0:00

Chapter 102, Caring. June

0:06

3rd, 1992. Professor

0:11

Quirrell was very sick. He

0:14

had seemed better for a while after

0:17

drinking his unicorn's blood in May. But

0:20

the air of intense power which had

0:22

surrounded him afterward hadn't lasted

0:24

even a day.

0:27

By the Ides of May, Professor

0:29

Quirrell's hands had been trembling again,

0:32

though subtly. The defense

0:34

professor's medical regimen had been

0:37

interrupted too early, it seemed. Six

0:41

days ago, Professor Quirrell had

0:43

collapsed at dinner time. Madam

0:46

Pomfrey had tried to forbid Professor

0:49

Quirrell from teaching classes, and

0:51

Professor Quirrell had shouted

0:53

at her in front of everyone.

0:56

The defense professor had shouted that

0:58

he was dying regardless, and

1:01

would use his remaining time as he

1:03

chose.

1:05

So, Madam Pomfrey, blinking

1:07

hard, had forbidden the defense

1:09

professor from doing anything except

1:12

teaching his classes.

1:15

She'd asked for a volunteer to help

1:17

her take Professor Quirrell to a room in

1:19

the Hogwarts infirmary.

1:21

More than a hundred students had risen

1:24

to their feet, only half

1:26

wearing green. The

1:28

defense professor no longer sat

1:30

at the head table during mealtimes.

1:34

He didn't cast spells during

1:36

lessons. The oldest students

1:38

who had the most quirrel points helped

1:41

him to teach. The seventh years,

1:43

who had already set their defense NEWTs

1:46

in May. They took turns

1:49

floating him from his room in the infirmary

1:51

to his classes, and brought him

1:53

food at mealtimes.

1:56

Professor Quirrell proctored his battle

1:58

magic classes from a chair. sitting.

2:02

Watching Hermione die had

2:04

hurt more than this, but

2:07

that had ended much more

2:09

quickly.

2:11

This is the true

2:14

enemy. Harry had

2:16

already thought that after Hermione

2:18

had died, being forced

2:20

to watch Professor Quirrell die, day

2:23

by day, week by

2:25

week,

2:27

had not done much to change his mind.

2:30

This is the true enemy

2:33

I have to face. Harry's

2:36

thought in Wednesday's defence class,

2:38

watching Professor Quirrell leaning far

2:41

to one side of his chair before

2:43

that day's seventh year assistant

2:45

caught him.

2:47

Everything else is just shadows

2:50

and distraction. Harry

2:53

had been turning over Trelawney's prophecy

2:56

in his mind, wondering if maybe

2:58

the true Dark Lord had nothing

3:01

to do with Lord Voldemort at all.

3:03

Born to those who have thrice

3:06

defied him,

3:07

seemed to strongly invoke the Peverale

3:10

brothers and

3:11

the three Deathly Hallows, though

3:13

Harry didn't exactly see how death

3:16

could have marked him as an equal, which

3:18

seemed to imply some sort of deliberate

3:21

action on death's part. This

3:23

alone is the

3:26

true enemy, Harry thought.

3:30

After this will come Professor McGonagall,

3:33

mum and dad, even

3:35

Neville in his time, unless

3:39

the wound in the world can be healed

3:42

before then. There

3:44

was nothing Harry could do.

3:47

Madame Pumphrey was already doing

3:49

for Professor Quirrell what magic could

3:52

do, and magic seemed

3:54

strictly superior to muggle techniques

3:56

when it came to healing.

3:59

There was nothing Nothing Harry could do.

4:02

Nothing he could

4:05

do. Nothing?

4:09

Nothing at all. Harry

4:14

raised his hand and knocked upon the door,

4:16

in case the person there could no longer

4:19

detect him.

4:20

What is

4:23

it? came a strained

4:25

voice from the infirmary room. It's

4:29

me. There was a long

4:31

pause. Come

4:34

in, said that voice.

4:38

Harry slipped inside and closed the door

4:40

behind him and cast the quieting

4:43

charm. He stood

4:45

as far away from Professor Quirrell as he

4:47

could,

4:48

just in case his own magic was making

4:50

the professor feel uncomfortable, though

4:53

the sense of doom was fading.

4:56

Stitching with each passing

4:59

day.

