26

can't miss it. You'll see it when you go. So

28:29

I go and I look for the church. I went to the

28:31

different houses where my ancestors had lived,

28:34

looked at them and prayed. When I got to houses

28:36

whatever, pull out a little liquor, go

28:38

and buy my business. I went to the James River

28:41

at the end of the street, you know, you

28:43

know. And so then I drive

28:45

to this church. And

28:47

when I pull up, I was like, damn, this a nice

28:50

church. I did not make the correlation

28:52

with the lions at all. Pull

28:55

up big gold lions on

28:57

the church. I was like, this is fancy. Damask

28:59

got a lot of money here. And then I

29:01

said, you know what, I'm by myself

29:04

and the area is a little seedy,

29:07

you know, it's projects a lot of places

29:10

like and I'm alone, so and

29:12

it's this is in my area and I'm driving around

29:14

in a black jedd with tiny windows. I was like,

29:16

yeah, the next time I come, I'm

29:18

going to have to come with somebody else in

29:21

a less assuming car. But

29:24

I want to come back, and I want to go to the church and see

29:26

if they have any information. The reason

29:29

it was interesting that the older man told me about

29:32

this church because that

29:34

is the church where my great grandmother was

29:36

had her funeral. When

29:40

Marcy and I finally talked and

29:43

I listened to it

29:45

might have been episode four or five. She

29:47

talked about a church in Newport News that

29:50

Daddy Grace, that was one of

29:52

the tell me the name of the.

29:53

Church, United House to prayer for all people.

29:56

Yes, you're noted how to prayer for all people. I

29:58

went back and I looked at the pic that I took when

30:01

we had the conversation.

30:02

I remembered the lions.

30:04

Once we made the correlation, I was like, the lions are on

30:06

the church on Liberty Road.

30:07

They're on this church here.

30:09

Then I looked for the obituary that

30:11

said where Grandma Blanche's funeral was, and

30:13

I was like, oh boom. I asked

30:16

my uncle, I said, did she belong to that church?

30:18

He said no, He said he had gone to church with her

30:20

before, but it wasn't that church because he grew up

30:22

in Newport News. But she had

30:24

her funeral there, probably because

30:27

it was fancy looking, right, She

30:30

had her funeral there. And I was like, yeah,

30:32

this is too much of a

30:35

coincidence. That's never a coincidence because

30:38

there's no such thing as coincidences.

30:40

And I was like, no, I need to talk to.

30:41

This lady because she's got

30:43

the juice. She knows something about

30:46

this man, Daddy Grace.

31:01

First of all, that's fascinating because

31:05

your grandmother must have been a member,

31:07

because you don't get buried or have

31:09

a service at the house of parent unless

31:12

you are a member. They are very.

31:16

It's an exclusive thing. It's like being in a sorority

31:18

or fraternity.

31:18

Yes, that's a good way of putting it. It is

31:20

definitely in its generational you

31:23

know, people are members, and their

31:25

children are members, and their grandchildren are members,

31:28

and when you're not a member,

31:30

you don't have access in the same kind of way.

31:33

She had to have been a member,

31:35

whether she consistently went to

31:37

the church or not, she had to have been

31:39

a member. He was maybe yep,

31:42

something like that, yep.

31:44

Or maybe somebody had to be if you're saying

31:47

that. Also, my uncle

31:49

he left Newport News when he was like eight,

31:52

So maybe she joined the church after, you

31:54

know, he left, because she ended

31:56

up remarrying somebody, So maybe she

31:58

joined the church as a result of being to

32:00

somebody else, and all the possibilities

32:02

are endless. Tell us about this man, Daddy

32:05

Grace, Well, I

32:07

have my own opinions.

32:10

I mean, Daddy Grace just you

32:12

can tell just by his name was

32:15

and you used the word enigma. But a character

32:17

for sure.

32:19

It's very mysterious. Yeah, very mysterious.

32:22

Very laired

32:25

laird is.

32:25

A great way of putting him. He

32:28

came to the United States. He was born in the island

32:30

of Brava, which is in Cape verd in

32:34

the eighteen hundreds and came to

32:36

the United States to New

32:38

Bedford specifically, like all Cape Verdians

32:40

did in those days, because it was a port there.

32:43

His parents he had already come a He came

32:45

back and went back and forth a couple of times. His parents

32:48

and siblings settled in New

32:50

Bedford, and one of his brothers opened up a church.

32:53

You know, his parents seemed to be doing well, thriving.

32:56

He had no intention on staying here, so

32:58

the story goes, he went back to his beloved

33:00

islands, where he was already a local

33:03

celebrity. He was known throughout

33:06

all of his island as a

33:08

storyteller, and storytelling is

33:10

a big deal in a culture where you

33:12

know, most people are illiterate and

33:14

the oral tradition is huge.

33:16

I thought you were going to say storytelling is

33:18

a big deal on

33:21

the continent, a big deal

33:23

in black culture.

