0:00

You are listening to the I Have ADHD

0:02

podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in.

0:04

Before we get started, I want to let

0:06

you know that I'm going to be teaching

0:09

on time management for the ADHD brain and

0:11

my focused ADHD group coaching program starting in

0:13

February. This time management

0:15

course is not, it

0:17

is not going to be your typical

0:20

time management course because we will be

0:22

learning about executive functions. We will be

0:24

learning about why you struggle with time

0:26

management as someone with ADHD, but also

0:28

we are going to learn how

0:31

to prioritize. We're going to learn how

0:33

to set boundaries. We're going to learn

0:35

how to trust yourself when you're making

0:38

your schedule. We're going to learn about

0:40

your capacity and how much you can

0:42

realistically get done in a day. This

0:45

goes far beyond just the typical

0:47

ADHD time management course. This is

0:49

also going to go into relationships

0:51

and understanding yourself. I am telling

0:54

you, there are so many facets

0:56

of time management that are impacted

0:58

yes, by our ADHD, but also

1:00

by our poor relationship skills. Like

1:02

why is someone else making

1:05

decisions for your calendar? Why is it

1:07

easier to prioritize someone else's desires for

1:09

your schedule than your own? We're going

1:11

to go into all of it. Join

1:13

me starting February 5th for

1:16

this course. It's going to be amazing.

1:18

It's going to be life-changing. Go to

1:20

I have adhd.com/focused to join and I'll

1:22

see you inside. Now enjoy the show.

1:30

Welcome to the I have

1:32

ADHD podcast, where it's all

1:34

about education, encouragement and coaching

1:36

for adults with ADHD. I'm

1:39

your host, Kristen Carter, and I

1:41

have ADHD. Let's chat

1:43

about the frustrations, humor and

1:46

challenges of adulting relationships, working

1:48

and achieving with this neurodevelopmental

1:50

disorder. I'll help you

1:53

understand your unique brain, unlock your potential

1:55

and move from point A to point

1:57

B. Hey,

2:03

what's up? This is Kristen Carter and you're

2:05

listening to the I Have ADHD podcast. I

2:07

am medicated. I am caffeinated. I am regulated.

2:09

I'm talking really fast. I'm

2:12

ready to roll. Glad that you're here.

2:15

Hi, how are you? Welcome to the show.

2:17

If you're new around here,

2:19

I do not usually sound like this.

2:22

Winter got me. It got

2:24

me real good and I've been in bed for

2:26

the last five days. I pulled

2:28

myself out of bed to teach a class

2:30

today in my coaching program and to record

2:32

this intro because I love

2:34

my clients and I love you. I'm

2:37

only doing the bare

2:39

minimum right now. If you

2:41

are also in the dead of

2:43

winter and you are also feeling

2:45

under the weather, gosh, solidarity is

2:47

the worst and it seems to

2:49

drag on forever. My goodness.

2:52

Welcome to the show. I'm glad you're here. If

2:55

you have ADHD or you're curious about

2:57

ADHD, this is the place to be.

3:00

Normally, I'm very peppy and fun, but

3:02

today, I guess this is the best

3:04

that we got. This is the best

3:06

that we can do. Today, I've got

3:09

an amazing coaching call for you on

3:11

the topic of self-trust. The reason that

3:13

I wanted to share it with you

3:15

is because I know that you struggle

3:18

with self-trust. I know that self-trust

3:20

is something that's very difficult for those of

3:22

us with ADHD and I want

3:25

to help you with it.

3:28

I'm sharing this coaching call. I coach two of

3:30

my clients. I adore both of

3:32

these people and I know that they

3:34

are going to help you to

3:37

understand yourself better and the

3:39

different parts of yourself that just need a little

3:41

bit of support in the area

3:43

of self-trust and I hope this changes your life.

3:46

Please enjoy. Welcome to

3:49

your coaching call. This is a call on

3:51

self-trust. For some of you,

3:53

your parents did build self-trust.

3:56

You had caregivers who were

3:58

capable of helping you to

4:00

build self-trust, but society

4:04

eroded it. Growing

4:06

up as ADHD in a

4:08

neurotypical world around people who

4:10

look at you like, why are you doing

4:12

it that way? What is your problem? Why

4:14

are you always late? Why are you always

4:17

allowed? Why are you always thinking outside of

4:19

the box? That has

4:21

contributed for sure to

4:24

your inability to trust yourself. So

4:27

it might not necessarily be. You

4:30

may have gone through that beautiful

4:32

developmental process with your family of

4:34

origin and that's lovely, but

4:36

you may struggle with self-trust

4:38

because of a toxic boss

4:40

or because of a really

4:43

mean teacher or because of

4:45

like a friend who is

4:47

really judgmental. Right?

4:50

So we know that the research

4:52

says that children with

4:55

ADHD are given corrective feedback

4:58

so much more than

5:00

a neurotypical person. Okay?

5:03

So that in itself

5:06

may have really interrupted

5:08

your ability to build

5:10

self-trust. That is completely valid.

5:13

So it could be a combination

5:15

of the two. It could be like,

5:17

yeah, my family wasn't really like helpful

5:19

in that area and I grew

5:22

up as ADHD in a neurotypical world. So

5:24

it could be a combination or

5:26

it could just be growing up

5:29

neurodivergent in a neurotypical world.

5:33

That is enough and I wish I

5:35

had remembered to say that front and

5:38

center yesterday is that us

5:40

being different, us being neurodivergent, us being around

5:42

people who look at us like, you are

5:44

so weird. What are you doing? That's

5:47

enough. The inner voice that we have

5:49

is what we are going to be

5:51

working on changing throughout this course. Okay?

5:56

That inner critic, that inner voice that is like

5:58

you are doing it wrong. shouldn't

6:00

have done that. I can't believe you. You're

6:02

so unreliable that you're so little. That

6:05

horrible voice. Building self

6:08

trust is about changing the way that we're

6:10

going to talk to ourselves. Okay.

6:14

It's like too much, not enough. You're

6:16

too much and you're not enough. Hello. Can

6:18

I get an amen to that? Right? Like

6:20

that's what our inner voice is always wanting

6:22

to say. You're too much. You're also not

6:24

enough. There's no way to like

6:27

do it right with our

6:29

inner critic. And so that's what we're

6:31

really going to be working on. Whether

6:33

that was established by our parents, by

6:35

society, by a teacher, by a friend,

6:37

what we do as children is we

6:40

make these agreements unknowingly and we say,

6:42

oh yeah, they're probably right about me.

6:44

Oh yeah, that person's probably right about

6:46

me. That's most

6:48

common with families of origin, with

6:50

parents, but it can also happen

6:53

with like an aunt who says

6:55

some flippant comment. And all of

6:57

a sudden you're unknowingly making this

6:59

agreement at age 10 like, yeah,

7:01

I am too talkative. And so

7:03

then my inner critic says, you're

7:06

too talkative. You're too talkative. You're too talkative. Shut up,

7:08

shut up, shut up. Nobody wants to hear you. Right?

7:12

Or maybe a teacher says, you just

7:14

don't care enough. You

7:16

would do better if you cared. And

7:19

so then I make this

7:21

agreement because as a child, again, we have

7:23

to, we're agreeing with our caregivers. We're agreeing.

