0:00

A pinch of red-brown dust was

0:03

gently sifted into the potion's

0:05

cauldron and Harry asked

0:07

his fourth and final

0:09

question, the one that had seemed

0:12

to have the lowest priority but

0:14

still mattered.

0:16

What was your objective during

0:19

the Wizarding War? Harry said.

0:23

I mean, what? His

0:26

voice warbled. What

0:28

was the point of the entire

0:31

thing? His brain

0:33

repeated endlessly. Why?

0:38

Why? Why, Lord

0:41

Voldemort? Professor

0:44

Quirrell lifted an eyebrow. They

0:47

told you about David Monroe,

0:50

did they not? Yes,

0:54

you were both David

0:56

Monroe and Lord Voldemort

0:58

during the Wizarding War.

1:00

I understood that part. You

1:03

killed David Monroe, disguised

1:06

yourself as him and wiped

1:08

out David Monroe's family so they

1:10

wouldn't notice any differences.

1:13

Indeed. You

1:17

planned to control whichever side

1:20

won the Wizarding War, regardless

1:22

of which side won.

1:25

But why did one side

1:27

have to be Voldemort?

1:32

I mean, wouldn't it

1:35

have been easier to gain public support

1:37

with someone less…

1:40

With someone less Voldemort?

1:46

Professor Quirrell's mallet made an unusually

1:48

loud thud as it

1:50

crushed white butterfly wings, mixing

1:53

them with another bellflower.

1:56

I planned.

2:00

Quirrell said harshly, "'For

2:02

Lord Voldemort to lose

2:05

to David Monroe, the

2:08

flaw in that strategy was

2:11

the absolute wretchedness

2:14

of—" Professor

2:16

Quirrell stopped. "'No,

2:19

I am telling the tale

2:21

out of order. Listen,

2:23

boy, when I

2:25

had devised my great creation

2:28

and come into the fullness of

2:31

my magic, I thought

2:33

the time had come for me to take

2:35

political power into my

2:38

hands. It would be

2:41

inconvenient, certainly,

2:43

and take up my time in ways

2:45

that were not enjoyable.

2:49

But I knew the muggles would

2:51

eventually destroy the world

2:53

or make war on wizardkind,

2:57

or both, and something

2:59

had to be done if I was not

3:02

to wander a dead or dull

3:04

world through my eternity.

3:07

Having attained immortality,

3:10

I needed a new ambition

3:13

to occupy my decades,

3:16

and to prevent the muggles from ruining

3:19

everything seemed a goal of acceptable

3:22

scope, and difficulty.

3:24

It is a source

3:27

of continual amusement to me

3:29

that I, of all people, am

3:32

the only one really taking

3:35

action towards that end.

3:39

Though I suppose it would make sense

3:41

for the mortal insects not

3:43

to care about their world's

3:45

end, why should they,

3:48

when they are just going to

3:50

die regardless, and

3:52

conceive themselves the inconvenience

3:55

of trying to do anything difficult

3:57

along the way?' But

4:02

I digress. I

4:04

saw how Dumbledore had

4:07

risen to power from his defeat

4:09

of Grindelwald, so I

4:11

thought I would do the same.

4:15

I had long ago taken my

4:17

vengeance on David Monroe.

4:21

He was an annoyance

4:23

from my year in Slytherin. So

4:27

I bethought to also steal

4:30

his identity and wipe

4:32

out his family to make myself

4:35

heir of his house. And

4:39

I conceived also a great

4:42

foe for David Monroe to

4:44

fight, the most

4:47

terrifying Dark Lord

4:49

imaginable, clever

4:51

beyond reckoning. More

4:54

dangerous by far than

4:56

Grindelwald, for his

4:59

intelligence would be perfected

5:01

in all the ways that Grindelwald

5:04

had been flawed and

5:06

self-destructive. A

5:09

Dark Lord who would do

5:12

his cunning utmost to disrupt

5:14

the alliances who would fight

5:16

him. A Dark Lord

5:19

who would command the deepest

5:21

loyalty from his followers through

5:24

his oractical skills.

5:27

The most dreadful Dark

5:29

Lord who had ever threatened

5:32

Britain or the world. That

5:36

was who David Monroe

5:39

would defeat.

5:42

Professor Quirrell's mallet struck a bellflower

5:45

and then a different paleflower

5:47

with two more thuds. But

5:51

then, while I had sometimes

5:54

played the part of a dark wizard

5:57

in my wanderings, I

5:58

had never addressed it.

5:59

adopted the identity of a fully

6:02

fledged dark lord with

6:05

underlings and a political agenda.

6:09

I had no practice at the task,

6:12

and I was mindful of the story

6:15

of Dark Evangel and

6:17

the disaster of her first public

6:20

appearance. According

6:22

to what she said afterward, she

6:25

had meant to call herself the

6:27

walking catastrophe and

6:30

the apostle of darkness, but

6:33

in the excitement of the moment, she

6:36

introduced herself as the apostrophe

6:39

of darkness instead. After

6:42

that, she had to ruin

6:45

two entire villages before

6:47

anyone took her seriously.

