0:56

good conversation because

0:58

the topic was brought up by

1:00

a few of my followers on Instagram

1:03

and it's actually a question that I get

1:05

a lot and it comes down to

1:08

how do we articulate

1:11

our thoughts in a more

1:14

coherent way so that people

1:16

understand us and we

1:18

have the gall to speak

1:20

up in conversation, whether it's in a meeting

1:22

or you're on a sales call or

1:25

your in a Q and a on a

1:27

live presentation. How do we get

1:29

those ideas out of our heads,

1:32

through our mouth, out into the world so that

1:34

others actually understand

1:36

them and get them and

1:38

want to continue to talk with us. And you

1:41

know, this is something that I used to struggle

1:44

with a lot and if I'm being

1:46

totally honest with you, I still struggle with

1:48

sometimes I, I feel like

1:51

sometimes the things in our head seem

1:53

so much more logical than how they do

1:55

when they come out of our mouth. And you

1:57

just get comfortable with this idea that when

2:00

you do the work and you learn

2:02

how to articulate yourself, you just have

2:04

to trust in it and stop getting caught up and self-conscious

2:06

thinking that you're not communicating with yourself.

2:09

You probably are much better at this then

2:11

you give yourself credit for. But

2:13

nonetheless, we're going to talk about

2:15

that today. And so here's a couple of the situations

2:17

where it might pop up for you. Maybe

2:20

you'll feel like your words are a little

2:22

circular, that it takes you a really

2:24

long time to finally get to

2:26

your point. Uh , maybe you

2:28

struggle articulating yourself on camera,

2:31

whether you're doing like 17

2:33

takes on your iPhone to try to come up with one

2:35

Instagram story and then you'll finally just bail

2:37

because it's way too long

2:40

to post. Or maybe you're trying

2:42

to shoot a video for your course or

2:44

your website and every

2:46

time you hit record, you just get

2:48

all awkward and fumbly and can't seem to

2:50

get your point across. Maybe

2:52

you struggle speaking up when

2:54

you're having a difficult conversation at home

2:57

with your partner or a really close because

2:59

you don't want to hurt their feelings and you want

3:01

to say things just the right way but aren't quite

3:04

sure how to, maybe

3:06

it's in a meeting and you have outside

3:08

of the box idea and you're not quite sure

3:10

how others react, so you hold it in because

3:12

I get you're not quite sure how to get it out

3:15

or a call with a prospect or maybe

3:18

you just feel like other people get really

3:20

confused when you speak. Wherever

3:23

you are on this, you are

3:25

not alone. Like I said, this is something

3:28

that I hear so often

3:30

and I have struggled it so much with

3:32

it too and that's what we're going to

3:34

dive into today. So we're

3:36

going to talk about the real reason why

3:38

you're struggling with this and I'm

3:41

going to share with you an actual the

3:43

process that I go through that

3:45

I went through, but I still use

3:47

quite often to stay on top of it to make sure

3:49

that I'm actually showing up and speaking

3:52

in the way that I want to speak in different

3:54

situations. So I'm going to share with you a three step

3:56

process that'll help you with this and

3:58

I think it really going to love it. So

4:01

before we dive in, you know, I have to tell you that

4:03

this topic was something that has been

4:06

really on my mind for quite a while

4:08

. And yesterday I went for

4:10

a run and I was listening to a

4:12

podcast and I had to

4:14

stop the recording because I had so

4:16

many ideas for this episode and I knew

4:19

if I did not get them out on paper

4:21

right at that moment, I would forget.

4:24

And the the really good ideas that I have,

4:26

I knew it'd be valuable. This is where I was really

4:28

articulating my thoughts around this three

4:30

step process. So what I did

4:32

is I stopped running, pulled

4:35

my phone out of my armband and hit the audio

4:37

record button and started doing

4:39

an audio member memo for myself so

4:41

that I would remember. But I didn't want

4:43

to stop my run because I was really in a good,

4:46

like a really good stride , a really good flow. So

4:48

, uh , I was two miles into a five

4:51

k run and I kept

4:53

running while I was recording and I'm

4:55

going to have to share this on my Instagram stories to

4:57

go check it out. But I actually have

4:59

a three or four minute memo

5:02

to myself of me, like

5:04

very embarrassingly PAYE anted in the background

5:06

because I'm like a full on run

5:09

mode down the street. People probably thought it was crazy

5:11

because I was running with a phone in my hand talking

5:14

to it. But you know, sometimes when you

5:16

have ideas you just have to capture them.