7:25

We're saying like, oh yeah, that's, that's probably

7:27

true. As a child, you

7:29

don't know any better, which is why in

7:33

this course we're stepping out of childhood

7:35

and into adulthood saying,

7:37

I don't agree with that

7:40

voice anymore. Okay. I don't agree

7:42

with that voice anymore. And

7:45

no longer am going

7:47

to agree with that voice. Now, the

7:50

work that we did in the first class, the

7:52

reason why we had to look at why we

7:55

don't have self trust is because we have

7:57

to look at why is that voice there in

7:59

the first. place and

8:02

know that it's not just because

8:05

I'm a flawed human. We

8:08

think it's our voice. It's

8:10

not actually our voice. It's

8:13

our mom's voice or it's our

8:15

teacher's voice or it's our coach's

8:17

voice from soccer in third grade.

8:19

Okay, right? So we have to

8:23

identify where is

8:25

this coming from so that

8:28

we can say, I no longer agree with that. I

8:30

know I'm not going to participate with that anymore. All

8:33

right, so that's what this deep, deep,

8:35

deep work is about. Listen, if you're in this

8:37

space, you're doing deep work. I

8:39

just had a coaching call with my coach

8:42

and I was like, you know, I think what

8:44

we really should be doing right now is just

8:46

talking about like organizing our planners

8:49

and our journals for the new year

8:51

and just like doing this cute stuff

8:55

that feels good. Like let's all just be dazzled

8:57

a planner instead of

8:59

looking at why we don't have

9:02

self-coast. Do you know what I mean? Like

9:04

I was in some drama about that, but

9:06

I know what you're here for. You're here for the

9:08

deep stuff and so that's what we're doing. So what

9:11

we're going to do today is I would

9:14

love to coach you if you

9:16

are struggling with self-trust, raise

9:19

your hands. If

9:22

you're struggling with self-trust, what I'm going to

9:24

do today is coach you. Now, we haven't

9:27

gotten a lot of tools yet, right? We've

9:29

only done one class. That's okay. I'm

9:32

still going to give you as much

9:35

of my self as I can

9:37

and you and I will have

9:39

a face-to-face conversation and I will model for

9:41

you what it might look like to trust

9:43

yourself. Okay? All right. I am

9:47

going to

9:52

go to Shannon first and then Grace I'm going

9:54

to go to you after, okay? Now,

9:57

I know there's a lot of people on the call here. And

10:00

I know that there

10:02

can sometimes be this urgency of

10:04

like, I

10:06

need to be coached, I need to

10:08

be the one being coached, but I

10:10

promise you, we all struggle with the

10:12

same stuff. Whatever

10:15

conversation I have with Shannon, you

10:17

are going to be able to

10:20

glean from that. So I really encourage

10:22

you to look at the ways

10:24

that you identify with Shannon. I'm

10:27

gonna ask you to start your video. Oh,

10:30

there you go. Just

10:32

a second, oh my gosh, it's so good to see your face. I

10:35

want you to really, really pay attention to where

10:39

do I identify with this?

10:41

How can I make sure to

10:43

apply this coaching to my

10:45

own life? When I ask Shannon a

10:47

question, I encourage you to really ask

10:50

yourself that question, okay? Hey,

10:55

oh man, it's good to see

10:57

you. Great to see you, Kristen.

11:00

Hi, Nio. I'm

11:02

okay. So I

11:04

actually, I joined the self-trust call yesterday, which

11:06

was so helpful. I feel like I had

11:08

really checked out of focus for a while.

11:10

I was just like struggling,

11:12

but I'm actually on

11:15

leave from work from now to the end

11:17

of March. I feel like I finally got

11:19

to a place where I was like, I'm

11:22

running myself to the ground, I'm struggling.

11:24

I was able to recognize that, but

11:27

I'm really happy and I'm extremely grateful

11:29

that I'm even able to have this

11:32

leave and that I have something to come back

11:34

to in April. Super grateful for that. But

11:37

with this being three months, 90 days,

11:40

I think I have a lot of

11:43

anxiety around how to make the best

11:45

use of this time. I

11:47

know that I really wanna get started on the

11:49

How to Rest workbooks because I avoided that for

11:52

forever because I didn't think I needed it, but

11:55

so ironic. Yeah, I

11:57

have all these things swirling in my head around. like

12:01

wanting to rest, also wanting

12:03

to connect with activities that I enjoy,

12:05

like dancing, like exercise, because just like

12:07

the way my ADHD works, I forget

12:09

that things helped me and then I

12:12

just completely stopped doing them all. And

12:15

then there's also an added layer of, is

12:18

this the work that I'm doing right now? Is

12:21

this even the work that I want to do?

12:23

Is this something that I want to continue doing?

12:26

So I'm like, how do I juggle all of

12:28

those things so that when March

12:30

30th rolls around, I don't feel like,

12:33

oh shit, I wasted three

12:35

months and now I'm just jumping back into the same

12:37

situation that I was in before. I guess I just

12:39

want to trust

12:41

that I'm doing the things

12:44

that I should be doing with this time. Yeah,

12:49

when you think about like,

12:51

what should I be doing and

12:53

like the countdown is on, I

12:57

felt, what do you feel when

12:59

you say, when you express

13:01

that? Like the countdown is

13:04

on. A little

13:06

panicked. Yeah, me out,

13:08

rush. Yeah, pressure

13:10

maybe. Sometimes I'm

13:12

like three months is a really long time and then I'm

13:14

like, it's actually not. I'm going to wake up tomorrow and

13:16

it's going to be done. Yeah,

13:19

yeah, yeah. And then

13:21

how do you feel when you think, I

13:23

really want to make the most of this

13:25

time? The

13:28

pressure. Yep. What

13:33

is your primary? Like if you

13:35

can get still and think

13:37

through like, why

13:40

did you take time off? Why

13:42

did you take the sleeves? I

13:46

took it because I was

13:49

waking up every day wondering why

13:51

can't I try harder? Why

13:53

am I not getting these things done on

13:56

time? Why am I so unhappy? And

13:58

I feel like I was just waking up every morning. morning

14:00

trying to push past it. Like, let

14:02

me feel the anxiety and then get it done.

14:05

Let me feel scared. And then, but I

14:07

was doing that every single day and I

14:10

realized that it just wasn't sustainable. Yeah.

14:16

Lots of panic, lots of like

14:18

anxiety attacks. And I

14:20

could just tell that there was no way for

14:22

me to get better while also staying working

14:25

every day. Yep. What

14:29

does get better mean to you? Um,

14:36

that's a good question. I

14:40

think feeling

14:45

more regulated, just

14:48

like not being so afraid

14:50

of emotion and like avoidance, I spent a

14:52

lot of time just in avoidance. And so I think

14:54

feeling better would be me not running to avoidance

14:57

all the time. But

15:01

I think it also

15:03

looks like me

15:06

prioritizing the things that I care about and not just the things

15:08

that other people want me to do. Okay.

15:12

What do you care about? Um,

15:18

I learned that I actually care about education. Um,

15:20

I was able to work with some college students. While I

15:23

was working and I kind of got in trouble for the amount of time that

15:25

I was spending on that, but

15:27

I just really enjoyed like the teaching, the mentorship

15:29

of it, but I also really enjoy moving my

15:31

body and just being active. But

15:35

I forget that so quickly. Like

15:39

as soon as a hard week rolls around, I'm like, Oh, the

15:41

last thing I want to do is work out

15:43

the last thing I want to do is dance, even though

15:45

I literally always feel better every time I do those things.

