0:00

Welcome to your daily affirmations.

0:02

Repeat after me. Working with

0:04

others is easier than ever.

0:07

I strive for perfect collaboration.

0:09

Our teamwork keeps getting better.

0:12

Yeah, affirmations are great, but monday.com

0:14

can really get you the teamwork you

0:16

desire. Work together easily and share files,

0:18

updates, data, and just about anything you

0:21

want all in one platform. Affirm yes

0:23

to start or tap the banner to

0:25

go to monday.com. Ryan

0:30

Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. You know, it's

0:32

hard to believe that inflation is still a

0:34

thing, but boy it sure is. And that's

0:36

exactly why Mint Mobile still gives you premium

0:38

wireless for just $15 a month. Well,

0:41

it's also because we have that offer printed

0:43

on, like, a million

0:45

t-shirts. But it's mostly the inflation

0:48

thing. So give it a try

0:50

at mintmobile.com/switch. Upfront payment

0:52

of $45 for three months required. New subscribers

0:54

only. Renew for 12 months to lock in

0:56

savings. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See

0:59

mintmobile.com. Ryan Reynolds, hear from It

1:01

Mobile! I'm proud to offer premium wireless for

1:03

just fifteen dollars a month. And I'm proud that

1:05

we have thousands of five star reviews from customers

1:08

like Dan De in New York who writes

1:10

i am satisfied customer how can this only be

1:12

fifteen bucks? He wrote it in all caps.

1:14

I need you to feel like he feels it.

1:16

I hope I do that just as yeah. And

1:18

I hope that you try Mint to at Mint

1:21

mobile.com. Slash switch from payment of forty five

1:23

dollars for three months required new subscribers. Only

1:25

thing you for twelve months to like in

1:27

additional taxes. Even restrictions apply. The Mint Mobile.

1:29

Dot Com. Chapter

1:32

23 Christmas on the Closed Ward.

1:35

Was this why Dumbledore could no longer meet Harry's eyes?

1:38

Did he expect to see Voldemort staring out

1:40

of them afraid, perhaps, that their vivid

1:42

green might turn suddenly to scarlet with

1:44

cat-like slits for pupils? Harry

1:47

remembered how the snake-like face of Voldemort had

1:49

once forced itself out of the back of

1:51

Professor Quirrell's head and ran his hand over

1:53

the back of his own, wondering what it

1:56

would feel like if Voldemort burst out of

1:58

his skull. I'm out. I'm Matt Potts.

2:01

And I'm Vanessa Soltan. And

2:03

this is Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. So

2:07

Matt, we have two really

2:10

exciting pilgrimages available for our listeners to

2:12

join right now. One is

2:15

the Weathering Heights pilgrimage with Sana. And

2:17

the other one is a

2:19

Northanger Abbey trip in Bath

2:22

with me and Margaret

2:24

H. Wilson. You can find out about

2:26

both of those at readingandwalkingwith.com. We

2:29

also just want to let everybody know

2:32

that we have a class with wonderful,

2:34

sometimes co-host, Jolie Doggett. She

2:36

is going to be teaching a class for

2:38

us called Finding the Right Words About

2:40

Love. And it is a journaling class. And

2:43

Jolie is just an incredible classroom facilitator and

2:46

a beautiful writer. And everybody, you should sign

2:48

up for that class and you can find

2:50

out more about it at notsorryworks.com. And Matt,

2:52

the other announcement that we have to

2:55

make is our Every Flavored Bean bonus

2:57

for our postman's only conversation. And

2:59

you and I are excited because we find out in this

3:01

chapter that Harry is an excellent

3:04

secret keeper. He did not

3:06

even tell Ron and Hermione about Neville's

3:09

parents. And it

3:11

made me feel guilty about my secret ethics. And

3:13

so you and I are going to talk about

3:15

the ethics around secrets. You

3:17

weren't supposed to say that part, Vanessa. There

3:22

are rules to keeping secrets. I think different people

3:24

have different stringencies around them. So

3:26

I'm looking forward to this conversation. We may have

3:28

different stringencies around the way we keep secrets. So this

3:30

will be interesting. Okay, we'll see. Vanessa,

3:33

you're telling us a story this week about vulnerability. What

3:35

do you have for us? So Matt, as

3:37

I just keep talking

3:39

about, because it is the only thing that has

3:41

happened to me recently, I got

3:43

ankle surgery not long ago. Because

3:47

of ankle surgery, I can't really leave the house.

3:49

So nothing else is happening to me. So

3:52

that's why I keep talking about it. I

3:54

Think we can all agree that surgery

3:56

is quite a vulnerable thing. I

4:00

have very excited about the surgery as

4:02

as I'm walking around on a defective

4:05

and all for over four years now

4:07

and so I'm looking forward to it.

4:09

I was like my life is them

4:11

and scenes. I have a seat in

4:14

mind when I can go on my

4:16

first job. I'm not gonna be in

4:18

pain anymore. On pilgrimages like this is

4:20

very exciting. And then the night before

4:23

surgery. My. Eleven year old

4:25

stepdaughter. It was a Thursday night and she

4:27

doesn't use like some over on Thursday nights

4:29

when she requested to come over for dinner

4:31

and we're like of course we less that

4:34

and she joined for dinner and then she

4:36

said to my also come over tomorrow night

4:38

after your surgery and I. I

4:41

think she was just being sweet

4:43

and supportive, but I was like

4:46

oh no, the child is afraid

4:48

I'm gonna die And Susan no

4:50

more than we have like. Mine

4:54

has die. Got the shot and. Is.

5:00

Worried. About me I think soon as release

5:02

of being emotionally supportive and lives load. This.

5:05

Is a big deal for vanessa ionosphere before

5:07

after rate lake I don't know what it

5:09

was with or something but looking at this

5:11

child the night before surgery where I was

5:13

like oh my god I could die. During.

5:16

Surgery is a non zero

5:18

chance first. I could come out

5:20

bright late as a non zero chance of

5:22

the surgery does poorly and maybe my leg

5:24

is actually worse than it was before, right?

5:27

Like they're all these non zero chances. And.