5:18

And that's what I did. So that was the basis

5:21

of my outline for today's

5:24

show. So here we go.

5:26

Let's talk through it. So

5:29

I want to challenge you for just a moment

5:31

to think about. The real reason

5:33

why you struggle with this, because

5:36

I believe, and this might be a little controversial,

5:38

but here we go. The the real

5:41

issue, not about your inability to

5:43

articulate yourself, it's more

5:45

so about your lack of belief

5:48

in what you have to say is actually valuable

5:50

at all. So stewing

5:52

on that for a moment. You either have

5:55

one or two reactions, one going,

5:58

girl , you crazy. I of course,

6:00

what I have to say is valuable. Like that's not

6:02

it at all. Stick with me

6:04

for just a moment. But if you're in the

6:06

other basket and you're thinking,

6:09

oh, I had never considered it that

6:11

way before. We're going to explore

6:13

this a bit, but I want to

6:16

introduce to you something

6:18

that has made a profound impact in

6:20

my life, specific to how I run

6:22

my business, how we approach my relationships,

6:25

my personal development, but also bringing

6:27

it now into how I model out my communication.

6:30

And it's something called the model and

6:32

I was introduced to it by Castillo

6:35

, who runs the life coach school. I listened

6:37

to her podcast. It's incredible by the way, go check

6:39

it out. But she talks about this idea

6:42

that if you're unhappy

6:44

with your results, you need to go

6:46

back a couple degrees to think about what's

6:48

actually causing your results. And

6:50

she talks about that our thoughts create

6:53

our emotions and our emotions

6:56

create our actions and our actions

6:58

create our results. And

7:00

a lot of times when I, I hear people

7:03

talking about their frustration for

7:05

how they're communicating or their inability

7:08

to communicate. They're talking about

7:10

the actions piece. They're talking about

7:12

this in ability to speak

7:15

up in a certain moment or an inability

7:17

to form compelling

7:19

and persuasive messaging

7:22

in their conversations. But really

7:24

if we, if we go backwards a little

7:26

bit, the action being

7:28

the lack of speaking up or the

7:30

lack of articulating herself really

7:33

is from how we feel

7:35

about those moments. So if we're feeling

7:37

insecure, if we're feeling

7:40

frustrated with ourselves, if we're feeling

7:42

like other people might

7:45

be disappointed in what we have to say are confused

7:47

by what we see, we're worried about their feelings. And

7:49

it really leads back to our own insecurities. And our own

7:51

lack of belief in ourself, our

7:54

emotions are getting the best

7:56

of us and preventing us from taking

7:58

action. Does that

8:00

resonate with you at all? Yeah.

8:02

Taking that a step further, if we go

8:05

back and say, what are the thoughts

8:07

that we have in our minds that

8:09

are causing us to feel that way? So

8:13

if you, let's say you're sitting

8:15

on a call with a prospect, okay,

8:17

let's say you're having a conversation and maybe it's

8:19

a sales conversation and you're wanting

8:21

to pitch your

8:24

program. Maybe you do one on

8:26

one coaching, or maybe you have a product that you're selling

8:28

and you're having a conversation with them and you're

8:30

getting to that point where you, you're going to

8:32

talk about price, you're going to talk about your

8:34

offer and let's

8:37

say that you really

8:39

get like choked up,

8:42

not like the emotional crying choked up, like choked

8:44

up me . You can't articulate yourself when it comes

8:46

to the money piece. So you fumble

8:48

and you talk over yourself and you just keep going

8:50

to try to validate what your pricing is or,

8:52

or you avoid talking about the details.

8:55

Maybe your, you

8:57

completely avoid the conversation at all and

8:59

you take it offline and say you're

9:01

going to follow up with them in an email with the proposal,

9:05

whatever that is, the action there that you're

9:07

struggling with around money. Let's go backwards

9:09

around your insecurities, around

9:12

money. Let's go your insecurities around

9:14

how they might be thinking

9:16

at what your services value

9:19

are . A , you might be feeling frustrated,

9:21

you might be feeling insecure, you might be

9:23

feeling nervous. There's so many feelings

9:25

you might be having, but it all goes back to first. What

9:28

were you thinking in that moment? So

9:30

if we're telling ourselves the narrative that

9:33

other people don't believe in our services

9:35

or that they're going to think it's really expensive, or we're

9:37

telling ourselves that there's no way they have money,

9:39

that they can afford it. This narrative

9:41

that we've put into our own head,

9:43

which by the way is

9:45

not even true. It's just

9:48

the story that we've come up with that

9:50

is leading you to feel nervous

9:52

and flustered and frustrated and therefore

9:55

leading to your inability to

9:57

act in the way that you want to act.