6:51

"'So you decided

6:53

to try a small-scale

6:56

experiment first,' Harry

6:59

said. A

7:01

sickness rose up in him because

7:04

in that moment

7:07

Harry understood.

7:11

He saw himself reflected.

7:15

The next step was just what

7:17

Harry himself would have done, if

7:21

it had no trace of ethics

7:23

whatsoever, if he

7:25

had been that empty inside.'

7:28

"'You created

7:30

a disposable identity to

7:33

learn how the ropes worked and

7:36

get your mistakes out of the way.'

7:38

"'Indeed.

7:42

Before becoming a truly

7:44

terrible dark lord for David

7:47

Monroe to fight, I

7:49

first created for practice

7:52

the persona of a dark lord

7:55

with glowing red eyes, pointlessly

7:58

cruel to his handling.' pursuing

8:01

a political agenda of naked personal

8:04

ambition combined with blood

8:06

purism as argued by drunks

8:09

in Nocturne Alley. My

8:12

first underlings were hired

8:15

in a cavern, given cloaks

8:18

and skull masks, and

8:20

told to introduce themselves

8:22

as Death Eaters. The

8:27

sixth sense of understanding

8:30

deepened in the pit of Harry's stomach,

8:33

and you called yourself

8:37

Voldemort. Just

8:40

so, General Chaos.

8:44

Professor Quirrell was grinning from

8:47

where he stood by the cauldron. I

8:50

wanted it to be an anagram

8:52

of my name, but that

8:55

would only have worked if I'd convening

8:57

it, being given the middle name

8:59

of Marvolo. And

9:02

then it would have been a stretch. Our

9:05

actual middle name is Morphin,

9:08

if you're curious. But

9:11

I digress. I

9:15

thought Voldemort's career would last

9:17

only a few months, a

9:19

year at the longest, before

9:22

the Aurors brought down his underlings

9:25

and the disposable Dark Lord

9:27

vanished. As

9:30

you perceive, I

9:34

had vastly overestimated

9:36

my competition, and

9:40

I could not quite bring

9:43

myself to torture my

9:45

underlings when they brought me bad

9:47

news, no matter what

9:50

Dark Lord did in glaze. I

9:53

could not quite manage

9:56

to argue the tenants of blood purism

9:59

as incoherent. inherently as if

10:01

I were a drunk in Nocturne

10:04

Alley. I

10:06

was not trying

10:09

to be clever when I sent my underlings

10:12

on their missions, but neither

10:15

did I give them entirely

10:18

pointless orders." Professor

10:21

Quirrell gave a rueful grin that,

10:23

in another context, might

10:26

have been called charming. One

10:29

month after that, Bellatrix

10:32

Black prostrated herself

10:34

before me, and after three

10:37

months, Lucia

10:39

Smalfoy was negotiating

10:41

with me over glasses of expensive

10:44

fire whiskey. I

10:48

sighed, gave up all

10:50

hope for wizardkind, and

10:53

began as David Monroe

10:56

to oppose this fearsome

10:59

Lord Voldemort. And

11:03

then, what happened? A

11:07

snarl contorted Professor Quirrell's

11:09

face. The

11:12

absolute inadequacy

11:15

of every single

11:18

institution in the civilization

11:20

of magical Britain is

11:23

what happened. You

11:27

cannot comprehend

11:29

it, boy. I

11:32

cannot comprehend

11:34

it. It has to be seen, and even

11:37

then it cannot be believed. You

11:44

will have observed, perhaps,

11:47

that of your fellow students

11:49

who speak of their family's occupations,

11:53

three in four seem to

11:55

mention jobs in some

11:57

part or other of the ministry.

12:01

You, well wonder,

12:03

our country can manage to

12:05

employ three of its four

12:07

citizens in bureaucracy.

12:11

The answer is that

12:13

if they did not all

12:16

prevent each other from doing

12:18

their jobs, none

12:21

of them would have any work left

12:24

to do. The Aurors

12:27

were competent as individual

12:30

fighters. They did fight

12:32

dark wizards and only

12:34

the best survived to train new

12:36

recruits, but their leadership

12:40

was in absolute disarray.

12:43

The Ministry was so

12:46

busy rooting papers

12:48

that the country had no

12:51

effective opposition to Voldemort's

12:54

attacks except myself, Dumbledore,

12:59

and a handful of untrained

13:01

irregulars. Our

13:04

shiftless, incompetent, cowardly

13:07

layabout, Mondungus

13:10

Fletcher, was considered

13:12

a key asset in the Order

13:15

of the Phoenix. Because

13:18

being otherwise unemployed,

13:20

he did not need

13:23

to juggle another job.

13:27

I tried weakening

13:30

Voldemort's attacks to see if it

13:32

was possible for

13:34

him to lose. At

13:36

once, the Ministry

13:39

committed fewer

13:42

Aurors to oppose me. I

13:46

had read Mao's

13:48

little red book. I

13:50

had trained my

13:53

Death Eaters in Gorilla tactics

13:56

for nothing.