5:01

Professor Quirrell was lying back in his

5:03

infirmary bed, only his head

5:05

propped up by a pillow.

5:07

A coverlet of cottony material,

5:10

red with black stitching, covered him

5:12

to his chest.

5:14

A book hovered before his eyes,

5:16

outlined in a pale glow which also

5:19

surrounded a black cube lying

5:21

by the bed.

5:22

Not the defense professor's own magic

5:25

then, but a device of some

5:27

kind.

5:29

The book was Thinking Physics

5:32

by Epstein, the same book

5:34

Harry had lent to Draco a few months

5:36

back.

5:38

Harry had stopped fretting about

5:40

its possible misuse several

5:42

weeks earlier. This!

5:46

Professor

5:49

Quirrell said and coughed. It

5:51

didn't sound quite right. This

5:55

is a fascinating

5:58

book. I'd

6:01

ever realized. A

6:04

laugh mixed with another cough. Why

6:09

did I assume the

6:12

Muggle Arts must

6:15

not be mine?

6:18

That they would be of no use

6:21

to me? Why

6:27

did I never

6:29

bother trying to test

6:31

it? Experimentally,

6:35

as you would say. In

6:38

case my

6:40

assumption

6:43

was wrong. It

6:45

seems surely

6:47

foolish of me in retrospect.

6:53

Harry was having more trouble speaking

6:55

than Professor Quirrell was. Wordlessly,

6:58

Harry reached into his pocket and laid

7:00

a kachif on the floor,

7:02

which he unfolded to reveal

7:05

a small white pebble, smooth

7:08

and round.

7:10

What's that?

7:13

said the Defense Professor. It's

7:18

a... it's

7:20

a... a transfigured unicorn.

7:25

Harry had checked the books, had

7:27

learned that since he was too young to have

7:30

sexual thoughts, he would be

7:32

able to approach a unicorn without

7:34

fear.

7:36

When the same books had said nothing about

7:38

unicorns being smart, Harry

7:41

had already noticed that every intelligent

7:43

magical species was at least partially

7:46

humanoid,

7:47

from merfolk to centaurs

7:49

to giants,

7:50

from elves to goblins to

7:53

vela. All had

7:55

essentially human-like emotions, many

7:58

were known to interbreed. with humans.

8:02

Harry had already reasoned out that magic

8:04

didn't create new intelligence, but

8:07

just changed the shape of genetically

8:09

human beings.

8:12

Unicorns were equinoid, were

8:14

not even partially humanoid,

8:17

didn't talk, used no

8:20

tools, they were almost certainly

8:23

just magical horses.

8:25

If it was right to eat a cow to feed

8:28

yourself for a day, then

8:30

it had to be right to drink

8:32

a unicorn's blood in order to stave

8:34

off death for weeks.

8:37

You couldn't have it both ways. So,

8:40

Harry had gone into the forbidden

8:43

forest, wearing his cloak.

8:45

He had searched the grove of

8:48

unicorns until he saw her, a

8:50

proud creature with a pure white

8:52

coat and violet hair, with

8:55

three blue blotches on her flank.

8:59

Harry had gone over, and

9:01

the sapphire eyes had stared

9:03

at him inquisitively.

9:06

Harry had tapped out the sequence,

9:09

one, two, three on

9:11

the ground several times with his shoes.

9:15

The unicorn had shown no sign of

9:17

responding in kind. Harry

9:20

had reached over,

9:22

taken her hoof in his hand and

9:24

tapped the same sequence with the unicorn's

9:26

hoof.

9:28

The unicorn had only looked at him

9:30

curiously. And

9:33

something about feeding the unicorn

9:36

the sleeping potion laced sugar

9:38

cubes had still felt

9:40

like murder.

9:43

That magic gives their existence

9:46

a weight of meaning which no

9:48

mere animal could possess.

9:52

Do slay something innocent

9:54

to save oneself. That

9:58

is a very grave scene. Those

10:02

two phrases, from Professor McGolligle,

10:04

from the Centaur, had both

10:07

run through Harry's mind over

10:09

and over as the white unicorn

10:11

had yawned, laid down

10:14

on the ground,

10:15

and closed its eyes for what

10:17

would be the last time. The

10:20

transfiguration had lasted an hour,

10:23

and Harry's eyes had watered repeatedly

10:25

as he worked.

