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0:30

They say I'm disturbed. From city to

0:32

city, an incredible, hysterical panic spread. I

0:34

think we're getting into a weird area

0:36

here. Will you

0:39

tell me schools are not training? They're

0:41

not training. It's hysteria. You can't

0:43

handle the truth. Truth. Spring

0:46

is gone. This is

0:48

Hysteria 51. We're

0:50

here. The truth is

0:52

out there. It's alive. But

0:54

you won't find it here. They're coming for

0:56

you. Look, there comes one of them now.

0:59

Welcome

1:04

back Hysteria Nation to yet again two

1:07

week in a row on the road.

1:10

I am in a very echoey room in a non-

1:13

what's the word when it's

1:15

non-furnished. Oh my God. I'm

1:17

not sleeping. Non-furnished house in

1:19

Tennessee. That's what we're

1:21

rolling with, Brink. Untreated. It's an

1:24

untreated home. It needs to be

1:26

treated if I'm here. But I am here. The

1:28

show must go on no matter where I'm at. And

1:31

so I am here. And speaking of the road, like

1:33

I said, we are back on the road doing the

1:35

50, the backside of the 50 greatest or not. What

1:40

this person put together for a story.

1:44

Miss Fish Fangoria magazine, the 50

1:47

cryptids that she came up with for America. The first

1:49

half was really a lot of fun, except

1:51

for a lot of plesiosaurs. And I got to tell you guys

1:53

a story. The bots aren't here. David is here. David,

1:56

how are you? I'm hanging in

1:59

there. Yeah, you are. Uh, you, are you enjoying

2:01

the, the spring of Colorado, which is

2:03

only like three or four feet of snow every other

2:05

day? Is that how that works? That's

2:07

right. Yeah. You

2:09

doing any more touring with the show or for

2:11

your, um, cause you're your own movie star now,

2:13

or are you just on a, on a little

2:15

bit of a hiatus? Uh,

2:18

no, no, nobody wants me to be on their

2:20

show. They just want Derek. So that makes sense.

2:22

I've got free time. I want Derek too, but

2:24

I think we're talking about different things. Mm.

2:27

Mm. And

2:30

now you know why he doesn't return my phone call now. Uh,

2:34

I got a little bit of a surprise for

2:36

you. It's not a surprise cause you

2:38

know, you are on the zoom call,

2:40

but we're not doing this alone coming

2:42

to us from a nondescript bunker in

2:45

the middle of parts known Illinois.

2:47

I think it's Monticello. We

2:50

got this gentleman. That

2:53

is not it. See why I

2:55

got bots to do it for us. This

2:57

gentleman, his name is. Wow.

3:10

That is wonderful. Now, uh, you saw

3:12

that I was on the zoom. Obviously you

3:15

just mentioned it. Uh,

3:17

my question for you is, um,

3:19

does Derek know what that

3:21

I would like to talk to him as well? The

3:24

fact that you don't even know what Derek we're

3:26

talking about makes it all the more likely that

3:28

he knows that you want to talk to him.

3:30

I've seen a, I've seen a comic book like

3:32

photo of him from the many posts on Facebook

3:34

about the film. That is wonderful. Wonderful.

3:37

And I, you know, the way to get to

3:39

my heart is to draw somebody like a comic

3:41

book. That is true. That is true. Caricature just

3:43

really speaks to you. That you then eat. That's

3:46

right. I eat paper. I absorb

3:49

their powers. None. I try.

3:52

What's Kevin doing? He's getting to know me.

3:57

Kevin, you got a show or something, don't you? I don't

3:59

know. I don't. I do, I do

4:01

because yeah, I do a show

4:03

called Sad Times which you so

4:05

kindly produce and help

4:07

chug along. You

4:09

can find it wherever you get your podcasts. Now

4:12

I know it's called Sad Times but we do

4:14

offer a lot of levity when appropriate so we

4:16

are able to laugh. It

4:18

comes out every Tuesday. We also

4:20

have websites at sadtimespodcast.com. Go

4:23

check it out. We... Oh!

4:26

Thank you. Whoa. We have a... It's

4:32

a tugboat coming through. Keep going. Sorry

4:34

about that. That's alright. Tugboat like the

4:36

WWF for us. Yes. Okay.

4:38

We... Ricky the Dragon Steamboat?

4:41

Ah, Ricky the Dragon. You know what his real

4:43

name is? And this is true. Ricky the Ligard.

4:46

Which is so weird. Richard

4:48

Blood or if you're nasty, Dick Blood.

4:51

Dick Blood. That's his real name. I

4:53

mean... We have a guest every week who

4:55

talks about difficult times in their life because

4:57

we believe at SadTimes that difficult stories are

4:59

universal but they're not universally told. So

5:02

go check us out. We got about 84 episodes. Yeah.

5:06

And if you want to be a guest,

5:08

check out the website. I tell you what

5:10

too because you know we are always looking

5:12

for ways to reuse. Kevin and

5:14

I are going to start... I think actually

5:16

next month it's going to start going out a

5:18

re-listen podcast where we listen and make fun of

5:21

the guests from the past episodes. That's right. So

5:23

these people that have opened up their hearts and

5:25

minds and really like shared hard

5:29

fought truths for their life, we're just going

5:31

to rip roar them. And we've got two puppets that are

5:33

going to be on the show with us too. Yeah,

5:36

that's right. And our silhouettes. And I think... Let

5:38

me look at the list here. The first guest

5:40

we're going to make fun of. Brent

5:43

Hand. Yeah. That guy

5:45

sounds like he's a handful but handsome. Wow.

5:48

He's rugged I bet. I don't know. You've

5:51

been workshopping that your whole life? We have been. Yeah.

5:54

Also we have been. I'm just going to start talking to myself

5:56

in the third person and Brent's ready to start this episode if

5:58

you guys are. Tell

6:00

Brent, my body is ready. Yes sir.

6:02

My body is ready. My body is

6:05

telling me yes. Alright, so we are

6:07

going back to Fangoria, like we said.

6:09

It has been a fantastic, fantastic article.

6:11

I've really enjoyed it. And we're

6:13

starting off with a banger because this does not look

6:15

like a plesiosaur. We'll go to Montana. Montana's

6:18

Flathead Lake Monster. And

6:20

this looks like a carp with

6:23

fucking antlers in the picture. So

6:27

the... Yeah, and like fucking

6:29

hardcore antlers, big antlers. Katanai,

6:32

how would you say that, would you say? Katanai?

6:37

Katanae? Shanae? Kunae?

6:39

Kunae? That might be it. The

6:42

K-U-T-E-N-A-I tribe was the first to live in

6:44

the small land in the middle of Flathead

6:46

Lake. However, their population was cut in half

6:48

after two girls tried to free what they

6:50

thought was an animal drowning in the lake.

6:54

I'm going to release the animal by cutting its antlers.

6:57

They mistakenly heard an enormous eel-shaped monster

6:59

resembling a 40-foot, 10 feet

7:02

longer than last week's everything, which is 30, lake...long

7:05

lake snake, which that looks nothing like

7:07

a lake snake. The

7:09

dramatic awakening drowned a large number of the

7:11

island's residents. Spotting to the

7:14

creature continued over time, including a 1993 rescue

7:16

of a three-year-old boy almost

7:18

taken by the monster. This

7:21

snake has flippers and fins and a

7:23

fish head and antlers, so that is

7:26

a...what's a snake? Yellow eyes.

7:29

A lot of these have yellow...yeah, I

7:31

mean, these are artists' interpretation, but they

7:34

interpret something different. No, I've seen it. It has

7:36

yellow eyes. Oh, no, that's good. No, you're not

7:38

commenting. You're just stating. Yeah,

7:40

I was stating. I called him Johnny Jaundice. Johnny,

7:47

he said, and the flat-headed monster

7:49

took me away. Here's Johnny. Anyway...

7:52

That's actually Johnny Dice. That's

7:54

his name. Johnny

7:56

Dice. Art imitates life,

7:58

imitates art. Moving

8:01

on to another not plesiosaurus. Brent

8:05

is already plesiosaurus. Nebraska's

8:07

Lake Walgreens, not to be confused

8:09

with Lake Walgreen, monster.

8:15

Before we read it, David, how would

8:17

you describe this one? Boy,

8:20

this one looks really happy. I can tell you that.

8:24

It's kind of like a combination

8:27

of the last monster and a

8:29

crocodile who's like having a birthday

8:31

party. Yeah, along

8:33

with that next thing from that

8:35

spitting monster in Jurassic Park. Or

8:39

an axolotl. Yeah, and a triceratops

8:41

horns and... But they're all in a row.

8:44

And somehow it's got huge fangs in its mouth

8:46

and it looks happy as shit. Just like, I'm

8:48

just living my truth. And

8:50

his front fins or whatever the fuck those

8:52

are have claws, but his back fins look

8:54

like just regular fins. Hey, you know, we

8:56

can't... God works in mysterious

8:59

ways. Amen. All right, in

9:01

Sheridan County, Nebraska, near Hay Springs,

9:03

just in case you're keeping track, Lake

9:05

Walgreens is home of the state's infamous sea

9:07

creature. Over the years it's been

9:10

described as an alligator-like beast with horns all

9:12

the way down to plain old oversized catfish. So

9:16

this is a, hey, do whatever you want

9:18

and make it fun. Yellow

9:20

eyes, please, they said, and they said, say

9:22

no more. Whatever

9:25

its exact appearance, this thing

9:27

is 10 foot long. It's a monster. It

9:29

feeds on livestock. Another animal's away. Sounds tiny.

9:32

Man, 10 foot is a... Yeah, right.

9:34

The last one, 40 feet? I don't

9:36

know. Wow, yeah, one quarter. Yeah.

9:40

The mythical creature was honored with t-shirts

9:42

and other souvenirs as part of the

9:44

A Springs Centennial celebration. Honored,

9:46

I might add that they said right

9:48

there, honored. Did he give a speech? Yes.

9:53

I'd like to thank my mom and Satan

9:55

to roll things which are possible. A

9:57

lot of people don't recognize him, but I realize.