33:24

And back culture period, right, and and Bravak

33:28

is no different. So he was a local

33:30

celebrity, yeah, because he

33:32

was known for the stories that he would tell. People

33:34

would gather around children and hang around

33:36

and hear him, you know, tell stories. So he didn't

33:38

want to come to the US, but apparently

33:41

God had other plans for him, and he loved

33:43

his hair. So God said his hair on fire and was like,

33:45

you need to go to the United States and spread

33:47

the gospel. That's your mission and if you don't

33:49

go, it's gonna be worse. So he got on a

33:51

boat, made his way over and made

33:53

the United States his permanent home. And that was

33:56

at the turn of the century.

33:58

So his hair cut off.

34:00

Yeah, yeah, like Michael, look

34:02

at that. Before Michael Jackson, there was Daddy Grace.

34:04

Ye okay, but Daddy Grace,

34:06

you know, I feel like he

34:09

did a lot of our jobs when he first got here, like most

34:11

Cape Verdians did. You know, he worked on the docks

34:13

He apparently sold patent medicines,

34:16

worked as a cook, dishwasher, worked

34:19

on the railroads, started to explore

34:21

the country. And you know, like

34:23

I said, his older brother was a preacher,

34:25

and he said he came here on that mission.

34:28

So he started preaching. You know, he was looking for

34:30

a home, looking for different churches. A

34:32

lot of the Portuguese churches

34:34

in the New Bedford area were

34:37

not welcoming to Cape Verdians. So Kate Verdians

34:39

had their own churches. So it would

34:41

be you know, an Ame church or Church

34:43

of the Nazarene, or you

34:45

know, even a Cape Verdian Catholic church. But

34:48

Daddy Grace felt like, you know, there was something

34:50

else for him and decided to build his own church.

34:52

So he did that, built his very first church

34:54

and Wearham, Massachusetts, they

34:57

say, with like forty nine dollars.

35:00

And you know, he tried

35:02

to get a lot of kate Verdians to join join his

35:05

church. But he was Pentecostal

35:08

or thank

35:10

you, I grew up.

35:12

I grew up. I grew up in a Pentecostal.

35:14

Yeah, so you know, yeah,

35:16

and that was very different from Catholics

35:19

or even Church of the Nazarene, where they didn't

35:21

believe in you know, the same things.

35:23

And also Kate Verdians like to drink their alcohol

35:25

and do their thing things that you know,

35:28

Daddy Grace was really against. So

35:31

ultimately he started, you know, his own church.

35:33

You and I have a prayer for all people. And

35:36

after some time, decided to take his show

35:38

on the road.

35:39

Listen, baby outside,

35:42

Daddy Grace. There we outside.

35:44

Yeah, but what's fascinating about

35:46

Daddy Grace? Aside

35:48

from the controversies

35:51

around him, and there were many, he

35:54

was somebody who stood out.

35:56

But I believe he used that to his advantage.

35:59

I think that he he knew he had to attract

36:01

people to himself, so he

36:03

knew he had to dress well. He knew

36:05

he.

36:06

Had to you know, his fingernails.

36:08

He had to set himself apart. And even

36:10

the fingernails come from a Bible verse where

36:12

you know, they said that the prophet will have horns

36:14

what looks like horns coming out of his fingers.

36:17

Okay, maybe I'm proud.

36:18

I think you might be. I think

36:20

you may bing or a cat

36:23

right either way or either way, don't

36:25

mess around. We don't don't

36:27

mess around.

36:28

Don't do it.

36:28

Don't do it.

36:29

Don't do it and it takes too long for me give my nails.

36:32

Yeah, please, we don't. You don't want

36:34

that smoke. But yeah, he he

36:36

really you know, his

36:39

goal, yes, was to spread the Gospel, and he started

36:41

with you know, tents. He would do

36:43

tent revivals and he had Yeah,

36:46

he had a method. He had a very distinct plan

36:48

and what he decided to do. And he

36:51

went to the poorous black neighborhoods. That was typically

36:53

where he went because for him, that was where the most

36:55

need was. Start with a tent revival,

36:57

you know, build up that congregation, get

37:00

as many donations as possible, build

37:02

a church, and keep it pushing. And

37:04

he did that all up and down the Eastern

37:06

seaboard. He ended up with over three hundred

37:09

congregations throughout the United States,

37:12

and at one point he was named

37:14

the wealthiest black preacher in America.

37:17

And so with that, as you can imagine, came

37:19

a lot of controversy,

37:23

jealousy, negative press, government

37:26

interests.

37:26

I love that in the

37:28

episode where you talked

37:31

about the government, Yes, because I

37:33

was wondering, like they ain't bother him.

37:35

Oh no, they did, Yeah they did, Yeah, they

37:37

did. You know, they really did. And you

37:40

know, he was not a perfect

37:42

person obviously, like none of those. Yeah,

37:46

but with him, he was extremely

37:48

intelligent. The thing about Daddy Grace was he was

37:50

smart. He had a marketing you

37:53

know, a head for marketing. He was a marketing

37:55

genius. He knew how to market himself. Clearly

37:58

he was doing stuff, you know, that other people weren't doing.