10:27

The unicorn's death might not have

10:30

come then, but it would

10:32

come soon enough, and it was

10:34

foreign to Harry's nature to try to refuse

10:37

responsibility of any kind. Harry

10:40

would just have to hope that, if

10:42

you didn't kill the unicorn to save

10:44

yourself, if you did it to

10:47

help a friend, it would be

10:50

acceptable in the end. Professor

10:53

Quirrell's eyebrows had climbed toward

10:56

his hairline. His

10:58

voice was less soft, had

11:00

something of his normal sharpness as

11:02

he said, I

11:05

forbid you from doing that

11:09

again.

11:11

I wondered if you'd say that,

11:14

Harry said.

11:15

He swallowed again. But

11:18

this unicorn is already... doomed,

11:24

so you might as well take it, Professor.

11:29

Why have you done this? If

11:33

the defence professor really didn't

11:35

understand that, he was slower

11:37

on the uptake than anyone Harry had

11:40

ever met. I kept

11:42

thinking, there was nothing I

11:44

could do, Harry said. I

11:47

got tired of thinking it. Professor

11:51

Quirrell closed his eyes. His

11:54

head leaned back into the pillow. You

11:57

are... Lucky,

12:01

the defense professor said in a soft

12:03

voice, that a unicorn

12:06

in transfigured form did

12:09

not set off the Hogwarts

12:11

wards as a strange

12:14

creature. I

12:16

shall have to take

12:19

this outside the grounds

12:21

to make use of it,

12:24

but that can

12:26

be managed. I

12:28

shall tell them that I wish to

12:30

look upon the lake. I

12:34

will ask you to sustain

12:36

the transfiguration before

12:39

you go, and it

12:41

should last long enough

12:43

after that. And

12:46

with my last strength, dispel

12:50

whatever death alarms were

12:53

placed to watch over the herd,

12:56

which, the unicorn

12:58

being not yet dead

13:01

but only transfigured, will

13:04

not yet have triggered.

13:07

You are very

13:10

lucky, Mr. Potter.

13:14

Harry nodded. He started

13:16

to speak, then stopped again.

13:20

Words seemed to stick in his throat once

13:22

more.

13:24

You already calculated the

13:26

expected utilities. If

13:28

it works, if it goes

13:31

wrong, you assigned

13:33

probabilities. You multiplied,

13:36

and then you threw out the answer and

13:38

went with your new gut feeling, which

13:41

was the same. So

13:43

say it. Do

13:46

you know, Harry said unsteadily,

13:50

of any way at all by

13:53

which your life might be saved?

13:57

The defense professor's eyes opened.

14:00

Why, do

14:03

you ask me that boy?

14:08

There's a spell

14:11

I heard of, a ritual.

14:15

Be silent, said

14:18

the defense professor.

14:19

An instant later, a snake lay

14:22

in the bed. Even the

14:24

snake's eyes were dull.

14:27

Hissed did not rise.

14:30

Speak on! Hissed

14:34

that snake, its flickering

14:36

tongue its only motion. There

14:39

is, there

14:42

is, a ritual

14:44

I heard of from the

14:47

schoolmaster, by

14:49

which he thinks the

14:51

Dark Lord might have lived

14:54

on.

14:55

It is called... And

14:58

Harry stopped, as he realized that

15:00

he did know how to say the

15:02

word in Parseltown.

15:05

Oh, cracks! It

15:08

requires a death I

15:11

have heard.

15:12

But if you are dying in any

15:15

case, you might try

15:17

to adapt the ritual, even

15:20

at great risk for the

15:22

new spell, so

15:24

that it can be done with a different

15:28

sacrifice. It

15:30

would change the whole world

15:33

if you succeed, though

15:35

I don't know anything about the spell.

15:38

The schoolmaster thought

15:41

it tore off a piece of soul,

15:44

though I don't see how that could

15:46

be

15:46

true. The

15:48

snake was hissing laughter. A

15:51

strange, sharp laughter.

15:54

Almost hysterical. You

15:57

tell me of that spell!

16:00

Spell me! You

16:03

must learn more caution

16:06

in the future, boy.

16:09

But it matters

16:11

not. I learned

16:13

of the Horcrux spell

16:16

since long ago. It is

16:19

meaningless."