10:00

that I need to put credit where credit is due.

10:03

Um, God allowed me to sleep to be alive

10:05

for one more day. And now that's all of

10:07

your problem. Here we go. Yeah.

10:09

It was a moving speech. That

10:11

was really good. That's like a little

10:14

bit of juice when he's talking about

10:16

his past. Oh, he did not sound

10:18

native American. I want you to know

10:20

that right now. Um,

10:25

uh, so moving on to the next

10:27

one, this is, whoa, man, we are

10:29

banging on this one. Nevada's

10:31

water babies of pyramid lake. Kevin,

10:34

take a stab before we read. Don't read, don't

10:37

read ad. What are these? Look, what

10:39

are these water babies look like? Have

10:43

you seen the great Dan Aykroyd vehicle?

10:46

Well, film nothing but trouble. Oh,

10:48

of course. These look

10:51

like those baby, uh, people near the

10:53

end. Bobo and little devil. Yeah,

10:55

that's right. Or whatever. And then a green one who

10:58

looks like he, uh, fell

11:00

into some avocados and, uh, lost

11:03

an eye. I can't remember the code to get into

11:05

my own garage door, but I brat a lot of

11:07

those two character names. Like fucking,

11:09

I got them tattooed on my arm. Yeah.

11:12

They look like one of them players that have been

11:14

through a just, they've been going through a lot. One

11:17

of them's missing part of an arm. Like how

11:19

does the one look on the, on the left

11:21

look like it's a child and also thrice divorced?

11:25

But you know, you know, one's missing half of an arm. Uh,

11:28

one, the one on the left has one eye. He's

11:30

still kind of, they're all kind of happy. It's one

11:32

of those things like you think you're terrifying, but you

11:34

look like you know how to party. All

11:37

right. They each have two fangs. Yeah. Two, two

11:39

fangs. Yeah. Two, um, differing

11:42

lengths of arms. They're all stooped.

11:45

You know, they're my, it looks like he's almost in the

11:47

three point stance. The one in the middle, that's a triple

11:49

play. The football. Yeah. Oh, my bad. Beerus

11:52

any minute now. That's right. They look so beat up

11:54

because they just played the game against Larry Bird and

11:56

he talks shit to them. And that's what, that's what

11:58

happens to you when you. Nice.

12:00

Very nice. Talked by Larry

12:02

Bird. Legend has it that the Paiute

12:05

tribe members would discard, deform, or premature

12:07

babies in Reno's Pyramid Lake, as

12:09

you do. The angry

12:11

baby spirits have haunted the lake and surrounding

12:13

areas ever since. Ever since.

12:16

And each spring, fishers disappear in the water,

12:18

never to be seen again. Over

12:21

the years, haunting cries and ghostly children's

12:23

laughter are heard coming

12:25

from the lake. Well, that one without an

12:27

arm was just an artist who went, you know what, let's

12:29

have some fun with this one. Uh-huh.

12:33

This is, I've

12:35

done an extra set on these things before.

12:37

Yeah. It's pretty cool. One of

12:40

those things where you hear a baby crying

12:42

down by the water at night, you know, and you

12:44

go to check it out and then these things just

12:46

crawl up out of the water and grab you. Man,

12:48

someone should write a song about not going down to

12:50

the water's edge, I think. That

12:52

would help. Is

12:55

that Jeven Mary 3? No, it's

12:57

not Creed. I said Seven Mary

12:59

3. Oh, I thought you said Creed. No.

13:02

No, no. Isn't it,

13:05

um, oh, who

13:07

was it? Uh, uh, Silverchair? Uh,

13:10

right. Isn't that live? Was it on Brewing

13:12

Department? Were they the

13:14

ones that wrote, take me to the water?

13:17

Oh. No, it's Seven Mary 3. That is Seven

13:19

Mary 3. Yeah. Okay. Not

13:21

bad. Wow. Well,

13:23

Seven Mary 3 is actually, uh, Seven... What are

13:25

you being talked about on the internet? Water babies. Seven water

13:28

babies. Uh, yeah, I love the

13:30

artist was like, you know what, give them vampire fangs.

13:33

Why not? They're not terrifying enough.

13:36

And they don't skip leg

13:38

or chest day, but damn

13:41

everything else. That's

13:43

true. Yeah. It's

13:45

pretty big. I do have like very pronounced

13:47

chest. Yeah. That's true.

13:50

They're ripped. What'd you say, David?

13:52

Well, I liked that the artist was like, you know,

13:54

these are premature babies. Give them

13:56

teeth. Yeah. Yeah. That's

13:58

the part that, you know, we don't believe. believe of this story.

14:01

They also have red eyes or eye, depending on which

14:03

one you're looking at. And

14:05

one of them, well the one with one

14:08

eye kind of has his head is almost

14:10

approaching the sloth-like. Yeah. I

14:12

got a new one of babies. And

14:17

ghostly children's laughter. Children's

14:19

laughter doesn't need to be ghostly to be terrifying.

14:22

That's right. So like, you know, you always

14:24

be like, hey, you want to

14:26

come over to my son's fourth birthday? So you're like, yeah, you want

14:28

to walk in like, how are you doing buddy? He's like, you're going

14:30

to die on Thursday. What? Do

14:32

you want to see my new toy? No way. Let's

14:35

go back to what you said just

14:37

a minute ago. How you been? The spirits speak

14:39

to me. What? I hate school. I

14:41

don't, I need to go. Um,

14:44

speaking of needing to go, we need to go to New

14:46

Hampshire for New Hampshire's wood devil. This

14:48

looks like a, uh, looks

14:52

like a charred body kind

14:54

of, I don't know. Uh,

14:56

man, it looks like a character from like

14:58

venture brothers or something. How would you describe

15:01

this? It's got yellow eyes once again, Kevin.

15:03

So we got back going for it.

15:05

I think the venture brothers is a

15:07

grown fucking water baby. Oh my God.

15:09

Yeah, it's, it's, it's, uh,

15:11

adult fangs came in. Yeah. This

15:14

is what happens when you, uh, you don't throw your babies

15:16

in the water when they come out looking the way that

15:18

you should throw a baby in the water. Yeah. Also,

15:21

is this guy weeding right now? Oh my God. It

15:24

looks like he's pulling weeds. It looks like

15:26

there's all these weeds that he's just reaching for one

15:28

of them. Now we're going to read maybe that's part

15:30

of it, but, uh, good

15:32

God, man. Uh, they

15:35

root for tubers and, uh, they make sure that,

15:37

uh, nothing gets, uh, kills

15:39

your pogonias. Um, started

15:41

in the 1970s hikers, campers, and

15:43

hunters reported seeing Sasquatch like monsters.

15:46

Nothing like what we're looking at in that photo

15:49

in the backwoods of a Coos County.

15:52

Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

15:55

These mythical creatures described as skinny, tall and covered

15:57

in gray hair. There's no

15:59

hair on this thing. whatsoever became

16:01

known as wood devils notoriously

16:03

difficult to spot. I

16:07

don't know if you know this

16:09

creature that lives out behind me is very hard to see.

16:12

They've alluded to the crafts but rarely

16:15

leave behind large animal side footprints in

16:18

the woods. Large animal size. Look

16:20

at these deer prints. That's the

16:22

work of a wood devil. And

16:25

look at his feet in this picture. They're

16:27

tiny. Yeah. They are nothing

16:29

to brag about. This one was

16:31

like, hey we forgot to do one for the wood devil. Well

16:33

I've got the discard pile. Just pick one. You know,

16:36

I don't know. How

16:39

about Wally the weeder? Okay yeah, we'll use

16:41

him. I

16:45

like the the fact that they're skinny,

16:47

they're tall, they're gray, and you

16:50

can't see them in the woods. Sounds

16:53

to me like you can see plenty of them because that's

16:55

a fucking tree. I

17:00

don't know. And they

17:02

leave animal footprints.

17:05

After intermission with this episode, Brent, I guess I

17:07

came out of the locker room pretty salty or

17:10

something. I know. I'm not having any of this

17:12

shit. You spent the last week just like,

17:15

nope, if I see one more fucking plesiosaur,

17:17

and then this week not a single

17:19

plesiosaur and you're like, I'd fucking, I'd throw

17:21

a baby in water for one plesiosaur. Yeah,

17:25

fuck these skinny ass, bingy looking

17:27

pieces of shit. Fuck these actually

17:29

interesting animals. What

17:32

I'm used to. Yeah, no doubt.

17:35

So you know, you can't skip over some of the big

17:37

ones, and I'm glad they went with this one. The next

17:39

one you can see outside

17:42

of every wah-wah. We got the New

17:44

Jersey's Jersey Devil. This

17:47

one is another

17:49

horse headed one, and you can kind of see they went

17:51

with, if a horse and a goat

17:53

had a baby, this one's kind of spot on.

17:56

You know, horns and evil looking

17:58

and all that stuff. move

18:00

over Bon Jovi, uh oh, to

18:03

the Jersey Devil's state's most infamous

18:05

resident. Hey, Springsteen, fuck

18:08

you. Hey. So

18:10

near Jersey's Atlantic City is the

18:12

heavily wooded one million acres undeveloped

18:14

land called the Pine Barrens, where

18:17

you drop your dead bodies. It's

18:19

home of a mysterious, mythological,

18:22

whatever you want to say, kangaroo-like

18:24

animal with the face

18:26

of a dog, not what I've ever

18:28

heard. Anyway, wings and horns that kills

18:30

animals and destroys crops without a

18:32

$1,000 bounty on its head. Ooh.

18:36

And for more than 250 years, a mysterious creature is said to have

18:39

crept through the marshes of southern Jersey

18:41

to emerge periodically to rampage through the

18:43

towns and cities forever immortalizing not

18:45

only just a state's state demon,

18:48

but the mascot of the

18:50

NHL hockey team. So

18:52

you know, the Jersey Devil's, that's cool. What

18:55

was the name of the woman that supposedly was

18:57

her 13th baby, do you remember? It

19:00

was a mother leads. Mother leads,

19:02

yeah. How fucking shitty of a family

19:05

you have to be. I said this in the

19:07

episode we did it, I remember, like, like,

19:09

oh man, that bitch gave birth to the devil.

