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0:58

The bad news is I'm a serial

1:02

killer. What?

1:05

I killed someone.

1:07

You? Again. But

1:10

this time it was way better planned out. You?

1:14

What?

1:15

What? Well, there was no other way. We all

1:17

knew it had to happen. What happened? I had been logical about

1:19

it until I... What happened? I thought this thing...

1:21

Who did you kill? Nancy, who did you kill? But

1:24

I never thought that I would ever do anything with it, but- Nancy!

1:26

T- Don't Nancy me.

1:30

Are you seriously surprised? Girl,

1:34

I just procured you a murder victim

1:36

like two seconds ago. But I didn't

1:39

kill her. What's your body count? Mmm,

1:42

yeah, so so far mine's two. If

1:44

you're gonna judge me, yours must be way lower.

1:47

Right? Nancy? What

1:50

happened? It all started yesterday

1:52

morning, at work. It

1:54

was just an average day. I mean, I was

1:57

overworked as usual, and

1:59

you were blowing me off.

2:00

as usual. I was

2:02

a little off-balance maybe. I'm

2:04

still working through everything that happened with Emma,

2:07

but I was okay.

2:08

Takahashi

2:13

Technology Group, this is Paulina. Please

2:16

hold. Takahashi Technology Group,

2:18

this is Paulina. Oh yeah,

2:20

please hold. Nancy,

2:22

hey. Hi. So I

2:25

looked into your Mafia theory. Oh yeah,

2:28

Luis and I had been spending

2:30

hours every day working the case AKA

2:33

me sending him after every false lead

2:35

in the book

2:37

First it was the jilted lover theory.

2:39

Of course. I tried to pin Jenna for

2:41

that one You know Jenna

2:43

told me she and Sid were in a situation

2:45

ship She said and I quote

2:48

he was gonna ask me to be his girlfriend eventually.

2:51

Yeah. What if she got tired

2:54

of waiting

2:55

or caught him with someone else when all

2:57

fatal attraction? Then it was the

2:59

he fell into a trash chute fiasco.

3:02

No I'm telling you people fall down trash chutes

3:04

all the freaking time. So you think it was an accident?

3:07

You don't think it could have been like a personal rival?

3:10

Some kind of enemy? Personal rival?

3:14

Sid? No. Until

3:17

I somehow arrived at The

3:19

mob killed Sid. Come on, Luis.

3:21

Are you telling me you haven't seen Goodfellas? Anyway,

3:25

back to yesterday morning.

3:27

I just don't think the Mafia is active enough

3:29

in New York. And even if they were, I don't

3:31

buy that Sid would be on their radar. Back

3:35

to square one.

3:37

Well, we're gonna get to

3:39

the bottom of this. Hey,

3:42

I was talking with a few people. You know, Jenna,

3:45

Chris from Accounting. We're all doing

3:47

drinks after work. You down? Uh...

3:52

sure. Yeah,

3:53

sounds great. Awesome! We'll

3:55

count you in. I'm glad

3:57

you can finally make it to one of these.

8:00

Yeah, we can do that. Sombra,

8:02

brow furrow it is. Nancy? You

8:04

okay? Yeah, just thinking

8:07

about Sid. I know. That's hard.

8:09

Hard when you're sorry excuse for a

8:12

boss wants to crucify you for a murder

8:14

you didn't even commit. So drinks

8:16

later? Yeah, that'd be nice.

8:19

We can talk to Sid's case with the rest of the

8:21

office. Oh God. You don't think Takahashi's right, do you? God,

8:26

you don't think Takahashi's right, do you? That

8:29

it was an inside job? Jesus,

8:32

I bet it's Chris from Accounting. You

8:35

could be onto something. Keep it

8:37

together, Nancy. Keep it

8:39

together. Stay calm. Nobody

8:42

suspects a thing. Deep

8:44

breaths, right? Okay,

8:47

calm. In times

8:49

like these, you know what always hits the spot?

