Episode Transcript
Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.
Use Ctrl + F to search
0:00
There's something magical about unboxing.
0:02
When you unbox BritBox, you
0:04
uncover a world of British
0:06
entertainment. Stream the UK's most
0:08
brilliant series, including new and
0:10
upcoming seasons of Shetland, Father
0:13
Brown and Death in Paradise.
0:15
Plus new originals like Payback,
0:17
Ervin Welsh's Crime and Archie,
0:19
the story of Hollywood's greatest
0:21
leading man, Cary Grant. Unbox
0:24
BritBox and escape to the best of British
0:26
TV. Stream with a free trial
0:28
at britbox.com. Exclusive
0:57
podcast and content.
1:00
Not only will you still find new
1:03
ad supported episodes available
1:05
free every week, as always,
1:08
but now with our new
1:10
Rule of Four subscription, only $40 for a
1:12
year, $4 a month, you
1:15
get ad free new episodes every week
1:17
with bonus scene. Exclusive
1:19
access to the entire back
1:22
catalog, that's over 600 episodes,
1:25
all ad free. Four brand
1:27
new improv education podcasts I
1:29
call Professor Besser,
1:32
where I will break down classic and prom for
1:34
human scenes, take questions
1:36
from the members only discord, explore,
1:39
debate the craft with other improv
1:41
expert. Have you heard me
1:43
talk with Will Hines and Ian Roberts yet? And
1:46
I have also uploaded my
1:49
vault of VHS tapes
1:52
from the Stone Ages, from the
1:55
90s, the early aughts featuring tons
1:57
of never seen footage. As
2:00
well as what I believe to be
2:02
the greatest comedy movies that I will
2:04
share with you, with other
2:06
guests. Sketches, performances,
2:09
stand up bits. Wait
2:11
till you see this all on Professor Besser. Plus
2:14
I have this whole other feed, the best
2:16
taste in the universe where I deep
2:19
dive with guest on music and sci-fi.
2:21
On that just whole separate feed but
2:24
it's all part of the rule of
2:26
four subscription. You
2:28
get all four of our premium limited series Brett
2:30
and I made with all star cast including
2:33
Stolen Idea, My Dead Wife the
2:35
Robot Car, The States of Perfection
2:37
and Besser versus the Audience. And
2:40
for the first time ever, all of
2:43
our content can be listened to virtually
2:45
any podcast app. Gone are
2:47
the days of needing separate apps to get
2:49
all this stuff. The sign up process could
2:52
not be easier. It just takes one step,
2:54
one tap to import each of our feeds
2:56
into your app and then you can just
2:58
listen like any other show. All this for
3:00
$4 a month individually or
3:03
$40 for an entire year.
3:06
That's two months of savings. Humans,
3:09
$40 for one year right now. Humans,
3:13
you know. Leaving the corporate
3:15
network I mentioned earlier that
3:17
makes producing a podcast with
3:19
three paid guests not as
3:21
easy. But it is a labor of
3:23
love for Brett and I. By
3:25
subscribing not only are you allowing
3:27
us to make new episodes, you're
3:29
supporting our ensemble and empowering all
3:32
sorts of new content that's
3:34
already up for you to take
3:36
a taste of. Just for $4,
3:38
go taste it, humans. If
3:40
nothing else, you won't
3:42
have to hear this message again.
3:44
So go to impromptuhumans.com and sign
3:46
up now. Human,
3:55
you are entering an improvised
3:57
accommodation restricted to human family.
4:00
for humans with Matt Besser. Based
4:03
on your suggestions and other
4:05
sources of inspiration, Matt and
4:07
guests will perform fully and
4:09
provide scenes. Today's episode features
4:11
human guests. Ronnie,
4:15
Ify, welcome to Improper
4:17
Humans with Matt Besser.
4:19
That is me. Keep
4:22
it going Brad. Hey. Turn
4:25
up just a little bit. Oh
4:29
man. Is that a screw? Cranking
4:34
it out, it's like a year old. Oh yeah.
4:40
Welcome Ify, Ronnie. Okay.
4:42
How's it going? How is it going? I
4:46
know, I feel like that was a very meek entrance
4:48
for me and Ronnie after that, like hard
4:51
rock. Yeah, and you're a wrestler. Come
4:55
on. It's us, the
4:57
boys. Yeah, and I think
4:59
you can speak for me also, obviously. You
5:02
said, I mean, I didn't say a thing. Yeah, yeah,
5:04
yeah, yeah. You
5:08
were just assuming the audience is visualizing you
5:10
and that's enough. Yeah, he was just cracking
5:12
his knuckles on the zoom, just like, you
5:14
know, you should have did it close to
5:16
the mic so people can see. Yeah. Well,
5:19
now I've already done it, so I can't, it's
5:22
gonna take a little while before they get that attention back in my
5:24
knuckles. Yeah. Oh
5:28
my goodness. Welcome back to the
5:30
show, y'all. It's a
5:32
rare rainy day in LA. That's why
5:34
energy is sometimes low. We don't know
5:36
what to do with ourselves, but
5:39
you know, the opposite of rain
5:43
is sun. Have you guys seen the show,
5:45
The Brother's Son, on Netflix?
5:49
I've only seen the first four episodes.
5:52
I put it on my queue. I
5:54
just watched May, December, so
5:56
it's gonna, it's next up. Okay. I'm
6:00
enjoying it a lot. What about you, Ronnie? I,
6:03
oh, uh, yeah, I like it
6:05
so far. Okay. But what do
6:07
you think I'm going to bring up from the show that
6:09
just fellows like you and I,
6:11
um, uh,
6:14
the, the
6:16
notion that the, the kid
6:18
is also an improviser, he
6:20
does improv. Yes. In
6:23
the most major and in
6:26
the most major plot way
6:28
I've ever seen improv involved
6:31
in any television
6:33
show, I guess
6:35
BoJack had a big plot. Yeah. But
6:38
they, and Ronnie, in the
6:40
first episode when they mentioned when the characters is
6:42
an improviser, didn't you think it was going to
6:44
be a one-off joke? Didn't you,
6:46
did you think it would come back as strong
6:48
in every episode? Yeah. I didn't, I guess I,
6:50
yeah. I guess I didn't think they would lean
6:53
into it as much as they did. Or
6:56
as much as they are as, as, as, as
6:59
it stands as me at
7:01
episode four. I'm in episode three, so,
7:03
or maybe I'm in episode four. I
7:05
can't remember, but yeah, I was surprised.
7:07
I'm like to Danielle. I'm
7:09
like, I can't believe this. They
7:11
won't stop taking shots at improv.
7:13
Yeah. Cause the
7:15
basic joke is, is there's two
7:17
brothers and one of them is
7:19
just this fucking hard-ass sass and
7:22
kill like 12 people easily. Um,
7:25
and the other guy's just like us.
7:27
He's just an improviser in LA
7:30
and it defines why he's soft
7:32
pretty much. Hmm.
7:35
In general. What
7:37
do you think about that? If
7:39
he as an improviser and a
7:41
bodybuilder? Yeah. I
7:43
think that, you know, looking
7:45
at the general
7:47
landscape. I'd understand why
7:49
you would think that, but that definitely means
7:51
you haven't came to a big team show. Uh,
7:54
you definitely haven't seen, um, let me think
7:57
of some other buff improvisers. I'm
8:02
not buff, but I can just get in there and
8:05
fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I
8:07
mean, let me... Here
8:12
is the part about that that I
8:14
felt like the inside baseball guy. So,
8:16
you know, I like when people watch
8:18
something when it's like, oh,
8:20
it's a science movie and a
8:22
scientist is like, there's no way that that would be...
8:24
That's not the equation of how you would solve, you
8:26
know, that sort of thing. When
8:29
it came to improv, like I felt like
8:31
that because I don't know
8:33
if it already happened yet and I'm not going to
8:35
spoil it, but there is a part where they sort
8:37
of get... Where
8:40
you get to see the improv and
8:42
at the place that they're improvising and stuff.
8:44
Oh no, I'm on episode three. Oh Jesus.
8:47
And all this type of stuff. And every
8:49
part of me was like, that's not how
8:51
that works. That's not how this goes. Okay.
8:54
That's not how that would happen. That's not how they do.
8:56
So, I became such a
8:58
snob and I was like, all this is
9:00
wrong. All this is wrong. They
9:03
were like, let's have an audience member come up and
9:05
then you're going to be a character like improv. It's
9:08
like, so I was so like that
9:10
part sort of annoyed me. Which
9:14
is like, wild if you
9:16
kind of consider like out of all
9:18
the writers, not one of them has been
9:20
an improviser, that not one. Like I feel
9:23
like our hit rate, it's pretty high when
9:25
it comes to writers' rooms. So for them
9:27
to have an inaccurate improv scene, I mean,
9:30
they're going to see what... It came off to me like one of
9:32
them dated someone
9:34
as an improviser and this was revenge.
9:39
Like all the characters saying, oh yeah, that's
9:41
the ones that like it are always going,
9:43
oh yeah, that's where they make it up
9:46
as they go along. Yeah.
9:49
Matt, as a
9:51
person who's been doing improv, as long as
9:53
you have, some might even, even people listening
9:56
might even label you an improv czar. Have
10:00
you ever seen never is our go
10:02
ahead. Have you ever seen? movies
10:06
or an improv movie
10:09
or something where improv is sort of like
10:11
heavily into the plot so even if it's
10:13
like a Whatever one
10:15
that one that bebiggly did and all those types of
10:17
stuff Have you ever seen a movie that you were
10:19
like, okay, I feel good that I think they got
10:22
this right or it's no or no yet
10:27
I Don't
10:29
know that I've seen it that much
10:31
but it's probably been always, you know,
10:33
don't don't think twice No,
10:35
no, that was pretty I Can't
10:41
I don't know there's a lot of that
10:43
that was like, okay that some improv theaters
10:46
not necessarily the UCB And there's
10:48
a difference in shades of gray and all
10:50
the theaters, but I like
10:52
but to also Piggy
10:55
back on what you're saying in general and
10:57
what all our listeners can relate to whether
10:59
you're an improviser or not is when You
11:02
never know till you know and whatever
11:06
The listeners expertise is whatever
11:08
their job is you don't
11:10
know anything about other people's
11:12
jobs and shit So
11:14
you can whatever you see in a movie
11:16
or TV show you're like or the scientist
11:18
as you put it You're just like, okay,
11:20
I guess that's the way it is. You
11:22
just trust what it is Oh a hundred
11:24
percent then you see your world and you're
11:26
like, what the fuck and if it's in
11:28
TV show You're slightly annoyed if it's
11:31
in a fucking news article You're
11:34
pissed off. Yeah, cuz now it's like
11:36
facts all the sudden you're like, what
11:39
the fuck I think Brett and I
11:41
were talking about this in podcasting a
11:43
couple episodes ago It's like they
11:45
don't know what the fuck they're talking about and not only
11:47
that they're now Spreading
11:49
misinformation by this skewed Angle
11:53
that they're putting on it and
11:55
in TV when it's joking. It's
11:57
like, all right. Yeah when
11:59
it's a journey unless you're like motherfucker
12:01
you're lying about
12:04
our world and I guess all our listeners possibly
12:06
have that in their own lives of like the
12:10
world really has no idea how
12:12
my job works or what really
12:14
goes on. Right. All
12:17
right everyone get in here. I got the hot
12:19
new story. I got the hot new
12:22
story. All right let's hear it.
