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3:51

Humans,

3:55

you are entering an improvised comedy show restricted to humans. The

4:00

Londoner Empath for Humans

4:02

with Matt Bechter. Based on

4:04

your suggestions and other sources of

4:06

inspiration, Matt and guests will

4:09

perform fully and provide here today's

4:12

episode features to human guests. Hammy,

4:16

Dan, Chris,

4:21

welcome to

4:23

Empath for Humans

4:28

with Matt Bechter

4:31

and his...

4:55

Oh, I almost passed out doing that. Your

4:58

face got very red. Yeah, I once

5:00

tried to sing my war during the pandemic

5:03

straight through and I almost passed out.

5:08

Humans, welcome.

5:12

Hammy, do you get excited about

5:14

what list would you, if

5:16

you, this would be clickbait for you, you're

5:18

like, fuck, I gotta read that fucking

5:20

list. And it could be a list

5:23

where you think you're gonna get mad or you're just really

5:25

excited like, oh, I'd really like to know

5:27

what the fuck

5:30

sitcom of all time is. No, I always

5:32

get mad. I always do.

5:34

But do you want to get mad? I

5:36

kind of read lists maybe possibly

5:39

wanting to get mad.

5:41

I don't, as

5:43

I'm saying that, I'm like, I don't think I want

5:45

to get mad, but I read the list. So

5:48

clearly some

5:48

part of me wants to.

5:50

Give me an example of a

5:52

list that you would be intrigued by.

5:56

Okay,

5:57

it's always honestly something that I

5:59

know. might be on and then I'm not on. Oh,

6:02

okay. That's fun, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

6:05

So it'd be like episodes of

6:07

a show that I wrote on or like... Oh,

6:10

okay. Yeah. I'm like on

6:12

a podcast that week and they list like what podcasts

6:15

they loved of that. Like,

6:17

yeah, it's 100% something that I'm not on.

6:20

Yeah. Yes.

6:22

Okay. We cut to a

6:25

cafe where Tammy... Hey, Tammy.

6:27

Hey, what's up?

6:28

Hey, what's up?

6:30

Hey, did

6:31

you see that list, the Tammy list?

6:34

You probably haven't seen it. List

6:36

of biggest Tamies in

6:39

Hollywood in the last 25 years just came

6:41

out. I haven't quick scrolled it.

6:44

Oh. I just quick scrolled. I just

6:46

saw it myself. That's crazy. Here, I'm

6:49

googling it now. Is it like Vulture or something?

6:52

I don't know. Is it Vanity Fair

6:56

or Rolling Stone? I

6:59

get all this aggregate of news here.

7:02

No, no, no. I found it. I found

7:04

it. And everyone's retweeting

7:05

it. Let me just subscribe to Vanity

7:08

Fair

7:08

real quick. Tammy Wynette Jr.'s

7:11

daughter just retweeted it on

7:13

my feed. Okay. Okay.

7:15

Okay. I'm

7:18

quick scrolling it. Okay. Load

7:20

more. Okay. You

7:23

know what? Maybe it's... Not in the first 50.

7:25

It might be

7:26

Tammy's M-M-Y. No,

7:28

no.

7:28

It's all spellings. I've got a one... Carmel

7:31

Macchiato for Tammy. Oh, that's me. Carmel Macchiato.

7:34

Oh, no. Not you. You're

7:36

not in the top nine Tamies that have ordered Carmel

7:38

Macchiatos at this cafe. Thank

7:41

you. Excuse me. Excuse me. Tammy,

7:43

there you go. Number three. Oh, how

7:45

are you? Good to see you, Tammy. Moving on

7:47

up the ranks. How's your vacation? Oh, my

7:49

vacation. It was awesome. I was jet skiing like

7:52

a fiend. You know me. Thank you so much

7:54

for asking. I do. I'm one of the Tamies

7:56

who know you. Thank you for being such a big part

7:58

of the fabric of this place on an everyday basis

8:00

and also caring about me that means a lot. I'll

8:02

get to you. I'll get to you when I get to you. I'll

8:05

get to you when I get to you. Okay, I'll go

8:07

to the next 50. You're not on it either.

8:10

That's so unfair. I always ask

8:12

him how he's doing. I mentioned he has a tan.

8:14

He's never once mentioned that he's

8:16

been on vacation. That's not

8:18

fair. I tip him $2. You said something about him

8:20

having a tan? Yeah,

8:21

he had a tan. I was like, oh, were you out of

8:23

town?

8:23

I think that's just the color of his skin.

8:26

I always tip $2 and it's like

8:29

I never get anything.

8:31

No matter how, what if you buy a lot?

8:35

Well, then I'll tip more.

8:37

I figure also $2 every time

8:39

that builds up to...

8:43

Oh, Tammy Sager. Oh, no, that's just

8:45

G-E-R. Oh, what

8:48

is that? Do you know this

8:50

one? Tammy M-M-Y-S-A-G-E-R?

8:53

No. I guess she...

8:57

What is she even being ranked for? She created

9:00

the new Star Trek.

9:03

Oh, that's

9:04

cool. Oh,

9:07

I was reading about her. Gosh, she created

9:09

it all by herself.

9:13

Okay, well, that's... I mean, she created

9:15

a show. I've never created a show. I've just

9:16

written on shows. So that makes sense.

9:19

I'm still scrolling. I'm just quick scrolling.

9:21

Okay. You know, we could also just catch up.

9:24

I haven't seen you a while.

9:25

Yeah. It's not like my

9:27

name's Tammy. I'm sorry. I brought it up. I thought

9:30

you'd be excited. I still could be

9:32

in the top 150. I just went through 250

9:34

through 150.

9:36

Yeah, that's cool. No, it's

9:38

just... Yeah, let's actually... Do you not think

9:40

you're in it? You know

9:42

what? Who knows?

9:43

Who knows?

9:45

You're not... It seems like you...

9:48

Let's not do it. Let's just sit down. How are you doing?

9:50

Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt everybody.

9:52

Is there anybody named Tammy who drives a Honda Accord

9:54

who might have left your lights on out in the parking lot?

9:57

Yes, that's me. I didn't... Is

9:59

there...

9:59

Anybody else who fits this description? Any

10:02

other Tamies who drive Honda Accords? I'm

10:04

Tammy. I do drive on Accord, but I'm pretty

10:06

diligent about my lights. What

10:09

colors your Accord?

10:10

Like a cobalt blue. Yeah,

10:13

it's cobalt blue. You're the winner. You're the number

10:15

one Sammy in this cafe who drives a Honda Accord with

10:17

your lights on. Thank you. Oh

10:19

my gosh, a cake pop for me?

10:22

Yeah, cake pop. Thank you. Oh, you cake

10:24

pop. This

10:27

is unreal. This is really. I

10:30

loaded another 50. And

10:33

there's another Tammy Sager spelled

10:36

with two H's in the last

10:38

name and three M's.

10:40

OK, you know what? This isn't making me feel

10:43

great, Matt. So maybe we should check that. You

10:45

could be in the top. Usually,

10:47

I have a discipline about not

10:49

skipping a number one. But if you want to

10:52

go another direction.

10:53

I'm not number

10:56

one, OK? I know that about myself. We said

10:58

we would talk

10:58

about. How do you think the number one Tammy in Hollywood

11:01

right now? I mean,

11:02

Tammy

11:05

Wynette, there's probably a porn star

11:07

Tammy something. You know,

11:09

there's one of them. Yeah,

11:12

I'm scrolling through a lot of porn star

11:14

Tammy.

11:16

Actually, I'm looking at these bios.

11:18

They probably don't do any Tammy

11:20

writers. It's probably also just, well, I know,

11:23

wait, no, the other Tammy Sager created

11:25

a Star Trek. You

11:28

know what, Matt? I thought we were going to talk about my dog

11:30

who died. This is bumming

11:32

me out this list. I'm going to put

11:34

my phone away. I hate people who are always on

11:37

their phones. And like these

11:39

clickbait

11:40

lists are just a symptom of that. So let's just put

11:43

away. Hey, look, you found

11:45

me through the proper channels in the dark web.

11:47

And I generally

11:49

am no questions asked. I can take out

11:51

these Tamies, you know?

11:54

Thank you.

11:56

Obviously, I have some

11:59

quick questions. for you or maybe not obviously.

12:01

Well, not obviously just that you normally

12:03

no questions asked. It's just,

12:07

you know, have you thought of changing

12:09

your name to a less common

12:12

name? Maybe I know Vanity Fair is trying

12:14

to put out more of these name lists. Just

12:18

before you do something you can't go back from, I'm

12:20

worried about your moral you know, center

12:22

here shifting.

12:24

Well, I want

12:26

you to name the top three Tammy's

12:28

that you know, it's not actually that common

12:30

a name. I guess Ynet

12:33

Jr. There's

12:37

Kinky Tammy who I follow on OnlyFans

12:41

and then Tammy Weizoe. I didn't know he pronounced

12:43

it Tammy, but it's

12:45

a foreign name. So yeah, those are my top three.

12:53

What the fuck is going on? So

12:57

Chris, so you've read this, Brett

12:59

told me the list was out. I

13:02

scrolled it quickly before the

13:04

show and I'm not a guitar expert,

13:06

but like I was saying to Tammy,

13:09

I kind of go through some lists. You

13:12

have a few people in mind or shows

13:15

or whatever the list is that you're like, this

13:17

isn't on the list. This

13:20

list sucks or I'm outraged. So how do

13:23

you go through a list like the guitar

13:25

list, guitarist list? It's the best 250,

13:27

right? Well, I had two, I kind

13:30

of went in with two goals, which is one, I

13:33

wanted to see where Johnny Marr from the Smiths showed

13:35

up because he's going to be on the best guitar

13:38

list because he's like a real guitar nerd. I

13:40

thought he was a little low based

13:42

on his reputation. He was in the top 100

13:45

though, I think. I think up

13:47

in the sixties, I thought he'd be better

13:49

than that, but I have real success. That's pretty

13:52

okay. Go ahead. And then I also check

13:54

as a Jersey guy, I immediately,

13:57

any best guitar list, I check to see if.

14:00

Marissa Paternost, her from Screaming Females

14:02

is on there. Because

14:04

she was, right? She was. And

14:07

like that band, I mean, they came out

14:09

of New Brunswick. I mean, when you met me,

14:11

I was a Rutgers student, Matt. Like I came out

14:13

of New Brunswick as well. And if you've

14:16

never seen Screaming Females Live, it's

14:18

a real, it's really

14:20

an experience. And a lot of it is because she's

14:22

this really tiny lead who when

14:27

she goes into solo mode,

14:29

you feel like you're watching something that's

14:31

not totally real

14:34

when you're in the groove. So you got

14:37

both the people that you wanted on the list,

14:40

maybe not happy with the rankings.