15:49

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

15:53

And what do other people want you to care about? So

15:56

you've kind of made this contrast, like what

15:58

I care about versus. what other people

16:00

when you when you say that like what

16:02

would go in that category? Um,

16:07

a lot of it is work

16:10

related. So doing things very quickly

16:12

doing things as soon as I'm

16:15

cold to do them, not like,

16:18

you know, you don't have a week to think

16:20

about this, just execute it, just ask the person

16:22

just like, I work really slowly and but I'm

16:25

in a really fast paced job. I'm

16:28

basically working somewhere that I should not be working.

16:31

How does that feel when you when you express

16:33

that? Awful?

16:36

Why? Yeah, um, because I

16:38

wake up every day feeling like I'm not

16:40

doing enough, like I'm not good enough. It's

16:44

created a lot of like self worth issues.

16:50

What does it feel to like

16:53

solidly say I'm working in an

16:55

environment that's not suited for me?

16:59

Have you have you really like sat with that

17:01

or has it been more like yeah, I'm probably

17:03

not the right spot. We're like, oh, well, I

17:07

Think I'm there. Yeah, I think so too. I'm

17:10

like, it doesn't work for me, but I could make it work

17:12

for me Why? Yeah, are

17:15

we gonna make it work for us? Like what what

17:17

do you think is behind that? Because that's just you

17:19

trying to take care of you. Mm-hmm.

17:22

That's not a bad thing. Don't look at

17:24

denial. I

17:27

think I mean, I've also just I've

17:30

always been told that I'm this smart person

17:32

that I could figure everything out. I'm

17:35

not so I'm not a company that I Enjoy

17:38

being at and I am making

17:40

a salary that I enjoy making.

17:43

Yeah, my Yeah,

17:47

so I guess I'm just in this place of

17:49

if I really sit and admit to myself

17:51

that this isn't the job for me then

17:53

I really have to do the work to

17:55

figure out what does

17:57

work for me and that feels Yeah,

18:04

so we're choosing between, we don't

18:08

have to choose anything right now, but in

18:10

that kind of mental gymnastics, we're

18:13

choosing between the discomfort

18:15

of working in an environment that's really not

18:17

suited for your nervous system or like how

18:20

you prefer to work. You

18:22

like the company and all of that, but

18:25

the demands of the job don't

18:28

suit like your natural tendencies and

18:30

personality. Uncomfortable.

18:34

And then there's on the other side, the

18:36

discomfort of if I actually tell myself the

18:38

truth and really sit

18:40

with this, I'm terrified

18:42

of like what I

18:44

would do next. And so it's just discomfort or

18:47

discomfort. Exactly.

18:50

Which sucks. And I wish

18:52

I had a better third option, but

18:55

I guess what I want to ask you,

18:57

and again, this doesn't have to change anything

18:59

about your 90 days and we're going to

19:01

circle back around to that. But what

19:03

I want to ask you is which

19:07

discomfort serves your

19:09

long term goal? I

19:16

mean, with my long term goal

19:18

being like a sane and emotionally

19:20

adjusted person, I would definitely say

19:23

the path of finding

19:26

something that works for me and doesn't

19:28

cause so much

19:30

anxiety. What

19:33

if, you're throwing it

19:35

out there, you do not have to accept. What

19:38

if the next 90 days is more about just kind

19:40

of accepting? Really

19:44

not the environment I want to be in long

19:46

term. Mm-hmm. Like

19:50

what if at the

19:52

end, like on March 30th, we

19:58

haven't made any changes necessarily? but

20:00

you are solid in this

20:03

isn't the long-term place for me. What

20:06

does that feel like for you? It

20:10

feels a little scary. It

20:13

feels really scary. I think because

20:17

when I start back on April 1st, I

20:19

just, I don't want to start back with

20:21

this dread. You know what

20:23

I mean? Like I don't want to start back and be like,

20:25

oh, I'm back. I'm here again. I think I'm

20:28

the perfect world. I'd be like, okay, I've got a

20:30

little more juice in me. To

20:34

work at a job that I'm not suited for. Yay.

20:37

Yeah, which is not, yeah.

20:43

Yeah. Okay.

20:47

You don't have to decide anything. You don't have

20:49

to do anything. Let's

20:53

just talk about the next 90

20:55

days. You mentioned avoidance. And

20:59

I just really

21:02

want to bring to like the forefront that

21:06

the fear, you might spend

21:09

90 days trying

21:11

to avoid fear. Yeah.

21:17

And I think that would be the

21:19

only quote unquote wrong way

21:23

to spend your time would

21:25

be in the avoidance of

21:27

fear. How

21:30

does that fit with you? Yeah,

21:33

I think you're totally right. I kind of want to

21:35

wake up every morning like, oh,

21:37

like it's a new day. What

21:39

do we do now? As

21:42

opposed to actually like sitting

21:44

with the fact that I've really struggled a lot

21:46

last year and, you know,

21:50

wanting to grieve that a little bit. I think I

21:52

need to make space for some of the negative emotions

21:54

because I want every day of this time

21:56

to be so positive and flowery. Why?

22:00

Do you want it to be so positive? What's

22:02

that about? Cause

22:05

it's like, I'm not working. Like what's there to be sad about? You

22:08

know what I mean? Okay, let's answer that question.

22:10

And I know that there's a lot to be sad about, but

22:12

I think I have this idea of like, I'm

22:15

not being a productive person right now,

22:18

which means that I should be feeling

22:21

great and I should be feeling empowered to do

22:23

whatever I want. So if

22:25

I am waking up and I'm not taking full advantage of

22:27

that and it feels like I'm not grateful for the

22:29

fact that I have the opportunity to do this. Here's

22:35

what I know about heart emotions. They

22:38

take way

22:40

more emotional mental spiritual

22:42

capacity than we

22:44

have to give them in our

22:46

normal every day. The

22:50

most productive thing you can do, in my

22:52

opinion, is

22:54

live in reality and feel

22:56

those feelings. It's

23:02

so not a sexy sell. I'm so sorry.

23:05

What would have been so much more fun is like, yeah,

23:07

that's like a plan for you to dance. And

23:10

like, it's gonna be just so great. But like, honestly,

23:12

you could dance every day. You

23:15

could work out every day. You

23:17

could move your body. You could

23:19

connect with other people. And you could go back

23:21

on April 1st. And

23:24

what's gonna, what will be different?

23:28

Nothing, yeah. What

23:33

do you think true rest might

23:35

look like for you in

23:37

this season? True

23:44

rest. I

23:50

feel like, I think

23:53

that's a question I struggle with because

23:55

when I think of rest,

23:58

I don't necessarily think about. sleeping

24:00

in or about

24:02

like staying up super late and watching and

24:04

like being on my phone because those things

24:06

actually don't make me feel good. So

24:10

I think I struggle with that. Like I

24:12

said, I enjoy being active, but can

24:14

I consider that rest if I'm

24:17

like, You can. You're

24:19

going to love this how to rest course. Yeah.

24:21

Okay. Yeah. I talk

24:23

a lot in that course about like, especially

24:26

for those of us who are hyperactive or

24:29

have a lot of energy, laying

24:31

flat to rest is usually not what

24:33

feels best to us. It's

24:36

like active rest, movement,

24:38

connection, letting our

24:40

minds wander while our bodies are

24:42

moving is so

24:44

restful. So

24:46

yes, of course that counts. If

24:50

your only productivity

24:55

over the next 90 days is

24:59

figuring out what feels restful to you, tapping

25:04

into some negative emotions, getting

25:09

to know yourself and what you

25:11

want moving forward, how

25:13

would that feel for you? Hearing

25:17

you say it feels really good. I think

25:19

it takes pressure off of

25:22

the time, takes pressure off of trying to

25:24

make it perfect. Yeah. How

25:29

can you honor six months

25:31

ago, Shannon? What did she

25:33

really need? Six months

25:35

ago, you who did not have the

25:37

luxury of this time and space.