12:24
Okay finally. I know we've
12:26
been trying to you know do these kind
12:28
of slice of life stories
12:31
for the paper to kind of
12:33
give people a taste of other
12:35
lifestyles and
12:37
I really kind of been listening
12:40
to a bunch of you know
12:42
these comedy pods out here and
12:44
you know the lavish life that
12:46
they've been living and
12:48
I think I want to cover you
12:51
know what a day in the life
12:53
of an improv podcaster you know I'm
12:55
thinking I'm thinking we start in a
12:58
mansion you know he goes to his
13:00
his his special studio he invites
13:02
you know his his improviser
13:05
buddies and they come
13:07
they come down there and you know they
13:09
go over the script you know they go
13:11
over the script that they're gonna do they
13:13
hit record and next thing you know they're
13:16
doing an improv pod. When you hit
13:18
it right there and they they go
13:20
over the script because they're cutting out
13:22
the writers not crediting the writers. Exactly.
13:24
That's all that went on in the
13:26
the last strike. It's these podcasts that
13:28
are it's not the corporations it's the
13:30
podcasts that are abusing the writers. Yeah
13:33
see Darrell see you always know how
13:35
to find the tape you know I
13:37
I lop up the idea you get
13:39
the take and I think that's what
13:42
we should run probably front page uh
13:44
you know unpaid writers on these improv
13:46
pods those improv fat cats. You know what
13:48
I once dated an ex and I broke
13:50
up with their media as I found this
13:53
out but she also used to do improv.
13:55
Oh and she was sorry
13:57
buddy yeah I know it was. It
14:00
was definitely I didn't
14:02
get over it for a while because she
14:04
catfished me. Oh,
14:08
she she made a thing like she was someone of
14:10
ambition. And turns out she
14:12
was an improviser. But
14:14
I think that he would always point out was that
14:18
seemingly improvisers don't make
14:20
money. And
14:23
I was like, OK. And
14:25
I think if we're saying
14:28
improvisers don't make money, somebody's making money.
14:30
Where's the money going from? Where is
14:32
it? This person that we're following, this
14:34
person must be the cult leader of the
14:37
improv thing, and he's taking all their money
14:39
and then therefore putting it back into whatever
14:41
he wants, which who knows what that is.
14:43
Oh, trying to get on to Elon Musk's
14:46
shuttle or something like. Well,
14:48
Elon Musk and his A.I. technology
14:50
that he's now implanting in people's
14:52
brains, he's getting volunteers for and
14:54
the real problem. By the way,
14:56
great, great, great story last week
14:58
on that. Like I was I
15:00
couldn't put it down. Yeah, I
15:02
know. I'm still holding it in
15:04
my hand as I'm pitching this
15:06
story. It is always still print.
15:08
Yeah, yeah, we're still we're
15:11
still holding it, holding it down in print.
15:13
And I just what I do is I
15:15
print the Web page out. And that way,
15:17
you know, if I hear someone at the
15:19
coffee shop talking about, you know, the local
15:21
ongoing, I just hand them out. How about
15:24
you feast your eyes on that place of
15:26
your latte? Where are the
15:28
premises coming from? Yeah.
15:32
Because there's writers, but where do they
15:34
get the premises? So I think I
15:36
think it's plants like when
15:38
we see it live. I think the
15:40
people that are shouting out words, quote
15:43
unquote, plants, they're the puppet masters already
15:45
put together. And then they put somebody
15:47
in the audience that says, hey, make
15:49
sure that you say this word so
15:51
we can then do something off
15:53
that word. Who's the controlling
15:55
the plants? The
15:58
people on stage. Or
16:00
the are some of the plants actually we
16:04
cut to some plants In
16:07
the theater right before they let the real audience
16:10
in Alright plants.
16:12
We got to get you out in
16:14
the real actual line outside so
16:18
you gotta Put
16:20
your copies down and get outside in the real
16:22
line pretty soon. You got five minutes Okay,
16:25
but I got a question.
16:27
Uh, what's already forgetting it What is the
16:29
suggestion that you want me to? shout
16:32
out Okay, you should got in
16:35
the list. Let me look here Ladder
16:39
okay Let's
16:44
see fireman it's too close
16:46
to ladder. I shouldn't even
16:48
use that But
16:51
I guess they went ladder in the first one.
16:53
Have you guys not coordinated who's shouting out the
16:55
first suggestion? Oh I
16:58
don't think so. Yeah. What are you gonna
17:00
show? well, I Is
17:06
everybody knows I've been doing this for
17:08
the last three months obviously and
17:12
what I The problem that
17:14
happened last time was we were
17:17
shouting or we were like take turns I'm
17:19
like, okay You say the first word they
17:21
do another half then you say the second
17:23
word and that type of thing But what
17:25
we were finding what we found out was
17:27
that there were regular people also getting bold
17:29
and shouting words so it
17:31
would sometimes leave the Improvices
17:33
on stage stuck because they
17:36
clearly heard the word that wasn't their
17:38
word First so
17:40
then what they said to us is now
17:42
we have to say it louder and we
17:44
also have to be the first so now
17:47
multiple of us have to just say a
17:49
word and So
17:52
a word like that's why the words are close together
17:54
because a word like fireman and ladder They
17:57
can still do their playing scenes off. Got
17:59
it So that's why those were
18:01
so close together But we have to say
18:03
it loud and make sure that we're the
18:05
first ones to say it also Try some
18:07
of the other people and thank you for
18:09
bringing this up We wanted to address this
18:12
this week if you see anyone talking about
18:14
a suggest They're gonna shout out suggestion before
18:16
the show you gotta You
18:18
gotta tamp that shit down You
18:21
got it. You gotta bully them. Let them know
18:23
you're gonna be given the suggestion If
18:26
you're not comfortable with bullying them say it's
18:28
your birthday But you tell
18:30
them to shut the shut it
18:32
down When
18:35
they do and when they yeah, exactly and
18:37
don't be afraid of a little body contact
18:40
Okay, you see some jackass
18:43
just really Laying
18:45
into some suggestion every single
18:47
time Give them a
18:49
little bump Now is
18:52
is our backstory still the
18:54
same because we are too
18:56
visually Mr. Universe candidate
19:00
So therefore it looks a
19:02
little awkward sometimes that we're standing in a line
19:04
to go see improv But
19:07
is our backstory still the exact same way?
19:09
Is it weird that you're together or that you're just
19:11
in the line at all? I just I think it's
19:14
I think not together I think you could see like
19:16
oh those two things that they would be hanging out
19:18
But the fact that you know that
19:21
build is sort of stands out amongst
19:23
the crowd of other You're
19:25
right definitely don't In
19:28
fact be on opposite sides or we cut to the
19:30
theater and now they're on opposite sides of room We
19:32
cut to a couple that's right in the middle And
19:36
look there's one bodybuilder over there And
19:39
then like on the exact opposite
19:42
side of the room. There's another bodybuilder. I
19:44
kind of I bet they're enemies
19:46
What do you think? I mean, what
19:48
are they even what are they even doing here? I know
19:51
they're by themselves And they're
19:53
boy, I sure do love comedy that
19:56
that's you know my personal trainer
19:59
said the comedy hopes. He
20:02
told me... ...most
20:04
of breakdown. Why
20:06
is his name so loud? Who is he
20:08
talking to? I don't even know.
20:12
I have no idea. Look
20:14
at the other one. The other boxy
20:18
builder has flop sweat. What is going on with these guys? I'm
20:20
ready to laugh! I'm so ready to laugh! I
20:22
just love live comedy that's unplanned. What
20:27
the hell? They must be rivals.
20:29
What's wrong with these guys? Do you
20:31
think maybe this is one of those shows
20:34
where a celebrity can pop in?
20:38
Do you think they're like a bodyguard for
20:40
the rock or something? Maybe they're going to
20:42
get a surprise guest and they're like the
20:44
bodyguard or something? That's
20:47
weird that you're the one you guessed
20:49
that needs a bodyguard. It's like one
20:51
of the biggest celebrities in Hollywood. I
20:54
guess it's just wishful thinking I really want to see
20:56
the rock. I would think maybe
20:58
Daniel Radcliffe will pop
21:01
in and that's his bodyguard. Yep.
21:05
Just enjoying the comedy. Love a
21:07
good chuckle. That's my cardio. Yep.
21:10
Chuckling is my cardio. That's why I'm here. These guys
21:12
are making me uncomfortable. I think something's about to come
21:14
to a day long. I wouldn't leave
21:16
but I just have to know if it's the rock. I
21:19
have to know if it's the rock that comes
21:21
out. And I have to give my suggestion. I
21:23
thought of a funny word today. You
21:25
should all think about what our suggestion is again.
21:27
Don't just rush to Sam. I've been
21:30
thinking her weeks. I've been thinking her weeks. The
21:32
opposite of what he's saying, don't
21:34
say anything. Don't
21:38
say anything. All
21:41
right folks, we're about to start the show if
21:43
we can quiet down. And
21:48
what we do on this first form, which
21:50
is called the slacker, we're just going to
21:52
start off with a simple word. When I
21:54
say the word, the group's going to come
21:56
out here and begin. So may I have
21:59
a word? One word
22:01
suggestion please. Fireman! Fireman! Fireman!
22:04
Fireman! Fireman! Fireman!