8:52

A nice, confident glass

8:55

of milk. Please, 2% if you

8:57

have it. Okay.

9:02

Four Mojitos and a glass

9:04

of milk. Be

9:07

right back with your drinks. God,

9:10

what a day. What a wild

9:12

day, right? You guys have

9:15

any leads yet? I have some ideas.

9:18

All I know is that whoever killed Sid should

9:20

get some sort of prize. Sheesh, Paulina.

9:22

We'll put you down as a freaking suspect.

9:25

Excuse me. He was my almost

9:28

boyfriend. You mean imaginary

9:30

boyfriend? So

9:33

what's with Ted's theory if someone

9:34

at work did it? He never answered if

9:36

it was a database approach or not. It's an

9:38

intriguing theory. That's

9:40

for sure. I can't think of anyone at work

9:42

who'd have it in them to actually kill

9:45

someone. Oh, I don't know. I

9:48

think there are certainly people in the office who

9:50

benefited from his disappearance.

9:52

Wouldn't you say, Nancy? I

9:55

don't know. your drinks.

11:57

Um,

12:01

sink, tile, and toilet. Four

12:06

things to touch. My

12:09

sweater, the

12:11

floor, to towel.

12:13

Okay,

12:20

we're good. Okay,

12:23

Nancy, we're good.

12:26

Right? Oh, uh,

12:29

hi, Louise. Hey,

12:35

you seem kind of upset. Just want to make

12:38

sure you're okay. Yeah, I'm

12:40

sorry I didn't tell you all the details. The

12:42

cops really scared me. They said

12:45

if I shared the specifics, it could compromise the

12:47

investigation. Even put me in harm's

12:49

way, and I just...

12:51

I just want to find Sid. Hey, I know.

12:54

That's a lot. We're

12:57

all feeling it. But... but

13:00

something about Jenna... doesn't

13:03

feel right. What do you mean? Well,

13:05

I get that she was in love with him. But

13:08

her feelings for Sid, her grief... It's

13:11

all clouding her judgment. I mean, she

13:14

is throwing around some serious

13:16

insinuations. I noticed

13:18

that. She wants somebody

13:20

to blame and she's

13:23

always hated me so I get

13:26

it but I just...

13:27

Look we all know she's kind of nuts.

13:30

You'd have to be to fall in love with Sid. Yeah

13:35

I guess. Let's get back to drinks.

13:38

It's gonna be okay. I

13:41

hope so.

13:48

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13:50

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13:53

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13:59

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14:00

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15:04

Jeez, you baby. Hi, mister.

15:10

That's right, cutie. Dinner time. Jeez,

15:16

it's all gonna be okay, right?

15:19

I didn't. I didn't

15:21

murder Sid, okay? I

15:23

just didn't. So why should I be

15:25

scared? Okay, why should

15:28

I let freaking Takahashi

15:30

push me around? You know, treat me

15:32

like I'm some sort of criminal.

15:35

I

15:37

am not scared, okay?

15:41

He's the one who should be scared. Oh,

15:44

he should be terrified.

15:48

He's got that smug little grin that

15:50

I know what you did, Smile. He

15:53

thinks he's got it all figured out, doesn't he? Well,

15:58

we'll just see about that.

16:00

Mr. Ted. Mr.

16:09

Ted? I mean... Sir,

16:13

you wanted to see me?

16:14

Step into my office, Nancy. Of

16:17

course, sir. So

16:22

this is what corner office living is like?

16:24

Must be. Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

16:27

Ha ha. Nancy,

16:32

I want to thank you for all your hard work and Sid's

16:35

absence in the interim.

16:38

Interim? You've been a capable

16:40

interim team leader. But

16:42

I wanted to do you the courtesy

16:45

of letting you know we're interviewing candidates

16:47

for the position.

16:49

I'm sorry, sir. Sorry, sir, I just... I

16:52

was operating under the assumption it was

16:55

a permanent position.