10:00

So if you're struggling to show up

10:02

in that specific moment, let's

10:04

use a different example. Let's say

10:07

you struggle speaking on the fly.

10:09

Maybe you're in a meeting or you've given a live presentation

10:12

and it's a moment of Q and a and somebody puts

10:15

you on the spot. How

10:17

does that phrase make you feel? When

10:20

someone puts you on the spot? Do you

10:22

just clam up and get super

10:24

nervous and start fidgeting

10:26

and fumbling and making a mess

10:28

of words to try to articulate yourself or

10:31

how does it, how does it make

10:33

you react when someone puts you

10:36

on the spot and that

10:38

type of situation? If

10:40

we are really good at it, it's because

10:42

we've told ourselves we're really spontaneous

10:44

and we're flexible and we're really good at

10:46

thinking on the fly and that's the narrative we created,

10:49

so therefore we don't feel nervous or

10:52

anxious in those moments. We just do it. But

10:54

for the other half of us who get really

10:56

nervous or flustered or frustrated

10:58

when we're quote unquote put on the spot,

11:01

think about the feelings that you

11:03

have in that moment. Are they

11:05

created by how you're thinking

11:08

about that moment? Are you thinking about, oh my gosh,

11:10

people are gonna think I'm stupid if I don't answer this

11:13

correctly. Are you thinking about,

11:15

oh my God, I'm going to get it wrong.

11:17

And to me that means that I am

11:19

a total fraud. Of course I don't, I

11:22

wasn't meant to be here. Maybe you're

11:24

talking to people that have far more experience

11:26

than you and you're, and you're worried that

11:28

they're going to find out that your

11:30

a joke, whatever that looks like. And

11:32

this is the epitome of imposter syndrome, but

11:34

we all just sit on these feelings and

11:37

what happens is these feelings impact

11:40

our or this , these thoughts impact our, our

11:42

feelings and our emotions. And then therefore

11:44

it gets in the way of US actually taking

11:47

action. And when it comes to communication,

11:50

this becomes detrimental

11:52

on building relationships

11:54

and you creating value for other

11:56

people, whether it's just in a conversation

11:59

or it's you delivering

12:01

a video that really could impact a person's

12:03

life. So the question

12:06

we should be asking instead of how

12:08

do I get over my fear of speaking

12:10

up in the moment or how do I, how

12:12

do I get my thoughts out of my head smoother?

12:15

Sure, we can talk about that, but the better question

12:17

to be asking is what thoughts

12:20

and feelings am I having related

12:22

to those situations where I'm not happy

12:25

that there are or are not happening? One

12:27

of the thoughts and feelings that I'm having that are causing

12:29

my inability to speak up in the way that

12:32

I want to and another question

12:34

to consider is what results

12:36

are you not getting because

12:38

of it? Is Your

12:40

Business struggling with sales?

12:43

Are you unhappy with

12:45

how many people are engaging with you online?

12:48

Are you frustrated with the quality of your

12:50

relationships? Are you continually berating

12:53

yourself because you leave

12:55

conversations and kick yourself for

12:57

yet again, not speaking up? What

13:00

results are you not getting because

13:03

you're not taking action and you're

13:05

not taking action because the narrative

13:08

that you're telling yourself isn't

13:10

serving you? Does

13:13

this resonate with you? I

13:16

know it. It absolutely did for

13:18

me. I think, thinking back for a moment,

13:20

I still remember early in my

13:22

career when I was working at a consulting

13:24

firm for small business owners, I

13:27

had just been promoted to a director

13:29

level position and we had a big

13:31

event down in, we

13:33

were in Mexico, we were in Cabo

13:36

and I was assigned to have a

13:38

meeting with a client on their business

13:40

and talking about how things were going and

13:43

strategizing for the upcoming year. And

13:45

I was 27 years

13:47

old and this business owner

13:50

was in her fifties, very successful,

13:52

multimillion dollar business. And

13:54

I was terrified

13:57

because this business owner was a new

13:59

Yorker and she had a

14:01

reputation about her that she was direct

14:04

and to the point didn't really put up with

14:06

people's , um, raw , raw or

14:08

small talk. She wants to know

14:10

who were you and what were you going to do for her and what was the strategy?