22:07
Fireman! Fireman! And we
22:09
cut to after
22:12
the show in an alley behind the theater, there's
22:16
police cars everywhere, squad pipes
22:18
on. We
22:22
see the guy had shouted, pineapple,
22:24
he's been trampled and just beat
22:27
the death in the theater.
22:30
We just want to ask some questions. We
22:32
understand there were some odd things
22:35
happening in the theater before the
22:37
show started. People
22:39
yelling out about their love of comedy and
22:41
both you gentlemen both
22:43
seem to be yelling out about your love of
22:45
comedy and I'm just guessing
22:47
you both seem to be body builders. Yeah,
22:50
yeah. I'm sorry officer, are
22:52
we saying that it is now illegal to
22:54
love comedy? No,
22:58
it's just a report that you were
23:00
behaving erratically before the show started and
23:02
that you had a lot of flop
23:04
sweat and since someone was beating
23:07
a death out here. Well,
23:10
obviously, you know,
23:12
as a body builder, you sweat a
23:14
lot. The sweat is just, you
23:17
know, you're old, like
23:20
a lot of your weakness leaving your
23:22
body. Yeah, he has a heart, a
23:24
high carnitine intake, which raises his body
23:26
heat. So he's in cutting season. You
23:29
know each other. Wait a minute. You
23:31
know each other. No, I'm just, you know, as
23:33
a body builder, I kind of know a carnitine
23:35
user when I see one. Yeah,
23:37
yeah. Great guess, stranger. That's 100% true. You
23:40
need to hold. You need to hold. You
23:42
need to hold. You need to hold. You
23:44
need to hold. You need to hold. You need
23:46
to hold. You need to hold. You need to
23:48
hold. You need to hold. You need to hold.
23:51
Your one word suggestion from
23:54
Discord. Not
23:56
all improvisers are soft. Yeah.
23:58
Yeah. Now you know. Now
24:01
you know. Yeah, we proved the point. We proved the
24:03
point. Yeah. Well,
24:06
I hope in season two we all get
24:09
cast and that's sincere. Yeah.
24:12
It's gonna be a fun time.
24:15
You know, I feel like they're
24:17
gonna, you know, realize
24:20
that they've made a mistake and that we
24:22
had notes and then they're, we're the first ones
24:24
they'll come to. I
24:26
love an excuse. I
24:28
will say this, it is
24:30
a heavily
24:32
casted Asian show. So
24:35
we might not be the first on the
24:37
list, but. Well, you know, I feel like
24:39
we might do an all Asian improv group.
24:41
I mean, improv theater? No, no, no, it
24:43
wasn't. It wasn't. I
24:45
can't wait for you to see it, man. I can't wait. Oh,
24:48
no. They just spoke about
24:50
it an episode too soon. I
24:53
was just continually surprised how they wouldn't drop it.
24:56
Nope. Oh, improv.
24:58
It's his whole thing. We
25:00
were rocking with it. So
25:03
and he will be a hero eventually.
25:05
I'm sure we'll be redeemed as improvisers.
25:07
So I, ladder was a suggestion given
25:09
on our discord getting to our, the
25:11
real life of us real improvisers. Hard
25:15
or soft. Ladder was
25:17
given. Boss
25:20
was another one. Laps was another
25:22
one. Any ladder stories?
25:26
I'm trying
25:29
to think. When
25:32
my, right after my dad
25:35
passed away and it was around
25:37
Thanksgiving and I was up in
25:40
New Mexico and it was snowing
25:42
and I was
25:44
kind of going nuts and I called
25:46
my wife once and she's like, what
25:48
are you doing? It sounds like you're
25:50
outside. I'm like, I'm shoveling snow off
25:52
the roof. And she's
25:54
like, what the fuck are you
25:56
doing? Get off the roof. But
26:01
do you sometimes get in a state where you do something
26:03
and you look back and you're like, what
26:05
was I thinking? Yeah,
26:08
I feel like that's the most unsafe
26:11
way to scoop a roof, you know? But
26:14
I've been reckless. I added like
26:16
these all-terrain tires to my car
26:18
because I go snowboarding. And so
26:21
like I've been feeling invincible. I'm
26:23
like, oh yeah, I ain't worried
26:25
about snow. But
26:27
you know, there's no tire
26:30
that prevents against ice. And
26:32
I kind of learned that when you kind of
26:34
hit that corner. It's like, okay, I'm not invincible
26:36
no more. I'm just another
26:39
car on this. When you're sliding sideways.
26:41
Yeah, you're like, hold on a second.
26:43
Well, you need to tell my guy,
26:45
Bruce, my friend of mine, Bruce Wayne.
26:47
Does anybody get you tires
26:49
that are impervious to ice?
26:51
It's him. Yeah, he
26:53
has a guy. We
26:56
cut to a tire dealer ship.
27:01
Well, sir, I can tell you
27:03
these are our best ice tires,
27:06
but none of these tires are
27:08
guaranteed not to slide
27:10
on ice. So I'm not going to, I
27:12
can't give you that guaranteed, but the way
27:14
they're grooved, they're heavily grooved. And you see
27:17
these ridges right here are great for ice.
27:19
And okay,
27:21
because I'm looking for like traction
27:23
on ice. Like I was watching that fast and furious
27:25
and there was racing across the ice. And I was
27:27
like, I should make a TikTok.
27:30
You know, like I should, I should be doing
27:32
that because you don't see too many, too many
27:34
like street racers racing on ice. So I would
27:36
be the first to do it. Okay,
27:39
sir. I'm sure that's, that's all
27:41
special effects and CGI and stuff.
27:43
And good luck with your TikTok
27:46
videos. But we, we only have,
27:48
no, they're
27:51
experimental and they haven't been tested. Hold on, hold
27:53
on, I like the sound of that. Hold on,
27:55
what you got? What you got? Uh,
28:01
you cannot tell anyone about
28:03
this because I'm not supposed to even
28:05
sell this yet. I
28:08
must say this is 2025, hun. The
28:11
eight tires. Okay.
28:15
All right. They
28:17
actually modified in the back. Do you want to take a look?
28:20
Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to. I'd
28:22
love nothing more. Okay. So they
28:24
walk into the back and they go
28:26
into the men's room, which seems odd,
28:28
but then there's this door in the
28:30
back of one of the stalls that
28:32
opens up into this. But it looks
28:34
like this cavernous giant
28:37
high tech laboratory.
28:40
Welcome. This
28:43
is where Hyundai develops all
28:45
its new technology here.
28:48
Get into this suit and take these
28:50
shoes and these gloves and this mask.
28:53
Okay. I'm, I'm excited. Uh, this looks
28:55
very cool. You know, I'm a hot,
28:57
high octane individual, but I'm just gonna,
28:59
you know, we're, we're keeping secrets. I'm
29:02
just gonna, are you Batman? And
29:05
my Batman. Yeah. No, I
29:07
don't know if he is Batman. You
29:10
got the cave and the suit that
29:12
you handed me has the Batman symbol
29:14
on it. So you must
29:16
be Batman, right? Oh,
29:18
well, okay. Since we're passing
29:20
secrets, we all work for
29:22
Batman. He is
29:25
here, but you probably won't meet
29:27
him today. And
29:29
I really shouldn't let you back here, but you
29:31
seem like a guy who really has the heart
29:33
to set on a set of tires. Do you
29:35
want to look at the tires or what? Yeah.
29:37
Yeah. I'm, you know, we can't look at, this
29:39
isn't a Batman tour. I'm not going to show
29:42
you all the bat, different bat suits. There are
29:44
like 24 different specialized bat suits and he has
29:46
all sorts of different cars. I know. But,
29:48
but we up in here might as well, you know,
29:50
to get a quick tour and maybe we might, you
29:53
know, the cars upstairs. Hey Jim, I know you're, I
29:55
see you with somebody, but I just got a
29:57
question. Do you think that this flamethrower, do you.
30:00
Do you think that, can you hold it? Do you think
30:02
this is too heavy to travel if he's like diving
30:04
or do you think it's like the way to sign?
30:07
Let me see this. Ah,
30:10
it seems pretty good. I don't
30:12
know. I think it could be a little lighter. Like
30:14
when you're escaping someone, like if he was casually,
30:17
it was casual swim
30:19
to be okay. But
30:21
if you're escaping someone, especially someone with a
30:24
superpower that's underwater superpower, I don't know. It
30:26
could be lighter, a little sleeker. Okay. Thank
30:29
you. All right. Thank
30:31
you. All right. Good job,
30:33
buddy. So yeah, it's a lot of fun down here.
30:35
Yeah. Just like go fucking
30:38
crazy. Just go with your ideas.
30:40
Got flamethrowers and all that. I
30:42
mean, yeah, I can't sell you a flamethrower.
30:44
I can only sell you car stuff that's
30:47
eventually be on the market. Okay.
30:49
You want to look at those tires? Hey, hey,
30:51
hey, hey, hey. No, no, no, no, no, no.
30:53
We're not going down there. No, no, no, no.
30:55
That's Batman's office down there. Yeah. I
30:58
just look, I'm not. I just want to see
31:00
it. You know, I've just, you know, this isn't
31:02
enough. Being
31:04
a cabiners underground layer. You
31:07
got to go to his fucking office. Yeah.
31:09
It's kind of like, you know, Pringles thing.
31:11
Once you pop, you can't stop. I got
31:13
to get it. I got to see where
31:15
he sits. You know, he's office down here.
31:17
I should have brought the tires back upstairs.
31:21
Look buddy, you can come
31:23
look at the tie. Hold on.
31:26
I got to make a phone call. You
31:28
don't go anywhere. Okay. I promise
31:30
I'm going to stay right here. Don't worry.
31:36
So we see him, uh, head
31:38
down, um, the hallway that
31:41
heads towards Batman's office and he
31:43
passes Robin's office. Here's some music
31:45
going on, but it's locked shut.
31:47
And then he sees Batman's office.
31:49
Just the doors cracked just a
31:52
little bit. This
31:54
is amazing. I
31:56
wonder if he's in here. Let me just poke
31:59
my head in. Whoa.
32:04
Excuse me, sir. Who
32:13
goes there? Um, my
32:16
name's Terrence. Uh, I was, do you
32:18
work for me, Terrence? Do
32:21
you work for me, Terrence? Yes,
32:23
I do. I'm the new guy. I'm,
32:25
I'm actually in the towel department. The
32:28
bat towels. Oh, so you're a new
32:30
guy. Yeah. Well, then you know, every
32:32
new person has to fight me in
32:34
hand to hand combat. That's the initiation
32:36
to the group. Oh, oh,
32:39
okay. Is there
32:42
like a training period that I get to
32:44
before I just jump in the ring? No,
32:46
we just square up right now. Let
32:48
me stand up. Oh,
32:50
damn, you're so much taller than I thought
32:53
you got. Yeah, that's people's misconceptions.
