0:01

Before we get to the episode, I've a favor to

0:03

ask. Would. You rate and review

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Hbr on leadership. It only takes a

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few seconds and it's one of the

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best ways to help new listeners find

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her show. So open up Apple Podcasts

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or Spotify and leave us are reading

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and or of thank you. Welcome

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to H B on leadership Case

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studies in conversations with the world's

0:30

top business and management experts and

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selected to help you unlock the

0:34

best those around you. When

0:40

you're in the middle of a conflict,

0:42

it's common to automatically enter a fight

0:44

or flight mentality. But H B Are

0:47

contributing editor and workplace conflict expert Amy

0:49

Gallo says it is possible to interrupt

0:51

this response and find a path towards

0:54

a more productive discussion. In.

0:56

This episode, you'll learn how to stay calm in the

0:58

heat of the moment. First. Try

1:01

to distance yourself from the negative emotion you're

1:03

feeling by labeling it. Then.

1:05

Focus on your breath and your body.

1:07

And. If you need to take a break. That.

1:10

I'll give you more time to process

1:12

your intense emotions. This. Episode

1:14

originally aired as part of the H B

1:16

Our Guide Video series in March. Twenty Twenty

1:19

Two. Here. It is. Have

1:22

you lost control during a heated argument

1:24

at work and said or done something

1:27

you immediately regret? We all have. While

1:29

I can't help you take back that

1:31

unfortunate thing you said, I can help

1:33

you make sure it doesn't happen again.

1:36

In this video, you're going to learn

1:38

how to pay closer attention to your

1:40

thoughts, feelings, and even your body so

1:42

you have a better chance of staying

1:45

calm during a conflict. Magid.

1:50

You're being chased by a

1:52

bear. Scary right now. Think

1:55

about a tense conversation or

1:57

a difficult negotiation at work.

2:00

Agreement. Maybe hard and even

2:02

uncomfortable. But surely you're not

2:04

panic game like you were with

2:07

their rights. Well, it's not always

2:09

that easy. Our brain is constantly

2:11

scanning for threat and when it

2:13

senses one regardless of the actual

2:16

level of danger and alarm, goes

2:18

off limits of their or your

2:20

boss. Those sweaty palmed said not

2:22

in your stomach. The racing heart

2:24

is all part of your body's

2:27

ancient fight or flight survival mechanism.

2:29

The body makes the smoke the

2:31

choice to protect. It's. Nice

2:35

you thinking shuts down. And to

2:37

make matters worse things to something

2:39

called mirror neurons. Your kind of

2:41

hurt can catch your stressful reaction.

2:44

In the conflict in spiral out of. Control.

2:46

Luckily. All is not

2:49

like you can learn to interrupt the

2:51

city illogical reactions right there in the

2:53

moment so you can take the heat

2:55

down in real time. Acknowledge

2:59

and legal what you're feeling:

3:01

Stressful feelings take up space

3:03

to create noise in your

3:05

mind's. Authors

3:07

isn't visa to find some feelings are

3:10

just transients sources of data that may

3:12

or may not prove to be helpful.

3:14

Think of emotions as data can help

3:17

you be more. Objective about

3:19

for instance, saying. To

3:21

yourself on have thought that my

3:23

coworkers wrongs and I'm feeling angry

3:25

labels sorts of thought and the

3:27

ceiling increase some distance from the

3:30

ceiling so easier to let it

3:32

go differentiating your feelings. It's helpful

3:34

to. Get. Specific frustration is

3:36

not the same as sadness.

3:39

Or anger or disappointment

3:41

And. Understanding what caused it can

3:44

help you resolve the situation. When

3:46

you're feeling is intense emotions, it

3:48

can be helpful to notice what

3:50

else going on in your body.

3:52

does your tone of voice teens?

3:54

what are you feeling in your

3:56

chest or in your stomach is

3:58

anything p the phone or. He

4:00

or. Type these are all clue that

4:02

can remind you. Oh yeah, this

4:04

is what automatically happens when I

4:07

feel threatened and I need to

4:09

make myself from what you're doing

4:11

with your body matters to if

4:13

you're sitting still stressful feelings can

4:15

build up excuses yourself to get

4:17

up and walk around, can activate

4:19

the rational thinking part of your

4:21

brains and help you process your

4:23

emotions. Given. Neutral reasons and own

4:25

it. You can say sorry interest. I'd

4:27

love to get a quick cup of

4:29

coffee before. We consume you. Can I

4:31

get you something? My mother This

4:34

quick break also provide a much

4:36

needed recess for the conversation is

4:38

taking a break isn't enough. Sense

4:40

mindfulness experts recommend entering yourself with

4:42

small, intentional physical actions such as

4:45

having each finger with your some

4:47

are firmly planted your feet on

4:49

the ground. Even these tiny actions

4:51

can make a world of difference.

