0:00

This is Branford and I'm actually aboard the boat today.

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In this episode we get to see how the boat is after

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alleged repairs made in my absence. Let's see what kind of show we got going

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here. Have fun with one of the crappier

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aspects of cruising.

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And maybe, just maybe, get to head out on a new adventure.

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Good thing I decided to crank the engine before people start driving down here.

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What could possibly go wrong? How Not To Sail, sponsored this episode by our

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awesome Patreon patrons like Cole and Kinsley,

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by the great stuff available at bobbitchin.com,

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and of course by your source for all things How Not To Sail,

0:51

hownottosail.com. So the last couple of episodes I had some

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important work done on my boat in my absence, and it's about time to

1:02

see how the work went. Hey, how goes it? Let's listen to your

1:07

podcast. Our friend Jay had a week off and the

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Admiral, that's Tonya, had a three-day gig in

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Sarasota. If you need somebody let me know and I'll come down and help you

1:19

move that boat around now that you got your insurance. Jay's good people

1:23

and I figured it'd be great to take him and The Admiral cruising,

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take the boat to Sarasota during The Admiral's job there,

1:30

and maybe round out the trip with a visit to Venice

1:34

or even Cabbage Key. I was hoping the boat wasn't a complete mess after the

1:39

work on the bulkhead in the cabin. Using that guy when you're eight hours

1:44

away is scary. But being an optimistic sort,

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or maybe just not too bright, I headed out at the crack of noon on a Thursday

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to hopefully go prepare the way for the others with a

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minimum of fuss.

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And even though it looks like I won't get down to the boat before 9 30,

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it's good to finally be on the road. Except that I have to stop at the ATM.

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All right, now we can go. The drive from Atlanta to St. Pete often

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makes me glad that I didn't put the boat in Miami.

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But it was pretty uneventful. When I got near the marina, I stopped off at the

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usual convenience store where the proprietor seemed to know me.

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How's your podcast is doing? Good, thanks for asking.

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And finally, headed to see how the boat was.

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All right, let's see what we got.

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I can't say I'm a big fan of the new electronic entry at the marina, but

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it seems to be the way of things these days.

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Well, my key fob still works.

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Now all that remains is to see what the boat interior looks like

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after the repairs.

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Let's see what kind of s**tshow we got going here.

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Okay, smells like a boat. I see my little dehumidifier's running in

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the galley sink. And the condition of the interior of the

3:33

vessel is...suboptimal. That is not cool.

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That is not a cleanup. Suffice to say, the fellow that did the bulkhead repair

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didn't exactly return everything to its previous state.

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Everything that was in the upper shelf of the cabinet in the head is

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sitting in the shower right now.

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Just f***. And on the salon side of the bulkhead, everything

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that was behind the starboard settee has been

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dumped unceremoniously onto the port settee.

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And everywhere there's a surface, vertical,

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horizontal, or diagonal, there's a fine coating of powder on it.

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A lot of dust.

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This was going to take a lot of work before it'd be suitable for Jay and The

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Admiral to stay aboard. And it wasn't just dust I had to clean

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up. And I see little pieces of fiberglass

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matting all over there. That is not cool. The operative syllable in

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fiberglass is glass. And I was a wee bit miffed that it

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hadn't been cleaned up. Not cool, man. With thoughts of having to

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get rooms for Jay and The Admiral in my head,

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I liberated a small space in the quarter berth to sleep in,

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flipped on the air conditioning, and went up to the cockpit.

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Let's see. Evening thoughts. I stopped sweating, so that's good.

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And I may have had a Reef Donkey beer, so that's also good.

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There's a whole lot of dust in here.

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Well, it's a foggy morning. Homeboy definitely gets an F on cleanup.

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The next morning, I invite our friend Jim over so I can

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bitch near somebody. He left it a wreck. Yeah.

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And I've discovered another interesting thing our repair guy did.

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I just noticed the coup de grâce this morning. The counters in the galley and

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other places on board have little edge pieces on them

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to keep things from rolling off when you're underway, for example.

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Those edge pieces are called fiddles, and I

6:01

usually expect to see them where I left them. It looks like he just took a piece

6:05

of trim off the edge of the counter next to the refrigerator over there. Oh my god,

6:08

did he? And just arbitrarily decided to make a

6:12

useless trim piece here. Oh, so basically that's a fiddle, right?

6:16

Yeah, for... For what? We don't know. Well, where did it come from?

6:21

See, right on the right side of the...

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What the f**k? I just thought that was supposed to be there. I didn't...

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I don't understand the purpose. Well, it helps with his transition, I guess.

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Right? That's like random art. All right, you get the picture.

6:39

It's a s**t show, and one that's not necessarily likely to be resolved by the

6:44

time Jay and The Admiral get to the boat. But

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speaking of s**t shows, one thing that isn't working aboard the

6:50

boat, and hopefully should be by the time I have guests,

6:54

is the head. If you're a new How Not To Sailor,

6:57

yep, that'd be the toilet.

7:06

Did you notice the wind noise in the narration today?