5:29

Of course, I know that the most

5:31

dangerous part of surgery is driving to

5:33

the surgery bright lights. Logically, I know

5:36

that. And yet would you

5:38

look beautiful? Child I was like. Oh

5:41

man. And so I do something.

5:43

That I'm not particularly proud as. I

5:46

say processing out loud. What?

5:49

Should happen if I die in front of the eleven year

5:51

old. The night before I had. Sex with her Yeah

5:54

with are good to see him. Peter and

5:56

I was trying to be cheerful. About it

5:58

and like give good news. The I

6:00

target Peter and I was like I would

6:02

actually like Ellen are older kid To get

6:04

a car, you can buy yourself a new

6:06

car, she's about to turn sixteen, let her

6:08

have the old car and then we have

6:10

to make sure that we leave aside enough

6:12

money so that when the little ones and

6:14

sixteen she gets a park is absolutely fair.

6:16

To be clear, I'm i'm Alive night or

6:18

kid is getting a car. Now. I'm

6:20

a lot like these are the things that

6:23

were gonna do what lies. I reminded Peter

6:25

that Ariana wants me to die a little

6:27

bit to she really wants my yellow chair

6:29

and I sent an email. To. Peter,

6:31

my older brother and Ariana

6:33

with like my wishes. For.

6:35

Distributing. My retirement

6:38

and whatever of say house. And

6:40

looking back, Matt. I. Wish I

6:43

hadn't processed this in front of

6:45

the child. This like email I

6:47

sent was unnecessary. It's I trust

6:49

Peter to disturb. You might see

6:51

you assets. Let's see my and

6:53

club supplier for himself and not

6:56

given it right when he might

6:58

not have done exactly what I

7:00

wish in that moment spotlight. he

7:02

would have done great with it.

7:04

This was unnecessary and unhelpful and

7:06

yet that is what I signed

7:08

to be true about vulnerability. It's

7:10

when you are vulnerable. You.

7:13

Can bet he is. Not. In

7:15

ways that you are proud as

7:17

and the thing to do is

7:19

to pause and be like or

7:21

oh, I'm feeling vulnerable right now.

7:23

Maybe I should stay quiet and

7:25

sit in that vulnerability and process

7:27

this. With my adult husband

7:29

and not with a child. Whatever it

7:31

is, But I think

7:34

like that is the thing about on our ability

7:36

right is that we walk past. Even.

7:38

If there's nothing to to do,

7:40

it is so uncomfortable that we

7:43

will start doing things that make

7:45

no sense to sin order to

7:47

she's asked. The feeling. That

7:50

I think it's a good story. The. woods vulnerability

7:52

comes from a latin word which means to

7:54

wound and when i was thinking about the

7:56

etymology i was thinking how i think about

7:58

vulnerability as he insists to being wounded,

8:01

not as already wounded. But I mean, the

8:03

fact of your injury kind of shows like

8:05

when you're wounded, you're also more susceptible to

8:07

more wounding, which makes you overly

8:10

defensive or try to compensate in

8:12

other ways and leads to like, you know, from

8:14

the outside actions that might not seem

8:16

rational or necessary. But when you're experiencing it, when

8:18

you feel at risk, especially if

8:21

you're hurting and feeling at risk, then

8:23

you start to do things that are a little bit

8:25

extra to try to protect yourself, right? Like, and I

8:27

can imagine this conversation you had with Amy that I'm

8:29

sure you were being lighthearted and joking because you were

8:31

trying to make yourself laugh and make her laugh, right?

8:33

Because you were worried that she was worried and she

8:35

probably was a little bit worried because she was probably

8:37

feeling vulnerable and worried about you. And

8:39

right, but then you also do that, you do

8:41

a little extra and all the things you're saying,

8:43

right? And this is what happens when we feel at risk.

8:46

And I also think there's something

8:48

about like the fact that you're sitting around the table

8:50

with the people you love most before your surgery

8:53

that like, there's a particular kind of

8:55

vulnerability that comes from the people

8:57

who you love most because

8:59

you know that deep love also means there's

9:01

a possibility for deep hurt. Like this 11

9:03

year old, Amy is a person you cherish

9:05

and love and you're

9:07

imagining her hurt. If

9:10

this irrational thing you're thinking happens and

9:12

you're trying to make light of it.

9:14

And so like vulnerability just cuts so

9:16

many ways. It moves across our relationships,

9:18

even the best and warmest ones in

9:21

complicated ways. And that the story you told is

9:23

a good depiction of that. Thank

9:25

you. Matt, it's time for

9:28

the 30 second recap. You are

9:30

just back from vacation. You're probably rested and gonna

9:32

do a better job than you've ever done before.

9:35

On your mark, get set, go.

9:39

So they're coming home and Harry feels awful

9:41

about everything and he thinks he calls and

9:43

he decides to run away. And then the

9:45

guy in the painting says, don't do it

9:47

because Dumbledore said so and Harry's like, oh,

9:50

and then Hermione shows up and Hermione's like, stop being

9:53

stupid. And she's like, yeah, why don't you just talk to me? I've

9:55

been through it. Oh, I guess

9:57

things are okay. And then they go to St. Monge.

10:00

And they go to the ward and stitches

10:02

no stitches and then they see the closed

10:04

part and then there are some some People

10:07

who show up including Neville's grandmother and Neville who

10:09

are visiting there The

10:13

only thing you forgot was Phineas

10:15

Nigellus's name I think

10:17

I almost said Phineas Nigellus and

10:20

I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna keep going Vanessa

10:23

Are you ready to do a 30-second recap? Born

10:26

ready Matt I'll

10:28

count you in. Thank you. Three

10:30

two one go. So Harry

10:33

is just like deep in shame He's

10:35

like I attacked. Mr. Weasley Dumbledore is

10:37

not talking to me. Everybody is avoiding

10:40

me They're downstairs getting ready for Christmas

10:42

and they're like, I think Harry needs

10:44

rest But he's just like deep into

10:46

shame spiral Then eventually Hermione comes and

10:49

is like dude get out of it

10:51

and then everybody follows suit They open

10:53

all their presents Percy sends back his

10:55

present. No note And

10:58

then we see Neville with his parents and

11:00

he like keeps taking these rappers from his

11:02

mom See I

11:05

got to just do like Color

11:07

commentary because you had covered all the

11:09

important stuff But that's what I mean.