14:42

But you just went in with two. And that's

14:44

how you approach maybe a lot of lists. You have

14:46

a couple like me on your

14:49

shoulder. And if they're not on

14:51

the list, you're outraged. And if they're

14:53

on, you're like, how is

14:55

so-and-so ahead

14:57

of my person that's usually the next

14:59

person? And same

15:02

question to you.

15:04

Would you care about this list first

15:06

off? I mean, when you

15:08

mention the list

15:10

of greatest guitars, my first thing is like, how

15:12

do you decide?

15:14

Yeah, for sure. What makes you good at guitar?

15:17

Like just like cool solos or?

15:21

I'll tell you because I'm

15:23

the greatest taste ever. But go ahead. How

15:25

do you decide? So that

15:27

would be my first. When I look at lists, it

15:30

is generally to get angry

15:32

and also to be like, oh, I haven't even

15:34

heard of that yet. Oh,

15:37

to get turned on some, yes. Yeah.

15:39

But generally, I feel like they make

15:41

the list to make people angry, like

15:43

to get engagement also. But

15:46

when you talk about this,

15:48

the first thing I was thinking of with Rolling Stone, when

15:50

I was 14, I remember not respecting

15:53

them anymore because that's when I discovered

15:55

Pinkerton by Weezer. And

15:57

there was a thing where Rolling Stone said it was like the

15:59

worst. of the year and then in the

16:02

like 2000s they read

16:04

it they like to the list and they put it on like top 25

16:07

rock albums of the 90s. How can I trust

16:10

anything you say then? Because it's just one

16:12

person. Yeah. And Pitchfork

16:14

they do that. They'll reconcile.

16:18

I remember in Chicago one year

16:21

that you were on a list twice

16:23

and it was best and worst

16:25

shows. Do you remember this? I do.

16:27

I do. It's

16:30

amazing that you remember this.

16:32

I love your ability to just launch into something that

16:34

could have been a source spot because of that bold.

16:38

I love this because I know exactly what she's

16:40

talking about and I hate that guy

16:43

to this day.

16:44

Was it Chris Jones?

16:46

It was. Who's like the number

16:48

one theater critic in

16:50

Chicago right now and he was like

16:53

us at the time. He's like starting

16:55

out and doing free press.

16:57

I mean honestly in Chicago

16:59

too there's like three critics so it'd be like

17:01

a list of three if you

17:03

were doing all the critics. But yeah I remember

17:07

that list being struck by eight. Yeah

17:10

you were listed in the worst show and

17:12

the best show and being like honest.

17:16

The reason I remember it so well is because in my

17:18

mind I was like that's fucking

17:21

awesome. Like that's somebody who's not

17:23

afraid to fail. He went

17:25

after me. I wish I still had.

17:27

I wonder if I could Google that review.

17:30

But he went after me in the most

17:32

petty ways. I was like this motherfucker

17:35

and I was really young.

17:37

I was like 21

17:39

or 22 and I was in a list of like and

17:46

it was a one-man show and it

17:50

was in a list of like real what

17:53

I consider people who really did one-man

17:55

shows and I was just doing this one-man show

17:57

at the Improv Olympic. I was like

17:59

Oh, man, this guy really

18:02

fucking went after me.

18:04

And his main thing was my show was two hours

18:06

long, which was too long. But

18:09

I didn't know he was doing it, but yeah. Do

18:12

you remember which show was the

18:14

top show? I don't know, it's

18:16

probably virtual reality or...

18:20

I think it was, I remember

18:23

one of the shows,

18:24

and honestly, I thought it was the bottom show was

18:26

one that you did with Susan Messing. And

18:28

then the other one was the solo show, but I didn't

18:30

remember which one was worse and which one was

18:32

best. It was very

18:35

much something that you were like... No,

18:37

I only had something like that once.

18:39

It was against my solo show, and it

18:41

was Chris Jones. I

18:45

love that you can very clearly remember the bad

18:47

review, but you can't remember what the good one was

18:49

for. I know, right? Well,

18:52

we got a bunch, we and me got

18:54

good reviews back then. I didn't

18:56

understand what a getting a bad review was, to

18:58

be honest. I think it's kind of mean

19:01

to get bad reviews at that level.

19:03

And that's where it came out of nowhere to

19:05

me. And I continue to

19:07

feel that to this day.

19:12

If I'm a comedy critic in

19:14

a major city, and I'm gonna go see a comedy

19:16

show, and it's someone

19:19

in their early 20s, they're

19:21

just beginning and they shit

19:24

on... I mean, figuratively

19:27

have a shitty show. I'm gonna go out

19:29

of my way to give

19:31

them a bad review. Just give them no

19:33

review. Like they don't deserve...

19:38

You have to go give the... And

19:40

go give the high ticket price show

19:42

with the person who's

19:45

known, give them a bad review

19:47

because they're ripping off the customer

19:50

somehow. Like an improv

19:52

Olympic show. Come on, that's crazy.

19:55

We cut

19:55

to the offices of the Chicago Tribune

19:58

and editor approaches. Chris

20:00

Jones. Hey,

20:02

Chris,

20:03

I got your

20:05

review.

20:07

You went to Naperville High School

20:10

and

20:12

I didn't ask you to go see our town.

20:15

Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant, I thought you were asking

20:17

me if I attended Naperville High School and I

20:19

would have said no. And if I had as a graduate,

20:21

I would have been ashamed of the quality

20:23

of this production of our town. I know

20:25

you did. But did I attend that woeful

20:29

piece of dog shit they're calling our town?

20:31

Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Okay. Yes,

20:34

I'm sorry. I spoke a little rhetorically

20:36

there. I know that you didn't go to that school because that

20:38

was the lead to your article.

20:41

I didn't go to Naperville High

20:43

School and if I did, I would be ashamed. Yeah.

20:47

Right. There was a, I asked

20:49

you to go see this life at Steppenwolf.

20:51

That was the show you were supposed to

20:53

go see. Yes, it turns out tickets for that were sold

20:55

out. So I found another play with a two-word

20:57

name and replaced it. And frankly,

21:00

frankly, my main thought walking out

21:02

of there is this is why you don't cast sophomores

21:05

as leads. You don't cast

21:07

a sophomore as a lead. That

21:09

girl's voice was cracking at inopportune

21:11

moments. It took me out of it. Frankly,

21:13

her ability to commit to the emotional

21:16

complexity of our town was not there.

21:18

I don't think her cerebral cortex has developed enough,

21:20

frankly.

21:22

Honestly, Chris,

21:24

you went after her body as

21:26

well, which was Well,

21:28

friends and family here.

21:30

Okay. Disturbate

21:33

your, your running commentary.

21:36

If my commentary is bothering

21:39

you, I would suggest that nothing should be bothering

21:41

you more than the lighting choices

21:44

of this play. And if there's one thing

21:46

to bother you more than the lighting choices, it would be the choreography

21:49

and the staging. And if there's anything

21:52

that should bother you more than that, it would be every directorial

21:54

choice. Frankly, the number of things you should

21:57

be complaining about. Let's just talk about the

21:59

staging. The staging

22:01

and blocking you kept talking about, but when

22:03

you're doing that, you're standing

22:05

up in front of us and waving your arms.

22:09

You're blocking us way more

22:11

than any poor choices in

22:13

blocking on this stage. Do you understand that?

22:16

Do you understand that you're hearing the wise

22:18

words of Chris Jones? Do you understand

22:21

who I am? Do you understand the power

22:23

that I wield?

22:23

Just let it go, Jim. Just let it go.

22:25

He's

22:26

just Jim. Just let it go, Jim.

22:28

Jim, listen to your little lady Jim. Just

22:30

let it go. What the hell?

22:33

Jim, just listen to your lady and let it go.

22:36

I'll be struck by the hypocrisy of the...

22:42

What was that? You're bringing out your

22:44

recording? I have a soundboard.

22:46

I have a soundboard. I have

22:49

a soundboard I bring with me. Are you

22:50

a morning DJ or something? You just do drop?

22:52

When I see cliche work, I

22:54

answer with cliche sound clips. When

22:57

I see cliche work and when I hear cliche complaints

22:59

such as yours. And Jim, once again, I would

23:02

say, listen to your little wifey and run along,

23:04

Jim. Run along,

23:06

Jim. I don't mind doing

23:08

what she says, but your attitude,

23:11

sir, I will never forget.

23:14

Hey, Chris. Chris,

23:18

I just want to thank you for

23:20

that review of the play.

23:24

You know, I auditioned and I've auditioned

23:26

for that director so many times. I

23:28

always get cast in the smallest roles

23:31

and it took a real strong man

23:33

to finally call out

23:35

what was happening on that stage. Thank

23:37

you. Thank you.

23:39

It's an honor and

23:41

a privilege to do what I do

23:44

and thank you for noticing. Chris is

23:47

a barista at a coffee shop talking

23:49

to a 14-year-old girl. Can

23:52

I just ask? I'm thinking just because

23:54

of the way you've inspired me. I don't even know

23:56

if I want to pursue acting anymore. I think

23:58

that what you do...

23:59

Is the true

24:02

art in a lot of ways. Hey,

24:05

Tammy, have you seen the list? Have

24:07

you seen a new list? No, is it? What is

24:09

it? Tammy list is out. Is

24:11

it in falter?

24:19

Let's talk some more about that.

24:22

So yes. Now I have to ask Brett

24:24

last because he's, he's

24:27

a guitarist, frankly. So

24:29

you know, he's got,

24:30

he's got many chips on his shoulder when

24:33

he enters a list like that. So

24:35

who, who was the, who did

24:37

you bring into your list, Brett?

24:41

When you were like this guy

24:43

or this one better be on this fucking

24:45

list. Did you not? Did you not?

24:48

I haven't read through the whole thing. So

24:50

I can't say who, uh, is

24:53

left off, but I can

24:55

say like, spoiler for Brett's answer is he is

24:57

wearing a bucket head right now. I

25:01

don't think a

25:04

list. I don't think he was. And

25:07

I would say there weren't a lot of metal guitarists

25:09

in general

25:11

with metal being focused

25:13

on guitar. Marty Friedman from

25:16

mega death. If he's not on there, uh, I'm

25:19

throwing the whole thing. I remember that. Is

25:22

there

25:22

somebody, if they made the list

25:24

that you would be upset about? Yes,

25:29

for sure. Um, one

25:31

that did upset me is this artist,

25:34

uh, her H E R. Yeah.

25:37

acronym. Who seems like she

25:41

just only pops up on like award

25:43

shows for some reason, like the Grammys,

25:46

but like, not a real artist for some

25:48

reason. She, it just seems like

25:50

a lot of showyness

25:52

of like, I'm a guitar

25:55

player. I'm bringing back guitar, but

25:57

there's not a single thing

25:59

that she's. doing that is in any way

26:02

new or like that impressive. It's

26:04

more just like, isn't this crazy that

26:06

a pop star is actually playing

26:08

a guitar solo?