38:01

But he also understood entrepreneurship

38:03

and he understood that, you know, having

38:05

sovereignty, having your own money was

38:08

the only way that black

38:10

people in America were going to

38:12

have power. Yeah,

38:15

and so he made that his mission

38:17

to not only make his congregation

38:20

self sufficient, but also

38:22

to impart some of the wisdom onto his

38:24

congregants to you know, show people it

38:26

was about. It was a different

38:29

time. You know, there were a lot of people in the

38:31

same era. You know, you had like Noble Druality,

38:34

you had Marcus Garvey, and

38:38

you know, these were people who understood

38:41

empowerment and how critical

38:43

it was at that time for

38:45

black people in America and around

38:47

the globe. Anybody who had been oppressed, which at

38:49

that point, you know, these are people who came

38:52

from in Marcus Garvey's case, in Daddy

38:54

Grace's case, came from other countries.

38:56

Yeah, they were immigrants, but they lived under a colonial

38:58

system, and they understood

39:01

acutely that people's

39:04

spirits had been broken and

39:06

that the self esteem

39:10

was a hindrance. A low self esteem was a hindrance

39:13

to growth. And so that's

39:15

where I think their you know, major

39:17

work was done was giving people

39:20

something to believe in, giving people

39:22

faith, and giving people sense

39:26

of pride and who they were and

39:28

who they could be with community. And

39:32

I think that's one of the things that sat

39:34

him apart. Ultimately.

39:36

So many people have said

39:38

that he was a charlatan. I

39:40

might be one of them at

39:42

first because I misunderstood

39:46

and I think we talked about this because I thought

39:48

that you were saying that

39:50

he had purchased property in

39:53

New York and would not rent the property

39:55

to black people. Oh

39:57

he is not a nice man. I do

40:00

like Daddy Grace, no with your fingernails.

40:03

But then that I listened to the episode

40:05

and then it cleared it up for me what it

40:07

meant and what actually happened.

40:09

Yeah, I mean, he was That was probably

40:11

one of the number one criticisms

40:14

that was, you know, put

40:16

his way, was that he was a charlatan.

40:20

Why do you think people called him the one?

40:21

I mean, first of all, he was extremely

40:25

He was many things right, so

40:27

he was ostentatious. He didn't

40:30

hide his wealth. He actually showed it off.

40:33

I like to think about him like Muhammad Ali,

40:35

Like, you know, Muhammad Ali, I'm pretty, you know. Best

40:39

Daddy grace was that he did not try

40:41

to cower himself in any way.

40:43

He was like, oh, no, you're going to see this beautiful. I'm

40:46

a representation of what God can do so

40:48

you can be the king of your kingdom, you

40:51

know, and here I am as proof of it. His

40:53

outfits were loud, he wore bright

40:55

colors. He had this long hair.

40:58

He taught he would comb his hair apparently, you

41:00

know, all the time, Yeah, and talk

41:03

about how his hair was pretty.

41:06

You know. He had fancy cars. He had it built

41:08

into the bylaws of his church that he,

41:10

the bishop, had to have a new car every year.

41:14

Yeah. He was living a life of a

41:16

man, you know, who had a lot of money. And

41:20

you know, a lot of people during that day, there

41:22

was another preacher named Father Divine.

41:39

My uncles told me about.

41:42

Father Divine, and my uncle's also

41:44

said they used the sea word, the other sea

41:46

word not Charlatan but cult.

41:48

Yes, yes and very much

41:51

so. Right, so we're father

41:53

divine.

41:54

Shout out to my uncle Warren and my uncle Bunkie.

41:58

Big got, big up, big, big up to them

42:01

down in West Baltimore.

42:03

And Lord, I done forgot

42:05

the name of the area, Sandtown.

42:08

That's where my family is, Sandtown, Winchester

42:11

area of Baltimore. And they used to do a lot of tent

42:13

revivals down there. Okay, And

42:16

actually one of my uncles, my uncle Warren, goes

42:18

to the United House of Prayer and

42:20

gets dinners every Sunday. And

42:23

you know what's really funny, Marcy, I was telling Evan

42:25

that last night my uncle Bunkie

42:28

called me and said, hey, Mimi,

42:30

did you.

42:31

Ever make it down? Because I told him, I said,

42:33

I'm going to go one day.

42:34

I have a girl, but we should go today.

42:36

We should go up to Harlem.

42:37

But listen, my uncle said, he said, well,

42:39

do you want to go on Sunday? And I said, Uncle Bunkie,

42:42

is so funny you mentioned that, I said, because I'm going

42:44

to record with the lady that I told you about

42:46

that was doing the podcast about him,

42:48

who was actually related to him. He said, so

42:50

she was related to him. I said, yes, sir, He

42:52

said, well, do you want to go? That's fine about

42:55

this lady, I don't care about that. Do you want to go get these dinners

42:57

on Sunday? I said absolutely, I said,

42:59

and I'm I'm gonna mention it on the show.

43:02

Yes, that's one of the number one things.

43:04

Is the physical food. Yea Fridays.

43:07

I don't know what the schedule is in Harlem. Yeah,

43:09

but it depends. I don't

43:11

know some places or everybody has their own schedule.

43:14

Yeah. But the thing with Father Divine

43:17

was that Father Divine his business

43:19

model was flawed. Okay, okay. And the reason why

43:21

I say that is because he said he was God. He

43:24

said he was God, and he,

43:26

you know, in an act of what

43:29

I think is like utter defiance, right,

43:31

he married a white woman and that woman became

43:33

his wife, and all of the people

43:35

that were part of Father Divine's peace mission

43:38

had to be celibate. They were

43:40

considered Father Divine's children, and he

43:43

and his wife were apparently celibate.