13:59

Nothing.

14:03

I was attacking all

14:05

of Magical Britain and in every

14:08

engagement my forces outnumbered

14:12

their opposition. In

14:16

desperation I

14:18

ordered my Death Eaters to systematically

14:22

assassinate every single

14:25

incompetent managing the Department

14:28

of Magical Law Enforcement.

14:32

One paper pusher after

14:35

another volunteered to

14:37

accept higher positions despite

14:40

the fate of their predecessors,

14:43

gleefully rubbing

14:45

their hands at the prospect

14:48

of promotion. Only

14:52

one of them thought they would

14:54

cut a deal with Lord Voldemort

14:57

on the side. It

14:59

took

15:01

seven months

15:04

to murder our way through

15:06

them all and

15:09

not a single Death

15:11

Eater asked why

15:13

we were bothering. And

15:17

then, even with

15:19

Bartimas Crouch risen to

15:22

director and Amelia

15:24

Bones as head horror,

15:28

it was still too little.

15:33

I could have done better

15:36

fighting alone. Dumbledore's

15:39

aid was not worth his moral restraints

15:42

and Crouch's aid was not worth

15:44

his respect for the law. And

15:50

eventually, Harry

15:52

said through the heartsickness, you

15:56

realized you were just

15:58

having more fun. It

16:04

is the least annoying

16:06

role I have ever played. If

16:09

Lord Voldemort says that something

16:12

is to be done, people obey

16:14

him and do not argue.

16:21

I did not have to suppress my

16:23

impulse to cruciate people

16:26

being idiots. For

16:28

once it was all part

16:30

of the role. If

16:32

someone was making the game

16:35

less pleasant for me, I just

16:38

said, Avada Kedavra,

16:41

regardless of whether that was

16:43

strategically wise, and

16:46

they never bothered me again.

16:50

The Quiro casually chopped a small

16:52

worm into bits. But

16:57

my true epiphany came

16:59

on a certain day when David

17:02

Monroe was trying to get

17:04

an entry permit for an Asian

17:07

instructor in combat

17:09

tactics, and a ministry

17:12

clerk denied it, smiling smugly.

17:18

And I asked the ministry clerk if

17:20

he understood that this measure was

17:22

meant to save his life,

17:25

and the ministry clerk only

17:28

smiled more. Then,

17:31

in fury, I threw

17:34

aside masks and caution.

17:37

I used my legitimacy.

17:41

I dipped my fingers

17:44

into the cesspit of his stupidity

17:47

and tore out the truth

17:50

from his mind. I

17:54

did not understand,

17:57

and I wanted to understand.

17:59

stand.

18:02

With my command of legitimacy,

18:05

I forced his tiny

18:07

clerk brain to live

18:10

out alternatives, seeing

18:12

what his clerk brain

18:15

would think of Lucius Malfoy,

18:18

or Lord Voldemort, or

18:21

Dumbledore standing in

18:23

my place. Professor

18:26

Quirrell's hands had slowed as

18:28

he delicately peeled bits and

18:30

small strips from a chunk of candle

18:33

wax. What

18:35

I finally realized that

18:38

day is complicated, boy, which

18:42

is why I did not understand

18:45

it earlier in life. To

18:48

you, I shall try

18:51

to describe it anyway. Today,

18:56

I know that Dumbledore

18:58

does not stand at the top

19:00

of the world, for all

19:02

that he is the supreme mugwamp

19:05

of the International Confederation.

19:08

People speak ill of

19:11

Dumbledore openly. They

19:14

criticize him proudly

19:17

and to his face in

19:19

a way they would not dare

19:21

stand up to Lucius Malfoy.

19:25

You have acted disrespectfully

19:28

toward Dumbledore, boy. Do you

19:30

know why you did so? I'm

19:38

not sure, Harry said.

19:41

Having Tom Riddle's leftover neural

19:44

patterns was certainly an obvious

19:46

hypothesis. Wolves,

19:51

dogs, even chickens

19:54

fight for dominance among themselves.

19:58

What I Finally

20:00

understood from that clerk's mind

20:03

was that to him Lucius

20:05

Malfoy had dominance.

20:09

Lord Voldemort had dominance,

20:13

and David Monroe and Albus

20:15

Dumbledore did not.

20:20

By taking the side of good,

20:23

by professing to abide

20:26

in the light, we

20:28

had made ourselves unthreatening.

20:36

In Britain, Lucius

20:38

Malfoy has dominance, for

20:41

he can call in your

20:43

loans, or send

20:45

Ministry bureaucrats against your

20:47

shop, or crucify

20:49

you in the Daily Prophet if you

20:52

go openly against his will.

