What interconnected means - IntraConnected author Dan Siegel M.D.
What interconnected means - IntraConnected author Dan Siegel M.D.
What interconnected means - IntraConnected author Dan Siegel M.D.
Episode Transcript
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undefined , [], undefined , undefined ); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader = KX_kixApp.getWarmStartDocumentLoader(); DOCS_cseBlobArtifactsHolder = KX_kixApp.getCseBlobArtifactsHolder();}KX_startKix(); _getTimingInstance().setTime('al'); _getTimingInstance().setTime('eac');</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.startLoad( 155.0 ,'DuW-MtPhpuF49w', 45.0 , 0.0 ,[45,""], null , null ); var DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart; var DOCS_modelChunkParseStart; var DOCS_modelChunk;</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":1,"s":"Exploring how we can master ourselves by looking at how authors and experts say it is possible with your host Suswati Basu.\n\nIntro music\n\nWelcome to season 3 episode 95 of How To Be...with me Suswati as your timid presenter, guiding you through life\u0027s tricky topics and skills by reading through the best books out there. \n\nOur existence unfolds within an intricately connected global tapestry, yet the choices we make often stem from self-interest. While our innate capacity for empathy exists, studies indicate that it is predominantly directed towards those we perceive as part of our inner circle. This unfortunate reality leaves substantial segments of society overlooked, or worse, adversely affected by our choices.\n\nThe COVID-19 pandemic has served as a stark reminder of our interdependence. What originated as a virus transferring from an animal to a human in a remote corner of the world swiftly evolved into a worldwide pandemic, impacting every individual and nation without exception. This crisis has accentuated the delicate balance between our self-interest and the undeniable truth of our interconnectedness.\n\nSo how can we become more interconnected?\n\nHere is Jock Brocas, author of Deadly Departed and editor in chief of Paranormal Daily News on his views.\n\nJOCK BROCAS: What is the self? Well, the self is an identity. It\u0027s an identity that you can connect with, or that you try to connect with. But the reality is that the self is you, is how you exist. It is you becoming self realised and all that there is. And the reason I say this is because we are not separated from anything that exists. You see the same animating force that gives life to the flower, that gives life to the child, that gives life to the sun, that gives life to the clouds, that animates the raindrop to fall to the ground. To nourish the ground is the same animating force that animates you. The only reason that we see separateness is because we create an illusion. Our names are a label only, or our self is interconnected with everything that exists. That all that exists, that animating force that animates all of life. And even the child to cry is the same animating force that gives you life. Therefore, you are the leaf on the tree, you are the raindrop, you are the flower. you are the crying child. That same animating force that gives life to all that exists in the universe is you. And you only exist because of that same animating force. Therefore, to understand what the self is is to understand your interconnectedness to all that exists in the universe. You are not separate. You\u0027re one.\n\n(Back to host)\n\nOur first book is from the renowned author Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., who is a graduate of Harvard Medical School and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in paediatrics and child, adolescent, and adult psychiatry. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, founding co-director of UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center, founding co-investigator at the UCLA Center for Culture, Brain and Development, and executive director of the Mindsight Institute, an educational center devoted to promoting insight, compassion, and empathy in individuals, families, institutions, and communities. Dr. Siegel’s psychotherapy practice spans thirty years, and he has published extensively for the professional audience. He serves as the Founding Editor for the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology which includes over 70 textbooks. Dr. Siegel’s books include five New York Times bestsellers such as Aware: The science and practice of presence, and Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. He has been invited to lecture for the King of Thailand, Pope John Paul II, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Google University, and TEDx. We\u0027re talking about his 2022 book IntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) As the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging. It was such an honour speaking with him, hence here is a snippet of our chat, but find the full interview on www.howtobe247.com or on the YouTube 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DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart = new Date().getTime(); _getTimingInstance().incrementTime('mp', DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart - DOCS_modelChunkParseStart); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.loadModelChunk(DOCS_modelChunk); DOCS_modelChunk = undefined;</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":4102,"s":"\nDR DANIEL J SIEGEL: The word intraconnection came up when I was on a retreat with some system scientists in the mountains, where we spent three days by ourselves and, in our individual little encampments. And then when we came back and people were saying, what was the experience like? Then