11:11

It's in the details that that life has lived

11:13

Vanessa and I feel like Occasionally we

11:15

have defended Percy on this podcast this Huh,

11:19

no note when your father's in the hospital,

11:21

there's no way he doesn't know there's no

11:23

way Percy doesn't know But

11:26

as you know, one of the things I'm thinking about in response to your

11:28

story the idea that like

11:30

being wounded makes you more vulnerable to being

11:32

wounded and like Vulnerability

11:34

becomes like this feedback loop, right? It's like Harry's

11:37

very much in that space Harry like suffered this

11:39

in initial trauma when he doesn't remember but the

11:41

effects of what she obviously lives with which is

11:43

that he Has this original trauma like this of

11:46

his parents being murdered and that

11:48

has left him vulnerable to the Dursleys and

11:50

for years And he's more vulnerable

11:52

in all kinds of ways to all kinds of

11:54

folks And we learned You

11:57

know a couple chapters ago that he's

11:59

also vulnerable to. Voldemort. Entering

12:01

his mind. Due. To this

12:03

event. Fifteen. Years ago. And

12:06

so he's feeling very wounded. He's been

12:08

wounded, He's feeling vulnerable. And what happens

12:10

like in the beginning of this chapter?

12:12

Is there Going home from having visited.

12:15

Arthur. At same on Ghosts and Harrys

12:17

just like. I. Am putting everybody

12:19

at risk like I am the weak link Voldemort

12:21

can get in my head. He is going to

12:23

use me to hurt all these people I love

12:25

and he's like. Because. I'm vulnerable. I'm

12:28

making them vulnerable. So. He comes as

12:30

decision to like leave all his supports the

12:32

only people who can. Love him

12:34

in protecting the way he deserves and he

12:36

decides to leave it behind for their protection

12:38

because he doesn't want them to be vulnerable

12:40

sort of exchanges increased vulnerability of his own.

12:43

Because. He thinks he's already a lost cause. For

12:46

their. Protection. And

12:48

got me thinking about how you know what

12:50

you're saying, you're sorry. How like when you're

12:52

in this wounded place and you're try to

12:54

protect as much of what you value as

12:56

it's habitat. For. Hours miss

12:58

the most sound decisions present a particular stairs

13:00

like our and that this is not not

13:02

in reference to. Say

13:04

that like honestly, I'm not even joking because I

13:06

don't I don't think it's what you're doing. I

13:08

think in your store, your ass they actively trying

13:10

to take care of Amy because you thought she

13:12

was scared as your tiny like zoc about it.

13:16

But. Like I think you also when

13:18

you've been wounded. Quite understandably, you

13:20

get kind of self centered, right? You're

13:22

like I need to protect me. Knifes.

13:24

Harrys. Not doing that one sense because

13:26

he thinks he's being selfless. He thinks he's

13:29

being there griffin Door Very heroic. He's like,

13:31

oh, they're all at risk because of me

13:33

so I'm in a separate myself from them.

13:35

Over reminded of the scepter quite clearly by

13:38

for Money And Ginny is that this self

13:40

centeredness has made him for dead. The

13:42

resources as around him. rights to self centeredness has

13:45

made a forget. the Ginny has already been to

13:47

zest that he can actually. Talk

13:49

to her and talk to others and see

13:51

can help him sort through what he's going

13:53

through. It's and as he he becomes less

13:55

vulnerable. if he doesn't turn away

13:57

but states their rights and so like as as

13:59

it's dynamic that's going on,

14:01

that vulnerability makes us turn

14:04

inward even when protection might

14:06

be reaching out to others for support. And often

14:08

it's because we want to support others. We want

14:10

to help others and not make them shoulder the

14:12

burden of our vulnerability. Yeah,

14:15

my beloved dog is almost 11 years

14:17

old and she's starting to get arthritis

14:20

in her front paw and

14:22

she really doesn't want us to

14:24

touch it, right? And we have like

14:27

the selves that can help, right? And that

14:29

is an instinct in all of this, right?

14:31

Like, no, you're going to make it worse.

14:33

These are already bad and I've

14:35

adjusted to this. Please

14:38

just don't make it worse. Herry

14:40

is so deep in

14:43

self-loathing because he believes

14:45

that he has caused this pain

14:48

that he doesn't want to hear them

14:50

say it, right? He's like, I can't look

14:52

at Molly and have her say, you attacked

14:54

Arthur. So I'm going to say it to

14:57

myself first and I'm just going to leave,

14:59

right? He is in part leaving because he's

15:01

worried that he's putting everybody at risk. But

15:03

he isn't also in part thinking that he

15:05

should leave because he just can't stand to

15:08

be around them and feel the way

15:10

he does, feel like he has hurt

15:13

them, feel like they don't want to

15:15

look at him. Her money even makes

15:17

a joke about it. Yeah, you're right. Harry

15:19

is like, they can't even look at

15:21

me, right? And Ginny is like, what

15:23

are you talking about? You haven't looked at us. And her mind

15:25

is like, maybe you guys have both been looking at each other

15:28

and missing it. And really,

15:30

but Harry isn't looking at them

15:32

because he's so scared that he's

15:34

just constantly assuming bad intentions. And,

15:36

you know, when we're vulnerable, it's

15:39

just so interesting that we bear

15:41

teeth and try

15:43

to create more and more distance when

15:45

we're vulnerable, when really, obviously, the thing

15:47

that would help us more is being

15:49

like, here's my paw, please put the

15:52

salve on it, right? Or, hey, guys,

15:54

I'm scared. And then

15:56

the adults could be like, that's not what's going

15:59

on, dude. That's really right. I

16:01

mean, it's a essential part of what's

16:03

going on here, the dynamic, that Harry's not just trying

16:05

to protect them. He's also trying to protect himself from

16:07

the resentment he imagines they bear toward him. And he

16:09

can't bear that from them because they've been so important

16:11

to him. And you know, he

16:13

is selfish because of his vulnerability. He's also just selfish.