26:10

I feel like that's part of it

26:12

for me too of going on a list is not just

26:14

to see if people I like are on it, but to see

26:16

if people that I don't like are

26:18

on it. I don't know enough about

26:20

guitar like Brett does to have

26:23

that part outrage me, but

26:25

I do enter and I want to answer Dan's

26:28

question. I think it should be

26:30

guitarist who created a new sound

26:33

for when you hear

26:35

songs they're in, they're like, Oh, I

26:38

fucking know that guitar like Johnny

26:40

Marr, for instance. And you're like,

26:43

they created their own fucking sound.

26:45

The perfect example is literally the first

26:47

thing you read 250. The last on the list is Andy

26:51

Summers from the police who

26:54

literally created. He basically

26:57

put a stamp on my. I

26:59

love this. I mean, the every

27:01

breath you take guitar part as

27:04

a legendary story even behind it

27:06

in the studio. And we cut to

27:08

a part of that. I know, man, but you

27:10

guys got to go. Hey guys, can you get

27:12

bread out of here? He's fucking in rant

27:14

about it. Trying every

27:17

angle on this. You can't even play a nice

27:19

chord without somebody. Accusing

27:22

you love him and love the

27:24

police. There was only three of those motherfuckers. I

27:26

know. But I read Daniels getting mad

27:29

and she likes to put a cap on it at midnight.

27:31

You guys just if you take him home, I don't

27:34

think he's drunk to come out. He didn't even like the

27:36

song. Sting dared

27:38

him to play guitar on it. Oh,

27:40

I'm having just pains. I'm having pain. We

27:43

better break up. Can you help Chris?

27:45

Yeah, bread him to his car.

27:47

I haven't even finished my point yet.

27:50

We could finish. I got to go to a heart

27:53

attack. I got to go to the hospital. I got to go

27:55

to the hospital. Who can get me? Every

27:58

breath he takes is very important.

27:59

It's important right now, Brett. So... More

28:03

important than every breath you take?

28:05

Because I think that song, I mean... You

28:08

hear one note of it and you know what it is. Please,

28:10

get me to the hospital, please. I

28:12

also think the rest of you guys think I'm making this up

28:14

to trick him. Why? But

28:17

I'm not. I'm not. I'm

28:19

having chest pain. Oh my God. I can't

28:21

deal with a real heart

28:22

attack. He's having real... He

28:23

is. No, stop saying it sarcastically. Stop

28:25

laughing. This is not a trick, guys. This is not

28:28

a trick on the Brett situation. I'm

28:30

having chest pain. We cut to...

28:34

I don't know where Derv table at the

28:37

wake.

28:38

Wow, that's fucked up. We were laughing

28:41

for like... I just... I

28:43

think for a full five minutes while he was actually

28:45

dead.

28:47

I thought he was just really selling it. He

28:49

was being hilarious.

28:51

He was so mad at you.

28:53

He's like... I think the word

28:55

sarcasm... He passed the word sarcasm.

28:58

I

28:58

was laughing with him, not at him.

29:00

Or I thought it was with him. I...

29:03

fuck.

29:04

No, I know. You were

29:06

definitely laughing at him or with him, but...

29:09

But you can't tell the cops. I

29:11

feel like we have to get our story kind of straight

29:13

on this one.

29:16

You mean the police?

29:17

No, Brett. Are you talking about the police? You were not invited by...

29:20

Brett, you were not

29:22

invited to this wake. No, not

29:24

the police.

29:29

Let's talk some more about that.

29:32

Alright, so I go into... We'll talk about

29:34

this the whole fucking show. I don't care. I

29:36

go into a list like this... With...

29:41

I think I know the punk genre better.

29:43

So I'm like, they're gonna disrespect

29:46

punk. So... I'm just

29:48

going through that, going, Who are they gonna

29:50

honor through the genre I

29:52

like? Okay.

29:54

So who they did have, Chris

29:57

knows. Can you, from memory...

29:59

name some? No, I only glanced

30:02

it over. I was just happy. Yeah, you

30:04

got a quick school. So Greg Ginn

30:06

was there at 195. Who's that? Black Flag.

30:08

Joey Santiago from

30:16

the Pixies was not there, which I thought

30:18

was... I don't know

30:20

much about guitars. Kim Deal is, but

30:22

I'm not gonna put the Pixies in there. I'm trying to stick

30:25

straight, classic punk.

30:28

Johnny Ramon was on there. Yes, and

30:30

Johnny Thunders and Bob Mould

30:33

and Tom Verlaine and

30:35

Dee Boone. I was happy to

30:37

see. But we started

30:41

the show with Ace Bay Ray of

30:45

the Dead Kennedys, but who

30:48

do I want on that list? Chris

30:50

Gethard. You probably want Lance

30:52

Hahn of J Church on that list. That's

30:56

very nice of you to say, but as a guitarist,

30:59

okay, that's not bad in the mind.

31:02

Why is that very nice for Chris to guess that that's

31:04

who you would want?

31:10

Because we both

31:12

like this particular

31:14

band, J Church, and this guy passed

31:17

away and it's

31:19

a band we both like together.

31:21

A lot of

31:23

people don't even know about. I

31:26

was at the old UCB Theater on

31:28

22nd Street one night and Matt was in the sound

31:30

booth and I was a student

31:32

and all of a sudden a J Church song came on and

31:34

I turned around and he was in the sound booth and I turned around

31:36

and was like, just instinctively, was like, wait,

31:39

you like J Church? And he was like, yeah,

31:42

do you? Because it's a band not many

31:44

people listen to. But

31:48

yeah, and that's why

31:50

everyone has a chip on their shoulder for

31:52

something when they go into any list. I

31:56

think whether it's themselves or something

31:58

they champion, And

32:00

that's why you do get upset and maybe

32:03

you want to get upset because you're

32:05

a fan That's

32:07

Colin Coward says it's short for fanatic

32:10

Wait, so who was the guitarist you were looking

32:13

for? Well doctor know the bad

32:15

brains and I think the bad brains get disrespected

32:18

on all these rock lists Play

32:22

can you find let me find

32:24

it real quick

32:29

It's so nice seeing slippers face

32:31

have the same blank expression

32:38

Yeah This happens to me when people

32:41

even like when people talk about like character actors

32:43

and I'm like, how do you remember everyone's names? I

32:46

they never stick with me. Like

32:49

I don't know the names of anybody in any of the bands.

32:51

I like ever I Don't

32:53

like that step I've like

32:55

learning that stuff

33:06

When when this came

33:08

out people did not play this past

33:12

And this band toured all around

33:15

the United States Emband

33:18

other bands would see them and go what

33:20

the fuck is going on that? It

33:25

changed the way people played Trying

33:29

to mimic this guy in this band,

33:32

so how's he not make a list Brett

33:37

you can play that fast. Yeah, I think the drummer

33:40

is playing faster I think I feel like

33:42

the speed perception of that

33:44

goes to the drummer more than the guitar.

33:47

That's why maybe I'll take

33:49

Oh

33:51

He thinks that guitar slow Play

33:55

some DRI then Brett you queue

33:57

it up.

33:58

I'm just gonna shut say everything

33:59

slow. DRI

34:03

is again it's like that what

34:05

they call DB right? See he's

34:07

schooling us you can't have an opinion around a guitar

34:09

guy. Yeah

34:25

this is slow. This is pretty

34:27

slow. You guys think this

34:29

is fast? I mean

34:32

once

34:32

they get to this part like I want to get into the pit

34:34

you know man yeah. No this is like

34:36

a slow waltz for my

34:39

opinion. Super slow

34:41

band. Yeah

34:43

it's like my mommy and daddy's music.

34:46

You think this is mommy and daddy's music?

34:48

Yeah or my grandpa. I mean they're like spitting

34:51

on us like somebody

34:52

just took came out to be shit on the Steve.

34:55

What

34:55

does that have to do with Steve?

34:57

Shitting and spitting. Once again that's what my grandma

34:59

and grandpa do. Oh no I'm

35:02

enjoying this show

35:03

please. There they are. Grandma's

35:08

in the pit. See

35:09

this is slow. Hey

35:13

grandma you gotta lift that guy up you can't

35:15

just stop him like that you gotta lift him up.

35:19

This is extra slow.

35:23

Yeah you see the drummer's kind

35:25

of fast. The guitar's

35:28

super slow. Face low slow

35:30

slow slow. You got your

35:32

ears around my ears and you're kind

35:34

of just whispering this into my head. I'm really trying

35:36

to enjoy the show man. Possibly

35:39

or otherwise. You're great.

35:41

I make it out. Don't

35:44

you want to hear my opinion? Piss

35:46

on my shit. Yeah.

35:51

I'm

35:53

embarrassed to enjoy the same thing my grandma

35:55

liked. Did you

35:57

like the openers? I

35:58

mean they were really fast.

35:59

No,

36:02

I almost fell asleep there. Ah

36:04

man, I wish I could

36:06

show you or let you listen to something

36:09

fast. I only think you'd... And

36:13

we cut to an hour later. Ah, this next

36:15

band I hear

36:17

is supposed to be pretty fast. Oh shit.

36:20

All right, man. Those guys rocked

36:22

me, man. I'm exhausted.

36:24

Hey, your grandma's like making out with I think like a 16 year

36:27

old. You might want to say something.

36:30

I know, it's so embarrassing. Embarrassing.

36:33

These slow bands, these fucking old

36:35

school sound bands are so slow. Hey,

36:39

do you want to... Like you... Oh yeah.

36:42

No, slow. Oh well. Can't

36:44

believe everything you read. Yeah, even

36:46

his voice sounds like a

36:48

real voice go down.

36:53

Hey,

36:56

I can read lips. I can get away

36:58

from my ear. Let's just like... Hey,

37:01

hey, let's just go out in the parking lot. Yeah,

37:03

I want a cigarette anyway. Yeah. Oh

37:06

man. You know what I really like about

37:08

shows? It's just giving facts and opinions

37:10

about, oh, it's on stage. And it's just

37:12

so hard to hear the opinions

37:15

and facts sometimes that, I don't

37:18

know, I like the parking lot better. It's

37:20

better acoustics for opinions out here.

37:22

I mean, for me, it's just like my parents

37:24

are fucking fighting all the time, man. Nobody

37:27

at school understands me. This is like the only place

37:29

I can just go let out some of my feelings, my

37:31

rage, my aggression, you know? Yeah,

37:33

yeah. Me too, man. Those bands

37:36

are slow, don't you think?

37:38

Hey, don't shove me. No, they weren't slow.

37:40

They were fast. Like, I would love to. So,

37:43

so, so, so. Why is

37:45

that

37:47

old lady shitting on a cop car? Oh

37:51

God, we got to get away from these

37:54

wack bands. I'm

37:57

so embarrassed by my grandma. I think

37:59

maybe when you're...