19:12

What did you say? Like, that's, that's just a bunch of

19:14

biddies sitting around knitting and be like, I bet that

19:16

bitch gave birth to that devil. Mm-hmm. You

19:19

know, and you know. By that point, she had

19:21

given up on trying to raise it well. And

19:23

so it was just, you know, tear and ash. Yeah,

19:26

and the other biddies are just like, here

19:28

comes the Jersey Devil again. Devil. Man,

19:30

someone wipe that kid's nose and trim its horns.

19:34

These horns are, the horns are kind

19:36

of terrifying actually. Really? It's a great

19:38

rendition, but it is like, there's a

19:40

lot of liberties. He has scorpion hands.

19:43

Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does on the front. They're

19:45

claws, not actual scorpions. It'd be cool if he had

19:48

actual scorpions for him. But

19:50

these are like scorpion claws. They're pinchers on

19:52

his, on the end of his hands here

19:54

in this picture. He's pretty fun. He's a

19:56

conspiracy guy. I would love it. And I

19:58

also see no marsupial. little pouch. Yeah, kind

20:00

of really. And I always heard it had

20:02

kind of a horse's head, which

20:05

they kind of looks, it looks

20:07

like the artist read something different

20:10

than most of the. Well,

20:13

yeah, somebody was like, I don't

20:16

know, man, it's a devil beast.

20:18

So just go to town and

20:20

they're like, okay, well, kangaroo head,

20:22

a rock and soul patch. There's

20:25

some fangs, the

20:27

body of a, a

20:29

very svelte cougar, maybe, I don't know,

20:32

but horse, horse feet and scorpion

20:35

hands. Yeah. And just a

20:37

tale. I will say that unremarkable. We

20:39

have like the tale of every animal

20:41

we've ever seen. What was bureaucracy this

20:43

week, let us, the census takers and

20:46

shit fucking with these ones so far.

20:50

So we shall see. Kevin, I know you're not

20:52

into this world. You've heard of other than just

20:54

the NHLT. You've heard of the Jersey devil at

20:56

least. Right? Oh yeah. I mean,

20:58

I'm a photograph cannonball shot at and shit,

21:01

you know, so it's fun. Actually, I, um,

21:03

brother, I interviewed somebody

21:05

yesterday for sad times who grew up

21:07

right outside the pine barons. Oh really?

21:09

Really? What was that? Why they were

21:11

saying were they a half

21:13

goat, half horse kangaroo with, with scorpion.

21:15

He didn't have his camera on. Dr.

21:17

Patient confidentiality grant. Yeah. And also his

21:20

camera wasn't on Kevin kept saying, Hey,

21:22

will you turn on the camera?

21:24

And he's like, fuck no, no, no.

21:27

And then I heard clip, clip, clip, clip.

21:29

And that was his clause. This is not

21:31

true. This gentleman did not do any of

21:33

those things. And

21:35

she said, gentlemen, it's like, Hey, uh, even though

21:38

you didn't say anything about me, I know you're

21:40

talking about me. I

21:42

know I have to hunt your dreams because I

21:44

in fact am the Jersey devil. I

21:47

would turn the camera on, but

21:49

you know, scorpion claws. That's like

21:51

a downtown reservation. Yeah.

21:53

I stayed there. reservation?

22:01

Yeah, I mean the reservation's huge,

22:03

but I stated,

22:05

I think it was called Tuba City.

22:07

Welcome to our reservation. Don't

22:09

forget we have a continental

22:11

breakfast and the skinwalker

22:14

are doing it. Was it Tuba City or

22:16

Yuba City? Tuba. Tuba. Yeah.

22:20

A lot bigger and it's harder to play. Yeah.

22:24

A lot of low rumblings. That's, you

22:26

know. Ooh. Yeah.

22:29

That's a good sound. Yeah,

22:32

this one's of course all over. It's

22:34

not a specific area. I just find it odd

22:37

that New Mexico claims this. Maybe New Mexico doesn't

22:39

have much else going on. Whatever

22:43

this thing is, it needs like a tall, stiff

22:45

glass of milk. And

22:47

if it spoke, I bet it would sound like

22:49

Hans Mollmann. Yeah. Yeah.

22:52

It looks like what you expect. I'm

22:54

actually from Arizona. It

22:57

looks like what do you expect Frank Sinatra to

22:59

look like now? Wait a

23:01

minute. Wait

23:03

a minute. You take

23:06

off this pelt. This is

23:08

Mitch McConnell. Hey. Also

23:11

that pelt, it looks like that pelt is

23:13

sleeping soundly in pieces. It's

23:17

not a pelt. He's just really into wildlife

23:19

and doesn't want to startle the... Yeah, that's

23:21

not a dead animal. He's

23:23

just lazy. Wait,

23:26

what is this pelt of? It's not quite

23:29

a canine. It's not quite a bear. What

23:31

the hell is this? It looks like a

23:33

skunk bear with like a dyed happy. I

23:35

don't even know what it is. Dyed

23:38

so happy and at peace. Yeah.

23:41

It might be a Jersey Devil. I don't know. Hey guys,

23:43

there's going to be the link to this. You got to

23:45

look these up with us when you're listening. This is one

23:47

of your homework assignment ones where you got to play along

23:49

at home. I'll let you finish. No, sorry.

23:52

You know what? I'm not going to describe this

23:54

thing. No, so the mythical creatures from Navajo stories

23:56

are shape shifting. Oh,

24:00

we'll get there, which is she gained

24:02

powers from murdering family and friends Much

24:06

like my dog always tells me I will get According

24:08

to lore they turn into coyotes birds

24:11

foxes and wolves and sometimes appear half

24:13

animal half human They can

24:15

even steal the face of another person Was

24:17

the legend of inspiration of countless shape-shifting

24:19

characters like Pennywise and the Terminator were

24:21

they these things? We don't know because

24:23

the Terminator doesn't fucking shape PFD dumb.

24:25

So well, I guess no, that's true

24:27

The one he can turn into whatever.

24:29

Oh my god, but that

24:31

that what I mean, do you I

24:34

guess you'd call him Terminator It's you know,

24:36

I would hear the thing terminator when

24:39

you're out in the the woods of New

24:41

Mexico and a coyote walks up to you

24:43

and holds up a Photo

24:45

goes have you seen this boy, you know?

24:47

Oh Kevin

24:55

hi. Yeah, I Just

24:59

hope that I just hope that it's it's a

25:01

like a wallet size thing. It's not like a

25:03

cell phone photo It's like still a wallet. Yeah,

25:05

he's gonna Wallets in

25:07

a couple. Yeah, they still have property whatever

25:09

on the back of this. Did you pay

25:11

for the senior picture? Yeah. Yeah I

25:15

Have Brent have you ever covered the skinwalkers

25:17

before? I'm sure we've done skinwalker ranch. We've

25:19

done a lot of things I just

25:21

want to say I just want to say

25:23

we have talked I know but talking about some of the

25:26

Skinwalkers where the people go and there were some

25:28

animal sightings on there and stuff like, you know

25:30

dogs I take a cigarette break we have and

25:33

we've we've covered the You

25:35

know the the Native Americans who you know Are

25:39

they accursed are they not you know? Yeah,

25:42

we kind of went into the wind ago and all these

25:44

things that they kind of like some of these things We've

25:47

in and out of one another Depending

25:49

on who's telling it and how old the story is and

25:51

stuff. It's just a Fun

25:54

lore have you done it? I'm sure you have yeah.

25:57

Yeah, you know, this is it's a It's

26:01

a tough topic to talk about

26:03

because it is very sacred and

26:05

still believed and practiced.

26:09

It's a part of that culture, and they're

26:11

very reticent to talk about it. The

26:15

stories are creepy as hell. Yes, yes.

26:17

They're not... The

26:20

point of it was that it holds a murdering of friends and family.

26:23

That is the part that they

26:25

were killing. They would have to make a sacrifice

26:27

like their children and stuff like that. It's not

26:29

a fun... If you

26:31

were going down this road, you were all in. You

26:34

didn't go, oh man, I dabbled.

26:38

I was a kid, I didn't know any better. No,

26:40

you're in. I put on this coyote

26:43

pelt and ran around a little bit. Now, if you

26:45

see a seal pelt, put it on and you can

26:47

get yourself a sex sleigh from that lady as we've

26:49

covered on here with the monkeys. Yeah, hide it. Make

26:51

a good hiding place. Uh-oh.

26:54

Yeah, you hide that bastard. Kevin, if you just

26:56

listened to the show, you'd know what we're talking about. I

26:59

know what you're talking about. Oh, maybe. You

27:01

know about the Madonna monster of Mount Prospect?

27:04

Did you just make that up? No. Come

27:07

on now. New York's White Lady. Well, this

27:09

is just a picture from that movie. The

27:12

Ring. What was that? The

27:14

Ring? The Ring. Literally, that's

27:16

what the movie looked like. Shadows across the desert? Guys

27:19

notice, though, back behind that long

27:21

black hair, one giant yellow eye. See that?

27:24

That's right. And it seems a bit off-center.

27:27

Looks like she's a cyclops, but an off-centered

27:29

cyclops. Yeah. Maybe she's looking left.

27:32

No, maybe. The eye moves? One

27:36

of the most infamous ghost stories in America is

27:38

from upstate New York. In

27:40

the 1800s... Debatable. A

27:42

mother lost her daughter near Lake Ontario and spent the

27:44

rest of her life looking for her. She's

27:47

still out here. Damn it, Catherine. Get your

27:49

ass over here. I said

27:51

dinner. Ma'am, it's been 14 years. You

27:54

shut up. Your ass is grounded

27:56

when I find you. Here

28:00

it is. Uh even after she

28:03

died she returned to the lake to continue

28:05

searching for her long walk... GOD DAMN YOU.

28:09

Excuse me, have you seen a girl? So

28:12

a Rochester- I've seen this child. You're

28:15

the second motherfucker. I

28:19

tried to get out of the South the last time I thought

28:21

I could come up here for some peace and quiet, you cocksuckers.