my colleagues began around the circle to say they felt interconnected with the forest, or they felt interdependent or interwoven or interlaced. And when it came time for me to speak, I really was thinking deeply about what they were saying. I could feel the feeling they were describing. But the prefix inter means there\u0027s a betweenness between two separate entities. And the experience that I had, and maybe even that they were trying to describe. But the experience that happened when I was in the forest for three days was not that I was connected with the trees, but the feeling was I was the trees. I was the body called Dan and the trees and the clouds and the creek. I was the boulders. I was the little squirrels running around. And that was a beautiful feeling. And so I had to try to put words to it. So I said in the group, I can\u0027t really say I was interconnected, because that implies there was a me here and a forest out there, but rather, there was something about being the whole with a bunch of connections within the whole. So what would I call that? And I paused and thought about it, and I said, Well, I guess I would say I was intra connected. But then when I came back to civilization and we had our computers, I tried to type my notes about what the experience was like. And every time I typed in intra connected, it would autocorrect it to interconnected, because there, turns out, was no word intraconnected. So then I realised, if we don\u0027t have a word to describe the perspective of the whole, then maybe we needed one. And it\u0027s important not to create new words. We have plenty of words in the world. But sometimes if there isn\u0027t a word that gets at something we really need to have in our world, like acting on behalf of the greater good, acting as if we were not just these separate entities, but the wholeness of life, for example then it\u0027s worth trying out to see if the new word has a value. The word construct is great because it means it\u0027s constructed. And in fact, that\u0027s exactly what the research shows, is that how we determine what this thing self is. And this is where the subtitle self identity and belonging is. In there, we use certain features to identify what we consider a centre of experience or a self. And that determines how we belong. So those three things, self identity and belonging are very interrelated because it\u0027s a construction. What that means is you can get messages like from your parents or your teachers or your peers or the whole culture that says yourself is separate. So in the United States, for example, we have the most individualistic culture in the world, and we have some of the highest rates of mental suffering depression, anxiety, loneliness, addiction, suicide. It\u0027s really quite sad. Even though we have almost more material wealth than any other place on the planet, we have more mental suffering. Now you think about it, could that be related to the individualism? Because the self, as a constructed entity, if the culture is telling you it\u0027s just a separate individual, that is what the self means, the individual, then we can understand that. That\u0027s actually not a very broad way of saying, yes, I do have a body, but I\u0027m also my relationships with family members, relationships with friends, with my community, with my city, with my region, with my country, with all human beings, and then even my relationships with all living beings. So this is like an identity lens you can learn that you do have. So you don\u0027t have to get rid of the idea I\u0027m a me inside the body, but realise I\u0027m also a we in my interconnections with humans and with all living beings. But then you go beyond even the interconnected we to say I\u0027m both a me and a we. I\u0027m interconnected within the wholeness. And that\u0027s where the word we comes in, where you say, what is a way of even naming who I am? Because if I just go to we, I lose my individual inner experience. But if I just stay with me, then I\u0027m separate. So MWe is a fun word where we say we\u0027re an intraconnected identity. Well, one of the ways of thinking about modes is that we have energy flowing through the nervous system. And for it to be efficient, it needs to learn a pattern of basically how to direct attention, which is what directs energy flow and then how to filter that energy in ways that basically constructs information, that is, symbols and the way we believe things are and the stories we tell, for example. So we do have these two quite distinct modes. They may have their origins on the two different sides of the brain, but there\u0027s definitely overlap left and right. So I like to call them modes rather than worrying about the side of the brain. But you can talk about a more narrow focus of what you can simply call the left mode if you want to put a name to it, versus the broad focus of a right mode. And the right mode is not only broad, but it allows you to see the big picture, the connections among things within a system, but also see the patterns in the system itself. Whereas the more narrow focus of the left mode tends to pick one aspect of the system, a part of the system, and then emphasise the details of that part rather than seeing the big picture that the right mode sees. So the reason in intraconnected I go into detail about these modes, even though they\u0027re controversial, is the science is very clear. We do have two modes, even if it uses both sides of the brain for both things. But there\u0027s dominance in the left on one, dominance in the right on the other. So it isn\u0027t so much about the side of the brain as the mode of information processing. And that\u0027s why it\u0027s important because, yes, you can look at