4:55

Visualizations are really helpful to

4:58

think. Of a person in your life

5:00

with a calming presence or a place that

5:02

helps you relax. Extreme. These

5:04

even for just a moment can

5:06

help redirect you're thinking and start

5:09

com yourself down a quick. Side

5:11

know and you're kind of hearts reactions.

5:13

Remember those mirror neurons? What if your

5:15

accent? The feedback loop means your corporate

5:18

is probably upset you. It may be

5:20

necessary to just let them then. And

5:22

while that may be difficult and uncomfortable

5:25

for you, try picturing there he did

5:27

and hurtful. Words to going over

5:29

your shoulder rather than hitting you

5:31

in which is you. Can show

5:33

that you're listening without feeding into

5:36

their negative emotions. Chances are they

5:38

will wind down eventually. Another tip

5:40

we probably all now is to

5:42

focus on your breath. You're

5:45

breathing anyway without even thinking about it,

5:47

so paused for a moment. Well think

5:49

about it, What does it feel like

5:51

to breathe in through the nose? doesn't

5:53

change as it passes through the back of

5:55

your throat what's the quality of the route

5:58

as it enters your love What

6:00

do you notice? Counting your breath

6:02

or focusing on the rhythm or smoothness

6:04

will start to lessen the feeling of

6:06

panic and restore your ability

6:09

to think, listen, and feel

6:11

empathy. Another great tactic

6:13

is to repeat a calming phrase

6:16

or mantra. You might

6:18

say to yourself, this isn't about me, or

6:21

go to neutral, or this

6:23

is about the business. This will

6:25

help ground you and calm those emergency

6:27

alarms going off in your brain. Okay,

6:31

let's review. Calmers are

6:33

tough for everyone and a hijacked nervous

6:35

system shuts down your ability to think

6:38

clearly, but you don't have to

6:40

be a Zen master to learn

6:42

self-regulation and to train yourself to

6:44

respond instead of react. Acknowledge and

6:46

label your thoughts and feelings. Remember,

6:49

feelings are just data and may or may

6:51

not be helpful. Differentiating and

6:53

labeling them for what they are can

6:55

make them easier to let go. Take

6:59

a break. Removing yourself even briefly

7:01

can give you time to process

7:03

your emotions and provide a much-needed

7:05

reset to the conversation. Take

7:08

a brief walk or anchor yourself

7:10

physically in order to jumpstart your

7:12

rational brain. Use

7:14

visualization. Picturing calm people

7:16

or places can help focus your

7:19

attention in a constructive way. Imagining

7:22

your counterparts' angry words going

7:24

past you can help neutralize

7:26

their effect. Focus

7:28

on breathing mindfully. Pay attention

7:30

to the quality of your breath and

7:33

try counting out your breath with different

7:35

techniques. Repeat a

7:37

calming phrase. It can be

7:39

something neutral like, this is about the

7:42

business, to help separate your personal feelings

7:44

from the conversation at hand. All

7:47

of these strategies are based on HBR articles

7:49

and they're linked in the description below. Do

7:52

you have a tactic for staying calm in a

7:54

difficult conversation or maybe a topic you want us

7:56

to cover as part of the series? Comment

7:59

below. That

8:08

was a H B Are contributing editor Amy

8:10

Gallo on the Hbr Guide video series. Goes

8:12

an expert and workplace. Conflict and

8:14

Communication and she cohosts another excellent

8:16

Hbr podcast when an outward. The

8:19

most recent book is getting along

8:21

how to work with any he

8:23

isn't difficult people. Will

8:27

be back next Wednesday with another Hands

8:29

Hicks conversation about Leadership from Harvard Business

8:31

Review as he found this episode helpful.

8:33

Share with your friends and colleagues and

8:35

followers. Shell on Apple Podcasts modify or

8:38

where ever you get your podcasts fire

8:40

their be sure to leave us or

8:42

of you. When

8:44

you're ready for more podcasts, articles, case

8:46

studies, books and videos with the world's

8:49

top business and management experts and it

8:51

all at each. the are so that.

8:55

This episode is produced by any

8:58

gallo scope of here Jessica the

9:00

doll is Sandy in Me and

9:02

of its Ethan Is or Editor

9:04

Video by Andy Robinson Animation and

9:06

designed by Rico Cribs Alex Del

9:08

Sur and Care and Music by

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Com A Media And special thanks

9:13

to Marine Hook A Call Smith

9:15

or For Trucks Learn Frenzy Kebabs

9:17

and Bartholomew. And you are

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listener. Phoenix.