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Welcome to the Husband Material Podcast

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, where we help Christian men outgrow

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porn . Why ? So

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you can change your brain , heal your heart and

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save your relationship . My

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name is Drew Boa and I'm here to show you how let's

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go

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. Today we are talking about sexual

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symbolism , because the more

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you understand what

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is symbolized by

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the certain things that you find sexually

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attractive or irresistible , the

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less power those things will

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have over you . This is a huge part

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of outgrowing porn . We've done a number of episodes on

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this , so I would recommend going down to

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the description and the show notes and looking

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at some of the other episodes we've done on sexual

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fantasies and attractions and fetishes . Today

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I'm talking about symbolism . In

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other words , what does a certain

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sexual body , part or activity

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symbolize , and while

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there are endless varieties of

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what we find sexually attractive , there

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are certain patterns

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and symbols that tend

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to mean more or less the same thing

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among various different people

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. I have heard hundreds

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of varieties of

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sexual fantasies and attractions and fetishes

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, and I've told my

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story about my sexual fetish for braces

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and what that symbolized to

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me and what that promised to my heart

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. Today , I'm going to talk

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about seven different sexual

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symbols and what they

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usually mean . I'm going

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to suggest the

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story and the explanation behind each

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one of these , because it would be intellectually

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dishonest and ultimately unhelpful

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for me to assume that

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each one of these symbols means the

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same thing to everybody About

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husband material . We believe in the power

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of curiosity and compassion , and

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that means having

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a posture of openness and always learning

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, and also compassion , of not

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condemning these things but

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rather seeking to understand

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them , accept

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the beauty and goodness within them , while

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letting go of what's

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harmful . So

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here are the seven symbols

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we will talk about today the

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penis , breasts , kissing

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, oral sex , nudity

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, diapers and feet

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. Let's

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start with the penis . Being

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extremely aroused by the

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penis , whether your own or someone else's , is

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super common , and

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it's often symbolizing

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masculinity . The

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penis and testicles are the part of the male

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body which is unique to men

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. It's lacking

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in women and so , in a way

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, the most male thing about us , and

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I often find , while talking with men who

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are extremely sexually activated by penises

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, that it symbolizes a

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kind of masculinity that they believe

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they don't have , or that they wish they had , or

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that they never received from their dad . The

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penis can be a symbol of fatherhood

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and that masculinity being transferred

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to you or you being initiated

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into it and connecting with it . I

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mean , as a boy , I think it's very normal

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to want to know what

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dad's body looks

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like , and specifically his penis and

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his testicles , and so the penis

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can often symbolize

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a masculine connection , a

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fathering relationship that

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you never had or that you've lost

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or that you've always longed for and

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remember . This is just one

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explanation , and I think it's

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important to note that the

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penis is an inherently interesting

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, arousing part of the body that is often

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featured in porn , because

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it's beautiful

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and vulnerable and God made it that way . And if you want

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to hear more about the unique aspects

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of the penis , go listen to our episode on

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the theology of the penis . Let's

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move on to number two breasts

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. As a teenager , I was often

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turned on by big breasts , and now

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, as an adult , I can understand more

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of what that symbolized for me and the

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many men who I work with who say that they

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have a thing for boobs . Breasts

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often symbolize nurture

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and abundance

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. When we

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were little babies , the breasts

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of a woman provided nourishment

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physically and

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nurture emotionally

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. In our biology , seeing

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a woman with large

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breasts communicates that she

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is able to nourish , she

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is able to nurture , and

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so if you grew up

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in an environment where

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there wasn't a lot of comfort

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, there wasn't a lot of emotional

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intimacy , especially with

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mom or with women , then breasts

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might be an especially powerful sexual

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symbol for you . I also find that

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breasts can symbolize abundance

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in the sense that hey , there is

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enough to provide for you

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. And sometimes

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men who have experienced poverty