25:43

Like it sounds to me, I'm going to offer

25:45

up some suggestions. It sounds to me like she

25:47

needed a good cry. She

25:51

needed to move slower and

25:53

to be validated in that. She

25:57

needed time to think and

25:59

to trust. What

26:01

else do you think she needed? I

26:06

think she needed validation that she wasn't lazy, that

26:10

she wasn't crazy,

26:12

that she wasn't like

26:16

imagining how hard all of these things were in

26:18

her head, that

26:20

they were actually happening to her. Just the validation

26:22

that like what's happening is very real and I'm

26:25

not just making it up. You're

26:28

not making it up. You

26:34

are really smart. You do

26:36

not like to move fast. You like

26:40

space. Your

26:42

body is wired for like

26:46

expansiveness and being able

26:48

to take your time and to think

26:51

and to really work through

26:53

things in a way

26:55

without pressure. You're

26:57

not making it up. You're

27:00

not making it up. You're not making it up. I

27:04

think that that, if that could be the

27:07

thing, like all I want is to believe

27:09

myself. If

27:11

I go back on April 1st and

27:13

nothing else has changed except for the

27:15

fact that I actually believe myself and

27:17

I'm no longer dismissing demeaning, like

27:21

I'm just like, tell me everything.

27:23

I believe you. I'll take care of

27:25

myself. I could advocate for myself so much better if I

27:28

had that mindset. Instead of

27:30

like, I'm going to take on all these things because I should

27:32

be able to do them, I could actually say, no, I

27:36

can do this and this, but I can't do that. And I'm

27:38

going to do more. Yes.

27:41

Yes. This course

27:43

is going to be everything

27:47

combined with the how to rest. Let's

27:52

just start with the bare minimum of

27:54

like, I'm not wired for

27:56

a fast paced environment, so I'm not going

27:58

to... on. Like

28:01

it sounds like to me there

28:03

is some wiggle room as

28:05

far as like your autonomy within

28:07

your position that if you truly

28:09

leaned into who you are and

28:11

trusted and believed yourself I believe

28:13

me when I say this is

28:15

too much. Mm-hmm. And I don't

28:18

say well they can do it so why can't you?

28:21

But I believe my own capacity. That

28:24

in itself will give you so much space.

28:30

This is huge. Thank you,

28:32

Kristen. You're welcome, honey. You're

28:35

welcome. I adore you. I love

28:39

this program. I'm really excited at all the new people

28:41

that are here and I hope that this was helpful

28:43

to everyone because this is what I feel

28:46

like it's really setting the tone for the year for

28:48

me so I really appreciate it. Keep

28:51

us updated if you want to. Okay.

28:54

Yeah. If you want to. Alright, see ya.

28:57

Whenever I make a request like that just always

29:00

know it's at your own consent. You do not

29:02

have to ever

29:04

do anything that I ask. I

29:06

have chills. That

29:08

was beautiful. That was really

29:10

really beautiful. Taking

29:15

care of your house isn't always easy

29:17

but it should at least be simple.

29:19

Like why isn't it more simple? And

29:22

that's why for the last two

29:24

years I've been drinking AG1 persistently

29:26

pretty much every day. It's just

29:29

one scoop mixed in water once

29:31

a day and it makes me

29:33

feel so much better. I've noticed

29:35

improved focus, better mental clarity, better

29:38

concentration and what I just learned

29:40

about it is that it supports

29:42

healthy hormone production which is so

29:45

important to me now that I'm in perimenopause. I

29:48

truly do feel so much better

29:50

and that's because each serving of

29:52

AG1 delivers my daily dose of

29:54

vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics and

29:57

more. It's just like a really

29:59

powerful powerful, healthy habit

30:01

that's also powerfully simple.

30:05

And it has to be simple, right? Because

30:07

I have ADHD. If it's

30:09

not simple, I'm telling you I'm

30:11

not going to do it. That's

30:13

just the truth. This

30:15

is so simple. Now, you all know

30:18

that for decades, I have reached for

30:20

the coffee pot the instant that my

30:22

eyes open. And when I

30:24

introduced the, I use

30:26

the word habit very loosely, the habit

30:28

of drinking AG1. I've done that later

30:30

in the day. But to my absolute

30:33

shock, I've been able to change that.

30:35

Now I drink AG1 first thing

30:38

in the morning, which is recommended

30:40

for optimal nutrient absorption. I

30:42

literally picture my gut and

30:44

my cells just absorbing

30:48

all of the goodness first thing in the

30:50

morning. And I've got to tell

30:52

you, I do feel a difference. I fill

30:54

up my shaker with extra cold water. My

30:56

eyes are not even open yet. I add

30:59

one scoop of AG1, I shake it up

31:01

good to go. It takes me 30 seconds

31:04

max from start to finish and I

31:06

am not exaggerating it. It's so simple,

31:08

or I wouldn't do it. And it's

31:10

helped me feel so much better, especially

31:12

in the mornings. If there's

31:14

one product that I had to recommend to elevate your

31:17

health, it's AG1. And that's

31:19

why I've partnered with them for so

31:21

long and exclusively. They're the only product

31:23

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I have ADHD. That's

31:46

drinkag1.com/I have

31:48

ADHD. Check it out. I'm

31:54

promoting you Grace. So we

31:56

chatted in Slack just a little

31:58

bit. It's called for all to see.

32:01

I think it's in the Money Channel, but would you like

32:03

to share what's going on? Yeah,

32:06

so last year this time my,

32:08

well it was I think a year

32:10

before that too. Anyway, when

32:14

my father passed my sister and I, we inherited

32:16

my partner building and we

32:19

had a lot of arguments. I mean all

32:21

of us lack our arguments and

32:23

trying to just get through it. So

32:26

we finally came

32:28

to the conclusion that we're going to sell the building and

32:30

it just feels that when I got the

32:33

inherited cash, I was like, oh

32:35

my god, because I'm not

32:37

used to having this kind of money and

32:39

I'm still the same person, not just

32:42

you know, so having all

32:44

that cash and then selling the building with

32:47

the decision being made, did I make that?

32:49

Did I make the decision correctly? Should I have kept that

32:51

building? Everyone's always told me invest in

32:53

property, invest in property and then now I'm like,

32:56

oh, that'll property, why would I do such

32:58

a thing? So I've just been struggling with

33:00

the decision, you know, trusting

33:02

that A, neither a decision and

33:05

B, that I'll make the right decision when it comes to

33:07

what to do with that influx of

33:09

cash when it hits that 18 gallon. Yeah.

33:12

Has it hit your breakout yet? No,

33:15

it's also the first. Just

33:17

for clarity, did you first

33:19

get an inheritance and then also you

33:21

have this cash coming? Yeah. So this

33:23

is double whammy. So like the inheritance money,

33:25

you do have. Yes. And

33:27

you're staring at it like, yes,

33:31

I have been staring at it for the

33:33

past year going, I can do whatever I

33:36

want. No, you can't. You're

33:38

going to buy this fire, $30 fire,

33:41

sure, no problem. Oh,

33:43

don't worry. I got this. Like, I'm like, no, you're

33:45

going, like, this is not permanent. You are not Kardashian

33:48

or whatever. Yep. Yep.