28:27

So a Rochester local, uh,

28:29

bases award-winning horror film Lady

28:32

and White starring Catherine Hellman

28:34

of Who's the Boss fame? And

28:37

it was really cool, he's out there

28:39

trying to find his daughter and he's

28:42

like, uh, anyone

28:44

gonna help me? Mona, Angela,

28:48

Catherine Hellman. Is

28:52

Catherine Hellman, is that Mona? I think it

28:54

is. She was the redhead, right? Yeah, yeah,

28:56

yeah, that's Mona. That hot Mona action. Yeah.

29:01

So uh, literally

29:04

this looks like the girl from The Ring. Really

29:07

does. One of my favorites from those scary

29:09

movies is when she comes out and it's

29:11

in uh, she's like crawling through the TV and

29:13

the girl's like, oh no, you ain't getting water

29:15

on my carpet. It just beats the living shit

29:17

out of her. Oh,

29:21

back when those weren't uh, 32 many. Anyway,

29:25

next up we have um, North

29:28

Carolina's Wumpus cat. When I was a

29:30

kid, I had the TI 800, like

29:33

the, the computer that you hooked to, it was like

29:35

the computer you hooked up to your, your television. And

29:38

we had Hunt the Wumpus, which

29:40

yeah, it was a, not this, that was like a, it

29:42

was like a, a puzzle

29:45

game. And I always think of that, I think

29:47

it was Hum, Wumpus Wumpus. I don't remember. The

29:49

wall or is this

29:51

looks like a main tune, uh,

29:53

that was bit by a vampire and it has of course giant

29:56

yellow eyes and

29:58

also in kind of a werewolf. on

30:00

each foot. Yeah. I

30:03

am so disappointed. The whole thing with the

30:06

fucking wampus cat is that it's got six

30:08

legs. Oh my god this doesn't, this

30:10

only has four legs. Whoops. The whole

30:12

thing about it is that it has six legs.

30:15

Come on. Also

30:17

North Carolina seems suspicious to me. I

30:19

feel like it was more like Louisiana

30:22

or Mississippi like the Deep South kind of thing.

30:24

Man you guys, okay, if you're from North Carolina

30:26

you need to raise up, take your

30:28

shirt off, twist around your head

30:31

and then you know do whatever comes

30:33

next for you. That's a song Kevin. Go to

30:35

the state legislature? North

30:37

Carolina wampus cat. So for decades

30:39

the feline beast has lived in

30:41

the North Carolina foothills killing

30:43

animals at night. In the 1930s

30:46

local paper reported a gigantic cat killing attacking 40

30:48

dogs near the

30:50

town of Marion. The wampus cat was never

30:53

captured and many believe it just could have been

30:55

a hyena who escaped from the local zoo but

30:57

could be one normal one

31:01

of those really caused that many deaths. Nothing

31:03

about six legs. You look online, they always

31:05

show this when you look online, is it

31:07

always like a mountain lion with six legs?

31:09

Yeah, yeah it is. I don't know if

31:11

I've heard the hyena part before.

31:15

It does have a question mark tail kind of. Oh

31:19

and it's a it's smokes a what

31:23

are those called? What

31:25

the cat in the? Cigarillos? No

31:28

the cat from Switzer sweets. Oh

31:32

you know drink me eat me

31:34

with the looking glass. Hookah?

31:37

Oh thank you. A

31:39

cat. It's like smoking a hookah and

31:41

shit. No that was the worm wasn't

31:43

it? Was smoking a hookah. The worm.

31:45

I can't fucking think today. Bobo

31:48

move double. Before

31:51

I release thee answer me these questions. That's

31:53

why his tail's like

31:56

that. And he has a glorious

31:58

beard just fucking impact I've

32:01

only seen one quaffafacial hair better. I don't want

32:03

to say who it says on though Kevin you

32:05

might you might have an idea Yeah, devil. Mmm.

32:08

He's more of a Colorado Cryptid

32:11

I think oh we got

32:13

yeah, North Carolina's devil Lake

32:15

Sea Serpent or Dakota. What's

32:18

that? North Dakota I

32:20

say no Carolina

32:23

you need to hop that plane. I got the

32:25

drop that hook on air strip in North Dakota

32:27

I got to see I got one

32:30

of the top two Dakotas right now Yeah, the

32:32

devil like sea servant looks like a snake with

32:34

a dragon Head

32:36

right and that's pretty good pretty and like everything

32:38

else that's been in water the end of its

32:40

tail Just the end of its tail is taking

32:43

out. Just just a little bit. Hey, I Hear

32:46

that. I don't want to scares you. I just let you

32:48

know where I is Back

32:51

of the thing terrifies me. It doesn't I don't

32:53

like I don't like snakes and

32:56

this thing is a big fucking Thing

32:58

so it's as far back as Native American lore tales of

33:00

giant serpents who live in the state's largest lake have

33:03

been told hundreds of years

33:05

people spotted a Loch Ness style creature that

33:07

is just a placeholder

33:10

and devils like this

33:12

green 80-foot monster with fins

33:14

not pictured Also, I

33:16

would exactly call green red eyes Which

33:19

they are yellow in the photo and? Jaws

33:23

of an alligator definitely not shown in

33:25

the photo is said to lash around

33:28

this the lake furiously and in

33:31

1896 a fisherman reportedly hooked a serpent I was dragged

33:33

around the lake listen a decade later The

33:36

beast was spotted again through a pair

33:38

of opera glasses through through

33:40

a pair of opera glasses. What was there an

33:42

eclipse? Yes,

33:45

and everyone knows the best thing to look

33:47

at the Sun with his magnification That's

33:50

right, and they're sizzling Man

33:53

like I love I think that

33:56

Monica fish did a great job describing these

34:00

But man, her and the designer were not

34:02

on the same job. They

34:05

must have been fighting. I don't know, like

34:07

how could they describe these things and then just, it's so

34:09

different. Oh, it is

34:11

truly different. The

34:14

next one that we have talked about before.

34:17

They're either right on or like

34:19

deliciously original. I love this one's

34:21

like, it's got famous red eyes,

34:23

they're yellow. This

34:27

is one. Fans, please use soar like, it's a snake.

34:30

This is one that just sounds like they saw a

34:32

snake. You know what I mean? And someone, snake is

34:34

always bigger when you see it than

34:37

it probably really is. You know what I mean? Especially

34:40

when you're a fisherman. The

34:42

tales. Speaking of water,

34:44

the next one up, I think when you did, this was

34:46

one of our first ones with you, wasn't it? The Loveland

34:49

Frog Man of Ohio. Were

34:51

you on that one? I think so. Yeah.

34:54

This is, yeah. It's

34:57

so funny they picked this one. Cause maybe

35:00

it's the weirdest, I don't know. Well, it's

35:02

fucking delicious, Kevin. This one's right up your

35:04

alley. You can't really

35:06

go wrong with this one because it's just

35:09

a giant frog that's a person and it

35:11

does magic. So over the years, many mythical

35:13

creatures reported in Ohio's Loveland area. In 1955,

35:15

a man claimed to see three foot tall,

35:19

multiple actually, with thick skin and

35:22

frog faces carrying wands as you

35:24

do, they're going like, magic metal,

35:26

magic metal. And almost

35:28

50 years later, a young couple was out

35:30

playing Pokemon Go and

35:33

reported seeing a giant amphibious creature that walked

35:35

on two legs and

35:37

it was like, check this census

35:39

test. So when I

35:41

look at this, I like want

35:43

there somebody to Photoshop in like

35:46

a conductor stand for the music and like

35:48

this frog man is the conductor and is

35:50

tapping the stand. Yeah. All right, everybody, let's

35:52

go. They're supposed to have

35:55

wizard robes on too. Yeah,

35:57

see, and there was like three of them, right? When

35:59

they first saw them. an underpass. Yeah, it

36:01

even says three and again the description

36:03

is different from what you see. Unless

36:05

they're just trying to show one I

36:07

guess with its weird two toes. Yeah.

36:11

The Ninja Turtles. When

36:13

you hate it if you're just standing there on

36:15

the side of the road one time and someone

36:18

sees you like Jesus God no! And you read

36:20

some ghoulish creature was sported

36:23

reportedly seen outside of town

36:25

and you're just like I

36:27

don't want to say that was me. And you're like

36:29

I never liked hiking anyway. Right.

36:33

The next one Oklahoma's Greenhill Monster. I feel like we

36:36

used this photo already for one of the other ones

36:38

or at least one very similar to it. This

36:41

is a Bigfoot with red eyes

36:43

and it says in the thick force

36:45

of Oklahoma's Oklahoma lives a

36:47

Bigfoot like creature dubbed the Greenhill

36:49

Monster. First spotted by a high

36:51

school student who was in the back roads in Kalahina

36:54

on a foggy night. This

36:56

creature also has a bounty on its head and

36:59

in 2021 a state lawmaker announced

37:01

a reward that's grown to over

37:03

two million dollars as well as

37:05

official Oklahoma Bigfoot hunting license can

37:08

be purchased because everyone

37:10

knows if you don't know what it

37:12

is and it's in America you fucking

37:15

kill it. Damn.

37:17

Wow. Yeah it is America. Yeah.

37:20

I like that this guy is just standing in the middle of the road like

37:22

yeah you're gonna hit me motherfucker. He

37:24

looks like the mugwump. Yeah yeah yeah

37:27

yeah. At least this one

37:29

has some carriage too. We got one more

37:31

before we go to break real quick and

37:34

spoiler this looks like if

37:36

you see the new Kong. Kong

37:40

X or Godzilla X Kong. This

37:42

looks like skunking just a

37:44

skinny ape long arms. This

37:46

is Oregon's Agro-Pelter which

37:49

is just some guy who's very angrily skinning

37:51

stuff. I don't want to fucking make a

37:53

goddamn thing. And has like the world's saddest

37:55

Christmas tree. Like this is even sadder than

37:57

Charlie Brown's Christmas tree. He's holding a stick

37:59

with like three. fucking leaves on it and

38:01

shit like it's it didn't

38:04

you have to like defeat this

38:06

thing to to win double dare

38:08

or something no the aggro crack

38:10

that was good let's go

38:13

to mo for the results first

38:15

you got to find the flag in this

38:17

giant pool of whip cream

38:20

then stick your hand we're good guy in

38:22

nose and work out until you find the

38:24

flag and then it's fucking

38:26

death first from the aggro

38:28

pelter and if you win

38:31

that, wrestle this dude. it's

38:33

puppy bicycles watch

38:37

out for his dick. A pair of BK knives.