32:55
People think that I'm a short King, but
32:57
I'm actually pretty tall. Yeah. You,
32:59
and you got all the muscles. Um,
33:03
actually, do we have this fight already? I think
33:05
we already had this fight, Mr. Man.
33:08
Uh, so like we, we can just put
33:10
your dupes up, Terrence. Okay.
33:14
Oh, I told
33:17
you to stay put.
33:19
I am so sorry, Mr. Jim,
33:21
what's going on? All your bad man. I
33:25
wanted to show him the 2025 ice tires
33:27
that we're eventually going to release. And
33:30
I should just brought the tires upstairs, but I
33:32
decided to bring him downstairs and that was a
33:34
mistake. I'm so sorry. So you mean I almost
33:36
gave the faith to somebody who doesn't even work
33:39
for me. I can't
33:41
work for you. You worked for him. Yeah.
33:43
Yeah. I was saying I I'm in charge
33:45
of the bat towels. Well,
33:48
Terrence, you will never be able to
33:50
work for me because you are dishonest.
33:52
If there's one thing about working for
33:54
Batman, it's honesty. I
33:57
mean, immediately that he let you down
33:59
here. He should have. He
34:01
should have. He should have. Honestly.
34:04
I trust him because I know that he will
34:06
be honest with me. We cut to like a
34:08
year later and Batman is in the middle of
34:10
this huge brawl at the amusement park with
34:13
the Joker and Riddler and Penguin, and
34:15
we see one of the Riddler's henchmen
34:18
is Terence, and he
34:20
runs by Batman. Hey.
34:23
What the- Yeah, yeah. Well,
34:26
you wouldn't hire me, so I decided to work
34:29
for the Joker. So now- I'm
34:31
kind of the guy who like yells,
34:35
get him. I
34:39
don't actually have to fight. So I
34:43
guess if you survive this, it's
34:46
good seeing you. I'm working with the catchphrase. This is
34:48
Bob. Catch your front ear. One of your henchmen in
34:51
the headlock. Yeah. How about- Night,
34:55
night. We
34:58
cut to hours later and
35:01
Terence the henchman is dying
35:03
in Batman's arms. He's been run
35:05
over by the ice tires of
35:08
the Batmobile. Yeah. This
35:12
never gets easier. I
35:17
try to just subdue people. I
35:19
don't try to kill. But
35:22
you are dying in my arms. You
35:25
punched me in the head 57 times. Like,
35:29
if you're trying to subdue me, you could just do
35:31
two. Your strategic punches though,
35:33
they're in all points of
35:36
the head that aren't fatal. Yeah,
35:38
maybe getting hit once, but like I said,
35:40
it was 57 times. But
35:43
with different strengths. ...human,
35:55
to unlock the bonus scene, you must subscribe to the Ad for- version
36:00
of the show exclusively
36:02
available at temperofffohumans.com.
36:06
Humans, speaking of game shows,
36:08
I sent Brett,
36:11
my buddy, my Beatles buddy, some
36:14
videos from my daughter's talent show
36:16
as it was happening. These
36:19
were so good. I don't think Will knew that's what
36:21
I was sending him, did he? I couldn't tell. I
36:25
sent Will Hines to another Beatles
36:27
fan. Can you
36:29
share that? Yeah. I
36:32
sent him two clips from the talent
36:34
show. This
36:36
was the first one. Before
36:39
you play it, they said the intro
36:41
was whatever the kid's name
36:43
is. This is so and so, I think the
36:45
first grade, from the first grade. And
36:49
he's going to play Yellow Submarine. If
36:51
I turned to Daniel. And I
36:53
was like, there is no fucking
36:55
way a first grader
36:57
is playing Yellow Submarine. I
37:02
got it. You
37:08
know, he
37:10
was going for it,
37:14
you know? Yeah.
37:30
I wasn't even going for it. I
37:34
was going to say, he feels like worse at
37:36
it than you do. This
37:39
feels like one of those things as a kid
37:41
where you're like, I can do this. And then
37:43
you get in front of an auditorium full of
37:45
people and you're like, oh no, what's a chord?
37:48
Okay, just to give you a little perspective. This
37:51
is a school of kindergarten to sixth
37:53
grade, elementary
37:55
school. And
38:00
There were 35 acts. I
38:03
know. Oh, good
38:05
Lord, my friend. And they took breaks after
38:07
every five acts. I was like, oh, dear
38:09
Lord, Danielle, I don't know if
38:11
I can do this. Well,
38:17
that's important because it comes up to a question I
38:19
want to ask you guys. But
38:22
here's the deal. And you guys have
38:24
seen talent shows through your youth or been in them.
38:30
There were kids with fucking talent. There
38:33
were kids who could fucking play the piano.
38:37
I'm not saying they're like, oh my God, they're
38:39
going to be a genius when they grow up.
38:41
But they could proficiently play it and play it
38:43
fast. And I was going, wow, for a girl
38:46
in the second grade, that's really fucking good.
38:49
There was this one girl who her
38:51
music cue fucked up, her karaoke
38:53
track, and she sang it acapella,
38:55
whatever song she was singing. She
38:58
fucking nailed it. I was like,
39:00
acapella, not knowing the
39:03
rhythm of the song, not being there, you fucking nailed
39:05
it. So it's not like all
39:09
kids don't have talent or whatever, or like this
39:11
talent show is a piece of shit. You
39:14
could have had a 12 act show
39:17
that actually would have been talent, including
39:21
my daughter. Okay. No,
39:23
no, no. Humbly speaking,
39:25
of course. Well, you know, she's
39:27
on comedy, my friend. But
39:30
what is she doing? Is she telling jokes? There
39:35
was one act, Ronnie. It
39:39
was these two second grade girls. There
39:42
were only like three comedy acts in the 35 acts,
39:45
but one of them are these two girls
39:48
in the second grade and they told like
39:51
pun jokes, basically. There
39:57
was like three jokes in a row where it was a... bunny
40:00
rabbit hair pun and
40:03
the whole audience would go and they... Why
40:06
did the bunny rabbit buy
40:08
a comb? Because
40:11
he was a hair. And
40:14
then the audience would go, oh, oh, like, like,
40:17
like they loved the pun. Oh!
40:22
Like a fucking Andrew D. Ise Clay audience. And
40:25
then the other one, they had this like
40:27
old school kind of bot film music playing
40:29
under him and the other girl would do
40:31
it trade off. Sydney
40:35
did, I would say more of an Albert
40:37
Brooks type bit. She was
40:39
supposed to be doing announcements for
40:42
the student council who runs the show and she's
40:44
on the student council. And
40:47
she's eating a bag
40:49
of chips in her first
40:51
announcement and her co-announcer's
40:53
like, Sydney, I can't
40:55
understand you. She's like, sorry, then she's
40:57
drinking through her second announcement and
41:00
she's sneezing through her third
41:02
announcement. She's announcing
41:04
the winner of the Million Word
41:06
Reader Contest. She
41:10
goes, the name is
41:12
Ah Choo.
41:15
And the other one's like, what's the name of the reader? Her
41:18
name's Ah Choo. Let's give Ah Choo a big hand.
41:21
Fucking hilarious. Are
41:23
you, is dad coaching her up at home?
41:29
Fuck yes. Rewrites, we're up all
41:31
night. Got punch up. Sorry
41:33
you weren't invited any to punch up. Hey,
41:37
hey, baby, wake up, baby, wake up, baby, wake up.
41:41
Wake up, sweetie. Hey,
41:44
so I was going over there's
41:47
what you said you were going to do for your talent show. I
41:50
was looking over it. I think we still think
41:52
we can beat this. What do
41:54
you mean? I mean,
41:56
like, listen, I know, I know
41:59
everybody's. kids and his parents are not expecting
42:34
I will give you some leeway that was that
42:37
was kind of humorous but I think
42:39
you got I think there's more there like your
42:41
delivery could be a little bit better obviously you
42:43
shouldn't trust your friends I've met them before they're
42:45
the least funniest kids I've ever ever met so
42:50
you know and also what's the deal we
42:52
don't start anything with that we don't do know what's
42:54
the deal that's not what we do here in a
42:57
better household now listen okay what I want you to
42:59
what I want
43:03
you to do is feel it like
43:06
okay so you walk in you take
43:08
a look at your audience like everything everything
43:10
means something you know that you have
43:12
to be useful use the stuff around
43:14
you like use the elements around you
43:16
everything be big right find
43:18
her natural button did
43:21
anybody notice the gum that
43:23
was under the seats the gum
43:25
that's under the seats that's it's laid
43:28
out play it up that's sticky right
43:31
that's sticky right sticky
43:33
gum it's very sticky
43:37
yeah but I'm gonna
43:39
do okay we're gonna click you
43:41
need to move out of the way I'm gonna close the
43:43
curtain stop right now that is my fucking daughter oh
43:50
when he looks like he's getting ready to sweat
43:53
ugly he's on me honey
43:55
big finish big finish big finish do you big joke
43:57
do you big joke Oh And
44:02
we cut to an hour later, it's like
44:04
a Dave Chappelle set. It's just, she's
44:07
just leaning on the mic,
44:09
smoking a candy cigarette. I
44:12
just think, you know, we shouldn't
44:14
be held down by what we say about those
44:16
people. You know, we should be free. Skip
44:19
this, skip this, skip this, skip this, skip this, skip this, skip this,
44:21
skip this. Yeah.
44:24
And, you know, and once again, I'm
44:29
here every night. Bye. How'd
44:31
I do dad? Let's
44:45
talk some more about that. That
44:48
was not far off from the truth. That
44:50
was, that wasn't even a comedic theme for
44:52
me. And
44:55
Danielle was, she was more on
44:59
the night. Let me
45:01
get some real examples. Like I
45:04
wanted her to be introduced as just
45:06
student council. Like you go up there,
45:08
like you're just a student council doing
45:10
announcements, but I knew they
45:12
were going to introduce her as like, and
45:14
here comes Abby and
45:16
Sydney with a comedy act. And
45:19
I was like, you tell Mr. James, you
45:21
don't want that intro. You want just to
45:23
come up. Just
45:25
like you're saying play it real. And
45:29
Danielle was like, they shouldn't have been on
45:31
the stage. They should have just used the student council mic.