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, either financially

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or relationally

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, see breasts and

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it symbolizes that

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abundance , that sense of oh , there's going

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to be enough for me , there

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will not be a lack , there

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is no scarcity here . These

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are just some of the storylines that can

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be underneath a

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strong sexual attraction to breasts

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. The third symbol I want to talk about

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is kissing , which often

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symbolizes an intimate

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, tender connection

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. Kissing is

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not as extreme

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as sexual intercourse and

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yet , with faces touching

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, lips which are so tender

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, coming together , there's

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something romantic about

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that that is

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a deep symbol within

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our psyche . Think

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of all of the movies

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where the kiss is

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the big moment . As a kid , I

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fantasized about my first kiss for years

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. I remember , on my 13th birthday

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, making a wish when I blew out the candles

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on my birthday cake and thinking I wish

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this is the year of my first kiss . And then I

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made the same wish when I was 14 , 15

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, 16 , because kissing was such a powerful

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symbol for me of

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being accepted , connected

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, intimately intertwined with

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another person . And in that

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regard , kissing is really not

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as much about the physical act

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as much as it is about the emotional

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experience that

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you're often aching for underneath

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that sexual urge . The fourth

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symbol for us to explore is oral

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sex , either giving

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oral sex to someone else or

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receiving it from someone else

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. In the posture of receiving oral

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sex , you're usually above the other

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person , and so there is a power

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dynamic that

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is real and also

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symbolic , where you're

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above the other person and they're servicing

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you , and this is often a

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symbol of power , and this type

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of power over position

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can be a reversal . If

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you felt powerless as a

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boy , helpless , trapped

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, I felt those things and oral sex was a

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very strong symbol for me . It

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also , for me at least , symbolized

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tremendous amount of sexual

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pleasure without intercourse

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, and I think it's important to say

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that oral sex can also symbolize

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pleasure , maybe without the type of

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relational intimacy and connection that

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you would have in kissing

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. On the other hand , providing oral

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sex for another person can symbolize

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being pleasing

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, being a delight , being received

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and enjoyed as a human

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being . It's something that we all want to

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be desired , to be wanted , and

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giving someone else oral

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sex can symbolize that

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aspect of being received

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and being someone who makes another

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person smile and light

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up with pleasure . And

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I acknowledge there is complexity

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here and there are all

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kinds of different story lines that can go

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along with this . For example , providing

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oral sex might be a reenactment of

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sexual abuse that you were forced

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or coerced to

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perform . It could also be

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a way of you

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feeling like , well , if I do this for the other person

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, then I

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will have them and they will have me . And

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I don't pretend to understand these things perfectly

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. That's why this episode is so short . And

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at the same time , I've worked with hundreds

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of men and these storylines are

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often coming to the surface

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when we look deeper into . Okay , what

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is this symbolizing for you

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? What is it promising to your heart

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? The fifth symbol I

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wanna talk about is nudity . Nudity

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, either in

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exhibitionism , of wanting

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others to see your body , or

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also , potentially , in voyeurism

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, of wanting to see someone else's naked

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body . It often symbolizes

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being seen and affirmed

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. In other words , the physical

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experience of being seen in

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all of your parts can

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be symbolizing being seen

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as a person . It can

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point to this underlying

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longing for vulnerability

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, either for someone else to be fully

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vulnerable with you and sharing all that they

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are with you , or for you to

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be totally vulnerable and accepted

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. And remember , these are just some

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of the storylines and

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they're very common , and , at the same

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time , there are other explanations too . For

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example , the exhibitionism that

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I did as a college student , exposing

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myself to all these different

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guys in my college dorm , actually

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came from a story where

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I was exposed and humiliated at

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summer camp . There was a huge hole

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in my crotch and all the other boys

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and girls were giggling

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and looking at me behind my back

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and I looked down and see oh my gosh , they can actually

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see all of my genitals

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, and I crumpled to the floor . And

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so , for me , showing off my