38:40

Also BKs are nice. BK

38:42

British Knights. British Knights. Can you guys

38:46

at home guess what color his eyes are?

38:48

anyone? red. No, you

38:50

know you'd be wrong they are bright

38:53

yellow. Who would have guessed it? You

38:55

know would it kill him to have

38:58

one iris just one? You know

39:01

none of them do do they? No not

39:03

well not yet at least. I love a good krypton as

39:05

much as the next scared white man but would it kill

39:07

you to have a little bit of fucking you

39:10

know like flair with it you know come on if

39:12

you're gonna see an animal give it some antlers at

39:14

least one of these fish antlers you know so all

39:17

right we're gonna go to break and we come back it's gonna

39:19

be more of this after

39:22

this on hysteria 51 Oh David

39:26

me I'm a prince Bonjour,

39:35

Brint. Jimepero David.

39:38

You didn't do Spanish so I thought if we're

39:40

gonna do this together we'll do the same language.

39:42

Oh sorry. That's on

39:44

brand for us. I just thought

39:47

romance languages was the key. Everything I

39:49

say is romantic and that is thanks

39:52

to Rosetta Stone. You guys

39:55

we've been touting these

39:57

things forever we love Rosetta Stone

39:59

we actually users. David, you've really

40:01

been using it even for longer than I.

40:03

What's your experience been like? Oh, it's been

40:05

great. The thing is you really get to

40:07

learn how to speak and think in that

40:10

language with it. So it's

40:12

very high on pronunciation too. So

40:15

you can, you know, learn how to speak. And

40:17

you know, our show is all about

40:19

proper pronunciation. It is. That pronunciation. Yeah,

40:21

that's right. But it's,

40:23

they designed it for long-term retention, you know,

40:26

and if you

40:28

don't get the pronunciation right, you say it until

40:30

you do, and then, you know, that just seeps

40:32

into your head. Well, and that's why, you know,

40:34

this has been trusted by Xpress for 30 years,

40:36

and there's over 25 different languages that you

40:38

can learn and people, millions and millions of

40:40

users use it because like you said, it

40:42

does seep in and you're using it with,

40:45

you know, you get speech recognition and

40:48

it hears you. You get to use like

40:50

the built-in true accent features that gives you

40:52

this pronunciation, which is super convenient and you

40:54

can do it at your own time. And

40:57

I don't know if you can know

40:59

this, but I'm all about value and you get

41:01

a one-time purchase. 25 languages. If I learned all

41:04

25 languages, I'd be so confused or

41:06

really cool. I'd have to go in and

41:08

out. But you'd be real marketable. But literally though,

41:10

this is something that we use and we have,

41:12

both of us have given a seal of approval

41:14

because we want to do this long-term and it's

41:17

something that it works, you know,

41:19

and we don't do long-term stuff

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like this and this is the one that we've chosen

41:23

and we love it. So all you guys are doing,

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42:07

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43:51

we are back with one

43:53

of the oh man

43:56

one of the better cryptids out there

43:58

this one is So

44:00

fucking unique and

44:04

even though this kind of gave a... Let

44:08

me start over here. The picture does

44:11

go give it justice, but it's a little too

44:13

thin to me. But Kevin,

44:15

I know you've probably never heard of this. It is

44:17

just your favorite crypt that I'm going to call it

44:20

right now. I was

44:22

just looking at it and it's weird. I thought

44:24

to myself, I don't have yellow eyes. What

44:26

did they draw me? Pennsylvania's squonk. Um,

44:28

we have squonk. Squonk. So

44:32

another wooden legend is the

44:34

sad squonk of Pennsylvania's Imlock

44:37

forest. A wrinkly pig-like

44:39

creature covered in warts supposedly spends

44:41

his whole life crying. If you

44:43

find yourself faced with a strange puddle in the

44:45

woods, be careful. It could be

44:47

a pool of squonk tears. This

44:50

thing everyone sees is like Jesus Christ.

44:52

I know. I fucking know. Yeah.

44:56

This is another disconnect because

44:58

it looks like a crying

45:00

Bigfoot. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

45:02

There's no warts that I can see. If I think

45:05

of a squonk, I think of the mix between a

45:07

potato and a mole. You

45:09

know, they're always like small, you

45:12

know, and crying. I'll give you a

45:14

quicker path there. Just think of a

45:16

ball sack that cries. Yeah, yeah. Speaking

45:19

of, it's nice being down here and Pecker's

45:21

never on the porch. Sorry, I just, you

45:23

made me think of him. You haven't told

45:26

him your address. No, but he'll find it

45:28

out, you know, public records and stuff. Squonk.

45:31

Kevin, do you think we could get

45:33

the squonk on Sad Times? Sad

45:35

Times? So, yeah, it'd just

45:37

be an hour of... Oh, watch out for

45:40

my tears. I

45:43

love that. Of course, that's where you

45:45

would go if you see a pool of water

45:47

in the forest. Oh, those are squonk tears. Why

45:49

would you be careful? You know, rainwater. It

45:52

doesn't say it's like toxic. Yeah.

45:55

Well, you might make it more sad if you step

45:57

in them. Maybe. If

46:00

you're ever out in the forest though and

46:02

you see a wolf's

46:04

footprint during a full moon and there's water and

46:06

if you drink out of it you become a

46:08

werewolf. That's some old

46:10

lure. So you could be going,

46:12

I'm going to be a werewolf and then he's like,

46:15

nope, that was squonk tears. Fuck me.

46:18

Damn. Yeah. So I

46:20

know, we don't know what the squonk

46:22

footprint looks like, but I

46:25

don't know. It's not a... Well, according to this

46:27

drawing it looks very small. Then

46:29

we got to moving on to Rhode Island, we got the Palantine

46:32

Ghost. This just looks like every

46:34

ghost you've ever seen from

46:36

the 1800s, a female in a

46:38

long dress. Not that Palantine.

46:43

Western suburbs. Every

46:47

year on Block Island the image of a burning

46:49

ship at a female ghost appears in haunts the

46:51

town. Legend

46:53

has it that in the 1700s a

46:55

ship named the Palantine. It

46:58

was as strange to see as

47:00

you say. Crashed

47:02

into the land on the island and the

47:05

passengers were abandoned. And while most people escaped

47:07

one woman was left behind because they were

47:09

like, fuck that broad. She

47:11

kept eating all the pads of butter when they were brought to

47:13

the table. And when the townspeople

47:16

burned the abandoned ship they actually burned her

47:18

alive. What is that? Oh,

47:20

the ship's screaming terror when you burn them. I don't know

47:22

that or not. Yeah. Oh

47:25

god, please no. This wood is really crackling. Oh, fuck, I

47:27

feel everything. I'm still alive. I like

47:29

that. I

47:35

know they're saying this is just a, I

47:37

think this is just the whole state of Rhode Island behind

47:39

her. Yes. And

47:41

most of Delaware as well I think, yes.

47:44

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah,

47:46

what's that on her foot? It's just a co-hog.

47:48

You know, that's what it is. Yeah,

47:50

I like this one. I like the story to this

47:52

one. Yeah? You just like that they burned

47:55

a woman alive. Is that what we're getting at here? It's

47:57

completely different from any of the others. Not

48:00

some girl who was jilted at

48:02

her prom who just wanders down

48:04

the fucking road. This

48:06

one's like serious. It's like, Yeah,

48:09

it's like you motherfuckers, you

48:12

motherfuckers. It's

48:16

like, I am going to fuck your lives

48:18

up. Uh, the next

48:21

one we have hero pose here and it

48:23

looks like a, uh, a dude

48:25

that is just waiting for the fucking mighty

48:27

morphin power Rangers to come and beat his

48:29

fucking face. Or, or the chest machine at

48:31

the gym. So when David

48:34

and I were designing our new logo, so

48:36

we, we made the right, we, we knew

48:38

what we wanted. We, we sent the, the

48:40

sketch up for our cover art with the

48:42

alien and the dude only

48:45

reference he could use for a human body, I

48:47

believe was, was Arnold Schwarzenegger at

48:49

a swillist because finally we gave

48:51

up or it's like that one works. How many

48:54

renditions do we have a dude? We're like,

48:56

dude, less muscular. Like, and why

48:58

is it? Why is he so slick? Oh,

49:02

that protein. He stop making them so

49:05

sexy. Got to show

49:07

how he's cut in the, uh, Mr.

49:09

universe and those eyes need to

49:11

be yellow. Where come on, man? This

49:13

is my amateur hour. Yeah, this

49:15

one's actually got red eyes. Yeah. Need and

49:18

find out that he's supposed to have South

49:20

Carolina's lizard man described as seven

49:22

foot tall monster with red eyes. Fuckin

49:25

on reptile like

49:27

skin. Didn't say reptile skin.

49:29

It says ripped tall like and

49:31

three fingers with black. Claw

49:34

reptile. Like, I want you

49:36

to notice I have four

49:38

fingers in the drawing. I

49:40

don't know. What

49:44

did I get? One of them is an opposing your thumb.

49:47

Um, Hey, it's, it's, it's literally

49:50

says three fingers and they got four in the

49:52

drawing. Uh, so, um, the

49:54

mythical creatures had spotted even photographed over the decades

49:56

and 88, a teenage boy

49:59

changing a tire at. night had a run-in

50:01

with the beast. He safely got back in the

50:03

car but it stole his side view mirror and

50:05

damaged the roof. It didn't rip it off at

50:07

so good. Yeah. Hello.

50:09

I'm gonna use this to

50:11

fuck with planes. See you

50:13

on your side mirror. Reptile-like.