45:33
And I'm like, I know. She's
45:35
like, you want to run the producer show next year.
45:37
I'm like, fuck yeah, I do. You
45:43
producing that show would, oh
45:45
my God, it'll be so funny. I mean, well,
45:47
I guess if it's not that many comedy acts,
45:49
cause like, what are you going to do for
45:51
music? I mean, unless you're going to be just
45:53
that harsh, like yellow submarine kids, like, what are
45:55
you going to do? It's like, Hey man, just
45:57
stick with the E. Just put your hand on the E.
46:00
never change it. Hold on. Well, this
46:02
is a question I want to get to but I
46:04
want to play the next clip that I sent Brett
46:06
first and then I have a big question here. It's
46:08
similar to I think a sports question we've asked on
46:11
other shows. This
46:15
act happened like five
46:18
acts later and I was like,
46:20
oh my god, this is the world
46:22
we're in. So this
46:24
act was introduced as a DJ. So,
46:27
dear
46:29
listeners,
46:32
one of the acts which was
46:34
introduced as a DJ just
46:52
went up on stage with a keyboard
46:55
that was not any kind of equipment
46:57
and pretended to be a DJ and
46:59
jumped up and down the way for
47:04
three minutes straight with techno. That
47:07
was Diplo's daughter, right? Yeah,
47:11
you gotta go to the same school as Diplo's. Oh my god,
47:14
I was dying. I
47:17
was dying laughing and
47:19
like, do they have
47:21
to be in the talent
47:23
shows? That's the question I'm
47:25
getting if you're running. So this
47:27
is the question and especially when
47:29
you see the juxtaposition of that following like
47:31
some girl who can really play a piano,
47:33
it is up next, DJ
47:37
and someone is jumping up
47:39
and down. I turned
47:41
to Danielle and I was like, fuck
47:44
her parents. Fuck
47:47
them. Send in the kid
47:49
out there pretending to be a DJ.
47:53
So the question is,
47:55
because that's on the parents. It's not on
47:57
the school or the little
48:00
girl, it's at
48:02
what age do
48:05
you go, okay, you're
48:07
old enough to actually work on something and have
48:09
a talent and you're going to be in
48:11
a show with other
48:13
people who do. I'm not going to
48:15
let you go out there and pretend
48:17
that you can do something when you
48:20
can't. Yeah. Well,
48:23
no, I think a
48:25
lot of well-paid DJs are pretending to
48:27
be a DJ. Sure. Sure.
48:32
That was fucking hilarious. I
48:34
mean, if he has, also
48:36
if somebody is a father, if
48:38
Naomi, what's your stance on this?
48:42
Right. You know, I am right
48:44
at that point when I'm trying to decide, you know,
48:46
what my stance would be. Because
48:50
like, yeah, she is right
48:53
at that midpoint where she is learning.
48:55
There's like, so she, Naomi is going
48:57
to be eight in May, seven. And
48:59
seven was the year that
49:02
she learned that she isn't just going
49:04
to be exceptional at everything because I
49:06
feel like from like
49:08
three, when they're actually like remembering
49:11
and realizing the shit that you're saying,
49:13
to like, to
49:16
six, they're doing so much stuff
49:18
that's exceptional for this person who you used
49:20
to lay on the ground and they would
49:22
just lay on their belly and throw up, that
49:24
you're just always like, oh, you're so great. Oh,
49:26
this is so good. Oh, this is good. And
49:30
then like, I remember
49:32
the exact moment because she was doing math
49:34
homework and she had a hard,
49:36
she had a hard time kind of figuring it
49:38
out. And she started like sniffling
49:40
and she was like, am
49:42
I dumb? And I was like, no, you
49:45
just have to work at stuff now. Like it is
49:47
not just pointing at your fingers and knowing what it
49:49
is. I was like, if you want to be good
49:51
at stuff, you could practice. I was like, look at
49:54
all this stuff you did to get to this point
49:56
that used to be hard for you. And
49:58
now it's easy. And so. So I'm
50:01
kind of thinking of whether or not, you
50:05
know, when am I gonna do the talent
50:07
thing because she tumbles,
50:10
she, you know, she doesn't
50:12
really, she used to like
50:14
to sing, she doesn't like singing as much, she
50:17
liked to dance. But yeah, I am getting to the point
50:19
where it's like, if we gonna do this, we gonna do
50:21
this, you know? Like I'm like, we're
50:24
gonna get into it because the
50:26
best example- If I
50:28
may parse it a little, where
50:30
would you or what age if she right
50:32
now were to say, to
50:35
do this act I just showed you and
50:38
say, I wanna go jumping up and down and be a
50:40
DJ, would
50:42
you- she might have great joy from that. So
50:44
that's the one side of it is like, hey,
50:46
if she's having fun, who gives
50:49
a fuck? And the audience is gonna get- I
50:52
was laughing my ass off that DJ.
50:54
One of the best acts for me
50:56
from the show. But do you go
50:59
to- are you fooling them like Santa
51:01
Claus? Yeah, I
51:03
feel like with that, I wouldn't let her
51:05
do that. I would at least have her
51:07
stumble through a transition. I'm like, look, I
51:09
got the decks. So you're gonna either DJ,
51:11
but I'm not gonna let you stand on
51:13
stage and jump up and down. What
51:16
if that's the roast of all
51:18
time where it's like the mom
51:20
or the dad is all DJ. So
51:23
they were like, look mom, look dad, I'm you. And
51:25
they do this thing, I'm gonna end that I'm doing
51:27
the thing. And so they go on stage and they're
51:29
having the time of their life. Like as a parent,
51:31
and this is me, this
51:35
is me in a scenario where
51:37
I'm a parent, but I'm also a comedian. And
51:39
I would go, you know what? If
51:42
I have to sit there and watch 34
51:44
other acts, most of them that stink, then
51:47
I'm gonna make them watch my kid do
51:49
three minutes of bullshit just like they make
51:51
me watch their kids do like, fuck it.
51:53
I get revenge to the other parents, not
51:56
even about your kid. Oh yeah. I
51:58
know it is funny because I. Naomi
52:02
did this like Little Mermaid Junior performance
52:04
and you know it's on YouTube and
52:06
we were watching it and it's funny
52:09
to see her be like so like
52:11
on point to the point that she
52:13
looks off because like she is going
52:15
to the
52:18
choreography and these other kids just
52:20
cannot figure it out. And
52:24
then you're sitting there and she's in the background and
52:26
then I started getting type and I was like why
52:28
is she, why is she, why you
52:30
have this kid singing? Put my daughter
52:32
in the front. Let her be here.
52:35
There you go Izzie. But I don't
52:37
think Naomi would want to, like
52:39
I think she likes being in the back. I think
52:41
if she had to be in front of everyone singing
52:43
she'd be like I'm out. Nah, nah, let me be
52:45
in the back doing my thing holding it down. But
52:49
in one way or another she'll, whether
52:52
it's singing or dancing or acting
52:54
or drawing or the fuck, she'll
52:56
find her way from experimenting and
52:59
then parents we encourage that. And it's like
53:01
yeah, keep doing that. You enjoying that? But
53:03
like my daughter, I remember
53:05
the first time watching a dance class
53:07
where I said Danielle like so
53:10
Sidney's the worst dancer
53:13
in this class by
53:15
far, right? I'm
53:17
not just, don't know
53:19
about dancing. And
53:23
at a certain point if
53:25
she still loved it, she could
53:27
still be doing it. I don't give a fuck if
53:29
she loved it. But at a certain point she looked
53:31
around and realized it like oh, she
53:34
doesn't want to be the worst dancer in the
53:37
class. I'm wondering what
53:39
age that is because I lose perspective. I'm always
53:41
just in the age that Sidney is. But
53:44
as a parent watching 35 acts you're like come
53:46
on, can it, why can't it be 20 acts?
53:50
Yeah, yeah, we can group some of these up. We
53:52
can make a band or a dance group. Are
53:56
you going to have to cut? Yeah.
53:58
So that's a good question. Yes to
54:00
everyone. So let's start one where they've
54:03
cut it and we're having a meeting.
54:07
I'm glad you guys came in. I know this is
54:09
the first year that I didn't accept some of the
54:11
acts. Yeah, I wanted to talk.
54:13
It was a little too long last year. It
54:16
went over two hours. So we just needed to
54:18
cast a
54:20
little bit of discretion on what
54:23
acts we included. But remind
54:25
me what act you channeled my
54:27
son had the spoken word poem
54:29
about the broken US jail system.
54:31
And I don't know why that
54:34
guy sidestepped in this. Oh,
54:36
the poem that didn't rhyme. I
54:38
mean, well, it's what the rhyme
54:41
was the message, you know, like, that's
54:43
what's really right. That's what
54:45
he told me. He kept yelling at me.
54:47
The rhymes, the message. Yeah. Yeah. So I
54:49
don't know why that wasn't in there. It
54:52
just seemed more like a rant and
54:55
an opinion piece more than a poem.
54:57
And he insisted it had to be
54:59
the entire 10 minutes.
55:02
And we do still have the three
55:04
minute acts rule. Well, so here's the
55:06
thing. So that might not meet the
55:09
requirements to be an
55:11
exception. But my daughter
55:13
wanted to do a dance because
55:15
you don't know if you know that her
55:18
grandmother is Cherokee. Her grandmother was
55:20
Cherokee. So my daughter wants to do an indigenous
55:22
dance that
55:24
symbolized, you know, the
55:28
fact that, you know, my mother,
55:30
my mother was one of the first she
55:32
was a part of one of the first
55:34
people being in her tribe. And
55:37
so my daughter wanted to do a dance and the dance was
55:39
15 minutes. But you can't you can't
55:42
you can't do it any shorter than that. Otherwise, it disrespects
55:44
it disrespects the ancestors. Well,
55:47
we had we had a child do
55:49
American Pie, which is in a 10
55:51
minute song and did a really nice
55:53
two and a half minute rendition of
55:56
that. Yeah. OK. But
55:59
American Pie is different. than doing
56:01
an indigenous Cherokee ancestor dance. I'm
56:05
beginning to think something about these choices.