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penis and genitals was not

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about being

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affirmed so much as it was about me

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reversing what happened to

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me . So there was a very specific trauma

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that was behind . That for me Might

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not be the same for someone else , and

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so , as we talk about these symbols

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, just keep in mind that this

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is not a formula , this is not

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science , although I think there are

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scientific and physical aspects of this

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. Remember that every trigger

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tells a story and

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our fantasies can make so much

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sense when we see the symbolism

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of specific types of porn or

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sexual imagery or stimulation

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that doesn't just feel attractive but

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overwhelming or irresistible

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. And beginning to explore

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the symbolism behind your specific

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sexual arousal can

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help you get in touch with your deeper desires

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. And when you get aroused by that type

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of thing or person or activity

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or type of porn , you can translate

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in your head and say , oh , it's not

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about the sex , it's about the

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symbolism , it's about what that

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type of porn or what that type of person

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is promising to your heart and

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man . When you

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can embrace your

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sexual desires for

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the meaning behind them and

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see the story behind them , they

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can lose a lot of their power . I

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want to talk about two more sexual symbols

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. Number six

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is diapers . You

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might be able to guess this one pretty easily . Diapers

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often symbolize a return to childhood

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, maybe freedom from

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the responsibility and the pressure of adult

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life , or perhaps going

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back and getting what you

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needed but didn't have when

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you were really little

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. Being taken care of , being

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attended to , having a loving

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, safe type

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of experience is often

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at the core of

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why diapers are significant . Or

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it could be a way of

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reversing or

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undoing what

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was done to you in diapers or

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what should have been done but wasn't done

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. Lastly , I want to talk about a

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fetish that has eluded

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me for many years and I still

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want to learn more about it A

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foot fetish . It's one of the most

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common ones that you can often hear about . Feet

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contain so many nerve

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endings . That's why they can be so ticklish and

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sometimes bring a

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sexual excitement and charge

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. And yet sometimes there's

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a deeper story behind why

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feet have such a charge

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to them . In a video which

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I'm linking in the description for this episode , I

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heard someone give a really moving

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explanation of how a

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foot fetish can develop , and this is just one

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story line . When

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you're a kid crawling

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around on the floor , you see

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feet . So for

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a little baby boy , having

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access to mom's

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feet means that she's in

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the room , she's here with me , she's close to me

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, I have love , I have attention

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, my needs are met here , and

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I think all sexual

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symbols at some level provide

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a promise of meeting a legitimate

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need in a symbolic way

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. There are so , so , so

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many sexual symbols , and

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you know what ? I don't pretend to understand

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all of them , and I'm sure you can think of more , such

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as a hairy chest or

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a big beard , or a

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beautiful smile , or

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blonde hair or a

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specific skin color or

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a specific age . I mean , all

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of these are not

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just pleasurable

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, they're powerful because of

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the meaning that we ascribe to

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them , the story that

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is being told in our head subconsciously

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, whether we realize it or not . Inside

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Husband Material Academy , we are

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going deep into making connections

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between our story and our sexuality every

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week . It's incredibly powerful . This

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is part of the video course , it's part of some

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of our coaching calls , and Husband Material

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Academy is opening up in

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January just a few

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weeks away and I would love

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to see you there at our launch . So

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if you've never done HMA before , january

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is your best time to jump in . This

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was a little bite-sized introduction to the topic

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. I hope it gives you some ideas to explore

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for yourself . Talk about it with

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your trusted friends on

15:40

this journey and begin to

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discover more and more of

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the story and the symbolism behind

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your sexual arousal

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. Next week's episode , we are going to go

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even deeper into this topic

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with my dear friend , dr Doug

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Carpenter , as we demonstrate

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how to analyze a sexual

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fantasy in depth . It

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will be very vulnerable . It will be very powerful

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and if you love this episode , stick

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around until next week and always remember

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you are God's beloved Son and

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you , he is well pleased .