16:16

Because we love Harry. But

16:18

you know, after he gets this realization that

16:20

oh, maybe I'm not possessed, he

16:23

gets really happy. And what he doesn't do is what Ginny

16:25

does for him, right? He doesn't go to Ginny

16:27

and be like, boy, this must be really

16:29

hard for you, right? You are also

16:31

wounded. And you are also feeling vulnerability right

16:33

now. It was your dad, it actually did

16:35

happen to you. Maybe I

16:37

can support you like Ginny has the wherewithal

16:39

to come to him to support him in

16:41

his vulnerability. But in the aftermath of

16:44

her doing that, he's like, Oh, I'm just gonna

16:46

enjoy Christmas now, instead of like turning to Ginny

16:48

and be like, Oh, Ginny, I'm

16:50

so sorry, you must be going through something here.

16:53

How can I support you? He doesn't really do

16:55

that, you know, and so that his selfishness isn't

16:57

just from the vulnerability, although it's partly from it.

16:59

And understandably, it's also just him being kind of

17:01

selfish in this chapter. It's also

17:03

about his underlying vulnerability, right? Like

17:05

we never know. Like, just

17:08

because he's like, Oh, I probably didn't

17:10

attack Arthur. It doesn't mean that he's not

17:12

still scared in all these other ways. Yeah,

17:14

that's right. It is remarkable that this

17:16

is the chapter where two people call

17:19

out Harry. Phineas, so jealous is like,

17:21

Oh, my God, dude, like,

17:24

don't leave Dumbledore has given you orders.

17:26

How about you assume some good intentions,

17:29

teenagers are so annoying, and they think they're the

17:31

only people who have feelings. And

17:33

then Hermione essentially says the same thing. Hermione

17:35

is like, Oh, my God, can you please

17:37

not make this about you and start yelling

17:39

at all of us like, chill. And

17:42

so I do think it's funny that two people are

17:44

like, in your

17:46

vulnerability, can you actually still pull it

17:48

together and be like a

17:50

decent member of this community? Yeah. Speaking

17:55

of vulnerability, causing selfishness, Vanessa,

17:58

there's a moment in this chapter which you

18:00

touched upon in your 30 second recap, which is

18:02

just such a painful moment. As

18:05

you noted, it's Christmas morning and

18:07

Percy sends his Christmas jumper back.

18:10

We hear from George that Molly's weeping

18:12

downstairs because it's been sent back. It's

18:15

such a difficult moment to read because

18:17

as I was saying in response to your story,

18:19

like the people who we love

18:22

most also have the capacity to hurt us most

18:24

because that love is deep. And you know, her

18:26

husband's had a near fatal attack.

18:29

He's in St. Mungo's. The

18:31

wound has not resolved yet. They feel confidence, but

18:33

it hasn't resolved yet. And so there's still this

18:36

uncertainty. And on Christmas morning to have no note,

18:38

as George says, no communication from your

18:41

own child, just a return of the gift, the traditional

18:43

gift that you get all your children every year. She's

18:46

incredibly vulnerable to her children,

18:48

to their capacity to hurt her. And this

18:51

is one of those moments, you know,

18:53

sometimes we defend Percy and talk about

18:55

the complicated dynamics of his family and

18:57

why his loyalties might manifest

18:59

differently than other people's loyalties in this family and

19:01

why he might have the desires and wishes and

19:03

ambitions that he has. But

19:05

this is just a moment that's hard to forgive

19:07

of his selfishness, of him not realizing

19:09

how much is gonna hurt his mom and how vulnerable his

19:12

mom and dad are right now. And we

19:14

wish he had tried to do something slightly more

19:17

gracious. And I think that there's a kind

19:19

of generous interpretation of it, which is like,

19:21

he feels vulnerable at the ministry. He has

19:23

these ambitions. He has these ambitions because he

19:25

grew up in this poor family.

19:27

He doesn't want that for his future and all

19:29

these things. So maybe this vulnerability, he

19:31

was pushing him towards this selfishness, but yeah,

19:34

it's kind of hard to read. I

19:36

mean, if you don't want this in

19:39

your house and you find it embarrassing, burn

19:41

it, right? Like you can trash

19:43

it without sending it back. He

19:46

is doing this to wound. And

19:49

it is especially heartbreaking because Molly

19:52

was actually vulnerable in sending a

19:54

Christmas sweater, right? They have not

19:56

spoken in months and Molly is

19:59

like. you know what, of course, I

20:01

like, he is my son and it is

20:03

Christmas and every year since he was born, I

20:05

have sat him a Christmas sweater. So even though

20:07

we're not speaking, I am gonna

20:09

reach out a hand, right? The last communication that

20:12

we know Molly and Percy have had is that

20:14

Molly went to his flat and Percy didn't open

20:16

the door and she is still

20:18

sending him a Christmas gift. And

20:20

like, I can imagine just hoping for

20:23

a thank you note or right, like

20:25

hoping for a missive, I hope dad

20:27

is okay, anything. And

20:29

instead, forget nothing,

20:31

like nothing would have been something. This

20:35

actually feels cruel. And

20:38

to me, like, I know almost

20:40

nothing about psychology, but I

20:42

do understand that like, at some point in

20:44

growing up, you have to differentiate yourself from

20:46

your parents and say like, what they do

20:49

doesn't represent me, I am my own person.

20:51

So he believes that his parents make

20:54

him vulnerable, that his parents are on

20:56

the wrong side of history. And therefore,

20:58

he has to separate himself from them

21:00

in order to have the career that

21:02

he wants to have. But he's wrong,

21:04

his parents don't make him vulnerable. Nobody

21:07

thinks that people are very capable

21:09

of being like, Arthur Weasley, super

21:11

liberal and wonderful, Percy Weasley,

21:14

close minded in the back

21:16

pocket of Cornelia's fetch. Like

21:18

we rarely look at a

21:20

parent and then see a kid and

21:22

be like, ah, you represent that parent, right? If

21:24

there's a parent screaming on the sidelines at a

21:26

soccer game, we don't look at the six year

21:28

old and go like, wow, you

21:30

probably gonna turn out just like that. So

21:33

Percy is even wrong that he's vulnerable. And

21:36

I do think there's an argument that some of

21:38

the most dangerous people in the world are people

21:40

who feel vulnerable when they're not. Right?