16:22

Meaningless? Hari

16:25

said aloud in surprise. Would

16:28

be pointless spell

16:30

from beginning, if souls

16:34

existed.

16:36

Tear piece of soul?

16:38

That is lie.

16:42

Misdirection to hide

16:44

true secret. Only

16:48

one who does not believe

16:50

in common lies will

16:52

reason further.

16:54

See beneath obstruction,

16:58

realize how to cast

17:00

spell.

17:02

Required murder is

17:04

not sacrificial ritual

17:06

at all. Sudden

17:09

death sometimes makes

17:12

ghost if magic bursts

17:15

and imprints on nearby

17:17

thing. Horcrux

17:20

spell channels death

17:23

burst through caster,

17:26

creates own ghosts

17:28

instead of victims, imprints

17:32

ghost in special device.

17:36

Second victim picks up

17:39

Horcrux device, device

17:42

imprints your memories

17:44

into them, but only

17:47

memories from time Horcrux

17:50

device was made.

17:53

You see floor?

18:00

Harry's throat. No

18:02

continuity of... There

18:06

wasn't a snake word for consciousness.

18:09

Self. You would go

18:12

on thinking after making the

18:14

Horcrux, then self,

18:17

with new memories, dies and

18:20

is not

18:20

restored.

18:23

Yes, you do

18:26

see. Also,

18:28

Merlin's interdict prevents

18:31

powerful spells from passing

18:34

through such a device since

18:37

it is not truly alive.

18:41

Dark wizards who think

18:43

to return thus are weaker,

18:47

easily dispatched. None

18:49

have persisted long

18:52

by such means.

18:55

Personalities change,

18:58

mix with victims. Death

19:01

is not truly games-ed.

19:05

Real self is lost, as

19:08

you say.

19:09

Not my present taste.

19:13

Admit I considered

19:15

it long ago.

19:18

A man was lying in the infirmary

19:20

bed once more. The

19:23

defence professor breathed, then

19:25

made a wretched coughing sound.

19:29

Can you give me a full recipe

19:31

for the spell? Harry said

19:33

after a moment to liberation. There

19:36

might be some way to improve on the floors,

19:39

with enough research, some way

19:41

to do it ethically and have

19:43

it work. Like doing

19:46

the transfer into a clone body with a

19:48

blank brain instead of an innocent

19:50

victim which might also improve

19:53

the fidelity of the personality transfer,

19:56

though that still left the other problems.

19:59

Professor Quirrell made a short sound under

20:02

his breath that might have been laughter.

20:06

You know, boy,

20:09

Professor Quirrell whispered, I

20:12

had thought to

20:16

teach you everything,

20:19

the seeds of all

20:22

the secrets I knew,

20:25

from one living mind

20:27

to another. So that

20:29

later, when you

20:32

found the right books, you

20:35

would be able to understand.

20:38

I would have passed on my

20:41

knowledge to you, my heir.

20:43

We

20:46

would have begun as soon as

20:48

you asked me, but you

20:52

never asked. Even

20:55

the grief surrounding Harry like

20:57

thick water gave way to that,

21:00

to the sheer magnitude of the missed

21:03

opportunity.

21:05

I was supposed to, I didn't

21:09

know I was supposed to. Another

21:12

coughing chuckle. Yes,

21:18

the unknowing muggle

21:20

born in heritage,

21:23

if not in blood, that

21:27

is you.

21:29

But I thought,

21:32

better of it,

21:33

that you should not walk

21:35

my path. It

21:38

was not a

21:40

good path in the end.

21:44

It's not too late, Professor. Harry

21:47

said. A part of Harry yelled

21:49

that he was being selfish and then another

21:52

part shouted that down. There

21:54

would be other people to help.

21:58

Yes, it is. It

22:00

is too late,

22:03

and you shall not persuade

22:07

me otherwise.

22:09

I have

22:12

thought better of it, as

22:14

I said.

22:15

I am too full

22:19

of secrets, better left

22:23

unknown.

22:25

Look at me.

22:30

Harry looked, almost

22:32

despite himself. He

22:35

saw a still, unrinkled

22:37

face, looking old and

22:39

pained, beneath the head rapidly

22:42

losing its hair, even the

22:44

sides looking wispy now. Harry

22:48

saw a face he'd always thought was

22:50

sharp, now revealed

22:52

as thin,

22:54

muscle and fat fading away

22:56

from the face, as from

22:58

the arms beneath it, like

23:01

the skeletal form of Bellatrix

23:03

Black he'd seen in Azkaban. Harry's

23:07

head wrenched aside, unthinkingly.

