Read along with me.

Dear nightly anxiety, 
As I sit here quietly, 
Why do you mess with my mind and pull at what's inside me? 
Why do you have to remind me constantly?
That, I am just no good. 
All the "I should," "I wish I could," "I wish I would,"
but always falling short because I'm misunderstood. 
I should control all this rage that no one can see,
I wish I could get a grip on my ADHD... 
I wish I would see a doctor about my PTSD.
But I can't.
Because it all hides inside of me,
As I sit here quietly, 
Being reminded of what's inside me,
By my nightly anxiety. 
I just want to sleep. 
But while I try to unwind and put my past behind, you creep into my mind and make me think too deep. 
What is sleep? 
What is the gain of the pain and strain of the endless, bottomless pit that is my brain? 
I feel like I am on the edge of the cliff, and you want me to trip.
 "Just jump already," you whisper as I slip... 
I can't go back now; that boat has shipped.
Then, I jolt awake, lying in my bed. 
Dang, anxiety, you got me again. 
Now, I just sit here quietly.
While you pull at what's inside of me 
And constantly remind me,
I'm just no good. 
I hate you anxiety, and I want you gone for good. 
I wish I could. I probably should. I would if I could!
But I can't. 
Because you hide quietly inside of me, 
As I sit quietly, 
I am being tormented by you violently while my daughter sleeps beside me. 
You kindly remind me that I will fail her too. 
It's true. 
Who knew you would be on point with that too? 

I just hope she loves me anyway. 

"Sigh" 

Why? 

(Deep Breath)

I can't give up. 

I got to try. 

To my surprise, as you hide and disguise that your demise is on the horizon. 

God raises the sun, and the rays come in, 
I cast all of my doubts and my life faults on him,
I cast you out with all of my sins,
Because Jesus died so I could win. 

There is power in the name of Jesus, 
And with him shall I rise and pick up my pieces, 
And leave you speechless. 

What? 

Nothing to say nightly anxiety? 

Nowhere to hide when his spirit is inside of me? 

It's a shame when you can no longer blame and make me feel pain from the past. 

Because as you know, his love last. 

So with the power of the name of Jesus, I cast you out, 
You can pull, you can scream, and you can shout! 

But your out! 

(Deep breath)

Finally.... 

........................ you're gone! 

With the spirit inside of me, I can do no wrong. 

Is this what it's like to know peace? 

And I am still standing? 

This peace I feel transcends all my understanding. 

Oh holy spirit inside of me, 
Thank you for allowing me to sleep soundly and quietly, 
Thank you for healing all the things that were inside of me, 
Thank you for getting rid of my nightly anxiety.  

Written by: 
David Bennett 
11/17/2021 
12:54 am

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