43:45

So eventually, I don't

43:47

believe that a black man in the

43:49

fifties, forties, thirties married

43:51

to a white woman, you having sex

43:53

with that white lady because you think you got something special

43:56

over there. Buddy, you are having the sex

43:58

with this white lady, So stop

44:00

a Father Divine, and how

44:02

do you think you're going to be successful telling people they

44:04

can't have sex.

44:05

Well, that's my whole point that eventually people are here

44:08

for and I mean, that's not a good

44:10

model for growing your congregation. So

44:12

Father Divine's mission failed because pretty

44:15

much everybody is gone. I think there might

44:17

be like two or three members that are still alive and

44:19

maybe a handful more. But yeah,

44:22

so that was why his model was flawed,

44:24

and Daddy Grace called him a Charlotte's into. Daddy

44:27

Grace was like, he's a Charlatan. If he's God, then

44:29

who the hell are we praying to? Daddy? That's

44:31

what he said.

44:31

And it was, you know, period because I heard

44:34

him.

44:34

Yeah, yeah,

44:37

but is that a thing? Yeah, it

44:39

completely is. But yeah, I mean, so,

44:42

you know, just to answer your question, I

44:44

was not. I've never been in Daddy Grace's

44:46

presence. I don't know what

44:48

it felt like to be around him the man. But

44:51

what I can say is this is that people did

44:53

say he had a gift. Even when he

44:55

was a child. He was always known that he had a gift,

44:58

people said, retelling and

45:01

a spiritual gifts.

45:02

Oh.

45:02

People have always said, even people in the church

45:04

that I talked to, Oh, Daddy Grace had special powers.

45:07

Like if you said something bad about him,

45:09

you know something that happened to you.

45:11

Maybe I am a prophet. I tell you about the

45:13

boy who stole my tims.

45:15

Yeah, yeah, the

45:18

nails.

45:18

Yeah. I mean listen, if you do bad,

45:21

Yes, I am anointed, So if you do something

45:23

bad to me, it will come back people.

45:26

Yeah.

45:26

Same. And I know that

45:28

he was known for that. He was known to have a

45:30

healing touch. He was known to have

45:33

performed miracles.

45:36

But then there are also people you know, who

45:38

say no, and they say, oh, he crossed the line.

45:40

He started thinking he was Jesus. He never

45:42

said that. He did say that he was God's prophet,

45:45

but he never claimed to be Jesus. So again,

45:49

I wasn't around to be in his presence

45:51

to know. But what I can say is

45:53

that whatever he had, whatever he

45:56

did, there were thousands

45:59

of people who followed him that follow

46:01

him. He's gone, they continue

46:03

to not just follow him, but I mean be members of the

46:06

church and to believe in their way of life and

46:08

to be completely committed to it. And

46:11

so that's one thing. And I

46:13

will say from my experience,

46:16

because.

46:16

You went to one, Yeah, did you sit

46:18

through a service?

46:19

I sat through. And I've been to a couple, and I'm going to be

46:22

honest. Some of the churches

46:24

I felt just as if I was in my

46:26

own church, right, And I haven't been to

46:28

a church in a long time, but my church growing up. Oh,

46:31

I feel the spirit moving in here. And then there's

46:33

been others that I felt nothing of

46:36

his other of his churches. It just depends

46:38

on who the pastor is. I think from me, So

46:41

that's that's one thing. But you know, what

46:43

they what they practice is not very

46:46

different from any other Christian church.

46:48

The differences are I

46:50

think, you know, no, there are some

46:52

differences because I just like money

46:56

is very prevalent there.

46:59

You know, they have several collections

47:01

throughout one service.

47:03

Theytalia that's like Black Church.

47:05

That's Black Church.

47:06

It's the building Fund, the Women's Day Fund,

47:09

Pastes Anniversary, the Women's Anniversary,

47:11

the Auxiliary Fund.

47:13

That's like Black Church. It is

47:15

USA, it is, it really is.

47:18

But the other thing I wanted to say is that I

47:21

believe that Daddy Grace had some sort of annointing

47:23

because although

47:26

he's been dead, he was dead before I was

47:28

born. I certainly have felt

47:30

his spirit, and his spirit has followed

47:33

me throughout this journey. And that's

47:36

why I did this podcast. I

47:38

did it, Yes, I did it because it was an interesting

47:40

story. I wanted to tell his story.

47:42

I was curious as to why I had never been

47:44

told he's such a fascinating creer somebody

47:48

and where's his place in history?

47:49

And you know what is funny?

47:50

You said that because they talk about Jim Jones

47:53

and not to say that he is a cult leader. I

47:55

am mildly obsessed with organized

48:00

crime, gangs,

48:02

the mafia, and also cults,

48:05

particularly black cults,

48:08

because I'm like, how did why did

48:10

y'all do this? Why did you go and follow

48:12

him? Why

48:15

is he not spoken about

48:17

more? Because they talk about some Jones, They

48:19

talk about the Waco dude, what

48:22

was his name, David Koresh,

48:24

They talk about the Yeah, they

48:26

talk about I remember that I was a senior in high school.