the part like I\u0027m an individual in this body, you\u0027re an individual in your body. But then if we use the other mode, we go whoa. But you know, there\u0027s a wholeness where intra connection can really be felt. The subjective sense of it, the perspective of the whole, the agency of the whole that spells the acronym Spa sensation, perspective and agency is one way of defining what we mean by self. So you can actually adjust this identity lens by tapping into different modes of information processing. I think there\u0027s a lot of science behind what I\u0027m about to say, but as I\u0027m about to say it, I feel nervous because it seemed like a pretty big statement. But if you look at the major challenges we\u0027re facing on Earth today, which include, of course, social injustice and racism, it includes the polarisation and misinformation we\u0027re seeing around the planet. It includes an addiction to screens, it includes loneliness and isolation with all the mental suffering that goes with that. And it also includes the climate crisis. Now, I think even the way we\u0027ve mishandled COVID-19 that\u0027s a 6th pandemic. I think each of these pandemics may actually be related to the modern cultural view of self equals individual that is, this isolated, let\u0027s call it the solo self, right? And instead of seeing the self as including the body and our relationships with people and the planet so the outcome is, I think, all these pandemics. And at a very immediate level, what the good news about identifying this as the possible common source is that we can work at all these levels of dealing with social injustice, dealing with the climate crisis and all the other pandemics. We actually can relatively quickly develop a broader view of what we mean by self and say, Whoops, we basically had a mistaken identity. So we put sensation perspective and agency on how we can define what the self is, this centre of experience, we put it inside the body alone. And the consequences of that are that people are drawn to it because it creates a certain feeling of certainty, which gives us a feeling like, maybe we\u0027ll be safe because we know who I am is just this body. Because, wow, if you\u0027re saying I\u0027m all the relationships with my friends and family, and I am actually all my relationships with humanity, and, oh, my gosh, I\u0027m all of living beings, you don\u0027t have much certainty with that. So it\u0027s this longing for certainty that makes the modern message of the self is only the individual. This individual view is very appealing and then almost addicting, because then when you start feeling something\u0027s not quite right, if the message is, well, then get more stuff, then you start distracting yourself with stuff rather than enriching your life with connection. And I think that\u0027s what\u0027s basically depleting all the resources on Earth and that\u0027s keeping us sort of blind to the way we need to go, which is part of my deepest hope for the book. Intra connected is. If we can just identify this common cause of all these serious problems on Earth, then we have a chance to actually take a deep breath and go, okay, let\u0027s get in this together and work as a MWI where we don\u0027t get rid of the me, but we embrace the true identity as me, and we this interconnected whole. And I think humanity can do it. I really think we can because of this constructed quality of the self. 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They emphasise that our sense of self is not solely rooted in our individual bodies but is shaped by our relationships with others and our connection to nature. The author draws on various scientific approaches and philosophical perspectives to delve into the nature of the self.\n\nDuring a transformative field trip in the Colorado Rockies, he experienced a profound shift in his sense of self. The author describe a moment of unity with nature and a dissolution of their separate identity. This experience challenged the conventional notion of self and led to the creation of the term \"intraconnected\" to describe a sense of interconnectedness within a larger whole.\n\nThe author, however, acknowledges the limitations of a purely reductionist, Western scientific view of the self and suggests that there are other ways of knowing and understanding reality, such as Indigenous science and contemplative insights. These different perspectives offer valuable insights into the interconnectedness of all life.\n\nThe concept of identity and belonging is explored in the context of self and interconnectedness. The book questions what defines the self, whether it\u0027s just the individual or a broader interconnected system. Drawing parallels between biological systems and societal constructs, it highlights the dangers of excessive differentiation, comparing it to autoimmune disorders or cancer in living organisms. He emphasises the importance of recognizing our interconnectedness with other humans and nature, promoting a wider sense of belonging. It discusses the evolution of identity throughout history, from matter to living beings, and encourages adjusting one\u0027s \"identity lens\" to embrace a broader perspective, ultimately empowering individuals to connect with the entire interconnected system of reality.\n\nFrom the prenatal experience of being in the womb to postnatal life, we see the focus on the development of the self, identity, and belonging form. The shift is from a state of simply being in the womb, where all needs are met effortlessly, to the postnatal world where the body must take action to survive, such as breathing, eating, and forming connections. Systems thinking is therefore vital in understanding the interconnectedness of the self with the environment and the significance of implicit memory in shaping our experiences and longings for wholeness. Hence there is a complex interplay between our physical bodies, our inner selves, and our relationships with the world around us as we navigate the journey of life.