14:13

I was terrified, terrified

14:15

of this conversation so much that I asked

14:17

a colleague to join me because

14:19

I didn't feel like I was going to create any

14:22

value in this conversation. And

14:24

so for days leading up to this, I

14:26

just ran through the story in my head of

14:28

she's going to think, well, I'm the same age as her

14:30

daughter. There's no way on in

14:32

the world she's going to respect

14:35

me, even listen to me. She's

14:37

going to pat my head and pretty much

14:39

say, you're adorable, but stay out of

14:41

my business. You don't know what you're doing. You're, you're

14:44

a child. Uh , and

14:46

it was all these things I was feeling physically

14:49

nauseous. I was nervous.

14:51

I was just making myself

14:53

sick about it. And I

14:55

remember we decided to have this meeting.

14:58

The, the person I invited, he , he was like, Hey,

15:00

let's go do it on the beach. And I was thinking

15:02

like, why are we going to have a business meeting on the beach? But

15:04

looking back, it was like the best idea on

15:06

the planet. But so him and I are walking into

15:08

the meet and I just, I

15:11

was just feeling all of the feelings,

15:13

not feeling good about this conversation.

15:15

And he looked at me and

15:17

he had asked me, hey, what's, what's going on with you? You're , you're

15:19

looking a little looking, a little green to look a little weird.

15:22

And I remember asking myself,

15:24

okay, do I share with him what I'm thinking? I don't want

15:26

him to think I look weak or that I'm incompetent

15:28

because I am super smart. I'm really

15:30

good at my job and I do know what I'm doing. But

15:32

the story I had placed in my head was

15:34

just all the things that led to

15:36

me feeling like a fraud.

15:40

And I don't remember exactly

15:42

what he had told me, but it was something along the

15:44

lines of stop

15:46

being a dump dumb. Whatever story

15:48

you have going on in your head is

15:50

your story. She

15:53

hasn't said any of these things to you.

15:55

So the re the reality is your

15:57

causing all of this craziness

16:00

and this craziness that you're creating

16:02

in your own head, is that

16:04

going to help you in this conversation

16:07

or is it going to distract you from creating

16:09

a meaningful conversation and being helpful?

16:13

And that to me was a big light

16:15

bulb where I realized that regardless

16:17

of how I was feeling the, the

16:20

reality was I created those

16:22

feelings. And it's fine

16:24

to feel however I wanted to feel about it,

16:26

but all of that emotional

16:28

crap that I brought to that conversation,

16:31

it wasn't helping me and it most

16:34

definitely wasn't going to help the client and

16:36

thank goodness I had a really great colleague

16:38

who helped show that to me in

16:40

that moment and I was able to go, all

16:43

right, let it go, and we went into the

16:45

conversation and actually had a phenomenal

16:49

conversation together and

16:51

in it I was, I actually used

16:53

my lack of experience and age as

16:55

a strength. We talked about being able to look

16:57

at things from a different perspective. The reason

17:00

why I wanted to share this with you today is this

17:02

conversation was just, I

17:04

don't know , eight years ago, and

17:06

since then that cycle

17:09

of imposter syndrome has hit

17:11

me so many times

17:13

and every time that it does, I

17:15

have to go back to that exact same question

17:17

my friend asked me and that was, is

17:20

this the , all these feelings that I'm having,

17:22

all these thoughts that I'm having around the narrative that I've

17:24

created first, is it true? And

17:27

secondly, is it serving me

17:30

and is it serving my business?

17:32

And I want you to ask the same question

17:35

of yourself because if you're finding

17:37

yourself really struggling

17:39

to show up and articulate yourself and you've

17:41

done the work and start asking those questions around,

17:43

why are you feeling that way? What

17:46

are you thinking about that are causing

17:48

those feelings? And is

17:50

that narrative serving you? Is

17:52

it serving you to say, I am not

17:54

good at speaking? Is it serving you to say,

17:57

oh, I don't do this because I'm always so

17:59

nervous? Is it serving you to always

18:01

say that you don't speak

18:03

up, that you don't have a

18:05

way with words that you like

18:07

to take the back seat instead of the front seat in

18:10

a in meetings or conversations? What

18:12

is the narrative you're telling yourself and how is

18:15

it working for you? Because

18:17

if you are complaining about

18:19

your inability to communicate or frustrated

18:22

by how others just seem

18:24

to have a more natural tact for it,

18:27

I bet you you're not getting the results that you

18:29

want in your business or in your career.