37:59

Like your grandma hit the apex

38:02

of punk and you can't out punk her. I think

38:04

you can just, you might have to go the other

38:07

direction or something like that. And they

38:09

go back into the club trying to, all right, let's

38:11

just get her and get out of here. Where is she?

38:14

Oh,

38:17

I can't. It's cabinet.

38:18

I want you to meet Dylan. I think

38:21

you used to babysit him, Gavin.

38:23

You're

38:27

Dylan. Yeah. What's

38:29

up?

38:32

Well, hey,

38:34

stop grabbing my grandma like that. I got

38:36

to take her home. Why don't you just

38:38

chill out and enjoy this fast music, bro? You

38:41

think this is fast? I don't think this is the whole

38:44

process. Bro.

38:47

Oh my God. Look at that. He's got like

38:49

two kick drums. Listen to the guitar. Yeah,

38:51

that thing. It's the drums, dude.

38:54

Who in you? Everything. See,

38:56

please. Wow. This

38:59

is like a soundtrack for a fucking

39:01

snail fucking. Get

39:04

grandma out of here. You think it's a soundtrack

39:06

for a snail? Fucking,

39:09

yes. Oh, boy. No.

39:13

Oh, listen to this part.

39:16

Ah, you spent so much time

39:18

between nodes. It's embarrassing.

39:23

My grandmother's living a whole life between

39:25

each node. Did you hear that?

39:31

I can't even see his fingers moving.

39:33

They're so fast. Let

39:36

me go see this. He

39:38

moves through the crowd, going

39:41

right up to the fucking fingers, going

39:43

up and down the frets. Slow,

39:46

slow, slow. You're

39:50

putting them in their hats. I've never said what they

39:52

have.

39:53

Slow. They really react

39:55

to one member. You got it.

39:56

Just let them rock, man.

39:59

We come to the green room afterwards

40:02

as the band is going into

40:04

the green room. Oh my god. I

40:06

feel terrible you guys. That

40:10

kid

40:14

kept just yelling slow. It got me really in my

40:16

head.

40:17

Fuck. We gotta speed

40:19

things up on stage. Oh

40:21

man. See I didn't even notice that. I was just too

40:23

distracted by how fucking hot that grandma

40:26

was. You didn't

40:28

see us. She's so sexy.

40:32

Yeah I've never seen someone on stage throw their underwear

40:34

to the audience. Yeah

40:38

I couldn't help myself. I had to strip

40:40

down and throw my underwear at her just to make sure she got

40:42

the message. She got it. Everyone

40:44

did.

40:45

That slowed you down man. That

40:47

slowed you down.

40:48

I might have been the problem up there. I was

40:50

so distracted I might have been playing too slow.

40:58

You're one word suggestion

41:00

from the Improv for Humans Discord.

41:04

Are one word suggestions on

41:07

the Improv for Humans

41:08

Discord? I'm

41:10

not quite sure where we left

41:13

off. I don't remember saying the word

41:15

butane so I think I'll start

41:17

there. I'm gonna say three words

41:19

butane rib

41:22

or pre-roll.

41:24

Like that someone edited that suggestion.

41:27

Didn't probably have the hyphen at first.

41:30

Butane rib or pre-roll. Any of those words

41:32

inspire a story from any of my guests

41:34

here?

41:35

There's

41:39

a thing happening now in

41:42

LA and probably everywhere where

41:45

there's the new suburbs or the new

41:47

strip mall but instead of a

41:49

Ross and a Cheesecake

41:52

Factory it's like a home state and

41:54

an intelligentsia. That's kind of

41:56

like a Jenny's ice cream.

41:59

move into the neighborhoods and then like all

42:02

the 30 something's are like comfortable. They're like,

42:04

okay, I get what this neighborhood is. And

42:07

that's happening in Atwater Village right now. And

42:10

there's a, the hugest of

42:12

all of the spaces is a dispensary.

42:16

And it's like, just like an

42:18

Apple store. Yeah, it's like an Apple store

42:20

size. But I went in

42:22

there just to like see what they had. And they only had like

42:24

two options for pre-rolls. And

42:28

it's like this huge space with

42:30

very limited options. And

42:32

it's to make you feel like, I

42:34

guess like, oh, this isn't shady. Look at

42:36

this big dispensary. It's

42:39

all bright and whatever, but they don't

42:41

give you the one thing you would want from a huge

42:43

space, which is like selection. Let's

42:46

cut to that. Come

42:49

on in. We're back here.

42:52

I'm so sorry, are you open?

42:54

Yeah, we're open, buddy. Biggest dispensary

42:57

in that one. I can't hear you though. You can come

42:59

closer. We're in the back of this place.

43:02

Okay.

43:03

Is there any way you could turn on some lights or anything like

43:05

that?

43:06

It's brighter as you get towards us.

43:09

Okay. Okay. Careful

43:11

near the middle. People sometimes get

43:14

lost

43:15

in that hazy zone in the middle.

43:18

Yeah, just keep talking. I'm getting close

43:20

now. There you are. I can see. Hi, how are you?

43:23

Be careful.

43:23

Don't go there. That

43:26

way led me down a bad path in

43:28

the store.

43:29

Yeah, you can see me, but I'm

43:31

actually not that close yet. I'm still

43:34

about 100 yards away.

43:36

Please help me out of here. Well, that is a sensory though.

43:39

Did someone just ask for help? Who was this?

43:41

What does that for help? I'm over

43:44

here.

43:44

You already walked so far away.

43:49

Yeah, here you go. You're getting closer.

43:52

Okay, there you go. Hey, welcome,

43:54

man. Hey, nobody don't keep

43:56

walking. I

44:00

was trying to slow down, but my legs couldn't

44:02

quite... What just happened? How

44:04

did we get so far again? It's kind of an

44:06

optical illusion. It seems your legs are

44:08

stopping, but they're not.

44:10

Oh, you're back. Thank goodness. Hi. What

44:13

is it? Hi.

44:14

It's the largest

44:16

weed store in Atwater, which is fantastic.

44:18

I dropped my daughter off at school, like,

44:20

seven hours

44:21

ago. And

44:23

I've just been stuck in the middle of this

44:24

store. I don't even smoke weed. I'm

44:27

from out of state, and I wanted to get

44:29

a kick out of sea. IDs? You

44:31

guys got IDs? Now? We're so

44:33

deep into this store. Yeah,

44:36

well, you got to check your IDs. Here

44:40

you go, Scan. And

44:43

here's Scan. All

44:45

right, just to step on back there

44:47

to the back, and we got a new

44:50

choice today. I

44:53

dressed as a cowboy.

44:56

Can we see what... Come on,

44:59

step right on up. I'm trying. I'm

45:01

trying.

45:03

Ow! Oh, ow! Oh my goodness.

45:05

Are you okay?

45:06

Go on without me. Just

45:08

go on without me.

45:09

No, I won't abandon you here. Not

45:11

when we've been through so much together.

45:13

Come on, get up. Lean on me. Now

45:17

I need medical marijuana for even more

45:19

reasons. Let's get it going. Let's keep

45:21

walking. We got a 20% off

45:23

special for the next 15

45:26

minutes, if you can find your way to the counter.

45:29

Okay, that feels worth it. Let's keep fighting this good

45:31

fight. Oh, God. Fucking quit on me

45:33

and don't you give up. So come a

45:35

time where I need you. I

45:37

need you to stay strong right now.

45:39

Thank you. Okay, how are you guys doing? Oh,

45:43

welcome. Welcome to the largest dispensary.

45:45

Thank you so much. In Atwater.

45:49

Do you have any edibles for someone who like

45:52

barely ever gets high? Just like nice,

45:54

chill edibles. Oh, we

45:56

got everything here. We don't

45:58

have edibles though.

46:01

No, but we have every type

46:03

of marijuana here, cannabis, whatever

46:06

you want to call it, sativa, indica.

46:08

What are you looking for today? Sativa, indica.

46:11

We don't have edibles. You're

46:13

looking for?

46:14

I'd love some indica, please.

46:17

Okay. Okay. I

46:19

want something that would make me like a lot more creative,

46:21

but not too sleepy. Okay.

46:24

Okay. So you want

46:26

some sati. Okay. What

46:29

we have is we have one sativa pre-roll.

46:33

I have that. And

46:35

then Jeremy, he has

46:37

a hybrid. It's

46:40

infused and it's just

46:42

straight up flour and it's

46:44

blue, blueberry dream. And

46:46

he's on the other side of the dispensary.

46:49

Now I can't help but notice when you say you have

46:51

one sativa pre-roll, it

46:53

seems like you're not referring to one type

46:55

of sativa that is pre-rolled. It looks like you

46:57

have one actual pre-roll joint for

47:00

sale.

47:00

And when you say you have it, it

47:03

seems like it's actually yours and you're

47:05

planning to smoke it.

47:07

You're holding mine until I just

47:09

need some money to get out of this dispensary,

47:11

dude. And just like you guys,

47:14

if he says, if I make

47:17

a sale, if I can sell this

47:19

pre-roll, then I have enough money to

47:22

get out. Okay.

47:26

And there's a lot of choices in here. Like

47:28

I said, Jeremy, he's got 3.5 grams.

47:32

If you can find your way to the other side of the dispensary,

47:34

good fucking luck. Good

47:37

fucking luck. But if you want my

47:39

pre-roll, that'd be great. I

47:41

have a family to get home to. Wait,

47:44

does your daughter go to Crossroads?

47:48

I think she still

47:50

does. Yeah.

47:53

There's signs up for you there.

47:55

You've been missing for- I

47:57

think I got lost at the school.

48:02

I don't know what they think quite frankly.

48:04

There's a lot of theories about you.

48:07

I recognize you from those posters. Also,

48:10

I saw your daughter in the school play. She's fucking

48:13

awful. She's really

48:15

bad in the school play. You motherfucker.

48:18

It's you, Chris Jones. I'm

48:21

gonna kill you. The chase

48:23

scene starts through the shadows

48:27

and optical illusions and haze

48:30

spots. Until

48:32

they finally make their way into this

48:35

really swampy area

48:39

of the dispensary. Just

48:42

so you know, your murder attempt is lacking

48:45

in both intent and clarity. That's

48:50

my review of your murder attempt. It's lacking

48:53

in intent and clarity. And from

48:55

the murky swamp, a small

48:57

three foot green figure approaches,

49:00

appears, dressed in robes,

49:04

laughing like a little Buddhist.

49:07

Who's this little Buddhist laughing at

49:09

me? You have made your way to

49:11

Jeremy. I

49:14

see you want some blueberry dream. Oh

49:18

my goodness. The

49:20

stunning second act turn of my experience

49:23

in this dispensary. Heightened

49:26

and delighted the senses in a way I didn't see

49:28

coming based on the very slow

49:30

start. Chris Jones.