21:43

They're doing the growling thing

21:45

like my paw hurts and there's

21:48

no paw injury. And you're

21:50

like, so you're just snapping at everyone because you're

21:52

like just everyone stay away.

21:54

And yeah, Percy, bad, bad,

21:56

bad. I

21:58

think that's right. I mean, this isn't even more generous reading, right?

22:01

It's not just like, Oh, I have ambitions because

22:03

I didn't enjoy growing up in a family of

22:05

lesser means. This is like, Oh,

22:07

no, you are on the wrong side of

22:09

history. Like you are actually making vulnerable the

22:11

historic ministry of Cornelius fudge, which is going

22:13

to be so important to the future of

22:15

muggle, whatever, right? Let's just, he's

22:17

probably more in that state of mind. But

22:20

you're right, like he's imagining a vulnerability.

22:22

And that imagined vulnerability is distracting

22:24

him from an actual vulnerability, because they're

22:27

all super vulnerable to Voldemort. Right?

22:29

That's the other thing is going on is that it's

22:32

not just Harry. This is what the order of

22:34

Phoenix knows and Dumbledore's army

22:36

intuits. And like the ministry is

22:38

ignoring is that the events

22:41

of the last several months mean

22:43

that all of them are uniquely

22:45

vulnerable. And they're transferring these vulnerabilities

22:47

they don't want to face onto

22:49

ones that are easier

22:51

for them to react to respond to

22:53

and feel safe from right,

22:56

which is like sending a jumper back to

22:58

my mom. Now I feel protected. Ha ha,

23:00

I took action when actually that is just

23:03

making them more vulnerable to the threat that

23:05

the death eaters pose. Welcome

23:10

to your daily affirmations. Repeat

23:12

after me working with others

23:14

is easier than ever. I

23:16

strive for perfect collaboration. Our

23:19

teamwork keeps getting better. Yeah,

23:22

affirmations are great. But monday.com can

23:24

really get you the teamwork you

23:26

desire work together easily and share

23:28

files, updates data and just about

23:30

anything you want all in one platform. Or

23:35

tap the banner to go to monday.com. to

23:57

your door. Go to bluenile.com and

23:59

use promo code. Have you ever Googled your own

24:01

name? Have

24:10

you ever Googled your own name? Prepare

24:12

for a shock because your personal info,

24:15

including addresses and phone numbers, is all

24:17

out there. It's all harvested by data

24:19

brokers and sold legally. Aura is

24:21

a personal digital security service that

24:24

scans the internet for your sensitive

24:26

information and provides a full suite

24:28

of privacy-enhancing tools. For a limited

24:30

time, Aura is offering listeners a

24:33

14-day free trial at aura.com.safety. That's

24:35

A-U-R-A dot com slash safety to

24:37

learn more and activate the 14-day trial

24:39

period. Matt,

24:43

on this theme that the vulnerable

24:45

version of ourselves is not necessarily

24:47

a better version of ourselves, we

24:49

get reintroduced to Gilderoy Lockhart in

24:51

this chapter. And

24:54

Gilderoy Lockhart, vulnerable with this

24:56

memory charm bounced back onto

24:58

him, has less power. And

25:01

Lockhart with less power is a good thing.

25:03

The way it happens, not a good thing,

25:05

but he does have less power than

25:07

he used to have, and that's great. But

25:11

vulnerable Lockhart, while

25:13

maybe sweet and charming, still

25:16

has the capacity to be deeply

25:18

sexist. And

25:21

I just think that sometimes

25:23

we can see people become

25:25

vulnerable and mistake vulnerability

25:28

for virtue. And

25:30

it is not the same. Like

25:33

Lockhart is walking around

25:35

the ward fairly harmlessly,

25:37

being like, I'll sign autographs, I'll sign

25:40

your autographs, which we can

25:42

say this is harmless if you also have

25:44

a memory problem and are on the same

25:46

ward as him. That is probably very annoying.

25:49

But he's walking around and he sees

25:52

Harry and Ron, and he's offering to

25:54

give his autograph. But then he turns

25:56

to Ginny and is like, you

25:58

can help me. and

26:01

treats her like his assistant

26:04

instantly. Like he

26:06

is vulnerable, but also that can

26:08

make Ginny feel really bad and small.

26:11

Just because he's vulnerable doesn't mean that that's not awful.

26:15

That's right, I mean he walks around handing

26:17

out autographs and like he doesn't remember

26:19

that he's handed out autographs. Fine, that's the like

26:21

vulnerability and memory charm thing. But also he's the

26:23

kind of person that thinks everybody wants his eight

26:26

by 10, right? That's the part that the vulnerability

26:28

doesn't have anything to do with. And

26:30

that he's still kind of a jerk, right?

26:32

Like he's still not a super pleasant

26:34

person to be around. I mean,

26:36

I think like you said at the beginning of your

26:39

comment, like the fact of our

26:41

vulnerability doesn't make us better or worse than we

26:43

were, you know,

26:45

than we are outside bracketing

26:47

that vulnerability. It just is a fact

26:50

of who we are. And Lockhart as a

26:52

person who's suffering and is

26:54

in St. Mungos, deserves the protection

26:56

any person deserves. But he also

26:58

deserves to be treated as a

27:01

whole person, which is like when you have

27:03

bad behavior, then we name that behavior and

27:05

we try to prevent the behavior. There's a

27:07

movie I love a lot, an animated movie,

27:09

which is about the aftermath of the drop

27:11

in the atomic bomb in Hiroshima called Barefoot

27:13

Gen. And Gen and

27:15

this little boy that he's running around

27:17

with in the comics and in the

27:20

movie, they're paid some money by a

27:22

wealthy family to care for a guy who has radiation sickness

27:24

and a bunch of burns on his body. And

27:27

he's awful, he's awful to

27:29

them, right? And finally just get fed up with him

27:31

and like get into a fight with him, right?