18:31

And that's really what you're frustrated

18:33

with. So let's

18:36

talk about how we actually

18:39

change that narrative. So the first I

18:41

want you to do the work and ask yourself some of the questions

18:43

that I had been walking you through here today. Start

18:46

asking yourself, how are you feeling when

18:48

you have those moments of frustration

18:50

about not being able to speak up? What is

18:53

it that's going through your mind? How are you feeling

18:55

about it? And this is some , this

18:57

might sound a little weird to you, but I'm a big

18:59

journaler. I think that there's so much

19:01

power in you actually writing down your thoughts.

19:03

So I'm going to encourage you today

19:06

and you're going to notice this a lot on my show.

19:08

I'm an encourage you to get a pen on paper

19:10

and explore your thoughts a bit. What

19:12

is causing these feelings that you're having?

19:15

What are you telling yourself? And explore that

19:17

a bit because until you get to that

19:19

root situation about

19:21

you understanding that narrative and then starting

19:23

to change it. This, the tactics

19:26

that I'll teach you. Sure

19:28

they'll, they'll work a bit. But

19:30

you're always gonna have that lingering issue.

19:32

And that insecurity of not feeling

19:34

like your an expert communicator or

19:36

that you're just good at articulating

19:39

yourself. You have to build the confidence

19:41

within yourself first. And that starts by questioning

19:44

how you show up in your beliefs.

19:47

So that's my first encouragement

19:49

for you is to do the work on the journaling piece.

19:52

Explore that for a bit. And I suppose

19:54

that in itself could have been a whole episode by

19:57

itself, but I wanted to also create

19:59

some tactical solutions for you. So

20:01

how about here we pivot and let's talk

20:04

about some tangible things that you can do

20:06

to start working through how you show

20:08

up in articulate yourself in those

20:11

live moments. The first thing to talk

20:13

about is the idea that you can't

20:15

wait for those actual moments

20:17

for the moment you get on camera for

20:20

the moment. The question comes up in the meeting

20:22

for the moment the audience member asks you

20:24

a question on the fly. Uh , for

20:26

the moment you're in a difficult conversation

20:29

with your boss or you're

20:31

in a sales conversation with a prospect, you

20:33

cannot wait for the moment to

20:35

tackle this issue. If you're

20:37

waiting for that moment, you're setting up yourself

20:40

for failure. You're not going

20:42

to have a different result for

20:44

yourself because you haven't done anything differently.

20:46

Do you? Not Up to that . So here's my three step

20:48

process to help you articulate yourself

20:51

with more confidence in your conversations

20:53

and meetings and calls and videos and whatever

20:55

other application you have for it. Step

20:58

number one is anticipate

21:00

what's going to happen. So,

21:03

okay, here's what, here's what I mean by this. You're

21:05

not going to be able to change

21:08

the way you communicate every single conversation

21:10

overnight. So let's first

21:13

start by taking specific

21:15

situations you have coming up and

21:17

anticipating these moments

21:19

where you want to speak up eloquently

21:22

and with confidence and with authority. So

21:26

think about a meeting that you have coming up on

21:28

your schedule, a meeting, a conversation,

21:30

a video, something that you really

21:33

would like to show up with stronger

21:35

articulation of your thoughts. And

21:38

this is where I want you to get another pen and paper

21:40

out and really

21:42

think about the meeting or the conversation

21:45

or , uh , the engagement itself

21:48

and ask yourself what questions,

21:51

what topics, what objections

21:53

might come up and

21:56

take a few minutes and start writing

21:58

all of this out on paper. What

22:00

could come up, what decisions need to be made,

22:03

what are some people's thoughts and opinions that

22:05

might come up? What are your thoughts

22:07

and opinions? So explore

22:09

what could the conversation be

22:11

about? Get it all down on paper.

22:15

That's step number one. Step

22:17

number two, identify three

22:20

of those topics or questions

22:22

or parts of the conversation that you

22:24

feel passionate that you would like to be able to contribute

22:26

to. Okay, let's do an example of

22:28

this. Let's say that you have,

22:31

let's say you have a live presentation coming up and

22:34

you are freaked out about the Q and a

22:36

portion of that presentation.