56:07
Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm starting
56:10
to see the through line you're trying
56:12
to make here and I agree. Yeah,
56:14
there's two children who'd be an entire
56:16
show. Just those two acts would
56:21
take up an entire show. Yeah, I
56:23
don't know. Those guys, you
56:26
guys are overreacting. But
56:28
I do have a problem because my
56:30
son, you didn't take his pitch,
56:32
but my son, he was supposed
56:34
to, he was going to
56:36
go up there and tell everybody why
56:38
Trump needed to be the president for
56:41
2024. And he was going to
56:43
give all, he's going to give all examples
56:45
of why. That is a talent. He's
56:48
able to eloquently express why Trump
56:50
will be a good president for the
56:52
three minutes or so, because he was
56:54
going to do it for three like
56:57
you said. Well, he just screamed,
56:59
make America great again. That is
57:03
not a salient point. Okay.
57:05
And build a wall, I guess, was his
57:07
one. That is fine. That
57:09
is fine. These, all everyone else is
57:12
definitely, they are doing too much. They
57:14
are now. But my son wanted
57:17
to read things fall
57:19
apart. Chino, Chinoa, it's
57:21
a dynamic story from
57:25
start to finish for
57:27
the audience. And you said it would
57:30
take too long. The
57:32
first take when he showed us that,
57:34
he just read it to himself. He
57:36
was reading it to a mic. He
57:39
was just agreeing with it, wildly.
57:41
Look, he had stage fright, but if
57:43
you were to give him a chance
57:47
to read all 155 pages, you would see not
57:49
only would he be a great talent to show
57:51
his talent. That
57:54
sounds longer than the indigenous dance.
57:57
We do not have that. Any
58:01
other parents? Yeah, so look I can
58:03
understand why you didn't take any of
58:05
their children. Okay,
58:08
it's not a competition. Okay, but... You guys
58:10
don't have to call each other out. My
58:12
daughter is a great artist
58:15
and the fact that you wouldn't
58:17
let her draw the human body
58:20
on stage, just the different ways that she
58:22
can draw. It was the nude. It
58:25
was the accompanied adult nude we
58:27
couldn't have on stage. How
58:31
can you see the talent my daughter
58:33
possesses if you can't see the canvas
58:35
from which she draws from? Ma'am, put
58:37
your clothes back on. Why
58:40
can I keep my clothes on? We cannot continue this. Why can
58:42
I keep my clothes on? This is not in art class. What
58:44
is this? Okay, well look,
58:47
my child has been practicing in
58:49
the garage for over two weeks
58:51
and didn't get the chance to
58:53
show her talents in front of
58:55
everyone. She
58:58
was going to go through how many
59:01
generations we are separated from the
59:03
Queen and that my
59:05
cousin is the lead singer of Block Party
59:07
and you didn't give us the chance. I
59:10
thought going through a family tree
59:12
would be actually a
59:14
unique and interesting act and I gave
59:17
her the benefit of the doubt. I
59:20
think a lot of the
59:23
branches on the tree seem
59:25
very unsubstantiated and I think it
59:27
would take a lot of fact checking before I want
59:29
her to say these things. How dare you. You can't
59:31
be related to all these famous people. Yes,
59:34
we are. Freddie
59:36
Mercury is my cousin once
59:38
removed. Lead singer of Block
59:40
Party is my cousin, like I've already said. Look
59:43
at the Eli Whitney, James Thurber,
59:46
Genghis Khan. Yes,
59:48
yes, Genghis. Yes, Uncle
59:51
Genghis. Yes, of course. I
59:53
don't know what the problem is,
59:55
you know. And if that didn't work,
59:57
we're going to be in the back. make
1:00:00
a shmoovy on the stage. You
1:00:02
know, but you said you can make
1:00:04
a shmoovy on the stage because then you'd have to make
1:00:07
a shmoovy for everyone. You get the picture? No
1:00:20
one word suggestion from Discord.
1:00:24
That would be pretty good though. Yeah,
1:00:27
if there was a kid who was like,
1:00:29
my channel is making smoothies, I'd be like,
1:00:31
rock on. Give him as
1:00:33
much time as he needs. I
1:00:35
got to get the smoothie. Even
1:00:38
going, if there was a kid who's like, knew
1:00:40
a lot about family trees, can talk about it
1:00:42
an interesting way, that would be more of a
1:00:44
talent. Yeah. So, they can
1:00:46
protect now. Or if you're going to do
1:00:49
the cute thing, do it for 30
1:00:51
seconds. Do we need the
1:00:53
three minutes? Did
1:00:56
she at least add something where if she
1:00:58
would at least press the button and like,
1:01:00
oh yeah, or something went off or something?
1:01:02
Did she add anything? No.
1:01:05
Like, damn son, where'd you find this?
1:01:13
Before you edited it, I
1:01:16
was going to be the
1:01:18
kid who played Yellow Submarine. And then I
1:01:20
was like, now he knows Lucy and this
1:01:22
guy with diamonds. I
1:01:26
mean, that's
1:01:28
the funny thing of like doing
1:01:30
Yellow Submarine is because I feel
1:01:33
like it is like attributed as
1:01:35
this kid, you know, centric thing
1:01:37
when it's really just the drug
1:01:40
album. So, you know. Yeah.
1:01:43
Also, I think, listen,
1:01:45
no one's saying that a kid has to
1:01:48
be good. Like, obviously, I'm an adult and
1:01:50
I could still I could still understand that.
1:01:52
Like, oh yeah, like even me
1:01:54
as an adult. But there was
1:01:56
just something about how bad it was. It
1:02:00
was something about how bad it was juxtaposed
1:02:02
with how little he was doing. Like, it's
1:02:04
one thing to be like, well, he's trying
1:02:06
to switch a bunch of chords and do
1:02:08
other things, so obviously it's not working. But
1:02:11
he seems pretty stationary with it, so it's
1:02:13
like he chose the chord that he chose,
1:02:15
which was not good, and then
1:02:18
just stayed with it. Right. And
1:02:21
you asked a good question. Did they have to do this? Like
1:02:24
if you had to do it, then you'd go,
1:02:26
okay, well, he had to. The kid, he doesn't
1:02:28
have a talent, he was told he had to do
1:02:30
something on talent show. But
1:02:32
no, this is something the parents have
1:02:35
to send in a video. This is
1:02:37
about the parents. I
1:02:42
mean, maybe the chooser,
1:02:45
the person who sort of like let everybody in,
1:02:47
he saw the video, he asked to show you.
1:02:49
He's like, look, the video they sent in to
1:02:51
me of him playing Yellow Submarine, this is what
1:02:53
it was, and you see it in. And he's
1:02:55
like, man, this kid could be the next Eric
1:02:57
Clapton or something. And then for some reason, he
1:02:59
got up there and just, he just.
1:03:02
Well they say, they don't say no to anyone.
1:03:04
That's the thing. Because that's what's
1:03:06
so funny about it. Hey man, I mean,
1:03:08
you of all people, you of all people
1:03:10
should appreciate that. Never saying no. Oh
1:03:13
my God. You're the character on
1:03:15
The Brother's Son? Yeah, you're
1:03:17
saying you guys are the
1:03:19
same guys. Oh
1:03:21
my God. So
1:03:29
let's go back. Let's, let's be faded
1:03:31
to that again. Let's go back to
1:03:33
this suggestion on, I'm
1:03:37
going to give you a couple of words here. Stuffed.
1:03:44
I said it before, I don't know if we did anything on it. Ticks.
1:03:49
Log jam. When
1:03:54
I hear stuffed, I can't stop
1:03:56
thinking about when stuffed
1:03:59
crust pizza falls. first came out and
1:04:01
they kept having that campaign
1:04:03
where you're supposed to eat the pizza backwards.
1:04:05
It was like, oh, you got to eat
1:04:07
the pizza backwards. That's how you eat it.
1:04:09
And I started eating all my
1:04:12
pizza backwards because of that campaign and
1:04:14
my mom would get so mad at
1:04:16
me because I'm eating it backwards. She was
1:04:18
like, it ain't even stuffed. Why? I'm
1:04:20
like, you know, I just, I never
1:04:22
considered that you can eat pizza differently. And
1:04:24
they never shelled out for the stuff
1:04:26
crust, the, the, the Wadiwe household. And you,
1:04:29
I would ask them for it and they'd
1:04:31
be like, no. Okay. And the lemonade's over
1:04:33
there and the beer's in the cooler. And
1:04:37
iffy, all
1:04:39
I'm asking of you is just
1:04:42
for your uncle's birthday, please
1:04:45
don't eat the pizza in any weird
1:04:47
way and make the birthday about you
1:04:49
and eating pizza backwards. Okay. I don't
1:04:51
know why I'm being just bugs him.
1:04:53
He's old school. Okay. But
1:04:56
also, if I may just
1:04:58
open the floor and ask, why
1:05:00
would I have to change who I am for
1:05:02
my uncle and his birthday? I think he
1:05:05
has a birthday gift to himself
1:05:07
could be accepting that. You're the only one
1:05:09
who didn't bring something to the potluck. I
1:05:11
told you, I just wanted one thing from
1:05:14
you. It's just eat,
1:05:16
eat the pizza from the tippy
1:05:18
small end to the wide end like everybody
1:05:20
else does. Okay. I'll do, I guess I'll
1:05:23
do, I'll do it for uncle if that's
1:05:25
all it'll take. And because he called out
1:05:27
the fact that I did not bring anything
1:05:29
to this potluck. I mean, I
1:05:31
thought I'd sent on the thread that I
1:05:34
ordered a pie to get here and
1:05:37
it looks like it didn't come. So like I did
1:05:40
get something. It just, you know, I
1:05:42
have to check in with Postmate and
1:05:44
get my money back. Well, we don't
1:05:46
need a key lime pie from Minneapolis
1:05:48
next Thanksgiving. Okay. Hi,
1:05:51
I made it. Oh,
1:05:53
hey. Thank you for inviting me
1:05:55
to your uncle's party. I got I've
1:06:00
never I mean this is I
1:06:03
mean this is kind of a weird second date but at
1:06:05
the same time you've you seem like
1:06:07
somebody who really thinks outside the box so I had
1:06:10
to say yes yeah you know
1:06:12
I do things kind of
1:06:14
differently even when I'm punished for it
1:06:16
so you know I just know
1:06:19
is that pizza can we eat this yeah
1:06:21
yeah go ahead all
1:06:23
right everybody let's dig into the pizza
1:06:26
uncle's just a little bit late but
1:06:28
he'll be here pretty soon okay remember
1:06:31
it's also not a surprise party
1:06:34
so you'll Oh prize when he
1:06:36
walks in okay yeah
1:06:38
yeah look I
1:06:40
feel like any party that starts without
1:06:42
the person the parties for being there
1:06:44
is a surprise party so
1:06:47
that is that is on me but I also
1:06:50
want to you
1:06:53
know say hey maybe
1:06:56
we just do what we want maybe
1:06:58
maybe today tonight's the night
1:07:00
we don't let the constraints
1:07:03
of society tell us
1:07:06
what's good everyone's
1:07:08
family's eye rolling that mr. fucking
1:07:10
Hollywood Dave was all his fucking
1:07:12
opinions okay
1:07:14
here we go and he and they
1:07:17
start to open the pizza boxes and
1:07:19
just the smell of just fucking mama
1:07:23
Mia's pizza floats
1:07:26
through the air and everyone's gravitating to
1:07:28
it it's really good pizza man if
1:07:30
I was a cartoon I'd be floating
1:07:32
in the air towards this pizza you
1:07:35
know but
1:07:37
I'm gonna eat it you know
1:07:39
for yourself everybody we got plenty of
1:07:42
boxes yeah gonna eat from the tip
1:07:44
small tippy side like everyone keeps asking
1:07:47
me we pan around the room
1:07:49
and see every every
1:07:51
family member that knows if he's giving
1:07:54
them this side eyeball to
1:07:56
make sure fuck up the in
1:07:58
this completely normal
1:08:01
from the tiny,
1:08:06
tiny side like we're
1:08:09
supposed to. Yeah.
