As you’d probably imagine, going through a divorce is a bad time. Getting told your HIV positive is also a shit time, although obviously it’s much better then what it is and then being left while your spouse who already went and gave you this because he was too busy shopping with all his side boyfriends to take a test? FML, like yes this is real hahaha.

It really was a crap time. I study in Taiwan. I didn’t see my family for almost two years after diagnosis and isolated myself with severe depression for almost like, two years during which time I wrote this album.

This song is just a recollection of the first couple days after I found out, and after separating. It was just scary at first, but eventually I learned not to hold grudges and not to point fingers because at the end of the day, it changes nothing. What’s done is done.

Maybe I’m half nuts, but at first it was manageable, like the situation. I would have stayed. But I worried what would happen in the future. You have something in your blood for life from another person, and I just didn’t assume that someone that at that time I was married to would then just peace out and continue to try and give this to other people. I used to blame myself and hate myself for it.

The song isn’t like, oh I’m sorry I gave you this. It was like I’m sorry, I don’t know why tho. You don’t realize being in a relationship that’s just someone manipulating you 24/7 that your really moulded into this abnormal thinking afterwards.

And it’s also about reassuring myself that it is doable by yourself, and everything will be okay in the future, but every now and then again I just wonder how he handles it, the pills the appointments. Sometimes you can’t help it.

In closing obviously I don’t feel fearful anymore lol. Knowledge is power but it just goes to show as well how sometimes people don’t know much about it, but stigma and other things still really do exist still today.

#LyricsI promise to let you beI know it hurts to stay And if the problems meWhen I go it comes with me

Baby you just need to know I’m sorryBut you know it’s gonna be okay Maybe it was long ago That we lost our loveBut baby will you be here when I go?

How do I finish what I startWhen something always goes so wrong?Maybe we were missing a partMaybe I wasn’t careful We took one to many chancesSo so wrongedBaby I know you know I know

Baby you just need to know I’m sorryAnd maybe it’s gonna be okayI know that it was long ago butYou loved me so

And baby you don’t need to worryBaby it’s gonna be okayI know that it was long agoBut I love you soBaby can you be here when I go?