23:12

You see, whispered the Professor.

23:18

I dislike to sound cliché,

23:22

mister Potter,

23:24

but the truth is, the arts

23:28

called dark, really

23:31

are not good for

23:34

a person, in the end. Professor

23:38

Quirrell breathed in, breathed

23:42

out. There was

23:45

quiet for a time in the

23:47

infirmary. The two

23:49

of them watched only by the elaborately

23:52

ornamented stone of the walls.

23:56

Is there anything

23:58

left, unknown? and said

24:01

between us, said Professor

24:03

Quirrell, I

24:05

am not dying today, mind you, not

24:08

right now,

24:12

but I do not know how long

24:15

I shall

24:18

be able to converse.

24:21

There's, Harry said, swallowed

24:25

again, there's

24:27

a lot of things, way

24:29

too many things, but

24:33

it might be the wrong thing to ask, but

24:36

I don't want this one

24:38

question unanswered. Snake?

24:43

A snake lay on the bed. I

24:47

learned how the killing curse

24:49

works, requires

24:52

true hate to cast, not

24:55

much hate, but must want

24:57

target dead, they say.

25:00

In prison, with life eaters,

25:03

you cast killing curse

25:06

at guard. Said

25:08

you did not want him dead, was

25:11

that lie? Here,

25:14

now, at this distance,

25:17

you may speak truth. Even

25:21

if you fear it reflects poorly

25:23

on you, it should not

25:26

matter now, teacher. I

25:29

wish to know, must

25:32

know, will not abandon

25:34

you either way.

25:37

A man lay on the bed. Listen

25:41

carefully, Professor

25:43

Quirrell whispered. I

25:46

will tell you a conundrum,

25:48

a riddle of

25:51

a dangerous spell. When

25:55

you know the answer to that

25:57

puzzle, you will also

26:00

You know the answer

26:03

to your question. Are

26:06

you listening?" Harry

26:10

nodded. There

26:12

is a limitation to the killing cast. To

26:18

cast it once in

26:21

a fight, you must hate

26:24

enough to want the other dead. To

26:28

cast Avada Ghadavra

26:32

twice, you must

26:35

hate enough to

26:38

kill

26:39

twice. To

26:42

cut their throat with your

26:44

own hands. To

26:46

watch them die. Then

26:50

do it again. Very

26:54

few can hate

26:57

enough to kill

27:00

someone five times.

27:04

They would get bored.

27:11

The defense professor breathed several

27:14

times before continuing. But

27:18

if you look at history,

27:23

you will find some

27:25

dark wizards who

27:28

could cast the killing curse

27:31

over and over.

27:34

A nineteenth century witch

27:38

who called herself

27:41

Dark Evangel.

27:43

The Auras called

27:45

her A.K.

27:48

McDowell. She

27:51

could cast the killing curse

27:55

a dozen times

27:58

in one fight.

28:01

Ask yourself, as

28:04

I asked myself,

28:08

what is the secret that she

28:10

knew?

28:15

What is deadlier than

28:17

hate and flows

28:21

without limit? A

28:24

second level to the Avada

28:26

Kadavra spell, just like

28:28

with the Patronus Charm. I

28:31

don't really care, Harry

28:35

answered. The

28:37

defense professor chuckled wetly.

28:42

Good. You

28:45

are... learning.

28:48

So... you see. A

28:52

pause of transformation. I

28:56

did not wish guard

28:58

death after all. Caste

29:01

killing curse, but not

29:04

with hate.

29:06

And then a man.

29:09

Harry swallowed hard. It

29:12

was both better and

29:15

worse than what Harry had suspected.

29:18

And characteristic enough of Professor

29:20

Quirrell. A cracked soul

29:23

for certain. But

29:26

Professor Quirrell had never claimed to

29:28

be whole. Any

29:31

else? To

29:35

say, said the man in

29:37

the bed. Are

29:39

you absolutely sure,

29:42

Harry said, that there is nothing

29:45

you've ever heard of that might save

29:48

you, Professor. In all your

29:50

lore, finding and uniting

29:53

all three deathly Hallows.