48:29

That was Bob coming and they

48:31

all had black Russell sweatsuits and ate the apple

48:33

sauce.

48:34

You're too young to know about that, Evan yeah,

48:37

remembers.

48:38

Garry as hell. I mean the fact that anybody followed

48:40

that man. D You're talking about Heaven

48:43

the Heaven's Gate guy. He was like translucent

48:45

you.

48:45

No, that's not David.

48:47

I'm not kidding.

48:47

David Koresh had a beautiful head of hair. I'm gonna

48:50

go ahead. And his hair was

48:52

beautiful.

48:53

I said he had a flowing

48:55

hair like he did panting commercials

48:58

for men.

48:59

I mean, that's a good way to get people to follow this.

49:02

But listen. But and so

49:04

this is why I did use that C word.

49:06

It takes and it

49:08

is about marketing because and I

49:11

will fashion him to Beyonce

49:14

uh Janet Jackson, who

49:17

is a man that Michael

49:19

Jackson like, if you want

49:21

the people to follow you,

49:23

you have to be somebody that

49:26

I think that the men want to be

49:30

and that the women want to be with, or

49:32

the women want to be and that the men want

49:34

to be with men want to be like Daddy Grace

49:36

because he was rich, right,

49:39

women loved him. He had these long fingernails,

49:42

he had this hair, and he

49:45

was rich and he

49:47

wasn't ashamed to show he was rich. Everybody

49:49

wanted a piece of that. And he was essentially

49:52

living the

49:55

exaggerated American dream for black

49:57

people to be rich and be able

49:59

to flaunt your riches around in

50:01

the faces of America, right,

50:04

And so it does make sense, and he was smart

50:08

because, like, you have

50:10

to know the thing

50:12

that I always think about when I think about like

50:14

these religious leaders,

50:18

and there's always the argument, and I kind

50:21

of am on both sides of the fence

50:23

when it comes to this. A lot of people

50:25

argue about like them and their riches, and

50:27

then they're in the poorest neighborhoods. You mentioned

50:29

that, and it's like, how do you show

50:32

up loaded down?

50:34

Because he was definitely a millionaire, and

50:37

then my lights are off in my house, or I can't

50:40

pay my rent, or I can't pay my mortgage, but

50:42

I'm going to give the last of my money to you because

50:45

I believe in your cause.

50:46

Like, how do you sleep at night?

50:48

Actually probably gonna very finely crafted mattress,

50:50

But how do you live with that

50:52

knowing that the people who are following you are

50:55

not doing well? And how do you

50:58

turn that around? So the whip

51:00

side of that coin for me is that

51:02

it takes a lot of work to be a daddy

51:05

grace.

51:05

It takes.

51:06

People have said the same thing about in Baltimore,

51:08

where I live. Jamal Bryant used to

51:10

be a pastor there. Now he's in Atlanta,

51:13

and people would say the same thing about him. Oh he has

51:15

a Bentley and da da da. It takes

51:17

a lot of work to do the work that they do. Why

51:19

shouldn't they have nice things. Oh,

51:21

he's a man of God.

51:22

He should be did a minded business.

51:24

You don't go to work and tell them, don't pay me, take

51:27

my money down to the homeless shelter because I'm

51:29

a woman of God, or I believe in God and I should.

51:31

You don't do that. So they deserve to have nice

51:33

things.

51:34

So it is a it's a tangled web or

51:36

a tricky little little thing. It's

51:39

a tricky way to look at it. But either

51:41

way, he was smart. That's one thing that

51:43

I will say. He was very smart. He

51:46

knew how to work whatever it is. He knew how

51:48

to work his plan.

51:50

Yeah, he knew how to work his plan for sure. I

51:52

want to I want to say something just to address what you

51:54

said about cult, right, because it's only

51:57

really in the last few decades that

51:59

the word cult has become a negative.

52:02

Previously cult was not considered

52:04

something negative. It was just simply a group

52:07

of people who had their own set of

52:09

rules, and everybody that

52:11

was in that group followed those sets

52:13

of rules. But things like

52:16

Heaven's Gay or David Koresh or

52:18

Jim Jones that made

52:20

us think about the cult in a negative

52:22

way. So even when they were speaking about Daddy Grace

52:24

and the Times or in Jet or Ebony

52:26

or whatever, they would they would say

52:29

at first, they would say cult leader, and it wasn't necessarily

52:31

negative, but then it started taking

52:33

on a negative It started

52:36

taking on a negative turn. Yeah,

52:38

especially with a lot of white media saying

52:41

really negative things. And

52:44

it could have been. It could have been. But I spoke

52:46

with one of the pastors because one

52:49

thing that was difficult about making

52:51

this podcast was that a lot

52:53

of people that were involved in the church was by

52:56

far Daddy Grace's like closest outside

52:58

of his immediate family. His closest associations

53:02

were within the church, right, I mean, he had other

53:04

friends, but he was a guy who

53:06

worked NonStop. This guy worked till

53:08

the day he died. He literally delivered

53:10

a sermon, right, I Mean all he did was travel

53:13

and tend to his flock right. So

53:16

not being able to speak

53:18

directly and on the record with somebody from

53:20

the church was for me, you

53:23

know, it was like a fail right because I was like, damn,

53:25

man, I can't get anybody from the

53:28

church to speak to

53:30

me on the record. But a lot of people spoke

53:32

to me off the record. And one thing that one of

53:34

the pastors told me was I brought this up,

53:36

asked him the same question. He said, no, actually,

53:38

we are a cult. We are a cult.