16:56

Uh, but you know what they say

16:58

about when we assume. Sir, I... I

17:02

gave my life to this job. I

17:04

did everything I could possibly...

17:08

Did I not give you enough? Was

17:10

my soul not enough for you? I

17:13

put up with the looks and the sneers and

17:15

the constant insinuations that I...

17:17

that you had a hand in Sid's death? Sid's

17:21

not even confirmed dead. But you certainly

17:23

benefited from his disappearance. Wow!

17:29

Sir, how narcissistic do you have to be

17:32

to even suggest that a leadership position at

17:34

your company is worth a

17:36

human life?

17:38

Very well played, Nancy.

17:41

You hit all the right notes.

17:44

But your emotionality betrays you. See,

17:46

you've appeared quite agitated,

17:49

restless. Some might even say suspicious

17:52

since Sid's disappearance.

17:54

Sir, I've had enough of your baseless accusations.

17:59

Nancy. I'm a data

18:01

analyst at heart. The

18:03

reason I've taken unsolved homicides, men aged 18

18:06

to 35, all of whom lived within a six mile

18:08

radius of your apartment, it

18:12

hasn't gone unnoticed.

18:14

Not by me. Sir,

18:18

six miles in Manhattan, that's

18:20

millions upon millions

18:21

of people. I mean,

18:23

that's a hard line. Neither has your

18:25

odd behavior. Sir. Weird

18:28

hours you're downloading office

18:30

software and data onto your own personal

18:33

laptop.

18:33

This is harassment I

18:36

mean, do you really think you

18:38

want to know what I think Nancy? I Think

18:41

you're the most prolific serial killer, Manhattan's

18:43

ever seen

18:48

Well, sir if

18:51

you think that Why

18:54

not alert the authorities I'll

18:57

be the first to admit I have no evidence.

19:00

Yet. Well then,

19:02

I have

19:05

nothing more to say to you. Holy

19:09

freaking crud. He knows. Well,

19:12

no, Nancy. No, he doesn't know

19:15

anything. Serial killer?

19:17

Psh, psh, that's just not true. So

19:20

maybe you killed one person. Maybe

19:23

you assisted in killing another. or

19:26

two, or look,

19:27

look, Mr. Ted has got a

19:29

fun theory, sure, but

19:32

the truth, he can't handle

19:35

the truth. Nancy! Oh

19:37

my God, Nancy, you have got to try

19:39

my new keto cereal. It is killer.

19:43

It's, uh, what?

19:46

Uh, the cereal? It's killer.

19:49

Serial? Killer? Oh,

19:54

sure, I, yeah, I'll try a bite.

22:00

Her. She

22:02

spends all of her time with

22:04

her. Kendall.

22:10

No, not Kendall Jenner. Kendall

22:13

Roy, fan page 69. No, no.

22:17

Kendall Rose. 25, NYC.

22:22

Bingo. 400,000 followers?

22:27

What? How could she afford a private

22:29

jet? Ugh! Hi,

22:36

babe. Hi. I'm at Chase

22:38

with my BFF. BFF? Say

22:40

hi, El. Hello. Is

22:43

she not the most absolutely gorgina

22:45

person you have ever seen? I am convinced

22:47

my friend Tanner only hangs out with me to get to El. Gorgina?

22:50

No. It means gorgeous.

22:53

Hello. Ah! They're

22:55

at... Why does she tag the

22:57

restaurant so small? Little

22:59

Soho Bar. Okay.

23:03

Little Soho Bar it is.

23:08

Not

23:11

on the list. Can't let you in. This

23:14

is a bar. It's not a private event. Hi,

23:17

Polly. Right

23:19

this way, ladies. You didn't

23:21

even check to see if they were on the list. They're

23:23

on the list, believe me. Ha, but

23:26

for all you know, I could be on the list too.