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That's because we have a deadline, and I'm on the boat.

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But I wanted to get this piping hot mess out to you in a timely manner on the day

7:18

that it's supposed to come out. So far, I've been a hundred percent

7:21

successful in doing that this year. And I thank you for listening, and for

7:26

giving me that little kick in the stern. Thank you for telling your friends to go

7:31

visit HowNotToSail.com, for leaving nice reviews on Apple Podcasts

7:36

and wherever else you can review the podcast,

7:38

and for the book. And this is as good a time as any to remind you that you

7:43

can help keep How Not To Sail afloat for as little as three dollars a month.

7:47

Just go to HowNotToSail.com/Patreon.

7:51

But as I mentioned, you can find everything How Not To Sail

7:55

at HowNotToSail.com. If you're looking for other ways to help spread the gospel

8:00

of How Not To Sail, just go to HowNotToSail.com/help.

8:05

There's a bunch of things there that won't cost you a penny, and will help

8:08

spread the word. But I thank you. My shrimp thank you. Now

8:13

let's get back to that whole toilet thing.

8:17

This in a moment will be Jim, I believe, who's dragging the hose up the

8:21

thing here.

8:24

One reality you have to deal with on a cruising sailboat,

8:28

unless you're more than three miles offshore, is

8:31

pumping out the holding tank. Looks like a s**tty job to me.

8:35

Why? You're doing it. I'm just getting out the hose. It

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makes for a lot of bad puns. But irregardless, as my friend Bill would say,

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a lot of marinas, like mine, offer dockside pump out, where you

8:48

take a hose and attach it to a little socket near your boat.

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I was going to ask you a favor. Which is? I was going to see if I could

8:56

maybe get you to operate it while I record it. Oh,

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so it is going to be me.

9:08

Now, I don't think I have anything in the holding tank,

9:11

but I want to make sure the whole system is as dry as possible before I

9:15

replace the joker valve, which hopefully prevents nasty things

9:19

from backflowing into your toilet bowl. It's a very important valve, and one that

9:25

cruisers replace often. So, after I unscrew the little cover

9:29

thingy from the waste outlet forward on the port side,

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and Jim fills the tank with some fresh water,

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we place the rubber tip of the pump out hose so it covers the port,

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twist the lever, and...

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I think it's got to power up. Now it's either on or not. Yeah, that's

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blowing. Look at that nice... Okay, now it's brown. Okay, I'm gonna...

10:00

You said there's nothing in there. Yeah, I'm gonna get down there then.

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So, while Jim pumps the effluent from the deck fitting,

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I'm down below pumping the handle on the toilet,

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trying to make sure everything's all dry so I can replace the joker valve and

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have a working toilet, which I figure I'll do

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tomorrow.

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For the marina and dockmaster, please press six.

10:33

Tomorrow is Saturday, and Jay and The

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Admiral are due to drive down to the boat.

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Feeling confident that I can clean up the cabin, I decide to book slips in

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Sarasota for Sunday through Wednesday night.

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What my schedule is now is Sunday we're going,

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God willing, to Marina Jack, because she's got to work

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in Sarasota for three days, and then she's either going with us or

11:02

flying out, and we're going to go to Cabbage Key

11:06

and then back. So, does the 70 mile sail to Cabbage Key sound a little

11:11

ambitious to you?

11:15

I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. I figure I can probably manage to clean

11:20

up the cabin sufficiently and get the joker valve replaced so that

11:24

the head works,

11:27

but there's one thing I also need to check.

11:33

The engine. Good thing I decided to crank the engine

11:38

before people start driving down here. It looks

11:41

like my engine cooling is blocked again.

11:46

Trying to force some fresh water through there to not much avail.

11:51

No engine cooling means no engine. This could be a problem.

12:00

Join us in two weeks on Friday, March 5th

12:04

to see if we actually get out of the slip and go for a cruise.

12:07

So far, neither rain nor wind, nor the construction crew working with

12:12

jackhammers to fix the marina seawall, shall stay this courier from warping

12:16

more impressionable minds. And it's time to run over to the Marina

12:20

Dayroom to upload this episode, so I'll catch you shortly. As always, I

12:25

As always, I want to thank our awesome Patreon patrons. We just had a lovely

12:30

patron meetup in St. Pete last Sunday, so you know at least part of the plan

12:35

came to fruition. You can help keep How Not to Sail afloat

12:38

by joining the Patreon crew for as little as three dollars a month.

12:43

But you don't have to be a patron to support How Not to Sail.

12:46

Just grab a friend at random and drag them kicking and screaming to

12:50

hownottosail.com, where you can find all things How Not to Sail.

12:55

Thanks as always for listening. Don't let your manifold get clogged.

13:00

And I'll see you next time on: How Not to Sail.

13:04

Screwing up is part of cruising. Let me show you how.

13:12

Yeah, hey, B****** again, my apologies. Our prop walk is to port, so a

13:17

port tie would be better, but we can do either.

13:21

I swear that'll be the last thing. Well, at least he has a good sense of

13:25

humor.