27:34

And at the end, he's just like, thank you. You're the

27:36

first person that's actually treated me like

27:39

a human, like everyone else ignores me, avoids

27:41

me because I'm gonna die. But you actually

27:44

like showed me the dignity of recognizing that

27:46

people should behave well and that I wasn't

27:48

behaving well, right? Like you held me to

27:50

a standard and that actually like

27:53

dignified my personhood in a way that nobody

27:55

else's has, right? Yeah,

27:57

there's something about like, if when you let it pass

27:59

for. Lockhart that's protecting a part of

28:01

him that doesn't need protection the part of it

28:03

It needs protection is the memory

28:06

loss is the other vulnerable things The

28:08

second doesn't need protection and the staff and the

28:10

children shouldn't do anything to protect it Matt

28:13

I do want to say that there is one person

28:15

in this chapter Who doesn't

28:17

isn't presenting as vulnerable at all

28:20

and that is the patient Arthur

28:22

Weasley Arthur Weasley? with

28:24

a with a wound that

28:27

won't close is like I

28:30

don't care. I'm trying stitches I'm

28:33

becoming friends with a young healer all the

28:35

word and we're going rogue What

28:37

here you got me a bunch

28:40

of useless stuff that's muggle. That's

28:42

awesome Hey kids, would you get

28:44

Christmas and like he's fine now,

28:46

right? Like he is not at

28:48

that store But I just

28:50

love that we get this picture of

28:52

a patient who's like sup y'all

28:56

No, hope this wound doesn't close. Otherwise, we won't

28:58

be able to try a bunch of And

29:04

I just I I do want to say

29:06

though I think part of that is that

29:08

he trusts that he's been good hands at

29:10

st Mungos his family is coming to visit

29:12

right like he has so much privilege He's

29:15

like there from the Ministry of Magic and you

29:18

know, and he's like a white guy like he's

29:20

gonna get treated Well at this hospital And

29:23

and so like, you know, he gets to

29:25

have a lot of confidence I think not

29:27

feeling vulnerable is a privilege, but

29:29

I do love the way he's posted through That's

29:45

enough time for our sacred reading practice

29:48

and this week we are once again Engaging

29:51

in this practice of sacred

29:53

imagination in sacred imagination. We

29:55

read a short passage. This is derived

29:57

from Jesuit reading practices

29:59

the Jesuits or a Roman Catholic order

30:01

of priests. And while I'm reading

30:03

the passage, we're supposed to try to inhabit

30:05

the passage more directly than we might when

30:07

we're reading otherwise. Like to try

30:10

to really imagine ourselves into the scene in

30:12

some direct or intimate way. It may be

30:14

as one of the characters. It may be

30:16

sort of more fly on the wall, but

30:18

directly there so you can try to experience

30:20

all the sensations, maybe even sensations that aren't

30:22

described by the passage. And then afterwards,

30:24

we'll talk about what the imagination

30:27

opened up for us. So

30:30

we just finished talking about the encounter with

30:32

Gilderoy Lockhart and the scene we're gonna use

30:35

to engage in sacred imagination is directly

30:37

after their first meeting with Lockhart when

30:40

they're pulled into the closed portion of

30:42

the ward and they're kind of

30:44

getting their lay of the land for

30:46

what this closed ward is like and what

30:48

the patients who reside there, what they're going

30:50

through. Harry looked around. The

30:53

ward bore unmistakable signs of being a permanent

30:55

home to its residents. They

30:58

had many more personal effects around their beds than

31:00

in Mr. Weasley's ward. The

31:02

wall around Gilderoy's headboard, for instance, was

31:04

papered with pictures of himself, all beaming

31:06

toothily and waving at the new arrivals.

31:09

He had autographed many of them to himself

31:11

in disjointed childish writing. The moment

31:13

he had been deposited in his chair

31:15

by the healer, Gilderoy pulled a fresh

31:18

stack of photographs toward him, seized a

31:20

quill and started signing them all feverishly.

31:24

"'You can put them in envelopes,' he said to Ginny,

31:26

throwing the signed pictures into her lap one by one

31:28

as he finished them. "'I'm not

31:30

forgotten, you know. No, I still receive a very great

31:32

deal of fan mail,' Gladys Gudgeon

31:34

writes weakly. I just wish I knew

31:36

why." He paused, looked

31:38

faintly puzzled, then beamed again and returned

31:41

to his signing with renewed vigor. "'I

31:44

suspect it is simply my good looks.'" A

31:47

sallow-skinned, mournful-looking wizard lay in the bed

31:50

opposite staring at the ceiling. He

31:52

was mumbling to himself and seemed quite unaware

31:54

of anything around him. Two

31:57

Beds Along was a woman whose entire head was covered

31:59

in fur. I remembered something similar

32:01

happened to her mind during their second years,

32:03

although fortunately the damage in her case had

32:05

not been permanent. At. The

32:07

far end of the ward, Flowery curtains had

32:10

been drawn around two beds to give the

32:12

occupants and their visitors some privacy. Here

32:15

you are Agnes said the hill a bright late

32:18

to for a fist woman handing her small pile

32:20

of Christmas presents. See. Not forgotten

32:22

are you. And your sunset? An hour

32:24

to say he's distinct. Night sweats nice isn't it?

32:27

Agnes. Gave several loud box. And.

32:30

Look products. You've. Been sent a potted

32:32

plant and a lovely calendar with a different fancy

32:34

hypocrite for each month. Fell. By not

32:36

things won't they said the healer passing along

32:39

to the mumbling man, setting a rather ugly

32:41

plant with long swaying tentacles on the bedside

32:43

cabinet and fixing the calendar to the wall

32:45

with her want. And oh Mrs One bottom,

32:47

are you leading already. Harrys. Had

32:49

spun around. The. Curtains had been drawn

32:52

back from a two beds at the end of

32:54

the board and to visitors were walking back down

32:56

the aisles between the beds. A. Formidable

32:58

looking old which wearing along green

33:00

dress a moth eaten fox her

33:02

and appointed hat. Decorated. with

33:05

what was unmistakably a stuffed vulture

33:07

and trailing behind her looking thoroughly

33:09

depressed. Nettle, So.

33:12

Vanessa What? We. Did your imagination do

33:14

in that scene? So I. Personally

33:17

am and I think the reason

33:19

for that was I was like

33:21

this not smell like a hostile

33:23

people live here and I'm like

33:26

i'm not a new out and

33:28

say lights up and like opposite

33:30

side cheerfully decorated in here. This

33:32

culex is clearly very gifted at

33:34

their job is like site positives

33:36

and sales image maddening of a

33:38

cheerful vibe in there have been

33:40

a lot of Christmas visitors it

33:42

amounts to has gotten just stuff.