50:17

This is gonna go on my Dodge Omni. Denny

50:21

Water, baby. My

50:23

Dodge Omni. Also,

50:28

do you want to buy some

50:30

Amway? Sure. I'm

50:32

trying to win a car. Anyway,

50:35

in 2015, the church court

50:37

successfully captured a shot of this notorious

50:39

side creature, further supporting evidence

50:42

of the South Carolina monster. Sure!

50:45

Look up the, uh, so South Carolina's a lizard

50:47

man. If you, I believe, is the one... This

50:49

is a skateboard one, right? Dude, if you fall,

50:51

my god, look at the photo. Yeah, if you

50:53

Google the photo, it looks like you

50:56

gave Kevin, David, and I four days

50:58

to put together a lizard outfit

51:02

and show up. That is horrible. But I

51:05

will say this, three fingers. Only three fingers.

51:08

Oh, no, wait, there might be four. I can't

51:10

tell. Son of a bitch. Well, and, uh, again,

51:12

very... That

51:15

looks, um, it almost kind of looks

51:17

like those, um, dinosaur suits

51:19

that kids wear for Halloween now. Yeah.

51:23

The sad thing is this guy's really nice. He's like, Uh,

51:25

you need some help change your time. Where you going? Oh, I'm

51:28

stuck. I got my hair on. Oh, fuck. Oh,

51:30

man. Well,

51:32

guess this'll go on the

51:34

Omni. Goddammit, Derek. You're

51:36

not gonna go with Derek for his name. Goddammit, Dwayne.

51:39

You're always scaring everyone off.

51:42

Oh, well. Back to my burrow.

51:48

Oh, uh, the next one... That's right. ...Riptile

51:51

don't like. Yeah, yeah. Riptile

51:53

never wins. How

51:58

back to my home to listen to... more

52:00

sad times. Hey man,

52:03

we'll take it. I

52:08

submit that it does not. But

52:12

I tell you what, if you want to be the saddest

52:14

you've ever been while listening to sad times, listen to it

52:16

in a dodgy. Hey,

52:19

squunk, you want to go get some

52:21

beers? Oh man, next

52:23

we got South Dakota's Jackalope,

52:26

which looks like every fucking

52:28

jackalope you've ever seen, except

52:30

for this one, his giant yellow fucking

52:33

eye. Man, and.

52:36

Except this looks like these, and again, I

52:38

know it was just yesterday, but his eyes

52:41

look like a reverse eclipse. Like

52:44

the sun is in front of the moon. Originally

52:47

hailing for the neighboring state of Wyoming, but

52:49

fuck them, South Dakota said. They've

52:52

adopted Jackalope as own. While some believers think

52:55

the creature is just a prank of two tax members

52:57

who placed antelope horns on the body

53:00

of a jackrabbit, the monster of

53:02

Sobolo, the people can purchase one of

53:04

these mythical creatures in shops throughout South

53:06

Dakota. So next time you're there,

53:08

grab a wrap up and do it yourself. So there is a

53:10

thing where it's very sad. Jackrabbits

53:13

can get a form of cancer that they grow

53:15

these nodules on their forehead. So

53:17

that is one of those things where they, there could have been a

53:19

little bit of truth to this. They're

53:22

not exactly antlers, but they can get growth. And

53:26

you know, back in the day, someone might have seen that and then someone

53:28

goes, I want to make one with antlers. Either

53:31

way, I used to drink a ton of

53:33

Keystone light and I used to throw parties

53:35

in college and we

53:37

get free things from Keystone light and I have

53:40

a keystalope in my basement that Kevin you've seen.

53:42

It's the key light can with antlers coming out of

53:44

it and it's on a mount like taxidermy. I

53:48

love my life. I

53:50

think. Oh, me too. I don't

53:52

know. I

53:55

think that if I, if I

53:57

remember correctly, I think it comes from a papilloma

53:59

virus actually. what it is? I couldn't,

54:01

yeah, you know, it's Corona. It is.

54:03

I could be completely wrong. But

54:06

yeah, it's, it's actual like, um,

54:08

I don't know if it's

54:10

keratin or something that

54:13

grows out of, and, and you're

54:15

way off. Oh, my

54:17

bad. Um, this,

54:19

it's, it's a sad thing, right? The

54:22

actual disease they can get and it can

54:24

kill them, but like it can also grow.

54:26

It doesn't grow necessarily like it can grow

54:29

like through their, yeah, yeah. And it's, yeah,

54:33

it's pretty bad. Uh,

54:36

so I also would like to point out

54:38

in the drawing, there's a lovely pink border.

54:40

Oh, yeah, it's very, very, very classy. Um,

54:43

he's just waiting on one of the other cryptids to

54:45

come pick those weeds for him. Maybe

54:47

a, a, a gray hair, a fat watch

54:49

of some sort will come and

54:51

help him out or he'll eat on

54:53

them. The next one is just fucking

54:55

beautifully named Tennessee spear finger. I

54:58

just want to come find the spear finger down here. This

55:00

looks like your grandma got caught in the

55:02

rain, your tail and ears. Like

55:05

I just, it looks like an old lady.

55:07

It looks like what

55:09

you think of an old vampire would look

55:11

like, uh, if they were naked,

55:13

because that is something that I know I doodle

55:16

all the time. Uh, no other

55:18

grism tale told the children to scare

55:20

them into be behaving is the Cherokee

55:22

legend of the spear finger. You've

55:25

got to go out and get your, your

55:27

pelps or the spear finger will come and get

55:29

you walking around. Sheila

55:32

Howie mountain is a female shape shifter with

55:35

one very long knife. Oh,

55:37

that's our finger. That doesn't look

55:39

like a knife. Like anyway, knife like, oh my God,

55:41

I thought that was a 10 on

55:43

her right hand. If you guys

55:45

notice it says it's on her right hand. Can we

55:47

get a consensus on what fucking hand that

55:50

one's on in this photo? I'm pretty sure I think

55:52

it's the right. That's

55:57

no way here. Well, hell, I

55:59

thought I was coming out of her butt. So what do I

56:01

know? Taking over their

56:03

parents appearance, she traps children, cuts them

56:05

open and eats their lippers as you

56:07

do. And you

56:09

probably stay out of Tennessee Mountain. It says you'll

56:11

probably stay out of Tennessee Mountain woods if you've

56:13

heard this story as a child. I just bought

56:15

a fucking house in the Tennessee Mountain woods. Yeah.

56:17

And I'm gonna get that bitch. Apparently

56:20

nobody told you this story. I

56:22

looked it up. I looked it

56:24

up here. You're okay. It is

56:26

near Knoxville. So it's

56:29

not near your new hometown of Brentwood. Oh,

56:32

I'm not in Brentwood. I'm in

56:34

Nashville. Fuck you bitch, you are

56:36

now. I

56:39

think wherever you go is Brentwood. Speaking of

56:41

scary movie, Lisa's like every night I'm out

56:44

in the woods with just

56:47

a bunch of cut out children. Like looking,

56:50

you know, what are those called? Like little cutouts and shit.

56:52

It's like, what are you doing? I'm a rob that bitch

56:54

tonight from a scary

56:56

movie. Brent, why are you always trying to

56:58

trap a crypt? I don't know.

57:01

How many hours has it been since you've seen

57:03

this movie? Do

57:05

I haven't seen it in years? That's how my brain

57:07

works. It's swear to God by years. You mean like

57:09

eight hours. I know, right? That's

57:11

not the same movie reference. You know how my

57:14

brain works. So as I get one thing in

57:16

there and then it's just, um, that's all I

57:18

can think about. Lisa's like, what do you want

57:20

for dinner tonight? I don't know. I go scary

57:22

movie. Texas

57:24

has got the, how do you say,

57:27

La choose, La choose, La

57:29

choose. How do you say that? La choose.

57:32

La choose. This looks

57:34

like a really, it's a

57:36

Jewish one. That's

57:38

the La choose. This

57:41

looks like a really, a really

57:44

old lady

57:46

who is also part owl.

57:49

I don't know. Like, how

57:51

do you, it

57:53

looks like it is just told the funniest joke in the

57:55

world. glowing

58:00

red eyes. There's a whole

58:02

beak above the mouth, isn't there? Yes.

58:05

Yes. Another cautionary tale is

58:07

this monster, the La Lecusa monster,

58:10

who kidnaps these people out alone

58:12

at night, especially when they've been

58:14

drinking. I'm sorry. This

58:16

witch from Mexico, or Transformed into an

58:18

Owl. People out? Yeah. Alone?

58:22

These people that have been out drinking, find

58:24

some... It goes after John Goforth and shows

58:26

back home. Sweetie, what

58:28

happened? I don't want to talk about it. Are you

58:30

okay? You look like you've been crying. I said I don't want to talk

58:32

about it. She can be a word away by praying or tying seven knots

58:34

on a rope, as you

58:37

do. Either

58:43

works. Dear God, save me or slipknot

58:47

the guy from DC Comics. Hold

58:49

on, only five more to go.

58:51

Just wait. Damn it. It

58:54

actually... What's wrong with you? It communicates via

58:56

a Kepo knot. Yeah. It's a very spanking

58:58

language, so you just got to write, go

59:00

away. No, that's not what... Texas

59:02

heading out to bars might want to think about keeping

59:04

some rope in their pockets. Why don't you just have

59:07

seven knots in your pocket? Just here you

59:09

go. Oh, you

59:11

got me. By the way, go

59:13

away with a space in between the words

59:15

is seven. There's seven

59:17

characters. Nicely

59:20

done. Nicely done. Well, this is Texas.

59:22

Do you remember the old... Well,

59:25

the Pace-Picani sauce, maybe? The

59:27

Get-A-Rope? Yeah. Well, this is from

59:29

New York City. Yeah, well, no, no, no.

59:31

They had that rope because they thought they were

59:33

going to run into one of these. But then

59:35

it came in handy to kill the guy who

59:37

mentioned a city. Oh. Do you think

59:39

it waits patiently for you to tie each individual

59:41

knot, or should you prep it with

59:44

six knots? Right. Like, how's this work?

59:46

I don't think you're going to get a seven of the one.