33:52

Is not infinite. Okay.

33:54

So what do you feel would

33:56

be most helpful to you in

33:59

our company? The question do you think

34:01

it would be most helpful to

34:03

talk about like the capacity a

34:05

have money or oh do you

34:07

think would be most helpful few

34:09

talk through how you once you.

34:12

Like. It's thing about and and use

34:14

the money. The. Luck. With

34:17

a ladder? I am. I just can't. I'm

34:20

just. I'm so fearful of myself. But.

34:23

He afraid of any. More. That

34:25

I'm They. Can.

34:28

Send it over to make the decision that

34:30

like okay let's say. I.

34:33

Love with and move somewhere and then if

34:35

I have read a article five Hockey like.

34:38

What like and food? Why out on? A

34:41

success. We I feel like. Be.

34:43

There still valid so. What

34:47

I want to say first is. I

34:50

spent most of my life not

34:52

having money and so. If.

34:54

I go back to let's say ten years

34:56

ago, me and if I were to see

34:59

your. Grace talk.

35:01

My. Literal reaction would be

35:03

Crimea river. What? Do

35:05

you think is a problem. I don't even

35:08

know like why are you gaining anything.

35:10

With him because he he. He.

35:13

Has. A secret A thing

35:15

to do A thing he

35:18

said. He

35:20

had all the only people that have. Said.

35:22

Of of I take a concern about.

35:24

I may have just. Me: And.

35:27

I like only ones that do either

35:29

already on our property is or right.

35:32

I feel like they're more. Equal

35:34

in your position. I just

35:36

want to validate that Whenever

35:39

there's a big change, our

35:41

brain freaks out. Who.

35:45

I am so so so like

35:47

me saying that like. What?

35:50

I would have thought and years ago is.

35:52

Was not. To. Cause you

35:55

any judgment or shame. But to

35:57

say I did not understand how

35:59

the. How.

36:02

Going from not having money to having

36:04

money. Is the most uncomfortable

36:07

thing in the whole world? There's

36:10

nothing like it. and. I

36:13

will also say that. None.

36:15

Of the ways that we protect ourselves from

36:17

that discomfort is we get rid of it.

36:22

Would. You don't wanna do? Know I was.

36:24

I got a big I. Like as.

36:27

I've said it out. I don't trust me. Okay,

36:31

I already. I mean by that, what do you mean by

36:33

that when you say I don't trust myself. Authorities

36:36

will. I will have been

36:38

in hd moment and I will try to

36:41

spend impulsive. Okay, so

36:43

I will stand impossibly. Was

36:45

gonna blame partially true. You have a D

36:47

H D. Prison. What

36:50

other parts? Are

36:52

adding to you not trusting herself.

36:55

That. I'll make the wrong decision on like

36:57

okay so let's recap my May I. Interview.

37:00

Or finance person. but I'm like okay it

37:02

or on an. Adult would

37:04

accept this person so I'm gonna commit

37:07

to. The. People say that in our

37:09

i'm a People Pleaser. Ah Mohammed to

37:11

the wrong financial analysis or you know I

37:13

should have done it myself and I know

37:16

I don't like it should myself like to

37:18

share a know like. Oh

37:20

why. To. Decide.

37:23

On a person to do it for me. And and

37:25

there. There's. Is like day

37:28

that. Or. Get worse as using like a

37:30

robot. Maybe I could do. I felt night and. Eat

37:33

tool and then then there's. Not.

37:35

One. Way. To the so trusting

37:37

on make the right decision. On

37:40

either the person or. At. The.

37:43

Rowboats. Where

37:45

did you say that As tight the role that. Bravo!

37:48

On. Oh. Whistle

37:50

Robo English I didn't know what it was

37:52

either side somebody if she recommended it I

37:54

was like ooh that were. On

37:57

it's kind of like as. As

37:59

a. and visor but you

38:01

never have any human contact with you

38:03

just chat with and then you still have

38:06

a survey and it does it all for you. I

38:10

don't I don't love that but whatever folks

38:12

you're about. Okay

38:15

so here here's

38:17

what I want to validate for you. I think

38:20

that it is really healthy to

38:23

look at your own

38:26

weaknesses and say

38:28

I am NOT suited for

38:30

this job. And

38:33

so when I talk about building self-trust

38:36

I don't mean let's

38:38

all be delusional and

38:41

tell ourselves that we're amazing

38:43

at whatever. You

38:46

know like oh I trust myself

38:48

with time management? No I never

38:50

trust myself with time management. That's

38:52

not what I'm talking about. Okay

38:55

I'm not saying we need to be delusional

38:57

and pretend we're good at things that we're

38:59

not good at. And so if you

39:01

are looking at this and you're saying hey I

39:03

am NOT equipped to handle

39:06

this amount of money. Like

39:08

this is outside of my wheeled

39:10

house. Is it wheelhouse or wheeled

39:13

house? It's wheel house. Like there's

39:15

wheels currently in the house. There's

39:17

a wheel in the house and

39:19

I'm outside of it or this money

39:21

thing I just don't. Like we could

39:23

do a whole rabbit trail on this. Okay.

39:26

Just not for us. It's not for

39:28

us. And I will raise my

39:30

hand and say same. It's

39:32

not for me either. What

39:34

I really really would love to do

39:38

is validate that and

39:41

say it's okay to

39:43

recognize, to know yourself. A

39:45

big huge part of this

39:47

course is knowing yourself. So

39:51

what do you know about yourself that

39:54

tells you that let's do both sides.

39:57

That you should have someone

39:59

help you. And then we're gonna say what

40:01

do you know about yourself that would say you should do

40:03

it on your own? Okay,

40:07

so let's start for having

40:09

someone help us Having

40:13

somebody help me it takes that weight

40:15

off my shoulders that the

40:18

maybe the I'm surety but I Also

40:20

feel like I would neglect and I'm right

40:22

back for now. So I'll just say on

40:24

the one side. It just be Mentally

40:27

easier that load wouldn't fall on me

40:30

They would kind of talk it everything See

40:33

the so what you know about yourself is that

40:35

you get overwhelmed Yeah,

40:38

and you know, there's a number involved my

40:40

brain. My body is just like How

40:44

are you with nitty-gritty details Hey

40:49

DHC Yeah

40:53

How are you with long-term

40:55

planning? I

40:57

don't know how to do it. I Don't

41:00

have retirement set up yet. It's been here for

41:02

sure. So I just want to

41:04

affirm like Knowing yourself is

41:06

a huge part of establishing trust.

41:09

I know that I Get

41:12

overwhelmed. I know that I'm

41:14

not like numbers. Don't do it for me.

41:17

I know that I don't love

41:20

long-term planning. I Already

41:22

know this for myself. Okay, so

41:25

What about yourself though because there's this other part of you

41:28

that's like maybe I should do it myself What

41:31

what do you know about yourself that says I

41:33

can do this? I've

41:36

taught myself to do taxes. I've taught myself

41:38

how to like I can figure it

41:40

out I figured it really

41:43

isn't about it. Yeah. Yeah I've

41:46

been doing it and figuring out everything on

41:48

my own since yep So,

41:51

why should I pass why

41:53

should I pass the bus? I hate that expression and

41:55

what's the answer to that? It's

41:58

very job.