33:44

And. So I am imagining that

33:46

light. Novels: Grandmother and

33:49

like others it's a it's has

33:51

had like lovely perfume science and

33:53

felt like smells lethally in here.

33:56

The other thing that like on

33:58

a sensory level as. experienced

34:00

was just

34:03

like the deep sadness of

34:05

Lockhart signing those headshots. And

34:07

I like really heard the

34:09

like scribble and then the

34:11

like flip of paper as he

34:13

is sending it to Ginny and

34:15

feeling as Ginny like offended

34:18

and also like

34:20

I know that they're magical but I'm picturing

34:22

like those glossy 8x10 right like

34:25

on photo paper and so the like

34:28

feeling that like matte cool

34:30

feeling of the pack of photo paper and

34:33

like the sticky top as Ginny and

34:35

like collecting them and being like this

34:38

is so degrading but yes

34:40

hand me another one of these photos please

34:42

I will play this game. So those

34:45

were the two sensory things that came to me

34:47

was the smell and like the touch of the

34:49

photos. What about you? Yeah I

34:51

found myself sort of in the experience

34:53

of the healer. You know

34:55

just as a pastor I tend to visit

34:57

memory care units a fair amount just you

35:00

know parishioners who have developed

35:02

a mentor Alzheimer's and

35:04

just kind of the behavior of some of the residents and

35:06

the behavior of the staff just reminded me of some of

35:08

my visits to those units and

35:10

nursing homes and other assisted living facilities.

35:13

So I was getting different smells but also that

35:15

kind of antiseptic smell that kind of overlays these

35:17

scents and hospitals and other kinds of wards. You

35:20

know I've never been a medical staff or care

35:22

staff in a memory unit so this is all

35:24

projection based upon just you know speaking to

35:26

folks and spending some time in these units but

35:29

in my head as the healer I was very much

35:31

sort of like the matter-of-factness

35:34

of kindness right like this person

35:36

has a job to do on

35:38

the ward and part of

35:40

their job is to be kind and patient with

35:42

these folks every day but it's

35:44

also a job that she does every day and every

35:46

day she has to be just as cheery and just

35:49

as chipper and just kind to these

35:51

folks and that is genuine it's real I mean

35:53

that's not I'm not saying that she's performing this

35:55

genuineness but also that like

35:58

I in inhabiting her mental

36:00

space, just also thinking about like,

36:02

oh, this practical stuff that needs to get done

36:05

to care for all these people in their

36:07

illness. Like, it's partly the cheerily

36:10

saying here your Christmas presents, but there's also like,

36:12

do I need to change this sheet? Is this

36:14

person need this care? The practical things that have

36:16

to go on, they have to be managed when

36:18

you have a ward full of people, like

36:21

all that stuff's also running through

36:23

this healer's head while she's offering

36:25

these genuine chipper, but also, you

36:29

know, surface level niceties. And it's just like that,

36:31

that kind of sense of dividedness when you have

36:33

one of those responsibilities or have the responsibility to

36:35

care in a situation like this was what kind

36:37

of landed with me. Yeah,

36:40

the only other thing that I

36:43

noticed was the sound of the

36:45

curtains, right? You know that

36:47

sound when they're wrapping a curtain around

36:49

you and the doctor's office or whatever,

36:51

like metal on metal sound. And

36:53

so that being opened and like

36:56

Neville being revealed, I think we,

36:58

I at least often equate opening of

37:00

curtains is exciting, right? Like

37:03

it's the theater or you're opening your

37:05

curtains to the day. I opened

37:07

my curtains this morning and it had snowed a

37:10

few inches, you know, it can be like

37:12

this hopeful act and

37:15

often opening curtains at a hospital has

37:17

a very different connotation. Yeah. Matt,

37:21

thank you so much for that beautiful sacred

37:23

imagination. Thanks, Matthew. This

37:26

week's voicemail is from Jamie and AJ is going to

37:28

read it to us. Hi,

37:31

team. I'm really listening to the book

37:33

seven episodes and I'm at the part where the trio

37:36

is hanging out in Grimul place. As

37:38

one, I'm writing this on the current read through book

37:40

five. That's where the kids are at now too. So

37:43

I've been thinking about how this house is hidden

37:45

on a street in London surrounded by muggle houses.

37:47

My question is why the blacks

37:50

have hated muggles for generations. They're one of

37:52

the most wizard supremacist families there are. Why

37:54

would they choose to live surrounded by muggles?

37:56

We've seen other wizarding families living apart. The

37:59

Malfoy's beloved good. even the Weasley's. And

38:01

we know there are places like Diagon

38:03

Alley, Hogsmeade, and Godric's Hollow that are

38:05

all wizarding communities. So why would

38:07

the Muggle-Hating Blacks put their ancestral home in the

38:09

middle of Muggle London? The answer

38:12

I can offer is that maybe the Blacks

38:14

go back far enough that the family was

38:16

living there before Grimall Place was developed into

38:18

a residential area in London, and now they're

38:20

stubbornly staying there out of a you-will-not-replace-us mentality.

38:23

Thanks. That's a

38:25

great theory, Jamie. Thank you for that voice memo.

38:27

You know, it's immediately what I started thinking when

38:29

you said that, that there's some kind of like

38:32

stubborn... I didn't have this

38:34

phrase, but you chose the perfect phrase, Jamie, like you will

38:36

not replace us. Stands to it. I

38:38

also wonder if, you know, if somewhere

38:40

back in the history of the Blacks, if

38:43

you go far enough back, there isn't the kind

38:45

of anti-Muggle hatred, you know, that we invent our

38:47

histories, that we tell stories of our families, and

38:49

we tell ourselves that every Black ever always hated

38:51

Muggles, but maybe the Blacks who built this house

38:54

were fine living in Muggle neighborhood. And, you know,

38:56

hatred is always constructed, and it was constructed after

38:58

the founding of this house. So either

39:01

way, I think you're right, Jamie, which

39:03

is that this family is doing it

39:05

in defiance. And it was a

39:07

detail I had never really paid attention to, but I'm

39:09

really grateful for you, you pointing it out. Me

39:12

too. I'll also add, it's possible

39:14

that at some point, the Blacks

39:16

were Muggles and married in, right?