22:38

So you're, maybe you were feeling like, oh, we

22:40

should just not do it at all. That's not the right

22:42

answer. Here's what we're going to do. Maybe

22:44

you visualized or you wrote

22:47

down a list of potential questions

22:49

or objections that could come up and

22:51

you identify three of

22:53

these to explore and what

22:55

I want you to do is do

22:57

an exercise that I call the word vomit exercise.

23:01

I know word vomit, it's not sexy, but I

23:03

promise that you'll remember it. Word

23:06

vomit exercise is you bring

23:08

up the topic out loud to yourself.

23:10

It's bonus points. If you turn on

23:12

an audio recorder and you

23:14

ask yourself the question or you make

23:16

the comment of someone else in the meeting

23:19

and then you respond to it . Let's say somebody asked

23:21

me a question around, hey Heather,

23:23

I really struggled to articulate

23:25

myself when I'm live at the moment in a meeting

23:27

with my boss, every time I leave

23:30

I feel like I'm leaving with things left unsaid

23:32

and I think he thinks that I'm kind of a dumb, dumb

23:35

and and competent because I'm never able to articulate

23:37

myself or even share with him what I'm thinking. I

23:39

Dunno if that resonates with you, but that's something that I have

23:41

heard specifically before

23:44

from my audience. What I would

23:46

do to get to the point where I could answer

23:48

that question and create true meaningful

23:50

value. I do this exercise

23:52

called the word vomit and that's where I asked the question

23:54

to myself. And now I just spend

23:57

however long I need to just word vomit

24:00

in , answer the question, and go on and on and

24:02

on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

24:04

and on and on and on to answering the question. And

24:06

what happens is I'll start

24:08

talking very circularly around

24:10

it and it will take an eternity for

24:12

me to get to my point. But through

24:15

all those thoughts and , and ideas

24:18

and randomness that I shell out

24:20

in that word vomit, I'll have

24:22

these brief moments of clarity where

24:25

I will say a phrase that

24:27

just perfectly

24:30

explains what I'm trying to say.

24:32

It puts my point into

24:34

a very clear sentence or fragment.

24:38

I call this a golden fragment.

24:41

And every once in a while we have these

24:43

moments that something we say is just

24:45

crystal clear and it's brilliant.

24:47

And if only we

24:49

took the time to write those

24:51

things down so we remember them.

24:54

That's what I want you to do in this exercise. So the

24:56

step two is determine what

24:59

questions, objections, or

25:01

topics might come up and walk

25:03

yourself through the word vomit exercise

25:05

and start thinking about what do you have to

25:08

say on this topic. Then

25:10

you write down the golden

25:12

fragments, the golden phrases

25:14

that come out of your word Fama and

25:16

you write them down so you have

25:18

some predetermined thoughts on paper

25:21

so you are more prepared and

25:23

less rambly in the

25:25

moment. So

25:27

then that leads to step three. This

25:29

is where you set yourself up to speak

25:32

without pressure. Let

25:34

me give you an example of this. So

25:37

I mentioned multiple times now that I really

25:39

enjoy running. I love the act

25:41

of running right

25:43

when I'm finished because I feel

25:45

like I have conquered the world.

25:48

But getting out on a run is

25:50

super hard. Running the first half

25:52

a mile feels like death

25:54

and it's not really until I hit the two

25:56

mile mark where I actually feel

25:59

good about it. I hit that zen mode

26:02

where I feel like I'm not

26:04

going to die. But

26:06

the worst moment for me about

26:09

going on a run is talking myself

26:11

out of bed to get my shoes

26:13

on the snow or the

26:15

alarm goes off. I hit the snooze button a bajillion

26:18

times and then my brain jumps in and starts telling

26:20

me, Oh, all the things that I could

26:22

be doing except for running, like sleeping

26:25

or doing other personal

26:27

development things or house chores

26:29

or anything else but running. And

26:31

then I talk myself into not

26:34

running by coming up with

26:36

an excuse and or a plan to

26:38

do it later that day. I never do

26:40

it later that day. And I know that about myself.

26:43

So , uh , luckily I discovered

26:45

Mel Robbins five second rule.

26:48

Shout out to that, go download that book right now

26:50

if you haven't already. Where she talks about this idea

26:52

is you have just a brief moment to

26:55

make a decision to jump in and do

26:57

something before your own brain talks

26:59

you out of it. And I use that

27:01

for me, getting out of bed in the morning. As

27:03

long as that alarm goes off, if I can get my feet

27:05

on the floor and sit up, I'm

27:08

in five, four, three, two, one go.