42:00

Why not offload the things I'm not

42:02

good at like I would anything else

42:05

to somebody else? I'm a connector. I'm not a money

42:08

analyst. Okay,

42:14

so when your brain serves up that thought, I've

42:16

done everything else myself, why wouldn't I

42:18

do this too? Don't

42:21

just leave it hanging. Answer it. Okay,

42:25

so I forgot. I

42:28

taught myself really why can't I do that too?

42:30

Why wouldn't I just do that too? That's

42:33

what your brain is reminding to say, right? Like, yeah.

42:36

I guess why can't I

42:40

is, well we just have the other reasons that I'm not

42:42

detail oriented. Sure. And I

42:44

don't appreciate the

42:47

trust. I guess. But I also like how

42:49

do I trust someone else? Hmm.

42:54

Okay, so I think that there are some... Let's

42:59

just decide whether or not you want to trust someone

43:01

else. I mean, I

43:03

just feel like it's easier to trust someone else than it is. Like

43:05

if I was, oh, like, call

43:07

my friend's dad and be like, hey, question, how

43:10

do I, you know? Right. That

43:12

kind of, like

43:14

someone else makes a decision for me because I'm not

43:16

capable of doing. But then I'll get

43:18

better. Right. But

43:20

or who,

43:23

like, what if we could set

43:25

you up, and I don't mean we, because like,

43:28

I don't know, but like, what if we could

43:30

set you up with someone that you would trust

43:32

to advise you? Not

43:35

that they're making decisions, not that they're

43:37

doing everything, but someone saying, from

43:39

the looks of these things here, this much

43:41

in taxes, this much in investing, this much

43:44

in... I did. I

43:46

did. And I just

43:48

read back and reread her email from

43:51

May, it seems. I did meet with her.

43:54

She broke it all down for me. But she's like,

43:56

if you still can't fight the bullet, do

43:59

any investing or something. sales, then

44:01

let me know and I'll name

44:03

some people that I would trust as miles. But

44:07

she did break it down and said, okay, take

44:10

X amount of money aside for one year, either

44:13

invested a property, do whatever, don't work for

44:15

a year, and then figure

44:17

everything out, but only use this mile and then

44:19

invest this mile. Like she broke it down into

44:22

like... And but before,

44:24

before we even get to like the

44:26

specifics, what I want to know

44:28

is, do you want to do it yourself or

44:30

do you want to have someone help you? Can

44:32

we just start with that basic decision? I

44:37

think I want someone else to do it, but I, because

44:39

I have read so much

44:43

material and sure, you know, this is not enough,

44:45

this is not enough, keep bringing it to me.

44:48

You know, they make it sound

44:50

like it's so easy that you could do it yourself to save

44:52

that, like that 1%. Okay.

44:56

Can we talk about saving the 1%? It

45:00

adds up. Right. But

45:03

like my question is, is

45:07

that what you want to be doing

45:09

with your time? I

45:12

guess if you are brain space. Are

45:19

you passionate about it? Do you love it?

45:21

Are you like, yes, this gets me out of bed in the morning.

45:24

I am so into this. I love

45:26

this. It fills me up. No,

45:29

it drives me nuts. And it just

45:31

like, it's just been lingering for the

45:33

past year and the back of my

45:36

mind every single day. Okay. So stop.

45:40

I'm going to sign a permission slip for you. You

45:43

are allowed. You

45:45

don't have to, but I'm just saying you're allowed

45:48

to spend the 1% to free up

45:51

your brain to do

45:54

what you're meant to do. Yes.

45:58

So how do I wait? Sit

46:00

with it for a second. Do

46:03

you see how fast you went to be a

46:05

little, little? You see that, y'all? Did you see

46:07

it? OK. We're going to go

46:09

back. I'm going to stop

46:11

just for a second. I'm going to repeat. OK.

46:14

You don't have to do anything that

46:17

I'm suggesting. But I do want you

46:19

to know that you are allowed to

46:22

spend the 1% so

46:25

that you can have the brain space

46:28

to do what you're meant to do. How

46:33

does that feel in your body? Tell

46:38

me about the discomfort. I

46:41

just saw a million thoughts pop

46:43

up with saying, for one, you

46:45

should be capable of managing your own mind. Do

46:49

you know that no? I'm

46:53

going to sound really elitist right now. I

46:56

don't think really

46:58

any wealthy people manage their

47:00

own money. That's not a

47:02

thing. Yeah.

47:05

That should is toxic. If

47:10

you want to, if it

47:12

fills you up, if it

47:14

gives you life and energy,

47:16

I'm here for it. But

47:20

if it's you should be, nah, nah, nah, nah,

47:22

nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, then

47:25

that is some BS. That

47:27

is not the voice that we are going to

47:29

make decisions with. Let's

47:34

just breathe a little bit. Oh,

47:36

sweetheart. Yeah. It's

47:41

that dirty little gremlin. It is.

47:43

And that's what this course is all

47:45

about, is recognizing when it's

47:48

just the toxicity talking or

47:52

our actual intuition. Because

47:57

there is a big difference. There's

47:59

toxicity. I was like, you

48:01

should be able to do this on your

48:03

own. Who do you think you are?

48:07

That you are going to give 1% for

48:09

what? Because

48:12

you don't think you have the time to do it.

48:16

You got plenty of time. Exactly.

48:20

No. It's like, I'm constantly looking for something for me to

48:22

do. It's like, I didn't want to sell, one of the

48:24

things I didn't want to sell the apartment buildings because it

48:26

gives me something to do. I

48:29

don't have a job. I have nothing but time.

48:32

Exactly. Okay. So

48:35

this goes to, how do

48:37

you want to spend your time, Grace? Well,

48:42

as we all know, I'm traveling. But

48:46

eventually, like I said, I want

48:48

to go somewhere. That's self-doubt. Like,

48:50

how do I get a job? I can't keep a job. How can

48:52

I get a job? Like, I can't give up the delivery of the city

48:54

and the bus. And

48:58

the little things that I do here is I

49:01

can't hold down a job elsewhere. This

49:06

is deep. So

49:09

instead of figuring out how to

49:11

hold down a job, I'll just

49:13

spend my time trying to figure out how

49:15

to manage this money and do

49:17

something that I don't really even want to do. But

49:20

at least it's right here in front

49:22

of me. And that voice in my head

49:24

says, you should be able to do this. And

49:27

then I don't have to feel the

49:29

discomfort of, I would really like

49:31

to have a job job. Yeah.

49:35

I've been either

49:37

I need money laid off. I was like, no self-fire. That

49:40

counts as fire. Into the bar that goes. Into the evidence

49:42

bag. And then they're like, no, laid off. You can still

49:44

collect on that. You can just go talk to these

49:46

other people. They'll hire you. I'm

49:49

like, no, that's fire. That's fire. Evidence.

49:51

So I don't like to do that.

49:53

That's fire. Evidence. So

49:56

I don't like I'm afraid to make a

49:58

permanent move. So

50:00

I keep entertaining myself with, okay,

50:02

I've got this apartment building that's, you know, that

50:05

occupies time. Oh, I can't do that from around the

50:07

world, watch me. Like, oh, I can't

50:09

do this, watch me. Yeah. Okay,

50:14

let's circle back. The

50:16

job conversation is a... I

50:21

just really invite you to kind of investigate

50:23

that over the next couple of weeks, months,

50:26

years. There's no rush. Look

50:29

how young you are. Your forehead doesn't even have

50:31

wrinkles yet. Let's

50:33

just circle back to... Get

50:38

still. Drop

50:41

into your body. Do you

50:43

want to manage your money yourself? Or

50:45

do you want someone else to

50:47

do it for you? I really don't want

50:49

to do it myself. Say it again.