49:34

Yes, that's me. Perhaps

49:36

it is time for us

49:39

to review you. Arrr.

49:44

He

49:48

transforms into a strain of weed

49:51

that stays on the shelf

49:53

and is unsmoked and unloved until

49:57

weed becomes unpopular in the year.

50:11

The greatest concert ever returns

50:14

to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater

50:16

for a live recording. Yours

50:20

truly, Matt Besser, will be there.

50:24

John Gemberling doing the greatest concert

50:26

ever again. Who

50:28

else? Brett Morris on guitar.

50:32

Paul Rustin, Michael Castee will

50:34

be there and many many more. Get tickets

50:36

now. That's November 18th. 7pm.

50:39

That's Saturday, November 18th.

50:41

Let's sell this out. Tickets

50:44

at ucbtheater.com right

50:46

now. Or go

50:48

to improperhumans.com. Look

50:51

at our live date section. We got

50:53

a ticket link for you. See

50:55

you there at the greatest concert ever.

51:01

Let's talk some more about that.

51:04

Do you think mushrooms will ever become as popular as weed?

51:07

Like people are taking it as just

51:10

little chocolates now.

51:18

I don't know.

51:20

I haven't done. For

51:22

me, but if it's a little chocolates, maybe people

51:24

know how to dose it now.

51:27

I when

51:29

I used to smoke pot, I was so terrible

51:31

at buying it. It was when it was still illegal

51:34

and everybody's like getting it

51:36

delivered in New York and or

51:38

in L.A. And I literally could never get

51:40

it delivered. And I was such a nerd

51:42

that it was always such an ordeal to like find

51:45

out how to get a number to sell

51:47

it. I still remember finally getting

51:49

a number from somebody and then like, was

51:52

it like paging somebody and then being

51:55

in Washington Square Park for like five

51:57

hours? And then I.

51:59

He was so fucking bad at getting weed.

52:02

It was such a nightmare. But everything you

52:04

just described, that was all kind

52:06

of scary, frankly.

52:08

Yeah.

52:09

But I feel like- Like I used to get in this guy's

52:12

SUV. I didn't know-

52:12

Yes, yeah, yeah, the SUV. Getting

52:15

in the SUV.

52:16

And that's where it would happen

52:18

or it would take you somewhere? That's

52:21

where it happened. You'd drive around. But she just described

52:23

like three different ways to get it. And like

52:25

at Washington Square Park, you'd pay

52:28

the guy, but he wouldn't just hand it

52:30

to you. He'd go, all right, you

52:32

go walk down, he'd say a block

52:34

away from Washington Square Park and there'd

52:36

be like under this

52:38

mailbox or something. There's a brick

52:40

under the mailbox

52:42

because he didn't want to get seen giving it

52:44

to you. And then you're like,

52:46

is it going to be there

52:48

when I get there?

52:51

And then sometimes you buy something that wasn't weed at

52:53

all.

52:57

For me, the SUV part

52:59

was scary because it was at night, it would always

53:01

be at night and you'd get in

53:03

and you would drive around a corner and then like,

53:06

yeah, it was

53:08

nerve wracking.

53:09

And in the meanwhile- We see Dan getting

53:11

to SUV

53:13

and he's just moved to New

53:15

York. This is his first drug deal.

53:19

But as described, this large

53:22

black SUV with tinted windows is

53:25

pulled up on the corner and it has its hazards on

53:29

just

53:29

like it says in the text message.

53:34

All right, man, thanks for the cash. You

53:35

ready to memorize these

53:37

instructions because we don't

53:39

write anything down. Oh, yeah, I do invest.

53:43

Are you Sean? Are

53:45

you who I was- Listen,

53:47

don't ask questions like that. What are you doing

53:50

in your mind? You don't ask questions like that. Here's what you're gonna

53:52

ask. You don't ask questions like that. Here's what you're gonna

53:54

do, okay? Now that

53:56

we've got the cash, you're gonna get on the

53:59

F train at West-

53:59

4th Street. You're

54:01

going to take it uptown to 34th. You're

54:04

going to get out at 34th. It'll put you on 34th

54:07

and 6th. If you walk one

54:09

block west

54:10

from there, you'll

54:12

hit Penn Station. You're going to go in the basement,

54:15

Penn Station. You're going to check

54:17

to see the next time that the Northeast Corridor

54:20

line is leaving. You're

54:22

going to go to the New Jersey Transit

54:24

either app, if you have the app, if not they do stuff,

54:26

some of the machines up on the west side of the station.

54:28

You're going to get a ticket. And we cut

54:30

towards the end of these directions

54:32

that this guy in the SUV is giving.

54:35

And he's kind of, Dan's

54:37

kind of saying them to himself as he

54:39

actually completes and somehow makes

54:42

it to the end of the directions and comes out

54:45

of a subway station in New

54:49

Brunswick.

54:51

He walks into

54:52

the pan and

54:55

heads to the back booth.

54:58

And he sees it's the same guy that

55:01

was in the SUV. Good

55:04

job, dude. You ready for step two? What

55:07

the fuck, man? You ready for

55:09

step two? I know you

55:11

said no questions, but like I

55:14

kind of thought this was like a 30 minute thing. I

55:16

was going to go to a friend's house. We're going to get high and

55:19

we're going to watch all the... At

55:21

this point, you're in it. So if you want to get that eighth,

55:23

keep following the instructions. Keep

55:26

asking questions and stammering because there is a

55:28

window of time on this. Okay. Okay.

55:32

Do I drink out of this cup here? Was somebody eating

55:34

across from you? Is this for me? I

55:37

take two subs out of that cup. That way the people watching

55:39

us know that you're cool. And the

55:41

first thing I need to ask you is, do you know the difference

55:43

between a storm drain and a culvert? It's

55:46

going to make explaining the fuck. I've

55:48

never heard of a culvert, to be honest. You never

55:50

heard of a goddamn culvert. I'm sorry.

55:53

I don't know. A bumpin?

55:56

A bumpin, indeed.

56:00

Well, that's the guy

56:02

he lives around here. He goes into stores and he loudly

56:04

says the name of the store and then you

56:07

just verify that it's the store he's thinking of. We

56:10

all move on with our lives. We see that guy.

56:13

We follow him down the street as he walks

56:15

into a Jones fabric store.

56:18

So this yarn is what

56:20

you're going to want for a baby.

56:22

Oh, yep, Jones fabric.

56:26

You're going to want this for a baby blanket.

56:29

It's not going to be too scratchy.

56:30

We follow him further down the street until

56:33

he wanders into a White Castle.

56:36

And yeah, I'm getting a

56:38

two sliders with cheese. Let me get a...

56:41

Actually, you know what? Burger King? Oh,

56:43

no. Fuck.

56:44

I mean,

56:45

White Castle. White Castle. Yeah.

56:49

The employee

56:51

jumps over the counter, chases

56:54

the guy out

56:55

of the store. White Castle! White

56:57

Castle! They run,

56:59

run, run through the neighborhood running and he sees

57:02

a way to escape through the... He

57:04

sees the back door of that big dispensary. I'll

57:07

escape in here.

57:09

Biggest dispensary in the world!

57:12

Biggest dispensary in the world! I could

57:15

not think of anything

57:18

sexual to say other things

57:21

to each other.

57:27

Not

57:37

even say. I

57:41

couldn't even get out...

57:42

That's probably good, Tammy. Oh, Jesus.

57:45

You're not a dirtbag or a bully. Is

57:47

there a female? Like, would you call women dirtbags

57:49

at the time or is there like an equivalent to that?

57:52

Skank. I feel like Skank. Oh, is Skank

57:54

like dirtbag? Because Skank is like sexualized

57:56

a little, right? Yeah.

57:59

But I feel

58:01

like female

58:02

dirtbags are kind of sexualized, no?

58:05

It's like if male

58:07

dirtbags- I didn't have dirtbag like Chris

58:10

had. I don't remember that as a phrase.

58:13

Yeah, there was one girl that

58:16

these memories are coming back. Come on, red. That she was

58:19

a... I won't even

58:21

say her name, because her name comes

58:23

up around people from Ira of high school and people

58:25

are still like, yo,

58:27

that was the scariest person. There was this girl

58:30

who, when we were entering, she

58:32

was my grade. So I was a freshman when

58:34

my brother was a senior in high school. And

58:37

I went, the town was very

58:40

spread out. And I went to the middle

58:43

school that was regarded as like the

58:45

tough middle school. But

58:47

then we started hearing that there was this girl from

58:49

the nicer middle school. And there was a rumor that

58:51

she curb stomped a dude in eighth grade.

58:54

She knocked out a guy at the stag field

58:57

and curb stomped him. And you'd hear

58:59

her name. And people would be like,

59:01

there's no way that true. But then people from that

59:03

side of town would be like, we know this

59:05

sounds like it's not true. But she

59:08

straight up knocked a man unconscious and then

59:10

put his mouth on the curb and stepped on his head.

59:13

Everyone was scared of her. And then freshman

59:15

year, she tried to

59:17

fight my fucking brother. She

59:20

was a freshman girl. He

59:22

was a senior guy. And

59:24

they were in the lunchroom. And my brother was

59:27

like, I don't know what to fucking do. Cause

59:29

she's a 14 year old girl. I'm like

59:32

a 17 year old boy. And then at

59:34

one point she like got up and

59:36

was fucking with him and his friend. And if I remember right,

59:38

my brother's friend gotten a lot

59:40

of trouble cause he flipped out and was

59:43

like, fuck this shit and punched this girl.

59:45

But she was like a legitimate

59:47

terror that everyone was fucking scared

59:50

of. So no wonder what to do. But my brother's

59:52

friend, if I remember right, he had suspended for a while. Cause

59:54

he did hit her, which I don't condone.

59:57

I mean, I don't condone anything that was happening in

59:59

a North. Jersey High School in the 90s,

1:00:01

it was all fucking wild. But

1:00:04

then after freshman year, she moved to Las

1:00:06

Vegas. And I remember the

1:00:08

entire school let out a collective sigh

1:00:10

of like, oh, thank God, because

1:00:14

she was a scary person and she was

1:00:16

a freshman girl. That was real.

1:00:18

Hey, Danny, I

1:00:21

got a note, which

1:00:24

I actually unfolded in red, but Cindy

1:00:26

Willis is, she was

1:00:28

to meet you down at the street curb.

1:00:33

Wait,

1:00:34

where is she? Sydney, Sydney Willis, like

1:00:36

Sydney.

1:00:38

Like the like the

1:00:41

one who

1:00:42

always wears the jackets with all the like patches

1:00:45

sewn on there and you know, I'm talking

1:00:47

about.

1:00:49

Do you have to, there's only one thing that would happen. There's

1:00:52

only one thing that would happen by the curb. You heard that

1:00:54

she curbs stomped a guy, right?