\n\nInfancy marks the start of our dependency on caregivers, a period lasting longer in humans compared to other mammals. Our brain development combines genetic factors and experiences, with energy flowing through neural networks, creating neural representations. Sensation and perception, both influenced by prior learning, shape our experiences and beliefs. We integrate external and internal energy streams through senses and body awareness. The brain\u0027s complexity consists of the cortex for perception and thought, the limbic area for assessing meaning and emotion, and the brain stem for basic bodily functions and threat responses.\n\nIn the early days of life, subcortical networks drive our inner experiences and actions. These systems motivate us to connect, protect, and correct, manifesting as feelings of sadness (GRIEF), fear (FEAR), and anger (RAGE). They play a significant role in shaping our emotional life and interacting with our cortex to construct our experiences. In childhood, these systems lead to a drive for connection, protection, and correction, with varying emotional intensities. Throughout life, these mechanisms continue to shape our sense of self, attention, and interpersonal behaviours. Relationships, emotions, and meaning are interwoven, influencing neural connectivity and self-development. Integrative flow of energy and information leads to well-being and a resilient self, encompassing both inner and relational facets of identity. The core self involves affectivity, agency, continuity, and coherence, influenced by attachment experiences. The relational self encompasses inner and inter aspects of self, shaped by subjective experience, perspective, and agency. 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DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart = new Date().getTime(); _getTimingInstance().incrementTime('mp', DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart - DOCS_modelChunkParseStart); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.loadModelChunk(DOCS_modelChunk); DOCS_modelChunk = undefined;</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":17940,"s":"\nToddlerhood is a crucial period when our brains develop vital skills for self-regulation and interpersonal connections. Our right hemisphere plays a dominant role during this time, fostering broad attention, nonverbal communication, and inner soothing. The left hemisphere gradually becomes more active, supporting language and logical thinking. Both sides contribute to our complex mental experiences. Our narrative self, influenced by early interactions, shapes our sense of self and identity. It\u0027s formed through the categorization of experiences into mental models and linguistic symbols, affecting how we perceive the world. This narrative self can either emphasise separation or encourage integration, openness, curiosity, kindness, and connection, influencing our well-being. Balancing certainty and uncertainty in our narratives is a lifelong challenge, with language both limiting and liberating us. Ultimately, we can strive for a more holistic, integrative narrative of self that includes both noun-like and verb-like aspects of existence.\n\nOur experiences are shaped by energy flow within our bodies and interactions with our environment. It discusses the development of mental models and schemas as we learn and grow, emphasising that learning involves organising and shaping information. The 3-P framework is introduced, highlighting the interplay between plateaus, peaks, and the plane of possibility, illustrating how filters influence our perception of reality and self-identity. The concept of beginner\u0027s mind and the importance of embracing uncertainty are also touched upon. It explores how these states are influenced by factors like attachment relationships, epistemic trust, and cultural influences. He emphasises the importance of coherence and security in shaping our individual and collective identities, suggesting that fostering secure and authentic connections can lead to a more interconnected and harmonious world.\n\nDuring school years, Professor Siegel discusses the importance of integrative learning and cultivating natural systems intelligence to foster creativity, curiosity, and collaboration. He also talks about the need to shift from a mindset of separateness and comparison to one of connection and collaboration to address contemporary challenges and promote a sense of belonging in a wider community. Narratives help us make sense of our experiences and how mirror neurons enable us to resonate with others\u0027 actions and emotions. He suggests that awareness can expand our sense of identity beyond narrow boundaries, promoting greater interconnectedness and well-being. It encourages a shift from a fixed, individualistic view of self to a more fluid, integrative one.\n\nAdolescence is a crucial stage of brain development marked by the growth of emotional spark, social engagement, novelty-seeking, and creative exploration (ESSENCE). During this period, teens focus on identity, belonging, and questioning societal norms. Their brains are wired to prepare for independence, adapt to peer relationships, and explore the world. Gender, race, and sexual orientation play significant roles in shaping identity and belonging. Integration of these facets helps individuals thrive. Society should embrace diversity and interconnectedness, promoting harmony and health while challenging the myth of the solo-self.