59:48

It's got to be a ship shank,

59:51

and I don't know how fucking boys

59:53

got pieces of shit. I'm

59:55

telling you. I think this guy looks like he's

59:57

pretty fair or she's pretty fair. I think she'll...

1:00:00

like I'll give you 10 minutes. Jokes

1:00:04

on you bitch. I only need two. I'll even

1:00:06

let you play a couple of songs from slipknot.

1:00:08

And that'll work too. I'm not that hungry. Uh,

1:00:11

then we gotta, we gotta repeat coming up.

1:00:14

This seems just really easy. Utah

1:00:16

skinwalkers. Come on, man. These

1:00:19

ones though, the difference between these ones and the

1:00:21

last one, these ones, they got big yellow

1:00:23

fucking eyes. Uh, the, the,

1:00:26

the novel, let's get walkers also onto New Mexico's

1:00:28

neighboring state. And these states

1:00:30

just gather in Northeastern Utah and

1:00:32

land known as skinwalker ranch bullshit,

1:00:35

bullshit. I mean, that's a, um, uh,

1:00:38

an oversimplification as we were talking about earlier, um,

1:00:40

there's a, there's a bunch of shit, you know, that, uh,

1:00:43

this, um, I don't even want to give credence

1:00:45

to that, but, uh, yeah. This

1:00:47

thing just has an anteater head

1:00:49

on its head. Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

1:00:52

that with that oozing blood. Yeah.

1:00:55

Yeah. This one wasn't cleaned as well before they decided

1:00:57

to put it on. Can

1:00:59

I ask your all's opinion techni technically about

1:01:01

something here? Sure. Sure.

1:01:04

It says, uh, uh, New

1:01:07

Mexico's neighboring state referencing

1:01:09

Utah here. Yeah. Course there's the four

1:01:12

corners of course. Yeah. But

1:01:15

would you call a, a diagonal

1:01:18

state that is just touching the

1:01:20

very, very literal

1:01:23

corner of a state, a neighboring state? So

1:01:26

I would, if they both had skinwalkers. Yeah.

1:01:28

You got like 14 feet that rub on

1:01:30

each other, right? Like it's not a lot,

1:01:32

right? Um, I guess it

1:01:34

would be because they're, they're very squarish, but

1:01:38

it does seem like a little bit of a, uh, technicality.

1:01:42

Is that the word I'm looking for?

1:01:44

Closer than Vermont. How, how the refs

1:01:46

rule this. It's going to

1:01:48

the judges. Uh, yeah, you're going

1:01:50

to have to be, by the way, that's pretty

1:01:52

near tuba city, I should point out. Um,

1:01:55

and also nowhere near.

1:02:01

Uh, where they're saying skinwalker, right?

1:02:03

Yeah. Really Jesus, man. I'm telling

1:02:05

you. Anyway, I don't know. I

1:02:07

don't know why. Fuck you, Utah.

1:02:09

That's why they should have just went with the fucking smoking

1:02:12

break time dog man, the home, I'm in a

1:02:14

three piece suit and I'm just taking a break

1:02:16

here. Bill is going to town. Anyway,

1:02:18

don't show me any hot Danes. I don't

1:02:20

want my eyes popping out. My

1:02:23

tongue. Low. And next

1:02:26

up we have, uh, every, every

1:02:29

barbarian movies, uh, prime go

1:02:31

to Vermont's pig man, this

1:02:34

one has a loin cloth in 1970. The

1:02:36

mysterious hog like man was spotted by

1:02:38

multiple people in Northfield. Again, that's my

1:02:40

fear of like, when I'm trying to

1:02:42

change a tire, like Jesus God, it's

1:02:44

a hog man. Like no, no, no,

1:02:47

no, no, no, no, no,

1:02:49

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

1:02:51

no, noises in his yard, which is what I sound like.

1:02:57

Oh, this fucking tire is so heavy. Oh Jesus God,

1:02:59

it can talk. Uh,

1:03:02

upon investigation, the man found a

1:03:04

pig face going through his garbage.

1:03:07

Later that week, a group of students signed him in

1:03:09

front of the high school, but quickly ran away. It

1:03:12

was just a new kid. Students ran away from him. I

1:03:14

would imagine this guy doesn't look like

1:03:16

he would run very quickly. Yeah. He's just a hog. He's

1:03:18

just a big old hog. Poor

1:03:21

old guy. Yeah. He got

1:03:23

braces on. I like that. He's

1:03:27

ready. He's ready for a specific

1:03:29

kind of combat. Then

1:03:38

I should now go with a squawk. I

1:03:43

go into rage and when I come

1:03:45

out of rage, I gain 1d6 temporary

1:03:47

hit point. Oh,

1:03:49

don't listen to them. You're your own

1:03:52

man. You are worth it. No,

1:03:56

anyway, this Amway purchase, I

1:03:58

need an account. Do

1:04:01

not ask hog man for

1:04:03

more money for him. Hog don't like. Alright,

1:04:09

let's get this

1:04:11

tire changed. We

1:04:13

got Virginia's Chesi, not to be

1:04:15

confused with Chesi, which is really

1:04:17

the Virginia's favorite porn

1:04:20

actress. Chesi, which looks like

1:04:23

it's a snake dragon every, you know,

1:04:25

yellow eyes. Who knew? This

1:04:28

one's pretty much, it's just a snake.

1:04:31

Predicted to strange, gigantic snake-like animal,

1:04:33

snake-like. It looks like a snake.

1:04:37

It's just kind of. Seriously

1:04:39

guys, that's just a fucking thing. Why is everything just

1:04:42

saying it looks like a snake? Fuck

1:04:44

me. Why is everything

1:04:46

this like or that ish? Come

1:04:48

on! Yeah.

1:04:52

All of these fucking things, they're

1:04:54

like hog-like, snake-like, lizard-like. It's

1:04:57

snake-like because it results from

1:04:59

its oceanfront calvert cliff's nuclear

1:05:01

power plant, which made

1:05:03

it overgrown. While doubters think

1:05:06

people mistook sharks, rhinoras, or fish

1:05:08

for this Loch Ness-like monster which looks

1:05:10

nothing like it. Loch

1:05:13

Ness-like! Men commit

1:05:15

to these descriptions. No, it's Loch

1:05:17

Ness-like because it's low credit score.

1:05:24

I mean the only thing that's like it is it's

1:05:26

in water and it rhymes with Nessie. Yeah.

1:05:30

Exactly. You

1:05:32

finally mean it's like, my name's Albert. Fuck.

1:05:36

Assholes. Assholes.

1:05:40

This one is, wins as the

1:05:43

most specific. Washington's Tacoma Narrows

1:05:45

Bridge octopus. Is

1:05:48

it Nacomo Narrows Bridge octopus or

1:05:50

Nacomo Narrows Bridge octopus? That one's

1:05:52

for the crowd issues. In

1:05:55

1940, the original Nacomo Narrows Bridge

1:05:57

collapsed and created a giant 600-pound 20

1:06:00

foot octopus habitat. Is

1:06:03

this, is this that, uh, where you see

1:06:05

the footage of that bridge, that's like going

1:06:07

crazy. The one that were the, the, the,

1:06:09

the sound created it to go down. I

1:06:11

don't know. Um, now

1:06:14

Puget sound legend, it became a Tacoma

1:06:16

mascot for more lies by the narrows

1:06:18

brewing company, his very own IPA grab

1:06:21

a cold one next time you're in town. So

1:06:23

yeah, octopus, they liked the, uh, the down

1:06:25

to bridge. I like how

1:06:28

that one turned into a commercial. In

1:06:31

1940, blah, blah, blah. Now to

1:06:33

our sponsor. This one's correct. Like

1:06:35

look, look, it's an octopus. Just

1:06:38

call it a fucking, it's not octopus. Like it's

1:06:40

not squid. Like it's not cracking. Like no, it's an

1:06:43

octopus. That's when, Hey, we, uh, we had a collapse.

1:06:45

We got a whole bunch of octopus that live here.

1:06:47

We're going to lean into that. That's pretty cool.

1:06:49

Yeah. Is it a giant one? No. Is

1:06:51

it radioactive? No. Doesn't

1:06:54

like him away. No. So

1:06:56

how many times did I tell you if I'm going

1:06:59

to go get a drink with you, you've got to

1:07:01

stop with the Amway stuff. I'm

1:07:03

all right. What's in class? Not

1:07:07

about, we already got a barbarian. We probably

1:07:09

got a swamp druid. Yeah. It's

1:07:12

like a normal drug, just the weather. Marsh or

1:07:14

whatever. Not

1:07:16

so magic missile. Um,

1:07:19

dragon board. And that's what that guy next

1:07:21

up, we got, uh, the sandhill crane or

1:07:23

barn owl. Choose your own adventure. West

1:07:26

Virginia's flywoods monster, which we've done here, you

1:07:28

can kill it and fall out and all

1:07:30

those things. The mountains of

1:07:32

West Virginia are not only the real life

1:07:34

location of the new fallout 76 game up

1:07:36

there, the year answer, but also the

1:07:39

whole of Appalachian lore and legends. The flatwoods

1:07:41

monster of West Virginia is featured alongside other

1:07:43

mythical creatures like the windigo,

1:07:45

the Grafton monster and man

1:07:48

deep in the smoking mountains live the 12 foot tall alien

1:07:50

with red eyes, hook like arms,

1:07:53

and, uh, the generations known as

1:07:55

the flightwood monster. Uh, some kids thought

1:07:57

that that it came out of a, could've been a

1:07:59

robot. could have been a space alien, could

1:08:02

have been both, could have been

1:08:04

a tiny swooping at them. It

1:08:07

looks like he's got a teardrop head with an

1:08:09

upside down, I don't know, somebody's

1:08:11

face upside down. Yeah, so I have, if you ever

1:08:13

go in and the bottom half is a the

1:08:17

bottom half is a salt shaker from like a

1:08:19

diner. A diner! And then if you go into

1:08:21

my office at home Kevin, which you've been in,

1:08:23

I have a Flatwoods Monster, the

1:08:25

poster from when they were like

1:08:27

showing it like to the towns

1:08:30

people, so that's pretty cool. We

1:08:32

got our second repeat, at least they kept

1:08:34

the eyes the same, Wyoming's Jackalope, guess what,

1:08:36

there's Jackalopes in Wyoming. But in 1965

1:08:39

a giant statue was placed

1:08:41

in Douglas downtown, Douglas's downtown,

1:08:44

billboards fitting and signs can all be seen all

1:08:46

over today warning people to watch out for the

1:08:48

Jackalope. Watch out!