50:53

I really just don't want to do it myself. Valid.

50:58

So immediately the gremlin in

51:00

your head says, well, that's entitled, well, you

51:02

should do it yourself. Well, you have plenty

51:04

of time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And

51:07

your job over

51:09

the next day, days, weeks is to say, like,

51:16

I hear you, but it's okay that I don't

51:18

want to do it myself. Your

51:22

job is to validate the

51:25

facts that you don't want that

51:27

you don't want to do it yourself.

51:33

You gotta do that for you. I

51:36

think that I've been avoiding meeting

51:39

with all these like conducting

51:41

interviews because I

51:43

don't know the answers upfront.

51:46

Okay, but wait. I won't have them

51:48

in the interview. Sure, wait. Before

51:52

we move on, your

51:54

job is to hear

51:56

yourself. I Really don't

51:58

want to do it myself. And.

52:02

He be your own best d and

52:04

say girl you had to. That's.

52:07

Totally valid. In no

52:09

matter what the gremlin in your head says, You.

52:12

Do not need to listen to it. Hey. It

52:14

can come and go out we don't We could

52:16

probably a sign that voice to someone and I

52:18

have ideas in my mind of his voice that

52:20

is the I'm not going to say it, I'm

52:22

not going to say it okay but there is

52:24

a voice in your mind saying wow. Nice.

52:28

In new minimum and I just want you to

52:30

be your own best! d. And

52:32

they know. Hey, stop it.

52:35

Don't. Talk to her that way. She.

52:37

Gets to decide what's best for her. He.

52:39

Saw see the Kremlin. Date:

52:42

Again, So. That it that gremlin.

52:44

Yes, Because. The

52:46

whole point of this work that

52:48

we're doing in this course is

52:50

decipher In Between The Gremlin. Who.

52:53

Says you should blah blah blah

52:55

blah blah. And

52:58

your actual needs, desires and

53:00

intuition. We're.

53:02

Just we're pulling them apart and were saying

53:04

this is the gremlin this is so and

53:06

says voice. This. Is the voice

53:08

of my third grade teacher? This is the

53:10

voice of my narcissistic mother. This is the

53:12

voice of my ex boyfriends. He was such

53:15

a jerk. Funny. Thing is,

53:17

That we thought those voices

53:19

and then we've got intuition.

53:23

We. Have needs We have desires we

53:25

have valid. Wants that

53:27

you can be your own best the and

53:29

said no hey hey. Stop.

53:32

It with decides. What

53:35

she wants matters. So.

53:37

I mean I selected he louder. Was.

53:40

Returning. Down the volume on the

53:42

Gremlin. Our. Turning up the

53:45

volume on your illegitimate like

53:47

your needs, wants, desires. The

53:50

whole comfortable, That. Way her.

53:54

Where. Is it again on the air Your body are.

53:57

yeah i were to dismember actually like

53:59

or to wear it yep yep yep in

54:01

your gut yeah yeah

54:04

because you for so long have

54:07

been conditioned to listen to that

54:09

gremlin thinking that it has your

54:12

best interest in mind and it

54:14

doesn't okay

54:17

it doesn't also

54:20

thinking that it's telling

54:23

the truth and it's

54:25

not okay so baby step is

54:27

just listening to that I don't want to do that's

54:30

it like that if that's all

54:32

you take from this conversation that's

54:34

enough because that's gonna

54:36

catapult you into doing doing

54:39

what you do want to do and saying

54:41

no thanks to what you don't want to do there's

54:43

there's not the pull back and forth it's just like

54:45

no I don't I don't want to and it

54:48

doesn't even matter why I'm a grown

54:51

woman I have options

54:53

grace you like one

54:56

of the best things that money does is

54:59

it gives us options yeah

55:01

so don't forget that that

55:04

is part of like the blessing of

55:06

this is that you have options not

55:10

everyone like that is so far-fetched for so many

55:12

people and that's not to shame you at all

55:15

that's just to say I want

55:17

you to just remind yourself you have options

55:19

you have options you have options

55:21

you're a grown woman you

55:23

have to do what you want and so when

55:25

that should when that Gremlin voice comes in

55:27

you can say just be your own bestie

55:30

there no fit what are you

55:32

doing she gets it she didn't have

55:34

to do what she wants to do and if all you

55:36

take is I know that I

55:38

don't want to do it myself that

55:42

kind of pulls you into your

55:44

next step because

55:48

there's of course is going to be discomfort

55:52

with every step because now the next

55:54

step is like well how do I choose someone well what do

55:56

I say did you let me just

55:58

give you an Everyone else some

56:01

tips when you're choosing service providers whether

56:03

it's with money or with like medical

56:05

advice or whatever And I

56:07

know we're at the top of the hour. So if anybody

56:09

needs to go no shame, no judgment

56:12

Absolutely. No problem. You can catch the rest of the

56:14

call at the replay Some

56:17

things that I want you to really keep in

56:19

mind are do you feel heard?

56:23

When you have a conversation who

56:26

are they Really

56:29

interested in what you want And

56:33

do you feel like you can be yourself Like

56:36

when I first started meeting with a financial Planner

56:39

advisor, whatever I was just

56:42

like listen Like

56:44

I'm a lot and then I'm gonna ghost

56:46

you you're gonna have to chase me for

56:48

those docu clients I do not know anything

56:50

about anything. I need to put it in

56:53

Kindergarten language. I do not come from money

56:55

I don't know anything about money like

56:58

and I was just so Upset

57:01

so up front it establishes

57:03

a relationship of like they know

57:05

what to expect. They know who you are And

57:09

if they can't handle it, that's a

57:11

good filter Well, I

57:13

think that part of that fear is is that

57:15

I'm gonna go to that meeting with I think

57:17

this is who I am And like

57:20

you just said like okay like you're gonna have to hunt me

57:22

down, but I'm gonna be like, oh, yes I

57:24

know everything I have. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna

57:26

start dropping words that I think I know Knowledge

57:31

so that's like oh, I don't actually

57:33

know but you do have some knowledge that

57:35

you can say Hey, I read this thing over here.

57:37

What are your thoughts about it? Mm-hmm.

57:40

Hey, I heard this thing on this podcast What do

57:42

you what do you think about that? What

57:45

would you do? You know

57:47

based on this person's recommendation and it's

57:50

kind of like going to a doctor I want

57:52

to really really be Specific

57:55

about this, you know, how sometimes you go to

57:57

a doctor and you say hey, I think I've

57:59

ADHD And

58:01

some doctors will say tell me everything.

58:03

Why do you think that? And

58:07

other doctors will say oh you think so, huh?