23:29

Oh, I know you're

23:31

not on the list. You

23:34

must live around here. Huh? Oh

23:36

yeah. Wedding ring, wife,

23:40

kids, I presume. You

23:43

seem like the type. I

23:45

bet if I looked in your wallet, I'd

23:47

find those mall fold-outs of the tacky

23:49

little pictures of the tacky little kids. Oh,

23:53

your kids met Santa? Big

23:55

whoop. Everyone's kids meet

23:57

Santa. and

23:58

how you're really making And

24:00

what? Bouncer mad.

24:03

Bouncer smash. Big freakin' whoop. You

24:07

know what happens when I get mad?

24:11

Nothing. I sit

24:13

on it. I contemplate

24:16

the most effective way to proceed. And

24:19

it's rarely immediate. In fact,

24:22

it sometimes takes years. But

24:25

it's worth it.

24:27

It's always worth it. You

24:29

need to leave. I'm

24:32

sure I'll see you around. Good

24:36

night.

24:41

And now I wait. She's

24:51

got to come out at some point and when she

24:53

does she can I mean,

24:55

take care of Takahashi and

24:57

his investigation. She

24:59

can figure it out. I mean,

25:02

me, a suspect. Me,

25:05

a serial killer? He's

25:07

the threat to humanity, with his delusions

25:10

and narcissism and insul- Purple girly,

25:12

it's like really dangerous. Aye,

25:15

I think I'll be okay. Okay.

25:18

Love you. Get home safe, Rolly.

25:27

Announce

25:30

yourself. I

25:36

assure you, your life

25:38

is more valuable than anything I have in

25:40

my purse. I suggest you

25:42

walk away. Hey! Nancy?

25:45

What are you doing here? What

25:50

are you doing here? I need

25:52

a favor. Whatever

25:54

it is, the answer is no.

32:00

I know who did.

32:02

Who? You did.

32:05

What? Oh, yeah. And

32:08

living with the guilt? It was

32:10

hard. That's why

32:12

you killed yourself. Isn't it?

32:14

What are you talking about? Do you want to know

32:16

why those are the best vegan gluten-free cupcakes

32:19

you ever tried? Because

32:21

they're not. They're the egg-riddled,

32:23

dairy-filled, generic market mix.

32:25

No! Buttery, right? No!

32:29

The one I ate was from that bakery though.

32:31

Clerith and Mayfield was right. They really

32:34

offered the hype. You didn't.

32:37

Getting

32:39

sleepy, huh? Nancy,

32:42

what did you do? You know, there's an episode of homicide

32:44

hour that's always stuck with me. It's

32:47

about a woman. She had this D-bag

32:49

of a husband who just walked all over her. I

32:51

mean, the guy was awful. So

32:54

one day she took some benzos and some painkillers.

32:57

See, those types of drugs interact really

32:59

badly together. There's a million freaking

33:01

lawsuits and payouts. It's a mess. Anyways,

33:04

she took them up and she ground them in the blender, threw

33:06

in some stimulants for good measure, and

33:09

baked it into his favorite banana bread. What?

33:13

What is wrong with you?

33:16

I don't know. You tell me. Anyways,

33:19

they do the autopsy report. Find

33:22

all of the drugs. They

33:24

considered ruling it a suicide, But since

33:27

there was no note, they went with accidental

33:29

overdose. But you'll have

33:31

a note,

33:31

don't worry. Whole

33:34

thing was masterful.

33:36

She would have gotten away with it if she hadn't turned herself

33:38

in. But we both

33:40

know I'll never make that mistake, Ted.

33:42

Wait.

33:47

I just said it. Ted.

33:51

With no sir or mister, just Ted.

33:55

Wow. Ted's

33:58

dead. Haha. Nice rhyme.

38:00

Kendall? Elle, I

38:02

broke all the rules. I

38:04

killed someone I know, in real life.

38:07

Someone who just announced a murder investigation

38:09

that I played a key role in. Then why

38:11

do you seem so...