29:54

An ancient artifact

29:56

that Merlin sealed behind a riddle nobody's

29:58

ever figured out. You've seen

30:01

some of what I can do, that I'm

30:03

good at solving riddles. You

30:05

know I can figure things out sometimes

30:07

that other wizards can't. I-

30:12

Harry's voice broke. I

30:14

have a strong preference for your life. Over

30:17

your death, Professor Quirrell. There

30:20

was a long pause. One

30:25

thing- Whispered Professor

30:27

Quirrell. One

30:30

thing- That might

30:33

do it. Or

30:35

it might not. But

30:38

to obtain it,

30:39

is beyond your power

30:42

or mine. Oh,

30:46

it was just the setup for a sub-quest,

30:49

said Harry's inner critic. All

30:52

the other parts screamed for that

30:54

part to shut up. Life

30:57

didn't work like that.

30:59

Ancient artifacts could be found,

31:02

but not in a month.

31:03

Not when you couldn't leave Hogwarts

31:06

and were still in your first year. Professor

31:10

Quirrell took in a deep breath. Exhaled.

31:15

Ah, I'm sorry.

31:18

That came out too

31:21

dramatic. Do not get

31:25

your hopes up,

31:27

Mr. Potter. You

31:30

asked for anything. No

31:34

matter how unlikely- There

31:38

is a certain

31:41

object called-

31:44

A snake lay on the bed. The

31:48

philosopher's stone. Stone,

31:50

ist the snake.

31:54

If there'd been a mass, manufacturable

31:57

means of safe immortality this

31:59

entire-

31:59

time and nobody had

32:02

bothered, Harry was going

32:04

to snap and kill

32:06

everyone.

32:09

I read of it in a book,

32:12

Harry hissed, concluded

32:14

it was obvious myth.

32:17

No reason why same

32:20

device would provide immortality

32:23

and endless gold. But

32:26

unless someone was just

32:29

inventing happy stories.

32:33

Not to mention every sane

32:36

person should have been researching

32:39

ways to make more stones

32:42

or kidnapping maker to produce.

32:45

Thought of you specifically

32:48

teacher.

32:50

A hissing of cold laughter.

32:56

Reasoning is wise,

32:59

but not wise enough.

33:03

Like with Horcrux's spell,

33:06

absurdity hides true

33:09

secret. True stone

33:12

is not what that legend

33:15

says. True

33:17

power is not what

33:19

stories claim.

33:21

One supposed maker

33:24

was not one who made it. One

33:28

who holds it now was

33:31

not born to name now

33:33

used.

33:35

Yet stone is powerful

33:37

healing device in truth. Have

33:40

you heard it spoken of?

33:44

Just in the book. One

33:48

who holds stone is

33:51

repository of much

33:53

law. Taught school

33:55

master many secrets. School

33:59

master.

33:59

has said nothing of stone's

34:02

holder, nothing of stone,

34:05

no hints.

34:09

Not that I can easily

34:11

recall,"

34:12

Harry replied honestly. Ah,

34:17

hissed the snake. Ah,

34:20

well.

34:23

Could ask Schoolmaster,

34:26

no, do not ask

34:28

him, boy. He would not

34:31

take question well.

34:34

But if stone only

34:36

heals, Schoolmaster

34:39

does not believe that, would

34:42

not believe that. Too

34:45

many have sought stone

34:47

or sought holder's law.

34:50

Do not ask, must

34:53

not ask. Do

34:55

not try to obtain stone

34:57

yourself. I forbid.

35:02

A man lay on the bed once

35:04

more. I

35:07

am at my

35:10

limit, said Professor

35:13

Quirrell.

35:14

I must regain my

35:17

strength

35:18

before I go to the forest

35:22

over the forest with

35:24

your

35:25

gift. Leave

35:28

now, but sustain

35:32

the transfiguration before

35:35

you go. Harry

35:39

reached out, touched the

35:41

white pebble lying within the Khachif,

35:44

renewing the transfiguration on it. It

35:47

should last for one hour

35:49

and fifty-three minutes after this,

35:52

Harry said. Your

35:55

studies do well.

36:01

It was far longer than Harry's transfigurations

36:04

had lasted at the start of the school

36:06

year.