20:56

And the most powerful wizard

20:59

in the world has no dominance,

21:02

because everyone knows

21:05

that he is... Professor

21:08

Quirrell's lips cowed. A

21:13

hero out of stories,

21:17

relentlessly self-effacing,

21:19

and too humble

21:23

for vengeance. Tell

21:25

me, child, have

21:28

you ever seen a drama

21:30

where the hero, before he

21:33

consents to save his country,

21:36

demands so much gold

21:38

as a barrister might receive

21:41

for a court case? Actually,

21:44

there have been

21:46

a lot of heroes like that in

21:48

Muggle fiction, I'll

21:50

name Han Solo just

21:53

to start. Well,

21:55

in magical drama,

21:58

it is not. It is all

22:03

humble heroes like

22:05

Dumbledore. It

22:07

is the fantasy of

22:10

the powerful slave

22:12

who will never truly rise

22:14

above you, never demand

22:16

your respect, never

22:19

even ask you for pay. Do

22:22

you understand now?"

22:26

I

22:27

think so," Harry

22:29

said. Frodo

22:31

and Samwise from Lord of the Rings did

22:34

seem to match the archetype of a completely

22:37

non-threatening hero. You're

22:40

saying that's how

22:42

people think of Dumbledore. I

22:46

don't believe the Hogwarts students

22:48

see him as a hobbit. In

22:53

Hogwarts, Dumbledore

22:55

does punish certain transgressions

22:58

against his will, so he is feared

23:02

to some degree, though

23:05

the students still make free to

23:08

mock him in more than whispers.

23:12

Outside this castle, Dumbledore

23:15

is near that. They

23:18

began to call him mad,

23:21

and he aped the part

23:23

of a fool. Step

23:26

into the role of a saviour out of place,

23:29

and people see you as a slave

23:32

to whose services they are entitled,

23:35

and to whom it is their enjoyment

23:37

to criticize. For

23:40

it is the privilege of masters

23:43

to sit back and call

23:45

forth helpful corrections

23:47

while the slaves labour.

23:52

Only in the tales of the ancient

23:55

Greeks, from when men

23:57

were less sophisticated in their

23:59

delusion, May you see

24:02

the hero who is also

24:04

high. Hector,

24:06

Aeneas, those

24:09

were heroes who retained

24:11

their right of vengeance upon

24:13

those who insulted them, who

24:16

could demand gold and

24:18

jewels in payment for their services

24:21

without sparking indignation.

24:25

And if Lord Voldemort

24:27

conquered Britain, he might then

24:30

condescend to show himself

24:33

noble in victory, and

24:35

nobody would take his good will

24:38

for granted, nor

24:40

chirp corrections at him if

24:42

his work was not to their liking.

24:46

When he won, he would have true respect.

24:54

I understood that day

24:56

in the ministry that by envying

24:59

Dumbledore, I had

25:01

shown myself as deluded

25:03

as Dumbledore himself. I

25:07

understood that I had been trying

25:10

for the wrong place all

25:12

along. You

25:15

should know this to be true, boy,

25:18

for you have made fear to speak

25:20

ill of Dumbledore than you ever

25:23

dared speak ill of me, even

25:27

in your own thoughts, I

25:29

wager, for instinct

25:31

runs deep. You

25:34

knew that it might be to

25:36

your cost to mock the strong

25:39

and vengeful Professor

25:41

Quirrell, but that

25:44

there was no cost in disrespecting

25:47

the weak and harmless

25:49

Dumbledore. Thank

25:52

you, Harry said through the

25:54

pain, for that

25:57

valuable lesson, Professor Quirrell.

26:01

I see that you are right

26:03

about what my mind was doing." Though

26:07

Tom Riddle's memories had probably also

26:10

had something to do with the way he had sometimes

26:12

lashed out at Dumbledore for no good reason,

26:15

Harry hadn't been like that

26:18

around Professor McGonagall, who,

26:20

admittedly, had the power to deduct House

26:23

points and didn't have Dumbledore's

26:25

air of tolerance. No,

26:29

it was still true. Harry

26:31

would have been more respectful even

26:34

in his own thought if Dumbledore

26:36

had not seemed safe

26:38

to disrespect. So,

26:41

that had been

26:44

David Monroe, and

26:47

that had been Lord Voldemort.

26:51

It still hadn't answered the most

26:53

puzzling question, and Harry

26:56

wasn't sure that asking it would be wise.

26:59

If somehow Lord Voldemort had

27:02

managed not to think

27:04

of it, and then Professor

27:06

Quirrell had still managed not to think of

27:08

it during nine years of contemplation,

27:11

then it wasn't wise

27:13

to say. Or maybe

27:16

it was, the agonies of the

27:18

Wizarding War had not been good for

27:20

Britain. Harry

27:22

decided, and spoke. One

27:27

thing that did confuse

27:29

me was why the Wizarding

27:31

War lasted so long.

27:34

Harry ventured. I mean,

27:38

maybe I'm underestimating the difficulties

27:40

that were facing Lord Voldemort.

27:44

You want to know why I

27:46

did not imperious some of the

27:48

stronger wizards who could imperious

27:50

others, slay the very

27:53

strongest wizards who could have resisted

27:55

my imperious, and taken

27:58

over the Ministry in... Oh,

28:01

perhaps three days."