1:08:50

It's a, believe those monsters, just a regular

1:08:53

rabbit with a bad case of, there it

1:08:55

is! Papillomatosis, papillomatosis,

1:08:57

so yeah, that's,

1:09:00

that's a, that's a, that's an empty, terrible

1:09:02

word there. Yeah it is.

1:09:05

And I'm looking at it up real quick

1:09:07

to see if, I know

1:09:09

I've seen it before, but I'm typing in with

1:09:11

rabbit, yep, you know

1:09:13

they're so sad because, it's more like you said

1:09:15

it looks like, they look like a warthog, like

1:09:17

with tusks almost coming out of them, that's very

1:09:20

sad, very, very sad, but a

1:09:22

couple of them have just been like horns,

1:09:24

you know, so that's where

1:09:26

that comes from, they think, very

1:09:28

sad. And we're in the home stretch

1:09:30

here kids, last one, you're, you're

1:09:32

humming, I think you got something to say. No,

1:09:35

it's okay, go ahead. No, thank God, so I didn't want

1:09:37

to hear it. We

1:09:40

got Wisconsin's ODAG, David, what is

1:09:42

this thing was we're looking at

1:09:44

it? This is great,

1:09:46

this, it looks

1:09:48

like, a hairy

1:09:52

sort of alligator, but the head is, is

1:09:54

like some kind of 80s plush

1:09:57

toy. It's the head of the, Not

1:10:00

Mike Wazowski, but the other guy from Monsters

1:10:03

Inc. I forget. Sully, yeah. Sully, yeah. Yeah,

1:10:05

Sully. Yeah. Um, he's got

1:10:08

some pretty, pretty bad, um, toenail

1:10:11

growth going. I think he needs to

1:10:13

visit a vet. How would you describe

1:10:15

these eyes? And... I'd

1:10:17

say they are circular. Um,

1:10:20

some might say round. They... This

1:10:23

one might have a couple of eyelashes. They're

1:10:25

yellow. And

1:10:29

also, in its back foot, or whatever

1:10:32

that is, does it have like a

1:10:34

heel claw? Yeah. It looks

1:10:36

like a reverse velociraptor.

1:10:39

Oh. I bet he

1:10:41

gets that shit stuck in the carpet all the time. I

1:10:44

just want you to know that Artistry's skin

1:10:46

nutrition from him can really help

1:10:49

you with this. And it's only

1:10:51

$52 a month. That's it. I'm

1:10:53

leaving. I'm leaving. I told you I was done. I'll

1:10:56

be in shipping. Anyway,

1:10:59

so the hoedag, Rhinelander residents and

1:11:01

fans of the show, Scooby-Doo, are

1:11:03

familiar with the creature's long horns.

1:11:06

Uh, first spotted in 1893, the

1:11:09

seven foot long, 200 pound, ormed frog and

1:11:13

dinosaur creature breathes fire and

1:11:15

smells rancid. Instead of searching for

1:11:17

the north woods for it, catch a glimpse

1:11:19

of his mural and portraits painting around the

1:11:21

town of Rhinelander. Yeah. Yeah,

1:11:25

why search for it when you can see a mural of

1:11:27

it? He's got a statue, I think. Yeah.

1:11:30

Yeah. That's just special. That's

1:11:33

awesome looking. It's at least this one is very creative.

1:11:35

I wouldn't have went with a horned

1:11:38

frog dinosaur. I'd see no frog there.

1:11:40

All of these are very hairy. Yeah,

1:11:44

right. Right. Doesn't really matter

1:11:46

what it is. They're pretty much hairy.

1:11:48

Well, a lot of them are seen in the 70s, so it makes

1:11:50

sense. But, uh, uh,

1:11:55

and in case you're wondering, yes, I did Google Amway

1:11:58

skin cream, so I could give you a... the

1:12:00

real name of that one. We

1:12:03

appreciate the accuracy. I wanted it to be.

1:12:06

I do too. And he

1:12:10

does smell rancid. Alright kids, so that's

1:12:12

been our trip across America. Kevin, what

1:12:14

was your favorite of this group here?

1:12:16

Do you got one? That

1:12:18

is a good question. I think my

1:12:20

favorite is going to be the one,

1:12:23

the woman who was burned alive. Oh,

1:12:26

you took it.

1:12:28

My favorite one. Nice. The Rhode Island

1:12:31

Palentine Ghost. Yeah. So mainly because her

1:12:33

ship that she was on was the

1:12:35

same size as the state of Rhode

1:12:37

Island. I'm gonna

1:12:39

go with the the I'm

1:12:41

gonna go with a Tennessee spear finger.

1:12:43

And now I'm gonna... Carolinas lizard man.

1:12:46

You're a Homer. He's just yoked. It's

1:12:49

metabolism. Please don't

1:12:52

check my cholesterol. Yeah,

1:12:54

and then the squonk

1:13:05

gets a honorable mention

1:13:07

in my world because

1:13:09

it's just fucking hilarious.

1:13:13

Or sad. Whatever the word is you want

1:13:15

to use. So what was it? What did

1:13:17

you say, David? Like a crying ball sack?

1:13:20

Yeah. Really? It looks like

1:13:22

a drippy ball sack. Thank

1:13:24

you, David. You're painting a picture for us.

1:13:27

I am here to serve. Monica Fish, thank

1:13:29

you so much. That was a lot of fun. And thank you

1:13:32

to your illustrator because just...

1:13:34

Fangoria magazine. One

1:13:36

of the magazine I never could read when I was younger. My

1:13:38

mom always told me no. So you

1:13:41

have that. There's a lot of BTGGs

1:13:45

in it. That's why.

1:13:48

For those playing along in the home, that

1:13:50

is a brunette tabloid goat

1:13:54

girls. You

1:13:56

like what you like. Nobody's

1:13:59

judging. The images are,

1:14:01

they are all by wealth of

1:14:03

geeks. Yeah. Oh, really? That's

1:14:05

awesome. I know we were making fun of them.

1:14:08

They were, they were all, they're really good. They're

1:14:10

really good. It was a great illustration. Yeah. Yeah.

1:14:12

Not always accurate to the description as well. Or

1:14:14

we're stupid and they're like, no, they're perfect. Cause

1:14:17

we've seen them all you dumb fucks. Yeah,

1:14:20

right. Yeah. Like, well, you guys are dumb.

1:14:22

No. So where else should we

1:14:24

go? Like, well, you guys got a list

1:14:27

like this for another place. Send it to

1:14:29

us weird at hysteria.fityone.com. You can get into

1:14:31

there. Also send us your voicemail, seven, seven

1:14:33

three, six, six, nine, seven, two, seven, seven,

1:14:35

seven, seven, three, six, six, nine, seven, two,

1:14:37

seven, seven. If you get them in there, we

1:14:40

are going to, uh, uh, well,

1:14:42

we're going to be doing it in one of those episodes here pretty quickly.

1:14:45

Uh, so we need your help

1:14:49

with those and, uh, anything else

1:14:51

hysteriafityone.com. You can listen to it there. And

1:14:54

if you're on Facebook, go to hysteria nation.

1:14:56

We had a, uh, we had a post

1:14:58

go viral this weekend. Thousands of new people

1:15:00

came in. Uh, the last time

1:15:02

I looked at it had been shared 3.1 million times. Jeez.

1:15:06

Isn't that crazy? Like, uh,

1:15:09

man, I don't even get that kind of action when I show

1:15:11

her shirt, Kevin's newts. So.

1:15:14

Wait, what was that last part? Different someone else,

1:15:16

you know, I say

1:15:18

something about Emily again. You

1:15:23

could really smooth out those balls when they're

1:15:25

not. Uh,

1:15:29

Kevin, are you got anything coming up

1:15:31

or any, any specials or just normally

1:15:34

your sad times, uh, weekly Tuesdays you

1:15:36

release new episodes, right? That's

1:15:38

right. Every Tuesday, wherever podcasts, management,

1:15:40

appear on your devices, nothing special

1:15:42

coming up. But everything you

1:15:44

do is special and I'll ask you to always

1:15:46

remember that. Thank you. And then, uh, David, you

1:15:49

got any quiz, quiz, bang, bang, or blurry photos

1:15:51

news or anything? No, quiz, quiz

1:15:53

is coming out. Uh, you guys, if you're,

1:15:55

you're, if you

1:15:57

want to, you know, go to all kinds of hell. Check

1:16:01

out our April Fools episode this year.

1:16:04

Nice. Nice. Special,

1:16:06

special extra episode. Well,

1:16:09

there you go, kids. And like I said, I'd love

1:16:12

if you guys got more lists or things you want

1:16:14

to talk about and also weird news, weirdandhisteria51.com. With

1:16:17

that said, I've been Brent. I've

1:16:20

been David. And I've been Kevin. And

1:16:22

there's been no conspiracy about it. It was

1:16:24

terrible. It was just terrible. I've

1:16:26

never get older as long as I live. That's

1:16:29

it for another edition of Hysteria 51.

1:16:33

We'll be back next week with yet

1:16:35

more of the unexplained, the unexplored, and

1:16:37

the unheard of. Oh,

1:16:39

if it's unheard of, how would they know about

1:16:41

it? Anyway, if you

1:16:43

want to suggest a topic, give us

1:16:46

your thoughts or just make fun of

1:16:48

Conspiracybot, that's my favorite. Join us in

1:16:50

our Facebook discussion group, Hysteria Nation.

1:16:53

Just log on to Facebook and

1:16:55

search Hysteria Nation. Or

1:16:57

you can always tweet us at Hysteria51pod.

1:17:03

You've been listening to a fourth

1:17:05

hand Shimes.