\n\n\"Leaving home\" can be seen as a metaphor for personal and societal transformation. It suggests that just as individuals leave their familiar homes to explore the world and learn new skills, humanity as a whole needs to move beyond its current way of life (BAU - Business As Usual) and adapt to contemporary challenges. To do this, Professor Siegel introduces the idea of a \"mindsight lens,\" which involves stabilising one\u0027s perception through openness, objectivity, and observation. This lens allows individuals and society to address vulnerabilities, overcome shame, and navigate the complexities of the modern world. He also explores the importance of grief as a catalyst for growth and emphasises the need for practices that promote integrative thinking and well-being. 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It draws parallels between the self and energy, highlighting the interconnection of all things. He also discusses the significance of diversity in complex systems and the role of integration in creating harmony. It suggests that our drive for certainty and exceptionalism can hinder our connection with nature and impede our understanding of our place in the world. The concept of systems intelligence emphasises the importance of embracing diversity and integration for optimal self-organisation. Letting go of the need for certainty and control in the face of uncertainty is essential for achieving harmony in modern human lives. Awe, as a state of expanded consciousness, can help transcend the limitations of the solo-self, fostering kindness and interconnectedness. \n\nDenial and addiction to control contribute to disconnection and suffering in today\u0027s world. To move forward, we must embrace uncertainty, courage, creativity, and collaboration. The \"g.o.d.\" concept represents the generator of diversity and the source of all possibilities. The 3-P framework suggests that the mind shapes the experience of energy flow rather than creating energy itself, impacting our perception of self and identity. This perspective offers a path towards positive change in the world.\n\nThe book also highlights the challenges faced by modern society, including social injustices, environmental destruction, misinformation, and attention addiction. It argues that these challenges are rooted in a narrow, individualistic view of the self, which the author refers to as the \"solo-self.\" This perspective leads to disconnection and suffering, both internally and in our relationships with others and the environment.\n\nThe author proposes that by expanding our understanding of the self to include a broader sense of interconnectedness, we can address these challenges and promote well-being on a personal, societal, and planetary level. They emphasise the importance of integrating the narrow, analytical perspective with a broader, systems-oriented view to create a more balanced and holistic understanding of reality.\n\nThe book explores the concept that the sense of self can be both a construct and an inherent aspect of human experience. It suggests that cultural influences, such as individualistic and collectivistic perspectives, shape how we perceive ourselves. He argues that the modern emphasis on a solo-self as a separate entity is a delusion, leading to disconnection and delusion in our lives and societies.\n\nThe author invites readers to consider the possibility of a more interconnected and fluid sense of self, one that aligns with the interconnected nature of the world. They advocate for a shift away from the noun-like, fixed identity and toward a more verb-like, dynamic sense of self that emerges from our relationships and interactions with the world.\n\nThe exploration of self and identity invites us to consider not just what we know but how we come to know. Professor Siegel, on his journey of self-discovery, began with a Western cultural perspective that emphasised a separate, individual identity. His background in Western science, particularly biology and molecular mechanisms, reinforced this view. However, his scientific curiosity also led him to appreciate the value of questioning and challenging assumptions, a concept echoed in Adam Grant\u0027s book \"Think Again.\"\n\nThe author emphasises the importance of acknowledging Indigenous and contemplative ways of knowing. These traditions offer a holistic perspective that considers the interconnectedness of all life. 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The goal is to embrace a systems perspective that recognizes the interconnectedness of all things and fosters a sense of unity and belonging. This perspective aligns with the wisdom traditions found in various cultures across the globe.\n\nThe Indigenous teachings from different parts of the world highlight the importance of respect, interdependence, and harmony with nature. They stress the need to melt the ice in one\u0027s heart, embrace unity, and value all forms of life. These teachings emphasise that when individuals come together with respect and compassion, they can transform the world.\n\nHe explores the concept of Ubuntu, a philosophy deeply rooted in African culture, and its potential application in modern society. Scholar James Ogude\u0027s perspective is highlighted, emphasising Ubuntu as a relational form of personhood, where one\u0027s identity and humanity are nurtured through connections with others. Ogude also acknowledges the importance of individual voices and differentiation within the context of Ubuntu, stressing that debates and disagreements are essential for building consensus and addressing community issues.