1:00:56

Yeah, I wouldn't go there if I were you.

1:00:59

Oh my God. I mean, what are my options here? If

1:01:02

you're going to fight or stay away from the curb side. I've just

1:01:04

been reading so much like nonviolent

1:01:06

feminist literature, but also,

1:01:09

you know, I think I have to hit this girl

1:01:12

to show that she

1:01:14

can't go around this way, right?

1:01:16

I don't know. What do I

1:01:18

do?

1:01:18

I would wait.

1:01:21

First off,

1:01:23

don't attack her in her territory

1:01:26

near the edge of any sidewalk. Or

1:01:28

the edge of a street.

1:01:31

Wait, she's the one whose mom is a gambling

1:01:33

addict, right? Mm hmm. We see

1:01:36

that who Dan has been talking to this

1:01:38

whole time is his 11th

1:01:40

grade English teacher.

1:01:42

I know I shouldn't

1:01:45

even be passing these notes. Yeah,

1:01:48

I feel like you kind of facilitate

1:01:50

this stuff and watch it like it's a reality show

1:01:52

sometimes.

1:01:53

I would prefer a Faulkner

1:01:57

novel, but if you're not getting that yet.

1:02:01

I guess, yeah, it

1:02:03

is a little, I don't know, fuck, I

1:02:05

didn't do the assignment. We cut to

1:02:07

after school and he's walking from

1:02:10

the school across the football

1:02:12

field towards the student parking lot.

1:02:14

Someone runs up to him and is like, oh my god, dude,

1:02:17

look who it is, they're on the horizon.

1:02:20

Oh my god, it's Cindy.

1:02:23

Hey,

1:02:24

look, you're the principal

1:02:26

here, can't you help us out? You're

1:02:28

on your own motherfucker, good luck, I'm

1:02:31

going back inside and I'm locking the door.

1:02:38

Oh Jesus, look

1:02:40

Cindy, Cindy, hello, I got

1:02:43

your note for Mr. DuBois.

1:02:47

Well, well, well, look at the

1:02:49

little bitch who showed

1:02:51

up.

1:02:51

I'm sorry. Her voice

1:02:54

echoes off of the stadium

1:02:56

wall. He

1:02:58

showed up, he showed up.

1:02:59

He can't tell where exactly she is. Cindy,

1:03:03

I'm sorry, I thought it was a prank

1:03:05

when you invited me to Sadie Hawkins, that's

1:03:08

why I said no.

1:03:11

Oh, and why would it be

1:03:13

a prank if a seventh

1:03:15

grader invited an eleventh

1:03:18

grader? It's not a very funny prank,

1:03:20

is it?

1:03:21

Is it? Is it? Is

1:03:24

it? Is it? I don't want to speak

1:03:26

to if it's funny or not because if it was a prank, I don't want to insult

1:03:28

you and make you more mad. But

1:03:30

look, I don't want to

1:03:32

fight you, so I will take whatever punishment

1:03:35

I have coming to show everybody that

1:03:37

this is not the answer.

1:03:40

Suddenly, some nerds

1:03:42

from the theater department,

1:03:46

from the props and stage

1:03:49

managers part of the theater department,

1:03:52

pull out this

1:03:55

background curb and put it

1:03:57

in a 50-yard line.

1:03:59

in

1:04:01

like black turtlenecks and black jeans

1:04:03

and they lay it down and then

1:04:04

quickly dart off. We've got little...

1:04:07

We can go home now, right Cindy? We can go home?

1:04:10

Yes, you call where you live a

1:04:11

home Kyle. I

1:04:16

don't know what Chris Jones was saying. These

1:04:19

have a lot of dimensionality and texture

1:04:21

to them.

1:04:23

Suddenly we see a five foot

1:04:26

girl freckles

1:04:28

come up behind the

1:04:30

bleacher seat.

1:04:33

All right, I'm doing it. Everybody

1:04:35

watch. All the lights to the stadium turn

1:04:38

up. I'm getting on my knees. I'm not on the

1:04:40

curb. I asked you to get on your

1:04:42

knees. I accept my pun. Okay.

1:04:46

Get on your knees bitch.

1:04:48

Okay. Look,

1:04:50

you see? No matter

1:04:52

what she does to me, I will not meet

1:04:55

her with the same aggression. I will

1:04:57

martyr myself to show that this is not

1:04:59

the way. She

1:05:02

curbs sounds the shit out of him.

1:05:04

American

1:05:06

history X bitch. That

1:05:09

is not...

1:05:13

You missed the

1:05:15

number one lesson of the whole movie.

1:05:19

It's about forgiveness and growth.

1:05:23

We cut to the booth

1:05:26

of the stadium where

1:05:29

some nerds in the theater department are there including

1:05:31

a young brat. Here, play

1:05:34

this bad brain song. Why

1:05:37

she does it. Come on, she's almost done.

1:05:39

Yes. Oh, that's cool. It's

1:05:41

so fast, didn't you think? It's a little slow. One

1:05:43

of the fast parts.

1:05:59

Let's talk some more about that.

1:06:02

That thing about

1:06:04

like the fact this is just kind of a

1:06:07

logic jump. But yesterday I never

1:06:09

listened to the Misfits and I was just like cleaning

1:06:12

the house and I was like I'm gonna put on the Misfits

1:06:14

and see what the story is. There's

1:06:16

from Chris's neck of the wood. Oh are they Jersey

1:06:18

also? Lodi New Jersey's own.

1:06:21

Um, they, they, because

1:06:23

I grew up like listening to Elk country a little bit and

1:06:25

I always thought it was funny bands that present really

1:06:28

scary. Like my understanding of

1:06:30

dancing is he's like a pretty scary guy.

1:06:32

Uh, and the, their whole thing

1:06:35

being the horror stuff. And then their songs are kind of like poppy

1:06:37

and fun energy. They feel

1:06:39

like they belong in like

1:06:41

montages of like kids horror

1:06:44

movies. I was kind of surprised.

1:06:46

Yeah it's Ramones meets

1:06:48

horror movies. Yeah.

1:06:50

I feel like, um, there's

1:06:52

Bob Mould in a band called Sugar

1:06:55

for after he left like, so

1:06:58

I think he had one of those like poppy type

1:07:00

songs that I heard on XRT

1:07:03

in Chicago. Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:05

Yeah. And so he was having a concert

1:07:08

and I went to it thinking it

1:07:10

would be like that. And

1:07:12

it was so not like

1:07:14

that. I remember at one

1:07:16

point he just like said his guitar

1:07:18

in front of the speaker and like left or

1:07:21

amp or whatever, left the stage and was just

1:07:24

screaming feedback. Yeah.

1:07:28

I, it was the opposite for me. For me it presented poppy

1:07:30

and I showed up and just really

1:07:33

had my brains blown out in a way

1:07:35

I was not expecting or wanting.

1:07:38

Yeah. What would,

1:07:39

what would the vibe of a misfits

1:07:42

show be? Would it be like what Tammy

1:07:44

like? Cause like the people that in my

1:07:46

high school that like wore the patches or the shirts

1:07:49

were trying to put out like an alt or like

1:07:51

a scary or like a gothy energy.

1:07:54

So I'm imagining that

1:07:56

that's the vibe, but then all the songs are like, here

1:07:59

we go.

1:07:59

now running away from ghosts and it's

1:08:02

like, oh hey, this is kind of just silly. Well

1:08:04

everything you just said, they kind of started all

1:08:07

that stuff too. Like

1:08:09

they're really old band. Yeah. Like

1:08:11

they were there around right when the Ramones

1:08:14

were. And so

1:08:17

at that point that was kind of scary

1:08:19

in a way. It wasn't just goofy

1:08:22

I think. Like

1:08:24

they're pre-GG Alan and all stuff

1:08:26

that's really scary and dark

1:08:29

and all that kind of stuff but I think just

1:08:31

presenting themselves as

1:08:35

Dracula basically.

1:08:37

And they put on makeup and slicked their hair

1:08:39

back and every song. But some

1:08:41

of their songs are pretty disturbing the lyrics. Oh

1:08:43

are they? Yeah. If you get into

1:08:46

it. Yeah. It's kind of like Alice Cooper

1:08:48

too. Like the whole persona

1:08:51

was as if you have Gary

1:08:53

and you hear about him being banned in

1:08:55

all these places and you listen to the music. And

1:08:57

it's like almost Beatles-esque

1:08:59

in parts and it's very light.

1:09:01

I grew up on the south

1:09:03

side of Chicago so this whole

1:09:06

scene was not really big where

1:09:08

I went to school. But my next door neighbors

1:09:10

growing up, it was the

1:09:13

dad was a professor and he ended up leaving

1:09:16

the wife for his graduate student.

1:09:18

It was like a total nightmare and just

1:09:21

started a second family and it was the

1:09:23

two kids just went off the rails in the

1:09:25

most like stereotypical

1:09:28

way. And I remember the daughter kind of turning into

1:09:30

the kid who would wear the patches

1:09:32

and go goth and which was also

1:09:35

so wild at that time. Like

1:09:37

it was just

1:09:38

that was just not the scene. It was more like house

1:09:41

music or rap or whatever. It wasn't

1:09:43

in any way goth. And I remember thinking

1:09:45

she was terrifying for that.

1:09:48

It's like how do you break that news?

1:09:51

That it's the grass. Let's

1:09:53

do that. Let's do the scene of

1:09:56

telling your significant. Hey,

1:09:59

how was work today?

1:09:59

Um, it was, it was, um, it

1:10:02

was good. It was good. Same

1:10:04

as usual. Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:06

Cool.

1:10:07

Anything, uh, none,

1:10:09

no new developments or anything. Uh,

1:10:13

well, honey, I don't know how to,

1:10:15

uh, how to say this. Um,

1:10:18

you know, things have been a little rocky

1:10:20

between us for a while, right?

1:10:24

Wow. Um,

1:10:26

I guess we're just jumping right into it, huh? I

1:10:28

mean, yeah, sorry. I just saw it's

1:10:31

just like fighting a little bit.

1:10:33

Yeah. And you know, the like,

1:10:36

it's just,

1:10:38

you know how I met you, you

1:10:40

know,

1:10:41

you were like such a bright young student

1:10:44

and you were, you had so much promise.

1:10:46

Uh, and you know, I was

1:10:49

just a TA at the time and all of that.

1:10:51

And, you know, I

1:10:52

don't know what changed. We got older. We

1:10:54

grew up.

1:10:56

We see on the kitchen stove, there's like

1:10:59

four pots, like things

1:11:01

boiling and simmering this like amazing

1:11:04

dinner that she's been preparing.

1:11:07

There's a 18 months old sitting

1:11:10

in a high chair.

1:11:11

Is there a way to turn the AC on or something when you cook

1:11:14

in here? It gets so hot.