53:40

And I said, well, what makes you say that? And he said, well,

53:43

because we all abide

53:45

by the same set of rules. We

53:48

most of us work together, we attend

53:50

the same church, we're there every night of the week,

53:52

we eat together, we marry one

53:54

another. We're encouraged to only have

53:56

friendships and associations within

53:58

this group of people. So, yeah, we

54:01

are a cult. And he's right, that's

54:03

wrong with that.

54:03

Yeah, And he's right though that because they're not going up

54:05

on the hilbop right now.

54:06

They're not They're not going to say it's the difference

54:09

between.

54:09

Somebody like Guyana and drinking

54:12

kool aid. And now they're not Jim

54:14

Jones, They're not like experience friends

54:35

and can let's get into our today's

54:39

uh straight fact question. Let's just let's

54:41

just go straight there. Okay, Hi, mami,

54:44

I would rather not share my name.

54:46

Okay, fine by me, ma'am.

54:49

I need some true advice regarding my friendship.

54:53

My friend and I have been friends for ten plus

54:55

years. We have shared many miles

54:58

milestones together, excuse me, like

55:00

weddings, childbirths, and

55:03

managing motherhood. My friend recently

55:06

wrote in our group chat and

55:08

shared that her mother had passed away.

55:10

This was a complete shock to me because I

55:13

did not even know that her mother was sick. In

55:15

her message, she also said that she and

55:18

her family were navigating the

55:20

loss as they had been dealing with the

55:22

sickness impacting her mother for

55:25

some time, and that she did not want any phone

55:27

calls from any of us during this time.

55:30

Well, I mean not

55:32

to judge your friend, but whoa

55:36

I mean, she has the right to feel however she wants

55:38

to feel. But who tells their friends

55:40

like don't call me because anyway

55:43

whatever? Let me just take that back and my

55:45

business and shut my mouth up.

55:47

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, where

55:50

was I?

55:50

In her message, she also said that she and her

55:52

family were navigating the loss, as they

55:54

had been dealing with the sickness impacting

55:57

her mother for some time,

56:00

and that she did not want any phone calls from any of

56:02

us during this time. I was surely shocked

56:05

and caught off guard by it all. I

56:07

attempted to give her space and respect

56:09

her boundaries.

56:10

Good, because that's what you should do. I

56:13

did follow up with her.

56:14

Directly through texts and call several

56:16

times after the funeral, which

56:19

was two weeks later. I never received

56:21

a response back, not a return text, call

56:23

or anything. Yesterday I spoke

56:25

with a mutual friend of

56:28

one of my close friends who was in our group chat,

56:31

and she informed me that my friend

56:33

is upset with me because I took

56:35

so long to reach out to her regarding the loss

56:37

of her mother. I was just trying

56:39

to respect her wishes and her boundaries.

56:42

Was I wrong?

56:43

And that is from Ava from Twin

56:45

Cities, Minnesota, shout

56:47

out the Twin Cities, Minnesota.

56:51

And that shout out was mainly because I've never

56:53

been there. I've never really had a desire

56:56

to go there, but I'm curious

56:58

now.

57:00

Anyway.

57:01

You know, Ava, this

57:04

is a tricky situation because

57:06

you were trying to respect her

57:08

wishes and her boundaries, and I agree

57:11

that if she said she needed space,

57:14

then what the fuck were you supposed to do? Like,

57:17

how do you know what the perfect time is

57:19

for that? I don't know how long you

57:25

uh, let's see it says two weeks

57:27

later, like she said she

57:29

didn't want any phone calls during

57:31

this time.

57:32

I don't know. Two

57:35

weeks is a long time to.

57:36

Not follow up. I would have to say. I

57:38

feel like two weeks is a long time. I

57:40

would have probably followed up after

57:43

three days. And I don't give a

57:45

shit if she said that, And I mean I

57:47

would have wanted to respect her boundaries, and I would

57:49

have respected her boundaries, but during this

57:51

time to me, would have been three days. Because I'm going to avoid

57:54

being in this situation because people get weird

57:56

when people pass away. But

57:59

on the flip side, I feel like you didn't do

58:01

anything wrong because you were respecting her

58:03

boundaries. At

58:05

this point, everybody

58:08

knows what I'm going to say. It's not a secret,

58:12

you know. You just reach out to her

58:14

and have a conversation with her. She

58:17

didn't return your text, she didn't call. Go to her

58:19

fucking house. Ava go

58:21

to her house and knock on the door, and

58:24

if she doesn't let you in, keep

58:26

calling and keep texting, and

58:28

then after about a month, if she just absolutely

58:31

doesn't respond, fall back

58:35

and then give her about

58:37

two weeks after that month and contact

58:40

her because remember she lost her mom. This

58:42

is some heavy shit. So I'm

58:44

going to say that to say, like, don't give up on your

58:46

friendship. Give her some space. Also,

58:51

you could write her a letter, put it in her mailbox

58:53

when you go to her house.

58:56

To knock on the door or whatever. Have

58:58

a letter already, work hard.