28:06

Harry nodded silently. Professor

28:09

Quirrell looked contemplative. His

28:12

hands were sifting grass

28:14

clippings into the cauldron, bit

28:16

by bit. That

28:19

ingredient, if Harry remembered

28:21

correctly, was something like four-fifths

28:24

towards the end of the recipe. I

28:28

wondered that myself,

28:31

the defense professor said finally. When

28:35

I heard Trelawney's prophecy

28:37

from Snape, and I contemplated

28:40

the past as well as

28:42

the future, if you

28:45

had asked my past self why

28:48

he did not use the imperious,

28:51

you would have spoken of the need to

28:53

be seen to rule,

28:55

to openly command

28:58

the Ministry bureaucracy before

29:01

it was time to turn his eyes

29:04

outward to other countries. He

29:08

would have remarked on how a

29:10

quick and silent victory

29:12

might bring challenges later. He

29:17

would have remarked on the obstacle

29:20

presented by Dumbledore

29:22

and his incredible defensive

29:25

prowess. And

29:28

he would have similar excuses

29:30

for every other quick path

29:33

he considered. Somehow,

29:38

it was never the right time

29:40

to bring my plans to their

29:43

final phase. There

29:45

was always one more

29:48

thing to do first. Then

29:51

I heard

29:54

the prophecy, and I knew

29:56

that it was time for... For

30:00

time itself was

30:02

taking notice of me, that

30:05

the span for hesitation was

30:08

done. And

30:11

I looked back and realized

30:14

somehow this had been going

30:16

on for years. I

30:20

think." The

30:22

occasional bit of grass was dropping down

30:25

from his hand, but Professor Quirrell

30:27

did not seem to pay it any mind. I

30:32

thought when I was

30:34

contemplating my past beneath

30:36

the starlight that I had

30:38

become too accustomed to

30:41

playing against Dumbledore.

30:44

Dumbledore was intelligent.

30:48

He tried diligently to be cunning.

30:51

He did not wait for me to strike but

30:53

presented me with surprises.

30:57

He made bizarre moves that

30:59

played out in fascinating and unpredictable

31:03

ways. In

31:05

retrospect, there were many

31:08

obvious plans for destroying

31:11

Dumbledore. But

31:13

I think some part of

31:15

me did not want to go back

31:17

to playing solitaire instead

31:19

of chess. It

31:21

was when I had the prospect of

31:24

creating another Tom Riddle

31:26

to plot against, someone

31:28

even more worthy than Dumbledore,

31:32

that I was first willing

31:34

to contemplate the end

31:37

of my war. Yes,

31:41

in retrospect, that

31:43

sounds stupid. But

31:46

sometimes our emotions

31:48

are more foolish than we can bring

31:50

our reason to admit. I

31:54

would never have espoused

31:56

such a policy deliberately. It

31:59

would have violated my own life. rules nine,

32:01

sixteen, twenty, and

32:03

twenty-two, and that is

32:06

too much if you are enjoying

32:08

yourself. But to

32:11

repeatedly decide that there is

32:13

one more thing left to be

32:15

done, one more

32:18

advantage left to be gained, one

32:21

more piece that I simply had

32:24

to move into place before abandoning

32:27

an enjoyable time in my life and

32:29

move on to the more tedious rulership

32:32

of Britain. Well,

32:37

even I am not immune to

32:39

a mistake like that if

32:42

I do not realize that I am making

32:44

it. And

32:47

that was when Harry knew

32:49

what was going to happen at the

32:51

end of this, after

32:54

the Philosopher's Stone had been retrieved.

32:58

At the end of this, Professor

33:00

Quirrell was going to kill him. Professor

33:04

Quirrell didn't want to kill him.

33:07

It was possible that Harry was the only

33:09

person in the world against whom

33:11

Professor Quirrell wouldn't be

33:14

able to use a killing curse. But,

33:18

Professor Quirrell thought he had

33:21

to do it, for whatever

33:23

reason. That

33:27

was why Professor Quirrell had decided

33:29

that it was necessary to brew the

33:32

potion of effulgence the long way.

33:35

That was why Professor

33:38

Quirrell had been so easily negotiated

33:40

into answering these questions, into

33:44

finally talking about his life

33:46

with someone who might understand,

33:50

just like Lord Voldemort

33:53

had delayed at the end of the wizarding

33:55

war to play longer against

33:58

Dumbledore. Harry

34:01

couldn't exactly recall what Professor

34:03

Quirrell had said earlier about not

34:05

killing Harry. It hadn't

34:08

been anything straightforward along the lines

34:10

of, I am absolutely not planning

34:12

to kill you in any way, shape or form unless

34:15

you positively insist on doing something stupid.

34:19

Harry had been reluctant himself to

34:21

push the promise too far and insist

34:23

on unambiguous terms because

34:26

Harry had already known that

34:28

he would need to neutralise Lord Voldemort

34:31

and had expected more precise language

34:34

to reveal that fact, if

34:36

they tried to exchange truly binding

34:38

promises. So,

34:40

there certainly would

34:42

have been loopholes, whatever

34:45

had been said. There

34:48

was no particular shock to the realisation,

34:51

just an increased sense of urgency.