\n\nProfessor Siegel then draws parallels between Ubuntu and the idea of \"MWe,\" an integrated identity that balances individuality and collective belonging. It suggests that modern cultures often lean toward extreme individualism, which isolates people, and emphasizes the importance of rediscovering the wisdom of Indigenous teachings and integrating them into contemporary life. \n\nHe features anecdotes illustrating the importance of recognising and honouring individual experiences and histories before striving for collective unity. It emphasises the need for integrating human connections with a broader sense of belonging that extends to all of nature.\n\nThe reflections on the wisdom of Indigenous cultures worldwide, such as the Hawaiian concept of \"Aloha\" (unconditional love) and \"Ho\u0027oponopono\" (making wrongs right), along with Ubuntu and MWe, highlight the potential for humanity to shift towards a more interconnected, compassionate, and harmonious way of living, both within ourselves and in our relationship with the natural world. He also acknowledges the influence of Buddhism and other contemplative traditions on his thinking. The book encourages readers to consider how they can contribute to such a world based on love, ethics, and care for all.\n\nProfessor Siegel discusses the prevalence of individualism and disconnection in modern culture, particularly in the United States, highlighting how this emphasis on separation over interdependence contributes to various societal issues, including social injustice and environmental problems.\n\nThe concept of \"MWe\" is introduced as a way to symbolise the integration of the individual self (Me) with the collective self (We) within an intraconnected whole (MWe). Siegel suggests that embracing uncertainty and recognizing the verb-like, ever-changing nature of the self can lead to a deeper understanding of identity and belonging.\n\nBy shifting from a perspective of scarcity to one of abundance and mutual belonging, we can work toward a harmonious and compassionate global community. Siegel\u0027s journey underscores the significance of integration, both within ourselves and within the world around us. It invites us to consider how we can bridge the gap between the me and the we, finding a sense of self, identity, and belonging that encompasses both individuality and interconnectedness. He invites readers to explore the evolution of self and identity across the lifespan, blending intellectual knowledge (noesis) with direct experiential knowledge (gnosis). He encourages readers to embrace a more open and interconnected view of the self, challenging the notion of a rigid, separate self in favor of a more fluid and integrated identity.\n\nOur final book is from Mungi Ngomane, who is a passionate advocate for human rights, with a particular focus on girls and women, and the protection of refugees. She has worked on initiatives addressing Islamophobia in the United States, conflict resolution in the Middle East, and the liberation of the Palestinian people. Granddaughter of renowned Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Ngomane has taken up the family mantle to campaign for justice and human dignity. We\u0027re looking at her book Everyday Ubuntu (2019), which explains the 14 practices of ubuntu – a South African philosophy which teaches that all humans are deeply interconnected. 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He would for family and friends. but it\u0027s the easiest way to say it\u0027s a way of life that recognizes that we\u0027re all of infinite worth and value. And if we sort of start from that assumption, then life may be easier and better for everyone. We couldn\u0027t think of a number, and at first we thought maybe 27 years to symbolise Nelson Mandela\u0027s time in prison. But then we decided 27 was too watered down. And 14 really symbolised how important the constitution was to ending apartheid in South Africa, and how much work went into not going for revenge and retribution, but rather centering Ubundu in the new nation. So strengthening, unity is know. The strength of the group is so much more than the individual. And so you think of the Too movement and the Bring Back Our Girls campaign, and considering that yesterday was MLK Day, even just the March on Washington, and how these movements had such an impact on where we are today, I mean, I think humour humanises all of us. It brings us together. And there are examples of my grandfather speaking at funerals and in tough situations where he just made a joke. And it sort of brings everyone in the room together. And humour is just a quick reprieve to where you can sort of collect yourself and then return to what you need to do. I don\u0027t think it\u0027s counter. I do think that it focuses more on all of us instead of the self and selfies and social media. But I think there\u0027s a way to bring it into the Western world. Obviously, it\u0027s huge on the African continent, just in different words. but I don\u0027t think it\u0027s necessarily counter. I think it\u0027s an everyday thing. One day could be a good day, one day could be a bad day. But it\u0027s just about recognizing the worth of other human beings. And if you start with yourself, I think it\u0027s easier to show this outward dignity and respect to everyone else.\n\n(Back to host)\n\nIn today\u0027s digital age, technology offers both connection and isolation. While it connects us globally, it also fosters self-centred digital personas seeking validation through likes and shares. This has led to increased loneliness despite a vast online audience. The concept of Ubuntu, a South African philosophy, emphasises human interconnectedness and respect for others. By recognizing the inherent value in everyone, we shift from competition to appreciation. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we focus on their contributions to our lives, fostering a sense of belonging. Simple actions like making eye contact can help establish meaningful connections with strangers, reinforcing this sense of interconnectedness.\n\nTo truly connect with others, it\u0027s crucial to empathise with their perspectives, even if we profoundly disagree. Ubuntu encourages understanding others\u0027 positions, as demonstrated by a black woman in apartheid-era Johannesburg. Rather than automatically despising white communities, she contemplated the circumstances that led to their actions. This reflection revealed that most individuals accept circumstances favouring them, leading to a shift from judgement to curiosity about why someone might act hurtfully. This approach humanises people, helping us comprehend their motivations and circumstances. By occupying another\u0027s perspective, we realise their actions are often a product of their own context, promoting empathy and tranquillity in our interactions.\n\nRespect is the cornerstone of ubuntu, emphasising that respecting others reconnects us with our own humanity. This lesson is illustrated through the story of Archbishop Desmond Tutu\u0027s childhood encounter with a respectful white priest. Recognizing the value of Tutu\u0027s mother, the priest not only honoured her humanity but also his own. Practising ubuntu begins with self-care to have the energy to help others. It involves treating everyone with respect, regardless of their background, as exemplified by Nelson Mandela\u0027s transformative friendship with his prison guard. 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DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart = new Date().getTime(); _getTimingInstance().incrementTime('mp', DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart - DOCS_modelChunkParseStart); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.loadModelChunk(DOCS_modelChunk); DOCS_modelChunk = undefined;</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":35335,"s":"\nHope is more than a fleeting desire for things to go well; it\u0027s a state of being that helps us endure challenges. Unlike optimism, which is contingent on positive outcomes, hope is steadfast and can be chosen regardless of circumstances. Living with hope means having faith in oneself, the goodness of others, and the world. It provides resilience during tough times. Research shows that maintaining hope can help individuals overcome adversity and build better futures. To cultivate hope, counter negative thoughts with positivity, maintain a gratitude journal, and prioritise self-care for a more positive outlook on life.\n\nForgiving others starts with recognizing their humanity, even in the face of deep hurt. Ubuntu encourages us to consider the circumstances that may have influenced a person\u0027s actions and to empathise with their complexity. Ingrid von Stein\u0027s experience exemplifies this approach when, after a violent attack, she eventually found compassion for her attackers by understanding their difficult backgrounds. Forgiveness is a healing process that ultimately benefits the forgiver, offering emotional relief and connection with others. It\u0027s important to acknowledge that forgiveness is a journey, requiring patience and persistence, but it leads to a lighter, less burdened heart.\n\nDiversity is a valuable asset that we should welcome, rather than fear. Each person is unique, contributing their individual talents and perspectives to the world. Embracing diversity aligns with the Ubuntu philosophy, emphasising our shared human journey. If everyone were identical, our collective weaknesses and limitations would be magnified. Recognizing every individual\u0027s equal worth requires humility and openness to learning from others. Embracing diversity leads to better outcomes and enriched lives. The Tunisian Dialogue Quartet, composed of members from diverse organisations, exemplifies how unity in diversity can achieve peace. We should appreciate the benefits diversity brings to our lives and challenge any unfounded judgments.\n\nTo make progress, we must confront our current situation honestly. Ubuntu encourages embracing all aspects of life, including the good and the bad, without judgement. Facing reality can be challenging, but it\u0027s necessary for healing and growth. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) in South Africa exemplifies this principle, addressing the injustices of apartheid. When the TRC uncovered disturbing facts about victims\u0027 bodies being fed to crocodiles, Archbishop Tutu publicly expressed sorrow, fostering empathy and communal support. Humans are wired for empathy, and sharing our pain with others deepens our relationships and eases suffering. Confronting difficulties openly allows us to seek help and connect with others.\n\nAnd finally deep listening is a powerful act of respect that demonstrates the value of someone\u0027s voice, fostering empathy and open-mindedness. True listening requires focused attention, eye contact, open body language, and asking questions for clarification. It challenges our inclination to prioritise our own views. Ubuntu encourages listening, even when we believe a conversation is irrelevant, as it strengthens empathy and connections. Every individual\u0027s story holds value, and attentive listening reinforces their worth. Services like the Samaritans\u0027 hotline provide safe spaces for people to be heard without discrimination. Actively listening allows us to understand differing perspectives and create positive change.