39:18

Like, even this idea of pure-bloodedness,

39:20

right? Exactly. We know

39:23

that, like, Voldemort is not

39:25

pure-blooded. We know that people who often scream

39:27

the loudest are whatever

39:30

it is that they're mad at, at least

39:32

partly. Hitler

39:34

was not blonde-haired and blue-eyed. It's

39:37

very confusing. So I don't know, maybe

39:40

the Blacks were Muggles, but

39:42

thank you so much, Jamie, for calling our attention to

39:44

this. I had never thought about it. It

39:52

is now time for us to remember members

39:54

of our community who have been loved and

39:57

lost. Rose

40:03

Youngquist, who was 92, was

40:06

a grandmother with a quick wit and

40:08

a love of cats and good chocolate.

40:15

Felicia, who was 55 and

40:17

lived her dream of being a mother.

40:25

Marie Lanker, who was

40:27

68, an artist, a

40:29

fellow and a friend. And

40:37

Connor Williams, who was 25

40:39

and a beloved brother and son. May

40:46

their memories be a blessing. And

40:54

who would you like to bless from the chapter this

40:56

week? Vanessa, I would like to

40:59

bless Augustus Pye. Augustus

41:01

Pye is the trainee healer on

41:04

Arthur's Ward and he's the one who

41:07

has the idea of literally using needle

41:09

and thread to sew

41:11

flesh back together. Can you imagine? No.

41:15

Who would do that to poor innocent

41:18

people? Bless Augustus Pye for

41:20

trying and his willing and curious patient,

41:22

Arthur, for giving a giving sewing

41:24

a try when we're at the work of healing.

41:27

It's like the muggles

41:30

aren't idiots, right? It's like

41:32

believing in a culture that's different than

41:34

your own. I don't know. That's

41:36

right. Like knowing that there's some virtue in it.

41:38

Yeah. And remember Hermione's like, actually,

41:40

it works pretty well. They

41:43

stitched up my ankle, Matt. We just

41:45

pulled out the stitches. It's

41:47

closed. It looks beautiful. Nice scar.

41:50

Yeah. I remember when I was on Harry

41:52

Potter and the sacred text talking about this chapter, I

41:54

remember being torn about the

41:56

limit of my commitment to only

41:59

bless women. and luckily, Ginny Weasley

42:01

is an absolute star in this chapter,

42:03

so my blessing fell easily to her.

42:05

But I remember so desperately wanting to bless

42:08

Neville, and I'm very excited that I

42:10

now get to bless him. I

42:13

think that there is a great

42:15

art to receiving gifts. I

42:17

think as I yell at my mom a

42:19

lot to please stop buying a thing, like,

42:22

I am not a gracious receiver of

42:24

things that I do not want exactly. I'm like, now I

42:26

have to take care of this thing, I have

42:29

to thoughtfully dispose of it. What you've

42:31

actually given me is a task or

42:33

something to dust. I deeply resent it.

42:37

And so I do not have this

42:39

skill, but we see Neville interact

42:41

with his mom in this chapter, and it's

42:43

the only time we see Neville interacting with

42:45

his parents. And we don't know what exactly

42:48

it is, but Alice Longbottom seems to be

42:50

giving her son these kinds of rappers all

42:52

the time. And you

42:54

know, Neville's grandma is like, you don't have to take

42:56

them all the time, right? Like, you have enough of

42:58

these to wallpaper a room. And

43:01

first of all, it does seem as

43:03

though Neville actually cherishes the objects, which

43:05

I do think is beautiful. I do

43:07

think saying, like, one day she

43:10

could stop giving me these, right? Like, she

43:12

touched it, and therefore it is blessed, right? Whatever

43:14

it is, like, these are precious.

43:17

But also, I just think that the

43:19

act of receiving something that has been

43:21

given in the spirit of generosity is

43:24

an act of service, even if it is something that you

43:26

don't want to receive. But I

43:29

just want to offer a blessing to Neville

43:31

for his, like, incredible wisdom in

43:33

cherishing these, like, quote-unquote, pieces

43:35

of trash and in receiving

43:37

them so generously. Next

43:40

week, we're reading Book 5, Chapter 24,

43:42

Occlumency, through the theme of release with

43:44

Kasper. Matt,

43:47

we have a couple of very exciting classes available

43:49

that our listeners should know about. One

43:52

is the Publishing Crash Course with

43:54

Mackenzie Lee, and the other is

43:56

a Journaling as a Sacred Practice

43:58

class with our sometimes- co-host,

44:00

Jolie Doggett. It

44:02

is going to be amazing. Everybody sign up

44:05

at notsorryworks.com. And

44:07

we have an incredible group to upland

44:09

see course called Showing Up for Trans

44:12

Kids and that is for sale at

44:14

notsorryworks.com. Also in starts March 8th. And

44:16

of course you can get ad free

44:19

episodes by subscribing on Apple podcasts or

44:21

signing up for our patreon. This

44:24

has been a Not Sorry production and Not Sorry

44:26

production. It's a feminist production company. Our executive producer

44:28

is Caitlin Hofmeister. We are edited and produced by

44:30

AJ Yeramas. Our music is by Ivan Paizawa, Nick

44:32

Bole and we are distributed by Acast. Thanks this

44:35

week to Jamie for her perceptive

44:37

voicemail, to Ariana Nettelman, Julia Argy,

44:39

Margaret H. Willison, Nikki Zoltan, Hannah

44:41

Rehacke, Courtney Brown, Casper Derkile, Natalie

44:43

Pulpert, Stephanie Paulsell and everyone who

44:45

sent in the names of

44:48

their loved ones this week. When

44:59

I said I was writing, I was lying. I should have been

45:01

open to the page. Chapter 23, I apologize. There

45:04

you go, Patreon. He always thinks he's

45:07

got a million. Chapter 23, Christmas,

45:11

that's absolutely true. Not

45:13

true. Not true. Chapter

45:16

23. How do

45:18

I speak? I feel like, alright. Chapter

45:23

23, Christmas on the Closed Ward.