59:01

That you know says something, you

59:04

know that I think we need to talk about this.

59:06

I miss you, I love you. I want to be

59:08

here for you. I think we that

59:10

we had a misunderstanding. You know, you

59:13

kind of got to put forward a little more effort because

59:16

she's your friend and she lost her mind. You

59:18

know, because let me tell you something,

59:21

people passing away and

59:23

friends not showing up. I

59:26

don't give a fuck what's going I don't care if we're

59:28

not talking. I don't care if you hate my

59:30

guts, I don't care about any of that. But

59:33

not showing up when you lose somebody that's

59:35

really close to you, Yeah,

59:37

that's for me that those are grounds to dead

59:40

a friendship and I've done it.

59:43

I've done it, like you don't.

59:45

I just think that it's ignorant

59:48

and I think it really shows who

59:51

people are. And

59:54

so for me, I

59:57

feel like you need to kind of work a little harder

59:59

to make it right because she

1:00:01

lost a loved one and she lost

1:00:04

her mother. She needs a lot of support,

1:00:06

and I think that, you know, you kind

1:00:08

of got to step up and be a really good

1:00:10

friend her and try to help her

1:00:12

out.

1:00:13

Now, if after a.

1:00:14

Month it calls texts,

1:00:17

smoke signals, smoke stacks, morse

1:00:19

code braille on

1:00:22

her front door, like serenading

1:00:24

her from the ground, being

1:00:28

a little stalkrish if

1:00:30

she is not responsive, then you just kind of got to back

1:00:33

up and just pray about it and release it

1:00:35

and just pray that she comes around, and

1:00:37

also pray that when she comes around that you even

1:00:40

are interested in still being friends,

1:00:42

because sometimes people can do that

1:00:44

shit where they like go underground and

1:00:46

then come back and

1:00:48

you're like, yeah, I don't want to deal

1:00:51

with this anymore.

1:00:53

You've been gone for so long that I don't even want

1:00:55

to deal with it.

1:00:55

So try your best to communicate

1:00:57

with her because

1:01:00

she's in a low place right now. But

1:01:02

after about two months, like

1:01:05

you kind of got to just release that

1:01:07

thing and pray to God because

1:01:09

you shouldn't have to chase her like forever,

1:01:13

because after two months like she might

1:01:15

be saying like, no, I don't want this to go any

1:01:17

further, and she has that right, and I

1:01:19

pray that it works out. I pray

1:01:21

that she answers you and that you guys

1:01:24

can talk it out and work it.

1:01:25

Out and make it work.

1:01:27

Because being friends with somebody

1:01:29

and losing a friendship that

1:01:32

long, it's like a fucking death in

1:01:34

and of its in and of itself. Trust

1:01:37

me, I know I've experienced that

1:01:39

death more times than I

1:01:41

would like to even count. So

1:01:45

good luck, Ava. It makes me so

1:01:47

sad to hear this, but I'm hoping

1:01:49

that and praying that everything

1:01:52

works itself out. It's gonna

1:01:55

happen. I believe it because I

1:01:57

believe and

1:02:02

positive stuff I wanted

1:02:04

to happen. I really wanted to happen for you, and it

1:02:06

is it is. That

1:02:10

sound means that it's going to happen. Friends

1:02:15

in Kim for today's we Got to Do Better

1:02:18

segment, I am

1:02:20

reading a quote from Barbara Jordan.

1:02:23

And if you don't know who Barbara Jordan is, go

1:02:26

to.

1:02:26

Google and get yourself together, okay, because you

1:02:28

should know who she is. Especially

1:02:30

you should know who she is period. But

1:02:33

if you are black, and you are Black American, there's

1:02:36

no reason why you should not know who she is. Anyway,

1:02:39

it says I never intended to become

1:02:42

a run of the male person. And

1:02:45

I really love that quote. And I love it because,

1:02:49

you know, it

1:02:52

kind of just says exactly

1:02:55

what everybody should

1:02:57

be thinking, nobody should want to be. I

1:03:00

have this conversation with my students all

1:03:03

the time when I talk to them about

1:03:05

complacency and being okay

1:03:07

with having c's and sometimes

1:03:09

even ds like you should never

1:03:12

be okay with being average

1:03:14

or being run of the mill, or doing the.

1:03:16

Same thing that everybody else is doing.

1:03:18

That should never be okay to you. You should want to

1:03:20

be exceptional, you should want to be great,

1:03:23

you should want to be different. So

1:03:26

shut out to you, Auntie, Barbara,

1:03:29

Auntie Barbara Jordan for

1:03:31

that one, because nobody should ever

1:03:33

intend or have the intention

1:03:36

or have the what

1:03:40

am I trying to say, or have the mindset

1:03:44

of complacency where

1:03:46

being run of the mill and average or

1:03:49

mediocre is okay, and

1:03:51

if you do that is fine

1:03:53

for you. But I just want you to know it's

1:03:55

not going to get you far. It's not going to get

1:03:58

you far at all.

1:04:03

We are not made to be run of the mill. We

1:04:05

are made to be exceptional. So go

1:04:07

out and be great.

1:04:21

Friends again. The first thing that I want to do.