1:11:16

Wow. Uh, I

1:11:18

just like sweaty and it's, it's a tough conversation

1:11:20

and I'm sorry, but. You know, some people

1:11:22

might say the first takeaway would be, thank you

1:11:25

for taking all those French cooking classes while also

1:11:27

being a new mom. But sure. I guess

1:11:29

if you want to throw on the AC. Oh yeah. That's

1:11:32

implied. I'm sorry if I didn't say it as

1:11:34

implied. Thank you. I mean, your meals have been so

1:11:36

terrible. I'm just, the

1:11:41

word was daddy. Oh

1:11:45

my God. My first word,

1:11:47

daddy. I love that. I

1:11:49

was here to see that. Yes. Oh,

1:11:52

let me get the camera out. Let me get the photo. He

1:11:54

feels so bonded with you. James,

1:11:56

the dad gets a

1:11:58

text and he glanced. down and it's

1:12:00

just tits. Jesus.

1:12:03

It's another

1:12:04

one. I'm so wet right

1:12:07

now. Hang on. Let

1:12:09

me just reply to this real quick. Sure.

1:12:12

I'll turn on the air conditioner to make things more physically

1:12:14

comfortable for you at the meantime.

1:12:17

Thank you, honey. Love, Daddy. Second

1:12:19

word, love. Your lover's word, Daddy.

1:12:22

I don't want to nitpick, but your second word was my.

1:12:25

Your third word was first. Your fourth

1:12:27

word was word. Then you said Daddy again. So

1:12:29

it was like your sixth word, which is great. Love fifth word,

1:12:31

first word, my second word, four.

1:12:34

I'm

1:12:41

not going to argue with him. You see this? He

1:12:44

wants to argue because that's all that happens in front of

1:12:46

him. He

1:12:47

gets another text and it's just

1:12:49

like a vagina,

1:12:51

a tripping vagina. Jesus. I accidentally

1:12:53

thumbs down this one. Let me write a long little thing just to explain. I

1:12:56

didn't mean to. Here, let's be right back. Okay.

1:12:59

I'll just be

1:13:01

here

1:13:02

executing your favorite cuisine

1:13:04

to perfection. Thank

1:13:06

you. Thank you. I honestly, and you don't have to

1:13:08

because it's going to be a hard talk and I don't want to feel. Seventh

1:13:11

word, worried. Oh

1:13:12

no. My guys, what? Seventh word,

1:13:14

seventh. Eighth word, worried. I'm sorry. It's

1:13:17

just like my fingers are

1:13:19

still going to be on my head.

1:13:24

I'm sorry. It's

1:13:26

just like my fingers are sweaty. These texts are hard to say. No, they're

1:13:28

my fault. I made

1:13:30

it too hot in here. Now you have sweaty fingers. I'm sure

1:13:32

that's an important work thing that you have to handle

1:13:34

right now, right? In a sense, yeah.

1:13:37

Yeah. Siri text, Megan, looking

1:13:39

nice and

1:13:40

exclamation

1:13:42

point.

1:13:43

Okay. You know you're speaking out loud, right?

1:13:46

Yes. Yes. Yeah. I'm

1:13:49

sorry. I just, I can't type it. I

1:14:02

look

1:14:04

that text was from a work colleague,

1:14:06

but it was from one of my graduate students.

1:14:08

Okay. It was, and it's nudes

1:14:11

and it's insane nudes.

1:14:13

And I don't know what to say to you anymore. They're

1:14:16

like, awesome. It's Horney.

1:14:19

Nice word. Horney. Did

1:14:23

you implicate that word

1:14:25

just from seeing this or we use that word around him?

1:14:28

No, I think he figured it out in his own just by

1:14:30

looking at you.

1:14:32

Do I, I'm, I'm, baby,

1:14:34

I'm sorry. I don't know how to have this talk, but

1:14:36

I'm having an affair. It's the same

1:14:38

thing that with you and me. Worried,

1:14:41

horny love. Oh

1:14:44

my goodness. I don't know

1:14:46

if it's love yet. And I am worried

1:14:48

and I am horny. I don't know if it's love, but

1:14:50

it, you know, I'm

1:14:54

going to be totally honest and let you know that I've been having

1:14:56

an affair too. What?

1:15:00

How's that feel? What

1:15:03

is that rage? With

1:15:05

who? I've been sleeping with

1:15:07

the basis of a Scandinavian black metal

1:15:09

band named Um Lot.

1:15:11

Are you kidding? That's

1:15:14

right.

1:15:15

That's where you always like go somewhere else when you put

1:15:17

on those albums in the bath. And

1:15:19

we cut to, uh,

1:15:21

his, the bar where he hangs out

1:15:23

and he's talking to his, his friend, that

1:15:26

Brett, I think I've heard of them.

1:15:28

I think they're pretty fast. They're fast,

1:15:31

right? But they're like a really fast, like kind

1:15:33

of more ambient than fast. I would say

1:15:35

you can't be fast and ambient.

1:15:39

Hey guys, I don't know if you got the hint, but

1:15:41

the stools are up. We rang the last call

1:15:43

bell a few times. I

1:15:45

know you're going. Yeah, we're ready to go. We just need

1:15:48

to conclude this one. All right. Let

1:15:50

me see. Agree on one thing. Well,

1:15:52

we can skip that'll. Anyway, they're fast,

1:15:55

so I wouldn't be too worried

1:15:57

about it. I mean, embarrassed,

1:15:59

I guess.

1:15:59

I should say he should be worried sounds like she's

1:16:02

into him, but they're fat. They're pretty fast.

1:16:04

I think even if they're ambient They're pretty fast.

1:16:07

I feel like why are you hitting pretty so

1:16:09

they're fast? They're

1:16:11

fast. Umla is fast. It's

1:16:13

not just their drummer. I think you all are missing

1:16:15

the core of the story here I really think

1:16:18

we're missing like the whole band fast.

1:16:20

That's my point You

1:16:22

just said drummers fast and

1:16:24

everyone else is slow. You can't

1:16:27

have one instrument going fast They

1:16:29

all have to go fast. This is my

1:16:31

passion. I told you my wife is

1:16:33

having an affair. We're in a custody battle We're

1:16:38

finishing our points,

1:16:40

I mean you can absolutely have one instrument

1:16:43

slower than the truck

1:16:45

my art my left arm I Need

1:16:48

some what

1:16:49

yeah more more in the right arm

1:16:51

that because the speed comes from the right

1:16:53

arm more so you can the left arm Is easily

1:16:55

even I agree on that

1:16:57

Paint spreading through my

1:16:59

chest,

1:16:59

please. There's someone named

1:17:02

Tammy here having a heart attack

1:17:03

Yes,

1:17:08

I was talking about you Yes,

1:17:10

that Tammy that other Tim. Yes, not yes

1:17:13

I'll help you your

1:17:14

number six on the list of Tammy's currently

1:17:16

having a heart attack Being

1:17:18

human we're all human. We're

1:17:21

all Tammy At

1:17:23

heart because Tammy backwards is I'm

1:17:25

at and I am See

1:17:28

that's where it happens. She wants

1:17:31

it were spelled differently. It'd be why

1:17:33

Matt why Matt because

1:17:35

I like you That's

1:17:41

what Mickey's say at the end of his name

1:17:45

Dan

1:17:46

Matt Where can we

1:17:48

go to say good job to

1:17:50

you? Find out about what

1:17:53

you're doing at Dan Lippert cool

1:17:55

on social media Man dog

1:17:57

pod the improv and conversation podcast and big run

1:17:59

my website dot com for

1:18:02

all the car type look

1:18:03

type look

1:18:08

Chris what about you I know

1:18:10

you got a new territory like improv

1:18:12

for humans oh yeah the beautiful anonymous

1:18:15

podcast now proudly independent doing

1:18:19

our own thing over there check it

1:18:21

out if you haven't checked it out in a while still going strong

1:18:23

all these years later Chris geth

1:18:25

comm for tour dates and Chris

1:18:28

on Instagram Chris gathered on Twitter and Tammy

1:18:30

and I have a show together in early November as

1:18:32

part of the New York Comedy Festival so come check that

1:18:35

out too there you go

1:18:37

and Tammy I know you're on lists everywhere

1:18:40

where can we go I know you're an instrument

1:18:42

where can we go to say good thing yeah

1:18:44

not about you're doing

1:18:45

I'm on Instagram at Tammy

1:18:48

Sager and

1:18:50

I post very rarely and what

1:18:52

I do it's a very reluctant shitty

1:18:55

post to try and plug our show with Chris

1:18:57

so also if anyone wants to reach out that

1:19:00

likes doing social media

1:19:01

for two-person improv shows

1:19:04

that would be truly amazing

1:19:06

Wow those are self-deprecating

1:19:09

check her out that was that

1:19:11

shows are good that was a completely

1:19:13

serious that I would really help we

1:19:15

really do really desperately need help

1:19:17

with social media

1:19:20

humans I want to reiterate

1:19:23

improv for humans for humans

1:19:26

is a site now and we're fully

1:19:28

we're fully go we're

1:19:30

probably one two three

1:19:32

started right

1:19:34

Brett

1:19:35

everything's capable now we unveiled

1:19:38

round two of the site that's right

1:19:40

we can we can now have videos up

1:19:43

that accompany some of the podcast

1:19:45

we're doing there we got the best

1:19:47

taste in the universe podcast

1:19:50

or sorry yeah that's what's called a feed

1:19:52

which has Maddie Beast pics

1:19:54

we now have Spotify list up

1:19:57

for our subscribers

1:19:59

And on the Professor Besser side,

1:20:02

we're posting videos. Ian Roberts

1:20:05

and I watched over the UCB pilot

1:20:07

and on the first, uh, oh,

1:20:09

I haven't released that one yet. That's what we will

1:20:11

do on the first Besser's attic. Tammy,

1:20:15

Chris, I got all my VHS tapes

1:20:17

out and digitized him.

1:20:19

I'm going to put them up on improper humans.

1:20:21

The first live UCB

1:20:24

show or the first

1:20:25

like TV. We made a pilot

1:20:27

that never aired

1:20:29

that was live on stage and

1:20:32

we decided not to do it that way.

1:20:34

So cool. That's cool.

1:20:36

It's really cool. I heard your

1:20:39

office are debating will Heinz about

1:20:41

his improv essays and I want you to

1:20:43

know that I got around. Oh, would

1:20:45

you do one of those Chris? Oh dude, that

1:20:48

he sends out his, he always

1:20:51

laughs at me because I get those emails from him

1:20:53

and within 10 minutes I'm usually on the phone

1:20:56

like, well, you just never want to see an opening.

1:20:58

There's no world where you ever want to see an opening

1:21:00

again. He's

1:21:04

shocked to hear how much you still give a shit.