1:08:14
He's flipping it around and he
1:08:16
avoids the tiny side and
1:08:18
he flips it around to where
1:08:20
he's taken the edge of
1:08:23
the crust first. Not the
1:08:26
full middle
1:08:28
inside of the crust but just the
1:08:30
edge where it is its own. Yeah.
1:08:35
What are you doing? Um,
1:08:37
I'm eating. Niffy! I'm
1:08:39
eating the pizza. What's
1:08:43
that fucker doing? I'm
1:08:45
eating the pizza as I should. I'm
1:08:47
eating the pizza like it calls to me. I'm
1:08:50
eating it. Eat it right. Your uncle's
1:08:52
gonna be here any minute. If he sees you eating
1:08:54
it like that he's gonna kick everyone's ass not just
1:08:56
you. Look, that's
1:09:00
the price I have to pay to eat
1:09:03
pizza the delicious way
1:09:05
then empty my pockets. Wait,
1:09:08
you eat pizza from the back? Yeah.
1:09:11
Yeah, I do. Oh. What
1:09:15
do you mean? Weren't
1:09:18
you just saying how you like my out of the
1:09:20
box thinking and all that? Later
1:09:22
with her friends. From the
1:09:24
back? Yeah, he ate it from the back.
1:09:27
You know what that means. No,
1:09:29
I don't. Guys
1:09:33
that start with the crust they try to
1:09:35
eat your pussy backwards. Okay.
1:09:40
Well, everybody knows that's the wrong
1:09:42
way to eat pussy. No,
1:09:44
but I'm telling you I used to date a guy
1:09:46
that ate crust first and
1:09:49
I was going to let it slide. But
1:09:51
when it came to eating my pussy I
1:09:54
can't tolerate eating it backwards. I'm
1:09:58
telling you Natalie you are my nastiest friend. for
1:10:00
sure. I mean he
1:10:02
I don't I didn't like listen
1:10:05
it was just so weird like I've never
1:10:07
seen eating pizza from the back is so
1:10:09
strange. Now eating it from the middle yeah
1:10:13
of course you sever the pizza in half and
1:10:15
then therefore then you start you sever it in
1:10:17
half you eat it. Now if I got ate
1:10:19
a pizza in the middle like that then I
1:10:21
knew my pussy would be eating the right way
1:10:23
but from the back that's so weird it's
1:10:25
like you're starting from the fattest
1:10:27
part to the smart. Are you gonna go on
1:10:30
another date with him? Fuck no. After
1:10:32
I saw it even after I expressed
1:10:34
myself he munched on the he
1:10:36
munched on that back like I hadn't even said
1:10:39
it like it was so I felt so awkward
1:10:41
I was at this family gathering I
1:10:43
didn't even know anybody and then I was there with probably
1:10:46
the psychotic the most
1:10:48
psychotic member of the family and
1:10:52
they didn't see each other after that for
1:10:54
a long time and they met they
1:10:58
met different people and they both married
1:11:00
went their separate ways when I moved
1:11:02
across the country and then moved back
1:11:04
after divorce and the other
1:11:06
one got a divorce and
1:11:09
30 years later they
1:11:11
both see each other across a wedding
1:11:13
reception of a
1:11:16
mutual friend that they didn't know
1:11:18
is a mutual friend. Isn't
1:11:22
that that guy you once dated
1:11:24
or went on a date with who
1:11:26
ate pizza backwards? That's him.
1:11:28
Oh my gosh Natalie
1:11:31
you have the memory of an
1:11:33
elephant. My
1:11:36
gosh that is him I mean yeah
1:11:39
he has way less dreadlocks than he
1:11:41
did before. That's definitely him. He's
1:11:45
coming this way oh my
1:11:48
god. Hey do I know
1:11:51
you from somewhere? Ooh
1:11:55
girl you guys see how
1:11:57
he's nagging me? You
1:12:00
know, I just don't want to assume. I feel
1:12:02
like, you know, I think we went on a
1:12:04
day, but your hair
1:12:06
was dyed blonde when we went on
1:12:08
that date. Now you have, you know. There's
1:12:11
a waiter handing out hors d'oeuvres and
1:12:13
hands out these little mini pizzas. Yeah,
1:12:17
we did a long, long
1:12:19
time ago. You
1:12:22
invited me to your family, your uncle's
1:12:24
birthday party. Oh,
1:12:26
yeah. And you thought I was a weirdo
1:12:29
for him, for eating my pizza backwards.
1:12:34
Yeah, but I was a young
1:12:36
girl then. I just, you know, in life
1:12:38
sometimes you have, you have, like they
1:12:41
used to call it icks back then. I had an ick. Yeah,
1:12:44
yeah. Look,
1:12:46
I don't blame you. There was that weird rumor going
1:12:48
around that people who eat pizza that
1:12:50
way eat pussy backwards. And I
1:12:53
think the truth is that we eat ass. Like
1:12:55
that would be the one to one connection. Your
1:13:07
one word suggestion from Discord.
1:13:11
Okay, humans. I want to
1:13:14
do one more. Just one
1:13:16
more scene. And I'm going
1:13:19
to give you the word perturb.
1:13:22
See, you think perturbed you guys lately. You
1:13:24
want to get off your chest. You've been
1:13:27
holding in. This is a good podcast. Get
1:13:30
it out there. What's
1:13:32
bothering you? Last
1:13:35
night I saw some dude jogging in the
1:13:37
rain. Fuck you jogging
1:13:39
in the goddamn rain. Why
1:13:41
do you have to jog in the fucking rain?
1:13:43
Just trying to get hit by a car? You
1:13:47
can't take one night off. You have to go in
1:13:49
the fucking, what do they
1:13:51
call it? River, fucking
1:13:54
air river storm. Where the fucking is
1:13:56
called? This
1:13:59
doesn't. I want to say
1:14:01
this perturbs me, but I
1:14:04
recently heard somebody and they were telling the
1:14:06
story. In the story,
1:14:09
they were basically saying how they had
1:14:12
a similar routine and they've been
1:14:14
doing that same routine of stuff
1:14:16
for the last five years or so.
1:14:22
The routine was one part of their morning where they
1:14:24
would do this. I
1:14:26
don't know exactly what the thing is, but
1:14:30
when somebody says something where it's
1:14:32
like, I've been doing
1:14:34
this thing for five years straight.
1:14:37
In my mind, I go, so there
1:14:40
is not one day that you didn't do
1:14:42
that thing. Out
1:14:44
of five years, 365 days, there's not
1:14:47
one day where you didn't do the
1:14:49
thing that you... I
1:14:51
find that so hard to believe. It
1:14:56
makes you want to start to poke holes and what's...
1:14:59
Is this hyperbole? It's like, sure,
1:15:02
but the idea that you go
1:15:04
for five years straight, no, take
1:15:06
no days off, I've been doing
1:15:08
this thing. I
1:15:12
don't believe you. I don't believe you. I don't
1:15:14
believe you. I
1:15:17
assume the thing is something that's disciplined
1:15:19
and good. It's not like
1:15:21
I ate chocolate for five years. Right,
1:15:24
yeah. It had to
1:15:26
do with something. It didn't have to do with eating though, I think.
1:15:28
But it is funny because it is like,
1:15:30
oh yeah, every day I have... Every
1:15:37
day I've had a bagel and this or whatever.
1:15:41
It's like, okay. The
1:15:44
idea of it, if you've taken trips
1:15:46
or been anywhere or been to somewhere else
1:15:48
or been
1:15:52
back home, visit family, visit somebody, a significant
1:15:54
other's family, or doing this type of stuff,
1:15:57
and everywhere you've went, you've
1:15:59
had... all the materials that you've
1:16:01
needed to sort of continue this
1:16:04
transfer. I find that so difficult
1:16:06
to believe. Did
1:16:08
you hear her? A
1:16:11
toasted bagel with salmon every
1:16:13
day. That's impossible. I'm
1:16:16
going to go say something. Yeah. I
1:16:19
know they moved on in the conversation, but how
1:16:22
can you have a toaster, if it was
1:16:24
a bagel with salmon? That's
1:16:27
crazy. Salmon everywhere, fresh salmon.
1:16:29
Yeah. It's nuts.
1:16:31
I mean, what's the mercury even? You're
1:16:35
buying into it, what's the mercury? It's
1:16:38
not happening. It's not
1:16:40
happening. Maybe a bagel every
1:16:42
day. I can buy that. A bagel, not
1:16:45
toasted every day, but a toasted bagel. Excuse
1:16:48
me. Yes?
1:16:52
Hi. I wasn't in your conversation, but
1:16:54
I was sitting next
1:16:56
to it. Okay. Did
1:16:59
you say you ate a toasted bagel every day?
1:17:01
Or you do eat a toasted bagel with lox,
1:17:05
smoked salmon every day? Oh, yeah.