27:10

I am up, my feet are on the floor

27:12

and then I'm ready to move on with my day.

27:14

I get immediately into my workout clothes,

27:17

immediately into my shoes and I'm on the

27:19

road. I do a couple things in

27:21

between like brush my teeth and pee and

27:23

you know all that other stuff. But uh, you get

27:25

the idea. And the reason why I'm telling

27:27

you this is because I bet that you

27:29

probably struggle with that snooze button

27:31

like so many of us do. It

27:34

also comes up in your conversations.

27:37

I bet you have a version of the stews button that you

27:39

use to avoid speaking

27:41

up in conversations to avoid saying

27:44

the thing that you want to say, to ask for the sale

27:46

to a , to speak what's on your mind

27:48

to your, to your spouse, whatever

27:50

that looks like. You have a snooze button. And

27:53

being aware that you have one is

27:55

very, very important, but so it's

27:57

coming up with a plan for how you're going to attack it. So

28:00

just like I use Mel

28:02

Robbins five second rule to get myself out of bed,

28:04

you need to have a way for you to do the same

28:07

thing with your thoughts and if

28:09

you've done the work in step one and

28:11

step two by anticipating what's

28:13

going to happen, what's going to be talked

28:15

about and pre-thinking about

28:18

what your thoughts and opinions are of those

28:20

topics. You have no

28:22

excuses for not showing

28:24

up and speaking up. You just

28:26

need to have that brave moment where you

28:28

get your feet on the floor and commit. And

28:31

how we do this is I would recommend

28:33

using a segway or many

28:35

people call them caveats to get yourself

28:38

into the conversation where you're able

28:40

to get this phrase out and

28:42

then you can follow it up with whatever you have

28:44

to say. So some of the segues that

28:46

I use, if I, if I'm not quite

28:49

sure how to articulate exactly

28:51

what I'm about to say, but I know I have some thoughts on

28:53

it. I might say something

28:55

like, I was

28:57

thinking a lot about this topic

28:59

before our time today and

29:01

some of that kept popping up for me was

29:04

fill in the blank or you

29:07

know,

29:08

I'm not quite sure how to say

29:11

what I'm thinking on this, but I , I'd

29:13

love to explore it. Can I externally process

29:15

a moment with you? You

29:18

also could say, you know, I can't help

29:21

but thinking blank

29:23

or I can't help but think blank or,

29:27

I know this is slightly unrelated,

29:29

but something that I was thinking about before I came

29:32

in here today was

29:33

blank or

29:36

you know, I was thinking a lot about our conversation today

29:38

and I , I took some time to put some notes

29:40

on paper. You mind if I share those with you?

29:43

Yeah .

29:44

Okay. So all of these are examples of ways

29:46

to set yourself up to speak. They

29:49

don't necessarily tell you exactly

29:51

what to say in the moment. You have to

29:53

trust your own experience,

29:55

your own intuition, your own knowledge

29:57

around what to actually deliver, but

30:00

nine times out of 10 all is you need

30:02

is just that push to

30:05

speak up and use your voice.

30:07

You talk to people every

30:10

single day. These people are not scary. It's

30:12

just you've created a narrative in your head

30:14

that something bad is going to happen if you speak

30:17

up. But if you do the

30:19

homework and already have your

30:21

thoughts and ideas on paper,

30:24

you're going to be so much more prepared. Just need a little

30:26

push to get yourself out there. So

30:29

let's apply this to a couple of things. Let's apply it

30:31

to a sales conversation. If you consistently

30:34

struggle to close a sale

30:36

or to make your pitch or make your offer,

30:38

you need to go through and write down

30:41

the specific things that you want to talk

30:43

about and then do the word vomit, exercise

30:45

out loud, saying those things

30:48

out loud to come up with your own way

30:50

of saying it, your own golden phrases and

30:52

write them down and use that as a guide

30:54

in that conversation. Same

30:57

thing happens when it comes to objections

30:59

or questions in presentations

31:02

or sales conversations.