34:55

Some part of Harry had already known

34:57

this and had simply been waiting for

34:59

an excuse to make it known to deliberation.

35:03

There had been too many things

35:05

said here that Professor Quirrell would not

35:08

reveal to anyone with an expected

35:10

lifespan measured in more than hours. The

35:13

overwhelming isolation and loneliness

35:16

of the life Professor Quirrell had described

35:18

might explain why he was willing

35:21

to violate his rules and talk

35:23

with Harry, given that Harry

35:26

was going to die soon, and

35:29

that the world did not actually

35:31

work like a play where the villain

35:33

disclosing his plans would always

35:35

fail to kill the hero afterward. But

35:39

Harry's death certainly had

35:42

to be in those future plans

35:44

somewhere. Harry

35:47

swallowed, controlling his breath.

35:50

Professor Quirrell had just added

35:53

a tuft of horsehair to the potion of effulgence,

35:56

and that was very late in the

35:58

potion if Harry remembered correctly.

35:59

There

36:01

weren't many bellflowers left

36:03

in the heap to be added either. It

36:07

was probably time to stop worrying

36:09

so much about risk and play

36:11

this conversation less conservatively,

36:14

all things considered. "'If

36:18

I point out one of Lord Voldemort's

36:21

mistakes,' Harry said, "'does

36:24

he punish me for

36:26

it?'" The Quirrell

36:29

lifted his eyebrows. "'Not

36:32

if the mistake is a real one.

36:36

I do not suggest that you moralize

36:39

at me, but I will

36:41

not curse the bearer of bad

36:44

news, nor the

36:46

subordinate who makes an honest attempt

36:48

to point out a problem. Even

36:51

as Lord Voldemort, I could

36:54

never bring myself to that

36:56

stupidity. Of

36:58

course, there were some

37:01

fools who mistook my policy

37:04

for weakness, who tried

37:06

to thrust themselves forward

37:08

by pushing me down in

37:11

their public counsel, thinking

37:13

me obliged to tolerate

37:15

it as criticism." The

37:18

Quirrell smiled reminiscently. "'The

37:23

death eaters were better

37:25

off without them, and I

37:27

do not advise you make the

37:30

same mistake.'" Harry

37:33

nodded, a slight shiver going

37:36

through him. "'Um,

37:39

when you told me about what happened in Godric's

37:41

Hollow, on Halloween night,

37:44

in 1981, I mean, um, I

37:49

thought I saw another flaw

37:51

in your reasoning, a way you

37:53

could have avoided disaster. But,

37:57

um, I think you have a blind

37:59

spot.'" a class of strategies you

38:01

don't consider, so you didn't see

38:04

it even afterward." I

38:07

hope you're not about to say something

38:10

stupid along the lines of, don't

38:13

try to kill people, Professor

38:17

Quirrell said. I

38:19

shall be very unhappy

38:22

if that is the case. S.

38:25

Not values difference.

38:28

True mistake given

38:31

your goals. Will

38:33

you hurt me if I act

38:35

the part of the teacher

38:37

toward you and teach

38:39

lesson? Or if

38:42

mistake is simple

38:44

and obvious and makes you

38:47

feel stupid?

38:50

No, hissed

38:52

Professor Quirrell. Not

38:55

if lesson is true.

38:57

Terry swallowed.

39:04

Why didn't

39:06

you test the Horcrux system

39:08

before you actually had

39:10

to use it? Test

39:13

it, said Professor Quirrell.

39:17

He looked up from the brewing potion and

39:19

indignation came into his voice.

39:23

What do you mean?

39:25

Test

39:26

it. Why

39:29

didn't you test if

39:32

the Horcrux system was working

39:34

correctly before you needed

39:37

it on Halloween? Professor

39:40

Quirrell looked disgusted. You

39:44

ridiculous! I

39:47

didn't want to die,

39:50

Mr. Potter, and

39:52

that was the only way to

39:54

test my great creation. What

39:57

good would it have done to risk my

39:59

life? sooner rather than later.

40:02

How would I have been

40:04

better off?" Harry

40:07

swallowed a lump in his throat.

40:10

"'There was

40:11

way for you to test

40:14

your Horcrux system

40:16

without dying.

40:19

The general lesson is important.

40:23

Do you see it

40:25

now?' "'No,'

40:29

Professor Quirrell said after a while. The

40:33

defense professor gently crumbled

40:35

one of the last bellflowers together with

40:38

a strand of long blonde hair, and

40:40

then dropped it into the potion, which

40:43

was bubbling brighter now. Only

40:46

two more bellflowers remained

40:48

on the potion's table." "'And

40:52

I do hope your lesson is a sensible

40:54

one, for your sake.'

41:00

"'Suppose, Professor,

41:02

that I learned how

41:04

to cast the improved Horcrux

41:07

spell, and I was willing

41:09

to use it.

41:10

What would I do with it?'