1:04:23

Is say thank you to God first and foremost,

1:04:25

because God is supreme and I

1:04:27

recognize and appreciate the grace that

1:04:30

my God extends me every single day of my

1:04:32

what black ass life.

1:04:35

I want to say thank.

1:04:36

You to my people and for my

1:04:38

people. Thank you to each and every

1:04:40

one of you guys that has been rocking with

1:04:42

me since day one, which

1:04:44

is March the first of twenty twenty.

1:04:46

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I truly

1:04:48

appreciate you for being here. And even if you

1:04:50

just started listening today,

1:04:54

I thank you for.

1:04:55

That as well.

1:04:56

I'm grateful either way, and I am thankful

1:04:58

for my family, my friends,

1:05:00

my friends and can all of my supporters and of course,

1:05:02

most importantly, every single one of

1:05:04

you guys that are out there listening to

1:05:07

the sound of my voice. I love

1:05:09

you guys so much and It's nothing short of an

1:05:12

honor and a privilege for me to share

1:05:14

my time and my energy with you, especially

1:05:17

if you choose me and

1:05:20

you choose to keep coming back to

1:05:22

spend time and energy with me.

1:05:24

I look forward to the next

1:05:26

time we.

1:05:26

Get to do this, which will be next Tuesday, and

1:05:31

I'm excited for it because next Tuesday

1:05:33

will be the

1:05:35

end of the series between the

1:05:38

Excuse Me, the end of the series where I'm

1:05:40

in a conversation with Marcy Depina

1:05:43

about Sweet Daddy Grace.

1:05:46

So I'm excited for

1:05:48

the culmination of that conversation. Now,

1:05:51

before you exit out of whatever streaming

1:05:53

service you're using to listen to this, please

1:05:56

stop what you're doing, and if

1:05:58

you haven't already done so, look for the subscribe

1:06:00

or followup button click on it if that's

1:06:02

an option for you on the

1:06:04

streaming service where you're listening. So

1:06:07

first, I want you to subscribe or follow

1:06:09

hand Me my Purse on the streaming service where

1:06:11

you listen to podcasts. Next,

1:06:14

I want you to go over to Instagram and follow me at

1:06:17

hand Me my Purse Underscore podcast.

1:06:20

Also follow me on threads.

1:06:24

I was about to call it something else threads

1:06:27

and the link to that is going to be in

1:06:30

my Instagram profile. You'll see

1:06:32

my name with a little at in

1:06:34

a little oval right under

1:06:37

my picture. Click on that, go over to threads,

1:06:39

follow me, and on Facebook, just search Handing

1:06:42

my Purse podcast. If you listen on the streaming

1:06:44

service or medium that allows

1:06:46

you to do so, please rate and review the show

1:06:48

or give it a thumbs up if you can. Friends

1:06:51

that can, be sure to share Handing my Purse

1:06:53

with your friends, your family, your

1:06:55

loved ones, and even the people

1:06:57

that you fucking just don't like. Because

1:07:00

the best way for people to find out about him

1:07:02

In My Purse is by word of mouth. It's

1:07:05

by you guys telling them all about the

1:07:07

show. So tell a friend to

1:07:09

tell a friend to

1:07:12

tell a friend. Please submit

1:07:15

your questions for the straight Facts segment by clicking

1:07:17

on the link in the show notes that says

1:07:21

submit a question for stray facts. It's

1:07:24

real simple, friends and can It's real simple.

1:07:26

Or you can click the link and my Instagram profile

1:07:30

and just look for the button that

1:07:32

directs you to submit a question, and

1:07:34

you never know, your question may just be featured

1:07:37

on an upcoming show. I'm starting

1:07:39

to look for show. I mean questions for

1:07:42

next year's shows for the shows for twenty

1:07:45

twenty four, so please submit

1:07:47

some good questions for me. I

1:07:49

look forward to them. I get excited

1:07:51

to read the questions that you guys submit. You guys

1:07:53

submit some good stuff, so

1:07:56

go ahead and start send me some questions so we

1:07:58

can get ready for twenty twenty four. Also,

1:08:01

I want you to remember that show notes are always

1:08:03

available in the episode description. Wherever

1:08:06

you are listening to the show, be sure to take a look

1:08:09

at the show notes because that is where I put all

1:08:11

the links and other information that I mentioned

1:08:13

during the show that you may want to check

1:08:15

out, in addition to some extra stuff sometimes

1:08:18

that I just want to share with you, just

1:08:21

so you know. The

1:08:24

music for Handing my Purse the

1:08:26

Podcast is provided by none

1:08:28

other than West Baltimore's

1:08:31

own Gloomy Tunes. Shout out the Gloomy

1:08:33

Tunes. And

1:08:36

last but not least, I want to give a big old shout

1:08:39

out to my producers Taylor

1:08:41

and Evan. Together we make up Window

1:08:43

Banjo and the Dirty

1:08:46

Throats, and

1:08:48

I want you guys to never forget that I

1:08:50

look forward to you looking forward

1:08:52

to listening to hand In my Purse the Podcast

1:08:55

each and every

1:08:57

Single Tuesday and I'm

1:09:00

out this Bitch Peace.

1:09:11

Hand Me my Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts.

1:09:14

For more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit

1:09:16

the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

1:09:18

or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.