\n\nSo to sum up:\n\nProfessor Siegel says in IntraConnected that reality is interconnected, emphasising the importance of understanding the self\u0027s construction and its role in cultural evolution. He discusses the journey from potentiality to actuality, the emergence of complex systems, and the significance of integration and harmony in one\u0027s life. He also explores attachment experiences and their impact on identity and belonging, emphasising the potential for growth and transformation. 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DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart = new Date().getTime(); _getTimingInstance().incrementTime('mp', DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart - DOCS_modelChunkParseStart); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.loadModelChunk(DOCS_modelChunk); DOCS_modelChunk = undefined;</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script type="text/javascript" nonce="Em6MQrH23LXNktB0EGPG1w">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":39501,"s":"\nIn Everyday Ubuntu, Ngomane says modern technology facilitates connections worldwide, but they often lack genuine respect. Ubuntu teaches that all humans are equally valuable, fostering a shift in behaviour. Embracing this belief, we honour everyone we meet, regardless of their role. Even strangers deserve respect and empathy, creating a sense of belonging. Use humour to connect with others, as laughter brings relief in tough times and strengthens bonds. Share embarrassing stories with a friend who has an infectious laugh to transform embarrassment into humour and strengthen your connection.\n\nLet us know. Please join in on the conversation by following @howtobe247 on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, and subscribe on the podcast, which can be found via www.howtobe247.com. We have Spotify polls, so feel free to send your responses there too! You can even check out all our exclusive unseen bonus material from every single interview, all for a price of a coffee on both Spotify and Patreon under the name Behind the Scenes: Exclusives From the How To Be Books Podcast. All the latest ones are on Spotify while, more than 30 exclusives are on Patreon. Sign up to be part of the movement.\n\nPlease do leave a review if you found this helpful and you want to be featured! \n\nRemember to check out the website! We\u0027ve got a number of reviews, including Millie Bobby Brown\u0027s new book, Nineteen Steps. But even more intriguing is Naomi Klein\u0027s new book, Doppelganger, which looks into her being mistaken for Naomi Wolf, thought to be the conspiracy theorist. \n\nBefore we go, here are Emma Starrs, creative director at Kenland Media Relations in the UK and Juliet Owen-nuttall, a fertility wellbeing practitioner and the cofounder of The Non Invasive Method on their thoughts. See you next week!\n\n\nEMMA STARRS: What do I think the self is? It depends who we\u0027re trying to prove that to. The self we show to others through our fashion choices, the beliefs we have, the way we talk, the way we look, even recording selfies of ourselves and posting them on social media. But are they really ourselves? I don\u0027t think so. I think it\u0027s a presentation of ourself. But our true essence is deeper than that. It\u0027s not even physical, in my opinion. It\u0027s energy. It\u0027s on an energetic level, an atomic level which is shown in our biology, which has taken millions and millions of years through biology and evolution to appear. But I believe we\u0027re a spiritual being. And, that persists. We\u0027re the creation of stars, in my opinion. And, it\u0027s not just because of my name. I think we are connected to nature through that, but something bigger than that as well. The universe and all the thought systems and beliefs that have gone before us, they are too energy. So to keep sight of that, I do think we need to get beyond the physical and we need to take stock of our thoughts, the things we say, how we move, the activities we pursue. Because to me, that\u0027s all energy and vibration. And to keep that positive, that reflects who you are, that shows in your personality.\n\nJULIET OWEN-NUTTALL: What is the self? Well, the self is our, higher self, our soul connection. What connects us with the universe, what can get in the way of that is the ego, the shadow side, the inner child. And that can sometimes get in the way of us understanding the connection to the universe, the larger part of ourselves. And when we understand that we are energy and that energy is around us, and trees and other species are all energy, that\u0027s when we understand we are all in this universe together. And being in this universe together, we are energy. 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From The Podcast
How To Be...Books Podcast
Discovering what makes us human, exploring important life hacks, and "how to be", whilst highlighting the most important intersectional nonfiction books our there. The How To Be...Books Podcast looks at improving mental health and wellbeing, as well as creating social change through reading and interviewing mind-blowing authors.Have you ever thought why is it that my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances can do so much more than me? Well if you have, you're not alone. From confidence, persistence, motivation, to resilience - these life skills can help us go a long way in believing in ourselves. Not to mention, we live in a polarised world where conversations have broken down, so we've opened a space for those difficult chats.We will try examine the tips and guides out there to see if it can help. Whilst I am no expert by any means, I have lived experience of feeling different and misunderstood, so hopefully we can take this path of enhancement together. PS. I do not receive commission for the books and guides reviewed.Hit subscribe if you like it!Join Podchaser to...
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