41:14

Professor Quirrell answered at once. "'You

41:18

would find some person whom you

41:20

found morally abhorrent, and whose

41:22

death you could convince yourself would

41:25

save other lives, and murder

41:27

them to create a Horcrux.'

41:31

"'And then what?' "'Make

41:34

more Horcruxes,'

41:38

said the defense professor. He

41:40

picked up a jar of what looked like

41:42

dragon scales.

41:45

"'Before that,'

41:46

Harry said.

41:49

After a time, the defense professor

41:51

shook his head. "'I

41:54

still do not see it, and

41:57

you will cease this game, and...'

42:00

told me.

42:02

I would make horcruxes

42:04

for my friends, if

42:07

you'd ever really cared about one

42:10

single other person in the entire

42:12

world, if there'd been just

42:16

one person who gave your immortality

42:19

meaning, someone that

42:21

you wanted to live forever

42:24

with you." Harry's

42:27

throat choked.

42:28

"'Then,

42:30

then, the idea of

42:32

making a horcrux for someone

42:34

else wouldn't have been such

42:37

a counterintuitive thought.'"

42:39

Harry was blinking hard.

42:42

"'You have a blind spot

42:44

around strategies that involve doing

42:47

nice things for other people,

42:50

to the point where it stops you from achieving

42:53

your selfish values. You

42:56

think it's not your style, I suppose.

42:59

That

43:01

particular part of your self-image

43:05

is what cost you those nine years.'"

43:09

The dropper of mint oil that

43:11

the defense professor was holding added

43:13

liquid to the cauldron, drip by

43:16

drip. "'I

43:19

see,' the defense

43:21

professor said slowly. "'I

43:26

see. I

43:28

should have taught Rabastan the

43:30

advanced horcrux ritual and

43:33

forced him to test the invention.'

43:35

"'Yes,

43:38

that is supremely

43:41

obvious in retrospect. For

43:44

that matter, I could have ordered Rabastan

43:47

to try marking himself into some disposable

43:49

infant to see what happened

43:52

before I took myself

43:54

to Godric's hollow to create

43:57

you.'" all

44:00

shook his head bemusedly.

44:03

"'Well,

44:05

I am glad I'm realising this

44:07

now, and not ten

44:09

years earlier. I

44:12

had enough to chide myself

44:14

for at that time.'

44:18

"'You don't see nice ways

44:20

to do the things you

44:23

want to do,' Ari said.

44:25

His ears

44:27

heard a note of desperation in his

44:29

own voice.

44:31

"'Even when a nice strategy

44:33

would be more effective,

44:36

you don't see it because you

44:38

have a self-image of

44:41

not being nice.'

44:43

"'That

44:44

is a fair observation,'

44:47

said Professor Quirrell. "'Indeed!

44:51

Now that you have pointed it out, I have

44:54

just now thought of some

44:56

nice things I can do this

44:59

very day to further

45:01

my agenda.' Ari

45:05

just looked at him. Professor

45:08

Quirrell was smiling. "'Your

45:11

lesson is a good one, Mr.

45:13

Potter. From now on, until

45:16

I learn the trick of it, I shall

45:18

keep diligent watch for cunning

45:21

strategies that involve doing

45:23

kindness for other people. Go

45:26

and practice acts of goodwill,

45:29

perhaps, until my mind

45:31

goes there easily.' Cold

45:35

chills ran down Harry's spine.

45:39

Professor Quirrell had said this

45:41

without the slightest visible

45:44

hesitation. Lord

45:46

Voldemort was almost certain

45:49

that he could never be redeemed.

45:53

He wasn't the tiniest

45:55

bit afraid of it happening to him. The

45:58

second part of the lesson was to keep the mind to the end of the lesson. to last

46:00

bellflower was dropped into the potion

46:03

gently. "'Any

46:05

other valuable lessons

46:07

you would like to teach to Lord

46:10

Voldemort, boy?' said

46:14

Professor Quirrell. He was looking

46:16

up from the potion and grinning as

46:18

though he knew exactly what

46:21

Harry was thinking.

46:23

"'Yes,'

46:24

Harry said, his voice almost breaking.

46:28

"'If your goal is to obtain happiness

46:31

and doing nice

46:33

things for other people feels

46:35

better than doing them for yourself.'

46:39

"'Do you really

46:41

think I never thought of that, boy?'

46:45

The smile had vanished. "'Do

46:48

you think I am stupid?

46:51

"'After graduating Hogwarts,

46:54

I wandered the world for years

46:57

before I returned to Britain as

46:59

Lord Voldemort. "'I

47:02

have put on more

47:04

faces than I bothered counting.

47:08

"'Do you think I

47:10

never tried to play the

47:12

hero just to see

47:15

how it would feel? "'Have

47:18

you come across the name of

47:20

Alexander Chernishov? "'Under

47:23

that guise, I

47:26

sought out a forlorn hell-hole

47:29

ruled over by a dark wizard,

47:32

and I freed the wretched

47:34

inhabitants from their bondage.