31:04

When somebody asks you a question and

31:06

it's related to you delivering information

31:08

on a topic where you are an

31:10

authority or an expert or have experience

31:13

with, I bet you all

31:15

of the questions lead back to the same

31:17

core things. So what

31:19

would it take for you to do a little bit of work thinking

31:22

about what those questions or objectives are,

31:24

objections are, and going

31:26

through the word vomit exercise to come up with

31:28

your golden phrases, your best answers to

31:30

those and practicing those so when they come

31:33

up in the moment, you're just naturally

31:35

delivering that information very

31:37

organically. It's not contrived. You're not nervous,

31:40

it's just second nature because you've

31:42

done your homework and you've thought through it. This

31:45

word vomit exercise is,

31:47

is the thing that has helped me

31:49

get from where I used to be, which was a shy

31:52

and quiet fumbling

31:54

and secure girl who was

31:56

terrified to speak in front of people, to

31:59

someone who feels extremely confident

32:01

showing up and speaking to audiences of

32:03

a thousand or CEOs

32:06

in a board room . I'm really confident

32:08

in who I have and what my experiences are, and I'm also

32:11

super confident that I don't have all the answers, but

32:13

I trust in my own tuition

32:15

and I trust that I can navigate conversations really

32:18

well because I know what I'm

32:20

talking about and I also

32:22

know that I have the guts

32:24

to speak up when I know it matters.

32:27

Yeah .

32:28

Let's go on a little side tangent here. This also means

32:30

you often know yourself to know

32:32

that you shouldn't be speaking up if it's only to serve

32:34

your own ego. If the reason

32:36

why you're speaking up is just to be heard,

32:39

you just want your voice to be heard. You want to know

32:41

that other people know that you have an opinion, you want

32:43

to feel important. Everybody else

32:45

is in and so why shouldn't you? And

32:48

if you find yourself struggling with this,

32:51

you have to understand that when

32:53

you do speak up, it should be

32:55

for the benefit of the

32:57

greater good of the conversation. So

33:00

if you're trying to help the person you're

33:02

working with, the things that you bring up should

33:04

be helpful. If you're collaborating

33:06

in a meeting with your coworkers or your team,

33:09

the things that you bring up should be helpful

33:11

and help move people towards the ultimate

33:13

goal you're working towards. So

33:16

if you find yourself unsure

33:18

if whether or not what you have to

33:20

say is valuable

33:22

or if it's stroking your ego, just

33:24

explore that for a moment. And I

33:27

don't remember what the sane is around this, but if you're

33:29

worried that what you have to say

33:32

is valuable or not, if you're asking

33:34

that question, I bet it is valuable because

33:36

the people who have the ego and

33:38

just want to be heard, they're not asking that question. They're

33:40

just blowing right past that question and just speaking.

33:43

So just the sheer fact that you're concerned

33:45

that you might be talking too much or that other

33:47

people might not care what you have

33:49

to say. Or if you're really through your head, it means

33:52

that you actually care. And what you say

33:54

matters. So trust

33:56

your gut. Go through this process

33:58

we talked about today to develop your

34:01

own identity around why you're

34:03

not showing up. Work through that. And then

34:05

use my three tips for you. Showing

34:07

up with more confidence in articulate

34:09

yourself, articulating yourself better

34:12

in more conversations. So

34:14

sometimes it's just having

34:16

the bravery to start. It's that push you

34:18

need, but first explore why

34:20

you're feeling this way in the first place because

34:23

it really might be based off a narrative

34:25

that's completely untrue. It might just

34:28

be that you've labeled yourself a bad communicator,

34:30

but you're not. You just didn't

34:32

have a framework to help you work through this,

34:35

but now you do so

34:37

you no longer have an excuse to say you're

34:39

bad at it. I actually

34:41

want you to replace that

34:43

narrative. If you find yourself saying, I'm bad

34:46

at this, or I struggle with this, replace

34:48

that, and I want you to now say this, I'm

34:51

becoming the kind of person who's

34:53

brave enough to speak up and wise

34:55

enough to prepare for it. That

34:58

is your new mantra and

35:01

I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

35:03

I threw a lot at you when I really encourage

35:06

you, if you're listening to this in the car

35:08

or on a run, come back to this.

35:10

When you're sitting in front of a notebook

35:12

and a pen and do that journaling work, it'll

35:14

help you make big strides in how

35:17

you show up in your business. And

35:19

if you did enjoy today's episode, which

35:22

you let me know, please take a screenshot,

35:24

post it to Instagram and tag me at

35:26

the Heather Sager. I would love

35:28

to see you over there and tell me

35:30

what was it that struck you most today.

35:33

Can't wait to see you next week. See you then.

35:40

[inaudible]

35:41

forward slash

36:34

10 questions [

36:42

inaudible].