1:17:07
I said that, was that like 15 minutes
1:17:09
ago? Yeah. I know.
1:17:11
I've just been ruminating on it. Yeah,
1:17:15
I do. I eat it every day. I've
1:17:17
ate it every day for the last five
1:17:19
years. Well, not every day. Yes,
1:17:25
yes, every day. Toasted bagel,
1:17:28
lox, salmon every day for
1:17:31
the last five years. Never miss the day at
1:17:34
the same exact time. You
1:17:37
mean like almost every day? Like you've done it
1:17:39
so much, it seems like it's every day. Nope.
1:17:42
365 days and 366 on
1:17:44
the days where there's leap years. And
1:17:46
like I said, every day at the
1:17:48
same time. And it's not an easy time. It's
1:17:50
like a hard time that you can't make a
1:17:52
mistake. So I wake up and I eat it
1:17:54
at the same time every day. I
1:18:00
know you're walking away, but okay
1:18:04
Fred how do you have you must not you
1:18:06
must stay in your own home and never leave
1:18:08
your own home and you just have all These
1:18:10
supplies You know with
1:18:12
all time. I actually travel the world this part of
1:18:14
my job Don't
1:18:18
grab my arm, this is bullshit you're
1:18:20
lying Yeah, yeah, hold
1:18:23
on What
1:18:25
about the mercury like like
1:18:27
if you eat that much You
1:18:30
have an issue with the mercury? No,
1:18:33
well because the salmon that I get is
1:18:36
special mercury free salmon. Okay. Okay
1:18:38
This is like a double down
1:18:40
line. So everywhere you travel has
1:18:43
this special Mercury
1:18:46
free Smoked salmon
1:18:48
and a toaster available. Okay, I
1:18:50
would be lying if I said
1:18:52
that in some places where
1:18:55
I go I Import
1:18:57
salmon I do do that just
1:18:59
to make sure that it's the right salmon But a
1:19:01
lot of places that I have have the salmon that
1:19:03
I like to eat. So Hopefully
1:19:06
that answers your question and I hope you have a good day
1:19:13
Yeah, no don't leave yet here come on come
1:19:15
on come around I got me yeah, yeah, yeah,
1:19:17
yeah Yeah, no, no, no, we got more. Okay,
1:19:19
ladies. You're being very aggressive to me. Okay. Yes
1:19:21
You aggressively lied about this.
1:19:24
Exactly. I I tell stories all
1:19:26
the time and I assume this people
1:19:30
Think it's hyperbole and
1:19:32
they tell stories with hyperbole and we just let it
1:19:34
go But
1:19:37
the way you said it was like a
1:19:39
fact like you're bragging because it is a
1:19:41
hyperbole. It is a face hyperbole Yeah, what
1:19:43
is it? You live hyperbole? This is this
1:19:45
is my this this right here.
1:19:47
This is my whole personality If
1:19:50
I don't wake up at the same time every day and eat
1:19:52
the same meal, then what the fuck do I have to talk
1:19:54
about? This is what
1:19:56
my friends know me as I can't let that
1:19:58
slip away everyday, it's
1:20:00
rain, sleet, or snow. It does not matter.
1:20:03
I wake up at the same time and I eat
1:20:05
the same breakfast every day. And I've done that for
1:20:07
the last five years. And I'm champion for it every
1:20:09
time I walk into a room. It's the thing that
1:20:11
people start when they introduce me. It's the
1:20:13
thing that I'm going to use as the forward of
1:20:16
my book. So yeah. Yeah.
1:20:19
What do you mean? The forward of your book.
1:20:21
Is the whole book about it? Yes. The book
1:20:23
is about having the willpower to do the same
1:20:25
thing every day at the same time. Also,
1:20:29
you said rain, sleet, or snow. What would
1:20:31
that, why would that stop you from eating
1:20:34
salmon? Because sometimes when I'm traveling in the
1:20:36
world, like when I go to Antarctica or
1:20:38
something, I have to sleep outside. You have
1:20:40
never been to Antarctica. Why
1:20:43
don't you just lie and say something like
1:20:45
Alaska? Because I have been to
1:20:47
Antarctica. You don't know what part
1:20:49
of Antarctica I've been to. I've been to Antarctica. Later,
1:20:52
like an hour later, they've separated and
1:20:54
they're still rooming. And they're
1:20:56
more mad about that all Antarctica thing
1:20:58
than the fucking bagels. No one comes
1:21:01
to Antarctica. You've
1:21:03
got to be like a fucking special scientist or a goddamn
1:21:05
scientist. I know. Are
1:21:10
you still looking up shit about Mercury? Yeah,
1:21:13
I'm looking up the Mercury because like I don't
1:21:15
think, I don't think you can, I think they
1:21:17
all got Mercury. I think they
1:21:19
all have Mercury. You don't think
1:21:21
there isn't even, there's no Mercury feast
1:21:23
salmon that doesn't even exist? Yeah, no,
1:21:25
I think that's true. All right, let's
1:21:27
go back over there. Yeah. Hey,
1:21:31
she's talking to the bride and congratulating
1:21:33
the bride. Can we pull you away
1:21:35
from the bride for a second? Oh
1:21:37
my God. Yeah, yeah. What? Hey. Yeah.
1:21:39
One, you made up the whole Mercury free.
1:21:41
Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's fucking bullshit. I looked it up.
1:21:43
I googled it. I googled it.
1:21:45
It ain't real. It ain't real. It
1:21:48
is real. You don't know the people that I know, okay? Oh,
1:21:51
I know people. Yes, I know people who know how to
1:21:53
get the Mercury out of the hall. I
1:21:55
can't Google any of them. Like they can't be found
1:21:57
on Google. What do you do in Antarctica?
1:22:00
What business do you have up there? Yeah.
1:22:03
I work with a lot of people who... Alright,
1:22:09
if I tell you, can you keep it secret? Yes.
1:22:13
Yes. Okay. I
1:22:15
work for the penguin. Oh! Oh, he's
1:22:17
hiring? Because,
1:22:20
you know, I heard Batman be real
1:22:22
strict with the hiring, so... And
1:22:25
seeing humans. Excellent
1:22:27
callbacks, but only a
1:22:29
hard-ass improviser. Oh,
1:22:31
yeah. A real tough improviser. Real
1:22:33
Ronnie. Stick with me. Hard-ass.
1:22:36
That's how you bring in all
1:22:38
connectivity, everybody. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully this
1:22:40
is edited in a way,
1:22:42
Brett, where that shows. Yeah. They
1:22:45
say it's up to you, Brett. Power
1:22:47
is in your hand. Up to you, Brett.
1:22:50
Turn this into gold. And
1:22:56
Ronnie, where can we see you
1:22:58
to see you do improv live? Oh,
1:23:00
yeah. You
1:23:04
can always go
1:23:06
to Bones Adrian. That's where you'll be able to see
1:23:08
the place that I'm performing. You
1:23:10
know, I'm on a
1:23:13
couple of things over at the UCB Theater. The
1:23:15
big team, obviously, Banger Ranks, stuff like that. And,
1:23:20
you know, in the big team, we have some stuff coming up, different
1:23:23
shows and stuff that we got coming up. Just stay tuned
1:23:25
for that. Also, a special shout out.
1:23:28
I could always come on here. And
1:23:30
when I give my
1:23:32
socials, I always make the point
1:23:35
that nobody ever says anything nice
1:23:37
to me about being on
1:23:39
this thing. And I have to say, from
1:23:41
the last time I said it, people have reached
1:23:43
out to me just to tell me that they
1:23:45
do like what I've been doing. So for those
1:23:48
select few, thank you for reaching out. I appreciate
1:23:50
it. I think I will also say that I point
1:23:52
out that they do not listen to the episodes on
1:23:54
time. Because they definitely
1:23:56
was like way later to be like, hey, just heard
1:23:58
a just heard you on this podcast and I just
1:24:01
want to say and I'm like didn't I do that
1:24:03
like months ago? Improv for
1:24:05
humans is evergreen humans that's what makes
1:24:07
it great but we'll talk about that
1:24:09
in a second. Ify what do you
1:24:11
want to plug? You are on the
1:24:13
road a lot. Yeah yeah if
1:24:15
you Wadiway on Twitter and Instagram
1:24:18
I'll be bouncing around that's where you'll know
1:24:20
which shows but like Ronnie said you can
1:24:22
catch me at any
1:24:24
of those big team shows doing improv
1:24:27
you know I'm trying to get a
1:24:29
good word in with the artistic director
1:24:31
to probably get on an ask cat or
1:24:33
something but we'll see when that happens depending
1:24:35
on are you kidding me yeah I know
1:24:37
right you don't do ask cats yeah no
1:24:40
the the you know just getting overlooked by
1:24:42
artistic directors at the theater but you know
1:24:45
you know eventually who knows but
1:24:47
yeah for all my stand-up stuff I'm
1:24:50
posting on social I'm
1:24:52
actually on dropout just announced new
1:24:54
host so definitely new season will
1:24:56
be coming out on the 27th
1:24:58
of February so check
1:25:00
that out a lot of good stuff
1:25:02
on there improv for humans for humans
1:25:05
improvforhumans.com we have so
1:25:07
much good stuff fret
1:25:11
I like the videos I'm posting and talking
1:25:13
about I feel like that that's worth price
1:25:15
of admission yeah we've got a lot of
1:25:18
uh of ad free bonus
1:25:21
content or bonus scene on
1:25:24
each episode and
1:25:26
lots of new podcasts
1:25:28
they're just unique to improper humans
1:25:30
doing last episode had like a
1:25:33
20-minute bonus scene or something they're
1:25:37
substantial solid yeah
1:25:40
solid on my last Besser's attic I
1:25:42
took out the from
1:25:45
the attic the show
1:25:47
I did with method man and red man
1:25:49
called stung and I did all the back
1:25:51
stories on that I feel like I've talked
1:25:53
to Ronnie about that so I'm and I
1:25:56
love that amazing um
1:25:58
but yeah go there exclusive content,
1:26:01
$40 a year, humans,
1:26:03
and keep being humans. Please
1:26:30
subscribe and sign up for the Role of 4 Plans, only $4
1:26:32
a month, or $40 a year. By
1:26:37
subscribing you are giving us the ability
1:26:39
to pay our brilliant guests, and
1:26:41
giving us all the platform for
1:26:44
more interaction, and lots more comedy.
Podchaser is the ultimate destination for podcast data, search, and discovery. Learn More