47:38

"'They wept tears

47:40

of gratitude for me. "'It

47:43

did not feel like anything

47:46

in particular. "'I

47:48

even stayed about and killed

47:51

the next five dark wizards

47:53

to try taking command of the place.

47:57

"'I spent my own gallion.'

47:59

Well,

48:01

not my own galleons,

48:04

but the same principle applies.

48:06

To prettify their little

48:08

country and introduce a

48:11

semblance of order. They

48:15

groveled all the more, and

48:17

named one in three of their

48:20

infants, Alexander.

48:25

I still felt nothing,

48:28

so I nodded to myself,

48:31

wrote it off as a fair

48:34

try, and went upon

48:36

my way.

48:40

And were you happy as

48:42

Lord Voldemort then?

48:44

Harry's voice had risen, grown

48:47

wild. Professor

48:49

Quirrell hesitated, then shrugged. It

48:53

appears you already know

48:56

the answer to that.

48:58

And

49:01

why? Why be Voldemort if it

49:03

doesn't even make you happy?

49:07

Harry's voice broke. I'm

49:10

you! I'm based

49:11

on you, so I...

49:14

No! That Professor Quirrell

49:16

isn't just a mask. I

49:18

know he's somebody

49:20

you really could have been.

49:24

Why not just stay that

49:25

way? Take your curse

49:28

off

49:28

the defence position and just stay

49:31

here. Use the Philosopher's Stone

49:33

to take David Monroe's shape and let

49:35

the real Quirrell go

49:37

free. If you say

49:40

you'll stop killing people, I'll

49:42

swear not to tell anyone

49:45

who you really are. Just be

49:47

Professor Quirrell for always.

49:51

Your students would

49:53

appreciate you. My

49:55

father's students appreciate

49:58

him. Professor

50:00

Quirrell was chuckling over the cauldron

50:02

as he stirred it. There

50:06

are perhaps 15,000

50:09

wizards living in magical Britain,

50:12

child. There used

50:14

to be more. There

50:16

is a reason they're afraid to

50:18

speak my name. You

50:22

would forgive me that, because

50:25

you liked my battle

50:27

magic lessons. Seconded,

50:32

said Harry's inner Hufflepuff. Seriously,

50:35

what the hell? Harry

50:38

kept his head raised, though

50:40

it was trembling. It's

50:43

not my place to forgive

50:46

anything you've done, but

50:48

it's better than another war. Ha,

50:53

said the defense professor. If

50:57

you ever find a time-turner

50:59

that goes back 40 years

51:02

and can alter history, be

51:05

sure to tell Dumbledore that

51:08

before he rejects Tom Riddle's

51:10

application for the defense position.

51:14

But, alas,

51:17

I fear that Professor Riddle

51:20

would not have found lasting

51:23

happiness in Hogwarts.

51:26

Why not?

51:29

Because I still

51:31

would have been surrounded by idiots,

51:35

and I wouldn't have been able

51:38

to kill them. Professor

51:41

Quirrell said mildly, Killing

51:44

idiots is my great

51:47

joy in life, and I'll

51:49

thank you not to speak ill of it

51:52

until you've tried it for yourself.

51:55

There's something that would make

51:57

you happier than that.

52:00

Harry said, his voice breaking

52:02

again.

52:04

There has to be.

52:06

Why? said Professor

52:08

Quirrell. Is

52:11

this some scientific

52:13

law I have not yet encountered?

52:16

Tell me of it. Harry

52:20

opened his mouth, but couldn't

52:22

find any words. There

52:25

had to be something. Had

52:28

to be something. If he

52:30

could just find the right thing

52:33

to say. And

52:36

you, said

52:38

Professor Quirrell, have

52:40

no right to speak

52:42

of happiness either. Happiness

52:46

is not what you hold precious

52:48

above all. You

52:51

decided that in the beginning,

52:54

all the way back in the beginning

52:56

of this year, when the Sorting

52:59

Hats offered you Hufflepuff. Which

53:03

I know about, because I received

53:06

a similar offer and warning

53:08

all those years

53:11

ago. And I

53:13

refused it just as

53:15

you did. Beyond

53:19

this, there is little

53:21

more to say between

53:23

Tom Riddles. The

53:26

defense professor turned back to the

53:28

cauldron. Before

53:31

Harry could think of any way to reply,

53:33

Professor Quirrell dropped in the last

53:36

bellflower and a burst of glowing

53:38

bubbles boiled up from the cauldron. I

53:42

believe we are done here,

53:45

Professor Quirrell said. If

53:48

you have further questions, they

53:51

must wait. Harry

53:54

shakily rose to his feet, even

53:56

as Professor Quirrell took up the cauldron

53:59

and poured out a ridiculously huge

54:01

volume of effulgent liquid, more

54:04

than seemed like it could fit in a dozen

54:06

cauldrons onto the purple

54:08

fire that guarded the doorway. The

54:12

purple fire winked out.

54:17

"'Now for the

54:19

mirror,' said Professor

54:22

Quirrell, and he drew forth the

54:24

cloak of invisibility from his

54:26

robes, and floated it to

54:28

drop before Harry's shoes."