36:07

Second year spells came to him

36:09

easily now, without strain, which

36:12

wasn't surprising, since he would be

36:14

twelve in less than two months.

36:18

Harry could even have cast a memory

36:20

charm, if it had been good for

36:22

someone to forget every memory involving

36:24

their left arm.

36:26

He was climbing the power

36:29

ladder, slowly, from

36:31

very far down. The

36:34

thought came with the potential for

36:36

sadness, a thought

36:38

of one door opening as another

36:41

closed, which Harry

36:43

also rejected. The

36:47

door to the infirmary closed

36:49

behind Harry, as the boy who

36:51

lived walked swiftly and

36:53

with purpose,

36:55

shrugging on his invisibility cloak

36:57

as he moved.

36:59

Soon, presumably, Professor

37:02

Quirrell would call for assistance, and

37:04

an older student trio would guide

37:07

the defence professor into some quiet

37:09

place, maybe the forest,

37:12

with an excuse of viewing the lake or

37:14

some such.

37:16

Some place the defence professor could

37:18

eat a unicorn undetected,

37:21

after Harry's transfiguration wore

37:24

off. And

37:26

then, Professor Quirrell would

37:28

be healthier, for a time.

37:32

His power would return to him as strong

37:34

as he'd ever been, for

37:37

a much shorter time.

37:39

It wouldn't last. Harry's

37:43

fists clenched as he strode,

37:45

the tension radiating

37:47

up his arm muscles. If

37:49

the defence professor's treatment regimen

37:51

hadn't been interrupted by

37:53

Harry, and the auras that he

37:56

had brought to Hogwarts,

37:59

it was stupid. to blame himself. Harry

38:02

knew it was stupid and somehow

38:04

his brain was doing it anyway.

38:06

Like his brain was searching, carefully

38:09

finding and selecting some

38:11

way for this to be his fault, no

38:14

matter how far it had to stretch. As

38:17

if having things be his fault

38:19

was the only way that his brain knew how

38:21

to grieve. A

38:24

trio of seventh-year Slytherins

38:26

passed Harry's invisible form in

38:28

the hallway, heading for the healer's

38:30

office where the professor waited, looking

38:33

deeply serious and concerned.

38:36

Was that how other people grieved?

38:40

Or did they, on some level, not

38:43

really care, as

38:46

Professor Quirrell thought? There

38:49

is a second level to

38:52

the killing curse. Harry's

38:55

brain had solved the riddle instantly,

38:58

in the moment of first hearing it, as

39:01

though the knowledge had always been

39:03

inside him, waiting to make itself

39:05

known.

39:06

Harry had read once, somewhere,

39:10

that the opposite of happiness wasn't

39:12

sadness, but boredom,

39:15

and the author had gone on to say that to

39:18

find happiness in life, you

39:20

asked yourself not what would make

39:22

you happy, but what would excite

39:25

you.

39:26

And by the same reasoning, hatred

39:28

wasn't the true opposite of love. Even

39:32

hatred was a kind of respect that you

39:34

could give to someone's existence.

39:37

If you cared about someone enough

39:39

to prefer their dying to their living,

39:42

it meant you were thinking about

39:44

them.

39:46

It had come up much earlier, before

39:48

the trial, in conversation with Hermione,

39:51

when she had said something about magical

39:53

Britain being prejudiced with considerable

39:56

and recent justification. And

39:59

Harry had thought.

39:59

Hogwarts, but not said, that

40:02

at least she had been led into Hogwarts

40:05

to be spat upon.

40:07

Not like certain people living in

40:09

certain countries who were, as

40:12

it was said, as human as

40:14

anyone else,

40:16

who were said to be sapient

40:18

beings, worth more

40:20

than any mere unicorn,

40:23

but who, nonetheless, wouldn't

40:25

be allowed to live in muggle Britain.

40:29

From that score, at least, no

40:31

muggle had the right to look a wizard in the

40:33

eye. Magical Britain might

40:36

discriminate against muggle-borns, but

40:38

at least it allowed them inside so

40:41

they could be spat upon in person.

40:45

What is deadlier than hate

40:48

and flows without limit? Indifference.

40:54

Harry whispered aloud the secret

40:56

of a spell he would never be able to

40:58

cast, and kept

41:01

striding toward the library to read

41:03

anything he could find, anything

41:06

at all,

41:07

about the Philosopher's Stone.