38:14

OK. It felt good.

38:17

What? That doesn't mean that this hasn't created

38:19

a whole world of issues. I mean, I

38:21

can tell his daughter's gonna be a real problem

38:24

if we don't handle this. A problem?

38:25

A problem? Are you serious?

38:29

Kendall is my friend and

38:31

you just Murdered her

38:33

father. So what I killed

38:35

someone or two people or

38:38

you know what it doesn't even matter You've

38:40

killed dozens no hundreds

38:42

if not thousands

38:44

of people did it to survive. So do I

38:46

Everything I do I do for us. There

38:49

is no us Nancy. There

38:51

is no us Not anymore You're

38:54

a monster. That's rich coming

38:57

from you. Get out. Are you serious?

39:00

Get out. He was on to us

39:02

I did us a favor. You can leave on your own or

39:04

I can make you leave. I

39:07

know why you came to New York There's

39:10

a vampire hunter Tracking

39:12

you. What? That's what

39:15

you're running from Isn't

39:17

it? How did you? How

39:20

do you? So it is a vampire hunter Huh.

39:24

Looks like I'm getting close. Get out. Get out! Get

39:26

out! Fine. Get out! You're

39:29

welcome, by

39:30

the way. Get out! For everything! For

39:34

everything!

39:42

What?

39:46

What has she done? What

39:50

have I done? How

40:00

to Win Friends and Disappear People stars

40:02

Leslie Grace as Elle, Sony

40:05

Bringas as Nancy, with Katrina

40:07

Boden as Paulina, Tom Choi

40:10

as Ted Takahashi, Rico Rodriguez

40:12

as Luis,

40:13

Mara Shuster-Lefkowitz

40:15

as Jenna, Jessica Van as

40:17

Kendall, additional performances

40:20

by Laura Lopez, Matt Linton,

40:22

Patrick Hume, written and directed

40:25

by Sophia Lopez, executive

40:27

produced

40:27

by by Sofia Lopez, Leslie Grace,

40:30

Rob Herding, Michelle Zorotti, Sandra

40:32

Yi Ling, and Alexa Gabriel Ramirez.

40:35

Co-producer,

40:36

Sheena Pinkney. Original

40:38

music by Darren Johnson. Edited

40:41

by Gabe Burch. Sound

40:43

design by Christophe Classe. Mixed

40:46

by Lamps Lampeginna. Audio

40:48

engineering by Ryan Walsh, Sarah

40:51

Mall, Ben Milchow, and David

40:53

Tataschore. Additional editor,

40:55

Neely Offtering. Supervising

40:57

Editor, Neely Offtering.

41:00

Music Editor, David Tattershore.

41:03

Supervising Mixer, Ben Milchit. Casting

41:06

Director, Andrea Bunker. Assistant

41:08

Director, Liz T. Miles. Script

41:11

Supervisor, Omar Berahona.

41:14

Additional Script Supervisors, Carissa McQueen

41:16

and Nick Robinson. Production

41:18

Coordinators, Tom Breck and Cassie

41:21

Cormier. Head Production Assistant,

41:23

Alex Buta. Production Assistants,

41:25

Nicholas G. Curl and Maddie Shapiro,

41:28

post coordinator, Emma Jacobson,

41:31

production legal, Christina Bulbrook and

41:33

Lindsay Kiel, production accounting, Pinchun

41:36

Liu. Special thanks to Ashton Harold,

41:38

Mara Shuster Lefkowitz and Lacey

41:40

Buchanan. This podcast was recorded

41:43

under a SAG-AFTRA collective bargaining agreement.

41:46

How to Win Friends and Disappear People is

41:48

a Q-code production. Sound Recording

41:50

Copyright 2022 by Qcode Media Inc.

42:02

We hope you enjoyed this episode of How

42:04

to Win Friends and Disappear People. And

42:06

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42:08

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42:11

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Plus to listen to more uninterrupted episodes

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