1:21:06

I'm like, I never stopped giving a shit man. Yeah,

1:21:08

me either. And yeah,

1:21:11

if there's, if there's a podcast where you're just

1:21:13

fighting people about improv, please

1:21:15

let me get on and fight about

1:21:17

it. Great.

1:21:18

No,

1:21:19

seriously, he doesn't

1:21:20

want to know. Okay. He

1:21:22

had one, he had one post about

1:21:25

no openings and he had another post

1:21:27

that Harold's were too long and there were

1:21:29

too many scenes.

1:21:32

He thinks six is enough. I'm

1:21:35

like, number seven and eight on

1:21:38

the team.

1:21:39

You just have never seen a great

1:21:41

opening. You've never been a part of a great opening.

1:21:43

That's

1:21:44

what I said. I

1:21:48

love that. I love that I somehow managed to

1:21:50

get people shooting on Will Hides and he's not even here.

1:21:52

I'm sorry about that. That's

1:21:56

what's happened when I had to, you know, I was like, we guys stop

1:21:58

talking about him. He's not here to just. themselves.

1:22:01

Dude, he said that no one cares more about improv

1:22:04

than Will Hides, but he sends out his essays.

1:22:06

I'm like, I have at times called him and been like, I mean,

1:22:09

first of all, it's some stuff he, I agree with some

1:22:11

stuff I don't. I'm like, this one also just feels

1:22:13

like you're trying to just get better mad

1:22:15

for your next test. Do

1:22:18

you just have a checklist of things that make me mad?

1:22:23

No notes after a show. That was his latest

1:22:26

one. The

1:22:28

fuck? I kind of agree with

1:22:30

that. Whatever

1:22:31

the fuck they want. I kind of agree

1:22:33

with that just because at least the

1:22:35

way it is now, people get really in their

1:22:37

head and aren't doing like present

1:22:39

improv in the shows. And

1:22:42

so when they expect a note

1:22:44

and so for me, like the

1:22:46

practice is the note. You do the show, you go

1:22:49

like, here are the few things that we need to work on. Then

1:22:51

you do it in practice and people are much more

1:22:54

much less in their heads. In my opinion,

1:22:56

when you tell them they won't be getting notes after

1:22:58

the show and they're actually doing like honest

1:23:01

performances. Okay.

1:23:03

But again, I feel like that

1:23:05

is more about how they've been receiving

1:23:07

notes after the show. Like

1:23:09

if it's if you do a good job of

1:23:11

presenting what notes after the show means and

1:23:14

also how you're saying it and also like

1:23:16

the people won't view it as like the

1:23:18

moves I make are about the notes after the show.

1:23:22

Maybe I think the inherent

1:23:24

feeling that you can get cut

1:23:27

means that people are.

1:23:28

But that's separate. That's separate from

1:23:31

notes after the show. Like you can't get, you're

1:23:33

not going to get cut because of notes after the

1:23:36

show. You're going to get cut because of the show. So

1:23:38

like, what are you really in your head about? And

1:23:42

to put it on notes after the show, it's like,

1:23:45

well,

1:23:45

I just think it's a little nutty to note. This

1:23:48

is my favorite part. You

1:23:51

want more of it. I'm

1:23:53

sorry. No. Because

1:23:55

it's like, it's like I don't. I

1:24:00

can't explain why I did half the things I did in the past

1:24:02

hour and a half, you know, and so

1:24:04

it's like, and I can believe knowing what I did right

1:24:06

and wrong. It's like,

1:24:08

why did you do that?

1:24:10

Well, that's a shitty way to give a note. Just

1:24:12

to say,

1:24:12

why did you do that? Wow. You

1:24:14

know what I mean? Or like, so what

1:24:17

are you saying is the good way to do a

1:24:19

note? No,

1:24:19

I just mean the dynamic that you have with

1:24:21

the person who's giving notes

1:24:24

afterwards. Like if that, it

1:24:26

seems like that's what's wrong here.

1:24:28

Like it's feel like if it's a good

1:24:30

dynamic. Do you have a coach you like and trust, basically?

1:24:33

Yeah. And also what are they

1:24:35

trying

1:24:35

to do after the show? Because it's like, are

1:24:37

you going to note it to death or are you going to

1:24:39

be like, the real notes

1:24:41

at the next practice? That's the real thing. Or

1:24:44

are you going to like, part of it too can just be

1:24:46

like talking a team off a cliff if

1:24:48

they're so depressed or if there's

1:24:51

like, this is the thing. But

1:24:53

like maybe the

1:24:55

next practice you've got notes, but I think sometimes it

1:24:57

can help to have that debrief with

1:24:59

the coach as opposed to with each other. You

1:25:02

know what I mean? And spinning out.

1:25:04

I think it's definitely that definitely

1:25:07

don't debrief with each other. Dan is nervous

1:25:09

because I always send him a full page of notes

1:25:11

after and proper humans. Yeah.

1:25:14

Directly from Brett and Besser and they're

1:25:16

all on me. And

1:25:19

a lot of it's my body. It's like, it's

1:25:21

weird because I've done episodes of the show where I

1:25:23

get notes and like there

1:25:26

were a lot of notes about Dan and it was weird because

1:25:29

the episode was me and Ronnie Adrian. I didn't

1:25:31

even really, cause we never even met it. Like

1:25:33

we just met today. So I didn't even totally

1:25:35

understand what that was about. I'm sorry. We

1:25:38

predict what he would have done and fucked up. I

1:25:43

love this. I love Tammy

1:25:46

just saying, no, this is the way it

1:25:48

is.

1:25:49

And Chris, same way.

1:25:51

It's like, it's like banning Sudafed

1:25:53

because you're trying to stop mess. It's like

1:25:55

you're, you're, you're aiming at the wrong thing. This

1:25:58

is what I'm in it for. even do anything.

1:26:03

But Tammy, if I can piggyback what

1:26:05

I think you're saying here and I totally

1:26:07

agree with and I and and and

1:26:10

Will, you're gonna have to list of this and respond

1:26:12

to this. He's gonna be so mad at me. But

1:26:16

the thing is, yes, it's you can't

1:26:18

blame a structure. So

1:26:20

every time someone goes to halo, it's

1:26:23

like what or says rock and

1:26:25

roll sucks or what? A

1:26:27

genre or whatever you just like really

1:26:30

it's the way they're doing rock and roll, not

1:26:32

the rock and roll doesn't suck or the Herald

1:26:34

doesn't suck or nine scenes

1:26:36

doesn't suck or given notes. It's

1:26:38

how it's being done. I do think all these

1:26:40

things tie together and I've said this to Will

1:26:43

in a way of I do think because

1:26:45

it's funny because like, you

1:26:47

know, just the behind the scenes stuff like better

1:26:50

there was you hired

1:26:52

me to run the school at one point when you guys lived

1:26:54

in LA like some of the original

1:26:56

curriculum I wrote the early draft

1:26:59

like I am one of the people who helped codify

1:27:01

it, you know, like, but I do think

1:27:03

when it becomes codified, people think

1:27:06

there is much more of a pass fail factor

1:27:09

in things. And I think maybe one of

1:27:11

the things and I say this as someone who helps run

1:27:13

the school for a while in New York, maybe

1:27:16

one of the things the school lost touch with was reminding

1:27:18

people at a certain point,

1:27:20

everything we're teaching you is for you to take it and

1:27:22

go do something with it. And

1:27:25

that openings and Harrells and all

1:27:27

these things if we get caught up as a system

1:27:29

saying you did that pass or you did that

1:27:31

fail and it's just a pass fail level, well,

1:27:33

then we've all lost sight of what

1:27:36

it's really for and all the best teams are the ones

1:27:38

that are like, well, yeah, that

1:27:41

show we didn't do as many scenes as usual

1:27:43

because that show went in a direction where it needed

1:27:45

something else or it needed a monologue in the middle of

1:27:47

it or where that opening wound up

1:27:50

being eight minutes long because it was really cooking

1:27:52

or 30 seconds long because we got everything we

1:27:54

needed. And at a certain

1:27:55

point, it's like we got to stop.

1:27:58

You know, I think people sometimes feel like.

1:27:59

like the notes they get are just over and over again

1:28:02

like how good are you at playing your scales

1:28:04

and it's like I don't need to hear you play your scales

1:28:06

anymore. I want you to start writing

1:28:08

actual songs at a certain point and some of

1:28:10

that is people's fear and some of that is on the inside

1:28:12

of them. Fear and we connect that to

1:28:15

what Dan said about getting cut and we go

1:28:17

back to Tammy. Yes. Okay,

1:28:19

two things. One, I think two, it's

1:28:21

like if are the people who are giving

1:28:23

the notes so caught up in scales themselves.

1:28:26

So it's like the thing for me with openings

1:28:29

is like those are really fucking hard and I remember

1:28:31

hitting a really bad point with them with the team

1:28:34

and Sharna of all people coached us

1:28:36

one night because I think it was this group Jane

1:28:39

and we hated openings and she made us

1:28:41

do a herald of openings. Like it ended

1:28:43

up or not it was just like it ended

1:28:46

up being like 30, 40 minutes of openings that

1:28:50

it's transformed into something new. And

1:28:52

so instead of like drilling us of a proper

1:28:55

opening or like you know this

1:28:57

is it, it was she was able to

1:29:00

transform it into something new and cool. And

1:29:02

I remember Dorf teaching with like what

1:29:05

a herald is doing a workshop

1:29:07

and he was like I want to see a one minute herald. I want to

1:29:09

see a one person herald on it. It was just

1:29:11

like here is the freedom within

1:29:13

the form. So I also feel like

1:29:15

absolutely graduate from the herald, figure

1:29:17

out other things but before you

1:29:20

do know your scales. Don't

1:29:22

stay in your scales but know them

1:29:24

so you can from with you know anyway that's

1:29:27

where I'm at. Not anyway that was

1:29:29

awesome and that's exactly it. I

1:29:32

just think a lot of this comes down to

1:29:35

Will Hines improv number one rabble-rouser

1:29:37

causing trouble. He is. You

1:29:40

know for this kind of deep seated

1:29:43

improv talk you want the professor

1:29:45

Besser feed. Please have

1:29:47

me on that one. I can talk about improv. Oh I'd love

1:29:49

for you to come on. I'd be happy to.

1:29:51

I would fucking love that. Yeah Tammy I'd love for her. Oh

1:29:54

my god. Yeah. Alright.

1:29:56

Alright. Well everyone

1:29:58

else keep being here. continues

1:30:00

next week

1:30:01

on Professor Besser's new Answering

1:30:04

the Humans podcast, dropping

1:30:06

Monday. Only available by

1:30:08

signing up at improv4humans.com.

1:30:11

Will Hines join Besser in the Chris

1:30:14

Keppard to defend his

1:30:15

position in a far-reaching discussion

1:30:17

of the craft and practice of improv.

1:30:21

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