58:09

Well, I'm the doctor here and I will tell

58:11

you what you have Which

58:15

doctor do you want to pick? Right

58:18

and so it's like that with bringing

58:20

information like if your financial advisor is

58:23

like, um Where

58:25

did you hear that? That's stupid. I don't

58:28

like you just leave this to me You

58:30

dreads like Yes

58:33

So I can walk away. I could trust

58:35

myself that I can walk away and

58:38

you can trust yourself I

58:40

can bring this to swag and say it's

58:42

crab flag because this is what happens And

58:45

I'm not sure how to process it. I

58:48

got a load Hello This

58:51

work is done in community it is

58:54

so hard to build self trust when

58:57

you don't have people around you championing

58:59

your Yeah, like

59:01

I Believe you

59:03

grace that you don't have to do anything You

59:05

don't want to do and that

59:07

you are always going to figure this out And

59:10

so if you meet with someone and they're not a good

59:12

fit and you sign with them You're

59:15

gonna figure out eventually how

59:17

to get yourself that little how to

59:20

unsigned policy And

59:24

if you I'm not alone and I can

59:26

like like I can trust to

59:29

use this community But I've been a part of

59:31

for I don't know how long now so

59:33

long Like and they

59:35

have my back. I mean in a weird

59:37

sense. We all have each other's back again.

59:40

Oh this feeling of like Yes,

59:43

and we all know what it's like

59:45

to go into a meeting whether that's

59:47

a medical meeting a financial meeting a

59:50

Parent-teacher meeting and feel like a

59:54

child We

59:56

all know what that's like and we also all know

59:58

what it's like to have

1:00:00

healthy interactions and toxic interactions. And

1:00:02

so if you were to come

1:00:05

and say, here's kind of

1:00:07

like what I remember of the conversation, here's what I

1:00:09

felt, what are your thoughts? We can

1:00:12

all give you feedback on like green

1:00:15

flag, green flag, or no, red flag here, red

1:00:17

flag here. Okay,

1:00:20

okay. Yeah, yes. I'm

1:00:23

not alone. And I think that's a big part

1:00:25

of it. It's been so used to

1:00:27

going into these things and being like, okay,

1:00:29

I've got all this information. I can't tell anyone.

1:00:31

I have to know someone will discover

1:00:33

that I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I want

1:00:36

to keep this a secret or I didn't like that. I

1:00:38

got to keep that a secret because I can get in

1:00:40

trouble. Yeah, whatever. I

1:00:42

have to keep this secret but I can

1:00:46

reach out to everybody. You know,

1:00:48

this community is important. It's like,

1:00:53

okay, okay. Take

1:00:59

a deep breath and tell me like

1:01:01

what's happening in

1:01:03

your body. Yeah, that was

1:01:06

a lot of work. Oh

1:01:09

my God. I'm so proud of

1:01:11

you. You

1:01:14

get to do what you want to do. We're going

1:01:17

to turn down the volume on the gremlin and we're

1:01:19

going to be turning up

1:01:21

the volume on the bestie. And

1:01:25

you're not alone. You're

1:01:28

not going into this alone. You

1:01:30

can post in Slack every hour of

1:01:32

every day. There are hundreds and hundreds

1:01:34

and hundreds of people all over the

1:01:36

world that are going to

1:01:38

be awake at some point to

1:01:40

give feedback. You can for sure

1:01:43

use all of us as a sounding board. We

1:01:46

have your best interest in mind. Adore

1:01:50

you. Sending you back. Thank you. Thank you

1:01:52

for bringing this. Appreciate you. Thank you. All

1:01:54

right, sweetheart. All

1:01:57

right, For those of you who are

1:01:59

on this. Our even if you're watching the

1:02:01

replay, my question to you is. What's.

1:02:05

Your biggest peek away. What's.

1:02:11

Your take away from these

1:02:13

conversations. I

1:02:17

know. Sit with yourself to spare

1:02:19

minute, breathe and. Expand,

1:02:23

expand and just gonna think

1:02:25

through much him. When.

1:02:27

You're I wanna take from this. What?

1:02:35

Is it that. Was. Meaningful.

1:02:41

Ah aren't let me read some of

1:02:43

these hands and them are gonna closer

1:02:45

to sneak sure you're regulating yourself and

1:02:47

breathing. I can trust that

1:02:50

I will do what's best for me when

1:02:52

I want to. We

1:02:54

always really know what we need. I'm

1:02:56

not alone. I can take care of

1:02:59

myself. I will always have my own

1:03:01

back. So.

1:03:03

Many times what we think is the

1:03:05

issue is actually just a cover for

1:03:08

something much deeper. Turn

1:03:10

up the voice of the Best Steve.

1:03:13

I. Found my pupil. Honestly,

1:03:15

I'm not alone. I

1:03:18

am unraveling the toxic

1:03:20

thought. Not. Amazing.

1:03:24

I can make a decision because

1:03:26

I want you, not because I

1:03:28

should or shouldn't. Let.

1:03:31

The inner best the boy speak up more

1:03:33

often. Than.

1:03:37

Learning. To rest in my own choices in

1:03:39

that second guess. Keep. Coming

1:03:42

back to the idea of

1:03:44

i believe me. New.

1:03:47

Strategies to pick service

1:03:49

providers. Listen. To myself,

1:03:51

Do I want To do this? we

1:03:54

aren't supposed to go through this alone

1:03:56

and with a community who understands yeah

1:03:58

this I feel understood

1:04:01

in this group even on day one.

1:04:03

Oh, I need

1:04:05

to get back to talking to everyone on Slack.

1:04:07

Everyone here is my people. I keep forgetting that

1:04:09

I'm not as alone as I feel.

1:04:13

Yeah, I wonder if that message is

1:04:16

for you, listener. You're not as

1:04:18

alone as you feel. I

1:04:21

know what it feels like to trust myself

1:04:23

when I'm in an area that I'm confident

1:04:25

about, huge. My

1:04:28

takeaways that I really need to sit

1:04:30

in the discomfort of painful emotions. That's

1:04:34

a hard realization because like, dang, that's

1:04:37

not fun. But it is the pathway

1:04:39

to healing. It is the

1:04:41

pathway to improvement, I promise you. I

1:04:44

know what I need and I know how to

1:04:46

take care of myself. I just need to listen

1:04:48

to myself. I have

1:04:50

a gremlin living in my head rent free and I

1:04:52

think I need to stop feeding him. I

1:04:55

learned that I'm not the only one who forgets to do

1:04:57

things that they like to do. I feel really validated. I

1:05:03

can ask for support from community

1:05:05

when I need it. I

1:05:07

need to know that I'm enough now, not

1:05:09

only after weeks, months of panic mode perfectionism. All right,

1:05:11

I wish I had time to read all of these,

1:05:14

but I don't. I so appreciate

1:05:16

your reflections. If anything came up

1:05:18

for you that you have questions about or if you

1:05:20

need any support, please bring it to Slack and we

1:05:22

would love to serve you. I

1:05:25

can always encourage you to

1:05:27

do so. A few years ago, I went looking

1:05:29

for help. I wanted to find

1:05:31

someone to teach me how to feel better

1:05:33

about myself and to help me improve my

1:05:35

organization, productivity, pain management, emotional

1:05:38

regulation, you know, all

1:05:40

the things that we adults with ADHD struggle

1:05:42

with. I couldn't find

1:05:44

anything. So I researched and

1:05:46

I studied and I hired coaches and I figured

1:05:48

it out. And then I created

1:05:50

Focused for you. Focused is

1:05:52

my monthly coaching membership where I

1:05:55

teach educated professional adults how to

1:05:57

accept their ADHD brain and hijack.

1:06:00

Their ability to get stuff done.

1:06:02

Hundreds of people from all over

1:06:04

the world are already benefiting from

1:06:06

this program and I'm confident that

1:06:08

you will still go to ihaveadd.com

1:06:10

Such for off.